Cherished Magazine Mar/Apr 2018

Mar/Apr 2018

Who do

You

see in the mirror?

Opposition?s

Opportunity

Being Brave Avoiding Greener Grass Syndrome

Great Ideasfor Your Journal

CherishedMagazine.com

features

Opposition?s

Opportunity

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20 14 AVOIDING THE GREENER GRASS SYNDROME

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46 50Great Ideas for Your Journal CherishedMagazine.com

Welcome!

Wow! 2018 feels like it is flying by. Do you feel that way? For me, I tend to live life through a to-do list. Well, more accurately, I need to make that "I tend to live life through multiple to-do lists". On one hand they help me stay focused but I also have to be intentional to be in the moment.

Especially in social situations, I have to turn off the work brain and the lists and appreciate

So grab a cup of coffee or tea, settle down with this issue of Cherished Magazine and enjoy this moment!

You are so cherished!

Mar/ Apr 2018

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By Grow Bloom Inspire Co Editor in Chief Sheryl Siler Advertising Adam Siler Contributing Writers Judi G. Reid Nicki Koziarz

Views expressed in CherishedMagazine do not necessarily represent those of the publisher. Every effort has been made by the staff to ensure accuracy of the publication content. We do not guarantee the absence of errors or omissions. No responsibility can be assumed. Š CherishedMagazine.

Š GrowBloomInspire Co

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Opposition?s Oppor t unit y

by Nicki Koziarz or iginally feat ured on Proverbs31.org

?So Boaz took Ruth, and she became his wife. And he went in to her, and the Lord enabled her to conceive, and she gave birth to a son.? Ruth 4:13 (AMP)

A few weeks ago, I wanted to do something nice for a few friends. I spent a lot of time thinking through what to put in a care package for each of them. As I was loading the packages into the car to mail them, I was giddy. I couldn?t wait to celebrate my friends.

And all was well in my little celebration world ? until I arrived at the post office.

Mar/ Apr 2018

I was so pleased to see the place completely empty, because I thought I would be in and out quickly. I walked in, set my many packages on the counter and smiled.

But instead of a friendly smile in return, the lady at the counter rolled her eyes.

She looked at the clock and said, ?You do realize I close this office at 4:30??

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I looked at the clock and saw it said 3:45 p.m., glanced around the empty office and wondered what the problem was? ?I will try to help you but if someone else walks in this office, I?m going to have to put this to the side and help them. My customers are important to me,? she said sharply.

My heart began to thump a little faster because I was pretty sure I was also a customer and her only one at that point. She went on to throw out several nasty comments about the amount of things I was trying to mail and didn?t I know there were better ways to mail this many items?

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After a few minutes of her aggressive words and complaints about my mailing order, I was fed up. I picked up my boxes and walked out, vowing never to step foot in that post office again.

I could have stood there and taken those rude comments, confronted her or shown her some grace-filled-kindness but something in me just wanted to run. And so I did.

The next day, I went to a different post office to mail the packages. This isn?t something new for me; I?m an avoider of all things confrontational.

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Some days, though, we face hard things that are much bigger than a frustrated postal worker.

redeemed life. But the process to get there was challenging.

Ultimately we have a choice: Face the situation head-on or run. It?s hard and a lot of days, I don?t win at this.

Ruth became a widow, moved to a foreign land, lived with a bitter mother-in-law and that?s just the beginning of what we know of her story. As I?ve studied Ruth, I saw how she never quit because she stayed with God.

I think it?s why I look up to a woman in the Bible named Ruth so much. She was willing to face all kinds of opposition in order to experience God?s best for her.

God transformed her situation, taking her from being completely broken to completely blessed. Our key verse is the end result of her perseverance. A husband, a baby (who became part of the lineage to Jesus) and a

Mar/ Apr 2018

With Him, she was able to face the opposition in her life directly. And that opposition became the opportunity for God?s glory to be revealed.

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What if today you and I looked at our opposition as an opportunity to do something with God?

situation today, I?m remembering who I want to become and breathing in His transforming strength.

With God, hard circumstances can become the breeding ground for miracles.

With God, conflicts can become conversations of grace.

With God, our desire to run can become a destiny-filled step.

God, I want to be a woman who doesn?t quit in the midst of opposition. Help me remember You always have the opportunity to do something through me if I?ll stick it out. In Jesus? Name, Amen.

That day at the post office, I missed it. But today is a new 24 ? a new day!

Each day contains a fresh dose of God?s perseverance in me.

As I walk through each hard

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TRUTH FOR TODAY Hebrews 6:10, ?God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.? (NIV) Romans 5:3-4, ?We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.?

(NLT)

Nicki Koziarz is a speaker, writer, and leader in today's generation. She lives just outside of Charlotte, NC with her husband and their three girls. As a leader and speaker, Nicki is willing to tackle the hard issues this generation is facing to encourage the pursuit of God's Truth in their lives. She is on staff at Proverbs 31 Ministries as the coordinator for their onlineBiblestudies. Nicki speaks nationally for retreats, conferences, events and MOPS groups. For more information on having Nicki for your next event you can email her at:nicki@nickikoziarz.comVisit Nicki's site at: www.nickikoziarz.com Mar/ Apr 2018

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Excerpt ed f rom Being Brave: A 40-Day Journey to the Life God Dreams for You

by Kel l y Johnson. Š 2017 by Abingdon Press.

Used wit h permission.

Fr o m s ec t i o n ? Bei n g Br a v e i s Bei n g Bo l d ?

(Da y 2 )" Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God?s presence. ? Ephesians 3:12 NLT See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! ? 1 John 3:1 When my younger daughter was in her teens, she put together a PowerPoint presentation to convince her father to let her pierce a second hole in her ears. Personally, I didn?t care how many holes she had in her ears, but our parenting policy had always been to present a united front behind the opinion of whoever 14 | Mar/ Apr 2018

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felt the most strongly. In this case, Steve was convinced a second hole was a gateway to multiple piercings, unsightly tattoos, and a life of crime. As I watched her make her case, I chuckled quietly to myself, knowing full well he was destined to lose his resolve to his determined daughter.

From the time they were tiny, our girls knew it was safe to go to their big, strong daddy with the desires of their heart. Although he sometimes had to say no because he knew root beer floats for dinner or a ride to the mall with a newly driving friend wasn?t in their best interests, he always listened to their requests and delighted in the times he could say yes.

From the minute they walked into the room saying, ?Daddy, please,? he would light up with pleasure at their presence.

Whether climbing into his lap when they were little or scooting up under his open arm as they grew bigger, they knew they were welcome, loved, and safe. They grew up believing their voice mattered because their daddy listened when they spoke.

Because of these beginnings, they are strong young women who are comfortable speaking up boldly and confidently about those things that matter most to them.

T h ey t r u s t t h ei r v o i c e a n d b el i ev e i t ma t t er s .

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This image of a little girl confident in her daddy?s love is what comes to mind when I read today?s verses.

Bec a u s e w e a r e c o mp l et el y l o v ed , w e c a n b o l d l y a n d c o n f i d en t l y p o u r o u t o u r h ea r t s t o o u r h ea v en l y Fa t h er .

While many of us did not have this kind of relationship with our earthly father, Jesus has paved the way for all of us to have this kind of access to our Father above. Throughout the Gospels, we know Jesus cherished the time He spent talking to His Father about the desires of His heart. Jesus prioritized His time in prayer and encouraged His followers to do the same.

Jesus sets the example for us of a relationship with God characterized by consistent and continual conversation.

Because our God chose us as His own, we can be confident He wants to hear what we have to say: the complaints, the worries, the hurts, the joys, the fears, and the dreams. We don?t have to measure our words or use any kind of special prayer language.

We c a n s i mp l y s p ea k f r o m t h e h ea r t b ec a u s e i t b r i n g s Go d p l ea s u r e t o c a l l u s H i s c h i l d r en .

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Our Scripture today reminds us of the generosity and extravagance of the way God loves us. Just like my daughters with their daddy, we can run into our Father ?s presence and talk openly and honestly about our lives, knowing we will be greeted with delight.

Bec a u s e w e k n o w Go d h ea r s u s , w e k n o w o u r v o i c e i s v a l u ed .

When we truly believe that our voice matters, we become braver about trusting our voice in the world.

1. What kind of relationship did you have with your earthly father? How has this impacted your perception of God as your heavenly Father, either positively or negatively?

2. Do you believe you can talk to God about anything? Why or why not?

3. When it comes to your relationships with other people, do you find it easy or difficult to ask for what you want? Why is asking for what you want important in our journey to be brave?

Prayer: Heavenly Father, heal any wounds that may be left behind by a complicated relationship with our earthly father.

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Teach us to call You Abba Father, which means ?Daddy.? Help us to trust Your voice and know You have only our good in mind in every situation. When we forget, remind us we are safe with You and that You delight in our presence each time we run into Your warm, welcoming embrace. Thank You for lavishing us with Your extravagant love and for listening to us whenever we turn to You. Amen.

Kelly Johnson is a counselor, coach, writer, speaker, retreat leader, and human rights advocate. A blogger since 2005, Kelly maintains a following of readers on her monthly contributions to The Glorious Table and her church blog, Today I Saw God. She is a regular contributor to ?The Huffington Post,? ?The Mighty,? and ?Today Parenting.?

Find out more about Kelly at http:/ / kellyiveyjohnson.com.

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by Judi Reid ?I?ll hat e you f or t he rest of my lif e and I?m sorry you were ever born!?

?Oh, Lord,? I cried, ?please, don?t let those be the last words I hear from my mother!?

While I was growing up, to the outside world, we appeared to be the perfect family. I lived with my mother, my father, my brother and a dog.

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On the inside, our house was filled with discord.

There were generational issues of alcohol, abuse and suicide. Although I didn?t understand at the time, I discovered they contributed to my feelings of worthlessness.

When I looked int o t he mirror, I saw my mot her looking back at me.

Her damaging words and actions burrowed deep in my heart.

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To seek significance and value in being alive, I made many poor choices.

As an adult, my life began to shift when God sent one woman, Pat Self, across my path.

?I love you.

You are My mast erpiece. You are My daught er.

Priceless and precious.?

She gradually transformed my thoughts from ones of worthlessness to acceptance of God?s view of me.

How He loves me.

How He has a plan and purpose f or my exist ence at t his t ime in hist ory.

She taught me, from His Word and by godly example, to receive the label of Woman of Value.

I developed a rich, personal relationship with Jesus. I grew in wisdom and peace. My choices began to change. My attitude began to change.

With new eyes, when I looked in the mirror I could hear Him saying Mar/ Apr 2018

He prepared me to hear those excruciating words from my mother.

The crisis point with her surfaced unexpectedly when I visited her on her 80th birthday, which coincided with Mother?s Day. She had always enjoyed celebrating those two occasions in the past, so she welcomed me, and was sweet and kind when I arrived.

We spent a lovely weekend together-- just the two of us.

One of the gifts I had given her was a nurse-free weekend CherishedMagazine.com | 21

while I was there. You see, by this time, she had become critically ill and required assistance 24/ 7 in her apartment.

Before I left that Sunday afternoon, I tried to talk to her about moving into an assisted living facility near me.

She became enraged, made her deflecting, piercing comments and I quickly headed back home.

Every time I called, when she heard, ?Mother,? she slammed down the receiver. For the next four months my only peace came by staying connected to the home health agency.

All t he while I was praying f or God t o heal our relat ionship.

This all changed when God answered my prayers in a most unusual way.

admitted to the local hospital.

She could never go back to her apartment. I arranged for an ambulance to transport her the hundred miles to a nursing home close to me.

As the EMTs were pulling her on a stretcher through the rear doors, she saw me and steely-eyed spoke the words, ?I hate you.?

Only through the grace of God, who by now had softened my heart and given me more time with my mother, was I able to look back into her eyes, and respond, ?I love you, Mother.

What a beaut if ul gif t God gave us.

In September, Mother was 22 | Mar/ Apr 2018

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Her condition was so critical, hospice stepped in.

The trauma became a blessing.

Time together. Time to hold her hand. Time to be in her presence. Time to show love and let go. Time to give without needing to receive.

Time t o heal.

One day in a delirium, she took me with her to Paris. She allowed me to walk with her down the Champs Elysee, smiling, laughing, and admiring the fancy hats the French ladies were wearing. A cute, fun-loving, bubbly personality took over. And I was there at her invitation sharing a few beautiful moments as mother and daughter-- to treasure forever.

As her final hours approached, I became increasingly concerned regarding the condition of her soul.

My pastor visited a few nights earlier and prayed as our Mar/ Apr 2018

family joined hands around her bed. She grew restless and agitated, unable to speak, but visibly resistant.

One night I felt prompted to open my Bible to the 23rd Psalm and begin reading it out loud. My heart trembled for fear that I would cause turmoil again. To my surprise, a smile of peace covered her sunken face. She lifted her limp wrist, pointed a finger and said, softly but firmly, ?More! More!?

I questioned her in disbelief. ?Do you want me to read the 23rdPsalm again? ?She answered, ?Yes.? So I read it and read it and read it, again and again and again. Although I could repeat it from memory, I was afraid I might misquote it and somehow destroy this miracle. I continued to read it, through tears of joy.

When she slipped away peacefully from her time on earth, as the sun was rising the next day, I was sleeping at the CherishedMagazine.com | 23

foot of her bed. I had forgiven her and forgiven myself.

At that moment I was set free from a lifetime of her words of hatred. I was glad we both had

been born. I was able to look in the mirror again, release bitter words from the past with His hope for my future.

Judi Reid is founder of Women of Value.

She is the Amazon # 1 Best Selling author of Rise Up! 71 Thoughts of Hope & Inspiration for Women of Value. She is a certified life breakthrough self-esteem coach and advocate for the respect and dignity of women. Judi lives her life transformed through Jesus Christ and as a personal testimony of overcoming generational patterns of alcoholism, suicide, and abuse.

Connect with Judi. www.WomenOfValue.ORG

She is passionate about helping women discover their true value hidden deep within their hearts and through God?s Word.

Made for More Facebook Group

Judi is like the key that opens the treasure within you so you can flourish

Get a chance to get to know Judi. Sign-up for her newsletter where you will receive a free gift, Love Letter from God Print Click Here 24 | Mar/ Apr 2018

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An int erview wit h nancy c anderson Aut hor of AVOIDING THE GREENER GRASS SYNDROME

It?s human nature for people to want something bigger and better than what they currently have. When problems arise in a marriage, the grass can look greener in every other yard in the neighborhood, luring them to believe they will find true joy and fulfillment on the other side of the marital fence.

In Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair-Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage (2nd edition, Kregel Publications), Nancy C. Anderson assures readers the greener grass is only a mirage and shares how to grow the greenest grass of all in their own backyard.

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In t hecont ext of your book, what is ?greener grass syndrome??

It means thinking that something, or someone, on the other side of the fence will fulfill your needs? looking longingly at something outside of your own boundaries.

In my case, I thought my own marriage was withered and brown, and I wanted to visit my co-worker?s ?lawn.? Of course, in life and in marriage, the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence; it?s a mirage.

How is Avoiding t heGreener Grass Syndromedifferent fromot her books writ t en on marriage?

Many marriage books are based upon theories, statistics, and clinical studies of infidelity. Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome is about real life in the real world. I?m an expert on infidelity because I lived it and survived. Thirty-eight years after my affair and reconciliation, Ron and I are still helping couples prevent, predict, or pardon infidelity.

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When many peopl e get married, t hey bel ieve t heir husband or wife?s j ob is t o make t hem happy. Why is it dangerous t o bel ievet his l ie?

No one can meet all the needs of another person. If we look only to our mate to fulfill us, we?ll always be disappointed. Ron and I both had unrealistic expectations of what marriage should look like, and we were both waiting to be served by the other.

However, it should be the opposite.

A healthy marriage is created when each person is willing to serve the other. Happiness and contentment come from knowing you are doing all you can to ?water? your marriage. Trading partners is not a good solution to a troubled marriage because divorce rates go up with each subsequent marriage.

Speaking of l ies about happiness, t he worl d discourages working t hrough hard t imes by saying, ?Lifeis short , and you deserve t o be happy.? What does t he Bibl e say about deserving happiness?

The truth is, marriage is both difficult and effortless, magnificent and excruciating, blissful and tedious. Sometimes it?s all those things within the same day? even within the same hour.

I know how hard it is to stay in a less-than-perfect marriage while TV talk shows and well-meaning friends are preaching ?you deserve to be happy.?

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I looked for that verse in the Bible. Trust me? it?s not there. What the Bible does teach about happiness is that it has little to do with our external circumstances (married or single, rich or poor, healthy or ill) and more to do with our choice to be content.

Philippians 4:12?13 tells us, ? 12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of contentment in every situation, whether it be a full stomach or hunger, plenty or want; 13 for I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power? (TLB).

You confess t hat you compl ained and crit icized your way t hrough your first year of marriage. If you coul d go back in t ime, how woul d you haveapproached your new rol eas a wife different l y?

On one hand, I wish that were possible, as it would have saved a lot of pain and heartache, but on the other hand, the lessons I learned in that dark valley shaped the rest of my life for the better. In a way, I am getting a do-over when I help another couple avert a disaster in their marriage. By helping them avoid the snare that caught me, I am using what was evil for good purposes.

My role as a wife now is 180 degrees from what it was in 1978. My approach to Ron now is that we are on the same team, working toward the same goals. When we differ on which path to take, I don?t see it as him against me.

I also have learned to value our differences instead of resenting them, even though I still don?t understand why he is relentlessly cheerful and chatty before I?ve had my morning coffee.

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The man wit h whom you had an affair was a co-worker of yours. How can we safeguard our rel at ionships when it is inevit abl e we wil l encount er members of t he opposit e sex in t heworkpl aceand t hecourseof dail y act ivit ies?

I recently read about the guidelines Vice President Pence implements in his relationships with coworkers and other women who are not his wife. He is very careful to avoid any appearance of and opportunity for inappropriate behavior, and I agree with his high standards!

If you?re in doubt as to what conduct is inappropriate, ask yourself, Would I do this in front of my spouse? If you?re still not sure, ask yourself, Would I do it in front of the Lord? (You are, you know.)

Here is a simple rule to keep you on the straight and narrow:

If you?d havet o hideit or l ieabout it , don?t do it !

In the workplace, make sure your emails and other correspondences are not suggestive, inappropriate, or flirtatious. Talk about your spouse positively, making it clear that you?re married and intend to stay that way. Be careful not to have any lingering eye contact or make comments that are suggestive.

The book has suggestions for safeguards for business travel, relationships with neighbors, babysitters, and even co-laborers at church.

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Once a coupl e decides t o commit t o repairing t heir marriage, what is t hefirst st ep t oward reconcil iat ion?

After we made the decision to reconcile and reform our marriage, we immediately sought advice from many different sources. We went to a Christian marriage counselor who helped us learn to communicate more effectively. We also read several books about ?starting over? and attended marriage retreats and workshops.

One of the most important things we did was join a wonderful church and faithfully attend worship services and adult Sunday school classes. We received solid biblical teaching from a godly pastor and acted on his instruction.

The new chapter, titled ?Affair Repair,? offers seven steps to recovery. The first step is reveal, which means coming clean and admitting the betrayal. Without that first step, the others are not effective.

How l ong did it t akefor your marriaget o heal aft er you and Ron decided t o remain commit t ed t o each ot her?

The transformation was a slow process. We?d developed many destructive habits, and some of them took years to die. My feelings were still connected to Jake, but I decided to stay with Ron and hoped and prayed that my affection for Ron would come back with time. I worked hard to regain his trust, and we both made a big effort to be polite and kind to each other, hoping to rebuild a friendship before a romance. I would estimate that it took two years before we felt whole again.

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You writ e about Ron forgiving you but al so about how you st ruggl ed wit h t he sorrow of regret . Why do you t hink he was abl e t o t rust you more t han you coul d t rust yoursel f at t hat t ime?

Ron is an amazing man, and one of his best qualities is his optimism. He saw my sincere apology and changed behavior as indicators that our marriage could be healed. He heard me break it off with Jake and quit my job, so he was confident I?d really changed. I knew, however, I still struggled with trusting myself and was distraught I had fallen so far.

My healing took longer than his, perhaps because I had prided myself on being the stronger Christian and knowing I?d also betrayed the Lord broke my heart.

What are t he hedges you pl ant ed around your marriage t o prot ect it fromint rusion?

A hedge makes the statement, ?Private property? no trespassing.?

The symbolic hedges around our marriages serve the same purposes. As a married couple, your goal is to keep the good things in and the bad things out. The HEDGES consist of simple principles that will protect your marriage from external invaders and internal discontent.

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They consist of action words: - Hearing: listening and speaking with patience and understanding.

- Encouraging: helping each other.

- Dating: keeping it fresh and fun.

- Guarding: agreeing on your boundaries and enforcing them.

- Educating: becoming an expert on your mate.

- Satisfying: meeting each other?s needs.

What kind of work goes int o maint aining t hehedges?

Remember, these hedges must be watered, trimmed, and kept pest-free for the rest of your life. Hedges are living things, and your marriage is alive and growing, too. All the things that affect our lives also affect our marriages.

We?real l responsibl efor wat ering our hedges.

To have enough water to offer our marriages, we must have our own reservoir to draw from. The foremost kind of water is spiritual water, which we get from our relationship with the Lord, who is the Living Water (John 4:10?15).

The second way to water your relationship is with intellectual water: new information about each other. Share what happened during your day and build your connection based on communication.

A marriage that is well-watered will have deep roots and will withstand the storms of life. If your relationship is in a drought, 36 | Mar/ Apr 2018

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however, and its roots are weak and shallow, then the wind and erosion? life?s problems? will damage and eventually destroy your marriage.

Don?t be hesitant to trim your hedges as your lives change. Just because you plant strong, healthy hedges today doesn?t mean you won?t have to replant or transplant them next year. If your husband loses his job, you have a baby, your elderly parents need care, or one of you has a medical or emotional crisis, you will have to redesign or move the hedges accordingly.

Communicat ion in marriage is of t he ut most import ance.

Can you shareafew keys t o good communicat ion?

Agreed! Many couples haven?t communicated in years. Oh, they talk about the weather, the bills, and the children, but they don?t share their inner thoughts, fears, or disappointments.

That?s how some affairs begin? by having deep, meaningful conversations with the ?other.? Once an emotional connection is formed, a physical one usually follows. That?s why healthy, meaningful communication connects and bonds a couple and builds a bridge that will help them when difficulties come. We like to talk about three Cs to cut out or reduce (complaining, criticizing and controlling) and three As to add into communication (apologizing, accepting, and appreciating).

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Why is it import ant t o cont inuet o dat eyour mat e?

Most couples, especially if they?ve been married for a while, get into a rut, and the longer they?re married, the deeper the rut might get. Rut-dwellers usually just stay home and play on their phones while watching TV, sometimes in separate rooms. On special occasions, they might have dinner at the usual neighborhood burger barn or go see a movie at the local theater, but that?s about as exciting as it gets. Can you say, ?Boring!??

If you want to climb out of your rut and try new things, here are some easy-to-implement ideas to give you a boost. Think of the word DATES to stimulate the ?creative dating? quadrant of your brain: delicious, adventurous, thematic, educational, and surprising. Remember all this rekindling takes time and patience.

Take it slow, and if you?re sincere about wanting to please each other, you?ll both feel much better about your relationship. All that?s necessary for a date to be great is the two of you being together, creating a happy memory.

What are some of t he warning signs t hat your spouse may behaving an affair?

At work and church, in our neighborhoods and during our daily activities, we all encounter people of the opposite sex who are attractive. That?s not the problem. Our selfish choices after the attraction create the problems. Changes in your spouse?s behavior 38 | Mar/ Apr 2018

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may indicate that your spouse is having an affair. The cheating spouse often has changes in eating and sleeping patterns, wears a different style of clothes, frequently starts arguments, works longer or different hours, pulls away from church and extended family, takes more showers than usual, and compares his or her spouse to other people.

Do you t hink more t empt at ions for ext ramarit al affairs exist now t han when t he first edit ion of t he book was writ t en t hirt een years ago? If so, why?

The first edition was written in 2004, and the biggest change since then is the increase in secrecy that smartphones and tablets have provided. Many affairs are started through apps that connect people, such as Facebook and Instagram. Also, it used to be that pornography had to be attained through a magazine or movie, but now secret web access to pornographic material has ruined many marriages.

Thet empt at ion t o st ray has al ways been t here, but now t echnol ogy gives us easy access t o feed t hemonst er.

That?s why Ron and I have the same passwords and have full access to each other?s email, texts and computers. Transparency in all areas of our lives keep us accountable.

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What new addit ions are in t his second edit ion of Avoiding t heGreener Grass Syndrome?

There are updates and additions throughout the new 2017 edition, but there is a whole new chapter titled ?Affair Repair,? written specifically for those who have committed adultery and want to repair the damage they?ve created. I received so many heart-wrenching emails asking for my advice on this topic that I was eager to add this new material.

The other new feature is the question and answer appendix with Ron?s point of view on my affair, his healing, and our life now. He is the hero of this book, and I am glad readers have this opportunity to hear from him. His willingness to tell our story still amazes me, but he sees it as a valuable opportunity to offer hope and healing.

To cl ose, what words of encouragement woul d you offer t o someone in a st ruggl ing marriage who t hinks divorce is t heonl y opt ion fol l owing an affair?

Adultery can be grounds for a divorce, especially if there is repeated infidelity and no willingness to change. However, we encourage couples to try all other options first, with divorce as the last resort.

Weknow t hat God can heal any marriage if bot h part ners arewil l ing t o figureout what went wrong and makeposit ivechanges in at t it udeand behavior.

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The ?Affair Repair? chapter offers seven action words, which describe the steps I recommend to all couples who are suffering: reveal, repent, reconcile, rebuild, resolve, renew, and rejoice. Your marriage restoration will take some time, so be patient with each other. You may even take a few steps forward, then two steps back.

Just don?t give up. You could be in the midst of a miracle.

Learn more about Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome at www.NancyCAnderson.com. The author is also on Facebook (Greenergrasssyndrome), Twitter (greenergrass55), and Instagram (greenergrasssyndrome).

Nancy C. Anderson and her husband, Ron, recently celebrated their twenty-sixth wedding anniversary. Together they conduct couples? retreats and marriage seminars to help others to predict, prevent, or pardon infidelity. Nancy is a contributing author to several books and the co-author of a variety of dramatic sketches.

Find out more about Nancy athttp:/ / www.nancycanderson.com.

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Great Ideasfor Your Journal Journaling is a fun and rewarding way to document the life?s happenings. It helps one to understand who they were then, who they are now and who they want to be in the future.

Journaling can help a person find answers and insight to things affecting their lives. It can help them clear their mind of struggles, savor their accomplishments and much, much more.

If youhaveconsideredtakingupjournaling, keepthesetipsin mind.

Journal daily for best results. This allows you to document things in much more detail.

You don?t have to write a novel, just a few sentences will do.

Journal when your mind is at ease so you can focus. This may be first thing in the morning, during your lunch break or the last thing you do at night.

Record more than just your thoughts. Include your feelings, the sights, sounds and smells around you. What color was the sky? Did you smell fresh cut grass? What was the person wearing?

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Write about where you are in life at this moment.

Write about how you got to this moment in life and where you see yourself going from here.

Don?t worry about using correct grammar, full sentences or punctuation. This is for your eyes only. Just let the thoughts flow.

Don?t censor your thoughts or feelings. Just write it as you see, think or feel it.

Create a gratitude journal for all the things you are grateful for. When you?re feeling lost or down, read through it to brighten your day.

Include more than just words. Photos, drawings, stickers, poems, quotes, scriptures, mementos and more can be added.

Journal about your successes and failures. It will bring you much insight.

When trying to solve a problem, write it down in third person so you see it from a new perspective.

Don?t just surface write. Tap into your deeper emotions and thoughts to get the most benefit for your efforts.

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Pen and paper are much more effective for journaling than using digital devices.

If pen and paper just doesn?t work for you, then go the digital route. It?s better than not journaling at all.

Set limits, at least at first. Start with 2 minutes or one page and work your way to the point where you feel most comfortable. Once you get into a groove, aim for 10-15 minutes of journaling but again, do what feels right for you.

Do not edit. The whole point in journaling is to explore your mind and document your thoughts. Editing stops the natural flow of things.

Add a memorable title and date to each entry.

Keep your journal in a secure location to ease your mind about writing private things.

Journal in the same location every day. This might be your dining room table, your bed or your favorite coffee shop.

Leave room for a table of contents. Once your journal is complete, you can add it at that time. This will allow you to quickly find what you are looking for.

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If you struggle to journal, try a different method. If you?re currently using an app, see if pen and paper will work better. Change the time or location you journal to see if that helps.

Make a list of writing prompts to help when you feel you have nothing to write about.

If you are short on time, make note of the most important details and come back to finish the writing later.

Take your journal everywhere you go. You never know when an inspiring thought will come.

Journal about anything that is important to you; people, places, ideas, books, poetry, etc.

Add new words to your journal. Select a word and see if you can use it in your journal for the day.

If necessary, great a starter phrase and use it time and again. ?It all started? .?

Get creative. Add fun, silly thoughts to your journal. You don?t always have to be serious.

No matter how you feel, write every day. Write when you?re sick, when you?re happy, when your sad, when you?re tired or hung over.

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Are you working towards something big? If so, document your progress.

Use your journal to plan future events. Planning a vacation? Getting married?

Document your goals, if you have any and your progress as you work towards them.

Record details such conversations, time, date, location, the weather, your mood, your reactions to something and more.

Use your journal to document your bucket list(s).

Journal about things that make you feel good or feel bad.

Journal about your most secret thoughts and ideas.

Journal about others in your life; your friends, family, co-workers, pets, etc.

Document lessons you?ve learned.

Journal about the dreams you have at night as well as your dreams and aspirations.

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Never miss more than a few days of journaling at one time. It could create a stall that might last much longer.

Keep your journal within sight so you can write things down as they come to you.

Become one with nature. Grab your journal and take a walk. Stop somewhere safe and quiet to document the sights and sounds you hear and see.

Before you start writing, relax and breathe deep. Clear your mind to everything except what you plan to write about .

Use a timer if necessary to take the pressure of having to write off your shoulders.

When trying to solve a problem, consider the outcomes of each scenario. If that happens, then what? If it doesn?t happen, what then? If it happens another way, how will that affect things? How likely is this to happen?

At times, you may want to conduct a total mind dump.

When this happens just start writing. Don?t worry if it makes sense, just write everything that comes to mind.

You?ll feel like a new person getting those thoughts off of your mind and you can explore individual pieces of the mind dump at a later time if you feel like it.

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Consider writing ?Top Ten? lists. ?Top 10 Things I Worry About?, ?Top 10 Things I Love About Myself?and so forth.

Don?t forget to include perspective. Consider allows you to consider things from a different point of view. This may be reflecting back on past things, considering how another person feels or imagining how things might look, feel or be different in the future.

Be authentic. Journaling is for your own wellbeing. Don?t be scared to share your core values, your joy and love, your spirituality, creativity, fears, likes and dislikes.

Capturing the moment in the written form has so many benefits to your mind and body. If you journal regularly and truthfully, it can literally change your life.

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