RELATIONSHIP VIOLENCE DOESN'T TAKE A HOLIDAY
SAFETY PLANNING FOR SURVIVORS AND THEIR SUPPORTERS Calls to crisis lines will often increase the days and weeks following holidays. Many survivors of relationship abuse do not want to disturb family traditions or separate themselves from their family during the holidays, regardless of what is occurring. Although survivors do not have control over their abuser’s violence, it may help to create a plan to increase safety for themselves and others during the holidays. Sometimes we may not identify someone as an abuser, but for various reasons, their presence can still make us feel uncomfortable or unsafe. In all of those situations, it is helpful to consider ways you might try planning ahead. Below are some tips for survivors and their allies that can be incorporated into a safety plan. When developing a safety plan, make sure that everyone is aware of their role in the safety plan and that allies have discussed what looks safe for them as well. Take precautions
Keep your phone fully charged and on you at all times. Keep some money with you at all times. Put crisis numbers on speed dial such as the Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Center at UM Prince George's Hospital Center (301-618-3154), another local or national crisis line (some are listed on our website), or a close friend who can be on standby. UMD Photo Credit: John T. Consoli/University of Maryland
SAFETY PLANNING FOR SURVIVORS AND THEIR SUPPORTERS
Take precautions (continued)
Abusers often go through their victim's phone, so these numbers should be saved under a different name. For example, you can add them to your phone’s contact list as restaurants or people with fictional names. In life-threatening situations (involving immediate danger, threats to self and/or others), survivors or their allies should call 911. Plan for visits
A survivor knows best what will help them feel safe. Here are some strategies to consider. Arrange for an ally in advance. If you are going to spend the holiday season with extended
family, call a supporter in advance to ask them to intervene should a situation turn abusive. Make sure to discuss what appropriate intervention will look like in advance. This option may not be available for all victims/survivors, but it would be a feasible one for many, especially if visiting their parents, siblings, cousins, etc. Always have an audience. Use holiday visits with extended family and friends as a chance
to minimize being alone with an abuser or someone who makes you feel unsafe. Discuss ways to make specific contexts safer. If the use of alcohol or other substances
may occur, consider limiting the alcohol available at parties. Additionally, make plans that maximize the safety of yourself and others if substance use does occur. Consider ways to make parties or family visits safer, such as creating opportunities to be in a separate room with other family members/guests. Defuse it. Walking away from a potentially explosive situation may help temporarily alleviate
the abuse and avoid physical or emotional injuries. Have an escape plan. When you are away in a household that is not your own, quietly check
out all possible escape routes in the house itself. Practice self-care
The holiday season is stressful for many people, and getting through the holidays while experiencing abuse or being in the presence of those who may have harmed them in the past can feel overwhelming. Taking time for your health and wellness can make a big difference in how you feel. Please consider self-care on your own terms and drawing boundaries for how and when you wish to interact with others.
CARE to Stop Violence
CARE TO STOP VIOLENCE
SAFETY PLANNING FOR SURVIVORS AND THEIR SUPPORTERS
For friends and extended families of victims/survivors
Many survivors feel isolated in their unhealthy or abusive relationships. This can be especially complicated when the person making them feel uncomfortable or unsafe is a relative. Keep an eye out for potential signs of discomfort or distress and plan to keep checking in on your loved ones before, during, and after holiday celebrations. Help survivors to have their own safe space. Abuse is about power and control, and many
unhealthy partners may try to exert control by keeping their partners from spending time alone or with others. Plan for survivors to have time alone or with other allies. Be on standby. If you suspect your friend or family member is impacted by relationship
violence, offer to be on standby for his/her text or call through the holiday season. Have your phone on and fully charged at all times, and keep it on you. Check-in with them, if you feel concerned. You can also create a code word, which allows the survivor to let someone know they need help without letting their partner know, if they should find themselves in this situation. Discuss what will be most comfortable for you. Your safety is also a priority, so be sure to
account for this in making your plan. Before intervening, assess whether it is safe to intervene, what options are available to you, and who else may be around to assist you. We recommend using one of the 3 Ds of Bystander Intervention: Direct: If it is safe to do so, you can use direct intervention in problematic situations to
prevent something occurring or escalating. You can point out inappropriate behavior when you observe it or step in and pull someone out of the situation if necessary. You can also directly intervene by checking in with the person being harmed to see if they are okay. Distract: One way to make intervening in a potentially dangerous situation safer is to
distract, which is to interrupt or diffuse the situation without direct confrontation. You can start up a random conversation with someone involved or make an excuse for the survivor to move to another location with you. This can disrupt a potentially escalating situation and shift the attention in a new direction. Delegate: Another way is to delegate, which can include enlisting others to help, bringing
in another person with more authority in a given context, or making others aware that something is happening and action needs to be taken.
CARE to Stop Violence
CARE TO STOP VIOLENCE