Flatbush Buzz September 6 2015

Bringing you the Buzz! on Savings & Events Volume 3, Issue 49 September 6th 2015

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Safe in the Sukkah Memories

of a Kenyan Childhood

rhona lewis

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S

ukkos was my favorite holiday; it meant listening to Kiddush in the anonymity of the sukkah, instead of on the bimah in the front of the shul.

Our shul, the only one in all of East Africa, had a long-standing tradition: Every Friday and festival night the children would go up to the bimah, hear Kiddush, and sip the wine. There was no hiding in the crowd, since only nine children came to shul. I was one of them and I enjoyed the sweet, thick wine.

As the years passed, I grew tall and thin, and worried over what to do with my long arms. I stood at the bimah and tried to hide behind my brother. And I wondered what it would be like to live in a real Jewish community with a shul crowded with children.

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I would run down the steps of the women’s section and around to the side of the shul. I scanned the shadows for Wellington, the shul shamash, who would emerge from the dimness the moment the service was over. Old and dignified, he stood perfectly erect, greeting each congregant with a handshake and a warm, gentle smile. He wore a large black kippah on his head, and the silvery strands of a sparse but long beard graced his chin. It was strange: Africans rarely sport beards. Wellington, a member of the Luyah tribe from Western Kenya, served the community for thirty years, and upon his demise his son replaced him.

On the first night of Sukkos the men looked proudly at the single lulav and esrog, which the community had flown in from Israel. It would exchange hands many times the next morning during services.

Against the side of the shul stood our sukkah. The sides of the small metal frame that permanently occupied this spot were covered with yellow reed mats that smelled faintly musty. Years later, an Israeli entrepreneur would market these mats worldwide as roofing for sukkahs. I was always

The inside of the shul. The stained glass windows were designed and executed by a German glass craftsman 1990.ah

History of Jews in Kenya Jewish history in Kenya begins in 1899 when the first Jew arrived in Nairobi and opened an export business. A few years later, in 1905, the Zionist Commission arrived in Kenya to investigate the possibility of a Jewish homeland in the Uasin Gishu Plateau. At the time, there were about ten Jews living in Kenya.

This proposal is often misnamed “the Uganda Plan,” as the designated area had recently been removed from the Uganda Protectorate and incorporated into Kenya. Two years later, the Zionist Congress rejected this plan.

In 1908, the Nairobi Hebrew Congregation, comprising thirty Jews, purchased land to build a synagogue.

The aim of the shul was to ensure burial services and provide a place to daven for the High Holidays. Although they showed little interest in actively following a

religious lifestyle, it stands to their credit that most members were traditional and married fellow Jews. World War II saw an influx of Jews from Europe, and dozens of refugees arrived and settled on farms in Kenya’s Highlands.

In 1954, a bigger shul replaced the original shul, which was in disrepair. In 1963 Kenya gained independence, and a year later the first Israeli Embassy was opened. As a result, the 1970s saw an influx of Israeli construction companies, farmers and public health contributors.

For the most part, these Israelis remained separate from the local Jewish community that comprised doctors, lawyers, hoteliers, architects and, like my parents, property managers. This was the peak of Jewish presence in Kenya, and I grew up in this cocoon.

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On Sukkos the men looked proudly at the single lulav and esrog, which the community had flown in from Israel.

one of the first to slip into the shelter of the sukkah.

At an altitude of 1,700 meters (5,500 feet) above sea level, the nights in Nairobi were usually cool. I sat on one of the wooden benches that lined the sides of the small sukkah, happy to be sandwiched warmly between my parents. Palm fronds shorn from the trees that dotted the shul’s exquisite gardens rustled above my head.

Sometimes I would peek through these palm branches into the soft blackness of the night and wonder why I felt so safe in the sukkah. I knew that it wasn’t because of the Israeli security guards walking quietly around the shul gardens or the African guards provided by the Kenyan government who would nod gravely as we walked through the shul gate. With the wisdom of a child, I decided that I felt safe because here in the sukkah I was part of something big, something holy.

The original credo of the shul weathered the years, and it still adhered proudly to Orthodox traditions, even though most members were not strictly observant. From 1909 to 1991 a range of reverends and rabbis led the congregation. During the many years between the appointments, when the community was leaderless, the more knowledgeable members stepped in to run the services and to teach bar mitzvah boys. During the last few years, Chabad sent representatives to Nairobi for some of the festivals.  Three years ago, I traveled from Israel back to Kenya to visit my parents. They no longer live in Nairobi, but have moved into a house on the shores of Lake Naivasha, a two-hour drive from Nairobi. An electric fence around their property protects the roses and geraniums from hungry gazelles, hippos and giraffes.

Visiting the shul, I admire the new stained-glass windows. The morning light filters through the glorious rainbow panes that represent the twelve tribes. As a child I used to watch the changing patterns cast by

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You Did It! The sun was warm and friendly that morning. I was watching an army of termites building their mound when, in a dash that belied her sixty-plus years, the Contessa, an eccentric French countess who was one of our neighbors, raced past me shouting loudly, “You did it, you did it! The Israelis rescued the hostages in Entebbe.”

My father came out of the house; his eyes were wet.

It was July 4, 1976, and while Jews all over the world were dizzy with relief and pride, the Jews in Kenya had an additional reason to celebrate: The Kenyan government, in keeping with the warm ties that characterized its relationship with Israel, had allowed the Israeli planes to land in Nairobi for refueling on their way to and from Entebbe. In addition, Kenya enabled the Israelis to set up a mobile operating unit to take care of casualties.

the sun shining through the yellow and blue Star of David windows that these new panes have replaced. However bright the sun shone on any given morning, the light I used to watch crawling across the shul floor and tables always seemed jaded and listless. I feel that the light pulsing through the new panes is proudly celebrating the rebirth of my soul.

I wander along a path of stones and moss to where the frame of the sukkah still stands. I finger the peeling green paint; the bars are cool. I think of my sukkah in Israel.

The wooden boards are varnished a warm brown, and decorations, some exquisite, some whose beauty lies in the memories that surround them, cover the walls. The roofing is a thick layer of palm branches that we take from our garden.

I step into the frame of the Kenyan sukkah and for a moment I taste the sweetness of my childhood. I whisper my thanks to the palm fronds for intimating that Hashem’s protection and the holiness of a life of mitzvos could be mine, if only I would find the courage to strive and discover it.

Entebbe Airport

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Story

THIS IS WHAT

HASHEM WANTS FOR ME NOW M

IRIAM IS ONE OF THE most confident, empathetic, and kind people I know. Her children are happy and well-adjusted. She runs a successful business from her home, is active in her community’s chessed organization, and is invariably the first one to bring a kugel to a sick neighbor.

She is also the survivor of an abusive marriage.

Miriam: When I returned home after attending one of the best seminaries in Eretz Yisrael, everyone expected that I would find a top-notch shidduch. I came from a fine home that emphasized Torah learning, and my teachers thought very highly of me. Everyone, myself included, assumed that I would marry the shpitz of the yeshivah and live happily ever after.

I got engaged to the – and I mean the – top boy from a large, prominent yeshivah.

It seemed a perfect match and I felt myself to be the luckiest girl in the world. The period of my engagement, the chasunah, and the sheva brachos were like a dream.

My chassan and I spent hours talking together as we learned more about each other and shared our deepest feelings and aspirations.

The only warning sign prior to the chasunah that something might not be picture-perfect appeared after we were already engaged. I discovered that my chassan’s mother had psychological problems. After making discreet inquiries, we found out that she had been diagnosed with OCD and that occasionally she

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found it impossible to function. What we were not told is that apart from that, she was also extremely abusive, and that the entire family showed signs of dysfunction.

Obviously this information was only known to those very close to the family, since the image they managed to present to the wider world was still one of a harmonious unit.

The first signs of abuse appeared about three weeks after our wedding, although I didn’t recognize them for what they were. How could I, without any frame of reference? I’d never come across such a person before, and I didn’t know how to compute what was going on.

My husband could be incredibly loving and kind, just as during the first few weeks after the chasunah, but then suddenly, without warning, he would hit me and tell me that I was ugly. Things escalated

My husband succeeded in convincing me that I was worthless. I felt that I had less value than a piece of dirt

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AS TOLD TO DEBBIE SHAPIRO

pretty quickly after that – within just a few months, it had already got to the point that when he was home, I was afraid to wash the dishes, since I wouldn’t know if he was about to attack me from behind.

When we were in public, he still made a fabulous impression. He is a very intelligent, charismatic man, and a phenomenal learner. Everyone took it for granted that he was also a wonderful husband. After all, outwardly he looked like a real tzaddik. No one could have dreamed that he spent most of his day sleeping – they just assumed that he was learning around the clock, and occasionally collapsed from exhaustion.

I spent the first year of my marriage trying to come to terms with my disappointment. I went to work in the morning and returned home in the afternoon to find my husband still in bed, asleep. I watched as my dreams disintegrated right before my eyes, and although I tried to accept that this was what was bashert for me, it was still devastating.

That was why eventually, I went to consult with someone. Several people told me that a certain woman was an expert in shalom bayis issues. But although she genuinely meant well, she had most likely never been trained in recognizing the signs of an abusive relationship; furthermore, she lacked the empathy and perspective that might have compensated for this.

Although I didn’t feel able to tell her the full extent of what was going on, I still managed to convey that my husband criticized me a lot, shouted at me, and left me to shoulder the full burden of the home as well as parnassah. I didn’t tell her that he actually hit me. Even before going to her, I already thought that I was the one to blame for his failings, and so I guess that to admit that things had gone that far would have been too difficult for me.

She tried to convince me that if I would only do more and give more, then

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my husband would change. And of course, this only enhanced my feeling that all the problems resulted from me not being the perfect wife. I began to truly believe that it was all my fault – that despite my best efforts, I had somehow turned my fine, upstanding husband into a lazy, angry, and violent person.

My husband constantly told me that I was ugly. He claimed I was a failure and that I couldn’t cope. In the face of the reality, his accusations were ludicrous; I had succeeded in building a flourishing business from scratch while running a home and raising my two children – and doing it all with almost no help. Yet my husband succeeded in convincing me that I was worthless. I felt that I had less value than a piece of dirt. Today, I can see that he was simply acting out his frustrations and his jealousy that he was the one who couldn’t manage – he envied my success, and didn’t know how to deal with his feelings. And so he would curse me for hours on end, and then physically abuse me. It was a nightmare.

The turning point came when the shalom bayis counselor told me that no matter what he did to me, I must continue to respect him. She suggested that every day, I should make a list of five things for which I respected him. But as much as I tried, I couldn’t find what to write on that list. I realized that there was nothing about him that I found worthy of respect. And this realization terrified me.

A few days later, I attended an evening sponsored by Bnos Melachim during which one of the speakers talked about how each woman must take responsibility for herself, as an aspect of tzniyus. I decided that I had to do something about the situation and I contacted a different shalom bayis counselor, whom I’ll call Rochel. Later, I learned that she had been trained in dealing with cases of abuse.

Nonetheless, at that point, I still didn’t realize that I was in an abusive relationship

She convinced me that if I would give more, my husband would change – which only enhanced my feeling that it was all my fault for not being the perfect wife – I only knew that something was very, very wrong. But Rochel picked up on it right away. Just a few minutes into our first conversation, she asked me if he ever hit me. Although he did hit me, often, I told her that he didn’t. I was still in denial and couldn’t face the painful reality that my husband behaved in such a brutal way.

Rochel spent the first six months building me up as a person. She taught me how to believe in myself, and also to realize that I should not, and could not, take

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responsibility for my husband’s behavior.

Although she never explicitly detailed his faults, once I gained self confidence and was happier with myself, I was able see the situation realistically – and it was bad.

I remained in my marriage for a further six months, carefully recording everything in a diary so that I would be able to look at what was going on and evaluate it from a distance. It soon became clear to me that the situation was totally insane and that I could not continue this way. The more I weighed the different options, the more I realized I had no choice. My decision to divorce was carefully thought out, not emotional, and not one I made in a moment of desperation or anger.

And since I didn’t want to make a big fight, I left him everything, while I got what I wanted – my children and my freedom.

While I was going through all this, I read the following story, which had a tremendous impact on me: A man in a European shtetl told the rav that he wanted to divorce his wife and asked him to arrange a get. When the rav asked him why, he replied, “She’s my wife, and I don’t want to speak badly about her.”

The rav told him to return in three months, and if he still wanted a divorce, the rav would arrange it for him.

Three months later, the man returned

I realized that there was nothing about him that I found worthy of respect. And this realization terrified me

and the rav arranged for him to give his wife a get. After everything was finalized, the rav turned to the man and said, “Now she’s not your wife any more. Please explain to me why you wanted to divorce her.”

“But now she’s another Yid,” the man answered. “What right do I have to speak badly about another Yid?” After reading this story, I made a conscious decision to emulate that man, and refrain from speaking badly about my former husband. Although I haven’t been perfect about this, I feel that I’ve really risen to the challenge. It has been extremely difficult since my ex-husband spread terrible stories about me and I had no doubt that people were talking about me behind my back. But I’m proud of the fact that today, when people ask my friends why I got divorced, most of them can honestly say that they don’t know.

Speaking of friends, they have been amazing, and they still give me so much support. A woman going through divorce needs to know that there are people there for her; people who trust her and who will give her the emotional, financial, and physical help that she so sorely needs. And baruch Hashem, I received all that. Friends invited us for Shabbos meals, took my son to shul, and even babysat occasionally so that I could have some time off and go to a shiur or just out for a walk. Their support and compassion made all the difference and gave me the emotional strength to face everything that I was going through.

As a consequence, I was able to parent my children in a much healthier manner than would have been possible otherwise.

Debbie: How did you explain the divorce to your children?

Miriam: I told my younger child that when Mommy and Daddy lived together, Mommy was very sad, and then I went on to explain that since I wanted her to have a happy Mommy, I moved away.

It was much more difficult for me to explain things to my older child. He remembers seeing my husband hitting me,

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and he heard a lot of screaming and yelling in the house. I made it very clear to him that it was for these reasons that I got a divorce – he has to know that a husband may never hit a wife, and that if he does, there are consequences, including divorce.

But I am still very careful never to say anything bad about his father, or that I got divorced for my son’s sake – I don’t want him to feel “guilty” for the divorce – even though, l’maaseh, all the professionals say that my leaving was the best thing I could have done for the children. No one can imagine how witnessing abuse damages a child. By removing my children from that situation, I gave them the gift of life, a safe home in which to grow up.

Today, in addition to raising my wonderful children and running a thriving business, I often speak to women going through ordeals similar to those I experienced. I try to show them that although divorce is certainly not ideal, it is possible to have a beautiful, fulfilling life afterwards. Yes, of course I’m lonely, and yes, I do hope to someday remarry and continue building my family, but until that happens, I am living my life to the fullest instead of grieving over what could have been. Had I been given a choice, this is certainly not what I would have chosen. It is not even close to what I davened for. But it is where Hashem wants me to be now and for that, I am very, very grateful.

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‫בס"ד‬

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e v i s u l c x e from

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The Govohah Special Projects announces the sponsorship of the Summer Food Service Program for children. Meals will be made available at no charge at all sites to all attending children 18 years and younger. Sponsors of camp sites will make meals available to all children and the meals will be at no charge for income eligible attending children 18 years old and younger. The sponsor assures the new York state education department that children are served the same meals and that there is no discrimination in the course of the food service.

There will be no overt identification of free meals recipient amd no discrimination against any child on the bases of race, color, natioal origin,, age, disability, sex gender identity, religion, reprisal, and where applicable, political beleifs, marital status, damilial or parental status, sexual orientation, or all or part of an individual’s income is derived from any public assistance program, or protected genetic information.mes

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no ck schlo ry ssa nece

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‫מטר‬

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‫בס״ד‬

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Healthy Lifestyle Recipes

Perfect Challah andDivine Desserts

Yom Tov

for

GiTTa BixenSpanner, n.D.

I

t seems that almost every Jewish holiday has its special foods, and Rosh Hashanah is no exception. The first thing that comes to mind when

baking for the Yom Tov season are the round challos we consume during the High Holiday season, all through Simchas Torah.

The round challos are sometimes sweeter than those eaten the rest of the year, with added raisins and they are dipped in honey for their symbolism. The idea of something round is that of completeness. We want our year to be wholesome, round, and sweet. The concept of a circle also reminds us of Hashem’s infinity and omnipresence, as it has no beginning or end.

Another reason we use round challos is to make them look like a crown, as we are crowning Hashem as our King, which is essentially the service of the season.

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Braiding challos into a round shape can be an art. Inasmuch as there are many ways to achieve the round look, the following pictorial instructions can help simplify the task.

After experimenting with many methods, these were found to show the best results.

Round Sweet Challah for Rosh Hashanah Basic recipe

5 cups water 5 lbs high gluten flour or regular flour 2 oz. yeast or 3 ½ tbsp dry yeast.

3 tbsp honey 2 eggs (optional) 1 cup oil 4 tbsp Kosher salt ½ cup raisins (optional) 1 egg for glazing Sesame seeds or poppy seeds for the topping (optional) Put all ingredients slowly into the mixer in the order given. Allow to mix for at least 12 minutes, until you get elastic and perfect dough. Should the dough be too dry, add some water. Should it be too wet, add more flour. Use your discretion to obtain the right consistency. Sprinkle with some flour so it does not stick to the bowl. Cover with a plastic bag (for faster rising) and then a dishtowel.

Allow dough to rise for 1 hour. Then punch it down, allow to rise another hour, and punch it down again.

Cut the dough into desired amount of challos you want to obtain.This is the simplest way of achieving a crown looking challah. Cut your dough into the preferred size and twirl it around into this shape, tucking in the end under the challah.

For a fancier and braided look cut each piece of dough into six pieces and roll them out into six strands. .Shape the strands into tic tack toe shape then you will have 3 strand on each side. Braid each side and then tuck them under the challah. Allow to rise another 20 minutes.

For a beautifully glaze use only the egg yolk to “paint” your challah.

Sprinkle with sesame seeds or poppy seeds, or leave as is.

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This is the simplest way of achieving a crown looking challah. Cut your dough in the preferred size and twirl it around into this shape, tucking in the end under the challah. Feel free to use illustrations below to braid the white challah.

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Healthy Honey Cookies These cookies are traditional for the Rosh Hashanah season. These were made with spelt flour. They are very light and melt in your mouth.

4 ½ cups spelt flour ½ lb honey plus another little bit ½ cup oil 1 tsp vanilla 1 tsp baking soda Pinch of cinnamon 4 eggs

Mix all ingredients well. refrigerate dough overnight, covered so it does not dry out. You can also work with it after 1 hour of refrigeration Make balls with wet hands and put them into a cookie sheet. preheat oven and bake them for 12-15 minutes.

Delicious! preparation time: 20 minutes Yields: 24 cookies

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Best Apple Cake 3 cups all-purpose flour 3 tsp baking powder ½ tsp salt 4 eggs 2 cups sugar 1 cup canola oil ½ cup orange juice 2 tsp vanilla sugar 6 cups thinly sliced, peeled apples (about 6-8 apples) 2 tsp ground cinnamon 3 tbsp sugar Confectioners sugar (optional)

Combine the first 3 ingredients; set aside. in a large bowl, beat eggs and sugar. Combine oil and orange juice, and add alternately with dry ingredients to egg mixture. Beat until smooth; add vanilla and beat well. pour half of the batter into a greased and floured tube pan. arrange half the apples over the batter. Combine cinnamon and sugar, and sprinkle half over the apples.

Top with remaining batter, apples and cinnamon/sugar.

Bake at 350 degrees F (180 degrees C) for 1 hour and 10 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean.

Cool for 1 hour before removing from pan. Cool, apple side up, on a wire rack. Sprinkle top with confectioners sugar if desired. preparation time: 15 minutes Serves:12-16

Baked Apples

This is a great dish, because it is a great finish for a heavy meal and yet filling enough for a snack. it’s a nice dessert to serve when having company.

4 Macintosh apples, cored 2 tbsp homemade granola 3-4 raisins per apple Dash of cinnamon Bake apples with a little granola and raisins in the center, and a dash of cinnamon at 400 degrees F (204 degrees C) for 20 minutes. Enjoy!

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Honey and Spice Chocolate Cake a moist and lightly spiced honey-chocolate cake that will definitely please the chocolate lovers at your Rosh Hashanah dinner. Makes a sweet and “oh so yummy� ending to your meal. This cake is sure to please even the most discerning palates.

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3 cups all-purpose flour ½ cup unsweetened cocoa ½ tsp salt 2 ½ tsp baking powder 1 tsp baking soda 1 tsp ground cinnamon ½ tsp ground cloves ½ tsp ground allspice 1 cup vegetable oil 1 cup honey (preferably clover honey) 1 ½ cups granulated sugar ½ cup brown sugar (firmly packed) 3 large eggs 1 cup seltzer or cola beverage (such as Coke or Pepsi) 1 ½ tsp vanilla sugar ½ cup chocolate chips (optional) 1 cup unsweetened shredded coconut (optional) Topping: (optional) Fresh Strawberries Homemade chocolate sauce or store-bought readymade chocolate syrup confectioners sugar preheat oven to 350 degrees F (180 degrees C).

Grease well a 10-inch tube, angel food, or bundt pan. Set aside. in a large mixing bowl, combine the flour, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, ground cloves, and allspice. Set aside. in bowl of electric stand mixer (or a hand mixer may be used with a large mixing bowl), combine honey, oil, and both sugars.

Beat mixture on low to medium-low speed for 1 minute. add in the eggs, seltzer (or cola, if using) and vanilla and beat for 2-3 minutes on low speed.

Slowly add in the flour mixture and beat on medium-low speed for another 2 minutes until batter is smooth and well combined, scraping down sides and bottom of bowl as needed (you want to make sure all of the honey and other ingredients are well combined, not sticking to the bottom of mixing bowl).

With a wooden spoon, fold in chocolate chips and grated coconut (if using), then pour batter into prepared tube or bundt pan and bake in preheated 350 degrees F (180 degrees C) oven for 50-65 minutes or until cake tester inserted in center of cake comes out clean (without any moist crumbs). remove from oven and let cake cool in pan for 15 minutes, then invert onto wire rack and let cake cool completely. When cake has cooled, transfer to a serving plate or platter. if desired, place several strawberries over top of cake, drizzle with chocolate sauce or store-bought chocolate syrup and dust cake with confectioners sugar just before serving. preparation time: 20 minutes Serves: 12-14

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Not responsible for typographical errors.

HALF PRICE

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SIMPLY BETTER: BEFORE. DURING. AFTER.

BEFORE PRICE & SELECTION to suit every taste and budget

IN

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HIGH QUALITY & EASY SETUP

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for many years of enjoyment

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DURING

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SUKKAH OUTLET OF FLATBUSH

SUKKAH OUTLET OF BORO PARK

1546 Coney Island Avenue Brooklyn, NY 11230 718.377.5151

Ave. M & Corner E. 19 Brooklyn, NY 347.563.0406

4406 16th Avenue Brooklyn, NY 347.578.1510

NATIONAL SUKKAH OUTLET | 20 Brighton Avenue, Passaic, NJ 07055 | 973.778.5624 | sukkahoutlet.com

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