CommUNITY Magazine August 2013

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Message

from the

President

As I write this, summer vacations will be in full swing. I hope that everyone has been able to get some time to enjoy the warmer weather.

This is my favorite time of year, and it goes very quickly.

By Ken Mortensen, President Board

I have been fortunate to vacation in some nice places over the years. My favorite place is the beach. About 15 years ago I started going to Rehoboth Beach, Delaware. It is a very mixed beach city, with a large LGBTQ population. It is very popular with the DC, Philly and Baltimore crowd. The beaches and boardwalk are amazing. I feel very comfortable there. We even have our own section of the beach called, “Poodle Beach”. Its a great place to people watch and is next to the part of the beach where dogs and rafts are allowed.

The water is warm, and the surf has its moments of excitement. Things are very laid back and peaceful. I’ve had far more days of sun here than at Cape Cod. There are numerous things to do. Lots of beach attractions along the Delmarva Peninsula. Locally there are 3 huge outlet malls

Director’s Note - Good Riddance DOMA

•Current and former federal employees are now eligible for protections and benefits for their spouses.

•You can now sponsor a green card for your spouse, even if they lack legal status.

From The Editor’s Desk -

•Social Security and Medicare will now extend spousal benefits to same sex couples, and importantly extend spousal impoverishment protections to same sex couples.

While these protections, rights and responsibilities were granted as soon as DOMA was struck down, the government is now charged with understanding the implications, adjusting their infrastructure and implementing the measures. To find out more about what this means for your relationship and family, we invite you

By Michael Weidrich,

commUNITY

with lots of tax free shopping. Delaware has no sales tax. There is a great entertainment spot called the Blue Moon. Pamala Stanley sings there 5 nights a week. She has a fun show, and its all for the price of a drink. There is no cover charge.

Rehoboth Beach is an alternative to some of the other places that we know and love. Please google it for more detailed information. You may just find another place to add to your vacation list.

In closing, I hope that you have a great summer. Fall is a very busy season at the Pride Center. Our Gala is on October 18th at the Century House. I hope that you can join us, as we honor community volunteers and organizations. The honorees help to make our area a better place. to a special panel discussion in September featuring experts in the legal, financial and immigration fields for education and discussion.

We are fortunate in New York State, both to have marriage equality as well as the champion in this case, Edie Windsor. We invite you to a special screening of Edie & Thea, a very Long Engagement on August 18th. This film chronicles the 42 years the couple spent together, their inspirational relationship and courageous journey that in the end brought down DOMA. Our movement has certainly turned an important page with this advancement, but we still have a lot of work to do. In New York State among many others, transgender people still do not have basic protections resulting in increased rates of poverty, homelessness, unemployment and incarceration. In 37 states around the country, our marriages are not respected, which continues to foster vulnerability for our families that our heterosexual peers do not experience. I look forward to many more advancements, and hope you will join us as we continue to celebrate this one!

Editor

tal Pride Celebration ever with Debbie Gibson rocking out Washington Park. We had the Supreme Court strike down DOMA. But probably the most quiet event yet the most significant event was the Pride Center’s annual Youth Scholarship Awards Ceremony.

Welcome back for our August issue! Since our last print issue in June, so much has happened in our world. We had the BEST Capi-

Directors

by Curran Streett, Executive Director

Many people now have a lot of questions about what they are entitled to and how this change will impact them. Lambda Legal has outlined many of the implications, here are a few examples:

On June 27th, many in our community woke up with 1,138 more rights than they had the day before! After 17 years of the Defense of Marriage Act, the Supreme Court struck down key provisions of the law granting same sex married couples a level of recognition parallel to opposite sex married couples. As Nancy Pelosi said, lets savor the victory!

of

From a tremendous pool of applicants from across the Capital Region, 5 extraordinary High School graduates were selected to receive scholarships of $2,500 each for their freshman year of college. At the ceremony, we were marveled by their intelligence, talent and amazing accomplishments to date.

And with this investment in their future, they

are on a path to even greater things. To this year’s Scholarship recipients, congratulations! Another great investment in the future of our youth is the Pride Center’s first ever Youth Summer Camp. In coordination with Albany County and County Executive Dan McCoy, we have put together a fantastic 3 day program for the LGBTQ youth of the Capital Region. With the celebration of the 30th anniversary of our Center Youth Program, the future has never looked brighter for the youth of today!

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ASK THE LAWYER - DOMA Defeated

The United States Supreme Court advanced the rights of LGBT people to marry and required recognition of those marriages by the federal government in a pair of historic cases issued on June 26, 2013.

In US v. Windsor, the Supreme Court struck down section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). That discriminatory statute defined marriage for all federal purposes as between a man and a woman only. As stated by Justice Kennedy, DOMA violates basic principles of due process and equal protection under the law because, “DOMAs unusual deviation from the usual tradition of recognizing and accepting state definitions of marriage operates to deprive same sex couples of the benefits and responsibilities that come with the federal recognition of their marriages.” “DOMA writes inequality into the entire United States Code” Referring to the lawful status of marriage, “this status is a far- reaching legal acknowledgment of the intimate relationship between two people, a relationship deemed by the State worthy of dignity in the community equal with all other marriages. It reflects both the community’s considered perspective on the historical roots of the institution of marriage and its evolving understanding of the meaning of equality” It is the “equal dignity of same sex marriages” that DOMA interferes with.

By affirming the decision below, the Supreme Court cleared the way for, amongst other thing, the named plaintiff, Edie Windsor, to get a tax refund of over $363,000.

Ms. Windsor was required to pay this tax after her wife, and partner of over 40 years died, and she could not take advantage of the marital estate tax exemption.

For married same sex couples living in NY, where our marriages may be solemnized and are respected, our access to federal programs, protections and benefits, as well as obligations and responsibilities, should be immediate and equal to our heterosexual counterparts. For example, we should have access to social security survivor’s benefits, family medical leave to care for a spouse, the ability to sponsor a foreign born spouse

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by

Geri Pomerantz

for citizenship, spousal benefits for federal employees and retirees, and active military and veterans, Medicare spousal protections, and financial protections upon divorce.

While we will no longer be subject to discriminatory tax treatment and will be able to enjoy tax related benefits previously only available to opposite sex married couples, some wealthier couples may find that they must pay more in income taxes. Also, when accessing important income based federal programs like SSI, public assistance, or Medicaid, the income and resources of both spouses will likely be considered in determining eligibility for benefits. With the rights and responsibilities of marriage, getting married might not be beneficial for these purposes.

As we rejoice in the victory for civil rights brought by the Windsor decision, we must be mindful that it is not the end of the road. First of all, Section 2 of DOMA, which provides that states are not required to recognize same sex marriages from other states, still remains intact. While 13 states and the District of Columbia now permit same sex marriage, the remaining states do not, and a majority of them ban same sex marriage by constitutional amendment or statute. For same sex married couples who live in non-recognition states, (or are travelling in those states when the need for protection arises) there are many questions about eligibility for federal benefits, programs and protections based on marriage. That is because certain benefits and protections depend on whether the state you live in defines you as married and eligible for the marital benefit. Several agencies, such as the US Office of Personal Management (which handles benefits for federal employees and their spouses) , Department of Defense (military personnel and their spouses) , and the US Citizenship And Immigration Services, have issued guidance clarifying that spousal benefits and protections will be available regardless of the residence of the married couple.

However, other marriage based benefits may not be so clear for a while.

For example the IRS normally follows the law of the state where you live, and the existing social security law follows the law of the state where the wage earner lives, for purpose of determining who is a spouse.

Secondly, Windsor was an extremely close decision, decided 5-4. There was a scathing and hateful dissent, authored by Judge Scalia. Civil rights for LGBT people are one judicial appointment away from an adverse decision.

In Hollingsworth v. Perry, the Court cleared the way for same sex marriages in the state of California. The right to marry had been extended to same sex couples in California by a state court decision in 2008. Shortly

thereafter, Proposition 8, a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage, was passed in a ballot measure. The ballot measure was found unconstitutional by a federal district court judge in 2010, who ruled that there is a fundamental constitutional right to marry. Proposition 8 proponents appealed. Although the Ninth Circuit Federal Court of Appeals affirmed the lower court decision, it did so on much narrower grounds, and stayed the lower court decision during the appeals. The proponents of Proposition 8 took the case to the US Supreme Court. The Supreme Court ruled that the proponents of Proposition 8 did not have the right to appeal the district courts order, because they were not harmed by it. The Supreme Court vacated the Circuit Court Opinion, effectively reinstating the lower court decision. The Circuit Court lifted it’s stay of the lower court decision, and same sex marriages started again in California on June 28, 2013. Amongst the first celebrants were the plaintiffs in Hollingsworth – Paul Katami and Jeffrey Zarrilo, and Kris Perry and Sandy Stier.

The Hollingsworth case was not decided on the merits. Thus the Supreme Court never reached the question of whether the US constitutional guarantee of equal protection of law prohibits states from defining marriage as between a man and a woman only. This is a question left for another day because the lower court decision is not binding on the rest of the country, or the approximately 36 states with laws or constitutional amendments banning same sex marriage.

However, that day may be right around the corner. A federal case was filed on July 1st, on various constitutional grounds, challenging Arkansas’ constitutional amendment and statute banning same sex marriage and refusing to recognize same sex marriages validly performed elsewhere.

Stay tuned to this column for further updates on the progress of this and presumably other ligation around the country.

While we celebrate the advancement of civil rights for the LGBT community, we must be ever vigilant to stand up for the rights of all marginalized people. As pointed out by Charles M. Blow in an op-ed column in the NY Times, 6/26/13, “there is quite a bit of overlap among the states that were covered by the Voting Rights Act, those that have constitutional bans on same sex marriage, those with some of the most restrictive abortion laws and those that have considered or passed some of the strictest anti-immigrant bills.”

ASK THE LAWYER - continued

fight one, we fight them all” (Id.)

The Supreme Court gutting the Voting Rights Act in the case of Shelby County Texas v. Holder, diminishing the importance and historical significance of the Indian Child Welfare Act in Mtr of Veronica, and placing higher burdens on universities seeking to justify affirmative action plans in Fisher v. Univ of Texas, reminds us that we all have a lot more work to do. “Racial hostility, homophobia and misogyny are braided together like strands of the same rope. When we

The legal rights of LGBTQ families are an ever-changing landscape, to be addressed monthly in this column.

The material in this article is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended to give legal advice, and should not substitute for the independent advice of counsel.

Geri Pomerantz is an attorney in the capital district with a practice focused on family

and matrimonial law, specifically including LGBTQ issues.

Geri also conducts continuing legal education training for other lawyers on issues of importance to the LGBTQ community. Amongst other things, Geri is a member of the Collaborative Divorce Association of the Capital district.

Geri can be reached at pomerantzlaw@ albany.twcbc.com The views expressed in this column are solely those of Ms. Pomerantz and do not reflect the opinion of the Pride Center.

The Pride Center Announces 5 Youth Scholarship Recipients!

By James Shultis, Youth Program Coordinator The Pride Center proudly awarded five LGBTQ and allied young people from the Capital Region with the 2013 Pride Center Youth Scholarship, for their academic achievement and courageous leadership in their schools and in the community. The awards were given out at the 2013 Youth Scholarship Reception & Fundraiser, at the lovely home of Tom and Lisa Evans, overlooking the Hudson River on Thursday, July 11th.

This year’s recipients are:

Alicia Barber, The Albany Academies As an ally, Alicia has shown her strength and commitment to LGBTQ rights by being an active member of the Center Youth Action Team (CYAT) at the Pride Center, President of her school’s Gay-Straight Alliance, a recent intern at the Albany Damien Center, among many other attributes. She will be attending Union College in the fall on a premed track.

Nicholas Bernard, Colonie High School Nicholas has been an energetic participant

in many of the Pride Center’s programs over the years, including the CYAT. He is a passionate public speaker and member of his school’s Gay-Straight Alliance. He will be attending Hudson Valley Community College to double major in biology and music.

Sierra Clegg, Schalmont High School Sierra has served for the past four years as treasurer of her school’s Gay-Straight Alliance. Her teachers and peers revere her as one of the most caring, hardworking, and understanding individuals they have met. She will be attending SUNY Albany in the hopes of becoming a high school English teacher.

ing Boston University to study biology.

Shaiyah Lev, Albany High School Shaiyah has been involved with the LGBTQ community through his work with COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere), through his school’s Gay-Straight Alliance, and attendance at the Capital Pride Parade for the past 15 years. He will be attending the College of Saint Rose for Musical Performance.

We wish our five 2013 Pride Center Youth Scholarship recipients the best of luck in their college endeavors and send warm wishes to all of the 2013 high school graduates throughout the Capital Region.

Again, the Pride Center would like to thank everyone who was able to attend our 2013 Youth Scholarship Reception & Fundraiser; those who made donations, and helped make the scholarship a reality for years to come.

We would also like to extend our sincerest gratitude to Tom and Lisa Evans, who hosted the event.

Nicholas Ganey, Hudson High School Nicholas founded his high school’s GayStraight Alliance his junior year and has served as its president. Since then, he has worked hard to recruit members, raise funds, and help implement a number of anti-bullying initiatives. He also serves on the board of the Hudson Pride Foundation. He will be attend-

Our 2014 goal is even higher than before, so we need YOUR HELP to reach our goal! Go online at www.capitalpridecenter.org today, or call the Pride Center at 518-462-6138 to make a donation, and ensure the young leaders of the LGBTQ and allied community have access to education.

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An Interview

with

Albany County Executive Dan McCoy

On a beautiful day in April, I went down to the office of Albany County Executive Dan McCoy. McCoy, a native son of Albany, has held the seat of County Executive since January 1, 2012 after serving 12 years on the County Legislature. A long time supporter of the LGBT community in the Capital Region, we had a frank conversation about Dan’s connection to the community and new initiatives.

erance back then. You couldn’t be open because you were afraid to say anything. Now I see my daughter in the same high school I went to, Albany High, and I see the difference. Now in high school no one even thinks twice about it. “

The following are excerpts and highlights from that conversation.

Dan’s sister, who identifies as a lesbian, was a mother figure to him growing up.

After acknowledging that he had gay siblings, I asked Dan how growing up with gay siblings influenced his view of the LGBT community?

“Yeah, my sister was very strict. I come from a family of seven, so my mom and dad had been put through the wringer by the time they got to me and my brother. So my sister kind of filled in that role mainly. She was very strict and always made sure that someone was watching me. “

“Nothing seemed different to me when I was growing up. It was my normal life. So I actually kind of looked at it funny when people had issues. I was, like, what’s the problem?

It wasn’t till I was much older that I realized there were certain issues and I watched people in high school that were gay get bullied.

People didn’t understand it. I think the campaigns that the LGBT community have done do a great job of educating people. Now you see high schools with gay clubs. …There are still people out there who bully other people.

But this next generation is just more in tune to being open and the tolerance level and the education is there. When I was growing up I don’t think until, high school, did I wonder is there something different here. “

I asked if he thought that kept him out of trouble.

When asked if he ever fought back or said something when people where being homophobic?

“Absolutely. It exposed me to a lot of different things at a young age. It made me really tolerant. I always laugh because to me it was so normal. I never thought twice about it. It was later on in high school and in politics that I realized people had some deep issues with the gay community. I’ve always supported everything I could in the gay community. To make sure that people can live their life quietly if they want to. Most people in America just want to live a quite life. Raise their families. Not be treated any differently.

I say it’s good that it’s very accepted now.

People will always have problems, though, unfortunately. “

“People would say stuff and I would defend that person and it was the right thing to do.

It was challenging for certain people when I was in high school because there was no tol

Through many previous conversations, the Office of County Executive and Pride Center started a new collaborative partnership to celebrate the 30th anniversary of our Center

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Michael Weidrich

Youth Program. On this new initiative, Dan said: “Every initiative that I’ve taken since [becoming] county executive really doesn’t cost the county taxpayers; it’s all partnerships, private sector money. We’re doing this camp with 420 beautiful acres, it’s a park system that we haven’t used that we turned over to the Boys & Girls Club and they canceled out on us last year and it just sat there. So I saw it as an opportunity to really turn it around and told my vision to the sheriff and the DA and said let’s do something not just for the kids but for everybody. So one of the things that we’re working with the LGBT community is to make a camp where teenagers can be themselves. They don’t have to worry. We’re gonna run an anti-bullying campaign, too.

But we’re just gonna let them run around for two weeks and not have them worry. They can just be amongst their peers and I thought that was so important. It’s good to have that base and let these kids know that it’s ok. Just because you’re different doesn’t mean you have to be afraid to say that you’re different.

We want to give them a place where they can have a retreat and place to be themselves, it gives them a unique place to go and we want to build off of that and build off the message in the county. The sheriff and the DA and I talked about how we really want to do an anti-bullying campaign throughout the county because you still have problems and we want to make sure that we address them. Let the kids out there know that even if they think they’re different, they’re not, they’re just like everyone else and they have rights. Don’t be afraid and think you have to be bullied. “

We talked about the number of LGBT employees in the county and I asked what Dan had done to make the county more inclusive, especially for someone who had transitioned on the job.

“When I was in the legislature, John Frederick tried to pass a thing for gender equality to recognize it and make it safer for people in Albany county to not be discriminated against. It went down.

When I became county executive, I said, look I can effectively change it for 2,500 workers and I think that’s a step in the right direction. So I did an executive order in June 2012 and said we’re going to have training and rights. We do have a worker that changed sexes and I wanted to make sure that when that person came back that they weren’t discriminated against, that they came to an environment that was supportive and that they could just do their job. People just want to come in and do their job. Our HR department has implemented that, we reached out to the LGBT community to give us sensitivity training for our workers. We wanted everyone to feel regardless of whatever religion, gender, or orientation you are, that you’re comfortable working here in Albany County. So we did do that last year and I was happy to do it. It was a big step for the workers. We’ve had no complaints and all our workers have been very open minded with no issues. “ Finally I brought up the controversial appointment of County Attorney Tom Marcelle.

“The hardest thing is finding people who can think outside the box and when I was on the legislature I met Tom. He was on the Republican side of the aisle. Without getting into politics, I’ve always been about openness and for some reason I was labeled as this guy with whatever point of views. I don’t think I have to argue my point because the proof is in the pudding, look at my record. It bothers me that certain people get these titles, because some people don’t like it. Tom Marcelle, when I was Chair, gave me a lot of good legal advice when, let’s just say, my own side was lying to me because they didn’t want me to succeed. So I bonded with the guy and he was really good to me. I could call him when I was in a pinch and he would lead me in the right direction. When I was running for county executive I knew

I had to do things differently in the law department because we were bleeding.

We’re spending over $400,000 on outside council. We had attorneys scattered throughout the county. So, I said to Tom that I wanted to bring everyone under one roof. Here’s a guy that went to the Supreme Court and won, hell of an attorney. The miscalculation on my behalf was that I didn’t know the other part of Tom Marcelle’s life. I did watch Phil Stack back him when he ran for federal judge and Phil and Tom went to school together.

Phil nominated the guy and wrote a great letter from him to be federal court judge.

Tom has always worked with democrats – and this is one of the problems I have with politics: I don’t run away from my friends, I don’t run way from people- no matter who they are. Would things have changed if I knew this other part of Tom? Probably I would have thought harder about it. At that point, though, I needed to have confidence in my county attorney, I needed someone who had my back, and I need to know they’re competent. When all of this came out and I was trying to defend him, I said my agreement with Tom was that he had to give up his law practice. I was taking him away from his cause and if he doesn’t he’s fired. What I said to everyone that was getting nervous about policies was that the legislature sets policy. So Tom is not going to be putting a stamp on anything without me approving. So if something comes out of that office that you’re not happy about, then hold me responsible. Tom actually helped me write the transgender bill and he actually fought and said that the language they wanted to use from another state was weaker than what we put in there. They wanted the other language, though.

I thought I knew where I stood with the LGBT community because of my family history and being around it my whole life.

It was a tough blow, but the people that knew me knew I would do nothing to hurt them or let this guy hurt their community.

The people that didn’t know me where the ones who put false information out there.

I didn’t agree with Tom, but I wasn’t going to crucify him for his personal beliefs.

To Tom’s defense, he has friends that are gay, but he has a strong religious beliefs.

Tom’s done a great job for me though and I don’t think I would have changed a thing. He has really helped me turn the county round financially. We’ve started doing everything in house. So he’s doing

everything I want and [has]not influence any legislation. I’m very conscious of anything that will hurt anybody, not just the LGBT community.

Tom Scarff, one of Dan’s staff added, “We got literally hundreds of phone calls about Tom, but once Dan gave permission to say he was raised by a lesbian, it sort of tempers it a bit. They understand that he was hiring him because he was a great municipal lawyer.”

Dan continued, “I shouldn’t have to justify my family life or drag people in from the outside to defend me. I’m near and dear to a lot of the causes because of what I went through with my family. I’ve witnessed my sister discriminated against for not only being a woman, but being a gay woman. I am very sensitive about it, but I don’t know what else I can do. I’m not trying to get support; I’m just trying to make sure everyone is treated equally.

There’s no black, orange, or red. Everyone is treated the same. I can assure the LGBT community that I would do nothing to hurt them. I did apologize for one thing – I wasn’t going to apologize for irony – but I did apologize for letting them think that I had offended them. I had to stand behind my pick, but I apologized for giving the impression that I was maybe trying to hurt the cause. The fact that people thought I was trying to hurt the cause was probably what hurt me the most. If I had to go back and do it again, I would have sat down more with the community and talked with them. I brought the LGBT community to the table because I wanted to hear about things that were important to the community because even though I was raised in that community, I’m not an expert. I shouldn’t sit here and decide what to do for your community.

You tell me and I’ll help get the message out there. “

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We’re So Excited! Our NEW Summer Leadership Camp, This Summer!

By James Shultis, Youth Program Coordinator Have you heard the exciting news? This August, we’re proud to announce, that we’ll be having our first ever, YOUTH IN POWER: Summer Leadership Camp! Our camp will provide a welcoming, supportive, safe, and fun summer camp experience for young people who either identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans*, queer, questioning (LGBTQ) or as allies. This weekend program is jampacked with a variety of workshops, social activities, and projects that focus on empowerment through social justice. Time at camp will incorporate “traditional” activities such as arts and crafts, boating, and lawn games in conjunction with youth-driven events, which are a key part of the YOUTH IN POWER experience.

The camp offers various workshops and activities that will enhance each camper’s experience including: •Expressive arts, theater, crafts, outdoor sketching, journal writing.

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•Wellness activities such as yoga, meditation, dance, volleyball, basketball, and hiking.

•Workshops such as LGBTQ history, healthy relationships, advocating for safer schools, using social media, knowing your rights, grassroots organizing, talking about gender identity and gender expression, pop culture, and more!

•Workshops will be led by youth, experienced Advisor Counselors (ACs), and outside guest speakers from the Capital Region community.

Produced by the Pride Center of the Capital Region in partnership with Albany County and County Executive Dan McCoy, and supported in part by generous donations from our community, the camp is led by experienced professionals who identify as LGBT or straight allies. The Pride Center has comprehensive youth programming that has been serving the Capital Region for over 30 years.

With the addition of this summer camp, we hope to provide youth with a venue for personal discovery, empowerment, support

and fun among peers and the wider LGBTQ community.

We want youth to be seen and heard. Young peoples’ voices matter in our community.

We’re hoping folks will walk away from the weekend with more pride in their identities, helpful tools to organize projects at school and/or in the community, better knowledge of social justice issues (not just limited to LGBTQ, but around class, race, ability, gender, sex, and many others), plus summer memories and friendships that will last a lifetime.

If you’re interested in YOUTH IN POWER, registration and attendance is FREE! You can find more information on our website, Facebook, or calling the office at (518) 4626138. Here’s a short link: www.tinyurl.com/ YouthInPower YOUTH IN POWER is a FREE weekend camp beginning on Saturday, August 17th—Sunday, August 18th. Registration is limited to 40 registrants, so get your registration packet in TODAY. Deadline is 8/3!

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See website for Holy Week & Easter Services: www.unitedprestroy.org 10 AM Sunday Service Rainbow flags in the sanctuary & outside

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Lessons

from

Ghana

by

Mike Starr the event I had commented to friends about feeling isolated, but this feeling quickly became unbearable.

With the 2013 Pride season reaching its impressive climax, those who worked tirelessly to bring the celebration to the Capital District deserve our thanks.

Their hard work truly enhanced the time of year when countless individuals come together in a breathtaking display of love and happiness, relishing in the opportunity to show the world just how flamboyantly fabulous we are. Amidst all of the celebration it becomes easy to lose sight of the struggles our community was forced to endure for such an event to be possible. I myself am guilty of this, and never realized it until I came to Ghana where my entire perspective on gay rights changed as a result of an unfortunate sequence of events.

Prior to my arrival I knew that my experience would be somewhat difficult given that homosexuality is illegal in Ghana, as it is in most African countries.

Upon my arrival I was advised to “play it straight” in order to avoid any unpleasantness. Having only recently embraced my sexuality as a sense of pride and strength, it was disheartening to talk about my feigned interest in women or attempt to change the subject as people expressed disgust towards homosexuals.

I was tolerant of this behavior up until I learned of a tragic incident that occurred a mere 45 minute drive from where I was living; a local man was lynched because he was a homosexual and, as the investigation progresses it is unlikely that the perpetrators will be punished. Prior to

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Desperately searching for a way to find some form of justice I began to almost despise the place I had begun to call home, that is, until the day a most unexpected opportunity presented itself; I was asked to participate in a national radio program on homosexuality. As my colleague and I discussed our strategy for utilizing this segment as a way to educate the homosexual community on HIV prevention, those closest to us saw this as a potentially dangerous situation.

Their concerns were well founded, and it became evident when the radio host introduced me as “Michael Starr, a homosexual from the United States.”

The program started off with radio host asking us to explain why homosexuality is wrong and why people shouldn’t engage in such loathsome behavior, but my optimism about what I had hoped to accomplish made me well aware of the 45 minute time constraint, and I didn’t have time to humor her narrow-minded hate speech. Every chance I had to speak was spent addressing misconceptions on homosexuality and discussing practices that can help prevent the spread of HIV. I still remember the look on the host’s face when in the few remaining minutes I told everyone that lubricant and condoms can drastically reduce their risk for

contracting HIV from anal sex. Once off the air she casually informed me that I could be lynched for what I said, because telling people how to have safe anal sex promotes and encourages citizens to engage in unlawful acts.

After getting over our initial frustration of the radio host insisting on discussing religion while we were trying to address health implications, we realized we had done a wonderful thing. However, we both agreed that I would most likely suffer repercussions now that I was “out” in Ghana. The following morning I awoke and put my concerns aside as I took a moment to appreciate what I had done, oblivious to what had actually transpired. Upon my arrival to work it became abundantly clear that my coworkers disapproved of my radio debut. I endured a verbal assault on not only my character, but my value as a human being. A team of nurses alongside a pastor began saying I’m a sinner, disgusting and wrong; my personal favorite was how God had no part in creating me, because I was created by the devil.

I tried to shrug it off at first, because I knew their hatred was founded in ignorance. Unfortunately, I was only able to make it a few days before I was forced to admit to myself that their words had hurt me in a way that I hadn’t felt in years. Now that I’ve been home for a few months I am better able to appreciate the magnitude of this event on the remainder of my stay in Ghana. After seeing the devastating impact the revelation of my sexuality had on relationships that I once thought would be cherished for years to come, I found myself becoming more and more withdrawn from the world outside of the house I resided in.

The thought of returning to the selfdefeating game of “play it straight” seemed like a viable option in order to live out the rest of my days without the

fear of contention and potential violence, but that delusion was short lived.

Getting a first-hand experience of the oppression faced by the gay community in Ghana awakened a sense of commitment within me that empowered me to make difficult decisions with confidence, and the ultimate insult to my efforts and those I sought to inspire would be for me to re-enter the closet.

community, and let’s face it ladies and gentlemen, we are already strong! Now is the time for us to come together and use that strength to serve as a beacon of hope and reliability as we endeavor to eliminate the insecurities that do nothing more than diminish the pride that so many before us struggled to achieve.

Looking back on the surreal course my life has taken over a few short months I can’t help but smile when I think of everything that has transpired. I’ve met some absolutely amazing people, done a considerable amount of soul searching while on late night walks to grab an egg sandwich, and experienced a life that pushed me to my limits and beyond.

Now that I’m home I’m eager to channel my energy into strengthening our

Introducing Pride Center Intern Ollie Schwartz

Ollie Schwartz joins the Pride Center this summer as our Program Development Intern. Ollie hails from the Pioneer Valley of Massachusetts where he recently graduated with a degree in Women and Gender/Queer Studies at Smith College.

In July and August Ollie will be working to support our YOUTH IN POWER: Pride Center Leadership Camp— the first ever Pride Center weekend summer camp program for LGBTQ and allied youth.

Ollie’s undergraduate organizing work centered on facilitating peer education at his alma mater. He co-produced the col-

lege’s alcohol education film for incoming students in 2012. Smithie Alcohol Risk Tutorial (SmART) is the only peerproduced alcohol education program in the country and is setting precedent on how to keep our youth safe as they set out for college. He also co-produced ROUGH CUTS one of the few educational materials about interpersonal communication and sexual consent that includes and prioritizes footage of BDSM play and other sexual acts. Aside from education through film Ollie was also a key player in many of the discussions surrounding trans* rights at Smith this past year.

The student organizing group Smith Q&A, which Ollie facilitated, successfully launched a campaign to support the rights of trans women in the admissions process and on campus. Q&A worked with GLAAD, GLAD and Smith Alumni from around the country to change the college’s admissions policy. With over 5,000 signatures on Q&A’s change.org petition and hundreds of other submissions to Q&A’s photo campaign, the organization was able to work with the college to ensure that pronouns on le-

gal documents would not be a barrier to trans women in the admissions process.

Trans and queer rights were also at the forefront of Ollie’s academic and historical work.

Last summer Ollie sated his penchant for archival studies through an internship at the Sexual Minorities Archive (SMA) in Northampton, MA. At the SMA Ollie participated in cataloguing and processing pieces of the second largest collections of LGBTQ documents on the Eastern seaboard. Most notably, he helped curate a lecture and exhibit on Marion Turner, a gender-bending person of color who lived in the Pioneer Valley at the turn of the twentieth century. This summer Ollie hopes to re-organize the Pride Center’s Joe Norton library with his library cataloguing skills!

13

Easton Mountain Hosts “Out in the Woods” LGBT Music Festival on August 10th!

Have you heard of Easton Mountain- the LGBT retreat center just 45 minutes from Albany, and a world apart? If you have, then you probably know about the annual queer music festival they host, “Out in the Woods”, happening this year on August 10th and featuring John Cameron Mitchell from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. If this is all news for you, then it’s a good thing you’re reading this article because you wouldn’t want to miss out!

This spring Easton Mountain celebrated its 13-year anniversary. Nestled on 180-acres in the beautiful rolling hills of Greenwich, NY, it has served the LGBT community as a peaceful place to heal from past wounds, grow personally, and create community.

Equipped with spacious rooms, a temple adjacent to a beautiful pond, inn-style housing, a hot tub, a sauna, a pool, a flourishing garden, hiking trails and more, the land is a perfect escape from the everyday world.

Founded originally as a place for gay men to recover from the loss of loved ones from HIV/AIDS, Easton has developed to become a Mecca for spiritual growth, and more.

Queer spiritual leaders and teachers from all over the world come to Easton to lead or participate in workshops dedicated to creating positive change in their lives, and in the world. All year long Easton hosts these weekend and week-long retreats that focus on various themes ranging from knitting or yoga to massage or personal coaching, Easton is a place that has something for everyone— including LGBT youth.

For the last eight years, Easton has hosted residential summer camps for over 100 LGBT young people from the NYC and

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Boston areas. The queer music festival, “Out in the Woods”, was created three years ago to raise money to support these youth programs. These programs create space for young people to create community, to develop leadership skills , and to find new ways to express their unique stories as LGBTQ youths. This year’s camp is called “Arts in the Woods,” and will focus on self expression through dance, theatre, music, and art.

Proceeds from “Out in the Woods” will be used to cover the baseline cost of this program and provide scholarships to LGBT youth who cannot otherwise afford to attend.

And what a fantastic event this festival has developed into! This year John Cameron Mitchell, the creator and star of “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” will headline along with an impressive line-up of diverse talent who will fill the day (12-9pm) with incredible performances. The day will be emceed by the larger than life Reverend Yolanda Mapes. Last year’s emcee and cabaret chanteuse Justin Vivian Bond will return for a set, as well as the always popular lesbian rock band Sister Funk. Also on the bill this year are Rachael Sage, Namoli Brennett, Martin Swinger, Sean Kagalis, Freddy Freeman, Jorge Avilla, Jay Saturn with Nikkita, Gary Wayne Farris, Brett Avery, John Kelly, Nohjj, and Justin

Vahalla. The music genres covered in this phenomenal line-up range from folk, rock, country, bluegrass, R&B, hip-hop & more.

Basically if you like music, you’re going to love this festival! Between performances, guests are invited to check out local vendor booths, purchase delicious food, explore the vast grounds of Easton, and come to a community bonfire following the festival. Camping and rooms will be available for the night if you choose to stay over.

Also, some guests may want more than a day of amazing queer music, so this year Easton is offering a whole weekend of events with all meals and accommodations included.

Starting on Friday night (8/10) with a dance party DJ’d by none other than John Cameron Mitchell and Amber Martin who co-host the popular queer monthly dance party Mattachine in NYC. Saturday, full weekend guests will be invited to view the music festival from the VIP pool deck. And Sunday the weekend will conclude with a special performance of (Festival emcee) Yolanda’s critically acclaimed “Old Time Gospel Hour” a non denominational celebration of the human spirit and inspiration, where guests will have the opportunity to see their favorite musicians perform in a more intimate setting.

So come for the whole weekend or just Saturday’s Festival, or visit Easton some other time. The community is ever-growing, and you are welcome to become a part of it!

Check out www.OutInTheWoodsMusicFestival.com or wwww.EastonMountain.org for more information.

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Pride Center’s Case Management Services celebrates one LGBT community! by Lauren Ford, LMSW Mental Health Specialist The Pride Center of the Capital Region has offered direct and supportive community services since our inception in 1970, a formal program now called Center Support. Center Support includes adult peer support groups, low-cost clinical counseling, ongoing LGBT cultural competency training for service providers and expanded in July of last year to include Case Management Services.

Case Management Services were created at the Pride Center to address barriers LGBT individuals and families encounter when accessing health and human services. LGBT people often must navigate health and human service systems that are often undereducated about or unwelcome to the needs of LGBT people. LGBT people of color, trans and gender non-conforming folks, low-income LGBT people and other marginalized LGBT communities often face even greater barriers. Case Management Services at the Pride Center is unique in that we offer trans-specific information, resources and support for transgender and gender non-conforming individuals – the only trans-specific Case Management Services in the Capital Region. Over the past year, the Pride Center’s Case Management Services have provided both short and long-term health and human service coordination. Depending on a client’s needs, we may meet with them 3-4 times over the course of a month, or dozens of times over the course of a year. We provide services to LGBT people ages 13+ and in our first year served folks ranging in age from 17 to 60. Of our clients, 60% identify as transgender or gender non-conforming, 55% are currently receiving mental health services, 45% identify as disabled, 40% identify as women, 25% identify as people of color and nearly all of our clients identify as low-income. The administrator of Case Management Services works with clients to meet their individual goals. As all of our clients are voluntarily a part of this program, each client is seen as the

16

year of direct service to

expert of their own lives and plays an active role the creation and implementation of action plans to accomplish their goals and meet their needs.

What have we accomplished in our first year of operation?

Together we have: -Found LGBT friendly mental health services -Changed legal names on Identity Documents -Put food on the table through SNAP benefits -Managed debt and learned to budget finances -Updated gender markers on Identity Documents -Prevented evictions and reported code violations -Navigated entering college as a returning student -Learned how to write resumes and find employment -Demanded competent and quality medical treatment -Connected with free and low cost legal representation -Applied and been approved for public health insurance -Educated providers on the specific needs of our community -Fought against discrimination in housing and public facilities …and more!

Case Management Services connects clients to the information and resources they need and advocates for clients within other health and human service systems. Every person deserves to be treated with respect and dignity when engaging with health and human service providers. Case Management Services can include everything from assistance with applying for the SNAP program and subsequent paperwork, to attending meetings with the Department of Social Services, to sitting alongside clients at the doctor’s office. We also provide phone consultation to service providers working with our clients to educate them about specific laws and best practices when working with LGBT folks.

Case Management Services are just a small part of the Pride Center’s work to promote the wellbeing of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer identified people in the Capital Region. We have seen a great deal of growth in many of our programs over the past year. Our Case Management Services is celebrating its one year anniversary just as our HIV Testing Program celebrates six months of providing free, confidential, rapid HIV testing on-site at the Pride Center. We are excited to see where the next year takes us as we continue to grow and improve our services.

If you would like more information or to make an appointment for Case Management Services call the Pride Center at 518-462-6138 or email casemanagement@capitalpridecenter.org.

Case Management Services are free for youth 13-21 and operate on a low-cost sliding scale for adults. The first session is free and all services are confidential. Daytime and limited evening hours available.

Introducing Pride Center Intern Aaron Bogert

Through most of my teenage years I planned on segueing my intense love of film and movies into a long, prosperous career in, well, the film world. College was fun, but it turns out that going to school for Cinema Studies can A) be a good way to get sick of film and B) make it difficult to know where to look for a job after you graduate. I swore I would never go back to school after I received my bachelor’s degree, but after one very confusing post-undergrad year, I moved to New York City and started graduate school with a major in Media Studies. I was convinced the answer to everything in life could be found in New York, as numerous Woody Allen movies had led me to believe.

At the halfway point of grad school I began taking a large interest in political media and social issues. To be blunt, I began caring a lot more about what was happening in the world. In particular, I began caring a lot more about the LGBT community than I ever had before and I began centering many of my projects and papers on LGBT related topics. I’m a gay man, but I am a little ashamed to say that in hindsight I may not have given the LGBT community much thought. After a fairly wretched adolescence, largely spent grappling with my sexual orientation, I finally came out at the end of high school, but never became involved in the LGBT community in the ensuing years. Ruminating on all this during the past year

led to a large amount soul searching and at the end of it I came to some important decisions: I wanted to start giving back to the LGBT community and I didn’t want to stay in New York City.

I was born and raised in the Capital Region and decided I wanted to return there after graduation. I began looking for LGBT organizations in the area, which is how I found the Pride Center.

I loved all that I was finding out about the Center and I knew it would be the best place to begin becoming involved in the LGBT community of the Capital Region. After some e-mail correspondence, and an interview over my spring break, I landed a summer internship at the Pride Center.

I moved back upstate and started my internship at the Center a mere three days after graduating this past May. Capital Pride started the second day of my internship, so I had to (literally at times) hit the ground running. Pride was a crazy, amazing two weeks that I am incredibly happy and proud to have been a part of. I don’t have one specific moment I could call my favorite, because what I liked most about Pride was the whole collective thing. So much happened and I met too many people to pick one moment out of it all. In hindsight, I don’t think there could have been a better way for me to become so quickly and thoroughly involved in the LGBT community than helping with Capital Pride.

before, something I found surprising after spending so long trying to get away from it. Interning at the Pride Center has made transitioning back to the area even easier since it gave me something to do immediately upon returning and has made me feel like a more active member of the Capital Region than ever have before.

My time at the Pride Center has allowed me to see both the administrative and programmatic sides of the organization, so I have been getting an idea of what it can mean to be behind the scenes and also in front of the curtain. If I decide to continue pursuing LGBT activism on my career path, I’ll admit that I’m not entirely sure which of those roles I would want to be cast in. Whatever I decide will help me answer the pesky what’s-your-five-year-plan question we’ve all encountered in job interviews.

I think most people just make up their answer to that question so they have something to tell people, but I like to think I’m a little more honest. I cannot say exactly where I’ll be in five years, or exactly what I’ll be doing for a living.

Maybe I’ll be in the Capital Region, but maybe I’ll be in D.C. or San Francisco.

Wherever I may be, and whatever I may be doing, helping at the Pride Center has made me positive I will remain a proactive member of the LGBT community.

I’m happy to be back in the Capital Region, much to shock of people who look aghast when I tell them I willingly left New York City. Transitioning from the city back to the Capital Region has not been difficult because the city never began to feel like home. In contrast, whenever I came back to the Capital Region during school breaks it began to feel more like home than ever

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Join us for the Grand Opening of

Live From the Living Room

e

at the Rainbow Café

r te n e

am

t gh i N

G

eC d ri

P

Wednesday August 14

7-9pm Open Mic

Every Second Thursday of the Month At the Rainbow Café!

Join us Thursday August 8th, 6-9pm

$2 suggested Donation 332 Hudson Ave. Albany NY

332 Hudson Ave. Albany, NY 12201 (518) 462– 6138

VINTAGE PRIDE FREE Weekend Camp for LGBTQ Youth & Allies Ages 13-18!

YOUTH IN POWER: Pride Center Youth Leadership Camp

WHEN? Saturday August 17 , 9am-8pm AND Sunday August 18 , 9am-6pm th

1PM AUGUST

th

Busses depart from Pride Center at approx. 8:15am. Return at 8:45pm on Saturday & 6:45pm on Sunday.

18TH

WHAT IS IT?A summer camp experience for young people to build leadership, feel empowered, learn about social justice issues, participate in outdoor activities, and create lasting friendships.

WHERE? Feura Bush, NY (In Albany County)

POTLUCK At the First Presbyterian Church, 362 State Street, Albany A casual social opportunity for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender people 55 and older. Bring a dish to share, and enjoy drinks and dessert provided by the Pride Center.

For more information 462-6138 x16 lcudlitz@capitalpridecenter.org

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WHAT DOES IT COST? CAMP IS FREE! Food, transportation to and from camp, and two full days of camp facilitated by experienced staff who identify as LGBTQ and allies.

HOW DO I GET THERE? There’s a free bus to pick you up and drop you off at the Pride Center each day, we’re located at 332 Hudson Avenue, Albany!

I WANT TO APPLY! BUT HOW? Grab a registration at the Pride Center, or fill one out online! Due by 8/1!

FOR MORE INFO, CONTACT US! jshultis@capitalpridecenter.org or (518) 462-6138 x15

R A I N B O W C A F É P R ES E N T S : R

A I N B O W

C

A F

É P

R E S E N T S

MOVIE NIGHT *FREE* Sunday August 18, 2013 6:30pm-8:30pm

Rainbow Café 332 Hudson Ave, Albany

Walk with us!

17th Annual Capital Region

AIDSWalk Honorary Co-Chairs

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Invite you to a special evening celebrating our community and your community center!

Join the Honorary Committee! visit: www.capitalpridecenter.org/

Saturday, September 28th, 2013 Washington Park Lakehouse, Albany Walk begins at 12 PM Walk with the Pride Center and join the efforts to raise HIV/AIDS awareness in the Capital Region!

To sign up to walk with us, contact Lyndon Cudlitz lcudlitz@capitalpridecenter.org or (518) 462 - 6136 x16

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Out

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Garden - The Low-Maintenance Garden

By Judith Fetterley

there is such a thing as a low-maintenance garden. A low-maintenance garden is one that does not require watering once the plants have been established, unless there is a severe drought and intense heat. It is a garden planted sufficiently thick so that weeds are kept to a minimum. It is a garden comprised of plants that require only fall or spring deadheading and only occasional pruning.

About this time of year I get calls from potential clients saying their gardens are out of control, they cannot maintain them, and they need some help. However, finding a gardener is not easy unless you are very wealthy.

“Head gardener and staff” are personally my four favorite words in the English language and in England you can find garden help, even if you are middle class. But here in the eastern U.S where lawns, not gardens, rule you can easily find a so-called lawn care service but good luck finding a gardener. Like most of my colleagues I am overbooked and can barely manage to maintain the gardens I am already committed to, including my own.

And so the conversation about the low-maintenance garden begins, for this is one solution to the problem.

First, let’s be clear that there is no such thing as a no-maintenance garden. A space with plants in it requires watering; mulching; occasional weeding, pruning and dead-heading; and seasonal attention in fall and spring.

Even a Zen garden composed of nothing but rocks is likely to have the occasional weed or require the removal of a fallen leaf. But

24

A low-maintenance garden requires a good bit of work up front. The most obvious form of low-maintenance garden is one composed of a tree or trees and shrubs. However, I am particularly frustrated when called in to fix problems caused by landscapers who have installed plantings that look full upon installation and three years later are a nightmarish tangle of shrubs that have grown into each other, trees that are too close to the house, and thistle and other weeds brought in via the mulch that was used to finish the job.

To be low-maintenance a garden requires careful design in terms of plant choice and location, temporary installations to hold the space while the major plants develop, and patience.

Shade gardens tend to be lower maintenance simply because things do not grow as fast in the shade and if a garden is planted thickly enough it can be maintained with a minimum of pruning and weeding. Creating a low-maintenance perennial garden in full sun is much more difficult but it can be done. The Berkshire Botanical Garden (BBG) in Stockbridge, Massachusetts has developed a demonstration low-maintenance garden. It is composed of a mix of ground covers that keep out the weeds (50%); struc-

tural plants that give height and pizazz and definition (15%); companion perennials that provide texture and color and mass (30%); and fillers that work well to bridge the space between the ground covers and the other plants (5%). The structural plants are placed somewhat randomly throughout the garden in statement-making groups of three to five; the companion perennials are planted in large swathes; and the groundcovers and fillers fill in the spaces around and between these plantings. The garden is more meadowy looking than the traditional border.

I encourage anyone who wants a low-maintenance garden to visit BBG and take a close look at this garden. You may think you a want low-maintenance perennial garden but you may not be able to tolerate the result – for example, plants that have not been deadheaded -- which many see as messy and unattractive. Again, if you opt for a garden composed entirely of trees and shrubs are you really willing to give up the color and interest provided by perennials and annuals?

In gardening as in other things, there are no easy answers or simple solutions. But there are better and worse choices. Realistic assessment of what you want from your garden and how much time you have to devote to maintenance coupled with careful planning and considerable patience can result in achieving some of those better choices.

Judith Fetterley lives and gardens in Glenmont, New York. She also runs Perennial Wisdom, a garden design business for new and existing gardens. She can be reached at fetterleyj@gmail.com.

Money Matters - Our New

By Thomas J. Walling, CFP

Financially, the Supreme Court decision in the case of US vs Windsor (DOMA) affects a great many of us whether young or older.

Changes in Social Security laws now allow for the same treatment of all state respected marriages, whether straight or same sex.

Social Security was put in place to care for our elderly population, but it was not put into place to replace anything but the most basic expenses. Before this decision, the differences were so great that when planning retirement, I would suggest couples plan independently. This is not necessarily the case anymore.

The Social Security Spousal Benefit is a guarantee from the government that if one spouse works and one does not (or makes substantially less money), the Social Security benefit of the lesser making spouse will be at least half of the higher earning spouse.

So, in the past, if a straight couple decided to

and Improved

Social Security System

have a spouse take care of children, pursue a lower paid career, or for that matter, lay by the pool, they automatically receive a social security check during retirement. We now share those family decisions equally. This is new and over time could very possibly change our family dynamics with more stay at home dads and moms.

Survivor Benefits to Social Security provides that if a spouse dies, the remaining spouse receives the higher of their or their deceased spouse’s benefit amount continued. So, with a different sex married couple, if one spouse makes $2000 per month and one makes $1000 per month, the surviving spouse will receive the higher Social Security amount of $2000 per month. In the past, if a same sex couple had the same circumstances as the straight couple, the remaining spouse will only receive their own continued as they are not recognized as married. This has a big affect on more things than you would think. Perhaps one spouse is self employed, earning a lower wage, or somehow pays considerably less into Social Security.

This provides these families with extra security during retirement when already dealing with the death of a spouse.

One potential disadvantage to us is in the taxability of Social Security payments. There is very distinct language as to the base amounts of additional income that makes Social Security benefits taxable. Unmarried couples use two single base amounts each while married couples will have to use the “married” base income limit, which is considerably lower.

This means we can conceivably pay more federal taxes in retirement if married.

The Gabyboomer Diaries - AUTHOR’S NOTE

History was made in June with this monumental 5-4 vote. It is nice to think that an 84 year old woman with an ax to grind can affect such a change in our culture. She has managed to get the Supreme Court to mandate that her marriage was valid. Her relationship with her wife was to be valued the same as a straight marriage. There are many other benefits to Federal Marriage than just Social Security. It is one of many hurdles.

Everyone is different. One thing that is not different, however, is a Federal Marriage Anniversary of June 26th for every state recognizing same sex married couples in the country. Happy Anniversary!

Thomas J. Walling CFP® is a Registered Representative and an Investment Advisor Representative of, and offer securities and investment advisory services through, Tower Square Securities, Inc. (TSS), (Member FINRA & SIPC) and a Registered Investment Adviser. Branch address: 235 Lark St., Suite #43, Albany, NY 12210. He is also a past presenter at the Capital Pride Center on financial affairs affecting the GLBT community as well as for SAGE of NYC. Tom is past presidents of the board of directors of The Albany Damien Center, Inc as well as Our Brother’s Keeper Foundation. He can be reached at his office at 518.878.1294 orThomas.Walling@tssimail.

By Dr. Raymond H. Werking, Jr.

All of this has occurred against the backdrop of my nieces Cassandra Jane and Raychelle Nancy graduating from Siena College and Columbia High School respectively. Cassy was selected Siena Student of the Year out of 805 graduates and Raychelle won two major scholarships. In the role of “Mr. Mom,” I played a significant part in raising them both and proved that a gay man can indeed parent and do it rather well!

For the first time in nearly a decade, “The Gabyboomer Diaries” is taking a hiatus this month and will return in September with a column entitled “Dr. Ray Turns 65 and Dares to Look Back.”

If a spouse dies, Social Security Death Benefit will send the other spouse a check for around $255. This is supposed to help with funeral costs and final expenses. Although it is a pretty arbitrary amount, it is still a difference and it is still new to us.

In my own life, I have now achieved my cherished goal of becoming a cleared engineer at WRPI. This allows me to independently engineer HomoRadio as well as create my own shows.

On August 24, I will celebrate my 65th birthday, and I can assure you that the best is yet to come . . .

Dr. Raymond H. Werking, Jr. is a lifelong educator and published novelist who is in the midst of writing his new tell-all autobiography, “Unapologetically Alive.” He has a doctoral degree in English from the State University of New York at Albany. The Pride Center presented Dr. Werking with their Community Service Award in 2009. He serves on the Board of Directors of the Capital Region Chapter of GLSEN, the Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network. He also volunteers as Executive Producer of HomoRadio which is now in its twenty-second year of service to our community. Don’t miss this award-winning LGBT news and public affairs program’s live broadcasts every Sunday from 10:00 am until 2:00 pm on WRPI 91.5 FM, on www.wrpi.org, or via iTunes.

Ray would love to hear your comments, questions, and feedback at DrRayWerking@ yahoo.com.

25

A Genderless Society

is

Not

the

Answer

by

Drew Cordes

gender expression that we love dearly. Without our constructs of gender, your nail polish would no longer make you feel “pretty;” a suit and tie would bestow no swagger; pairing a dress with combat boots (a personal favorite) would no longer result in the oh-soentertaining furrowed brows of onlookers.

During a chat I once had with a genderfluid person, the idea of a genderless society was raised. Others in the room, of sundry genders and sexualities, had a favorable view of this premise, but to their surprise I insisted that such a world would be more sinister and oppressive than liberating.

This hypothetical can sound appealing to many of us (both trans* and cis) who often feel disadvantaged or persecuted because of our sex/gender. If there’s no more gender, women and trans* people can’t be marginalized! No more pay inequality! No more clothing restrictions! No more nightmares in bathrooms, Customs, the DMV, etc. You can imagine the possibilities.

What many of us gloss over in this daydream scenario is that we’d be throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

There are restrictive things about gender roles we hate, but there are many aspects of

Stripping away gendered meanings would certainly eliminate a tool of oppression, but it also would eliminate an essential part of identity. Part of the reason many people transition is that the gendered meanings assigned to our bodies militate against our very sense of self. Our identification with the opposite or nontraditional gendered meanings is so strong that we undergo surgeries, terrible pain, emotional turbulence, social stigma, alienation from family and friends... the list goes on. We do these things to be able to express the gender we wish. That’s how much gender means to us - that’s the empowering side. We’re willing to fight to possess it.

The trick, and a particularly difficult one at that, is to banish the stigmas and disadvantages associated with certain gender expressions, while maintaining the associations that resonate within us as joyful, empowering, and meaningful. The dress can still be “pretty,” but “pretty” should not be linked to subjugation or political and economic inequality. The suit and tie can give the wearer some added swagger, but it should not cross any lines into misogyny or patriarchal social dominance.

Here’s Guffman - Finishing

Stephen Sondheim gave a talk at Hudson Valley in May. He recalled that when he saw the premiere production of “A Streetcar Named Desire” he remembered that it made him feel glad that he was creating theater as well.

Schenectady Civic players presented Sondheim’s “Sunday in the Park with George”. It was a stunning achievement and I know how Sondheim felt.

It is a notoriously difficult work even among Sondheim’s catalogue of unusual subject matter with punishingly difficult scores. It concerns the 19th century French painter Georges Seurat and his creation of his masterpiece “Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte” as he interacts with the real life models

26

the

Hat

by

Even trickier, perhaps what we should be fighting is the presumption that we must always change our bodies to fit these positive associations, instead of the other way around. It is possible to see a penis as feminine and a vagina as masculine, y’know. Our brains are capable of this. Of course, anyone who does make the fully informed decision to change their body with surgery deserves that freedom (I had two surgeries myself), but surgery is not the only way, it will not resolve all of one’s gender issues in one fell swoop, and it is most definitely not the qualifying end-all be-all of the trans experience (more on that next month).

Abolishing gender would disengage that active creativity, imagination, and eliminate those joyful resonating expressions. A genderless society would be a fascist society.

Your unique gender expression, and those of everyone else, would cease to exist, instead replaced with uniformity. To indiscriminately banish the meanings associated with gender expression is to annihilate an essential part of the self. I’ll keep my gender, thanks.

Despite all the struggles, I love it too much not to.

Albany resident Drew Cordes is part of the trans* social justice group Transgender Advocates of the Capital Region.

Patrick White

who are the subjects of the painting in the first act and then after intermission it jumps ahead over 100 years and follows his descendant as he struggles to create in the late 20th century art world with all the attendant problems. He faces financial pressures, cynicism, the apathy of the general public or even your fellow artists.

It shows the sheer audacity needed to create in the face of such obstacles. To obsessively pursue your instinct, sacrificing interactions with the “real world” to pursue your craft: “How you have to finish the hat/How you watch the rest of the world/From a window/While you finish the hat” Molly Rose McGrath has been finishing the hat for a while. Just in the last four years I’ve seen her in “Annie Get Your Gun” in the Park, “Avenue Q” and “Always, Patsy Cline” with the Local Actor’s Guild in Saratoga, “9 to “ and “The 39 Steps” with Home Made Theatre,””The Last 5 Years” with Harmony Productions at Caffe Lena’s stage and “Musical of Musicals” at SCP. It’s a number of different roles presenting all kinds of different challenges and produced under wildly different circumstances. As Annie Oakley she belted to the stars and as Kate Monster she had to project under the drop ceiling of the Dee Sarno space. She has followed the work where it has led her and has become an artist of stature in our midst. To see her in “Sunday” in the dual

roles of Dot and Marie was to appreciate all the productions and all the work that informs the performing artist’s presence. She made it look all so easy. Her Dot was charming, petulant, aggrieved and above all beautifully sung and it sprang seemingly effortlessly forth. She was in total command of all her emotions and able to present them and hide them at will. Her Marie was charming in her simplicity. Playing a nonagenarian she didn’t fuss but seemed to actually slow her heart rate, her presence was so commanding.

Thank goodness Schenectady Civic took the enormous risk scheduling “Sunday” and thank goodness they had Duncan Morrison who directed, designed and built the breathtaking set.

Go see performing arts wherever you can in the Capital Region from the Little Theatre in Saratoga to Elda’s on Lark and you’re likely to see the next Molly Rose McGrath finishing her hat.

Patrick is a Capital Region actor who will be appearing in “Big Maggie” at Albany Civic Theatre 8/30-9/15

Kelly Ann Raver Opens Eyes, Mind & Heart by

Steven Minchin, Romaine Brooks Gallery Manager Gallery in the Month of August, with a opening reception on 1st Friday, August 2nd.

Kelly Ann finds inspiration when she’s close to water, as well as most anything beautiful and untouched by humans in nature. Once focusing her art on realism, as is seen in her pastel works, Kelly ann has found her art evolving into the more imaginative as she explores digital art. She says, “I love working in pastel and computer, and I am torn sometimes on which I should focus on. I do not really have a preference. Sometimes I like the feeling of blending chalks with my finger tips and sometimes I like to just relax with my Mac and the Creative Suite.”

Kelly Ann Raver lives in Coxsackie, NY with her family. She has worked primarily in chalk and pastels for more than twenty years, even illustrating a published children’s book.

Kelly is also a student of Graphic and Media Design at Sage College of Albany, where she will be a senior this fall. She enjoys using Adobe Illustrator to create artistic patterns and art when she is not designing as a freelancer.

Her mixed medium show, entitled, Eyes, Mind & Heart hangs in the Romaine Brooks

The Fashionable

and the

She compares her exploration of repeativive designs in digital art as being like “making a paper snowflake and finally opening it up and seeing how it turned out. If you take a shape or combinations of shapes, add color, and repeat and rotate or reflect the design, it can come out with so many variations and outcomes. “ Having originally found inspiration from her late high school art teacher, Rushton Saltsman, Kelly Ann harbored his teachings as she navigated life and child rearing Kelly

Frivolous Listen

to

Coco

elry, bags, belts, watches, scarves and the like, the most important thing to remember is that less is always more. Too often we overdo it, thinking that if one necklace is pretty, the matching earrings and bracelets and belt must make it all even prettier. Instead, it only serves to detract from that one pretty necklace.

“When accessorizing, always take off the last thing you put on.” ~ Coco Chanel There are not many fashion adages that one should follow without exception, but this is one of those that has never done me wrong.

It’s saved countless moments of embarrassing baubles, feathered corsages, sequin arm bands, ridiculous head-dresses, and all sorts of questionable accoutrement. (I’m not saying that none of that gets through, but it could have been a lot worse.) In this season of pared down clothing, a few words on accessorizing: keep it simple.

When it comes to adorning oneself with jew-

I can’t tell you how many pocket squares I’ve seen completely ruin an otherwise sleek suit, cuff links clashing with timepieces, tie pins distracting from their ties, or flashy belt buckles obnoxiously drawing focus to the wrong sort of gut. While not always offensive, these things are not always necessary, particularly if there are other things going on. Ms. Chanel was right in advising prudence, and losing that last extra piece is almost always a good idea. It’s a philosophy that seems to be getting lost in our quest for more, and a lesson it took me years to learn.

I used to be of the mindset that if I could get three different cheap belts for the price of one expensive belt, that would be the way to go. Unfortunately, too often you get what you pay for, and two of those belts would be busted up after wearing them once, leaving me with only one cheap belt anyway. It pays to invest in a good, quality item that you will have for years, in a classic form that never

Ann’s imagination was resparked as she returned to pursue higher education in her 40s (making the deans list each semester) and eventually found herself pursuing her art and a career in the field. Reflecting on this path and the place of art in the world Kelly Ann states that: Art in the world is the one thing that man can create that does not destroy. It should be inspiring. It should make you think. My art for the most part has mostly been about what it could do for me while I was creating it. It calms me, and focuses me.It is an extension of me. Until I went to school I would draw exactly what I saw with my eyes. Now I am creating with my mind and heart, too Eyes, Mind & Heart is just all that I use to create my work. It is the unseen medium used to create. My work sometimes can not be confined to pastel or computer, and I go off on tangent with my creativity, but my eyes, my mind, and my heart, are the things that I use which are always consistant.

Kelly Ann Raver’s Eyes, Mind & Heart opens on Friday, August 2 with a reception from 5-9pm at the Romaine Brooks Gallery, 332 Hudson Ave, Albany. by

Alan Bennett Ilagan

goes out of style. This proves especially true for accessories, which don’t have the same wear and tear as something like underwear or socks. It also works in limiting the number of pieces you have, cutting down on the temptation to over-accessorize.

It’s easy to get lost and buried in the details, and even the best outfits have trouble fighting for dominance when we put so much flash and trash on ourselves. Summer is the best time to get rid of all that extra stuff weighing us down, literally and metaphorically. When in doubt, leave it out. If it’s good enough for Coco, it’s good enough for me.

Alan Bennett Ilagan is a freelance writer and amateur photographer who resides in upstate New York with his husband Andy. He created the website www.ALANILAGAN.com, which contains a repository of his work, as well as a daily blog; the website recently celebrated its tenth anniversary online. He was the manager of the Romaine Brooks Gallery from 2008 to 2012. His writing has appeared in Instinct, xy magazine, Capitalmen, Q Northeast, the Windy City Times, and the Boston Phoenix. Notable artistic collaborations have been created with the likes of Steven Underhill, Paul Richmond, Dennis Dean, and Michael Breyette.

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Michael Cooks And You Can Too - Time

Summer’s here and it’s time to fire up the grill and get ready for long, warm evenings of outdoor cooking and eating. It’s time for ribs, steaks, chicken, kabobs and vegetables hot off the grill accompanied by cornon-the-cob, potato salad, watermelon and strawberry shortcake. As Gershwin said, the livin’ is easy.

For all of you out there who are already grill masters, read no further. But for the rest of us mere mortals who would like a few tips about grilling, read on. I have to warn you that when researching the technique of grilling, I found so many differing viewpoints that I decided to provide those tips that were in general consensus or made the most sense to me.

From what I learned from reading and experimenting, the right way to grill is what works for you, and the only way to get really good at grilling is practice. I could do a whole article (and maybe someday I will) on the different cuts of beef which are best for grilling steak. You could write a book about how to use various rubs and marinades to enhance flavors. Also, we often use the terms grilling and barbecuing interchangeably, but they are very different.

Grilling depends on a higher temperature to sear what you are cooking to keep the juices in. Traditional barbecue is done slowly with low cooking temperatures and a lot of smoke.

Barbecue varies by region, with the four main styles named after their place of origin: Memphis, Tennessee, North Carolina, Kansas City, Missouri and Texas. Memphis is renowned for pulled pork-shoulder mopped with a sweet tomato-based sauce (eaten on its own or as a sandwich). North Carolina smokes the whole hog and then

28

to

Grill

by

bastes it in a vinegar-based sauce. Kansas City natives prefer ribs cooked in a dry rub (although they’re also partial to dipping their ribs in a spicy tomato-based sauce), and Texans ... well, Texans dig beef, usually a mesquite-smoked “cowboy-style” brisket. Locals defend their region’s cooking style with the sort of fierce loyalty (and occasional fistfights) usually reserved for die-hard sports fans. Just as you’re better off not mentioning the Yankees to a Red Sox fan, it’s probably best not to proclaim your love for Texas beef to anyone from Kansas City.

Barbeque remained a regional specialty until the 1950s, when the ubiquitous portable charcoal grill began appearing in backyards and patios across suburban America and turned it into a national pastime. If you’re looking for a basic barbeque sauce that’s quick and easy to make, and goes really well with pork, beef and chicken, start with this recipe. Add your own touch by adjusting the ingredients to make it your own special “secret sauce”: 1 quart ketchup (32oz.)

1 Beer (12oz.)

1 cup Apple Cider Vinegar 1/4 cup Brown Sugar 4 tbls. Worcestershire Sauce 4 tbls. Kosher Salt 1 tbl. Garlic Powder 1 tbl. Cayenne Powder 1 tbl. Chili Powder 1 to 2 sticks Butter 3-4 Jalapeno Peppers, fresh or pickled Combine all ingredients and then simmer in a pan alongside your beef, pork, or chicken on the grill. Use for both a mopping and dipping barbeque sauce.

Now for grilling. First of all, grilling is a lot like broiling. Both use direct heat, but when grilling the heat source comes from below and when broiling the heat source is from above. Both methods are great when cooking tender cuts of beef, chicken, fish and vegetables. Make sure whatever you are cooking isn’t too thick or it will burn on the exterior by the time the inside is done. Although grilling is considered a healthy way of cooking because much of the fat drips into the fire, be careful to avoid flare-ups from the fat. Not only will you potentially burn what you are cooking

Michael Meade and give it an acrid flavor, you can create a nasty fire hazard.

When we were growing up, our dads (each a self-appointed grill master) only used charcoal as a fuel source. (I’m not even sure they had gas grills back then.) They made the common mistake of not using enough charcoal at the start or not replacing it when it burned down. Result, the food never seared properly so the juices were released and the meat dried out.

Most people also used the self-starting charcoal briquettes that gave the food a funky chemical taste. I’ve been told you can buy real lump charcoal with no additives and it makes a big difference, but I’ve never been able to find it, so I opt for a gas grill. Gas grills also make it easy to control the heat and even easier to maintain.

You can experiment with adding some pre-soaked chunks of mesquite or hickory wood to give an additional boost of flavor.

“Hybrid” grills (with two separate compartments, one gas and one charcoal) have recently been appearing on the market and will probably start gaining in popularity.

Either way, it’s vital that your grill is hot well before you start. Many of us, especially with gas grills, wait until right before we start cooking before we crank up the heat. Mistake. Preheat that grill 15 to 30 minutes before you intend to start cooking. Have all your cooking tools ready and standing by. This not only includes apron and utensils, but seasonings and basting sauces as well. And be sure to have a spray water bottle on hand in case of flare-ups.

If you’re grilling a steak all you really need to do is cut off any excess fat and season the meat before you start. However with chicken, you may want to pre-cook it in the microwave or oven to cut down on cooking time and give you more control over browning. With fish filets, you can place them in a zip lock bag with a little olive oil and herbs or prepare a glaze to coat them just before grilling. Remember to bring items to room temperature before grilling.

I guess the most frequently-asked question is “how long do you cook it for?” and “how can you tell when it’s done?” Although every cookbook you pick up has guidelines for each ingredient, it once again comes back to experience and touch. I would suggest you follow your favorite cookbook guides to grilling but start touching the foods at different intervals to get a feel for firmness and texture.

For example, as a general rule, I like to cook a 1 1/2-inch New York Strip steak for a total of ten minutes. I start by grilling for 2 1/2 minutes, then turning it 90 degrees and cooking for another 2 1/2 minutes, flip the steak over to its other side and repeat the process thus giving the steak the classic grill marks.

At the same time I test the steak with my finger to feel for various degrees of firmness.

Medium cooked feels like touching your cheek. If you really want to get specific, you can use an instant thermometer.

For steak, 115 – 120 degrees is rare, 125-130 degrees is medium rare and 135 – 140 degrees is medium. Don’t forget, the meat will continue to cook once you remove it from the grill to rest, so you may want to remove it before hitting your target temperature so you don’t overcook it.

Okay, one last thing before we start. Sometimes meat just needs a little extra love before it’s ready for the grill. There are lots

of ways to do this, the big guns being marinades and dry rubs.

Marinades are flavor-infusing liquids best suited for tougher cuts of meat. In addition to herbs, condiments, spices, and oils, marinades typically include an acid, like lemon juice, wine, vinegar, even dairy. Adding sweet ingredients to the marinade can help form appealing caramelized, crispy coatings on grilled meats. Always marinate in the refrigerator. And remember, if you’re basting with a liquid in which raw meat marinated, do not apply it during the last three minutes of grilling. Here’s one with the appealing taste of fresh herbs and citrus: 1/2 cup vegetable or olive oil 2 tbsp. red wine vinegar Juice and grated rind of 2 lemons (approx.

1/4 cup) 1 tbsp. fresh basil 1 tbsp. fresh cilantro 1/4 tsp. fresh oregano 1 shallot, minced or 1 large onion, minced 1 tbsp. soy sauce 1 tbsp. Worcestershire sauce 6 cloves garlic, crushed 1/2 tsp. black pepper Process all ingredients in blender until smooth.

Rubs are seasoning mixtures rubbed on meats before grilling to add spicy or smoky

flavors. The best rubs enhance the flavor of the meat without being overbearing and are often blends of strong and mild spices and herbs. When oil or another wet substance is included, it is called a wet rub. A little moisture helps the rub adhere to the meat. Setting aside rubbed meats for anywhere from 30 minutes to overnight allows the spices to permeate the meat.

Rubs are an easy way to infuse your grilled meats with exciting ethnic flavors--from Cajun to Korean. Again, feel free to experiment with the herbs and spices you like best to create your own personalized rub. Here’s a quick, easy and good one to get you started: 1/4 cup Paprika 1/8 cup Fresh Ground Black Pepper 1-2 tablespoons Garlic Powder 1-2 tablespoons Onion Powder 1 tablespoon or more Cayenne Pepper 1/4 cup Kosher Salt 1/4 cup Brown or White Sugar This will coat up to 6 lbs. Pork Ribs and 10 lbs. Pork Shoulder or Pork Roast.

Michael Meade studied at the Culinary Institute of America in Hyde Park, New York, worked at Jack’s Oyster House in Albany and is currently sous-chef for Thunder Mountain Curry in Troy. Send questions or comments to Mmeade1215@aol.com.

QueerEngineer Get to know us & how you can support LGBTQ* students in science, technology, engineering, & mathematics. /QueerEngineer

@QueerEngineer

A Pride Center of the Capital Region affiliate

29

Trans View #114 Good Things Come By Three...Update on Document Change...and Medicine and Policy Get A Divorce! by Moonhawk River Stone © 2013

Here in the dog days of August, it’s time to have a review of identity document management for transgender folks. There’ve been some changes, and as with any change there’s lots of misinformation floating about.

In June 2010 The US Department of State issued a revised policy regarding transgender people’s ability to change their gender marker on their passport. The old policy was a typical policy of post sex reassignment surgery (SRS) change. Show us your letter testifying to SRS and you get your passport changed.

They also had a one year conditional gender marker change available to trans folks if you provided them with a letter certifying a firm date for SRS within a year’s time. In June 2010, the policy was permanently changed to a non surgical policy and non hormone policy.

All you had to do was have a physician author a form affidavit notarized letter stating “you had undergone appropriate clinical treatment for transgenderism” and you were good to go change your passport gender marker.

The US Government thinks it’s cute by waiting until Gay Pride Month (yes, I acknowledge the irony of that) to announce it’s latest pro LGBT policy change and or government initiative, meanwhile people suffer, waiting for the next three year cycle. So, June 2013, three years later, the Social Security Administration (SSA), having finally succumbed to ???? fill in the blank here...their own stupidity? their being so out of touch with other policies that they were living in the 19th Century (that’s before social security was in existence, too), got tired of being the object of every trans person’s ire, figured out terrorizing employers and outing trans people with SSA no match letters at time of employment was not catching more “bad guys”, because I’m certain it wasn’t about doing the right thing.

The other thing we need to remember is that every federal government (or state agency for that matter) is a kingdom unto itself, and is interested in maintaining sovereignty over its policy domain despite how much chaos that might cause elsewhere in the federal or state systems.

30

So, it took SSA three years to figure out they needed to be congruent with the Dept. of State. I’m sure on some level the Dept. of Homeland Security is not happy about this-there will be less incongruent data to mine, and they might have to lay people off....(just a joke, fellas!). The back story here is that SSA changed the very liberal policy they had on the books in 2003 to the forced sterilization (post SRS) policy all due to the overzealous, discriminatory bureaucrats placed in office by, you guessed it, former President George W. Bush. They made the change arbitrarily without going through proper regulatory protocols and was suddenly instituted in November 2003, and completely blind sided the trans community . It took us ten years of hard work to change this back!

The silver lining was that trans policy folks began a very vigorous monitoring of governments (federal, state and local) to catch such changes--or attempt to prevent them.

The SSA policy for gender markers issued on June 13, 2103 is like the Dept. of State policy a non SRS, non hormone, just get a letter from your doctor--again, the letter must be written in the form given on the SSA website, and notarized by the physician. This is good news for trans folks! The more identity documents can reflect truly who we are, the better it is for us--it’s a major safeguard.

The drawback to both the policies is the physician letter. Probably greater than 95% of physicians in the United States are clueless about transgender people and their health care needs, and not qualified to assess and/or attest to someone’s transitional status. And many physicians are horribly, abusively discriminatory as well. So, that leaves a very small pool of potential physicians to go to, and also leaves it open for chicanery with physicians charging inflated (shall we say, enormous) fees for trans folks to get their letters done. We have been unsuccessful in getting federal agencies--or state agencies--to understand that it is mental health providers--again 95% of which are NOT (!) psychiatrists (who are medical doctors) who provide 95% of the care to transgender people.

Mental health providers are over and above far more qualified to write such letters, and since it will overwhelmingly be for the clients they serve, there is much less likelihood of chicanery. Score another point for our collective delusion about medicine as the only profession to do such certifying.

But Medicine takes a big hit here, too. It seems that while getting health care providers on board about transgenderism, the Public Policy system got an ex parte divorce from them. It used to be (and still states in many cases) that the data on a document had a box for “sex”-and yes, that meant biological sex. Now the policy folks have decided to call the “sex

box” the “gender marker box” which creates all kinds of confusion to anyone who “knows their human sexuality”. This conflation and inaccuracy of terms, has been intentionally done to avoid the conversation that detractors of such policies might have about how someone can change their sex when all they are doing is a social transition. Many detractors hold that even with hormone and surgical treatments, one is still the sex assigned at birth. By using the words gender marker, we can all pretend and avoid that messy conversation about just what is happening. This is another example of two disciplines not meeting and talking to each other to uniformly make consistent policy changes. That would mean educating physicians and policy makers and lawmakers!! It makes me wonder in this digital age, where anything is possible over the internet, if gender is all that matters then anatomy (sex) will just go the way of the horse and carriage...quaint and a relic of the past...

Even though it says “sex” on your New York State driver’s license, it really is your gender marker. Even though, it says “sex” on your passport, it is really your gender marker. Even though, it says “sex” in your SSA file, it really is your gender marker. Sex is out, gender is in!

It’s now all about gender presentation, and not anatomy!

It needs to be noted well that state driven documents still fall (for the time being anyway) under the state’s authority. Therefore, all gender marker changes on things such as driver’s licenses and birth certificates are driven by the policies of the individual state you either live in or were born in....Here in New York State, driver’s licenses can be changed pretty much the same way with the SSA or Dept. of State does it. But with birth certificates a trans person still has to essentially be forcibly sterilized through SRS in order to change the “sex” or “gender marker” on their birth certificate. That policy does not appear to be open for change at the present time which leaves it woefully out of touch with the times. Until next time...T For your further reading: www.transequality.org, http://www.state.gov/documents/organization/143160.pdf https://secure.ssa.gov/poms.nsf/ lnx/0110212200 Rev. Moonhawk River Stone of RiverStone Consulting is an Interfaith Minister, transgender activist, writer, educator, consultant, keynote speaker and psychotherapist in private practice for over 25 years experience and with extensive expertise in all aspects of transgender policy and heatlh.

LAW OFFICE OF ANNE REYNOLDS COPPS Casey Copps DiPaola, Associate Kate Siobhan Howard, Associate

126 State Street, 6th Flr. Albany, New York 12207 518.436.4170

arcopps@nycap.rr.com kdipaola@nycap.rr.com katesiobhanhoward@nycap.rr.com

Adoption Business Formation Education Law Employment Law Estate Planning Family Law Matrimonial Law Medicaid Planning Name Changes Real Estate

www.arcopps.net

31

To Be

a Blessing

By Audrey Seidman

- Finding Welcome –

I have been blessed. I had never spent a sick night in the hospital. I have two mostly healthy parents. I’ve visited friends and family in hospital beds, but don’t recall encountering an intensive care unit. Until last year, I was an innocent.

Now I’ve spent 18 nights – some restful, some sleepless – in the on-call room for hospital chaplains on the sixth floor of Albany Medical Center (AMC). As a student of pastoral care from September 2012 to May 2013 I ministered to people who were injured or ill, dying or grieving, or waiting and worrying. I encountered Christians and Jews, Muslims and Baha’i, agnostics and clergy. I learned that we are all the same under a hospital gown.

AMC has the only hospital-based Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) training program in our region. Its director, Rev. Harlan Ratmeyer, is an inveterate storyteller who resembles Santa with a powerful sense of wonder and gentle teaching style. The Pastoral Care office is tucked away in the furthest reaches of the growing hospital. Indeed, walks from the parking garage to our Monday classes and then to unit visits provided a healthy workout.

One of the reasons I sought out CPE was to be part of an interfaith learning

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and the

Holy –

at

Albany Med

community. My eight classmates, men and women from Gen Y to Boomers, included seven Christians, some mainline liberals, others evangelical. Three were clergy and three were seminarians.

One was an attorney who practices Buddhism. One, like me, worked full time for New York State. I was the only Jew. I was fully out as a lesbian in my application to the program and during the interview process. Still, already feeling different enough, I took my time in coming out to most of my classmates. The process was aided by the sense of safety that quickly developed in our group and it helped that I had already heard a reassuring story from a Catholic chaplain of the honor and recognition offered to a gay patient’s partnership.

was departing one room after a short visit and prayer with an elderly woman, she called out to me, “Thank you, Sister.” I knew she didn’t mean the feminist version I often use. At that point I didn’t see any use in offering a correction and just said, “You’re welcome,” as I left, knowing that short hair and a lack of makeup can lead to varied assumptions.

I found myself most curious about the members of my class whose political and religious views seemed the furthest from my own leanings. I inquired as to their views and shared my own over many lunchtime conversations dipping into topics ranging from Obamacare to gun control to the afterlife. As a group, we held our differences with tender respect.

In the shelter of our roles as seekers, our conflicts could peacefully co-exist, not needing to be buried nor resolved.

And now I feel blessed to be able to experience the Holy through his eyes.

I continue to learn that when I come as a seeker to a learning community rather than as a doer to an action community, I am able to enter a relationship with anyone when I feel truly seen and accepted. It was the opportunity to offer exactly that to patients and their families at AMC that made for many sacred moments and affirmed my belief that indeed we are all One.

On one occasion one of our chaplaincy colleagues shared that he had met a transgender adult child of a patient. I appreciated this minister’s interest in learning more and, with my classmates’ support, suggested to Harlan that we invite as a speaker Rev. Moonhawk River Stone, a psychotherapist, recently ordained interfaith minister and columnist for CommUNITY. Hawk provided an excellent talk that was a true introduction to this topic for many.

Audrey Seidman is a member of the Interfaith Story Circle of the Tri-City Region and is the editor of this series of articles provided by Advocates for Welcoming Congregations (AWC), a Capital Region group that encourages the welcoming of LGBT persons into the full life and leadership of communities of faith. AWC also works to make visible for members of the LGBT community opportunities for practicing their faith traditions. Audrey will be offering a spiritual direction group for the LGBT community in the Fall. She can be reached at 459-0661.

It’s safe to say we all had some new experiences. In making pastoral visits, I learned that I could pass for a nun! As I

Being part of a spiritual learning community where the growing trust opened us to share many intimate stories of our lives provided many opportunities for us to question our own assumptions. My evangelical classmate, who confessed to having pre-judged me based on my “Coexist” bumper sticker, now continues our conversations over coffee after work.

Welcoming Congregations

Join Us In Exploring Your Spiritual Side At One Of The Welcoming Congregations Below: Community Congregational Church (UCC) 221 Columbia Tpke, Rensselaer, NY www.clintonheightsucc.org Community Reformed Church of Colonie 701 Sand Creek Road, Colonie, NY www.coloniereformed.org (518)869-5589 Congregation Agudat Achim (Conservative) 2117 Union Street, Schenectady, NY www.agudatachim.org (518) 393-9211 Congregation B’nai Shalom (Reform) 420 Whitehall Road, Albany, NY www.bnaishalom.albany.ny.us (518) 482-5283 Congregation Berith Shalom (Reform) 167 Third Street, Troy, NY www.berithshalom.com (518)272-8872 Congregation Beth Emeth (Reform) 100 Academy Road, Albany, NY www.bethemethalbany.org (518)436-9761 Congregation Gates of Heaven (Reform) 842 Ashmore Avenue, Schenectady, NY www.cgoh.org (518)374-8173 Congregation Ohav Shalom (Conservative) 113 New Krumkill Road, Albany, NY www.ohavshalom.org Congregation Temple Sinai (Reform) 509 Broadway, Saratoga Springs, NY www.templesinai-saratogasprings.org (518) 584-8730 Eastern Parkway United Methodist Church 943 Palmer Avenue, Schenectady, NY www.easternparkway.weebly.com (518)374-4306 St George’s Episcopal Church 30 North Ferry St., Schenectady www.stgeorgesschenectady.org

Emmanuel Baptist Church 275 State Street, Albany, NY www.emmanuelalbany.net (518)465-5161 First Church in Albany 110 North Pearl Street, Albany, NY www.firstchurchinalbany.org (518)463-4449 First Congregational Church of Albany UCC & NACCC 405 Quail Street, Albany, NY www.firstcongregationalalbany.org / (518)482-4580 First Lutheran Church 181 Western Avenue, Albany, NY www.FirstLutheranAlbany.org (518)463-1326 First Presbyterian Church 362 State Street, Albany, NY www.firstpresalbany.org (518)449-7332 First Reformed Church 8 North Church Street, Schenectady, NY www.1streformed.com First Unitarian Society of Schenectady 1221 Wendell Avenue, Schenectady, NY www.fussonline.org (518)374-4446

Friends Meeting (Quaker) 727 Madison Avenue, Albany, NY (518) 436-8812 Good Shepherd Lutheran Church 501 Albany Shaker Road, Loudonville, NY www.goodshepherdchurchloudonville.org (518)458-1562 Holy Trinity National Catholic Church 405 Washington Avenue, Albany, NY www.NCCofA.org/holytrin.html (518)434-8861 Journey United Church of Christ 500 Kenwood Blvd, Delmar , NY www.journeyucc.com Saratoga Springs United Methodist Church 175 Fifth Avenue, Saratoga Springs, NY www.saratogaspringsumc.org / (518)5843720 St. Andrews Episcopal Church Main at Madison Avenue, Albany, NY www.standrewsalbany.org / (518)489-4747 St. John’s Lutheran Church 160 Central Avenue, Albany, NY www.stjohnsalbany.org (518)465-7545

First Unitarian Universalist Society of Albany 405 Washington Avenue, Albany, NY www.albanyuu.org (518)463-7135

Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Saratoga 624 North Broadway, Saratoga Springs, NY www.saratoga-uu.org (518)584-1555

First United Methodist Church 603 State Street, Schenectady, NY www.gbgm-umc.org/schenectady (518)374-4403

Unity Church in Albany 21 King Avenue, Albany, NY www.unitychurchinalbany.org (518)4533603

First United Presbyterian Church 1915 Fifth Avenue, Troy, NY www.unitedprestroy.org (518)272-2771

Woodstock Jewish Congregation (Reconstructionist) 1682 Glasco Turnpike, Woodstock, NY www.wjcshul.org (845)246-1671

Proud To Be Open! Affirming!

Welcoming! Joyous!

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Group Counseling at CHOICES Choices Counseling & Consulting has been providing mental health and support services for the LGBTQ community in the Capital District for over 25 years.

The staff at Choices is committed to providing competent psychotherapeutic care to all individuals and families that respects people’s unique racial, ethnic, cultural backgrounds, sexual orientations, gender identities & expressions, and dis/abilities. In addition to individual, couples and family therapy, Choices offers a variety of structured group therapies for adults, teens and children. Below is a list of the current groups offered at Choices.

FTM Trans Support Group This group is open to all individuals that identify on the female-to-male gender spectrum, regardless of transition status.

With guidance from a trained trans-identified therapist, members find commonality, camaraderie, and comfort through sharing personal experiences, dialogue, and humor. Group is held on the last Thursday of every month at 7 PM. Please contact Acey Mercer at Acey@ ChoicesConsulting.com for more information.

Women in Transition This therapeutic drop in group is open to female-spectrum trans women and is offered once a month on the second to last Thursday of every month at 7 PM. The group is open-ended and members bring topics to discuss including relationships, transition, and family issues.

Please contact Sativa Bigelow at Sativa@ChoicesConsulting.com for more information.

Trans Women’s Therapeutic Support This is an 8-week structured therapy group starting on Wednesday evenings in September for female-affirming trans clients. Group will focus on specific topics in the transition process such as: changing dynamics in relationships, sexuality, and coping with losses, and having a body in transition. Topics will

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be discussed in depth and group members will be encouraged to explore their emotions in a safe and consistent environment with the same 8 to 10 members.

Please email Sativa@ChoicesConsulting.com for more information.

facilitated by a clinically trained therapist. Please contact Samantha Armer at Samantha@ChoicesConsulting.com for more information.

Healing & Dealing: Building Social Skills

This group is for parents of transgender and gender non-conforming children. It is open to all parents whether your child is 2 years old or an adult. The group meets monthly and provides a safe, supportive environment to process feelings of loss and fear, as well as share successes, and learn more about community resources and advocacy. Please contact Arlene Lev at Arlene@ChoicesConsulting.com for more information.

This group is for all LGBTQ people who would like to better connect with others, creating healthier and happier social relationships. This group focuses on skillbuilding and is offered on Thursday afternoons, twice a month, at 1 PM. It is facilitated by Karen Ziegler, who is the Director of the Albany County Crime Victim and Sexual Violence Center.

Please contact Arlene@ChoicesConsulting.com for more information.

Moving Up and Out: Emerging from Trauma This is a processing and support group for LGBTQ people who are focusing on rebuilding their lives following a traumatic experience. The group provides a safe environment for group members to discuss the process of moving forward after a trauma or toxic relationship.

This group will meet twice a month.

Please contact Liz Condrey at Liz@ ChoicesConsulting.com for more information.

Teen Rap This group is for all teens ages 13-19 who are trans identified or questioning their gender to engage in conversation, support, and raise questions about dating, hormones, school accommodations, and family acceptance. This is an open, fun, and supportive group under the guidance of a trained psychotherapist which meets monthly. Please contact Samantha Armer at Samantha@ChoicesConsulting.com for more information.

Kids Support Group This group is a safe gender affirming group for children ages 6-12 who are gender non-conforming. The kids socially engage in a supportive environment

Parent’s Group

Trans Partners The Trans Partners group provides support for people to discuss and explore their relationships with trans-identified or gender non-conforming individuals.

Open to people currently in partnerships with trans-people or people exploring their gender identities. Discussions include the impact of coming out, families, sex and sexuality, finding community, etc. This group will meet monthly on Fridays at 5 PM. Please contact Madeline Nussbaum at Maddy@ChoicesConsulting.com for more information.

All groups at Choices are 1 ½ hours long and the fee is on a sliding scale from $2540. Scholarships are available for those in financial need. Groups offer a unique space for healing and sharing with others in a similar situation, a mirroring of experiences that may not be as available in individual therapy. To join a group you must first speak with the therapist who runs that group, so please call or email them before coming. Choices prides itself on making therapy accessible and affirmative for all people. Clients are always embraced with honesty, compassion, sincerity, and professionalism. Our client-centered approach at Choices cultivates an atmosphere rich in healing, acceptance, growth and possibilities. You can always reach us at 518-438-2222, or email us at info@ChoicesConsulting. com

August 2013

Pride Center Featured Events Thursday, August 8: LGBT Professionals Networking Mixer at the Tri-City Valley Cats, 5:30-8:30pm. Joe Bruno Stadium, Troy. For $20, enjoy a fun evening in the "Field of Dreams" area with: Hot Dogs & Hamburgers, Watermelon, Kettlecorn, Soda & Water. Cash bar.

Thursday, August 8: NEW MONTHLY EVENT! Game Night in the Rainbow Café, 6-9pm. Now happening every 2nd Thursday of the month! Swing by the to play a round of Jenga, Scrabble, Monopoly, and more!

Saturday, August 10: Tea Dance andDame Edna Performance, 5pm. Join us for a Tea Dance and Dame Edna Show at the wonderful Mansion Inn in Saratoga.

Tickets are only $25 and benefit the Pride Center.

Saturday, August 17—Sunday, August 18: YOUTH IN POWER: Summer Leadership Camp. A welcoming, supportive, safe, and fun summer camp experience for young people who either identify as LGBTQ or as allies. To learn more or register, go to www.tinyurl.com/youthinpower

Pride Center Calendar August 2013 Friday, August 2: 1st Friday at the Romaine Brooks Gallery, 5-9pm. Come to the Romaine Brooks Gallery, the Pride Center’s very own art gallery! This month’s featured artist is Kelly Raver.

Wednesday, August 7: Pride Center Board Meeting, 6pm. Open to the public.

3rd Floor.

Wednesday, August 14: “Live from the Living Room” Poetry Open Mic Night, 7-9pm. This month’s featured poet is Jacqueline Ahl. Sunday, August 18: Movie Night, 6:30-8:30 pm.

Wednesday, August 21: LGBT Book Club, 7-9 pm. Meets in Rainbow Café. All are welcome! The book this month is The Wall of America by Thomas Disch Sunday, August 18: Vintage Pride Potluck, 1-3 pm. Bring a dish to share and enjoy drinks and dessert provided by the Pride Center. A casual social opportunity for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people 55 and older at the First Presbyterian Church, 362 State Street. Free!

Sunday, August 25: Supper Sunday in the Rainbow Café, 5—8 pm. Come and enjoy a delicious meal provided by one of our stellar volunteers. Happens every last Sunday of the month.

All events take place at the Pride Center (332 Hudson Avenue, Albany) unless otherwise noted. Questions call (518) 462-6138

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August 2013

Pride Center Affiliate Events Wednesday, August 7: Saratoga Pride Men's Group 6 pm, meets at Spot Coffee at 55 Railroad Place , Saratoga. Meets the 1st Wednesday of each month.

Thursday, August 17: Saratoga Pride Lesbian Breakfast meets at Country Café on High Rock at 7:30 am, 165 High Rock Ave, latecomers welcome. Meets the

Community Events Wednesday, August 7: Little Bi Peep: Film showing, 8pm. $10. Madison Theatre, 1036 Madison Ave, Albany.

Wednesdays, August 7 & 14: In Our Own Voices’ Out The Closet I Am Support Group (Ages 21-30), 6-8pm. For more info visit www.facebook.com/outtheclosetiam Wednesdays, August 14 & 28: In Our Own Voices’ TransCare, 6-7:30pm.

TransCare is a social group for transgender POC to share their voices about their community issues.

Friday, August 16: In Our Own Voices’ Sexervations for Women Who Love Women, 7-9pm. All questions and sharing are welcome during this WSW sexpositive safe zone.

Sunday, August 18: Little Bi Peep: Film showing, 3:30pm. $15. Palace Theatre, 19 Clinton Ave, Albany.

Tuesday, August 20: In Our Own Voices’ Youth Development Network Meeting, 12-1:30pm. The Youth Development Network is a coalition of individuals and organizations dedicated to empowering LGBT POC Youth in the Capital Region. Lunch will be provided.

Sunday, August 23: Little Bi Peep: Film showing, 8pm. $10. ROCKS, 77 Central Ave, Albany. Fractured Fairytale Friday — come dressed as fairytale characters.

Tuesday, August 24: In Our Own Voices’ Back to School Bash, 11-4pm. Free school supplies for students K-12. *All In Our Own Voices events take place at 245 Lark Street, Albany unless noted.

For more info, call (518) 432-4188 or email info@inourownvoices.org

Have an event for CommUNITY? If you would like to have your events posted in the CommUNITY newsletter, please visit our website at www.capitalpridecenter.org and click on the events tab and select calendar of events. From there you can submit your own event. Or email jshultis@capitalpridecenter.org.

Events must be submitted for approval by the 5th of the month.

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Ongoing Events

Sundays Rainbow Café Drop-in, 6—9 pm Bisexual Potluck Brunch Every 1st & 3rd Sunday of the month 1st Floor, 11 am—1 pm Vintage Pride Potluck Lunch Every 3rd Sunday of the month 1st Floor, 1pm —3pm First Presbyterian Church 362 State Street, Albany Supper Sunday Meets every last Sunday of the month 1st Floor, 5 pm—8 pm LGBT Alcoholics Anonymous Garden level meeting room, 7—8:30 pm Mondays Men's Peer Support Group 1st Floor, 7—8:30 pm Gay Men’s Alcoholics Anonymous Garden level meeting room, 7:30—8:30 pm Free Confidential HIV Testing 1st & 3rd Monday, 4—7 pm Tuesdays Trans Pride Meet and Greet 1st Tuesday of the Month 1st Floor, 7—9 pm Trans Pride Discussion Group 3rd Tuesday of the month 1st Floor, 7—9 pm Capital Region Support Group for Family and Friends of LGBT People

2nd Tuesday of the month, 7 pm 1221 Wendell Avenue, Schenectady For more info, call Julia Helfman 372-9911 Wednesdays Board of Directors Meeting 1st Wednesday of the month, 3rd Floor, 6 pm Living Soulfully 1st Wednesday of the month, 1st Floor, 7 pm Open Mic Night 2nd Wednesday of the month, 1st Floor, 7 pm LGBT Book Club 3rd Wednesday of the month, 1st Floor, 7 pm Thursdays Rainbow Café Drop in, 6—9 pm Thrive LGBT Youth Group - Ages 16—24 3rd Floor, 6—7:30 pm Rainbow Nights Schenectady LGBTQA Youth Peer Support Group - Ages 13—18 1st & 3rd Thursday of the month, 6—7:30 pm Proctors Theater, Underground Space, 432 State Street, Schenectady LGBT Narcotics Anonymous Garden level meeting room, 7:30—8:30 pm Game Night 2rd Thursday of the month, 1st Floor, 6-9 pm Fridays Free Confidential HIV Testing 2nd & 4th Friday, 4—7 pm 1stFriday @ Romaine Brooks Gallery 1st Friday of every Month 3rd Floor, 5—9 pm

All events take place at the Pride Center (332 Hudson Avenue) unless otherwise noted.

Pride Center Administrative Office Hours Monday—Friday: 10AM‐5PM Saturday—Sunday: Closed

To reach someone at the Pride Center during office hours, please call (518) 462‐6138

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We’re Proud to Support These Businesses as They Support the LGBT Community Members as of July 31, 2013

AIDS Council of Northeast New York Athos Restaurant Bombers Schenectady Broughton Properties/ Keller Williams Realty Buenau's Opticians Central Avenue BID Charles F. Lucas Confectionery and Wine Bar Connections Psychotherapy Consumer Optical Crisafulli Bros.Plumbing & Heating Contractors, Inc Customericity, LLC GayAlbanyOnline.com Geri Pomerantz, Esq Grappa '72 Ristorante Hokkaido Albany

Interim HealthCare James W. Leone, State Farm Agent Joseph Dalton / Prudential Manor Homes Joseph Roche Journey United Church of Christ L&P Media Latimer/Stroud, LLP Mark D. Witecki, CPA CFP CFE Ronnie Mangione / Merrill Lynch Security Plumbing & Heating Supply Skylands Services, INC Steve Cook / State Farm Insurance The Point Restaurant Thomas J. Walling/Tower Square Securities, Inc. Tri City Rentals

Join us at the next Networking Event: Thursday, August 8th Location: TriCity Valley Cats @ Joe Bruno Stadium, 80 Vandenburgh Avenue Troy, NY 12180 Time: 5:30 pm doors open , 6:00-7:00 pm food served, 7:00 pm game time Cost: $20.00 Our very popular LGBT Networking Happy Hour comes to the Tri-City Valley Cat’s Joe Bruno Stadium for August! Come and meet up with friends, distribute those business cards, and make important contacts while enjoying the game. For $20, enjoy a fun evening in the “Field of Dreams” area with: Hot Dogs & Hamburgers ,Watermelon ,Kettlecorn, Soda & Water, Cash bar.

Get your tickets online! Visit: www.capitalpridecenter.org For More Information or To Join Visit: www.capitalpridecenter.org/resources/business-alliance/

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august 7- 24

proctors.org 39

NON-PROFIT US POSTAGE

P AID PERMIT #798 332 Hudson Avenue Albany, NY 12210

ALBANY, NY