REAL LIFE REAL FAITH JANUARY 2018
THE CREDIT KING CHAYO BRIGGS
TOP 6 KAYAKING DESTINATIONS
5 REASONS
TO BE GRATEFUL FOR STRUGGLE
EMPOWERING YOU TO EMPOWER YOURSELF
COCOA THE CHOCOLATIER CHEF
TONY'S
SPECIALTY Â IS
NEW
RESTAURAN
NOW
OPEN
06
Editor's Notes
11
Chayo Briggs
22
Kathi Frayler Nunez
27
Francesca San Sin Rezaie
| JANUARY 2018
REAL LIFE REAL FAITH
Editor in Chief Cheryl Lacey Donovan Publisher Elissa Gabrielle Senior Editors Hurley Morgan Cee Cee H. Caldwell Executive Art Director Racquel Charles Staff Writer Matthew Collins Columnists DaPorscha Rufus, Brian Ganges, Michelle Cuttino Contributors Francesca Sam Sin Rezaie, DaPorscha Rufus, Kathi Frayler Nunez Chief Photography Editor Racquel Charles Designer Cheryl Lacey Donovan
EDITORIAL OFFICES 14419 Campden Hill Houston, Texas 77045 (832) 827-4438
SUBSCRIPTIONS (832) 827-4438 P.O. Box 4510121, Houston, TX 77245, Real Life Real Faith is published by Elissa Gabrielle. realliferealfaithmagazine.net
selfishness and selfimprovement do not mix. Think about others beside yourself and share your wealth.Â
Editor's Note CHERYL LACEY DONOVAN
#metoo was a movement started by
also, ask the question what does and does
Tarana Burke. It recently gained
not constitute harassment or sexual
momentum after actress Alyssa Milano
misconduct and who gets to decide
tweeted a call-out to women to share their
because while some acts may be incredibly
stories of sexual harassment.
stupid they may not necessarily be harassment or abuse.
Now the movement has seen allegations in congress, the sports community, and all
We must also look at the consequences of
over Hollywood. The movement has
not speaking out immediately when the
demonstrated how widespread sexual
misconduct occurs if for no other reason
misconduct has become. It has also
than we may save those behind us from
highlighted the reluctance of women to
suffering the same fate. I often wonder
talk about their plight for fear retaliation
how many of the women might not have
and victim shaming.
endured the offense if the woman before her had simply said something.
There are many conversations that need to be had around the issue but one this is for
In this issue two women speak out about
sure, women are finally speaking up and
their #metoo stories.
being heard. That being said we must
TRAVEL WHERE YOUR JOURNEY BEGINS
TOP 6 KAYAKING DESTINATIONS IN THE WORLD BENJAMIN K. MACHUIRI
As a kayaker, whether it's a slow-paced adventure you want or slicing and curving your way through a white curtain of water, there are destinations to fulfill any kayaker's wish list. When considering the top kayaking destinations, there are several factors that have to be looked at. These factors include closeness to nature, varied and abundant wildlife and adventure. Opportunities for all skills level play a role in considering the best destination. The above factors are not the only factors. We have just named a few. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9840976
Kayaking is an exciting sport and
Alaska is a home to a mesmerizing
recreation activity for all ages. It provides
diversity of wildlife. Terrestrial fauna
great full-body work out. Moreover, every
include wolves, beavers and moose while
kayaker gets to enjoy the surrounding
the peninsula waters abound with sea
natural environment as close as possible.
lions, whales and sea colonies. Alaska is a
As much there are great and exciting
massive place with an abundance of
places for kayaking in the world, there are
options for adventure lovers and the
destinations that every kayaker should
question is how to fit it all in so as to get
never miss. Some of the top kayaking
the best out of all the options available in
destinations are:
Alaska.
1. Glacier bay, Alaska:
2. Kayaking in Baja, Mexico.
Since John Muir visited Glacier Bay in
With about 2000 miles of wild, rugged
1879, the area has opened up countless
coastline and only a short drive from the
fjords and bays for the sea kayaking and it
U.S, makes the Gulf of California a top
has offered 16 tide water Glacier to
kayaking destination in the world. It steers
explore. The area offers another bonus,
through coves, around boulders, into
that is, one has the best chances to
caves, to empty beaches or watch whales
witness the stages of plant succession left
on the many kayaking routes offered here.
by retreating glaciers. The 'bush' in Alaska,
There are about 100 islands in the
as it is known locally, composes of tundra,
California Gulf with about half of them
marshlands and scores of active volcanoes
protected as ultra bio diverse reserve sites
along with the Aleutian islands, a 300-
and all of them surrounded by crystal blue
strong archipelago strung out like
seas. The weather in this area is temperate
Christmas lights between America and
all year around and enjoys calmer seas
Asia.
thanks to the shielding by the peninsula itself.
6
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9838531
travel
One of the islands in the Cyclades in Greece is Milos. It has a mamma Mia-like setting of turquoise blue seas, matching the skies and pale golden sands. Milos' main claim to fame is that it's the place where the Venus de Milo statue was found in 1820, but man-made artifacts pale in comparison when you set eyes on the Milos' natural beauty. Milos' moonlike landscape, where rocky crops of burnt reds, earthy browns and stark whites get together, is a big scenestealer in any ancient artifact. Since you will be sea kayaking Milos' coastline, you will be able to go where most other boats can't. As you tour Baja, you are sure to see
planet. The mountains in this area are
marine animals that visit this
huge and lush with vegetation,
secluded paradise while kayaking
waterfalls cascade hundreds of
through easy going and clear waters
meters down vertical cliff faces and
and marveling at the enchanting
the seas coursing through the valleys
The west coast of Scotland is home
backdrops of the islands. Aside from
which are very clear. When ascending
to myriads of sea lochs, inlets and
kayaking, the region is now seeing a
up through lush beech rainforest and
island dotted amongst an achingly
return to its unique biodiversity which
into alpine environment at the top,
beautiful highlands panorama and it
was once threatened due to
you are rewarded with panoramic
is hard to think of a better way of
overfishing. In Baja Mexico, there are
views of the surrounding mountains,
exploring the area than in a sea
large colonies of endemic to the
alpine lakes and deep bush clad
kayak.
region as well as staggering number
valleys.
of rare plant species that are about 3500 species in total, many of them
6. The West Coast of Scotland.
Scotland is blessed with all types of 4. Dalmatian coast in Croatia
found nowhere else on earth.
fantastic water to go kayaking on, but its coastline and the sea kayaking
The Croatian coastline is filled with
that it offers that is truly a jewel in its
pine forest and limestone cliffs. It's
watery crown. Walking along the
not necessarily the tropical paradise
Scottish coastlines, you get to see
New Zealand literally has everything
you find in the south pacific, but it's a
thousands of miles of inlets, sea
to offer. Along with the giant national
unique and appealing trip that you
caves, coves and island to explore
park, it has excellent spots for
surely won't forget. The large amount
and the sea kayak is the perfect craft
kayaking. The bay has remote coves,
of islands off the Croatian coasts will
for the job.
beaches, caves, and year around
give you plenty of choices for where
tropical weather so you can visit
to go.
3. Kayaking in New Zealand.
whenever you have time. New Zealand provides a wide variety of
Everywhere you go, you will encounter a plethora of wildlife,
5. Greek Islands.
wildlife. Milford sound is the biggest
ancient culture and the Scottish people are famous for their
attraction in New Zealand and it was
For those of us who prefer real
hospitality. The west coast offers
formed over millions of years of
Kayaking, Greek islands provide
some fantastic sandy beaches,
glacial activities.
thousands of excellent sea kayaking
rugged reefs and wildlife in
waters. In these islands where sea
abundance. You get to enjoy the
Milford sound offers unequally beauty
kayaking is civilized, it is possible to
beauty of the area as seals swim
the scale and majesty of which sets it
paddle from one island to another.
curiously under your boat. It is simply
aside from anywhere else on theÂ
There are loads of remote coves and
a magical sea kayaking area.
site that you can kayak to.
RLRF 09
WHY MAKING OVER YOUR MORNING HAS A HUGE IMPACT ON YOUR ENTIRE DAY
I love mornings. Each new day brings new opportunities and it’s a chance to start fresh and do better. How you start your day, or more specifically how you spend those first few morning hours has a big impact on the rest of it. Think of it as setting the tone for your entire day. That’s why making over your morning is so important. It’s about much more than those first few hours. I’m sure you’ve experienced this yourself. Let’s use the snooze button as an example. You set an early alarm to make sure you have time for exercise, meditation, or simply some much needed “me time”. You have every intention of getting up and doing whatever you’re setting out to do when you set the alarm in the first place. Some mornings hopefully, most mornings - you get up when the alarm chimes and go for that walk, do your meditation exercise, or read a book for twenty minutes. Then there are those days when you just can’t make yourself get up. You hit the snooze button multiple times, or turn the alarm off altogether and go back to sleep. Think about how the rest of those days went. Did you notice a difference in how you felt? How much did you get done in the mornings when you got up with your first
alarm? Were you able to do all the things you set out to do? How did those days compare to the ones when you hit the snooze button over and over again? If I had to take a guess, I’d say that the mornings when you got up as soon as the alarm went off went a lot smoother. I bet you accomplished what you have planned to do, too. Chances are that sleeping through the snooze button didn’t just affect your morning, but the entire rest of your day. You set the tone for how your day is going to go first thing in the morning. That’s what the old saying about getting up on the wrong side of the bed is about. Let’s make sure we get up on the right side and start our day off in a positive and productive way. Over the course of the next seven days, I want to guide you through the process of making over your morning. As we’ve already established, this is an important tasks and a good thing to work on and pay attention to. Not only will you enjoy your mornings more even if the alarm goes off much earlier than you’d like, it will make the entire rest of your day go much smoother.
Briggs
CHAYO .
His company mission was to educate
Diva Naires Magazine with Shakeena
provided counseling to troubled youth
the minority community in order to
Whitmore, Trend Setters Magazine
and analyzed and resolved conflicts
create passive income there are
and Anthology of Poetry with Michele
between students and parents.
several key factors and the most
Alford, Just Me Magazine, Poetic
important task is to maintain good
Energy (Radio Station 109.9) with
In college, Briggs was a writer and
credit and invest their money into an
Michele Alford, and Courbee
leader within the Office of the
asset , such as a home because
Revolucion Magazine by Jamila
National Black Student Union,
investing into a home defines value
Choyce. Born in Compton, California,
promoting many of the aims of the
because its residual income. He is
Briggs's inner drive for success was
organization's efforts concerned with
also an author and speaker whose
set in motion early on by his parents.
civil rights and social action.
books offer readers inspiration from
Of West Indian descent, they stressed
Education has been a major constant
his own story and help people learn
the importance of education and
in his life. Currently a doctoral
the fundamentals of rebuilding their
personal achievement.
student at Grand Canyon University,
credit and other entrepreneurial and
he is completing his Doctorate of
financial skills. Currently writing a
Growing up his dad was in the
Education in Organizational
book titled A Multi- Cultural Family
military and spoke Korean and
Leadership focused in International
Struggles Against Economics, Racism
Creole; his stepmom was from the
Business, Trade & Commerce. After
& Social Hardships, Briggs is a self-
Philippines. Raised within the
graduating from Thomas Jefferson
described, self-made Man of Action –
strictures of Filipino culture, Briggs
High School, Briggs first attended
a Leader, Assertive, Confident,
learned the (Tagalog) language and
Blue Rivers Community College,
Determined, Decisive, Disciplined,
embraced the concept of Kapwa,
where he received an Associate of
Responsible, Independent, Logical,
which emphasized "unity of self and
Arts degree, and then attended the
Pragmatic, Productive, Proactive. His
others" and a sense of "fellow being,"
University of Omaha, Nebraska. He
real estate investment company,
he also learn to understand and
went on to complete his Bachelor's of
Briggs & Lay, rehabs properties and
speak the Spanish language due to
Science in Business Management at
rents them to tenants on Section 8
his school environment making Briggs
Ashford University and later acquired
and those who receive assistance
quintilingual. To fulfill his dreams of
his Master's of Science in Public
under the Housing Choice Voucher
becoming an accomplished American
Administration from California State
Program as well as to military families
business magnate, Briggs observed .
University, San Bernardino.
investors gain interest on their money,
Briggs first began developing his
In addition to his formal education,
his company's strategy has been to
leadership skills when he was in high
much of his knowledge, shrewdness,
invest low and increase its investment
school in Los Angeles, becoming 1st
and skill has come from a passion for
value by 85%. By primarily investing in
Sergeant in the California Cadet
travel. Originally wanting to teach
income-producing properties and
Corps. Several years later as an
English as a Second Language (ESL)
development opportunities
adult, he became a Youth Counselor
in the Peace Corps, he has ventured
throughout the United States, he has
with Gillis Center, Kansas City,
through every corner of the world
Briggs and his enterprises have
Missouri, where he developed
throughout his life, visiting Key West,
consistently gained the trust of
interactive programs for children and
Bahamas, Morelos, Guadalajara,
clients.
teens, prepared training programs for
Acapulco, Oaxaca, Puebla, Nassau,
student groups on various topics,
Italy, Freeport, Dublin, Wales, London,
The story of his successes as well as
coordinated with counselors, and
Oxford, Stratford, Ireland, Monte
creative output, including poetry,
worked with patients to ensure
Carlo, Barcelona, Paris, Rome,
have been featured in numerous
achievement of all targets through
Florence, Venice, and Munich. This
books, news and magazine articles,
intervention in family meetings.
summer, he plans to travel to South
such as My Best Friend And My Man
Coordinating with clients, he
Africa, Egypt, Greece, Beijing or
by Cydney Rax, Synchronized Ink by
developed strategies for
Imperial China, Japan, Poland, Russia,
Michelle E. Alford, El Original
development, including workshops on
Denmark, and Sweden. Always
(Bilingual Newspaper), Skipping
life skills, anger management, and
attentive to positive health habits,
Stones (“A Multicultural Children’s
enhancing self esteem, while
Briggs has been a Pescatarian
Magazine”), Nuestro Mundo (Bilingual
developing programs to increase
Vegetarian – abstaining from eating
Newspaper), LA Youth Newspaper,
educational prospects. He also
all meat and animal flesh with the
relocating. Dedicated to helping
exception of fish – for over 19 years.
features
Meet Chayo Briggs � Chayo, you are known as the Credit King, in your experience, what is the number one reason people experience credit difficulties?
Your credit score is important. It determines how much credit lenders are willing to grant. Knowledge of the causes of a poor rating can help you to avoid pitfalls that can take years to correct. A bad credit score is caused by several key elements, but the main reason is your willingness to pay the bills in a timely fashion. Listed below is a pie chart for the breakdown on percentages of your credit rating. 1. Payment History Your payment history comprises 35 percent of the total credit score and the most important factor in calculating credit scores. According to FICO, past long-term behavior is used to forecast future long-term behavior. One of the best ways for borrowers to improve their credit score as a whole is by making consistent, timely payments.
� You have helped many people improve their credit scores. What are your three top recommendations for those seeking to improve their credit?
Over the last seventeen years I have focused on teaching people the pathway to understanding a good credit rating. As a Real Estate Investor, myself I know the importance of having a good credit report. I teach clients, “Your Credit Defines Your Creditability and the pathway to achieving a good credit rating.” I know such issues are daunting, but you may need to borrow funds from a lender. Therefore, a good credit score will make the process easier. Your credit score determines two things that can affect your loan approval. First, lending money entails risk; lenders need to know you are reliable. Second, your credit score determines the terms of your loan.
Payment History - The whole point of a credit score is to inform a lender of whether you’re a reliable borrower. Being a reliable borrower is making on-time payments. Lenders want to see good payment history, it’s their only way to verify your creditability — whether or not on-time payments have been consistently made on things like credit cards, retail accounts and loans
How much you owe - Keep balances low on credit cards and other “revolving accounts.” High outstanding debt can affect a score. Pay off debt rather than moving it around. The most effective way to improve your score in this area is by paying down your revolving (credit cards) debt.
Length of History - It’s impossible for a person who is new to credit to have a perfect credit score, but it doesn’t necessarily take long to achieve a high score. A longer credit history provides more information and offers a better picture of long-term financial behavior. Therefore, to improve their credit scores, individuals without a credit history should begin using credit, and those with credit should maintain long-standing accounts.
RLRF 14
features � You have written a new book Your Credit Defines Your Credibility, what was your motivation for writing it and how long did it take you?
The basics concepts of credit stability are simple, but most people look at these topics like taboo, when in fact they are essential to becoming successful. In today’s society, having just an average credit rating may not be enough. Employers are beginning to check credit history to make sure an employee is a good fit. Think of your credit score as a resume, your life history. It paints a clear example of what type of person you are in real life. I have over seventeen years’ experience in real estate entrepreneurism and life coaching. One of the first topics discussed is a client’s credit rating because it will determine your next course of action. Something as simple as getting a place to live requires a credit history report. Therefore, I am committed to assisting people in understanding the importance of credit credibility.
Completing Credit Credibility is not a complicated book, but required effort due to the fact, most information available to consumers, is vague and non-explanatory. The material lists all types of statistics or general gobbledygook but never specifies details on the action necessary to define your credit. I would say it took me a few months writing and then verify the data.
� What are the outcomes readers can expect from Your Credit Defines Your Credibility? The book gives clear examples of what to do and not do when it comes to defining your credit credibility. Education is the key to any successful person or business, but people must be willing to learn. I wanted this information to be distinct and well-defined, paramotors on the actions necessary to understand credit.
� Many jobs, insurance companies, etc. are now conducting credit reviews before considering you as an employee or before quoting rates for insurance. How does this phenomenon correlate to your books premise that your credit defines your credibility?
Employers sometimes check credit to get insight into a potential hire, including signs of financial distress that might indicate risk of theft or fraud. They don’t actually get your credit score but instead see a modified version of your credit report.
An applicant’s credit history can flag potential problems an employer would want to avoid. For example Lots of late payments could indicate you’re not very organized and responsible or don’t live up to agreements. Using lots of available credit or having excessive debt are markers of financial distress, which may be viewed as increasing the likelihood of theft or fraud. Any evidence of mishandling your own finances could indicate a poor fit for a job that involves being responsible for company money or consumer information
The National Association of Professional Background Screeners worked with HR.com on a nationwide survey of 1,528 human resources professionals about screening checks. The results showed 25% of the HR professionals use credit or financial checks while hiring for some positions, while 6% check the credit of all applicants.
While having a credit check as part of your job application may feel like a tension-filled cherry on top of your stress-soaked sundae, it’s not all doom and gloom. The other bright side is that you aren’t helpless in this equation. If you’re planning on entering the job hunt, enroll in credit monitoring to ensure that no unexpected changes slip by and look over your credit report to make sure you have a handle on what’s being reported. Just like every other aspect of the application process, make sure you come in prepared, anticipate any possible problems before they happen and reap the rewards of your financial responsibility.
How can our readers connect with you to get your book or to work with you to improve their credit? Additional, information can be found on several websites. Your Credit Defines Your Creditability Zillow Twitter Briggs and Lay Pro Big Beautiful Women Facebook
Grillin' Burgers SLIDERS Working on a piece of parchment paper, pat 1 1/4 pounds ground beef chuck into a 6-by-8-inch rectangle. Cut into twelve 2inch squares; refrigerate at least 20 minutes. Season with 3/4 teaspoon kosher salt, and pepper to taste. Heat a large cast-iron skillet over medium-high heat; add 1 tablespoon butter and let melt. Cook the patties until a crust forms, about 2 minutes per side
STUFFED Pack 2 tablespoonfuls of shredded cheese into the middle of each ball. Shape the
WE HELP YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED IN LIFE.
meat around the cheese and gently form into 3/4-inch-thick patties. Chill at least 30 minutes. Preheat a grill to medium high and oil the grates. Season the patties with salt and pepper and grill 5 to 6 minutes per side.
THIN Season 1 pound ground beef chuck with salt and pepper; form into 4 balls and set on the pan. Cover the meat with parchment and flatten with another baking sheet. Chill 1 hour. Heat a cast-iron skillet over medium-high heat and brush with oil. Cook the patties until a crust forms, 2 to 3 minutes per side; continue cooking until browned, 1 more minute per side, topping with cheese during the last minute, if desired.
TWITTER USERS
30%
MORE LIKELY TO BE A DEMOCRAT QUOTED REFERENCES CAN ALSO BE HELPFUL.
FACEBOOK HAS GREATEST IMPACT ON PURCHASE BEHAVIOR AT
50%
TAKING OVER THE WORLD
WRITTEN BY ALFIE BURNS
ACCORDING TO WIKIPEDIA, A NEWS ARTICLE DISCUSSES CURRENT OR RECENT NEWS OF EITHER GENERAL INTEREST (I.E. DAILY NEWSPAPERS) OR OF A SPECIFIC TOPIC (I.E. POLITICAL OR TRADE NEWS MAGAZINES, CLUB NEWSLETTERS, OR TECHNOLOGY NEWS WEBSITES).
RLRF
5 Reasons to be grateful for struggle
Have you ever asked yourself why you always want more? You want to make yourself better, get that promotion, earn more money, win the lottery, a new car, a bigger house, another pet, to travel more frequently. It's natural to pine for new things and to aim your sights high. The problem with that, though, is that we often take our eye off the ball and instead of living in the present, we become obsessed with the future and how everything will be better there. You can't make everything better there without first putting in the work here. The struggles that we face now do serve a purpose and while it isn't something we enjoy or look forward to, we may be able to find reasons to be grateful for those struggles. Gratefulness is one of the key principles of happiness, so it makes sense that this can play such a major role in building a future. 1. It Could Be Worse This might not sound like a reason to be grateful for struggle, but... do you have the food you need to survive and a roof to live under? You have the basics down and while that isn't enough, for right now it is. Sometimes bringing yourself back to that thought is enough to remind you that you've already achieved so much in your life and the struggle you are faced with now is nothing that you haven't already successfully navigated. 2. You Can See Through People When you are struggling, you learn who your real friends are. While friends can be a great shoulder to lean on, sometimes fake friends sneak their way in and infiltrate your life and happiness. They are the first ones to run for the hills when things get tough. A real friend can sit by and listen to you cry about your struggle and ride through it with you. Those fake friends... they won't, but that's fine. You have an automatic cull removing those selfish people who aren't in your life for the right reasons. You'll always remember who was there for you in your greatest times of need. 3. You Rediscover Who You Really Are You might wonder how this could possibly be true, but it is. Think about the darkest days you have ever experienced and now realize that you are still here and you are still standing.
That is just how strong you are. Sometimes life can be brutal and when it repeatedly knocks you down it can be difficult to get back up. Think about it like this – without rain, you don't get any flowers. In keeping your head held high, you learn just how much you are capable of. 4. You Learn To Appreciate The Little Things This is something that we all struggle with and it might take quite a bit of work for you to get there. Take time to savor your morning cup of coffee, appreciate the effort to bring donuts into the office, appreciate how great your hair looks this morning, and spread love wherever you go. While you appreciate those little things, you can also start being that little thing in the lives of other people. Think about how you struggle and an act of kindness can change your day – now replicate that for others. 5. Struggle is Building You Up It might feel like your struggles are trying to tear you down, but really, they are building you back up. It's difficult to think of struggles as being a blessing, but the blessing comes from your response to those struggles. That you get back up to fight another day. What is the most difficult type of struggle to cope with? One that you have no control over. You learn to cope and when you know how to cope, you learn how to succeed.
Add heading
#METOO
#METOO
Kathi Frayler Nunez
I am a wife, mom, daughter, sister, grandmother and friend, but mostly, I love Jesus. I am a ladies small group leader as well as a coach to other leaders. I have taught a class for single moms for awhile at my church, The Met in Northwest Houston. I previously worked for an agency for almost 35 years in various capacities and roles. As a single mom, raising 2 children without receiving any child support from their father, I also had to supplement my salary so I worked two part-time jobs as well. My incident or incidents occurred at my primary place of employment. I now know I was sexually harassed and had to endure very degrading and humiliating behavior by the men around me. I did not speak up, because I needed the job and needed it very badly. As I look back I am ashamed that I was not strong enough to speak up for myself and allowed this poor behavior to continue. I thank God, for sheltering and protecting me. One co-worker in particular relentlessly pursued me. After giving in and going out with him for dinner, a week or so later he revealed that he was married! I thank God for protecting my heart and for convicting him. However, he still pursued me, sent me poems and told me that it was because he had a bad marriage. I finally, had to show my supervisor one of the letters I was sent. He in turn shared with this man’s supervisor to have him discontinue the pursuit or I would be forced to advise Human Resources. Of course, the male supervisors squashed the situation. I later found out that this incident was not handled according to Department Policy. Department Policy, was for each supervisor to present to Human Resources for disciplinary measures. This did not happen! Other incidents occurred as I worked on computer networks, where a majority of the equipment was located in Mechanical closets. I would be followed in there and expected to perform actions on the men who followed me. All I ever wanted to do was my job and to be recognized for a job well done. I pray women today, are NOT afraid of the repercussions of reporting incidents that degrade, humiliate and violate them and their values.
Francesca Sam-Sin-Rezaie January 19, 1989. I was 19 and a sophomore in
boyfriend was waiting. I was almost in the clear,
college. I was a young sophomore because I started
when I heard my name, “FRAN!” It was him. Yelling
college at 17, but I was independent, fearless and
for me to come back, demanding to know why I
didn’t care whether people liked me, my hair or my
was in such a hurry and what was more important
clothes. I didn’t blend in and I wasn’t a follower. My
than acknowledging him in a “proper, respectful”
personality was not much different than it is now-
way. This was typical behavior for him. I told him I
opinionated, stubborn and at times, a little defiant.
was late meeting my new boyfriend (“mistake”
number one), and that I really needed to go. His
It was drizzling, and I was rushing to get to my
response was: “Fuck him, he can wait!” I rolled my
lunch date with my boyfriend, who, in perfect nerd
eyes and started to walk away (“mistake” number
fashion, had formally asked me to be his girlfriend
two). The guys laughed and he grabbed my arm and
the previous day. I hurried past a group of guys
said: “You need to learn to be more respectful.” At
hanging out in the quad -the center of campus
5’5” and barely 110 pounds I was no match for him.
situated between four academic buildings- which
He was 5’11”, 240 pounds and built like a brick. He
included the campus bully, an intimidating football
picked me up, flung me over his shoulder and
player and member of a popular fraternity, four
started to walk toward his vehicle, which was
years older but only two years ahead of me,
illegally parked on campus almost daily. As I
academically. I often went out of my way to avoid
screamed for him to put me down, the guys
him. He was loud, obnoxious and never passed up
continued to laugh and eventually went their
an opportunity to humiliate someone. This day was
separate ways.
no different. As I passed him and his fraternity
He threw me into his truck from the driver’s side,
brothers, I did a generic, all-inclusive wave and
and by the time I made it across the passenger seat
tried to make it clear that I was on a mission.
to the other door, he was driving down the hill. I
Destination: Jones Hall, the cafeteria where my
demanded he stop the truck. He said I had two
23
We arrived at an off-campus trailer (I learned later that he lived with a police officer) and I refused to get out of the truck. He reminded me that it’s this same defiant attitude that created this situation in the first place. I ignore him, arms folded, staring straight ahead. He tells me that he needs to go inside to get a few things, promises to return me to campus and strongly suggests that I get out of the truck. I refuse. He walks around to the passenger side and pulls me out, picking me up and cradling me like a baby. He holds me over a large puddle of water, and again demands that I apologize for my “bad attitude.” I respond with, “Go fuck yourself! Put me down, NOW!” He complies and drops me. I’m covered in mud. He laughs and feeling defeated, I start to cry. For a brief moment, I see what appears to be compassion as he helps me up and says: “I’m sorry, I was just messing with you. I don’t want your boyfriend to kick my ass, so come on, and get up. I’ll give you some sweats to change into and I’ll take you back to campus.” I believed him (“mistake” number three). After all, he wasn’t a complete stranger, he was just the campus bully- a jerk, a prankster with a mean streak who targeted both, guys and girls. I stepped into the trailer and he handed me a pair options: apologize for being disrespectful or jump
of oversized university sweatpants, a matching
out of the moving vehicle. I chose neither, and
sweatshirt and said I could change in the
unleashed a profanity-laced tirade insisting that he
bathroom. I changed, grabbed my pile of wet
turn around and return me to campus
clothes and as I exited the bathroom, I was face to
IMMEDIATELY! My demands were ignored as he
face with him. I smiled uncomfortably and said “Ok,
drove farther away from campus, lecturing me on
I’m ready. Let’s go.” He said: “Say thank you.” I
how I could have made the situation so much
smirked and responded sarcastically: “Ooh kaay…
easier by being respectful and simply apologizing. I
thank you.” I’m pretty sure I rolled my eyes
was unamused, angry and defiant, growing more
(“mistake” number four). He pinned me against the
upset at the thought that my boyfriend was waiting
wall and tried to kiss me. I turned my head and
for me, assuming I had stood him up. It’s 1989 and
tried to slide past him. He grabbed me, forced me
there are no cell phones. I can’t text or call him. Or
onto the bed, aggressively pulled off my
anyone else.
sweatpants and brutality assaulted me. I screamed and begged 24
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him to stop, and he told me that I needed to stop playing hard to get and that it would feel better if I didn’t resist. I fought but lost. How I got back to the truck is unclear. I don’t recall the conversation on the ride back to campus and I don’t remember him escorting me to my dorm room, but there I was…and so was he. My roommate was frantic, worried about where I had been because my boyfriend had come by repeatedly looking for me. As I was about to explain, my rapist interjected and told her that I had been disrespectful and needed to be taught a lesson. I verbally lashed out at him, feeling a sense of safety in the presence of my roommate. I was wrong. He said: “There she goes again. She hasn’t learned anything.” He removed the belt he was wearing, grabbed me like a small child, put me over his knee and struck me on my legs several times. My roommate yelled at him to stop and he laughed, sat me up and as he left our room, pointed at me and said: “Behave yourself.” My boyfriend arrived later and asked what happened to me, why I was a no-show at lunch. I was embarrassed and traumatized, but I told myself that I could never let him know that I had allowed myself to be raped. There were visible marks on my legs from the belt so there was no getting around that. My roommate and I explained that the campus bully (unbeknownst to him, now also a rapist) was responsible. My boyfriend stormed out of the room and I later found out that he had driven to the trailer and confronted my rapist with a baseball bat. The following day I received a call: “Tell your boyfriend that the next time he decides to confront me, he better bring a gun, because I will shoot his ass.” In the months following, my rapist was confident that I hadn’t shared his crime with my boyfriend or anyone else. Not even my
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roommate. However, as a means of additional “insurance”, he initiated a friendship with my boyfriend, which began with an apology for the “spanking incident.” An apology to my boyfriend. We occasionally had superficial interactions with my rapist which finally ended when my rapist graduated and my boyfriend and I broke up. The following year, he graduated and was drafted by the NFL. I continued my education at the university and graduated in 1992. I told myself that their friendship would never last. After all, the threat (me) had been eliminated. A few years after I graduated, my ex-boyfriend and I reconnected as friends, on Facebook and LinkedIn. He had retired from professional football and was a successful radio and television broadcaster, published author and motivational speaker. In 1999, a college classmate shared that my exboyfriend and my rapist were business partners. I finally mustered up the courage to tell him what I had kept secret for 10 years. I felt that he deserved to know that he was doing business with a sexual predator. I told him my story and his response was shock and compassion. He was supportive and said that he wished I’d had the courage to tell him when it happened, and then glossed over his business partnership as a onetime investment rather than a long-term relationship. I was relieved. Over the years, I have relived the experience in my mind more times than I can count, but I redirected my focus and got married, had children, obtained my Master's degree and became a Director at a hospital in one of the largest healthcare systems Texas. In 2016, I called my ex-boyfriend to discuss my need to confront my rapist. He advised against it. It was
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then that I learned of their continued business and personal relationship, how a one-time business investment turned into a close friendship, mentioning that he helped him write his papers to complete his master's degree. Despite his glowing endorsement of my rapist who had become a family man, attended church and joined him on family vacations, he expressed concern for my well-being and safety. He reminded me of how well-connected and powerful my rapist was and that he had the ability and the means to “destroy” me. He had quite the resume: From campus bully and rapist to semi-professional football player to CEO to University Board of Trustees. Our university. We continued our discussion via text message as he encouraged me to “heal internally” and expressed concern for what my “allegation” could do to the rapist’s reputation, business and family. The conversation went from “I’m really sorry this happened to you and that it still impacts you” to “after weighing what I know about him today, the conclusion is that it is unprovable and unknowable.” With that, our contact and friendship ended. I was devastated. The one person who was my protector for two and a half years in college and a supportive friend in the years after was sounding like a misogynistic assclown. On November 13, 2017, after confiding in two of my close friends (a man and a woman) I decided to contact my rapist and prepared myself for it to go one of two ways: 1. He would respond, be accountable, accept responsibility, apologize and acknowledge that he was a bully in college who made awful decisions that he regretted and has spent the last 28 years becoming a better person, remorseful for any pain he may have caused. Or 2. He would ignore my message and pretend that it never happened.
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It was both: He responded and he pretended it never happened. I sent a message via LinkedIn and within seconds I received a reply. It was simple: “Hi Francesca. Thanks for reaching out! I’m open to talk.”, and he provided his cell phone number. I was hopeful as I’ve been told that I am an eternal optimist often giving the benefit of the doubt to people who are undeserving. I didn’t call right away. In fact, I drove around my neighborhood nervously and eventually parked in a church parking lot. I sat in my car for about an hour before I finally decided to call. I’d had 28 years to think about what I would say, except that I never imagined I would actually get a chance to say it to the person who raped and physically abused me. I finally called, and he answered on the first ring. He said: “Hello Fran. How are you?” My heart was racing. Suddenly, I was 19 again. I answered, “I’m okay.” And he said: “It doesn’t sound like you’re okay.” And I responded: “You’re right. I’m not.” I took a deep breath and explained how difficult it was for me to make this phone call. He asked why, as if he didn’t know the reason for my call. I said that what happened in 1989 had a profound impact on me and shaped the person I had become and that as the mother of daughters, I would never want them to go through what I experienced. He sat silently as if he was waiting for me to enlighten him on the details. I started to recall the moment I was walking through the quad and he interjected “Oh! You mean that time I was teasing you and dropped you in the water?” Suddenly he remembered the exact day. He remembered stopping me. He remembered giving me a hard time. He remembered throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me to his truck.
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He remembered dropping me in the mud and offering me a change of clothes. He even remembered using his belt to “spank” me and getting confronted by my then-boyfriend with a baseball bat. He also remembered apologizing (to my boyfriend), saying that he didn’t know I was his girlfriend as if to say that a single girl was fair game. What he didn’t remember was cornering me and sexually assaulting me. That part, he conveniently did not remember. His voice was calm and confident, almost compassionate, but mostly, arrogant. I was disappointed, but not surprised. He mentioned that he had heard my story before, from other people, asking him if it was true. He said that he had never touched me in a sexual way because he “could never do that to his boy”, so I reminded him that 1. He and my boyfriend were not friends at the time, and 2. His apology (excuse) to my boyfriend was that he had no idea I was his girlfriend. Then, the bully emerged. #1: Intimidation & Shaming. He said that during his recent conversations about me with former classmates, he recalled I was promiscuous, and that now, after hearing the story directly from me, he would need to consider going back to those people to get “documentation” of my promiscuity. So I told him that I would gladly provide him with a list of all my sexual partners because the simple fact was that I chose to sleep with those people. He, however, raped me. #2: Victim Blaming. “Why didn’t you ever come to me and talk to me about this back then?” I
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responded: “Quite honestly, I was 19 and you were extremely intimidating and I was absolutely terrified of you.” I purposely spoke in past tense. The truth is I did blame myself for providing him with information that ultimately motivated him that day: I made it clear that I was unavailable, spoken for, taken, and completely uninterested in him. #3: Invincibility. When I realized that the conversation was not going in the direction of an acknowledgment or an apology, I assured him that my intention was not to ruin his life, his family or his career. That I simply needed closure and an apology would do that for me. He laughed, apologized (for laughing), and said: “I can’t apologize for something I don’t remember, and I’m definitely not worried.” And finally, #4 Manipulation. At the end of our 19minute conversation, I said I appreciated him taking my call. And, that despite his claim of not remembering, I would never forget. He responded: “Hey Fran, I want you to know that if anyone ever mentions your name to me in the future, I will always tell them that you’re a good person and that I always considered you a friend.” Thank you for the endorsement. To me, you will always be a rapist. Texas Law: Aggravated Kidnapping under section 20.04(a)(4) if the defendant committed the offense “with the intent to violate or abuse the victim sexually"-from the day of the victim’s 18th birthday. My story isn’t over...