uu]l Ne\rer Ad\zertns @"

By Will M. Cretsy (of the Orpheum Circuit)

If there's one chap on this earth Whom I thoroughly despise, It's the fellow who's always saying, "l do not advertise."

He's a liar by the clock, Though he doesn't realize, That he tells his whole life's story Saying, "I do not advertise."

He gets up in the morning

And starts in on his lies, For the very bed he's sleeping on Is the one they advertise.

He puts on his B. V. D.'s. His shirt and socks and ties

And the ready-made suit be bought Because he saw it advertised.

Then he has his breakfast food, And the bacon he always buyeJust one certain brand

Because they advertise.

Then he puts on his Danbury hat, The kind they advertise; And he puts on his Douglas ghoes, The kind they advertise.

And Hart Shafner and Marx

The folks that advertise, Sold him the overcoat

And still HE won't advertise.

Then he cranks up the old Prince Henry That's the kind SUCH a fellow buys, For he's just the kind of fellow That those cars advertise. His store's on a little back gtreet, It's cheaper, and he is wise That he doesn't need much room For a place that doesn't advertise. And all day long he worries, And tries to analyze Why the other chaps do all the businessThose chaps that advertise.

And then his stenograPher sues him And says that he told her lies; And he didn't make good on the promises That to her he did advertise.

And his name gets in the paPers' And he pleads with his wife and cries And believes more firmlY than ever It doesn't pay to advertise.

And so he goes through life, A failure until he dies, And is burried by an Llndertaker His wife saw advertise. And then he'll go to hell

And the place where he frizzles and fries, Will be the one that Billy SundaY Gets paid to advertise.