City Weekly March 24, 2016 by Copperfield Publishing

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2 | MARCH 24, 2016

CWCONTENTS COVER STORY VOICES OF CHOICE

Six Utah women bravely tell their abortion stories. Cover illustration by Derek Carlisle

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Five Spot, p. 8 Meet the man behind our music listings: Ameda is a New York-bred journalism major (with a business minor) at the University of Utah, and one of our trusty editorial interns. Besides writing, his other talents include making hip-hop/rap music and playing soccer. He also speaks French fluently.

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Salt Lake City is ground zero for presidential politics for a day. Check out our caucus coverage.

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LETTERS Religious Objections

The Utah bill to stiffen the penalties for those found guilty of hate crimes failed when Mormon legislators reversed their votes for the bill because their church leaders told them to do so. I could understand the legislators’ fear if Utah was Italy and the legislators were being directed by the Pope some hundreds of years ago. To go against the Pope would result in death or imprisonment. Does President Thomas Monson have papal powers in 2016? What would happen to these legislator if they had been courageous enough to vote their consciences? Would these men have been excommunicated? Are these men’s reservations in the Celestial Kingdom at risk? Or would they have lost preferred parking spaces at Temple Square? What kind of religion is against hate-crimes legislation? What kind of religion forces its members to go against their own consciences? How can this religion have Jesus Christ as part of its official name?

TED OTTINGER Taylorsville

Story-telling and Inception Tactics

Human beings are fascinated by stories. Science and research support that fact. To their full advantage, presidential candidates use that fascination—and the American people likely don’t know how much they are being seduced

WRITE US: Salt Lake City Weekly, 248 S. Main, Salt Lake City, UT 84101. Email: comments@cityweekly.net. Fax: 801-575-6106. We reserve the right to edit for length and clarity. Preference will be given to letters that are 300 words or less and sent uniquely to City Weekly. Full name, address and phone number must be included, even on emailed submissions, for verification purposes. into choosing for whom to cast their vote, such as Ted Cruz saying, “My father came to America with $100 in his underwear” and Bernie Sanders’ story about growing up in a three-and-one-half room apartment in Flatbush, Brooklyn, while his Polish high-school-dropout father sold paint and the family lived paycheck-to-paycheck. Stories like these allow many Americans to relate to the candidate. An exception is Donald Trump who doesn’t focus on his own story because nobody can relate to it. Rather, he tells other people’s stories and relies on the anger of Americans who are fed up and disappointed in the political system. Stories bring out emotions in the listener/reader and humanize the teller. Is it possible for Hillary, Bernie, Donald, Ted and John to plant ideas into someone’s brain—such as what happens in the movie Inception? Yes, according to articles in the National Center for Biotechnology Information. Words transport information across our brains—independent of the actual situation, such as retelling a story about past events that can create similar brain patterns in the listener—and invoke real sympathy.

Luddite” narrative. The most powerful tool in the dissenter’s repertoire is doubt. Once sown, it can be difficult to dismiss. But, as powerful as it may be, it is as equally inauthentic, and it highlights either a lack of imagination or an inability (or at least an unwillingness) to go toe-to-toe in the arena of logical reasoning. It’s safe to say that a legitimate fear of an American communist state is behind us. The ideology of centralized socialism has been weighed, measured and found wanting. So, come to the table with something defensible, or stay home. What’s even more dangerous than the deliberate misrepresentation of facts is a skewed perspective of reality. Phil Lyman may not have driven his ATV all the way down Recapture Canyon, and Ken Ivory may not have borne arms inside that Oregon wildlife refuge, but their spirits were alive and well in the hearts and minds of their ideological constituents.

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Words of Wars

The range of words said after any terrorist attack is, by now, quite predictable. This morning in Brussels, Belgium, more than 200 people were killed or seriously injured (including one who is First Degree Kevin Bacon from me). Right away, the world’s leaders and television pundits started using words like, “solidarity,” “we stand with Brussels,” “despicable acts of violence” and “our prayers go out to the victims and their families.” Here’s what Republican presidential leader Donald Trump said on his favorite medium, Twitter: “Do you all remember how beautiful and safe a place Brussels was. Not anymore, it is from a different world! U.S. must be vigilant and smart!” Doesn’t that make you feel more secure? It sure does me. Trump has not only apparently been to Brussels (and you haven’t), but he added that he’d engage in water boarding and beyond to gain intel from captured, suspected terrorists. Nobody lies to Donald, after all, save his several wives and mirrors, perhaps. Democratic frontrunner Hillary Clinton clichéd it: “Terrorists have once again struck at the heart of Europe, but their campaign of hate and fear will not succeed. The people of Brussels, of Europe, and of the world will not be intimidated by these vicious killers. Today Americans stand in solidarity with our European allies. Our thoughts and prayers are with the families of those killed and wounded, and all the people of Belgium. These terrorists seek to undermine the democratic values that are the foundation of our alliance and our way of life, but they will never succeed. Today’s attacks will only strengthen our resolve to stand together as allies and defeat terrorism and radical jihadism around the world.” Her Hobo Stew response is simply a pile of recycled crap. Gov. Kasich used Twitter like an old hand, redirecting people to his website with, “Gov. John Kasich’s statement on the terrorist attacks in #Brussels.” Once on his campaign webpage, it’s quickly obvious that Ohio Republican is a simple man, barely moving in his several hundred words from the trifecta of

mass murder responses: “Solidarity,” “democratic values” and “thoughts and prayers.” Just change the location and his response is already in queue for the next event. Sen. Bernie Sanders, D-Vermont, also redirected his Twitter followers to his campaign homepage where he kept it simple, echoing the sentiment in his original Tweet: “We offer our deepest condolences to the families who lost loved ones in this barbaric attack and to the people of Brussels.” Well, now we’re getting somewhere. Sanders didn’t stop at “deep condolences.” He also added a most appropriate label to the Brussels perpetrators: Barbarians. Texas Republican Sen. Ted Cruz was predictably predictable, continuing his presidential race against Barack Obama and promising that he’d superhero morph into a tough guy come January. Said he, “Radical Islam is at war with us. For over seven years we have had a president who refuses to acknowledge this reality. And the truth is, we can never hope to defeat this evil so long as we refuse to even name it. That ends on January 20, 2017, when I am sworn in as president. We will name our enemy—radical Islamic terrorism. And we will defeat it.” Never mind Cruz has no plan (nor friends outside of Sen. Mike Lee), just like all the rest, he simply says we will defeat what he calls “radical Islam.” Words, just words and more words, Mr. Cruz. Politicize this all one must, but those words have been used before. Like in 1983 when the Marine barracks in Lebanon were leveled by a suicide bomber, killing 200 Marines, 18 sailors and three soldiers. The iconic hero of the Republican Party, Ronald Reagan, was president. He didn’t do much. Reagan called the act “tragic…brutal…despicable” and later termed the killers “insane.” His vice president, George H. W. Bush, opined that, “It’s awfully hard to guard against that kind of terrorism; people come out of nowhere to per-

B Y J O H N S A LTA S

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@johnsaltas

form these acts,” and then-Defense Secretary Caspar Weinberger said, “nothing can work against a suicide attack like that, any more than you can do anything against a kamikaze flight.” So, those Republican leaders—the same ones currently hailed by Cruz and company for being tough in the Middle East did what everyone has forgotten: They blamed former President Jimmy Carter for security intelligence lapses and ran. Our troops were evacuated from Lebanon. Press pundits and Reagan critics immediately proclaimed such a move would embolden terrorists, and we could expect more attacks against U.S. targets. Someone got it right, and it doesn’t appear to be Reagan. We’ve attacked, we’ve left. We’ve attacked and threatened, all the while exposing ever deeper onion-skin layers of cultural and religious hatreds and rivalries that have spread from Middle East desert villages to downtown Paris, London, Brussels, Istanbul, Madrid and New York City. Describing today’s killers, Sanders used one of the first words I learned: Barbarian. My grandfather spoke it often when describing the Muslim Turks who occupied his beloved island of Crete for 400 years. “They note ceevalized, people, Yiani. They barbarians. They keel,” he’d say. And he would know. His seldom-seen father spent his life as a guerrilla fighter in the hills surrounding the Apokoronas region of Crete where his rifle hangs in the village museum in Gavalochori, Crete. It was used more than once. It took 400 years in Crete, but the barbarians were expelled. Today, we know that bombing will not work. Ground troops in Iraq and Afghanistan did not work. And so-called liberals like me best be prepared to go to bat for Belgium and Europe, because they’re going to tire of being blown up, and they will soon enough blow back. And it will not be a war of words. CW Send comments to john@cityweekly.net

BOMBING WILL NOT WORK. GROUND TROOPS IN IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN DID NOT WORK.

Today Brussels was attacked. Tomorrow, somewhere else. What do you do? Mikey Saltas: Aux armes, citoyens, contre le terrorisme, fascisme et racisme.

Stephen Dark: The Paris attacks inspired me—if that’s the right word—to investigate gun ownership for a recent cover story. Last week, I signed up for a carry-conceal class to continue my journey, despite the trenchant objections of my youngest daughter, who scrawled over my gun story, “No guns in the house,” in large, florid letters.

Derek Carlisle: Move to New Zealand and buy a slingshot?

Scott Renshaw: Don’t behave as though voting for the person who screams loudest about brown-skinned people will magically keep you safer. Pete Saltas: Hope that Donald Drumpf is not elected President.

Mason Rodrickc: I would probably do exactly what I did this morning: Look at my safe phone, in my safe apartment, head to my safe work and tuck in for some more reality. I’m not a military type, but my father is, and I fear that he’ll be sent off again, so I’d probably call him, too.

Bryan Bale: I mourn for the people who lost loved ones in the attack. I continue going about my daily life. I refuse to let government use terrorism as an excuse to impose further restrictions on our First and Fourth Amendment rights. I support efforts to counter superstition with logic, religious dogma with humanitarian values and xenophobia with education and understanding. “Imagine all the people living life in peace.”

6 | MARCH 24, 2016

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BY KATHARINE BIELE

T H E A R T F LO R A L . C O M

Let us Deliver Spring to you

Rocky Mountain Haze

Even our neighbors are raising a stink about our dirty air. But Utah is all about coal, investing in a California port and believing that there really is such a thing as a “clean” version of it. More than 100 business leaders from Colorado called on the EPA to increase pollution restrictions on two Utah coal-fired power plants, according to a Salt Lake Tribune story. Colorado’s really worried about messing up its $13.2 billion tourism and recreation industry. Hey, they might take a page from Utah’s 2002 Olympics celebration amid major inversions. Now, that was embarrassing. The Deseret News reported that bad air days brought a spike in emergency room visits during 2014, and most people went in for respiratory illnesses. Suck it up, Utahns, literally. If you’re lucky, the EPA will act. Your state government won’t.

Thank you, Utah Republican Party, for thinking of the little woman. You know her. She’s the one who’s “swamped with child care and work,” Bryan Smith, executive director of the Utah GOP, told the Deseret News. For the first time ever, the GOP is experimenting with online voting in the caucus—to help those overworked women, missionaries and military workers. “She can hop online. She can go on Instagram, so she can also vote,” he said. The goal, of course, is to increase voting, although the GOP is expecting 200,000, which would be down a third from the last nonincumbent presidential election. And the GOP caucuses are open only to the GOP faithful. But the real issue here is: Why the change? The GOP fought tooth and nail against Count My Vote, saying that the intimate little caucuses were so important. The Internet is not intimate— unless you go to Tinder.

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HITS&MISSES

Good news, sort of, from the Utah Legislature: It approved a $320,000-a-year training center that will use a virtual reality simulator for police to practice dealing with high-pressure situations, an Associated Press report notes. Also going to the governor’s desk is a bill to update rules on body-camera use, making most footage public and requiring activation in certain circumstances. Meanwhile, PoliceForum.org published the 30 Guiding Principles of police training and tactics. The New York Times wrote about the unveiling by 20 law-enforcement officers nationwide—principles that include “respect for sanctity of life,” among others. Utah’s not there yet, although Salt Lake City has been looking at ways to better train police in the face of several deadly encounters with civilians.

MindBody&Beats, a duo out of Salt Lake City, is composed of two young music producers who go by Twuan (Anthony Ruiz, right) and Chief (Nathan Martinez, left). The two met in high school, and have been making music ever since. They’ve worked with hip-hop artists such as Felly and TUT. By putting on some of the best local underground hip-hop shows, their long-term plan is to eventually take the city by storm.

How did you guys get started?

Chief: In middle school, I messed around with a bunch of different stuff. I first started making mash-ups, and then tried to rap, and eventually realized I was better at producing, so I stuck with that. Twuan: My sophomore year, I got FL Studio and basically taught myself everything. I’ve always wanted to produce. I knew that’s what I wanted to get into and had been playing the guitar since I was a kid. Then Chief and I linked up late sophomore year and decided to make something, and it’s been official ever since.

What is your main goal when it comes to your art?

Twuan: Our main goal just in general is to inspire people, man, mostly to make people happy through the music—whether you’re having a bad day, going through hard times, or whatever it may be. Chief: We just want people to be able to listen to our music and forget about everything for a second and to give them that hope that eventually everything will be fine.

Considering how young you are, what’s the biggest challenge you regularly have to deal with?

Chief: Mental blocks, for sure. Like when you’re creating something and just hit a wall and can’t figure out how to continue. It sucks so much, but you just gotta keep going, have patience and not quit. Also being young has its pros and cons. It’s awesome to be young and be able to do what we’re doing. But, then, it also sucks when we’re at our shows, and we try to tell people to not do certain things, and they just disregard it and don’t feel like they need to listen to us ’cause we’re young.

What makes you want to collaborate with an artist?

Twuan: First, we need to like their music, of course. But, also, it has to be genuine and that artist needs to be passionate about what they do, like we are. And if those things align, then we would probably want to collaborate or work with them in some way. Chief: It also has to do with timing, though. It has to be the right time.

What project are you most proud of?

Chief: We’re pretty hyped on this last project we dropped, called “Nowadaze,” which you can stream on our SoundCloud. Honestly, we’re proud of most of our work. Twuan: Yeah, especially the TUT song we just dropped. But, to answer your question, I’d say this Mick Jenkins feature that we have.

That’s big. So, what’s next for you guys?

Chief: Just more music, more visuals. Twuan: Yeah, more features, more collabs, more shows and more projects. Be on the lookout—you won’t be disappointed.

—AMEDA TARR comments@cityweekly.net

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BY CECIL ADAMS SLUG SIGNORINO

STRAIGHT DOPE Newscaster’s Voice I’ve always wondered about a phenomenon I call “newscaster’s voice.” No matter who’s reporting the news, they use the same tone and cadence. Why? What would happen if a reporter tried reading the news in their casual speaking voice? —Zach Dewoody This phenomenon doesn’t strike me as too mysterious, Zach. For one thing, professionals just tend to enunciate better than the rest of us slobs; if newscasters were to use a casual speaking voice, they’d sound like everybody else—mostly intelligible, occasionally garbled. But you can’t expect viewers to DVR the broadcast and rewind as needed, so news-team types aim for maximum clarity the first goround, by speaking more slowly and precisely, and by tailoring their sentences to the form. You’ll notice that broadcast writing doesn’t involve many subordinate clauses, parentheticals, long participial phrases, etc. That’s by design: simple sentences, clearly delivered. Some newscasters, I’ll grant you, employ a certain sing-song inflection, placing unexpected stress on less important words, like prepositions; this may be an overcorrection to a fear of speaking monotonously, the quickest way to lose an audience. And of course, in any field people tend to emulate those who’ve successfully done the job before them, and so part of what you’re hearing may be a Xerox of a Xerox of a Xerox of, say, Edward Murrow—a delivery style that once suggested gravitas but, to today’s ear, rings a little false, especially having been distorted by a 75-year-old game of telephone. That said, there’s another key trait American newscasters share, and that’s their accent, widely understood as a kind of national default. Today, news-speak corresponds to the accent called General American, and reflects the way many people around the country actually talk. But 75-plus years ago, the lingua franca of broadcast news, Hollywood and the elite at large was far different—a distinct reflection of upper-class mores. Think of Franklin D. Roosevelt, born rich and prepschool-educated, telling us there’s nothing to feeah but feeah itself. Where the hell did that come from—and where did it go? What’s been dubbed the Mid-Atlantic accent was basically made up: an elite affectation, so named because it sounded like it originated somewhere between Britain and the U.S. East Coast. Its American speakers were aiming at the English accent known as Received Pronunciation, aka “Oxford English” or “BBC English,” for generations of Britons a marker of proper breeding and/or schooling. Elements of RP got an American foothold by way of early-20th-century speech educators teaching what they called “World English,” a prefab “cultivated” accent characterized most distinctively by a mishmash of English and American vowel sounds, and by what’s called nonrhoticity—elided R’s at the end of a word (as in fear) or before a consonant (hard). Nowadays, Mid-Atlantic is most familiar to devotees of 1930s movies; in more recent memory, we’ve

heard it in caricature form on the TV show Frasier, plus as embodied by the human caricature that was William F. Buckley. The most prominent theory for its disappearance, advanced by the linguist William Labov, suggests that with Britain’s descent from imperial pre-eminence following World War II, Americans simply lost some of their Anglophilic awe and started to embrace distinctly American-sounding figures—out with Cary Grant, in with Jimmy Stewart. Another view sees the emergence of General American as a darker, more xenophobic trend: It wasn’t so much that people stopped copying the English but that they started to embrace Midwestern and Western speech as somehow more truly American than the “ethnic” accents of the Northeast. Whatever the reason, the General American accent that supplanted Mid-Atlantic as the American cultural lingua franca isn’t widely regarded as having any conspicuous regional affiliation—these days, it may as well be an accent from nowhere. But where, precisely, is nowhere? You got it: Nebraska. “It’s no accident,” one observer noted, “that Johnny Carson, Tom Brokaw and Walter Cronkite all come from this region of the country,” and these three helped set U.S. standards for no-nonsense credibility in the latter half of the 20th century. That observer, by the way, was actually a telemarketing executive, explaining to The New York Times back in 1991 why Omaha was such a hot ticket in his industry: people calling from there sound like the American default. We can expect to hear General American for a while. Mass communication may be slowing what would otherwise be natural evolutions in the way people speak; nobody in the United States lives in geographical isolation anymore if they’ve got a TV or computer, which helps GA in its hegemony. Among newscasters, GA conformity is rigidly enforced on the regional level; local anchors tend to be a highly mobile bunch, so there’s incentive for a Texas-born reporter looking for work in a northern market, for example, to ditch the drawl. And then there’s good old-fashioned American parochialism. A 2005 article by NPR’s ombudsman reported that black and Latino reporters sometimes felt pressure to adjust their accents, in part via comments from listeners who “perceive … [a] kind of flaunting of the reporter’s ethnicity.” We prefer nonstandard accents, in other words, only if they’re a fiction of the wealthy. n

Send questions to Cecil via StraightDope.com or write him c/o Chicago Reader, 350 N. Orleans, Chicago 60654.

S NEofW the

BY CHUCK SHEPHERD

WEIRD

Glaciers and Gender University of Oregon professor Mark Carey produced a 10,300-word journal article in January proposing a new sensitivity to Earth’s melting icecaps: A “feminist glaciology framework” to “generate robust analysis of gender, power and epistemologies” with a goal of more “just and equitable” “human-ice interactions.” The jargonized, densely worded tract suggests that melting icecaps can be properly understood only with more input from female scientists since, somehow, research so far disproportionately emphasizes climate change’s impact on males. (The New York Post reported that the paper was funded by a National Science Foundation grant of $412,930.) Chutzpah! Trying to put (as a critic charged) “lipstick on a pig,” Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder boasted in March that the lead-in-the-water crisis plaguing the city of Flint for months now had actually spurred job growth. Though Snyder has been heavily criticized for tight-fisted budgeting that enabled the crisis, 81 temporary workers have been recently hired—to hand out bottled water so that residents would not have to hydrate themselves with poisoned municipal water.

n University of Houston recommendations for faculty on the imminent extension of the right to open-carry firearms on state campuses included admonitions that professors “be careful discussing sensitive topics” and “not ‘go there’ if you sense anger.”

Recurring Themes In rural China, the black market for female corpses—even already-buried corpses—thrives still (as mentioned years ago by News of the Weird). According to legend dating back 30 centuries, men who die as bachelors will spend eternity alone, and thus their families arrange “ghost weddings,” in which a corpse (presumably freshly buried) is stolen and relocated alongside the man. (Perhaps more important to the surviving family is the other part of the legend—that any bachelor corpse will “return” to haunt the family.) Least Competent Criminals A man broke into the ATM at a Bank of America in Phoenix on March 1 but was in police custody a few minutes later. He walked away from the machine cleanly, but happened to spot actor Bill Murray on the street (he was visiting friends in the city) and could not resist stopping to chat with Murray about the movie Zombieland. The delay allowed witnesses to the robbery to catch up to the man and identify him for police. Thanks This Week to Gerald Sacks and Pete Randall and to the News of the Weird Board Editorial Advisors.

MARCH 24, 2016 | 11

n In October, a regional court in Nizhegorodsky, Russia, decided that the Russian Orthodox Church could pay off part of a debt for its new boiler spiritually. According to an Associated Press dispatch from Moscow, the church can settle the remaining debt, equivalent to $6,585, to the boiler company by paying $2,525 in rubles and the remainder by prayer.

n The Lance Toland Associates insurance company of Georgia said in February that it has issued Taurus handguns to each of its 12 employees as a required-carry for apparently dangerous aircraft insurance work.

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Latest Religious Messages Businessman Induvalu Suresh cut off and donated the little finger of his left hand recently at the Hindu pilgrimage site Tirupati, India, as homage to the gods for the granting of bail to prominent India leaders Sonia Gandhi and Rahul Gandhi, who are charged with fraudulent business practices in a case heavily politically weighted.

Yee-Hah! The Tennessee senate voted in February to make its official state rifle the .50-caliber Barrett M82 rifle (big in the sniper community, with a range of 1.1 miles).

Questionable Judgments Mexico’s latest female accessorizing craze is shellacking tiny dead scorpions onto fingernails, using the second-most venomous species of the arachnid, selling briskly at the Miss Uñas parlor in Durango. In fact, while in town (according to a London Daily Mail dispatch from Durango), shoppers may check out the Raíces restaurant, which pioneered tacos filled with stillwriggling scorpions (that had been soaked in surgical alcohol to neutralize the venom).

Leading Economic Indicators China’s Peoples Daily reported in January that Mr. Cai Zhanjiang (described as “tuhao,” or “uncultured but still well-off”) had just purchased a new truck from a dealer by driving another truck to the showroom and unloading 100,000 renminbi (about $15,300 U.S.) entirely in small bills—a stash weighing about a half-ton. Shanghaiist.com also noted a story from June 2015 in which a man (likely also tuhao) bought a new vehicle with the equivalent of $104,670—almost all in coins.

n Homeless people frequently store their few possessions in commandeered shopping carts, but New Yorker Sonia Gonzalez, 60, became a legend recently on Manhattan’s West Side by maneuvering a stunning, block-long assemblage of more than 20 carts’ worth of possessions along the sidewalks. Among the contents: an air conditioner, a laundry hamper, shower curtain rods, a wire shelving unit, wooden pallets, suitcases and, of course, bottles and cans. She moved along by pushing carts two or three at a time, a few feet at a time, blocking entrances to stores in the process. (The day after a New York Post story on Gonzalez’ caravan, Mayor DiBlasio ordered city workers to junk everything not essential, leaving her with about one cart’s worth.)

n Syrian refugees arriving at the airport in Vancouver, British Columbia, have been warmly greeted personally in a video by Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, but in March some were inadvertently booked into the same hotel that was hosting the fifth annual VancouFur convention of “furries.” Anthropomorphic, full-suited tigers, dogs, bears, foxes, etc., roamed the hotel, leading London’s The Independent to report that the child refugees loved every minute, playing with the furries and posing for pictures.

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Can’t Possibly Be True A senior federal administrative law judge recently claimed (and then, for good measure, repeated and emphasized) that, in his experience, “3-year-olds and 4-year-olds” do not need the help of lawyers to advocate for them in immigration proceedings. Teaching those kids their rights, Judge Jack Weil said, “takes a lot of time” and “a lot of patience,” but there is no need for government to provide lawyers. (Weil, a U.S. Department of Justice employee, was contesting an American Civil Liberties Union claim at a recent deposition in an immigration case in Seattle.)

Awesome! In a suburb of Newcastle, Australia, in February, workers using a crane extracted a 1-ton snake-like mass of sewage (mostly “wet wipes” unwisely flushed down toilets) from an underground pipe—with the gummed-together sludge reaching a height of more than 20 feet when the crane finally yanked the whole thing up. Said a representative of the water company, “(Y)ou’ll flush the toilet, and the wet wipe will disappear,” and you think (wrongly) it’s therefore “flushable.”

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12 | MARCH 24, 2016

Second Chances

The release of a highprofile minor’s court record casts a shadow over the juvenile system. BY STEPHEN DARK sdark@cityweekly.net @stephenpdark

he shooting of 17-year-old Abdullahi Mohamed by Salt Lake City police officers near the downtown Road Home shelter on Feb. 27, 2016, generated headlines on websites and newspapers across the world. The Somalian refugee was critically injured and hospitalized, and he has not faced any charges relating to events surrounding his shooting, which were heavily disputed by witnesses and family members of Mohamed on one side, and the police on the other. Shortly after the officer-involved shooting, which triggered a near riot by the shelter, a Salt Lake Tribune reporter requested a copy of Mohamed’s juvenile court record from the Utah courts. The Administrative Office of the Courts [AOC] consulted with its staff attorney, according to the court’s press officer, Geoff Fattah, and then released Mohamed’s entire juvenile history. It listed 12 delinquency offenses ranging from retail theft and criminal trespass, to a 2011 citation for aggravated assault with a weapon when he was 12. A subsequent story, titled “Police investigate SLC shooting; protesters flood downtown streets,” was published in the Tribune on Feb. 29, 2016, written by Erin Alberty and Michael McFall. The story concluded with several paragraphs summarizing Mohamed’s delinquency record. The decision to release the records exposes an ambiguity in Utah statute and judicial rules concerning juveniles’ delinquency history that several veteran juvenile defense attorneys say the legal community was unaware of until the Tribune’s story inadvertently brought it to light. That ambiguity potentially undermines Utah juvenile courts’ long-standing reliance on confidentiality to help minors turn their lives around while ensuring that their youthful mistakes do not follow them into adulthood. Mohamed’s mother, Halima, contacted through her son’s attorney, was upset about the release of the information. She asked, “How can the court re-

lease my son’s past? That’s wrong. They should have asked first.” Riya Shah is an attorney at the Philadelphia-based Juvenile Law Center, which focuses on public policy in the youth court systems nationwide. The majority of juvenile offenders do not reoffend after exiting the system, she says. Juvenile records “serve the purpose of providing information so the court can plan for a kid. It’s designed to be a very individualized system. Using them as a sword and not a shield to protect kids is really troublesome to me,” she says. The charges that juveniles face in court are typically not what adults face in the criminal justice system. Former prosecutor, now a civil attorney and state Rep. V. Lowry Snow, R-Santa Clara, has represented numerous juveniles in court and sponsored several juvenile crime-related bills. “I would be willing to bet the vast majority of juvenile offenders referred to court are of a much less serious nature,” he says, than the lengthy list of petitions the AOC released on Mohamed. “Sometimes it could involve a single retail theft charge, it could involve a joy-riding, a juvenile taking a neighbor’s vehicle without permission and gets charged as a felony theft initially.” Utah Juvenile Defender Attorneys, which handled 3,500 juvenile cases in 2015, represented Mohamed on several juvenile court issues. Its executive director, Pam Vickrey, says she is frustrated with the release of Mohamed’s record. “We’ve never had this issue come up when there wasn’t a pending case,” she says. “I wasn’t aware the court was interpreting that statute that way. This seems to be a glaring problem now.” According to Fattah, the Utah statute and court rule permit the release of juveniles’ records to the public if a juvenile is 14 and older and has been “adjudicated” on a felony, meaning the allegation is found to be true and the court addressed it with services, detention or a combination of both. “In this case,” Fattah writes, “Mohamed has been adjudicated on several felonies, which qualified his adjudicated case history as public.” Up until now, Vickrey says, the only time the issue of juvenile court records being made public has come up at her office was when a minor faced prosecution in a juvenile court for a typically highprofile crime. In that case, the juvenile’s defense attorneys were able to address it in court. However, with no pending charges—as in the case with Mohamed— then there’s no mechanism for the minor to effectively argue through an attorney a request by a third party to access his or her records. Halima Mohamed says the court did not contact her about the decision. “No, not before or since.” Vickrey and other juvenile defense attorneys say the decision highlights the AOC’s interpretation of the statute

“[Juveniles’] brains are not yet wired to help them control impulses and weigh risk-taking behavior.”—Pam Vickrey

NIKI CHAN

NEWS

COURTS & CRIME

Attorney Pam Vickrey is concerned about the release of minors’ delinquency records. that flies in the face of what the juvenile court system is about. Juveniles, she says, make mistakes. “In fact, their brains are not yet wired to help them control impulses and weigh risk-taking behavior.” This requires juvenile courts to approach minors differently from adults, essentially balancing the interests of public safety with protecting the interests of the young people who appear before them. But with no hearing required by the AOC to determine if the release of the record is in the interest of public safety, advocates argue that the court’s current interpretation of the statute makes it open-season on juvenile records. Adults with juvenile records that have been made public may find it much harder to gain employment, housing and pursue education, which in turn can often result in recidivism, experts say. According to the report, “Future Interrupted: The collateral damage caused by proliferation of juvenile records,” produced by the Juvenile Law Center, “The (juvenile) court embraced a less punitive and more therapeutic approach: keeping confidential the records of a less-than-culpable child was essential to a regime of rehabilitation.” But with many states making juvenile records easily available, including posting them online, they “are increasingly used as an excuse to deny opportunities, and to protect employers and landlords from liability,” the report says. Under the AOC’s current reading of the statute and rule that governs record release, Vickrey says, it puts minors with closed cases at risk, including those with only one felony petition that was later dismissed. “This interpretation means that any juvenile who had a felony petition filed can have their record accessed by any person,” she says. City Weekly asked the courts for the number of juvenile records it has released over the last five years and the

number of times that occurred where the juvenile was not facing a pending petition in juvenile court. Fattah wrote in an email that the AOC “vigorously screens requests for juvenile records by attorneys before releasing that information.” Media requests go through Fattah and other requests “typically go through our staff attorneys in the form of written letters. To track down every request would be extremely difficult.” Fattah links the release of juvenile records to the public’s right to know how those who face felony petitions (the juvenile court form of a charge) are progressing. “From a legislative policy standpoint, we believe that when the Legislature opened up records on juveniles charged with felonies that the public is entitled to know how well those felons are doing in the system,” Fattah writes in an email. Children are not felons, Vickrey says. Felons face numerous restrictions, including not being able to vote, access housing, services and some types of employment. “Kids who have felony petitions are allegations that would be a felony if committed by an adult. They are not convicted felons; they have been adjudicated of a delinquent offense.” Describing them as felons, “shows the danger in releasing records regarding young people. We tend to immediately label individuals a certain way when that is not the reality and that is not a system that helps young people move on.” Snow hopes to address the issue of juvenile court record confidentiality at the next legislative session, “to see if we can’t clarify that and help to adopt a clearer practice going forward.” He notes that many thousands of juvenile offenders have gone on, with the help of the courts, parents and other supporters, to become “good citizens. I don’t know what the outcome for those would have been had they been required to carry records for something they did at 14 for the rest of their lives.” CW

NEWS COLBY FRAZIER

GOVERNMENT

Capitol Restraint In the final hours of the legislative session, a bill cracking down on protesters received unanimous consent. BY ERIC ETHINGTON eethington@cityweekly.net @EricEthington

BIG SHINY ROBOT! News from the geeks. what’s new in comics, games, movies and beyond.

exclusively on

cityweekly.net -cityweekly.net/bigshinyrobot-

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MARCH 24, 2016 | 13

to a public servant lawful … freedom of movement, [or] use of the property or facilities” is guilty of a misdemeanor. Could that mean that a lawmaker who disagrees with a protester’s message at the Capitol might walk up to him or her and demand they be arrested if they don’t move— even if the protest isn’t blocking access to any committee rooms or offices? “It’s a serious concern,” says John Mejía, legal director of the American Civil Liberties Union of Utah. “We don’t know what’s meant by ‘freedom of movement’ or ‘use of property or facilities.’ These are vague terms that would allow officials to decide for themselves when [protests] would be allowed and when these restrictions would be enforced.” Madsen counters that while lawmakers want protesters to express their concerns at the Capitol, there are time, place and manner restrictions created for such activities. “If a person has a permit, then the law protects them because they’re lawfully there,” he says. “But if you don’t have a permit, you’re not there lawfully and then we could invoke [this] statute.” Allyson Gamble, executive director of the Capitol Preservation Board, says she was shocked to hear that the new law’s language could be so applied. “We encourage any and all points of view, and definitely protect people’s rights to come up and have a freespeech event,” Gamble says. She can only recall one time in the past few years when protesters at the Capitol were actually arrested, and that was the “Capitol 13” protesters, who, in 2014, blocked access to a committee room in protest of the Senate’s refusal to hear the proposed anti-discrimination bill for LGBT people. “I can’t even imagine [the statute] actually being used like that.” City Weekly was told by the office of Lieutenant Governor Spencer Cox, who chairs the Capitol Preservation Board, that Cox did not know of the new criminal restrictions on protesters in the bill. Rep. Joel Briscoe, D-Salt Lake City, voted in favor of the bill in committee and on the House floor. He was visibly upset to learn what was in the bill, saying, “The act of civil disobedience is one with a hallowed history of the United States.” But, he acknowledges, “When you run bills through in the last days when we’re in that type of rush, and someone isn’t completely transparent about what’s in their bill, sometimes it happens that things make it through which many of us would have been opposed to.” Although the bill is already passed, Mejía says “it might be too vague to enforce,” and that the ACLU is now assessing what its options are. CW In addition to covering state politics for City Weekly, Eric Ethington is communications director for Political Research Associates.

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he final week of the legislative session is pandemonium. Dozens upon dozens of bills fly through the House and the Senate, often with only minutes of debate— if any. While many of the proposed laws are innocuous, the fast pace means some are passed without lawmakers having even read the bill, which creates the opportunity for things to slip by unnoticed that would have been controversial had they been pointed out and discussed. Senate Bill 221, Capitol Protocol Amendments, sponsored by Sen. Mark Madsen, R-Saratoga Springs, seemed like one of those innocuous bills. In fact, when it was presented by Madsen, it was described as merely “technical changes” to increase efficiency, and it was passed unanimously by both the Senate and the House. The bill does three things: It enhances criminal penalties for alcohol consumption at the Capitol (something that is already illegal); it gives the Utah Highway Patrol power to cite those who park in the wrong stalls (e.g., lobbyists and members of the public who park in lawmakers’ spots) and it enhances criminal penalties on protesters at the Capitol. As he presented the bill in committee and the floor, Madsen focused his presentation on the alcohol and parking sections of the bill, describing stories of partiers in limos who make stops at the Capitol late at night, and take drinks into the building. But the section on the criminal penalties on protesters received no discussion on the Senate floor, the House committee or on the House floor, where it was presented by Rep. Keith Grover, R-Provo. Instead, the bill was presented as a minor adjustment, made at the request of the Capitol Preservation Board—the board comprised of the lieutenant governor, members of the Legislature, and Capitol staff who oversee the complex. Madsen tells City Weekly that he was specifically trying to go after protesters who block lawmakers’ ability to enter or exit their offices. “We need to be able to do our job up here,” he says. But the language is written so broadly, it could go much further in limiting protests, saying that a person who “willfully denies

Sen. Mark Madsen’s bill could potentially stifle Capitol protests.

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14 | MARCH 24, 2016

CITIZEN REVOLT

THE

NUEVE

THE LIST OF NINE

BY MASON RODRICKC & MICHELLE L ARSON

@MRodrickc

Salt Lakes Finest! Baked Fresh Daily!

In a week, you can

CHANGE THE WORLD

Mon-Fri 5am-2:30pm I Sat 7am-12 pm

SUSTAINABILITY SUMMIT

2278 S Redwood Road

Sometimes, when you think there’s not a lot of real thinking going on, you get inspiration. That’s what’s being offered at the Intermountain Sustainability Summit, a conference where leading thinkers, businesses, nonprofits, higher education, government reps and other “change agents” network. Learn about the changing technology and policy landscape in the region and hear Joel Makower, chairman and executive editor of GreenBiz Group Inc., speak. The Associated Press calls him “the guru of green business practices.” 1299 Edvalson St., Dept. 1207, Ogden, 801-626-6326, March 24-25, 7:30 a.m.-4:30 p.m., $35$120, IntermountainSustainabilitySummit.com

801-975-6381

POETRY SLAM

Nine items found on the street after the Trump rally:

9. Several trampled horcruxes 8. A tin of chewing tobacco

HAND CRAFTED One Of A Kind Pieces

ECONOMIC OUTLOOK

filled with hopes and dreams

7. A pair of abandoned children wearing red trucker hats

6. A sign saying, “If you can read

this, my mother’s dead, and she said that you’d take care of me ... She said you’d know what that means!”

5. A crushed “Cruz’in for a bruisin’’’ sign

4. About a dozen kids gloves 3. Discarded Trump University

degrees that were ineffectively used to register to vote

2. Copies of restraining orders kept in pockets as mementos

1. Axe body spray with teeth marks on the side

It’s billed as the biggest poetry slam event of the year, and Neil HIllborn and Kevin Kantor at Salt City Slam Finals are not to be missed. HIllborn, a College National Poetry Slam champion and a 2011 graduate with honors from Macalester College, will be featured along with Kantor, a spoken-word poet, actor, teaching artist and queer agent for social change. Hillborn’s poem “OCD” went viral in 2013, making it one of the most-watched slam poems ever. The Off Broadway Theater and Laughing Stock Improv, 272 S. Main, March 29, 7-10 p.m., $16.82, EventBrite.com

329 West Pierpont Avenue #100

801-935-4258 I re-findgoods.com

Is the economy going into the toilet or are we just swimming along? You can find out what the experts say at Bank of Utah’s sixth annual Economic Outlook Event for bank customers and business leaders. You might actually understand what’s going on because of nationally acclaimed economist and lecturer Elliot Eisenberg. As chief economist for GraphsandLaughs, LLC, he specializes in making economics relevant and accessible. Multiple locations and times, 800-516-5559, free, BankOfUtah.com/Events

GARDEN OPENING

It’s spring, so why not check out one of the most amazing gardens in the state? Thanksgiving Point will open its 55acre estate gardens to the public for the 17th year, but under a new name—the Ashton Gardens—in recognition of its founders and donors, Alan and Karen Ashton and the Ashton Family Foundation. The gardens are a faithful replica of the one in The Secret Garden, and stand as a reflective and peaceful place in the midst of global angst. 3900 N. Garden Drive, Lehi, March 26, 9 a.m.-8 p.m., $12-$15 admission, 801-768-4999, ThanksgivingPoint.org

—KATHARINE BIELE Send events to editor@cityweekly.net

Joi 39, Digital Media Consultant

Six Utah women bravely tell their abortion stories. By Giuliana Serena Photos by Erin Wyness comments@cityweekly.net

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MARCH 24, 2016 | 15

JOI

It’s dark and cold night in late January—and Publik Coffee Roasters on West Temple is aglow, filled to the brim with nearly 400 lively guests, eagerly anticipating an evening of community and storytelling while enjoying cocktails and appetizers. The feeling is electric; people are genuinely excited and happy to be there. It’s a good party. Any fears whatsoever of it being odd to have a party and tell abortion stories is long gone. Once we’re ready for stories, everyone has a seat and a hush falls over the crowd. It’s a time for reflection about what each one of us believes. You probably have deeply held beliefs about abortion, and speeches and vitriol from someone with an opposing view is unlikely to sway you; in fact, they might just have the opposite effect. But stories? They have the power to change us. When we hear someone speak from the heart, with conviction and vulnerability about their lived experience, we are much more likely to be moved. So, it’s brave to be the one telling a story, and it’s brave to really listen (or read one), especially if it challenges your deeply held beliefs.

A ROE V. WADE PARTY

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ou know someone who’s had an abortion. No doubt about it. In fact, if you’re a woman living in America, there’s a one-in-three chance that you will have at least one in your lifetime. It’s that common. Not sure if you know someone? It makes sense that you wouldn’t know whether professional colleagues, casual acquaintances or distant relatives have experienced one or not—it’s one of “those things we don’t talk about,” along with sex and menstruation and fertility and the kinds of information that actually helps avoid the need for abortion (but I digress). What you may not realize is that the same social stigma keeps even those closest to you—your mother, sister, partner, daughter, close friend—from telling you, as well. And why haven’t they told you? Women are routinely judged, shamed and labeled regarding choices they make about their bodies, sexuality and autonomy; the way we treat abortion in our society is a prime example. This very stigma is what needs to change. Women have abortions. Good women have abortions. And their stories need to be heard. In an effort to do just that, Planned Parenthood Association of Utah (PPAU) invited me to host its annual Roe v. Wade anniversary celebration, with a focus on storytelling. And this past Jan. 23, on the 43rd anniversary of the Supreme Court decision that legalized abortion nationally, we did just that: We threw a party to tell and listen to abortion stories. Six women in our community, from all walks of life and with varied experiences, took the stage that night. It turned out to be more beautiful and powerful than I could have hoped for. It was most certainly a night to remember for everyone involved. The intention was to shine a light on these particular stories, experience them together as a community and then share them far and wide, so they can reach those who need to hear them most. Of course, I was really excited to be invited to share them with City Weekly readers. What you’ll find in the pages ahead are excerpts of the stories told on stage that night.

“I have a confession to make: It is really hard being a robot living amongst all you humans,” Joi says. “That is to say that I am, by default, a hyper-rational, non-emotional kind of person. But I’ve developed a lot of coping mechanisms to deal with it for myself, but mostly for all of you. I practice how to act like a normal person, and I’ve gotten quite good at it. Some people actually consider me an extrovert, or a people person. … “So when I found out that I was pregnant, I knew I had my work cut out for me. I was 28 years old, living the ideal Chicago urban life … at the beginning of what has turned out to be a really successful career. “I was in my dating phase that I affectionately call my “’80s Bully Phase” because they were all tall, blond and jerks. If you can picture the blond guy from The Karate Kid—yeah, that was my type.” What Joi and the “’80s Bully” had in common was that neither wanted commitment. Joi was at the beginning of an upward trajectory and didn’t want to be tied down by relationship or family quite yet. It was fall, and she didn’t feel right; she was overeating and feeling nauseous. She had just switched from the pill to NuvaRing and wasn’t using backup protection in the interim. Her friends thought she was just stressed, but she knew she was pregnant and went to see her gynecologist. Her doctor confirmed her suspicion, but because of the religious affiliations of the hospital, she had to seek treatment elsewhere. She made an appointment with the nearest Planned Parenthood clinic. The actual experience of the abortion was relatively simple for Joi. She was expecting to be greeted by protesters, but the streets were clear. The clinic felt safe and welcoming, and she appreciated the care they showed her. The staff took her through a psych evaluation and provided a volunteer companion during the procedure. All in all, she said, it ended up feeling like a typical doctor’s visit. In fact, it didn’t stop her from taking off for a weekend getaway with “’80s Bully,” who picked her up when she was done. The most transformative part of Joi’s story came about a week after the procedure, when she gathered her girlfriends together to tell them what she had done. She had been dreading it as some of her friends were conservatively leaning, and one in particular was struggling to conceive. “I have a really bad habit of speaking super nonchalantly about topics that other people find very traumatic. I didn’t want to accidentally mention it in casual conversation and upset any of them. So, I put out some wine and cheese, raised a glass, and braced myself to tell them what I had done,” she says. “I had an abortion,” she announced. At first, they stared blankly. Then, they asked some questions, but none were horrified as she had feared. She was taken aback at first, and then the stress just melted away, and they spent the rest of the evening talking casually about reproduction, politics and their experiences. Some had stronger emotions than others, but they were totally accepting of Joi’s ambivalence. “And what they really, really clarified for me was I didn’t need to feel guilty about not feeling guilty,” she said. “I realized that day that while some people have very, very strong emotions that are very, very valid surrounding their decision to terminate, there’s a lot of people who are like me, and our stories don’t really get to be heard that often. “Because I’m not actually a robot,” she said. “I’m a normal person just like all of you.”

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DelAnne 37, FULL-TIME MOM

DelAnne takes the stage to share what is the most tearful story of the night. With her toddler daughter, Presley, in her arms, she sang a song from her childhood: “When I grow up, I want to be a mother, and have a family. One little, two little, three little babies of my own/ When I grow up, I want to be a mother, and have a family. Four little, five little, six little babies of my own.” She continues, “No matter what I say today, [Presley] is my reason for supporting Planned Parenthood. And my reason for supporting everyone’s choice.” DelAnne decided she would be a mom when she was 3 years old. Raised in an LDS home, she knew she would wait to start her family until being married in the temple. In her senior year of high school, she was an honors student, had the lead in a musical and was in a great relationship with her boyfriend of three years. He wasn’t LDS, and he knew she wanted to wait until marriage. He didn’t pressure her into having sex. But one fateful day, in a fit of hormonal rage after a fight at home, she called him up, told him they were going to have sex, and they did. Only afterward did it even occur to her they hadn’t used protection. In school, they’d both had abstinence-only education, and she had never even seen a condom. Still, DelAnne knew she needed to take action and had heard about Plan B, also known as the “Morning-After Pill,” which is most effective when taken within 72 hours after intercourse. It wasn’t available over the counter at that time, so her boyfriend couldn’t pick it up for her. Because of her work schedule, she was well into Day 3 before she made it to a pharmacy. After a few days, when she still hadn’t gotten her period, she knew she was pregnant. She and her boyfriend wanted el nne to get married someday and “do it

D A

Chelsea 40, Account-Development Specialist

“For a very long time, I lived with a dichotomy of two selves,” Chelsea says. “On one hand, I was very curious about the world. I loved fantasy and wanted to know the answer to every ‘why’ question. And I firmly believed that I would be invited to live on the first space station or on the moon one day. On the other hand, I wanted to be the good girl. And I learned how to be her by watching my mom. I was going to grow up to be a mom. I was going to have kids. I was going to get married and have the perfect little house and the perfect little life. “At 18, I was married. By 19, I was pregnant. But by 25, I was divorced twice with two sons, no family support and nowhere to go. I gave up my two sons, and I went on the road. I answered all of those ‘whys,’ and I traveled the country. I met wonderful people, and I saw lots of amazing things. “And then about five years ago, I found myself back in Utah. I was on good-girl territory [and] was going to do it right this time. This was going to be the Second Coming of Chelsea. I met the perfect guy—he had the scruffy beard and the little nerdy glasses. He was enough of a sarcastic jerk that I knew I could be totally honest with him. And, as the

right,” as she says, and have a family. To have the best chance of making that happen in the future, they chose to have an abortion. She initially wanted to go to the Planned Parenthood clinic, but they wouldn’t let her boyfriend join her in the room for the procedure, so they went to another facility. Once there, her boyfriend came back with her, but they sent him out for the initial exam and never let him back in. “It’s the closest thing that I’ve experienced to what I can only imagine sexual assault is like,” she says. “ ... Nobody explained anything.” It was so upsetting to her, in fact, she experienced post-traumatic stress syndrome and became suicidal. Getting through all that, she and her boyfriend eventually did get married, though they separated and divorced a couple of years later. “And we got pregnant again right when our divorce was final. And I was suicidal. So, I made another choice and, that time, my choice was to live because I knew that if I didn’t survive, it wouldn’t matter.” She had a second abortion, and she and her husband went their separate ways. Still, she wanted nothing more than to be a mother. Eventually, she remarried, and at 35, with steady employment and health insurance, decided she was finally ready to start a family. And she got pregnant. She then experienced what is often called a “missed” or “silent” miscarriage, known medically as a “missed abortion.” Essentially, the fetus is no longer viable, but her body didn’t expel it. And though the process would likely complete on its own within several weeks’ time (but, in some cases, it needs intervention regardless), she didn’t feel mentally or emotionally stable to wait. She asked her doctor for a pill to help move it along. “And he looked at me so weird,” she said, “and now I realize, it’s because, technically, I was terminating another pregnancy.” But that’s what DelAnne ended up doing. “And now,” DelAnne says, “I have Presley. And her pregnancy was really hard. I barely made it through. But every single choice I made, including the day [I took] that pill to [getting] my miscarriage out, it made [Presley] who she is. And damn, I’m grateful. So, thank you everyone for sticking up for everyone’s choices, my daughter’s choice.” DelAnne ends with another song, dedicated to her daughter: I set out a narrow way, many years ago. Hoping I would find true love, along the broken road. But I got lost a time or two, wiped my brow, kept pushing through. Because I didn’t see how every sign pointed straight to you. Because every long, lost dream led me to where you are, And others who broke my heart, they were like Northern Stars, Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms. This much I know is true, That God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you.

relationship progressed, we discussed birth-control options. I’d had my faithful IUD removed about a year earlier, and I told him it was his turn, it was the man’s turn to be in charge of the birth control. “He did not want to have a vasectomy,” she said, “which, of course, brought up, ‘Well, what if we get pregnant?’ And I said, ‘I really hoped that I would have another child one day.’ And he said, ‘I’m not really sure what I want,’ which means, I heard: ‘It’s OK if we get pregnant.’” On their one-year anniversary, they had unprotected

CHELSEA

sex, and Chelsea became pregnant. She was ecstatic. He wasn’t. He didn’t want the baby. “I was devastated. My whole world ended. Reality ceased to exist. This isn’t like when you drop the glass in the sink, and it breaks into three or four pieces, and you can pick it up and throw it away, and move it on. It’s fine. This was dropping your favorite bottle of perfume, and it shattering all over the floor, and you find pieces in corners months and years later, and the smell is forever ruined.” They argued for a couple of weeks and, eventually, he told her that he couldn’t promise they would stay together. She felt strongly she did not want to raise a child without support nor did she want to give a child up, so she had the procedure done. They never talked about it. A few months later, he moved out, and she built up a really big, emotional wall around herself. “I was very angry,” Chelsea says. “And I grieved a lot for my two boys, for the loss of self, for the self of future, for the loss of reality. And then one day, I was scrolling through Facebook, and I saw that Gov. Herbert had made an executive decision to defund Planned Parenthood in Utah. And I was furious. “I tore down that wall. And I said, ‘No more.’ This is my choice. My abortion was my choice. This is my life, not my mother’s. And that is the day that I was born.”

Leah 19, student & Planned Parenthood organizer

LEAH had been saving to go to Chile, and I learned Spanish. Then I finally got my dream, and I started at Westminster College. And it did really launch me into the life that I was looking for. Salt Lake City had all of the resources that I wanted, and I started my public-health program. Leah got involved with Planned Parenthood and created a Students for Choice chapter at her school. She then started interning at the Planned Parenthood affiliate and, just before Christmas 2015, was named to the National Board of Young People serving the Planned Parenthood Federation. “I’m just so grateful that Planned Parenthood thought that I, at 14, was a person worth preserving. I’m just so lucky to have such a fulfilling life that they brought within my reach, … a life that I get to share with a beautiful woman and something that I just didn’t think was going to be possible for me as a young teen.”

Kara

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KARA

26, Clinical Assistant

About her mother, Kara says: “Sofía Vergara’s character [from Modern Family] is my mother to a T. “My mother is Gloria,” she says, “but she’s also very LDS. So, not only did she always put the fear of God in me, but she also was very superstitious; she believed in black magic. I believed that anything that I did, any sin that I would commit, not only was I going to be damned to hell, but I would have bad luck for the rest of my life. “Growing up, I was really awkward. I had a back brace, I wasn’t very cute, I couldn’t talk to anybody, and I just loved reading and ... music. “So when my mom sat me down in my back brace to talk about sex,” Kara says, “I was completely mortified. And not only that, she couldn’t say the word ‘sex’; she called it ‘chaka-chaka.’” Kara didn’t get a very comprehensive education about sex. Eventually, she got out of her back brace, and she blossomed, though she still felt awkward inside. After high school, she met someone who took her breath away. “He was like the hot guy from all the movies, and he finally learned that the nerdy girl was cool and, like, kind of cute.” They started dating and were immediately infatuated with one another. “We’re gonna be together forever,” she thought. It wasn’t long before they had sex. And as quickly as things got serious, they got dangerous, though she didn’t realize it at the time. He became paranoid, incessantly calling and texting her. She said it went from, “Hey, why aren’t you answering me?” [to] “You’re sleeping with somebody. You’re such a slut,” to “‘Babe, I love you so much. Please just answer my call, I want to be with you forever.” One day, he shows up at her house and demands she get in his car. They begin arguing, and he stops abruptly, “So you’re going to end things with me?” she recalls him asking.

“I’m trying to be brave and stand up for myself and, as he’s saying that, the hairs on my neck and my arms kind of stand up,” she says. “Before I can finish saying, ‘Yes,’ he totally backhands me and breaks my nose. And all I remember in that moment was just a pop, and a flash of white. And the next thing I knew, we were still driving around, and I was kind of in shock. I just have blood everywhere.” The next morning, it’s clear her nose is broken. Her lip is busted, and her face is black and blue and swollen. Her family knows exactly what happened. Over the course of the next few days, she starts getting sick and decides to take a pregnancy test. When the test is positive, she’s heartbroken—not only to be pregnant but to be tied to an abuser she wants nothing to do with anymore. She’s emotionally distraught and doesn’t know what to do. A couple of days later, she is lying in bed after school, staring at the ceiling, when her mother appears by her side. “She grabbed my hand, and she just looked at me. She said, very calmly, ‘Kara, I know that you’re pregnant. You are my daughter. I hurt when you hurt. And I love you because I know you.’” Kara is dumbfounded by her mother’s insight. She hadn’t told anybody nor had she taken the pregnancy test at home. She storms out of the house and meets up with her boyfriend. She tells him she’s pregnant, and he responds by punching her in the stomach, saying he doesn’t want her to have the baby anyway. So she reluctantly returns home. With one look at her mother, she knows what is going to happen. Her mother takes her to have her abortion, and she cuts ties forever with her exboyfriend. “Thanks to my mother, she gave me a voice when I didn’t have a voice,” Kara says. “Thanks to the amazing clinic, staff, that made me feel human for the first time in the six months since I had started seeing that guy. I’ll never be more grateful for anything in my entire life.” Kara now works at Planned Parenthood.

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Leah’s story starts when she was just 14, living in Manhattan’s Upper West Side—a high-end part of town. A junior at a magnet high school (she’s skipped two grades), she’s adamant about going to college, certain that it’s going to get her everything she needs in life. Her parents are split up, with her mother living in another state, and her father spending most of his time with his long-term girlfriend. Even though she’s quite young, she mostly takes care of herself. “By the time I was in third grade,” she says, “I could go to and from school by myself, and go home with my friends and make my own social calendar. By the time I was 10, I had smoked weed for the first time. By the time I was 11, I got drunk with my friends for the first time. And when I was 13—like most of my friends as far as I knew—I had sex for the first time. “But now, I’m pregnant. I’m just another teen who’s knocked up, and I’m a statistic who does not want to be one. … I know what I need to do, I know that I need an abortion.” Leah went to a friend for advice. “‘It’s really easy,’” her friend told her. All she needed to do was go downtown to Planned Parenthood. “‘Tell them you’re a student … you do drugs … you make no money—it’s fine. You just need to be honest with them if they’re going to help you.’” The next day, instead of going to school, she took the downtown train to the Margaret Sanger Center. She filled out her personal history form, “with honesty I did not know I still had in me. Yes, I’m a drug user; yes, I smoke. Yes, I have felt unsafe before with people I’ve been in relationships with. And I went through a lot of doors that day based on the answers to those questions. “So, yes, I had a non-traumatic medical procedure of an abortion,” Leah says. “And in addition to that, I talked to a nice woman who gave me patches so I could stop smoking. I also talked to a nice man who was the first person to really make me think about my drug use. And I got into a crisis-intervention, adolescent drug-treatment program that I didn’t even need parental consent for, that I could start downtown. And I had safe places to go that another woman told me about. And at the end of all that, they even gave me a medical excuse note so I could go back to school,” Leah says. “I moved on. It was tough for a while. Things didn’t get better for a little bit, but then they did, and it kept getting better. And it keeps getting better. I got out of that relationship, I got off those drugs, and I graduated high school. I used the money that I

Leah T.

Leah T. 36, OB/GYN physician

Leah T. is our final storyteller of the night, who, as a physician providing abortion services to Planned Parenthood, offers a unique perspective. “So, once I finish the abortion,” Leah says, describing the care she gave to a patient, “I told her what I typically tell all of my patients; ‘The procedure is done, everything went really well, and you did really great.’ And then [this patient] burst into tears.” Up to that point, Leah’s day had been pretty typical: waking up, drinking coffee in the kitchen, scrolling through Twitter. She read tweets with messages like, “thanks for all you do,” and “you’re my ‘sheero,’” and “I hate you, you baby killer. #butcher.” That’s all par for the course for Leah T. Every day as she arrives at work, she’s confronted by the familiar faces of protesters who stand outside the clinic. Some have signs that say, “Pray to End Abortion” and “Stop the Murder”; some have small children in tow, even in rainy, 40-degree weather. But she drives past and goes inside. She’s greeted with smiles—actual smiles— because everyone working at the clinic loves being of service. She sits at her computer and looks over the day’s schedule. It’s made up of “abstract things, like how many weeks and what kind of procedure.” Through the course of her day, the names of strangers become real people as they enter her office, sharing real stories of their lives with her. “It’s an amazingly unique privilege,” she says, “and I love it. It’s fantastic.” After seeing a number of patients, she finds herself with the one who bursts into tears. And at that moment, her heart sinks, and she wonders, “What have I done? What’s just happened?” She asks if her patient is all right, if she’s in pain. Through tears, her patient reassures her, “You know, I’m OK; it’s not you, it’s them.” Leah knows who her patient is referring to: the protesters outside. Before she could respond, the young woman continued, “They don’t know me. They know nothing about my situation. How dare they judge me for doing what’s best for me and my family?” Leah replied, “I really commend you for doing that, and for being here and doing what’s best for you. I think that that’s an amazing thing. Take your time. Go ahead and get dressed; we’ll take you to the recovery room.” The young woman left, and Leah continues to see other patients. At the end of the day, she drives past the same protesters as before, knowing she’ll see them again, if not on the sidewalk, then on her Twitter feed, or at the Planned Parenthood rallies, or in the legislative offices. The very next day, she gets up as usual, and sits with her coffee to scroll through Twitter. One tweet stands out: “LeahTorresMD abortionist is a sick, evil, twisted person with no conscience and no savior. You will burn in hell

for murdering babies.” The poster added: “and because you don’t value life, I don’t value yours. So forgive me if I don’t cry if you are ever killed by another murderer.” Most of her friends are frightened by such statements, but she sees them differently. She knows that trolls want to shame her with the fear of damnation. But Leah isn’t dissuaded in the least. “In the end,” she says, “this vitriol, this hate, it strengthens my resolve to provide the compassionate care that people not only need, but they also deserve.”

Epilogue

As our night comes to an end, we are reminded of how far we have come, and how far we still have to go in securing women’s basic right of autonomy and decision-making power over our bodies. In the current political climate, and with critical court cases being argued across the country, those of us advocating for women’s rights have our work cut out for us. I myself was truly grateful to be a part of it and—if you’ve read this far—that we have been able to share a piece of it with you. It simply would not have been possible without our brave storytellers and enthusiastic audience, the organizational efforts of Planned Parenthood, especially Kate Kelly and Emily Andrews, Elna Baker of This American Life and The Moth for coaching our storytellers at our workshops in December, and Leah Hayes, author of Not Funny Ha Ha, for her visual storytelling workshop. As for final words, I’ll leave you with the closing remarks from PPAU president/CEO Karrie Galloway, “Make sure the sex you have tonight is good, safe and consensual.” CW Giuliana Serena is a ceremonialist & rites-of-passage facilitator (MoonTimeRising.com), and “Beekeeper” and co-founder of The Bee: True Stories from the Hive (TheBeeSLC.org). Learn more about Planned Parenthood Association of Utah and get involved at PPAU.org.

GIULIANA SERENA

CARA STOTT

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THURSDAY 3.24

Tablado Flamenco Dance Co.: Uno, Dos y Tres

Holi Festival of Colors

Farewell, Kobe: Los Angeles Lakers at Utah Jazz

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Kobe Bryant first came onto the radar of Jazz fans on May 12, 1997, in Game 5 of the Western Conference semi-finals. The Jazz eliminated the Lakers that day as 18-year-old Kobe put up three air-balls in the final minute. His final stat-line was four air-balls on 4-of-14 shooting. Nearly 20 years later, Utah fans get their last chance to watch Kobe on March 28, when the Lakers visit the arena that during his two-decade career has been known as the Delta Center, EnergySolutions Arena and now Vivint SmartHome Arena. One thing that hasn’t changed is Kobe still isn’t afraid to keep shooting—regardless of the results. Through the first 66 games of the season, he was hitting at 36 percent from the field and 28 percent from three-point range on a Laker team sitting dead last in the Western Conference. Other than that, it seems that everything about NBA basketball has changed since teenage Kobe first appeared in Utah during the Clinton administration. In 1997, 260-pound Karl Malone was league MVP, “analytics” was Jerry Sloan yelling at guys to play harder and the Jazz averaged 11 three-point attempts per game. In 2016, rule changes have made it so 190-pound Steph Curry will be the MVP, cameras follow every player movement and feed the data into computers to be reviewed by an analytics team, and the Jazz jack up 23 three-pointers per game. The only other thing that’s remained the same? Kobe’s somebody whom fans either love or hate. Whichever camp you’re in, Monday’s your last chance to cheer or boo him in person. (Geoff Griffin) Utah Jazz vs. Los Angeles Lakers @ Vivint SmartHome Arena, 301 W. South Temple, 801-325-7328, March 28, 7 p.m., $35.25-$350.50. UtahJazz.com

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It has almost become a rite of passage over the years for the youth (and young-at-heart) in Utah to make a yearly trek to Spanish Fork in March for the annual Holi Festival of Colors, which recognizes the traditional Hindu festival marking the coming of spring. You’ve likely seen hundreds of Instagram photos of the event—people caked from head to toe in different colors of chalk in their cars on the drive home. Shots showing a flurry of brightly colored powder covering the field in front of the Krishna Temple are plentiful. But actually attending it is an entirely different matter. The best way to experience this event is to plan a trip with a group, so you can share in the fun and the conversation later. Preregister or purchase tickets the day of, which will give you the chance to buy clothing and face protection, as well as the special chalk used for the event (you can’t bring your own) at $2 a bag. Take a breathing mask and goggles if you’re sensitive to dust. When you arrive, take in the farmland and scenery of the temple, enjoy the people watching, wait for the countdown and hurl the chalk up as high as you can. Savor the music and dance performances throughout the day, which include TK & the Namrock Band, Srikalogy, The Householders, Malini Bollywood Transcended, Dharma Beats and DJ Starlett. Oh, and remember to shower three times. That chalk will stay with you for longer than you’d expect. (Gavin Sheehan) Holi Festival of Colors @ Spanish Fork Krishna Temple, 311 W. 8500 South, Spanish Fork, March 26, 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; March 27, 11 a.m-4 p.m., $5 adult, kids free. UtahKrishnas.org

MONDAY 3.28

Tablado Flamenco Dance Co.’s spring concert shares its name with the performance’s opening number—inspired by a poem of the same title— which tells the story of three banderilleros (a type of bullfighter) facing off against their beastly opponent inside a crowded arena. It’s a story and a dance, says Tablado founder, artistic director and choreographer Solange Gomes—with power, drama and passion, a perfect distillation of everything the art of flamenco offers. Though flamenco is most strongly associated with European Romani (or Gypsy) and Spanish culture, the dance form as we know it was born in the southern regions of Spain (Andalucía, Extremadura and Murcia), and its cultural and musical roots stretch as far as India and the Arabic world. And flamenco is unique for more than just its international pedigree. Unlike other movement forms, flamenco is a strict combination of three traditional components: cante (singing), toque (flamenco guitar) and baile (dance). That’s why, Gomes says, flamenco needs to be performed and seen live. Only a live performance has true duende, or soul. The artistic director, along with six other performers, will present nine original works, all choreographed and staged by Gomes. It will be a performance with variety, spiced up with castanets, hats and hand fans, exploring many of the different styles in flamenco—including the more surprisingly celebratory fiesta styles (flamenco can often come across as brooding and dark) of Tanguillos and Bulerías. The performance also features accompaniment by four local musicians and vocalists, because a flamenco concert wouldn’t be complete without cante and toque. (Katherine Pioli) Tablado Flamenco Dance Co.: Uno, Dos y Tres @ Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, March 25-26, 7:30 p.m., $20. ArtSaltLake.org

SATURDAY 3.26

The Dan Farr/Bryan Brandenburg geek machine that detonated a pop culture bomb in downtown Salt Lake City in 2013 is back for its own kind of trilogy. This third FanXperience—an overture of sorts to September’s Salt Lake Comic Con—promises to once again unite various communities of comic-book nerds, cosplayers, film buffs and die-hard collectors. Where Salt Lake Comic Con plays out like a no-holds-barred fandom battle royale, FanX tends to dedicate its programming and guests to more specific cultural tastes. One of this year’s predominant trends is inspired by the zombie phenomena captured by AMC’s The Walking Dead. In addition to assembling members of the show’s cast—including Norman Reedus (Daryl Dixon, pictured) and Danai Gurira (Michonne)— FanX will be the site of “The Walking Dead Experience,” an interactive zombie apocalypse that allows attendees to assume the roles of survivors or the undead. If shady government conspiracies are more your thing, FanX will host an X-Files mini-reunion with Gillian Anderson (Scully), Mitch Pileggi (Skinner) and William B. Davis (The Smoking Man). Even fans of early ’90s boy bands have something to look forward to as Backstreet Boys Nick Carter and A.J. McLean join forces with NSYNC’s Joey Fatone. All three will be appearing in Syfy’s zombie Western Dead 7 this April. Attendees can also attend panels that will cover everything from Star Wars to David Bowie. It’s also a great place to celebrate the talent and work of local artists, authors and performers, such as Bree Despain and City Weekly contributor Bryan Young. (Alex Springer) Salt Lake Comic Con FanXperience 2016 @ Salt Palace Convention Center, 100 S. West Temple, 801-953-1967, March 24-26, registration 8-10 a.m., vendors & programming 11 a.m.-8 p.m. SaltLakeComicCon.com

FRIDAY 3.25

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anting hard, I made my way down the narrow hallway, red foam weapons in hand. Dressed in plain black, I looked ahead toward a group of cautious players. Unlike myself, they were decked out in fantasy garb, sporting leather armor, numerous pouches and trinkets and even a few feathered hats. As I approached, they warily raised their faux weaponry. I was posing as a phantom this time. What followed was a tense standoff, straight out of the strangest Western you could imagine. I broke the stillness first, diving forward and calling my shot (“Two pass!”) which let them know how much damage I inflicted. I clipped the torso of the front player, and they retaliated immediately. Despite a few wild parries, I was “dead” within a few seconds, having taken enough damage to remove me from the game. I put my fist to the side of my head, signifying I was out of the game for the moment, and then ducked through a doorway heading toward another part of the maze. The players would have to defeat me and my compatriots a few more times before they could advance, and I intended to make the most of it. I was playing a Wednesday night game with Mythic Realms (MythicRealms.com), a Salt Lake City-based LARP (live-action role play) group. More or less an in-person version of tabletop games like Dungeons & Dragons, it involves players assuming the role of powerful fantasy characters while event organizers and non-player characters, or NPCs (like me) populate the world that surrounds them. Earlier, I had gotten instruction from the staff member directing the game, and he had given me a rundown on the creatures and challenges the players would be facing tonight. I had a cheat-sheet in my pocket, listing all the important abilities each creature had, with tactics they wanted us to employ against different player groups. I spoke with Mythic Realms general manager Zach Martin, worried about the challenges a new, inexperienced player like me might face learning the game on the fly, but he assured me I’d be fine. “One of the things we felt was most important was to make the game easy for new people to jump in and enjoy themselves without taking a great deal of time to understand how all the rule sets work,” he says.

In fact, playing as an NPC was probably the best way for me to learn the hobby, according to Martin’s fellow staffer Rebecca Rogers, who manages the game’s overall storyline. Playing as an NPC, I was able to participate free of charge. Events like this cost $6 for each player, though Martin noted they usually don’t charge players for their first session. They even have a few simple costumes and weapons on hand for newcomers to use, and as a few of the players assured me, no one cares how simple or elaborate your costume is. The goal is simply to have fun. Still, it is apparent that many players take pride in the time and effort spent on developing their characters. Some of them come in costumes and gear that would not be out of place at Salt Lake Comic Con. Others wore simpler costumes, while NPCs like me sported a simple black tabard to let players know our role in the game. Between the event organizers, NPCs and more than two dozen players, an epic story had been created through a combination of improvisation, scripted events, fast-paced combat and a simple rule system governing each character’s various skills and abilities. As a novice to the process, the rules didn’t seem that simple at first, but as time went on, things got easier. While chatting with the staff, it became clear that I had apparently missed out on their annual Winterfest event in January: a huge story-driven weekend drawing more

Players at Mythic Realms’ annual Winterfest, Jan. 29-30, 2016

than a hundred player participants, each bringing his or her own unique character inhabiting this imaginary fantasy world. And the world has a name, too. Originally created in 1999 by Mythic Realms founder James Bernard, the land of Cyrilla has seen close to two decades worth of player stories develop across its vast landscape. It is these stories that attract players from week to week. Rogers has played with the group for more than a decade, and she speaks fondly of her experiences. “I once pursued a plot for two years, and finally came to the end of it,” she says. “The thrill of finishing everything after two years in the plotline, it was amazing.” In that Wednesday night game, I tasted just a sliver of that. The excitement of inhabiting and shaping a distant world of imagination. I will be returning to Cyrilla as soon as I can. CW

MYTHIC REALMS OPEN HOUSE

Castle of Chaos 7980 State, Midvale 801-699-3196 Wednesday, April 6 6:30 a.m.-10 p.m. MythicRealms.com

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TUESDAY 3.29

Ally Condie: Summerlost It’s easy to pigeonhole a writer—especially when that writer experiences the kind of success Ally Condie has had within a specific genre. But while Condie’s best-selling Matched trilogy and her follow-up Atlantia set youthful romances in worlds of fantasy, she now presents a story set squarely in hard reality, and shows herself just as capable of enthralling readers. Inspired by events from Condie’s own adolescence, Summerlost tells the tale of 12-yearold Cedar, whose family has been devastated by an accident that took the life of her father and younger brother. Relocated with her remaining family to the town of Iron Creek, Cedar soon meets a boy named Leo, who introduces her to the world of the local summer theater festival. There Cedar finds a special friendship, a compelling mystery in the legend of an actress who haunts the theater, and a chance to find healing from the grief she still feels. (Scott Renshaw) Ally Condie: Summerlost @ Provo City Library Ballroom, 550 N. University Ave., Provo, 801-852-7685, March 29, 7 p.m., free. ProvoLibrary.com

PERFORMANCE THEATER

Climbing With Tigers Salt Lake Acting Co., 168 W. 500 North, 801-363-7522, through March 27, Fridays, 7 p.m.; Saturdays, 3 & 7 p.m.; Sundays, 1 & 6 p.m., SaltLakeActingCompany.org Cowgirls Pioneer Theatre Co., 300 S. 1400 East, 801-581-6961, March 25-April 9, MondaysThursdays, 7:30 p.m.; Fridays & Saturdays, 8:00 p.m.; Saturday matinees, 2:00 p.m., PioneerTheatre.org Disney’s Beauty and the Beast CenterPoint Legacy Theatre, 525 N. 400 West, Centerville, 801-298-1302, through March 26, MondaySaturday, 7:30 p.m., CenterPointTheatre.org Disney’s The Little Mermaid The Ziegfeld Theater, 3934 S. Washington Blvd., Ogden, 855-944-2787, through April 23, 7:30 p.m, TheZiegfeldTheater.com Greece is the Word The Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main, 801-355-4628, though April 16, Monday, Friday & Saturday, 7:30 p.m., TheOBT.org Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat Hale Center Theater Orem, 225 W. 400 North, Orem, 801-226-8600, through April 9, Monday-Saturday, 7:30 p.m.; Saturday matinee, 3 p.m., HaleTheater.org Mother Courage and Her Children Harris Fine Arts Center, 1 University Hill, Provo, 801-4222981, March 24-25, 29-31, April 1, 7:30 p.m.; March 26, 2:00 p.m., Arts.BYU.edu Picnic The Grand Theatre, 1575 S. State, 801-9573322, through April 2, 7:30 p.m., The-Grand.org The Pirate Queen Hale Centre Theatre, 3333 S. Decker Lake Drive, 801-984-9000, through April 2, weekdays, 7:30 p.m.; Saturdays, 12:30 p.m., 4 p.m., & 7:30 p.m., HCT.org Play On! Sugar Factory Playhouse, Midvale Performing Arts Center, 695 W. Center St., Midvale, 801-294-1242, March 24-26 & 28, 7:30 p.m., SugarFactoryPlayhouse.com The Taste of Sunrise Harris Fine Arts Center, 1 University Hill, Provo, 801-422-2981, March 24-25, 7:30 p.m.; March 26, 2 p.m., Arts.BYU.edu

DANCE

Repertory Dance Theatre: 50th Anniversary Egyptian Theatre, 328 Main, Park City, 435-649-9371, March 25-26, 8 p.m., EgyptianTheatreCompany.org Tablado Dance Company: Uno, Dos y Tres Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, March 25-26, 7:30 p.m., TabladoDance.com (see p. 19) UVU Contemporary Dance Ensemble: The Final Hours Sugar Space Arts Warehouse, 132 S. 800 West, 888-300-7898, March 24-26, 8 p.m.; March 26, 2 p.m., TheSugarSpace.com

CLASSICAL & SYMPHONY

Rest Eternal Music by Gabriel Fauré Libby Gardner Hall, 1375 E. Presidents Circle, Salt Lake City, 801-581-6762, March 26, 2 p.m., Music.Utah.edu Ana Vidovic in Concert Vieve Gore Concert Hall 1840 S. 1300 East, 801-580-9881, March 25, 8 p.m., UCGS.org Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto No. 2 Utah Symphony, Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, 801-355-2787, March 25-26, 7:30 p.m., ArtSaltLake.org Utah Philharmonia Libby Gardner Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Circle, 801-581-7100, March 24, 7:30 p.m., Tickets.Utah.edu

COMEDY

Bengt Washburn Wiseguys Salt Lake City, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, March 24, 7:30 p.m.; March 25, 7:30 p.m. & 9:30 p.m., WiseguysComedy.com Bert Kreischer Wiseguys Salt Lake City, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, March 26, 7 & 9:30 p.m., WiseGuysComedy.com

LITERATURE AUTHOR APPEARANCES

Chuck Newhall: Fearful Odds: A Memoir of Vietnam and Its Aftermath The Deer Crest Club, 2300 Deer Valley Drive, Park City, 435-6498882, March 24, 6 p.m., KimballArtCenter.org Eric Freeze: Hemingway on a Bike The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-4849100, March 24, 7 p.m., KingsEnglish.com

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moreESSENTIALS Sarah Kay & Phil Kaye Eccles Center, 1750 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 435-655-3114, March 26, 7:30 p.m., EcclesCenter.org Jaleigh Johnson & Peggy Eddleman: The Secret of Solace The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, March 28, 7 p.m., KingsEnglish.com Ally Condie: Summerlost Provo Library, 550 N. University Ave., Provo, 801-484-9100, March 29, 7 p.m., KingsEnglish.com (see p. 22) Robison Wells: Dark Energy The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, March 29, 7 p.m., KingsEnglish.com James Anderson: The Never-Open Desert Diner The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, March 30, 7 p.m., KingsEnglish.com

SPECIAL EVENTS FESTIVALS & FAIRS

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VISUAL ART

24 | MARCH 24, 2016

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EASTER EGG HUNTS

Salt Lake Comic Con FanX 2016 Salt Palace Convention Center, 100 S. West Temple, March 24-26, SLComicCon.com (see p. 19) 2016 Gem Faire Inc. South Towne Expo Center, 9575 S. State Street, Sandy, March 25-27, GemFaire.com Holi Festival of Colors Krishna Temple, 311 W. 8500 South, Spanish Fork, March 26-27, UtahKrishnas.org (see p. 19) Easter Egg Hunt Liberty Park, Northeast Pavillion, 700 E. 800 South, March 26, 9 a.m. Helper’s Annual Easter Egg Hunt Helper City Park, Helper, 435-472-5391, March 26, 9 a.m. Eggcellent Easter Carnival Larkin Mortuary, 3688 W. 12600 South, Riverton, March 24, 3-7 p.m., LarkinMortuary.com

GALLERIES & MUSEUMS

2016 César Chávez Visual & Language Arts Contest Mestizo Institute of Culture & Arts, 631 W. North Temple Ste. 700, through April 8, Facebook.com/MestizoArts A Call to Place: The First Five Years of the Frontier Fellowship Rio Gallery, 300 S. Rio

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Grande St., 801-245-7272, through May 30, VisualArts.Utah.gov A Public Spectacle Essay: Letterpress Works by Emily Dyer Barker Sweet Library, 455 F St., 801-594-8951, through April 16, SLCPL.org Abstract Expressions Evolutionary Healthcare, 461 E. 200 South, 801-519-2461, through June 11, EvolutionaryHealthcare.com Adriana Vawdrey: Please, You’re Welcome, I’m Sorry, Thank You Visual Art Institute, 2901 Highland Drive, 801-474-3796, through April 1, VisualArtInstitute.org Anna Prosvirova: Iris and Orchid Collection Day-Riverside Library, 1575 W. 1000 North, 801-594-8632, through March 27, SLCPL.org Christopher McKellar: If the Rock is the Word, Color is the Music Anderson-Foothill Branch Library, 1135 S. 2100 East, 801-594-8611, through April 21, SLCPL.Lib.UT.us Digital Photography by Martin Novak Finch Lane Gallery, 1340 E. 100 South, 801-596-5000, through April 18, SaltLakeArts.org On the Border: Thailand and Myanmar Paintings Art Access Gallery, 230 S. 500 West, 801-328-0703, through April 8, Monday-Friday, AccessArt.org History of Photography: Recent Work by Laurel Caryn Alice Gallery, 617 E. South Temple, 801-245-7272, through May 6, Heritage.Utah.gov Ian Booth: Kazakhstan: Tselina/Building the Virgin Lands Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, March 25-May 7, UtahMOCA.org Ice: New Paintings by Philip Buller Julie Nester Gallery, 1280 Iron Horse Drive, Park City, 435-649-7855, through March 29, JulieNesterGallery.com Imaginal Love Urban Arts Gallery, 137 S. Rio Grande St., through April 3, Tuesday-Sunday, UtahArts.org Kevin Kehoe Modern West Fine Art, 177 W. 200 South, 801-355-3383, through April 9, ModernWestFineArt.com Laura Hope Mason: Extinct Art Access Gallery, 230 S. 500 West, 801-328-0703, through April 8, Monday-Friday, AccessArt.org Marci Erspamer: Tangled in Light “A” Gallery, 1321 S. 2100 East, 801-583-4800, through April 16, AGalleryOnline.com Nina Tichava: It is All Just a Love Contest Gallery MAR, 436 Main, Park City, 435-649-3001, March 25-April 8, GalleryMAR.com Parlay: Paintings by Trent Call Marmalade Branch Library, 280 W. 500 North, 801-594-8680, through April 22, SLCPL.org Paul Crow: Here Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through April 30, UtahMOCA.org

DINE

NORTH FORK

North to Eden

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A garden of eatin’ near Powder Mountain at North Fork Table & Tavern. BY TED SCHEFFLER comments@cityweekly.net @critic1

JOHN TAYLOR

North Fork’s wood-fired pizza, Cobb salad, pasta Bolognese and New York strip vermicelli bowl

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3900 N. Wolf Creek Drive, Eden 801-648-7173 NorthForkTableAndTavern.com

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NORTH FORK TABLE & TAVERN

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cod, roasted organic chicken, Cobb salad, grilled New York strip steak and a vermicelli bowl with short rib, pickled daikon, cilantro, Marcona almonds and nuoc cham ($17). My wife loved her quinoa bowl with salmon ($22), a large, flaky salmon fillet atop a teeming portion of crunchy quinoa tossed with winter squash, nuts and grains, kale and French green beans. But as great as every one of the aforementioned dishes was, the pizza at North Fork Table & Tavern takes the blue ribbon. It’s artisan-style pizza that hits very high notes. The quattro formagi ($13)—with Parmesan, fresh mozzarella, cambozola and Beehive Promontory Agiano—is so good I’d have it once a week if NFT&T were closer to home. The enterprise behind North Fork Table & Tavern—Summit—is interesting. It’s made up of a collection of artists, entrepreneurs, scientists, nonprofit leaders and the like who believe that “business and collaboration are tools that should be used to [e]ffect positive impact in the world.” In 2013, Summit purchased Powder Mountain and, according to its mission statement, “aims to rethink the great American mountain town through innovation, entrepreneurship, arts and altruism.” If excellent food and service is also part of Summit’s grand mission, North Fork Table & Tavern has it nailed. CW

Do not, I repeat, do not overlook the stromboli ($8) on the appetizer menu. It’s a beautiful thing, literally. Traditionally, strombolis are turnovers that are filled with cheeses, meats, veggies and so on, rolled, then baked. Chef Sanich’s stromboli is unique in that he takes strips of dough and weaves them together, creating a lattice-like crisp crust for the fillings, which, in this case, included Creminelli meats, ricotta cheese and arugula. Alongside for dipping the stromboli pieces were two divine sauces: housemade marinara and arugula pesto. A stromboli and a brew would make for an excellent après-ski nosh, especially since NFT&T opens at 8 a.m., and doesn’t close until 9 p.m. on weekdays and 10 p.m. on weekends. Either as an appetizer or side dish, be sure to treat yourself to an order of Sanich’s amazing Brussels sprouts ($7). They are crispy and coated in a “fish caramel” sauce, a luscious concoction that includes fish sauce, star anise, sugar, salt, shallots, jalapeño, black pepper, ginger, mirin and more. Sanich gives credit to a previous chef for the sauce recipe, but it’s spectacular— whatever the origin. I can’t tell you how often I’m disappointed by Bolognese sauce in restaurants. Most are bastardized versions with way too much tomato, inferior meats and so on. Sanich offers up one of the best pasta Bolognese ($19) versions I’ve ever eaten. It’s a generous dish of perfectly cooked, thick bucatini pasta bathed in a Bolognese that incorporates beef, pork, veal and pancetta, simmered long enough for the flavors to meld together, topped simply with fresh Parmesan. The menu at North Fork Table & Tavern is nothing if not eclectic. Wood oven-fired pizzas share the menu with pan-seared Shetland salmon, wild-caught Pacific black

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f you’re not sure where Eden, Utah, is, it’s time to find out. Eden is about an hour north of downtown Salt Lake City, and lies between the north and middle forks of the Ogden River, above Pineview Reservoir. The small town—population 600 in the 2010 census—is just minutes from superb skiing and shredding at Powder Mountain, one of the largest ski resorts in the United States, which spans more than 7,000 acres with views of four states. But, skiing isn’t what brought me to aptly named Eden. I’d been hearing a lot about North Fork Table & Tavern, which had opened in the location vacated when Harley and Buck’s restaurant relocated to Ogden. I always liked Harley & Buck’s, but something about the upscale ambiance, oversize chairs and such just didn’t seem to mesh with the laid-back Eden/Powder Mountain vibe. North Fork Table & Tavern does. For starters, walls have been removed—along with those elaborate chairs—and the entire place now has an open, bright and airy ambiance. Relax at the bar, and watch woodfired pizzas and the like being prepared while you eat and drink. It’s still upscale, but you won’t feel out of place if you show up wearing ski pants and a parka. The story behind North Fork Table & Tavern is fascinating, and I’ll get to it. But first, I should mention that I was thrilled, after a dinner at NFT&T, to discover that a chef I admire was working there. His name is Jeff Sanich, a Utah native who ran the kitchen at Sundance’s Foundry Grill. In addition to his executive chef duties at NFT&T, Sanich also oversees the food and beverages services at Powder Mountain. One of the delights of dining at NFT&T is having the opportunity to socialize with terrific server, manager and “jack-of-alltrades” employee Ken Donegan. Previously a Harley & Buck’s staffer, Donegan says laughingly, “I come with the building.” “K-Bass”—his musician moniker when he’s slappin’ the bass—knows the NFT&T menu inside-out, and also has a formidable knowledge of the wines. The list is one that would serve many Salt Lake City restaurants well—a very balanced selection of great wines from the United States, New Zealand, France, Spain, Italy and Argentina. We ordered a bottle of Côtes du Rhône Blanc ($29) and settled in to peruse the menu, aided by informative and detailed suggestions from Donegan.

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26 | MARCH 24, 2016

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The fourth annual Ogden Restaurant Week kicks off on Thursday, April 7, and runs through Sunday, April 17. The event is an opportunity to discover Ogden’s locally owned, independent restaurants at bargain prices. Some 25 different Ogden eateries will offer specially priced twocourse lunches and three-course dinners, in addition to their regular menus during Restaurant Week. Lunches will be priced at $10 and dinners are $17 (excluding tax and tips). There’s no need to purchase advance tickets or coupons, and Restaurant Week specials are offered on a first-come, first-serve basis, so reservations are highly recommended. Participating restaurants run the gamut from Even Stevens Sandwiches, Thai Curry Kitchen, Zucca Trattoria and Pig & A Jelly Jar, to Tona Sushi, The Prairie Schooner, A Good Life Café & Juice Bar, MacCool’s Public House, Rovali’s and Roosters. For further details and a full list of restaurants participating in Ogden Restaurant Week, go to OgdenRestaurantWeek.com.

Prime Roast

Hugo Coffee Shop owner Claudia McMullin has expanded her Park Citybased business to include the new Hugo Coffee Roasters (435-655-5015, Hugo.coffee), a small-batch coffee roasting company located in the Park City Chamber Bureau Visitor Center at 1794 Olympic Parkway. Hugo Coffee Roasters offers unique blends and single origin roasts for direct sale to retail consumers as well as wholesale sales to retailers, restaurants and hotels. “Two years ago, when I opened Hugo Coffee, I was a novice to the coffee business,” McMullin says. “But I have had so much fun meeting all the customers and coffee people, and I have found the whole coffee culture to be such a good fit for me. It’s like having a dinner party every day. I’m excited to jump further in the coffee business to not only serve great coffee, but to roast it ourselves as well for sale to other coffee shops and restaurants.” Hugo Coffee Roasters has a brand new Diedrich commercial roaster, made in Ponderay, Idaho, which McMullin ordered in purple to match her hair. Hugo also offers baked goods, juices, sandwiches and breakfast and lunch fare. Quote of the week: The disparity between a restaurant’s price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill. —Bryan Miller Food Matters 411: tscheffler@cityweekly.net

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BEER, WINE & SPIRITS

The Art of the Wine List

North Fork covers the bases with its modest wine selection, and you can, too. BY TED SCHEFFLER comments@cityweekly.net @critic1

ecently, a Cape Cod-based friend and colleague of mine asked for my input in creating a wine list and inventory for a new restaurant. Naturally, my hedonistic instinct was to suggest loading the list up with first-growth Bordeaux, the best Burgundies, costly vintage Champagne and such. But that road is one less-travelled for the majority of restaurateurs. They, after all, must deal with reality, not fantasy. And most have limited budgets, limited storage facilities and aren’t going to sell very many $8,000 bottles of Petrus 1982. In this week’s Dine column [p. 25], I reviewed North Fork Table & Tavern in Eden,

Utah. While its wine list is a bit richer than some restaurants can offer, it’s also a lot smaller than fancy places with a seemingly endless array of choices. I think North Fork’s is a good example of what a smallto-medium-size wine list should be. For starters, North Fork covers all of the most important bases. To my mind, any restaurant worth its salt, when serving wine, needs to offer white wine, red wine, sparkling wine, Rosé or blush wine and dessert wine. Many folks, including me, enjoy beginning dinner with a glass of bubbly. So I recommend having at least two or three options available for customers. In my restaurant, I’d offer an interesting domestic sparkling wine such as Roederer Estate Brut, as North Fork does, or maybe Gruet Brut, from New Mexico. I’d also have a nonvintage French Champagne on the menu, like Moët Impérial. North Fork gets bonus points for including a sparking Rosé— J Brut Rosé—among its bubbles. Even on the tiniest of wine lists, you must include the four most common white wine varietals: Chardonnay, Riesling, Sauvignon Blanc and Pinot Grigio/Pinot Gris. I’d put Chardonnay on my restaurant’s list, but not a lot of it and not big, bombastic, oaky Chards. Chardonnay is overrated as a food wine. So, put a domestic, oaky Chardonnay on the list for those who enjoy it, but offer

DRINK some unoaked Chardonnays, as well. A mixture of Chards from the United States, France, Australia and Chile would be nice. Include a minimum of one dry and one off-dry Riesling, a domestic Sauvignon Blanc and one from New Zealand, and a mix of Italian Pinot Grigio and Alsatian Pinot Gris, with perhaps a Willamette Valley Pinot Gris for good measure. If you can branch out and include lesser-known whites such as Viognier, Chenin Blanc, Gewürztraminer and white blends like Conundrum, that would be even better. I can’t even imagine a restaurant in France— no matter the size—not offering a good dry Rosé. The French drink it by the bucket. Well, kudos again to North Fork for including Domaine Serene “R” Rosé from the Willamette Valley on its list. I’d recommend also including a solid Rosé from Provençe such as Caves D’Esclans

Whispering Angel. As with the white wines, you’ll want to offer guests the most indemand reds. Those are Cabernet Sauvignon, Pinot Noir, Merlot, Shiraz/Syrah and (in this country) Zinfandel. I’d give customers a choice of a domestic Cabernet and a French Bordeaux, along with an Oregon or California Pinot Noir and one from Burgundy. Ditto Merlot from both the United States and France. Then, I’d turn to Australia for Shiraz and to France for Syrah. If you’ve got room, mix in an Argentine Malbec, Sangiovese and Chianti from Italy, Spanish Tempranillo and such. One last round of applause to North Fork for offering dessert wines and Port: Yalumba Museum Muscat, Quinta do Noval Tawny Port and St. Supéry Moscato round out its very well-selected wine list. Now, which wines would be essential for your list? CW

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Handle South Jordan • 10500 S. 1086 W. Ste. 111 • 801.302.0777 Provo • 98 W. Center Street • 801.373.7200 www.IndiaPalaceUtah.com

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30 | MARCH 24, 2016

This restaurant, headed up by award-winning Chef Briar Handly, organizes its menu by the headings Bites, Cold, Hot, Hearty and Sweet, and uses fresh, local ingredients. That dependence on seasonal foods means that the menu often changes, but with options ranging from roasted shishito peppers to fried chicken, you’re sure to find a winning option, no matter the time of year. 136 Heber Ave., Park City, 435-602-1155, HandleParkCity.com

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GOODEATS

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It’s got a big menu and big portions. Scarf tequila lime chicken or wash down hot wings with a pint at the bar. Award-winning burger options at Iggy’s include the Aloha, Baja, Blackjack, Manhattan and Black & Bleu burgers, while the extensive sandwich options tempt diners with prime rib, pastrami, meatball, Philly and BLT. Along with old-fashioned root beer floats and cream sodas, Iggy’s restaurant also sports an extensive selection of cold brews to sip while watching your favorite team on one of the giant TV screens. For dessert, kick back with deep-fried cheesecake, homemade bread pudding or a hot fudge vanilla bean sundae. Multiple Locations, IggysSportsGrill.com

Complete listings at CityWeekly.net

chicken wrap. You be the judge. 8 E. 300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-531-0917, JudgeCafe.com

The Hog Wallow Pub

Inside, it feels like the kind of rustic lodge where you’d expect to find an epic character like Beowulf sharing tales of heroic deeds—assuming Beowulf could also enjoy live music four nights a week while doing so. He could. But it’s what’s outside Hog Wallow that’s the star attraction: The multiple-award-winning, gorgeous, tree-filled patio area, complete with waterfall, makes it feel as though you’ve escaped the world. Try the tasty menu, full of classic pub grub, including everything from quesadillas to surf-and-turf pizza. With a full bar and a range of live music sets on the schedule, this pub always offers a good time, whether your pleasure is inside or out. 3200 E. Big Cottonwood Canyon Road, Salt Lake City, 801-733-5567, TheHogWallow.com

Judge Café

The Judge Café & Grill is a bustling neighborhood eatery in Salt Lake City’s downtown district. It features a diverse menu of carefully prepared classics and just enough unexpected twists to keep the meal and the dining experience interesting. The café is a graceful and charming place on the ground floor of the vintage Judge Building, built in 1906 by Mary Judge. Daily specials include great sandwiches, Mandarin chicken salad, grilled salmon with orange-rosemary sauce, a French-dip panini, chicken Parmesan and a buffalo

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32 | MARCH 24, 2016

KNIGHT OF CUPS

Character Inaction

CINEMA

Terrence Malick’s unique vision remains a very particular taste in Knight of Cups. BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

ow do you approach an artist who is clearly a kind of genius at something that just doesn’t appeal to you? Everyone likely has a few personal examples: the hip-hop wizard who’s speaking another life language; the award-winning writer whose novels are returned to the library with a bookmark a third of the way through; the creator of popular TV sitcoms at which you have never, not once, ever laughed. Or, perhaps it takes the form of the films of Terrence Malick: dreamy, impressionistic reveries on the mysteries of the soul that achieve a kind of transcendence, but also make you wonder WTF is actually going on in them. Knight of Cups continues a style that has become familiar ever since the publicity-shy Malick returned to filmmaking in the late ’90s after a long hiatus, and most specifically on the heels of 2011’s The Tree of Life and 2013’s To the Wonder. It’s the story of a man— in this case, a Hollywood insider named Rick (Christian Bale), who is apparently, at least according to the press notes, a screenwriter—at a crossroads, trying to make sense of his life. He has a complicated relationship with his aging father (Brian Dennehy) and recovering-addict younger brother (Wes Bentley), but mostly he has complicated relationships with the women in his life. So, we follow him through several such relationships: with his ex-wife (Cate Blanchett), with a married woman (Natalie Portman), with a free-spirited stripper (Teresa Palmer) and with a model (Freida Pinto). It would be easy enough simply to dismiss Knight of Cups as the woe-is-me musings of a rich white guy who has everything but just doesn’t feel fulfilled, man. Malick lets the camera prowl behind Rick as he

attends massive house parties, cavorts with two-at-a-time girls in luxury hotel rooms, hangs out at high-fashion photo shoots and cruises around Southern California in his convertible. Life is so hard that he has to keep trying to find elusive happiness with one beautiful woman after another. Boo freaking hoo. Even that problem might have been solvable if Malick seemed to have any interest in making Rick—or any of these characters—flesh-and-blood people. Bale plays the part as though he were given the same basic direction for every scene; his facial expression almost never changes from a look of wan discontent. Virtually all the dialogue in the movie takes a form that doesn’t actually involve watching the people on screen saying the words, creating the vague sense that all of these people are beings of pure thought. On a couple of isolated occasions, Malick introduces an actual, physical threat of some kind—an earthquake, or a home-invasion robbery—yet those scenes never generate any real tension or drama, because it’s hard to imagine that either a falling potted plant or a bullet would do anything to these wispy figures but pass right through them. And yet. And yet. It’s hard not to get occasionally swept away into a kind of vision that’s almost more like symphony or poetry than it is like filmmaking as we usually accept the term. Malick and cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki may have their go-to bag of tricks—the camera restlessly following someone retreating into the distance, fish-eye

Cate Blanchett and Christian Bale in Knight of Cups

panoramas or characters in wordless magichour-lit embrace—but those images can have the cumulative effect of repeating a mantra, where watching the on-screen collage becomes a kind of meditation. Cinema needs more artists who shake the foundations of the form. Malick consistently does that. The challenge becomes finding an anchor, so that the ethereal experience of something like Knight of Cups connects to actual human experience. It’s clear from the film’s key reference points—opening with quotes from The Pilgrim’s Progress and using the cards of the tarot deck as chapter headings—that Malick is reaching for big symbolic and allegorical territory, capital-letter stuff like Faith and Love and Rebirth. That doesn’t mean he can’t also tell a story, one where the emotions are more than abstractions. Somewhere, weaving through the palm tree-lined boulevards and frolicking in the surf, is a guy named Rick. Whatever singular thing Terrence Malick has created, its appeal will be limited if it’s too easy to forget that guy.

KNIGHT OF CUPS

BB.5 Christian Bale Cate Blanchett Natalie Portman Rated R

TRY THESE The Player (1992) Tim Robbins Greta Scacchi Rated R

The New World (2005) Colin Farrell Q’orianka Kilcher Rated PG-13

The Tree of Life (2011) Brad Pitt Sean Penn Rated PG-13

To the Wonder (2013) Ben Affleck Olga Kurylenko Rated R

CINEMA CLIPS

MOVIE TIMES AND LOCATIONS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

NEW THIS WEEK Information is correct at press time. Film release schedules are subject to change. BATMAN V. SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE [not yet reviewed] The Dark Knight (Ben Affleck)! The Man of Steel (Henry Cavill)! Punching each other! Opens March 25 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13)

MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING 2 BB.5 You can tell Nia Vardalos is aiming squarely at those already familiar with the surprise-hit 2002 original film when the first Windex gag appears without any set-up. So your reaction to the original should be considered a fairly safe barometer of your likely response to this follow-up, in which Toula (Vardalos) and Ian (John Corbett) face empty-nesthood with the impending high school graduation of their daughter, Paris (Elena Kampouris), and Toula’s parents (Michael Constantine and Lainie Kazan) learn that their marriage in Greece was never official, necessitating a second big fat wedding. The jokes are again almost entirely at the expense of Toula’s

SPECIAL SCREENINGS THE DEPARTED At Brewvies, March 28, 10 p.m. (R) THE LADY IN THE VAN At Park City Film Series, March 25-26 @ 8 p.m., March 27 @ 6 p.m. (PG-13) NEWTOWN At Main Library, March 29, 7 p.m. (NR)

CURRENT RELEASES 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE BBB.5 If there’s something about a movie that you can’t talk about without spoilers, it might as well be literally the only thing wrong with it. For 90 minutes, this pocket-size thriller—about Michelle (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), who awakens from a car accident

THE BRONZE B.5 It’s a nice idea to spin the Kerri Strug story into the tale of Hope Ann Greggory (Melissa Rauch), who won a 2004 gymnastics bronze medal while soldiering on after an ankle injury; 12 years later, she’s bitter and pathetic, living off her celebrity in her hometown and wondering if the opportunity to coach up-andcomer Maggie (Haley Lu Richardson) is actually a chance to sabotage someone even more talented. Rauch throws herself into playing the helium-voiced terror, but the character feels like merely a collection of acidic punch lines, few of which actually earn a laugh. By the time we’re expected to believe she’s learning Important Life Lessons, she has been established as wretched beyond hope of salvation. There are only isolated hints of the wild romp this could have been if there’d been any reason to care about Hope. (R)—SR THE DIVERGENT SAGA: ALLEGIANT BB This third outing in the post-apocalyptic adventures of Tris Prior (Shailene Woodley) is a disappointing comedown from the first two, which only just skated by on the novelty of its appealing metaphor for struggle against enforced conformity. Now, the reasons for the apparently precarious foundations of her world are revealed, and the concrete reality is far less intriguing. With Chicago’s citizens welcomed to rejoin the rest of humanity outside the wall that has contained them, Tris, her boyfriend/lieutenant Four (Theo James) and a handful of others head off to see what—and who—is out there. They find accidental conundrums that smarter scripting could have avoided, including a huge plothole that brings the entire story crumbling down: “Why didn’t those experimenters just do X?” The ending is so foregone as to be downright anticlimactic—and there’s still another movie to get through. (PG-13)—MAJ

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KNIGHT OF CUPS BB.5 See review p. 32. Opens March 25 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (R)

RAMS BBB The title’s double meaning may be a bit on-the-nose, but there’s a solidly effective story at the core of Grímur Hákonarson’s off-beat comedy-drama. In a rural Icelandic valley, aging, long-estranged brothers Gummi (Sigurður Sigurjónsson) and Kiddi (Theodór Júlíusson) both face losing their prized sheep herds when their neighboring farms are affected by a rare infectious disease. Hákonarson keeps the reason for the brothers’ feud unspoken for a surprisingly long time, but the specific issue proves less vital than how each man responds to a situation that threatens to rob them of the only thing they have in their lives, since they no longer have each other. A vein of dark humor also runs throughout, most notably when Gummi has to deal with one of Kiddi’s many episodes of blackout drunkenness. There may be a bit too much burden placed on images of the stark landscape, as well as that metaphor of two stubborn males butting into one another like … well, you know. There’s still emotional resonance to the final scenes, which find these men forced to decide if there’s ultimately one thing they share that can reunite them. Opens March 25 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (NR)—SR

in the fallout shelter of a man named Howard (John Goodman) who claims there’s been an apocalyptic event outside—is almost a textbook example of building suspense through character and situation. With only one other person (John Gallagher Jr.) in that shelter, director Dan Trachtenberg builds a cat-and-mouse game around terrific performances, particularly Goodman’s brilliant display of twisted entitlement to respect. The conclusion can’t quite hold up to everything that comes before, with a story predicated on whether you’re willing to risk that the monster you don’t know is less monstrous than the one you do know. (R)—SR

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CREATIVE CONTROL BBB Maybe it’s easier to forgive a wildly uneven movie when the things that it nails, it nails so well. Writer/director Benjamin Dickinson also stars as David, a New York advertising exec whose latest client is advanced virtual reality technology in the form of glasses—the beta version of which starts to take over David’s reality. The story also involves three other main characters—David’s best friend, fashion photographer Wim (Dan Gill); David’s girlfriend, yoga instructor Juliette (Nora Zehetner); and Wim’s girlfriend, Sophie (Alexia Rasmussen)—in a way that fumbles through familiar material about urban 20-somethings and their discontents. But Dickinson occasionally finds perfectly pitched scenes that capture a generation’s obsession with the life on their screens, including a priceless bit involving David multi-multitasking his way through a simultaneous video chat, two text conversations and fiddling with his VR software. The absurdist humor—like a commercial shoot for an anxiety medication in e-cigarette form—and Dickinson’s gift for striking imagery in the black-and-white cinematography carries Creative Control, even when he seems to be trying for too many Millennial morality plays at the same time. Opens March 25 at Tower Theatre. (R)—Scott Renshaw

oppressively close family; the structure matches a TV sitcom almost classically in its A-plot/B-plot/C-plot format and stubbornly low stakes. It could easily be exasperating that every potential area of conflict—from a marriage going stale to a family member coming out of the closet—simply becomes an opportunity to show how eccentrically supportive everyone is of everyone else, but Vardalos understands her audience. She wants to make the kind of movie that people walk out of saying, “That was so cute.” And it kind of is. Opens March 25 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13)—SR

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34 | MARCH 24, 2016

CINEMA

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HELLO, MY NAME IS DORIS BBB Laura Terruso’s one-joke short film Doris & the Intern is expanded with co-writer/director Michael Showalter into something with a richer sense of character, but also the awkwardness of turning nine minutes into 90. Doris (Sally Field), a never-married 60-something woman, finds her life routine disrupted first by the death of the mother she’d long cared for, and then by her infatuation with her new co-worker, John (Max Greenfield). Showalter and Terruso effectively transform Doris into a woman who wonders if being in love could still be possible, but also bounce between subplots of varying effectiveness, including Doris’ interaction with John’s hipster friends and her clumsily handled problems with hoarding. Field’s lovely, watchful performance carries the story over these bumps; she’s the appealing anchor for the attempt to take a cougar cartoon and make it the story of an actual woman. (PG-13)—SR MIRACLES FROM HEAVEN BB This fact-based, faith-based drama adapts the memoir by Christy Beam (Jennifer Garner), a Texas mom whose 10-year-old daughter Annabelle (Kylie Rogers) faces a potentially life-threatening gastrointestinal illness. Down the road, an improbable event could save Annabelle’s life—and as it turns out it’s waaaay down the road, leaving more than an hour of medical crisis. But along the way, it touches on the way families can struggle with such a chronic condition: marital tension, financial insecurity, the sacrifices demanded of siblings. That should be the center of this narrative. Instead, it all winds up feeling like foot-tapping and throat-clearing on the way to Annabelle’s Monet-infused vision of the afterlife. Yes, Christy wrestles with doubt, but that’s not nearly as compelling as wrestling with having a child who doesn’t know if she wants to go on living. (PG-13)—SR ONLY YESTERDAY BBB.5 There’s such a unique point of view in Isao Takahata’s 25-yearold Studio Ghibli: the story of Taeko Okajima (Daisy Ridley), a 27-year-old Tokyo woman whose vacation in the countryside is accompanied by reminiscences about her fifth-grade year (voiced by Alison Fernandez) circa 1966. Those flashback segments are phenomenal, patiently observing childhood anxieties in a way that has always been a Ghibli trademark. Those scenes are so good, that it’s often disappointing when the “present-day” segments roll around, addressing the less complex matter of what Taeko wants to do with her life, including assessing her friendship with a kindly young farmer (Dev Patel). It’s visually gorgeous from start to finish, but at its most engrossing when it finds the gravity-defying magic of a girl’s first crush, or the devastation of having your father slap you in the face. (PG-13)—SR

ZOOTOPIA BB.55 Spoiler alert: Zootopia is about how prejudice is bad. The premise—set in a world of integrated talking mammals—finds rookie rabbit police officer Judy (Ginnifer Goodwin) teamed with street hustler fox Nick (Jason Bateman) in the familiar but welcome rhythms of a “mismatched buddy cop” movie, as cheap, obvious animal-based pun gags are kept to a minimum. But there’s a lack of depth to the world-building, with habitat-based “ghettos” that are rarely relevant to the story, and a reliance on stereotype jokes that work against its own message. While there’s a welcome complexity to the way prejudice is addressed, and the relationship moments between Judy and Nick are earned, the ideas never sneak up on you emotionally. “Prejudice is bad” is an important idea to convey, with plenty of better ways to convey it. (PG)—SR

TRUE BY B I L L F RO S T @bill_frost

Love & Money

Dope Hope Nope

The Catch shakes up Shondaland; The Path is real cult TV. The Catch Thursday, March 24 (ABC)

Flaked Streaming (Netflix)

Special: The only viable counter late-night CBS has to Jimmy Fallon’s Tonight Show Celebrity Playpen is James Corden’s Late Late Show Carpool Karaoke … but that doesn’t mean either works outside of Internet or insomniac circles. But, since it’s a filler month, here’s The Late Late Show Carpool Karaoke Primetime Special, an exhaustingly titled hour—yes, hour—of Corden’s “greatest hits,” previously aired clips of him driving around with celebs and wailing tunes because apparently that’s entertainment to CBS’ non-NCIS-geezer audience. But! It’s not all dusty content you can already view at your leisure on YouTube instead of watching live TV like a damned caveman—there’s a new segment with Jennifer Lopez! Which you’ll be able to see tomorrow on YouTube.

The Path Wednesday, March 30 (Hulu)

Series Debut: Hulu’s recent 11.22.63 wasn’t quite the prestige-drama breakthrough they were hoping for (no one wants to watch James Franco time-travel unless he’s doing it with Seth Rogen, OK?), but The Path should get the streamer back on track. Set inside an upstate New York religious-movement-but-really-cult, this 10-episode series features a heavy-hitter cast (including Breaking Bad’s Aaron Paul, True Detective’s Michelle Monaghan, Hannibal’s Hugh Dancy and Sons of Anarchy’s Rockmond Dunbar),

The Catch (ABC) and the showrunner team behind Parenthood (which was a more intricate drama than it gets credit for), so expectations are high—and The Path delivers. Married cult couple Eddie (Paul) and Sarah (Monaghan) are at different levels losing their religion, interim leader Cal (Dancy) is all-in and increasingly power-drunk, and an FBI agent (Dunbar) is thisclose to bringing it all down. Bottom line: If The Path were on HBO or FX, you wouldn’t be able to escape the hype.

Lopez Wednesday, March 30 (TV Land)

Series Debut: This is the fourth TV series to sport the name Lopez or George, following George Lopez (ABC, 2002-07), Lopez Tonight (TBS, 2009-11) and Saint George (FX, 2014), but Lopez is the first to forgo the laugh track, either authentic (the first two were shot in front of live audiences) or canned (the last was so radioactively awful, no humans were allowed within 10 miles of the studio). It’s also another in the growing line of day-in-the-comic’s-life half-hours that trace back to Curb Your Enthusiasm, à la Louie, Maron and The Jim Gaffigan Show (let’s pretend Rob Schneider’s Real Rob never happened), and the “real” touch suits Lopez perhaps better than any of his previous series. Another TV Land score … this is getting weird. Listen to Bill Mondays at 8 a.m. on X96 Radio From Hell, and on the TV Tan podcast via iTunes, Stitcher and BillFrost.tv.

New Series: In the deluge of Too Much TV, this one slipped by me a couple of weeks ago—also, Netflix has done little, if any, promotion for Will Arnett’s Flaked. There’s a reason: This six-episode series about recovering Venice Beach alcoholic Chip (Arnett) goes nowhere even faster (slower?) than Netflix’s previous downbeat dramedy, Love, and contains even fewer laughs. See, drunk driver Chip killed someone years ago, so now he’s a sad-sack cyclist-about-town who passive-aggressively lords his A A-guru status over everyone and merely “exists” when he’s not banging women half his age. Flaked can be funny, but is more often just “funny,” and only starts revealing semi-interesting plot twists by the time anyone would reasonably be sick of Chip. Arnett nailed the Tortured Manchild/Lovable Loser role far better, and funnier, in his previous Netflix series, the animated BoJack Horseman—maybe cue that up, instead.

Carpool Karaoke Tuesday, March 29 (CBS)

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Series Debut: A Shonda Rhimes production batting cleanup on ABC’s hottest night, which she essentially owns (Scandal, How to Get Away With Murder, Grey’s Anatomy, you know ’em)? Do I even need to continue here? Yes, because The Catch is, and isn’t, typical Shondaland TV. Sure, the cast is beautiful and diverse-ish, but the tone is less life-and-death-and-sex-and-tears, more comedic caper with lower stakes (rich, gorgeous people stealing from other rich, gorgeous people—who to side with?). When a successful Los Angeles private investigator (Mireille Enos, The Killing) is conned out of millions by the man she thought to be her fiancé (Peter Krause, Parenthood), she sets out on a seek-and-destroy mission for payback against the international “Mr. X,” who’s always one step ahead of her, even though his disguise repertoire seems only to consist of Handsome Rogue and Handsome Rogue with Glasses. The Catch is waaay more fun than the rest of TGIT; set up those Pinterest pages now.

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Phair-ly Timeless

MUSIC

Nearly 25 years since its release, Liz Phair’s watershed debut Exile in Guyville is essential and ageless. BY BRIAN STAKER comments@cityweekly.net @stakerized

he year 1993 conjures up a very specific musical vision: hordes of flannelwearing, hair-thrashing dudes moshing to over-amped grunge music. Amidst all this testosterone, a 26-year-old woman from Chicago threw an unexpected curve into the cultural mix: Liz Phair’s debut album, Exile in Guyville (Matador), became a surprise indie rock hit. Now listed by Rolling Stone magazine as one of the 500 Greatest Albums of All Time, Guyville made Liz Phair an indie music icon. Male sexuality depicted or referred to in pop music has long been a metaphor for an outpouring of creative expression. Early ’90s alternative rock was populated with plenty of Soundgardens, Alice In Chains-es, Pearl Jams and lesser bands, some of whom wrote empathetically about female experiences—but the live concert experience still largely resembled a frat party. With Exile in Guyville, Liz Phair upended the stereotype of masculine sexuality, not only as metaphor, but also as stimulus for creativity. Feminine desire, and sometimes domination, was the fuel for these musical missives, diary entries under the guise of personae that weren’t Phair specifically, but spoke for her, and spoke to the emotions of many women at the time, and still do today. The album was a lightning bolt of lo-fi rock that charmed as it skewered its subjects. The double album was a conscious response to the guys of the Chicago rock scene, including her friends in Urge Overkill, Smashing Pumpkins (for whom she is opening on their “In Plainsong” tour) and the larger alternative rock world, but also the proto-guys of rock & roll, the Rolling Stones, particularly their album Exile on Main St. Over a spare guitar-bass-drums arrangement, she recited with expression at times so flat it was somehow seductive—lines like “I want to be your blowjob queen…/ I want to fuck you like a dog/ I’ll take you home and make you like it.” The melodies were inventive and intelligent while still allowing the narrative energy of the lyrics to be the focus. There was a gripping loneliness at its core. It was really a brilliant collection that has to be regarded on every level as a classic effort of creative chutzpah. A rambling, discursive affair, Exile in Guyville was remarkably self-assured for a debut release. It seemed to mark the emergence of someone who was to be a major voice in rock music—which made it all the more puzzling when her releases in later years were greeted with critical and commercial indifference. Despite the intensity and intimacy of her initial entry, she remains somewhat of an enigma, because of what came after. The follow-up to Exile—1994’s Whip-Smart, with its title track and radio hit “Supernova”—was critically lauded and also sold well, but 1998’s Whitechocolatespaceegg was only released after she added some more radio-friendly songs at the label’s request. Her poppy self-titled Capitol Records release (2003) was widely panned, and Somebody’s Miracle (2005), though a return to rock, didn’t inspire the interest of her early work. In 2008, Exile in Guyville got a de-

Liz Phair luxe 15th-anniversary reissue, but 2010’s Funstyle seemed like a creative nadir that caused Phair to lose her manager and record deal. She framed it, however, as an I’ll-do-what-I-want statement. The boys club of indie/alt-rock isn’t what it used to be, and there are much more women making music, freer to express their sexuality through music. The ’90s saw bands like Sleater-Kinney and the Riot Grrl movement, P.J. Harvey, the Breeders and more mainstream artists like Alanis Morissette addressing some of the same issues, but none had either the emotional subtlety or blunt language of Phair. In subsequent years, other female artists embraced Phair’s brand of frank vocabulary: Naysayer had lyrics like, “Your dick is like a stick of pure beauty” and singer-songwriter Martha Wainwright had a song on her debut album titled “Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole.” What is the answer to the mystery of what happened after Phair’s initial flash of brilliance? Was it a commercial sellout, some kind of carefully elaborated strategy? Or, perhaps an identity crisis? I think it can be accounted for by the idea that her initial impulse was so strong and obsessive that everything that followed could only pale by comparison. Many musical acts—from Lady Gaga to Miley Cyrus to Lana Del Rey—have since explored the roles of women in society, but they often feel more like marketing ploys than honest soul-searching. As is often the case with true pioneers, Liz Phair’s work feels incomplete and its influence not completely appreciated. Exile in Guyville exists in its own creative space. Nearly a quarter-century later, it’s still something to reckon with, a deeply personal work that’s absolutely necessary and timeless. CW

LIZ PHAIR

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MUSIC

Idaho Ho!

Only a short drive away, Boise’s ever-growing Treefort Music Festival is a magnet for Utah bands and fans. BY GAVIN SHEEHAN comments@cityweekly.net @gavinsundrgrnd

ow that South by Southwest has ended and bands find themselves winding their way back home, Boise is primed to take full advantage as the fifth annual Treefort Festival kicks off on March 23. As one of the few festivals in the country that’s not only affordable (single-day passes start at $79; five-day passes range from $179-$299 for a fast-entry Zipline Pass), but close enough to visit and return on the same day. As such, many Utahns make the trip to see acts like Built to Spill, Charles Bradley, Thee Oh Sees and Summer Cannibals. For the same reason, a number of local Utah bands apply to play at the festival. This year’s local convoy includes Baby Ghosts, Foster Body, JAW WZZ!!, New Shack, Matthew and The Hope, Soft Blonde and The Hound Mystic. Founded in 2012, Treefort’s mission was to host regional and national bands in Idaho’s capital city, with the hopes of connecting their local music scene with regional bands, as well as making Boise a stronger market that national acts would want to visit on every tour. The first festival featured 140 bands, and sparked a creative revolution within the city, dedicated to helping it grow. This year, Treefort spans five days and numerous venues, and features more than 450 bands—only 179 of them Idaho-based. The rest reside in the northwestern United States and, like our Utah bands, are typically within that one-day drive. The festival itself has also expanded to include eight smaller “fort” festivals (some separately ticketed) built around other forms of entertainment like film, writing, yoga and beer. “This year’s lineup is the strongest we’ve ever had,” says Treefort festival director and talent buyer, Eric Gilbert. “It’s really dense in talent from top to bottom. We like to think of our lineups as having a ‘strong middle class,’ as our focus isn’t as headliner-heavy as most of the festivals around the country.” Baby Ghosts is one of the few Utah bands

JAWWZZ!!

in the festival’s short run to make a return appearance, playing The Water Cooler at 11 p.m. on March 24. “It’s always nice getting to see bands and friends, plus we had a really fun set,” Baby Ghosts’ Bret Meisenbach says. “There’s obviously a lot of great bands to see and things to do, like at most fests, but everyone in Boise is unbelievably nice, so it’s extra pleasant.” Chaz Costello of JAW WZZ!! performed with Baby Ghosts that year, and says Treefort really “goes out of their way to take care of the bands.” Festival organizers handed out gift bags adorned with drawings from local elementary school students. “They shut down what seems like the whole downtown area and let you wander from venue to venue, allowing you to really discover their city and the bands they want there. Also, a lot of the local businesses are so pumped to have you. … I got a free bag of goods from a thrift store, a ton of free food and coffee.” In its short life span, Treefort has become a hotbed for exposure for the bands that play and attend. It’s also becoming, like SxSW, one of the biggest indie-music networking opportunities, as musicians watch one another’s shows and make plans for return gigs in the future. Costello’s fellow JAW WZZ!! member Madison Donnelly is looking forward to playing their gig. They, too, will play at The Water Cooler (5:50 p.m. on March 26). “I am really, really excited to play,” Donnelly says, pointing out that making the trip up north is part of the fun. “I’m also super excited that we have a little caravan of bands coming from Salt Lake, and we can all hang out and experience the fest together.” But how about the networking, and the exposure? The opportunity for Utah bands to make noise outside their usual element? “I imagine we will [also] get some exposure,” Donnelly says, “which is cool.” CW

TREEFORT MUSIC FESTIVAL

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FRIDAY 3.25

White Denim, Sam Cohen

Since 2013’s Corsicana Lemonade, James Petralli and bassist Steve Terebecki—White Denim’s sole remaining founding members— have added multi-instrumentalist Mike St. Claire, guitarist Jonathan Horne and drummer Jeffery Olson. Rejuvenated by new blood, and the release on their seventh studio album, Stiff (Downtown), the Austin-based band is blowing the doors off of venues across the states with a sound reminiscent of its earlier works: relentless, Texasrooted guitar riffs bolstered by coursing drum chops and glazed with the sweet vocals of Petralli. Houston psych-rocker Sam Cohen, who released his first solo album to strong reviews last April, opens. (Westin Porter) The State Room, 638 S. State, 9 p.m., $18, TheStateRoomSLC.com

San Fermin, Esmé Patterson

When composer and songwriter Ellis Ludwig-Leone started out in the dorms of Yale University, he initially hadn’t thought to write what some have called “baroque pop music.” Instead, he wrote scores and operas with friend Nico Muhly (Björk, Phillip Glass, Glen Hansard). In early 2013, LudwigLeone formed the octet San Fermin, and took the mismatched pop pieces from his laptop, with significant revision, to form the band’s eponymous first album. In 2015, San Fermin reshaped, strengthened and released Jackrabbit (Downtown), quickly gaining notoriety for their intricately woven melodies, abrasive pop sensibilities and classically

San Fermin

based mindset. Esmé Patterson— recently signed to Grand Jury and with a new album in the works—promises to woo audiences with her rambling guitar riffs, empowered lyrics and a voice like country starlets of old. (Zac Smith) The Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East, 8 p.m., $12 in advance, $14 day of show, TheUrbanLoungeSLC.com

SATURDAY 3.26 Santigold

Born in Philadelphia as Santi White, the playful, genre-bending artist better known as Santigold, has built her career on passion, integrity and innovation. Majoring in music at Wesleyan University, she went on to form and front the punk band Stiffed, releasing 2003’s Sex Sells (Coolhunter) and 2005’s Burned Again (Outlook) to some local and national acclaim. With momentum from Stiffed, Santigold launched a solo career in 2008 with Santogold (Downtown). Over the years she has acted as writer and producer for such acts as GZA, Res and Christina Aguilera. By experimentally mixing dub, electronica, new wave and reggae, Santigold has created a sound that is reminiscent of glittery pop hits from the past, yet infused with a modern taste and urgency. Her newest album, 99¢ (Atlantic), finds her poised for her greatest musical takeover to date. (ZS) In the Venue, 219 S. 600 West., 7 p.m., $22.50 in advance, $25 day of show, InTheVenueSLC.com

Unearth, Ringworm, Culture Killer

Trudgin’ along since 1998, Massachusetts metalcore outfit Unearth is touring the country behind the slightly

White Denim sludgier sound of 2014’s Watchers of Rule (eOne). Tonight, they headline a six-band lineup. Cleveland metalcore quintet Ringworm will scorch the Metro Bar stage with their unforgiving, punk-influenced metal and the callous vocals of James “Human Furnace” Bulloch. As if the blunt force of Unearth and Ringworm weren’t enough, concertgoers will also be treated to the chunky metal grooves of Culture Killer, who released their debut album Throes of Mankind (Metal Blade) last November to favorable reviews. Rounding out the bill are New Jersey deathcore band Fit For an Autopsy, Boston metalcore act Great American Ghost and local thrashers A Balance of Power. (WP) Metro Bar, 615 W. 100 South, 7:30 p.m., $18 in advance, $20 day of show, JRCSLC.com

Santigold

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K’s Choice

So David Lee Roth of Van Halen rode the meat wagon as an emergency medical technician. Dropkick Murphys singer Mike McColgan left the band to join the Boston Fire Department before forming Street Dogs. Now we can add Sarah Bettens, frontwoman of alternative rockers K’s Choice, to the seemingly growing list of rock & roll musicians who moonlight as emergency personnel. When she’s not touring with her brother Gert in K’s Choice, Bettens puts out fires with the Johnson City Fire Department in her hometown of Johnson City, Tenn. If you gotta work two jobs, you might as well make ’em both exciting. It’s hard to tell if that extra adrenaline is pumping through K’s Choice’s music, though, because the band already makes a huge, anthemic ruckus on stage. If anything, Bettens’ side gig’s influence would come out in her lyrics—except they’re already confessional and introspective. But why analyze something that’s just plain cool? Check out the band playing tracks from their sixth album, The Phantom Cowboy (MPress), and bring a stuffed animal to donate to the Salt Lake City Fire Department. (Randy Harward) Kilby Court, 741 S. 330 West, 7 p.m., $16-18, KilbyCourt.com

K’s Choice

TUESDAY 3.29

Howardian, Conspiratorial Nod

Sometimes it seems like “art rock” is a convenient catchall tag for anything that’s far out and tough to classify, like Howardian. New York City-based Ian Vanek—one of the two masterminds behind hyper-prolific noise band Japanther—is the main man behind this “band,” which has just released its second album, A Smurf at Land’s End (IanVanek.com). The 12-track platter pulls together odd samples, dreamy piano, fuzzy riffs, polyrhythms, goofy lyrics (“tsunami/ Eddie Money”), goofier vocals and an “Eye of the Tiger” reference into a blend of garage rock, ’70s soft rock, hip-hop and straight-up pop that’s truly a work of art. (Hey, that was easy!) Sharing the stage is Salt Lake City cowpunk/surf rock band Conspiratorial Nod, who nod to Wall of Voodoo, Agent Orange and Dead Kennedys, and released their debut CD, Emergence a few months back. Eminence Front, out of Murray, and Dream Collage, from Logan, open the show. (RH) The Loading Dock, 445 S. 400 West, 6:30 p.m., $8, LoadingDockSLC.com

Conspiratorial Nod

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CONCERTS & CLUBS

TUESDAY 3.29

Cullen Omori, Living Hour

Emerging from the 2014 breakup of the beloved Smith Westerns, former frontman Cullen Omori released his first solo album, New Misery (Sub Pop) earlier this month. While his solo material packs less of a punch than his former band’s spunky indie-glam sound, Omori’s new songs have a breadth never captured by Smith Westerns. Dreamy loops of helium riffs and airy vocals carry listeners through themes of crisis, identity and more. Performing with Omori are fellow dream-pop shoe-gazers Living Hour. The Winnipeg quintet’s sound, driven by heavy bass and reverb-buoyed guitar, is a perfect complement to Omori’s new “miserable” music, amounting to a light-headed night of psych-pop. (Westin Porter) The Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East, 8 p.m., $10, TheUrbanLoungeSLC.com

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COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE @ CITYWEEKLY.NET

THURSDAY 3.24 LIVE MUSIC

Acid Mothers Temple + Orphan Goggles (Metro Bar) Adlib (Club X) Bar J Wranglers (DeJoria Center) DJ Courtney (Area 51) Emissary (Muse Music Cafe) Funkee Boss (Downstairs) Diabolical Daze, Night 2: Go!Zilla + Tamar Aphek + Roaring 420s + Brain Bagz (Diabolical Records) Gold Standard (O.P. Rockwell) Hot Noise (The Red Door) John Davis (Hog Wallow Pub) Kingdom of Giants + Come and Rest (The Loading Dock) La Luz + Stonefield + Sarah Bethe Nelson (Urban Lounge) Mothers + New Madrid + Holly Macve + Violettas (Kilby Court) Therapy Thursdays: A-Trak (SKY SLC) Treefort Music Festival (Downtown Boise) see p. 38

SATURDAY 3.26 LIVE MUSIC

Backwash (Hog Wallow Pub) Bar J Wranglers (DeJoria Center) Canyons Music (Sand Trap) Ché Zuro (Deer Valley) Coheed and Cambria (The Complex) Into It. Over It. + The World is a Beautiful Place and I am No Longer Afraid to Die + The Sidekicks + Pinegrove (Kilby Court) Joy Spring Band (Sugar House Coffee) Matthew Frantz (City Limits) Miss DJ Lux (Downstairs) The Mother Hips (The State Room) Prom Night! + Flash & Flare (Urban Lounge) Santigold (In The Venue) see p. 40 Screen Door Porch (Cinnabar Lounge) Treefort Music Festival (Downtown Boise) see p. 38 Unearth + Ringworm + Culture Killer + Fit for an Autopsy + A Balance of Power (Metro Bar) see p. 40 Utah Valley Acoustic Competition (Gezzo Hall)

OPEN MIC & PIANO LOUNGE

Dueling Pianos (The Tavernacle) Jazz Jam Session (Sugar House Coffee)

Dueling Pianos (The Tavernacle) Retro Lounge Club Night (Maxwell’s)

KARAOKE

Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue)

Guru’s Cafe Karaoke (45 East Center Street)

FRIDAY 3.25

SUNDAY 3.27

LIVE MUSIC

Diabolical Daze, Night 3: Mamiffer + Acid Dad + Motel Radio + more (Diabolical Records) The Alpha Complex (Kamikazes) Bar J Wranglers (DeJoria Center) Bluebird (ABGs) Brian Bingham (Muse Music Cafe) Ceschi (Metro Bar) Cinders (Gezzo Hall) Devil’s Club (Hog Wallow Pub) DJ Reverend 23 + Stryker (Area 51) DJ Z-Trip (Downstairs) Head Wound City + Cloud Crusher (Kilby Court) Lost Kings (The Depot) Lukas Graham (The State Room) The Mother Hips (O.P. Rockwell) The Night Spin Collective (Area 51) OG Spice 1 (Liquid Joe’s) Sales + Batty Blue + BANCHO (Kilby Court) San Fermin + Esmé Patterson (Urban Lounge) see p. 40 Screen Door Porch (Cinnabar Lounge) Show Me Island + Your Meteor (The Acoustic Space) SWMRS (The Loading Dock) Trapt (The Complex) Treefort Music Festival (Downtown Boise) see p. 38 Utah Valley Acoustic Competition (Gezzo Hall) White Denim + Sam Cohen (The State Room) see p. 40

OPEN MIC & PIANO LOUNGE Dueling Pianos (The Tavernacle) Retro Lounge Club Night (Maxwell’s)

LIVE MUSIC

K’s Choice (Kilby Court) see p. 42 The Last Honkytonk Music Series (Garage on Beck) Mike Rogers (Deer Valley) Treefort Music Festival (Downtown Boise) see p. 38

KARAOKE

Karaoke Bingo (The Tavernacle) Karaoke Church (Club JAM) Karaoke with DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue on State)

MONDAY 3.28 LIVE MUSIC

Black Tusk + The Well + Sonic Prophecy + Shadowseer + Murder/Suicide (Metro Bar) Chairlift + Starchild + The New Romantic (Urban Lounge) Charlie Parr (Garage on Beck) Duel School (The Tavernacle) A Great Big World (The Complex) Little Green Cars (The State Room) MC Chris (Club X) Skyburial + Ontic (The Loading Dock) Teen + Naytronix + Icewater + Strange Familia (Kilby Court)

OPEN MIC & PIANO LOUNGE Duel School (The Tavernacle)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Poplar Street Pub) Karaoke with DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue)

WEDNESDAY 3.30

CONCERTS & CLUBS

Greensky Bluegrass, Shook Twins

Newgrass, progressive bluegrass—whatever you wanna call it, it’s reaching a saturation point. Every new band seems like they’re jumping on the same hayride, and sifting through the straw to find the good ones gets to be tedious. After a while, you don’t even care to look. Then along comes Greensky Bluegrass, from Kalamazoo, Mich. Their latest album, If Sorrows Swim, is selfreleased, but distributed by premium Americana label Thirty Tigers, who bring us Jason Isbell, Avett Brothers, Lucinda Williams and Trampled by Turtles—so you know Greensky is the good stuff. A listen is more telling, however. Go to GreenskyBluegrass.com/player and stream Sorrows. The dusky vocals and tasteful but virtuosic acoustic musicianship will bowl you over. Portland indie-folk duo Shook Twins opens. (Randy Harward) Park City Live, 427 Main St., 8 p.m., $25, ParkCityLive.net

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MARCH 24, 2016 | 47

GARLIC BURGER

8PM DOORS

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CHECK OUT OUR NEW

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In an effort to be the best in Salt Lake’s brunch game, RYE has decided to focus our aim on the a.m. hours. Effective February 29th, RYE will be open Monday-Friday from 9am-2pm Saturday and Sunday from 9am-3pm. What this means for you: even more house-made breakfast and brunch specials, snappier service-same fresh, locally-sourced fixins. Come on in. www.ryeslc.com

CONCERTS & CLUBS

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DRAG BRUNCH AT CLUB X 3.20

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LIVE MUSIC

OPEN MIC & PIANO LOUNGE

Cullen Omori + Living Hour (The Urban Lounge) see p. 45 Fast Eddy (Metro Bar) Howardian + Conspiratorial Nod + Eminence Front + Dream Collage (Loading Dock) see p. 42 Miniature Planets + Giants in the Oak Tree + Lawrence + The Loners (Kilby Court) Smashing Pumpkins + Liz Phair (Kingsbury Hall) see p. 36 Hell Jam (Devil’s Daughter) Open Mic Night (The Royal) Open Mic Night (The Wall) Open Mic Night (The Royal) Open Mic Night (Velour)

KARAOKE

Karaoke with DJ Thom (A Bar Named Sue on State)

Conn and Rob Live Jazz Music (Maxwell’s) déCollage + Tarot Death Card + Skin & Bones (Kilby Court) Greensky Bluegrass + Shook Twins (Park City Live) see p. 40 Killswitch Engage + 36 Crazyfists + Memphis May Fire (The Complex) Palaye Royale (The Loading Dock) Rocky Votolato (Living Room Show) Shannon and the Clams (The Urban Lounge) Dueling Pianos (The Tavernacle) Open Mic (Muse Music Cafe) Open Mic (Sugar House Coffee)

KARAOKE

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ESCORTS

MARCH 24, 2016 | 49

BY DAVID LEVINSON WILK

ACROSS

50. Like ocean air 51. True 52. ____ bar 53. Bit of intimate attire 54. "The best ____ come!" 58. Bottom line 59. ____ standstill 60. Tool with teeth 61. "Try ____ might ..." 62. Kyoto currency

Last week’s answers

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

8. Go out with 9. What Gary has that George doesn't 10. "SNL" alum Cheri 11. Rigel and Spica, for two 12. Any of the Fab Four 13. Most prudent, as advice 18. Casual greetings 21. "Me, too" 22. Best Picture of 1958 23. Device with earbuds 24. ____-Rooter 25. Klugman's costar on "The Odd Couple" 26. Apply, as coat of paint 31. Comedian Notaro 32. Wordsworth's "____ to Duty" 33. Garlicky sauce 34. Hubbub 35. "____ bad!" DOWN 37. Year in the reign of the 1. Hush-hush org. emperor Augustus 2. She befriends BB-8 in "Star Wars: the Force 38. "____ just take a minute" Awakens" 39. Word with a handshake 3. Vexation 40. Balls 4. Female oracle 43. WMDs tested in the '50s 5. What Wall Street laid, according to a 1929 44. Muralist Diego Variety headline 45. Playground staples 6. Home of the Burj Khalifa, the world's tallest 49. Future counselor's chalbuilding lenges, for short 7. Big name in ice cream

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

1. Mother of Kourtney, Kim, Khloé, Kylie and Kendall 5. Citrus drinks 9. Roy ____, title character in "The Natural" 14. Spice Girl Halliwell 15. Like some sunbathers 16. Bewildered 17. Result after making a GIF of the answer to the clue "Word upon departing"? (2000 hit song) 19. Mark up or down, say 20. Exercise with a cobra pose 21. Madison Ave. cost 22. Result after making a GIF of the answer to the clue "Young women"? (1987 hit song) 27. 2013 Twitter event, briefly 28. Towing org. 29. Adjust 30. Really affected 33. "Hunger makes a thief of ____": Pearl S. Buck 36. Result after making a GIF of the answer to the clue "Altar agreement"? (1976 hit song) 41. Christopher Columbus, by birth 42. Mammal that often swims on its back 43. Mins. and mins. 46. Wing 47. Chem class site 48. Result after making a GIF of the answer to the clue "Senate passings"? (1999 hit song) 55. Egg container 56. Opposite of theirs 57. Olympics prize 58. Result after making a GIF of the answer to the clue "Speak"? (1983 hit song) 63. Baseball Hall-of-Famer George 64. One of the Four Corners states 65. Facility 66. Smart-alecky 67. Country once known as French Sudan 68. Mattress size

SUDOKU

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| CITY WEEKLY |

50 | MARCH 24, 2016

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classic, modern, contemporary or a mix of all three, it’s the perfect store. “You can’t be totally original in this world, but we do our best to carry different items, to mix it all up,” Becky says. In addition to offering beautiful home furnishings, Details is a family-owned and -operated small business. Becky says her niece and a former sister-in-law “who is more like a sister” also work at the shop. Becky is just as passionate about small business as she is art, and is beginning to expand Details’ Internet presence. Details is committed to sourcing high-quality products and the company loves supporting local artists—many of the accessories offered for sale are created by Utahns. If you haven’t popped into Details yet, there’s no better time to give the shop a whirl. It’s currently having a huge sale— 50 percent off select items until the end of April. So, hurry in and check them out. While you’re shopping, be sure to keep an eye out for a special Details team member— Henri, the Hatches’ toy poodle. n

Details, Comforts for the Home 1987 S. 1100 East 801-364-8963 Monday-Saturday 10 a.m.-6 p.m. DetailsComforts.com

COMMUNITY BEAT PG. 51 UTAH JOB CENTER PG. 52 POETS CORNER PG.52 FREE WILL ASTROLOGY PG. 54 URBAN LIVING PG. 55

MARCH 24, 2016 | 51

Henri, the Details shop dog.

INSIDE /

| COMMUNITY |

Becky Hatch loves bedding, and there are multiple displays of beds, custom bedding, pillows and more throughout the shop.

#CWCOMMUNITY

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

hether you’re looking for a new statement piece or a total transformation of your home, check out Details Comforts for the Home, located in the heart of the Sugar House commercial district. Offering home furnishings, art, accessories and design services, Details is the perfect spot to shop or be inspired. The shop is owned by Becky Hatch, who has more than 27 years of experience in interior design. Originally, Details was a wholesale dealership, but Hatch opened a retail location in 2000. Details moved into its current location in 2005. “I’ve always been passionate about furniture and accessories,” Hatch says. “I love finishing a project, making something look better than it did before.” She estimates that roughly half of Details’ business is retail sales to individual shoppers, about 30 percent is orders placed by professional interior designers and the rest is design services to homeowners looking for help freshening their space. Hatch has a particular fondness for art. “I get excited about art,” she says. Interior designers around Salt Lake City love Details for its variety of art and accessories—no wonder, considering the breadth and uniqueness of Details’ selection. Steve Hatch, Becky’s husband, also works at the shop. After retiring from the military, he loves the pace of working at Details. “I love meeting new people and going to look at new items for the shop,” he says. “It’s interesting watching as styles and trends change.” Keeping up on those changing trends is a must for the Hatches and the Details staff. They pride themselves on offering one-of-a-kind, lovely pieces for sale. The shop is decorated with mismatched apothecary jars, upholstered headboards, oversize throw pillows, oversize armchairs and more. Regardless of whether your style is

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52 | MARCH 24, 2016

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Poets Corner

Wild Love

Rivers flow mountainous peaks, This beauty she holds it makes me weak. I’m in need of her touch, I love this woman oh so much. Here she is in the wild, How I feel so meek and mild. She is my flower in the rain, Without her love i go insane. We run and play naked and free, Oh how our love is unique. These mountains we share become our home, We stay together wherever we may roam. Quinton Case Send your poem (max 15 lines), to: Poet’s Corner, City Weekly, 248 South Main Street, SLC, UT 84101 or e-mail to poetscorner@cityweekly.net.

Published entrants receive a $15 value gift from CW. Each entry must include name and mailing address.

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MARCH 24, 2016 | 53

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ARIES (March 21-April 19) When Orville and Wilbur Wright were kids, their father gave them a toy helicopter powered by a rubber band. The year was 1878. Twenty-five years later, the brothers became the first humans to sail above the earth in a flying machine. They testified that the toy helicopter had been a key inspiration as they worked to develop their pioneering invention. In the spirit of the Wright brothers’ magic seed, Aries, I invite you to revive your connection to a seminal influence from your past. The coming weeks will be a favorable time to feed a dream that was foreshadowed in you a long time ago. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) “The task of a writer is not to solve the problem but to state the problem correctly,” said Russian writer Anton Chekhov. Whether or not you’re a writer, Taurus, that is also your special task in the coming weeks. The riddle that has begun to captivate your imagination is not yet ripe enough for you to work on in earnest. It has not been defined with sufficient clarity. Luckily, you have the resources you need to research all the contingencies, and you have the acuity to come up with a set of empowering questions. GEMINI (May 21-June 20) The good news is that if you eat enormous amounts of chocolate, you will boost your memory. Science has proved it. The bad news is that, in order to get the full effect of the memory enhancement, you would have to consume so much chocolate that you would get sick. I propose that we consider this scenario as a metaphor for what may be going on in your life. Is it possible you’re doing things that are healthy for you in one way but that diminish you in another? Or are you perhaps getting or doing too much of a good thing—going to unbalanced extremes as you pursue a worthy goal? Now is a favorable time to figure out if you’re engaged in such behavior, and to change it if you are.

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CANCER (June 21-July 22) When the young director Richard Lester got his big break, he took full advantage. It happened in 1964, when the early Beatles asked him to do their first movie, A Hard Day’s Night. Lester’s innovative approach to the project propelled his career to a higher level that brought him many further opportunities. Writing of Lester’s readiness, critic Alexander Walker said, “No filmmaker … appeared more punctually when his hour struck.” That’s what I hope you will soon be doing in your own chosen field, Cancerian. Do you understand how important it will be to have impeccable timing? No procrastination or hemming and hawing, please. Be crisply proactive. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) As a young man, the poet Arthur Rimbaud (1854-1891) left his home in France and settled in Abyssinia, which these days is known as Ethiopia. “I sought voyages,” he wrote, “to disperse the enchantments that had colonized my mind.” You might want to consider a similar strategy in the coming weeks, Leo. From an astrological perspective, it’s going to be an excellent time both to wander free of your usual haunts and to disperse the enchantments that have colonized your mind. Why not find ways to synergize these two opportunities? VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) At one point in his life, author C.S. Lewis had a rude awakening as he took stock of the progress he thought he had been making. “I am appalled to see how much of the change I thought I had undergone lately was only imaginary,” he wrote. I want to make sure that something similar doesn’t happen to you, Virgo. You’re in the midst of what should be a Golden Age of Self-Transformation. Make sure you’re actually doing the work that you imagine you’re doing—and not just talking about it and thinking about it.

don’t ask because their answers would burst your beloved illusions, which you’d rather preserve. I’m here to urge you to risk posing all these types of questions, Libra. I think you’re strong enough and smart enough, and in just the right ways, to deal constructively with the answers. I’m not saying you’ll be pleased with everything you find out. But you will ultimately be glad you finally made the inquiries. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) If you are enmeshed in a jumble that makes you squirm or if you are caught in a tangle that stifles your self-love, you have three choices. Here’s how Eckhart Tolle defines them: 1. Get out of the situation. 2. Transform the situation. 3. Completely accept the situation. Does that sound reasonable, Scorpio? I hope so, because the time has come to act. Don’t wait to make your decision. Do it soon. After that, there will be no whining allowed. You can no longer indulge in excuses. You must accept the consequences. On the bright side, imagine the new freedom and power you will have at your disposal. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Here’s a proposed experiment. Sidle up to a creature you’d love to be closer to, and softly sing the following lyrics: “Come with me, go with me. Burn with me, glow with me. Sleep with me, wake with me.” At this point, run three circles around the creature as you flap your arms like a bird’s wings. Then continue your singing: “Rise with me, fall with me. Work with me, play with me. Pray with me, sin with me.” At this point, leap up into the air three times, unleashing a burst of laughter each time you hit the ground. Continue singing: “Let me get high with you. Laugh with you, cry with you. Make me your partner in crime.” At this point blow three kisses toward the creature, then run away. (P.S. The lyrics I’m quoting here were composed by songwriter Fran Landesman.) CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) In getting energy from food, we humans have at our disposal over 50,000 edible plants. And yet we choose to concentrate on just a few. Wheat, corn, rice and potatoes make up two-thirds of our diet, and 11 other staples comprise most of the rest. Let’s use this as a metaphor for the kind of behavior you should avoid in the coming weeks. I think it will be crucial for you to draw physical, emotional and spiritual sustenance from a relatively wide variety of sources. There’s nothing wrong with your usual providers, but for now you need to expand your approach to getting the nurturing you need. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) “We teach each other how to live.” Poet Anne Michaels said that, and now I’m passing it on to you—just in time for the phase of your cycle when acting like a curious student is your sacred duty and your best gift to yourself. I don’t necessarily mean that you should take a workshop or enroll in a school. Your task is to presume that everyone you meet and every encounter you have may bring you rich learning experiences. If you’re willing to go as far as I hope you will, even your dreams at night will be opportunities to get further educated. Even your vigils in front of the TV. Even your trips to the convenience store to buy ice cream.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) In her poem “Time,” Piscean poet Lia Purpura wonders about “not picking up a penny because it’s only a little luck.” Presumably she is referring to a moment when you’re walking down a street and you spy an almost-but-not-quite-worthless coin lying on the concrete. She theorizes that you may just leave it there. It adds next to nothing to your wealth, right? Which LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) suggests that it also doesn’t have much value as a symbol of “There are questions that you don’t ask because you’re afraid of good fortune. But I urge you to reject this line of thought in the the answers,” wrote Agatha Christie. I would add that there are coming weeks, Pisces. In my astrological opinion, you’ll be wise also questions you don’t ask because you mistakenly think you to capitalize on the smallest opportunities. There will be plenty already know the answers. And then there are questions you of them, and they will add up.

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WITH BABS DELAY Broker, Urban Utah Homes & Estates, UrbanUtah.com Chair, Downtown Merchants Association

Like Partlow!

DOWNTOWN

SUGARHOUSE

Deluxe 2+bdrm. 2 bath condo w/ city views! Gorgeous hardwood floors and granite counters! Rooftop hot tub, pool, concierge, billiards room, gym! $2100

Splendid 1+bdrm. 1 bath duplex! Private yard area, washer dryer hookups, 14’ ceilings, pets ok! $845

DOWNTOWN

Lovely 3 bdrm 1.5 bath townhome condo w/ luxury details! Stainless steel appliances, dishwasher, swamp cooler, private plant patio, two tone paint! $1295

Deluxe 1+bdrm w/ gas included! Hardwood floors, covered parking, on-site laundry, cat or small dog OK! $845

FOR A FREE LISTING OF ALL OF OUR RENTALS, PLEASE DROP BY OUR NEW OFFICE LOCATED AT 440 S. 700 E. STE #203

PARTLOW RENTS 801-484-4446

Content is prepared expressly for Community and is not by City Weekly staff

Julie “Bella” Hall

Realtor 801-784-8618 bella@urbanutah.com Selling homes for 3 years

Babs De Lay

Broker/Owner 801-201-8824 babs@urbanutah.com www.urbanutah.com

Selling homes for 32 years in the Land of Zion

Julie A. Brizzée Loan Officer 801-747-1206 julie@brizzee.net www.brizzee.net

Granting loans for 29 years in Happy Valley- NMLS#243253

Your home could be sold here. Call me for a free market analysis today.

SEE VIRTUAL TOURS AT URBANUTAH.COM

MARCH 24, 2016 | 55

WEST SALT LAKE

’ve never had a bloody nose, even though I’ve broken my nose three times. I’m luck y to have escaped cold sores and even luckier to have never had lice. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that an estimated 6-12 million kids age 3-11 get head lice, and, well, that just creeps me out. Adults get lice, too—it’s a problem in dorms, shelters and even hotels. Lice have three evil forms: eggs (also called nits), nymphs and adults. They don’t hop or fly but catch rides on hair, crawling from one head to another. Think you’re too old to get lice? Anyone who has lice has their vile little forms crawling all over their hats, scarves, coats and in their towels and hairbrushes. If you spent the night with an infected person, and accidentally grabbed their hat off the sofa at a party, you could be doomed—the little bastards could crawl into your virgin hair as soon as they make contact, and lay their little nits on your scalp. The eggs are almost impossible to see and are as small as a knot of thread. Folks who’ve never before been in contact with the creatures might be fooled into thinking that lice eggs (nits) are dandruff or loose scabs. Nits take about 8-9 days to hatch and then the little vampires must seek blood, preferably the blood in your scalp. As they feed, they get bigger, growing to the size of a sesame seed. And if this hasn’t grossed you out enough, they can also be found in your eyelashes or eyebrows. You’ll notice them because it feels like something is crawling on your skin or moving in your hair. These blood suckers are most active in the dark, and people I know who’ve had lice say they go just about mad scratching their heads till they bleed before they figure out they’re infected. And they’re tough to get rid of, too. In Utah there is a company called Hair Maidens (801-450-6412, UtahHairMaidens.com) that will come to your home and check the heads of family members, give professional combouts with non-pesticide lice treatments and guarantee their work for 21 days. That is an icky job. And now those super head lice are out there, lurking, as they have developed resistance to over-the-counter treatments. But thanks to research conducted at the University of Utah, there is a solution. Called AirAllé (AirAlle.com), it’s a device resembling a hair dryer that dehydrates lice and their eggs in a one-hour treatment using heated air that won’t burn your scalp. Check the website to find a provider near you. Kill them, kill them, kill them all! n

| COMMUNITY |

MIDVALE Massive 2 bdrm fourplex! Hook-ups, swamp cooler, tile, dishwasher, private patio! $795

Nit Pickers I

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

SUGARHOUSE Stunning 2 bdrm. 2 bath condo 2/ vaulted ceilings and attached garage! Private balcony, central A/C, fireplace! $1395

AND B -BALL FAN S

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

| CITY WEEKLY • BACKSTOP |

56 | MARCH 24, 2016

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