11 minute read
Dretona Maddox
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Q. Tell everyone who you are and what you do.
A. I am Dretona Maddox, a registered nurse, clinical social worker and the founder and executive director of Purposely Chosen, Inc which is a nonprofit organization that provides services for pregnant and parenting teens who are in foster care.
Q. How would you define motherhood in your own words?
A. Motherhood is a responsibility that I believe women are chosen for but not necessarily prepared for or trained to do. For some people it comes naturally. Being able to nurture, care for and to guide your children as they grow into adulthood is a beautiful thing. Although we may not all be equipped, I think that if we are willing, then we are all capable of being effective in our roles as mothers. Motherhood is something that we learn how to do. It’s on the job training.
Q. Let’s talk about “Purposely Chosen, Inc” and the motivation behind it?
A. The motivation behind Purposely Chosen, Inc is my life story. It’s about me. It was created out of the pain that I endured as a young pregnant 15-yearold teenager. The organization was birthed out of my pain. Initially I wasn’t clear on what Purposely Chosen meant. People often ask me, how did I come up with that name…I didn’t. I literally was asleep one day and woke up, with the name in my mind. It was like a sounding alarm, over and over again… “Purposely Chosen, Purposely Chosen, Purposely Chosen. I wrote it down because I kept hearing it to the point where it was getting on my nerves. I went back to sleep and I left it alone. The next morning when I got up, I looked at what I wrote, and I couldn’t figure it out. I kept saying to myself, “Purposely Chosen, Purposely Chosen?” My life has been a discovery of just that. The things that I’ve endured, the pain that I went through, I didn’t know what it was for, but as time went on, I realized it was for Purpose. I was Chosen for this. There’s a tagline that I have for my organization that we are Chosen for trials and then it’s realized by Purpose. So, the trials that we go through, we are chosen to go through them, and at the end of it you realize that those trials are ultimately, what leads you to your purpose.
Q. What programs does your nonprofit have that helps teen parents?
A. We have residential care facilities that house pregnant and parenting teens and their babies, a mental health program that we provide, parenting classes, individual counseling groups, therapy, tutoring, and on-site child care for girls that go to work or school. Our ultimate goal is to make sure that they graduate and get their high school diploma because the risk for these teen moms are very high of them not graduating so that’s a huge part of our program.
Q. What advice can you give to teen parents being an advocate?
A. That they don’t have to know everything, but they have to have the courage to ask the questions. They have to find a safe person, a person that they are comfortable with to ask the questions. It’s important for them to understand that they are not asking for themselves, they are asking for their child. If they keep their child at the forefront of their mind, and understand that ultimately, they are caring for this baby that is dependent upon them, then they will realize that the questions they are asking will ultimately save or help that child. It’s not about you anymore, it’s about the child you are caring for. So that child’s life depends on you having the courage to ask the questions.
Q. Have you made any major changes in your outlook or approach to life being a parent?
A. Yes. The major change that I made in my life was, although I did my best to keep balance in my life, I ultimately put my kids at the forefront of everything that I did. I’ve always had goals. I knew that I would graduate from nursing school, I knew the steps I needed to take to get my degrees (Bachelors, Masters, Doctorate). I am 48 and just now getting my doctorate so literally my whole life, everything changed, and I became ok with the pivots I had to make in life because it was for my children. It wasn’t just for me it was for them. If I had to stay at home and care for them because they were sick then that’s what I did. If I had to put my goals off and I couldn’t go to school for a while then that’s what I did. I never got a chance to enjoy the college life. I never partied, and got to enjoy the tailgates because I
had kids. I literally took the train to campus from San Bernardino to Los Angeles (2 hours on the train) got on the bus, got to campus, as soon as class was over, got back on the bus, and rode the train to get back to my kids. I never stopped my goals, I just had to pivot. I had to keep moving forward but with a pivot.
Q. What is the biggest challenge you had to face being a mother?
A. The biggest challenge was learning that my middle child, my daughter, had a condition called Neurofibromatosis. She was diagnosed at 6 months of age. She had these brown spots (like a cheetah) at 6 months old. I was only 20 years old when she was diagnosed. I was a young mom, and I didn’t know what it was. Come to find out, under every ‘spot’ is a tumor. That was the biggest challenge that I had to face, that things happen that are out of my control and I had to learn how to care for a child who was sick but also keep her where she was confident. Her largest tumor was on her face, right on her lip. She’s had 15 surgeries to remove the tumor, but it was a challenge because I didn’t know what it was and there aren’t a lot of kids that have that condition, so it was hard to find the resources. That was also when I first found my voice to advocate for my kid, to get her needs met. When she was diagnosed, we had gone to so many doctors that when she was seven, they told me that she had developed these brain tumors and that she wouldn’t live. My daughter then decided at seven years old that she didn’t want to go back to the doctor. She told me she was done and I was torn. I was torn because I didn’t know if I should let her make that choice as a child. Do I respect her decision to no longer want to go through the process of being poked on? It was very hard for me. We eventually took a break and after the break she was willing to go again but that break lasted from age seven to eleven. At age eleven, we went back and then around 14, again she said no more, so we stopped again and she didn’t go back again until she was 22 and now, she is 28.
Q. If you had to choose one parenting mantra for yourself, what would it be?
A. It would be that I’m Okay. It’s something I use to tell myself every day. My kids are what you would call stair steppers. I had my first child at 19. When he was 6 months old, I got pregnant with my second child, two years later I had my third child, and the others were adopted. I didn’t have parents. By definition I am an orphan. My mother died when I was young, I didn’t have a father, my grandma died and because I didn’t have parents, I didn’t know how to parent. When I was overwhelmed, crying, mad that my mother wasn’t there to teach me and didn’t know what to do, or if I wasn’t sure that I was doing the right things as a parent I had to tell myself every day that I was Okay. Still to this day, I do mirror work and tell myself along with other affirmations written on post it notes that I am Okay.
Q. Are you working on any projects for 2022?
A. Yes! I am working on a documentary in my doctoral problem where we will be talking about the health inequities experienced by AfricanAmerican pregnant teens. Also, I am in the process of building a network of teen parent advocates across the United States.
Q. Where can the readers follow you?
A. IG, FB, Linked in all under my name. Instagram: Dretona Maddox Facebook: Dretona Maddox LinkedIn: Dretona Maddox
ZOEVERA JACKSON
Being a foster parent was something that I did not have to consider but I did not know the joys it would bring. Foster parenting goes beyond helping an individual foster child, extending into helping fight problems of homelessness, substance abuse, mental health, domestic abuse, poverty, and incarceration.
While caring for foster children, foster parents give a child’s birth parents the chance to receive the necessary help to overcome problems that may have contributed to the removal of their children from their home. During my time as a foster parent, I’ve learned three things.
1. The energy, joy, and excitement of children can be contagious.
As an adult, it can be fun to spend the day outdoors at the park or read a child his or her favorite book for the sixth time. As a children’s book author, I really enjoy that. I also think spending quality time with your foster child is key to bonding and developing a trustful, respectful, and long-lasting relationship.
2. Treat your foster children as you would treat your own children.
We treated our foster children like they were our birth children, taking them on family vacations with us, celebrating birthdays, having parties, doing yoga, and running 5ks. Alongside our foster children, we also went camping, swimming, boating, gardening, roller skating, attended historical museums, botanical gardens, parades, and got their hair braided at beauty and barbershops.
3. Lead by example.
Most importantly we led by example, teaching good hygiene, table manners, and etiquette. We also visited colleges and enrolled them in fun after-school gymnastics and martial arts programs. One of the joys of being a foster parent for me is feeling the need to give back and wanting to share my experiences, my time, and my yoga with a child. As a yoga instructor, I know the joy yoga brings to people, but I did not know how impactful it could be on youth. The transformation I’ve witnessed inspired my children’s book, Yoga with My Foster Mom.
As a child I had my own challenges with child neglect, so as a foster parent I empathize with children who may have lost a parent, or a child who is dealing with a family member’s addiction or even experiencing abuse. I have fostered children who have experienced all of these things.
I am thankful to have my husband who is also a foster parent. Together we are resilient, and we as a couple combine our strengths with the resources and support of the foster care agency to overcome these difficult and challenging situations for foster kids. We also have a parent and a youth support group that we attend to gain knowledge and skills from other foster parents.
About Zoevera Jackson
Zoevera Jackson is the Yogi Entrepreneur Extraordinaire. As a wounded warrior, the military veteran spent two and a half years in recovery, and yoga and meditation helped her healing process. Her love for yoga inspired her to make a business and non-profit.
Under the umbrella of her company ZBody LLC, Zoevera is a yoga teacher, yoga services provider, and Yogic life coach. Because of her desire to give back, she also founded 3H Yoga Foundation Inc., which is her non-profit organization. 3H Yoga offers discounted to no-cost yoga sessions to kids in foster care, foster parents, at-risk teens in group homes, senior citizens, and other underserved communities to teach the importance of selfcare and how to deal with their emotions and anxiety. She is also the T.V. host for “Happy, Healthy, Healing Yoga” on Global Television Networks, FOX5 PLUS, The Capital Forum, Washington, DC.
The Virginia resident is a retired military veteran with over 23 years of honorable military service. She served as a U.S. Army Public Affairs Officer and has an extensive educational background and experience in writing, radio/ television broadcasting, and teaching college-level English composition courses. While stationed in Germany, Zoey earned her master’s degree in Human Relations and became a certified group fitness instructor, and she has competed in bodybuilding competitions. The yogi is also a foster mom, which is why she is so passionate about foster families.
Zoey is the author of four books, “Yoga with My Foster Mom”, "Yoga, Yoga in the park", "Just Keep Dreaming", and “Journey to Yogi Fine Fit, Total Mind & Body Transformation”. This year Zoey launched her Happy, Healthy, Healing Yoga Poses Flash Card deck to promote the benefits of yoga on the mind and body for long-term health and wellness. The flashcards can be purchased by yoga teachers, school educators, parents, athletic coaches, health coaches, and more.
Website: https:// authorzoeverajackson.com Instagram: @zbodyllc
