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The Shmuz on the Parsha
Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier
The Reason and the Cause Parshas Beshalach
I
t happened when Pharaoh sent the people that G-d did not lead them by way of the land of the Philistines, because it was near, for G-d said, “Perhaps the people will reconsider when they see a war, and they will return to Egypt.” — Shemos 13:17 After two hundred and ten years of bondage, HASHEM led the Jews out of Mitzrayim. By all rights, the first stop should have been Har Sinai where they would receive the Torah and then straight to the land of Israel. Yet that wasn’t what happened. The Da’as Zekeinim explains that HASHEM said, “If I take them directly into the land, each man will be busy — this one with his vineyard, this one with his field… They won’t have time to study the Torah. Better, I should lead them into the desert. They will spend forty years eating mon and drinking water from the rock. That way, the Torah will have a chance to settle within them.”
The problem – it isn’t correct
This is difficult to understand. We
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know that the Jewish people spent forty years in the desert as a punishment for the sin of the spies. The Torah says, “A day for a year, a day for a year” (Bemidbar 14:34). How can the Da’as Zekeinim say that this was HASHEM’s plan to allow them to become the Torah Nation? We know that it was actually a punishment. The answer to this can best be understood with an example.
Rebbe Meir (Gittin 56a). What happened here was that Niron saw the truth. He understood that HASHEM wanted the Bais HaMikdash to be destroyed, and He was looking for someone to be the fall guy. That person would be allowed to burn the Temple, which would accomplish G-d’s will, but then he would be punished for the act because he chose to do it.
Looking for a scapegoat
The reason and the cause
Niron, the general, was sent by Rome to destroy the Temple. He knew that HASHEM protects His people, and he was afraid to attack. To determine whether he would be victorious, he used divination. First he shot an arrow toward Jerusalem, and it flew straight. Then he shot arrows in every other direction, and in mid-flight all the arrows turned toward Jerusalem. Next, he stopped a young child and asked, “What did you learn in school today?” The boy quoted the verse, “And I will give the revenge against Edom into the hands of my people.” Niron said to himself, “HASHEM wishes to destroy His Temple, and He wants to wipe His hands on me.” Instead of attacking, he ran away and converted. From his lineage came
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This seems to be the answer to the Da’as Zekeinim. HASHEM wanted the Jews to learn Torah without distraction. For that to occur, they had to live separate and alone — in the desert. And that was a problem. “How can I take my people out of bondage and then leave them to wander in the desert without a home? I promised Avraham that I would take them to a bountiful land.” And so, if it could be, HASHEM was looking for an excuse. Once the spies brought their false report and the people accepted it, HASHEM had something to justify their not being taken straight to Israel. In reality, there were two layers to the decree — the reason and the cause.
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The reason HASHEM wanted them to spend forty years in the desert was that it was good for them. The cause that made it come about was a punishment for the sin of the spies.
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This concept is critical to understanding many life situations. For instance, imagine a divorced man who remarries and begins a new life. Now with greater maturity, he looks back and recognizes that his first marriage fell apart because of his temper. Yet he also sees Divine intervention orchestrating the events that led to the breakup. Things happened in such a coordinated manner — HASHEM was right there, controlling it all. So is he responsible for the divorce or was it the will of HASHEM? Is he accountable for his children being brought up in a broken home or was that part of HASHEM’s plan? The answer is both. One is the reason; the other is the cause. It was his lack of self-control that caused his marriage to fail, and as such, he is responsible for the results. And at the same time, it was the will of HASHEM that it should happen. This is what HASHEM felt was best for him and for everyone else involved. While we mortals have very limited sight, we need to broaden our perspective and recognize that while HASHEM runs this world, we are still given free will, and we are responsible for the choices we make. This is an excerpt from the Shmuz on the Parsha book. All three volumes are available at your local sefarim store, or at www. theShmuz.com. All of the Shmuzin are available FREE of charge, at the theShmuz.com or on the Shmuz app, for Android and Iphone.
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Nazi Havens in South America by Dr. Yvette Alt Miller
A
fter 1945 the scale of the horror of the Holocaust came to light. Faced with unprecedented cruelty, much of the world responded with unprecedented vigor. The new term “crimes against humanity” was coined in the subsequent Nuremberg trials, as Allied lawyers called senior Nazis to account. Yet fewer than 300 Nazis faced judgment in the Nuremberg trials while up to 9,000 Nazis by some counts were spirited away from Europe after World War II, helped by sympathetic agents and friends. Many found new lives in South America. By the late 1940s, much of South America, particularly Brazil, Chile and Argentina, was a haven for thousands of Nazis eluding justice. German prosecutors in recent years have estimated that Brazil accepted between 1,500 and 2,000 Nazis, Chile took in between 500 and 1,000, and
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Secret files reveal 9,000 Nazi war criminals fled to South America after WWII Argentina welcomed up to 5,000 Nazis to their country. Many South American countries were home to large communities of ethnic Germans during and after World War II. In many cases, these communities were sympathetic to and even welcomed Nazis, helping them to evade justice. In the mid1980s, it was estimated that 3.6 million of Brazil’s 130 million citizens, one million out of Argentina’s 28 million people, and 200,000 out of 3.5 million citizens of Paraguay were ethnically German. “Many of them maintain the language and traditions of their forefathers,” the New York Times noted in 1985. “Because of their strong cultural identity, the older German farming communities in southern Brazil and southern Paraguay have often been accused of harboring Nazis. In 1962, To advertise, call 718-513-9885
the Chilean town of Colonia Dignidad was found to be home to 300 families who’d fled Germany after World War II, finding a welcome – and no questions asked – among their compatriots in South America.” In 1955, Gen. Alfredo Stroessner, a grandson of immigrants from Bavaria, opened Paraguay to former Nazis. In the 1930s, Brazil had the biggest Nazi party in the world after Germany, with 40,000 members; many of these Brazilian Nazis welcomed German Nazis after the war. In Argentina, future president Juan Peron spent part of the war, from 1939 to 1941, working in Argentina’s embassy in Italy and openly admired the politics of Benito Mussolini and Adolf Hitler. When Peron became President of Argentina in 1946, he ordered the establishment of secret
channels – dubbed “ratlines” – to ferry thousands of Nazis from ports in Spain and Italy out of Europe and into Latin America. Historian Uki Goni, in his 2002 book The Real Odessa: Smuggling the Nazis to Peron’s Argentina, documents that in 1946 Juan Peron sent secret word to France that Nazi officials facing prosecution at home would find a welcoming haven in Argentina. The “Odessa” theory, popularized in the 1972 novel The Odessa File and 1974 movie of the same name, was that a secret group of former SS officers had banded together and was helping former Nazi officials to escape post-war Europe. While there was no “Odessa” group, the truth was far stranger: some of the most senior officials in governments, the Catholic church and aid organizations actively worked to help Nazis escape justice, often sending them to South America Peron’s key point man in creating a pipeline for Nazis was the Argentinian Cardinal Antonio Caggiano. He passed along Peron’s top-secret message to a Cardinal in France, who communicated with Nazis living in France, helping usher them to Argentina. Peron invested considerable manpower in smuggling Nazis to Argentina, even setting up a secret office in Bern to help handle the paperwork. In Spring 1946, the first French Nazis began receiving Argentinian tourist visas and setting sail for South America. Many of these Nazis escaping to South America were aided by Catholic officials. Some merely wanted to help Catholics escape from the rising Communist governments in central Europe. Other officials, however, were actively anti-Semitic and desired to help Nazis elude justice. One of the highest ranking Catholic officials who aided Nazi criminals was Bishop Alois Hudal, an Austrian-born admirer of Hitler. Bishop Hudal worked in Rome, ministering to Axis POWs, and tirelessly aided war criminals by providing them with false Vaticanissued identity papers allowing them to gain passports from the International Red Cross and travel to South America. Bishop Hudal worked with a network of officials throughout Europe; it was he, with the aid of a
Franciscan friar in Italy, who provided false papers that allowed senior Nazi Adolf Eichmann to sail for Argentina. Hudal’s activities helping “refugees” (many of whom were Nazis evading justice) garnered him much praise and financial support. The American Catholic Bishops Conference even approved a monthly stipend of $200 to Bishop Hudal to help him in his work. The work of Bishop Hudal and other Catholic officials to help Nazis flee was an open secret. A 1947 memo sent from the United States’ Italian embassy noted that “The Vatican of course is the largest single organization involved in the illegal movement of emigrants” out of Europe in those years. Bishop Hudal and other Catholic officials had a willing accomplice in Carl Jacob Burckhardt, President of the International Red Cross in the years after World War II. In his 2011 book Nazis on the Run: How Hitler’s Henchmen Fled Justice, historian Gerald Steinacher chronicles Burckhardt’s anti-Semitism, as well as his penchant for helping Germans, including former Nazis. It’s hard to know just how many former Nazis fled Europe using false Red Cross papers; in 2012, German lawyers, after examining recently declassified archives, estimated that thousands of Nazis were similarly able to obtain false Red Cross passports. About 800 SS members were able to flee to Argentina alone using these false documents. One Nazi who fled to Argentina was Horst Wagner, who aided in the deportation and murder of at least 350,000 Jews. Wagner’s story would have remained unknown were it not for the efforts of German family therapist turned author Gisela Heidenreich, whose mother Edith met and fell in love with Horst Wagner during the war. In 2012, Ms. Heidenreich published a work documenting Wagner’s escape from justice, Beloved Criminal: A Diplomat in the Service of the Final Solution. After escaping from an Allied-run jail in 1948, Wagner followed a path dubbed the “Kloster Line”, receiving sanctuary in convents and churches in Austria before heading to Rome. There, Bishop Hudal helped him obtain false papers and sail to To advertise, call 718-513-9885
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Argentina. Franz Stangl, the commander of the extermination camps of Sobibor and Treblinka who oversaw the murder of nearly one and a half million Jews, was another senior Nazi Ms. Heidenreich uncovered who followed the same path. Stangl was aided by Catholic church officials and eventually fled to Brazil on a false Red Cross passport. Stangl was eventually extradited to Germany in the 1960s and died in jail. Wagner met a different fate: he was never extradited and lived to old age in the Argentinian town of Bariloche, near Patagonia where he celebrated at weekly get-togethers in local beer halls, singing Nazi songs with other SS comrades who called Argentina home. In addition to being ideologically sympathetic to Nazi ideology, Juan Peron also had a financial motive in bringing so many Nazis to his country. In 2005, drawing on government archives that had just been declassified, German journalist Gaby Weber found that Peron systematically used his government to launder money belonging to Naziowned companies, whose profits would otherwise have been seized as part of criminal investigations. In The German Connection: The Laundering of Nazi Money in Argentina, Ms. Weber estimates that value of the money laundering operation at well over one billion dollars. A Mercedes-Benz plant in the suburbs of Buenos Aires might have been the center of the program bringing German wealth and former Nazis to Argentina, Ms. Weber uncovered. Adolf Eichmann worked at the plant, first under his own name, and later under an alias. According to Ms. Weber, Eichmann might have worked as a paymaster, “financing the movement and flight to Argentina” of
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Some of the most senior officials in governments, the Catholic church and aid organizations actively worked to help Nazis escape justice, often sending them to South America
other Nazis, before he was captured by Israeli forces in 1960, tried, and executed in 1962. Otto Skorzeny, an SS commander who was known as Hitler’s favorite Nazi commando, is another senior Nazi figure who might have arranged for other Nazis to find homes in South America. Escaping from an Allied prison in 1947 with the help of local pro-Nazi citizens, Skorzeny moved to Madrid, where he ran an import/ export agency that was rumored to be a front for organizing the escape of Nazis to South America. Skorzeny made numerous trips to Argentina, eventually working for a time as a bodyguard to Juan Peron’s wildly popular second wife, Eva, known as Evita. Evita seems to have been an enthusiastic helper of Nazis in her own right. She was reported to have been romantically involved with Skorzeny, and also might have been active in laundering money from German Nazis. In 2011, Brazilian authors Leandro Narloch and Duda Teixeira wrote, “It is still suspected To advertise, call 718-513-9885
that among (Eva Peron’s) possessions, there were pieces of Nazi treasure that came from rich Jewish families killed in concentration camps.” Nazis who eluded justice to find a haven in South America include “Angel of Death” Josef Mengele, who conducted gruesome experiments at Auschwitz, and fled to Argentina in 1949. He moved to Paraguay in 1959 and Brazil in 1960; he drowned while swimming on a Brazilian beach in 1979. SS Col. Walter Rauff, who invented mobile gas chambers that killed at least 100,000 people; he died in Chile in 1984. Eduard Roschmann, known as the “Butcher of Riga”; he died in Paraguay in 1977. “The Beast”, SS officer Gustav Wagner. He died in Brazil in 1980 after the supreme court blocked his extradition to Germany over paperwork. Klaus Barbie, known as the “Butcher of Lyon.” The Gestapo chief in Lyon, France, contributed to the death of thousands of French Jews and members of the French resistance. He was smuggled into Bolivia, in part with American help, where he aided anti-communist efforts. He was finally extradited in 1983 and imprisoned in France. The Torah commands “Justice, justice shall you pursue” (Deuteronomy 16:18). A generation ago, thousands of Nazis eluded justice by fleeing to South America. Today, as a new generation of historians delving into archives and other records, the truth about how so much of South America became a Nazi haven is being uncovered. It’s too late to try most of these Nazi war criminals but their victims, and all of us, deserve to know the truth about this dark chapter in South America’s past.
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Smartphones and Kids: Harmful Effects and What to Do About It by Dr. Yvette Alt Miller
Recent research on the impact of smartphones on children and how we can realistically protect them.
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n January 6, two of Apple’s biggest investors published an open letter calling on Apple and other high tech firms to do much more to protect the health of their youngest users. Citing studies showing that smartphones can have grave impacts on kids’ physical and mental well-being, the investors – California State Teachers’ Retirement System and JANA Partners LLC – have opened a major debate, asking tech companies to develop more controls on their products for their youngest users. What is so bad about kids and smartphones? With more researchers look into the impact of smartphones and other technology on children, here are some recent results, as well as suggestions for what we can do when it comes to
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protecting kids from smartphone abuse. Stunting Babies’ Brain Development The harm that smartphones and other screens do to kids is particularly acute in babies whose brains are still developing. Psychologists call the first three years of a child’s life “the critical period” in brain development because the way that brains grow during these years becomes the permanent base upon which all future learning relies. Receiving information and cues from the real world around them helps babies form neural pathways that make their brains strong and healthy. Stimuli from screens, including tablets and smartphones, get in the way of brains’ normal development, overwhelming their still-developing minds with stimuli. The damage from too much screen time To advertise, call 718-513-9885
can be permanent. “The ability to focus, to concentrate, to lend attention, to sense other people’s attitudes and communicate with them, to build a large vocabulary – all those abilities are harmed,” warns Dr. Aric Sigman, an associate fellow the British Psychological Society and a Fellow of Britain’s Royal Society of Medicine. The ability to interact with other people, to empathize and read people’s feelings all have their foundations in babyhood. Spending time interacting with screens instead of human beings can permanently alter our children’s brain structures, making tasks like forming friendships and understanding the world around them much harder. Harming Teens’ Brains While older kids don’t experience the
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same sort of intense brain development as babies, kids’ and adolescents’ brains continue to develop and can be harmed by too much smartphone use. The problem is that teenagers’ brains are very adaptable. The experience of using a smartphone, switching rapidly between many activities such as texting and using social media, is associated with lower levels of brain matter in teens’ anterior cingulate cortex, the region in our brains that is responsible for emotional processing and decision-making. Less brain matter in this area is associated with higher rates of depression and addiction. Another part of our brains, the prefrontal cortex, is necessary for interpreting emotions and for focusing on tasks, and is also harmed by smartphone use. This part of our brains doesn’t fully develop until people’s mid-20s, and excessive smartphone use can get in the way of that. “During our teenage years,” explains Paul Atchley, a psychology professor at the University of Kansas, ”it’s important to train that prefrontal cortex not to be easily distracted. What we’re
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seeing in our work is that young people are constantly distracted, and also less sensitive to the emotions of others.” Harder to Make Friends: Given the changes smartphones make to developing brain’s ability to empathize with others, it’s no surprise that smartphone use is associated with difficulty in making friends. For many teens, smartphones can become a crutch in difficult social situations. “When you’re with people you don’t know well or there’s nothing to talk about, phones are out more because it’s awkward,” one Connecticut high school senior explained to researchers. Yet this “new normal” where smartphones are such a part of social interaction is dangerous, warns Brian Primack, Director of the Center for Research on Media, Technology and Health at the University of Pittsburgh. “There’s strong research linking isolation to depression, and time spent socializing with improved mood and well-being,” Dr. Primack explains. “If smartphones are
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getting between an adolescent and her ability to engage in and enjoy face-to-face interaction – and some studies suggest that’s happening – that’s a big deal.” Smartphones and Depression in Kids Indeed, heavy smartphone use is associated with higher rates of stress and depression in kids. One study conducted by the Center on Media and Child Health at the University of Alberta found that over the past three to five years, as smartphone use has skyrocketed, 90% of teachers report that the number of students with emotional challenges is increased; 86% of teachers report that the number of students with social challenges has gone up as well. Many teachers blame smartphone use for these jumps. Kids used to go outside during lunch break and engage in physical activity and socialization. “Today, many of them sit all lunch hour and play on their personal devices,” one junior high teacher said. Between 2010 and 2016, the number
of adolescents who experienced major depression grew by 60%, according to the US Department of Health and Human Services. Suicides have also increased significantly among kids ages 10 to 19 during that time. “These increases are huge – possibly unprecedented,” explains Prof. Jean Twenge of San Diego State University. She has found that since 2010, teens who spend more time using smartphones and other technology are more likely to report having mental health problems than teens who spend less time with their devices. Prof. Twenge surveyed over half a million adolescents across the United States; her findings paint a troubling portrait of a generation both addicted to and harmed by smartphone use. Kids who spend three hours a day or more on smartphones or other devices are over a third more likely to suffer at least one suicide-related symptom such as feeling hopeless or thinking about suicide than kids who limit their smartphone and other device use to two hours a day or less. Among kids who used devices for five or more hours each day, nearly half reported experiencing at least one suicide related outcome. Even moderate smartphone and other high tech use can harm our kids’ mental health, Prof. Twenge has found. Kids who use social media every day are 13% more likely to have high levels of depressive symptoms than those who don’t. In her research, teens who ditched their smartphones some of the time and who spent the most time interacting face to face seemed to be the healthiest emotionally. Breaking the Smartphone Addiction Despite the drawbacks of excessive smartphone use, limiting tech time can be difficult. In fact, many psychologists now view smartphone use as an addiction. This is partly due to the nature of teenagers’ developing brains. The anterior cingulate cortex, mentioned above in its connection to helping teens develop the characteristic of human empathy, is also a factor in decision-making and addiction. “We know for a fact teens have very underdeveloped impulse control and empathy and judgment compared to adults,” explains Dr. Frances Jensen, a professor at the University
smartphones and other mobile devices can be so stimulating and all-consuming that they “override all those natural instincts that children actually have for movement and exploration and social interaction.”
Given the changes smartphones make to developing brain’s ability to empathize with others, it’s no surprise that smartphone use is associated with difficulty in making friends. of Pennsylvania and co-author of The Teenage Brain. As kids brains continue to develop, adolescents and teens are more prone to addiction. Researchers have also found that the speedy interactions teens enjoy on their smartphones floods their brains with neurochemicals like dopamine, which induces a feeling of euphoria. It also can contribute to addiction, as kids learn to rely on the gratification they feel when they use their phones. Once an addiction develops, teens (and others) can experience feelings of anger, depression, fatigue and distraction when they’re not using their phones. One rehab center near Seattle now offers therapy for smartphone and technology addiction, and has treated children as young as 13. Hilarie Cash, the Center’s founder, has explained that To advertise, call 718-513-9885
Strategies for Change Limiting smartphone and other tech use isn’t easy. In fact, in one recent study, teenagers were given a choice: would they rather break a bone in their bodies, or break their phones? It might not come as a surprise to teens and their parents that fully 46% of teenagers said they’d prefer to break a bone than their smartphone. Yet change is possible. Here are three suggestions for starting to change: both for teens and their families. Set aside a time every day to go phone free. That’s the advice of New York University Professor Adam Alter who wrote “Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked.” When the thought of giving up a phone seems too scary, try limiting phone use to certain hours each day: Prof. Alter recommends blocking out a time, such as 5-8pm each day, to go phonefree. This proposition might seem less daunting than a wider phone moratorium. Lead by example. It’s hard to tell your kids to limit their smartphone use if you are glued to your devices. Try setting aside time for the entire family come together, phone-free. That’s the advice of child psychologist Yalda Uhls: specify a set amount of time for your family to interact with no devices in sight. This can help foster the face-to-face interaction and emotional empathy that is lacking from smartphone-based communication. Consider Shabbat as an antidote to too much smartphone use. In my own family, we also struggle with too much technology time. Shabbat is the one day a week when we don’t have to worry about smartphones and other devices. For 25 hours each week we’re completely phone free. The results are amazing: a whole day without distractions, when we’re able to focus on each other and ourselves. While it can seem daunting to go a whole 25 hours without a smartphone, doing so is a welcome weekly respite from the tyranny of technology for us all.
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WHY IT IS ALWAYS FREE TO SUBMIT NAMES FOR TEFILLAH THROUGH YAD L’ACHIM. YOU CAN SUBMIT NAMES NOW FOR TU B’SHVAT. Background. There are thousands of Jewish women and children that are currently trapped in Arab Villages. Yad L’Achim helps rescue them and allow them to live their lives as free Jews. After the women are rescued, many of them go on to establish beautiful Jewish homes. The sweet sounds of Torah learning emanating from their children is music to Hashem’s ears. As a zechus so that all of these women find their zivug, Yad L’Achim has arranged the special Tu B’Shvat shidduch initiative. Talmidei Chachamim, representatives of Yad L’Achim will be davening in Amuka on Wednesday, Tu B’Shvat. The Arizal writes that Tu B’Shvat is a great day of segulah for Shidduchim. The Talmidei Chachamim, will daven for each and every person who submits their names for tefillah to Yad L’Achim for shidduchim, parnassah, refuah sheleima, children, and all personal requests. As usual, there is no set donation to submit your names for tefillah. Of course , tzedakah is appreciated to help us in our vital work of Pidyon Shvuyim. But as we work to rescue the Shvuyim in Arab villages, in the words of Rav Eytan Feiner shlit”a, what about the other shvuyim today? What about someone who is suffering with being single, or health? They need their rescuing. If we can help by submitting their name for tefillah to the minyan talmidei chachamim, it is our zechus. Therefore, there is never any minimum donation required to submit names for tefillah. You can submit your names by calling Yad L’Achim at 718-633-2340 or by visiting WWW.YADL.ORG Whether for yourself or a friend, everyone knows someone who needs a shidduch. Please ask about receiving a *free! Tu B’Shvat Platter delivered to your door by Tu B’Shvat! Of course, Yad L’Achim is only able to do their holy work due to the kindhearted generosity of Jews like you. Hundreds of boys and girls are now learning in Jewish institutions after being rescued from Arab Villages. You, yes you who are reading this right now can help us.. All donations are tax deductible and Psak Rabbonim: can be given from maser money. The children you will save thank you.
You can submit your names by calling Yad L’Achim at 718-633-2340 or by visiting WWW.YADL.ORG 26
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6 Skills to Learn Before Marriage by Slovie Jungreis-Wolff
And if you’re already married, it is never too late!
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elationships take work and some of the most important work happens before marriage. Here are six important skills to learn before marriage. And if you’re already married, it is never too late!
1. Work on moodiness Moodiness is a relationships killer. I’m not speaking about any mood disorder, just plain being temperamental. Living with someone whose emotions are unpredictable is difficult. You never know if the door will open and you will find a smile or dark cloud. Yes, we all have difficulties but that doesn’t mean that we need to be difficult. Some of us are ultrasensitive. Say the wrong word and we withdraw into a shell. Others allow small incidents to grow into large mountains. We shut down and behave as if everything is terrible. Next time you are grumpy, catch yourself. Work on overcoming the dark face, the lack of humor. Separate that which is getting you down from the overall picture. Try to see life through an optimistic lens. Moodiness is catchy.
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Don’t be the one to spread the germs.
2. Be responsible Relationships require responsibility. Saying that you’ll do something means that your word stands. Not coming through erodes trust, the very foundation of the relationship. To be respected you want to be counted on and taken seriously. What can you do now? Work on being on time. Be accountable. A simple act like putting your dirty dishes away or hanging up your coat instead of leaving it over the chair may seem small but it is a good start to taking care of your things. Pay attention to the times you promise to do something and somehow don’t come through. If you say that you will be there for someone or run an errand as a favor, don’t cop out. Respect others – their time, their possessions and their emotions as you would wish to be treated yourself.
3. Be self-reliant Don’t come into a relationship as weak or needy. You should not be dependent on others to fill your void. Before entering a relationship it is crucial to experience To advertise, call 718-513-9885
self-reliance. Knowing that you have the ability to get through tough situations, to help yourself and to navigate life allows you to stand strong. Otherwise, you allow another to define your self-worth. With a word or gesture they can strip you of your confidence and transform you into a pitiful person. Self-reliance means that you can depend on your own abilities. You are confident and self-assured. You know who you are. You don’t rely on others constantly. You are able to spend time alone without being down. Work on learning new skills, taking a class, being open to meeting new friends so that your world is always growing. Don’t get stuck thinking you can’t evolve. Judaism teaches us to “Love others as you love yourself.” Before loving others we must first know how to love ourselves.
4. Become a better communicator Communication is the key to connection. Instead of receding into a stony silence, explain what is bothering you. Leave the blaming, griping, complaining and sarcasm behind. Don’t
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accuse. Don’t give speeches. Just ask for a few moments to speak your feelings with dignity. Say “I feel hurt/badly/sad/ when…” instead of saying “How could you have….or ‘What’s the matter with you?” Get used to giving compliments. Recognize that everyone appreciates thankfulness. Watch how happy you can make someone with words of gratitude. Express affection to the people in your life that matter. Stop looking at your screen while you are talking to people. Start connecting again eye to eye. Sadly, some adults grow up never having heard the words “I love you” when they were children. The cycle continues to the next generation. Don’t be afraid to communicate tenderness. Being a good communicator also means that you are a good listener. Hear what others are trying to tell you. Don’t judge. Open your heart to the thoughts of those around you. If you disagree be careful not to make the other person feel small. You won’t always think alike but tensions arise when you think you must always win and see others as your
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opponent. Everyone loses.
5. Be kind The Hebrew word for love is ‘ahavah’, coming from the Hebrew root ‘hav’ which means to give. The more we give and invest in another, the more we come to love. The greater the giving, the greater the love. Kindness is our route to love. Relationships require sensitivity, empathy, thoughtfulness and compromise. Being kind encompasses all these traits. Seek out opportunities to be kind throughout your day. Ask how you could be more sensitive to co-workers, friends and family members. Little acts of kindness like not belittling when someone messes up, taking the time to listen to the troubles of another, giving someone a ride, getting a hot cappuccino not just for yourself are all ways for us to build our kindness muscle. Each night before going to sleep ask yourself how you made this world a little bit better because you were here.
6. Patience Relationships are not perfect. Living
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with others means that we learn to adjust, grow, hope, anticipate, and forgive. We are tested with unexpected challenges. Life is exhilarating and sometimes disappointing. There is both joy and sadness. We must work through the hard times. Handling only the good times is an impossible formula for lasting love. Our world encourages instant results. Instant gratification means that we want it all and we want it now. We grow restless too quickly. With a click we order next day delivery. From our ready sushi to our instant communication, we are not used to waiting. There is no instant fix when it comes to relationships. Real results require patience. Take time out of your day to work on patience. Watch how often you lose composure when things seem to take too long. Honk a little less, resist an instant response that may be hurtful. Patience is an incredible asset in marriage and parenting. Working on these skills is not easy, but the results are certainly worth it.
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Chicken Wings by Chef Herschel Arnow
Inexpensive, abundant, and tasty. Chicken wings are good value -- inexpensive, abundant, and tasty. I buy them frozen, but I’m told the fresh ones are tastier. Wings in general come with the tips already cut off, but if not, just cut them off at the joint. Feathers that are left on the wings can be taken off easily after cooking, or after you pre-boil them. When you’re serving them, just make sure you have a lot of them and a big supply of napkins.
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CHICKEN WINGS WITH HONEY-SOY GLAZE 1 cup soy sauce 1 cup chopped green onions 1/2 cup white distilled vinegar 3 tbsps. Honey 2 tbsps. chopped peeled fresh ginger 2 tbsps. chopped garlic 2 tbsps. oriental sesame oil 20 whole chicken wings, tips cut off Mix first 7 ingredients in large bowl. Stir in chicken. Cover; chill at least 2 hours and up to 1 day, stirring occasionally.
and glazed, turning and basting occasionally with marinade, about 1 hour. Arrange wings on large platter. Boil reserved marinade until slightly thickened, about 4 minutes. Pour into bowl. Serve wings with marinade as dipping sauce. Bon Appetit! Makes 20 servings.
Preheat oven to 400º F. Arrange wings on 2 baking sheets. Pour marinade into small saucepan; reserve. Roast wings until tender
INDIAN-STYLE CHICKEN WITH GINGER AND CURRY Offer white rice alongside this simple, reduced-fat version of one of Rupa’s childhood favorites. 1 cup chopped onion 1/4 cup bottled nonfat Italian dressing 1 tbsp. chopped peeled fresh ginger 3/4 tsp. dried crushed red pepper 1/2 tsp. curry powder 1/4 tsp. ground turmeric 4 skinless boneless chicken breast halves 1 tsp. olive oil 1/2 cup canned low-salt chicken broth
Remove chicken from marinade and reserve marinade. Pat chicken dry and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Heat olive oil in heavy large skillet over medium-high heat. Add chicken to skillet and sauté until brown, about 3 minutes per side. Add reserved marinade and chicken broth and bring to boil. Reduce heat to medium low and simmer uncovered until chicken is cooked through, turning occasionally about 6 minutes. Transfer chicken and sauce to platter. Makes 4 servings.
Mix first 6 ingredients in 8x8x2-inch glass baking dish. Add chicken; turn to coat with marinade. Cover and refrigerate at least 2 hours and up to 1 day.
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-- by Selma Brown Morrow and Reena Singh
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JAMAICAN “JERK” CHICKEN WINGS (Spicy Baked Chicken Wings) 18 chicken wings (about 3 1/4 pounds), the wing tips cut off and reserved for another use
thyme, the salt, the allspice, the nutmeg, the cinnamon, the jalapeno, the black pepper, the Tabasco, the soy sauce, and the oil.
FOR THE MARINADE: 1 onion, chopped 2/3 cup finely chopped scallion 2 garlic cloves 1/2 tsp. dried thyme, crumbled 1 1/2 tsps. Salt 1 1/2 tsps. ground allspice 1/4 tsp. freshly grated nutmeg 1/2 tsp. Cinnamon 1/4 cup minced pickled jalapeno pepper, or to taste (wear rubber gloves) 1 tsp. black pepper 6 drops of Tabasco, or to taste 2 tbsps. soy sauce 1/4 cup vegetable oil
In a large shallow dish, arrange the wings in one layer and spoon the marinade over them, rubbing it in (wear rubber gloves). Let the wings marinate, covered and chilled, turning them once, for at least 1 hour or, preferably, overnight. Arrange the wings in one layer on an oiled rack set over a foil-lined roasting pan, spoon the marinade over them, and bake the wings in the upper third of a preheated 450º F oven for 30-35 minutes, or until they are cooked through. Makes 4-6 servings.
To make the marinade: In a food processor or blender purée the onion, the scallion, the garlic, the
PLAIN CHICKEN WINGS SERVED WITH PARSLEY SAUCE OR TOMATO & OLIVE SAUCE Chicken wings can be put in a pan, baked well, with no seasonings and they are delicious. Cook the wings until they are golden and crispy. Eat them like that or splash them with: PARSLEY SAUCE chicken soup mix and water black pepper salt lemon juice Mix, bring to a boil. Add plenty
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of chopped fresh parsley and splash on finished wings. TOMATO AND OLIVE SAUCE tomato sauce paprika garlic cumin onions, sliced thin soup mix and water Bring to a boil. Add plenty of half olives and splash on finished wings.
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DAD’S CHINESE CHICKEN WINGS A loving father, who in his later years has become a superb cook, always longed to make at home the chicken wings he ordered in Asian restaurants. This is the recipe that was developed to satisfy his cravings. Many Chinese restaurants deep-fry the wings, but the high-heat roasted method used here is far healthier and the taste is delicious. 3 1/2 to 4 lbs. chicken wings (about 20), rinsed and drained.
Stir the Chinese Marinade ingredients in a saucepan and heat until boiling. Reduce the heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes. Let the marinade cool slightly. With a sharp knife separate the drumettes from the wingtips at the joint. Place all the pieces in a bowl or a deep pan and add the still-warm marinade. Stir to coat, cover with plastic wrap, and let the wings marinate for several hours, or overnight if possible, in the refrigerator.
CHINESE MARINADE: 1 1/4 cups soy sauce 1 1/4 cups rice wine or sake 1 cup water 12 whole scallions, ends trimmed, smashed with the flat side of a knife 10 cloves garlic, smashed with the flat side of a knife 2 1/2 inch chunk fresh ginger, peeled, then cut into 10 slices about the size of a quarter, each smashed with the flat side of a knife
Preheat the oven to 500º F. Line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil and arrange the wings on the cookie sheets. Brush liberally with the marinade. Roast for about 40 minutes, turning once, until the wings are cooked and crispy brown at the edges. Serve hot, at room temperature, or cold as an appetizer or an entrée with a vegetable and steamed rice. Makes 6 servings.
PIQUANTE WINGS 1/2 cup of any type of wine 2 tbsps. Vinegar 2 tbsps. lemon juice 1 tbsp. tomato paste 1 tbsp. Sugar 2 tbsps. minced garlic 2 tbsps. Salt 2 tbsps. ground cumin 2 tsps.cayenne pepper 24 chicken wings 2 tbsps. chopped cilantro for garnish In a bowl combine first seven ingredients. Marinate chicken -- the
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longer, the better. Preheat oven to 400° F, place wings skin-side up in the baking pan and cook 45 minutes uncovered (well done crispy wings are most favored). Garnish with fresh chopped cilantro. Serve sauce on the side for dipping or pouring on a nice hot baked potato. Let these spicy wings soak up the marinade, then cook them in any of three ways: baking, broiling or grilling.
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You can help her budding home...
m o s s o Bl ! LAST CHANCE! Please join us at Chasdei Chashie L’Kallah’s
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Flatbush Auction Event Tuesday, January 23rd Doors open: 7:00 pm
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Live Drawing:
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718-253-1627 or www.helpakallah.org
In 2017, Chasdei Chashie L’Kallah delivered furniture to more than 500 Kallahs’ homes, many from your community!
THIS IS SO EMBARRASING. THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A FANCY AD, BUT WE HAD NO TIME.
HOWEVER, THIS FREE PROJECT FOR SHIDDUCHIM IS INCREDIBLE.
SO PLEASE
GO CHECK OUT PAGES 26-27
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WWW.YADL.ORG THANK YOU, YAD L’ACHIM