Boro Park Buzz #124 Feb 25 2018

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Happy Purim

Volume 5, Issue 124 February 25th 2018

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Join multitudes of Jewish women across the globe fulfilling the ancient custom of giving tzedaka to Reb Meyer Baal Haness. During the auspicious moment of candle-lighting, a time of special tefilah and tzedaka, harness the cosmic powers of the legendary Rabbi Meyer Baal Haness by donating to the pushka of Kolel Chibas Yerushalaim.

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WILL BE Candle-lighting is one of the prime highpoints of the DISTRIBUTED Jewish woman in her role as the cornerstone of her home, lighting up and warming up her family. Utilize TOWARDS YOM TOV these exulted moments to multiply the power of your heartfelt prayer in the merit of Rabbi Meyer Baal Haness PREPARATIONS to bring forth yeshuos and success in every area – health, childrearing, finances, and all others.

Change the world – one coin at a time.

‫לייגט אריין אינעם בייגעלייגטן‬ ‫ענוועלאופ א קוויטל מיט די‬ ‫נעמען פון די פארפאלק‬

OVER

Strength. Hope. Solace. Comfort. Reassurance. Draw from the wellsprings of faith that has sustained bnos yisroel from generation to generation week by week. The potency of the miracle of Rabbi Meyer Baal Haness lives on in the heart of the yiddisha mama, forever.

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Enjoy Responsibly.

The Shmuz on the Parsha

Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier

The Third System of Tefillah Parshas Ki Sisa “HASHEM said, ‘I shall make all My goodness pass before you, and I shall call out with the Name HASHEM before you; I shall show favor when I choose to show favor, and I shall show mercy when I choose to show mercy.” – Shemos 33:19 The Jewish people had worshiped the golden calf, and Moshe Rabbeinu petitioned HASHEM to save them in the merit of the Avos. Rashi explains that not only was he successful in his mission, he also found great favor in HASHEM’s eyes.

HASHEM then said to him that He was going to reveal one of the great secrets of Creation: “You prayed to Me in the merit of the Avos because you assumed that is the most powerful merit in existence.

You should know that if the Jews ever sin and the merit of their fathers isn’t sufficient to save them, there is another method that can carry the day. Teach them to call out the Thirteen Attributes of HASHEM’s mercy. By their mentioning My compassion, I will answer them.”

This Rashi is very difficult to understand. HASHEM is teaching Moshe a system for the Jews to save themselves when things are very bleak. Clearly, we are dealing with a serious moment in

8

history, a time when the Klal Yisrael has fallen so low that even their prayers and the merit of the Avos aren’t sufficient to save them. If the prayers of the Jewish nation aren’t enough, and even the merit of the Avos have been used up, how could simply saying thirteen words change the judgment?

How tefillah works The answer to this question lies in understanding how prayer works.

From an objective standpoint, one of the most basic questions that a person can ask himself is: why daven? “I accept that HASHEM is more merciful and loving than any creation. I accept that HASHEM loves me ten thousand times more than any human being is capable of and that HASHEM only wants what is best for me.

So why do I need to daven? If what I am davening for were in my best interests, HASHEM would have granted it to me. If HASHEM didn’t grant it, it must be that it isn’t for my best. If so, why pray?”

The answer to this question is that there are different systems to davening, each providing a separate mechanism through which tefillah works.

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#1 The growth system The first system of davening is the “growth system.” By davening, I change.

By reaching out to my Creator, I reach a different perspective and understanding, and the tefillah makes me into a different person. Before I davened, I might not have deserved what I was asking for. Now, after months and months of begging, beseeching, and imploring, I have changed.

The person standing at the beginning of this process didn’t deserve what he was asking for, but through the tefillah I grew and am now worthy of what I asked for.

This is the first system of davening, where davening changes me.

The other system of tefillah There is another of tefillah.

HASHEM created the world with the attributes of Din (Justice) and Rachamim (mercy) in a fine balance. Din is proper.

Din is truth. Din, however is very demanding. It allows no room for error and no room for having a bad day. You are responsible for what you did. If din alone were in operation, very few if any people would exist. Rachamim mitigate Din. You have to understand where the person

is coming from. What they were going through. Both din and rachamim are at work, both are in a fine balance.

HASHEM created man and put him in a place where there are many things that pull at him. Life is a fierce battle, with every situation hand-crafted to challenge man.

This situation is fraught with danger. Man can and will slip.

It is almost inevitable. For that reason, HASHEM in his infinite mercy created a failsafe plan. If all else fails, pull this lever and you will be safe.

It isn’t based on changing the person praying, or on the merits of others. It is almost a safety hatch that HASHEM created, which changes the system of judgment. It moves the slide-rule from the middah of justice to the middah of mercy.

I don’t change, what I did, doesn’t change – the system of judgment changes.

This seems to be the answer to the question. It was as if HASHEM was saying to Moshe, “If it ever turns out that the Jewish nation fails and there is no hope left, when even the merit of their fathers is no longer sufficient, I want you to know that there is another system. It isn’t based on them or the merit of any person; it is based on the mercy of HASHEM. Say these words, and it will move the system of judgment from strict justice to mercy.

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Understanding how davening works is essential for us to appreciate its impact and how much it can affect our lives and those that we care about.

Rabbi Shafier is the founder of the Shmuz.com – The Shmuz is an engaging, motivating shiur that deals with real life issues.

All of the Shmuzin are available free of charge at www.theShmuz. com or on the Shmuz App for iphone or Android. Simply text the word “TheShmuz” to the number 313131 and a link will be sent to your phone to download the App.

Att: Past issues may have inadvertently Sheimos, Please disgard this Magazine accordingly in geniza Thank You.

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I Don’t Know a Single Person on this Earth Anymore

by Louis M. Profeta MD

Too many elderly people have no real relationship with their grandchildren. They are com-

I

couldn’t get him out of my mind. He woke me up at 2 a.m. and I paced the room, blew my nose and stared into my bathroom mirror studying my own aging features. He wasn’t my patient.

He belonged to my emergency physician colleague, Dr. Brian Thomas Fletcher, who posted the case for some of us to read. It simply stated, “Saddest case ever.”

95-year-old male comes in for suicidal ideation. When asked why, he said, “My last friend died last week. I don’t know one single person on this earth anymore.

Not one.” :( My heart stopped when I read it, pausing a few beats perhaps, but I’m fairly certain it stopped. Now the words woke me up.

I tilted my head under the faucet and took a long drink and laid back down. I didn’t take care of him but I could see him. Thin, balding in a shirt and slacks that once covered a robust six-foot frame now five-nine, a face etched by more

14

than 34,000 sunrises that perhaps saw the decks of a destroyer, or the inside of a bomber somewhere over the Pacific or Italy. His silver, wire-rimmed frames magnify eyes with wrinkles that held tears for perhaps the first time in years, the last being when he buried his wife.

He looks off to the side, staring past the wall and reaches in his pocket and wipes his face with a handkerchief, and I hear him say to the wall since it will listen: “I don’t know a single person on this earth anymore, not one.”

And the wall stays silent, but I can see Dr. Fletcher as he lowers his clipboard, swallows hard and briefly holds his breath trying to figure out the words. What is there really to say? Like all of us, he thinks to himself, “We failed you.”

Some years back, I wrote a piece that went viral, “Your Kid and My Kid Are Not Playing in the Pros,” and I got more than a thousand e-mails about the article. Most were supportive, some not, but what I was completely unprepared for was the correspondence I received To advertise, call 718-513-9885

from grandparents. For the most part, they were all absolutely heartbreaking.

The central theme was that they did not know their grandchildren because travel sports had robbed them of weekends and Sunday night dinners and countless other opportunities to interact.

Going to their baseball games in the middle of the summer – or sitting in a loud gym – was just not a bonding experience for them; it was physically exhausting.

Besides, you can’t talk about rationing sugar during the war, or marching on the mall, or sitting through the Watergate hearings between timeouts. It doesn’t work like that, that’s not enough.

“I want to teach him how to make pickles, just like my grandmother taught me…how to needlepoint, how to build a chair, or change the oil. I want to tell her about the time I was a little girl and made my own clothes, or how to play gin rummy. I want to go fishing, or show him the books I read when I was 10 because I still have them. I want to tell them about stamps, and record players, and how Elvis

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took the world by storm. I want to talk about Jim Crow and Tuskegee and jazz and how to make greens and about the time we all sat transfixed trying to figure out who shot J.R.” But as worlds do, the world changes, but it seems of late that while we spend our days lamenting the fracturing of the polar icecaps, we pass over the fracturing of the generations and we are leaving many staring at the wall and thinking to themselves: “I don’t know a single person on this earth, not one.”

I know sadness. I know depression. Who hasn’t? I know fear; real fear and the feeling that there is no possible way things can get better (although they usually do eventually).

But what I realize is one thing I do not know is loneliness: true deep, dark, all-encompassing loneliness has blessedly never been with me.

Brian’s words burned into my eyes and I thought of the thousands of elderly we see in our ER every year and the millions that must be shuttered behind countless doors that we drive by every day, how many of them are sitting in faux leather recliners, peeking through the shutters perhaps and watching a neighbor they do not know, play with their child and wishing to themselves: “I’d like to tell her about Elvis or teach him to make pickles.”

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Attention Back Pain & Sciatica Sufferers

WEDNESDAY, FEB. 21, 2018, 6:00-7:30 pm

NEW BACK PAIN & SCIATICA WORKSHOP REVEALS HOW TO NATURALLY HEAL BACK PAIN & SCIATICA FOR GOOD...

By: Dr. Ofir Isaac PT, MS, DPT

I

f you or someone you know is a 45 to 50-year-old female specifically having pain, numbness or tingling in ONE LEG and the pain does not pass the knee then this is the most important article you may read.

If nothing has helped, ask yourself these key questions, does the PAIN become worse with: 1. Rolling in bed?

2. Getting up from a low chair or out of your car after sitting for a while?

If you answered yes, try this.

Sit slouched forward while straightening your painful leg. If this increases your PAIN, you may have Sciatica!

Specialists at AllCare Physical Therapy have simplified the diagnostic process and proven to easily treat nerve and muscle pain with immediate relief, read more at www.ALLCAREPT.com.

Call 347-658-1976 and leave a message with your name and phone number for the FREE Back Pain & Sciatica Workshop this Wednesday, February 21, 2018 from 6:00–7:30 pm at 1213 Ave P, Brooklyn.

(MIDWOOD). ***Because of space limitations, the Back Pain & Sciatica Workshop is limited to the first 20 Registrants...

Back Pain and sciatica can completely ruin your life…I’ve seen it many times.

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It can make you lean on the shopping cart when walking through the grocery store

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It can take your focus away on enjoying your life…like spending time with your children or grandchildren.

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And it can take away your ability to live life…having to rely on others… or to wait for you to sit down for a minute.

SO WHO IS THE SCIATICA & BACK PAIN WORKSHOP FOR?

the Back Pain & Sciatica workshop firstcome, first-serve.

Call to register today at 347-658-1976 for Wednesday, February 21, 2018, 6:00–7:30 pm.

We have limited spots available & space will fill up fast, so register now to avoid missing out.

The Back Pain & Sciatica Workshop is for people suffering with lower back pain who are looking to feel normal again and heal naturally without medications, injections and surgery.

Save Your Spot! Call 347-658-1976 for the Back Pain & Sciatica Workshop simply by leaving your name and phone number for Wednesday, February 21, 2018, 6:00– 7:30 pm.

WARNING! FREE REGISTRATION ENDS Tuesday, February 20th at Midnight for the Wednesday, February 21st Workshop THEN there is cost of $27 to register, don’t wait to register this workshop is highly informative and can save you thousands of dollars and wasted trips to surgical specialists.

PS: FAST ACTION BONUS: The First 10 Registrants Can email info@allcarept.com Or call 347-658-1976 to drop off their lower back MRI and/or XRAY reports to Dr. Ofir Isaac personally before the workshop.

Discuss the results FREE of charge!

PPS: All Registrants will get a chance to schedule a FREE private examination and back pain screen with Dr. Ofir Isaac after

Dr. Ofir Isaac PT, MS, DPT

Chronic Pain Diagnostic Specialist Owner & Clinical Director Hi my name is Dr. Ofir Isaac a Back Pain & Sciatica Specialist and Pain and Injury Consultant, and I will personally be presenting this workshop for you. www.AllCarePT.com.

Where? Allcare Pain Elimination For Life, at 1213 Ave P right here In Midwood, Brooklyn. It’s my passion to empower patients like you to eliminate their chronic pain through our unique “Active” Neuroscience Based Approach To Pain.

e n e c S h is w Je e th t u O g in Check

d n a il a h T t, e k u h P in

by Dan Fellner

Hanging with the Chabad rabbi and eating Kosher Pad-Thai.

I

t was a Thursday night last A u g u s t w h e n Rabbi Mendy Segal, the chief Chabad emissary of this island off the southwestern coast of Thailand, received a phone call every rabbi dreads.

Two Israelis were in a Thai jail on drug charges and needed the rabbi’s help to bail them out.

The call came at the worst possible time. Chabad Phuket had a series of events planned that coming weekend in conjunction with the opening of a swanky new $4 million facility and people were coming from all over the world to celebrate.

Rabbi Segal barely had a second to spare.

Still, he planned to go down to the police station the following morning to offer his assistance. When you’re the only rabbi in a popular tourist destination where there are so many Jewish visitors, it’s an unpleasant

20

– but necessary – part of the job.

Then he learned that the two men arrested were Arabs with Israeli

actually passports.

Should he go, or should he stay and plan for busy weekend ahead? He sought counsel from the chief rabbi of Thailand in Bangkok, Rabbi Yosef Kantor.

“And he said, ‘Mendy, you go,’” recalls Rabbi Segal. “You have to be a mensch.

Hashem wants you to be there.”

So Rabbi Segal went down to the jail Friday morning and helped get the two men released on bail. In the process, he met one of their friends, another Israeli named Vadim.

“I started to talk with him and learned his mother is Jewish. I found out the deeper reason I came.”

Vadim, whose father was Arab, had never set foot in a synagogue before. He was afraid it would cause tension in the family

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back in Israel. But after some coaxing from Rabbi Segal, Vadim came to Chabad.

“He put tefillin on for the first time in his life,” says Rabbi Segal. “And then he came for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.”

An American Jew in Thailand In Phuket on vacation, I recently wanted to learn about Jewish life on the island and check out the new Chabad campus, now one of the largest facilities of its kind in all of Asia.

I walked 30 minutes from my condo down one of the main thoroughfares in Patong, Phuket’s busy tourist hub known for its white-sand beaches, water sports and active nightlife. I had heard Patong was popular with Israelis but had no idea what awaited me as I got within a few blocks of Chabad.

There were several signs in Hebrew marking Israeli-owned businesses, including travel agencies, restaurants and car/motorbike rental outlets.

Miracle of miracles, in this island paradise in the Andaman Sea, I found

myself strolling through a Jewish neighborhood.

Just two blocks from the beach, a “Chabad House Thailand” sign directed

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REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION FROM AISH.COM

Where Taste Meets Elegance

me down a sidestreet lined with parked motorbikes to the six-story building called the Dimenstein Family Campus.

But I had made the cardinal sin of forgetting my passport and the guard at the entrance understandably wanted to ascertain that I was telling the truth when I said I was an American Jew and not a potential security threat before letting me inside.

“Can you say the Kiddush?” he asked.

Fortunately, I rose to the occasion.

Although I rarely attend services as an adult, my post bar mitzvah years as the oldest son reciting the blessing of the wine at our family Shabbat dinners back in Arizona came in handy and I quickly launched into the prayer to prove to the guard that I really was a Jew, albeit a mostly secular one.

He stopped me well before I got to “borei p’ri hagafen,” smiled and nodded for me to go inside.

Upon entering, I was introduced to Rabbi Segal. The 40-year-old Israeli has been leading Chabad’s chapter here for nearly three years, along with his wife and co-director, Miriam.

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Inaugurated this past August – the weekend when the two Israeli Arabs were arrested – the new Chabad Phuket building offers an array of facilities and amenities of which some larger and less transient Jewish communities would be envious.

In addition to a synagogue that can hold up to 300 worshippers, the 26,000-square-foot facility features a mikvah, rabbinical quarters, a social hall that can seat 400 people, and a busy Kosher restaurant that serves everything from

hamburgers to Middle Eastern fare to Thai dishes. Kosher meat is imported from Argentina.

I tried the pad-thai, a local noodle dish that was a bit on the bland side.

Rabbi Segal explained that Israelis, who make up about 70 percent of the clientele, tend not to like their food too spicy. And kashrut law puts limitations on the Israeli chef’s use of certain spices.

“Could be the regular pad-thai tastes better but to make it Kosher, you have to make it in the right way,” says Rabbi Segal.

Phuket is not a large island. The population is less than 400,000 and it’s only about 200 square miles, which makes it less than half the geographic size of my hometown of Phoenix, Arizona.

But more than 5 million tourists visit each year, including a large contingent of Israelis, many of whom fly nonstop from Tel Aviv to Bangkok

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(Phuket is a 75-minute flight from Bangkok) and spend weeks or even months travelling around the country after completing their military service.

Rabbi Segal says it’s impossible to determine how many Jews live in Phuket year-round, although he guesses that it’s likely only “a few hundred.”

In 2004, Phuket was ravaged by an Indian Ocean earthquake and

The new building has brought a 50 percent increase in visitors.

During the winter high season, Rabbi Segal says tsunami. While Indonesia was hit the hardest, Thailand also was in the path of destruction. The tsunami struck the west coast of Phuket, causing about 250 fatalities and extensive damage to the island’s hotels and beaches.

Many tourists, including young Israeli backpackers, were stranded without food,

24

water or shelter. That was the genesis of Chabad Phuket. The group dispatched a group of emissaries that offered assistance.

“They helped not only Jews, but nonJews” says Rabbi Segal. “They came here to give food, a place to sleep and to help find Jews who had passed away. The tsunami woke people up to let them know that this place needed a branch.”

The new building has brought a 50 percent increase in visitors. During the winter high season, Rabbi Segal says about 500 people typically come for Friday Shabbat dinner. Two seatings are needed to accommodate everyone. About 700 worshippers attended Rosh Hashanah services last September.

What’s it like to be a rabbi in an island paradise? Rabbi Segal says the demands of the job give him virtually no time to enjoy the weather, scenery and attractions that bring so many tourists to Phuket.

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“I’m not here to enjoy the beaches,” he says, “because the job is inside the Chabad House. This place is open from the morning to the night and we’re here all day, so we don’t have the time to go out and enjoy it.”

When the rabbi does get out into the community, he has found the Thai people warm and welcoming of Jews, with no hints of antiSemitism.

“We respect them.

They respect us,” he says.

“It’s something you don’t see in different places in the world.

They are really nice people.”

E v e n though I’m not particularly religious, whenever I travel, I make an effort to connect with the Jewish community – no matter how large or small.

There is a sense of comfort derived from being with other Jews, even if our religious views might be widely divergent. I’m always looking for ways to intertwine my sense of Jewish identity with my travels.

When I told Rabbi Segal that my visit to the Phuket Chabad Center happened to coincide with my deceased father’s 94th birthday, he was kind enough to recite the Kel Maleh Rachamim, a remembrance prayer for the soul of the departed. After reading the prayer in Hebrew, he took the time to explain the meaning behind it in terms I could understand.

There is an old Hasidic saying: “Every descent is for the sake of a future ascent.”

Such is the case with Chabad Phuket.

It was born 14 years ago following a deadly tsunami. It has now ascended to heights few would have imagined possible.

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The Choice of Adar

by Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller Purim teaches us to appreciate the world’s awesome beauty, midst so much chaos and horror.

E

veryone knows that the Jewish year begins in Tishrei, with Rosh Hashana. But surprise, surprise -- there are actually two ways of calculating the order of our calendar. The more familiar version follows the calculations made by Hillel the Elder in the Talmudic era, and refers to the months by their Babylonian names -- Tishrei, Cheshvan, etc.

The other method is that used by the Torah itself. The Torah text does not assign names to the months, but rather refers to the “first month,” “second month,” etc. The “first month” is Nissan, featuring Passover, the anniversary of our liberation from Egypt. In the other calendar, Nissan would be the seventh month!

Jews seem to have a knack for complicating things. Actually, it is the natural result of looking at things deeply. From that perspective, something fascinating emerges from the two ways we count time: Tishrei is the month that marks the creation of mankind. For us mortal beings, this is the central event of human history.

Thus, Tishrei is the first month.

God, however, sees things from a different angle. As expressed by His

32

Torah, the emergence of the Jewish nation is the beginning of meaningful history.

Thus, Nissan is the first month.

Which brings us to Adar, the month of Purim, the month that directly precedes Nissan. From the Torah’s perspective, Adar is the last month of the Hebrew calendar. Adar is often described as the “month of darkness,” because during Haman’s time we were closer than ever to suffering total annihilation. The light of Nissan, the light of liberation, could have been extinguished, had Haman’s plot succeeded. Through the miracle of Purim, the darkness turned to light.

Fish and Fertility Adar is the Jewish month of good fortune. In fact, Purim is the most joyful time of the entire year. “When Adar arrives, we increase our joy,” say the Sages. How did Adar get its well-earned reputation for joy?

The astral sign of Adar is the fish (Pisces). Fish are very fertile, and for that reason are seen as a sign of blessing and fruitfulness. The Hebrew word for blessing is bracha, from the root letters bet, reish, kaff. In Jewish numerology (gematria), the letter bet has a value of 2, To advertise, call 718-513-9885

reish is 200 and kaff is 20. Each of these is the first plural in their number unit. What this tells us is that the Jewish concept of “blessing” is intertwined with fertility, represented by the fish of Adar. After all, if there is something good, why not let it increase?

The opposite of blessing is constraint or limitation. Adar is the month in which Haman threatened to not only limit our presence, but to erase it entirely. But destiny had a different plan.

Moses’ Birth and Death At the time of the destruction of the First Temple, the Jews were exiled to Babylon, which was later ruled by the Persian Empire. This empire eventually included most of the known world, placing the entire Jewish population under Persian authority, regardless of where they lived.

Haman, the wicked prime minister of Persia, threw lots and came up with a designated day to make his entire kingdom Judenrein, cleansed of Jews.

Haman’s “lucky day” was the 13th of Adar. And when he observed that this day came up, seemingly by chance, he rejoiced -- because the 7th of Adar was

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the day that Moses died. Moses was the quintessential Jew; the Sages say that he is equal to the Jewish people collectively -- the head that controls the “body” of the nation, providing it with vision, articulation and direction. To Haman, the lot falling in Adar meant that his plan to destroy everything that Moses built was bound to succeed.

What Haman didn’t know, however, was that the same 7th of Adar was also the day that Moses was born. What Haman presumed would be the day of Jewish national death, turned out to be a day of national rebirth.

Humility and the Fish There is yet more significance to the fish as the astral sign of Adar.

Fish live their entire lives underwater, unobserved by the human eye. Our Sages tell us that blessing does not come to something that is under close observation, but only to something that is hidden from the eye. This is due to the direct relationship between modesty and blessing.

Of course, from a Western view, where fame and success are identical twins, modesty seems inversely related to blessing.

The Torah teaches, however, that the cost of all this exposure -- rather than a blessing, i.e. maximizing oneself -- is to risk becoming the sort of person who has no self, other than the mask that is donned in order to be the person that you think others would like to see.

Moses is described in the Torah as “the most humble person.” He lived with modesty, and this became engrained in our national Jewish identity. We have always prized humility over pride. For this reason, the fish, the sign of Adar, is the penultimate sign of the Jewish people.

Celebration of Hidden Miracles One might expect the Megillah to be replete with descriptions of the miracle of Haman’s defeat, giving credit to the Author of all miracles. Yet what we find is very different. God’s name is not mentioned even once in the entire narrative. The Megillah is a great dichotomy, where the Hero is always off stage, but yet the most central figure of the entire drama.

Of course, not everyone who reads

34

Fish live their entire lives underwater, unobserved by the human eye. Our Sages tell us that blessing does not come to something that is under close observation, the Megillah will notice God’s subtle yet compelling presence. The events that He orchestrated are covered with many layers of seeming coincidence, political machinations, natural cause and effect.

The Sages refer to this event as a “hidden miracle,” meaning that it is within our ability to appreciate the multi-layered reality unfolded before us -- or just as easily to deny it and attribute everything to chance.

Which brings us to an important question: Why would God simultaneously conceal and reveal His presence? Why not rescue the Jews through a thunder and lightning extravaganza that would merit an MGM movie on the scale of The Ten Commandments?

To answer this question, we must first ask a far more fundamental one: Why is the world so complex, so full of apparent contradictions? The world has intricate order and awesome beauty, yet at the same time there is so much chaos and unspeakable horror. Why? The answer is that the choice is up to us to look deep and acknowledge both aspects of reality. It is tempting to take refuge in superficial simplification, to ignore the cracks in the facade of perfection that we like to see when we look in the mirror. Of course, this requires its own bit of effort, like avoiding the news and ensconcing ourselves in the secure refuge of our comfortable cars and homes. All this entails some major denial.

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masochistic pleasure in painting the world black. The toll that such people pay in bitterness and jaded cynicism is high, but they feel they are getting something precious in return, which is “seeing things as they are.” The problem is that such people are as much in denial of reality as the first group.

The Jewish view is to see that chaos and order in fact do co-exist, and that each one has a purpose. We are meant to meet the challenges presented by life’s hard side, and to find inspiration in the beauty and joy that we see just as readily when our eyes are open. Every so often God opens the gates wide enough to give us a message that can sustain us when things seem hopeless. The message is: “I am here now, as I have been all along, and I will always be here for you. Not just when the sea splits, or when My presence overwhelms you, but when you elect to choose to see Me.” And this is the essential message of Purim. It is about making that sort of choice -- the most significant and joyous choice you will ever make.

Purim Practices 1) We read the Megillah twice, both at night (to celebrate the faith that we found in the midst of darkness) and during the day (to celebrate the fact that our faith was validated openly and joyously).

2) We give two kinds of food to at least one friend. This gift is not meant to alleviate need, but rather to create unity.

We celebrate being part of a people who lives on miracles.

3) We give money to the poor. This spreads the pleasure of feeling cared for, and opens the hearts of both giver and recipient.

4) We strengthen our belief in God’s presence in the real world by having a whopper of a feast. Invite all your friends.

Wear a costume to celebrate the fact that things are not always as they seem.

Drink until you are so intoxicated that you recognize there are no longer heroes and villains -- just characters in God’s unending play that reveals His love and presence.

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You Don’t Want Your Child to Just be Happy

by Adina Soclof, MS. CCC-SLP

In fact, almost every day you have to make children feel sad.

S

o many parents say, “I just want my child to be happy.” But that is not the goal of parenting. In fact, the more you try to make your child happy, the less happy they will be.

Children need structure, limits and rules. They thrive on this; it ultimately makes them feel safe and secure. But they don’t like them. They don’t like being told to go to bed or to leave the park. Teens don’t like not being allowed to stay out to wee morning hours partying with friends. Parents have to impose these rules multiple times a day and most kids don’t take this lying down. Almost everyday you have to make children feel sad, (take a bath, don’t eat that cake, turn off the computer) to help them feel safe, secure and ultimately happy, healthy and clean.

Not only that, authentic, true happiness stems from feeling capable and competent. Life is tough and knowing that you are able to handle whatever life throws you makes you happy. We need to teach our children be problem solvers so

48

that they feel more invested in their home and family and will be more likely to listen and cooperate.

Helping children feel that they have it within them to manage life’s big and little problems is the ultimate gift we can give them. That should be our parenting goal.

We need to change our focus from making kids feel happy to making them feel competent. We want to raise independent, responsible kids. Instead of telling yourself that you want your children to be happy in the here and now, look at it from a perspective of teaching him/her the skills she needs for long- term authentic happiness.

The latest research in raising emotionally healthy kids tells us that not only do children need to feel competent (or resilient), they need to learn selfcontrol and to delay gratification. They also need to feel that they are living a life of meaning. Finally, they need to feel truly needed, that they have something unique to contribute to the world and they, as an individual human being, makes the world

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a better place.

Children today are coddled and taken care of in ways that they never have been before. Children were instrumental in sustaining their family. Everyone had chores. This gave children a sense of purpose. Spoiling our kids lessens that sense of purpose.

We need to give to our children the precious gift of meaning and purpose that comes through challenging effort and the gratification of work.

When your children have a problem, big or small, this is not a catastrophe. It’s a wonderful opportunity to help them manage and tackle their problem. It is a great time to teach them important life skills, how to deal with big feelings, getting along with others, learn how to get calm.

Happiness is certainly important. But it’s not the goal; it’s a means to accomplish the more meaningful and lasting goals in life. Let’s help our kids feel competent and confident. That is how we can ultimately help our kids be happy.

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NOVEMBER 2010

107

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‫‪...‬פתחו‬ ‫לבכם לרחם עליהם‬ ‫בימי עניים ומרודיהם‪,‬‬

‫‪Matanos‬‬ ‫‪L’evyonim‬‬ ‫בהמלצת גדולי ומאורי הדור שליט"א‬

‫‪EZRAS YISROEL‬‬

‫והושיטו שני ידיכם במתנות‬ ‫הגונות שיש בהם ממש‬ ‫ובכך תהיו נמנים לדבר‬ ‫מצוה‪...‬‬

‫כ"ק אדמו"ר‬ ‫מסקולען שליט"א‬

‫‪...‬אין ערוך‬ ‫למצוה רבה זו וחשיבות קרן‬ ‫הצדקה הנ"ל‪ ...‬אשרי חלקו‬

‫בזה מצות מתנות לאביונים‪..‬‬

‫‪...‬כל מקרה‬ ‫ומקרה בפני עצמו זועק‬ ‫ומשווע עד לרקיע‪ ,‬וחלילה‬ ‫לנו להתעלם מהם‪ ...‬לא‬

‫כ"ק אדמו"ר‬ ‫מנאוואמינסק שליט"א‬

‫תעמוד על דם רעיך!‬ ‫מקיימים מצות מתנות‬ ‫לאביונים בהידור רב‪...‬‬

‫הרב שמואל‬ ‫קמנצקי שליט"א‬

‫צדקה נפלא‬ ‫וכביר בשם עזרת ישראל‪...‬‬ ‫לזאת אליכם אישים אקרא‬

‫להיות שותף וליטול‬ ‫חלק נכבד עבור אותם‬ ‫משפחות‪ ...‬ונא להרים‬ ‫תרומות הגונות‪...‬‬

‫‪...‬והתיצבו‬ ‫לימין העסקנים המסורים‪...‬‬ ‫כי עיניהם של עניים נשואות‬ ‫לתרומות הללו‪ ,‬וחלילה‬

‫להתעלם מקול זעקתם‬ ‫הבוקע מתוך לבבם‬ ‫הנשבר‪...‬‬

‫הרב ארי' מלכיאל‬ ‫קוטלר שליט"א‬

‫‪Your Matanos L'evyonim will help‬‬

‫‪bring Happiness to Thousands of‬‬ ‫‪People and will save their families‬‬

‫‪...‬חובה‬ ‫גדולה לעמוד לימינם‪..‬‬ ‫להיות להם לעזר ואחיסמך‬ ‫בעושה ובמעשה‪...‬שכן‬ ‫מפעלם מפעל אדיר הוא‪,‬‬

‫!‪Join Us In Helping Them‬‬

‫הרב מתתי' סאלאמאן‬

‫!‪from utter despair‬‬

‫הרב משה וואלפסאן‬ ‫שליט"א‬

‫של כל אחד הנוטל חלק‬ ‫במפעל כביר זו‪...‬ולקיים‬

‫‪will help you fulfill your obligation to give‬‬

‫מתנות לאביונים‬ ‫לעניי עירך בו ביום!‬

‫מה רבו‬ ‫ונפלאו מעשי החסד של‬ ‫קרן החסד‪ ...‬ופעולתם אמת‬ ‫שעוזרים עניים נכבדים ותלמידי‬ ‫חכמים‪...‬לכן נכון שעסקנים‬ ‫יתקבלו בסבר פנים יפות‪,‬‬ ‫ביד פתוחה וברוח נדיבה‪.‬‬

‫והרבה נפשות מישראל‬ ‫צריכים להם‪...‬‬

‫שליט"א‬

‫!‪The More You Give - The More We Can Help‬‬

‫הרב יחזקאל ראטה‬ ‫שליט"א‬

‫‪...‬ויכולים‬ ‫לקיים בזה מצות מתנות‬

‫לאביונים כהלכתו‪ ...‬באתי‬ ‫לבקש לקיים מצות‬ ‫פתוח תפתח את ידך וגו'‬ ‫ולתרום ביד נדיבה סכומים‬ ‫חשובים ולחוס ולרחם על‬ ‫הנצרכים‪...‬‬

‫הרב אברהם יהושע העשיל‬ ‫ביק שליט"א‬

‫‪...‬כי‬ ‫המקרים נוגעים בפיקוח‬ ‫נפש והצלת נפשות רבות‬ ‫מישראל‪ ,‬ומצוה גדולה הוא‬

‫עד מאוד‪ ,‬להיות שותפים‬

‫במפעל קדוש ונשגב זה‪...‬‬

‫כ"ק אבדק"ק וויען‬ ‫שליט"א‬

‫‪All donations received by 5:30pm on Purim day will be distributed on Purim‬‬

‫"‪Tax-deductible contributions payable to "EZRAS YISROEL‬‬

‫‪ALL MAJOR CREDIT‬‬ ‫‪CARDS ACCEPTED‬‬

Purim Menu From the Traditional to the Exotic

by Gitta Bixenspanner

Exciting dishes to serve family and friends.

52

To advertise, call 718-513-9885

Pastrami Wrapped Chicken Tenders with Sweet Chili Mayo Finger foods for starters are always welcome. These finger foods are original entrĂŠes to tide your guests over until the meal is served. The children almost prefer it to the traditional foods served.

Ingredients 6 slices chicken breast (sliced into strips) 1 lb. pastrami (ask butcher to slice it paper thin) 1/2 cup mayonnaise 1/2 tsp paprika 1 tsp honey (optional) 1/2 tsp red pepper & garlic seasoning 1/2 tsp chili powder (optional) 1 Tbs mustard Salt and pepper to taste 2 stalks scallions with the greens thinly sliced Instructions Preheat oven to 350ÂşF/180ÂşC. Season the chicken strips with salt and red pepper & garlic seasoning and wrap with pastrami.

Arrange them on a lined baking sheet, bake for 18-20 minutes and then broil for 1-2 minutes on each side to crisp up the pastrami.

While the chicken bakes, prepare the chili mayonnaise, Mix paprika, honey, red pepper and garlic seasoning, mustard and chili powder (if using). Season with salt and pepper.

Preparation 10 minutes Serves 12-18 2 pieces per person.

To advertise, call 718-513-9885

53

Mediterranean Meat Pie in Phyllo dough.

Phyllo dough is one of my favorite dishes, salty or sweet any which way it is delicious, it is a perfect finger food to serve before the main meal is served.

1/2 of the phyllo sheets.

Now, as you have a nice base for your pie, spread the meat filling evenly on top of the last phyllo sheet.

Ingredients 16 oz. package of frozen phyllo dough, thawed in its package 1 egg, whisked in 1 cup of Almond milk 1 cup extra virgin olive oil for the meat filling 1 cup chopped onions 1 1/2 lb lean ground beef 1 tsp ground allspice (optional) 1 tsp garlic powder Salt and pepper to taste

Layer the remaining sheets on top of the meat repeating the same process as before (again, three or four sheets at a time, fold excess phyllo and smear oil on the top sheet) until the phyllo sheets are used up.

Brush the top sheet very generously with the olive oil. With a sharp knife, cut the phyllo pie into 12 or more squares.

Season the prepared Almond milk and egg mixture with salt and pepper and pour evenly over the pie.

Instructions Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Carefully lay the thawed phyllo dough sheets between two lightly damp kitchen towels. Cover remaining dough while preparing each layer so it will not dry out and become brittle.

Begin with preparing the meat filling. Heat 1 tablespoon olive oil in a large nonstick pan. On medium-high heat, sauté the chopped onions briefly. Add the ground beef. Cook until fully browned, tossing regularly. Remove the pan from the heat briefly to drain any fat, then return back to the stove. Add in the spices and stir to fully combine. Remove from the heat.

Now, to assemble the phyllo pie, lay three to four sheets of phyllo dough on the bottom of a lightly greased 9 x 13 inch baking pan. Fold any excess dough in. Brush the top phyllo sheet very generously with the oil. Repeat this step as you lay three to four sheets of phyllo at a time in the baking pan until you have used up

54

Place the phyllo meat pie uncovered on the middle rack of the 350 degrees F heated-oven for about 45 minutes to an hour, or until cooked through. It should turn a nice golden brown. Be watchful so that pie does not over bake or burn.

Serve warm as an entrée or side dish. Enjoy!

Notes – Do not skimp on oiling the phyllo layers as indicated above. Make sure you brush a generous amount of the olive oil so that each layer is well soaked. If you want to prepare the pie ahead of time, you can follow the steps all the way, but do not pour the milk-egg mixture over until just before you want to bake it. The pie must be covered tightly and kept in the fridge until you are ready to bake. Do not prepare more than one night ahead.

Preparation 30 minutes Serves 12 generous pieces, alternatively I cut the squares into diamond shapes to yield more portions.

To advertise, call 718-513-9885

‫כשר לפסח‬

kosher for passover

Mixed Green & Cold Cut Salad Put this salad in the middle of your table and watch it disappear for it is full of delicious veggies and the delightful cold cut addition 1 head romaine lettuce 2 tomatoes, cut into chunks 6 ounces favorite cold cut, cut into strips 1 (14-ounce) can hearts of palm, drained and cut 1 (14-ounce) can artichoke hearts, drained and quartered 1 (7-ounce) jar roasted red peppers, drained and cut into strips 1 (5.75-ounce) can large pitted black olives, drained 1 (8-ounce) jar hot peppers drained (optional) 2 1/2 cups prepared vinaigrette dressing

56

Directions Wash and dry lettuce and tomatoes then cut into bite-sized pieces. Place in a very large mixing bowl with remaining ingredients except dressing; toss to mix well.

Pour desired amount of dressing over salad; toss to coat. Serve immediately.

Preparation 10 minutes Serves 10

To advertise, call 718-513-9885

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To advertise, call 718-513-9885

57

Surprise chocolate cups

Ingredients CHOCOLATE CUPS 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips 1 tablespoon vegetable shortening 8 small round balloons (see Note) CHOCOLATE MOUSSE 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips 1/2 cup water 1/4 cup sugar 1 teaspoon instant coffee granules 2 cups whipped cream 1 tsp vanilla extract Directions Line a baking sheet with wax paper. In a medium saucepan, over medium-low heat, melt chocolate and shortening 3 to 5 minutes, stirring constantly until chocolate melts and mixture is smooth.

Let cool slightly.

Meanwhile, inflate balloons to about the size of an orange; tie knots to seal.

Dip and spoon chocolate over bottom third of balloon. The chocolate should look like a bowl. Allow excess chocolate to drip off bottom and place on baking sheet. Chill 25 minutes or until

58

To advertise, call 718-513-9885

chocolate is firm.

To fill the cups Carefully pop balloons and remove them from chocolate cups. Refrigerate until ready to fill.

Place chocolate chips in a large bowl; set aside. In a small saucepan over high heat, bring water, sugar and coffee granules to a boil, stirring occasionally. Pour coffee mixture over chocolate chips and stir until chocolate is melted.

Meanwhile in a large bowl, beat whipped cream and vanilla until stiff peaks form. Gently fold chocolate into the whipped cream until thoroughly blended. Spoon chocolate mousse evenly into chocolate cups and refrigerate four hours or until ready to serve.

You can also fill cups with your favorite ice cream.

Notes Feel free to fill these cups with your favorite ice cream for a simpler dessert.

To make this special dessert even more special, garnish with a chocolate dipped strawberry.

Anyone with an allergy or sensitivity to latex should NOT make or consume these dessert cups.

SERVES 8 CHILL TIME 4 Hr

REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION FROM AISH.COM

These delightful Chocolate Mousse Cups are extra decadent and super special. Plus, they’re simple to make, thanks to the help of some small balloons! Surprise the guests when you show them how you made these cups leave the balloons and depending on the age of the children allow them to bust the balloons for the fun of it.

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