Expanded family magazine 5

EXPANDED FAMILY

Magazine

Spring/ Summer2014

OVER 30

MYTH BUSTERS

INSIDE!

“HAPPILY EVER AFTER“ A 3 Step Guide: Talking to your Children about Money

Life after Tragedy: Finding Your Way Back .

How do you get hit by a frieght train and live?

TODAYS TURNED-ON WOMAN JENNY G PERRY WHO IS SHE?

Conscious Uncoupling: The New Trend

Why are people offended by it?

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tim@zenhaling.com EXPANDED FAMILY MAGAZINE http://www.zenhaling.com

IN THIS ISSUE Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. The Rosalind Russell Story.

By: Donna LeClair (PAGE 4-5) The Myths of Self Love

by Theresa French (PAGE 6-7) Counterfeit Affection

by Jenny G Perry (PAGE 8-9) Cuddle Party By: Edie Weinstein (PAGE 10-11) RELATIONSHIP BUSTERS (PAGE 13) “The Frog and the Porcupine”

by Tony Vear (PAGE 14-15) Sexual Energy Polarity: The Secret to Lasting Excitement and True Intimacy

by Joe White (PAGE 16-17) “Relationship Misconceptions” By: Rusty Stewart Ph.D (PAGE 18-19) “The Unexpected Face of Domestic Violence” By: Rev Edie Weinstein (PAGE 21-23) “Turned On Woman’s Manifesto” (PAGE 24-27) Conscious Uncoupling: The New Trend (PAGE 28-29) “Is There Really Such A Thing As a One-Size-Fits All Healthy Eating Lifestyle?

By: James Rizzo (PAGE 30-31) Life After Tragedy: Finding Your Way Back

by John Kennedy (PAGE 32-33)

Publisher: Christina Marie

5 Fitness Myth Busters By: Annette Padilla (PAGE 34-35) Truth About Yoga By: Maureen Finney (PAGE 36-37) Happily Ever After

by Kay Lesh Ph.D. (PAGE 38-39) “Busting Teenage Myths” By: Claudette Chenevert (PAGE 40-41)

Editor: Edie Weinstein

“Busting The Wicked Stepmom Myth” By: Cameron Trotter (41) BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS (PAGE 42)

Graphic Designer: Jackie OB

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Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness: The Rosalind Russell Story By: Donna LeClair

From her motorcycle, Rosalind Russell whips through the streets in Nepal – one wild incredible journey. The founding president of the grass root foundation R Star Foundation, Rosalind sees the day as an opportunity to recreate avenues of reality and believes, “When there is a woman with a will, there is a way!”

Rosalind spent her early years toddling with crutches as a result of a crippling childhood disease, but comfortably in her living room, she declares,” I never used my crutches as a crutch. I never fought with reality - I just did it.” After being homeschooled, she attended seminary and received a Masters in Interfaith.

It was not until twenty-five years ago, after her privileged marriage of many years folded, that she dared to run shotgun with visions hazy in transparency.

In 1988 while visiting India, she fortuitously ricocheted over to Kathmandu and ended up being adopted by a Nepali boy named Rabin (pronounced Robin).

In 1991, she started R Star Foundation, a pro bono prison ministry for local and national inmates and their families.

Thanks to years of interactions with inmates, upon their release, they beat the national statistic and never return.

However, she later discovered, fearful beings turn holograms of minds into prisons that sometimes life and error discover in the farthest of places.

In 1993, she refinanced her home and headed to the Kavre district of northern Nepal, where she found herself immersed in the reality of her visions.

The crossroads of Nepal are plagued by quicksand of poverty, human trafficking and terrorism. Rosalind infringed upon a 5,000 year old tradition and challenged

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the villagers’ crippled minds, cautious boundaries and archaic beliefs for she feared not change, but the hindering thereof. In a country where the illiteracy rate is 49%, she succeeded, in collaboration with Nepali Rotary Club of Paton, in empowering women through literacy programs, expanding their vision beyond the spectrum of their current lens and the holograms of their own fearful minds. She became the pulse behind their striving, elevating lives in an impoverished, war-torn area.

Rosalind micro-finances groups of women with a cap of 15% for each loan.

The dues thereafter remain within the group with a small stipend allocated to the treasurer who maintains the ‘bank’ for the women. After a three year period, the remaining dues are used to pay for books, pens and much sought after tooth care, Her path became crystalline in clarity, and the climb worthy of the obstacles hindered by that which once was and that which shall never be again.

now privileged with education without the perils of being attacked by tigers, vipers, weather or two legged predators.

In 2008, she built and opened TOW-Nepal (Top of the World-Nepal). In addition to traditional Nepali studies, the school teaches peace for 20 minutes a day with programs created by Rosalind and expanded by an intern from SOKA University. Student created peace flags are sent to Nepal by American students who learn of their work by Rosalind’s presentations; in return, their TOW-N students create peace flags and Rosalind bestows them upon American students.

The villagers and other government schools are now joining in their peace efforts. Daily for ten minutes, students teach and show peace in government schools, which adds to their reach to peace in a long-standing warring area.

With Rosalind’s presence and influence, the villagers have watched the ceasing of trafficking and terrorism as they were lifted from their 5,000 years of poverty.

Why she thought of gifting Nepali villagers with goats she still has yet to figure out, but thanks to donations from Laguna Beach locals and the collaboration of the Nepali government, she offered 200 goats (fifty female goats and one male breeder) to groups of twenty-five Nepali women, with the stipulation that they ‘Pay it Forward ‘within a two year period gifting women in another village with two pregnant goats equal to what they had been given or better. The act was the grass root of R Star Foundation subsidiary “Women Helping Women & Children …therefore the World,” and warranted Rosalind the honor of being christened the Goat Lady.

Rosalind did not just shepherd goats, she shepherded the women and children of Nepal into pastures green beyond the spectrum of their lens. She shepherded freedom – the vision of a future where peace need not be taught, but freely flow through the land the goats now roam. In a country where she speaks not the language, women and children have learned to identity power. Her villages have grown to 33, with over 14,000 goats provided by her program. Because of her vision, there are 22 groups of women in literacy classes, with 10% of the 2,000graduates becoming teachers.

In an area where no school existed, Rosalind built one for 200 children who are

Last time Rosalind visited Nepal, she was honored with the ‘International

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Award’ for working with single women of all castes. They are those who are literally cast aside, dismissed, forgotten and ignored – the untouchables. Many ladies traveled for hours to attend the ceremony so they also could freely run with visions now crystalline in clarity – a vision that blessed many with the gift of voice in a country where a single lady has none. In a country where men are allowed the privilege of touch, but women are not, the forgotten, dismissed, ignored, and untouchable struggle with their archaic beliefs of touch, then slowly open their cautious boundaries, and tenderly melt in the sweeping arms and vision of Rosalind Russell.

March 21st of 2010, I had the privilege of meeting two of Rosalind’s children from

Nepal – Santosh and Sima. As she expressed excitement about broadening her work, I witness a futurist path being laid if the wheels of her motorcycle ever cool. Glasses are raised in toast and promises sworn - heads are lowered in thanks, held high in respect. A vision grass rooted in 1988 is now encircled by the sanguinity of fundraisers, corporate sponsorship and grants to fund wells yet to be dug, gardens yet to be planted, and art yet to be taught while shepherding crippled minds that have yet to kick the crutches out from under the plague of poverty, terrorism and trafficking. A light that needs to shine – no, has to shine – Rosalind shall not let die. She cannot let die. For it is, Rosalind knows, the light of the future.

of happiness are often confined by the crutches of our own crippled minds, cautious boundaries, and archaic beliefs. It is up to us, as proven by the inspirational story of Rosalind Russell, to choose a path riddled not with quicksand, but a future ventured with courage, belief, and vision beyond oneself. Only with that vision can one truly grasp one woman, one child, or one goat can empower a peace beyond the spectrum of current lens and birth enlightenment for a species carefully woven as ONE. An enlightenment respectively honored by the vision of a lady named Rosalind Russell who, once upon a youth, had the willingness to dare to dream beyond the crutches of life.

The luxury of life, liberty and the pursuit

For 20 years, Donna LeClair has lectured to numerous organizations, colleges, and churches on the contents of this book, leaving an audience full of tears and faith. Her book *’One Little Black Book’* was a finalist in 2012 Balboa Press book contest. In 2013, the book *’Stories of Courageous Vulnerability’* featured sections of this book while footage from others in the wake of reality is scheduled for release in June 2014.

She lives in Laguna Beach, California. She has two children and three grandchildren.

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The 4 Myths of Self Love: what it is and what it isn’t.

By Theresa French Love… it is one of the most powerful emotions we experience as human beings. We seek to have it and often, at all costs, including in some cases the sacrifice of our own self-worth. As people who are hard wired for connection, we put a lot of time and effort into being loved, waiting to be loved and waiting for love to find us. Unfortunately, instead, we are often left feeling empty and lost when someone fails to “fill us up.”

Expecting love from an external source, one you have no control over is like giving the power to drive your brand new car to someone who cannot see. To be able to be loved, you must first love and cherish yourself as much, if not MORE than you do others. After all, you cannot give something away that you don’t already have yourself. Think of it as an emotional bank account. Every time we pour our care, concern, resources and energy out to serve someone else, we are making a withdrawal. If that bank account is not full of “emotional money,” we overdraw that account and what happens? We begin to be charged penalties.

These penalties, as they relate to a lack of self-love, come in the form of depression, cynicism, anger and unhappiness.

Everyone desires and deserves to be loved, deeply, for exactly who they are today, without apology and yet, self-esteem is not quite enough on its own — lasting happiness and truly owning your authenticity requires self-love. Self-love is often the “light at the end of the tunnel” that says, “I am worthy of my own love despite any hardship I might be facing” and our conscious relationship with ourselves allows us to decide what is true for us in each moment. With self-love, not only are our relationships deeper and more life fulfilling, our ability to cope with life’s challenges becomes possible by enabling us to remove the negative meaning our situations have for us. With self-love we can know that our worth is not determined by our external events.

Creating this kind of love, freedom, peace, and happiness within ourselves is a journey that deepens over our lifetime; falling in love with ourselves is a lifelong commitment that evolves just as our relationships with

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others does. To truly begin to understand how to go about this, we must first understand clearly what SelfLove is NOT. MYTH #1: Self-Love is selfish and is an extension of narcissism.

I looked up the definition of self-love on and what appeared on my screen made my mouth drop open; my eyes couldn’t believe what I was reading. Self-love, according to Dictionary.com as well as Webster’s was defined as “conceit,” “vanity,” and “narcissism.”

I’ve learned over time that the definition of a word can tell you a lot about the current beliefs of our society, institutions, social norms and mainstream thought and influence. These norms represent ideas and beliefs that run through our subconscious minds and, subsequently, affect our actions and thoughts. And because many of us may be unaware of the meanings of specific words (honestly, how often do you look up words you hear every day?), we often have no clue what outside, subconscious beliefs are influencing our hearts and actions. Self-Love requires a radical redefinition.

Self-Love is not the vain love of egoism and narcissism, a preoccupation with one’s self and general disregard for others--except as they relate to you. And of course self-love is not identical either to the love of family and friends, or to the love or art, travel, or music. So what is it? Self-love is really a kind of gentle acceptance, and unconditional sense of support and caring, and a core of compassion for oneself. It is an abiding willingness to meet your own needs, allow yourself to feel and think whatever you feel and think, and see yourself as essentially worthy, good, valuable, and belonging in the world, deserving of happiness.

MYTH #2: Self-Love is blasphemous.

God does not call us to loathe ourselves as meaningless, wretched people but rather to use “sober judgment”- to not think too highly or too lowly. THIS IS the very nature of Self-Love. We are made in His image, beautifully and wonderfully. Romans 12:3 says “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do

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not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.”

Because self-love is not about boastfulness or power, it does not allow for ego but rather an inner confidence in the gifts God’s give you.

In Luke 12:7 we see, “why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.”

Myth #3: Neglecting to love yourself is heroic and sacrificial Doing things for others doesn’t make you happy. How you perceive yourself for doing things for others means you feel happy. There is a difference. If people had more self-love and self-acceptance, external feedback wouldn’t be so important.

They would be able to do things freely for other people and not be so concerned with receiving positive affirmation. They would be more emotionally balanced because they have a healthier sense of what it means to be accepting of themselves – the good, bad and everything in between. If a person can only feel good about himor herself by doing things for others, he or she is at the mercy of others’ feedback, and his or her sense of worth can go up and down like a yo-yo.

With self-love: if I give you a gift, I give it because it’s what I want to do and I do it without expectation. If you don’t like it I might feel sad or disappointed, but I can accept that’s your choice. It does not however create a sense of negative meaning in me. Without self-love: if I give you a gift, I give it because it’s what I want to do, but I do it wanting you to like it and, by association, like me (with expectation). If you like it and praise me, I might feel warm and good about myself. If you don’t like it, I might feel very sad and disappointed, leading to thoughts that I have failed and let you down. My sense of self has decreased because I didn’t fulfill my goal of your liking my gift and giving me love and acceptance back.

MYTH #4: Self-love can be seen in external indicators By definition, our level of self-esteem leads many to believe that the measure of our personal worth is found in the externally seen indicators of success; how much

money we make, the car we drive, how many friends we have. This is an understandable error to make, but it is an error nonetheless. The root of self-esteem is not our achievements but rather a deep sense of self-love that is an internally generated practice that makes it possible for us to achieve as well the grace and forgiveness we allow ourselves when we don’t reach a particular goal or “success indicator.” External indicators of success begin to matter less and less the more you learn to love yourself unconditionally. Self-esteem reflects our deepest vision of our competence, self-love reflects our deepest vision of our worth.

Every woman longs to be more confident, more loving… we want to know we matter. What gets in our way? Brain Bullies that seem to have something judgmental to say about everything we think, feel, say or do! Self-Love is the best tool in our emotional toolbox to effectively acknowledge these voices, remove any fear and feel empowered to move in a forward direction anyway towards our dreams and aspirations.

We all come into this world full of promise and possibility. For some, when born into a healthy and highly functional family, the journey is quite easy, with guideposts and directions given freely through the modeling of our parents. Most of us however, were born into families that were in their own way struggling for independence, accomplishment, safety or security. For the millions of people who grew up in painful families, whether as the result of absent parents, abusive parents, or those who were ill-equipped to model healthy emotional practices, it is possible to begin defining your own self-worth today through a life lived in self-love. Begin this journey today…

WHAT IS YOUR SELF-LOVE SCORE? Determine your self-love ratio by visiting www.healthyrelationships.us/loveme today.

Email Theresa at Theresa@healthyrelationships.us with Expanded Family Magazine in the subject line and receive a FREE 40 minute self-love consultation.

As a committed leader, certified blended family relationship coach and youth mentor, Theresa French brings an unmatched passion for providing effective resources that directly contribute to the repair of what she believes is the fabric of our communities…our families.

Intuitive and compassionate, Theresa integrates her life experience and unique perspective along with the highest standard of coaching practices into her coaching services. Theresa is dedicated to teaching practical, research based relationship skills which will help her clients learn life strategies that are effective for them and their families. Click for more info: http:// www.theresatalks.com/serve100.

EXPANDED FAMILY MAGAZINE

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Counterfeit Affection

By Ray Hurst

In 2004 I was traveling with a missions group that was teaching on healing and deliverance in Brazil. Little did I know that was the beginning of the most exciting ministry experience I have ever done.

It was in Pato Bronco, a small town in southern Brazil, where it all started.

One day I felt lead to stand as a surrogate father for the girl I was praying for.

It was one of the most amazing results I have ever seen up to that point. Even though the focus had been on physical healing, this was a totally amazing emotional healing!

I stood there in the place of her father and asked her for forgiveness for the wrongs that were done by the father and then blessed her as a daughter. It was a simple act of love that came from my heart to hers that had torn down years of strongholds and lies that she built in her mind and heart.

She may have never heard a blessing from her father or knew that he loved her. It is also possible that she closed her heart to him and she was not able to receive love from him no matter how hard he tried. Either way, this was the time for her healing and restoration.

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I have stood in as a father for thousands and thousands of people since that time, pronouncing a father’s blessing over them and seeing lives complete transformed. As I continue to travel and share this blessing, I have a deeper understanding of the struggles people face.

And one of those is counterfeit affection. I believe many people may struggle with what could be a core problem in their life and they may not even know it.

Counterfeit affection is trying to find another way of filling a void in your life, in your heart. It is attempting to fill this empty place in a way that is not good and, most times, is very unhealthy. The biggest problem is, it is destructive to your soul, and this will leave you even more empty and broken. Fulfillment can come in different guises; some easier to detect than others. ‘Worldly’ success in the realm of money or career can be appealing, and yet at times, leaves us feeling empty. Kind of hard to give and receive affection with a $20 bill.

You can never be what you have been designed to be if you are not willing to

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do what is right, no matter how hard it is. The hard times are building the foundations of what you will become.

When you build your foundations on anything counterfeit it cannot last.

So the question is why more people don’t find success, defined as “the progressive realization of a worthy goal.”

Counterfeit affection could be one of those death blows to finding success and fulfillment. It is just as important to understand where this and other problems lie; as much as it is to understand what the problem is.

People don’t see this, and so many other dream crushing challenges, because they are at the root of our being, while we are looking at the fruit and trying to change things from the outside. You can paint an apple with orange paint and it will still taste like an apple.

Almost all our failures and successes stem from the roots we have. The seeds that were planted in our life will spring up and grow into a huge tree which will bear fruit based on the seed that was planted. Sounds simple enough, right?

The challenge is getting people to look at the root of the problem. Counterfeit affection, negative speech, worrying,

and fear are only a few of the problems that have deep roots. The good news is when you start to break the strangle-hold this has on you, then you will be able to see the other problems you may have as well.

Counterfeit affection is really deceiving and artificial. And it will keep you from finding real love and peace in life. As Roger Taylor shares in his book “Love Hungerthe unseen force”, as well as Jack Frost’s “Slavery to Sonship”, this comes from an unmet love need.

Counterfeit affection is sought by someone whose ‘love tank’ is empty. There are times when they attract someone else whose love tank may also be empty, but not necessarily so. This is the perfect recipe for co-dependence.

If our unmet love need is from our parents (this is one seed that springs up and produces fruit) we may seek out other ways to fill it. These could be addictions or compulsions to alcohol, drugs, food, promiscuity, adultery, and pornography. This will hinder your ability to have a wholesome relationship with anyone because you are dividing your affection.

When our passion is not filled in the proper way, we seek out means that are not healthy in a spiritual, physical or mental way. We develop bad habit structures that will affect all of our life. None of them will bring lasting satisfaction; they will only provide a temporary fix.

When a parent does not receive affection from their spouse they can very easily have a counterfeit affection with their children. Loving your children is very important; having them in the wrong order of importance can be very unhealthy for the spouse and the child.

When the parent feels they are able to receive from the child rather than the spouse, they will not try to find the root of the problem with the spouse. Because your spouse is a very important part of you, it makes it so much easier to move forward when you help them stand on their feet.

When our unmet need is affection or attention, we may try to jockey for position.

The need to be in control and to be the leader will never bring satisfaction because it is only a temporary fix to the real problem.

Too many times this turns into demanding that people respect us because we have position and power. People will not respect demands made on them. They will only do what is required of them until the demand is gone, then they will revert back to what they did before. They will never truly love the person that demands their love and that is why it can never be fulfilling.

If the love need was for safety and security, we may fall in the trap of wanting more things to feel secure. We may never feel satisfied with what we have and want more or different things to fill the emptiness. More is never enough and it will not matter how much you have. You can’t find satisfaction in more.

All of the above counterfeit affections did not grow overnight and they will not be corrected overnight. The first step is the same as every problem you will face. You need to be willing to admit you have a problem. The second step is that you have to be willing to do something about it.

We all know that we have a lot of struggles and most of us are good at hiding them.

The biggest problem is that we are not

willing to change them. The fear of not getting more than what we have makes us dive deeper into what we should not have, the counterfeit affections.

We can never find real success and fulfillment, “the progressive realization of a worthy goal”, if we are not willing to let go of our counterfeit affections. Take time to take inventory of your life and see where you may have counterfeit affections that are keeping you from true joy and peace in your life.

What is money and fame without true peace and joy in your heart? You don’t need to look far to know that money cannot buy real love or peace and lasting joy.

I have to share my greatest desire with you, and that is to not leave anyone the way I found them. I want to make them better by helping them to think. I am sure that you will never be the same after you read this because I made you think about it!

In closing, I would like to share one other very important thing with you. What I believe to be one of the most devastating problems in the world today is the lack of an earthly father’s love for his children. I believe this is the greatest cause of social unrest and dysfunction on the planet.

Although I will write more about this in another article, I do want to leave you with this hope. If you or someone you know did not feel love from a father, I want to give you a blessing as a father to a child.

I love you and you are worthy to be blessed!

BIG HUGS Papa Ray Hurst

Papa Ray is first and foremost a husband and father. As an international missionary/pastor, author, and poet he loves to write about family and fathering issues. He believes that the lack of a father’s involvement with their family is one of the most devastating problems in the world today.

He has been very active and in promoting fathering issues, mainly restoring the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the children’s hearts to their fathers with “ The Fathers Blessing”.

As a progressive person he is ways looking for ways to encourage people to think on a deeper level. His greatest desire is to never leave anyone the same as he met them. Traveling to Brazil has been a big part of shaping his ministry which has touched thousands upon thousands of people.

You can read more on the father blessing on his website www.papapray.com.

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By Rev. Edie Weinstein A hug is like a boomerang. You get it back right away.” – Bill Keane There are times when the Universe issues an irresistible invitation, and we are helpless to do anything but respond. Mine came in the form of a posting on a website called By Region on which events are listed by region of the country, hence the name. With the clever moniker Cuddle Party™, one such event enticed this insatiable cuddler to travel two hours northward to a 5th floor walk-up in Manhattan, back then—the home of Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski.

They have since moved Westward with Marcia in San Francisco and Reid in Oakland. Relationship coaches and educators, they are the creators of the workshop born on February 29, 2004 that is now a worldwide phenomenon.

Considering New York City is not known as a bastion of snuggly souls, I was pleasantly surprised when, in the company of the eighteen attendees, I felt very much at home.

Cuddle Party is a 3 ½ hour experiential workshop for adults age 18 and over that focuses on communication, boundary setting, relationships, intimacy, self-esteem, community building, and safe, nurturing, nonsexual touch. It is attended by folks dressed in all manner of fun and colorful pajamas. During the first forty minutes or so, “The Welcome Circle” is formed, creating a safe space for what follows: two hours of ‘freestyle cuddling’ taking the form of spooning, snuggling, massaging, and nuzzling—all with verbal consent of each participant. I think of it as grownup Twister® in which one person may be massaging your shoulders while you are working on someone else’s feet and someone else is spooned up next to them. Although the touch component of the workshop gets the lion’s share of attention, Cuddle Party is about far more than that. Relationships have grown, self-esteem has been enhanced, body image has been accepted, communication has been improved, new friendships have been formed, and emotional challenges have been faced. It isn’t therapy, but it does seem to have therapeutic value.

I left the event filled to overflowing with Oxytocin, known as the ‘cuddle hormone’, which is also secreted when mothers nurse and helps them bond with their babies and when people get all lovey-dovey. My new tagline for Cuddle Party is ‘more oxytocin means less oxycontin.’

By the time I left, I knew two things:

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1. I wanted to bring Cuddle Party to Philadelphia (and so Reid came down twice that summer to offer the workshop).

2. I felt moved to become a certified Cuddle Party facilitator.

In September of the same year, I trekked back to New York and spent the weekend in the company of some of the most talented, creative, and genuinely affectionate people on the planet.

Much of the training’s content allowed me to explore my co-dependence, in addition to what

A hug is like a boomerang.

You get it back right away.”

– Bill Keane was serving me well in my life and relationships.

I gave myself permission to ask the question, “How’s the listening in the room?” This relates to the idea that in any conversation, there are really several conversations going on at once: the immediate dialog, the thought inside your head about how you might respond to what the other person is saying and wondering how the other person might respond to you. When the listening is satisfactory, each person is fully present with the other. I also learned about the concept of ‘coming clean’ and gave myself permission to share whatever I might have been withholding—the good, the bad, and the ugly.

At that point, I had been a workshop facilitator for at least 25 years and yet, as I sat with Reid and Marcia, I found myself adding powerful ‘portable life skills’ to my teaching tool kit.

I referred to my first three practice Cuddle Parties as my ‘training wheel parties’, since in many ways, I felt like a little kid on a bike (which is a metaphor that is used in a different way during the didactic part of the workshop). When the

time came to facilitate the first, I was actually nervous. That is an unaccustomed feeling for this verbal veteran. All of my what if enough people don’t show up for it to count? thoughts threatened to scoop me up and run away with me. There is a minimum number required for the parties, and feedback forms are completed by attendees. Each time I called Reid for support in advance, he talked me through stage fright. His words, “Darlin’, the event will go as the event will go,” were a rallying cry and—of course—he was on target.

Yes, there were plenty of cuddlers present who enjoyed the experience. With their support, I made it to the next steps in the certification process and fulfilled the requirements. In a final phone call from Reid and the first certified facilitator, Len Daley, I heard the words, “By the power vested in us … by no one but ourselves … we now declare you Cuddle Party Facilitator #27!” I literally jumped up and down as if on a pogo stick, hooting and hollering. The accomplishment was right up there with completing grad school and being ordained as an interfaith minister.

With that, I was off and running and scheduling Cuddle Parties by inviting willing huggers, snugglers, cuddlers, spooners, and nuzzlers.

Each time, I learned something new from the participants about trust, surrender, and safely stretching comfort zones. Since that time, I figure I have offered around 150 Cuddle Parties.

When I consider how many people have attended and then left to spread the love they experienced, I am deeply gratified.

As a PR Goddess, I was in my glory, letting the media know about the workshop that had been so positively life changing. I also held what is referred to as ‘media friendly Cuddle Parties’, in which the press is invited to observe and even participate, as long as they agree to the Rules of Cuddling: 1. Pajamas stay on the whole time.

2. You don’t have to cuddle anyone at a Cuddle Party ever.

3. You must ask permission and receive a verbal YES before you touch anyone.

4. If you’re a yes, say YES; if you’re a no, say NO. 5. If you’re a maybe, say NO. 6. You are encouraged to change your mind.

7. Respect your relationship boundaries and communicate with your partner.

8. Get your Cuddle Party Facilitator or Cuddle Assistant if you have a question or concern or

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need assistance with anything during the Cuddle Party.

9. Tears and laughter are both welcome.

10. Respect people’s privacy when sharing about Cuddle Parties.

11. Keep the cuddle space tidy. (Snacks are served, which explains this rule.)

I have enjoyed hosting members of the press from The Philadelphia Inquirer, Fox 29 News, and CBS 3 Philadelphia in attendance over the past few years. Since Cuddle Party is considered a bit left of center for main stream media, it was a novelty and curiosity. And at times, it was the brunt of lewd and lascivious attention. As much as I attempted to communicate that it was indeed a nonsexual event—in which clothing stays on, hands remain on top of the clothing, and there is no touch with the intent to arouse— there have been those who felt it was a cover for an orgy. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

After one of the newscasts, which was picked up by Good Morning Yahoo, comedic pundit Stephen Colbert lampooned the event on April 29, 2008. Slightly mortified by the “Wag of The Finger” and Colbert’s reference to the parties as something like an orgy for the socially inept, I was assured once again by Reid that any publicity was good publicity. I then brazenly invited Mr. Colbert to bring his pajama-clad butt to one of my Cuddle Parties so he would be able to speak from direct experience. I have yet to hear from him, but a cuddly space awaits in just his shape and size at any of them.

Although Cuddle Party is embraced (no pun intended) by a growing number of people worldwide, there are some who are still leery.

I hear their comments of it being “icky” and wonderment of who would want to cuddle with strangers. I cannot help but reply with the query, “Wasn’t everyone you know and love now once a stranger?”

One recent cuddler had this to say about her first time experience:

“It was really a very rich and beautiful experience and I got totally over my “oogeyness”.

Thanks to everyone and to Edie for sharing your hearts, courage and laughs. It’s a beautiful gift that you’ve given me and now I know I can ask for what I want and to say yes, when I mean YES! And no, when I need to say NO! I’ll be test driving my new voice going forward.”

And yet another ‘cuddle virgin’ as I like to call first time cuddle party attendees, had this observation to share: “I witnessed something remarkable take place at the Cuddle Party. One of my good friends who has an estranged relationship with her father naturally gravitated to cuddling with this lovely man who began to cuddle her in a safe parental way. He was saying things to her like “You are loved, you are worthy, and you are meant to be here.” His intention was so pure that I felt her heal something deep inside in that moment. I actually felt it and she confirmed it was a heartfelt healing moment for her. That one moment was worth everything to me as her friend and I’m pretty sure even just by being witness to that, my Oxytocin levels also skyrocketed. It was beautiful.”

There have also been insinuations that only weird, lonely, socially awkward people would attend. I can state with all certainty that people who come to Cuddle Party would not be discernible from those you see waiting in a super-

market check- out line, sitting at an adjacent table at a five star restaurant, or riding next to you on a train. Teachers, doctors, students, Marines, a marine biologist, yoga instructors, massage therapists, coaches, clergy, homemakers, parents, grandparents, teachers, engineers, computer techs, and attorneys have all been guests at my Cuddle Parties.

People from various cultures, spiritual beliefs, body size, and ability have participated. You need not be in relationship to attend.

Couples and individuals as young as 18 and as old as their 80’s have joined us in the ‘puppy pile’.

For many people, touch has been limited, non-existent, sexual, or abusive. At Cuddle Party, it is plentiful, safe, consensual, and nurturing. One of my greatest joys is observing how people, who may have entered the room feeling timid, float out on an Oxytocin high to share their experiences with others in their lives. Many are ‘frequent cuddlers’ who return time after time to enjoy healthy touch with their family of choice. I have been gratified to witness that trauma survivors have learned that they can be in charge of setting healthy touch boundaries.

Although Cuddle Party is not a dating service and not about ‘hooking up’, I have been pleased to see relationships begin as a result of people meeting there. One beautiful story emerged when a man who had attended for years stopped coming to them after meeting a woman with whom he developed a loving relationship—one that he credits the workshop with helping him grow. They married, inviting me to participate in the ceremony, and now have a delightful son who I would bet is quite cuddly himself.

I bless Reid and Marcia for creating this workshop that allows me to “come to work dressed in p.j.’s, get paid to touch and be touched … and it’s legal.”

Cuddle On! www.cuddleparty.com

Rev. Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW is a colorfully creative journalist, dynamic transformational speaker, interfaith minister, licensed social worker, addictions counselor, radio host, reiki master, BLISS coach and PR Goddess. She calls herself an ‘opti-mystic’ who views life through the eyes of possibility. She is the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming The Ordinary Into The Extraordinary. Edie is a frequent guest on radio shows and loves to speak on the subjects of relationships and recovery, sexuality and spirituality, transition and transformation, peace and pleasure. www.liveinjoy.org

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I R

ATTENTION LADIES: Qualifying Men Seminar Series Qualifying Men is an 8 session live Seminar that’s designed to show you how to separate the Men from the Boys.

Discover your ability to bring out the best in men rather than the worst in them. Have better relationships with all of the men in your life, including coworkers, partners, friends and relatives.

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So, how would your life be different if you had these things right now?

Take away every possible misunderstanding you have about men.

Reconnect you to your Power and Femininity.

Educate you on what True Masculinity is.

Restore your faith in Men. And most importantly, show you how to tell whether or not a man is good for you Easily. Quickly. Accurately. Permanently.

Within days, hours - even within one conversation.

I won’t share mere theories about how men are. I’ll tell you the real deal about how men really are from personal experience combined with extensive research (the locker room, old boy’s network, and hanging-out-on-the-street-corner) secrets such as: Why some men lie-Why some men cheat -Why men appear to be so clueless -Why some men won’t commit to you-What motivates men (hint: it ain’t sex) -What makes men want to be in a relationship Why men don’t share their feelings the way you want them to And much, much more.

http://www.tonyvear.com 12

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RIS To To To To To cro To To To To

Bu risk Th has He can Ch ha On Jan

It’s all about RELATIONSHIPS

RISKS To laugh is to risk appearing the fool, To weep is to risk being called sentimental.

To reach out to another is to risk involvement.

To expose feelings is to risk showing your true self.

To place your ideas and your dreams before the crowd is to risk being called naive.

To love is to risk not being loved in return, To live is to risk dying, To hope is to risk despair, To try is to risk failure

“Love speaks a hundred different languages.” ~Rumi “Love is noticing something special about someone, over and over.” ~Unknown

But risks must be taken, because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow or love.

Chained by his certitude, he is a slave; he has forfeited his freedom.

Only the person who risks is truly free.

Janet Rand.

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The Frog

& the

Porcupine By: Tony Vear ‘He’ listened because he really liked her and wanted to make her happy but he also felt attacked and unsafe.

He didn’t know what to do.

So, he did nothing.

The next day, things were back to normal. ‘She’ called him 3 times; ‘He’ texted her 4 times.

Once upon a time,

a Handsome, Dashing, Rich and Successful Man met a Beautiful, Delightful, Intelligent and Strong Woman.

‘He’ thought those things about ‘Her.’ ‘She’ thought those things about ‘Him.’ ‘He’ asked ‘Her’ out. ‘She’ demurely agreed.

They went out and had a fabulous time. ‘He’ swept ‘Her’ off her feet with his Charisma, Confidence and Humor. ‘She’ hung onto ‘His’ every word, laughed alot and treated him like a Prince.

Things went so well, they begin ‘Dating.’

‘She’ called ‘Him’ 3 times a day; ‘He’

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They were happy, and relieved. texted ‘Her’ 4 times a day. They loved hearing from each other.

One day, ‘She’ had a work issue that greatly upset her. ‘She’ needed someone to talk to and called ‘Him.’ ‘He’ didn’t answer. ‘She’ called 3 more times but no answer. No texts, no voicemail - nothing.

‘She’ became REALLY upset!

When ‘She’ finally reached ‘Him’ the next day, he apologized profusely and declared his undying Like for her. (‘He’ had a legitimate last minute business related mission) ‘She’ took her upset out on ‘Him’ because she was not only upset about work; she “needed” him more than ever and he wasn’t there for her.

‘She’ made sure ‘He’ knew that.

One evening while dining out, ‘He’ saw one of his Female Employees at the restaurant. ‘His Employee’ was as beautiful and delightful as ‘Her.’ ‘He’ spoke with his ‘Employee’ very briefly, then resumed dinner with ‘Her.’ ‘She’ didn’t like what she saw and had a difficult time dealing with it.

The rest of the evening didn’t go very well.

‘He’ tried to bring the magic back by trying to make ‘Her’ happy. However, the more ‘He’ tried, the less ‘She’ liked it - or him. ‘Her’ hair and nails were getting longer and sharper, along with her words.

‘She’ thought ‘He’ looked weak, small and intimidated. Even his skin started looking green; you could even say frog-like. ‘She’ could barely stand being around him.

One day, ‘She’ noticed she had

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was touched. Then, The Porcupine kissed The Frog to express her appreciation.

In the very next instant, The Frog and The Porcupine became The Prince and The Princess again.

And they lived Happily Ever After…..

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

trouble understanding the words that were coming out of ‘His’ mouth.

At first, ‘She’ thought he was mumbling, but soon realized he could only say ‘Ribbit.’

That was all she could take.

‘She’ told her girlfriends, “’He’ was so great at first, but then ‘The Real Him’ showed up! He’s got all these warts!

I don’t even understand the words that were coming out of his mouth!

All this time I thought ‘He’ was my Prince, but he’s really a Frog!”

By now, ‘Her’ nails grew extra long and her hair turned into Porcupine needles, shooting out at him and piercing his skin. He became bruised and bloodied.

So, like all frogs do, ‘He’ licked his wounds and escaped to his lake where he could sit on his lily pad in safety.

‘Her’ anger turned a perfectly good Prince into a Frog; ‘His’ passiveness turned a perfectly good Princess into a Porcupine.

‘She’ wanted her Prince back; ‘He’ wanted his Princess back.

Neither of them knew how to reverse The Transformation.

The Porcupine looked all over for The Frog and found ‘Him’ at his lake, sitting on his lily pad. Though sad, all he could do was, ‘Ribbit.’

The Porcupine wanted to talk to The Frog but his lily pad was too far away, so she looked for a way to get to the lily pad because she couldn’t swim.

The Porcupine chose to climb a tree close to the lily pad. ‘She’ began climbing it.

Halfway up, The Porcupine fell!

The Porcupine hit her head and was unconscious for a long time.

When The Porcupine woke up, The Frog was by her side praying for her safety. However, The Porcupine didn’t remember The Frog. In fact, The Porcupine didn’t remember anything at all.

The Frog didn’t know what to do so he just sat there with those Sad Frog Eyes. The Porcupine felt the caring from The Frog and

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Whoever you view as a Failure will feel like a failure around you AND will view you as an Unsafe, Judgmental Attacker. This goes for both male and female ‘Porcupines.’ Men can be abusive physically, mentally, emotionally or all 3. Women can emasculate and invalidate men into submission. This happens at work, in families and romantic relationships.

Ending this practice requires forgetting what you think you know about people and look deeply for the good that The Creator instilled in them. No one has a lack of Greatness; we have a lack of Vision.

You have the power to “Listen” the greatness out of anyone, anytime and for any reason. In fact, they can only be how they are around you because that’s what you expect of them.

People live up to or down to the level of expectations you have for them.

Be Generous, Loving and Gracious with the people in your life. The quality of your life depends on it.

Tony Vear is a writer, coach and speaker who’s dedicated his life to having the experience of love as a state of mind and a way of life present for all people. http://www.tonyvear.com

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Sexual Energy Polarity: The Secret to Lasting Excitement

and True Intimacy

BY JOE WHITE One of the biggest misconceptions about human relationships is that attraction fades over time. The excitement of making love to a new partner creates the kind of emotional fulfillment and connection that can ultimately lead to productive and mutually beneficial relationships, but how does one sustain sexual attraction after a few months/years?

The issue of a couple losing their sexual “spark” often relates back to one major issue, the depolarization of the relationship. In other words, the man no longer exhibits his masculine energy and the woman no longer exhibits her feminine energy. You have two people with no sexual energy or connection, yet they blame life for taking away their passion. I’ve worked with countless couples over the years and many come to me with the same problem- “We lost our sex drive and can’t seem to get it back.”

The two most important keys to a magical relationship are that the core values, beliefs, and rules must be aligned; and sexual energy polarity must exist.

Core values, beliefs and rules will keep you together in the long run, but it is the sexual energy where you find all the juice. Most people will find, when they first enter into a relationship, the sexual attraction of a new partner is good enough. Over time though, the initial attraction fades and is replaced with statements like “we are just too busy with work,” or “we have a house/

16

children to take care of.” These types of statements are not facts or truth, they are stories we make ourselves believe.

culine or feminine energy. Again, gender is non-specific, but for ease of understanding I will refer to men as masculine and women as feminine.

The truth is that lasting sexual attraction is based on the concept of sexual energy polarity. In each of us, there

For the Men: be there for your woman unconditionally.

exists both a masculine and feminine energy. Gender has nothing to do with either form of energy-some females are heavily masculine; some males are more feminine; while others exhibit a blend of both. Sexual energy or passion in a relationship is created when there is a polarity between a strong masculine and strong feminine energy. It does not matter which gender possesses the masculine or feminine energy; polarity is essential. This is true of heterosexual as well as LGBT relationships.

Here is a brief summary to help you understand which energy you possess and how to respond to a partner who is exhibiting characteristics of mas-

The number one thing your woman needs is your presence and undivided attention, which means no laptops, phones, tablets or remotes. Feminine energy needs to feel that it is understood by you, not criticized. Critical statements like “Why are you so emotional?” or “Don’t cry, just suck it up,” show that you don’t understand your partner, which will cause them to pull away. Do not try to fix your partner or their problems. The feminine energy wants to be the object of your desire and to be given reassurance.

Women care less about retention and more about honest effort. Men, learn to open up and connect with your partner.

For the Women: make your man your hero.

Masculine energy is based upon one simple desire, the need to be the hero.

You cannot fight your man to be the man. This will only diminish his masculine energy and cause him to crumble or just give up. As men, when we can’t solve every single problem for our partner, we feel like a failure. A man cannot feel like he is perennially wrong or competing for a prize.

When this happens, the natural reac-

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y: t

y

E

f s

, e l ”

l

r

n r

e .

e

-

tion is to pull away and to shut down because men don’t know what else to do. Your smile is the prize and your heart is the gift. Remember, no matter how evolved your man is, masculine energy still values significance. If we don’t feel that we are significant to you, we lose our drive.

There are certainly various complex-

ities to every relationship that make them unique, but this is a great start and template to use when assessing your relationship.

Discover what mix of masculine or feminine energy you and your partner possess, and then assess the underlying needs to figure out what you can do to re-align your polarity and re-kindle your passion. Using these tools, I have

helped hundreds of couples return from the abyss and rediscover their inspiration. Remember this – If you do what you did in the beginning of the relationship there will be no end to the relationship. As always, I leave you with two simple words, LIVE FREE!

He’s an author, speaker, international trainer, and life coach dedicated to helping individuals, business leaders and couple. Joe White, who was born and raised in Sharon Hill, Delaware County, has more than 15 years experience helping people turn their lives around. Following years of “rel life” experience, Joe founded Get Life Coaching in 1999.

His perseverance to survive a near-death overdose, beat drug addiction, and a lifetime of personal struggles have given him the skills and energy to help thousands of people change their lives for the better. Joe White is the recipient of the New Castle County Chamber of Commerece 2012 Entrepreneur of the Year Award. As the founder and principal of Get Life Coaching, Whitei had personally coached hundreds of individuals and led seminars for thousands including employees of Fortune 500 companies and top local businesses. www.getlifecoaching.com

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Relationship Misconceptions

By Rusty Stewart Ph.D

Relationship Misconceptions Misconception #1: Relationships are easy, NOT! That’s the first pothole or blindspot. (Blindspots are barriers that keep us stuck in unhealthy patters that don’t work. They are unconscious and come from our childhood. We can’t see them and everybody’s are different).

Many times people get into relationships with starry eyes thinking that love will conquer all challenges that surface. Sorry to burst your bubble, but that’s not the way relationships work. However, that’s a great recipe for co-dependency. You see, when we stay in a relationship strictly for love and attraction, many of our needs go unmet, and we sometimes sacrifice what we want for the needs of our significant other. This leads to resentment, looking outside the relationship, shut down communication, and frequently a sparse sex life. So if relationships are not easy, then what do we do?

Misconception #2: The other person needs to change.

So how’s that working for you? Work on ourselves and our blindspots! I’m going to let you in on a little secret that I learned from David Deida in his book “The Way of the Superior Man.” The more attracted and in love you are with the person, the harder he/she will be to get along with and live with.” (Deida, 2008). Here’s the cosmic joke; physical and other types of attraction are our unresolved issues and incompletions from our childhood showing up as attraction (Hendrix, 1988). This is what Harville Hendrix refers to as an Imago (“the inner unconscious image of the opposite sex, or what you’re looking for in a partner but aren’t aware of.”) in his book “Getting the Love You Want.” Now that’s not necessarily bad news. However, it does mean that you will both have to complete you past and learn how to lis18

ten and communicate without reacting. This is because “when we get triggered and emotional our intelligence lessens” and we frequently say things we can’t take back which further adds to hurt and resentment (Landmark Communication Curriculum, 2013). In essence, we get into relationships to heal our childhood history. That’s the simple answer. That translates into taking 100% responsibility for the relationship. We attract and create circumstances in our relationships to learn and become more loving, compassionate, and forgiving human beings.

Misconception #3: We don’t have to talk about and explore sexual compatibility. Most of the relationship courses and books I’ve read, and couples I’ve worked with over the years, think the honeymoon phase will simply last forever. Really!!! Remember we cannot change people! We may be able to provide a safe space and show up in a way that inspires a person to change however, it’s always their choice. And if we are banking on this at the beginning of a relationship we are setting ourselves up for failure. This is a definite blindspot with couples in our culture and comes again unconsciously from childhood. This applies to other things too! I have learned over the years of psychotherapy and personal growth courses, that “we have to accept people for who they are and who they’re not,” at the beginning (Landmark Communication Curriculum, 2013)! Especially those with who we are in special emotional and physical relationships. Remember, he/she is representing your unresolved childhood issues. Trying to change someone is like a hair trigger on a gun. So what do we do?

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First of all, do your own personal development work and get clear on who you are, what your life vision is, and complete your past. Then and only then can you be trusted to graze the field of potential partners. Part of this personal growth and clarity is generating a requirements, needs, and wants list. Requirements are non-negotiable. These are things that are so important to you that to sacrifice them would cause resentment and unhappiness. Needs and wants can be met by other people, requirements cannot. The only way we can find out whether somebody meets our requirements is by interviewing them at the beginning in a way that doesn’t

look like interviewing. In fact, the best way to uncover whether somebody is truly compatible with us, is to become friends first. To clarify, when someone is attracted to another, many times they will tell you what you want to hear and have no real intention of following through with what they say. So people can get a false reading on whether their requirements are going to be met. This sets up sacrifice and resentment further down the road in a relationship. Many times this is what ends relationships since requirements are essentially non-negotiable.

In summary, it’s important to get real with yourself on what it takes to have a healthy relationship with someone. Do your own growth work and create a vision statement. Don’t get lost in love so quickly. It’s best to become friends first. Then you can generate your requirements, needs, and wants. Being friends first makes the interviewing an organic process. Then you can graze with the tools you need. There’s more in the next article. For now, take this all in and start your personal development work. Remember you are 100% responsible for who you attract and how it turns out. When you get that deep in your bones, freedom awaits you, and, your Soulmate may start knocking on your door.

Rusty Stewart, Ph.D. earned his doctorate in Psychoeducational Processes at Temple University. Hecreated “Personal Growth Alternatives, LLC” in Abington, PA 14 years ago.

Rusty is a proficient and skilledTransformational Relationship Coach, IntegratedPsychotherapist, Hypnotherapist, Seminar Leader, Reiki Master, Shaman, and Writer. He also teaches certifications for Usui and Shamanic Reiki and Holistic Integrative Breathing.

Rusty has professionally recorded two 6 cd series titled “Holistic Integrative Breathing” and “Open Heart Shamanic Change Journeying.” In addition, he has been an Adjunct Professor for Temple, Thomas Jefferson, and Georgian Court Universities. Rusty was a regular writer for Yoga Living Magazine for 9 years and Living Well Magazine for 1 year.

His current focus is coachingsingle men and women who want to attract their soulmate and best friend with deep lasting Love and mind blowing sex! This new business is called “Dr. Rusty’s Love Shack.”

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The mission of the Domestic Violence Center of Chester County is to provide intervention, education, outreach, advocacy and programs to prevent, reduce and remedy domestic violence in Chester County, PA.

All services are free, confidential, and available 24 hours a day. If you, or someone you know needs help call 1-888-711-6270, 610-431-1430 or 610-431-7262 (TTY) DVCCC P.O. Box 832 West Chester, PA 19381 Administration Office: 610-431-3546 www.dvccc.com

PROGRAMS: •ADULT COUNSELING: Designed to strengthen families affected by the trauma of domestic violence.

Services are provided via 24 hour hotline, individual and group counseling with a focus on safety planning, importance of healthy relationships, goal setting, financial management, referrals and job training.

• HOUSING: Designed to meet basic needs. DVCCC has four housing programs: (1) 30 day Emergency Shelter: (2) 12/18 month Bridge Transitional Housing (3) 18 month Independent Living Scattered Sites, (4) 24 month Independent Living. These programs can house up to 100 victims and their dependent children at any given time.

•LEGAL SERVICES: Designed to strengthen families.

Services include legal options counseling, advice and representation in Protection from Abuse cases, custody, support, bankruptcy, immigration and other civil matters.

•CHILDREN’S SERVICES: Designed to support children of victims of domestic violence. Individual and group counseling is provided, as well as homework help,

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recreational to schools

activities and liaison where the children are

services enrolled.

•PUBLIC EDUCATION AND TRAINING: Designed to promote social responsibility by developing a coordinated community response to domestic violence. We participate in events and deliver presentations and trainings to groups such as schools, businesses, law enforcement, hospitals, social service agencies and community organizations.

•RAPID RESPONSE PROGRAM: Designed to reduce time lapses between police intervention and/ or emergency room treatment with the provision of domestic violence services and to promote a coordinated community response to end domestic violence.

•LETHALITY ASSESSMENT PROGRAM (LAP): Designed to decrease lethality risk in highly dangerous domestic violence cases by having police connect victims at high risk of homicide with the life saving services of DVCCC.

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W h or to w a le or ar th n si yo ch si ca al su ou

, e A.

The Unexpected Face of Domestic Violence

le w 30

By Rev. Edie Weinstein When you think of a woman who has experienced physical, emotional or sexual abuse, what image comes to mind? Chances are, it is someone who is poor, uneducated, possibly a cultural minority, isolated, helpless, with several children, on drugs or alcohol and welfare. While there are many who fit that demographic, there are also those who you might never suspect. Could be your friend, sister, aunt, or the woman who rings you up at the supermarket, your child’s teacher or your family physician. It could even be a well- educated, financially stable, professional, intelligent, white, mother of one, supported and socially conscious outspoken teetotaler. My heart is

pounding as I am writing this, since I am coming clean here.

Abuse comes in many forms, some leaving visible scars, others not so easy to detect. Blessedly, I have never been the victim of sexual abuse, but have worked with abuse survivors in my 30 some years as a therapist.

It is only in the past year that I have been willing to speak about my own experiences. What makes it easier is that all those involved have passed and that remaining silent only perpetuates the stereotype. It is also healing for me to be able share this so that I can move on, since keeping it within has allowed me to remain entrenched in old patterns and fear of intimacy.

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In 1987, I married a charismatic and affectionately loving man whose father was an abusive alcoholic and whose mother experienced depression. My husband was strongly impacted by his parents’ untreated dysfunctions. When we met, I was aware of the family dynamics, but in my co-dependent ‘savior behavior’ paradigm, I thought I could fix, save, heal, cure and kiss the emotional boo boos to make them all better.

Not so. To be fair, this ‘confessional’ is not to demonize the man to whom I was married

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for nearly 12 years before he passed, but to take off the mask that I wore for so long and reveal the real. It began pretty early on in our relationship, with strongly held opinions and what I now call ‘loyalty issues’.

If I didn’t agree or ‘side’ with him in disagreements with some who challenged his stance, I was, in his mind, being disloyal. That could be family, friends or those with whom we did business. Add to it my own people pleasing, plate spinning, fire juggling, tap- dancing behavior to make everything look good and there was a fertile breeding ground for what was to follow. For 10 of the 12 years, we published a magazine that I sometimes say was the best and worst thing that ever happened to our marriage.

He was the left brain, linear-logical businessman by training and experience. I was the right brain, creative ‘cosmic foo-foo social worker.’ Those two polarities did not always mesh.

As the ad sales rep, I was responsible for bringing in a steady flow of income. Huge responsibility that did not always meet expectations; mine or his. Conflict ensued more frequently and in a moment of what I describe as unconscious rage, he picked up a box and hurled it at me.

It landed on my forehead, above my right eye. Numb with shock, blood dripping down, I ran into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed.

He followed me in, deeply humbled and knelt at my feet. He was crying and said “I’ll understand if you leave me,” and offered to take me to the hospital. I shook my head; mortified

22

by what had happened and embarrassed for anyone to find out. I said firmly and distinctly. “I’m not leaving, but it will never happen again,” and then cleaned myself up, grateful that I didn’t need stiches.

It didn’t happen again. What did continue and escalated was the verbal abuse. Name calling, frequent criticism, stoic silences that would last for days; he attempted to control me with his anger. Again, the enabling, deer caught in the headlights, emotional contortionist who would bend over backward to please people took center stage and attempted to smooth it all over for the sake of keeping the peace. I minimized my feelings, since after all, there are so many women and men who are in far worse situations than I was.

There were times when I asked myself the inevitable question that is posed to everyone living with abuse…”Why are you still here?” I had a place to go (my parents would have welcomed me and our son with open arms). I had supportive friends. I had the means to make a living. No one in my life would have judged me for leaving. What kept me there was three-fold. I didn’t think I could take care of my son as a single parent. This I ended up doing anyway when my husband passed in 1998. We were ‘icons’ of sorts in our community and I would joke that we were ‘semi-celebrities’, since we were visible and people knew us as publishers of Visions Magazine. More powerfully was the shame I felt since

as a career social worker who counseled survivors, I was embarrassed that I allowed this to develop and continue in my life. It wasn’t until Michael died, that I shared with a few close friends and my sister, what had occurred. My parents never knew about the physical component, but they and nearly everyone else in my life were amply aware of the emotional abuse.

Fifteen ½ years later, I am coming to terms with the choices I made to remain in a paradoxical marriage. I know that my own experience is at the core of so much of the work I do in the area of domestic violence. I am an outspoken advocate for survivors. I teach clients that although the adage of ‘hurt people hurt people’ may feel true, it need not be. I encourage them to recognize that the cycle can be broken and that their history is not their destiny. I also remind them that a woman assaulting a man is no more acceptable than a man assaulting a woman. I reinforce the importance that ‘no means no,’ when it comes to touch.

When I was in college, I did a paper on rape as an expression of control which reframed the idea that it has anything to do with someone’s age, gender, appearance, clothing they are wearing, or level of intoxication.

It is not predicated on their relationship with the perpetrator or initial willingness to consent to sexual interaction. Plain and simple, rape is an act that dehumanizes

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nd d il a at er t, se he

g o I at o I ihe e’ nhe ir eg a ce o,’

and robs the person of their dignity lence against women. and sense of safety and sovereignty over their body.

There is an old saying: “You can’t really understand another person’s exThis is one reason why I felt called perience until you’ve walked a mile to participate in an upcoming event in their shoes.” Walk a Mile in Her called Walk a Mile in Her Shoes® Shoes® asks men to literally walk one From the website: (www.walkamile- mile in women’s high-heeled shoes. inhershoes.org) “Each year, an ever-increasing number of men, women and their families are joining the award winning Walk a Mile in Her Shoes®: The International Men’s March to Stop Rape, Sexual Assault & Gender Violence.

A Walk a Mile in Her Shoes® Event is a playful opportunity for men to raise awareness in their community about the serious causes, effects and remediation to men’s sexualized vio-

really difficult to talk about: gender relations and men’s sexual violence against women.

It’s critical to open communication about sexualized violence. While hidden away, sexualized violence is immune to cure. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to get people talking. People unfamiliar with men’s sexualized violence against women don’t even want to know it exists. It’s ugly. People that have experienced sexualized violence themselves want to forget about it. How do you get people talking now, so they can prevent it from happening? And if it’s already happened, how do you It’s not easy walking in these shoes, help them get help to recover?” but it’s fun and it gets the community to talk about something that’s

Rev. Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW is a colorfully creative journalist, dynamic transformational speaker, interfaith minister, licensed social worker, addictions counselor, radio host, reiki master, BLISS coach and PR Goddess. She calls herself an ‘opti-mystic’ who views life through the eyes of possibility. She is the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming The Ordinary Into The Extraordinary. Edie is a frequent guest on radio shows and loves to speak on the subjects of relationships and recovery, sexuality and spirituality, transition and transformation, peace and pleasure. www.liveinjoy.org

er ol as e, y n. nal nis

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Turn-on lives at the edge of what you think is possible. It is ignited when you dare to dream, act, create, and operate outside the bounds of the status quo.

A turned-on woman is an awakening woman, a woman who is coming alive. She is ignited in purpose, relationship, and sexuality; body, mind, and heart.

A turned-on woman does not fear danger, risk, or being different. She knows that life happens out of bounds. What she fears are the true killers: mediocrity, fitting in, and being average.

A turned-on woman burns big. She will not be contained by size zero pants, quiet whispers, or the role of follower.

A turned-on woman redefines what it means to be a good woman. She takes the existing images, consumes them, and resets the bar. She is undaunted in the face of others’ expectations of her. Not because she discounts them. Because she knows she will exceed them.

A turned-on woman isn’t defined by her circumstances. She defines her circumstances by who she chooses to be within them. Urban career woman, suburban secret agent—it is the substance, not the packaging, that determines her destiny.

A turned-on woman plays for the freedom of those around her.

She recognizes that people bang the snooze button over and over, no matter how much they want to wake up. She is willing to absorb the gripes and grumbles of those who are awakening out of dreamy sleep into their greatest potential. She has the truth as her ballast. She knows that truth passes through three stages.

First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Finally, it is accepted as self-evident. She waits patiently for the third stage.

A turned-on woman sees just one enemy: fear. She is constantly unbending herself from its contorted grip. She thanks it for the protection it has afforded, the way it has kept her small and safe.

Then she gently retires it so she can truly live.

She recognizes fear in a hundred different disguises. She knows its subtle minions—“us” versus “them,” tit for tat, selling out. She knows that sustainable change comes not from responding to its effects or symptoms, but from eradicating the fear at its source.

She will not allow herself to be a carrier of the fear disease in either action or reaction. She knows to reject the fear in others— not the ones held hostage by it, not the actions they take under its influence—but the fear itself.

A turned-on woman gives permission rather than waiting for it.

She reigns rather than submits. She has cultivated her power to such a magnitude that those around her aim to please her—and the way to please her is by being wholly, fully, unquestionably oneself.

She will not settle for the best of the options set before her.

Instead she will create new and better ones. She sees opportunity all around her, bounty even in scarcity.

She will reject mere excellence from anyone who is capable of more. She is willing to push another to greatness even when what is offered fulfills an immediate need. She recognizes that her purpose in this world is not to get things done, not to meet deadlines or achieve worldly success, but to draw from people what they did not know they were capable of. If her standards are being met but the people around her are not alive, turned on, and engaged, then she rethinks her strategy. She recognizes that no one goes unless we all go.

A turned-on woman will not sacrifice truth in order to be appropriate. She may present with all the markings of the status quo, but only because she knows that change happens from within.

She is always reshaping the mold to her own design. The laws of linear, familiar, predictable, tried-and-true are there to be broken in favor of her real truth: the kind that is dangerous, exponential, unique, creative, and now.

A turned-on woman resets the definition of what it means to be generous and compassionate. She will not call out sugary platitudes to soothe and comfort people in hell. She will, with ferocity and gentleness, go into the fire and get them out. Her compassion is the outgrowth of the most relentless parental instinct, love of the superhuman, car-lifting variety. She can—she will— To read the full version of the Turned-On Woman manifesto she must lift the weight of imagined fear from herself and others.

CLICK HERE: She will not stand by, hoping and praying that everything will be http://turnedonwoman.com/25ways/turned-on-womans-manifesto okay. She will hold herself responsible for ensuring that it is.

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TURNED-ON WOMAN JENNY G PERRY

e

—

y

,

-

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nifesto

What makes me a uniquely bulimic teen, who was suicidal, deturned on woman? If you know pressed, anxious and cutting herself, me, no explanation is necessary. I could’ve never imagined I’d be that size. I went on to lose sixty pounds.

I’m a rulerbreaker, lifeshaker, It felt great at first. Then I realized changemaker. I’m Jenny G. Perry. I hated myself deep down. I drank too much. I felt like I’d always be I call myself the silly-sassy-spiritu- a little broken. I started writing a al-sexpot. Need I say more. Of course novel. I discovered I could rewrite I will, I love myself and love talking my own story. I would replace my about myself in a positive way, after negative thinking with positive years of self-doubt. I embody self- thinking. I gave up people pleaslove. This turned on woman has ing. I made the opinion of myself badassity…which means the audac- trump all others. Finding a passion ity to be truly and boldly yourself. in writing, I freed myself and now continue to grab others by the hand How did I get here? What’s the 411 to lead the way, as I write through on Jennylicious? I changed my life my heart and share my wisdom. through my thoughts. Ten years ago I was overweight and unhappy. You see, I don’t do the typical Strange because ten years prior, as a “good mom” thing. I make feeling EXPANDED FAMILY MAGAZINE

good my priority. If I sacrifice and only make it about my kids, I’ll be drained, miserable, and set a terrible example of a strong woman. I love taking care of my five kids, but I don’t strive to do or be everything to everybody. I’m perfectly me. I’ve been married for seventeen years and think one of the keys to a great relationship is great sex. I own my sexuality and think sensuality has nothing to do with age, beauty, or weight. It’s an energy. I have tattoos. I talk about sex and God. I talk about taboo things, like my inner struggles with so many things.

I don’t do regret, guilt, and shame.

Shame prevents growth. I turned my victim story into one of a victor, a friggin’ awesomely, badass, sparkly superhero goddess type enig25

ma that people can relate to. I love to the MAX. I ooze it. I squeeze all the juice outta life. I give talks to give hope to others, that they can step into their power also, because I did. I show them you can reinvent yourself at any given moment. To believe in possibilities rather than limitations. That they are more than good enough and worthy. I am authentic, real, honest, and value integrity. I think feeling like an outcast, rebel, or outsider serves us and we always find fellow tribe members of the same sassy flavor if we just stay true to ourselves and trust the Universe.

I don’t play small.

I boast. I’m fearless. I’m bold. I live outside the box so much that my inner fire burned the damn box. I believe in my dreams

and shout that from the mountaintops and rooftops of social media. I am a bold and badass character unlike many people you know. I’m not afraid to lose friends or be and considered weird because of speaking my truth. I’m a beautiful woman and I own it. I am a brilliant woman and I own that.

I preach and teach self-love so that other women will let themselves out of their self-imposed prisons of “what other people think of you defines you.” I don’t do competition or comparison with other women, but rather consider them my sister goddesses of this world. I uplift, empower, and inspire while rocking the boat and pushing the envelope. I stir people’s thoughts and probe them to question everything, especially their own thoughts. It is time for all of us to live our own lives on purpose with passion.

Will this make other people uncomfortable or not liked, approved of, or accepted? When you live out loud and radiate freedom, those that don’t allow themselves to be, are often finding you push their buttons…you rattle their cage. What other people think of us is none of our business though.

We must only focus on shining our light and living our joy. Smooches and blessings, rockstars!

P.S. I’m also the author of a kickass novel called “The Jennifers.”

enny G. Perry is the author of the novel, The Jennifers. She’s a feisty married mother of four with another baby on the way. She happily resides at the Jersey Shore and loves to blog on social media about her life’s journey in a fun and spiritual way. She has a passion for life and a bold voice, which preaches self-love daily. She loves to give author talks to cheer on her fellow writers and to tell everyone to go after their dreams.

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TURNED-ON WOMAN EDIE WEINSTEIN After decades of being ‘the good girl,’ everyone’s sweetheart and the emotional contortionist who would bend over backward to please people, I am claiming the rich, full, juiciness that I exude. Peeling off the layers, revealing the real; rather than hiding behind a façade, donned for approval. For far too long, I was a colorful chameleon, garbed in what others thought I should ‘wear’ to maintain their affection and attention. Although there are no absolutes, I am a Joy-filled to overflowing work in progress.

As My Own (Turned-On) Woman I live full out, regardless of what anyone thinks.

I refuse to second guess myself.

I tell the people in my life what they mean to me.

I refuse to dim my light for anyone so they don’t feel uncomfortable.

I am genuine and transparent...what you see is what you get.

I am learning to be subtle...also a new skill.

I enter my days with my senses fully attuned.

I say yes and no with equal ease.

I keep my heart open.

I face fierce fears.

I imagine beyond limitations.

I am a peaceful warrior Goddess.

I mirror back the beauty in others I encounter.

I dive deep, not willing to skate on the surface.

I walk barefoot literally and figuratively.

I put my heart and soul into all I do.

I refrain from ‘guilty pleasures’, only calling them pleasures.

I ask for what my work is worth without stuttering and expect to receive it.

I ask for what I want, knowing that I may not receive exactly as I have asked.

I emotional bungee-jump, enjoying the ride in free-fall.

I accept what is for the Highest Good.

I stand in my own Truth.

I move with grace, dancing to whatever music I hear.

I embellish my body with colors, fabrics and designs that make me feel good.

I breathe~

I sing out with enthusiasm.

I move on when a situation warrants it.

I sit with my own feelings, not pushing them away out of fear.

I accept all the abundance that the Universe offers.

I forgive myself and others for perceived slights.

I live orgasmically.

I allow myself to touch and be touched, with intention.

I live with compassion both inwardly and outwardly.

I see my own beauty, without the yes but’s and if only’s, simply....as is.

I speak my truth.

I am a safe haven for others, holding their hearts sacred.

I surrender to ‘what is’.

I dare to bare my soul boldly.

I trust in Divine timing.

I am seduced by The Muse.

I am, with compassion, befriending those wounded parts that hide in the shadows.

I mirror to others who they can be.

I align with the Divine.

I teach others to be mistress or master of their own bliss.

I welcome Love in all forms.

I unburden myself of excess baggage.

I love with abandon without fear of being abandoned.

I am in integrity.

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Conscious Uncoupling: The New Trend By: Christina Marie

In our winter of 2013 issue, we published an article written by Monique Darling called: Un-Marriage which was Monique’s personal journey of “Conscious Uncoupling.” It was a beautiful story of a family who gifted each other with the freedom to grow as humans.

In recent news, some celebrities have also opted for this option which created some controversy and anger in the mainstream communities.

Comments like: “Just call it what it really is, a failure.”

“Calling it conscious uncoupling is like trying to pour pink paint over the reality and truth you’re getting a divorce and divorce is a bad thing, no matter what you call it.”

As a Navigational Coach for Stepfamilies, I have full access to what life looks and feels like for people and their children when they do not create consciousness around the actual reality, which is relationship transformation.

Or when parents try to “pretend” they are still an intact familycompartmentalizing re-marriage and additional children as second class citizens, which is unconscious. Compartmentalization vs Integration, is a huge issue underneath all the mini issues and it is why everything tends to keep adding up.

In addition to my awareness as a

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coach for stepfamilies, my own “failure” to remain intact with my son’s father; the chaotic and traumatic way my own marriage ended...I think, feel and believe wholeheartedly- conscious uncoupling is (and pardon my French) a hell of a lot better than the normal unconscious war or inability to fully transform what “once was” into “what is now.”

Some important distinctions on what consciousness actually means.

1. Conscious uncoupling-is not a “way out” of taking responsibility or avoiding the pain. Being conscious is actually extremely thorough in accountability and responsibility. If the words conscious uncoupling “irk” you or bring up anger for you, that’s probably your own stuff coming up. Conscious people feel the pain, work through the pain and bring light into areas that were once darkened or swept under the rug.

2. It’s an on-going evolutionary process. The only difference is, conscious people walk straight into the fire of their fears, disappointments, resentments and upsets until they get to the other side. Layer upon layer...repeat as needed.

3. Children being a part of their parents conscious choice to uncouple, provides those children with a safe loving space to see

and experience emotional honesty and the loving safety of their parents’ choice vs, the emotional dishonesty and emotional violence of “I really hate YOUR mother/father which is the same as “I really hate half of who you are biologically.”

In the workbook “Navigational Skills for Stepfamilies.”, those who, like me-have never heard of conscious uncoupling (until now) have an opportunity to truly work through every aspect that remains unconscious. It’s simply never too late to free yourself from years’ worth of resentments or being willing to dig deep to create something powerful now.

Here’s an excerpt from the workbook that touches on consciousness and personal freedom: “Marriage ends, papers are signed and belongings are divided. Then, the real work begins. A lot of people fool themselves into thinking since papers are signed they are no longer husband and wife. They did what they needed to do to move on. Paper work means nothing.

William and Marie William and Marie have both been married before, and both have children from previous marriages. William had all the paper work behind him. His divorce was finalized, the custody agreement signed, child sup-

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:

port payment was agreed on, and his ex-wife no longer carried his name with her through life. On paper, this divorce appeared to be complete. Marie however, was not legally divorced, there was no written custody agreement, no child support agreement and she still used her ex-husband’s last name. On paper, she appeared to be stuck while William appeared to be advanced in the divorced process.

The actual experience of their relationships, however, appeared much differently from what was written on paper. Marie had literally moved on and away from her marriage without the need to finalize the paperwork. She tried many years before and her ex would not sign the papers. So she let it go, moved on, and created a life that she enjoyed, versus trying to force her ex to do anything. In her mind, freedom was an internal thing. She had many emotional evolutionary processes under her belt and spent a great amount of her life energy healing prior to getting involved with William.

The only involvement she had with her ex was when it related to the children.

William, who did have all the proper paperwork completed hadn’t even begun to evolve past his marriage. William was still very attached to his ex in ways that blocked and damaged his ability to be present to his new life. Whenever his ex-spouse asked him to do anything, he did it, regardless if it actually related to the children or not. To complicate matters, William’s focus was on how Marie didn’t do the “proper” work and get all her legal work done. All the while, he had a great deal of emotional work to do himself. In this couple’s life, things eventually started to change and the emotional evolutionary process has been activated. However, there was a lot of damage done inside of their relationship prior to the evolution and there now remains some left over residue, ever lingering inside.

William mistook completed legal documentation to indicate he had done all he would ever need to do, not realizing there were no clear boundaries with his exspouse. Due to the lack of boundaries, there wasn’t enough room left over to plant healthy seeds in his new relationship with Marie.

He was not a bad man. He loved

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Marie, and he did want to have a committed relationship to her.

The problem was, he had never experienced an ending of a relationship in which he had to continue to have some form of communication with an ex-partner. He did not know how to navigate inside of this situation. This caused William more stress than it was causing Marie. He felt stagnant and in limbo, and he blamed how he felt on Marie. The problem was, he wasn’t growing. He did eventually seek healing via spiritual practice and has grown and continues to grow. However, growth is a process.

In relation to paperwork and legal ties, weddings happen every day and after you become legally married, you then just begin your marriage- it’s a process in which we evolve and involve ourselves in. What we experience inside of the marriage is a process. Divorce is very similar. A piece of paper does not have the ability to tie hearts together and it also doesn’t have the ability to untie either. It’s simply a piece of paper. It’s what’s in our hearts and actions that matter.”

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IS THERE SUCH A THING AS A ONE-SIZEFITS-ALL HEALTHY EATING LIFESTYLE?

BY JAMES RIZZO

A healthy mind and body requires a healthy diet. But what constitutes a healthy diet? There are many to choose from, including Atkins, South Beach, Zone and the list goes on and on.

Some are high protein and fat with low carbohydrate and some are high carbohydrate with low protein and fat and then everything in between. So how do we know which one is right for us?

ed into the traditional menu. The Polynesian diet has a considerably larger concentration of fruits and vegetables simply because they were available year round.

Now if you were to switch the food choices of these two folks, it would not take long before you would begin to see chronic disease creeping into society. It isn’t because these are unhealthy diets; just not healthy for everyone.

First we have to acknowledge that we are all individuals and genetically unique. We are a product of our ancestral heritage. Our cellular mechanisms have developed individually over millions of years to function optimally on the food that was available.

So is there really such a thing as one healthy diet? As long as we are eating whole foods and avoiding processed foods and sugar then the answer is simple. The answer is no. Sounds strange? The reason the answer is no is that we are all individuals and genetically unique therefore the nutrients that are bodies require are going to vary from one person to the next so there is no one healthy diet.

Traditional diets have been studied for a long time now. History tells us that people of the world ate what was available to them in any given region and their bodies adapted to that environment.

For example, the Inuits in the cold North lived on red meat and caribou, with virtually no fruits or vegetables. That was what was available to them and so their bodies adapted. Now as we move further to the South, climates grow warmer and we see more fruits and vegetables incorporat30

Those of us from European descent tend to do well on some form of animal protein and fat along with lots of non-starchy vegetables and little to no fruit.

This is known as the Paleolithic Diet. Fruit should be kept to a minimum. When I suggest this to patients they are often dismayed that their fruit smoothie in the

morning is nothing more than candy with some vitamins and minerals. Fruit was not a main staple of the traditional diet simply because it was not available.

Also the fruit that is available today is not the same fruit that was available in the past. Fruit has been genetically manipulated and hybridized to be really sweet due to the increased levels of fructose. Apples were not large and sweet but small and sour.

Anyone who has every gone wild blueberry picking knows that blueberries are small and available for a short time during the summer. Wild strawberries are tiny and also only available for a brief interlude in the late spring.

When someone comes to me with elevated cholesterol, the first thing I do is take them off all fruit, fruit juice and anything with high fructose corn syrup.

The liver can increase the production of cholesterol in response to the fructose. Often the cholesterol magically drops to normal levels within 10 weeks after eliminating fruit from the diet.

I know that there is a concern about the consumption of animal products on a regular basis.

Traditional diets varied dramat-

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ically, however they were also similar in that they all included some form of animal proteins and fat. To my knowledge, there are virtually no traditional diets that were derived from strictly vegetable sources. Our bodies and cellular mechanisms have been hard wired over millions of years to function optimally on animal fats and proteins. But what about serum cholesterol?

The fact is that dietary cholesterol has little impact on serum cholesterol. The liver produces over 90% of the serum cholesterol and, unlike fructose, dietary cholesterol has little impact on this liver function. Keep in mind

that people have been consuming animal products since the beginning of time and heart disease wasn’t a leading cause of death until around 1950. We have more than adapted to eating animal products; they are healthy for us. Wild game, dairy, poultry, and red meat are great sources of many nutrients beyond protein and fat. I do have one caveat though when it comes to beef.

It must be grass or pasture fed.

form of animal protein combined with a non-starchy vegetable, including breakfast. The vegetables are of an unlimited quantity along with approximately 3 ounces of protein. If this is not enough carbohydrate you may begin to experience mood swings or lack energy. In this case incorporate small amounts of carbohydrates with each meal.

Of course, always consult your doctor or qualified nutritionist before beginning any type So what is the best diet for you of diet but hopefully this gives as an individual for weight loss you some thoughts as to how or overall health? The way I ap- to proceed toward good health. proach this is by having three meals a day consisting of some

James Rizzo, DC has been a chiropractor for almost 20 years and also holds a graduate degree in nutrition. In addition to teaching nutrition at the college level for 10 years, he has lectured internationally and written articles on a wide variety of health related topics. He has been a member of a mobile medical team that travels to Haiti providing medical care.

Dr. Rizzo enjoys writing and is a published author of young adult fiction. He lives in Vermont where he also enjoys a variety of outdoor activities.

bone broth to strengthen immunity and to clean our blood.

The most important part though is: the chicken or beef would need to be Organic grass fed to truly have the holistic properties.

The other important part is slow and long cooking. You want the marrow to extract from the bones.

Here is a simple Bone Broth recipe 1 whole free-range chicken or 2 to 3 pounds of bony chicken parts, such as necks, backs, breastbones, and wings 4 quarts cold filtered water 2 tablespoons vinegar 1 large onion, coarsely chopped

ORGANIC BONE BROTH: Remember when your grandmother’s chicken soup did make you feel better? As it turns out, there’s a reason for this.

2 carrots, peeled and coarsely chopped 3 celery stalks, coarsely chopped

Back in the day, our chicken supply was more pure. The bone broth that extracted the bone marrow from the chickens bones actually did have health and wellness properties in it. In combination with the Glycine, Proline, Collagen, Gelatin, and minerals.

1 bunch parsley

Some nutritionist swear by drinking 8 ounces a day of organic

In a crock pot on low for 24 to 48 hours.

*apple-cider vinegar is preferred. It helps extract the marrow from the bones for the important healing properties.

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Life After Tragedy: Finding Your Way Back

By John Kennedy

Imagine waking up and going to work as you usually do, but this day, one thing happened that changed your life FOREVER. You’re working down at the local refinery and on this particular day you are asked to work a double. It’s the day before Valentines’ Day and you figure: ‘sure, I can buy flowers for the wife now.’ It’s a rainy day and by the time second shift rolls around, it’s dark outside. Rain and the lack of lighting in a refinery is very eerie.

You’re driving your work truck back to the compound as you have done hundreds of times before. But THIS day, you cross the same set of railroad tracks and out of nowhere, without warning, without signals, without horns, you get hit by a freight train.

People often ask me, “How do you get hit by a freight train and live?”

Well, part of me died that night.

The metal was crunching with a sound that comes from a Transformer movie. I’m getting slammed back and forth, side to side like a crash test dummy. All I thought about was my 5 children and my wife. I had to do something. The train pushed the truck down the

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tracks, while I was holding on to the steering wheel literally with a death grip. I had to make a decision. There was no way for me to get out of this.

I unbuckled my seat belt, slid over to the passenger side and opened the door. I’m thinking if I jump, the train would have run me over. As I stood there on the frame of the truck holding onto the door, THOUSANDS of thoughts were going through my head as I jumped from the truck onto the bed of stones that supported the train-tracks. The train had stopped at the same time.

I worked for 11 months with a separated shoulder, broken collar bone, two herniations in my neck, two others in my low back. I didn’t want to stop working, although I was in pain because I knew what the outcome would be for me. I knew if I went out on workers compensation, the doctors would not let me go back to work. I know my body, I was buying time and looking for a solution. When you get hurt in the construction industry, you are considered spent goods; disposable. I built my career on being one of those guys who could take a hit.

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But this time, my body and time ran out. Of course, there was the question of who would pay the bills.

Imagine waking up every day, looking in the mirror and seeing your face but you don’t know who you are. When a person loses their life long chosen profession from a work related accident, that very same person also loses their identity. Before the accident, I would look in the mirror and see John Kennedy, union carpenter, officer in the union, township commissioner, community leader and father of 5. Now that is all gone.

I second guessed my choices. It’s about timing. Had I not taken the over time, had I not decided to drive back to the compound at that particular time, I wouldn’t be writing this. Since the surgery, rehab, medications, depression, PTSD, psychomotor retardation, anger, drinking, what was left? A broken marriage, a disconnection from my children; my identity was gone. I had to resign as an officer in the union because I wasn’t putting hours in, I had to resign from the township as an elected official. I withdrew from society.

Workers’ compensation and legal battles filled my once productive days for two years. IME’s (independent medical exams) were now my job. You are forced to attend them.

Poking and prodding my body is a cake walk compared to the neuro psychological exams they put you though. I have a Bachelor’s degree in Paralegal, graduated with a 3.7 but these exams make you feel like you are in second grade. Grueling is an exponentially pathetic word to describe these exams. Then you get the results of the IME’s and now, because you’re in litigation, you have to go through it again with your own doctor. Bottom line, both sides agree. You read the results with your attorney and your oldest son.

I never cried in front of anyone before except with the death of my best man, my nephew and my mother.

That’s it for a proud 45 year old man.

My world crumbled from the sum of timing, choice and for being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

What I learned from this experience: I was very hard headed and stubborn. I learned to grow in many

ways, and became more forgiving. I never forgave before. I’ve learned to communicate better.

I’ve found someone who is just like me in many ways. I learned to love again. I found a dream job, not making much more money, but it is fun and I love going into work.

I realized that my ex and I NEVER put anything into our relationship.

We raised 5 children together and we are great parents, but lousy husband and wife. I also learned how much I truly love my children, and see their similarities and differences as they become adults. My girls live with their mother, I don’t see them that much, hopefully because they are just being teenagers. I miss them being little kids. When they are little they step on your toes, when they are older they trample your heart.

Thank God it was raining the night I was hit. Had it been dry, the train probably would have toppled the truck with me in it. The results would have been catastrophic. If that happened, I WOULD NOT be writing this for obvious reasons.

Believe it or not, with tragedy come blessings. They are not as obvious as the injuries, divorce or any other outcome of my accident. Yet, for me with copious amounts of reflection and prayer, they are there. They are there for everyone.

I’m no longer coarse and rigid. I used to be very opinionated. I’m more open than I ever was. I have become compassionate, and realize how precious everyone’s life is. Life is what you make of it.

John F Kennedy: Born and raised in Ridley, attended Carpenters Apprenticeship School, Union Carpenter for Local #845 27 years, attended Widener University School of Law, Legal Education institue. Paralegal for 17 years, currently employed as VP Special Operations for Hospitality Supportive Systems in Springfield, PA. I also run a non-profit group for injured workers called the Pennsylvania Federation of Injured Workers, Southeast Pa chapter.

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5 Fitness Myth Busters

By Annette Padilla

1. LIFTING WEIGHTS MAKES WOMEN BULKY. Okay, stop it. Lifting weights is an amazing way to build lean muscle mass AKA: “tight & toned” muscles.

The short of the “I don’t want to get too big” is this: A. One WILL get a little bigger at the beginning, due to fluids, lactic acid and calcium buildups, (very common with beginning exercise), and you will feel a little “swollen.” Once the initial “beginning” of training is over (about two weeks if the person is consistent with 2-3 trainings per week), and a more normal routine ensues, the swelling will dissipate and the muscles begin the journey their owner decides to embark on with them.

B. Women do not have the ability to get “big” unless they are engaging in anabolic steroids. Women were not built to grow “big,” we just don’t physically have the muscle to do it. Period.

Below I have included a picture and an example of the leg training of fitness model, Ashley Kurtenbach.

Legs/Glutes/Calves/Cardio Leg press 4 sets (15-12-12-10) Ball wall squat with weight 4 sets (15-12-12-10) Leg extension 3 sets (15-12-10) Sumo squat 3 sets (15-12-10) Standing hamstring curl “on leg extension machine” 4 sets (15-12-10-15) Seated hamstring curl 4 sets (15-12-10-15) Calf raise on leg press 4 x 15 Bent knee calf raise 3 x 12 Inner thigh machine 3×20 Outer thigh machine 3 x 15 Cardio: 50 min. run with 25 min. of HIIT mixed in (High Intensity Interval Training) NOW tell me lifting weights makes you “too big.”

2. DOING CRUNCHES OR WORKING ON AN “AB MACHINE” WILL GET RID OF BELLY FAT. NOT true. So we have our abdominal wall, our “abs,” right? Above the “abs” or the abdominal muscles is a layer of fat. It’s mainly for protection, an, “extra layer” of cushion. But muscle is muscle and fat is fat. If fat covers the muscle, the muscles WILL get stronger and sculpted absolutely, but they will not show their pretty little selves unless or until the fat that covers them, is reduced. And you simply cannot make fat firm. Fat has to shrink. And to do that I must resort to the “buzz phrase” that “abs are built in the kitchen.” Food means

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.

is h

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EVERYTHING when looking to get lean.

We cannot out train a poor diet.

3. Machines are a safer way to exercise because you’re doing it right every time.

“Doing it right every single time.” SO not true. Many, and I mean m-a-n-y people shy away from the gym mainly because they do not know how to use the equipment. They say they feel stupid, I hear it all the time. But we do have a few that brave it out to the gym and start using the equipment in the strangest ways, and it makes those of us who are trainers wonder, what are they doing? Each machine comes with a handy little picture of how to use it and what muscles it works, but the other things generally not factored in are proper body position, awareness and execution by the user.

ASK QUESTIONS and do not be afraid of crossing that bridge when you get there.

You might save a lot of pain and embarrassment.

4. MUSCLE WILL TURN TO FAT OR FAT WILL TURN TO MUSCLE. • No and no. Muscle is muscle and fat is

fat. They are comprised of completely different things, therefore they do not act or react the same. Let’s take a quick look at say, lard. Crisco. That is pure and not-good-for-you-at-all, fat. It’s solid and in the humidity, not as solid and a bit softer. How would you make Crisco solid?

Better yet, how would you make Jell-O solid? So for clarity, belly fat does not become tight or solid. Muscle does not become Jell-O. Work the muscles hard, shrink the fat in the kitchen and with cardio.

5. CRUNCHES ARE GREAT CORE WORK. • OY! Okay, crunches are good as a supplemental core exercise, but definitely not for a complete core workout.

Many people just don’t know how to do an effective crunch and end up jerking on their neck too much among a slew of other unsafe movements resulting in zero results. To have an effective, (and efficient-for-your-busy-lifestyle), core training, you’ll need to know that these things are an absolute, if you want changes to happen. Before you do even one crunch you must:

• Lie on your back • Lift your shoulder up to your ears, push your shoulder blades together and push them down into the bottom of your spine • Brace your belly (that means hold in your belly button as hard as you can), while you continue to breathe, keeping your shoulders down away from your ears.

• Place your finger tips to your temples keeping elbow out to the sides.

• As you begin your crunch, lead with your chest and lift your shoulder blades off the floor • As you rise off the floor set your gaze in between your knees, as you lower down to the floor keep belly tight, coming down 3/4 of the way • Move slowly and deliberately, only as focused as you want the changes to happen.

And that above is only the first rep. Do 50 like the above and you’ll be sure to feel it. You probably won’t finish the 50, but you’ll know how to execute a GREAT crunch using a good part, (not all of it), of your core AKA: take your whole body, cut

Annette is a personal trainer, group X fitness instructor and a lifestyle coach. Since 1984 her passion has been one of conscious awareness and deliberate action toward the nurturing of the spirit within, educating that the physical changes are a direct result of the level of deservancy one chooses to acknowledge and grow. Annette’s approach is unique and humorous. Specializing in core conditioning and integrity of movement while treating the problem rather than the symptom,

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Truth About Yoga By: Maureen Finney

The Truth about Yoga. TRUE or FALSE, you have to be flexible to do yoga?

The answer may surprise you.

Are you ready?

It’s FALSE! One of the most common remarks that I hear when I mention to someone that I teach yoga, they quickly respond with, “oh, I could never do yoga, I’m not flexible enough” and they never tried it. Or when a first time yoga student enters my classroom and before class begins, they tiptoe up to me and in an audible whisper, confess that they’re not very flexible. I assure them that they are in the right class for beginners, and that they are in good hands now.

Immediately, I see the tension drain from their body and the deep furrow releasing from their brow.

While it’s not so unusual for someone to make a remark about their own inflexibility when the word yoga is brought up, they quickly reference what they know about yoga (or what they think they know) and

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remember a photo that they saw in a magazine or on TV of a person contorted in a pretzel-like shape, while balancing on one foot. I can assure you that this is not how the average householder practices yoga; although, if turning yourself into a pretzel-like shape, while balancing on one foot is a personal goal of yours, then by all means, go for it!

As one of my personal favorite authors, Louise Hay, says, “A flexible body, begins with a flexible mind”.

In order to do anything in life, whether it’s signing up for a yoga class or shoveling 12” of snow from the third storm in a week, it all begins with a simple shift that starts in the mind, which may sound something like, “I can’t do this because ______ (fill in the blank)” shift to “I’VE GOT THIS! – I CAN DO IT!” When the mind thinks in rigid patterns, so will the body take on that rigidity and fool you into believing that you have no control over your destiny or your flexibility. So when the first-time student shows up in my yoga class, and I reassure them by saying “you’re in good hands” their whole physique changes and they

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become a more relaxed individual - because their mind let go of the limiting thought. This is what we yogis call a “mind-body connection”.

“Your beliefs become your thoughts, Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny.”

- Mahatma Gandhi Okay, so you have decided to take a yoga class, but you don’t know where to start. I would suggest finding a local studio that offers yoga classes under these descriptions:

•beginner’s class •chair yoga •gentle beginner’s class •restorative yoga If you think that you’ll be only person in the class that won’t be flexible, please leave that thought outside the classroom door, because flexibility begins the moment you drop that self-limiting belief and step into a new experience. And with each and every yoga practice, you will build upon your flexibility in your mind, your body and in the light of your heart. Namaste’

Maureen Finney is a 500-hour certified yoga instructor/yoga therapist who has been practicing a yoga lifestyle since 2006. She lives in West Chester with her 18-year old cat and teaches yoga classes and seminars at the YogaLife Institute, in Devon and Sama Center, Inc. in West Chester.

Yoga in Your Home Offering a personalized-yoga practice to individuals in the comfort of your home

Maureen Finney

Certified Yoga Instructor/Therapist (500 hours) (610) 430-6139 (h); (302) 690-0020 (c) deeplyrooted@comcast.net

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HAPPILY EVER AFTER BY: KAY LESH PH.D The Prince kneels before the beautiful young woman in the ragged clothes who has been languishing in the background while her stepsisters get all the breaks in life. Now it would be her turn. Gently, the Prince eases the glass slipper onto her foot. It fits perfectly.

A beaming Prince, thrilled to find the woman he has been seeking, declares his undying love for Cinderella. He sweeps her up and together they ride away to a magical kingdom where we are told, they live happily ever after.

But do they really live happily ever after? Sure, they rode off into the sunset to their fairytale wedding and their perfect honeymoon. But what happens when they return home to the Prince’s castle? If they are like most couples, the first few months are smooth and happy. That’s where the phrase the honeymoon period comes from, after all.

However, by the time the thank-you notes for the lavish gifts have been sent, everyday reality sets in. The couple begins to bicker. And there is an excellent chance that one of the things they bicker about is money. Statistically, arguments over money are high on the list of conflicts that bring a couple into a marriage counselor’s office.

Cinderella and her Prince were both so caught up in their whirlwind courtship that they never took time to talk about money. And they never talked about what they wanted to tell their children about it either.

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So, Cinderella is surprised to learn that her Prince hasn’t the slightest idea of how to manage his money. He thinks he should be free to buy every new electronic gadget on the market, whether he needs it or not. His golf equipment, greens fees, and country club dues cost a fortune each month. Cinderella is appalled by the Prince’s free spending ways.

And the Prince, in turn is surprised to find out that the woman of his dreams is a tightwad. She has some very firm ideas about budgeting and how much money they should be putting into a savings account each month. She is upset over the money the Prince so casually allows to slip through his fingers, and has no hesitation about letting him know that she is disappointed in him.

So the couple argues constantly. And they may not live happily ever after unless they have some down-to earth discussions about money.

Like many of us, Cinderella and her Prince believed the pervasive and destructive myth that there is no need to talk about money before marriage.

Talking about money is so unromantic.

They loved each other. Love would be enough to smooth away any problems.

Love would mean that they could work everything out. So they didn’t talk about money. Now, both are distressed to learn their money styles differ greatly. Who knew? Certainly, they didn’t, because they never talked about it.

And when Cinderella and her Prince have children, the problems are compounded. The couple doesn’t know that they should discuss money with their kids because they were victims of yet another myth. This myth says that kids don’t need to know about money.

It would only worry them and children are entitled to have a worry-free childhood. That is the parents’ job; to protect their children from grown-up concerns. So, because nobody talks to them about money, the kids have no idea of the cost of anything. Nor do they care. They beg for every toy advertised on TV and usually whine until they get what they want. The playroom is packed to the walls with more toys than can be enjoyed in a lifetime. They have the latest gadgets so they can communicate with their friends and watch their shows on demand. Their closets overflow the latest and most expensive clothes.

Cinderella and the Prince are rearing what some therapists refer to as Cornucopia Kids, so called because their lives overflow with plenty. Unfortunately, because the children have so much material wealth, they appreciate very little.

Everything comes too easily and without regard for the cost.

Worst of all, this silence about money will prove a handicap to the children in later life. Buying into the myth that money is a taboo subject will insure that these children will reach adulthood without the slightest glimmer of how to deal with it.

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So what are the Prince and Cinderella to do about the mess they are in? Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother is in a retirement home and her magic wand is no longer working, so she is no help. The bad news is that couple must deal with this by themselves.

The good news is that there are steps they can take to effectively do so.

STEP ONE: The couple can begin by doing what they should have done before they married, initiate honest discussions about money. They need to tell each other how money was handled in their family of origin and how that worked, or didn’t work. Then they can talk about how they want things to be in their own family and what goals they have for the future. They can discuss income and agree on a budget.

After that, Cinderella and the Prince can begin to shape a shared vision for the family’s future. This vision needs to include a plan for cooperating about finances, coupled with strategies to keep them on the right track.

If Cinderella and the Prince find that they need help in doing this, they can find a family counselor who specializes in working with couples on money issues. Or they can check the internet for information specially geared to couples and money. They will find many helpful (and free) books and other resources as close as their near-

est public library. All Cinderella and the Prince need to do to get help in their search is to ask a librarian. They can talk to a financial planner to help them plan for the future. There are a variety of resources they can tap into.

STEP TWO: Cinderella and the Prince need to realize that they are not doing their children any favors by shielding them from reality. They can begin to talk to their children about money. They will educate their chil-

dren about how the monetary system works and stress the importance of managing money wisely. Being smart parents, they will give age appropriate information so that their children can become knowledgeable at a pace that fits their ability to understand. The couple will help their children to begin

saving. Cinderella and the Prince will give their children an allowance so they can learn to handle money of their own. And most importantly, they will teach their children to distinguish between a want and a need, so that they can make wise choices.

Again, there is help available if Cinderella and Prince look for it. There are books and programs available to help children understand financial decision-making, and become skilled at handling money.

STEP THREE: Cinderella and the Prince will have family discussions about money. They know it is important to talk about money, so they institute family meetings to discuss the household finances and plan for the future. They discuss current economic events and how this influences their lives. They teach their children about investing and help them set up saving and investment accounts. They dispel the myth that money is a taboo subject.

Myths can illuminate truth or conceal it. Cinderella and the Prince bought into some very seductive myths about love and money. Once they realize that, they have the power to make changes in their lives. Understanding the myths around money and relationships can give us the power to make new, healthier decisions about how we want our families to work.

Kay Lesh, Ph.D. is an educator and psychotherapist. She has worked as a therapist for over 30 years, and is licensed by the State of Arizona as a Professional Counselor and as a Marriage and Family Therapist. She has a private therapy practice in Tucson AZ. Additionally, she teaches Psychology at Pima Community College. She presents workshops, seminars and classes on a variety of personal growth issues. She has written a number of articles on topics related to the impact of physical disability, women and rehabilitation, dealing with suicide in the family, psychology of money, and developing self-esteem. Dr. Lesh is the co-author of “Building Self-Esteem: Strategies for Success in School and Beyond,” 3rd.

Edition, Prentice Hall, 2002; “Our Money Ourselves for Couples: A New Way of Relating to Money and Each Other,” Capitol Books, Inc. 2003, and “Our Money Ourselves: Redesigning Your Relationship with Money” Amacom Books, 1999.

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Busting Teen Myths

by Claudette Chenevert

We all love a great story where everything ends with people coming back together and living happily ever after. That’s in books and movies. Life is totally different.

There is no “Happily Ever After” because where there is happiness, there is sadness.

The two must coexist in order to be understood.

being an adult is all about. Sure, your teen may be telling you they don’t care if you are there, but the truth is, they would rather have you around than be alone. Who do you want your teenager hang around with? You or some gang? Your teen needs to know you are there for them no matter what happens.

Myths are born out of misperceptions and misunderstandings of the world and the people around them. When we take only bits and pieces of information out of context, which is when we create myths.

• Teens should hang out with their friends instead of going to their Dad’s every other weekend. If you are a divorced or separated parent and your teen gives you all kinds of excuses for not coming over, take the time to ask why. All children need both parents in their lives, even teens unless their lives are in danger. True, friends are important at this stage of a teen’s life and so are parents, especially if that parent is in the teen’s life every other weekend. Be interested in what they do. Ask questions that show an interest instead of lecturing.

Create positive experiences so that you can both enjoy each other’s company. The time will come soon enough that your teen will leave for college or work and things will never be the same again.

Let’s take teens for example. There are plenty of misconceived notions that teens are bad, get into trouble, only think about sex, do drugs, don’t care about anyone other than themselves, and are irresponsible and lazy. Wow, that’s a handful when you think about it. The question to ask ourselves is “Is it all true?”

What if what we thought about teens (or anyone for that matter) was all an illusion based on misinformation and untruths?

What would that look like in real life?

When we entertain myths, we encourage unrealistic expectations, disappointments and discouragements in ourselves and others.

Let’s demystify these assumptions about teens.

• Teens don’t need parents as much when they were little. I’ve personally seen the contrary where teens enjoy the idea of having someone home waiting for them.

I’m not saying that all teens enjoy having adults at home all the time, but it sure makes being home a lot more pleasant than an empty home, no matter what. As parents, your role is show and model what

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• Teens adapt faster to the new family. Not everyone adapts well to change and with teenagers, it may be even harder on them.

Teens are already struggling with trying to understand who they are and where they want to go. Loyalty issues may even be stronger with teens in that they have been with their biological parent longer and may not want to sever those ties. Teens often feel guilty about the separation or divorce of their parents, imagining they somehow had something to do with it. If your teen isn’t adapting to the new family, give them time and space but keep them involved with family activities. Have one on one conversations with them about

what’s going for them at school, their activities, and their friends. Stay engaged with your adolescent in a way they know you care about them.

• Teens don’t like to talk. They would rather be on their video games. Teens do love to talk, they simply do not want to be lectured. Refrain from passing judgment on what they are doing, the way they dress and the people they hang out with.

Teenagers do want to talk to their parents about what they think about life. They are seeking approval of their parents, not reprimand. Also if you are a step-parent and your step-teen is not talking to you, don’t confuse that with hating you. It may just be that you and he need to spend more time getting to know one another. Why not learn about that new video games he’s playing. You might just enjoy it and enjoy the company as well.

• My teen will come to me if and when she has a problem she wants to talk about.

We have a good relationship. If your teen does not feel it’s safe to come and share their thoughts and ideas with you, you won’t know about it. This is when your child goes and seeks advice from their peers simply because they feel heard and understood. Parents are often surprised to learn that their honor student got into trouble either with drugs, alcohol or sex through someone else. Your child may not be sharing everything with you if she feels that you will be disappointed in her. As the parent, you need to be the one creating that safe environment so that your daughter or son feels it’s OK to really share what’s going on in their lived, even the bad stuff. If you are the type that will blow up when things go wrong, it’s going to be hard for your teen to share freely with you.

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Stay calm and objective. Try to understand that your child is figuring out who she is in a world that embraces freedom over boundaries.

• Being a teen today is synonymous with being bad, disrespectful and lazy. Unfortunately, many adults see teens this way which perpetuates teens acting out because that is what is expected of them. Try to remember what it was like for you to be a teenager. Teens today have a lot of oppor-

tunities that can be more confusing that helpful. They need guidance more than put downs. Sometimes, simply exploring with them what their dreams and aspirations are can make a huge difference in the way you see them.

The way we perceive another person will likely encourage them to behave in that way. Being a teenager today can be more challenging than when we grew up. Life is more fast paced, teens are faced with more opportunities and choices than we ever

had, and values are implied rather than lived.

By expecting the best from your teenagers, staying involved in their lives and being interested in who they are, you will discover that your son or daughter needs you more than you could ever imagine. Give your teenager what they are looking for and bust those myths once and for all.

Claudette Chenevert known as the Stepmom Coach works with stepfamilies who are struggling to create a cohesive family life. Speaker, author and Stepfamily Relationship coach, Claudette mentors and guides stepfamilies to create a harmonious and thriving homelife.

Families see results within the first two sessions and by the 12th session, they are THRIVING! For more information on programs and services, go to http://www.stepmomcoach.com.

“Busting The Wicked Stepmom Myth” By: Cameron Trotter

Almost every child has seen the movie “Cinderella.” I agree that I enjoyed that movie growing up. If you think about it, they portray a very bad message about “evil” stepmothers. The truth is that stepmothers are just like any other family member. They are there for you when you need them, they love you very much, and most of all, they care about you. They most certainly do not hate you.

I couldn’t even imagine living without my stepmother, Christina. She is a great person and has accomplished many amazing things in life. In my opinion, she is no monster, she is a role model. Even though I don’t get to spend a ton of time with her, I treasure the time that I do. I feel at home with her. I believe that the myth about evil stepmothers is totally wrong, because I couldn’t live without mine.

Cameron Trotter is in 7th grade. Loves softball, basketball and her family.

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GOOD READS Spanning fifty years, the author cinematically splices suspense and fairy tales into a spine-tingling memoir that is equal-part family saga, psychotherapy, and jigsaw puzzle. It stumbles down the dark alleys of America and into the invisible lives of the homeless while rummaging through the lonely streets of rejection and into the raw trap of abuse and addiction. Constantly transforming, it travels inside a living breed called family and the ties that bind them, leaving you spellbound and speechless. It gifts you hope and belief, but more importantly, it shows you love. Forgiveness is learned and lives understood as this dark tale unravels awareness, enlightenment, and eventual salvation. Delivered is thankfulness for faith, family, and oneself as you learn to take the happilies while gifted. Every single one of them. Every single time.

The Gift of Imperfection: Let go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to be and Embrace Who You Are Brene Brown, a leading expert on shame, authenticity and belonging, shares ten guideposts on the power of Wholehearted living--a way of engaging with the world from a place of worthiness

Summer Fun 2014 Choice!!

The Jennifers is a richly moving and fun tale of friendship, love, divorce, and the reality of motherhood, which is brought to life in a deep and funny way. There are many twists and turns in this extraordinary ordinary life of a mom. Fun, fashion, stimulating conversation, and SEX are abundant, in this poignant and real love story with depth and raw emotion. The Jennifers lead extraordinary ordinary lives and you cheer everyone on, as they become your friends too. You fall madly in love with Pink before she falls in love with herself, which is the ultimate goal. It’s not your ordinary friendship story or finding yourself tale, but really a love story with herself.

An enchanting, engaging, and insightful work that investigates the power of our creativity and our relationship to the laws of the universe.”—Caroline Myss, author ofEntering the Castle and Anatomy of the Spirit

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Licensed by Frank Baird & Walk a Mile in Her Shoes速, a Venture Humanity, Inc. Project

Walk a Mile in Her Shoes速 Chester County, Pennsylvania MAY 4, 2014 To Benefit: Domestic Violence Center of Chester County. http://www.walkamileinhershoes.org

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STORIES OF

COUR AGEOUS vulnerability

“People being courageously vulnerable, out of which life changing moments occur, that take our breath away.”

Global Team: •ROSS TROTTER •DINESHH SHAH

•CHRISTINA MARIE •WENDY ZALLES

• KATHERINE PEDRICK-FILER

•ANASUYA ISAACS •JUDI ROMAINE

C O U R A G E O U S V U L N E R A B I L I T Y: L I V I N G L I F E T O T H E F U L L E S T E A C H D AY

STORIES OF COURAGEOUS VULNERABILITY A book of collective stories from around the world. Each story uniquely different yet all embracing and true to being Courageously Vulnerable. This courage and vulnerability has empowered each author to transform in ways that will “take your breath away” While we have 38 stories from around the Globe, below is excerpts from just a few!

Each Excerpt reflects only a small portion of the author’s story.

http://www.lulu.com/shop/christina-ross/stories-of-courageous-vulnerability/paperback/product-20774101.html

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