Boro Park Buzz #123 Feb 18 2018

Boro Park Issue

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Bringing you the Buzz! on Savings & Events

Volume 5, Issue 123 February 18th 2018

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Join multitudes of Jewish women across the globe fulfilling the ancient custom of giving tzedaka to Reb Meyer Baal Haness. During the auspicious moment of candle-lighting, a time of special tefilah and tzedaka, harness the cosmic powers of the legendary Rabbi Meyer Baal Haness by donating to the pushka of Kolel Chibas Yerushalaim.

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WILL BE Candle-lighting is one of the prime highpoints of the DISTRIBUTED Jewish woman in her role as the cornerstone of her home, lighting up and warming up her family. Utilize TOWARDS YOM TOV these exulted moments to multiply the power of your heartfelt prayer in the merit of Rabbi Meyer Baal Haness PREPARATIONS to bring forth yeshuos and success in every area – health, childrearing, finances, and all others.

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‫לייגט אריין אינעם בייגעלייגטן‬ ‫ענוועלאופ א קוויטל מיט די‬ ‫נעמען פון די פארפאלק‬

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Strength. Hope. Solace. Comfort. Reassurance. Draw from the wellsprings of faith that has sustained bnos yisroel from generation to generation week by week. The potency of the miracle of Rabbi Meyer Baal Haness lives on in the heart of the yiddisha mama, forever.

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L L L M A M I A I R S R S U U U U P T P T E LLE CCHHAASS M M I I S S AA One month, one week, one day- one moment… and the time has rushed passed us. The future quickly marches into the present, further into the past escaping us without notice.

But for too many unfortunately, the minute was all it took to change their lives forever. In one moment, a prognosis, a blood count that showed dangerous numbers, was the moment that became etched in their memory forever!

ZICHRON SHLOME REFUAH FUND- an organization dedicated to making those minutes… those painful moments-- bearable.

They provide broken families with finances they need to cover costly treatments, excessively high deductibles, home care, and anything else a dispirited family might need.

Our moments flee, and while some impact us, let us make all our moments count.

Zichron Shlome is all too familiar with the sound of dread in a mother’s voice asking for help- hoping that the helpline will provide some answers. And Zichron Shlome most

certainly provides some solutions, helping to soften some harsh memories.

Purim is usually a collection of many happy moments. Families dancing, sharing laughs, food, and bonding together. For many families suffering a cancer illness r”l, celebrating this Purim, will not be possible. Help us help alleviate the pain and bring Simcha this Purim by donating to ZSRF. The past Succos, Zichron Shlome helped several unfortunate families who could have had dismal Yom Tov memories. The Z family of Eretz Yisroel was anticipating a very lonely Yom Tov, without their father who accompanied their daughter/sister, who came to America for medical treatment. How would Father and Daughter be able to enjoy Yom Tov far away from family and home?

How would the rest of the family be able to celebrate Yom Tov while they were missing and worrying about their loved ones? Zichron Shlome came to uplift their gloomy situation.

They paid the airfare for the two and the Z family was happily

reunited and spent a joyful and hopeful Succos together. In addition, Miss Z, was given a beautiful gift to bring another ray of joy to her life.

Help us we beg you, help us re-create some happy moments that have been snatched from the lives of the many ill ones amongst us. Please prevent us from negating any request due to the lack of funds. With your help, we have helped so many, but unfortunately, so many more are awaiting our help! Bring a Simchas Purim into the lives of ill patients and their families who are awaiting for Yeshuos!

Send your donation today! Call in your donation to 718- 438-9355 or mail your tax deductible contribution to: ZSRF 1319 51st Street, Brooklyn, N.Y. 11219

You can also support us by purchasing tickets to our upcoming annual

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The Shmuz on the Parsha

Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier

Purim — The Joy of Life Megillas Esther “The Jews had light and gladness, and joy and honor.” — Esther 8:16 “Rav Yehudah said: Light refers to Torah, gladness refers to holiday, joy refers to circumcision, and honor refers to tefillin.” — Megillah 16b In the eighth year of Achashverosh’s rule, on the thirteenth of Adar, every Jewish man, woman and child was to be slaughtered. Young or old, wealthy or poor, they were counted as one, and on that fateful day, the Jewish people would cease to be. According to the ways of the world and according to the natural course of events, that is what should have happened.

But it didn’t. In the greatest reversal of fortune, the tables were turned and the Jews were saved. In a heartbeat, they went from death to life, from despondency to hope, from being sheep led to the slaughter to having Mordechai HaTzaddik paraded through the streets of Shushan. The people had lived through an astonishing miracle, and they experienced great joy.

“And the Jews of Shushan were jubilant and celebrated.”

Yet, when the Gemara describes their elation, it seems to leave out the issue of life and death. Where the Megillah says, “The Jews had light and gladness, and joy and honor,” Chazal interpret it to mean, “The Jews had Torah, yom tov, milah and tefillin,” as if to say that the reason the Jews were celebrating was because they again had the opportunity to do these mitzvos. The issue of their being granted their lives doesn’t seem to weigh into the equation. It seems that the Gemara is

8

saying that their entire celebration and their source of joy was that they were now once again able to perform these mitzvos.

This is very difficult to understand.

Granted, these might be additional reasons to celebrate, but isn’t life a much greater reason? They were going to die, and HASHEM saved them. Isn’t that the greatest cause for celebration and giving thanks to HASHEM? (Rashi makes this question even more difficult by adding his comment that Haman decreed against all of these mitzvos. But this is not true. Haman’s decree wasn’t against the keeping of religion at all. It was quite simply death to the Jews. There was no mention of mitzvos whatsoever. What does Rashi mean that Haman decreed against these mitzvos?)

To understand this, let’s fast forward to a modern day, rags to riches story.

Rags to riches

Born in 1934, Sheldon Adelson was the son of Ukrainian immigrants. His father drove a taxi, and his mother ran a knitting shop. He grew up in one of the poorest sections of Boston. But even as a young boy, he showed great ambition, first selling newspapers on the street corner, and then running his first business at the age of twelve. He went on to build over fifty businesses, eventually owning the Venetian Sands Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. He became a very wealthy man.

A funny thing, however, happened to Sheldon Adelson in 2003 when he took the Sands Corporation public. The stock To advertise, call 718-513-9885

skyrocketed, and his assets went from 1.4 billion dollars to 20 billion dollars in a year and a half. Forbes Magazine estimates that during this time, his wealth increased at a rate of one million dollars per hour.

A million dollars an hour is a tidy sum of money. To illustrate what that means, imagine that during this time, he sat down to a nice leisurely lunch. When he got up and walked away, he was a million dollars richer. Or if he went for a dip in the pool, by the time he had dried his hair, he was seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars wealthier. If he took a nice Shabbos nap, by the time he woke up, another three million dollars were in his coffers.

Extremely wealthy people describe getting rich as exhilarating — almost intoxicating. “It is one of the most pleasurable experiences on the planet.”

It seems that having wealth is nowhere near as much fun as acquiring it. And here this man was gaining wealth at a dizzying pace. It is difficult to imagine the sense of excitement he must have felt. Wow!!!

Life is awesome. More and more! This is indescribably great!

The answer

This seems to be the answer to the Gemara. When the Jews of Shushan were saved, they saw HASHEM taking care of them, orchestrating events, running the world. They saw behind the veil of physicality and recognized their Creator.

But more than just seeing HASHEM, this experience changed their understanding of life.

Someone who has had a near death experience is a changed man. His interests

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change. His value system changes. The pursuits that once gripped him lose their hold. Because he tasted death, he looks at life differently. And he questions. Why is life so precious? What is the tragedy of death? We all die anyway. Sooner. Later. What difference does it make?

And the real answer is — no difference. Generations come; generations go. They seem so important at the time, and then they pass as if they never were, like dust in the wind. And really nothing matters — until you understand the purpose of life.

Once you understand that HASHEM created us to grow, that HASHEM put us in this world to shape ourselves into what we will be for eternity, then you understand the value of life. Life is valuable because it is time — time to grow, time to accomplish, time given as the chance to acquire your World to Come. Once you understand that, you understand life, and then you understand the tragedy of death. Death is dreadful because it robs a person of that chance to grow.

Rav Matisyahu Salomon, shlita, the Lakewood mashgiach, explained that this is what Rashi is telling us. When the Jews of Shushan celebrated, it was because they had reached a different understanding of life. A moment earlier, death was upon them.

Yet, suddenly, inexplicably, it all turned around. As a result, they were a changed people. They no longer valued the things they once did; they viewed life from a dramatically different vantage point.

And because it was so sudden and the change so complete, it catapulted them to a level of understanding that was unprecedented. It was all clear. And, they felt tremendous joy — but joy for a reason, happiness for a cause. They understood the reason that HASHEM put them on this planet. They recognized the extraordinary wealth they could acquire with one mitzvah.

And this is what brought them happiness.

This concept should be very relevant to us, as we, too, should be happy beyond description. Every moment of life is an opportunity to acquire wealth of unimaginable proportions — far more than a million dollars an hour. One word of Torah learning is a jewel that will last forever. Putting on tefillin once is an eternal treasure far more valuable than anything found in this world.

When a person understands this, his perspective changes. He understands the great opportunity that HASHEM has given him: a chance to acquire eternity. He will be filled with happiness and joy, and he will take on life with a passion.

Rabbi Shafier is the founder of the Shmuz.com – The Shmuz is an engaging, motivating shiur that deals with real life issues.

All of the Shmuzin are available free of charge at www.theShmuz. com or on the Shmuz App for iphone or Android. Simply text the word “TheShmuz” to the number 313131 and a link will be sent to your phone to download the App.

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How to Help Jewish Singles

by David Kilimnick

I am single, and no I am not looking for a “shidduch”.

I

am single, and I am not looking for a “shidduch”. For those who don’t know, a “shidduch” is the way that the Jewish community tries to help single people find their match. But you know what Jewish community? Your matchmaking skills are a shanda.

So instead of setting us up, there are other ways you can help us feel good about ourselves. Here are a few ideas: Help Single People With their Quality of Life Don’t Sit Us at the Kids Table at Family Events We are adults too. Just because we are not married, have no responsibilities and are selfish like little children, does not mean that we like sitting on tiny chairs that are meant for mourners to sit on. You can give us a normal size chair.

And anyway, I add very little to the kid conversations, as I am not up on the latest episodes of Harry the Bunny.

I understand that the kiddies are single too. Even so, there is a large age gap,

14

and I am sick of eating chicken fingers. I want steak.

Cook for Single People When they leave your home, force the leftover chicken on them. They will thank you when you make a scene of it.

Wacky Mac stops to taste good after three straight years of cheesy macaroni wheels for dinner. Do not feel bad. I have mastered the use of the microwave.

Help Single Guys Present Themselves Clean their home and wash their clothes. You must do it for them. That is the only way to get rid of single guy smell.

Teach Single Guys How to Dress We get used to comfort. Comfort has killed any chance I ever had to get married. For years, I have been walking around with my shirt untucked and pants that fit. I had no idea that my clothes are supposed to be extremely tight and hindering. I had no idea that women are attracted to guys that are always uncomfortable.

Don’t Look at Us Awkwardly

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I know it can be hard to look at somebody who is well into their forties that has never been married, without shock. Try to hide the wonderment.

Staring at me with a sympathetic shocked look of sadness doesn’t help me while I am trying to enjoy the family event, still sitting at the kids table.

Shidduch Methods Without Setting Us Up You are going to try to set us up.

You can’t help it. So here are some other methods you can use to help these people find their special someone.

Shabbat Meal Much better than the shidduch. This is where you invite two single people to the meal who don’t know that they are supposed to meet even though everyone else does. Then, you stare at them and smile all dinner. If you glare at the two of them enough, they will realize that you invited them to meet each other. If they don’t catch on, you can hint with a ‘pass him some potatoes. I think he likes

TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS OPPORTUNE TIME.

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potatoes.’

Host a Singles Event for NonSingle People Single people don’t meet at singles events. Nobody wants to meet somebody who showed up to the single event they are at. Why? Because nobody wants to meet a loser. That is pathetic. They will only meet if you let them know the singles event is for non-singles.

Call it a Young Professionals Event Single people still haven’t figured out that “young professionals” means singles. Once somebody gets married they lose young status. A 32-year-old married person is older than a 32-year-old single person.

That is the mathematics of it.

There are other ways of disguising a singles event. You can also call it a “fundraiser,” an “oneg Shabbat,” or a “show” where the musicians play three songs and then stop for the next hour and a half so

event.

Encourage Single People to Talk Single people are “looking to meet somebody.” Ask anyone of them, they will say, “I am looking to meet somebody.” They are not meeting. They are not talking.

They are looking. Single people like looking. I myself am looking right now. No talking. Just looking.

You can encourage conversation by saying something like, “This is Noa.” Let them know the name.

Name pronunciation is a good way to start off the single people. You have to ease them into the conversation about what their names are.

Don’t Scream Out in The Middle of Shul No yelling into the women’s section “I’ve got a single man sitting next to me!” He will catch on. The congregation will catch on too.

Of course, the real goal is to get us married, so be sure to constantly remind us that we are single and

Where Taste Meets Elegance

people can meet.

Make the Singles Event Not Awkward If you are hosting a singles event for non-single people that single people show up to, make it a positive.

Play a game where the message is to embrace one’s singlehood, maybe even to feel good about it. Bring a bunch of cards and have all the single people play solitaire. Have them play it in unison, so it feels like a social

16

getting older. If a single person is feeling good about themselves, their chances of meeting somebody are limited. I understand. Nonetheless, as weird as we men may look showing up to shul without a Tallis or women with a head covering, we just want to come off as normal people sometimes. We just want to sit at an adult table.

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Attention Back Pain & Sciatica Sufferers

WEDNESDAY, FEB. 21, 2018, 6:00-7:30 pm

NEW BACK PAIN & SCIATICA WORKSHOP REVEALS HOW TO NATURALLY HEAL BACK PAIN & SCIATICA FOR GOOD...

By: Dr. Ofir Isaac PT, MS, DPT

I

f you or someone you know is a 45 to 50-year-old female specifically having pain, numbness or tingling in ONE LEG and the pain does not pass the knee then this is the most important article you may read.

If nothing has helped, ask yourself these key questions, does the PAIN become worse with: 1. Rolling in bed?

2. Getting up from a low chair or out of your car after sitting for a while?

If you answered yes, try this.

Sit slouched forward while straightening your painful leg. If this increases your PAIN, you may have Sciatica!

Specialists at AllCare Physical Therapy have simplified the diagnostic process and proven to easily treat nerve and muscle pain with immediate relief, read more at www.ALLCAREPT.com.

Call 347-658-1976 and leave a message with your name and phone number for the FREE Back Pain & Sciatica Workshop this Wednesday, February 21, 2018 from 6:00–7:30 pm at 1213 Ave P, Brooklyn.

(MIDWOOD). ***Because of space limitations, the Back Pain & Sciatica Workshop is limited to the first 20 Registrants...

Back Pain and sciatica can completely ruin your life…I’ve seen it many times.

•

It can make you lean on the shopping cart when walking through the grocery store

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It can take your focus away on enjoying your life…like spending time with your children or grandchildren.

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And it can take away your ability to live life…having to rely on others… or to wait for you to sit down for a minute.

SO WHO IS THE SCIATICA & BACK PAIN WORKSHOP FOR?

the Back Pain & Sciatica workshop firstcome, first-serve.

Call to register today at 347-658-1976 for Wednesday, February 21, 2018, 6:00–7:30 pm.

We have limited spots available & space will fill up fast, so register now to avoid missing out.

The Back Pain & Sciatica Workshop is for people suffering with lower back pain who are looking to feel normal again and heal naturally without medications, injections and surgery.

Save Your Spot! Call 347-658-1976 for the Back Pain & Sciatica Workshop simply by leaving your name and phone number for Wednesday, February 21, 2018, 6:00– 7:30 pm.

WARNING! FREE REGISTRATION ENDS Tuesday, February 20th at Midnight for the Wednesday, February 21st Workshop THEN there is cost of $27 to register, don’t wait to register this workshop is highly informative and can save you thousands of dollars and wasted trips to surgical specialists.

PS: FAST ACTION BONUS: The First 10 Registrants Can email info@allcarept.com Or call 347-658-1976 to drop off their lower back MRI and/or XRAY reports to Dr. Ofir Isaac personally before the workshop.

Discuss the results FREE of charge!

PPS: All Registrants will get a chance to schedule a FREE private examination and back pain screen with Dr. Ofir Isaac after

Dr. Ofir Isaac PT, MS, DPT

Chronic Pain Diagnostic Specialist Owner & Clinical Director Hi my name is Dr. Ofir Isaac a Back Pain & Sciatica Specialist and Pain and Injury Consultant, and I will personally be presenting this workshop for you. www.AllCarePT.com.

Where? Allcare Pain Elimination For Life, at 1213 Ave P right here In Midwood, Brooklyn. It’s my passion to empower patients like you to eliminate their chronic pain through our unique “Active” Neuroscience Based Approach To Pain.

18

To advertise, call 718-513-9885

To advertise, call 718-513-9885

19

by Rosie Einhorn, L.C.S.W. and Sherry Zimmerman, J.D., M.Sc.

Disclosing Medical Conditions in Dating I have a chronic illness. My friends believe I’m a wonderful catch but I am afraid I’ll be viewed as “damaged goods”.

Dear Sherry and Rosie, I am a 30-year-old woman who two years ago went from having no health issues to having a serious, chronic illness.

I have battled to a place that is now stable and I am hoping to start dating. My friends and family are convinced that I have wonderful things to offer a man, but I am afraid I will be viewed as “damaged goods”.

Finding a good husband is hard enough when you’re at your best, but I am not what I once was. How can I compete with other young, healthy women in this crazy dating world? What if, like another friend of mine, I fall for someone only for him to leave when I disclose my health?

How do I regain my confidence and move forward with my uncertain future?

Sincerely, Rebecca

20

Rosie Einhorn, L.C.S.W. and Sherry Zimmerman, J.D., M.Sc. Rosie and Sherry’s Answer: Dear Rebecca, Thank you for writing to us. We’re happy to hear that you have achieved hard-fought health stability and we hope that Hashem continues to guide you to a full recovery. We also hope that you are able to use our answer to date successfully and soon find the right man for you to marry.

It seems that you already have an advantage in that process. You believe in yourself - in all that you have to offer to your future husband and marriage. Being able to project a positive self image is one of the most important qualities for a dater to have; it’s a hard-to-define quality that most of the men you will date are looking for.

Having friends who believe in you and support your desire to get married is another plus in your favor. You can enlist To advertise, call 718-513-9885

them to help you network. Your friends can also be a good source of emotional support if you sometimes feel discouraged about how your dating is going.

One more factor that will help you is your understanding that your medical condition will be a factor in your dating career, and that some of the men you date will not be willing to continue once they learn about your situation.

Fortunately, this won’t be true for all men. We personally know people who decided to continue dating after they learned about the other person’s serious illness (including multiple sclerosis, cancer, diabetes, depression, fibromyalgia, progressive visual impairment, and Crohn’s Disease), and many of these couples went on to marry. It can help to view your situation from the perspective of, “I’m looking for one man - who’s right for me and can accept who I am,” instead of “I have to compete in the dating pool with all of these other women, many of whom are healthier (or richer/smarter/

22

strong emotional connection. This gives their dating partner an opportunity to see what they’re like as a person and how they live their life, making them more open to hearing and processing the information.

We can’t deny that many people would hesitate to start dating someone if they heard about a serious medical condition during the vetting process. However, once they’re dating and start to develop a connection with someone who seems to be living life well, it’s easier for them to see the condition as one of many elements to consider about the multi-faceted person they’re dating.

There’s another advantage about To advertise, call 718-513-9885

disclosing this personal information after a number of dates. You’re able to select the men you share it with - people with whom you’re starting to feel a connection and you sense have discretion. It doesn’t become common knowledge among people you meet a couple of times and decide not to continue to get to know.

Although you will probably make your disclosure after you’ve started to feel a connection, you’ll be making it before that connection is strong. If he decides not to continue, it will be less painful for both of you.

So what do you say? Be honest, and be positive. “I’ve got to discuss something with you that I was advised to bring up at this point in our dating. We’ve been out a number of times and you can see that I’m living and enjoying a rewarding, full life. But I am also managing a medical condition. Two years ago, I learned I have X. I was determined to get healthy and after a lot of treatment, I am stable and strong, and looking forward to my future.

I’ll always have to be on top of my health.

I can understand if this is surprising to you and it’s a lot to digest. Please ask me any questions you want, and I will answer them the best I can.”

You should be prepared to answer questions about how you manage your illness, what your daily routine is like, how your ability to have children may be affected, and your long terms prognosis.

A man who’s willing to consider your information will probably have many questions, and you may want to invite him to speak with your doctor. Don’t be surprised if your dating partner wants time to think about whether he wants to continue dating. It’s possible he’ll want to keep going out while he decides.

We believe that our suggestions can help you get a good start on marriageminded dating. We wish you continued good health and that you soon find a man who’s right for you.

Sherry and Rosie

REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION FROM AISH.COM

thinner) than me.”

When you and your friends network, don’t disclose your medical condition.

If only a small number of people know about your illness and prognosis, keep it that way. Collaborate with the people who are helping your search on how they can describe you to potential dates and to anyone who might know a potential date. One way to start is: “I want to help a friend of mine find the right guy to marry - she’s an amazing person and I’m hoping you might know a good man to set her up with.” In the next two or three sentences, your friend can mention what you’re doing in life, four of your best qualities, and four things you’re looking for in a marriage partner. That can open up the door for further discussion.

If a number of people outside of your close circle of friends and family do know that you were ill, let your networkers know how you would like them to answer questions they may be asked. The answers should be positive, honest, and brief. For example, “Yes, she had medical treatment and worked hard to be where she is today - stable, strong, and looking forward to living a healthy life.”

Of course, you will have to let the men you’re dating know about your situation.

Jewish law tells us that this is important information for a potential spouse to have, and is one of the many factors a dater will take into consideration when deciding whether to marry a particular person. A dating partner’s ability to listen to and process your information may depend on when, how, and what you say, so it’s important to plan your disclosure carefully.

Many people consult with a rabbi who is accustomed to giving advice on healthrelated issues to find out when they should bring up their medical conditions. While we can’t substitute our understanding with that of an authority on Jewish law, we know that many daters are told to wait until they’ve had a certain number of dates, but before they developed a

Your friends can also be a good source of emotional support if you sometimes feel discouraged about how your dating is going.

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MatzaFun Tours to host 16th annual Passover at Ocean Place Resort & Spa in Long Branch , NJ announcing a Multi Million dollar redesign including all luxurious chic spacious sleeping rooms, suites, ballrooms, spa, fitness center, indoor swimming pool and public spaces. stop noshing at the Ocean View Tea room, FUN Family Theme nights with Western BBQ and Asian Fusion Nights, midnight buffets and “Viennese” Oneg Shabbat, wine tastings , children’s day camp, children’s shows and interactive indoor children’s Carnival Extravaganza. “Culinary Cuisine by the team of Main Event-Mauzone Catering” Rabbinical Supervision under Rabbi Zushe Blech-Kehillas Bais Ben Zion Matza Fun Tours makes your Passover at Ocean Place the ultimate family vacation - peaceful and refreshing. To learn about Passover with Matza Fun at the Ocean Place Resort & Spa Package visit us at www.matzafun.com or call Jay Press at 800.752.6050 or 215.332.2444 Jay Press Jay has been an on-site host for MatzaFun Passover Tours for over 20 years. He is truly

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Is Your Marriage the Top Priority?

by Emuna Braverman

Why do we have a tough time putting our husbands first?

I

was busy preparing a class the other day when my husband wanted to chat. My first instinct was to tell him I was busy (politely of course) and suggest that we speak later.

But I stopped myself. The topic of the class was improving your marriage, and if that wasn’t enough, the essential point I planned to make was that the secret to a great marriage is to put your husband first.

I repressed a sigh (!) and prepared to engage in conversation. I was certainly conscious of the irony.

Why is it so hard to put our husbands first? Is it all ego? Or are there other issues at play? I think that while most of us appreciate and understand the idea, we really only pay lip service to it. We don’t really accept it. We have a lot of goals in life – personal goals, career goals, financial goals, parenting goals and marriage goals.

Putting our husband first seems to address only one of those.

So perhaps the real issue comes down to how we look at marriage. Is it our

34

primary goal or just one of many? Let’s put aside for a moment the more basic issue that a relationship with Hashem is our ultimate and most essential of goals.

The Almighty has given us many paths to achieving that. Is our marriage a primary one?

I would argue yes, that the opportunity to grow and give and learn about connection is most present and simultaneously most challenging in our marriages. It’s not hard to give to our children (usually, if we’re not too exhausted…); they are children after all (no matter their age!). But our husbands are adults, peers so to speak. It’s harder to give when you think they could do it themselves. It’s harder to give when the need is less apparent. It’s harder to give when the dependence seems confusing. It’s harder to give to another adult, especially one who should know for himself where the bowls, spoons, cereal and milk are!

Before we can talk about how to put our husbands first, we really need to decide if that’s how we look at our

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marriages. Is our goal to have a great marriage above all else or is it on par with the other goals listed above (and some not listed above)? This is the crucial question.

(And of course, husbands need to ask that question too.) If we can’t answer yes to the first part, then the rest of the conversation is moot.

I believe that if we have a healthy marriage, some of our other goals will naturally follow and be more easily accomplished. I think we will be better parents if our focus is not solely on our children, if we give them the example of other healthy, secure relationships. I think we will be more successful at achieving our personal goals if we give our marriage the attention it requires. I venture to suggest that we may even succeed better in our careers if we come from a more satisfied home life. Maybe…

So the first step is deciding that our marriage is our priority. Only then can we really be prepared to do put our husbands first. Only then do we want to put our husbands first. Only then is he not in

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competition with all our other goals, dreams and desires.

Deciding that our marriage comes before (almost) all else is not necessarily easy. It is not a value reinforced in the world around us. We may have to be prepared to be a little out of step with our peers. And we have to take the long view. We have to invest now for the future – although there should be current rewards as well.

If we accept this idea and make this decision, then we are ready to battle the obstacles that stand in our way and look for practical steps to accomplish this goal. Come back for next week’s blog to see those tools.

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Real Life Kosher Cooking

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Choice recipes from Real Life Kosher Cooking: Family-friendly recipes for every day and special occasions

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Asian Glazed Corned Beef Meat Yield 8 servings Talk about a crowd pleaser! I served this corned beef at a large family gathering, and I was surprised – and definitely pleased – to see that everyone, even the pickiest kids, were enjoying this meat – and for good reason! The sweet Asian flavors in the glaze are a fantastic pairing for the tangy pickled flavors of the beef, making a dish that had everyone reaching for seconds.

1 (3-4 pound) pickled brisket, preferably seccond cut Glaze ¾ cup teriyaki sauce 2 Tablespoons soy sauce 2 Tablespoons rice vinegar 2 Tablespoons honey ¼ cup brown sugar ½ inch fresh ginger, minced, OR 2 cubes frozen ginger 4 cloves garlic, minced Preheat oven to 350°F. Place meat in its bag of pickling liquid into a 9x13inch (or larger, if needed) pan. Add water to the pan until the meat is covered. Cover pan tightly with foil; bake for 3 hours, until meat is tender. Drain water from the pan and set meat aside until cool enough to handle.

Meanwhile, prepare the glaze: Add glaze ingredients to a small bowl; whisk to combine.

Remove meat from bag; drain all liquid. Return to pan; pour half the glaze over meat. Bake, uncovered, for 15 minutes. Remove from oven; pour remaining glaze over meat. Bake for an additional 15 minutes.

To serve, slice meat and spoon glaze/sauce over it.

Variation The method of baking the corned beef in its liquid was taught to me by Mr. David Asovski, a master butcher and meat expert, as a way of preserving the pickled flavor of the meat. If you prefer a less-pickled flavor, remove meat from the pickling liquid; place meat into a pot and cover with water. Bring to a boil; cook for about three hours, until tender, then continue with Step 3.

Plan Ahead: Meat can be frozen in an airtight container. Reheat, covered, until heated through. For best results, freeze after Step 2. Defrost, glaze, and bake fresh.

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Tomato Roasted Potato Wedges Pareve Yield 6-8 servings The tomato coating gives these potatoes a ton of flavor and a really unique caramelization on the outside. As a bonus, they’re easy to make and kid friendly!

1 (6-ounce) can tomato paste 1½ teaspoons kosher salt 1 teaspoon dried oregano ¼ teaspoon black pepper 2 cloves garlic, minced, OR 2 frozen garlic cubes ¼ cup olive oil 5 Idaho potatoes, cut into wedges Preheat oven to 400°F. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper; set aside.

In a large bowl, whisk together tomato paste, salt, oregano, pepper, garlic, and olive oil until smooth. Add potato wedges; toss to coat in the tomato mixture.

Arrange potatoes in a single layer on prepared baking sheets.

Bake for 50-60 minutes, stirring halfway through, until the insides are soft and the outsides are crispy and caramelized.

Plan Ahead: These potatoes can be prepared up to two days ahead of time. Reheat, uncovered, in a single layer, until warmed through.

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Savory Spinach and Cheese Pancakes Dairy Yield 18 pancakes While I generally think of cheese pancakes being a sweet treat, I decided to turn them savory for a low-carb dinner. You can serve these as an appetizer for a dairy meal, on Chanukah as an alternative to potatoes, or simply for a dairy weeknight dinner when you don’t want to serve pasta.

1 pound frozen spinach, defrosted and liquid squeezed out 1 pound ricotta cheese 1 clove garlic, minced 6 eggs 2 Tablespoons flour 1½ teaspoons kosher salt ½ teaspoon black pepper ½ teaspoon dried basil ¼ teaspoon nutmeg oil, for frying warm marinara sauce,for serving (see Note)

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Place spinach, cheese, eggs, garlic, flour, salt, pepper, basil, and nutmeg into a large bowl. Mix well until combined and smooth.

Heat about ¼-inch oil in a frying pan over medium heat.

Drop about ¼ cups of mixture into hot oil, pressing down to flatten into patties. Fry for 2-4 minutes per side, until the outside is browned and crispy.

Serve hot, with marinara sauce.

Note: You can use store-bought marinara sauce or prepare the homemade version on page 295.

Plan Ahead: Pancakes can be made a day or two ahead of time.

Rewarm, uncovered, in a single layer in the oven at 350°F until heated through.

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Chocolate Funnel Cakes Dairy or Pareve Yield 20 small funnel cakes Funnel cakes are traditionally carnival or amusement park food, but with some pretty garnishes, you can elevate these tasty treats into a party-worthy dish. They get their name from the authentic way of making them: dropping the batter into hot oil using a funnel. This chocolate variety is somewhere between chocolate cake and funnel cake, with each little strand giving you an incredible crunch.

2½ cups flour ½ cup cocoa powder 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon baking powder 2 Tablespoons sugar ¹⁄ cup brown sugar pinch kosher salt 3 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 2 cups milk OR soy milk oil, for frying powdered sugar, for dusting Optional Garnishes ice cream Mixed Berry Sauce (page 297) fresh fruit melted chocolate or chocolate shavings

Add eggs, vanilla, and milk. Stir until combined and smooth. Place batter into a piping bag or a ziplock bag with a corner snipped off.

Heat about ½-inch oil in a frying pan over medium heat. Test if oil is hot enough by squeezing in a small amount of batter. When oil hot enough, the batter should rise right to the top.

Squeeze the batter into the hot oil, squeezing back and forth, making a freeform web-like pattern (see photo). Fry for about ½-1 minute, until bubbles form on the top. Flip; fry for an additional 30 seconds, then remove to paper towel to drain.

Sprinkle powdered sugar over the funnel cakes, then top with desired garnishes, optional. Serve hot.

REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION FROM AISH.COM

In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, baking powder, sugars, and salt until combined.

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