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Bi -Weekly Magazine Volume 1, Issue 21
Bringing you the Buzz on Savings & Events
June 1 2014
THE GREAT JEWISH TOUR OF
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CAN YOU BRING THE MOUNTAINS TO THE HEART OF THE CITY? One amazing day camp did just that! Summer is a time to take a break from routine, and staying in the city doesn’t have to be hot and boring. Reb Leifer, noted mechanchet and preschool director, noticed young children playing on the streets of Borough Park during the hot sweltering heat. She thought to herself how wonderful it would be to be able to bring the country to the city even just for a couple of weeks. An Idea was born and the rest is history!
Each activity is individualized for each age level so that every child can excel. Older campers can look forward to special exciting day trips and an enjoyable learning and shiur program provided by professional and experienced Rebbeim and teachers.
My Yellow Bus Daycamp is not just a typical day camp. They are raising the bar by providing a unique and safe camp experience geared for campers ages 2-8. MYB was founded In the summer of 2011. Their goal is to bring the joy of the mountains to your child, and this year with UIFJS CSBOE OFX TQSBXMJOH DBNQVT UIFZ IBWF mOBMMZ been able to do just that. They believe that even UIF ZPVOHFTU DBNQFST TIPVME IBWF B GVO mMMFE TBGF outdoor country experience‌. even in the city. Join their fourth smashing successful year where non stop excitement and unique themed programs BSF EBJMZ FWFOUT "DUJPO QBDLFE EBZT BSF mMMFE XJUI swimming, sports, woodworking, gardening,arts & crafts, music, & dance. Special events, such as carnivals, amusement park rides, animal rides, hayrides and a special live performances by their very own campers are just some of the planned activities . All activities are brought on site, so there’s no schlepping on hot and stuffy buses. Your child will be happy and you will be too!
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Since summertime should be a time for mothers to relax too, MYB serves a nutritious and delicious breakfast, hot lunch and snacks providing you with the relief of that hectic morning rush. Additionally air conditioned transportation with door to door service is offered for your convenience. The dedicated staff at MYB have been able to create the ultimate camp experience. With small groups and extra supervision children stay safe and protected and do not get lost in the crowd. Children at MYB get the real camp experience they crave while getting the warmth and personalized attention they need. 4QBDF JT mMMJOH VQ GBTU TP NBLF sure you and your child are not left out of this euphoric experience! Call them today to sign up @ 347-694-8090.
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Activities, entertainment & events right on campus!
A safe environment for your preschool child
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1829 East 19th Street Brooklyn, NY 11229 (718) 336-0001
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Reb Alter Kaufman Ę''ĢĒ (grandson of Horav Yaakov Yosef Herman Ę''ĢĒ/All for the Boss) was a ben torah, tremendous ba'al cheses and hatzolah volunteer. Late Tuesday night, a few weeks ago, R' Alter received a phonecall from a school asking if he can come fix something
4 WAYS TO DONATE
in the building to enable them to open in time the next morning. Never one to turn down someone in need, R' Alter headed over to assist. The ladder he was standing on suddenly cracked..... R' Alter, suffered serious head injuries and was niftar at just 40 years old the following evening... He left a young almana with 11 yesomim, the oldest a chosson
Call 24 hours:
732-334-0050 Tax deductible checks can be made payable to "Kaufman Orphan Fund" and mailed to Kaufman Orphan Fund C/o Horav Osher Kalmanowitz Rosh Yeshivas Mir 2024 East Seventh Street Brooklyn NY 11223 t Kaufman Orphan Fund C/o Horav Aharon Zuckerman Rav D'khal Zichron Pinchos 142 Flintlock Drive Lakewood NJ 08701 t Canadian checks should be payable to "Beth Oloth" and mailed to: Kaufman Orphan Fund c/o R' Meir Kaufman 526 Coldstream Avenue Toronto Ontario M6B2K6 t Yoshon: Locker #34 t "MVNOJ Locker #26
kaufmanorphanfund@gmail.com
and the youngest not even 2 years old!
R' Alter was known as the address for anyone in needWe must help his family in their time of need! ™ ÂĄ ¥¢¼² ¼™¹²¢ Â˘ÂĽÂžÂœÂ› ³™¢¹° ÂĄ Âœ ÂŤ ²³ ž¼ª¤ ÂŤ ÂŤ ÂĽÂĽÂĽ ¢›™¹¥ ¨Âž™š žŠ³™§  °¼Š ¢›¢§ Â?ŠÂ?Šž °Â?šž§ Œ¢§² ™¹ ž žŠ¢Šž¼ š ³žž§ Â?ÂĽÂŤ ¢¤ ÂĽÂŤ ¹š² ³°Â&#x;š žŠŠÂ? ¢ ²§² ³¢š Â? žŠ¢³Šž¤² Œª¹žÂ§ ¢Â? ¹²™ Â? ÂŤ ÂŤ ¨™§Â¢ž° š°¢ Â?²§ ¹³¼™ ¢š²ž³ ¢šž² § œ ™ ¢š¹  Â?ÂąÂ? Â? Â? žÂ¤ Â?¼¢¼ ¨ž²¢™š ÂœÂžÂœÂ˛ ¼Šž Â?¼Š ¨ ž™š ÂœÂŞÂ ÂŹÂœÂžÂąÂž ÂœÂŞÂ ÂšÂ?ž™¤ žŠ¢¹¢ ¢š ž¢¹ ™ ¹¢™²Â? ÂĽ Â&#x;Â&#x;  žŠ§Â?ž ³žŠš¼  ¹š £žŠ¢ ³¢šš ÂœÂžÂ§Â˘ÂĽ ÂąÂœÂ ÂłÂ˘Â˘ÂŠÂšÂš ªŠ¤Š ™¼ Â¨Â˘Â˘ÂœÂŤ ¹ž¤šÂ? ¹²™ ÂŚ °ª ³ Â˘ÂœÂĽÂ˘ ¹² œ ™ž ¢ ³² Â?šž² Â?Š§¼ ž °¼Â? ÂĽÂŤ ™¹žŠÂ? Œš™¤ ÂœÂšÂĽÂ§Âž ™ ³ž Š™¼ Â?Š²§ž ¨²§ ™¼¼ Â? žžžš Œž¢š Âœ ÂŞ ž¹™²Šž Â?ž ¼ ªš Œ¢¢°³³² ¹ž¤šÂ? ¨šÂ? ¼² ž³Âž ¢¤ ÂŞ ¹¯ ›¢²Â?ÂĽ ÂŚÂ?¢¼ ¹¢™²Â? ž³¢š ³ªŠ¹Âš Œ¢§¢Â? ¼¤ Â?²°³Š ¹²™  žŠ§Â?ž ÂĄ ÂĽ ÂŤ ÂĽÂĽÂĽ ¥ š Œ¢°ž°Â&#x; ™š™ ™¼¼ ³¢š ³ªŠ¹Â¼² Œ¢Š ¼¼šÂ? ¥š² Â? ÂĽ £¢¹¯ Â?Â&#x; ¨¢™ž ΢¼™¼ ³žšž ž¢¹ ¼¤¤ ÂŚÂœÂŤÂŞÂĽÂž Œ¤§³¼ Â?¼ž¼ªÂ? ™ ÂŁÂąÂœÂš Œ¢§ ž³¢Â? ÂœÂ˘Â§ÂŤÂ?ÂĽ Â˘ÂœÂ¤Âš ÂŚÂ˘ÂĽÂžÂœÂ› Œ¢§ž¤ª¼ ¹²Â™Â? ³ž² ¼ž°¼ Œ¤ŠÂ&#x;™ ž¥Â? Â?¹¯¼ ΢ʪ ™Š™ Â?ÂĽÂŻÂ?Â? ³™¢¹° ³¢šÂ? ³¼¯Â?ÂĽ ž³¼¤¢ ¢Â¤§ ¹³ ™¯³ ¨™¤§ž ž¢ ™ž ™ ¼¤ Œ¢²ž ž¯¼ Â?ž Œ¢§ž³¢Â? ž Â?Š§¼™Â? ΢ š¼š ÂłÂ¹ž¥§ Â?Š¢Âª¤ ÂłÂœÂœÂžÂŠÂłÂ§Â? šž Ϊ Â?¹ž³Â? ³¤¹š¼ Â?¤Â&#x;¢ žÂ&#x; ² Â? Œ¢§¢Â? ¼¤ ÂœÂŞÂ Âž šž¥ £™ ³ž™Â?š›²Š Â?ž¯§ ¨§¼ Â?²§Â?ž Â?²žÂ? ¼¤  ¥š¼ž ¹¼ £££¼² ³™  §²§ ¢Š™ ¢¼² ³™  §²§ Â?³™ Â?š›²ŠÂ? Â?ž¯§ ž¯§Â? ÂœÂžÂšÂ¤ÂĽ  žžž¤Â? š¢¥¢Â? ÂŤÂžÂœÂ˘Â¤ ™¹žŠž Œž¢™ Œ² Â?š¹ Â?ž¯§ž ÂŚÂłÂžÂ°Â ÂœÂž Œ³ž¢Š š¯§Â? ¢¤ žÂ&#x; Â?Â˛ÂžÂœÂ° Â?™¢¹°š ΢¹¥¯§ ™ ›› Œ¢¢¢ª§Â? ¼¤ž ÂĽ ŠŠÂ? Œ¢Šš¹Â? š¯§ ¥¹šž ÂĽÂĽÂ Â? ¼™ Œ¢šž¹°Â? Œ¢²Š™§ Â˘ÂąÂšÂœÂ¤ ³¼ž¤¢Â? ¢Â¤§ ¹³ž¢ ³ž²¼ž Œš¼ ³ž¼™²§ ¼¤ž ¹žÂ&#x;ÂŤÂĽ § Â? ¼¯Â?ž Â?¤¹š ÂŤÂ²š ¨ž¢¼ ¢Â§ ž¤¹š³¢ žÂ&#x; Â?ÂĽÂžÂœÂ› Â?žž¯§¼
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www.kaufmanorphanfund.com
Rosh Yeshiva Mesivta D'Lakewood, at the Emergency Asifa
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Under the Leadership of Rabbi Vigler
"EIS - EDRASH բ 9II D D ISH /TZRRO S 0 0 L AY 3CHOOLL բ +IRUV (EBREW 33 CH H O OL բ 3HIURIM ! ! ND D ,ECTURESS բ -ERKAZZ (ACHASSS ID D U S բ /P P E RATION - I TZZ VAH 3HARRE բ #OMMU U NITY 3HAA BB B ATONS բ -ARR RIAGE ! ! N D 0ARENTII NG 7ORKSH H OPS բ ,AGG " " OMER - EGG A %VENTT բ #OMMUN N ITY %VENTS բ 4HINK # # H A SSIDUS 0UBLICATIO O NSS բ 7OMEE N S #HALLAH H "AKING 33 H IURIM բ -Y %% X TEE NDED &AM M ILY
BUILDING LIVES. INTERNALLY
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the unlocking your sense of self
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Special Recog nition: RABBI Y.Y JA COBSON, Mashpia M ayan Yisroel
Join us at our 6th Annual Dinner June 16, 2014 . 18 Sivan 5774 at the Canal Jean Building
Honoring
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Yissocher Zivulin Corporate Award
For Dinner Reservations and Journals Ads Contact: www.mayanyisroel.net/dinner | 718.677.0030 dinner@mayanyisroel.net
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The
EDUCATED
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Registered Behavior Technician
RBT workshop series will be presented by a Board Certified Behavior AnalystÂŽ (BCBAÂŽ). Come gain an in depth understanding of behavior and development, and enhance your work with individuals with autism and other disabilities.
Send your staff for RBT certification, ensuring quality behavior analytic services.
Agencies & Schools
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Course Now Being Offered What is an RBT
Get the preliminary training needed to join the fields of ABA and Special Eucation.
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Girls Back From Seminary
When? Sundays 9:00-4:00, June 29-August 17 Where? In Monsey, Location TBA Cost: $350 pp
An RBT is a paraprofessional who practices under the supervision of a BCBA .The RBT’s primary responsibility is the direct implementation of treatment plans developed by the supervisor. The BACBŽ created the RBT credential to ensure quality treatment.
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Parents & Caregivers Pre-registration is required. Call: 917.696.2019 Email: behaviorconsults@gmail.com
This training meets Behavior Analyst Certification Board ÂŽ requirements. In order to receive the RBT certification, you must have a high school diploma and be 18 years of age. Additionally, you must attend 40 hours and pass a competency test. The Behavior Analyst Certification BoardÂŽ does not sponsor, approve, or endorse the materials, information or sessions identified herein.
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by Rabbi Shraga Simmons
Why Dairy on Shavuos? Seven fascinating reasons for this popular custom.
Ahhh... the sumptuous delight of blintzes and cheesecake. Eating a dairy meal on Shavuot has become an enduring tradition. But what’s the source for this? Here are seven fascinating reasons:
REASON #1
When the Jewish people received the Torah at Mount Sinai, included was special instructions for how to slaughter and prepare meat for eating. Until then, the Jews had not followed these laws, thus all their meat – plus the cooking pots – were now considered “not kosher.” So the only alternative was to eat dairy, which requires no advance preparation. This raises the question, however: Why didn’t the Jews simply slaughter new animals, “kasher” their pots in boiling water (hagala), and cook fresh meat? The answer is that the revelation at Sinai occurred on Shabbat, when
slaughter and cooking are prohibited. Another point to clarify: How were the Jews able to obtain milk on Shabbat, since milking an animal falls under the prohibited activity of mefarek? The answer is that the Jews already had milk available from before Shabbat, which they had been using to feed the various animals that accompanied their journeys in the wilderness.
REASON #2
Torah is likened to milk, as the verse says, “Like honey and milk [the Torah] lies under your tongue” (Song of Songs 4:11). Just as milk has the ability to fully sustain the body of a human being (i.e. a nursing baby), so too the Torah provides all the “spiritual nourishment” necessary for the human soul.
REASON #3
The gematria (numerical value) of the Hebrew word for milk, chalav, is 40. We eat dairy foods on Shavuot
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to commemorate the 40 days that Moses spent on Mount Sinai receiving instruction in the entire Torah. (Moses spent an additional 40 days on Sinai, praying for forgiveness following the Golden Calf, and then a third set of 40 days before returning with a new set of stone tablets.) The numerical value of chalav, 40, has further significance in that there were 40 generations from Moses who recorded the Written Torah, till the generation of Ravina and Rav Ashi who wrote the final version of the Oral Torah, the Talmud. Further, the Talmud begins with the letter mem – gematria 40 – and ends with mem as well.
REASON #4
According to the Zohar, each one of the 365 days of the year corresponds to a specific one of the Torah’s 365 negative commandments. Which mitzvah corresponds to the day of Shavuot? The Torah says: “Bring Bikkurim (first fruits) to the God’s Holy Temple;
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don’t cook a kid in its mother’s milk” (Exodus 34:26). Since the first day for bringing Bikkurim is on Shavuot (in fact, the Torah calls Shavuot “the holiday of Bikkurim”), the second half of that verse – referring to milk and meat – is the negative commandment corresponding to Shavuot day. Thus on Shavuot we eat two meals, one of milk and one of meat, taking care not to mix the two. Interestingly, we are instructed not to use the same loaf of bread for a meat meal and then later at a milk meal, lest some of the meat substance had splattered on the bread. Thus by eating two meals – one of milk and one of meat – we inevitably have two loaves. This corresponds to the special “Two Loaves” that were offered in the Temple on Shavuot.
REASON #5
An alternative name for Mount Sinai is Har Gav’nunim, the mountain of majestic peaks. The Hebrew word for cheese is gevina, etymologically related to Har Gav’nunim. Further, the gematria of gevina (cheese) is 70, corresponding to the “70 faces of Torah.”
REASON #6
Moses was born on the seventh day of Adar, and stayed at home for three months with his family, before being placed in the Nile River on the sixth of Sivan. Moses was rescued by Pharaoh’s daughter, who adopted Moses and took him to live in Pharaoh’s palace. But right away a problem arose: what to feed the baby. In those days, there was no bottled baby formula, so when the birth mother wasn’t available, the caretaker would have to hire a wet nurse. In the case of Moses, he kept refusing to nurse from Egyptian women. The Talmud explains that his mouth needed to be kept totally pure, as it would one day communicate directly with God. Finally Pharaoh’s daughter found one woman who Moses agreed to nurse from –
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Yocheved, Moses’ biological mother! Appreciate the irony: Pharaoh’s murderous decree against Jewish babies was specifically intended to prevent a new generation of Jewish leadership. So what happened instead? Moses, the upcoming great Jewish leader, was raised, educated and trained – right under Pharaoh’s nose, in Pharaoh’s own home, at Pharaoh’s expense! And on top of it all, Moses’ mother got paid a salary! The eating of dairy foods on Shavuot commemorates this phenomenon in the early life of Moses, which occurred on the sixth of Sivan, the day on which Shavuot falls.
REASON #7
According to one commentator, that day at Sinai was the first time the Jews ate dairy products. There is a general prohibition of “eating a limb from a live animal” (ever min hachai), which logically should also include milk, the product of a live animal.
Ever min hachai is actually one of the Seven Noahide Laws which the Jews observed prior to Sinai (and which has applied to all humanity since the days of Noah). However, upon receiving the Torah, which refers to the Land of Israel as “flowing with milk and honey” (Exodus 3:18), dairy products became permitted to the Jews. In other words, at the same moment that their meat became prohibited, dairy became permitted. They ate dairy on that original Shavuot, and we do today, too. If the Jews ate dairy for the first time at Mount Sinai, this raises the question how Abraham could have fed dairy products to his three guests (Genesis 18:8). The answer requires a technical understanding of the prohibition of ever min hachai, “limb from a live animal.” One way is to define a “limb” as a piece of meat which contains bones and/or sinews. It is this type of ever min hachai which has always been forbidden to non-Jews. This prohibition does not include milk, because although milk comes from a live animal, it does not contains bones or sinews. Hence, Abraham was permitted to feed milk to his nonJewish guests. There is a second, expanded definition of ever min hachai, which encompasses all products from a live animal -- including milk. It is this definition which is prohibited to Jews. Thus it was not until the giving of the Torah, with its reference to “land of milk and honey,” that dairy products became permitted to Jews. Rabbi Shraga Simmons spent his childhood trekking through snow in Buffalo, New York. He holds a degree in journalism from the University of Texas at Austin, and rabbinic ordination from the Chief Rabbi of Jerusalem. In 1997 he became the founding editor of Aish.com, and later the founder and director of the Torah study website, JewishPathways.com.
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YES WE CAN! ES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! BY CHAVIE RAPPAPORT
D
id you ever dream B-I-G but felt “What can one small person do”? If you are like most of us, at some time or another we’ve given thought to community needs and might even have had some grand idea of what should be done. We would sincerely like to make a difference, but we feel that it would take the energy of a real shaker-and-mover type of personality and “that’s not me!” Is that so? Can we really be sure that we don’t have what it takes to create a revolution? Not necessarily! Rebbetzin Suri Wertzberger, who describes herself as a “plain Detroit girl,” had a dream: to hasten the geulah by promoting unity and peace in Klal Yisrael via the daily study and practice of shemiras halashon. Her idea was to create lashon hara-free environments where forbidden speech would be socially unacceptable by implementing a shemiras halashon study program in apartment buildings, neighborhoods, schools, kollels, yeshivas. Ten years ago she founded Mishmeres HaSholom in her son’s bedroom with a phone and a fax. Today, Mishmeres HaSholom has created a quiet revolution (pun intended!), sweeping all over Eretz Yisrael with branches now in the USA and Europe. A big dream with a small beginning grew to encompass 4,217 volunteer representatives and 85,700 participants!
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E
Today, Mishmeres HaSholom has created a quiet revolution, sweeping all over Eretz Yisrael.
Rebbetzin Wertzberger is not simply a visionary; she has succeeded LQ ÀULQJ WKH SDVVLRQ RI WKRXVDQGV RI others to create revolutions in their own communities. Each Mishmeres HaSholom representative has an impact upon her surroundings. Take Yael Orlowek, for example. She is headcoordinator of Beit Shemesh, has 545 active representatives in her shemiras halashon empire, spearheads huge chizuk rallies (for example, this past Chanukah she organized an event for 450 boys) and even publishes a monthly newsletter for her representatives with ideas for chizuk activities, reports of local chizuk events, yeshuah requests, yeshuah stories and more. Rebbetzin Wertzberger describes the latest Mishmeres HaSholom initiative to hasten the geulah— establishing a “k’nishta chada.” She explains this unfamiliar term: “In his sefer Shemiras HaLashon, the Chofetz Chaim quotes the Zohar, ‘If there would
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be one k’nishta chada (Aramaic for beis knesses) where the middah of shalom would be properly kept, we could merit the coming of Mashiach.’ The Chofetz Chaim continues, ‘If so, then the coming of Mashiach is dependent upon us!’” The Rebbetzin excitedly continues, “Do you hear?! We can bring Mashiach!! It is in our hands. The head of Mishemeres HaSholom’s men’s division spoke about this with Rav Steinman who said that Mishmeres HaSholom should establish a k’nishta chada to bring Mashiach, a group who, although they do not daven in one shul, together will form one strong unit of people who are dedicated to preserving shalom to the highest degree: no lashon hara or rechilus, no machlokes—whatever is necessary to maintain peace. “To this end, this initiative was announced at Mishmeres HaSholom’s huge event held in Heichalei Malchus Hall in Bnei Brak on Sunday after Pesach with Gedolei Yisrael from across
the spectrum and over 3,000 men in attendance. That evening, we also announced the establishment of a Beis Hora’ah for halachic queries in the area of shemiras halashon and bein adam lachaveiro.” The Rebbetzin speaks passionately about the impact of shemiras haloshon, achdus and forgiveness on people’s personal lives and, more importantly, its effect on silencing the prosecuting angels and therefore preventing untold pain and tragedy in Klal Yisrael. “Poverty, illness, the untimely death of young parents and children—all of these can be mitigated if we are scrupulous about keeping our speech within the bounds of halachah,” says Rebbetzin Wertzberger, quoting classic sources as well as the words of many gedolim who support Mishmeres HaSholom’s activities. Rav Aharon Leib Steinman, shlit”a, for example, connects rampant poverty with the scourge of lashon hara: “Three
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areas need improvement: bitul Torah, bein adam l‘chaveiro, and lashon hara. And the sin of lashon hara is worst of all. Lashon hara results in tzaraas, and in our time tzaraas is replaced by poverty. We are suffering much poverty because of the lashon hara we speak. This is what the Chofetz Chaim tells us.” At Mishmeres HaSholom’s Annual Representatives’ Convention this year, Rebbetzin Kanievsky, tlit”a, quoted her husband, Rav Chaim, shlit”a, “All our tzaros come from improper speech.” She added, “Who knows how many
tragedies you prevent with your activities! You are the most important women in the world!” And, of course, there are the famous words of Rav Yehuda Zev Segal, zt”l, the Manchester Rosh Yeshiva, “The Chofetz Chaim will be a Heavenly advocate for anyone who learns or supports shemiras halashon… This is not a brachah, it is a fact!” Rebbetzin Wertzberger’s thousands of volunteers reach the people with one-on-one contact via distribution of the monthly chizuk magazine (total
monthly circulation = 108,000); a monthly poster with an inspiring messages in buildings, shuls, schools and kollels (6,500 per month); chizuk events (a total of more than 20,000 participants in the past year) and more. See what one “simple” woman can GR" :RPHQ FDQ DQG KDYH LQÁXHQFHG the world with their vision, creating ever-widening ripples: Sarah Imeinu, Sarah Schenirer, Suri Wertzberger and many more. You don’t have to be called Sarah to carry out a mission!
Who wouldn’t want the Chofetz Chaim as his advocate? Three women tell their stories
Dz ơ ơ Ǥ ǯ Ǥ
ƥ Ǥ ƥ Ǥ ơ lashon hara Ǥ Dz Ƥ Ƥ ǡ Ǥ ơ ǡ Ǥ
ǯ Ǥ ǡ shemiras halashon Chazal: ‘Lo matzasi laguf tov mishesikah – Ǥǯ segulahǤ ǡ ǡ Ǥ Ǥ ơ ǡ ơ ǡ Ǥdz
Dz lashon hara Ǥ ơ yetzer ǡ chizukǤ DzǮ ǡǯ ǡ ǡ Ǯ ǯ shemiras halashon Ǥǯ Ǥ sefer ǥ Ǩ Ǥ ơ Ǩdz
͕͘ǡ ǯ Ǥ ǡ lashon haraǤ ǡ ǯ Ǥ ơ ǡ ǡ Ǥ ǡ lashon haraǤ ǡ Ǥ ǡ lashon haraǡ Ǥ Ǥ ǯ Ǥ Ǥ ǡ ǯ ǡ Ǥ ǡ ǯ Ǥ Ǩ Ǥ Ǩ Ǥ ǯ ǡ Ǩ Ǣ ǯ Ǧ Ǩ
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The Risk Rabbi - Every Kid is a Kid at Risk
REFRAMING
BLAMING
I
f the â&#x20AC;&#x153;explosionâ&#x20AC;? hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t happened to you, it has happened to someone near and dearâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and it is a little too close for comfort! Monday, one a.m. The phone rings, jolting the father rudely out of his slumber. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hello,â&#x20AC;? he says groggily. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Tatty, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s me, Yitz. Listen, I just got thrown out of yeshiva.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;You what?â&#x20AC;? Instant consciousness. â&#x20AC;&#x153;What for?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Well, I was talking in learning after night seder until really late. We were really hungry, so we snuck out after curfew, and...it was just our luck that the rosh yeshiva walked past the pizza shop and saw us there.â&#x20AC;? Fatherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s stomach sinks to somewhere around his ankles, held down by nauseainducing anchors. My son, thrown out of yeshiva? My intelligent, independent son, who ORYHV WR OHDUQ ZKR KDV Ă&#x20AC;UP \LUDV 6KDPD\LP canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make it in yeshiva? As he struggles to maintain his HTXLOLEULXP Ă&#x20AC;YH WUDLQV RI WKRXJKW UXQ RQ parallel tracks in his brain, wrench his insides and grip his heart in a vise. 1. What kind of a parent are you? (Blame) 2. What kind of an idiot did I
raise? (Blame) 3. The rosh yeshiva is destroying my son. (Blame) 4. I am a failure and my child is a failure. (Shame) 5. This isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t supposed to happen in families like mine. (Shame) In twelve years of working with kids at risk, one of the greatest obstacles that we have encountered is the tendency for children, parents and well-meaning onlookers to play the blame game and WKHUHE\ GHĂ HFW DQG GHUDLO GHDOLQJ ZLWK the situation. We have thus chosen to reframe the blame game before delineating any of the other factors affecting youth of today. By breaking down this obstacle, we will all be better equipped to deal with the challenges life throws us, thereby lifting up those sinking stomachs and clearing those befuddled brains.
The Fault Line Blaming is a natural reaction to a VLJQLĂ&#x20AC;FDQWO\ QHJDWLYH event or experience. It permits the victim, those closest to him and the onlooker to escape into the comfort zone of denial. Finding a culprit makes sense of the state of affairs. If we can decide that
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VRPHRQH RU VRPHWKLQJ VSHFLĂ&#x20AC;F LV DW IDXOW 1. The child, parent or educator wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t feel obligated to deal with his or her situation if the responsibility lies elsewhere. 2. The onlooker is comforted that the phenomena are explicable, predictable and less of a threat to him and his or her family. Blaming oneself is also counterproductive, since this blame comes from those gnawing feelings of shame and guilt. Self-assigning oneself as the â&#x20AC;&#x153;culpritâ&#x20AC;? can be so overwhelming and guilt inducing that he or she will be paralyzed from taking any reparative action. Since blaming is generated by fear, fury and guilt, the choice of culprit will not be based on logic and a thorough understanding of the situation. The yetzer hara has won before he has started E\ VLPSO\ GHĂ HFWLQJ XV IURP DGGUHVVLQJ the real issues at hand. Since we are now ZRUNLQJ ´RIĂ LQH Âľ DV LW ZHUH WKHUH LV QR connectivityâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;to ourselves, our families and to the situation. Refraining from assigning blame, however, causes the onlooker to revisit that terrifying reality once more. How are we to make sense of children who were
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â&#x20AC;&#x153;Tatty, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s me, Yitz. Listen, I just got thrown out of yeshiva.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;You what?â&#x20AC;? raised in excellent homes, provided with a Torah-true education and insulated from spiritual dangers, choosing to disconnect from the emes? And how can we be sure it wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t happen to our family?
And the Reality Isâ&#x20AC;Ś It can happen to anyone. Professionals KDYH LGHQWLĂ&#x20AC;HG IDFWRUV WKDW FDQ LQFUHDVH the likelihood of disconnection, yet they are contributing factors, not the cause itself. For all kids are kids at risk. Each individual is born with his or her set of particular challenges that can endanger their spiritual progress at different stages of their lives. The child, parent and educator are not the cause of these set of challenges. Yet it is their acceptance of and attitude to dealing with these challenges that will affect whether the child is on the fringe or wearing the fringes! Shlomo and Shira Korman felt they had been thrown a curveball when their son Naftali was born. Although their names have been changed, every community knows families like the Kormans. Their home is a bastion of shalom bayis, Torah-true values and simchah. Guests at their Shabbos table are amazed at how the parents focus on their children at each seudah, with plenty of interesting stories and inspiring divrei Torah. 7KHLU Ă&#x20AC;UVW IRXU FKLOGUHQ ZHUH unending sources of nachas, respectful yet lively, studious yet fun. They were a credit to their parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; chinuch. When Naftali was born, the equation changed. Hypersensitive to imagined insults, prone to tantrums, and allergic to authority, he was tested by the best child psychologists and was not diagnosed with any particular disorder. He was just a GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOW KLJK VWUXQJ FKLOGÂłDQG GXH to his nature, he was prone to taking offence to attempts by his rebbes to
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mechanech him. He was not a product of bad chinuch. However, had his parents and teachers blamed him and punished him constantly for behavior that he was not capable for controlling as a child, he could well have been a product of bad chinuch. Mrs. Korman consulted with a prominent child psychologist, who also happened to be a neighbor. He freed her from playing the blame game, informing KHU WKDW KHU VRQ¡V GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOWLHV ZHUH Divinely bestowed, and not a result of KHU SDUHQWLQJ RU KLV GHĂ&#x20AC;DQFH We watched the Kormans exert an almost superhuman effort in dealing with their son. They learned to diffuse tantrums before they occurred, they taught him gradually to be aware of inappropriate behavior, and they worked closely with his rebbes and principal to ensure that he coped at school. Naftali is today a baal aliyah. He attends a small, non-pressured warm mesivta and his parents continue to monitor his progress closely. Every home has a Naftali, or at least one child who has a harder time navigating the vicissitudes of life, at one particular time or throughout their lives.
and pressing start! Having removed the obstacle of blame, we are now free to concentrate on identifying those coordinates, which we shall, bâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ezras Hashem, address in the next issue. Rabbi Refoel Becker has been working with troubled teens for the past twelve years, as a teacher, mentor, counselor and rosh yeshiva. He founded Yeshivas Ohr Aharon for yeshiva-ketanah aged boys; Nishmas Refoel Beis Medrash, a vocational training and job referral program; and a preventative program in elementary schools. Adina Becker is a writer, teacher and counselor. She focuses on reinspiring children and teenagers in their Yiddishkeit. To that end she has published two childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s books to make the Shabbos table more appealing: Parashah Pointers (Hamodia Publishing, 2007) and Adventures with the Rubinsteins (Targum Press, 2011).
The GPS Coordinates If life in this world is merely a corridor (Avos 4:21), it follows that we are in a perpetual state of motion, of transience. While we are still breathing, we are all â&#x20AC;&#x153;on the derech,â&#x20AC;? or more particularly, â&#x20AC;&#x153;on our own unique derech.â&#x20AC;? The GPS system was invented to aid travelers in reaching their destination. Regardless of its technological capabilities, the GPS is useless without programming in the coordinates of where we are and our ultimate destination. Where we areâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and where we need to get to. Chinuch is all about identifying those coordinates, programming them in
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Â&#x2022; Â&#x2039;Â&#x2013; Â&#x17D;Â&#x2018;Â&#x2022;Â&#x2039;Â?Â&#x2030; Â&#x203A;Â&#x2018;Â&#x2014;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2022;Â&#x2021;Â&#x17D;Â&#x2C6; Â&#x2039;Â? Â&#x2022;Â&#x2018;Â&#x2026;Â&#x2039;Â&#x192;Â&#x17D; Â&#x192;Â&#x2026;Â&#x2013;Â&#x2039;Â&#x2DC;Â&#x2039;Â&#x2013;Â&#x2039;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2022; Â&#x192;Â?Â&#x2020; Â&#x2021;Â&#x161;Â&#x2019;Â&#x17D;Â&#x2018;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2039;Â?Â&#x2030; Â&#x203A;Â&#x2018;Â&#x2014;Â&#x201D; Â&#x2013;Â&#x192;Â&#x17D;Â&#x2021;Â?Â&#x2013;Â&#x2022;ÇŤ Â&#x201D; Â&#x2039;Â&#x2022; Â&#x2039;Â&#x2013; Â&#x2021;Â?Â&#x152;Â&#x2018;Â&#x203A;Â&#x2039;Â?Â&#x2030; Â&#x2013;Â&#x160;Â&#x2021; Â&#x2013;Â&#x160;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2039;Â&#x17D;Â&#x17D; Â&#x2018;Â&#x2C6; Â&#x2026;Â&#x201D;Â&#x192;Â&#x2026;Â?Â&#x2039;Â?Â&#x2030; Â&#x192;Â&#x17D;Â&#x2030;Â&#x2021;Â&#x201E;Â&#x201D;Â&#x192; Â&#x2021;Â&#x161;Â&#x192;Â?Â&#x2019;Â&#x17D;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2022; Â&#x192;Â?Â&#x2020; Â&#x2022;Â&#x2026;Â&#x2018;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2039;Â?Â&#x2030; Â&#x2019;Â&#x2021;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2C6;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2026;Â&#x2013; Â?Â&#x192;Â&#x201D;Â?Â&#x2022;ÇŤ Â&#x192;Â&#x2026;Â&#x160; Â&#x2018;Â&#x2C6; Â&#x203A;Â&#x2018;Â&#x2014; Â&#x2013;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2021;Â?Â&#x2022; Â?Â&#x192;Â&#x203A; Â&#x160;Â&#x192;Â&#x2DC;Â&#x2021; Â&#x160;Â&#x192;Â&#x2020; Â&#x2020;Â&#x2039;ĆĄÂ&#x2021;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2021;Â?Â&#x2013; Â&#x192;Â?Â&#x2022;Â&#x2122;Â&#x2021;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2022;ÇĄ Â&#x201E;Â&#x2014;Â&#x2013; Â&#x203A;Â&#x2018;Â&#x2014; Â&#x192;Â&#x17D;Â&#x17D; Â&#x160;Â&#x192;Â&#x2DC;Â&#x2021; Â&#x2018;Â?Â&#x2021; Â&#x2013;Â&#x160;Â&#x2039;Â?Â&#x2030; Â&#x2039;Â? Â&#x2026;Â&#x2018;Â?Â?Â&#x2018;Â?ÇŁ Â&#x203A;Â&#x2018;Â&#x2014; Â&#x17D;Â&#x2039;Â&#x2DC;Â&#x2021; Â&#x2039;Â? Â&#x203A;Â&#x2018;Â&#x2014;Â&#x201D; Â&#x2018;Â&#x2122;Â?ÇĄ Â&#x2014;Â?Â&#x2039;Â&#x201C;Â&#x2014;Â&#x2021; Â&#x2122;Â&#x2018;Â&#x201D;Â&#x17D;Â&#x2020;Ǥ Â&#x2018;Â&#x2014; Â&#x160;Â&#x192;Â&#x2DC;Â&#x2021; Â&#x2019;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2039;Â&#x2DC;Â&#x2039;Â&#x17D;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2030;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2022; Â&#x192;Â?Â&#x2020; Â&#x2026;Â&#x160;Â&#x192;Â&#x17D;Â&#x17D;Â&#x2021;Â?Â&#x2030;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2022; Â&#x2013;Â&#x160;Â&#x192;Â&#x2013; Â&#x192;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2021; Â&#x2DC;Â&#x2021;Â&#x201D;Â&#x203A; Â&#x2020;Â&#x2039;ĆĄÂ&#x2021;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2021;Â?Â&#x2013; Â&#x2C6;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2018;Â? Â&#x2026;Â&#x160;Â&#x2039;Â&#x17D;Â&#x2020;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2021;Â?ÇŻÂ&#x2022;ÇĄ Â&#x192;Â?Â&#x2020; Â&#x192;Â&#x2020;Â&#x2014;Â&#x17D;Â&#x2013;Â&#x2022;ÇŻÇĄ Â&#x192;Â?Â&#x2020; Â&#x203A;Â&#x2018;Â&#x2014; Â&#x2020;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2022;Â&#x2021;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2DC;Â&#x2021; Â&#x2013;Â&#x2018; Â&#x201E;Â&#x2021; Â&#x192;Â&#x2020;Â&#x2020;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2022;Â&#x2022;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2020; Â&#x192;Â&#x2022; Â&#x192; Â&#x2014;Â?Â&#x2039;Â&#x201C;Â&#x2014;Â&#x2021; Â&#x2039;Â&#x2020;Â&#x2021;Â?Â&#x2013;Â&#x2039;Â&#x2013;Â&#x203A;Ǥ Â&#x160;Â&#x192;Â&#x2013;ÇŻÂ&#x2022; Â&#x2122;Â&#x160;Â&#x203A; Â&#x2021;Â&#x2021;Â? Â&#x2026;Â&#x2021;Â?Â&#x2021; Â&#x2039;Â&#x2022; Â&#x152;Â&#x2014;Â&#x2022;Â&#x2013; Â&#x2C6;Â&#x2018;Â&#x201D; Â&#x203A;Â&#x2018;Â&#x2014;Ǥ
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The
Ultimate Tzadekes
W
e met at the bathroom sinks, and that was bad news. I had been examining my nails when Devora walked up to wash her hands for lunch. I quickly abandoned my nails and started for the door. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s up, Sarah?â&#x20AC;? she stopped me. â&#x20AC;&#x153;You havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t washed yet, have you?â&#x20AC;? My face grew hot. I wanted to get out of there as fast as I could. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Oh, I was just examining this cut I got. Better get a Bandaid.â&#x20AC;? I left the sinks before Devora could say another word. I felt her staring at me, even with my face turned stubbornly away from her. I walked as fast as I could, away from the confrontation. Another one. , ORRNHG DW P\ Ă&#x20AC;QJHU DQG ZRQGHUHG KRZ , FRXOG KDYH OLHG so easily. I guess Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d been more afraid of Devora discovering that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d been inspecting my nails for a possible chatzitzah for Ă&#x20AC;YH ZKROH PLQXWHV I never did wash my hands that day, and I went without lunch. There was just not enough time to wash my hands and bentch with real kavanah in a mere half an hour.
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My stomach rumbled hungrily during math, but I tried not to care. I was only doing the right thing, and if it was hard, I would only get more reward up in Shamayim for my VDFULĂ&#x20AC;FH ttt â&#x20AC;&#x153;So howâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the new seat arrangement?â&#x20AC;? my mother asked me the next day after weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d changed VHDWV ´,V \RXU FODVV Ă&#x20AC;QDOO\ KDSS\ now?â&#x20AC;? I was about to say that most of the girls were actually upset about the seating change, but I caught myself. Lashon hara! $ UHG Ă DJ LQ P\ PLQG went up. I shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be saying that my class was upset. That would UHĂ HFW EDGO\ RQ P\ FODVVPDWHV RU maybe on my teacher whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d made the seating arrangement. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Umâ&#x20AC;Śyeah, I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know,â&#x20AC;? I mumbled. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Are you happy with your seat?â&#x20AC;? I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Umâ&#x20AC;Śa little bit, I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know.â&#x20AC;? My mother shot me a questioning look, but I offered no more. Lashon hara was at stake. Too bad if it cost me shame. ttt I went up to my room later, holding the cordless phone in my hand. I stared at it, wishing it would ring, but I had no such luck. It hadnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t rung for me the whole evening, and practically the whole week, for that matter. I fell onto my bed, burying the phone under my pillow. Yes, the phone days were buried, and I mourned them terribly. Those long conference calls with my friends were over; the jokes and laughing were long gone. In fact, I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t remember the last time I had laughed. Why did it have to be so hard? I felt the tears starting to come. I was
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only trying to do the right thing! Mrs. Kohn had taught us that a person was supposed to teach himself to be like a mute. Silence was a positive value. There were times I wished I could be my old self, in the pre-Mrs. Kohn days, when Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d been the life of the party. Everyone had always known Sarah Stein as the fun, popular, and adventurous girl with lots of friends. Until Mrs. Kohn came around. When Mrs. Kohn, our ninth grade mechaneches, walked into class at the beginning of the year, I knew instantly that she was going to be my role
model. Kind, honest, and warm, she was the ultimate tzadekes. Her lessons were shining examples of spirituality; every one left me with long-lasting inspiration. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d wanted so much to be like her. So I changed. Overnight. ttt â&#x20AC;&#x153;Shabbaton is here, Shabbaton is here!â&#x20AC;? the hall posters screamed in wild colors. Preparation was in full swing for the Shabbos that promised to be unforgettable. Unforgettable, that is, for everyone except for me.
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Preparation was in full swing for the Shabbos that promised to be unforgettable. Unforgettable, that is, for everyone except for me. I dreaded the upcoming Shabbaton. Shabbaton meant staying out of all the fun and that would really be painful. The mountains greeted us on Friday afternoon with cool, fresh airâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;a nice change from the stuffy, polluted city. I inhaled the scent of the trees and Ă RZHUV DQG IHOW LQYLJRUDWHG E\ WKH growth around me. I knew then that this Shabbos would be a nice time for me, too. After the Friday night meal, I passed a group of my classmates sitting and schmoozing in the bungalow. I overheard Tzippy proposing a heartto-heart â&#x20AC;&#x153;game.â&#x20AC;? Every girl would have a turn to ask the rest what they thought about her. The other girls took heartily to the idea. I knew I had to join. This was my chance. I took a seat in the circle, trying to avoid the curious looks darting my way. In the dark of the night, in the cozy Friday night atmosphere, honest opinions came out in the open. My classmates enjoyed the exchange; it was eye-opening, encouraging and enlightening. My turn came. My heart beat fast. There was a question I wanted to ask. But I was afraid to ask it, and so much more afraid to hear the answer. In a shaking voice, I asked, â&#x20AC;&#x153;What do you think of how Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been acting
lately?â&#x20AC;? An uncomfortable silence followed. Then the answers came. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Umâ&#x20AC;ŚI hope you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mind me telling you thisâ&#x20AC;ŚI mean, you asked, so I guess you want to hearâ&#x20AC;Śâ&#x20AC;? Devora began. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think you changed a lot.â&#x20AC;? My heart beat faster. The truth was now articulated into words. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Tell me, tell me everything.â&#x20AC;? My friends told me the truth. They saw me as extreme, fretful and selfconscious. I was overdoing things. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sarah, we miss your old self. What happened to you?â&#x20AC;? I felt like hugging every one of my friends right then. They cared about me. 7KH WHDUV FDPH Ă&#x20AC;UVW LQ trickles, then in torrents. With heaving shoulders, I let out all of my doubts, fears and lack of FRQĂ&#x20AC;GHQFH , WROG P\ IULHQGV KRZ , hated covering up. I told them how I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know how to get myself out of it. My friends nodded and commiserated with me. I felt awash with relief. The tears cleansed that rusty cover Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve fastened to my heart. I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t alone in it anymore. After we all went to bed in the wee hours of the morning, I felt spent. It was hard work, throwing out all the baggage inside of me.
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But I was determined to straighten things out. I approached Mrs. Kohn that Shabbos afternoon. Realizing I wanted to discuss something personal, she offered to stroll with me on the country road near the camp. I spilled out all my worries again. $IWHU , Ă&#x20AC;QLVKHG WDONLQJ VKH VPLOHG and said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sarah, this isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t something new to me. Actually, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve gone through the same thing.â&#x20AC;? Wow, could that be? I felt a surge of warmth within me. I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t alone. I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t crazy. It had happened to someone before. Mrs. Kohn, the most normal and kind person, had experienced the same thing. She drew in a deep breath and continued, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sarah, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s one thing you should always keep in mind. If you feel tense or anxious about life, something is going wrong. True avodas Hashem comes along with inner peace. If thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no inner peace, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not avodas Hashem.â&#x20AC;? Wow. It was such logic; how hadnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t it struck me before? She looked at me warmly and continued, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I know you have the best of intentions. You just need guidance to help you make your avodas Hashem
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real. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sarah, keep two rules in mind: 2QH Ă&#x20AC;QG WKH PLGGOH URDG ,W¡V counterproductive to doubt things ten times after youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve done them. Check for a chatzitzah, but no more than that. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t overdo it. Hashem doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t expect the impossible from us. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Secondly, know the halachah. Ask someone when you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know. If you have doubts about something, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t automatically assume itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wrong. Telling your mother that your class was unhappy about the seating arrangement is not lashon hara. To label someone as unhappy is wrong. But here they were GLVVDWLVĂ&#x20AC;HG ZLWK VRPHWKLQJ VSHFLĂ&#x20AC;F Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nothing wrong with that. $QG LW GRHVQ¡W UHĂ HFW EDGO\ RQ WKH
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teacher; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s obvious that she didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t intend to upset the students.â&#x20AC;? A huge load rolled off my chest. So I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even expected to do all that. I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to embarrass myself like that, after all. â&#x20AC;&#x153;But, Sarah, keeping halachah the way you should is expected of you. When you are doing something ULJKW GR LW ZLWK FRQĂ&#x20AC;GHQFH 'RQ¡W doubt yourself. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be ashamed of doing the right thing. Sometimes thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a challenge. There are people out there who scoff anything ULJKWHRXV VRXQGLQJ %XW \RX¡OO Ă&#x20AC;QG WKDW ZKHQ \RX¡UH FRQĂ&#x20AC;GHQW LQ \RXU avodas Hashem, people will admire you too much to mock you.â&#x20AC;? Mrs. Kohn turned to head back to WKH FDPS DQG Ă DVKHG KHU LQLPLWDEOH smile.
â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sarah, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be there for you, to help you be who you really want to be, step by step. And eventually, when youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll feel happy inside, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll know youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re on the right track.â&#x20AC;? I tried to thank my teacher properly, but my voice choked up. Things would be good again. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d be liberated from imprisonment. I knew it might take time, I knew it would mean grueling work. I had to uproot deeply set habits. But I knew that the time would come. One day I would smile. I would laugh. I would have a life of fun again. Malky Hollander is a freelance translator and writer for teens and adults who lives in Ashdod, Israel.
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The objective of sudoku is to enter a digit from 1 through 9 in each cell, in such a way that: Each horizontal row contains each digit exactly once Each vertical column contains each digit exactly once Each subgrid or region contains each digit exactly once
The puzzler’s job is to fill the remainder of the grid with digits –respecting, of course, the three constraints mentioned earlier.
HARD
In each sudoku puzzle, several digits have already been entered (the “givens”); these may not be changed.
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Shielding Children Through Education And Empowerment It’s our most basic, primal instinct: Protecting our children. We depend on ourselves, spouses, teachers, police, community leaders and even the decency of strangers to form a shield around our precious
isn’t right. Working with yeshivas, and organizations like Hatzalah and Shomrim, Magenu hosts public benefitial events, such as the upcoming Safety Day 2014, taking place June 15 th at Floyd Bennett
“We want to empower the children,” said Dr. Shani Verschleiser, who co-founded Magenu.
offspring. But what if we can’t fend off the inevitable tresspass, and those on whom we depend let us down through omission or commit sins of betrayal? That’s why we need Magenu an organization that teaches our children the right amount of suspicion and “street smarts” to protect themselves, when necessary, and a sense of empowerment to say “no” when necessary and most of all to tell a trusted adult when something
Field / Brooklyn Aviator. The first event was in Marine Park last year. Thousands of children and parents will gather in a carnivallike atmosphere for fun and games with a safety theme, with help from the Mayor’s Office of Emergency Management, NYPD, FDNY, New York State Police and others. Vehicles and equipment will allow children to learn and explore while watching shows and a concert and enjoying games and rides.
It takes a community to protect our children, while the opposite also holds true, it takes a community to allow children to be abused. We can no longer ignore the reality that child abuse exists within our frum community and our existing methods are failing to deal with this tragedy.” Safety Day will be an opportunity for Magenu to unveil its newest curriculum, “Be a Star® ,” which is about personal safety. The “Be A Star®” methodology is founded on the principles that all children are Stars and deserve
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“It takes a village to raise a child is a well-known adage, but it is the absolute truth.
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to be treated as such, and the teaching of the Gemara, “Stop, Think, and then Act.” It not only encourages children to learn personal safety but also puts emphasis on educating significant adults in a child’s life. The program was carefully reviewed by Reb Shmuel Kamenetsky, who said “it is a necessity for every yeshiva to implement.” Reb Shmuel invited Magenu to attend this year’s annual Torah Umesorah convention, where the organization set up a double-sized booth to present its entire new curriculum and programing. School representatives from all over the world attended the May 7 th May 11 th convention at the Split Rock Resort in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania. Dozens of schools from Mexico to Chicago, Indianapolis, to Israel signed up for the Magenu programs. “The overwhelming response to Reb Shmuel’s request was unbelievable,” said Eli Verschleiser. Convincing the frum Brooklyn yeshivas to allow the program into their classrooms was a “daunting task,” Eli Verschleiser added. “Each and every one was an individual battle, but concerns were ultimately turned into much praise.” Magenu has educated thousands of children, parents, and school staff over the past two years & is constantly expanding its reach, Verschleiser said. Sarit Rubenstein joined Magenu at its inception having ZRUNHG LQ WKH ÀHOG IRU WKH SDVW WHQ years. “Magenu is an organization with a mission statement that all children have the right to investigate and navigate this world without worrying about their personal safety. Magenu is
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promoting the education of children in an utmost tznius fashion.” Sarit said. The mission of Magenu is fueled by statistics that 95 percent of abuse is preventable with education and young people need information about what is healthy in order to be able to recognize what is unhealthy. “Education allows for our children and their parents to have an arsenal of tools to keep them safe,” says Dr. Verschleiser. “It allows for our Yiddishe Kinderlach to not be afraid but rather to be able to use the skills and tools we teach in their daily lives.” Research shows that telling, even when something harmful has already happened, is critical to a child’s wellbeing. The “Be A Star ®” curriculum offers a few modules for a complete and similar message. School administration and hanhalla, staff and teacher trainings, as well as parent workshops are all part of the programming. They include recognizing signs of abuse, good hiring practices, rules and regulations to create a safe and secure environment for students, as well as how to ensure a staff members own safety. Magenu also has practical, easy to implement tips and tools for parents that they can incorporate into their daily lives immediately. Saying ‘no’ to an adult even in ordinary circumstances is extremely difficult for a child, but in 90 percent of abuse cases the perpetrators are known and trusted by the child. “We need to empower our children with this skill,” says Verschleiser. “Magenu does this in a manner that is comfortable for the child, rather than promote distrust or fear. In addition children need to know that even if they did not feel safe to say “no” they can still “tell” Bringing you the Buzz on Savings & Events I To advertise, call 718-513-9885
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because that is the most important aspect.” In addition to the vibrant Brooklyn organization, Magenu has formed a new chapter in South Florida and is in the process of forming one in Lakewood, NJ. Earlier this month a Magenu team went to train local schools in the Hollywood Florida area. And the first of many yeshivos in Lakewood has signed up for the Be a Star program. The school has over 600 children where Magenu is scheduled to present its curriculum next month. Magenu is training a special team for the Lakewood community for it to continue to educate the tens of thousands of children and family members in the town. Another primary focus, sadly, is protecting children with special needs, as it is not uncommon to find such cases within the challenged communities. Magenu has adapted proven curriculums and programing designed specifically for challenged children. Gesher Yehuda and Yeled V’Yaldah are some of the schools for these wonderful children that Magenu has educated. Numerous yeshivos have also requested the Be a Star program translated in Yiddish, and in Hebrew. A delegate from Yerushalaim came to New York to meet and discuss the possibilities of such a program. Magenu has partnered with an experienced Yiddish-speaking team of Rabbeim and designers who are working to convert the program to Yiddish. When asked why she felt it was time for Magenu, Verschleiser said the crisis of abuse in our community had reached a boiling point. “Everyone must be aware of the dangers and the long-term consequences of abuse,” he said. “To continue standing idly by or to minimize the crimes perpetrated against our children would be the greatest Aveira of all.”
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Shavuos CheeseTreats
Extravaganza From the simple
to the divine.
Shavuos is synonymous with dairy meals and cheese treats. Here are some selections from the simple to the sublime, surely something to please every palate.
White Chocolate Cheesecake This special cake is amazing, a special treat for Yom Tov. To make the design over the cake: Melt a good quality chocolate and dip the tip of a spoon into the chocolate; then with a steady hand make circles around the cake as evenly as you can. It might not look as professional Take a toothpick and make lines from the edges of the cake towards the center. That should create this spider web pattern. 1 ready to use Graham cracker pie shell 1 lb White chocolate; chopped 12 oz Cream cheese; room temp 2 Egg yolks 1 c sour cream 1 tsp vanilla sugar 3 egg whites 2 Tbs sugar Melt chocolate; set aside. Beat cream cheese until fluffy. Beat in egg yolks and mix well, blend in the sour cream, vanilla, chocolate and set aside Beat egg whites until peaks form-gradually add sugar, beat till stiff. Fold beaten egg whites into chocolate mixture.. Spoon into 2 pie crusts or a 9 inch springform pan and bake at 300 degrees F. After one hour close the oven and allow cake to stay there for another hour until set. Preparation 20 minutes Serves 12-16
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DELICIOUS BUTTER POUND CAKE Butter pound cake is a simple staple cake delicious with a cup of coffee anytime and simple enough for anyone to try as it takes minutes to prepare with simple ingredients.
2 sticks (250 gr) unsalted butter at room temperature ¾ cup (200g) sugar 4 eggs, 1 teaspoon vanilla extract ½ teaspoon salt ¾ cup (200g) flour, sifted 1 tsp baking powder 4 Tbs vanilla yogurt Some sliced almond Preheat the oven to 350°C. Lightly grease the pan with some butter. Cream the butter and sugar until creamy. Slowly add in the eggs and continue beating the
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mixture. Add in the vanilla extract and salt; fold the flour and baking powder into the mixture. Finally, add in the vanilla yogurt and blend well. Pour the mixture into a greased baking pan of your choice. Shake it lightly to distribute the cake mixture evenly. Sprinkle the sliced almonds on top. Bake for about 30-35 minutes, or until a cake tester comes out clean. Remove it from the oven, let cool on a cooling rack. Slice it up and serve warm. Preparation 20 minutes Serves 12
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LUSCIOUS RICH CHEESE BABKE This cheese babke got rave reviews as one of the best recipes for its kind. The cake and filling are a winning combination sure to be enjoyed by all. Dough: 2 packages active dry yeast 1 tsp sugar 1/4 cup water 1 cup milk 4 ounces (1 stick) softened butter 1 tsp salt 1/2 cup sugar 3 large beaten egg yolks + 1 large beaten egg white 5 cups all-purpose flour Filling: 2 packages 16 oz. softened cream cheese 3 large egg yolks 1 1/2 cups sugar Crumb Topping: 6 Tbs all-purpose flour 8 Tbs sugar 4 Tbs cold butter Stir yeast and 1 teaspoon sugar into warm water. Set aside until frothy. Grease three (9-by-5-inch) loaf pans. Scald the milk and place in a large mixing bowl. Add butter and stir to melt. Add 1/2 cup sugar, salt, yeast mixture, and 3 beaten egg yolks. Add flour and knead until shiny and elastic. Place in a greased bowl, turning to coat both sides, cover with greased plastic wrap and let rise until doubled. This may take as long as 2 hours. Prepare the crumb topping by mixing the flour and sugar and cutting in the butter as for pie dough. Punch down dough and divide into three parts. Sprinkle flour on your working area. Working with one part at a time and covering the rest roll dough as thin as you can into a large rectangle 1/8-inch thick. Spread dough with 1/3 of the cheese filling. Fold in the sides of dough and roll up tightly as for a jellyroll. Place in prepared pan. Brush with beaten egg white and sprinkle with 1/3 the crumb topping. Repeat with remaining dough. Cover with greased plastic wrap and let rise until above the rim of the pan. Place rack in center of oven and heat to 350 째. Bake babkas for 40-50 minutes or until golden in color. Let cool in pan 5 minutes. Using a knife, loosen babka from sides of pan. Preparation 20 minutes Total time 3 hours
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AMAZING CHERRY CHEESECAKE Not only is this our best cheesecake – a rich, creamy, cherrytopped showstopper – it’s also one of the easiest to make! Since this indulgent cheesecake makes 16 servings, it is the perfect dessert to serve at your next party. 1-3/4 cups graham cracker crumbs 1/3 cup butter, melted 1-1/4 cups sugar, divided 3 packages (8 oz. each) Cream Cheese, softened 1 cup Sour Cream 2 tsp vanilla 3 eggs 1 can (21 oz.) cherry pie filling Heat oven to 350°F. MIX graham crumbs, butter and 1/4 cup sugar; press onto bottom of 9-inch springform pan. Beat cream cheese and remaining sugar in large bowl with
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mixer until blended. Add sour cream and vanilla; mix well. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating on low speed after each addition until blended. Pour over crust. Bake 1 hour to 1 hour 10 min. or until center is almost set. Run knife around rim of pan to loosen cake; cool before removing rim. Refrigerate cheesecake 4 hours. Top with pie filling before serving. How To Easily Cut Creamy Desserts When cutting creamy-textured desserts, such as cheesecake, carefully wipe off the knife blade between cuts with a clean damp towel. This prevents the creamy filling from building up on the blade, ensuring nice clean cuts that leave the filling intact. Preparation 15 minutes Total: 6 hr 25 minutes
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A FIRST IN FLATBUSH
FLATBUSH BUSINESSES ARE GETTING
EXPOSURE Our ever-growing communities deserve their own all-inclusive phonebook: Our book will list all local business that serve the Jewish Flatbush communities in a user-friendly format. Our listing will compile all Flatbush area neighborhoods, Marine Park, Midwood, Sheepshead Bay and more. Our community pages will feature an exclusive detailed section of all Flatbush Religious & Chesed organizations.
Make the right call. Dial into the Flatbush Phonebook’s exposure.
Our distribution will reach every Flatbush home and business, to gain you maximum exposure to consumers. Our digital e-book will be distributed to over 150,000 people throughout the NY and NJ areas.
ĈāĉċąăĉċāāăĂƫđƫ/ (!/Įý 0 1/$,$+*! ++'ċ +)
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Bnos Leah Nursery PROSPECT PA R K Y E S H IVA
Visit our classes to experience the happiness and excitement of our program.
Limited slots available for 2014-2015 A Bais Yaakov school where experienced moros provide strong Torah values through active learning D FXUULFXOXP GHVLJQHG VSHFLÀFDOO\ IRU \HDU ROGV HQFORVHG RXWGRRU SOD\ DUHD DQG VWDWH RI WKH DUW IDFLOLWLHV
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