Copyright © 2017 Courtney E. Mayfield All rights reserved under the international copyright law. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the express, written permission of the author or the publisher. The exception is reviewers, who may quote brief passages in a review. Christian Living Books, Inc. P. O. Box 7584 Largo, MD 20792 christianlivingbooks.com ISBN Paperback 9781562293208 ISBN eBook 9781562293437 Unless otherwise marked, all Scripture quotations are taken from the King James Version of the Bible. Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (GNT) are taken from the Good News Translation in Today’s English VersionSecond Edition Copyright © 1992 by American Bible Society. Used by Permission. Scripture quotations marked (MSG) are taken from THE MESSAGE. Copyright © by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Scripture quotations marked (NASB) are taken from the New American Standard Bible® Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Scripture quotations marked (NET) are taken from the NET Bible® Copyright ©1996-2016 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2007, 2013, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America
Introduction
M
y name is Courtney Mayfield, and I’m from Houston, Texas. I am a 26-year-old Evangelist and a soldier in the United States Army. And, I am on fire for God. It has always been my desire to give back to the Lord by helping young girls and women find their purpose and identity through Christ. God has placed all of us here on this green earth. However, a lot of us, including me didn’t have a clue why. I wasn’t always on fire for God. Like many others, I fell off the narrow path between the time I first gave my life to Christ and where I am now. My insecurities got the best of me. As I got older, men came in and out of my life. One of those men was my father. I had no idea how to deal with my situation. My initial reaction was to push people away, but it didn’t make me feel any better. As you can imagine, things just got worse. On October 18th, 2010, I joined the military against my mom’s wishes. At first, she didn’t want me to enlist, so she told me to ask God and make sure this was what He wanted me to do. Although I was adamant about my decision to go, I still asked God as she suggested. I felt He was leading me in that direction. I went to basic training at Ft. Jackson, South Carolina and Advanced Individual Training at Ft. Lee, Virginia. After I had graduated, I went to my first duty station in Ft. Lewis Washington. But as 7
The Roller Coaster to Freedom
soon as I got there, I started hanging around with the wrong people and started going out to clubs every weekend – not missing one club night. It was a new experience for me, and I was elated to be free from my mother and all of her rules. I thought I was cute and no one could tell me otherwise. It was freedom at last – from my mother at least; Uncle Sam doesn’t play (LOL). The clothes I wore were getting shorter and more revealing. Needless to say, the men I attracted did not want me for my mind alone. I thought that if I dressed a certain way and hung out with certain people that it would make me cool and popular. But I ended up losing myself in the process. A few months passed, and I was deployed to my first overseas mission. There, I met a man who I thought really cared about me. But once I gave him the sex he wanted, he was gone. I felt so stupid, hurt, and betrayed that I didn’t want to talk to men at all. After that, I considered having relationships with women but knew in my heart, I would never take it there, or so I thought. To make a long story short, once I got back from Afghanistan, I met a girl from New York who had the biggest crush on me. Believe it or not, the feelings were mutual, but it didn’t work out in the end. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. Something on the inside was nudging me to go back to church, and I did just that. I had heard about a church in Tacoma when I first got to Ft. Lewis, but I never attended. I finally decided to visit the church. After the first service, I went on a regular basis. I was accustomed to church back home, so I felt I was in the right place at the right time. Still, something was missing, but I didn’t know what. My time in Washington was winding down, and my next move was to Germany. I enlisted for another three years. Why? I don’t know. Finding a church in Germany was difficult. There was a church on the base, but the truth is, I didn’t like it. My sponsor, Natasha Smith, suggested that I go with her to a church down the road. It was OK for a couple of Sundays, but something just didn’t 8
Introduction
feel right. I stopped going. A few months later, I met Darrel. He told me that one of the NCOs (Non-Commisioned Officers) he worked with was a pastor who had invited him to visit his church. I suggested we should check it out. I was excited because I was looking for a church to attend. Plus, it was an opportunity to stop my mom from bugging me about finding a church and making sure I was tithing on a regular basis. So my friend and I started going to the church called God’s Holy Temple of Fire II. There, I met the most amazing group of people ever! From that day on, I went to church faithfully and never missed a Sunday. There was something special about that church; I didn’t know what, but I could feel it. The people were genuine, and the pastors taught directly from the Word of God. The first day I attended, a lady by the name of Evangelist Page – at the time – came up to me and said, “You are here for a reason; you are searching for something.” In my mind, I was like, “How does she know this?” I just laughed in her face. Afterward, I felt I had been rude to a woman of God. Nevertheless, that day, I went home feeling refreshed and decided I would keep going. The more I went, the more I found myself getting closer to God. I learned a lot from the messages they preached. But something was still missing. I attended a women’s conference at which Evangelist Page spoke a word from God. That night changed it all. Unbelievably, she revealed exactly what was going on in my life. She told me what had happened in the past, what was going on in the present and what was to come in the future. As I listened, I felt within me that she was just a good guesser; I didn’t even stop to think that she was a prophet. There I was, at one of the lowest points in my life, and she was telling me everything that God wanted me to do at that moment in time. After that, every Sunday, God would give her the words to speak to everyone in the church. It was an amazing experience for me because I always believed in God, but I had never seen Him 9
The Roller Coaster to Freedom
move like that before. Her revelations were bringing soldiers to tears. People would shout, experience the Holy Ghost, and dance around the church. I always thought that it was just a show. “Come on now. Ain’t no way you feeling the Holy Ghost like that all the time. Sit down somewhere!” But the wheels were turning in my head. I wanted to know more about God and how I could get the same feelings they were getting. I would ask questions and stay late after church, which was unusual. I was not the type of person who stayed late. I was always ready to go right after the service was over. On the other hand, my mom would stop to talk to everybody before we could leave to go home. Usually, after church, all I wanted to do was go and eat. But this time, I didn’t mind. I wanted what other people had. I wanted that happiness, that peace, and that joy. In my heart, I knew it only came from God. The more I sought God for myself, the more He started to show me more of Him. I read my Bible more, fasted, and listened to His voice for myself. I had a habit of second guessing God, but now, I truly understand. It is not an act or a show as I thought; people do experience the presence of the Holy Ghost. It is something that you cannot control or contain. You don’t care who is around. All you care about is giving God all the praise, and worship – mascara running and all. You don’t care! When God heals, He delivers you from whatever has you bound. He gives you peace, joy, and rest in Him as you just learn to trust and completely surrender your life to Him. Of course, it’s not easy. Relinquishing the control you have always had is scary. You think about what you might miss out on or what you could lose. But the truth is, you will not lose anything. Rather, you will gain everything God has for you! As you surrender and give Him a complete “Yes,” your desire for Him will increase; you will want to depend on Him more. He just wants you to try Him out. Taste and see that the Lord is good. (Psalm 34:8) 10
Introduction
Finally, I discovered what I was missing; it was a relationship with God. Going to church every Sunday or Wednesday to occupy a seat could not fill the void in my life; I needed to walk with God every day. From that moment on and as my relationship with God grew stronger, I wanted to serve Him by helping women, but I just didn’t know how. So, I prayed and prayed. I sought counsel and then one night, as I was talking to Evangelist Suber in her kitchen, the Holy Spirit gave me the idea to put His thoughts into action. I was in the right place at the right time. After fervently praying and asking God to show me something that I could do for Him – something that I could put my focus on and be committed to – He spoke to me through Evangelist Suber that night. At that time, I was facing many challenges, but God was revealing truths about myself that I had never recognized before. I could hear Him saying, “Turn your negatives into positives. There are young women all over the world who are dealing with the same issues you were facing. Why not write a book and share your testimony with someone who is in need?” God is real. Jesus is real. I witnessed Him for myself. I pray that as you read this book, your heart and mind will open, and you will receive a revelation of who you are in Christ. I pray that you encounter God like never before and truly understand what real love is. In Jesus’ name. Amen. It’s time to wake up!
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1
Why in the world am I here?
H
ave you ever wondered what your purpose is on the earth? If not, think about it for a second. You were born into this world, and it feels like all you do is wake up early, go to school, hang out with your friends in the hallway only to get out of school to do your homework. You relive it all the next day, if you’re an adult, you go to work from 9-5 every day to listen to your crazy old boss coming at you sideways – again. You’re thinking in your head that he’s got you messed up. You can’t wait to quit so you can tell him how you really feel about the job. He has you working all types of hours just to pay your bills, and you’ve got nothing to carry you until the next payday. Perhaps, you wish you could rob a bank like Jada Pinkett and the crew in Set It Off, but you know you would never do it. You settle down, finally, get married, and in all the excitement, you find out that you’re pregnant. As you start to show, you take lots of bathroom selfies of your baby bump. At last, your bundle of joy arrives, and your friends and family show up at the hospital to congratulate you on your new addition. Once everybody leaves, you bring your bundle of love home. The fun part is over! It’s time to take care of your child until he or she is 18 years old. Kids are a blessing and a joy to be around, but 13
The Roller Coaster to Freedom
you still think to yourself, “There has to be more to life than this.” You’re right! I didn’t realize that there was more until I completely surrendered my life to Christ. When I gave Him everything, I started to see the world from a different perspective. It was like the song, “Amazing Grace,” which says “I once was lost, but now I’m found. I was blind, but now I see.” God gave me 20-20 vision; now, I see things the way He sees them. His love is like a catalyst, drawing you in with His alluring presence. It makes you want to go after Him and seek Him more. It’s like that feeling you get when you’re in love with someone. You feel so special. You walk around with the biggest smile on your face, and nobody can tell you anything. Your joy comes from them, and your happiness is wrapped up inside of them. You wonder how this great God loves you so much. It makes me think of that song, “How Good It Feels to be Loved by You.” That’s God’s love when you encounter it for yourself. You feel so enamored with Him; you want to be obedient. When you are in love with someone, you want to do whatever it takes to make them happy and keep it that way. As I came to know of this love, I started to read His Word for myself and tried to get an understanding of it. If I didn’t understand what I read, I would ask my mom, my brother or my pastor for help. At times, my grandpa and my brother would give me an amazing scripture verse to use. They said if I wanted to understand God, I should read the books of Romans, Acts, and John. However, reading those books didn’t answer the pressing questions I had about my purpose on this earth. One day, I was praying. I asked God to search me and purge my heart of anything that was not like Him. He will do it, but you must ask in faith and believe with your whole heart. Be careful about what you ask because you just might get it and more. God will give you the revelation you need. He shows you your insecurities and your selfishness. He will also expose the pent up 14
Why in the world am I here?
bitterness you have for the men who broke your heart. In the process, He will also reveal your self-hatred because sometimes, we can be our worst critics. God plays your life back like a videotape. He rewinds the tape and hits the play button at the ugliest times of your life. He shows you how mean you were to your parents or how nasty you were to the person at the drive-thru who messed up your order. As I cried out and prayed to God a couple of days later, I explained to my mom what was going on with me. She suggested a daily devotional book to read. For some reason, I could not open it. I was frustrated, but my mom said it was the enemy keeping me from my breakthrough. Whoa, was she right! Mom told me not to worry. Her plan was to get a screenshot of the devotion every day and go through it with me. Once I started, I couldn’t put it down. I was so excited to read it, and I looked forward to it every day. As I read, I fully understood the content. Instantly, chains broke in my life. I was free! Every day, I would cry as I read a devotion because it was what I needed and asked for at that time in my life. It amazed me that God heard my cry for help, and He used my mom to do so. In the process, He created a bond between my mother and me that we didn’t have before. It is a fantastic feeling to be free! I finally understood what it meant to have the joy of the Lord. It is something that no one can take away. It makes you want to trust God more, instead of depending on yourself. Half way through the 7-day devotional, Crazy Love by Francis Chan, I had difficulty updating the Bible app which contained the devotional. So I hurried to get the the situation resolved so that I could have more devotions to read. I was so hungry for God. I started studying and researching for myself. My research led me to a three-day devotional called, Find Purpose in Your Work, which led me to my purpose in life. The reading for Day One was about God’s purpose for Himself. It talks about how God’s 15
The Roller Coaster to Freedom
plan focuses on relationships. We discover His plan for us when we have a relationship with Him. In a long-term relationship, you find out what your partner likes and dislikes. A relationship with God teaches His plans for His children. They are to bring hope and future, to bring all things together for our good. He wants us to prosper and to live, not die (Jeremiah 29:11). Those who serve and worship Him daily will get the desires of their hearts. How do we serve Him daily? We do so by giving Him praise, worshiping Him, obeying His commands, loving one another, blessing others, and always doing what is right. Additionally, we can use the gifts and talents He has already given us. Everything comes from the Lord. Therefore, it makes sense to reciprocate the blessing by paying our tithes and offerings with the money He gave us in the first place. God created everything good (1 Timothy 4:4). You did not appear out of thin air; you were created by God. A glass did not simply appear; someone had to create it. The glass maker gave the glass a purpose. It is to be used and filled. Similarly, we were created to be used and filled with the Holy Spirit. How dare we turn our backs on God? It’s a huge slap in the face. How foolish can you be? He is the potter, and he is certainly greater than you the clay! Should the created thing say of the one who made it ‘He didn’t make me’? Does a jar ever say, ‘The potter who made me is stupid’? (Isaiah 29:16 NLT) Now that would be stupid, wouldn’t it? It is crazy because many of us do the same thing out of ignorance while others do it knowingly without a care in the world. God created us to magnify Him on this earth, to spread the good news. We were not made for ourselves but for a greater cause – one bigger than ourselves. Start asking God to reveal your purpose. Ask Him to show you your gifts, passions, and hidden 16
Why in the world am I here?
talents. Whatever you have a passion for use it for God’s glory and to further His kingdom. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13 NIV) Start off with prayer. Ask for consistency and then do what you plan. God wants you to step out in faith. Once you leave your comfort zone, you will discover that you have what it takes to succeed. Ask God to make His voice loud and clear to you. But first, you have to believe with your whole heart that He will do it. When the revelation comes, by faith be obedient to Him. God is not going to let you fall; He has you in the palm of His hands. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Put your faith into action. You can believe you have faith all you want, but if you do not set it in motion, you have nothing. Your life will continue to be a vicious cycle. You will wonder why you are not going anywhere. Mary Mary said it best in their song, “Go get it; Go get your blessing.” Belief is not enough. It must be followed by action. To get a job, you need faith, but you must also fill out an application. Why not save for the new purse or pair of shoes you want? You can’t get something out of nothing. God is not just going to place your blessings in your lap. There are some things you have to work for. Perhaps, you’ve already asked God to show you His purpose for your life. The next step is to ask Him how He is already moving in your life. God is already working on our behalf. He makes all things work together for our good. However, He can only show you when you ask Him. He is the only one who can open the eyes of your heart. Follow His plan for your life, not your own. God has ways of showing you who He is by putting things in your way to block your plan from succeeding. God knows what’s best for you. He will not let anything get in the way of your blessings, not even you. So when you see one door closed, 17
The Roller Coaster to Freedom
pray and ask the Lord for clarity. Listen to His voice. Find out the areas where God has strengthened you, and the ones that need more fortification. Don’t be afraid if you don’t hear Him right away. Sometimes, you have to be patient and wait on Him to see what He is trying to get you to see. Another way to hear His voice is by fasting. Sometimes, you need to shut out the distractions around you like Facebook or Instagram. Whenever you feel the urge to log on, that’s when you need to start praying. You can also fast by abstaining from watching television, eating junk food or certain meats. Fasting from whatever is on your heart or what gets your attention the most would be ideal. Find a quiet place where you can be alone with God; open up your Bible and let Him do all the talking. You have a purpose. Find it in the everyday things you do. See how you can use what you know to help someone else in need. If you are a great encourager, go out of your way to encourage someone who is feeling down-spirited. If you like writing, write a book full of inspirational poems. Whatever you do best, use it and do it for the glory of God. When we serve others, we are serving Him. That is His first commandment; we should love one another (John 13:34-35). Finally, ask the Holy Spirit for the wisdom to understand His will. God’s plans, thoughts, and ways are bigger than our own (Isaiah 55:9). Don’t be afraid to ask Him; don’t wait a second longer. You are here for a reason. You were created for a purpose bigger than yourself. Don’t forget it. God is placing big ideas in your head. All He wants is for you to have the courage to put your faith into action. I encourage you to use the YouVersion Bible App on your smartphones. With this app, you take the Bible with you wherever you go. It speaks to you right where you are, in whatever situation you are facing. It is fast, easy, and convenient, and you can use it for future reference. For example, when I’m at work, on my lunch break or even standing in a long line at the shopping mall, I open it. It’s also ideal when you are 18
Why in the world am I here?
overseas and can’t find a suitable church to attend. I’m currently stationed in Germany, and I use the app to fuel my spirit until I get back to America. The military church on the post wasn’t enough for me. Find out what works best for you, but continue to always stay in the Word! You never know who God will use or what He will use to draw you to Him. It’s time to wake up!
Quick Prayer Lord, open the eyes of my heart. Let me see who I am through Your eyes. Help me to find my purpose in life so that I can use it for Your glory. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
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