Flatbush Buzz #163 October 6 2019

WISHING ALL A GMAR CHASIMA TOVA

on Flatbush/Marine Park Editi

Brooklyn’s only Door to Door Magazine - Flatbush - Marine Park - Boro Park -

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The Shmuz on the Parsha

Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier

YOM KIPUR

A Diamond with a Flaw “You shall place both stones on the shoulder straps of the ephod, remembrance stones for the Children of Israel. Aaron shall carry their names before HASHEM on both of his shoulders as a remembrance.” — Shemos 28:12 Moshe was commanded to make garments for the Kohanim HASHEM told Moshe to engrave the names of the twelve shvatim onto the stones of the Ephod as a remembrance. Rashi explains that this was so that the memory of Reuvain, Shimon, Levi, etc. would be invoked when the Kohain Gadol did the avodah, and HASHEM would then remember their righteousness.

The shvatim sinned

This Rashi seems to be difficult to understand. The avodah of the Kohain Gadol is vital and highly sensitive; the world’s very existence depends upon it. As a result, there are many items that are avoided in the avodah so as not to bring up even the faintest memories of sin. While there is no question that the shvatim were men of extraordinary greatness, that greatness was also tainted with the sin of selling their brother. They had a rationale for what they did, but they still plotted and carried out an attempt to kill Yosef, one of the greatest tzaddikim in the history of mankind.

Didn’t that sin permanently affect who they were? Shouldn’t that be reason enough not to mention their names in such a critical situation?

Every diamond has a flaw

The answer is based on an issue of perspective. A diamond is an object of beauty, yet even a minor imperfection can greatly devalue it. A small flaw can transform a priceless gem into an almost worthless stone.

However, not every flaw destroys a diamond’s value.

Imagine that there are two large diamonds in front of you, one a beautifully cut jewel with a minor flaw, and the other the same as the first, but flawless – a perfect diamond.

We would assume that the flawless diamond would be far more valuable than the other.

If we were to ask a diamond expert to

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appraise the two, there is no doubt that he would tell us that the difference between them is huge. He would say that the diamond with the minor flaw is worth a fortune while the completely flawless diamond is almost valueless — because it is a fake. One of the signs that a diamond is real is that it has a flaw.

While it may be a very minor imperfection and almost unnoticeable, all genuine diamonds have flaws. The only perfect diamonds are made of cubic zirconium, and are costume jewelry.

HASHEM created the human, knowing he would sin So too, the human. When HASHEM formed man, it was not for him to be perfect.

Perfection rests in the realm of the angels. An angel will spend its entire existence without sin. As such, angles are perfect. But angels aren’t man. Man and man alone was given the unique opportunity in all of Creation: to determine his destiny either by becoming the greatest of all or by sinking below the animals.

To allow man to create who he would be for eternity, HASHEM gave him free will.

However, free will doesn’t mean the theoretical ability to choose; it means being put into situations where either choice is viable and either option is real. Man has to be challenged.

To allow for that, man has to be tempted to choose either good or bad and be given the ability to make mistakes. Every man has, and every man will make mistakes. Some are large, and some are small, but the idea of man living without sin hasn’t happened yet and will not happen ever.

At the end of his days, man isn’t measured by how much he sinned. He is measured by how great he became. The real damage of sin is that it prevents growth. If a person becomes mired in sin, then his focus is diverted, his energies consumed, and he doesn’t become a fraction of what he could. Even still, it is a given that every man has sinned and will sin.

The shvatim were flawed diamonds

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The answer to the question on Rashi seems to be that the shvatim were in fact men

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of unimaginable greatness, but they also had flaws and sinned. Each would be compared to a 200-carat diamond with an imperfection.

They were huge, beautiful diamonds – with flaws.

When viewing a diamond, you can’t see the flaw. To perceive it, you need to look through a jeweler’s loop that magnifies the stone by a power of ten times or more. Only via direct scrutiny does the flaw become noticeable. It is always present, but the eye doesn’t see it. All the eye can see is glimmer and reflected light in an object of extreme beauty.

I will be like a diamond with a flaw This Chazal tells us that our imperfections are what they are, and unless we remove them with the process of tshuvah, they will be on our permanent record. However, all that means is that I will have flaws, like a diamond. Maybe I’ll be a two-carat diamond, maybe a four-carat – but a precious gem nonetheless. While the blemishes will be there, so too will the shining brilliance of a jewel. One doesn’t cancel out the other. The flaw isn’t eliminated, nor is the brilliance eradicated. Both are there. I will be a diamond with a flaw.

My work is to improve the quality of the diamond and to eliminate its faults. By learning Torah, doing mitzvahs, and working on my middos, I change the weight, color, and clarity of the stone. Who I will be for eternity is in my hands. If I focus my attention and energies on growth, my reward will be perfection more valuable than the finest diamonds ever mined.

For more on this topic please listen to Shmuz #16 - Olam Habbah as a Motivator All of the Shmuzin are available free of charge at www.theShmuz.com or on the Shmuz App for iphone or Android. Simply text the word “TheShmuz” to the number 313131 and a link will be sent to your phone to download the App. PLEASE TREAT THIS TORAH PAGE ACCORDINGLY AND DIGARD TO GNIZA

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FEATURE

By Debbie Shapiro

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his story took place over a decade ago. Although it’s about a flying sukkah, it really started about a week before the holiday, when the stores throughout Jerusalem were selling a new type of sechach that could be used again and again. Their advertisement ditty, “U’b’Sukkaseinu…” played to a catchy tune, blared throughout the streets of the city, and everyone, myself included, found himself humming it under her breath as she busily prepared for the upcoming holiday.

“It’ll be so much easier for you to build your sukkah with this new type of sechach,” I told my husband. “And it won’t make such a mess in the house,” I added. Every year my husband and sons dragged the old, wilted palm branches that we used for sechach up from the bomb shelter where they were stored during the year. Somehow, as they maneuvered the sechach and sukkah boards down the hallway over the dining room table and across the living room, they always managed to bang into at least one piece of furniture (to make sure that we’d never forget the holiday), and leave a few wilted brown palm “droppings” on the floor.

This year, I had visions of a clean living room and a very calm and

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quiet erev Sukkos.

But my husband insisted on roofing our sukkah with the old-fashioned palm branches. “We’ve always used them, and we’ll continue to use them,” he said.

I was frustrated. But it wasn’t worth arguing about, and besides, he was the one who had to schlep the palm branches up from the bomb shelter and position them on the sukkah roof. I just had to clean the droppings.

We were the only family in our apartment building whose sukkah was not roofed with a new easy-touse super-light bamboo rug.

Two days before Yom Tov, I received a phone call from the Chabad Chernobyl program. They had airlifted children out of the area affected by the Chernobyl nuclear disaster and brought them to Israel for medical treatment—as well as their first taste of Yiddishkeit—and wanted us to host two nine-year-old girls for the entire week of the holiday. Of course we agreed. It would be a privilege to introduce these youngsters to their heritage.

Olya and Katya had never seen a sukkah before; as a matter of fact, they had never even heard of the Jewish holiday of Sukkos before coming to Israel. Their eyes widened in amazement and delight when, through a combination of sign language and a few Hebrew words we explained that we actually eat and sleep in the sukkah for an entire week!

At the meal that evening, the girls were delighted by the neighbors singing together in stereophonic harmony, and giggled over our vain attempts to speak a few words of Russian.

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Halfway through the soup, the weather suddenly changed. It wasn’t long before we could feel the first drops of rain penetrating the palm branches above our heads. Then, without any warning,

My husband insisted on roofing our sukkah with the old-fashioned palm branches the weather became vicious. The storm wind howled on all sides of us. We raced to the window and stared outside in amazement. Just a few minutes before everything had been calm and serene.

Now, the trees were bending and… yes, that’s when we saw the first roof flying through the air, accompanied to a rousing rendition of “Harachaman hu yakim lanu To advertise, call 718-513-9885

es Sukkos Dovid Hanofales—May the Allmerciful One rebuild the fallen sukkah of Dovid” from the neighbor’s now roofless sukkah.

Within less than an hour the street was full of soggy bamboo rugs and ruined decorations were bobbing in the river that had once been our street. Ours was one of the few sukkahs to survive the storm—and I was very grateful to my husband for being so obstinate and old fashioned.

We tried to explain to our guests that this was not part of the usual Sukkos celebration, but they seemed to think that flying sechach and roofless sukkos were the norm, and they loved every moment of it!

When it was time for Olya and Katya to return to their dormitory at the end of the week, we felt as if they were part of our family, and I believe the feeling was mutual. With their limited vocabulary, they let us know that Sukkos with the Shapiros was an experience they would never forget, and thanked us profusely.

I told them that if they really want to show their appreciation, they could do me one favor—one very important favor, that would mean a lot to me, and to the entire Jewish people.

Olya and Katya’s interest was piqued.

“What’s that?” they asked.

“Promise me that when you grow up, you’ll make sure to marry a Jewish boy,” I answered.

They could not promise.

I can only pray that the All-Merciful One rebuilds His fallen sukkah, quickly and in our days.

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Home

Moving On

BY SUSAN SCHWARTZ “It’s just a house. A house with many wonderful memories, to be sure, but it’s only an object. We have had many happy celebrations here, but sometimes facing reality head on makes it easier to let go.”

My children were not having an easy time accepting the announcement we made when we had a few of them together one Friday night. Given the difficult economic climate as my husband approached retirement, we realized we could no longer afford the payments and upkeep on our home. This was our first house after living in apartments for the first 30+ years of our marriage. In truth, none of our children really “grew up” in this house since we only lived there for a little over 10 years. Therefore, I was a bit surprised how personally they took the news.

“Where will we stay when we come for Yom Tov?” What about a sukkah?”

“How will we have a big party for your

28

40th anniversary?” “Don’t you want us to come to visit anymore?”

Not one said, “Wow – it must be hard to make such a big change” or “Is there something we can do to help?” or “We understand and wish it didn’t have to be this way”.

Everyone looks at life through their own glasses (rose- colored or not). For our children the move signified a life shift.

There would be no more coming home to Ima and Abba with a carload of kids and camping out in the basement if we moved to an apartment. We might start coming to them more than they come to us.

Strangely, my husband and I were not depressed. In some ways I was invigorated – now I could satisfy my decluttering urge and start emptying closets full of accumulated things.

There are only four rooms in the apartment, each of which is tiny compared to most of the rooms in the To advertise, call 718-513-9885

old house. Not to mention the fact that the new apartment has less than half the number of rooms. The new kitchen would probably not even equal ¼ of the large kitchen I am leaving behind.

I always envisioned us downsizing when we would hopefully retire and make the move to Yerushalayim.

Somehow with everyone there living a simpler lifestyle the small room sizes never seemed to make a negative impression when I would visit friends and family.

I tell myself that this is the first step along the journey. If I can get rid of all the extras and fit into this new, smaller space, then moving to Israel should be a cinch.

I am not a saver by nature. Every month I donate a bag to the local chesed organization. So from where did all this stuff hiding in the dark cupboards and buffet come, and why in the world did I keep it all?

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“

It is true that the house is just an object. The memories will always remain. But how do I sift through everything and make the choices of what stays and what goes? If I were moving to Israel the grandchildren would not be coming to visit, so it would be easy to toss all the toys and paraphernalia. But since that was not the case, and we would be remaining close by, I would somehow have to decide which toys to keep around for visits.

Forty years of Pesach dishes, pots and pans take up a lot of space. What about all the afikomen holders made by children and grandchildren over the years? The plastic seder plate made by the now father of two? The little glass cup I used as a child at my own seder, lovingly given to me by my mother for my own children?

And what about all the books?! Despite donations to the local yeshiva and elementary school and boxing up the shaimos, there are still many more books and sefarim than shelves that will fit in the new place.

We will also have far fewer walls on which to display the myriad family pictures and needlepoints that presently grace our home.

The children have laid claim to the items they want from the house. There is still so much left over.

I tell myself these are just things. If G-d forbid there was a fire in my house, what would be the most important thing I would miss? If I have packed that, then all else is just icing on the cake.

It is easy to give away things we never use or look at. It gets harder the more investment of emotion or memory each item brings to the fore. I don’t need all those towels. What good will all those sheets do me in a place with only two beds for us and two for guests? How many serving bowls can really be used in one Shabbos or Yom Tov meal, even with a table full of company?

Yet here I am holding a dish that was my mother’s and examining crystal stemware that we received as a wedding gift; too delicate to use when the children were young, too high up on a shelf to take out now.

True they are only objects. But they are mine; encapsulating memories built over forty years of marriage. Unfortunately we cannot take them all with us on this journey. It certainly won’t be easy, but somehow we will have to part ways, say our goodbyes, and move on to our future.

Forty years of Pesach dishes, pots and pans take up a lot of space. What about all the afikomen holders made by children and grandchildren over the years? The plastic seder plate made by the now father of two? The little glass cup I used as a child at my own seder, lovingly given to me by my mother for my own children?

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SUKKOT fun 5777 WORD FIND

Sukkot is celebrated on the 15th day of the month of Tishrei for 7 days inside the Land of Israel and 8 days outside the land. During the time of the Holy Temple it was one of the Three Pilgrimage Festivals.

Sukkot literally means Feast of Booths as Jews are commanded to live in a Sukkah, a temporary walled structure, covered with schach (branches), which is similar to what the Jews lived in while traveling in the desert. Just as HaShem provided the Jews protection in the desert with the Clouds of Glory, He is always our ultimate protector. On Sukkot, we are also commanded to shake the four species - an etrog (citron), a lulav (palm frond), three hadassim (myrtle twigs) and two aravot (willow twigs). On each day of the festival (excepting Shabbat), we take the four species, recite a blessing over them, and wave them in all six directions.

The seventh day of Sukkot is called Hoshana Rabbah ("Great Salvation") which closes the period of Divine judgment begun on Rosh Hashanah. A special observance is the aravah--the taking of a bundle of willow branches. The Torah is read every day during Sukkot.

spot the difference Which one is different?

Hint: Sukkah

3 WALLS

4 WALLS

9 DAYS

TEMPORARY

EAT

SLEEP

Can you discover the Secret Message? Find and circle the bold, italicized words from the Sukkot summary in the Word Find. Write the unused Word Find letters in the spaces below to spell the Secret Message.

Have Fun!

S H A K E M T G R E A T H S U K K O T

T R O S H N S D U O L C E W T O R T W A T H G D V Y

4

5

6 7 8

L

R L

E A A O H

V R S E H H E E Y O D A A Y O

S U K F

T R

E K O T

I

F

T

L O H

Y

SECRET MESSAGE

___ _____ __ ____ _____ ___ __ ______

gematria

Hint: The Sukkah reminds us of the Clouds

‫ו‬ -‫ב‬

ACROSS

3

I

S U S U E E C W A V E O

word into English. Use the reference from Parsha Emor, read on first day Sukkot, for help.

2

S R H

I

I

A A D G E R T M K D R A

CROSSWORD Complete the crossword by translating each Hebrew 1

E V E R Y

‫ס‬ ÷‫י‬

‫ל‬ - ‫כח‬

‫ה‬ x‫ד‬

‫ק‬

÷‫כ‬ ‫ה‬

‫א ב ג ד ה ו ז ח ט י כ ל מ נ ס ע פ צ ק ר ש ת‬ 400 300 200 100 90 80 70 60 50 40 30 20 10

1. ‫( חדש‬23:6) 4. ‫( כבש‬23:12) 6. ‫( אחד‬22:28) 7. ‫( ששה‬23:3) 8. ‫( ארץ‬22:33)

9

WORD CMRLESAB ERPSAI ______ SUTD ____

DOWN

2. ‫( קרבן‬22:27) 3. ‫( קדש‬22:32) 5. ‫( לחם‬23:14)

ISGNRI ______ HMEROT ______

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

(scramble)

EYNDE _____ HNICDRLE ________

Hint: Hallel - Psalm 113

CANDLELIGHTING IN JERUSALEM 5:26 P.M. weekly chinuch podcast - over 150 posted! parsha + chinuch < 5 minutes www.thefamousabba.com/podcasts

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SUM S I H T

33

Zman Simchoseinu

A Time to Rejoice Gitta Bixenspanner n.d.

With the Rosh Hashono and Yom Kipur behind us we can now focus on the joyous Yom Tov Succos We look forward to welcoming guests to our Succah along with the Ushpizin who come to celebrate with us.

What a remarkable people is Am Yisrael! At the lushest season of the year, at the time of the harvest, we are called upon annually to leave our comfortable houses and go dwell in temporary booth.

Yet far from resenting this forced move, we willingly leave our

permanent dwelling places to be under Hashemâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s protection and bask in His glory. We take the time to build, adorn, enhance, and beautify our succos as much as we can.

Women the world over rejoice in preparing delectable meals for family and friends that will become classics and the making of memories for years to come.

Make your Succos meals special with these amazing dishes.

Seared Salmon over Whole Wheat Pasta Ingredients 4 slices salmon fillet kosher salt fresh cracked pepper Old Bay seasoning ( a combination of celery salt, paprika black pepper pinch of cayenne, pinch dry mustard, pinch of ginger) 2 Tbs extra virgin olive oil, divided 3/4 lb whole wheat spaghetti 1 large clove garlic 1/4 c dry white wine 1/2 c reserved pasta water 1/4 cup toasted slivered almonds Instructions Preheat oven to 425F. Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Cook pasta according to package directions; leave al dente. Remove from stove and rinse

through a colander.

Meanwhile, heat a large skillet on high heat. Season salmon fillets with salt, pepper, and Old Bay. Add 1 tablespoon oil to the hot skillet, heat briefly, then add the fish fillets, wine. Season with salt, pepper, and Old Bay. Remove from the pot.

Place fish on an oiled baking dish and broil for 10 minutes.

Remove To serve, place a mound of pasta on each of 4 plates. Top each with a piece of salmon, douse with sauce , and toasted slivered or sliced almonds Preparation 15 minutes Serves 4

COMFORTING CREAMY BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP This is one of the easiest recipes to prepare and one that everyone loves. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a great way to welcome fall with their special bounty..

Ingredients 1 medium sized butternut squash peeled, seeded and cut into large chunks (2-3 inches) 2 large carrots peeled and cut in chunks 2 Tbs oil 32 oz vegetable stock or water 1/3 cup toasted slivered almonds Salt and pepper to taste Directions Fry the squash over high heat stirring frequently until the squash is slightly browned and very aromatic. Add salt to taste and fry a minute longer.

Add vegetable broth and simmer for 20-30 minutes until squash is soft.

Let cool and puree in blender until very smooth. Allow to simmer another 20 minutes, add water if necessary.

Adjust seasoning garnish with toasted slivered almonds and serve hot. For an even better flavor, refrigerate for a day or two.

Preparation 20 minutes Serves 4

Roasted Cauliflower Salad INGREDIENTS 3 lbs cauliflower ¼ cup olive oil, divided 2 cloves garlic, minced ¼ cup chopped flat leaf parsley 16 pitted olives, chopped 1 ½ tbsp fresh lemon juice ¼ tsp red pepper flakes, or more to taste Salt and pepper to taste DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 425 degrees F. Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil. Place the florets in a large bowl and drizzle them with 1 tablespoon olive oil. Add the minced garlic to the bowl.

Toss gently until florets are thoroughly coated Spread the florets out in an even layer on the baking sheet.

Reserve any small bits of cauliflower that have fallen away from the florets in a small bowl. Sprinkle the cauliflower florets lightly with pepper.

Place the baking sheet into the preheated oven and let the cauliflower roast for 10 minutes. While cauliflower is roasting, prep your other ingredients—chop the parsley, juice the lemon,

etc.

After 10 minutes, remove the baking sheet from the oven. Use tongs to turn over the florets, making sure that the florets with flat surfaces are pressed directly against the baking sheet. This will enhance caramelization. Sprinkle the reserved cauliflower bits onto the baking sheet. Return the baking sheet to the oven.

Let the cauliflower roast for 10-20 minutes longer till tender.

When it’s ready you will be able to pierce it easily with a fork.

Remove the cauliflower from the oven. Spread it out on a large plate or platter and allow to cool.

Throw the room temperature cauliflower into a salad bowl along with the remaining 3 tbsp of olive oil, parsley, chopped olives, capers, lemon juice and red pepper flakes. The red pepper flakes are very spicy, add with care.

Toss gently to combine all ingredients. Season with salt and pepper to taste (I didn’t add any salt because the olives and capers are salty, but some might like a touch of salt added to this dish). You can also add more olive oil to taste, if desired.

Serve salad at room temperature.

Preparation time 10 minutes Serves 6

Beef Stew with Butternut Squash Take your basic beef stew to the next level by making this simple, fragrant beef recipe featuring butternut squash and served over a bed of rice or quinoa or even mashed potatoes.

Ingredients 1 (1-pound) beef shoulder roast trimmed and cut into 1-inch cubes 4 shallots, quartered 4 garlic cloves, chopped 1/2 cup fat-free, lower-sodium chicken broth 1 (14.5-ounce) can no-salt-added diced tomatoes, undrained 3 cups (1-inch) cubed peeled butternut squash (about 1 pound) 2 Tbs olive oil 2 tsp paprika 1 tsp garlic powder 1tsp onion powder 1/2 tsp salt and 1/2 tsp pepper 2 Tbs soy sauce

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1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro ( optional) Directions Combine last 7 ingredients in a medium bowl mix well. Add beef; toss well to coat.

Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a Dutch oven over medium-high heat.

Add beef and shallots; cook 4 minutes or until browned, stirring occasionally. Add garlic; cook 1 minute, stirring frequently. Stir in broth and tomatoes; bring to a boil. Cook 25 minutes. Add squash; cover, reduce heat, and simmer 25 minutes or until beef and squash are tender. Sprinkle with cilantro.

Serve over cooked rice or prepared quinoa.

Preparation 20 minutes 4 servings (serving size: 1 1/2 cups)

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Fluffy Berry Cobbler Ingredients Nonstick cooking spray 4 eggs 1/2 cup sugar 1 tsp vanilla Dash salt 1 1/2 cups apple cider 1 cup all-purpose flour 1 tsp baking powder 3 cups assorted fresh berries (such as blueberries, cherries and/ or sliced strawberries) Directions

Preheat oven to 400 degree F. Lightly coat six 6-ounce individual ramekins or quiche dishes with nonstick cooking spray. Arrange in a 15x10x1-inch baking pan; set aside. In a medium bowl, combine eggs, granulated sugar, vanilla, and salt; whisk until light and frothy. Whisk in apple juice until combined. Add flour and baking powder; whisk until smooth.

Divide berries among prepared dishes. Pour batter over berries.

(Batter will not cover berries completely.) Bake about 20 minutes or until puffed and golden brown. Serve warm. If desired, sift powdered sugar over each serving. Makes 6 servings.

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41

How to Build a Happy Second Marriage

by Avigail Rosenberg

What a remarried couple needs to know to start their blended family on the right foot.

Sandy, a single mother of two, was divorced for six years when she met Dave, who’d recently ended a long and bitter marriage.

The two quickly found they had a lot in common and eagerly tied the knot…joining Sandy’s two with Dave’s three and instantly becoming a family of seven.

“It’s a good thing we didn’t know what we were getting into,” Sandy says ruefully, a year later. “We’ve come a long way, but boy was that first year hard.”

Although research reports that the divorce rate in the Western world is tapering off, remarriages are here to stay…along with the challenges of healing from a painful past, attending to the needs of all the children involved, and creating a solid foundation for the new marriage. But as long as you’re ready to put in the effort to stay committed and stick with it, there’s enormous potential for a creating a large, loving family.

Here are a few suggestions that will help a remarried couple start off on the right foot: Know yourself – and what you need from a spouse. If you’re a single parent, whether widowed or divorced, make sure you and

42

your intended are on the same page as far as the children go. Is he willing to serve as surrogate dad? Is she interested in becoming a mom of many? Be open with each other about what you’re willing to take on and what you’re not.

Don’t bring in baggage. Do the work you need to heal from your first breakup before you start dating. Communication, respect, and honesty are equally as important the second time as the first, but self-awareness is key too. Understand why your first marriage didn’t work and what you may need to do differently this time, whether it’s looking for a different personality type or being more aware of your own responsibilities.

Discuss short- and long-term family goals. What you would like your family to look like five, ten, fifteen years from now? How about next week or next month? Talk about your goals often, both before the big day and after it, so as not to lose sight of them in the nitty-gritty of “Whose turn is it to wash dishes?” and “Can’t you get your kids to stop fighting?”

Don’t take things for granted. You’re both coming in with a lot more responsibilities than a younger, never married couple

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Don’t bring in baggage. Do the work you need to heal from your first breakup before you start shiduchim.

would be. Resources – emotional and physical – can be tight, with children to care for, housekeeping to attend to, and perhaps financial obligations to previous partners. Discuss division of labor in your new home, finances, and who you’ll turn to when things get bumpy – as they inevitably will.

Give it time. Once you’ve taken the leap, recognize that adjusting to a new reality takes time – for everyone. Spouses need to get acquainted with each other’s children; children need to get accustomed to a new parent in the home. Don’t expect to magically meld into a single unit overnight.

Make your marriage a priority. While you may be distracted by myriads of other tasks, don’t forget to focus on your marriage. Every new marriage needs attention, even if the partners have other responsibilities on their plates. If you neglect to put in the building blocks in the beginning, everyone will suffer.

Carve out couple time. With children

living in a home, evenings may be taken up by homework, baths, and bedtime, with very little space left for adult bonding.

Make the most of the quiet when the children are with their other parent, or arrange a babysitter once a week to go out and reconnect.

Separate your spouse from his/her children. Loving someone else’s children never comes as naturally as loving your own. They may be driving you crazy, but don’t take it out on your spouse. None of us wants to be blamed for our children’s misbehavior.

Don’t be a martyr. If you’re having an issue with a stepchild, or with some of the domestic responsibilities you’ve taken on, speak up. You may have to take a step back or delegate tasks to someone else – your spouse, another relative, hired help.

If necessary, discuss the issue with a third party such as a therapist to find a mutually satisfying solution.

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getting along with your kids, but don’t his rub you the wrong way sometimes too?

Allow yourselves to be imperfect. Loyalty to your own children doesn’t have to create conflicts in your marriage.

Beware of the green-eyed monster.

Feeling jealous of the time your spouse spends with his children? He may be feeling the same way about you. As a newlywed couple, you want to have each other’s exclusive attention, but with kids in the picture, it doesn’t quite work that way.

Recognize that you married him because he was a dad, and allow him that special time with his kids just as you need special time with yours.

Marriage and relationship building takes work, and remarriage all the more so.

Statistics say that it takes two to seven years until a family is truly blended. But it can be done, and happily remarried couples can attest that there’s nothing like looking at the family you’ve created from two broken halves and realizing how awesome it is.

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ENOUGH Cortisone Injections, Gel Shots, Orthopedic Consults and MRI’s?

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Chronic Pain Diagnostic Specialist Owner & Clinical Director Hi my name is Dr. Ofir Isaac, Pain and Injury Consultant and Spine Specialist, and I guarantee that this procedure will work for you on the spot. www.AllCarePT.com Where? Allcare Pain Elimination For Life, at 1213 Ave P right here In Midwood, Brooklyn. It’s my passion to empower patients like you to eliminate their chronic pain through our unique “Active” Neuroscience Based Approach To Pain.

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