GABRIELA

I am from the East Coast where diversity abounds, but people all keep it real. I am from the tall building on Jewel street near the tire shop and barber shop that serve as hangout spots where

I see my friends from across the street and a quick walk to the salon near my childhood corner store

I am from the parks that let me relax under its trees and allowed me to lose myself in fantasy books and have mini picnics where squirrels threatened to take my food and peace I am from Mami and papi and Mama

From my inner child who gave me a course on city life and Dominican culture on the streets of Harlem in New York and showed me how a leader serves their community

And from No Me Hable en inglés (Don’t speak English to me)

From Warmth I'm from be a leader, be the head not the tail and from stop having your heads in the clouds

I'm from a lineage of deeply spiritual women with gifts to see more than the natural eye can see

I'm from North Jersey

Gabriela, since you asked. I’ll tell you why I’m so close to anxiety

Because of your mother wound

Because of your father wound

Because you worry you’ll do this too

Because you were taught to fear

Because you often feel you don’t belong here

Because you rarely ask for stuff

Because when you do, you ’ re told you ’ re asking for too much

Because you ’ ve had to swallow fear and instead act tough

Because you fear being out of touch

Because you ’ re afraid that if you breathe

You’ll find out you still can’t feel at ease

Dear mama,

I want to thank you for all the effort you ’ ve put into loving those under your care. For having at some point raised all of us. For modeling a form of love that made me feel, seen, loved, and understood. For feeding our bodies with savory foods and souls with affection. For making the journey to this country. For pushing us to keep our native tongue intact. For being the glue that has kept our family together at the most trying of times. For your modeling of strength and loving wholeheartedly. For always creating more space in your heart for anyone I would add to my life. For the confidence that I have that although you don’t always understand how I move, you will never reject me. For how you ’ ve never doubted or made me doubt my greatness. For how I’m only a call away from a compassionate response from an informal coach. How you praise the leader in me. Thank you for being my mirror. I am so much like you in both the bad and the good. From the strong desire to promote and protect my loved ones. The way I often lose myself in my community. The way I suppress my own desires and dreams to not tarnish the image of a giver. The fear of failing to love well, the one thing we feel we ’ re good at. The ways we do a lot in an attempt to earn love. The way we confuse being needed with being loved. The way we rage against the limitations of our body because of the imbalance of our spirit being too strong. The way we ’ re stubborn. The way we have the utmost belief in others in being successful and happy while feeling it’s a vision to only be gazed at for ourselves. The way we give amazing advice to others, but don’t take it for ourselves.

Many have asked much of us. And we ’ ve given everything. What I want for us in this stage of our journey is to dive deep into our healing. Forgiving those who couldn’t nurture us the way we ’ ve always longed for. Forgiving those who didn’t see our needs and always asked for more. Releasing how we wished things could have been and how they will never be. Releasing the overwhelming compulsion to cover everyone ’ s needs. Embracing the heart that desires for everyone to be covered. Embracing the opportunity to give the gift of being a giver to another. Making room for personal plans and practices of play. And in the midst of so much giving, allowing for room to take. The world is warmer, brighter, and less scary for many because of us. It's time to embrace our inner child and tell her she’s more than enough.

I am going to travel countries foreign to me and live in one for some time

I’m going to be successful in holding on to the vision of humanity seeing mirrors for embrace and expansion in one another

But to do that I have to take part in creating the life I know can exist. I’m going to make plans to see what I want to see

I’m going to develop a healthy relationship with my ego & inner child. Live in my lavender aura

I’m going to leave a legacy of hope, love, and inviting others to embrace the parts of themselves that are easy and the ones they look at in horror

THROUGH THE FIRE, MADE IT RAIN.

I am from Humboldt Park, from 13th, and the couch.

I’m from finding where I belong, listening to quick music and learning new things.

From block club parties, basketball games and silent praises and my 8 living room couches.

I am from the smell of spices, loss of ear drums and seeing people dance into the night.

I am from the tree

No one knows the complete make of the base, but it grows branches of new life long skills and lessons everyday.

I’m from Billy and Candy

From freedom of speech and Ass whooppings

And from challenges and praise

I’m from “it’s hard, but you can do it”

And “if you don’t want to, you don’t have to”

I’m from God and a sense of self

I’m from the west side

From chicken and Sweets with a capital S

From Gthang and Big B

I am from Growth

Pops, since you asked, I'll tell you why I’m Successful

Because you were rarely there

Because mom picked up your slack

Because I wanted to impress

Because I wanted to be celebrated

Because I wanted to be acknowledged

Because I failed– – Repeatedly

Because I picked myself up

Because my parents ignored those moments

Because you took credit for it, BUT DID NOT HELP

Because I was angry

Because I didn't want that for me

Because I became violent

Because I didn't want to be here

Because you stepped up

Because you worked for respect

Because I finished

Because I had support

Because I and you picked me

So was I hurt? Yes,

But Because you pushed me

Because I grew

I am successful.

Dear Suga,

You're five now. You're graduating from kindergarten, and you ’ ve made new friends. You’ve grown out of your love for Barney and now you ’ re a youtube baby that loves unicorns. Dang, who would've thought we’d be born 20 years apart. I have a little sister. I have a little sister? To be honest, I’m writing this to say sorry. Not just to you, but myself.

Growing up I gave Juicy, lil daddy, and nomo the world. Anything they could possibly ask me for because I am the oldest sister. Unfortunately, although I had a decent childhood, everything wasn’t peaches and cream. I played mom for a majority of my life. I babysat all your cousins from my age down. I did laundry for all our siblings, our mom and your dad. Spent over 6 hours washing on Saturday at a smelly laundry mat and thousands of hours babysitting and cleaning unless I left to my dad's house.

None of this is your fault, it never was. I didn't receive all the emotional support I needed, so although I poured into everyone, and expressed myself, unfortunately our OG couldn't change. When she said she was pregnant with you, I hated her immediately. I DID NOT want another sibling, I didn’t want you. A baby that isn't even here yet, that has done nothing to me, I didn’t want. I had just started college and never seen my mom take care of home on her own. Before me, it was our aunt Nick and j rock. The boys never had to do anything; she held them accountable for nothing, unless it was bad enough and I’d have to whoop them. I was scared for you, and I was scared for me. When you were born, you looked exactly like me tfse. I guess it's true the person that worries the mom the most while they’re pregnant, the baby takes their face. I watched you every day and stayed up all night with you on my college breaks. You became my baby, but I guess eventually I started to feel like a mom again and withdrew myself after you turned 2. Now I take you places here and there, but I never gave you a real chance to know me, besides when I bring gifts. Lol I feel like a deadbeat who only brings gifts and sees you from time to time.

I’m sorry Suga, I don’t hate you. I actually love you to the moon and back. You're the baby and I promise to step up as a sister. I love how you ' re full of character and energy. I love how our mom embraces that spirit in you. I noticed how much she has grown and changed to become a better mom and I’m grateful you get to witness that. Maybe me stepping away was the push she needed to step up.

I received an apology from my OG, but I chose to apologize to myself too. I forgive her, I forgive me and hopefully our bond can grow from the past. So while I’m not willing to play mom anymore, I am damn sure a great sister to my siblings and now I will open up more to you.

I love you Suga!

Please forgive me as we make more memories moving forward.

I love you big baby girl, my baby sister.

I am going to travel and live comfortably. Continue to keep my word, but to myself as well this time. I'm going to see clear blue seas from the sand full of tree made homes and fruit platters. I'm going to see nature be nature. Where the trees blow and the water is still in Thailand Into the Sand storms and pyramids in Greece.

I'm going to have more life experiences and continue to grow. But to do that, I have to keep my word to me. I have to save and I have to struggle!

As bad as that may sound, I'm going to struggle. but I’m also going to grow I'm going to be happy and bring hope I'm going to live comfortably and travel the world. And after I'm gone, I'm going to leave a trail of tears and never ending hope.

I'm going to be happy more than the never ending feeling of sadness and struggle.

I am going to end my struggle!

And after I'm gone I hope everyone has faith and courage to end theirs too.

John Since you asked, I'll tell you why your so full

Because you try

Because you fail

Because you listen more than you play

Because you found love in vinyl

Because you focused on finding fulfillment

Because you slept on the floor in the cold

Because you slept in the kitchen

Because you used cardboard as walls

Because God loves you

Because you love God

Because you know learning is continuous

Because flows come and leave

And you accept it

You don’t know what you don't know. Find your source and stay connected. The lazy pool takes powerful machinery. The world turns, time passes, life happens. It can be chaotic, painful, joyous or just can be. Losing John wasn't my first taste of unfairness, it was the first one I comprehended. It was my first taste of learning who I was innately and what really raised me. The paranoia, the feeling of being unprepared, the suddenness of murder. Standing in front of where you took your last breath everyday with no choice we didn’t even know empathy existed at the time. This is life keep pushing. I worked every weekend in the studio and grew a brother in C4. During that time we rarely spoke about that day. Wasn’t much to be said but plenty to be felt. That basement was where we were people, whole beings that were full and able to release. Thank you creator for making me one. I don't take it for granted. Thank you for grace, it has saved me many times. Thank you for acceptance and teaching me the foundation of that lesson in a tough way. Thank you for the music and it’s love I feel from it. Never felt anything like it and I don't want to. Thank you for the students for holding me accountable. Making me show up as myself everyday. Thank you for never leaving. Thank you for life and everything it comes with.

I am going to show people new and different things. Leave the door that shows my love open.

Hoping others would do the same.

I am going to have my house exactly the way I want it.

And use my home a a space for max efficiency

I am going to rest in more ways than one there So I can align with my purpose fully.

I am going to go to Senegal to see if I feel connected To create more trust with self

I am going to play the game like the spurs with good pace

I am going to keep the pocket maintaining tempo

TAKE A DEEP

BREATH AND LIVE.

I am from Pilsen, underneath the train tracks that kept my parents awake at night

From a place with a beautiful and unique culture and a place I can no longer call home

I am from three stories above between a maze of stairs and the floor below, in a building with family on each floor

I am from the playground down the street where screaming kids would kick a bottle around when we had no ball

I’m from mi ma y my pa

From the weekend trips to “La Garra”, buying cheese underneath the colossal plastic cow

And from humble beginnings

I’m from dreams for a better future

From “te quiero mucho mijo”

From a promise to be kept

My friend, since you asked, I’ll tell you why I try my best to stay calm

Because I didn’t like the person I was

Because I didn’t like worrying about every single trivial thing treating it like the end of the world

Because I didn’t like having a panic attack on the bus, feeling everything engulf me

Because sometimes “It is what it is” is the best advice

Because things can’t be changed and that’s okay

Because it’s okay to make mistakes

Because it is okay to learn

Almost 10 years, a decade of knowing each other.

Always mentioning how we should be able to know each other a little more. A mysterious figure, a closed book, an enigma. Just some of the labels thrown my way.

I can’t quite tell you when I started keeping everything to myself or why. It was probably a myriad of factors starting when I was younger.

Maybe it was when I kept quiet in order to avoid the mockery of when my face would turn beet red.

The fewer eyes on you, the fewer chances of being asked a question you weren’t quite prepared for.

The fewer eyes on you, the fewer chances of being asked to do a task you weren’t ready for.

The fewer eyes on you, the fewer chances of being caught off guard. The fewer eyes on you, the fewer chances of an anxiety inducing moment happening.

Maybe it was when I kept quiet in order to avoid people’s displeasure. I did what I was told in order to not make a situation worse. I kept all to myself in order to not be a burden. I kept quiet in order to not annoy people with my presence.

It seems that it all stems from trying to be invisible. I’ve been doing this song and dance for many years.

I know, a bad habit, but I’m trying to learn new steps in this year long dance. So please be patient and we can get to know each other more.

I am going to be better

Better for the people looking up to me

Better for the people who see the potential in me

Better for the bright-eyed child that I once was

I want to be able to tell stories with no limitations

I want to tell big stories about the hero's journey

Or small stories from the people that we see every day

I am going to start dreaming again

No longer feel trapped in a perpetual nightmare

No longer feel fear at taking a step into the unknown

But if that fear persists, it doesn’t hurt to ask for companionship

I am going look at the stars and see the endless possibilities

And once I reach the sky, I will extend my hand and bring others with me

I am going to start living

Now let’s start by learning how to parallel park

Kreation Rules

EVERYTHING AROUND ME, INDEFINITELY.

Kembrya

Where I’m From?

I am from the embryonic fluid of hope. An album titled “Embrya”, turned Kembrya. From two that become one, the moon and the sun. I am from west walnut st. and broken glass, turned America’s First Class. Knowing where I come from, so I’m not better than my past. Just the birth that it had. Got the dedication and devotion to match, the necessity for a lotus to hatch. A whole soul to dispatch.

I am from tha muddy waters and sand. Down under, where you hear “fish are our friends”.

I’m from Outwest Lashawn and Koolin KO. The neighborhood auntie “the Oracle” and the rasta man with the guitar rhythms that flow. The ones who brought this baby into the world to glo. From learning how to psychoanalyze as a child, something I had learned to despise. To realizing it as one of my greatest gifts, to be wise

I came from “this baby been here before”

And yell code red when you see OG, before she even hit the door. From wearing the fubus and not the k swiss

To remembering when the k swiss was a hit The jabo jeans and the timbs. Ancient artifacts

I come from the south every summer, fall, and winter

Picking corn and sorting beans

A human gardening machine

I come from love, love of self, my family, and kommunity

From the 10 commandments and one day the trumpets will sound

I come from let’s go to the corner store, meat and cheese on the chips please

From let me get the apple lipgloss

From me and cousins sharing everything from money to dreams

I come from Chicaglo, where my purpose gone blow

I’ve grown and gone with the motions like the leaves on a willow

I know where I come from and my history means something.

-Kembrya O’Neal

A letter to Tha Most High. Thank You.

Pray you keep my mother straight.

Pray you keep my brothers brave.

Promise I will say your grace.

Pray you keep my Daddy whole.

Release every story my granny left untold. Keep me in your loving arms. Forever, you ’ re in between my palms. I pray you keep my sister's soft. With smiles that reign and mouths that talk.

Auntie’s and Uncle’s. I love you so, I pray through all the years you grow. Afterall, you ’ ve taught me things I’d never known. I’ve prayed for cousins far and wide. We came into this world alive, you came to shake and make a change. Make sure this world will never be the same.

Nieces and Nephews you are my world, you changed me from that little girl. I’m a woman now and we ’ ve got playdates to catch. Every time you see me, my purse you snatch. You know I’m always coming with the snacks. By the end of this I’ve probably spent like several stacks. But I won’t ever ask for any of it back. I pray that your life is always full. From long car rides and food after school, keep your drive and the world is yours.

My friends, for you I pray for truth, expanded views. Homies since before “they loving the crew ” . The ones that’s new, I love you too. I promise no appreciation, overdue. Through trials and tribulations, I’m proud of you.

My foes, you get a prayer too. I pray that light will shine on you. They say hurt people, hurt people too, I’d never wish for that to be you.

To the world, to the street lights, to the mountains, to the valleys. I pray. I pray. I pray. Though I may look up at the stars and understand their monologue. I know I’ll never feel alarmed, to know my destiny’s been marked. Marked by the heart of heart’s.

Every man has a friend, this ONE must overstand. 10 toes I stand, 10 fingers on hand.A culmination of balance.

A name so sacred, there are many. You’re out of this world, not controlled by the pennies.

Though some may choose to be offended, the love you give is felt by so many. Tha love you give is in infinities.

Dedicated to Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and all the little stars.

Air.

I am going East toward truth

The first place I turn to in the morning

To call out a name beyond me

To call on those who come before me

Finding purity through all fury

Fire.

I am going South toward passion and kreativity

The expansion of inner-g to generate freely

All this light inside of me, burnt into infinities

I’ll be the one anomaly to make it out this, see (sea)…

Water.

I am going West toward abundance

Where the sun conducts its final dance, before he lets the moon in

Leading to inner reflection and direction to understand my emotions

Kreating remedies and potions for when I’m going through all of these … motions

Knowing true strength and abundance comes from within

As soon as I find grounding

Earth.

I am going North toward my kommunity and family

To school degrees and monetary security

Knowing I’m gon ’ be with the palm trees

All across them 7 seas…

I’ll wonder, wonder about the world.

How they built them pyramids and decipher all the hieroglyphs

Or The temple of Artemis

Learning what a Mausoleum is at Halicarnassus.

What about the Hanging Garden of Babylon?

Or The Myth Colossus of Rhodes we ’ re on.

I’ll see the Lighthouse of Alexandria.

And wonder what they made her for.

And the Statue of Zeus of Olympia.

I heard he made some demigods.

Realizing I am the Goddess of direction and imperfection.

Through the world I’ll learn many lessons

Learning to stomach my many reflections

And digest all that I was blessed with.

No matter where I’m going.

HOLD TIGHT YOU ARE ALMOST THERE.

Jass, since you asked, I’ll tell you why I’m so hurt

Because you left without saying goodbye

Because we didn't have enough time together

Because you was so young and full of life

Because you showed me what a real friend looked like

Because when I had noone I had you

Because King needs you

Because it wasn't your fault

Because I’ll never get to see you again

Because I never thought I’d lose a friend

Because you wasn't ready

Because you was finally having your baby girl

Because life is unfair