Flatbush Buzz #160 September 2019

on Flatbush/Marine Park Editi

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Volume 7, Issue 160 Sep. 7th 2019

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Don Fernando Aguilar’s Amazing Shofar

by Yvette Alt Miller

How a community of Jews defied the Spanish Inquisition to listen to the Shofar.

O

n August 2, 1492, a young sailor named Christopher Columbus departed Spain.

As his ships sailed out of Seville’s harbor, he noted something curious: thousands of men, women and children were desperately cramming into boats and ships.

That day was the final deadline for all Jews to leave the Spanish kingdom.

King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella had recently conquered all of Spain and sought to make their new kingdom an entirely Christian nation. No Jews could remain.

In desperation, thousands fled, taking only those possessions they could carry.

Within days, the Jewish community of Spain, which had flourished for hundreds of years, was no more. Synagogues were shuttered. Jewish schools were closed.

The abandoned houses of the fleeing Jews were taken over by their non-Jewish neighbors.

In the weeks and months that followed the expulsion of Jews from Spain, Jewish life seemed completely dead. Not all of Spain’s Jews had fled when the fateful edict was pronounced. It was possible

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to remain in Spain but the conditions for doing so were dire: any Jew who hoped to remain in his home had to publicly embrace Christianity and renounce all Jewish observance.

Many Jews lived ostensibly Christian lives in public, but held on to Jewish observance in secret. On Friday nights, these secret Jews would shutter their windows so neighbors wouldn’t see them light their Shabbos candles. Jewish housewives would bake their weekly challah loaves in hiding; their husbands would whisper the words of the Shabbos Kiddush.

These clandestine Jews knew their very lives were at stake, should a neighbor overhear their murmured Hebrew prayers, or a passer-by spy them enjoying a holiday meal. The Spanish Inquisition had begun years before, when a secret Passover Seder was reported taking place among secret Jews: any Jew suspected of clinging to his or her religion would be tortured into confessing, then burned at the stake. Thousands of Spanish Jews had already died in public executions this way. Public burnings of Jews became so To advertise, call 718-513-9885

frequent they even had a name, auto de fe, and attending these frequent spectacles became a popular national pastime.

Even though they had ostensibly embraced Christianity, the secret Jews of Spain were never trusted; neighbors and priests realized they continued to practice Judaism, and were always alert to any display of Jewish ritual. Spaniards called these Jews “marranos,” a disparaging term that means “pigs,” and many eagerly looked for any sign of Jewish practice could see them turned over to the Inquisition.

The Conductor in Barcelona Yet in the city of Barcelona, a large group of secret Jews clung to their ancient traditions. It’s impossible for us to know today exactly how many of Barcelona’s Jews continued following their religion, but we do know from the following story, passed down from generation to generation, that it was a sizeable number.

Don Fernando Aguilar was a prominent Barcelona Jew. Conductor of the prestigious Royal Orchestra in that city, he was a man of distinction and enjoyed

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great wealth and prestige. When the edict banishing him and his coreligionists from Spain came, Don Aguilar decided to remain.

He publicly embraced Christianity, but at the same time made a daring decision: in private, Don Aguilar, like so many Spanish Jews, would never renounce his faith. Even though it meant he could be arrested at any moment, Don Aguilar continued to live as a Jew. When he came home each night, he kissed a mezuzah that he kept hidden in his floorboards. He was careful to eat only kosher food and observe the Jewish holidays. As the years went by, it became harder and harder to keep up his Jewish practice, but Don Aguilar – like the rest of Barcelona’s Jews – did as much as he could. There was no synagogue in his city any more, but groups of Jews would meet in private, under pain of death, to whisper prayers. There were no Jewish schools in Spain any longer, but families did their best to give their children a Jewish education.

Year after grinding year, the secret Jewish community continued, holding on to as many of the mitzvot as possible.

Some rituals, however, were nearly impossible to observe. One was listening to the Shofar. Each Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the secret Jews of Barcelona and elsewhere would gather to pray. On Rosh Hashanah they would eat a furtive festive meal together. On Yom Kippur, they would go about their business in public, never letting on that they were fasting. But blowing a Shofar out loud, let alone for the 100 blasts prescribed for each day of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur,

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was impossible. Doing so would lead to immediate arrest, torture, and death.

The Shofar Symphony Five long years after the expulsion of Spain’s Jews, five years of practicing their religion in secret, of living a double life, Don Aguilar saw an opportunity. In 1497, he made a public announcement: on Sunday, the 5th of September, he would personally lead the Royal Orchestra of Barcelona in a brand-new concert of his own composition. The piece he’d written was unlike anything ever heard in Spain before. It was, he declared, to be a celebration of native peoples and their cultures. Every instrument ever invented around the world, no matter how far away, would be represented.

On the eve of the concert, the orchestra hall was filled. Some in the audience noticed that Don Aguilar was not wearing the gold cross he usually sported, but there was so much excitement about his unusual orchestral work, nobody paid much attention to this difference in his dress. Many of those in attendance were “marranos” but the fact that so many of these people came to the concert apparently didn’t arouse anyone’s suspicions. As the curtains parted, the concert began as planned.

Don Aguilar’s music was interesting.

True to his word, the audience heard from a wide range of instruments. There were bells and horns, stringed instruments and an array of different drums. Then, in the middle of the concert, a musician with the

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orchestra who was rumored by many to be a secret Jew took the stage. He was holding an unusual instrument: a ram’s horn.

The musician put it to his lips, and began to blow. Tekiah, shevarim, teruah.

Each note of the Rosh Hashanah Shofar service rang out throughout the hall, one hundred notes in all. Most of the audience appreciated it as a virtuoso performance of an unfamiliar instrument. But to the secret Jews in the audience, Don Aguilar’s “music” gave them their first chance in years to hear fulfill the mitzvah of hearing the Shofar.

Sept. 5, 1497 was the first of Tishrei, 5258 – the night of Rosh Hashanah.

Little is known of Don Aguilar. Some say he was arrested soon after the concert and executed in secret, so that news of his exploits would not become public. Others maintain he lived to an old age, continuing to live a Jewish life.

All that is known is his amazing actions on Rosh Hashanah, over 500 years ago, when for one evening he allowed an entire secret Jewish community to fulfill the mitzvah of hearing the Shofar.

Primary source: Rabbi Eliyahu KiTov, The Book of Our Heritage, and Rabbi Stewart Weiss’ article in the Jerusalem Post. Note: no written documentation of this event exists; the name of Don Fernando Aguilar and the legend of his actions in September 1497 have been passed down through the centuries verbally. While it is impossible for us to verify the details of these events, generations of Jews have maintained that this amazing Rosh Hashanah “concert” took place.

ESS R

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by Slovie Jungreis-Wolff

Parenting Goals for Every Family

W

How to ensure your children have a productive year.

e begin the school year with blank notebooks, pages fresh and clean.

Backpacks are free of crumbs and leaked box drinks. Children wake up early in anticipation. We try to get to school a bit before the morning bell and start the year off on the right track.

But slowly the familiar patterns start to appear. The kids are going to sleep way past bedtime, waking up with just a few moments to spare. A child leaves his notebook in school and must scramble to find a friend whose fax machine is working. Nights spent struggling over homework for hours, studying for tests left for the last minute, assignments forgotten, cliques and social politics – it feels as if we are going backwards instead of forward.

How can we make this year different from all the others? How can we take our hopes and wishes for positive change and turn them into a reality?

Transition between summer and school can be difficult for children – and for parents. Any change in life can bring nervousness, worry, and irritability.

Children often have a hard time adjusting to new situations, unfamiliar teachers, and

18

the more rigid schedule needed during the school year. When feeling overwhelmed, our kids may express their emotions through becoming argumentative, fighting more often with siblings, or withdrawing into themselves. And parents can find it difficult to keep calm and not lose themselves in anger when things don’t go right.

Instead of just accepting that this is the way our home is meant to be, let us think about reachable goals that we can work on.

When we create a plan, we can do away with unnecessary failures and strive to help our children feel and be more successful.

My 5 Parenting Goals

1. Keep My Eyes Open

Sometimes we notice that something does not feel right with a child but we get distracted. We are all very busy, it’s true. We have great pressures and responsibilities pulling us in too many directions. The child who seems a little ‘off ’, not himself, snappy or more quiet than usual is trying to tell us something. But it is easy to tuck this information away in a back pocket and only realize that something is wrong To advertise, call 718-513-9885

when a crisis occurs. We then think back and recognize that the signs were there, we were just too preoccupied to pay attention.

Don’t allow problems with your child to fester and grow. Open your eyes and observe if a child seems sad, withdrawn, distant, more moody than usual, or angry.

Recognize if there seems to be greater confrontation between this child and siblings, if friends stop calling or coming over, or if the child can’t seem to find his place in school. Because before you know it, half the year can go by and what could have been a small problem has now become a ‘situation’ that requires major time and investment and causes terrible aggravation.

2. Develop a Working Relationship with Teachers

Reach out to your child’s teachers before your child reaches ‘zero hour.’

Many parents feel as if teachers are their opponents and don’t realize that we are are all here to try and help our children grow in the best way possible. If you think that there may be an issue, it is a good idea to

When children feel as if they are gaining skills and becoming self-sufficient, they grow more confident in their abilities. set up a meeting with the teacher and ask how you can work in harmony. Too many parents call teachers to demand and accuse instead of saying that we would like to solve this problem together. Before going to the principal with a complaint, see if you can first diffuse the situation.

If there are any special concerns going on in your home, do not wait for the teacher to find out through your child’s acting up in class or failure to keep up with schoolwork and poor grades.

When a grandparent falls ill, if there is a health issue, financial stress, marital upheaval, problems with siblings, or any other factor that may affect your child’s academic or social success, it would be wise to enlist your child’s teacher as your confidential ally and gain her/his understanding. You can believe that most teachers would go the extra mile and extend to your child an open heart.

3. Work on Social Skills

Help your child be successful this year by preparing him not just academically, but also socially. School is not simply about getting straight A’s, it is also about learning how to get on with others and knowing how to develop friendships. A child who is happy in school is a child who can focus on studying and doing well. He wants to be there and be a part of things.

One who believes that school is all about academics and no social life unfortunately makes a big mistake.

How can we better teach our children social skills?

Set rules and follow through with consequences when needed.

Set routines for meals and bedtimes that establish stability.

Develop your child’s ability to put himself in the shoes of others and grow more sensitive.

Help your child learn how to express frustration, disappointment and anger without hurting others or retreating into sullenness.

Establish basic rules of conduct: no hitting, kicking, biting, spitting, (no hands allowed), and no hurting others through our words.

4. Help Children Independent

Become

When children feel as if they are gaining skills and becoming self-sufficient, they grow more confident in their abilities.

You will watch their self-esteem take off.

Each year, every child should be able to point with pride to a newfound skill or added responsibility that comes with age.

We can help our children grow independent and flourish by: Teaching our children to pick out their clothing, dress themselves as they grow older, tie their own shoes, pack school snacks, make lunches the night before, set their own alarm clocks instead of waking them up, and having children put away their books and organizing themselves.

Allow a young child to complete puzzles and feed himself on his own and as he grows, to do his homework and projects by himself. It is much healthier to tell a child that you will check his work when he is done instead of sitting beside him and correcting the answers as he goes along.

Book reports and science projects should not be parent’s homework.

Have your child help around the house and gain responsibilities instead of waiting to be served. Some skills children can help with are putting away laundry, setting and clearing the table, helping to serve guests, baking, cooking and keeping their room in order.

5. Communicate with Each Child

to speak with us. No matter how tough the topic, even if they messed up badly, they should not fear that we will hate them or want to close the door on them.

Our love must be unconditional. True, there may be consequences or emotions of disappointment, but they must know that we are here for them. After all, we are their parents and if they cannot believe in our love for them, whose love can they believe in?

Work on communicating with your child this year. I am not just speaking about when you must call him in with a problem like failing grades or after you received a call from his teacher. I am talking about daily interactions where you share a smile, a good word, a laugh, a story, or a meal together. The main thing is that you put the time and energy in so that he knows that he matters in your life.

Talk to your child every day-even if it’s just for a few minutes.

Put down your iPhone , turn off your laptop when your child (or you) return home, at mealtimes and story times, and when you pick your child up from school.

Look at him and make eye contact while having a conversation.

Speak to your child in the tone and with the words that you wish he would use with others.

Express your love every day, no matter how tough the day.

I know that some days will bring unforeseen difficulties and that some children seem more challenging than others. But at least we will know in our hearts that we have tried our best to help our children navigate the road of life successfully.

Reprinted with permission from aish.com

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Seasonal End of Summer Delights Rhubarb & Strawberries

As we enjoy the last days of summer with its warm weather we find many fruits and vegetable in season this time of year. As soon as we hit this time of year my husband and I clamor to enjoy rhubarb, as it brings back memories of how our mothers served lots of this vegetable at this time of year. The markets are brimming with the last crops of rhubarb and strawberries.

Rhubarb is it a fruit? Is it a vegetable? I am not sure (research shows that it is actually considered a vegetable) but being very sour it is mostly used with generous amounts of sweetener. Rhubarb has a lot of healthy properties such as high amount of fiber

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and a generous dose of vitamin K and C. A good thing to remember is that rhubarb leaves are toxic, due to high levels of oxalic acid. Every serving of rhubarb provides 45% of the daily value in vitamin K, which supports healthy bone growth and can limit neuronal damage in the brain, even to the point of Alzheimer’s prevention.

Strawberries are also very abundant in the markets and they pair very well with rhubarb.

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Rhubarb Juice Juicing is refreshing and a healthy way to get more vegetables into your system.

Juicing fresh vegetables is an excellent way of getting extra nutrition. This juice should optimally be consumed first thing in the morning.

We drink a cup of juice every morning. It gives us energy and it feels very healthy, as it is all natural, no extras added. We try to buy our produce organic or /and local whenever possible, for added benefits.

Ingredients 3 stalks rhubarb peeled 1/2 English cucumber 2 stalks celery 1 green apple.

Directions In a good juicer that discards the pulp, juice all these vegetables and drink right away.

Serves 2

Rhubarb & Strawberry Soup During the summer take advantage of these seasonal produce for a refreshing soup. Combining the right amount of sweet strawberries with the tartness of rhubarb and sugar is a winning combination. Chilled rhubarb and strawberry soup is very refreshing. It is a wonderful suggestion for the last Shabbat meal seudah Shlishis.

Ingredients 1 bunch rhubarb, peeled and cut into 1/4 inch chunks 2 cups hulled and sliced fresh strawberries 4 cups water 4 ounces fresh orange juice 1/2 cup sugar 3/4 cup non-fat or low fat Vanilla Yogurt (optional) 4 fresh Mint Leaves Directions

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Use a pan large enough to hold all of the ingredients as rhubarb releases a lot of liquid. Bring rhubarb and strawberries to a boil. Reduce heat to medium, cover and cook for about 7 minutes, or until the rhubarb is tender. Remove from the heat and let cool. Add the strawberries, orange juice, sugar and 1/2 cup of the yogurt and blend with an immersion hand blender. Cover and refrigerate for at least one hour or until it is well chilled.

To serve: Pour the soup into four small chilled bowls. Place a dollop of yogurt and a fresh mint leaf on each bowl.

Preparation 15 minutes Serves 4-6

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Rhubarb Pie Ingredients 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 2 tsp granulated sugar 1 tsp salt 1 cup cold, transfat free margarine cubed 4 to 5 tbsp ice-cold water FILLING 7 cups chopped fresh rhubarb, cut

into 1/2-in. pieces 2 bunches 1 cup granulated sugar 1 Tbs vanilla 1 egg beaten 1 Tbs water 1 tsp coarse sugar Directions . Preheat oven to 375F.

To make the dough mix flour with 2 tablespoons granulated sugar and salt in a food processor. Add margarine. Pulse until finely crumbled. With machine still running, add water, 1 tablespoon at a time, through the spout and continue beating until a ball forms, 30 seconds. Divide pastry in half. Form into 2 discs. Wrap each with plastic and chill in refrigerator for 30 minutes.

Combine rhubarb with 1 cup granulated sugar in a large saucepan. Bring to a boil then reduce heat to medium. Cook, stirring often, until mixture is very thick and reduced to 2 1/2 cups, 20 to 35 minutes. (Time will depend on water content of

26

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rhubarb.) Stir in vanilla and cool slightly, 5 minutes.

Beat egg with water in small bowl. On a lightly floured surface, roll out 1 pastry disc into a 13-in. circle. Lift onto a 9-inch. metal pie pan set on a baking sheet. Press dough over bottom and up sides of pan, leaving 1-inch. overhang. Scrape rhubarb mixture into pastry. Brush overhang with egg wash.

Roll out second pastry disc into a 12-inch circle, about 1/8 in. thick. Cut into 12 3/4-inch. strips. This will be used to make the lattice topping. Place strips in crisscross shape over the pie. Brush lattice and overhang with egg wash. Sprinkle with coarse sugar. Bake in lower third of oven until golden brown, 50 to 60 minutes, Remove to a rack to cool completely, about 1 hour.

PREP 40 MIN TOTAL 1 HOUR 40 MIN PLUS 1 HOUR COOLING

MAKES 8 SERVINGS Tip: To make tarts, shape one-third of the pastry into a cube.

Divide remaining pastry into 4 discs. Wrap each with plastic and chill for 30 min. Roll discs into 7-in. circles. Press pastry into 4 4-in. tart pans (1 1/4 in. deep) set on a baking sheet, leaving 1-in. overhang. Brush overhang with egg wash. Divide rhubarb mixture among pastry shells. Roll out pastry cube into a 10-in. square, about 1/8 in. thick. Cut in half, making 2 rectangles, then cut each piece crosswise into 12 3/4-in. strips, creating 24 strips 5 in. long. Lay 3 strips vertically across each tart. Follow instructions for lattice top above. Bake in lower third of oven until golden brown, 40 to 50 min. Transfer to a rack to cool completely.

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August 13 1970, Bruce Lee, a famous actor and legendary Kung Fu hero, was told by his doctors he was never going to be able to kick again after sustaining a crush injury to his lumbarsacral discs, nearly breaking his back. Lee’s explosive flexibility and deadly high kick was taken away from him leaving him with a devastating life sentence of chronic sciatica…

So What! What does this have to do with your sciatica or herniated disc pain?

Absolutely nothing and totally everything… You probably have sciatica and you can understand the suffering and pain it can cause. Like you, even Bruce Lee was told that there was nothing to be done for his sciatica but Bruce Lee did not quit martial arts for the rest of his life!

Despite the doctor’s prognosis that Lee’s S4 nerve root and lumbar disc would never heal and that Lee would be wheelchair-bound forever, he recovered with full flexibility and strength in his leg in just 6 months! Bruce even regained his ability to perform his signature cat-like spring loaded roundhouse kicks with full power…

Want to know Lee’s secret and how it can help you heal your sciatica?

Luckily, a few smart Athletic Trainers and Physiotherapists, have deconstructed Lee’s stretching system to pain-free flexibility and incredible power and reapplied these principles to helping anyone at any age!

What Lee figured out was simply genius…a system based on isolated neural-muscular stretching.

Stabilization straps hold the spine safe, tricking the brain to shut off pain like anesthesia. ACTIVE painfree muscle contractions held before the stretch around the painful leg retrain the nerve around the leg, instantly releasing the sciatic nerve compression in 3 minutes. It takes 15 minutes to have flexibility of a 20 year-old gymnast without expensive traction devices,

This is a breakthrough stretching method that can help even the toughest sciatic pain cases no matter what they have tried already…guaranteed!

“LET ME JUST REST”—you are 100% correct! Resting helps relieve the pain when you lay down or sit in a comfortable position. Maybe it feels good now, but it’s doing you more harm than good. Actually resting will make your hip muscles lazier and weaker. Over time your sciatic nerve will begin to lock your back even more…

WAIT! I agree with you! You tried traditional passive stretching already and it may have failed and maybe even made you worse off and really, It’s not your fault!

Isolated stretch therapy is nothing like traditional tug and pull static stretching!

OK! LETS SEE IF THIS CAN WORK FOR YOU… TAKE THIS 30-SECOND SELF-TEST…

If you are 45 to 50-year-old male or female specifically having pain, numbness or tingling in ONE LEG and the pain does not pass the knee and If nothing has helped yet, ask yourself these key questions, does the PAIN become worse with: 1. Rolling in bed?

2. Getting up from a low chair or out of your car after sitting for awhile?

If you answered yes, try this. Sit slouched forward while straightening your painful leg. If this increases your PAIN, you may have Sciatica! Chronic Pain and Sciatica Specialists at AllCare Physical Therapy have simplified the diagnostic process and proven to easily treat nerve and muscle pain with immediate relief, using results-oriented methods that address the root cause of your problem.

We are offering ONE FREE 15-minute ISOLATED STRETCH THERAPY session to anyone who wants results.

Call 718-215-0520 NOW to claim your FREE CONSULTATION and ISOLATED STRETCH THERAPY session.

As a courtesy to our community we have decided to open up 10 more spots available until July 18 2018, and believe me, they will go super fast. Who doesn’t want to eliminate their sciatica once and for all!

Let me explain how this works: Think of your body’s flexibility like a seatbelt. What happens if you pull your car seatbelt too quickly? The seatbelt LOCKS up and the more you try to force it further, the fibers of the seatbelt tense up more to protect you…that’s exactly the same way the muscle stretch reflex works when you have sciatic pain, but with “Isolated Stretch Therapy” the Physiotherapist uses precision strapping with an exact directional stretch to unwind the stuck nerve while rapidly turning off the painful muscle stretch reflex…

One sciatica client said, “It’s like a high-performance tune-up without going for an hour long yoga session… and it lasted for 3 days!”

Exactly! We trick your brain to turn off the pain signal to the nerve and then rapidly return your flexibility to its fullest active joint range of motion you forgot how to use, while waking up your lazy leg and back muscles…

MASSAGE, ADJUSTMENTS, ACUPUNCTURE, TRACTION, PASSIVE STRETCHING, LASERS and EVEN INJECTIONS GIVE ONLY TEMPORARY RELIEF FOR ONE REASON…

While I do agree that they feel really great and help relieve your pain, they NEVER address the lazy muscles surrounding the nerve. Again…like a tightly pulled seatbelt, the muscle stretch reflex locks in position in a few short hours after any of the above procedures. The sciatic nerve tissue gets squeezed forcing your back or leg into constant stiffness, numbness or pain.

Dr. Ofir Isaac PT, MS, DPT

Chronic Pain Diagnostic Specialist Owner & Clinical Director Hi my name is Dr. Ofir Isaac. I’m a Spine Specialist and Pain and Injury Consultant, and I guarantee that this procedure will work for you on the spot. www.AllCarePT.com.

Where? Allcare Pain Elimination For Life, at 1213 Ave P right here In Midwood, Brooklyn. It’s my passion to empower patients like you to eliminate their chronic pain through our unique “Active” Neuroscience-Based Approach To Pain.

C G

CG

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‫״כי הם חיינו ואורך ימינו״‬ ‫״עצו עיצה ותפר״‬

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107

The Nazi & the JewDoctor

by Rabbi Dr. David Fox

H

e was not an imposing man, short, tidily groomed.

I did not sense anything intimidating about him as he faced me in the office. But his eyes were striking – cold, metallic grey, locked upon mine with an unwavering gaze as he spit out his reason for making the appointment.

His wife had become paralyzed following an accident and could not speak, move or respond to anyone. She lay in bed, staring. No communication, no relationship. His reason for seeing me?

“Because all of my friends say I should just dump her and move on, but in my heart I needed to ask a… Jew-doctor.”

He said it casually without a smirk or taunt. He went on.

“I might as well tell you that you may have a hard time working with me.

I am a member of the American Nazi Party. I have also been a Klansman.” This was said without a sinister air, with no sense of menace. He wanted me to know from the start that I might I feel uneasy

32

working with someone who, well, considered me a “Jew-doctor.”

I was prepared to offer him respectful support. But, within my mind, I was eager to learn why his heart had prompted him to seek out a Jewish psychologist. “I want you to know doctor that I detest the Jews as a group, just like I oppose all other aliens who don’t belong in our country. But that’s not to say that I don’t recognize that some of you people are good at what you do. You make good accountants. You are great lawyers, doctors too. What I want from you is to tell me what you people would do if you were in my shoes.”

I still did not get it. This man was a racist, detested “my people”, but chose me to find out what a Jew would do if faced with his predicament. How could I possibly prescribe to him “the Jewish solution” if this man would have been content with “the Final Solution”? How would it matter to him if a solitary (Jewish) opinion might conflict with the recommendation of his bigoted peers To advertise, call 718-513-9885

who advised him to leave his non-functioning wife? Was this a matter of him needing to appease his soul, doing due diligence by seeking a second opinion from me, or was this a matter of conscience, if indeed he had one? He had already shared with me some of the criminal activities which he had been part of in his vigilante escapades. Was he having pangs of guilt, but only about deserting his wife of many years? Was it love that kept him bound to her, or was there some deeper dynamic banging at the basement door of his mind?

As the weeks went by, he began to loosen up. He had begun to trust me enough to share his emotional torment, in small pieces. The cold stare was still very present, but so were the occasional tear drops which dampened those steely eyes.

His marriage was once good. She was

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NyBuzzMedia@gmail.com His marriage was once good. She was a stable kind woman, seldom questioning him about his political views or pressing for details about his under-the-radar dealings. They had a love, clearly, and he appreciated her. Now she was confined to permanent bed-rest to live out her years, unresponsive forever. Should he stick with her, resigned to eternal loneliness, or respect his needs as a man and “cut his losses” and find another wife?

His dilemma was a psychological one that had some moral undertones.

One day, he referenced her accident.

It was a nonchalant remark, yet the first mention of the catalyst for his psychological struggles. “You see, doc, my wife’s accident may not have been a true accident.” I looked at him, stayed quiet, but with the most sincerely patient visage I could muster. He continued. “We had a little fight that day and she left in a huff. She sped off in the car and was probably careless because she was crying and mad at me.”

Guilt can do magnificent things to the mind. It can bring a person to his knees with regret, and it can propel a person into emotional and existential agony. The fights and arguments which we have with our dear ones, especially

when followed by tragedy, can lock us into spasms of remorse and self-blame.

Was he staying with her for penance, serving a life sentence with the woman he had fought with, which had led her to this living death?

The man went on, divulging a blend of woeful pain over what had become of his wife, but with sparks of anger at her. I gently pushed him to look at the sadness along with that hostility. He seemed to be hurting, yet was also resentful of his wife. We are all at time saddened by another’s hardships, yet vaguely aware that their predicament makes our own lives difficult. It is a hard tug of war between staying compassionate while also feeling anger when our own happiness is compromised by their inability to care for us.

She told me that she had been hiding something from me for 30 years.

“It was that last talk we had, before she took off in the car. “ This time, the moist eyes had turned to sobbing, tears lining his taught cheeks. The angry grimace still grasped his face, but he was crying. “She told me… that she had been hiding something from me for 30 years.

My wife… came from a Jew mother.”

He wept openly now, sad, bitter and yet there was something else going on.

“That was the worst shame anyone could cause me. And I told her that.

Then she ran out to her car.”

“When I heard she was in that car crash, part of me was sorrowful, but part of me felt she had it coming. She had lied to me all along. How did I ever get stuck with a Jew for a wife? Such shame she caused me. I hoped she would die then and there, but she didn’t.”

He breathed in deeply, seeming to loosen up and melt into the chair. Then he looked at me with pleading eyes, as if begging to share a conspiratorial wish.

In a soft whisper, he said, “So since my wife survived, she deserves for me to do what a Jew would do for a Jew. And that’s why I knew that I needed to get me a Jew-doctor. Can you help me, now, doc? Please can you help me?”

Sometimes, the twists and turns of a tortured conscience lead to the gateways of the soul.

Reprinted from Jewish Life magazine, www.jewishlife.co.za

ESS R

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