Nine
Gregory Owen Characters: ARCHIE..........a racoon MOLLY............a racoon Setting: Inside an RV at night. (The dome light of an RV illuminates two raccoons, ARCHIE and MOLLY. ARCHIE is driving. MOLLY has a map. It appears to be a map from a Happy Meal or the back of a cereal box. It is dark outside. The RV is full of clutter.) ARCHIE: You think we’ll be there by midnight? MOLLY: I don’t know. ARCHIE: What’s the map say? MOLLY: (turns the map around.) Tough to say. Take this next exit. ARCHIE: Roger that! MOLLY: Archie? ARCHIE: Ya, Molly. MOLLY: Do you ever wish we had salivary glands? ARCHIE: What do you mean? MOLLY: Salivary glands. ARCHIE: What? MOLLY: I’d like to be able to drool. I don’t know why. Ever since I was a little kit, I’ve just thought it would be fun to drool. Like when you happen upon the perfect garbage can, one of those silver ones with the lid skewed to the side because it is overflowing with delicious scraps. In that moment when you stop and just stare at it and all its glory before knocking it over. In that moment, I’d like to be able to drool. I think it would add to the moment. ARCHIE: Um, Molly, we DO have salivary glands. MOLLY: We do? ARCHIE: Of course we do. How do you think we keep our mouths moist? MOLLY: I, um, I don’t know. ARCHIE: What made you think we don’t have salivary glands? MOLLY: I don’t know, I just always heard we didn’t. ARCHIE: Nope. We’ve got ‘em. MOLLY: (moves her tongue around inside her mouth, tries to make spit, explores her salivary glands) I guess you’re right. ARCHIE: I usually am. I’m pretty smart. MOLLY: That’s why you’re my favorite partner in crime. ARCHIE: Damn straight! High five! (They high five) Rock-n-roll! MOLLY: Hey, did I show you the tin can I found yesterday? ARCHIE: No. MOLLY: Hold on, let me get it. (she gets out of her seat, scrounges among the 117
