Boro Park Buzz Friday, August, 23 2013

BoroPark Friday, August, 23 2013

FREE

Volume 1, Issue 4

Bi -Weekly

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Junee

Junee Jr

Junees.com

New Holiday Late Night hours Tuesdays & Wednesday From 10AM - 8PM Junee 4622 / 18th Ave / 718.871.0016 Boro Park

396 Central Ave. / 516.569.0035 Five Town 1313 Ave. J / 718.338.3307 Flatbush

Junee Jr 4618/ 18th Ave / 347.295.3245 Boro Park 392 Central Ave. / 516.341.0696 Five Town

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Publisher & CEO:

Yossi Friedman

Editor-in-Chief:

Y. Rabinovitz

Art Director: Photography:

Efraim Schnall

Shlomo Meyer , Istock, Shutter Stock, Big Stock

Rabbinic Advisor:

R. Lazer Zuckerman

Advertising Executive

Mindy Weiss

Mailing: NY Buzz Magazine P.O. Box# 190811, Brooklyn, NY 11219

To Advertise Call: (718) 513-9885 (718) 435-3918

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Dear Readers, It’s that time of year again, and as usual, it seems that the year has passed so quickly.

“Back to school” this year coincides with chodesh Elul, and although Elul is the last month of the year, in a sense, it could also be seen as the beginning.

Rosh Hashanah marks the creation (according to one opinion), but nothing can be created without having been planned and designed in advance.

So, too, we cannot recreate ourselves on Rosh Hashanah without planning and designing our new selves in advance, and this is what the month of Elul is all about.

The verse in Mishlei (19:21) tells us that “Rabos machshavos b’lev ish, v’atzas Hashem hi sakum” – many are the thoughts of man, but it is G-d’s plan that will be established. That doesn’t mean, however, that we should not have thoughts and ideas. Indeed, we must invest a huge amount of thought into how to live our lives, while at the same time keeping in mind that Hashem’s plan is the one that will be implemented. The question is whether we want to be part of that plan, or whether we want to resist, and design a plan of our own.

An architect, when designing a blueprint for a new edifice, has to keep in mind the inherent limitations of the materials, location etc. So, too, when we design our new selves, we have to keep in mind our own limitations.

What are those limitations? What material are we made out of, and how high can we really reach?

We have bodies of flesh and blood, but these are not our essence. Our true essence is the soul, connected to G-d, connected to infinity. The limitations we set for ourselves are only the result of looking at ourselves through physical eyes. If we saw ourselves as spiritual beings, we would be awed at our potential.

In business, there is a saying that “one rises to the level of one’s incompetence.” That is to say that a person keeps being promoted until he simply cannot deal with the new responsibilities that come with the higher position. But one does not sell oneself short and not try to keep being promoted!

As we set out on a variety of new years, let’s not sell ourselves short. We, and our children, are capable of so much more than we think. Just realizing that can open our eyes to a whole new way of seeing things.

B’hatzlachah!

Nybuzzmagazine@gmail.com www.nybuzzmagazine.com @nybuzzmagazine

Yehudis Rabinovitz

2013 Flatbush Buzz. All rights reserved. Contents may not be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without prior written permission of the Buzz Magazine. All readers are invited to send their opinions by letter to the editor. The advertiser agrees to hold harmless the publisher for publication of submitted copy. Buzz Magazine will not be responsible for typographical errors. We reserve the right to refuse advertising or editorial copy that we feel does not fit our policy. Advertising claims or kashrus of any product or establishment are not the responsibility of the Buzz Magazine. The opinions of each writer do not reflect those of the publisher. The Buzz Magazine is not responsible for unsolicited submissions.

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‫בס”ד‬

F o u n d e d i n l o v i n g m e m o r y o f N a a v a K a t l o w i t z ‫ע”ה‬

presents

Avinu Malkeinu8 EIG HTH A NNUA L NIG HT OF AWA K ENING

RABBI DOVID GOLDWASSER RABBI ELI MANSOUR RABBI ZECHARIAH WALLERSTEIN PURCHASE TICKETS at www.ohrnaavaevents.com or by phone: 718.OHR.NAAVA (718.647.6228) Tickets also available at the following locations: Boro Park

Eichler's

5004 13th Avenue

718-633-1505

Flatbush

Judaica Place

1917 Avenue M

718-677-0221

Eichler’s

401 Coney Island Avenue

718-258-7643

Mekor Haseforim

1973 Coney Island Ave

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Torah Treasures

3005 Avenue L

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Five Towns

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530 Central Avenue

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69-64 Main Street

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$25, $36, $54, $72, $100, $180, $250 VIP

Monday, September 9th

at 7:30pm ∙ Doors open 6:30pm Brooklyn College, Whitman Hall Campus Road & Hillel Place off Nostrand Avenue

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This evening is sponsored in loving memory of MIRIAM WEINRIB

‫לעילוי נשמת מרים בת הרב יהודה ארי’ה לייב הכהן ע”ה‬ Check online for other Avinu Malkeinu events:

Israel ∙ Los Angeles ∙ Baltimore ∙ Monsey ∙ Lakewood ∙ Toronto

For LIVE STREAMING VIDEO of the Brooklyn and Israel events (featuring Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi) visit www.ohrnaavaevents.com O U R C O R P O R AT E S P O N S O R S :

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Enjoy our ated Newly Redecor ent & Sound Absorb Restaurant

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PERSPECTIVES – THE SECOND LOOK

Enjoying This World

By Rabbi Shemaya Landau

I

t’s summer time, a period during which the American “pursuit of happiness” seems to come to the fore. Few people manage to continue their regular routine without being affected by the change in atmosphere; most people would say, why try? The concept of vacation has become entrenched in most circles, and with it, the idea that summer is a time for an enhanced involvement with the physical pleasures of this world. That doesn’t have to mean anything more exotic than ice cream, but the question still remains: Is that okay? Is that what Jews are supposed to be doing?

Just a Corridor The Torah teaches us that Hashem created us in order to bestow pleasure upon us – in Olam Haba, the next world. This world

is referred to as the “corridor,” the place where we prepare ourselves to enter into the World to Come. Just as someone who goes to a wedding doesn’t spend a minute longer than he has to in the vestibule, adjusting his appearance in the mirror before entering the hall, so too we see this world as a means towards an end, not the end itself.

Given this, how should we understand all the mitzvos that seem to be inherently linked to actually enjoying this physical world? For example, Rashi tells us that the purpose of the neshamah yeseirah, the enhanced soul we are given on Shabbos, is to enable us to have “a more expansive heart, to benefit all the more from the rest and joy…eating and drinking…” (Beitzah 16a).

In fact, we are obligated to eat festive meals not only on Shabbos but also on Yom Tov. The Gemara (Pesachim) tells us that the reason

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we are forbidden to eat matzah on Erev Pesach is in order that we will be able to fully appreciate and enjoy the matzah at the Seder.

Even more intriguingly, the meals we eat on Erev Yom Kippur are an actual substitute for fasting on that day!

A well-known gemara in the Talmud Yerushalmi goes even further, and tells us that “a person is destined to account for anything his eyes saw from which he did not derive pleasure” (Kiddushin end ch. 4).

This is similar to what we learn about the nazir, a man or woman who makes a vow to abstain from wine and hair-cutting for a period of time: “One who…fasts is called a sinner, as we learn from the nazir of whom it says, ‘And he will atone for sinning against the soul.’

Against which soul did he sin? He deprived himself of wine” (Taanis 11a). From this the Gemara infers, “If one who deprives himself of wine is called a sinner, how much

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more so one who deprives himself of other pleasures.”

However, things are not quite as simple as they might so far appear.

In a different place, the Gemara states a totally opposing opinion: “One who weans his soul [of food] is called pious.” And, despite the criticism leveled against him, the nazir is still praised and referred to as “kadosh” – holy.

The Rishonim are divided on how to explain the apparent contradictions. Rabbeinu Yonah asserts that man should avoid pleasure, whereas the Raavad maintains that there is nothing wrong with enjoying life. The Rambam takes a position in the middle of the debate, stating that we should not pursue pleasures, but that if we are presented with an opportunity to enjoy the physical world, we are permitted to take it.

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Which World Are We In? In his explanation of the passuk “Kedoshim tihiyu – you shall be holy” (Vayikra 19:2), the Ramban sides with Rabbeinu Yonah, stating that the Torah is warning us not to indulge in the “kosher delights” of this world – we should strive to minimize our physical enjoyment and take from this world only what is absolutely necessary.

The Gemara beautifully illustrates this with its description of Rabi Yehudah Hanasi, who was fabulously wealthy: On the day of his passing, “Rebbi pointed all ten fingers toward the Heavens and cried, ‘Ribbono shel Olam, it is clear and known before You that I toiled with these ten fingers in Torah, and I did not partake of the pleasures of this world even to the amount of my smallest finger” (Kesubos 106a).

Using precisely this passage, Harav Tzaddok Hakohein of

Lublin ztz”l suggests a way to reconcile the opposing views. Due to his greatness, he writes, Rebbi was constantly aware that he belonged entirely to Hashem, and he was totally dedicated to serving Him. Therefore, even when he inevitably experienced some of the pleasures of this world, he was actually enjoying the pleasures of the Next World, of Olam Haba.

For Rebbi, everything was spiritual, and the truth is that even though Olam Haba is defined as the place where we “derive pleasure from the radiance of the Shechinah,” there are genuine spiritual pleasures in this world, too. In fact, having experienced the joy of Torah before being born, the way we live our lives is subconsciously driven by the desire to recapture that ultimate sensation of bliss.

Every now and then we catch a glimpse of true spiritual pleasure, and we are supposed to be asking Hashem to experience it:

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“And please, make the words of Your Torah sweet in our mouths.”

Furthermore, enjoying mitzvos adds to the reward we get for them, as the pleasure we feel shows how much we appreciate their value.

Combining and Uplifting This ability to combine two worlds, the physical and the spiritual, and raise up the physical and make it holy, is something that only Jews have.

Other religions and cultures have chosen either this world or the next, believing that it is impossible to have both.

Aristotle, one of the greatest of the non-Jewish philosophers, came to the conclusion that the enjoyment of physical pleasure brings disgrace upon man, and today, many in both the Eastern and the Western world follow this line of thought.

The Ramban, in his Iggeres Hakodesh, argues emphatically against this idea: “We, the children of the holy Torah, believe that Hashem Yisborach created everything in accordance with His wisdom, and did not create anything that is disgraceful or shameful,” he writes. “Hands which are used to write a sefer Torah are beautiful and honored and lofty; but when they perform an unseemly act, are soiled. According to this perspective, we find that all of Hashem Yisborach’s ways are just, pure, and clean; and disgrace and immorality are only the makings of man.”

If Aristotle, along with all the Eastern religions that promote spiritual awakening, were right, then it would imply that Hashem created this world only as a forbidden temptation, which fails

to explain why Hashem saw fit to create such a variety of temptations – just one would have been enough.

In fact, Eastern philosophy goes one step further and claims that this world is totally pointless, which is even more difficult to reconcile with all the myriad

The Torah is warning us not to indulge in the “kosher delights” of this world wonders of creation.

Nonetheless, most of us aren’t on the level of Rebbi. Can we really hope to use this world properly and experience spiritual, not just physical pleasure?

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It all depends on our attitude, and how we perceive this world. If we look on the pleasures of Olam Hazeh as the spices, and our connection to Hashem as the dish itself, then we are heading in the right direction.

When a cook adds spices to the dish, the intention is not for the diner to enjoy the spice, but rather the dish itself. The spices are just the means to the end.

The analogy to food is a little misleading, however, as even the tastiest dish is only enjoyed for moments, not even hours and certainly not days or years. However, true spiritual pleasure, even in this world, is eternal. Once we have experienced it even only once, it is ours to treasure forever. In fact, Harav Tzaddok explains that the more we draw closer to Hashem, the more spiritual pleasure we will feel, from each and every one of our spiritual “meals.”

Hashem has given us so much in this world, so much more than is necessary for mere existence.

Every aspect of creation bears His signature, and if we ignore the holiness in this physical world, then we are guilty of terrible ingratitude. Enjoying the physical world without linking it to our service of Hashem, without using it to connect to Hashem, is also a form of ingratitude, and perhaps even worse – we are essentially stealing Hashem’s creations and using them for our own, mundane purposes when they were designed for something so much more elevated.

If you can’t remember all this next time you enjoy a bowl of ice cream, then maybe you’d be better off not eating it?

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There's something very personal about the service at Trendy Tots.

I know I’m not the only one who feels like a VIP whenever I go shopping in their snazzy, wellstocked boutique. In fact, when I called my mother right after giving birth to my fifth child, she did three things in rapid succession: First, she shrieked incoherently into the telephone for what seemed like an eternity. Then she asked me a bunch of important questions like "Whose nose does he have?" and "Is he bald like Uncle Fishel?" And finally, she

got behind the wheel of her Bubbymobile and headed straight to Trendy Tots.

She couldn't very well come visiting her new einikel without the very finest in baby haute couture‌ My family's fondness for Trendy Tots is actually my fault. I first visited there last year when I realized Yom Tov was fast approaching and my kids had each grown at least two inches over the summer. Nothing fit, and their wardrobe was seriously malfunctioning. Back then, Trendy Tots was still in a basement, but it held a treasure trove of beautiful merchandise. I came home laden with packages not only for my own children, but for my nieces and nephews as well. Ever since, we've become hooked on Trendy Tots, and we wouldn't go shopping for kids clothing anywhere else.

These days the store has moved to a magnificently decorated new locale that makes browsing a feast for the

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eyes and purchasing a boon for the wallet.

The newly revamped Trendy Tots is Marine Park's newest, most exclusive destination for children's fashion. Located on Quentin Road, this one-stop-shop has got it all for your bouncing bundles of joy. For babies, they carry everything from undershirts and onesies to nursing blankets and 'take-'em-home' sets.

They're chock-full of gift ideas, and are stocked up on outfits to fit every style, and every budget.

You'll find a lavish layette layout, basic infant gear and designer baby-wear, including everything from low-priced stretchies to high end European imports. For older children, there's fashion for every pampered papoose, in sizes up to 14.

Choose from an incredible selection of girly lace and frills, or macho button-down blues; from classic to trendy; current and contemporary to modern and la-mode - there's something for every

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large screen and comfortably watch Uncle Moishy DVDs while moms

little one at Trendy Tots! And their eclectic variety of gorgeous garments comes with prices that are surprisingly affordable. If you have a toddler with her own unique sense of style, or a teen who wouldn't dare wear an outdated ensemble, bring her in to Trendy Tots and watch her face light up in fashion euphoria. This is the place where clothing trends are set and design bars are raised.

The store is inviting, beckoning customers to spend their time in pleasant perusal. It's an easy shopping experience for everyone: The children can gather round a

shop undisturbed. The merchandise is beautifully displayed, and the friendly, accommodating service

2995 Quentin Rd

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718-339-0590

is exceptional, catering to the individual preferences of each and every customer. If you cannot make it to their store during regular business hours, they offer convenient evening hours by appointment, or you can shop anytime online at www.shoptrendytots. com.

Yom Tov is just around the corner once again, so be sure to check out your kids' wardrobe. You may be surprised to realize how much they've grown over the summer, and how desperately you need to head over to Trendy Tots!

Sun-Thurs. 11-4

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HEALTH & LIFESTYLE

A Time to

Sleep

I

t’s the end of a long day.

After working, learning, eating, exercising, and so much more, your body is begging for rest. Eventually you allow yourself to lie down, close your eyes, and drift off.

Pure relaxation? Not quite.

While we sleep, our bodies are wide awake, busy getting things ready for the next day.

Even our brains are active much of the time. Though we might think that we could accomplish so much more if only we could stay awake 24/7, the truth is that without adequate sleep, our state of health starts to deteriorate, and at some point, there’s likely to be payback.

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By R. Margalit

Recent studies indicate that over the last century, average sleep time for Americans has decreased by at least 1½ hours per night.

Surveys consistently show that approximately half of all adults have sleep-related problems such as insomnia (the most widely reported problem), sleep apnea, sleep deprivation, non-refreshing sleep, and too-frequent waking at night.

Our habits have changed over the years and centuries, but our basic needs have not. Echoing the Rambam a millennium ago, modern doctors generally advise eight hours of sleep per night for adults. (Children need a few hours more, and infants up to eighteen hours.) Eight hours is long enough for the body to go through three complete sleep cycles, considered to be the amount needed for optimum functioning.

Sleep for the Brain

When we sleep, our metabolism and energy consumption slow way down, allowing our brains to go to work, uninterrupted. It’s the time for the brain to assimilate new data and develop solutions to problems, as well as to integrate knowledge and make it more accessible for future use. The subconscious mind is very active during sleeping hours, and often the material revealed to us in dreams proves invaluable, but that’s the subject of a future article.

Also going on in the brain is the replenishing and normalization of hormone levels. Human growth hormones and melatonin, both of which play a role in tissue recovery and immunity, are heavily synthesized during sleep. Human growth hormone stimulates growth, cell reproduction and regeneration. Its biggest spike is right after you fall asleep. Hormones associated with lactation are also replenished while a mother sleeps, and frequently, simply getting more sleep will solve the common problem of insufficient milk supply.

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Sleep deprivation can be very stressful, and there is a sound physiological reason for this. Stress in the body is associated with cortisol levels, which normally decrease rapidly towards evening.

However, studies involving subjects who underwent six days of sleep restriction showed that cortisol levels decreased much more slowly towards nightfall when a person had not slept enough. The discrepancy was dramatic, cortisol levels actually decreasing six times more slowly in sleep-deprived subjects.

Surgical sock shop 1/2 standing

No More Midnight Snacks Elevated cortisol levels don’t just cause stress – they are also implicated in the development of insulin resistance, a risk factor for obesity and diabetes. In fact, recent studies have suggested that sleep loss may adversely affect glucose tolerance and involve an increased risk of type 2 diabetes. In young, healthy subjects who were studied after six days of sleep restriction (sleeping only four hours) and again after full sleep recovery, the levels of blood glucose after breakfast were higher in the state of sleep debt.

This leads into one of the most well-known consequences of sleep deprivation: a tendency toward weight gain. When a person has been in a state of sleep deprivation for an extended period of time, it is common for ghrelin levels to increase. Ghrelin is the hormone responsible for stimulating hunger and increasing appetite. Conversely, levels of leptin, the hormone responsible for suppressing appetite, decrease. Sleep deprivation also messes with thyroid levels, further upsetting the metabolism.

Furthermore, people who are chronically sleep-deprived tend to crave carbohydraterich foods, making dieting a huge challenge in such a situation.

Professionals in the field of exercise and nutrition also highlight another aspect of the necessity of sleep, stressing how important it is for reparation of muscular tissue. During workouts, the muscles accumulate microscopic cellular damage, and the two factors that expedite convalescence of the muscles are proper nutrition and rest. The most important form of rest is sleep, when tissue is reconstructed. Power naps during the day

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sleeping medications disrupt the body’s natural rhythm and their addictive nature causes a host of other problems

can leave you feeling refreshed, but your body needs long stretches of deep, nighttime sleep to rejuvenate itself. Without this, serious health problems can emerge in later life, such as fibromyalgia.

So, what’s the solution, if you simply can’t fall asleep at night, or wake up too early and can’t get back to sleep? There are any number of prescription medicines that claim to fix such problems, but studies show that these drugs only work really well for about a third of those taking them. Furthermore, sleeping medications usually disrupt the body’s natural rhythm in the long term, and their addictive nature can cause a host of other problems, too.

Luckily, herbal remedies for sleep problems have been around probably for as long as we have. They are cheap and easily accessible, which means that BigPharma prefers to keep you in the dark regarding their benefits.

More importantly,

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they are effective, almost always non-addictive, and usually don’t have any nasty side effects.

1 - Valerian (Valeriana officinalis) Valerian root has a long history of use as a mild sedative. It is believed to work by increasing the level of GABA (a neurotransmitter) in the brain, which relaxes you quickly and allows you to slip easily into deep sleep. It also relieves spasms, calms digestion, and lowers blood pressure.

Valerian is helpful even in cases of severe insomnia, and brings on a restful sleep without any grogginess the next day. It is non-addictive and can be safely

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used indefinitely (although any long-term health problem should be investigated thoroughly by a medical professional).

Valerian can be taken as a tea (although the taste is nothing to write home about), as pills, or as a tincture (half to one teaspoon – start with a lower dosage and increase if needed). It is not advisable to exceed the recommended dosage, as this could lead to over-excitement after waking. Consult your medical adviser before combining it with any sedative medication you may be taking.

2 - Passionflower (Passiflora incarnate) Like valerian, passionflower is believed to increase levels of GABA in the brain, inducing deep and refreshing sleep without any hangover effect. Passionflower is often used to treat anxiety and nerve pain, as well as insomnia.

Most European herbal sleep remedies contain passionflower,

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although the plant actually originates in the tropical regions of the Americas, where it was widely used by the Aztecs. It can also be used during the day to unwind and relax without actually going to sleep.

Passiflora tea is made from the leaves and flowers and has a mild, pleasant flavor. It can also be taken as a tincture or in pills. Take 40 drops of tincture, or one teaspoon of dried flowers for a cup of tea.

It should not be used if you are taking MAOI antidepressants, as the sedative effects could be amplified.

3 - Lemon balm (Melissa officinalis) A 2003 study in the journal Neuropsychopharmacology found that lemon balm indirectly encourages sleep by improving mood and inducing calmness. It seems to work by inhibiting the breakdown of the sedative neurotransmitter GABA and possibly also acetylcholine.

Lemon balm is also considered to be a nootropic, or brain-enhancing supplement, as it can improve cognitive performance. It is a very effective traditional remedy for sleep problems, anxiety, depression, digestive spasms, stress, and high blood pressure.

Lemon balm, also commonly known as melissa, has a delightful citrus fragrance, and can be drunk as a tea, taken as a supplement, and/or used in a “dream pillow” to be inhaled as you lie in bed.

4 - Chamomile (Matricaria recutita) A recent study by researchers from the University of Pennsylvania found that chamomile significantly reduces the symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder. This double-blind study pitted the active ingredient in chamomile against a placebo pill that smelled like chamomile, and the herb still came out a winner.

Chamomile is thought to act similarly to benzodiazepine drugs (tranquillizers) although without the addictive and other negative effects.

It relaxes, eases digestion, relieves spasm, and even helps to heal wounds.

It combats anxiety and is a mild

sedative, one that has been in use for hundreds if not thousands of years.

Chamomile tea is refreshing and pleasant-tasting. Make sure that the flowers you’re using to make the tea are yellow and white – if they’re straw colored, they’re too old. Two teaspoons of dried flowers are enough for a perfect cup of tea.

5- Hops (Humulus lupulus) Hops is often used in combination with valerian. It is thought to work by slowing down the breakdown of GABA and also acting on the melatonin receptors. Hops relaxes, induces sleep, and also eases headaches and indigestion.

Hops is usually taken as a tea – a heaping teaspoon is sufficient for a cup. It can also be mixed with chamomile in equal parts.

Hops should not be used if you are depressed, and is also not recommended in early pregnancy.

6- Lavender (Lavandula angustifolia) Lavender is a traditional remedy for insomnia, usually as an aromatic oil to be inhaled. Try sprinkling a few drops on your pillow. Lavender is fragrant and safe to use.

7 - Kava kava (Piper methysticum) Kava kava is a Samoese antianxiety remedy used to relax and sedate. The National Institute of Health suggests that kava may be just as effective as Valium for promoting calmness.

Kava kava is currently banned in Europe owing to its having been abused and used in great excess, leading to liver toxicity (although it is unclear whether the kava itself or contaminants were the culprits). You should not use kava if you have liver problems, or are taking any drugs that affect the liver. It should also not be taken together with alcohol.

Kava kava can be taken in capsules (60-120 mg) or as a tincture (half to one teaspoon). Start with the lower dose and work up as necessary.

for its sedative qualities. It relaxes, reduces spasms, and calms the nerves. It also combats pre-menstrual syndrome and depression, and reduces stress.

Skullcap can be drunk as a tea – use one to two teaspoons of dried herbs and steep for five minutes. You may have to use it for several days before seeing an effect. You can also take it in capsule form – 500mg to 1g per day. It is generally regarded as safe to use.

Any of the above herbal remedies can be combined to make a calming cup of tea. Herbal teas should be steeped, meaning that after you add the hot water, cover the cup and leave for five to fifteen minutes in order to extract the maximum effect from the herb, which could otherwise evaporate away.

When people think “natural” for sleep remedies, sometimes melatonin comes to mind. While melatonin is a naturally-occurring neurotransmitter, it is not natural to supplement with it, though one can do so for shortterm use such as to combat jetlag.

However, long-term use of melatonin supplements is not advisable as it can cause serious side effects, as well as disrupt the natural rhythm of the body. Herbs are unlikely to do so, as they only gently prod the body to act as it should. It’s not for nothing that Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave us such a wide variety of flowers and herbs to gently and effectively heal us of our ailments.

Herbs contain a wealth of active ingredients, not just the main active ingredient that the pharmaceutical companies synthesize.

The combination of ingredients in the herb also guards against unwanted side effects that are commonly experienced when taking drugs and hormones alike.

So, next time you lie down on your lavender and lemon-balm scented pillow, relaxed after a cup of chamomile tea, remember to thank Hashem for the many wonders of His creation!

8 - Skullcap (Scutellaria lateriflora) Skullcap has long been known

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Cash, Clunkers, and Cyber Attacks “Cash for Clunkers,” aka the Car Allowance Rebates System, is four years old and already seems to be nearing the end of its life.

Although around 700,000 new cars were sold in the early years of the program, this number later plummeted.

What’s more, most of the cars traded in under the program were in good condition, yet, instead of having the majority of their parts recycled, many of them were simply trashed and crushed.

Even when a car nears the end of its “lifespan,” almost 100% of its parts can be recycled, and the engine, particularly, is an excellent candidate for recycling. However, under the “cash for clunkers” program, cars traded in had to be recycled within 180 days, and once this period elapsed, they were destroyed, regardless of their recyclability. The idea behind this policy was to ensure that old cars did not somehow remain on the road, and a fine of $15,000 was slapped on anyone found to be delaying the crushing process. Non-clunkers are allotted a waiting period of 36 months before they are to be trashed.

Despite the purported benefit to the environment resulting from trading in old cars, it should be noted that crushing a car results in 1 ton of metal being recovered from the shredding process, along with a whopping 500 pounds of shredder residue to be disposed of.

Cars defined as clunkers average

There are an estimated 250 million cars on the road in the USA, meaning that the 690,000 cars traded in under the cash for clunkers program is little more than a drop in the bucket.

Why, then, is the government so intent on promoting this policy?

One reason is their desire to pander to the environmentalists, an important

15.8 miles per gallon, as apposed to 25.4 mpg for newer models, a 61% increase in fuel efficiency. However, it is commonly accepted that car owners “make up” for this disparity by using more fuel and driving more, making any gains near negligible.

voter base for the Democratic party.

But, there is another, more sinister reason being put forward.

A few weeks ago, journalist Michael Hastings was found dead after his car crashed into a tree. According to police reports, he had

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NEWS & ANALYSIS been speeding, at 4am, and lost control of his 2013 Mercedes C250 Coupe.

Prior to his untimely death at the age of 33, Hastings, an investigative journalist, had been working on what he told his friends was his “biggest story yet,” about the CIA and its activities. Just 15 hours before the fatal crash, Hastings sent an email to colleagues telling them that he thought he had been targeted by the government. “…The Feds are interviewing my ‘close friends and associates,’” he wrote. “I’m onto a big story, and need to go off the rada[r] for a bit… All the best, and hope to see you all soon.”

The FBI was quick to respond to allegations that they had been monitoring Hastings. Spokeswoman Laura Eimiller stated categorically that “at no time was Michael Hastings under investigation by the FBI.” However, according to the Associated Press, Hastings’ fingerprints were on file with the FBI and were actually used by the bureau to identify his body after flames consumed much of the auto wreckage.

Furthermore, many of Hastings’ friends and relatives came forward to testify that Hastings drove “like a grandma,” and that it was totally out of character for him to have been speeding, especially in the middle of the night.

They aren’t the only ones perplexed by the nature of the tragedy.

Richard Clarke served under President Ronald Reagan and both Presidents Bush, advising them on cybersecurity threats based on his twenty-year experience working in the Pentagon.

In his opinion, the circumstances surrounding Hastings’ death are “consistent with a car cyber attack.

“I’m not a conspiracy guy,” Clarke added, “in fact, I’ve spent most of my life knocking down conspiracy theories. But my rule has always been that you don’t knock down a conspiracy theory until you can prove it [wrong]. And in the case

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of Michael Hastings, what evidence is available publicly is consistent with a car cyber attack. And the problem is that you can’t prove it.”

Two recent studies conducted by the University of Washington and the University of California, San Diego, add fuel to the fire of suspicion.

Both studies concluded that “it is a relatively trivial exercise to access the computer systems of a modern car and take control away from the driver… and to do such things as cause acceleration when the driver doesn’t want acceleration, to throw on the

According to a study by the Mayo Clinic, 70 percent of Americans are on at least one prescription drug. That’s many, many more than the number of people who use illegal drugs. What’s more, the number of people who die as a result of using legal drugs is also much larger than the number who die as a result of using illicit drugs such as heroin and cocaine.

Many legal drugs save lives. There’s no argument on that point. But should you really be popping every pill your doctor suggests? Could it be that the drug companies have an agenda other

brakes when the driver doesn’t want the brakes on, to launch an air bag…”

Clarke concluded that “if there were a cyber attack on the car… I think whoever did it would probably get away with it.”

The LAPD, for their part, have stated that they do not suspect foul play in the accident, but an investigation has been opened nonetheless.

Hastings wanted to go “off the radar” but it seems that in today’s world, escaping surveillance is becoming next to impossible.

than making and keeping you healthy?

Read the following facts and you be the judge.

1. According to a study conducted by the Mayo Clinic, 70 percent of Americans are on at least one prescription drug. An astounding 20 percent of Americans are on at least five prescription drugs.

2. According to the CDC (Center for Disease Control), approximately 9 out of every 10 Americans over 60 years of age have taken at least one prescription drug within the last month.

3. The 11 largest pharmaceutical companies combined raked in approximately $85 billion in profits in 2012.

4. During 2013, Americans will

$280 Billion a Year That’s how much money American drug companies are raking in every year from their legal drug sales.

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NEWS & ANALYSIS 5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

spend more than $280 billion on prescription drugs.

According to one reputable source, last year, “eleven of the twelve new drugs approved by the FDA were priced at over $100,000 per patient per year.”

According to the CDC, spending on prescription drugs more than doubled between 1999 and 2008.

Many prescription drugs cost about twice as much in the USA than in other countries.

At least one study found that more than 20 percent of all American adults take at least one drug for psychiatric and/or behavioral disorders.

The percentage of women taking antidepressants in America is higher than in any other country in the world.

In the United States, children are three times more likely to be prescribed antidepressants than children in Europe.

A report from the Government Accountability Office revealed that around one third of all foster children in the United States are on at least one psychiatric drug.

In Texas, for instance, foster children were 53 times more likely to be prescribed five or more psychiatric medications simultaneously than non-foster children. In Massachusetts, they were 19 times more likely. In Michigan, the number was 15 times, and 13 times in Oregon.

This suggests a deliberate policy of doping up “problematic” children.

In 2010, the average American teen was taking 1.2 drugs that work on the central nervous system (eg. those drugs given to address ADHD and depression symptoms).

Between 1996 and 2005, the total number of Americans taking antidepressants doubled.

Between 1999 and 2010, the suicide rate for Americans

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

between the ages of 35 and 64 rose by almost 30 percent. The number of Americans that die as a result of suicide now exceeds the number who die as a result of car accidents. (Could it be that the antidepressants are somehow not working???)

According to the National Household Survey on Drug Abuse, 36 million Americans have abused prescription drugs at some point in their lives.

A survey conducted for the National Institute on Drug Abuse found that more than 15 percent of all U.S. high school seniors abuse prescription drugs.

According to the CDC, approximately ¾ million people are rushed to emergency rooms in the United States each year, because of adverse reactions to pharmaceutical drugs.

Between 2000 and 2008, drug fatalities more than doubled among teens and young adults.

In the 50-69 age range, deaths more than tripled during the same period.

In the United States today, prescription painkillers kill more Americans than heroin and cocaine combined.

Each year, tens of billions of dollars are spent on advertising pharmaceutical drugs in the United States alone.

Now consider this: Each year, the United States spends more on health care than Japan, Germany, France, China, the U.K., Italy, Canada, Brazil, Spain, and Australia, combined. In fact, if the U.S. health care system was a separate nation, it would be the 6th largest economy on the planet.

For all that money, we should be the healthiest people in the world by a wide margin. Instead, life expectancy is higher in dozens of other countries, and the United States has a very high rate of cancer, heart disease, and

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diabetes.

What are all those pills really doing for us?

Guy does to bank what banks usually do to other people The idea of beating the banks at their own game may seem like a rich joke, but Dmitry Agarkov, a 42-year-old Russian man, may have managed it. Unhappy with the terms of an unsolicited credit card offer he received from online bank Tinkoff Credit Systems, Agarkov scanned the document, wrote in his own terms and sent it through. The bank approved the contract without reading the amended fine print, unwittingly agreeing to a 0 percent interest rate, unlimited credit and no fees, as well as a stipulation that the bank pay steep fines for changing or canceling the contract.

Agarkov used the card for two years, but the bank ultimately canceled it and sued Agarkov for $1,363. The bank said he owed them charges, interest and latepayment fees. A court ruled that, because of the no-fee, no-interest stipulation Agarkov had written in, he owed only his unpaid $575 balance. Now Agarkov is suing the bank for $727,000 for not honoring the contract’s terms, and the bank is hollering fraud. “They signed the documents without looking. They said what usually their borrowers say in court: ‘We have not read it,’” Agarkov’s lawyer said. The shoe’s on the other foot now, eh?

Israeli Tennis Team Fined for Refusing to Play on Yom Kippur The Israel Davis Cup team will be fined 10,000 euros for refusing to compete on Yom Kippur, it was reported Sunday.

The game against the Belgian team which w a s

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NEWS & ANALYSIS scheduled for Yom Kippur is one in a play-off series. Immediately after it became known that the game had been scheduled for Yom Kippur, the team’s management informed the World Tennis Association that the Israeli team will not be able to compete that day and requested an alternative date.

The Association accepted the request and postponed the match by one day, but nonetheless ordered the Israeli team to pay the Belgian team 10,000 euros as compensation for deferring the game.

The chair of the Israel Tennis Federation, Asi Tuchmayer, wrote in

a letter quoted by Yediot Aharonot on Sunday that “for a long time the Belgian tennis union refused to recognize our basic need to avoid playing on Yom Kippur. Only after the intervention of the World Tennis Association was it decided not to play that day.”

Referring to the fine imposed on the Israeli team, Tuchmayer added, “The high penalty deals a devastating blow to our budget and professional program. As an institution representing the State of Israel and its values, w ​​ e are proud to stand against all those who refuse to recognize the importance of the tradition of the Jewish people.”

Obesity – Who’s Fault?

For the first time in 30 years of national obesity reporting, levels of adult obesity have held steady in all but one U.S. state, according to a new study. Arkansas was the only state in the study to report a gain in obesity levels.

But the figures are still sobering. In 1980 no state had more than 15 percent obesity. Today, 13 states have obesity rates higher than 30 percent, 41 states have rates of at least 25 percent and every state’s population is more than 20 percent obese.

America’s most obese states are Louisiana (34.7 percent), Mississippi (34.6 percent) and Arkansas (34.5 percent). For the first time in eight years Mississippi was not at the top of the list.

Colorado was the trimmest, with obesity at 20.5 percent.

Of the 20 states with the highest obesity rates, only Pennsylvania was not in the South or Midwest. The report also notes that instances of extreme obesity, where a person’s body mass index is 40 or higher, have grown exponentially in the last 30 years, from 1.4 percent to 6.3 percent – a 350 percent increase.

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However, there is also some evidence that overall obesity has been slowing in America, the report contends. In 2005, for instance, all but one state saw an increase in obesity rates. In 2008, 38 states reported an increase in obesity rates, lowering to 28 states in 2010. By 2011 obesity rates increased in only 16 states.

“After decades of unrelenting bad news, we’re finally seeing signs of progress. In addition to today’s news about the steady rates for adults, we’ve seen childhood obesity rates declining in cities and states that were among the first to adopt a comprehensive approach to obesity prevention,” said Risa Lavizzo-Mourey, president and CEO of the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. “But no one should believe the nation’s work is done.”

But is it really so simple to prevent obesity? Recent media reports have suggested that there may be a variety of culprits, and that one of them is not even the food itself, but rather its packaging.

Two potentially toxic everyday chemicals, DEHP (Di2-ethylhexylphthalate) and BPA (bisphenol A) are currently being investigated for their linkage to health problems. DEHP, a phthalate, is used as a “plasticizer” for everything from plastic bottles to plastic containers.

BPA is a man-made synthetic compound used to make plastics — particularly hard plastic bottles — and has been in commercial use since 1957. Canadian and European Union regulators have banned BPA from use in baby bottles; in the U.S., public worry over the compound has led to it essentially being phased out of use in recent years.

While the long-term health effects of these two environmental toxic chemicals on humans is still currently under review by researchers in the U.S., two recent studies published in the same issue of the journal Pediatrics suggest that exposure to DEHP and BPA could potentially increase a child’s risk for serious diseases including

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NEWS & ANALYSIS obesity and type 2 diabetes.

In a study led by Dr. Leonardo Trasande, an associate professor of pediatrics and environmental medicine at the New York University School of Medicine, researchers examined the nutritional and dietary habits of 766 adolescents aged between 12 and 19 for five years. Urine and blood were tested to determine if environmental chemicals used in drink and food packaging were independent contributors to insulin resistance in teens, which leads to a buildup of glucose in the blood, which, if left untreated, can develop into type 2 diabetes.

There was no significant data found in the study that linked high urinary levels of DEHP as a risk factor for developing insulin resistance in childhood. For example, of those teens with the highest levels of DEHP, about 22 percent were insulin-resistant; at the other end of the spectrum, 15 percent of those with low DEHP levels were diagnosed as insulin resistant.

While the researchers of the study were not able to conclude that eating food packaged with phthalates directly causes insulin resistance, they did find an association with the toxic environmental chemical. Transande told Reuters Health that DEHP may affect how the body secretes insulin in response to sugar. “Clearly unhealthy diet and lack of physical activity are the drivers of this epidemic … but increasingly environmental chemicals are being identified as possible contributors,” he said.

Another study published concurrently in Pediatrics analyzed nutrition survey data through 2010 to determine whether there was a connection between urinary BPA levels in adolescents aged six to 18 years old and risk for chronic diseases or obesity. Dr. Joyce Lee, from the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, and her colleagues divided 3,370 children into groups based on their levels of urinary BPA. Overall, 18 percent of the children involved in

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the study would be considered obese by the CDC’s standards. However, 25 percent of children who were found to have the highest urinary BPA levels were seen to be treading a fine line between being overweight and obese, according to the researchers.

“Although the evidence about BPA and adverse health effects is not definitive, as a clinician, I do recommend that parents try to avoid BPA-containing plastics when possible to minimize their family›s exposure,» Dr. Lee told Reuters Health.

BPA, a chemical found everywhere — in plastics, canned goods, paper money and more — has also been linked to an increased risk of heart disease, Dr.

Joseph Mercola writes on his website.

While the results of this study do not show statistically significant data to prove a link between BPA and a higher risk for chronic diseases, it is enough to merit further investigation into the subject.

There is “little justification to assume that BPA has toxic exposure in the human, even with very high exposure in the diet,” wrote Dr. Robert L. Brent, professor of pediatrics, radiology and pathology at Jefferson Medical College in Philadelphia, in an editorial that accompanied the study.

His reasoning is based on the fact that the studies only look at urinary BPA levels for a single day, and not over

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NEWS & ANALYSIS time.

The bottom line, according to Dr. Brent, is that it appears that the type of food consumed has a much more significant effect on obesity and insulin resistance in children than does exposure to environmental chemicals.

Brent suggests that the higher levels of BPA and DEHP in at-risk youth is not actually the cause of their likelihood for chronic disease; rather, it is simply an indicator that they are more likely to be eating the types of high-sugar and high-sodium foods and drink that are known to increase the risk for obesity and type 2 diabetes. That is,

these foods are typically pre-packaged in plastics that contain the chemicals.

The two lead authors of the study, Transande and Lee, offer their expert advice on ways parents can minimize the presence of environmental chemicals in their children’s diet: Avoid buying plastics made with DEHP.

Avoid washing plastic containers in the dishwasher. A plastic’s durability is associated with the exposure of toxic chemicals in your food. If a plastic is scratched or damaged, it is best to throw it away because toxic chemicals can more easily leak into your food or drink.

Avoid microwaving food in plastic containers.

Consider DEHP alternatives to food packaging, such as wax paper and aluminum foil.

Eat fresh foods that aren’t canned or packaged.

Jewish Nazi-Hunter Uncovered A German-born Jewish refugee has been revealed as one of the leading investigators responsible for the capture of one of the most evil Nazi criminals, Rudolf Hoess.

Hanns Alexander, who lived out

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the rest of his life in England, never spoke of his involvement in the hunt for and capture of Hoess; the story only came out after his death.

Hoess was not only the commander of the Auschwitz extermination camp, but was also the mastermind behind the use of Zyklon B gas to commit mass murder.

Hanns Alexander fled Berlin for London in 1937, and when war broke out three years later, twenty-twoyear-old Hanns and his twin brother Paul volunteered to enlist with the British army and were placed with the Auxiliary Military Pioneer Corps, a unit of refugees who were highly motivated to fight the Nazis.

Hanns took part in the D-Day Normandy landings and was present at the liberation of the Bergen Belsen concentration camp. He was later chosen to be a member of a twelvestrong team that was tasked with tracking down Nazi war criminals, and he began his search for Hoess.

As the Soviet Red Army approached Auschwitz, Hoess and his family fled towards the Danish border. British intelligence tracked them down to the Flensburg area, and located the wife and children in an old sugar factory. An intercepted letter from the wife showed that she knew where her husband was hiding, and she was taken in for questioning.

On March 7, 1946, Hanns arrived and began the interrogation.

Mrs. Hoess refused to divulge any information, and her eldest son, Klaus, was then brought in and threatened with being delivered to the Russians for probably deportation to Siberia. It was then that Hoess’ wife cracked, and wrote down the location and alias of her husband, who was living on a farm under the name Franz Lang.

Four days later Hoess was arrested and beaten until he finally admitted his true identity. He stood trial at Nuremberg where he gave the first authoritative and detailed account of the entire camp operation. Senior Nazis on trial could no longer claim

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NEWS & ANALYSIS ignorance of the extermination policy and its implementation.

Hoess was then handed over to the Polish authorities, who tried him in Warsaw for murder and hanged him on 16 April 1947 on the same spot where prisoners of Auschwitz were publicly hanged.

After demobilisation, Mr. Alexander went into a career in banking and rarely spoke about his past. It was only after his funeral that a nephew decided to investigate rumors that his uncle had been involved in high-profile intelligence operations. “[My father] was very reluctant to talk about his wartime activities,” explained his daughter. “The past was the past. He was grateful to England for giving him another chance in life.”

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ADVERTORIAL

o e d i V s s e n t i F h s i w New Je s n e e T d n a s l r i G s t Targe

F

ollowing t h e resounding success of their first fitness video, “The Best of Shape Kosher Workouts,” partners Tanya Rosen and Abby Hessney realized that there was a huge demand within the Jewish community for at-home fitness videos offering a variety of challenging workouts with easy-to-follow instructions, which

remained within the boundaries of tznius.

Rosen and Hessney, owners of the popular Shape Fitness gym in Flatbush, decided to target a specific demographic: teens and girls.

In the past, “I always turned off exercise DVDs when my kids walked in, afraid of exposing them to things that weren't appropriate for them,” explains Tanya. “I wanted something I could feel comfortable bringing into my own home.”

With today’s growing emphasis on fitness and nutrition, the idea of workouts targeted to girls aged seven and up seemed like something that could easily take off.

“Parents have to take responsibility for the health and fitness of their kids,” says Abby. “This DVD is the perfect start and with everyone in the video dressed appropriately and no lyrics at all to the music, it is appropriate for bnos Yisrael.”

Titled “The Best of Shape Kosher Workouts: Girls & Teens,” the DVD features three twenty-minute segments, including “Kickboxing Party with Tanya,” “Funtastic

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Gymnastics with Ilana,” and “Dancersize with Rose.” Each of the routines features two girls at different levels of ability performing age-appropriate exercises, and the video is loaded with fun graphics and eyecatching colors.

There are many advantages to a home-use professional exercise routine. Privacy and tznius are maximized, and there are also significant financial savings.

Whatever the weather, you can pursue your fitness goals in the comfort of your own home.

The only kosher exercise DVD marketed specifically to girls, Shape Girls & Teens proves that physical fitness and tznius are not mutually exclusive. With both instructors and participants appropriately attired in simple, tasteful shells and below-theknee flared skirts, and with music that never crosses the lines of good taste, the workout routines are an ideal way for girls and teens to embark upon the road to physical fitness without compromising on any of their standards.

Shape Girls & Teens is being distributed by Aderet Music and is available in your local Judaica store or online at www. shapefitnessgym.

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“

WORDS TO REMEMBER

BETWEEN THE LINES “Four years ago, I stood in Cairo in front of an audience of young people. Politically, religiously, they must seem a world away. But the things they want – they’re not so different from you. The ability to make their own decisions; to get an education and a good job; to worship God in their own way; to get married and have a family. The same is true of the young Palestinians that I met in Ramallah this morning, and of young Palestinians who yearn for a better life in Gaza.”

Obama, talking to an Israeli audience “I heard they [Hizbullah] were proud because they lost very few fighters and that it was the civilians bearing the brunt of this. I don't think anyone should be proud of having many more children and women dead than armed men.”

Jan Egeland U.N. humanitarian chief “Peace will come when the Arabs will love their children more than

they hate us.”

Golda Meir, speaking to the National Press Club in Washington, D. C. in 1957 Lally Weymouth: Why doesn’t the prime minister freeze the settlements?

Yair Lapid: Well, the former government froze the settlements for 10 months, and the Palestinians didn’t come to the table for those 10 months.

Lally Weymouth: So why not do it again?

L. Weymouth, Senior Associate Editor of the Washington Post, interviews Y. Lapid “[I do not] carry such information in my mind since it is readily available in books… The value of a college education is not the learning of many facts but the training of the mind to think.”

Albert Einstein “The curriculum is supposed to prepare graduates for integration

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in the Israeli workforce and society, and it is supposed to bridge the huge gaps between the country's different communities.”

Shahar Ilan in Haaretz, emphasis added “A haredi adult should have the choice between remaining in the haredi stream or finding a place in Israel’s economy. When a haredi child has no elementary knowledge of maths, computers and English, he is robbed of that choice.”

Amnon Rubinstein, a former Israeli education minister. Which choice do you think he wants haredim to make?

“The State cannot fund something that goes against its interest.”

Shai Piron, current Education Minister, explaining why he wants to cancel all funding for hareidi schools that do not teach the core curriculum (which includes math, English, history, and civics). Apparently, it’s not in the state’s interest to produce citizens with any knowledge of Torah.

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BUILDING HOMES OF HARMONY

Two Halves or Two Wholes?

By Rabbi Simcha Cohen

Sarah knew she was right, but her husband just didn’t agree with her way of seeing things.

Maybe if the stakes hadn’t been so high, she would have been mevater, but it wasn’t so simple.

Yitzchak was convinced that he knew best when it came to their oldest son, but his wife saw things very differently.

Rachel finally came to an agreement with her husband, but in the end, things didn’t turn out the way she’d said they would.

Three marriages in trouble?

But these are our Avos and Imahos…

W

hen you hear the words “shalom bayis,” what do they conjure up? Do you get a mental picture of a smiling couple, blissfully agreeing with each other on every conceivable issue?

Never arguing? Never disagreeing

even quietly and calmly?

If that’s you, you’re not alone.

And if that’s you, and it takes about a week, or ten days into your marriage, before reality strikes and you discover that your new spouse isn’t exactly like you, then don’t panic just yet. This is a cloud with a big silver lining, and even the rain will nourish your lives together.

Before I explain how that can be, consider this: Would you really like to be married to your clone? Would it be good for you? Is it possible that life would be rather boring if your spouse’s answer to your every question was “Whatever you say, dear…”?

Of course, this doesn’t mean that arguments are in any way desirable. As ever, we look to the Torah for our paradigm of marriage, and even if it were to appear boring or unappealing, we would still have to learn from it. But Torah marriage is neither. Torah marriage is vibrant, a union of two individuals growing together yet never losing their individuality. Husband and wife do not blend into a single unit, but they do complement each other and can perfect each other. And conflict is a part of this process.

Before marriage, we have plenty

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of opportunities to disagree with others: our parents, our siblings, our friends. Sometimes the differences get smoothed out, and sometimes we agree to differ. In marriage, however, the stakes are higher. We want the marriage to succeed, and we know that arguments are proof that things are not going so well.

Nonetheless, no emotionally healthy person gives up his individuality in order to peacefully coexist. Such a coexistence isn’t really peaceful – it’s appeasement, and we all know how that ends.

If You Love Me, Then Do As I Say! Do you want to appease your spouse, or love him/her? What’s the difference?

When you appease your spouse, you put your own views and wishes aside, and simply do what the other person wants. You may not feel good about it, but you choose that over disagreement.

When you love your spouse, you accept that he/she is different from you, and that’s okay. The other person is perfect “as is,” even though his ideas on certain topics might be radically different from yours.

We’re not talking about values here, just opinions. It is vitally

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important that husband and wife share core values, and this must be ascertained before engagement. (If you don’t know how to distinguish between values and opinions, then you must seek guidance, before problems start cropping up.) However, far fewer issues fall into the category of values than many people believe. And far too many arguments center around matters of opinion, because husband and/or wife decide to make their own personal opinions sacrosanct, as if they were Torah miSinai.

In his sefer Moreh Nevuchim, Rambam writes: “The conflict that people experience [when failing to] agree with one another is actually a reflection of a person’s difficulty agreeing with himself. This conflict stems from the fact that all creations – whether inanimate, plant life, or living creatures – harbor discrepancies and inconsistencies within themselves.” In other words, most people don’t have themselves completely figured out, and

when they discover this, usually via disagreeing with someone else, they get defensive rather than admit that they could be wrong. What’s the antidote to the vicious cycle of confusion > defensiveness > arguments?

Humility.

When Hakadosh Baruch Hu told Avraham Avinu that he should listen to Sara Imeinu and send away Hagar and Ishmael, Avraham complied without a murmur. Rivka Imeinu told Yaakov, her younger son, to take the bechorah for himself, and nowhere in the Torah are we told that Yitzchak had any complaint against his wife for doing this – rather, he accepted this as the Divine will. Likewise, with Yaakov Avinu, we do not find that he harbored any anger toward Rachel for revealing the simanim to Leah. Certainly there are lofty and unfathomable explanations for these events, but we can still learn from them that we can disagree even on issues that seem so important to us, and even then, the marriage can remain

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sound.

We cannot know what went through the minds of our Avos and Imahos when these events occurred.

But we must use our own experiences of conflict to scrutinize ourselves and question whether we are truly 100% certain that we are right. Maybe there is another way of looking at things?

Maybe both views are valid? And, maybe your spouse really is wrong, but you can still love him and value him, just as you would want him to love and value you even when you are wrong?

That’s for you, but what should you do if your spouse is, chas v’shalom, a domineering person who seeks to impose her/his view on you? Should you be mevater for the sake of shalom bayis?

Shalom bayis? There’s no shalom in a home where this is the situation – it’s impossible. What’s more, you’re not doing your spouse any favors by appeasing her/him and letting her/ him trample all over you. You’re merely enabling your spouse to remain arrogant, domineering, and selfish.

However, if you stick to your guns and remain firm in your opinions, while allowing your spouse to have his, you are leaving the door open for your spouse to work on her/his middos.

And sometimes, despite the best intentions and all the hard work of both spouses, you still won’t see eye to eye. Know that this is not at all the end of the world! Sometimes, something that is so imporant to one of you is simply not interesting to the other, because it’s your issue, and your tikkun. Not every issue that comes up in your life is automatically your spouse’s business. Often, it’s a cue to you, to develop your inner world and build up your own resources, taking care not to rely too heavily on others for support.

Husband and wife are two halves of a whole – yet they are also two wholes working together. Sometimes they pull together, and sometimes they pull apart, but they should always be moving in the right direction.

Rabbi Simcha Cohen is a sought-after speaker on many topics including marriage and successful communication, and the author of “What Did You Say?” This article has been adapted from his writings.

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NUTRITION

Sourdough Bread History’s Choice

By Esther Dahan

W

ho doesn’t love bread?

M a n y p e o p l e even suffer carb-cravings after eating bread, discovering that eating one bread roll leads to eating many more (even whole wheat). Others have long sworn off bread, as the wheat, or the gluten in it, causes them many distressing physical symptoms.

This isn’t easily understandable, as throughout history, bread was considered a staple, “the staff of life.”

Why is it suddenly so bad for so many of us?

Maybe part of the answer lies in one of its key ingredients, one which we usually assume to be essential for bread-making – and that is, of course, yeast.

Yeast Yeast is readily available in our supermarkets. Regular yeast is easy enough to use, and there is even quick-rising yeast for enhanced convenience. But, just like many other products today, it wasn’t always like that.

Yeast has been around for a long time: In the ruins of an Egyptian bakery, archaeologists discovered a strain of yeast they dated as far back as 5000 years. But it certainly wasn’t

obtained, or used, in the same way as today.

Way back when, yeast production was an inexact science that yielded erratic results. One way to obtain it was to boil potatoes with some hops flowers, and after the mixture cooled, the cook added sugar, salt, perhaps some ginger and – if available – a bit of leftover yeast from the previous batch. This concoction was then stored in a jug.

Another method called for raisins to be cooked in twice as much water, with the addition of sugar and malt, and this was then left to ferment.

Honey, molasses, or beets were sometimes used instead of sugar.

Colonial American women made their own yeast while women living in the nineteenth century often bought yeast from beer brewers.

The discovery of the microscope enabled a more exact study of yeast until finally in the 1860s, Louis Pasteur managed to isolate yeast in pure culture form, which eventually culminated in the handy packets or cubes of yeast we use today. But, despite the culture and use they have in common, commercial yeast is very different from traditional yeast.

Sourdough

What Is Sourdough?

Researchers think sourdough originated in Egypt 2500 years

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ago, and it is believed that using sourdough was the only way for people to make quality bread throughout Europe’s Middle Ages.

Sourdough’s distinctive taste derives from the lactic acid produced by the lactobacillus culture that results from the fermentation process.

A basic sourdough starter consists of flour and water and sits for several days while more flour and water is added each day until it’s ready. The level of sourness can be adjusted to suit the preference of the consumer. There’s no need to make a new starter each time you bake; just use your old starter as long as it is still in good condition.

Sourdough lovers enthuse about sourdough’s versatility, claiming that they use sourdough successfully to make not only bread, but also pizza dough, danishes, and pancakes. But watch out: The sourdough bread we buy is often not genuine sourdough as many bakeries add yeast to their sourdough starter.

The Sweet Benefits of Sourdough

Though standard yeast breads are held by many to produce the best breads, are there advantages to sourdough?

One possible advantage lies in sourdough’s fermentation process, which predigests starches, making

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them more digestible.

All whole grains contain phytates, which interfere with the absorption of calcium, magnesium, iron, and zinc. Many people instinctively compensate for this by eating more bread than hunger dictates, in order to provide the body with enough nutrients. (This is one reason for the carb-cravings many people experience after eating bread.) But sourdough’s lengthy fermentation process leads to the formation of an enzyme that breaks down phytates, making sourdough the bread with the least amount of phytates, enabling greater absorption of the flour’s nutrients.

Acids produced by sourdough starter act as a natural preservative, meaning that sourdough bread keeps longer than regular bread before going moldy.

One study showed that blood sugar levels were the lowest after eating sourdough made even from white flour – even lower than after eating whole wheat, whole wheat-barley, or regular white bread! Furthermore, after eating sourdough, blood sugar levels remained low until the next meal and for several hours after.

Sourdough bread doesn’t need oil or sweetener to hold it together or to help it to rise.

Sourdough starter is more economical, as many more loaves of bread can be produced from it than from the equivalent amount of yeast.

And, many people insist that sourdough tastes

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Sourdough Starter

better.

Sourdough and Yeast in History During the California Gold Rush, gold prospectors kept a container of sourdough starter close to their body so it wouldn’t freeze, although excessive heat rather than excessive cold is actually what ruins sourdough starter.

Throughout the Middle Ages, European apothecaries were already aware of the negative effects of yeast. (Yeast was also used for making beer and other alcoholic beverages.)

When yeast was introduced into King Louis XIV’s court in Paris in the late 1600s, it caused a storm of controversy.

(Originally, only the wealthy and monks knew how to make beer. Over time, people noticed that water often caused disease whereas beer didn’t, so beer became a preferred drink in Europe. However, it wasn’t actually the yeast-fermentation that purified the water, as people generally assumed. Rather, it was the fact that as part of the process of making beer, the water was boiled.)

Today, it seems that bread has been demoted from its central role in our daily diet.

Bread was once such a staple that the Torah refers to breakfast as “pas shacharis” – literally “morning bread” – but nowadays, many people shun bread for health reasons. Even switching to whole grains often doesn’t help. The incidence of wheat and gluten sensitivity has risen to sky-high proportions in the last few decades, and most likely the culprit is genetic modification. The wheat of today is very different from the grain that our ancestors ate.

Other Grains For those interested in rye bread: Because rye does not react well with yeast, nearly every rye bread recipe adds wheat flour to its list of ingredients. Nonetheless, for centuries, the Swiss managed to make large loaves of ryeonly sourdough bread by utilizing a two-week fermentation process.

The famous Ethiopian flatbread, injera, also utilizes the sourdough process. Authentic injera calls for teff flour, a gluten-free flour that’s high in iron. The women mix the teff flour with enough water to make a runny mixture. Then they let the mixture sit for three to four days until it ferments and bubbles. A large pan is heated until it’s extremely hot, and

There are many different sourdough starter recipes.

Here are some tips to help you get started: •

• •

•

• • • •

It is best to use whole grain flour for the first couple of days, because whole grain flour contains more of the micro-organisms necessary to make an active starter. You can switch to white flour on day 3 or 4, if you prefer.

Sourdough aficionados claim that rye flour makes the best starter (even if you’re not making rye bread) due to its low level of gluten.

Any bowl or container (including plastic) is fine, except base metal. (Stainless steel is fine, but regular steel is not, and neither is aluminum or copper.)

Tap water is fine as long as it’s not heavily chlorinated. (You can tell by your tap water’s taste and smell if it’s high in chlorine.) If you can’t use tap water, than spring or mineral water is also okay. Other kinds of bottled water don’t contain the minerals necessary to make a good starter.

Warmth is important for making the starter, but cold won’t destroy a ready starter.

For a milchig dough, you can try 1 tablespoon of pro-biotic yogurt instead of the grapes, currants, or raisins listed below.

Be aware that starters can mold, lose their “active” state, or never ferment at all.

For more information, problem-solving tips, and bread recipes, it’s best to consult articles or books that address baking with sourdough.

Note: The following recipes are for the starter ONLY, and do not include bread recipes!

The Original, Traditional Sourdough Starter Authentic sourdough starter contains nothing but flour and water.

In a glass bowl, simply mix one cup of any kind of wholegrain flour with enough water to form a thin paste.

Cover the bowl with a thin cloth and leave outside to trap organisms from the air. Feed it half a cup of flour everyday for seven days. By the second or third day it should become “active,” as indicated by bubbles and a yeasty, alcoholic smell.

That’s it.

The following recipe produces something similar to what women traditionally used as yeast (but very different from the yeast we buy today) and still provides the benefits of sourdough. This makes a highly active starter:

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Wise Woman’s Yeast 1/4 cup of any kind of wholegrain flour 6 mashed grapes OR 10 raisins or currants Enough water to make a thick paste Stir together in a bowl that can hold about 2 cups, than cover bowl with plastic wrap, a plastic lid, or a cloth.

Place outside, out of direct sunlight.

Once a day for 7 days, “feed” the starter with 2 teaspoons of flour (white flour can be used at this point) and enough water to maintain a smooth paste.

Within 1-3 days, the starter should become “active.”

If you used mashed grapes, strain out the seeds and skins.

The starter is added to your dough when you add the liquid ingredients. (Remember, there is no need for yeast if you’re using a starter!) Most sourdough recipes do not call for eggs or oil or sugar, but only water, flour, and salt, along with the starter.

Once you have a good starter, it can be stored in the refrigerator to be used again. The day before use, remove it from the refrigerator, throw out most of it, add 1/4 cup flour and enough water to keep its consistency, then set it aside until it reaches room temperature.

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some of the mixture is poured onto it. This cooks for a couple of minutes, with no need to flip it because it is so thin that it cooks right through. No salt, no oil, no sugar, no yeast. However, Ethiopian immigrants say it’s impossible to make true injera in America due to the difference in climate and water. It just doesn’t work the same way.

Sourdough and Celiac European scientists conducted a study in which they designed a special sourdough starter and then made a bread which consisted of 30% wheat flour, along with oat, millet, and buckwheat flours.

They fed this to 17 celiac patients, who recorded no intestinal complaints whatsoever after eating it. This gave rise to hope that a grain-based bread can be found that is suitable for celiacs, although this does not mean that gluten-sensitive individuals can from now on eat true sourdough bread without fearing negative consequences. Nonetheless, there is substantial anecdotal evidence that many celiacs can eat real sourdough (no yeast whatsoever, and a long fermentation process) without problems.

As for unleavened bread – matzah – Chazal tell us that it is “maichla d’asvesa – a healing food,” whatever your personal experience may be. For spiritual healing, it can’t be beat.

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RECIPES

Hungarian Cherry Soup Ingredients

F

ew of us want to spend long hours in the kitchen during the hot summer days, but there will always be times and occasions which call for something a little more special. Here are some ideas for elegant, yet simple-to-prepare dishes using fresh, nutritious ingredients.

• 2¼ lb fresh, frozen, or canned sour cherries, pitted • 8fl oz (1 cup) water • 6-9 oz (around 1 cup) sugar, to taste • 1-2 cinnamon sticks, about 2in long • 1¼ pints (3 cups) dry red wine • 1tsp almond extract, to taste • 8fl oz (1 cup) light cream • 8fl oz (1 cup) sour cream Place the pitted cherries, water, sugar, cinnamon sticks, and wine in a large pan. Bring to boil, reduce the heat, and simmer for twenty minutes to half an hour, until the cherries are tender.

Remove from heat, and add the almond extract.

In a bowl, stir a few tbsps of the light cream into the sour cream to thin it, then stir in the remainder until smooth.

Stir cream mixture into the soup. Chill to serve.

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RECIPES Filo-Wrapped Fish Ingredients • 1lb salmon/cod fillets • 1 lemon • 2 tbsp olive oil, plus extra for brushing • 1 onion, chopped • 2 celery sticks, chopped • 1 green (bell) pepper, diced • 5 garlic cloves, chopped • 14oz fresh/canned tomatoes, chopped • 4fl oz (½ cup) passata • 2 tbsp chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley • 2-3 pinches ground allspice or ground cloves • cayenne pepper, to taste • pinch of sugar • about 4½ oz filo pastry (6-8 large sheets) • salt & ground black pepper Sprinkle the fish fillets with salt and black pepper and a squeeze of lemon juice, then set aside while you prepare the sauce.

Heat the olive oil in a pan, add chopped onion, celery, and pepper, and fry for about five minutes, until the vegetables are soft. Add the garlic and cook for another minute, then add the tomatoes and passata and cook until the tomatoes take on a sauce consistency.

Stir the parsley into the sauce, then season with allspice or cloves, cayenne pepper, sugar, salt, and pepper.

Preheat oven to 400F. Take a sheet of filo pastry, brush with a little olive oil, and cover with a second sheet. Place a piece of fish on top of the pastry, towards the bottom edge, then top with 1-2 spoonfuls of sauce, spreading evenly.

Fold the fish in the pastry, taking care to completely enclose the filling. Arrange on a baking sheet and repeat with the remaining fish and pastry. About half the sauce should remain, to be served with the fish.

Bake for ten to fifteen minutes, or until golden.

Meanwhile, reheat the remaining sauce, and serve with the fish while still piping hot.

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RECIPES

Tangy Vegetable Salad Ingredients • 1 large cucumber, thinly sliced • 2 cold boiled potatoes, sliced • 1 each red, yellow, green (bell) pepper, seeded & thinly sliced • 2½ cups pitted olives • ½ - 1 hot fresh chilli, chopped, or 2-3 shakes cayenne pepper • 3-5 garlic cloves, chopped • 3 scallions, sliced, or 1 red onion, finely chopped • 4-6 tbsp extra virgin olive oil • 1-2 tbsp white wine vinegar • juice of ½ lemon, to taste • 1-2 tbsp chopped, fresh mint leaves • 1-2 tbsp chopped, fresh coriander (cilantro) leaves • salt (optional) Arrange the cucumber, potato, and pepper slices and the pitted olives on a serving dish.

Sprinkle the chopped fresh chilli or cayenne pepper over the salad and season with salt if you wish. (You may prefer to skip the salt, as the olives already add saltiness to the salad.)

Sprinkle garlic, onions, olive oil, vinegar, and lemon juice over the salad, and chill before serving, sprinkled with the chopped mint and cilantro leaves.

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By Sarah Gold

H

ere’s a riddle that every Brooklyn gourmand should be able to answer easily: What do a spider, a dragon, and the state of California have in common?

Most of you will have already started to reach for your chopsticks, because the answer is, of course, sushi! And, if the taste of wrapped rolls of rice entices you, then there's one place in Marine Park you should consider visiting. It’s called “Rolls Sushi and Salad,” and it is elevating kani, wasabi, and soy sauce to a whole new art form!

Sushi has long since emerged

from its exclusive niche – go into any café at lunch time and you’ll be hard pressed to find diners eating fish with a fork. Nonetheless, that doesn’t mean that all sushi is created equal.

At Rolls Sushi and Salad, you’ll find some of the most delicious fish dishes and mouthwatering rolls anywhere, from tried-and-true favorites to brand-new delicacies. In fact, Rolls has a few sushi specialties that are already flying off the shelves. One of these is their famous Boorey Roll, made of

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TRUE LIFE

Graduation

By S. Lemberger

I

t was the beautiful June day that we hadn’t dared to hope for. The skies over the little, but anything but sleepy village of Cambridge, some sixty miles north of London, appeared unusually blue and clear, their cheerfulness mirrored in the river for the assortment of students gathered on its bank. Most of the village, it seemed, was celebrating in some way or other on that Sunday afternoon, but unlike the rest of the student population, we, those not afraid to be identified as Jewish, were not in any of the numerous pubs scattered around town, whose owners were busy raking in their last big profits before summer vacation began.

We had rented the gardens of Magdalene College, one of the thirty or so that comprise the university.

Magdalene is one of the colleges along the Cam River and is usually off-limits to the public. I hadn’t ever been there before, although this was already the end of my third year of studies, and now I regretted not having visited earlier. There by the flowing water, surrounded by beds of dancing red, pink and yellow flowers, I found it easy to distance myself from the world just a few yards away.

I was sitting on one of the benches, with Tali facing me. Tali was my closest friend, who had accompanied me through my years there, and introduced me to a new

world - but now intended to plunge back into the world that I had rejected, or at least, that was the way I saw it. But her worldview managed to accommodate being a practicing lawyer alongside being a practicing Orthodox Jew. She’d made it through student decadence and worse, emerging seemingly unscathed (unlike so many others), and now she was asking me what I planned to do next. A strange question from a close friend who should have been familiar with such basic matters, but then again, she was also familiar with the constant evolution of my thinking patterns. And she didn’t know what stage I’d reached yet, although our ideas differed as to what constituted progress.

“I’m going to sem,” I announced boldly, glancing up to determine her reaction. She wasn’t surprised.

“To Neve,” I clarified. One raised eyebrow.

“Nu, so…”

“So I won’t be a talmid chacham after all,” I grinned back. “Would it have been possible anyway?”

I lapsed into musing, following her lead as she wondered whether it was worth trying to battle things out again, considering she’d always failed in the past. “Well, it does say that a person is jealous of everyone, except his child or student,” she offered eventually. “Although I’m still not sure that you are surpassing me – maybe you are going backwards…

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I’m still trying to figure that one out.

But it’s definitely not for me,” she concluded firmly.

Yes, she would make an excellent lawyer; that much was clear.

Dedicated, incisive, determined to champion the cause of the downtrodden and lift the banner of equality and rights for all. And equally determined and convinced that she was in no way compromising her heritage or beliefs in doing so. I had been there once, too, during my voyage through the pages of hashkafic choices. It was that book that had made all the difference.

I had been working my way through the little shul library, plowing through mounds of halachos, absorbing new concepts, trying to get a handle on the world I wished to enter and become part of. There were lectures too, or ‘shiurim,’ as my new and growing lexicon referred to them. One such shiur was given by the dean of Tali’s old seminary in Eretz Yisrael, and I observed with astonishment my friend’s total humility and deference to her former teacher, something one rarely, if ever, encounters in the secular world.

After the shiur, Tali offered to introduce me to the Rabbanit, as she was known, as a prospective student following my graduation. I pointed out that my choice of destination was anything but certain, although the image of myself following in Tali’s footsteps had suddenly captivated

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67

me: learning Gemara and other texts in a little bet midrash somewhere in our Holy Land. The Rabbanit smiled warmly, and commended me for the path I had chosen to take.

Tali laughed when I told her of this new dream. “Do you still remember what you told me once?” she began.

“Yeah – you don’t have to embarrass me – people change,” I pointed out.

“Chas v’chalilah – I thought it was so sweet, and I could even picture you in your baggy pants and headscarf, scythe in hand, somewhere in a field in the middle of the Negev, like you said – it fits you, in a way,” she continued thoughtfully. “But you have to learn first. And this is the best place. Trust me – I had such a great time there.”

I did trust her, just as I would have trusted her with anything else, in a way I had never known was possible. I could trust her not to repeat or mock my words behind my back, and not to suddenly desert me for a more stimulating or fashionable friend. And I could trust that she would never lie to me – or to anyone else, let alone worse stuff that was par for the course in the world from which I originated. It was the combination of all these qualities that initially attracted me to her, and in turn, to the beliefs that molded her character. In short, she embodied integrity.

And therefore it wasn’t so surprising that I would choose to adopt her ways as my own – her hashkafah, as well as her mode of dress, of speech… and who knows? If it hadn’t been for that book, maybe I would have continued to cast myself in that image. But it wasn’t to be.

That book, with its nondescript and narrow spine, somehow managed to jump out at me from its sandwiched place on a middle shelf near the window. I withdrew it curiously, wondering whether it would prove an easy and stimulating read, or more heavy-going but an essential source of information. It

was neither.

“Torah u’Madda,” the title proclaimed, if I remember correctly.

One familiar word, and one new one.

I turned it over to the back cover

So I won’t be a talmid chacham after all,” I grinned.

“Would it have been possible anyway? and scanned the brief summary that appeared there, which informed me that the book consisted of an analysis of the various streams of Orthodox hashkafah. As far as I had known until then, Orthodox Jews were categorized as either “black” (immersed in Torah to the exclusion of everything else) or “white” (religious, but embracing secular as well as Torah knowledge) – I wasn’t yet aware of other labels.

Moreover, I had no intention of being anything but “white” – despite the cryptic words of one of the madrichot on a summer program I had attended. For no apparent reason, she had assured me that “You don’t have to be afraid of the ‘black’ world” – as if entering it was even an option for me. At the time, my plans for the future included earning my degree, to be followed by plunging myself into all forms of

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learning, Torah and otherwise, and then hopefully marrying someone as equally academically qualified as I hoped I would become.

But now this book was indicating that I was still unacquainted with the full picture – not an acceptable state of affairs for someone so curious. I signed it out of the library and cycled back to my college room, placing it on the table to accompany me at my solitary mealtimes. But lunch was long over by the time I shut the book on its last page, the sun already dipping towards the horizon – time to head to shul for Minchah.

Tali didn’t usually come to shul on weekdays – she would daven in her room or somewhere quiet by the river. But I tried to be a regular, ever since someone told me of the gemara that praised a woman for davening with a minyan. It was just unfortunate that I couldn’t be counted as a tenth, since college students aren’t exactly renowned for their early rising habits. So now, after Maariv, I jumped back on my bike and headed to find Tali.

In the corridor outside her room I found one of her college friends, swaying her way towards the exit.

“Is Tali in?” I asked automatically, instantly regretting starting a conversation with someone who had drunk one – or several – too many. “Dunno,” was the terse reply.

Presumably Lucy was celebrating finishing her last essay, I wondered briefly, before knocking at Tali’s door, the only one in that part of the building with a prominent mezuzah featured on the outside, although Tali had told me of at least twenty other Jews she had managed to identify over time.

“Just a minute – who is it?”

“Me,” I replied unhelpfully. “I have to talk to you about something – do you have time?”

The door swung open and a smile with a pencil in the corner greeted me. “My essay is due the day after tomorrow – I suppose I can find you maybe seven

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minutes,” she said, inviting me in and turning on the kettle for my inevitable black coffee. “What’s up?”

“This.” I withdrew the book. “It turned everything upside-down.

Well, maybe not that far, but I didn’t expect it to change me, and certainly not the way it did.”

She took the book from my hands as she passed me the steaming mug and turned to the back cover, just as I had. “I’ve heard of the author – a brilliant mind, a brilliant man. So he convinced you then? But I thought that was where you were holding anyway?”

“I also thought so. Or maybe I didn’t think – I just followed without thinking – I don’t know any more,” I sighed. “Remember Michal, my madrichah?” She stared at me quizzically. “‘Don’t be afraid of the black world’… weren’t you there then?”

“What do you mean?” she replied, confused. “That’s not his thing at all.”

“I know – that’s why it doesn’t make sense. He set out to show that his own way has superseded the chareidi derech – and yet, it didn’t speak to me – instead, I found myself identifying precisely with those ‘blacks’… and I don’t even know who they are.” She stared at me, amazed, and I dropped my gaze into the mug of black liquid warming my hands.

There was no way I could explain it, just as I couldn’t explain why one day I had suddenly decided that I had to change my Hebrew pronunciation, from the modern-Ivrit style I’d been taught as a child in Sunday Hebrew classes, to the black-hat-yeshivah style of some of the former yeshivah bachurim now learning in Cambridge.

And it had been a real struggle, until it started to come naturally – but when it did, I felt like I’d come home.

But I hadn’t told Tali that, and I didn’t tell her now, either. For some reason, I didn’t think she would understand.

“You mean you don’t believe in secular studies anymore,” she tried to gain clarity.

“Right. And so…”

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“And so, you’re going to drop out now, with just a few months to go before graduation?”

I fell silent. When my mother had asked me in early spring whether I wasn’t going to wear short sleeves any more, her question had obligated me to answer “no” – and transform my wardrobe yet again. But this time, although my mind was telling me that I had to leave, to escape – my heart wouldn’t make the leap. The chasm was just too great – looking into the abyss terrified me. If I left now, I would be cutting all links to the old world – and what awaited me instead? I still had no answer.

So why had I come to Tali for solutions? I was already familiar with her deeply-held convictions, and I knew that she was pleased with me, even proud, that I was adopting her ways. If she were to argue with me, presenting her case clearly, I didn’t even know if I would be able to defend myself – and yet I knew I was right. Each step until now had brought me closer to knowing my own soul – had set me on a higher plateau, from where I could understand myself better, before the next change that would surely follow. I wasn’t resisting any more, as I had once. No – now I was impatient to race to the ‘end’ – wherever that might be. Tali couldn’t hold me back, and she knew it. It was only my stubborn nature that had brought me this far, and she knew well the futility of arguing with me.

“You’re really going to leave?” she asked again, incredulous.

I shook my head slowly. “I don’t think my parents would ever forgive it, and they would certainly never understand. And to come this far and not finish – to be honest, I don’t have the courage. But afterwards – forget all those grand ideas of a Master’s degree – enough of all of this hypocrisy. How much Torah will I ever manage to learn with such a limited background – and I should fill my head with rubbish instead?”

She tried to interrupt, but I drove on: “It’s got nothing to do with any ‘pursuit of knowledge’ like I once thought; there’s no room for creative thinking anyway. You know what it’s like – read the books, regurgitate the information, follow the party line. But even if we were allowed to be innovative, what’s the point anyway? And how come I didn’t realize this before?” I finished lamely.

“It’s all so obvious.”

She was relieved – her frown disappeared. “So you’ll still be next to me in our graduation photo,” she laughed. “And then, we’ll see – your mind needs more exercise than it would get in the pots and pans and laundry all day – you’re not made for that world.”

I shook my head. “If that’s the right way, then I will just have to remake myself. And there’s still time to read, to learn – but just with the right priorities.” I suddenly didn’t want to argue further. We were facing each other on parallel lines, and I realized with sadness that our paths would probably never cross again. She would continue down

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69

her road to career and success – and I would have to make yet another transition into the unknown. *** Tali turned her face up towards the sun. “This is nice, but it can’t compare to Eretz Yisrael. And it’s much hotter in the Negev,” she grinned impishly.

“Oh, is that where Neve is?” I sparred with her. “Maybe you’ll join me for Elul.”

“Did you find your black college gown?” she changed the subject abruptly. “You’ll need it for graduation.”

I shook my head. “I sold it. When I stopped eating in the college dining room, even the ‘vegetarian option,’ I didn’t need it any more. I’ll have to borrow one. Maybe you can lend me yours? Your college graduates on Shabbos. We’re on Friday morning, the best time – I can be all finished before candle-lighting.”

“No problem. Just get it to me straight after. Oh – and I almost forgot to tell you. You mustn’t bow, when they give you the degree.

Or kneel, of course. There’s an exemption for frum students – they know about it. Are your parents coming?”

“Of course – would they miss it? This is what they think nachas is.” The afternoon was drawing to a close, and Tali left me to join a group that had hired a punt to row down the river. I watched them slowly float away, the long pole propelling them downstream, carefree after three years of tension and intense study. It would have been easier for me to follow them downstream, to tinker at the edges of career plans so they could accommodate religious beliefs – but my neshamah was taking me somewhere else instead. I didn’t really have any choice in the matter at all. *** Sunshine long forgotten, it was all of five days later. A long blackclad line snaked through the raindrizzled streets, flanked by proud parents and snapping flashbulbs.

Finally it was my turn to enter the grand Senate House, in the large

square in the center of town. I watched the student in front of me approach the Vice-Chancellor, kneel down, then rise and receive the proffered diploma, and walk away.

It was my turn. Slowly I walked forward, aware that my parents’ eyes were following me along with the eyes of the hundreds of others in attendance. Standing before the Vice-Chancellor he motioned for me to kneel, and I shook my head almost imperceptibly, naively assuming that he knew of my Jewish status and the exemption I hadn’t realized needed to be requested in advance.

Again he motioned for me to kneel, and again I shook my head, a little more forcefully this time, until he, frustrated, handed me the diploma – and I was free to leave.

“What was going on there?” my father asked me afterwards.

“Everyone was talking about ‘the girl who wouldn’t kneel.’ Aren’t you allowed to kneel?”

No. I wasn’t allowed to kneel, not even to bow my head before them.

And that was graduation. ‫בס "ד‬

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I

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Palace Cafe’ has it all: a great location in one of the fastest growing parts of Flatbush, food so delicious that just reading about it will leave you salivating and gorgeous decor to transform your visit from just a meal into a relaxing, By: Sandy Eller

inviting experience.

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