Expanded Family Magazine Spring 2015

EXPANDED FAMILY Magazine It’s all about connection a

a

Spring 2015

GOOD READS Page 28

The Importance of Ritual in Everyday Living Page 16

By: Susan Hough and Jen Hutchinson

Connecting The World One Stone At A Time By: Edie Weinstein

Why I Adopted a 20 Year Old

Page 30

By: Shannon Paige Page 4

• EXPANDED FAMILY MAGAZINE •

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TABLE ON CONTENTS PAGE 4

Gratitude and why I adopted a twenty year old By: Shannon Paige

PAGE 8

You Are Enough By: Victoria Devine Paige

PUBLISHER’S NOTE “I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

-Brené Brown

PAGE 10

Trust=Connection, Bust=No Connection By: Dr Rusty Stewart

PAGE 12

How Fitness Connects Me to Self and to Others

By Annette Padilla

PAGE 14

What Makes you Feel Connected?

PAGE 16

The Importance of Ritual in Our Lives Today: Reconnecting With Our Life’s Purpose By: Susan Hough & Jen Hutchinson

Happy 5 Years Expanded Family!

How my Parents’ Decision To Divorce Led Me To Where I am Today By: Dr. Jackie Waice

I’m forever grateful for every person who has been a part of our Expanded Family Magazine for the past 5 years.

Caring and Sharing: The Money Connection By: Dr Kay Lesh

In this issue, our theme is “Connection,” and here’s how that happened...Normally I listen to my family, friends, and anyone who shares with me, and a theme begins to be born for each issue of the magazine.

PAGE 20 PAGE 22 PAGE 24 PAGE 30 PAGE 32 PAGE 34

My Special Child by: Carrie Ann Klineburger Connecting the World one Stone at a time By: Edie Weinstein Connecting To India By: Sushma Pankule At the End of the Day

By Leah Stauffer

This time, I was thinking “tribe” when I made one of my creative emergency phone calls to our “At the End of the Day” columnist, Leah Stauffer. It was she who suggested this theme! I thought, “how perfect!” So, here we are, with a beautiful collection of connections!

Happy Reading!

In-Joy Christina Marie www.christinamariewhinnery.com

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Gratitude….

And Why I Adopted a Twenty Year Old by: Shannon Paige

When asked to share my feelings on gratitude, what I was most grateful for, and to offer something that might inspire that feeling in others, I smiled and knew just what I would share. Just over a month ago, at the ripe old age of 42, I legally adopted a 20-year-old woman named Victoria Devine. To those who don’t know me well, this decision seemed a little odd. To those who do know me, it may have seem perfectly in step with my unconventional way of walking my own path through this world. In truth, it was one the most natural, positive, and profound decisions I have ever made.

Just becoming a young woman myself, I fought an arduous battle with cancer. By far the most devastating of its consequences was when I was told I could never have children, at 21. So youthful, I had carelessly written off any desire to be a mother, I had other dreams to conquer. Those dreams changed with time and were all so powerful before I learned that it was no longer an option.

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Perhaps in response to such a close brush with death, I have lived a very full life and have always had a hard time accepting a tradition “no” or defeat. Likewise, in response to being unable to have children myself, I have embraced an unconventional sense of motherhood. I have become the “mother figure” to many of younger yoga colleagues. I thrive in mentorship, and adore nurturing the frightened skills of one who is just finding her voice to share it, proudly.

Without going into her vulnerable and personally painful backstory, Victoria, Tori, grew up, just outside the sense of belonging, safe and loved. She was raised with the qualities of abuse and disconnection. She felt unloved when I met her, a meek girl unable to maintain eye contact. I knew her for three years before this all began, a being unloved by a history and a world constantly affirming her greatest fear, that she was unworthy of love. Over those three years. I was so grateful that she let me in and I loved her hard. I tried to teach her that she mattered • EXPANDED FAMILY MAGAZINE •

tremendously to me and that the way she walked in the world deserved respect and kindness from others. I opened her grateful wide eyes that not only did she belong in our crazy band of mystic yogis, searching for love and connection, she was emerging as a leader of it.

The idea of adoption came one day before a Pure Barre class, when someone made a comment mistaking me for Victoria’s mother.

We both laughed. Just going into class, she poked me in the side, “You would be an awesome mom.”

“I would be,” I replied, “I missed that boat, didn’t I.” She then looked me square in the eyes and asked the question that changed everything: “Would you ever consider adopting me?”

My eyes started to swell with tears, as the class’s music started to thump loudly, saving me from publically breaking down into a puppy pile of connection, honesty, and finding my near grown up baby girl standing nowhere other than right in front of me.

“Wow. Maybe that is a genius idea,” I was barely able to mutter. I practiced, all the while considering how much I negated motherhood since it simply was not an option, from the age of 21. How I had shelved those feelings, cried for them a few times and lost beautiful men along the way, who wanted their own children and not the complication of an adoption or a barren woman. I smiled my way through it all, this decision taken from me with my uterus to save my life.

Convincing myself, I did not want a child. Now, I questioned, how much living I could have done if given the opportunity to feel and give to another, the way a mother gives to a child. I felt the pangs of wanting to be needed. I felt the random want of the dramatic call of “MOM,” in the middle of the night, more than anything in the whole world. I wanted to be the one that could be an anchor and love whole-heartedly from that heavy and stable place.

At the end of class, I said with a whole heart, towards my dear,

Tori, “Yes, I want to be your mom.

Let’s explore and talk about what this means. This is a big choice.

One cannot undo this decision.

It is love. It is life. It is family.”

Over the course of a couple weeks we talked about what it would look like and what we might need from one another. It actually prompted a big part of me to consider serious “adult” things like a will, my financial future, retirement and all intentions I had around my own death, ceremony, etc. All these serious things tangled into the joy of what time we wanted to spend together, what she needed to learn from a mama, where we wanted to live, her schooling, and a sincere promise, by each of, us NOT just to pick up and move, cut and run. We were making a commitment to a family.

I sourced the mothers I knew, those with adult children, including my own, and asked for opinions, ideas, resources, and inspirations. Not a single one gave me reasons not to move forward, though many reflected back a curiosity of why adopt and adult? Does she really • EXPANDED FAMILY MAGAZINE •

need a mom? I replied to each of them, including my own mother, “Sh*t, I need you, a mama, all l the time, nearly everyday!!” To that my own mother laughed in knowingness and gratitude and asked when she could meet her granddaughter.

Many of them told me that the real richness of their relationships with their children began only after they no longer had to worry about “keeping them alive”. They told me that it was when their children were stepping into adulthood that they were finally able to truly connect, communicate, and love. So in a way, adopting a 20-year-old was like diving straight into the real nectar of a familial relationship.

Terrified to get exactly what I have spent my adult life unconsciously wanting, a daughter. I live facing the beautiful, smart, and capable woman who wants me to be her mom. In the face of the responsibility of all that, I said yes. With my heart more certain than it has ever been, I said yes.

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Wow. I was about to be a “we,” and not just a me.

She was about to have someone who would love her, come-whatmay. She was about to have someone who would be there in the middle of the night, if she ever dramatically called, “Mom.” We were about to HAVE an immediate family of strength, collaboration, though unconventional, build on mutual choice and gratitude.

It’s not that I have just taken on a legal daughter. I have defied the limits of time and circumstance. I have become evermore clear since that day about the people I want to be in HER and MY life. I am more conscious about actively choosing the tribe that helps raise her out of old self-limiting perceptions and into her new story. I am weaving together a tapestry of sisters, brothers, uncles, and grandfathers and grandmothers to teach her that love is something real and good to both give and receive.

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What are we giving each other?

We see each other everyday. I get texts that say, “I love you mom.”

I send her the same and affirmations that she is rocking it so hard at school and at her job. I get “I need you” calls in the middle of the night and I nearly burst out in tears each time knowing I can help mend a boy’s actions against her, or her fear of a poor test score and its dramatic repercussions on her future. We are lovingly giving each other time and the chance to step from circumstance into the ability to grow up and grow old truly serving love and choice.

Honestly, look around at those closest to you. They may have the will and grit of true family, though not bound by DNA. We all have the power to pick a family we were not born into and it does not make the love any less. Love will always find a way. As a mystic, I follow love’s path. It has seldom steered me wrong and has always made me wake up to the beauty that presents itself, RIGHT in front of me, not over the next hill, or if and • EXPANDED FAMILY MAGAZINE •

when conditions shift or improve or have an alternative quality.

She I are learning, separately and together, to refuse to miss out on the texture of love, the timing of trust, and the effort it takes to remain connected in a world that is messy and busy and sometimes hard. There is not a doubt in my mind or my heart, that she is the best decision I have ever been honored to make.

With Love, From My Mama-Ness, With Great Love to My Family Own Family of Blood, Who Adores My Tori and…. Supports My Choice.

To My Chosen One, I waited my WHOLE LIFE for You. I love You Tori.

Great Love, Shan

Shannon Paige Living whole-heartedly as a teacher of teachers, Shannon is a noted spoken word artist, poet, sacred storyteller, and previously published author. Shannon currently writes for Yoga Journal and has been a featured teacher in Yoga Journal, Origin Magazine and Yoga International.

She will be the nationally featured yoga teacher of the December 2014 Issue of Yoga Journal, in an article discussing her influences, focuses, inspirations, survival of cancer, and mission as a change agent in the world of positive transformation through the modalities of yoga. She serves on the national Yoga Journal Conferences and Wanderlust Faculties Teacher Trainings and Tours. She infuses her bodies of work, practices and trainings with a fullness of her experience traveling and mentoring directly with Shiva Rea for twelve years. Her primary sources of current influence and mentorship are with Gary Kraftsow and Sally Kempton. As such, her instruments of instruction are both unique, poetic, while strikingly detailed and clear. She is a noted “Editor’s Pick” TedX Speaker, she is described by many as “confidently vulnerable” and therefore, one who inspires positive change. She is the Founder of Anjali Restorative Yoga, Bala Therapeutic Yoga, And Embody Yoga. Shannon is based out of Boulder, Colorado, is a loving mother to her daughter, and travels nationally and internationally to deliver transformative talks, yoga workshops, trainings and retreats.

TO VIEW SHANNON PAIGE’S “EDITOR’S PICK” TEDX TALK HTTPS://WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/WATCH?V=UCGUO6UNS34 TO VIEW SHANNON PAIGE’S WEBSITE: WWW.EMBODIEDPOETRY.COM Shannon’s National Sponsors and Endorsements: • • dor • dor • • •

Manduka Mats – National Ambassador Sankalpa – Boulder Based, Mala Company, National AmbassaCrane and Lion – California, Primary Product Launch AmbassaBhakti Chai, Beverage – Boulder Based, National Ambassador Om Collection, Boulder Based, National Ambassador Prana, Regional Ambassador

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You are enough by: Victoria Devine Paige

My adoptive mom wrote a blog today about why she adopted me.

She mentioned, very little, saying that I was abused.

As I was reading that, I was blessed that she shared that aspect.

I want people to know that you can still grow and live a wonderful life even if you have been abused in the past. Though I was grateful for her mentioning the abuse, I felt weird. My heart began beating fast, my breath was becoming short, and my hands twisted.

I was mad. I am mad. I am mad that my own birth mother killed my childhood.

She made me grow up at such a young age. Yes, I completely

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rebelled at the sharpness of her directed pain with drugs, snuck out, and didstupid things in general. I wanted attention. I wanted positive attention from the one person from whom I didn’t get it from. I would lie to my friends, as I was so ashamed about how I felt inside about my own mother.

I never expressed my emotions in a positive or productive way.

I never learned how to do so. My biological mother would always blame her insane, hard drug addiction on me. I won’t get into detail, but I went to the hospital numerous times because of her.

I was close to death at least four times.

Finally, my childhood best friend called DCF, my boyfriend at the time took me in because he saw

the damage, the black eye, and understood what she was doing to me. I was SO close in going to a shelter; however, the love of a chosenfamily welcomed me into their homes and lives.

The pain did not stop there.

Not yet. I am continuing to struggle. In late August, I was diagnosed with depression. I was so hurt that I had to take pills to make me “okay”. I missed two weeks of school because I felt that heavy. I couldn’t and wouldn’t talk to any of my friends because I did not have energy to talk to them. I am still somewhat “depressed,” and I want to give in but I won’t.

Just when I was about to go back into depression, Shannon Paige

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took me in and adopted me. Shannon has told me many timesnot to give up. How can I give up when I finally have a woman who is rooting for me in every way possible?

I have known her for three years and the love she has for me is beyond words. I was her yoga student.

I came in not knowing where I belonged, but she has helped me realized that I AM ENOUGH. Once her yoga student and now I am her 20 year old daughter.This is so cool.

I don’t think anyone understands how blessed I am to have this relationship with this outstanding woman. She took me in and helped me fight battles that I could not have won. She taught me how to love myself, not talk to mean boys and to eat a banana when I have a Charley Horse. She has taught me

many things that mothers teach their children. Now, I am not writing this because I want attention, but instead I am sharing this to show people that your past does not define your NOW. I am begging you. Never give up. I promise, from the bottom of my heart, that it does get better. The key is to move towards great things.

someone looking to love you. Raise your eyes, you might just find your chosen family staring back. You are enough. You are enough. You are enough. I am here for you, as living proof that from abuse can grow great love. Everyone deserves love and family, strength, and encouragement.

I ask you to do one thing. Go look in the mirror and say “*Your name * is enough”; when you say your name, instead of I, you get a rush of enjoyment.

I am writing in response to my mother’s blog, just know that you are enough, no matter what lingers from your past. When you feel alone, just know that you have

Victoria Devine Paige is a junior at University of Colorado , Boulder where she thrives in studying both Neuroscience and Sociology. At the age of 16, Victoria found her passion for yoga. Its not until she was 18 when she decided that she wanted to become a teacher and study under Shannon Paige.

It took her two years to complete a training, but with dedication and a lot of hard-work she is now certified in both Vinyasa and Anjali Restorative yoga.

Her goal, for when she teaches, is to make people be comfortable in the uncomfortable in a safe environment. “ I want my students to trust, respect, and love themselves as much as possible. Being comfortable in the uncomfortable will allow them, us, to grow as a person and a community. In order to hit that comfort zone,one must know that they are enough and that is what i do. I give them tools so they can explore the realization that they are exactly who they are suppose to be and show them that when things get tough, always remember that they are enough.” Besides studying and practicing yoga, Victoria loves to be up on the mountains, sleep in her hammock and read a good book.

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Trust = Connection, Bust = No Connection

By: Dr. Rusty Stewart Over the last 15 years of practicing relationship coaching I have found that the number one blockage that people have with deep connection in relationships is trust. This issue of trust is twofold. First and foremost is the lack of trust we have with ourselves. Secondly, this makes it almost impossible to trust others, especially with our romantic partner(s). As a result we have a limited or busted connection in our closest relationships. The key to solving this dilemma of trust is to transform negative relationship patterns from our past that keep rearing their ugly heads like the movie “GROUNDHOG DAY!” (A movie where the actor Bill Murray wakes up every day over and over again to relive the same day to get another opportunity to change the way he does things, relates to people, and his outlook on life.) Let me explain.

When we have issues of trust with self we will almost certainly have a faulty or fuzzy connection with ourselves. It’s kind of like when our cell

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phone connection breaks up. Now before we go any further ask yourself this question, how many promises have I broken with myself? If you are like me, there are WAY too many to count! These broken promises lead to a poor sense of self worth, self confidence, self esteem, self expression, and thus, a correspondingly busted connection with self and a view that we are untrustworthy. It’s our first hand experience with ourselves which we typically don’t want to deal with so we instead project our lack of trust onto others. Make sense?

All of our trust stuff comes from our interpretations we made in childhood. These original events are programmed into our unconscious like a computer, except it’s like a virus and/ or malware. Fast forward 30 or so years and presto, we have ingrained negative relationship patterns. So to continue with the computer analogy, what we need is an anti virus and/or anti malware program which gets to the hidden core issues and

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erases or quarantines them. We have to do the same with getting to the source of our negative relationship patterns. When we do this we uncover blind spots that enable us to transform and END “Groundhog Day!” You with me? Ok, so how do we do this?

I have found that the 2 pronged approach works best. The first is to work on releasing the emotional triggers based on your skewed perceptions of early events in life. Find a good therapist that uses regression techniques to lessen or eliminate childhood misperceptions that contribute to a lack of trust and negative relationship patterns. A couple examples of the therapeutic methods could be hypnotherapy and breathwork. Energy work complements the above examples nicely as it helps to “loosen up” body’s emotional memory from the past. One big benefit you will receive is the ability to create a larger gap when getting triggered which allows you to consciously CHOOSE to respond rather

than react! In responding you will be able to own your triggers and realize it is your baggage and not the other person. This eliminates or reduces blame and victimhood and fosters deeper connection and intimacy. Doesn’t that sound great?

The second approach is to cultivate a nurturing LOVE AFFAIR with yourself! This involves transforming your thoughts and actions and putting an end to the insanity of doing the same things over and over again expecting different results. Stillness practices are wonderful ways to BE with and connect to your HIGHER SELF! This is the self that is nothing but Love. Some examples of how to nurture and connect with your inner higher knowing are meditation, yoga, breathwork, walking in nature, taking a hot bath with candles and incense, getting a massage or facial, going on a silent retreat, etc.

When we carve out time to attend to loving ourselves, trust blossoms like a beautiful Lotus flower. Thus, we follow our intuition more which cultivates connection with others by lowering our fear of intimacy walls. Yummy huh?

Oops, I almost forgot about our thoughts which can inspire new and different action. No mistake there, LOL! You know that little voice in your head, the one that we

call the inner critic. BEWARE! That voice is not your best friend! In fact you wouldn’t say those things to your best friend. When the inner critic elicits fear, say thank you for sharing and take risk and uncomfortable action anyway, in spite of fear. We all have fear. What separates the people that bust the negative relationship patterns from the ones that are stuck in “Groundhog Day,” is what we do in the face of fear. And trusting one’s self goes a long way in walking through fear.

This results in new and different inspiring thoughts, which leads to more new action and extraordinary relationships with ourselves and others! Pretty cool, yes?

In wrapping up, remember that you are 100% responsible for creating your life and spectacular relationships. It all comes down to loving and trusting ourselves. This establishes deep connection and intimacy. See a powerful therapist! Seed a stillness practice and water it daily. Fall in Love with yourself! And produce and direct your own Love Story that blows “Groundhog Day” right off the charts! It’s your life.

Now take new and different action and get award winning results. Oh, and don’t forget about that pesky inner critic. There are two voices and two choices. Which one do you

choose?

Bio: Dr. Rusty Stewart is the owner of Dr. Rusty’s Love Shack and Personal Growth Alternatives, LLC. He is the founder of the Soulmate Mania Summit. Rusty is a Relationship Transformation Coach, Professional Inspirational Speaker, Psychotherapist, Hypnotherapist,Breathwork Facilitator, Usui and Shamanic Reiki Master.

He has been practicing successfully in his business and delivering sensational results for his audiences and clients for 14 years!

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www.drrustysloveshack.com www.rustystewartphd.com

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How Fitness Connects Me to Self and to Others

By Annette Padilla

No matter where you go, in the perpetual end, there’s that smile. That inner grin. That look and feeling that says “I matter.

I am important. And nobody, including myself, can ever nor will ever take that from me again.”

It’s the struggle of considering the fight ahead. The only time to work out is before the family gets up. The only “me” time you’ll get is waking at 4:30am to meet your trainer at 5:00am, for a half hour only. Is a half hour worth it? Is a half hour worth the inevitable fatigue during the day and the constant rush to and from work?

And then by some miracle you get to leave work early, so you shoot home for the 15 minutes of quiet time and then you remember you forgot to get the film developed for your daughter. And after a long day and your 90-minute commute, there goes your 15 minutes. Again.

You’ve made the decision, so you go to the gym to meet me at 5:00am. You hired me because you looked me up on Yelp and 12

read the reviews, and you believe I can help you. And so we work together for the next 2.5 months.

I see your struggle. I watch you in physical pain. You’ve given up the excuse that “it’s the baby fat;” (your child is now 6). I see the exhaustion in your face and I feel your frustration. We spend one training session with you in complete meltdown. You cry and wipe your tears on your favorite magenta long sleeve V-neck top.

You feel that your entire life is a failure. We sit. I listen. Our time is up and you get up and start walking to the exit. You dropped your magenta top and didn’t even know it. As the music from the 25-person boot camp pounds the gym walls, you leave in silence.

It’s a new day and we’re back!

Today you allow me to fix your aching-for-the-last-25 years knee that was due to a high school injury. You allow me to educate you as to why I make you do so many painful 45 degree glute pushes and you continue to do them. Two weeks later and with• EXPANDED FAMILY MAGAZINE •

out you even knowing it, the neck pain you came in complaining about no longer exists. It was those painful 45 degree glute pushes that healed your hurting neck. That’s my fun. I’m sneaky.

We continue training and your consistency turns into more intensity. Intensity turns to “now you’re addicted.” to feeling good through physical exercise.

We maximize on your reignited mindset and that turns into hard-core training. Now we have you swinging a sledge hammer, flipping a tire, doing box jumps and running 1.25 miles to Costco and back, all in your 30 minutes, and all pain-free.

Three holidays pass. You got new brakes on your car. A friend passes away. Your child lost two teeth and gained 3 pounds. Your divorce became final. You go from wearing your long, black, ankle-covering runner leggings and your favorite, yet worn and now very faded, magenta, long sleeve V-neck top to your new, vibrant, royal blue, Nike capris

I matter. I am important. And nobody, including myself, can ever nor will ever take that from me again. and fluorescent yellow racer back top and you look radiant.

At this point you don’t even care about how much you weigh because we’ve trained you to look at the magnificence of your inner self and all the empowerment that implies-and you listened.

It is our last training day and you’re about to leave the area, as planned, to start a new life after the divorce. I see a new you.

Your eyes say what only a heart of pure joy and peace can say, without saying a word. We embrace. The kind of embrace that says, “I see you and I will love you forever.” And as you leave I toss something into your arms. You open it from end to end. You look down as you place it across your chest; it’s your long-sleeve magenta top you dropped that dark day. Only this day, your magenta top stretches 3 inches wid-

er than your shoulders when on day 1 it fit tight on your body.

There’s that smile. That inner grin. That look and feeling that says “says “I matter. I am important. And nobody, including myself, can ever nor will ever take that from me again.”

And that’s how fitness connects me to Self and to others:

Annette is a personal trainer, group X fitness instructor and a lifestyle coach. Since 1984 her passion has been one of conscious awareness and deliberate action toward the nurturing of the spirit within, educating that the physical changes are a direct result of the level of deservancy one chooses to acknowledge and grow. Annette’s approach is unique and humorous. Specializing in core conditioning and integrity of movement while treating the problem rather than the symptom, makes Annette an expert in empowering the spirit while encouraging the physical results that people desire, enabling pain-free movement and the indulgence of life. http://absolute-fitness-results.com/about.html

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Giving to others looking at the water on the beach and looking at the stars in the sky

Contribution

Connected as part of my daily ritual of meditation, journaling and creating a daily affirmation. I find when I start my day with these three elements I am fully connected all day long

We asked people...

“What makes you feel connected?”

And here are Their answers....

A Warm Hug Laughter

Up close and personal interacting

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Playing with my cats Family and Friends

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Genuine relationships/friendships Worship for connection to God

A good book

Walking in Nature

Sex When I am in a creative flow, where ideas seem to pour through me

What makes me feel connected is recognizing that each human being on the planet has the desire to love and be loved.

We may express the need in various ways and not always gracefully and require a means of translating so that others can understand us. I feel connected to myself when I allow for full human BE-ingness in flow with life as it shows up instead of resisting what is. I feel connected to Spirit all the time. I don’t differentiate between spirituality and the other aspects of my life, since it is a thread that weaves it all together.

I believe that we ARE nature too, so there is no disconnect there either. As such, I am responsible to live so as to contribute to the wellness of the world.

Doing for others, making people happy and seeing people happy

Family and emails from my daughter

My grandkids Feeling loved and having someone to love

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“The purpose of ritual is to connect us to our own essence, to help us tune into the collective spirit, or to mend whatever is broken, so we can start anew.”

Spirit Is Coming Back For Us

The Importance of Ritual in Our Lives Today: Reconnecting With Our Life’s Purpose BY: Susan Hough and Jen Hutchinson “In my tradition before we come here, we all go into the Spirit office, with all the gods and goddesses, whatever name you like to call them, and we actually bring them a plan, like a dissertation.

Based on what we present to them, they put their stamp of approval on what we are going to do. So when you come here you are backed by all of the gods and goddesses and ancestors, you are not coming by yourself. You are backed by powerful forces.” – Sobonfu Somé, Keeper of the Rituals In the indigenous Dagara tribe of Burkina Faso, West Africa, you begin your life connected to Source. It’s where you receive what the Dagara refer to as your

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GIFT. The Dagara believe that every one brings something vital in to Village life; something that is needed now, something that will be needed, or something that it has been waiting for. Every GIFT is a thread in the vitality and the holistic sustainability of the ways and life of the Village. Once you arrive, it is your community’s responsibility to recognize, nurture and mentor your GIFT; and to keep you connected to Source through rites and rituals One of the first rituals you take part in is the Hearing Ritual. This is the moment when the people in your community first come together, when your Mother is still pregnant, to literally hear about the

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GIFT you are brining in, about your purpose, about what ‘went down for you’ in the ‘Spirit Office.’

All of the women in the Village come and gather around your mother. They sing, and chant and hold her, as Sobonfu tells us, “The elders ask you, ‘who are you?

Why are you coming here?’ You take over your mother’s voice and you speak back, ‘this is who I am. I am coming to do this and this.’ And based on that information, the elders prepare the appropriate ritual space to receive you. They make sure everything is ready here before you are born. After your birth, the elders make sure they surround you with things that will help you remember and accomplish

the purpose you have described. ”They name you according to your GIFT,” and “when you reach adolescence and go through initiation, you go back to the time before you were born to remember what you said.”

Sobonfu, considered one of the foremost voices in African spirituality, whose name means ‘Keeper of the Rituals,’ explains that, “Ritual is to the soul what food is to the physical body. We often say in my tradition that you’re either doing a ritual, thinking about getting into one, are in the middle of one, or just finished one. The purpose of ritual is to connect us to our own essence, to help us tune into the collective spirit, or to mend whatever is broken, so we can start anew.”

Spirit is everywhere in Village life – in ritual, in the communal life, in relationships, and in your name. Living this way, it’s not difficult to stay connected. But our ‘villages,’ our families and communities, are fractured- by geography, divorce, trauma, and technology. How do we (re)connect to our purpose, to our ‘essence,’ to our GIFT, when they are not recognized and nurtured? We are not renewed to our inner essence by spiritual, transformational experiences as a natural way of life.

Although we are born whole people, we loose connection to our Gift, and

to Source. We know it is there. We ‘feel it in our bones,’ we quicken with the spark of intuition; we experience epiphanies born from the deepest knowing of ourselves, which awakens us, in our consciousness, to who we really are. We sense that we are living the lives we have been called to live. How do we string enough of these moments together to center our personal transformational journeys? This process isn’t easy. It is often tumultuous, it can feel like a roller coaster, we get off balance, and experience loss of control, fear, anger and desperation…chasing the tail of the person we know our true self to be.

The transformation process is constantly calling up that which isn’t serving usfrom the deep- in order to bring it into consciousness where it can be healed and transformed. We are constantly shedding skins, we are constantly in a state of returning to and becoming who we really are, whom we started off to be.

Luckily, for all of us, not only in particular those of us who live in the West, but for anyone effected by its particular paradigm; we are in a time when Spirit is trying to (re)connect with us – this ancient wisdom is returning. It’s churning up inside of us, in our culture, it’s returning from the deep of our collective unconscious into our consciousness, where it can be healed and transformed.

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The good news is that Spirit is coming back for us. It has heard us calling it in, in this modern age. Spirit is coming back with the thread of indigenous knowledge, to (re)connect us to Source, and to our true selves. Spirit wants to support us in manifesting the great transformation.

Spirit is finding its ways to connect with us individually. When we are ready to receive it, Spirit is waiting at that exact place to meet us.

Susan Hough, Co-Founder of Living Your Gifts, had a book brought into her life that (re)connected her to the ancient wisdom. It was Sobonfu Somés, The Spirit of Intimacy. In particular this book, simply and beautifully, practically and profoundly, relates the ways and some of the rites and rituals of the Dagara people. Sobonfu’s GIFT to her community, is to help keep the indigenous knowledge alive, and to travel the world bringing this knowledge to those who need it.

More than in the words of the book, Susan felt in her bones the truth and the transformational healing power that was missing from the ‘therapeutic’ mental health field, where she was employed as a Social Worker. At times she sensed, and at other times she experienced that the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), did not include the dis-ease of being disconnected from

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Spirit. She witnessed how the paradigm of Western medicine, which did not address the whole spiritual being in its treatment standard, was only a Band-Aid, and kept many of the clients in a functional stasis of their disease.

She resonated with the need for community, as the small town she was raised in grew, and the familial and communal connections stretched, broke, or disappeared. When she began to work with Sobonfu, and later attended and graduated from her Ritual Healing Village, she gained first hand knowledge of the power of ritual- in daily life, in times of need, as a practice, as a framework for the transformational journey.

Susan began to develop small, private gatherings in her home. They were grounded in the traditional self-help group framework, but she incorporated Dagara philosophy and ritual. She witnessed how –when people were enabled to connect to Source, and to their essence- they moved issues, traumas, and patterns up and out of themselves, and that the work went beyond self-help, into the realm of healing.

During this time, she also helped to establish the teen fundraising program, Walking for Water, which is now a part of Sobonfu’s nonprofit, Wisdom Springs, Inc., established to educate and keep the indigenous Dagara knowledge, ways and rites alive. Susan brought Somé into her local school system to talk to the students about life in her native Burkina Faso. Sobonfu told the story of walking for up to 6, or 8 hours a day for fresh water. One of the students, remarked, “If they have to walk for water, why can’t we?” They organized a local 5K-and10K walk that has now grown into a 2-State program, led entirely by teens that has raised over $300,000 to build nearly 30 wells in indigenous communities. The students get connected to their GIFTS, during the program, completing the various tasks needed to organize, publicize, and produce the Walk. Susan began to understand that her GIFT was helping to

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intuitively see and guide others to their own.

This is where Spirit was waiting at that exact place to meet her. In 2013, she founded Living Your Gifts, with her business partner, Jen Hutchinson, to help others (re)connect to their GIFTS. It is imbued with the principals of staying connected to Source, being supported in your transformational journey by community, and creating sacred space for healing and transformation with rituals.

“Indigenous wisdom is comprised of the learning that has occurred in diverse locations around the world from people who have spent centuries deeply studying their intimate relationships with all dimensions of reality. Although such wisdom has been largely ignored, suppressed, or marginalized, more and more critical and creative thinkers are recognizing its importance.” – Four Arrows Spirit is coming back for us. When we hear it calling, like in the Village, we have ‘to go back to the time before we were born to remember what we said’ we were here to do. What aids in this process of remembering?

Co-Creating Your Life With Spirit The Dagara call on their ancestors, those with whom they met in the ‘Spirit Office,’ to guide them in ‘co-create’ lives of purpose. By connecting to your lineage you are connecting to the patterns that you may have been dealing with for generations. It is your ancestors ’job’ to help you to plot your course. You can also call on “the pool of the ancestors;” anyone who is passed but was not in your genealogy- even trees, animals, rocks, rivers and mountains are considered to be part of the pool of the ancestors. You call on them when you need help transforming a pattern of behavior, or to help you see through a blind spot. The Dagara also call in the Spirits of the elements - Fire, Water, Earth, Mineral and Nature- in their Medicine Wheel, to aid and assist them with specific life matters. For example the wa-

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ter element confers peace, and is called in to remove obstacles, and return you to the natural flow of your life. The Mineral element is connected to communication and ‘stories,’ and may be called upon to help you change a story in your life that is no longer working. In each Living Your Gifts Women’s Discovery Circle, we create a ritual around one element for that week, to support your transformational journey. We might call in Nature if we need help removing a mask. In practice, this provides new ways of seeing, that create those ‘aha!’ moments of self-discovery.

Community In the Village, it requires a community to listen, prepare for, and nurture your GIFT. This community goes beyond your immediate family. In fact in the Dagara village, there is little distinction between biological and non-biological ‘family.’ In fact Sobonfu tells a story that when she was around five, someone from outside the village asked her who her ‘mother’ was, to which she replied with confusion, ‘they are all my mother.’

We discovered that a Mom’s group could be like the village hearing ritual. We gather around our mothers to listen for the GIFTS that we can support in her children- as we support her parenting and mentoring. We honor the sacred place of mothering and mentoring and without being directly related; we uphold and nurture the GIFTS that sustain our global human village Ritual and Initiation In addition to ritual, the purpose of which is ‘to connect us to our own essence, to… tune into the collective spirit, or to mend whatever is broken,’ we consider the container of initiation- that is missing in our Western world- or rather, healthy, guided initiation.

“When we left our indigenous tribes, we gained much in the way of individual freedom, but we lost much of our under-

standing of the necessity of ceremony and initiation...we still require initiations, rituals...so that we may grow into conscious individuals.” -Karla McLaren, The Language of Emotions Traditionally, McLaren relates, “Tribal initiations are performed as a way to guide members through life’s transitions. Tribal societies create a container and a foundation from which all growth and transition can be understood and overseen.” The most basic initiation or rite is characterized by three stages: isolation or separation from the ‘known world,’ experiencing an ordeal or trial, and the return/welcoming back as an initiated adult. Each stage is crucial to the whole, and all phases must be completed for the transformational process to be complete. In our society, she notes, “Initiation occurs whether we want it to or not.” This can refer to entering adolescence without a guided rite of passage, or returning from recovery back into one’s ‘old’ life. She continues, “When we don’t understand this, we create unrelieved suffering… when the welcoming tribe is composed of similarly traumatized people…many healing and recovery tribes don’t foster a deep connection to our larger society or culture as a whole. Instead...one becomes a survivor of a specific set of circumstances instead of becoming a fully initiated adult.’ We designed our Third Step™ Workshops to put extra support around specific demographics who are navigating transitions in our culture, providing the third step of healthy, mentored, guided initiation into the next life phase.

-Karla McLaren, The Language of Emotions At Living Your Gifts, we weave the thread of indigenous knowledge back into the vitality of your life, and use ritual and other Spirit-filled and energetic modalities to (re)connect you to your GIFT– to that original purpose that you received in ‘Spirit office.’

We need to live in community, seeing the GIFTS in others- not just in our circle.

We live in a global village where national, economic and other long held borders and systems are falling away. Luckily Spirit is calling us all back together. *Sobonfu Somé is a speaker, lecturer, and the author of three books. She performs the rites of her Dagara tribe throughout the year, in North America and Europe.

Susan Hough (BSW) has nearly 30 years of experience in the traditional mental health profession, in addition to completing healing and ritual trainings with Mietek Wierkus, Mary Branch Grove, she is a graduate of Sobonfu Somés, Ritual Healing Village.

Susan has led Rituals and been mentored by the internationally renowned African Spiritualist and Ritualist for 14 years. Susan combines her traditional training with a connection to spirit and indigenous wisdom. She is also the Program Director for non-profit Wisdom Spring, Inc.’s, youth-led Walking for Water fundraiser.

Jen Hutchinson earned her M.A. in Social Entrepreneurship from Pepperdine University. Jen has traveled extensively, and has volunteered as a Social Entrepreneur on international Women’s Empowerment Projects. She is a long time mentor for inner-city youth, and serves on the BOD, and in leadership positions of several non-profit organizations.

“Our tribal selves still live inside us, and our ancestral DNA has hundreds of thousands of years of indigenous memory that competes with a mere handful of hundreds of years of modern life.”

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Connecting The Dots..

HOW MY PARENTS’ DECISION TO DIVORCE LED ME TO WHERE I AM TODAY By: Dr. Jackie Waice

I was four years old when my parents’ marriage ended. Being that young, I had no knowledge of what divorce meant.

The only thing I knew was…

I was loved and they were a team who just lived in two different places. They communicated to each other and I still couldn’t ask dad for something mom already said ‘no’ too- trust me, I tried several times! What I think was different was my time spent with them: it one on one quality time. I was definitely daddy’s little girl; he always had something fun planned! And when I was with my mom, it was our special girl time.

Through the years, both of my parents dated and found their life partners, so I was blessed with two loving homes, a mother and a stepfather and a dad and a stepmother. Growing up was full of…normal kid stuff. I wasn’t treated differently because I had separated

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parents by my friends or other family members.

I was fortunate to experience two separate types of lives: Sports, fishing, car racing with dad. Sushi, tea with Santa at the Ritz, traveling with mom.

These experiences developed in me a desire to work with, communicate and respect “all walks of life” as my mom would say. By the time I was in college, my summer months were spent visiting my family members who lived in different states at this point. One summer, I lived with my eldest sister in Atlanta, Georgia where I met a good friend who took me to school with her. This is when my journey as a chiropractor began.

It was my stepfathers’ work that led him and my mother to move to Atlanta, Georgia which my sister soon followed. Connecting the dots, if my mother hadn’t

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met my stepfather and I hadn’t been in Atlanta, Georgia that summer, I wouldn’t be on the path I’m currently on, which I feel is where I am absolutely meant to be.

My parents were still my parents, even though they lived in two different homes.

The love I received seemed to be doubled.

And having half-sisters (from my mothers’ previous marriage) it was always nice to be able to take a break from them by going to my Dad and stepmoms house (girls growing up. Sometimes we just need our own space) While I realize everyone has their own unique situation, family and experience, here are some of the belief systems that I have found keep propelling me forward in my life (that co-exist with being a health care professional) • For me, respect and love are two different things but often get mixed up and are equally as important. As a young child, my step-

dad was not as much fun as my dad so I didn’t like him. As I grew up, I realized I’m not the one who has to like him- my mom does. I saw how he loves her and doted on her and most importantly, made my mom happy and I respect him for that and have grown to love him. I grew up respecting my mom; an independent, strong willed and verbal woman. My step-mom was the opposite; gentle, kind, soft-spoken and a push-over. So on the other side, the situation was opposite: my dad did not respect my step-mom, therefore I didn’t. He loved her but in his own way. I loved her but didn’t respect her until I was a grown woman myself and was able to see how their relationship worked.

happen- to everyone- forgive and move on. My dad has now unfortunately lost, he claims, the two loves of his life and regrets all his actions. He is incapable of moving forward and creating a happier future for himself. This unfortunately has taught me a lot: Appreciate and love the people in your life when you’re with them (not after they’re gone) and learn to forgive.

In the search for my own prince charming and happy ending, I realized I needed someone who loves the same way I do.

Someone who respects me as much as I respect them. Communication, honesty, selflessness and forgiveness are key; as well as many other factors but learning from my parents’ relationships.

With any relationship ending, someone always gets hurt. That’s life and bad things

All of these life lessons connect to one major theme: learn to love people for

who they are, not who you want them to be. And the people who love me, need to love me for me.

Looking back on my life, as I’m heading into the next phase, where I want to start my own family I can honestly say I would not be where I am today if my parents stayed married. A powerful statement, however; I truly believe I would not be living where I am, have had the many life experiences I have been fortunate to experience or the extensive schooling I did to become the health professional I am.

I’m still connecting the dots as I experience my life’s journey. My parents’ decision to divorce and expand our family was a big part of my life. One that I feel makes me a better person!

Dr. Jackie fulfilled her Bachelor of Science degree from Ithaca College in upstate New York with a concentration in Athletic Training/Exercise Science. She continued her education and received her Doctorate in Chiropractic from Life University in Atlanta, GA with an interest in Sports Chiropractic. While at school, Dr. Jackie worked with the Life University Rugby team and went to USA Rugby National Championship with them several times.

Dr. Jackie’s vision is to see people come to total healing physically, mentally and spiritually. This falls in line with her chiropractic philosophy, wherein she believes that the body has the ability to heal itself. When meeting with Dr. Jackie, she will discover the root of the problem and stimulate the spine in order to heal each patient, receive the full healing potential and maintain health. Her mission is to provide a caring and professional service, with treatment uniquely tailored to each patient.

Dr. Jackie is native to Northeastern Pennsylvania but a southern bell at heart and currently resides in West Chester with her boyfriend and Yorkie Kiara. She enjoys running, scrapbooking, playing tennis and yoga.

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Caring and Sharing: The Money Connection By: Dr Kay Lesh

If you’ve ever visited Disneyland, chances are excellent that you left the park with the song from “It’s a Small World” rolling around in your brain. Or, you’d hear your kids humming it all the way home. It is one of those tunes that worms its way into our memory. Maybe it has such staying power because the melody is so catchy and the costumed figures of children from many lands are so darn cute. Or maybe it is because intuitively, we realize that the words are true.

It is a small world, after all. And it is small enough that people of different countries and cultures tend to be more like us than they are different. The same is true of people in our own country who live in different geographic regions. Whether we are from the shores of the Atlantic Ocean or the arid deserts of the West, we share a humanity that connects us.

So what does that have to do with money, you might ask? Money is another form of connection. Its value is assigned to it by the society in which we live. Without this assigned value, money is worthless. If you ever returned from a foreign trip with currency you didn’t have time

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to exchange before your flight left, you know how this works.

Suddenly, the money you could spend in one country has no value in another. You returned to this country with worthless money. It can’t buy anything because it has no assigned value here.

When money has value, we can use it to help us feel secure and safe.

We are able to purchase the things that we need—food, shelter, clothing, education, and entertainment.

Sometime people fall into the trap of turning acquiring money into an end in itself. ‘The more the better,’ they think. An old cliché tells us that money can’t buy happiness.

Clichés have staying power because they usually contain at least a grain of truth. This one tells us that money alone isn’t sufficient to be happy. For happiness, we need to have some meaning in our lives.

Money can give our lives a deeper meaning if we use it in a way that fosters meaning. If we ask ourselves “What was I put in this world to accomplish? What is my purpose in life?” we may come up with a totally different value for money than simply what it can purchase for us. So, if we answer the “why am I here?” question by responding: “I want to make a difference

in the world” or “I am here to help others,” that answer guides our use of money. If we look at funds or prosperity, not as an end in itself, but a means to an end, we have a tool to reach out to others in a positive way. We can use it to connect.

There are a number of ways we can find this connection. Some people find it simple to just write a check to a charity of their choice and send it off. It’s quick and easy. It feels good for a minute, but it is imperfect because it lacks the personal touch many of us need. As a result, we miss the resulting satisfaction.

Some people find this kind of giving empty. They long for a more personal connection with their gift.

They want to know where goes, who receives it and how it is used.

The organizations that match needy children of another country with givers in this country have traditionally encouraged the giver and the receiver to become pen pals and get to know each other that way. Thus, a bond is formed and both parties find a personal relationship from the financial exchange. And, because of this, giving becomes more meaningful. The child I am helping be-

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comes someone I know, someone with whom I have an affiliation.

I have a friend who is part of a woman’s giving circle that meets every six weeks. For each meeting, the group selects a charitable organization in another country and pledges to donate a certain amount to that cause. But they don’t stop with writing a check. They research the country and learn about customs, religion, and what life is like there. Then, they cook and share a meal featuring food from that country, while discussing what they have learned about this place at their regular meeting. Thus, they feel an alliance with the place their charitable giving supports.

Another organization I know of provides scholarships and supportive funding for low income students. The members don’t

stop with just financial support, however. They become active mentors to those students. The money is certainly helpful, but the personal connection is priceless.

Both the mentor and the person being mentored are bound by a shared task and a drive toward success. They become linked.

So we can use money as a way of connecting to others. When you give to charity, make an effort to form a connection. If you chose to support your local community food bank, perhaps you can volunteer one morning a month to help box and distribute the food to the recipients. If you give to your Public Broadcasting station, you might find a way to help with fund raisers or connect in some meaningful way. If you give money to an organization working with the

elderly, perhaps you could volunteer to drive someone to the grocery store or to a medical appointment. Or you might form a giving circle of your own and learn more about where your money is going, whether it is to a local charity or an overseas organization. Use your creativity to connect with the recipients of your gift.

Humans need to feel connections.

We are social beings and we long to be linked to others. Impersonal giving creates distance. Sharing fosters connection. We can make the world smaller by sharing of ourselves as we give and using our gifts as a way to connect with others in a meaningful way.

Kay Lesh, Ph.D. is an educator and psychotherapist. She has worked as a therapist for over 30 years, and is licensed by the State of Arizona as a Professional Counselor and as a Marriage and Family Therapist. She has a private therapy practice in Tucson AZ. Additionally, she teaches Psychology at Pima Community College. She presents workshops, seminars and classes on a variety of personal growth issues. She has written a number of articles on topics related to the impact of physical disability, women and rehabilitation, dealing with suicide in the family, psychology of money, and developing self-esteem. Dr. Lesh is the co-author of “Building Self-Esteem: Strategies for Success in School and Beyond,” 3rd.

Edition, Prentice Hall, 2002; “Our Money Ourselves for Couples: A New Way of Relating to Money and Each Other,” Capitol Books, Inc. 2003, and “Our Money Ourselves: Redesigning Your Relationship with Money” Amacom Books, 1999.

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My Special Child by: Carrie Ann Klineburger

The day my son Daniel was born, I was filled with so many emotions that were beyond just saying that this was the second happiest day of my life, since he was my second child. My first son was born 15 years earlier and I definitely fell in love at first sight when they placed my first born son into my arms. It was very different with Daniel. During the 15 years between their births, I suffered eight pregnancy losses. My heart was crumbled into pieces with each one.

When I found out I was pregnant with my Daniel, I had to see a specialist because I was considered very high-risk. They started doing ultrasounds from the day I was five weeks pregnant so I fell in love with him the first time I saw that little lima bean on the screen and heard his little heart beating so strongly. I prayed for this baby to fight for life.

My fiancé and I watch him grow, through ultrasounds every two weeks at the specialist’s office. The day that he was born and placed in my arms, we were already in love with this perfect baby boy. He was already so protected and loved by us, his two big brothers, family and 24

friends. I had one son from a previous relationship and my fiancé also had a son from a previous relationship so this little one is the puzzle piece that completed our family.

tion. I still did not think that he had autism, just some delays. Autism sounded like such a scary word to me that I didn’t even want to think that way. I set up an evaluation via early intervention and I was still Daniel was developing right on hoping that they would tell me that schedule for the first 18 months he was okay and for me to relax, but of his life. Around 19 months is that is where this journey begin. when I noticed differences with him. I was a toddler teacher for The day that early intervention years and have been around chil- team came to my house was a feardren my whole life so I knew some- ful one for me. I did not sleep the thing was different. Everyone was whole night before and I felt frustelling me to relax and that he was trated with my fiancé because he fine. He was babbling and saying a was sleeping like a baby. I did not few words and then they stopped. say anything to him about that beI have a friend whose son is eight cause I knew I was in an emotional hours younger than my son, so I state and I wanted him to feel what would see what he was doing and I was feeling and that was not fair noticed my son was not doing any- of me. When the evaluation team thing close to the same things. At came in, it was a little overwhelmaround 20 months Daniel stopped ing to have five strangers come making eye contact and that’s when into our home and all eyes were on I knew I had to do something to Daniel. The caseworker was talking help him. I sat down with my fiancé to me and asking me questions, and told him my concerns and he but I was not paying attention to said that he was noticing the same her because I was watching everything and we need to find the solu- thing that Daniel was doing with tion to help our boy. That’s when the therapists. I felt like a mothI started researching and found a er in the stands at a baseball game number to call for early interven- praying that her son hits that win-

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ning homerun or makes the final play to win the game. When they were finished with the evaluation, they sat down with us to tell us that they did find some major delays and that he qualifies for services. After that, the caseworker started giving us information and we had to sign papers to get everything started.

To this day I have no idea what she said to us at that time because I felt like somebody just stuck a knife into my heart. His dad was the one who asked all the questions and took in everything that was said so that he could talk to me about it later and explain in greater detail. When they left and my fiancé went back to work, I remember picking up Daniel and holding him for the longest time. I promised him from that moment on that mommy and daddy would fight through fire to make sure he had every possible opportunity for help that he possibly could get. Then I took him to the toy store and let him pick out a toy, even though he had no idea why or what was happening.

I felt like I needed to do something special for him. Everyone was calling me that day but I really did not feel like talking, I was trying to sort out

my feelings. I felt guilty for feeling this way because there are parents out there saying their final goodbyes to their children and my son just has delays. I wondered: “What the hell is wrong with me feeling so sad about having this beautiful perfect baby boy who just needs extra help?”

My friend came over that night and was the first person to ask me how I was feeling. I was taken aback for a moment thinking, “I can’t tell you that! This is not about me! My feelings don’t matter in this!” I was a little frustrated with her for taking the focus off of my son. Then she asked again, “How do you feel?”

That’s when I realized exactly how I felt. I said, “The best way I can explain it is that my ‘Perfect Baby Boy’ is broken. My child is broken and I can’t fix him.” That’s when I had my first real cry about this.

For the next year, we had three different therapists come to our home to work with Daniel. He had a Special Instructor to help with Social and Interacting skills. He had an Occupational Therapist and a Speech Therapist. They were absolutely amazing with him and he grew very • EXPANDED FAMILY MAGAZINE •

attached to them but most especially his Special Instructor. She would come in the door and his little face would light up. Throughout the year between his second and third birthday I saw so many positive changes in Daniel. Even though we saw positive changes, I still found myself sheltering him. We took him to a friend’s daughter’s birthday party and it was the first time it really hit his father and me how different he was from those other children.

Daniel’s two older brothers would play rough with him and he loved it. When we took him to this party, he was so excited to see the kids that he would start jumping up and down from excitement then try to hug the kids but he would squeeze really hard and pull them down to wrestle like his brothers would do to him. We could not explain to him the difference so it was very stressful trying to steer him away from the kids because he just wanted to play. That was the first time I heard a dad say to his 5 year old, “Just punch that kid! He’ll stop then! “ My heart crumbled. I could not believe what I just heard. Then a couple of weeks later, I took him to the 25

park. Similar situation except he was not being rough, he was grabbing kids’ hands and leading them to the slide because he can’t talk, so that’s how he communicates. Another father actually said, “Stay away from that kid! There is something wrong with him! “My heart broke again. I put him in the car and came home. My oldest son came home from school to find me sobbing u nc ont rol l a bly. All of my emotions over the past year came flowing out like a river. He chuckled and said, “Mom they are ignorant people that don’t know any better.

Don’t let them get to you.” I stopped and thought that he was right.

They really don’t know any better.

On another occasion, I took Daniel to the supermarket. As I was bagging my groceries I heard him crying, I went over to see what was happening and realized he wanted a sticker from the cashier because he knew every time we went there, the cashier would give him a sticker. She was holding the sticker up and saying to him that he could not have it until he said please. I told her that he does not talk yet and he is on the spectrum. She looked at me and said, “That is everyone’s excuse

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today. You don’t have to baby him mom, he can still learn manners.” I could not believe what I just heard and at first I was being polite but

then mama bear came out. Again, I thought: “You ignorant people not knowing any better,” but I couldn’t understand with so many children on the Autism spectrum today, how could so many people be so ignorant?

I found myself questioning “Why my son?” I am not strong enough to deal with the struggles and I always feel like I am not doing enough for him. The days when I am feeling like this are usually the days that Daniel will give me extra smiles for extra hugs and remind me that he chose me to be his mommy for a reason.

After being on the waiting list for almost a year, we finally got Daniel in to see a developmental pediatrician. She fell in love with him instantly and was so impressed with

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everything we have already done for him as his parents. She said that everything she was going to suggest to us, we have already done and he has made so much progress in just a year. Even though I tried to prepare myself to hear the medical diagnosis of autism I still felt like it was a punch to the gut.

After Daniel’s third birthday, the therapist no longer come to the house. We were told that he has to start in a classroom setting. We went for the IEP meeting and my sister-inlaw who works for another county came with us and the outcome was for him to get into an ABA Behavioral classroom. I did not truly understand what the difference in the classrooms were but I trusted that she was doing the best for my son.

The day we took him to visit his new classroom was so overwhelming that I cried the whole way home.

These children in this classroom seemed so much higher on the spectrum and I was afraid that he would start learning from their behaviors.

I did not see my son in this classroom. Daddy took him to school the first week because I could not emotionally do it and by the second week he loved his new school and

his teachers loved him. I was so impressed with the way they handled him and he did not shed one tear.

He has only been there a month and he is learning so much. I took him to a friend’s house for a get together with all of the kids and I was in tears on the way home but they were now happy tears because he played with them like a regular 3 year old boy!

This past year has been such an emotional roller coaster and I find myself still questioning why this happened to us. Here is what Daniel changed within our family. When he was born, he brought us all together as a family like our completed family puzzle. For me, Daniel has shown me how strong I actually am for my children. He has taught me that autistic children are not broken; they are special and precious gifts.

I have also learned to not take for granted the things that come easily

to us because there are people in this so patient and kind with them that world that fight hard every day to he does not even realize what he did accomplish the simple things in life. in that one day for them. My 12 year old stepson came to a party with us He has taught his dad to stop and and saw my friend’s autistic cousappreciate the little things in life. in who goes to his school. He told To enjoy every smile, hug, kiss and me that he is one of the few people cuddle. Taking the time to read who is nice to him because he would a 5 minute book means so much never want people to be mean to more than just reading a book. Daniel when he goes to school.

Appreciating the smiles, hugs and love when he walks in the door Daniel has brought Autism Awarefrom working a stressful day. He ness to our family and has taught us has also taught his dad patience. all Unconditional Love! I know that we will continue to have our moWhen I talk to our older sons about ments on an emotional roller coasttheir little brother, it melts my heart er and our journey is just beginto see the unconditional love they ning. I no longer feel like my child have for him and they are ready to is broken. He is Special and chose take on the world to protect their us to be his family, so that’s exactbrother. He has shown them how ly what we will always be with him. to be compassionate, loving and patient with others with special needs.

My 18 year old son played baseball with special needs children and was

Carrie Ann Klineburger is currently working on her degree in early childhood development.

She’s the biological mom of two boys (18 & 3) and a stepmother of one boy (12) in addition to this, Additionally, Carrie is an independent Origami Owl rep.

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BOOK READS The Marriage Advice I Wish I Would’ve Had: What Divorce Taught me About Love and Life

by Gerald Rodgers The dedication in the beginning of the book will melt your heart. As Gerald express’s his experience and pain when his marriage of 16 years ended, it will break your heart. Then he shares his love story (and it’s a beautiful one!) As a part of his personal healing process, he writes a letter to his naïve groom self.

The advice he would have given himself. Gerald posted this letter of advice to himself on social media, it became a virtual sensation. Featured in magazines, newspapers, and blogs around the world; in different languages, reaching well over 3.5 million people in just one blog. And that is just a fraction of the story.

This book uses the advice he gave himself, the 20 Principals that flowed through his writing and expands on those principals. This book is full of humor, grace, wisdom and practical yet fun practices, tools and resources.

This book is the “how to,” consciously create your marriage. I’ve given it my 5 heart review because I feel this book can help couples go beyond saving their marriages and into a realm of being inspired and excited about creating their own version of what an EPIC marriage means to them.

Gerald is deeply in touch with the masculine and the feminine. His wisdom and humility is remarkable.

To get the book or learn more: www.epic-marriage.com

Sexpot with Stretch Marks By: Jenny G Perry I thoroughly enjoyed Sexpot with Stretch Marks! Jenny G Perry has her own unique writing style that’s authentic, humorous and completely challenges how our culture defines a woman’s beauty and self-worth just by her way of being.

Likable, relatable and high energy. Jenny’s essence and “sparkle” shine through, page after page. It’s like sitting down with an old friend whom you love…who loves all of you… reminding you to cherish and love all of yourself…because you forgot. (for whatever reason) Sexpot with Stretch Marks is like a B-12 shot for a woman’s soul.

Find out more about Jenny at: http://www.jennygperry.com/

The Last Conception is a compelling read. The mystery at the heart of this tale about the complicatons of conception lures the reader to examine the deeper issues facing the characters: telling the truth about one’s needs and desires, the urge to have children, the pressures of family ancestry, and the power of love. Suspenseful and sweet, there’s always an unexpected twist, all the way to the end. -- Marcy Alancraig – author of A Woman of Heart, accepted by the National Jewish Book Awards and Lambada Awards for a debut novel

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Firefly Sweets owner Sylvia Davis Hines

One Sweet Recipe Sylvia Says: People always ask me about the origin of my love for baking.

Without hesitation, my reply has always been “because my grandmothers did it”. Not really descriptive, but in my mind a sufficient answer for that moment. Recently when asked that same question I didn’t feel that my usual response was representative of my delicious/yummy baked goods. Can you share what some of them are?

So, here it is! Growing up in a single family home, I lived with my mom in Philadelphia while my father remarried and moved to Miami. It was not easy. Having great and loving relationships with both my mother’s family and my father’s family was amazing, but at times could be a challenge. At the young age of eight I craved to have more of the ‘amazing’ times and fewer of the ‘challenging’. Then a lightbulb went off. I needed to find a common interest between my two families.

Eureka!! That common interest was baking! So whenever the opportunity presented itself, I would bring up the topic. It started to provoke a fun spirited exchange of ideas, and uncomplicated heartfelt conversations between the two families. To this very day when I am baking, I can still recall those moments .They make me laugh, smile, feel loved and blessed. All great ingredients needed for any sweet recipe!

Email: caramelconcierge@Gmail.com Phone # 267-971-9263

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One Word and One Action can make a Difference: Connecting the World One Stone at a Time

By Edie Weinstein, LSW

We never know when inspiration will arrive or where it will come from, and how it will guide us to make a difference in the world. In November of 2014, as I was walking through the rows of booths at The Mind Body Spirit Expo in King of Prussia, PA, I came to a booth at which two women were smiling and welcoming me to approach.

In front of them was a table with stones; each engraved with a word of virtue: gratitude; strength; inspire; forgive; kindness.

We all know the power of words to help reach out to the world, and into hearts and minds. I was curious to find out more.

That was the intent of Wendy Marcelli and Lia Koyner, two enthusiastic entrepreneurs who launched PassItOnWord®, a social network of goodwill. It sprang from their desire, to “be the change they wish to see in the world.” Their vision is that “one word and one action can make a difference.” They took polished stones and imbued them with the loving energy of the aforementioned words of virtue, and also placed a tracking code on the back of each one. When someone purchased the stone, they would then go to the website www.passitonword.com to register the talisman. The next step is to share what it was that attracted them to that

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particular one and what the word means to them. From that point on, they carry it with them until they feel moved to pass it on to someone else with the instruction to do the same thing. The next person returns to the website and continues the tale of the traveling stone. Thus far, 79 registered stones have been passed along by siblings, employers, spouses and friends. One stone has traveled from the United States to Saudi Arabia. Another is inspiration for someone who is training for a race. Yet another is in gratitude for a loving marriage.

I passed my gratitude stone along to a friend as part of a ‘giveaway’ at a Winter Solstice gathering this past December. I know that when the time is right, she too will send it to its new home. Recently, I had the privilege and pleasure of interviewing Wendy and Lia:

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WHAT WAS THE INSPIRATION FOR PASSITONWORD®? ”PassItOnword ® was created from a real life experience that changed me. While visiting a dentist’s office, I watched an older woman lovingly caring for her impaired sister who was in a wheelchair. I could tell the dental procedure she endured had taken a toll on both of them.

The concern and compassion the older woman showed toward her sister was so real it touched me, and I spontaneously gave her an angel stone I carried for luck with my best wishes. The look of gratitude in her eyes was priceless, and it truly was the inspiration to create what is now Project PIO, LLC otherwise known as PassItOnword.”

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IT ACCOMPLISH? “So many times the little things people do for us go unnoticed, or get forgotten about.

If one stone passed to another makes a difference in someone’s life/day we’ve accomplished our goal.”

WHY DO YOU THINK WE FEEL SO DISCONNECTED FROM EACH OTHER? “We are all so busy, rushing from one activity or obligation to the next. There is very little time during a day to stop and appreciate the things or people around us.

The minute a PassItOnword® stone is in your hand you are thinking about others immediately.

“WHO CAN I PASS MY STONE TO? WHO’S IN NEED OF STRENGTH, OR WHO SHOULD I ACKNOWLEDGE FOR BEING KIND TO ME OR MY FAMILY?” What makes PassItOnword so unique is as soon as you purchase or are given a stone, you are immediately thinking about others.” That takes us out of our sense of loneliness. Even if you are not in the presence of someone, they are with you in your heart.”

HOW CAN ONE ACTION MAKE A DIFFERENCE? “PassItOnword is a social network of goodwill. By just taking a small action to reach out to someone, energy shifts in a positive way. When this happens anything is possible.”

WHAT IS THE POWER OF SOCIAL NETWORKING TO BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER? “Social networking can allow positive ideas to spread exponentially. They allow for creative solutions and ideas to connect people as never before. Social networks cross all boundaries and let people know they are not alone, and that there are others that share their values.”

WHAT IS THE INTENTION SETTING BEHIND THE ATTRIBUTES ON EACH STONE? “The stones attributes are gratitude, strength, inspire, forgive, and kindness.

Each attribute is meant to empower.

There are different situations in a person’s life that may need acknowledgement or positive affirmations. Sometimes, a stone can be given when you just can’t find the words. Just taking the action to give a “forgive” stone, can change the dynamics of a relationship. Giving a strength stone to someone with a medical condition, may make a difference in how they get through the day. That’s very powerful.”

Lemonade Stand Foundation, which fights childhood cancer www.alexslemonade.org. and the other is charity: water which is a non-profit organization bringing clean, safe drinking water to people in developing countries www.charitywater. org . When a stone is registered on our website www.passitonword.com for the first time, the customer selects the charity, and we donate 1% of the retail price to the charity selected. It is vital to our charities that the stone be registered on the website.”

WHERE HAVE SOME OF THE STONES TRAVELED ALREADY?

“We can’t do this alone. We truly need people to spread the word.

“Many of the stones are popping up in Pennsylvania which is the location of our business. However, from speaking to our customers we know one stone is traveling to Israel, one is on its way to Saudi Arabia, and others are on their way to Alaska, and Florida and California. We just launched the company November 1st of 2014.

Since many of the stones were purchased as gifts, they have not been registered in the system yet. It will be so exciting to watch the “Stones in Circulation” appear on the map of the website!”

We would like to start a movement, that one word and one action CAN make a difference! When you purchase a PassItOnword stone and register it at www. passitonword.com you can visually see the journey of your stone, the chain of stories connected, and the impact created from just one action.”

ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO SHARE?

TALK ABOUT THE CHARITY COMPONENT AS WELL. “We are passionate about giving back to our communities and donating to charity.

So before we even knew if PassItOnword would resonate with people, we decided to donate to charity from day one.

We decided to give our customers two charities to choose from. One is Alex’s

Rev. Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW is a colorfully creative journalist, dynamic transformational speaker, interfaith minister, licensed social worker, addictions counselor, radio host, reiki master, BLISS coach and PR Goddess. She calls herself an ‘opti-mystic’ who views life through the eyes of possibility. She is the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming The Ordinary Into The Extraordinary. Edie is a frequent guest on radio shows and loves to speak on the subjects of relationships and recovery, sexuality and spirituality, transition and transformation, peace and pleasure. www.liveinjoy.org

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CONNECTING TO INDIA By: Sushma Pankule

INDIAN CULTURE Culture playsTRADITIONAL a pivotal role in the development of YET any country.

CONTEMPORARY A culture of a nation represents its values, goals, practices and shared beliefs. The Indian culture has never been rigid and that’s why it is surviving with pride in the modern era. It timely imbibes the qualities of various other cultures and comes out as a contemporary and acceptable tradition. That is what is unique about the Indian culture, it moves on with the time. There are certain things about India that are famous worldwide, like: INDIAN MARRIAGES Time has changed but the lavishness has always been an integral and indispensable part of Indian marriages. In India, marriage is still taken as an institution where not two people but two families get united. So, it always calls for boisterous celebrations full of music and dance. Within India, every caste and community has its own way of performing the rituals of marriage. In Hindu marriages, while Punjabis perform the ‘Roka’ ceremony in weddings, Sindhis perform the ‘Berana’. But most common of all is the ritual of Hast Milap ceremony popularly called Paanigrahan Sanskaar.

Muslims also have their own special way of celebrating the marriage ceremony, popularly called Nikaah. During the auspicious occasion, the groom’s family gives mehar (nuptial gift) to the bride. Parsis plant a young mango tree in a pot during the marriage ceremony. This ceremony is famous as ‘Madhavsaro’ ceremony. Every state has its own special way of celebrating the marriage ceremony.

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INDIAN ASTROLOGY AND MARRIAGES Horoscope in Indian Astrology a horoscope literally means ‘hour scope’. A horoscope is a description of the personality and future of a person based on the various planetary positions. Indian Astrologists believed that the position of astronomical bodies such as stars, planets, etc., at the moment of a person’s birth and the position of the bodies throughout that person’s life reflect that person’s character and destiny.

Many people look to astrology as a means of predicting what will happen in their future. Such prediction is made through a person’s horoscope. Astrological analysis of a person begins with the preparation of a horoscope which requires exact date, time and place of birth of that person concerned.

Marriages are made in heavens” truly said by someone. According to Indian Astrology marriage compatibility is a measure of the likelihood of finding success in your

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marriage. It tells how you and your spouse relate to each other, what areas you have in common, the views you both share that are alike, etc. It also shows how your opposing views and characteristics can potentially cause problems for your marriage. Compatible simply means, “Capable of existing or living together of two different individual together in harmony. When two people are in a relationship together, having compatibility can make the difference in how the two of you communicate, the activities you enjoy with one another, and even how you can complement one another from day to day. When you exist together harmoniously in a relationship, it means that you and your partner can fulfill all aspects of your relationship without it causing concern for arguments or stress.

Mehndi In Indian marriages, especially in the north, a special night is celebrated before the day of marriage in which mehndi or henna-a kind of paste-is designed on the palms of bridegroom and is followed by some colorful dance and music. It is also designed on the palms of women on some special occasions like their engagement and marriage.

The paste is applied for a few hours or overnight and washed when it gets dried completely. This gives reddish-brown color to the palms. In certain parts of India, mehndi is a special kind of ancient folk art as well.

INDIAN DRESSES Beauty of Indian woman lies in the clothes she wears. Very traditional and ethnic yet contemporary Indian saris are famous

worldwide. It is worn with a blouse that covers the upper part of the body. In rural parts, an outfit called ghagara-choli is very much popular. Choli is like a short blouse that covers the upper part of the body and ghagara is like a long skirt. In order to have a graceful and complete look, women folk carry a duppatta that is a soft and delicate material of reasonable length thrown over the shoulder.

Though with slight variations, salwar kameez is a dress that is famous in every part of India. This attire contains two pieces kameez, which is like a long top covering upper part of the body, and salwar is like trousers. Like ghagara choli, salwar kameez is also complemented by a dupatta.

For men, there is no dearth of variety. From dhoti kurta to shirt pants, an Indian man prefers everything that fits well and looks good. But, traditionally you can see north Indians wearing kurta pajama, dhoti kurta or sherwani on formal celebrations whereas south Indian men prefer lungi with shirt.

INDIAN JEWELRY The unique designs, artistic looks and creativeness of Indian jewelry make it represent the culture and tradition of India. In rural India, a resinous incrustation called lac is used for the personal ornamentation.

Specialty of Gujarat and Rajasthan, the lac bangles and bracelets are worn and liked by the women of all states.

Jewelry is an important accessory for every Indian woman. From earrings, nose-rings, armlets, necklaces to anklets and bracelets, Indian jewelry give a woman everything

that she needs to enhance her beauty. Some form of jewelry such as mangalsutra, nose and toe rings is also associated typically with married women in India, who also get jewelry as ‘stridhan’ on their marriage.

WORSHIPPING NATURE Normally, a day in India starts with Surya Namaskar. In this people offer water to the sun and chant mantras and prayers. Indians worship nature and this is unique about its culture. In Hindu religion, trees and animals are worshipped like Gods. People believe in God and keep fast (‘vrata’) on many festivals. They offer morning’s first fresh meal to cow and night’s last meal to dog.

Nowhere in the world can one come across such generosity.

All the religions here start the day with morning hymns, and these rich values are inculcated into the kids since childhood. Morning prayers and moral education is also a very important part of the education system in India. Here people are not judged by caste, colour or creed but by their values and this is what makes India a unique place to live.

CALLS FOR CELEBRATIONS The ‘Land of Gods’ never needs a particular reason to celebrate. Celebration is a fundamental part of every Indian’s life.

India Doesn’t Have Just One-Cuisine A number of religions, a number of states and hence, number of cuisines. If North India has chole bhature, tandoori chicken, rajma chawal, kadhi chawal, dhokla, daal baati churma and biryani to relish, South India is not behind in the race. From masa-

la dosa, rava uttpam, rasam, sambar-lemon rice to toran, appam, meen; the South Indian cuisine has a great variety to offer.

The concept of Thali is very famous in India. A thali is served in a very traditional form and in this you can enjoy the complete variety available in a particular cuisine. In small restaurants, thali is the cheapest way of getting your mouth full. If you have stepped into a hotel, then you can enjoy the variety in the form of combo meals.

The variety in Indian spices like black pepper, coriander seeds, cardamom, saffron and cumin seeds not only enhance the flavor of the food but also add nutritive value to it. The Indian food is incomplete if you don’t get something sweet in the end.

Having a bowl full of kheer or a little mitha paan, etc. can add sweetness and freshness to your mouth.

Despite so many diversities, people in India are united and feel proud of their culture and tradition. On the world stage, either through international film festivals or through beauty pageants, India regularly displays its talent and culture. Many rulers came but none could cause any harm to its culture, rather Indians preserved the good values of their cultures. The flexibility and movement with time make Indian culture fashionable and acceptable too.

Dr. Sushma Pankule Qualification M.Sc. M.Phil. Ph.d.M.A. English Literature Working as a professor in Adv.V.R.Manohar Institue of D.M.L.T. napur for 30yrs. Associated with women's international league for peace and freedom (WILPF) for 15 years .Working on women's issues Peace and Environment. Runs a school for underprivileged girls, Sushma currently lives in India with her husband, two sons and daughter-in -law.

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At the End of the Day

By Leah Stauffer

AT THE END OF THE DAY...isn’t CONNECTION what being human is really all about? As I digest the articles in this glorious SPRING issue of Expanded Family Magazine, I am reminded of all the various forms of connection that make up our lives and have us expand as Human Beings.

Connection with Self. Connection with a partner and with our family. Connection with our groups. Connection with nature and the animal kingdom. Connection to the life we created for ourselves and our work and contributions to The World. Connection to Spirit or God or The Universe or Existence or whatever is greater than us that causes Life or whatever you choose to call this thing that connects us all. This Flow of Life that happens and that we can plug into. These connections are the essence of our life. They are of our choosing. Our design. We can create whatever quality of life we choose with the connections we create and nurture. If we are unhappy with the quality of our life, we may want to examine the connections we have created and re-decide what we want for ourselves.

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Certainly time alone, self-reflection, rest and relaxation are a vital part of living and the place where we can begin the creation of the quality of our life. As a matter of fact, some might say this is the starting place for true connection with others. Connection with self. As Victoria’s article points out...”You Are Enough”. The time with self, to really come to experience who we are and know ourselves can be an essential part of being fully able to truly connect with others. When we know and Love who we are, it is effortless to stand in our true place in this world. It is from here we can share ourselves and our gifts with others.

We can share who we authentically are. Confidently and beautifully. This ability to be self-expressed in who we truly are is what creates the possibility of the authentic connections with our partners, families, friends, groups we are a part of and our work while we are here. Read the article on Finding Our Life’s Purpose to further explore within yourself. Sushma’s article on Connecting to India may spark your curiosity about your own connection to

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the world-at-large. Clearly Shannon’s article powerfully articulates her own readiness to connect with another and adopt the most amazing Victoria and Victoria’s readiness to be connected back. A powerful Love Story it is.

And AT THE END OF THE DAY...we come full circle back to self when speaking of our most mysterious connection of all. The connection to The Divine. For this most personal and powerful connection is sourced from somewhere deep inside of us that only we can know for ourselves. One that is experienced and nurtured in those quiet moments with self. AT THE END OF THE DAY...take that time to real-

ly plug in and CONNECT to all that is. It is from there and from the vehicle of self that all else is possible.

This SPRING issue is filled with so much hope about all that is possible for us in our lives when we CONNECT. Our Connections are our Expansion. Endlessly expanding into becoming our brightest most authentic self.

Here’s to Being You!!!

With Abundant Love, Leah

Leah Stauffer is an Entrepreneur, Producer, Author and Trainer who has been dubbed a “Guru of Healthy Beauty” by the media. Her expertise is in assisting people in realizing who they truly are. Through her “Authenticity Coaching,” she provides support that allows the individual to confidently express themselves and share their natural gifts with the world around them. In her own words, “This is the best and quickest route to true freedom, vitality, fulfillment and happiness.” She has been facilitating these Transformative Experiences for over 10 years.

Come be with me at one of my Upcoming Workshops for Women...... http://www.artofexoticdancing. com/training.php

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