Flatbush & Five Towns Buzz May 11 2014

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O D T A H W ? K N I H T U O Y BY ROCHEL GROSS

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ed on a h s i l b u p y l t as recen w r e t t e l s i ieve it is l h e T b I . m u r o iters’ f to read w e J g religious wr n i k n i h r every t o f t n a t r uld the o o p h S im . t r a e h pic? ake it to o t t o s t i h d t n n a o s i s i h t emphas r e t a e r g e c a think. u o y t media pl a h w r ke to hea i l d l u o w S JL

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ello everyone, I just got back to my home in Eretz Yisrael after spending the last few days in Antwerp for a family simchah, and enjoyed catching up on all your e-mails. I would like to tell you about several very troubling anti-Semitic incidents we encountered, which left me wondering whether the writing world should be tackling this subject and bringing it to light. Let me preface my remarks by stating clearly that I am not the type to cry “anti-Semitismâ€? on every occasion. My parents always taught us to behave politely, make a kiddush Hashem, and have gratitude for the malchus shel chesed we lived in (England). My father used to rage when, for example, a Jew would double-park his car while running an errand, and then complain about DQWL 6HPLWLVP ZKHQ KH ZDV Ă€QHG LQ WKH LQWHULP ,I KH¡G GRXEOH SDUNHG KH ZDV JXLOW\ DQG EHVLGHV KRZ FRXOG WKH SROLFHPDQ KDYH NQRZQ WKH FDU¡V RZQHU ZDV -HZLVK" :H JUHZ XS NQRZLQJ we must be very careful before making declarations about anti-Semitism. However, we cannot bury our heads in the sand either. My parents, several of my siblings and I spent less than a week in Belgium, yet in this short period, we witnessed, many times, nasty oldfashioned European Jew-hatred, and it gave me the creeps. On one occasion, my mother and sister-in-law were surrounded by a group of jeering teenagers on the tram, who taunted them “Jude, Jude!â€? Needless to say, none of the onlookers so much as batted an eyelash. Biking is popular in Belgium and it is common to see religious men, boys and girls (even some women), cycling along the special biking lane. My two brothers rented bikes one day and were enjoying a ride down the street until a couple of men yelled after them, “Palestine! Palestine!â€? $QRWKHU GD\ D JURXS RI DERXW Ă€IWHHQ RI XV FRPSULVHG RI ZRPHQ DQG FKLOGUHQ WUDYHOHG WR %UXJHV E\ train, where we were met with such hostility—it was frightening. The driver of the bus in town refused to answer our questions, would not tell us how long it was to our destination and only curtly informed us that he would tell us when to get off, which he did not. After several minutes, we decided to get off anyway, and after wandering around, realized that we should have gotten off two stops earlier! :KHQ ZH DSSURDFKHG WKH OLWWOH ERRWK WKDW ZDV VHOOLQJ WLFNHWV IRU D ERDW ULGH RQ WKH FDQDO ZH PHW D Jewish couple who told us not to attempt to purchase tickets at that booth, for earlier on, the man there had simply refused to sell them tickets! Off we went to the next booth, but here, too, we were not treated nicely. The person manning the booth turned his head away from us as he answered our questions about the

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:K\ GLG \RX EORZ \RXU :K\ GLG \RX EORZ \RX whistle when you saw us w JHWWLQJ RQ"Âľ WR ZKLFK KH had the gall to reply, “It h would have been better had you stayed downh stairs‌â€? I will stress once again that we behaved very politely wherever we went and did nothing w price and length of the tour. He reluctantly did us a h huge favor and sold us (expensive!) tickets. The driver of the boat was equally unpleasant and counted us several times, hoping to tell us that we were too big a JURXS WR Ă€W LQWR KLV ERDW XQWLO Ă€QDOO\ KH JUXQWHG XQGHU KLV breath that we could get in. He made several snide remarks about us as we did so, chortling with the other passengers. On the way home, we arrived at the train station with very little time to spare and hastily made a dash for the esFDODWRUV WR WDNH XV XS RQH Ă RRU WR WKH WUDLQ 7KH JXDUG VSRWted us and began to yell that those of us with baby strollers WKHUH ZHUH WKUHH VKRXOG XVH WKH HOHYDWRU :H UDFHG WRward the elevator, which was out of order, and after pressing the button in vain several times, raced back to the escalators and headed up, strollers and all. The guard saw us coming, and just as some of the children managed to get onto the train, he blew his whistle! The doors slammed shut and there I was standing on the platform, half my stroller in the train, the other half suspended in the air. The kids began to shriek, as did the adults, and we forced the doors open and tried again to squeeze onto the packed train. Once again, he blew his whistle, leaving some of us inside and some outside. The next train to Antwerp was only leaving an hour later, the children on the train had no money, train tickets, or FHOO SKRQHV ZLWK WKHP DQG QRQH RI WKHP VSRNH )OHPLVK :H just had to get onto that train! So we pushed and pulled and pried the door open time and again and just about managed to get in as the train began to move. , ZDV HQUDJHG DQG \HOOHG DW WKH JXDUG ´$UH \RX FUD]\"

anyone. to provoke anyone It was wonderful to get back to Eretz Yisrael. I have never felt so grateful in my life for living here, amongst Yidden. And although I have often longed to travel to the Alps, I would not go to Switzerland or Austria now if you paid PH :K\ VSHQG P\ YDFDWLRQ LQ FRXQWULHV ZKHUH , DP VR XQZDQWHG DQG XQZHOFRPH" $QG ZK\ VXSSRUW WKHLU WRXULVW LQGXVWU\" 1HYHU DW OHDVW LI , FDQ KHOS LW But those are personal musings. My question to you is ZKDW DUH ZH GRLQJ DERXW ZKDW LV KDSSHQLQJ LQ WKH ZRUOG" Anti-Semitism is clearly on the rise, especially in Europe. (The Chabad shaliach of Brussels told my father that it has become dangerous to walk on the streets. He and his children have been stoned on several occasions. Universities in England are boycotting Israeli goods. The list goes on and on.) The Muslims are obviously doing a fabulous job at turnLQJ WKH ZRUOG DJDLQVW XV :KDW DUH ZH GRLQJ DERXW WKLV" As long as we are in galus, we will suffer from the inevitable fact that Eisav soneh l’Yaakov. Therefore, the only real answer is to daven for the yeshuah, b’karov, and to perform as many good deed as we can, gaining merits to protect us. (It should be noted that the hospitality of the Yidden in Antwerp is legendary! Mi Ke’amcha Yisrael!) But perhaps, in addition to that, those of us who have the RSSRUWXQLW\ WR ÀJKW EDFN D OLWWOH DQG VWLFN XS IRU WKH -HZV should do some hishtadlus in this area. Awaiting the arrival of Mashiach, bechol yom she’yavo‌ Originally from England, Rochel Gross is a freelance writer living in Jerusalem.

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Recipe For Closeness

Deep down we know what works when it comes to making our families closer. But too often life gets in the way, and suddenly our close-knit clan becomes a disconnected blur of people rushing off to do their own thing. Using these tips as a checklist can guide you in nurturing your family bond. 1. MAKE EVERYDAY MOMENTS MATTER Make carpooling and ferrying the kids around into “connection time, rather than task time,” says psychologist Doreen Lynn, PhD. “When my youngest daughter was little, I made sure to take on carpool duty to school every morning, no matter what. She was a different person during those car rides. I learned that morning time was more important to her than any other time of the day for wanting to talk and share with me.” 2. WATCH YOUR WORDS Clamp down on sarcastic jibes and putdowns. “The damage that’s done when people attack each other lasts long beyond the recollection of a particular disagreement,” says Barry J. Jacobs, PsyD, author of The Emotional Survival Guide for Caregivers. Always try to speak respectfully and cordially, even when you’re upset. Studies show that doing so helps preserve and enhance the degree of affection people have for each other. In reality, “the daily frictions of everyday life are going to cause people to lash out,” says Dr. Jacobs. We all say and do things we regret. The key is what we do afterward. And that means apologizing as soon as we realize we’ve sniped—and being willing to forgive, if we’re on the receiving end. “Otherwise, the damage is exacerbated,” he says. 3. REACH OUT AND TOUCH Touch is so profound—even if it’s in passing,” says Susan Hendrick, PhD, professor of psychology at Texas Tech University in Lubbock. It sends a powerful nonverbal message of closeness, connection and nurturing. Seize every opportunity to touch your partner, says Dr. Hendrick. “Sit close to each other.” That goes for your kids, too. Whether it’s a hug, a kiss on the cheek or a squeeze of the shoulder, children will get the same loving message. 4. SLOW IT DOWN Take a look at the number of solo activities your family is engaged in, then consider cutting back to the bare minimum. You can’t build close relationships without face-to-face time, cautions Dr. Hendrick. “The family needs to be together and the only way to do it is to slow everyone down, Mom and Dad included.” Limit kids’ extracurricular activities to one at a time—two at the most. If you worry that this might set your kids back in today’s world, Dr. Hendrick suggests pushing the Pause button and reminding yourself what’s ultimately important. ”Your children will do well 24 Bringing you the Buzz on Savings & Events I To advertise, call 718-513-9885

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even without music lessons or playing several sports,â€? she says. “They don’t need to be valedictorian to thrive in life. But it sure does help to have a strong family background.â€? 5. MAKE MEMORIES Whether taking family vacations or simply visiting relatives together, creating shared experiences is one way to ensure your family feels like a tight-knit team, points out Joseph Ferrari, PhD, professor of psychology at DePaul University in Chicago. “Close families build history.â€? It also gives them something to draw upon during tough times, according to Dr. Jacobs, who has studied how families respond in medical crises. 6. CREATE MORE COUPLE TIME (YHQ LI LW¡V MXVW D IHZ KRXUV D ZHHN PDNH WLPH IRU WKH WZR RI \RX $QG SURWHFW LW Ă€HUFHO\ :LWKout a close marriage, it’s very hard to maintain a close family. In our fast-paced society, closeness EHWZHHQ VSRXVHV LV XVXDOO\ WKH Ă€UVW WKLQJ WKDW JHWV ORVW Âľ VD\V 'U /\QQ ´+XVEDQGV DQG ZLYHV are tired at the end of the day. They’re too wiped out to talk. So communication goes. No matter what’s going on, you need to carve out ‘just us’ time.â€? 7. HAVE ONE-ON-ONES WITH YOUR KIDS Children need special solo time with their parents because it lets them know that they’re imporWDQW DQG WKH\ GRQ¡W QHHG WR Ă€JKW IRU \RXU DWWHQWLRQ ´:KHQ P\ NLGV ZHUH OLWWOH ZH XVHG WR KDYH what we called ‘alone time’ with each child,â€? remembers Dr. Ferrari. “One night a week, one child might stay up half an hour later than the other kids, and so something special with my wife and me.â€? Sometimes, they read a book together, played a board game, or just talked. As kids get older, the tradition can shift to monthly nights out with you and your husband. Let them choose the place and return to that same spot each time you go out. Make it “your placeâ€?; don’t go there with the entire brood. 8. LEND A HAND One of the hallmarks of a close family is the sense that everyone is united in “having the family’s back,â€? points out Dr. Hendrick. One way to build that unity—and model it for your kids—is to regularly ask each other, How can I help? “It’s a way of showing support,â€? she says. Make the message part of everyday life by doing chores together, pitching in a little more when one of you is sick, and tackling projects as a family. 9. MAKE HELPING A FAMILY AFFAIR Get your kids involved in also helping others. When a friend gets sick or a local family falls on hard times and you offer whatever help you can, get your kids involved. Ask them what they’d like to do to help out, or suggest something which is age appropriate for them. In this way, WKH\¡OO Ă€QG RXW Ă€UVW KDQG KRZ JRRG LW IHHOV WR EULJKWHQ VRPHRQH¡V GD\ $QG WHDFKLQJ \RXU NLGV to notice what’s going on in the lives of people in their own backyard fosters empathy and can inspire them to become willing helpers for others as well as within their own family. Remember, strong, close families help to build strong communities, so these tips for nurturing the family bond and EULQJLQJ IDPLOLHV FORVHU WRJHWKHU EHQHĂ€WV HYHU\RQH

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I

t was a very hot day in late August. Chavatzelet leaned on the heavy door to Klonimus Kukafka’s Judaica shop and greeted the rush of cold air with relief. “Yes?â€? asked the bearded man behind the counter upon hearing the tinkle of the bell. “You sell men’s prayer shawls? Tallitot?â€? Chavatzelet had seen several samples of men’s prayer shawls displayed in the front window. “Of course. What size?â€? &KDYDW]HOHW ZULQNOHG KHU EURZ ´+RZ GR \RX Ă€JXUH RXW WKH size?â€? she queried. “According to your husband’s height,â€? Mr. Kukafka explained. Chavatzelet studied the shelves of books, running her eyes up DQG GRZQ WKH FRUQHUV ´+RZ FDQ , NQRZ"Âľ VKH UHSOLHG Ă€QDOO\ ´,¡P not married yet.â€? “Oh, excuse me,â€? Klonimus apologized. “Is the prayer shawl for your father, then?â€? Chavatzelet shook her head in the negative. “Brother? Uncle? Nephew? Cousin?â€? Klonimus was not blessed with an overabundance of patience. “No, no!â€? Chavatzelet protested. “I just want to buy a tallit.â€? “Don’t you know that women don’t wear tallitot?â€? Mr. Kukafka whispered, glancing to the sides to be sure his other customers were not listening. “Of course I know that. I need a tallit because I want to get married.â€? “And how will that help you get married?â€? Klonimus was puzzled. “I heard that it’s a segulah WR Ă€QG P\ LQWHQGHG SDUWQHU LQ OLIH Âľ &KDYDW]HOHW FODULĂ€HG Mr. Kukafka sighed. “Me, I never heard about that segulah,â€? he admitted. “Don’t worry, sir. I will buy the tallit and Hashem will send the chatan.â€?

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ROCHEL ISTRIN

Mr. Kukafka shook his gray head, unsure whether to disapprove or sympathize, but a sale was a sale. “How tall do \RX H[SHFW \RXU LQWHQGHG WR EH"Âľ KH DVNHG Ă€QJHULQJ WKH SLOH RI yarmulkes on the counter. The young woman pursed her lips thoughtfully and then held her hand up a few inches over her own frame. “Like this?â€? The storekeeper nodded and chose a medium-sized prayer shawl, which he wrapped in tissue paper and put in a plastic carrying bag. After accepting payment from Chavatzelet, Klonimus returned to what he had been doing previously, tidying and rearranginging his merchandise. A few minutes later he raised his eyes and noticed that the girl was still waiting. “Do you need something else?â€? he asked. “No, thank you,â€? she replied gaily, her eyes never leaving the door. “You don’t expect your chatan to just walk in here right now, do you?â€? His bushy eyebrows rose in consternation. She smiled and nodded. The old man shook his head and frowned. Poor girl, he thought to himself, someone should help her. Just then the telephone rang. “Hello?â€? It was Aryeh Abutbul, an old acquaintance of Klonimus he hadn’t spoken to in years! While Mr. Kukafka enjoyed catching up, he noticed that his client was still waiting expectantly at the door even as other patrons entered, made their purchases, and left again. “Let me tell you why I called,â€? Abutbul’s voice was so clear it sounded as if he were in the other room instead of up north LQ 1DKDUL\D ´<RX UHPHPEHU P\ \RXQJHVW VRQ $YL" +H¡V D Ă€QH

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boy, but nothing is moving in the shidduch department. I thought to myself, who knows, maybe my old friend Klonimus knows someone, a girl who would make a good wife for my son.â€? “How old is the boy now?â€? Mr. Kukafka asked cautiously, watching Chavatzelet from the corner of his eye. “Well, on his next birthday he’ll be thirty-two,â€? Mr. Abutbul replied. “What age did you have in mind for a bride?â€? “Mid twenties. Maybe a little older? Nice looking. Educated.â€? Mr. Kukafka turned to the young woman waiting beside his door. “How old are you?â€? he inquired, sotto voce. “Twenty-eight,â€? she whispered conspiratorially. “You learned in seminary?â€? “Two years.â€? He nodded, returning to the phone. “What background are you looking for?â€? he asked. “Moroccan, of course!â€? responded Abutbul. “Where are your parents from?â€? Klonimus asked the young woman. “Marrakesh,â€? she responded proudly. “Aryeh, my friend,â€? Mr. Kukafka declared, “I have found your son’s bashert! What’s your name, girl? Chavatzelet Peretz? Give me your parents’ telephone number; I have to speak to them about a Ă€QH \RXQJ PDQ QDPHG $YL $EXWEXO Âľ

A week later Klonimus was dusting the shelves and humming a little tune. He was still on cloud nine from the shidduch that had been concluded between Chavatzelet Peretz and Avi Abutbul. “A match made in Heaven,� everyone agreed. Who would have

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thought that Klonimus Kukafka was a matchmaker? The bell tinkled. He turned around and saw a young wom Ă€QJHULQJ WKH WDOOLWRW RQ WKH FRXQWHU ´,¡G OLNH WR EX\ D WDOOLW Âľ V said shyly. “I heard it is a segulah WR Ă€QG P\ bashert.â€? This time he didn’t ask questions, but wrapped up the pray shawl and accepted her money. The girl thanked him and took u her station by the entrance. Klonimus sighed. “Lightening doesn’t strike twice in the sam place,â€? he murmured. An hour later the girl was still waitin quietly, the tallis held tenderly in her arms and her eyes watchin the door hopefully. Mr. Kukafka spoke in a paternal tone. “I wish you succe young lady, but it doesn’t work that fast every time.â€? She smiled bashfully, but didn’t leave. Klonimus sighed. He tried to focus on his account books, b he just couldn’t concentrate. During a lull between customers decided to at least make a small gesture to help. His wife kne some shadchanim. It wouldn’t hurt to ask her to get involved. “Hello, Bayla? Listen it happened again, another girl bought tallit for a segulah. I tried to explain that it’s not Shabbos every da but she just smiled.â€? Mr. Kukafka put his hand on his chest. “ hurts my heart to see her waiting by the door. Maybe you kno some young man? Here, I’ll let you talk to her yourself.â€? He hand the telephone to his customer.

“Two mazal tovs in two weeks!� Bayla Kukafka congratulat her husband. “You might need to change the wording on o store’s sign.� “Bayla,� he replied, “when it’s the right time in Heaven, ev an old shopkeeper can be a shadchan! But I think I’ll place a lar order of tallitot.�

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YOU FIRST G

ail, the social worker, came to Chaim’s bedside. “You’ll be going home in three days, Mr. K. Any ideas how you’ll manage?â€? “Oh, I’ll be alright,â€? said the octogenarian with a small smile. “I’ve always been independent.â€? “Yes, but now you’re after an operation. You’ve broken your hip and can’t walk on your own,â€? Gail said. “Do I understand that you live alone RQ WKH WKLUG Ă RRU"Âľ The old man answered slowly. “My ZLIH GLHG PRUH WKDQ Ă€YH \HDUV DJR Âľ “Do you have any children?â€? “My son died as a small child many years ago.â€? “Yes?â€? the social worker probed. The answer was slow in coming. “I have a daughter‌ but I haven’t had anything to do with her for a decade.â€? Why is that?â€? she delicately asked. “It’s a long story, I’d rather not talk about it,â€? Chaim said, no longer smiling. But Gail wasn’t giving up. She QHHGHG WR Ă€QG D VROXWLRQ ´:HOO PD\EH we can change that. You’re going to need help, and the most natural place to look is within the family.â€? “Ha!â€? Chaim blurted out harshly. “There won’t be any help coming from that side.â€? “Tell me about the break. What caused it?â€? “I gave her everything! An education, a wedding. I even helped them buy an apartment -- but what’s the use of talking. That all happened a long time ago and to make a long story

“

short I’ve had nothing to do with Ilana and her husband in ten‌ no, 12 years.â€? “What if I call her,â€? Gail suggested. “Do what you want, but I’m not taking any part in that,â€? the old man said bitterly, turning to the wall and refusing to talk anymore. Stubborn Gail left and did some detective work. She found the name and phone number of her patient’s daughter and set up a meeting with her at her home. Ilana was a pleasant, middle aged woman who worked as a lab technician and had three teenaged children. She seemed genuinely concerned when she learned that her father had broken his hip and was KDYLQJ D GLIĂ€FXOW UHFRYHU\ “I don’t think there’s anything I can do,â€? said Ilana quietly. “We haven’t been in touch for 12 years or more. $W Ă€UVW , WULHG WR PDNH SHDFH ZLWK my father, but he’s such a stubborn old character. I’m sorry that he holds a grudge. My children haven’t had a grandparent because of that. Their other grandparents live abroad -- my husband’s an American. Mind you, we see them more often than we see him.â€? “Tell me how it all started,â€? Gail said. Ilana sighed. “When my third FKLOG ZDV ERUQ KH ZDV WKH Ă€UVW grandson in our family. My father thought we’d name the baby after him -- that’s the custom in the Moroccan community. But my husband doesn’t have that custom. He had a brother who was killed in a car accident, so we named the baby after him. My

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father was furious. He also wasn’t the sandek (the godfather). I don’t even remember why. He left the brit in the middle, yelling and cursing and never came to visit us again.â€? Ilana was silent for a minute. “Even when my mother died, we didn’t sit shiva together. It’s very sad. We’re not a big family. My only brother died when he was eight years old from meningitis. My mother, may she rest in peace, used to sneak over here to visit us, but oy vah voy if my father ever found out. So I’ve learned to live without a parent. It hurts, but what can I do.â€? “Now, after all these years, I should just forget everything? No! He started WKLV Ă€JKW OHW KLP VD\ KH¡V VRUU\ Âľ “Well now he’s ailing and in trouble. He needs you. Maybe you could somehow make up with him.â€? Ilana’s mouth turned downward and a harsh look came over her face. “Now that he needs me, I should forget everything? All the insults he hurled at me when I tried to make peace years ago? The way he embarrassed me when we sat shiva alone for my mother and people couldn’t understand why? Now, after all these years, I should just forget everything? No. No! He started WKLV Ă€JKW OHW KLP VD\ KH¡V VRUU\ Âľ “Your father is an old man. It’s now or never.â€? But Ilana was just as stubborn as her father and Gail left feeling despondent. Forgive? Never The next day Chaim perked up when he saw the social worker come

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into his room. “Nu?â€? he asked, seeming to hope that she had something pleasant to tell him. He really does want to make up with his daughter, Gail thought. He just doesn’t know how to go about it. “I met your daughter,â€? she said. “She really is a lovely person. She’s upset to hear you’re in the hospital.â€? “So?â€? said the patient. “I think she’s waiting for you to call her so that you two of you can get together again.â€? That sense of hope slipped away from Chaim’s face. “Never. I’ll never make a move to forgive her after what she did to me‌â€? “What did she do to you?â€? Chaim could barely speak. “My only grandson‌ at the brit, she didn’t give me any of the honors. She didn’t call the baby in my name. She ignored her own father, the man who raised her and did so much for her. Not a single honor. I couldn’t lift my head in the synagogue when people asked me ‘What did they call your grandson?’ The shame! And afterwards, when she called, to explain, to apologize, she only took her husband’s side, not mine. No, if she wants to make up, let her call me.â€? “Well if you’re not going to get assistance from your family, we’ll either have to arrange to send you to a nursing home or apply for hired home help.â€? Chaim refused to consider an institution, so Gail asked him WR FRPH WR KHU RIĂ€FH DQG Ă€OO out forms for a home worker that afternoon. Chaim was wheeled LQWR *DLO¡V RIĂ€FH ZKLFK VKH shared with a colleague, still seething with anger and perhaps disappointment. As WKH\ EHJDQ WR Ă€OO RXW D IRUP a young woman’s voice asked from the door, “Is the social worker for the children’s ward

here? I need a parking permit for my son who’s on crutches.� It was Ilana. She immediately recognized Gail. Then her eyes fell on the frail, elderly man in the wheelchair sitting across the desk from the social worker. He looked so small and ailing. Without thinking, she fell at his side hugging and kissing him, crying, “Oh, Abbale, Abbale, you look so pale and sick. I didn’t know! I didn’t know!� The old man returned her hugs, “Ilana, my Ilana!� Tears were

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streaming down his cheeks. “Miracles sometimes happen,â€? Gail later reported at her next social workers’ meeting. Chaim went home with Ilana, gaining three new grandchildren and a new lease on life. And if you ask the daughter and her elderly father how it came to pass, they’ll look at each other, laugh and say at the same time, “Well you WXUQHG WR PH Ă€UVW GLGQ¡W \RX"Âľ R Reprinted from Aish.com with permission

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By: Sarah Tyberg

I

t was a rainy, dismal summer afternoon, many years ago, and the steamy August heat enfolded us like a wet blanket. My brother and I sat on our living room couch, swinging our legs listlessly. I was dressed in a pink taffeta party dress with a stiff white crinoline, patent leather Mary Jane shoes, and a big satin bow in my hair. I must have been about seven years old at the time. My brother, who is two years younger than me, was wearing a blue plaid jacket with a matching bowtie, and a plaid visor cap. When he smiled, there was a gap where his two front teeth used to be. My mother lay in bed in the next room, moaning softly. We were supposed to be going to a relative’s wedding. Whose wedding it was, I can no longer remember. All I knew was that we were supposed to be on our way to the wedding, and now my mother was too sick (again!) to go. All our cousins were going to be there, and it was sure to be a lot of fun. But now, my mother could not even summon the energy to get out of bed. Mommy had been born

with a congenital heart defect and an enlarged heart, but I didn’t know that. All I knew was that it was getting later and later, and that we were going to miss the wedding for sure. What a calamity! Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and we raced to answer it. Standing in the doorway, was an old meshulach with a long white beard and black frock coat. “Who is it, kinderlach?” my mother called out weakly. “It’s an old man, Mommy.” “Well don’t let him stand in the doorway, let him come in,” Mommy scolded. Mommy left her sick bed and put on her robe to welcome our honored guest. “Come in, Reb Yid, come in,” she urged. “Have a seat, you must be tired. I’ll get the pushka.” My mother strode purposefully into the kitchen, her pain forgotten, and opened up the kitchen cabinet. There, behind the cereal boxes, 15 or 20 tzadakah boxes were lined up

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proudly. A pushka for the Diskind Orphanage in far off Yerushalayim, a pushka for Yeshiva Jacob Joseph, a pushka for Reb Meir Baal Haness (her favorite), a pushka for Yeshiva Torah Vadaath; the list was endless. Every morning before she davened, and every Friday afternoon before she benched licht, my mother placed some coins into her beloved pushkas. Now my mother reached for the appropriate tzadakah box and handed it to the meshulach. My brother and I watched in amazement as he produced a tiny metal key from the voluminous folds of his frock coat, and turned over the pushka. Out onto the kitchen table rolled hundreds of pennies, dozens of nickels and dimes, and even some quarters - a veritable fortune in small change. Next, the meshulach expertly stacked tidy little columns of coins, and started counting out the money meticulously. He swiftly wrote out a receipt, and once again, the magical key was whisked away into the folds of his coat. We were spellbound. “Come, Reb Yid, have something

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to eat and drink,â€? Mommy urged. “You must be hungry. You don’t have to worry about Kashrus in our house. Look, we even have Cholov Yisroel!â€? Since we were the only Shomer Shabbos family on the block, and indeed, the only Shomer Shabbos family in the entire neighborhood, Mommy had cause to be proud. The weary meshulach needed no further urging. He sat down at the kitchen table while my mother bustled around the stove, providing him with a hearty meal of homemade vegetable soup, scrambled eggs, cottage cheese, and sour cream. Her grey eyes sparkled. Replete with good food, the JUDWHIXO PHVKXODFK Ă€QDOO\ ZHQW RQ KLV way, after heaping upon my mother blessings of good health, long life, and nachas from the children. My brother and I raced to the window to watch him go, but in a blink of an eye, he had disappeared into the mist. “Come children, what are we

waiting for? It’s time to go to the wedding, we don‘t want to be late!â€? “Oh Mommy, are you feeling better?â€? “Yes, Baruch Hashem, much, much better now. I was feeling very sick before the meshulach came, but I knew that Hachanas Orchim is a big mitzvah. And I’m sure that performing such a big mitzvah did indeed make me feel better.â€? “You know, kinderlach,â€? she informed us, while we were in the taxi on the way to the wedding, “I’m sure the meshulach was none other than Eliyahu Hanavi who came to visit me.â€? “Really, Mommy?â€? My eyes were wide open. ´'HĂ€QLWHO\ Âľ VKH DVVXUHG PH ´7KHUH really is no other explanation.â€? Of course there wasn’t. The next day, when I went to school I told some of my classmates that Eliyahu Hanavi had come to visit us. They didn’t believe me. “Why would Eliyahu Hanavi come to your house?â€? a little girl scoffed.

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But I believed it. After all, my mother had told me so. Well, all that happened many, many years ago. Little girls don’t wear party dresses with matching crinolines any more, and for that matter, very few people invite total strangers into their homes either. My mother eventually went on to have open heart surgery to correct her heart defect, and after many years, she and my father moved to Eretz Yisroel, where she merited to feed many, many a poor meshulach. She died a few years ago, just 2 months shy of her 84th birthday, having outlived the hale and hearty cardiac surgeon who had RSHUDWHG RQ KHU E\ D JRRG Ă€IWHHQ \HDUV “Complications of her enlarged heart,â€? we were told. “Her heart was just to big for her body.â€? And indeed it was, indeed it was. L’iluy Nishmas Faige Shaindel Bas Moshe Binyamin o

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Humor

Noises in

My

Head Weren’t the good old days a lot simpler? ROCHEL BURSTYN

R

otary phones were the greatest. They rang, and we knew where they were: plugged into the walls. Simple. Now, they are wherever we or our family members have left them. In other words, they could be in any number of weird and wonderful places. I’ll be looking for it frantically, twisting, turning, throwing cushions off the couch, opening the fridge (you NEVER know) as it rings and then suddenly, “Hey, who put the phone in the tool-box?â€? Usually it’s best not to ask too many questions for the sake of shalom bayis. It’s ironic how the development of modern technology has aided and abetted us in any number of ways. Now we can throw our clothes into a machine instead of standing by the river all day. Throw dishes into a machine instead of standing by the sink and getting soapy hands. We can talk on the phone in the park, in stores, on buses—no need to make small talk with passing acquaintances or old teachers because now you can be on the phone with \RXU ROGHVW FKLOG DV KH EDE\VLWV IRU WKH Ă€UVW WLPH ZKLOH \RX¡UH RXW ,W¡V ORYHO\ UHDOO\ But with all this “lessâ€? technology—handless, wireless, cordless—also comes other “less’sâ€?—less polite, less friendly, less approachable.

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But back to the house phone. In the house, it’s considered okay (polite to ignore the gifts Hashem has showered us with) to speak on the phone all day if your kids don’t mind. And of course, they don’t mind—it’s just that they need you as soon as the phone rings. When it gets lost, you end up looking like a maniac. Running from room to room, cocking your ear, exclaiming, “I think I hear it in the other room!” and dashing back and forth. In the olden days, it was never good when you heard a distant ringing, even worse if you couldn’t À QG WKH VRXUFH But most people have a resourceful solution. They’re called three-year-olds. 0XFK EHWWHU DW À QGLQJ SKRQHV WKDQ adults are. Maybe it’s because they’re closer to the ground. At least that’s what I tell my kids. They even think it makes sense. Note to self: Anything makes sense to little kids if you say it with a straight face. So there I was hearing my phone ring all day and walking in circular routes

around my home, throwing blankets off beds to look underneath but to no avail, waiting for my three-year-old to come KRPH IURP VFKRRO VR KH FRXOG À QG WKH phone for me. Of course the moment he came home, my phone was silent. But I knew it was charged. (That’s really the worst that can happen. I have a cousin who lost a phone that wasn’t charged, so it didn’t ring at all. And we all know what that serious condition means: L.T.P. [Lost Till Pesachcleaning]. They had to go out and buy another one for the remaining ten months of the year.) So I was able to do what brilliant, resourceful people do in this scenario: call my house line with my cell phone. This one time, I sat on the couch while my three-year-old looked all over for the phone. He was in the other room when I À QDOO\ KHDUG KLV VZHHW OLWWOH YRLFH RQ WKH other end of the line: “Hello?” What was the quickest way to get him to give me the phone? “Hi, Avi, is your mommy there?”

I heard footsteps approach. Avi was smiling and talking into the phone. “Yes, who is this?” By this time, he was standing in front of me, but he still hadn’t realized it was me (and I wasn’t even putting on voices!), WKRXJK KH ZDV Á DEEHUJDVWHG ZKHQ KH noticed that the lady on the other end of the phone was saying the exact same thing as his mommy in front of him. Finally, laughing, I explained to him that I had called the phone and he was speaking to me. Now whenever the phone rings, he thinks it’s me. He’ll answer the phone with “Hi, Mommy!” which always gives me a bit of explaining to do when I take the phone from him! But I do have to say this, telemarketers appreciate it. They’re confused, but appreciative. When my husband calls the house and my son answers, “Hi, Mommy,” my husband assumes it’s a sign of how much I’m actually on the phone. I told him, believe me, I’m not on the phone as much I’d like to be. If only I knew where it was half the time!

It’s just that they need you as soon as the phone rings.

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59

By: Michal Steinberg

My Car Accident I

t was hurtling toward me in slow motion -- a Honda, candy apple red -- and I knew we were going to collide. He hadn’t seen me inching into the intersection behind the big black van to my left. We crashed with a sickening crunch of metal on metal and the haunting screeches of brakes being pressed a little too late. I went into shock. My best friend, who was in the car with me, took charge and VWDUWHG PDNLQJ SKRQH FDOOV ÀUVW WR the police, and then to my mother. I vaguely remember a Hatzalah EMT volunteer holding my neck in place and asking me my name. I don’t think I answered. I wasn’t capable of speech at the time. I was whisked into an ambulance and taken to a hospital for CT scans and X-rays. All I can remember is the nauseating feeling of riding horizontally in the speeding ambulance, trying to keep myself calm and attempting to ignore the images in my head that kept playing incessantly, like a movie reel stuck on one frame, forcing me to relive the collision.

“I’m a good person,� I told myself, convinced that this was an arbitrary act on God’s part and indignant that it happened to me. I emerged from shock at the hospital to see my mother and father staring at me, worry written all over

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their faces. My mother looked as though she was going to be sick. Yet the prognosis was good: I had whiplash and a golf ball sized hematoma on the side of my head. A CT scan had been ordered to check for internal bleeding, but the chances were unlikely; I hadn’t blacked out, DQG D VLJQLÀFDQW DPRXQW RI WLPH had passed since the accident and I was still conscious. Under the circumstances, I was lucky. My car had been totaled, my mother informed me. The Honda had smashed straight into the front of my car, destroying the engine completely. My mother’s eyes were glassy and she looked a few minutes away from passing out herself. My father had brought me food and a book to read. It was interesting to see them both in the room with me, united in their concern for me and my well-being. After a number of hours in the hospital I was discharged with a neck-brace and a prescription for enough sedatives to take down a team of racehorses. I was told to take it easy for the next week while my

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muscles attempted to release from spasm. My parents bade farewell to each other and I went home with my PRWKHU 0\ Ă€DQFH ZDV WKHUH ZDLWLQJ IRU PH DV KH KDG EHHQ IRU WKH SDVW Ă€YH hours while I was at the hospital. I spent some time reliving the details of the accident and talking it out with him, and then collapsed under the LQĂ XHQFH RI WKH VHGDWLYHV I spent the next few days doing absolutely nothing. I was too sore and sick to go anywhere, but not sick enough to evade boredom, so I sat in bed, frustrated with my current situation and feeling very sorry for myself. Instead of evaluating what had happened and what God might have wanted me to learn from the crash, I chose to wallow in self pity and became more and more morose as the hours passed. “I’m a good person,â€? I told myself, thoroughly convinced that this had been an arbitrary act on God’s part and indignant that it had happened to me. I couldn’t imagine life without my car and hated the idea of being FKDXIIHXUHG E\ P\ SDUHQWV Ă€DQFH RU brother. Plus the spasms in my neck were really getting on my nerves. I couldn’t imagine that I had done anything to deserve the extremely annoying situation I now found myself in. I wallowed for two days, drawing further and further into myself, until my brother snapped me out of my mood with a comment that hadn’t even been meant for me. “I’ve been so much more cautious since Michal’s accident because now I see that even safe drivers can get into trouble,â€? I overheard him telling my younger sister a day or two after the accident. The comment completely changed my perspective on my collision. Until that point, my 17-year-old brother had been a bit of a reckless driver, cutting corners and driving too fast when he had the opportunity.

Despite the talks my mother had with him, my brother had shown no real interest in slowing down or exercising more caution than he felt was necessary on the road. Hearing that my accident had convinced him to become a more responsible driver ÀOOHG PH ZLWK D VHQVH RI SXUSRVH Was this the reason I had gotten into DQ DFFLGHQW LQ WKH ÀUVW SODFH" I started to examine my situation. The more I contemplated the accident, the more I uncovered hidden lessons within the collision. Lessons like appreciating the fact that I had the privilege of owning my own, brandnew car at the age of 20, or being thankful that it was my car that was completely totaled, not my body, and most importantly, an appreciation of God’s love for me. The red Honda hit so hard, it completely destroyed the front of my car and totaled my engine, but thank God, I walked away virtually unscathed with only minor muscle damage and a bump on the top of my head. It was truly a miracle. I thought about how my accident had brought both my parents together LQ WKH VDPH KRVSLWDO URRP IRU RYHU ÀYH hours, yet not one word of hostility had been exchanged between them –

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a miracle in its own right. The more I mused over the hidden blessings in what had once looked like a curse, my mood changed from morbid self pity to gratitude and understanding. I thanked God for allowing my accident to serve as a lesson for my brother and for opening my eyes to the miracle I had witnessed, and all the miracles He does for me on a daily basis. I recovered quickly, thank God, and by the end of the week I was driving again, albeit cautiously. But my experience had revamped my connection with God and my appreciation for all the things I had taken for granted, like my car and my health. I regret that it took a car accident to awaken me to all the blessings in my life, but it did the trick. I still keep my neck brace as a reminder that God does miracles, both big and small, for me every day. And whenever I feel myself becoming entitled or unappreciative, I open my closet door and stare at my neck brace and remind myself of what a wonderful gift it is to be alive, healthy, and happy. Reprinted with permission from Aish.com.

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Bring Israel to your home with these healthy Mediterranean classics. GITA BIXENSPANNER, ND

Salads With Mediterranean Flair

Variety

R

ecently, we were on a visit to the Holy Land. What a beautiful trip we had. We visited many places, stayed in wonderful hotels. We visited family and friends. Naturally, being out of our routine, and being presented in every place we stayed with the most wonderful meals, I came home afraid to face the scale, sure that I had gained at least 10 pounds. But when my husband and I weighed ourselves, we were utterly delighted to see that our fears were unfounded. Upon pondering the matter, we wondered how that was possible. We really enjoyed ơ ǡ Jerusalem, the Dead Sea, or Safed. True that after such a great breakfast we could not eat much until the evening meal, but still, we speculated, what could have kept the scale in check? I think the secret was the Mediterranean diet. What are key components of the Mediterranean diet? Good fats such as olives and olive oil and plenty of vegetables and fruits!

Olive oil is used extensively in the Mediterranean Ƥ ơ body. Researchers believe that there is a link between olive oil and the prevention of colon cancer. Adding just two tablespoons of olive oil to your daily diet Ƥ disease. Ƥ they start the Mediterranean diet is that the olive oil makes it easier to digest foods. We also followed the well-known nutritional advice: “Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a pauper.” In every hotel I approached the chef, who was happy to share the recipes for the salads and dressings with me. Here are a few new but some old mostly simple recipes adapted to the Mediterranean diet that I picked up on this most memorable trip.

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HUMMUS Hummus was a constant dish served wherever we went. Every ơ for breakfast or dinner, as did the family simchas that I attended. Ƥ Ǩ ready made when you can make it yourself, with the best ingredients? Ingredients

2 cups chickpeas, soaked overnight, or 2 15-ounce cans of chickpeas, drained and rinsed juice of 1 small lemon (seeds removed, pulp optional) 1 tbsp. good quality olive oil 2 tbsp. tahini (sesame paste; you can Ƥ grocery store or more cheaply in a Middle Eastern specialty shop) 3 cloves garlic, crushed water to adjust consistency sweet Hungarian paprika and green onion slices, for garnish

Directions Cook chickpeas for one hour or until tender with salt and 1 small onion. If using canned chickpeas, drain and wash the chickpeas and then add to blender or food processor. Add crushed garlic, olive oil, tahini, lemon juice, and about 2 tablespoons

ǁĂƚĞƌ͘ WƵƌĞĞ ƵŶƟů ƚŚĞƌĞ ĂƌĞ ŶŽ ǁŚŽůĞ ĐŚŝĐŬƉĞĂƐ ĂŶĚ ƚŚĞ ŚƵŵŵƵƐ ŝƐ Ă ƚŚŝĐŬ ƉĂƐƚĞ͘ ZĞŵŽǀĞ ĨƌŽŵ ďŽǁů ŽĨ ŵŝdžĞƌ ĂŶĚ ŐĂƌŶŝƐŚ ǁŝƚŚ Ă ƐƉƌŝŶŬůĞ ŽĨ ƉĂƉƌŝŬĂ͘ ƌŝnjnjůĞ ƐŽŵĞ ŽůŝǀĞ Žŝů ĂŶĚ ƚŽƐƐ ƐŽŵĞ ĐŚŽƉƉĞĚ ƚŽŵĂƚŽĞƐ Žƌ ŽůŝǀĞƐ ŽŶ ƚŽƉ ŽĨ ŝƚ ŝĨ LJŽƵ ĚĞƐŝƌĞ͘ ^ĞƌǀĞ ǁŝƚŚ ƉŝƚĂ ďƌĞĂĚ͘

REFRESHING GREEN CABBAGE SALAD Ingredients 1 green cabbage 12 baby tomatoes, halved 1 small red onion, sliced 1 handful parsley leaves, chopped 1 tbsp. blanched sliced almonds

Dressing 3 tbsp. olive oil 2 tbsp. lemon juice 2 cloves garlic, crushed salt and pepper to taste Directions In an aluminum pan, roast almonds for ƪ ǡ sure not to burn them. Remove from the oven and reserve. Thoroughly wash and check every cabbage leaf for insect infestation or substitute with 1 bag Bodek green cabbage. Slice cabbage very thinly. Mix in halved baby tomatoes, thinly sliced red onions and parsley. Coat with dressing ingredients until thoroughly blended. Toss almonds on top of the salad for garnish. Preparation time: 20 minutes Serves 4-6

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GOOD OLD ISRAELI SALAD ǡ ǡ ǡ Ǥ ǡ ǡ Ǥ ǡ ǡ ǡ Ƥ Ǧ Ǥ ǡ ǡ Ǥ ǡ Ǥ Ingredients 2 tomatoes 1 yellow pepper 1 red pepper ͖ Ƥ ͕ onion or one stalk green onion

Dressing ͗ Ǥ ͖ Ǥ ͖ ǡ ǡ taste

Directions ǡ Ǥ Ǥ ǣ ͕͙ ͘Ǧ͚

CARROT SALAD ƪ Ǥ Ingredients ͗ ͕ Ǥ ͕ Ǥ ƪ ͕ ǡ ͕ ǡ Dressing ͖ Ǥ ͕ Ǥ ͖ ǡ ǡ Directions

Ǥ ǡ ƪ ͕͔ ͔͘​͔° ǡ ǯ Ǥ Ǥ Ǥ ǣ ͖͔ ͘

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CREAMY DILL RANCH DRESSING Ingredients 1 cup homemade or storebought mayonnaise 1 bunch Bodek fresh or frozen dill Directions Mix mayonnaise with dill and toss over Chickpea Salad. This dressing is great over any salad Ƥ Ǥ

CHICKPEA SALAD ƪ to this satisfying salad. Ingredients 2 cup cooked chickpeas 2 cups cucumber, peeled, seeded and diced 2 cups grape/cherry tomatoes, halved ¼ cup crumbled

reduced-fat feta cheese ¼ cup red onion, diced ½ cup Creamy Dill Ranch Dressing, recipe follows Freshly ground pepper and salt to taste

Directions Place chickpeas, cucumber, tomatoes, cheese, onion, dressing and pepper in a medium bowl. Mix until coated. Toss a 6-ounce container of yogurt over the salad or alternatively use the creamy dill dressing. (optional: add olives or broccoli) Preparation time: 15 minutes

Preparation time: 5 minutes Serves 4

TEHINA Tahini is a traditional Middle Eastern paste made from ground sesame seeds. It has a creamy texture and distinctive ƪ ǡ sauces and dips like hummus, tahini sauce, and baba ghanoush (eggplant dip). Techina is mostly served in the center of the hummus plate, topped with olive oil and occasionally with chickpeas or olives. The two dips make a great dressing for any salad or pasta dish. They also are a perfect accompaniment for falafel balls and Israeli salad.

Directions Place all ingredients in a container with a lid. Shake vigorously. Adjust seasoning to your taste. Tehina thickens with time. Preparation time: 5 minutes Serves 4-6

Just thinking of all these delicious dishes helps me reminisce about our lovely trip to Israel. May we all be able to return there shortly!

Ingredients ½ cup sesame paste ½ cup water 2 tbsp. lemon juice 2 tbsp. light tamari sauce 2 cloves garlic, crushed

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