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“The Empathetic Connection” By Miller Empathy—a fascinating concept! The ability to connect with another person on an emotional level to the extent that we feel what they feel, and understand them completely. How many of us truly understand what that is like? Most often we develop empathy with those closest to us, but
Jeff Jamison 11/3/14 12:25 PM Comment: Is there a reason why it is in quotes?
Jeff Jamison 11/3/14 12:26 PM Comment: Use these sparingly because it puts a lot of energy and emphasis. So depending on how you want it to read, you can keep it or just have a period. Jeff Jamison 11/3/14 12:26 PM Deleted: . A
what if we could instantly develop that connection with anyone? We would be able to read any person instantly and see them for who they really are. Not many of us know what that is really like. But Alyssa does.
Jeff Jamison 11/3/14 12:28 PM Comment: When you vary your sentences like this, it makes power statements. I love it.
Alyssa didn’t have the same childhood experiences that most of us have. Her father worked in
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construction management, and as a result, had to move his family every four to five months. Her
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father taught her to watch people, to observe their behaviors, and to learn from them. As she
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grew, she learned how to see through people’s disguises—who they really were underneath.
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Eventually, she could not only read people but understand them and why they were the way they were. As she did this, she observed, “How insecure everyone is! No matter who they are, no
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matter where they grew up, no matter how many friends they have, they are all insecure. We are
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all insecure, which means everyone needs to be loved…. Everywhere I have been, that is how it
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is.” And Alyssa has had a much greater perspective than most. She has had the opportunity to
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volunteer in third world countries where she worked in orphanages. She made many observations
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within these institutions. Alyssa especially loves to observe the behaviors of children. She feels that insecurities lie in needs that have not been met, but also can be instilled by those who care for them. Because of her unique ability to analyze and connect with people, she wishes to dedicate her life to meeting those needs within others. She currently majors in international
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studies, hoping to one day be a humanitarian, to help fill the void in the lives of as many as she
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can reach. Alyssa served a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Taiwan, where she utilized this innate ability of seeing the needs of others. She had an experience on her mission
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that illustrates the impact she has made on others. Alyssa had just been transferred to a new area,
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and she and her companion were “whitewashing” (A term used by missionaries to illustrate a fresh start in a new area). She was only in her fourth transfer, and her companion was only in her
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third. They were both white Americans, and neither of them spoke Chinese very well. So, on their first day in the area they made the determination to rely on God. They began making contact with past investigators who had been taught be the previous missionaries in that area. While doing this they made contact with a particular girl named Huang Li Jia. This girl had many problems in her life, and it seemed that she would be difficult to get through to her. But
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Alyssa and her companion said a prayer before meeting with Huang Li Jia so that they would be
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able to discern her needs. As they sat down with her, with the Spirit as her guide, Alyssa was
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able to point out several things in Huang Li Jia’s life that needed to change. This woman,
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knowing that the gospel could help her change, committed to baptism and was baptized.
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To many of us it would seem that Alyssa’s ability to read people and connect with them on
Jeff Jamison 11/3/14 12:40 PM Comment: Are these sentences supposed to be connected?
such a profound level would be such an awesome gift! But Alyssa doesn’t feel like it is all its
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chalked up to be. “Because everyone is pretty similar, I have some pretty wicked commitment
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issues. Because I can see people for who they really are.” She sees the person behind the façade.
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Seeing the differences between who people truly are and who they claim to be makes it hard to
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trust anyone. As with any gift, hers can also be a burden. Alyssa does not believe in trying to be
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something she is not, so she is not one to sugarcoat her words. She is blunt and not ashamed. She
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is a realist, and she will tell it to you as it is, not how you would like to hear it. However, she does struggle with certain other aspects of her gift. As a result of a lifetime of observing and analyzing people, it has become more of a habit, and less about caring to see the result. “I can watch everybody, I can analyze everybody, and then I just don’t care. I just walk away.” Now, you may think to yourself that Alyssa doesn’t sound like the nicest person. But in your judgment, you would be incorrect. Though of the lot of us she has the most reason to think ill of those around her, she is the first to try to brighten your day. Though she may struggle to trust those around her, she loves everyone. The last thing that she would ever want to do is make someone feel judged or inferior. If given the opportunity to address the entire world in one sentence, she would say, “Love always wins.” She knows what it is like to be judged. She knows what it is like to feel rejected. Imagine being the “new kid” for your entire life. And yet, the one thing she would say to the world, had she the chance, would be of love. Of acceptance. The importance of accepting those around you was impressed upon her as a teenager, as she moved from place to place. On Alyssa’s sixteenth birthday, her family moved to California. Already mildly upset that her
Jeff Jamison 11/3/14 12:46 PM Comment: Okay so if this is the case, how does your empathy statement on the beginning hold out if she is losing it from overanalyzing people? Jeff Jamison 11/3/14 12:47 PM Deleted: at this point Jeff Jamison 11/3/14 12:49 PM Comment: This is a pretty strong statement of her having the “most reason to think ill of those around her.” I would consider deleting or rewording the sentence. Jeff Jamison 11/3/14 12:55 PM Comment: I kinda feel like love has a lot to do with trust… Jeff Jamison 11/3/14 12:56 PM Comment: Here you go! Tying back to empathy. Jeff Jamison 11/3/14 2:21 PM Comment: This is referring back to the fact that she was always moving? Jeff Jamison 11/3/14 2:22 PM Comment: This is a good point to draw from if you need to refocus on the empathy part. I feel that talking about her not trusting people pulls away from her focus on empathy….
birthday was not celebrated that year, she prepared for yet another four months of being the new kid; both at school and church. As she attended her church meetings that week, she considered how she might attend the local early morning seminary group, as her family only had one vehicle at the time. As she contemplated her dilemma, she was approached by a young woman named Christina. Christina was not like the other girls. She openly welcomed Alyssa, and without being asked, offered to provide transportation to seminary. Alyssa later recounted, “Her example taught me to just kind of throw inhibitions to the wind, and just be friendly.” Christina has been her best friend from that day till the present. Christina’s example has been one that has
Jeff Jamison 11/3/14 2:26 PM Comment: You could use this part of your story to help bring Alyssa back to trusting people and being empathetic.
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influenced the way Alyssa treats people. Though she has a better look into people than most, she treats everyone equally. So, who is Alyssa? What makes her the person that she is? She cares. If asked, she would say she doesn’t think she cares enough. But if you got to know her, you would see that she that she really does. She loves the people around her, because she understands them. She believes in
Jeff Jamison 11/3/14 2:27 PM Comment: This sentence is kinda confusing… Jeff Jamison 11/3/14 2:27 PM Comment: But I feel like she doesn’t very much cause of her distrust for people… Jeff Jamison 11/3/14 2:28 PM Comment: Focus more on this.
people. As a missionary she saw peoples’ potential, and she helped them see it as well. That is what empathy really is. It is more than feeling what other people feel—it’s caring for them.
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Christ was empathetic toward his fellow men, thereby opening the channel of charity, the pure
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love of Christ. Alyssa is an example of one who has embraced a God-given gift, and magnified and perfected it. The Lord gives us these gifts so that one day he may utilize them as we become
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tools in his hands.
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Though we may not all have the gift that Alyssa has, we should all at least strive to develop an empathetic connection with those closest to us. As we do, we are able to follow with more exactness the footsteps of the Savior. Though insecure we may be, as Alyssa observes, we all have strengths that can lift and inspire. Alyssa is openly grateful to her father for the instruction and encouragement that cultivated the growth of this gift. She says that it has shaped both who
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she is, and who she hopes to be. “It has kept me out of a lot of bad situations,” she says,
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“because I can read situations, and I have the Spirit to tell me to get out. It has made me who I am.” Nice job Matt! I love your beginning and your ending that really focus on this empathetic connection between people. I would just suggest to maybe get rid of the distrust issues she has because it kinda annuls your empathy focus—unless you made it a personal journey for her and
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really focused the change in her when she met Christina and was able to reconnect to people again and love them. Hey good luck!