City Weekly March 12, 2015

C I T Y W E E K LY. N E T M A R C H 1 2 , 2 0 1 5 | V O L . 3 2 N 0 . 4 3

J

eremy

ohnson s two FACES '

To those who owed him money, the hometown boy with a heart of gold showed a darker side.

By Eric S. Peterson

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2 | MARCH 12, 2015

CWCONTENTS COVER STORY Jeremy Johnson’s Two Faces

To those who owed him money, the hometown boy with a heart of gold showed a darker side.

Cover photo illustration by Derek Carlisle

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KATHERINE PIOLI

Get Out, p. 20 Katherine Pioli is a native Salt Laker. When she’s not camping, gardening or playing sports, she’s writing about her exploits and local environmental issues.

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4 | MARCH 12, 2015

Letters Where’s the Ska?

I’m wondering why City Weekly has not included any ska or reggae in its Best of Utah Music categories [“Best of Utah Music 2015 Preview,” Feb. 15].

Utah is home to more than 20 bands in the reggae/ska genre—bands like Afro Omega, Two & a Half White Guys and Natural Roots, offering quality music for over 10 years. New favorites like Funk & Gonzo, Green Leefs and Wasnatch show how we party in the SLC, and newcomers like Tribe of I, Vocal Reasoning and Hemptations spread the good vibes and a conscious message to the masses.

Now that the Reggae Rise-Up Festival and similar events bring international reggae acts to rival those in California’s giant reggae scene, I ask: Why does City Weekly fail to give notice to this huge growing movement?

Jorge Frias Salt Lake City Editor’s note: Bands are chosen to participate in Best of Utah Music by a nomination committee and online poll, but we will try to expand our scope for next year’s competition.

WRITE US: Salt Lake City Weekly, 248 S. Main, Salt Lake City, UT 84101. E-mail: comments@cityweekly.net. Fax: 801-575-6106.

We reserve the right to edit for length and clarity. Preference will be given to letters that are 300 words or less and sent uniquely to City Weekly. Full name, address and phone number must be included, even on e-mailed submissions, for verification purposes.

Drive-Thru Hypocrisy

Ryan Curtis Salt Lake City

them is facing some daunting changes. You might have heard of the Mountain Accord, a process that has been going on for about a year, and the first big phase is ending with an important public-comment period. The process and issues are pretty complex, so to help make your opinion an educated one, the Wasatch Backcountry Alliance has provided a summary of the blueprint proposal from the backcountry perspective to help make these issues more clear. Your feedback will have a profound effect on this process. This is our future! Let your voice be heard by commenting before March 16.

Visit WasatchBackcountryAlliance.org for more guidance, and then share your opinions with the officials of the Mountain Accord.

Help us preserve the unique balance between developed and backcountry terrain in the central Wasatch mountains!

No Accord

Dani Poirier Salt Lake City

I find it disheartening that the Utah Legislature, in its infinite wisdom, has decided yet again to micromanage Salt Lake City by passing House Bill 160, a bill that overrides an ordinance the Salt Lake City Council adopted in September 2014 requiring local businesses—mostly restaurants—that have drive-thrus to serve people on bicycles.

This is the height of hypocrisy. These are the same people who preach ad nauseum about the big, bad federal government coming in uninvited and trampling on their “rights.” Then, almost in the same breath, they turn around and do the same thing to the people of Salt Lake City. How ironic (and maddening!).

Do you spend time in the Wasatch mountains? The future of the central Wasatch mountains as we know and love

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On the Edge

“Put the bug on the bubble line!”

The fly-fishing guide was impatient.

It was windy and my inability to accurately cast the rubber-legged, foam-bodied grasshopper annoyed him. He wanted the artificial bug drifting along a frothy line in the water, 10 feet short of the bank. But it wasn’t. Along that seam—an edge delineated by the collision of two currents—trout waited expectantly for insects to float by.

You could cast your bug elsewhere on the Green River, but if you didn’t deliver it artfully to the right place, you were going home empty-handed.

I had a similar lesson many years ago.

At dawn, 25 miles east of Cape Cod, a commercial fisherman named Dennis pointed to a linear seam running through the swells of the Atlantic. It was hard for me to see the edge created by two contending currents, but when he swung a line through it, a big striped bass walloped the bait. Dennis plied that edge as the sun rose. He had a boat payment due and could not afford to go home empty-handed.

On that morning, I was in the company of my friend Tom Horton, then a columnist for the Baltimore Sun. He was tracking adult stripers as they migrated north from their spawning ground in the Chesapeake Bay. In the years since, he has written many books, but of all those words, none stays with me like these: “Edges have always produced phenomena that are the most interesting in nature—the great migrations of fish and fowl triggered by the intersections of the seasons; the abundance and diversity of wildlife known to any hunter who stalks the junctions of forest and field, and the fantastic habitats of the tide marshes at the merge of land and water.”

I have returned to those words again and again. They come to mind when I see deer at the edge of a field; when I watch a big trout loitering at a river’s edge waiting for a grasshopper to fall in; when a photographer waits on the leading or trailing edge

6 | MARCH 12, 2015

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OPINION

STAFF BOX

BY JOHN RASMUSON

of night for the mellow light it affords. For me, edges are more than merely interesting. They mark the interaction of competing forces, and in that interaction, I find potentiality. There is, for example, the potential of limitation—boundaries, in other words. Mormon dissidents Kate Kelly and John Dehlin illustrate the point. They probably thought of themselves as being on the leading edge of change when, in fact, they had gone beyond the pale. There, they found the LDS Church had re-asserted the boundary on dissent, and they had crossed it to their detriment. I doubt the outcome surprised them, but I must say I was surprised by the outcome of Cliven Bundy’s showdown with the Bureau of Land Management in April 2014. In front of a bank of television cameras, two contending forces appeared to reach a line-in-the-sand boundary. I was disappointed when it turned out to be elastic.

It may be that any edge—be it as literal as a shoreline or as figurative as marriage equality—is not so much a boundary as it is a liminal zone. By that, I mean a borderline of meeting edges in such a state of flux that change seems imminent. Like a fault line, the interface of two tectonic plates, where pressure mounts until one side gives ground. That moment does not have to be cataclysmic. Mount Everest grows more than two inches every year—an important lesson for rebels like Kelly and Dehlin.

Nowadays, imperceptible change—even equilibrium—may be the salient feature of liminality, the state of being “in between.”

That may be good or it may be bad. I am not sure. It is bad if it is traceable to our dysfunctional government; less bad if it is merely the result of most people’s dislike of change; good if the subject is tectonics. I am sure that politicians focus-group liminal places and then tiptoe around the ones that offer

no advantage. When a congressman says, “We need to have a national conversation on [pick your favorite subject—racism, gun control, income inequality, immigration, global warming, etc.],” he really is saying, “I intend to ignore this problem as long as I can.” It is a shameless, self-serving strategy.

Unfortunately, we are caught up in a conversation about man-made changes to the biosphere. As the conversation drags on, year after year, the “fantastic habitat of the tide marshes” Horton describes is being inundated by the rising ocean. Thirteen islands in the Chesapeake Bay have already been swallowed up by seawater. Closer to home, in the parlors along the Wasatch Front, there is whispering about the water shortages to come, but for the most part, air pollution dominates the conversation in Utah’s public square.

To my mind, these environmental issues warrant a lot more action and a lot less talk. They all have plenty of liminal boundaries to study. On one skirmishers’ line, climate-change deniers like the Cato Institute face off against people like me who believe man-made change is a real, existential threat. On another edge, urgency confronts complacency. The latter is so powerful that even the prospect of irrevocable harm causes no action.

Like my friend Horton, I find edges interesting enough to explore—none more so than the marriage fault line. Any dabbler in liminality was fascinated by the UtahPolicy.com poll in summer 2014 that showed that, while 60 percent of Utahns opposed same-sex marriage, they were equally convinced that it would eventually be the law of the land. And now it is (in Utah, anyway). The ambiguity there is much more interesting than the clarity of any bubble line, and when I want a guide, Jon Stewart never disappoints.

To my mind, these environmental issues warrant a lot more action and a lot less talk.

Readers can comment at cityweekly.net

How close to the edge are you? Are you on the leading edge, the bleeding edge, or just over the edge?

Scott Renshaw: I can see the edge from here, but feel as though I can dance without fear of falling. That feels like about the right target for life.

Jeremiah Smith: I haven’t ever met The Edge, so I can’t say we’re close. But I’ve always wanted to meet him. He has had a great and long music career and must have good stories. I know some people gonna hate, but who cares about iTunes, anyway?

Tiffany Frandsen: I’m closer to going over the edge of sanity than I should admit to my co-workers and boss. Regarding the cutting edge of what is hip? Far enough away that I still use the word “hip.”

Jeff Chipian: Forget “Caps Lock,” I use “Shift!” In the words of Lady Gaga, I’m on the edge of glory and I’m hanging on a moment of truth.

Mason Rodrickc: I’m on the edge of my— my— my. … Nope, over it.

Brandon Burt: One of the great things about Salt Lake City is it’s pretty easy to seem edgy and provocative here. It wasn’t until I spent time in larger cities and met people who are scary hip that I realized how conventional I really am. For a lefty homosexual, I’m practically Mitt Romney.

Sam Florence: Far over the edge, sitting on a lawn chair, sipping a mai tai, making fun of self-righteous edge junkies.

Josh Scheuerman: I shave with my Edge razor while listening to the sweet licks of U2’s Edge and live right beyond my own edge. Edge-zactly the perfect day!

Send feedback to comments@cityweekly.net

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Oh, transparency. It’s a nice word, but apparently just that. We’ll start with Hillary Clinton, whose e-mail release is massive but still calls into question how she chose what to release. Then there’s Jeb Bush and Rick Perry, both of whom used private e-mails when they were governors of their states. Chris Christie has to deal with lawsuits surrounding the New Jersey law protecting so-called advisory communications. Bobby Jindal’s state exempted him from disclosing private e-mails with his staff. The list goes on. “It’s good-government law that rests on the honesty and transparency of public officials,” Charles Davis, journalism and communications dean at the University of Georgia, told the Associated Press. “If a government official sets out on a mission to lie to the public or withhold from the public by using private e-mail or some other means, there’s not much we can do about it.”

Open Files There may be cause to rejoice in transparency after all. The Utah Legislature via Sen. Curtis Bramble, R-Provo, is considering a bill to make consumer complaints about some businesses public. The bill was a product of collaboration, which could be the kiss of death when it reaches the House. (That is where Healthy Utah morphed into the “Utah Cares Less” bill.)

Such a bill could be a big win for transparency but, as of press time, it had been sent back to the Rules Committee, and it’s unclear whether lawmakers will let it out again. On another disclosure note, U.S. Rep. Jason Chaffetz is after the Federal Communications Commission to release the text of its net-neutrality rules, and he even quoted President Barack Obama to make his point. “Congress and the public have the right to review any specific proposal and decide whether or not it constitutes sound policy.”

One Step … Forward?

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In the something’s-betterthan-nothing category, the prize goes to two historic legislative issues: The first, of course, is un-Healthy Utah, the House version of a compromise health deal that will cover fewer people at a higher cost than the governor’s plan. At press time, the bill’s fate was still unknown, but Gov. Gary Herbert has hinted at some kind of executive action. The second bill passed the Senate, ostensibly to protect LGBT Utahns from housing and employment discrimination. But discrimination still remains under the guise of protecting “religious freedom.” As Utahns hail progress, it remains to be seen whether this hybrid anti-discrimination bill will be a model for other states.

Try to get classics like Showboat, Singin’ in the Rain or Dr. Strangelove from Redbox or Netflix. … Go ahead, we’re not going anywhere. … Once you’ve given up, go check out Top Hat Video (521 W. 2600 South, Bountiful, 801-292-2221, TopHatVideo.com), a movie-rental store owned by the same family for the past 32 years. Its collection of both new and classic movies has gained them a bit of a cult following. City Weekly spoke with the owners of Top Hat, Lee and Lona Earl.

What’s up with your tagline, “Brine shrimp free since 1983?”

Lee: Oh! That was from our son, he came up with that. His brain just clicks them out. Utah, brine shrimp, it was perfect.

With all of the other video store closures, how are you still here?

Lee: We’ve really focused it, from the very beginning, on customer service and selection.

And that’s been successful and it’s getting stronger.

How did you build such a loyal clientele?

Lee: Part of it is paying attention to the customers. From the beginning, we’ve said, if you want something, tell us and we’ll try to get that in. We took a different approach than other businesses, in that we chose classics instead of always the mainstream titles, so that helped us. We build relationships with families, and those kids had spouses who’d eventually have their kids… so now they’re bringing their kids here. So that works.

How do you decide on the movies to carry?

Lee: It’s based on box office, cast and rating. Also, our personal preference. We don’t bring in NC-17 or things that can offend our community, because the community is important. A lot of our competitors told us, “You’re fools, you’re missing the big market.” No, we know our market.

What does the community gain from having you here?

Lee: We are really a family business. Families can have an experience here that isn’t so insanely expensive.

Lona: And a family-owned business that’s locally owned and involved in the community, so they support us back, because we support the schools.

The loyalty cards—are they still punch cards in a box behind the counter?

Lee: It just went digital, which was against [what we wanted]. I liked them to have it in their hand. They have the choice now. Some people didn’t like carrying the card around.

Lona: They were afraid they’d lose it.

Lee: We’re hands-on people. We wanted to say, “Look, this is how many punches you have.”

Lona: But the box is still there.

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STRAIGHT DOPE What Is the Present?

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pretty easy for me to ref lect on the past or dream about the future, but what is the present? How does the human brain perceive the length of the present? Do we live only in the present, or is part of us always in the past and part in the future? â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Craig Schneider, Jacksonville, Fla. Experience tells me, Craig, that questions like these tend to arise while under a certain kind of influence. In case your attention span is currently as short as I suspect, letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just say youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re onto something: What we think of as the present doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really exist, so itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s impossible for us to live in it. Grab some munchies and stay focused, though, and weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll discuss further.

Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s start with physiology. Studies suggest that for us to simply notice something in our field of vision and shift our eyes toward it takes at minimum a tenth of a second. If lightning strikes 100 feet awayâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;a near-definitional example of something that seems to happen â&#x20AC;&#x153;right nowâ&#x20AC;?â&#x20AC;&#x201D;the bolt will already have changed shape or disappeared by the time you register it and interpret what youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve seen. The sensory input that forms our consciousness is itself shaped by the limits of our neural hardware, meaning that what we experience as the present is actually the very recent past.

Your next question is probably: who cares? Our consciousness can arbitrarily define the present as being a very short time in the past and leave it at that. And essentially this is what we do semantically, tooâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;â&#x20AC;&#x153;the presentâ&#x20AC;? is a meaningful term to us, even though the thing it refers to isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t something we can actually perceive. Both Aristotle and Saint Augustine saw the present as no more than a single mathematical point, of zero size and duration, separating the past from the future. Philosophy students will be relieved to learn that I concur.

The more interesting part of your question is how and why we can even contemplate the past and the future. This capacity for socalled mental time-travel is considered to be one of the hallmarks of human intelligence.

Animals generally react via instinct. After some experience they can develop behaviorsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;recognizing a person, playing fetchâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; that seem to indicate they remember prior experiences. But thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a long way from recalling specifics of the past. While itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s obviously very difficult to tell what goes on in, e.g., a catâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s brain (it appears to usually be some variant of â&#x20AC;&#x153;fuck youâ&#x20AC;?), humans, as far as we know, are the only animals able to retain literally useless informationâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;knowing the state capitals or the lyrics to â&#x20AC;&#x153;Shake It Offâ&#x20AC;? canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t confer much survival advantage. More crucially, it may well be that only humans have episodic memoryâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;i.e., reconstructed knowledge of past events based on oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own perceptions.

The same holds true for the future: Natural selection can result in animal behav-

BY CECIL ADAMS

SLUG SIGNORINO

&RIDAY 4HE TH

iors that appear predictive, but really represent the high survival rate of animals that made similar decisions in generations past.

OK, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s weak evidence showing scrub jays, monkeys and rats have some ability to assess the future, but, 1. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s weak evidence showing a lot of things, and, 2. Several studies have also reported that apes do unexpectedly poorly in tasks requiring foresight.

From what we can tell, the ability to perform â&#x20AC;&#x153;future simulationsâ&#x20AC;?â&#x20AC;&#x201D;predictive judgments about future outcomes based on hypothetical situations created in our own brainsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;is a talent exclusive to humanity. I may like both ketchup and ice cream, but I can guess that a ketchup-flavored ice cream startup wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get much funding. Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s see a scrub jay do that.

Various blobby pictures of brains have indicated that the region responsible for prediction is called the prefrontal cortex. Injury victims who sustain damage to this region may suffer the Oliver Sacksian fate of being â&#x20AC;&#x153;locked in the present.â&#x20AC;? If asked what theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re doing tomorrow, these patients draw a complete blankâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;the concept of â&#x20AC;&#x153;tomorrowâ&#x20AC;? is no longer within their comprehension.

Our vision of the future is also heavily influenced by our recall of the past; research has found links between episodic memory and foresight. The hippocampus has been shown to help us create and store mental maps of our environment, and these maps of the past are later reconstructed to make predictions for the future. Amnesiac patients therefore not only have trouble remembering the past, but also struggle to predict simple future outcomes as well.

The concept of the future is advanced enough that even humans with healthy brains donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t acquire it until age three or four, and some studies suggest it doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t fully develop until age 25, which may explain so many young adultsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; willingness to take on debt to get a journalism degree.

Even in maturity we have confounding tendenciesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;for one thing, humans tend to be overly optimistic. People suffering from depression, numerous researchers have reported, arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t actually pessimistic in their predictions, just accurate.

J-school students, stonersâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;none of us are particularly good at fortune-telling.

But our ability to imagine the future, even incorrectly, is what makes us human. The present is just the pause while we decide what to do next.

Send questions to Cecil via StraightDope. com or write him c/o Chicago Reader, 350 N. Orleans, Chicago, Ill. 60654

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NEWS

ACTIVISM

Poetic Justice

“Illegal people think or they feel they don’t have rights to go to a police station, hospital or church to say, ‘I’m a domestic-violence victim.’ ” —Pablo Tellechea

Activist writer sheds light on domestic violence in Utah’s Latino community.

After Gloria Arredondo got divorced in April 2010, she didn’t know who she was. Her abusive marriage, she says, had “killed the woman side of me. There was nothing left of it.” Now, five years on, the domestic violence survivor and activist writes poetry “to the man of my dreams.” She writes in Spanish about how “I want to be touched, kissed, caressed. I can see him everywhere, in the moon, in the clouds, in the sun. He is part of me.”

An immigrant Latina, Arredondo is also Mormon, two factors that she says make it difficult for many women to speak out about domestic violence.

Writing poetry is how she is attempting to rebuild herself, along with self-penned articles in local Spanishlanguage publications on abuse and domestic violence, urging survivors to strengthen their self-esteem. “I believe when we regain all our power, it is harder for the abuser to control us,” she says.

One organization that attempts to raise awareness of domestic violence in Utah’s Latino community is the Latino Coalition Against Domestic Violence [COL AV I]. The 25-member strong coalition was set up by South Valley Sanctuary [SVS] eight years ago to try to bridge the language gap between the Latino community and domestic violence resources, says radio and TV host Pablo Tellechea, who gives presentations on COLAVI to companies and churches.

Tellechea cites two factors that shape what he calls “the silence” that blankets domestic violence in the Latino community. One is the fear related to legal status. “Illegal people think or they feel they don’t have rights to go to a police station, hospital or church to say, ‘I’m a domestic-violence victim,’ ” he says. The second is the cultural and criminal-justice system expectations that Latinas can bring with them to the United States. For example, citing COLAVI statistics, Tellechea says seven out of 10 women in Mexico are victims of abuse, one in 10 report to the police, and 99 percent of cases “find no solution in the justice system.”

NIKI CHAN

BY Stephen Dark sdark@cityweekly.net @stephenpdark

Poet and activist Gloria Arredondo: “If you break the rules, people judge you easily.”

A rredondo’s articles and public appearances draw Latinas to her who seek help to escape from abusers.

What she calls the “indignation” she feels when she learns of abused women has, at times, made her a controversial voice in Utah’s Latino community.

Some critics, she says, view her as a “man hater,” rather than a champion of abused women.

Tellechea expresses the concern that some survivors who campaign against domestic violence opine that “there are no good men; all are bad men.” COLAVI, he continues, “never says all men are bad men or abusers, because it is not true.” Such a perspective is itself abusive, he adds.

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Arredondo has also found her ward culture at times challenging. “It’s hard; I don’t fit in,” she says. “I like the gospel, but I think I understand it in a different way” from others in her ward. “If you break the rules, people judge you easily.” The one-time, self-described “very Molly Mormon girl,” found even during her marriage, she says, that the Latino bishopric did not listen to either her or her husband’s escalating complaints about each other.

Arredondo’s friend, who legally changed her name to Terra Soma (meaning “earth body”), is herself a domesticviolence survivor and a former victim advocate at Murray Police Department.

She grew up in the Mormon colonies in Mexico and speaks Spanish. Bringing together the machismo of Latino male culture and the Mormon priesthood can create its own problems, she argues. Soma identifies an “interesting overlay of machismo with patriarchy in the Mormon church. They accentuate each other.”

Soma worked with Latinas at the

Murray Police Department and found that “it’s really, really hard for people to seek help. Most of the women I worked with, I had the sense of their needing help but feeling reserved, shy or embarrassed about taking help, almost a sense of being unworthy.”

Juanita Lopez—not her real name— lives in Kaysville. The 47-year-old married a man 27 years older than her in Mexico when she was 18. She came to the United States fleeing violence in Mexico after her mother was kidnapped. When her husband became abusive after they moved to Utah eight years ago, she turned to her LDS bishop, only to be told that “marriage is for eternity,” she recalls in Spanish, “and that members should try to avoid ruptures of the family.”

Mormon women in some cases don’t seek divorces out of fear of being discriminated against in their wards, Lopez says—a stigma Arredondo says she also struggles with. “One of my kids told me, crying, ‘[The church doesn’t] recognize the broken family, they don’t recognize the hurt.’ ” Lopez still lives with her husband and sees the vestiges of his abuse in the way he insists upon her being there to serve him breakfast and lunch every day in their small, neat apartment.

She’s tried to introduce presentations to her ward about family violence and healthy relationships but was told, she recalls, “You can’t go against church standards.” There could be nothing on sex or domestic violence. “Within the church, it has to be positive.”

Arredondo had a similar experience when she sought to bring a COLAVI presentation to her ward. “I was advised I shouldn’t take personal matters to the church.”

LDS Church public-affairs manager Doug Andersen stresses that anecdotes

do not speak to the church as a whole.

In a 1999 Ensign round-table discussion on spouse abuse, commentators suggest bishops who feel out of their depth dealing with domestic violence should seek professional guidance, possibly from LDS Family Services.

When Arredondo can persuade women like Lopez to seek help, domestic violence shelters like South Valley Sanctuary often prove to be full. Last year, the SVS turned away 700 people.

A partial solution for filling this unmet need was to open community resource centers [CRCs] in local government offices, namely in the West Jordan City Hall and offices near Riverton City Hall. Executive director Jenn Campbell describes the set-up as a public-private partnership; the cities provide the space, and she provides the staff. In 2014, she says, the shelter served 169 women and three men, while the CRCs helped 199 women and 34 men.

Arredondo questions the effectiveness of the CRCs, however—a perspective shared by fellow COLAVI committee member and migrant worker activist Alfredo Laguna. “People can go [to their offices] but it’s not easy as it’s in a state building,” she says. For undocumented Latinas, fear of the authorities remains a powerful factor, she says.

Arredondo’s journey was finally to live a life without fear. “If you punch me, I will punch you back,” she says. She finds beauty in the daily world, showing pictures of sunrises, cloud formations and the sun on her iPhone. Even though she remains alone, she has faith in her future. “I see God as very gentle and caring. If I don’t find a man in this life, I will find him in the next one.” CW Arredondo and 15 other women will read from her poetry March 13, 2015, 5:30 p.m., at the Workers Compensation Fund, 100 W. Towne Ridge Parkway, Sandy.

Curses, Foiled Again

NEWS

Gregory Dike, 38, received 11 years in jail for robbing 10 banks across England. Police arrested him after he booked a taxi for his getaway, but the driver realized what was happening and refused to wait. “He was undoubtedly a beginner,” Detective Constable Darren Brown said. “We found robbery ‘self-help’ downloads on his phone,” including one called “How to Rob a Bank.” (BBC News)

BY ROL AND SWEET

erate level so as not to upset the birds. Annie the Owl, which pledged to donate proceeds to a U.K.-based owl charity, resulted from a blog post by the event guide Time Out London that encouraged London to follow Japan, where at least five owl cafes have opened. Tokyo’s Fukuro no Miso (“Shop of Owls”) cautions customers that its birds are tame but “can’t be potty trained.” (CNBC and Associated Press)

QUIRKS

n Randy Gillen Jr., 28, pulled up to a bank drive-through window in Clearfield, Pa., intending to pass a fraudulent check, police said. When he found $500 that a previous customer had left in the carrier, he took it and drove off. When the customer returned for the money, police identified Gillen from the bank’s surveillance video and traced him to his girlfriend’s house, where officers found him hiding in a closet. (Johnstown’s WJAC-TV)

Bureaucracy Follies The Internal Revenue Service rehired hundreds of employees “with known conduct and performance issues,” including 141 who had misfiled their own returns and five known to have intentionally failed to file returns, according to an audit by the agency’s inspector general. The report noted that nearly 20 percent of the workers with prior problems continued having problems paying their taxes after they were rehired. (The Washington Times)

Sound Effects

More than 35,000 people entered a lottery for tickets to sip cocktails at London’s Annie the Owl pop-up bar while owls fly around and perch on their shoulders. Professional falconers join the patrons, who pay $30 for two cocktails and two hours of “unique owl indulgence,” according to Sebastian Lyall, CEO of start-up app company Locappy, which sponsors the weeklong event. He said a maximum of 12 patrons will be allowed to sit around each owl and that background music will be kept to a mod-

Motorcycle Apparel & Accessories

When Guns Are Outlawed A court in Northern Ireland convicted Morrison Wilson, 58, of assaulting a neighbor with his belly. Wilson, described as “heavy-set,” told Belfast Magistrate’s Court he was trying to get the retired woman off his lawn when he “bounced her back” with his “big belly.” (Northern Ireland’s Belfast Telegraph)

Hot Pants Michael Bain, the principal of a New Zealand elementary school, was serving as the starter for a swim meet in Havelock North when his shorts burst into flames. “I was just standing there having a sandwich, and then ‘boom,’” he recounted. “Basically, the starting-gun caps self-ignited, which set fire to my shorts.”

Fortunately, Bain was standing next to the pool and jumped in.

He was treated at the hospital for “a large burnt patch” on his leg. Fire official Jamie Nichol said that in his 24 years in the Fire Service, “I’ve never come across anything like this.” (The New Zealand Herald) Compiled from news sources by Roland Sweet. Authentication available on demand.

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Gustatory Gems

n Hjortur Smarason, 28, bought the last McDonald’s hamburger and fries to be sold in Iceland before the chain closed there in 2009. “I realized it was a historic occasion,” Smarason said. He stored it in a plastic bag in his garage for three years before donating it to the National Museum of Iceland. After a year, the museum returned the “hamborgarinn” to him, following complaints calling it an inappropriate exhibit. “I regard it as a historical item now,” he said. “I think it’s incredible that it seems to show no signs of decomposition, although apparently the fact that there were fewer chips returned to me was because some museum visitors had eaten some of them.” He subsequently donated the souvenir to Reykjavik’s Bus Hostel.

(Britain’s Daily Mail)

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America’s best-selling cars and trucks rely on fake engine noise to simulate power and performance because today’s fuel-efficient engines lack their once-distinctive roar. Ford’s 2015 Mustang EcoBoost, for example, amplifies the engine’s purr through the car speakers to produce a sound the automaker calls “a lowfrequency sense of powerfulness.” Porsche’s “sound symposer” uses noise-boosting tubes, and BMW plays a recording of its motors through car stereos. Without the artificial noise, proponents say, drivers would hear an unsettling silence or ordinary road noise. Critics, including Kelly Blue Book senior analyst Karl Brauer, want automakers to level with buyers. “Own it,” he urged. “You’re fabricating the car’s sexiness. You’re fabricating performance elements of the car that don’t actually exist.” (The Washington Post)

n Andrew McMenamin opened what he claims is the world’s first potato-chip sandwich café in Belfast, Northern Ireland.

Simply Crispy (“crisps” are what the British call chips, which is their word for fries) offers 35 flavors. The sandwiches are served with soup (topped with crisps croutons) and fries. McMenamin got the idea from a spoof website article by Billy McWilliams and Seamus O’Shea, who observed, “Not only did people believe it, but people wanted to believe it, and the story went viral.”

(Britain’s Daily Mail)

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14 | MARCH 12, 2015

the

OCHO

IF YOU CAN˙T READ,

IT ALSO HAS LOTS OF PICTURES

by COLBY FRAZIER @colbyfrazierlp

the list of EIGHT

by bill frost

CITIZEN REVOLT

Dog Days in the Desert

@bill_frost

Utah‚s Longest-Running Entertainment Blog Not Written By A Stay-At-Home Mom, Only On Cityweekly.net

CITYWEEKLY.NET/UNDERGROUND

The pageantry and politics of the Utah Legislative session come to a close on March 12, and if you didn’t have the chance to observe and participate in this process, you can still hike up the hill to see how the dust settles. But if a trip to the mountains suits your tastes, the Alta Town Council is holding a public meeting about the 57 dog licenses it issues. Later, join local booksellers and the Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance for an event highlighting authors who spent, and spend, their time writing about the desert Southwest.

The Legislative Finish Line Thursday, March 12

Eight reasons you’ll be skipping the St. Patrick’s Day parade Saturday:

8. Too morning-drunk to participate.

7.

Not morning-drunk enough to participate.

6.

St. Patrick’s Day is Tuesday—why is every holiday relegated to Saturday in Utah?

5.

Thought The Gateway had been turned into a community garden.

4.

Dry cleaner won’t have green thong and matching gimp mask ready in time.

3. Getting back to No. 6: Seriously, WTF?

2. Too fair-skinned to

withstand blazing mid-March sun.

1. No Tuesday, no peace.

The annual 45-day lawmaking scrum called the legislative session will come to an official close. Barring a special session called by Gov. Gary Herbert, this will be the last time until the far-off, distant future (January 2016) that this many of Utah’s elected leaders will all be chilling out in the same zone. Take the opportunity to let them know what you think about them, their bills and the jobs that they do—or don’t do.

State Capitol, 350 N. State, floor time all day, Le.Utah.gov

Dog Days at Alta

Thursday, March 12 Due to watershed protections, dogs aren’t allowed in Big or Little Cottonwood canyons. That is, unless they’re one of the 57 lucky pups who reside in Alta and had their names drawn from a hat. (Really, that’s how the police chief decides who gets a dog permit.) Anyway, Alta will be discussing whether or not to issue four additional dog permits—a civic discussion that might seem comical, but one that has very real consequences for the quality of that stuff that endlessly flows like magic from our faucets.

Alta Library/Community Center, 10361 E. Highway 210, Alta, March 12, 9 a.m., 801-363-5101

SUWA and Writers

Wednesday, March 18 If you dig books, the desert and Utah, and keep a monkey wrench handy in your glove box, don’t miss the Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance’s Slickrock, Sagebrush & the Printed Word event.

Local booksellers will discuss the writings of authors like Terry Tempest Williams, Wallace Stegner and Edward Abbey, and how these writers helped define the literary landscape of the Colorado Plateau.

Jeanne Wagner Jewish Community Center, 2 North Medical Drive, Salt Lake City, March 18, 6:30 p.m., RSVP at SUWA.org/authors.

J

eremy

ohnson's two FACES

By Eric S. Peterson

epeterson@cityweekly.net @ericspeterson

To those who owed him money, the hometown boy with a heart of gold showed a darker side.

Had the case been further investigated, had charges been filed and had Johnson been convicted of kidnapping, Johnson might have been behind bars long before the FTC began investigating his company.

But Johnson’s charitable good deeds meant that the local county attorneys had to take a “hands off” approach to avoid the appearance of impropriety and instead had to search for another agency to handle the investigation. Even the Utah Attorney General’s Office had too many conflicts of interest to take on the Johnson investigation because of Johnson’s campaign donations and friendship with Shurtleff. So, despite the fact an FBI investigator concluded in 2007 that Ogden had been unlawfully detained, allegedly by Johnson and his associates, no charges were ever filed, and the investigation was finally abandoned in 2010.

Eating Pumpkin

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MARCH 12, 2015 | 15

With a curly mop of red hair and a Grinch-like smile, friends and supporters have come to see Johnson as a quirky philanthropist.

In 2006, when Washington County was raising funds for the Children’s Justice Center, a place where minors can heal from abuse and tell their stories, Jeremy Johnson came to the county’s aid. According to documents obtained through an open-records request by City Weekly, Johnson, both individually and through I Works, donated $91,500 toward the construction of the center.

Washington County Sheriff Corey Pulsipher considers Johnson a friend and knows him through his help with the Sheriff’s Search & Rescue Team, an almost completely volunteer contingent that searches for missing and injured hikers and others in the county’s wilderness. “If he had the ability, he would always help me out,” Pulsipher says.

In a February 2015 interview with City Weekly, Johnson said he didn’t think such civic generosity should raise any eyebrows. “I’ve been doing stuff for the Search & Rescue guys forever, because those guys are awesome,” Johnson says.

Few of Johnson’s friends understood how he had earned his millions or how his allegedly corrupt empire has spread its digital tentacles to pull in hundreds of thousands of victims. According to charges in the FTC case, Johnson’s enterprise is alleged to have netted him $50 million in profits. In order to hide his assets, Johnson’s minions, as of 2012, were said to have set up at least 180 companies spread across a portfolio of stocks, bank accounts, a 5,000-acre ranch in Idaho, muscle cars, planes, choppers, a 2,200square-foot mansion in St. George and a string of businesses clustered in Washington County but spread out as far as Belize and the Philippines.

Johnson has long maintained that the “negative option

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In the mid-2000s, Johnson was a wildly successful Internet entrepreneur, and locals of St. George and Washington County knew him mostly through his impressive philanthropic efforts. As a helicopter pilot, he ferried stranded residents from the wrath of the 2005 Santa Clara river flood that washed away 30 homes. He supported a charity for children fleeing from polygamous communities, and documents in his federal case show he gave more than $1 million to the LDS Little Valley Fifth Ward in St. George. Johnson also made his helicopter and plane available to the Washington County Sheriff’s Search & Rescue team to help search for missing hikers or take law enforcement to scout out illegal marijuana grows or search for polygamist compounds in the desert.

In addition, he was a big political giver, and perhaps it was his propensity to give so generously to politicians that brought the most scrutiny to Johnson’s case. In 2013, he told The Salt Lake Tribune that he’d enlisted former Utah Attorney General John Swallow in a scheme to bribe Sen. Harry Reid, D-Nev., hoping Reid would derail the FTC’s investigation into his company. Swallow has long denied the charge, and it’s one Swallow will have the chance to fight in court, as both he and another former attorney general, Mark Shurtleff, will face down 19 combined felony corruption charges, several of which are tied to claims made by Jeremy Johnson.

Much of Johnson’s good works and philanthropy were donated prior to the government’s 2011 criminal indictment. “He was a local,” says the now-retired Sheriff Kirk Smith. “He was a good kid that had done good, and he had money, and it wasn’t a difficult thing for him to donate to a worthy cause,” Smith says.

“He was a local celebrity almost,” Washington County Attorney Brock Belnap says of Johnson’s good deeds. He had no idea what Johnson’s business was about until the indictments came down. “I didn’t personally know him.”

There were some, however, who claimed to know Johnson’s dark side. As early as 2007, Johnson was on the radar of federal investigators after the FBI began investigating an allegation centered on Johnson who, along with several associates, were said to have unlawfully detained—kidnapped, if you will—a man named Wayne Reed Ogden. Ogden, a convicted felon currently serving time in a Colorado prison on fraud charges, claimed Johnson and his associates were upset because they’d lost a halfmillion dollars investing in a company operated partly by Ogden.

According to an FBI report that is part of Ogden’s public court file, Ogden says he was blindsided when he walked into a meeting set up by Johnson only to be slammed against a wall by unidentified men, which, he says, knocked him out. When he awoke, he said he was handcuffed and zip-tied to a chair. That’s when he learned just how much Johnson and his associates wanted their money back.

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T

he No Filter Show is an irreverent video blog hosted by two goofballs who spotlight local businesses and events on the St. George News website (StGeorgeUtah.com). An editor’s note below the Dec. 24, 2014, episode titled “Jeremy Johnson Rides the Short Bus,” acknowledges the St. George businessman is facing multiple lawsuits from the federal government and that the site was not taking a position “in favor of or against Johnson’s guilt or innocence.”

The hosts of the show, wearing Santa Claus hats, are filmed cruising around St. George in a short, yellow school bus. They drive up to a man standing beside the road—who, by coincidence, also is wearing a Santa hat. “This guy looks like he’s down on his luck,” the driver says as they pull over to discover that this sad traveler is, in fact, Jeremy Johnson. They don’t mention why he might be down on his luck, and, unless the viewer knows about the Federal Trade Commission’s civil suit alleging he defrauded hundreds of thousands of Americans out of more than $275 million, they can only wonder.

According to a 2011 Department of Justice federal indictment, Johnson’s Internet-marketing business, I Works, lured customers—many reeling from the 2008 recession—into signing up for a program to help them get government grants to establish businesses or pay for cell phones. Most customers would discover only too late that one of Johnson’s more than 60 shell companies had ambushed their credit-card bills with hidden fees. Johnson is currently prohibited from speaking to the media about the pending FTC charges after a judge placed a gag order on him in May 2013.

On the short bus, at least, Johnson was given a hero’s welcome by the show’s co-host, Paul Ford, who introduced Johnson saying: “One thing I know about Jeremy Johnson—he knows how to spread Christmas cheer!” Johnson then accompanies the men as they visit a local charity, and he even helps to load boxes of donations onto a delivery truck while a jazzy rendition of “Joy to the World” plays.

Washington County Children’s Justice Center

“I’ve been doing stuff for the Search & Rescue guys forever, because those guys are awesome,” Johnson says.

16 | MARCH 12, 2015

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The Washington County Children’s Justice Center: Johnson donated $91,500 toward the construction of the center.

Spreading good cheer in St. George: Jeremy Johnson dons a Santa Claus hat in a December 2014 No Filter Show video posted on StGeorgeUtah.com

marketing” clause with which the FTC took issue was well advertised in the subscription services that I Works sold, and that people had every opportunity to understand the ongoing charges they would receive.

While his public persona was that of a dogooder, Johnson began collecting business associates over the years who saw another side of him. Chad Elie was one of Johnson’s partners in the world of online-poker-payment processing between 2009 and 2011 who has since served time for bank fraud and money laundering. At the time Elie knew Johnson, he says Johnson bragged openly about “owning” former Attorney General Shurtleff (campaign documents have shown Johnson and his friends and family donated well over $100,000 to Shurtleff).

Elie recalls walking into the lounge of a Las Vegas casino once to find a friend of Johnson’s sitting on top of a pool table, his legs spread open while another man smacked the cue ball into his groin—an indignity the man was willing to suffer in order to get a loan from Johnson. Elie saw another friend of Johnson’s eat the raw innards of a pumpkin in order to be approved for a friendly loan.

“And he was allergic to pumpkin,” Elie says.

To the people and causes he respected, Jeremy Johnson was, without a doubt, generous to a fault.

But, on June 29, 2006, just a few months before he donated to the county-operated Children’s Justice Center, a man named Wayne Ogden became unconvinced of Jeremy Johnson’s heart of gold. He claims he was detained, assaulted and threatened with violence by members of Jeremy Johnson’s entourage.

Mr. Gorilla and Mr. In Charge

To be clear, Wayne Ogden is no saint. With a rap sheet that includes convictions for Ponzi-scheme frauds, he is currently serving a 10-year sentence in a federal penitentiary. Among other crimes in his court file was an FBI report that was made available to City Weekly. And, in that report, Ogden was described as not so much the perpetrator, but the victim. In fact, Ogden complained about being knocked out by unknown assailants and then tied up over a debt owed to Jeremy Johnson and his associates.

What would end as a very bad day for Ogden started with some very good news—that Jeremy Johnson wanted to invest $1 million in a company that Ogden ran with his brother. The weekend before July 4, 2006, Ogden drove to the city of Santa Clara, cruising past the pockmarked black lava-rock boulders along the hills of Lava Flow Drive. He arrived at a small nondescript sand-colored home where Johnson told Ogden to meet him, thinking he was just going to pick up a check and then be on his way.

According to Ogden’s account from the FBI report, he was greeted by an imposing figure, a large man—at around 6-foot-5-inches tall— whose powerful build filled the doorway. Ogden reached out to shake the man’s hand when another figure just inside the door grabbed him and slammed him against the wall, bouncing Ogden’s head against it.

After what he guessed may have been a few hours, Ogden regained consciousness with his feet zip-tied together and his hands cuffed behind his back while seated in a chair. Ogden would never learn the identities of the two unknown men, nor would the FBI. The FBI’s report simply identifies the men as “Unknown Subject 1” and “Unknown Subject 2.”

In an e-mail from his new home in a Colorado federal penitentiary, Ogden would dub Unknown

Subject 1 as “Mr. Gorilla.” Ogden remembers the other man as someone who had the bearing and commanding tone of a cop. He called this man “Mr. In Charge.”

According to the FBI report, Mr. In Charge introduced himself by saying that Ogden needed to get $500,000 to them within the hour. When Ogden said it was his brother who managed the company’s money, Mr. In Charge told him simply, “You better make a fucking call.”

Ogden was involved with his brother in a company called Paradigm Acceptance, a debtnegotiation company that also refinanced second mortgages to keep banks from foreclosing upon clients’ homes. According to the FBI’s investigation, Ogden’s business at this time was also on the FBI’s radar for fraudulent activity. Ogden himself was on parole, having been convicted in the late ’90s for his role in a house-flipping Ponzi scheme.

After regaining consciousness, Ogden says a group filed into the room, including Johnson, who lingered in the background during the four or five hours that Ogden was restrained.

Ogden says he learned at this point that Johnson had already invested in Ogden’s company, with the investment funneled through a company called Horizon Financial. Moreover, Ogden said that Johnson and his associates were upset the company had lost $500,000, with at least $200,000 coming directly from Johnson.

They wanted their money back.

According to Ogden, after hours of negotiation, the men agreed that Ogden would square his debt by signing over to Johnson a trailer park that Ogden’s parents owned in Beaver Dam, Ariz.

Ogden claimed he was then released of his restraints and allowed to leave the meeting under threats of violence should he speak to police about the incident.

Six months later, on Dec. 13, 2006, Ogden landed in the Washington County Jail on a checkkiting charge. While he was there, he wrote a complaint about the kidnapping to Washington County Attorney Brock Belnap, who said he knew immediately his office couldn’t get involved. The Children’s Justice Center that Johnson had helped fund was under the jurisdiction of the county attorney’s office, and that connection would present the appearance of a conflict of interest if Belnap’s office got involved with any potential prosecution. With Ogden’s allegation that local law enforcement was involved in his kidnapping, he knew the FBI should investigate Ogden’s case. (Note: The FBI would eventually rule out that local law enforcement was involved.)

City Weekly interviewed Jeremy Johnson in February 2015 about his recollection of Ogden’s alleged detention. He admits to being in the room with Ogden—but, he points out, he wasn’t the only one, and that he was joined by as many as eight others who had also lost money to Ogden. He says Ogden was already handcuffed and bound when he arrived, but that Ogden was soon released from his restraints. The men simply then talked through the problem, and Ogden was free to leave the house at any time, Johnson says.

Johnson recalls it wasn’t until the next day that he met with Ogden, and that Ogden volunteered to give Johnson and his associates the trailer park as collateral on their investments.

“He said, ‘I’ll give you the title to this trailer park, just please don’t call my parole officer,’ ” Johnson says. In the end, Johnson says, Ogden’s investment didn’t pan out, and the trailer park was “worthless,” given all the liens that were on the property. Regardless, Johnson denies there were any threats of violence against Ogden to Continued on p. 16

Timeline of a Kidnapping Investigation June 29, 2006: Wayne Ogden alleges he was kidnapped by Jeremy

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Johnson when he went to pick up a $1 million check for a business investment. Ogden claims he was attacked and forcibly restrained until he agreed to sign over a trailer park to Johnson and his associates, who were upset because they’d lost $500,000 in Ogden’s company.

Dec. 13, 2006: Ogden complains about the kidnapping to the Washington County Attorney’s office, which referred the investivation to the FBI because Ogden alleged law enforcement was involved.

Early 2007: FBI begins investigating kidnapping allegation.

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April 9, 2007: FBI interviews Johnson, who admits that when he showed up to meet with Ogden, Ogden was restrained. Johnson claims Ogden was released and free to go at any time and that the trailer park was offered voluntarily as collateral. Johnson refuses to identify all those in attendance. Johnson said he knew who had hired one of the individuals who restrained Ogden but refused to tell the FBI. June 1, 2007: FBI turns report of investigation over to Santa Clara City

Police, stating “At this time, logical investigation has determined that an unlawful detention of Mr. Ogden occurred.” FBI bows out of investigation after it determined no law-enforcement officers were involved in the kidnapping as Ogden alleged.

March 5, 2008: Simpson makes contact with Ogden, who had been

incarcerated, and resumes the investigation.

Nov. 5, 2008: At least four sources confirm to Simpson that Johnson spoke of restraining Ogden and not letting him go until he got his money back.

UPCOMING EVENTS:

ST. PATRICK’S DAY PARADE

Nov. 2008: An e-mail says that the Utah Attorney General’s Office

satURDAY 3/14 10AM

Dec. 6, 2008: Simpson finds multiple witnesses have retained lawyers

CITYWEEKLY NIGHT AT LASERMANIA

would not get involved in the case, since Johnson was a friend and campaign donor to then-Attorney General Mark Shurtleff.

go to irishinutah.org for route info

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July 25, 2007: Santa Clara City Detective Mark Simpson takes over investigation from FBI, but struggles to make contact with Ogden.

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clark planetarium 110 s. 400 West go to cityweekly.net/freestuff for A chance to win free tickets!

MARCH 12, 2015 | 17

April 26, 2010: Iron County sends letter back to Washington County explaining it decided not to file charges based on the investigation, citing credibility concerns with Ogden, difficult witnesses and troubles that arose with Simpson struggling to gain assistance from Washington County.

WedNESDAY 3/18 6:45pm

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and refuse to speak with him. Simpson sends case file to Washington County Attorney’s Office. Due to conflicts of interest Johnson had with the county because of his donations, Washington County sends the file to Iron County.

Photo courtesy of Wayne Ogden

Complained he was kidnapped by Johnson: Wayne Ogden

18 | MARCH 12, 2015

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“The government doesn’t even have one that witness willing to testify I ripped them off”

Booking photos of former Utah Attorneys General John Swallow (left) and Mark Shurtleff (center). Jeremy Johnson (right) had donated large campain donations to Shurtleff and allegedly sought Swallow’s help in fending off an FTC investigation.

keep him from speaking out.

According to the FBI report, Johnson said he didn’t know Unknown Subject 1 (aka Mr. Gorilla), but said he knew who arranged to have him there. He refused to tell the FBI who that was, nor would he provide contact information for other people who may have been present. In an interview with City Weekly, Johnson also declined to identify them.

While Ogden’s statement made it clear that Mr. Gorilla and Mr. In Charge dealt in threats and violence, Johnson told the FBI that he, personally, did not engage in that behavior.

Ogden, in a recent interview from prison, says that after the trailer park was signed over, associates of Johnson made it clear that Johnson was essentially untouchable. Ogden says that he delayed going to authorities out of fear it would get him in trouble with his parole officers, since, as a condition of his parole, he was not supposed to be collecting money for the business. But mostly, he says, he kept quiet out of fear for his safety. “These guys were ruthless,” Ogden says. “They also were very clear—they and Johnson owned the law.”

A Disjointed Investigation

Perhaps most frustrating for Ogden is that, at the time of his alleged kidnapping, authorities seemed to consider him a bigger fish than Johnson, the local philanthropist. Ogden did have a criminal record at the time of his complaint against Johnson, and his FBI case file was active over a five-yearlong investigation. Ultimately, he would plead guilty in 2013 to a Ponzi-scheme fraud involving house flipping, while also being convicted of fraud charges in the business he was in that sank the investment of Johnson and his associates.

But the kidnapping case is the one various authorities were quick to distance themselves from.

After Washington County received the FBI investigation report in 2007 that said: “At this time, logical investigation has determined that an unlawful detention of Mr. Ogden occurred,” the FBI then bowed out, as it determined no law-enforcement officers were involved. The investigation was then turned over to Santa Clara City Police Det. Mark Simpson in July 2007. By then, not only had the FBI agent who investigated Ogden’s complaints relocated to an East Coast office, but Simpson wasn’t even able to locate Ogden until 2008. The detective then took up the investigation in earnest, though he struggled to gather accounts from witnesses and sources.

One man, Arden Oliphant, said he was with Ogden’s brother when the brother received a call from Johnson looking to square the debt. While Oliphant didn’t have first-hand knowledge of the alleged kidnapping, he told Det. Simpson that Johnson had offered him money not to talk about the incident.

Johnson scoffs at the idea of paying hush money to someone who wasn’t even at the alleged detention. “Why him? He wasn’t even there,” Johnson says.

Oliphant has since passed away, along with another key witness, Jason Lambeth, who confirmed he was on the receiving end of a conference call that Johnson made during which he admitted that Ogden was tied up, and Johnson wasn’t letting him go—another claim Johnson denies.

Simpson noted in his file, however, that Lambeth would sign an official statement that he heard Johnson say he wasn’t letting Ogden go until they got their money back, and Simpson even noted that he felt Lambeth was being truthful.

Simpson forwarded his findings onto Washington County in December 2008. In 2009, because of the earlier stated conflicts of interest, the case then was handed off to Iron County.

Soon after that, Simpson himself left the force and wasn’t able to provide additional information to Iron County’s investigators.

In April 2010, Iron County sent a letter to Washington County explaining it could not prosecute the case because of the disjointed investigation and witnesses lost over time. It also noted that Simpson “attempted to get assistance from [the Washington County Attorney’s Office] and other county agencies with little success.”

Iron County Attorney Scott Garrett says his office declined to prosecute for several reasons, one being Ogden’s credibility, especially since he waited more than six months to complain about the kidnapping. “There was some concern he was just trying to work off the [federal charges] he currently had,” Garrett says.

The Utah Attorney General’s Office wasn’t much help, either. As City Weekly previously reported in its June 14, 2012, cover story “Dialing for Dollars,” then-Assistant Attorney General Kirk Torgensen told a Washington County investigator that his office shouldn’t get involved in Johnson’s local investigation. “Strictly confidential, this guy is a campaign contributor to Mark [Shurtleff] and pretty good friends with him,” Torgensen wrote in an e-mail to the investigator. “We should really not take it over. …”

Johnson insists now that Ogden is trying to sensationalize the alleged kidnapping to try and get a new trial for the serious fraud conviction for which he’s incarcerated. “I’m curious to see what people’s reactions are to poor Wayne Ogden, the guy that has ripped off millions from people,” Johnson says. “Because, guess what?

The government doesn’t even have one witness willing to testify that I ripped them off.”

Cash Bomb

By the time the kidnapping investigation officially folded in 2010, Johnson had bigger worries— namely the FTC’s investigation into his company.

Johnson was first sued by the FTC in a Las Vegas civil court in December 2010 prior to his indictment in Utah in January 2011.

In 2010, Johnson was also famously behind a deal with then-Assistant Attorney General Swallow to pay Sen. Reid $600,000 to spike the FTC investigation—an incident which Swallow insists was a deal meant simply to lobby Reid, not bribe him. Reid has previously claimed no knowledge of the deal, and says he received no money from Johnson or his associates on this matter.

Johnson’s attempt at bribery, as Johnson characterizes the money paid to Swallow, did little to halt the federal investigation. On the local and state level, however, his charitable donations and civic involvement made it difficult for authorities to investigate and prosecute any alleged criminal misdeeds. Johnson now awaits his five-week trial slated to begin in federal court on Sept. 14, 2015, where he hopes to prevail over the 86 criminal counts of fraud and money-laundering.

Attorney Jason Jones is a former Utahn and consumer watchdog who takes special interest in get-rich-quick schemes and Internet businesses like Johnson’s. He has covered the industry since 2009 from his blog The Salty Droid, and Johnson has long been on his radar. He says he’s dumbfounded by how Johnson’s philanthropy won over government officials so easily.

“What scares me is how comparatively cheap it was for Jeremy to buy himself up to untouchable hero status with Utah’s elite. These fraudsters crash cars worth more than it took to buy Mark Shurtleff,” Jones writes via e-mail. “Jeremy’s frauds were not complicated, I can’t believe that any competent law enforcement official was ignorant as to the origin of his splashy riches.” CW

ESSENTIALS

the

THURSDAY 3.12

Utah in the 1800s was settled by immigrants.

These pinoeers established a strong sense of pride in building the civic environment into what it is today, but they also brought strong identities and experiences of elsewhere—of “other places”—that helped forge a sense of who they are. That sense continues with those living here today.

At the Utah Division of Arts & Museums’ exhibition Other Places at the Alice Gallery, artists Anna Laurie Mackay, Meredith Prevot and Jean Richardson explore the concept of those other places. Mackay’s works depict Midwestern landscapes and illustrate the dislocation she experienced moving from the West to the Midwest. Prevot’s paintings (“Delft I” is pictured) utilize textile patterns and decorative illustration to explore the idea of place. Richardson highlights her personal geography with collections of objects from her experiences living in different cultures and environments.

In a sense, the local and the familiar exist only in contrast to the “other,” the unfamiliar and the global; Utah’s history is one of taking the unfamiliar and making it hospitable. As society has become more mobile, and we travel more and more, our awareness of those contrasts between places has deepened our connection to the region in which we live.

The gallery will host a reception Friday, April 17, from 6 to 9 p.m., during Gallery Stroll.

(Brian Staker) Other Places @ Alice Gallery, 617 E. South Temple, 801-236-7555, March 13-May 8, Monday-Friday, 8 a.m.-5 p.m., free. Arts.Utah.Gov

March 17 might be the official day for wearing that green and avoiding pinches, but in Salt Lake City, the celebration of all things Irish comes when it’s easier to find time for the celebrating.

That means the closest Saturday to St. Patrick’s Day turns into an all-day party full of shamrock wishes and leprechaun dreams.

The Hibernian Society of Utah presents its annual parade beginning at 10 a.m., with floats and performing artists marching through the Gateway Mall to get everyone in an appropriately festive mood; be sure to wave to the City Weekly entry. After the parade, it’s just a short walk to the Siamsa—Gaelic for “entertainment”—at Holy Trinity Cathedral, where music, dancing and tasty treats await. Music headliners include traditional Irish music from Red Branch and the trio of Una, Nick & Tiff, followed by an unrehearsed jam session, called a “trad,” where all traditional Irish musicians are invited to participate. Meanwhile, on the dance stage, five different local groups will kick up their heels in jigs & reels.

If you’re looking to fill your belly, Therese from Carlucci’s will be serving up Irish stew and corned beef. And you can even try an Irish stout created specially by Squatters—Wellied Irish Stout—for the occasion, a first for a local brewery. Build up enough Irish spirit to carry you over the three days until it’s actually St. Patrick’s Day. (Scott Renshaw) St. Patrick’s Day Parade @ Gateway Mall, 400 West & 200 North, 10 a.m.; Siamsa @ Holy Trinity Cathedral, 300 W. 200 South, doors open 11 a.m., free. IrishInUtah.org

St. Patrick’s Day Parade & Siamsa

SATURDAY 3.14

Utah Opera: Così fan tutte

MARCH 12, 2015 | 19

The title of Mozart’s opera buffa (comic opera) Così fan tutte translates roughly as “Women are like that.” But with the way this romantic comedy unfolds, it is the men who act like brutes by setting up elaborate traps and situations to trick their lovers into betraying them. It could just as easily be subtitled “… and men are like that, too.”

The story follows sisters Fiordiligi and Dorabella, and the two soldiers with whom they are respectively madly in love, Gugliemo and Ferrando. With the conniving help of their friend Don Alfonso and the maid Despina, the soldiers pretend to be called to war, and return disguised as “Albanians” to test their sweethearts’ loyalty.

After much goading by the Don and Despina, the sisters finally give in to advances and reluctantly pick each other’s disguised lovers for some innocent flirtation. Only after an elaborate ruse for the alter-egos to marry before the return of the soldiers does the whole deceit come to light. The women are mad at being tricked, and the men are mad at being betrayed, but, this being a comedy, mutual forgivemess will eventally occur.

Utah Opera’s version of this classic work is transported from its original setting of late-18th century Naples to a 1920s-era world filled with flapper dresses and zoot suits. Come also for the Opera Prelude Lecture scheduled before each performance, a post-show Q&A and even a Libretti & Libations event that will feature eight mixologists crafting cocktails inspired by the opera. (Jacob Stringer) Utah Opera: Così fan tutte @ Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, 801-355-2787, March 14, 16, 18 & 20, 7:30 p.m.; 2 p.m. matinee March 22, $18-$95. UtahOpera.org, ArtTix.org

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SATURDAY 3.14

Other Places

FRIDAY 3.13

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Continuing Plan-B Theatre Company’s excellent current season is the world premiere of Matthew Ivan Bennett’s A/Version of Events, which opens with a married couple working through things on a road trip, and builds a visually (Jesse Portillo’s lighting design is tremendous) and aurally (as is Cheryl Ann Cluff’s sound) compelling piece of theater, using all the tools of the trade to complement the text. It’s a lovely show, with form and content in near-perfect harmony.

The pillars supporting the enterprise are performances by Carleton Bluford (who also wrote Plan-B’s excellent February premiere Mama) and Latoya Rhodes as the central couple. They’re both terrific actors, and they work splendidly together. That chemistry carries the play through a first hour that feels a bit shapeless; an abbreviated trip to New York to the 9/11 memorial leads to seemingly random talk about movies and other ephemera, as well as a detour to Pennsylvania’s Hershey Park.

It would be an eminently pleasant night at the theater simply to watch Bluford and Rhodes talk about stuff and occasionally sing, but eventually it becomes clear, as per the title, that there’s something specific that they’re avoiding. And when this part of the show kicks in, director Christy Summerhays’ staging moves the actors to a point almost directly on top of the audience, making it impossible to look away even if one wanted to. (Danny Bowes) Plan-B Theatre Company: A/Version of Events @ Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, through March 15, Thursday-Friday, 8 p.m.; Saturday, 4 & 8 p.m.; Sunday, 2 p.m., $20. PlanBTheatre. org, ArtTix.org

Complete Listings Online @ CityWeekly.net

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Plan-B Theatre Company: A/Version of Events

Entertainment Picks MARCH 12-18

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20 | MARCH 12, 2015

GET OUT Spring Run-Off The dry winter can make it easier to prepare for 2015 running events.

By Katherine Pioli comments@cityweekly.net

A

childhood friend called me the other day. As kids, we swam on the same summer swim team at the Liberty Park pool; until we were in middle school, we both played soccer on a team coached by her father. And as we grew older, she was the one girlfriend I could call on to help organize a pick-up game of just about any imaginable sport.

We don’t see each other very often anymore—she lives in Oregon—but when we do, we usually pack up and head to the mountains. So, when she asked me to join her in Challis, Idaho, this June to run the River of No Return endurance race, I wasn’t surprised.

In fact, the invitation came at a perfect time. When it comes to fitness, I’ve been feeling a little aimless lately. I go to my weight-training class. I ski and hike.

I even try to maintain my record of seven complete pull-ups. But for what? I needed a goal to work toward—something like a half-marathon.

There was a time when running, even a mile, sounded to me like a terrible idea. If there wasn’t something I was chasing after— e.g., a soccer ball or a Frisbee—I didn’t see the point. Then, I discovered trail running.

It quickly became my favorite activity. It let

A&E

me escape into the woods, into cool, fresh forest air, where my only concern was the dirt beneath my feet and where my mind could rest.

Signing up for the endurance run did two good things for me: It finally gave me an endpoint to work toward, but it also helped me find the silver lining in a very disappointing snowless winter. By the first week of February, I was already training outside.

Snow & ice just haven’t been a problem this year. The Bonneville Shoreline Trail is dry as a bone, and so are most other trails in the foothills. I’ve been to the top of Mount Wire next to the Hogle Zoo. I’ve run up Red Butte and City Creek canyons. I’ve mapped a 10-mile out & back from Dry Creek, near the Jewish Community Center, that will mark the peak of my training—and, I have to say, it’s pretty exciting.

When another friend, inspired by my endurance plans, signed up for her own race in Southern Utah for the spring, I started looking into just how many race options there are in this state. As it turns out, there’s an astonishing number. Browsing a comprehensive list—with everything from trail to road, 5K to 100m— on RunningInTheUSA.com, I discovered that there’s a race planned somewhere in Utah every single weekend from now until the snow is likely to fly again in the fall. Many weekends have as many as a dozen different races scheduled around the state.

It struck me that, with all these endless options, race-running could be the ideal way to stay busy and fit, while offering a great excuse to travel and explore Utah.

March alone could send an enthusiastic outdoorswoman—with some extra cash to burn, since registration for a half marathon typically runs about $80—to some fascinating places. There’s the Monument Valley trail run through the desert landscape of the Navajo Nation in San Juan County on the March 13-14 weekend. Up north, the Antelope Island Buffalo Run offers everything from a 25K to a 100m the weekend of March 20. The very next day, in Ogden, there is an event for the kids: the Leprechaun Dash 5K and kids run. And March 28, the Behind the Rocks race takes distance runners through Moab’s slickrock wilderness and up into the La Sal Mountains.

It’s probably too late for most people to begin properly preparing for an endurance run that will take place this month. But, with races continuing through the year, it’s worth checking out the options now. Spring, after all, is the time to start setting goals and planning your training for the summer.

As for me, I might let myself be persuaded to join my friend for her spring jaunt along the Green River at the Canyonlands Half Marathon in Moab. I’ll just think of it as training camp for my race in June. CW

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moreESSENTIALS

Complete listings online @ cityweekly.net

SUNDAY 3.15

An Evening With Kevin Smith It’s not common for a filmmaker to become as much of a celebrity as the people he casts in his movies. But Kevin Smith has charted his own course, casting himself as the taciturn Silent Bob in several of his own films and going in front of the camera for the AMC TV series Comic Book Men and his online movie review show Spoilers. The common thread has been his role as a kind of pop-culture Everyman, never being shy about bringing his love of genre works to the public.

Though the venue for An Evening With Kevin Smith is Wiseguys Comedy Club, don’t expect a traditional stand-up performance. Smith’s live appearances have tended to be free-flowing conversations with the audience, full of uncensored opinions about the stuff he loves and the stuff he hates in the world of TV, movies, comics and more. Get a taste of what Silent Bob is like when he’s not so silent. (Scott Renshaw)

An Evening With Kevin Smith @ Wiseguys Comedy Club, 2194 W. 3500 South, West Valley City, 801-463-2909, March 15-16, 7 & 9:30 p.m., $35. WiseguysComedy.com

Thursday 3.12 Performing Arts Pirates of the Scaribbean, Desert Star Dinner Theatre, 4861 S. State, Salt Lake City, 801-2662600 The Appeal, Good Company Theatre, 260 25th St., Ogden The Skin of Our Teeth, Grand Theatre, 1575 S. State, Salt Lake City, 801-957-3322 Ghost: The Musical, Hale Centre Theatre, 3333 Decker Lake Drive, West Valley City, 801-9849000 U of U Performing Dance Company Spring Season, Marriott Center for Dance, 330 S. 1500 East, University of Utah, 801-581-7100 I am Comic: A Night of Stand Up, Movie Grille, 2293 Grant Ave., Ogden, 801-621-4738 Born to Fly, Prospector Square Lodge, 2200 Sidewinder Drive, Park City, 435-649-8882 A/Version of Events, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway, Salt Lake City, 801-355-2787

Hellman v. McCarthy, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway, Salt Lake City, 801-355-2787 Sina Amedson, Wiseguys West Valley City, 2194 W. 3500 South, West Valley City, 801-463-2909

Literary Arts

American Sign Language Storytime, Barnes & Noble Murray, 5429 S. State, Murray, 801-2614040 Robert Braithwaite: Have Gavel Will Travel, The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, Salt Lake City, 801-484-9100

Friday 3.13 Performing Arts

Red vs. Blue, ComedySportz Provo, 36 W. Center St., Provo, 801-377-9700 Pirates of the Scaribbean, Desert Star Dinner Theatre Hairspray, Draper Historic Theatre, 12366 S. 900 East, Draper, 801-572-4144

moreESSENTIALS Fiddler on the Roof, Egyptian Theatre, 328 Main, Park City, 435-649-9371 The Appeal, Good Company Theatre The Skin of Our Teeth, Grand Theatre Ghost: The Musical, Hale Centre Theatre Mamma Mia, Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Circle, University of Utah, 801-581-7100 U of U Performing Dance Company Spring Season, Marriott Center for Dance Laughing Stock, Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-355-4628 Russian Gold With pianist Andrey Gugnin, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway, Salt Lake City, 801-297-4250 A/Version of Events, Rose Wagner Center Hellman v. McCarthy, Rose Wagner Center Fiddler on the Roof, The Ziegfeld Theater, 3934 Washington Blvd, Ogden Off the Wall Improv, The Ziegfeld Theater, 3934 Washington Blvd, Ogden, 855-944-2787 Friday Night Flicks, United Studios of Self

Complete listings online @ cityweekly.net

Defense, 78 W. Center St., Provo, 801-373-4844 Bengt Washburn, Wiseguys Ogden, 269 25th St., Ogden, 801-622-5588

Literary Arts Shadow Scale, Provo City Library, 550 N. University Ave., Provo, 801-852-6650 A Song of Ilan, The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, Salt Lake City, 801-484-9100

Saturday 3.14 Performing Arts Hibernian Society’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade & Siamsa, The Gateway (200 N. 400 West); Siamsa at Holy Trinity Cathedral, 300 W. 200 South Cosí Fan Tutte, Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, Salt Lake City, 801-355-2787 Red vs. Blue, ComedySportz Provo, 36 W. Center St., Provo, 801-377-9700 Pirates of the Scaribbean, Desert Star Dinner Theatre

Hairspray, Draper Historic Theatre Fiddler on the Roof, Egyptian Theatre The Appeal, Good Company Theatre The Skin of Our Teeth, Grand Theatre Ghost: The Musical, Hale Centre Theatre Mamma Mia, Kingsbury Hall Performing Dance Company, Marriott Center for Dance Quick Wits Comedy Improv, Midvale Performing Arts Center, 695 W. Center St. (7720 South), Midvale, 801-824-0523 Laughing Stock, Off Broadway Theatre Ring Around the Rose, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-355-2787 A/Version of Events, Rose Wagner Center Hellman v. McCarthy, Rose Wagner Center Bengt Washburn, Wiseguys Ogden Fiddler on the Roof, The Ziegfeld Theater

Literary Arts

Savannah Ostler: Happily Ever After High, The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East,

Salt Lake City, 801-484-9100 League of Utah Writers Spring Workshop, Salt Lake Community College (Miller Campus), 9750 S. 300 West, Sandy, 801-390-4385 Bobbie Pyron: Lucky Strike, The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, Salt Lake City, 801484-9100 The Storyspinner, The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, Salt Lake City, 801484-9100

Sunday 3.15 Performing Arts Fiddler on the Roof, Egyptian Theatre The Appeal, Good Company Theatre The Skin of Our Teeth, Grand Theatre Ghost: The Musical, Hale Centre Theatre Mamma Mia, Kingsbury Hall A/Version of Events, Rose Wagner Center An Evening With Kevin Smith, Wiseguys West Valley City, 2194 W. 3500 South, 801-463-2909

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moreESSENTIALS

Complete listings online @ cityweekly.net

Monday 3.16

Great Salt Lake Audubon Birds & Bites, Tracy Aviary, 589 E. 1300 South, Salt Lake City, 801596-8500

Performing Arts

Continuing

Cosí Fan Tutte, Capitol Theatre Pirates of the Scaribbean, Desert Star Dinner Theatre Hairspray, Draper Historic Theatre The Skin of Our Teeth, Grand Theatre Ghost: The Musical Hale Centre Theatre An Irish Evening, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-355-2787 An Evening With Kevin Smith, Wiseguys West Valley City

The Power of Three, A Gallery, 1321 S. 2100 East, Salt Lake City, 801-583-4800, through March 14 No Fixed Address, The Leonardo, 209 E. 500 South, Salt Lake City, 801-531-9800, through May 15 Don’t Read This, Gallery at Library Square, 210 E. 400 South, Salt Lake City, 801-524-8200, through March 13 Waldo Midgley & Francis Zimbeaux, Phillips Gallery, 444 E. 200 South, Salt Lake City, 801364-8284, through March 13 Inaugural Opening of UMOCA’s A.I.R Space Gallery Featuring Jonathan Frioux, Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, Salt Lake City, 801-328-4201, through March 7 [con]text, Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, University of Utah, 801581-7332, through July 26 Our America: The Latino Presence in American Art, Utah Museum of Fine Arts, University of Utah, 410 Campus Center Drive, Salt Lake City, 801-581-7332, through May 17

Fiddler on the Roof, The Ziegfeld Theater

Tuesday 3.17 Performing Arts The Skin of Our Teeth Grand Theatre Ghost: The Musical Hale Centre Theatre An Irish Evening Rose Wagner Center

Wednesday 3.18 Performing Arts Cosí Fan Tutte, Capitol Theatre Pirates of the Scaribbean, Desert Star Dinner Theatre The Skin of Our Teeth, Grand Theatre Ghost: The Musical, Hale Centre Theatre

Literary Arts

Brandon Mull: Crystal Keepers, King’s English, 1511 S. 1500 East, Salt Lake City, 801-484-9100

Visual Arts New Friday 3.13

Other Places, Alice Gallery, 617 E. South Temple, Salt Lake City, through May 8

New Tuesday 3.17

RESORT RESTAURANTS

Mountain Meals

DINE Cheese CAVE #2

Now Open!

The best on-mountain and slopeside dishes for skiers and shredders.

By Ted Scheffler comments@cityweekly.net @critic1

TED SCHEFFLER

T

Canyons Resort’s Salad Niçoise is served with seared sushi-grade tuna.

Happy Spelunking

Caputo’s On 15th 1516 South 1500 East 801.486.6615

caputosdeli.com

MARCH 12, 2015 | 25

Caputo’s Holladay 4670 S. 2300 E. 801.272.0821 Caputo’s U of U 215 S. Central Campus Drive 801.583.8801

| CITY WEEKLY |

Caputo’s Downtown 314 West 300 South 801.531.8669

secrets for powder hounds, and you won’t want to spend too much time off the mountain. However, you will want to drop into the Powder Keg for cold brews and an eclectic menu that ranges from ramen and Asian smoked salmon to Prime-rib subs and turkey burgers.

Snowbasin: I look forward to only one thing at Snowbasin as much as I look forward to its endless trails and powder: the Bomber Burger at Needles Lodge. It’s a halfpound of grilled, all-natural, grass-fed Idaho beef, 6 ounces of grilled corned beef, Swiss cheese, pickles, Thousand Island dressing and sauerkraut on a toasted brioche bun.

Snowbird: There’s a lot to love about eating at Snowbird, with venues like The Aerie, Lodge Bistro, Wildflower, Mid-Gad and more. But I like to get in as much skiing as I can and then enjoy a late lunch/ early supper at El Chanate, where the food has evolved immensely this season. The pork empanadas with Chihuahua cheese and habanero salsa are sensational, and the pollo en rajas con crema is pure heaven.

Solitude: I don’t have to think too hard about lunch at Solitude. For me, there’s one option that rises above the rest: the spaghetti carbonara with house-cured guanciale, housemade pasta, fresh eggs, cracked pepper and Parmesan at Honeycomb Grill.

It’s a no-brainer.

Wolf Mountain: Wolf Mountain, which was called Nordic Valley until 2005, is morphing again back into Nordic Valley.

Whatever you call it, the mountain is closed for the season due to lack of snow. As an alternative, kick back at nearby North Fork Table & Tavern in Eden (3900 N. Wolf Creek Drive, 801-648-7173) for wood-fired pizzas and rib-stickers such as the prosciutto & burrata panini and short-rib pot roast. CW

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tuna, greens, hard-cooked eggs, anchovies, olives, potatoes, red onion and more.

Deer Valley: The first-class skiing, amenities and cuisine at Deer Valley Resort have garnered so many Best of Utah awards that I don’t need to belabor the point here. I will say that, through the years, I’ve eaten more than my fair share of the excellent grilled-cheese sandwiches and brats served up at Silver Lake Lodge, as well as gourmet fare at restaurants like Mariposa, Seafood Buffet and Fireside Dining.

But, if you’re feeling flush and famished on the hill, I’d highly recommend the skiers lunch buffet at Apex restaurant in the Montage. It almost seems sacrilegious to call the superb spread offered at Apex during lunch a mere “buffet,” even though it is an all-you-can-eat affair. This smorgasbord gives new meaning to “buffet” with choices such as an Asian noodle bar with housemade pho and assorted garnishes; a cheese and charcuterie section highlighting Gold Creek cheeses and Creminelli meats; a kebab station with meaty temptations like merguez lamb sausage, achiote-rubbed beef and chimichurri-marinated chicken; comfort foods such as smoked-cheddar macaroni & cheese, turkey potpie, and chipotleblackberry glazed salmon; a wide range of desserts; and a “kids corner” with chicken tenders, corn dogs, rigatoni & marinara and more. It’s one bodacious buffet.

Park City Mountain Resort: As Park City Mountain Resort and Canyons meld into one, the dining options at PCMR will morph as well. This is the final season that you’ll be able to enjoy the simplicity of a grilled burger and a beer on the deck at the Snow Hut, which has always been my go-to lunch spot at PCMR. It’ll be torn down at the end of this ski season, to be replaced by an all-new Snow Hut Restaurant. So, get it while you still can.

Powder Mountain: This ski & snowboard paradise is one of Utah’s best-kept

| cityweekly.net |

he early March snow dump was a reminder that winter at mountain resorts along the Wasatch is far from over, and that there’s still plenty of time for skiers and snowboarders to hit the nearby slopes. But, once you’re out there enjoying the Utah powder, where do you refuel?

Well, here are my can’t-miss on-mountain and slopeside recommendations for eating on the go and on the snow, from down & dirty to devilishly decadent dining.

Alta: When I’m skiing the spectacular terrain that Alta offers, I usually don’t take a lot of time out for eating; it’s just too damned much fun on the mountain.

However, when things get gnarly, and I’m looking to escape high winds and white-out conditions, I do so at Collins Grill, located 9,300 feet up mid-mountain at Collins Gulch. This is where Executive Chef Jude Rubadue tempts guests with upscale bistro cuisine such as mesquite-grilled salmon sliders, a Moroccan vegetable saute, and my favorite dish: the organic arugula salad with crispy bacon, red onion slices, grape tomatoes and extra-virgin olive oil, plus two perfectly poached eggs on top.

Brighton: The slopeside A-frame chalet that houses Molly Green’s Restaurant & Bar is a slam-dunk when it comes to noshing at Brighton Resort. The vibe is friendly and mellow, and the food—from housemade Philly cheesesteaks to handtossed fresh-made pizzas—is excellent. My favorite lunch these days is the Italian Snowball: a big, toasted hoagie stuffed with housemade Italian meatballs, smothered with hearty tomato gravy and melted mozzarella cheese.

Canyons: A dizzying array of dining options faces the hungry skier or boarder at Canyons Resort, from top-notch barbecue at Tombstone Grill and Belgian-style waffles at Red Pine Waffle House, to the elevated cuisine offered at The Farm. My favorite on-mountain eatery is Cloud Dine, where general manager Christian Peyrin runs a tight ship, and Chef Greg Hansen delivers gourmet-quality cuisine, the ingredients of which all must be snowmobiled in. Highlights include from-scratch donuts and bagels, a bodacious Kobe beef hot dog with a pretzel “wrap,” flatbread pizzas and even salmon potpie. But my favorite menu item is the Salad Niçoise, with ever-so-slightly seared sushi-grade

| cityweekly.net |

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| CITY WEEKLY |

26 | MARCH 12, 2015

FOOD MATTERS

by TED SCHEFFLER @critic1

Contemporary Japanese Dining , 5 . # ( s $ ) . . % 2 s # / # + 4! ) ,3

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Ririe-Woodbury Benefit

On Saturday, March 28, RirieWoodbury Dance Company is hosting a benefit party to celebrate the beginning of the companyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s second 50 years of contemporary dance. The evening looks to be a tasty one, with food donated

by Carrieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Cakes, Christopherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Prime Steak House & Grill, La Caille, Laziz Foods, P.F. Changâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s China Bistro, The Tin Angel Cafe and Vinto Pizzeria, and with libations courtesy of Southern Wine & Spirits. The evening begins with a cocktail hour at 7 p.m., followed by a dance performance, dinner and live auction. The benefit takes place at the Rose Wagner Center (138 W. 300 South), and tickets to the event can be purchased by calling 801-297-4241 or online at RirieWoodbury.com.

N IN TH & N IN TH & 2 5 4 SOU TH M AIN

2014

Mas Tacos

Todd and Kristin Gardiner, owners of the original Taqueria 27 (1615 S. Foothill Drive, Taqueria27.com), are expanding their taco brand. Recently, they opened a second store in the Holladay Village Plaza (4670 S. 2300 East), and this week, they launched a third, located in downtown Salt Lake City at 149 E. 200 South. Along with gourmet tacos, Taqueria 27 offers an extensive tequila selection, craft cocktails, beers, wine and much more.

Nicholas & Co. CEOs Honored

Peter and Nicole Mouskondis, co-CEOs of the 76-year-old Utah food company Nicholas and Company, have been recognized by MountainWest Capital Network as 2015 Utah Entrepreneurs of the Year. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Our family has been entrepreneurial since the first day my grandfather picked up a dented can of tomatoes,â&#x20AC;? said Peter Mouskondis at the award event, with Nicole Mouskondis adding, â&#x20AC;&#x153;We are honored to continue the legacy of keeping cultures alive and thriving through a diversity of culinary products, and we are truly humbled by this award.â&#x20AC;?

Said Drew Yergensen, chairperson for the event, â&#x20AC;&#x153;We are honored to showcase Peter and Nicole and their hard workâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;it is our hope that their success can continue to be a source of motivation for the next generation of entrepreneurs.â&#x20AC;?

Nicholas and Company has been a local independent supplier to restaurants in the Intermountain West since 1939.

Quote of the week: To eat is to appropriate by destruction. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Jean-Paul Sartre Food Matters 411: teds@xmission.com

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SKYslc.com

The Wait is over!

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SALT LAKE’S NEW STATE OF THE ART VENUE opens on

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149 Pierpont Ave, SLC | 21+

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THursday, april 9 Doors at 7PM

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Get your tickets today!

| cityweekly.net |

8 | MARCH 12, 2015

Upcoming shows

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30 | MARCH 12, 2015

BEER, WINE & SPIRITS

Guinness for St. Paddy’s Facts & fallacies about Ireland’s most famous export.

By Ted Scheffler comments@cityweekly.net @critic1

I

don’t drink a whole lot of beer anymore, but when I do— especially in bars—it’s usually Guinness. There’s nothing quite like a fresh pint of Guinness poured directly from a tap. And although I don’t drink much beer generally, I always enjoy a Guinness on St. Patrick’s Day. Granted, it’s not the most original or creative notion, but there is something to be said for tradition.

There is a saying in Ireland that “You don’t go into a pub for a Guinness. You always have two!” Which is precisely what I’ll do, since St. Paddy’s Day just wouldn’t be the same without pints of that creamy mother’s milk, Guinness Stout. Then again, Guinness isn’t just for St. Paddy’s; it’s a delicious drink just about any time and anywhere. Maybe that’s why it’s sold in more than 150 countries around the globe. However, beer consumption in Ireland has been decreasing for a while now—some 15 percent since 2001, according to a Guinness rep. More Guinness on tap is actually sold in the United States than on the Emerald Isle.

DRINK

In fact, Americans are Guinness’ biggest consumers.

Guinness has been an Irish export for much longer than you might think. Guinness’ genesis was in 1759, when Arthur Guinness signed a 9,000-year lease (talk about an optimistic business plan!) on a brewery at Dublin’s St. James’ Gate for an initial cost of what, in today’s economy, would be about $147 U.S. Not a bad investment.

Ten years later, in 1769, the first Guinness export of six and a half barrels of Guinness beer would leave on a ship from Dublin to England.

That the Irish drink nothing but Guinness is just one of many myths and misconceptions about the famed Irish Stout. I’ll never forget my shock and awe when, years ago, a local bartender told me he liked Guinness because of its strength— by which he meant ultra-high alcohol content. Fail! Guinness Draught, which is what is served in most restaurants and bars both here and in Ireland, weighs in at 4.1 to 4.3 percent alcohol by volume. By comparison, most white wine contains three times that amount of alcohol.

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When I lived in New York City, my best buddy—who’d introduced me to Guinness in the first place—swore that the Guinness on tap at The Abbey Tavern and at O’Reilly’s Pub was better than anywhere else in the city. “It tastes like the Guinness they pour in Ireland!” he’d proclaim. It wasn’t until years later that I’d discover that this, too, was a fallacy.

It might be true that the Guinness in some bars or restaurants tastes better or fresher than in others. However, that’s probably due simply to turnover. The beer will taste fresher at a bar that sells more Guinness—and replaces its kegs more frequently—than one that sells less. Still, the Guinness Draught served from taps here in the United States. (yes, even here in Utah), is exactly the same as that served in Dublin or Country Clare.

One more persistent myth is that Guinness should be served just slightly chilled, a bit below room temperature, like the session beers you get at British pubs. False. Contrary to what some beer aficionados might think, Guinness should be served quite cold. The brewers at Guinness’ St. James Gate Brewery suggest pouring Guinness at about 43 degrees Fahrenheit.

Do that, and you’ll discover the reason that Guinness has been poured in pubs, restaurants, bars and homes since 1759: a distinctive creamy head, lovely malt and caramel flavors, and a dry, roasted, slightly bitter finish.

Erin go bragh! CW

Feel Good Getting

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HAPPY HOUR TUE-FRI | 4:30-6PM 1/2 off special small plates menu.

GOODEATS Complete listings at cityweekly.net

WHERE THE “LOCALS” HANG OUT!

Featuring dining destinations from buffets and rooms with a view to mom & pop joints, chic cuisine and some of our dining critic’s faves!

La Niche

Located on Park City’s historic Main Street, La Niche is a full-service espresso bar and coffee shop with a distinctive French country-farm ambience and accent.

In addition to yummy lattes, cappuccino, espresso, coffee and such, you’ll also find a full market with gelato and fresh-baked biscotti. To complete the charming, old-world European feel, pick up an old-fashioned lollipop or one of the trinkets imported from France.

401 Main, Park City, 435-649-2372

Breakfast & $5 Lunch Specials Served All-Day .50¢ Wing Wednesdays

677 S. 200 W. Salt Lake City 801.355.3598

whylegends.com

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Sea Salt

6213 South Highland Drive | 801.635.8190

Award Winning BBQ

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(Appetizer & Dine-in only / Sugarhouse location only)

1405 E 2100 S SUGARHOUSE ❖ 801.906.0908 ❖ PATIO SEATING AVAILABLE LUNCH BUFFET: TUE-SUN 11-3PM ❖ DINNER: M-TH 5-9:30PM / F-S 5-10PM / SUN 5-9PM

MARCH 12, 2015 | 31

This is the killer, authentic Mexican eatery that proves Utah can really spice things up. A perennial people’s favorite, Red Iguana has had a lock on City Weekly’s Best of Utah Mexican Restaurant category for what seems like centuries. That’s because The Cardenas family has been dishing up delicious Mexican and Southwestern cuisine in a funky, fun, boisterous and colorful setting since the mid-1980s. For authentic Mexican fare, turn to dishes like Red Iguana’s signature cochinita pibil (slow-roasted pork loins), papadzules (tortillas with eggs and pipian) and puntas de filete a la Norteña (sirloin with bacon). All the dishes at Red Iguana will have you thinking you’re in Oaxaca.

736 W. North Temple, Salt Lake City, 801322-1489

Red Iguana

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Sea Salt is a beautiful but casual space—open and airy, with wide swatches of white everywhere. The semi-communal tables are a nice touch, too. The menu is extensive, with many dishes based on the owners’ Italian grandmother’s recipes. As a tribute to her, some menu items, such as the meatballs and ravioli, carry her name, Nonna Maria. Good starters include olives & focaccia, or the bruschetta alla checca (woodoven baked grilled filone, Campari tomato, basil, garlic and Grana Padano). Pizza and pasta account for much of the main menu, along with risotto and grilled items such as spiced lemon chicken, grilled Shetland Island Scottish salmon and grilled housemade lamb sausage. For dessert, consider the housemade gelato or caramelized peach tart. 1709 E. 1300 South, Salt Lake City, 801-349-1480, SeaSaltSLC.com

Hawaiian Seafood Specialties

| cityweekly.net |

1615 SOUTH FOOTHILL DR. 801 583 8331

Feldman’s Deli is a New York City-style deli specializing in Jewish soul food. With favorites like matzo-ball soup, spinach knishes and overstuffed corned-beef & pastrami sandwiches, you’ll feel like you’ve been transported to the Big Apple. Make sure to try the salami sandwich with garlicky, all-beef salami and provolone cheese. And bring your appetite: These sandwiches are huge, large enough to have leftovers for later. Other authentic treats include french fries, bagels, rich housemade kishke and much more. 2005 E. 2700 South, Salt Lake City, 801-906-0369, FeldmansDeli.com

| cityweekly.net |

32 | MARCH 12, 2015

GOODEATS Complete listings at cityweekly.net Alchemy Coffee

This cozy cafe specializes in locally grown organic food and beverages, including free-trade espresso along with vegan and veggie goodies. Alchemy Coffee also offers a large selection of fine teas and other non-caffeinated beverages, as well as housemade soups and sandwiches. Bonus: At Alchemy youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll also find free Wi-Fi. 390 E. 1700 South, Salt Lake City, 271 N. Center St., Salt Lake City, 801-322-0735, AlchemyCoffee.com

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3956 W. Innovation Drive (13400 S)

WE CATER!

801-565-8818 â&#x20AC;˘ salsaleedos.net

AS SEEN ON â&#x20AC;&#x153; DINERS, DRIVE-INS AND DIVESâ&#x20AC;?

Serving American Comfort Food Since 1930 Ă?Ă&#x203A;:I<<BJ@;<Ă&#x203A;G8K@FJ Ă?Ă&#x203A;9<JKĂ&#x203A;9I<8B=8JKĂ&#x203A; Â&#x2021;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2026;Ă&#x203A;ÂŹĂ&#x203A; Â&#x2021;~Â&#x2021; Ă?Ă&#x203A;Â&#x2026;Â Ă&#x203A;P<8IJĂ&#x203A;8E;Ă&#x203A;>F@E>Ă&#x203A;JKIFE> Ă?Ă&#x203A;;<C@:@FLJĂ&#x203A;D@DFJ8JĂ&#x203A;ÂŹĂ&#x203A;9CFF;PĂ&#x203A;D8IPÂżJ â&#x20AC;&#x153;In a perfect world, every town would have a diner just like Ruthâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;sâ&#x20AC;?

-CityWeekly

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Like having dinner at Momâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s in the mountainsâ&#x20AC;?

Shabu

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Freestyle Asian cuisineâ&#x20AC;? is what Shabu owners and brothers Kevin and Bob Valaika call what they do. At Shabu, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a lively bar scene where sushi and sake are consumed by happy patrons, and in the dining room, Shabu Shabu is a popular favorite, where customers have the opportunity to play chef: Sort of an Asian-style fondue, patrons dip ingredients (meat, seafood, veggies) from a bento box into an assortment of hot, freshly made broths: Thai coconut or traditional. Effectively, you cook your dinner yourself at your table. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a fun way to dine, not to mention delicious. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d prefer to have the chef cook for you, try his citrus-plum sea scallops, coconut-crusted tofu or macadamia-crusted mahi-mahi. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re so inclined, be

sure to try one of Shabuâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s signature saketinis. 442 Main, Park City, 435-645-7253, ShabuParkCity.com

Wriggles

Well-known for its roll-up sandwiches made with pork, chicken and turkey, Wriggles also offers delicious gourmet coffee and much more. The key to the sandwiches here is housemade flatbread. At Wriggles, they mix and bake flatbread from an old recipe that has been passed down through generations. The key to the bread is not only the recipe, but also the ingredients themselves.

They bake their breads in front of customers, and use all-natural ingredients that are low in fat. 43 E. 5900 South, Murray, 801-262-7655

Piehole

Lord knows why it took so long for someone to realize what the proprietors of the Piehole pizza place didâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;if you stay open late downtown, you have a chance to thrive. The Piehole is open until 2 a.m. Sunday through Thursday, and until 3 a.m. on weekends, meaning there is a hot slice of tasty pizza waiting for folks shutting down the downtown bars. Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re also there to serve 9-to-5

Coming Soon

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OPEN MON-THUR 11AM-9PM FRI-SAT 11AM-10PM SUN 12PM-9PM

DOWNTOWN

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SO. JORDAN

1067 W. So. Jordan Pkwy 801-849-0653

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2192 W 3500 S 801-973-4976

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LEHI

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12 NEIGHBORHOOD LOCATIONS |

FA C E B O O K . C O M / A P O L L O B U R G E R

REVIEW BITES

A sampler of Ted Scheffler’s reviews Taco Taco

Located adjacent to Cannella’s Italian Restaurant, this new eatery is a joint venture by Cannella’s and their longtime chef, Alberto Higuera Calderon. The menu isn’t extensive—about the range of items you’d expect from a taco cart—but it packs a punch. Tuesday is a particularly good day to drop in; that’s when all tacos are $2 each. But I’d enjoy the tacos here any day, especially the chicken mole negro taco, and the excellent zucchini-blossom tacos are a good choice for vegetarians. However, my favorite item is the carne asada burrito. It’s a large flour tortilla stuffed— and I mean stuffed—with heaping amounts of tender, flavorful, slightly salty morsels of grilled beef along with white rice, corn and black beans. I love the simplicity of the tacos and burritos, all of which can be adorned with a variety of garnishes and sauces from the salsa bar. I’ll go so far as to say it is Salt Lake City’s best burrito. Reviewed March 5.

208 E. 500 South, Salt Lake City, 801-428-2704, TacoTacoSLC.com

Tamales Tita

Copper Kitchen

With its large, airy, open space and high, copper-colored ceilings, the latest venture by Ryan and Colleen Lowder is sort of an American brasserie, with a bustling vibe.

I’d expected Copper Onion 2.0, but the Copper Kitchen menu is far from a photocopy of its predecessor’s. A duo of duck croquettes is simple but exceptional—finger food at its finest. Even better is grilled porkbelly, pressed, grilled and served on a bed of frisee with carrot-ginger vinaigrette and apple-cider reduction. You’ll want to try Copper Kitchen’s chicken: a grilled Mary’s airline chicken breast atop a battered & fried Mary’s boneless thigh, stacked on fingerling potatoes and cubed squash, sauced with a light, tangy mustard vinaigrette.

Copper Kitchen now offers lunch service—with menu items like tuna Niçoise, Philly cheesesteak, fried-egg sandwich and pasta dishes—plus, there’s an outstanding weekend brunch including a delicious chicken hash. It looks like the Lowders have another hit on their hands.

Reviewed Feb. 26. 4640 S. 2300 East, 385-2373159, CopperKitchenSLC.com

en s s e t lica nt e D n a a Germ Restaur &

Catering Catering Available available

Open Mon-Wed: 9am-6pm Thu-Sat: 9am-9pm

20 W. 200 S. s (801) 355-3891

KING BUFFET

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You might know Tamales Tita from various farmers markets, and now they’ve finally opened their first restaurant, which features not-so-typical Mexican fare. There are no burritos, for example, and the tacos aren’t standard, but rolled tacos dorados. As the name suggests, tamales are the big draw—housemade from scratch, and in a wide assortment of flavors, including chicken, pork, jalapeño & cheese, chicken with mole, bean & cheese and vegan.

There’s also a selection of sweet tamales, plus a breakfast

tamale with bacon, sausage, egg & cheese. The tamales are about 50 percent larger—with a thicker masa exterior— than what you’re probably used to. So, the enchiladastyle tamales feature a generous plate of two tamales of your choice, smothered with verde, rojo or mole sauce and topped with queso fresco, onion, shredded lettuce and sour cream. Reviewed March 5. 7760 S. 3200 West, West Jordan, 801-282-0722, TamalesTita.com

Das ist gut

L U N C H B U F F E T s D I N N E R B U F F E T s S U N D AY A L L D AY B U F F E T

MARCH 12, 2015 | 33

TEL: 801.969.6666 5668 S REDWOOD RD TAY L O R S V I L L E , U T

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Cinderella

BibbidiBobbidi-Blah

CINEMA

Cinderella finds a version of the Disney classic stripped of its charm.

By Scott Renshaw scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

I

t’s time for those of us who write about film to admit it: The war for Hollywood’s soul is lost. It was lost a long time ago.

The war in question is the one against the brand-oriented emphasis of studio movie-making. We’ve griped for more than 20 years as sequels, remakes and franchise extensions proliferated, and all we’ve seen is a global industry more dependent than ever on familiar properties, familiar titles and familiar characters. When a live-action Cinderella emerges under the Disney banner, there’s no point pounding our fists and asking why. We know it will never stop, any more than the Marvel superhero movies will stop before there are more “phases” than Super Bowls. This is the new normal.

The battle now isn’t for the “what” of brand-focused Hollywood; it’s for the “how.”

It’s important to change the conversation from “Did we really need a live-action Cinderella?” to “How did this particular liveaction Cinderella turn out to be so lifeless?”

In theory, it’s not a terrible notion that director Kenneth Branagh’s version would be an earnest, straightforward retelling of Charles Perrault’s fairy tale via the Disney animated classic. The screenplay by Chris Weitz goes heavier on the backstory, introducing the beloved mother (Hayley Atwell) of young Ella (Lily James) before Mom’s untimely passing and Ella’s merchant father’s (Ben Chaplin) re-marrying, ultimately leaving poor Ella with a stepmother (Cate Blanchett) and two stepsisters (Holliday Grainger and Sophie McShera) who treat her poorly and give her that mocking nickname, as Cinderella story stepfamily characters are wont to do. It’s a generally bright, cheery interpretation, built around plucky Cinderella’s determination to follow her mother’s deathbed advice to “have courage and be kind.”

And, again, fidelity isn’t inherently a problematic approach, simply because we’re in an era where we’re used to new versions of these classic stories, like 2014’s Maleficent, which shift the perspective or add thornier psychological subtexts. The problem is that this version is faithful only to certain things, at the expense of the things that would have brought the whole enterprise to life. More specifically, this version is just about the humans: about Cinderella and her first meeting in the woods with a fellow who calls himself Kit (Richard Madden) but is in fact the crown prince; about Kit trying to convince his father, the king (Derek Jacobi), that he should be allowed to marry for love; about Cinderella and Kit’s courtship at the ball; etc. It’s almost entirely a nice, slow-build romance between two very nice people.

It is, therefore, almost entirely a huge bore. Those who remember Disney’s animated Cinderella with any clarity will recall that the screen time actually devoted to the human characters is relatively small; the focus is on Cinderella’s animal friends, like mice Jacques and Gus, trying to help her out, all while trying to avoid being caught

by Lucifer, the cat belonging to Cinderella’s stepmother. And when the focus is on the human characters, it’s often accompanied by lovely songs like “A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes,” “So This Is Love” and “Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo.” CGI versions of the mice get brief appearances here—not that anyone would be eager to see a more prominent role for CGI mice—and the songs are entirely absent. In short, somebody thought

Prince Charmless: Richard Madden and Lily James in Cinderella

it was a good idea to re-create a version of Disney’s Cinderella lacking absolutely everything that gave it its charm.

When Helena Bonham Carter shows up as Cinderella’s fairy godmother, goofing her way through prosthetic teeth to do the obligatory pumpkin-into-carriage and fancy-ballgown thing, there’s a brief glimpse of what’s lacking during the rest of the film. Finally a spark emerges to distract from the inexorable march toward happily ever after, and from how eerily Lily James resembles a young Jessica Lange. Even Cate Blanchett can’t help with that much-needed energy, despite a token effort to give the stepmother some emotional wounds to explain her cruelty (which nevertheless doesn’t prevent Blanchett from going into full eyebrows-arched villainy mode).

And so we wait for the slipper to fit, so we can all smile at the nice people getting their nice ending. With Disney currently planning its live-action version of Beauty & the Beast, we’ll have to hope that maybe, next time, the exploitation of intellectual property will wind up with something more than sappily ever after. CW

CINDERELLA

HH.5 Lily James Richard Madden Cate Blanchett Rated PG

TRY THESE Cinderella (1950) Ilene Woods James Macdonald Rated G

Henry V (1989) Kenneth Branagh Derek Jacobi Rated PG-13

101 Dalmatians (1996) Glenn Close Jeff Daniels Rated G

Maleficent (2014) Angelina Jolie Elle Fanning Rated PG

CINEMA CLIPS NEW THIS WEEK Information is correct at press time. Film release schedules are subject to change.

Cinderella HH.5 See review p. 34. Opens March 13 at theaters valleywide. (PG)

Run All Night [not yet reviewed] A trained killer (Liam Neeson) tries to save his estranged son

Leviathan (2013) At Main Library, March 17, 7 p.m. (NR)

What We Do in the Shadows HHH.5 If thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s an angle of vampire mythology that Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t find a way to turn into a great joke, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be damned if I could tell you what it is. The fake-umentary premise posits a film crew following a quartet of vampires (including Waititi and Clement as Viago and Vladislav) around contemporary Wellington, New Zealand, getting a sense for what itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like to be one of the blood-sucking undead in the modern world. Every one of the main characters gets a wonderfully distinct personality, allowing for great bits like a conflict between one member of the group, Duncan (Jonathan Brugh), and newly changed rookie vampire Nick (Cori Gonzalez-Macuer) that plays out almost like sibling rivalry, and the foppish Viagoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s insistence on basic tidiness like putting down newspaper before a bloodletting. Rarely is there an attempt at anything more substantial than a punch line, and the one exceptionâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Viagoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s long-carried torch for a human womanâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;falls a bit flat. But when a movie is delivering consistently killer punch lines based on everything from vindictive human familiars to â&#x20AC;&#x153;bat fights,â&#x20AC;? why pick nits? Opens March 13 at Tower Theatre. (R)â&#x20AC;&#x201D;SR

Noahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Ark At Edison Street Events Silent Films, March 12-13, 7:30 p.m. (NR)

SPECIAL SCREENINGS Awake: The Life of Yogananda At Park City Film Series, March 13-14 @ 8 p.m. & March 15 @ 6 p.m. (NR) Four Rooms At Brewvies, March 16, 10 p.m. (R)

Prophetâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Prey At Rose Wagner Center, March 18, 7 p.m. (NR)

CURRENT RELEASES Chappie HH.5 Neill Blomkamp loves science-fictionalized allegories; he just hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t quite figured out how to turn them into cohesive movies.

In his latest, Johannesburg is policed by robots, one of which becomes a guinea pig for his creatorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s (Dev Patel) experiments in artificial intelligence. The result is Chappie (Sharlto Copley), whose childlike innocence may be exploited by a group of criminals. Blomkamp and co-writer Terri Tatchell play around with the notion of kids nurtured in a rationalization of crime, and gets nice work from Copley as the morally confused AI. But itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s also typically Blomkampian in its messy execution of big ideas; he tries to tip his cap to Robocop while failing to understand what made Verhoovenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s social satire sting. Chappie winds up too weird and imaginative to dismiss, but once again, Blomkamp canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t achieve more than a collection of cool ideas. (R)â&#x20AC;&#x201D;SR The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel HH Why havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t the tales of the Jaipur, India, hotel catering to British seniors found their natural home as a reboot of The Love Boat? Only several months have elapsed within the movieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s world since the events in the 2011 original, and the residents face more

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FILMĂ&#x160;UĂ&#x160;FOOD U NEIGHBORHOOD BAR

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The Last Five Years HH If Richard Lagravenese didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to direct Jason Robert Brownâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s off-Broadway musical hit the way it absolutely must be directed in order to make any sense, he really shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have directed it. The premise explores the relationship between writer Jamie (Jeremy Jordan) and aspiring actor Cathy (Anna Kendrick) in two distinct timelines: moving backward from their eventual breakup from Cathyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s perspective, and forward from their first meeting from Jamieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s. Theatrical staging generally allows for some clarity regarding where we are in the chronology at any given moment, but Lagravenese keeps Cathy and Jamie together in such a way that, if you didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t already know the premise going in, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s impossible to imagine how the narrative would make a lick of sense. And heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hampered by casting that shifts the balance of the blame too heavily in one direction, as the charming Kendrick beautifully captures every ebb and flow of her confidenceâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;in both the relationship and herselfâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;while Jordanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Jamie comes off like a tremendous douche pretty much throughout. The few lovely tunes and Kendrickâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s performance are crushed beneath an approach to the material thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s positively tone-deaf. Opens March 13 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (PG-13)â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Scott Renshaw

from the vengeance of his old boss (Ed Harris). Opens March 13 at theaters valleywide. (R)

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CINEMA

CLIPS

Movie times and locations at cityweekly.net

romantic complications, while hotel manager Sonny (Dev Patel) contemplates expansion and prepares for his marriage. Actors of Social Security-eligible age are so rarely the focus of movies that there is something faintly distasteful about dismissing them; Maggie Smith in particular is a treasure to be cherished as long as we have the pleasure of her company. But Sonny makes for a profoundly irritating focal point, and even when the focus is squarely on the seniors, the dozen or so characters allow for only the most superficial arcs. It’s love, but it’s neither exciting nor new. (PG)—SR Timbuktu HHH.5 Abderrahmane Sissako tells a story about the real-world effects of Islamic fundamentalism—set in the titular city in Mali shortly after the takeover by a jihadist militia in 2012—that also feels patiently observational. The narrative is largely episodic—the nominal protagonist, nomadic herdsman Kidane (Ibrahim Ahmed), faces a life-or-death accusation—and concerned more with the overall feel of the city than with any single plot thread.

But it’s terrific at capturing a place under siege—with troops searching for the source of secular music, or a beautifully pantomimed soccer game made necessary by the banning of the sport—while still finding humanity in the jihadists’ convictions, and even their hypocrisy. At 96 minutes, it still achieves epic scope, providing a fascinating, sometimes violent portrait of a place where flawed humans are convinced they can institute God’s law on earth. (NR)—SR Unfinished Business H.5 You can make your movie raunchy and transgressive, or a sentimental paean to family values, but not both. Vince Vaughn plays Dan, a salesman whose start-up company with two colleagues (Tom Wilkinson and Dave Franco) faces a make-or-break business trip to Germany. Dan’s also got problems at home requiring much parenting via Skype, which falls into writer Steven Conrad’s comfort zone of businessmen learning What Really Matters. But then there’s the stuff about Franco’s character not being just a naïf but actually mentally challenged, and penises dangling from gay-bar glory holes, and the movie isn’t bold enough to earn its “yeah, we just went there” street cred. It’s sad to see Vaughn’s blustering energy neutered, but even sadder to find a comedy that can’t decide what it’s willing to do in order to be funny. (R)—SR

Theater Directory SALT LAKE CITY Brewvies Cinema Pub 677 S. 200 West 801-355-5500 Brewvies.com

Megaplex 20 at The District 11400 S. Bangerter Highway 801-304-INFO MegaplexTheatres.com

Broadway Centre Cinemas 111 E. 300 South 801-321-0310 SaltLakeFilmSociety.org

PARK CITY Cinemark Holiday Village 1776 Park Ave. 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com

Century 16 South Salt Lake 125 E. 3300 South 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com

Redstone 8 Cinemas 6030 N. Market 435-575-0220 Redstone8Cinemas.com

Holladay Center 6 1945 E. Murray-Holladay Road 801-273-0199 WestatesTheatres.com

DAVIS COUNTY AMC Loews Layton Hills 9 728 W. 1425 North, Layton 801-774-8222 AMCTheatres.com

Megaplex 12 Gateway 165 S. Rio Grande St. 801-304-4636 MegaplexTheatres.com Redwood Drive-In 3688 S. Redwood Road 801-973-7088 Tower Theatre 836 E. 900 South 801-321-0310 SaltLakeFilmSociety.org WEST VALLEY 5 Star Cinemas 8325 W. 3500 South, Magna 801-250-5551 RedCarpetCinemas.com Carmike 12 1600 W. Fox Park Drive, West Jordan 801-562-5760 Carmike.com Carmike Ritz 15 Hollywood Connection 3217 S. Decker Lake Drive, West Valley City 801-973-4386 Carmike.com Cinemark 24 Jordan Landing 7301 S. Bangerter Highway 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com Cinemark Valley Fair Mall 3601 S. 2700 West, West Valley City 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com Showcase Cinemas 6 5400 S. Redwood Road, Taylorsville 801-957-9032 RedCarpetCinemas.com SOUTH VALLEY Century 16 Union Heights 7800 S. 1300 East, Sandy 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com

Cinemark Station Park 900 W. Clark Lane, Farmington 801-447-8561 Cinemark.com Cinemark Tinseltown USA 720 W. 1500 North, Layton 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com Gateway 8 206 S. 625 West, Bountiful 801-292-7979 RedCarpetCinemas.com Megaplex Legacy Crossing 1075 W. Legacy Crossing Blvd., Centerville 801-397-5100 MegaplexTheatres.com WEBER COUNTY Cinemark Tinseltown 14 3651 Wall Ave., Ogden 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com Megaplex 13 at The Junction 2351 Kiesel Ave., Ogden 801-304-INFO MegaplexTheatres.com UTAH COUNTY Carmike Wynnsong 4925 N. Edgewood Drive, Provo 801-764-0009 Carmike.com Cinemark American Fork 715 W. 180 North, American Fork 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com Cinemark Movies 8 2230 N. University Parkway, Orem 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com Cinemark Provo Town Center 1200 Town Center Blvd., Provo 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com

Cinemark Draper 12129 S. State, Draper 801-619-6494 Cinemark.com

Cinemark University Mall 1010 S. 800 East, Provo 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com

Cinemark Sandy 9 9539 S. 700 East, Sandy 800-326-3264 Cinemark.com

Megaplex Thanksgiving Point 2935 N. Thanksgiving Way 801-304-INFO MegaplexTheatres.com

Megaplex 17 Jordan Commons 9400 S. State, Sandy 801-304-INFO MegaplexTheatres.com

Spanish 8 790 E. Expressway Ave., Spanish Fork 801-798-9777 RedCarpetCinemas.com

TRUE

BY B I L L F RO S T @bill_frost

Undeadhead

TV

Sweet Neat Skeet

iZombie shows some life; Community returns; One Big Happy is just sad.

The Royals Sunday, March 15 (E!)

Series Debut: First Bravo with Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce, now E! turns to scripted drama with The Royals? Has the “reality” finally all been filmed? Unlike GG2D, The Royals proudly dons the Soap Opera tiara and takes it over the tawdry top, with fictional modern British Queen Helena (Elizabeth Hurley) attempting to rein in her tabloid-fodder children (“My daughter, behaving like a common whore— explain this, but make it original this time,” just one of Hurley’s many snidely perfect burns). The Royals plays so big and brash, there’s really no need to add Joan Collins as the queen’s mum, but there she is. Glossy, sexy trash that entertains for an hour—E! could have done far worse.

iZombie Tuesday, March 17 (The CW)

Season Premiere: Donald Glover is busy making horrendous hip-hop (Childish Gambino); ditto Yvette Nicole Brown with terrible television (The Odd Couple); Chev y

Undateable Tuesday, March 17 (NBC) Season Premiere: Not sure what happened to comic Chris D’Elia between the cancellation of Whitney and the debut season of Undateable in 2014; either Whitney Cummings directed him to dial it down on her show, or the showrunners of Undateable are throwing him erroneous “Louder is better, brah!” advice. Whatever it is, he’s now a malfunctioning T-shirt gun of Not Funny, which doesn’t help this already sucktastic sitcom in the least—which, by the way, is NBC’s 2015 model for comedy: forced, laugh-tracked and

iZombie (The CW) dumbed-down to TBS rerun levels (so, the 1995 model).

See also …

One Big Happy Tuesday, March 17 (NBC) Series Debut: A lesbian (Elisha Cuthbert) agrees to have her perpetually single-and-straight best friend’s (Nick Zano) baby—but then he suddenly marries a British girl (Kelly Brook) on the second date, and “a different kind of family is born.” One that believes yelling their lines over canned laughter makes hackneyed sex jokes funnier (it doesn’t) and producer Ellen DeGeneres can do no wrong (she can, so hard). One Big Happy is like a Funny or Die parody of an awful sitcom … that goes on 20 minutes longer than it should. CW Listen to Bill on Mondays at 8 a.m. on X96 Radio From Hell; weekly on the TV Tan podcast via iTunes and Stitcher.

| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

Community Tuesday, March 17 (Yahoo Screen)

Chase … R.I.P.? Any way: Community still has core cast members Joel McHale, Alison Brie, Danny Pudi and Gillian Jacobs, as well as ancillary players Jim Rash (woo!) and Ken Jeong (meh), and creator/writer/producer Dan Harmon—and even some comedy-tested new additions (Paget Brewster and Keith David). So what if you have to watch it on Yahoo? A screen is a screen, old man!

Season 6 promises more of the same ridiculousness that got Community canceled by NBC, though Yahoo will be rolling out episodes week by week instead of dropping all 13 at once, Netflix-style. Wonder if Bing would be interested in reviving Constantine …

| cityweekly.net |

Series Debut: The last Vertigo/DC Comics TV adaptation (Hellblazer to NBC’s Constantine) didn’t work out, but The CW is an easier fit for comic-book lore these days—even for something as out-there as iZombie. Writer/producers Rob Thomas and Diane Ruggiero have de-weirded iZombie somewhat for TV, but still: Perky medical resident Liv (Rose McIver) gets infected and turns part-zombie, withdrawing from life and becoming a “goth” coroner to feed her brain-a-month diet that retains her human consciousness and keeps her from going “full Romero.” Since she also absorbs the memories of the murder victims whose gray matter she turns into brain lo mein, she finds new purpose helping a homicide cop (Malcolm Goodwin) solve cases—did I mention that Thomas and Ruggiero created Veronica Mars back in the day? The disparate crime procedural/horror comedy/CW snarkfest elements haven’t quite aligned yet, but iZombie has potential (and a shot at a longer shelf life than Constantine).

| CITY WEEKLY |

MARCH 12, 2015 | 37

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38 | MARCH 12, 2015

Eddie O’Keefe

MUSIC Thor Broedreskift

ENSLAVED

Open Road

By Kimball Bennion comments@cityweekly.net @kimballbennion

G Rock Across Ages Chameleonic metal outfit Enslaved prove the lasting power of teenage kicks.

By Reyan Ali comments@cityweekly.net @ali_reyan

S

ometimes, opportunity literally falls from the sky—or if not the sky, then at least from a decent height off some stage somewhere. Case in point: the beginnings of Enslaved.

Before Ivar Bjørnson was in the erudite Bergen, Norwaybased metal five-piece, he was a 12-year-old spending time in Haugesund—the city closest to the little Norwegian village where he lived, and the home of the basement space where he and his thrash-metal group rehearsed. One time at the space, some of Bjørnson’s bandmates left for a spell, leading him to hear and then spy on another (and “totally awesome”-sounding) metal act practicing upstairs. A member of that band was tickled enough by Bjørnson’s interest in his music that he offered the kid a guest-list spot for their show that night.

It was an early concert, just down the street from his dad’s place, so Bjørnson was able to make it. The crowd was small, but the mosh pit was furious. Bjørnson observed the action from the back of the hall, but curiosity eventually got the better of him, so he moved up to grab a better view.

“At the same time, one of the most rowdy guys did a stage dive and went over the crowd and crashed into me. I sort of half passed out on the floor [and] got slapped in the face a few times,” Bjørnson remembers. “He was worried that he knocked out this little kid.”

That mystery diver ended up being Grutle Kjellson—a musician four years older than Bjørnson. The pair would get to talking and start bonding over various bands and guitar sounds, leading to the co-creation of one metal group called Phobia and, in 1991, Enslaved. Today, with Kjellson as vocalist and Bjørnson as guitarist, they’re Enslaved’s remaining original members.

Rising as part of Norway’s 1990s black-metal scene and enduring ever since, Enslaved have taken their sound through substantial tonal shifts. Their full-length debut, 1994’s Vikingligr Veldi, is black as pitch, grainy and gritty, moving at a generally constant, fierce speed. By contrast, 2001’s Monumension moves up and down, and back and forth, in volume and tempo, and is rich with textures plucked from various permutations of metal, including black, power and prog. In Times, Enslaved’s brand-new 13th record is an example of their reluctance to stick to a single

Norse force: Ivar Bjørnson (far right) and Enslaved school of thought (or tone). There are psychedelic zone-outs, dramatically sung vocals, pulsating drums and classically growled black-metal vocals strewn over the album.

In interviews, Bjørnson has been skittish about pinning down any specific stylistic allegiances. A conversation circa 2006 with Deadtide.com is as good an example as any of Enslaved’s avowed interest in thinking (and talking) big and eclectic. “I think we’re sort of rooted in what we were when we started, an extreme metal band, with no real belonging, with influences from Nordic mythology and mysticism,” he said. “Most people say we’re part of the black-metal movement. We’re still sort of there, but we’ve added so much more. We’ve learned from classical heavy music, we’ve learned a lot from progressive music. We’re basically an extreme metal band, and we’ve forced our ears to open and take as much as possible from any kind of genre.”

After 24 years tied to the same project, changes in palette are to be expected, especially considering this group.

As time has gone on, Enslaved have also grown considerably more professional. “The first five, 10 years, gigs would be more sort of a haphazard thing,” Bjørnson says. “We would have a good day or a bad day or whatever. As we’ve grown older, we’ve come to realize that every show has to be an absolute maximum.” He’s also come to view metal as a more complex, non-homogenous entity than he did as a kid.

Still, some things have stayed the intended course.

“I remember that the idea was to do the band forever.

That’s sort of childish, being like, ‘This is what we want to do, so let’s just do it forever,’ ” Bjørnson says, but the 37-year-old has 20-plus years to testif y to that notion’s persistence. A nd by another metric established long ago—and sundr y tours since—Enslaved have made good on another key goal.

“The first main ambition was that it’d be awesome if people knew about the band around the world, and that we could play in other countries—which is a really big ambition when you’re 13,” Bjørnson says. “It was just about being recognized and having people know about us in other places [other] than just our friends.” CW

Enslaved

w/Yob, Ecstatic Vision, SubRosa Bar Deluxe 666 S. State Friday, March 13 8 p.m. $24 Enslaved.no, BarDeluxeSLC.com Limited no-fee tickets available at CityWeeklyStore.com

reta Morgan was still in high school when her group the Hush Sound was suddenly swept up in an emo-pop label signing frenzy in 2005.

Since then, Morgan, 27, has made a respectable career for herself as a musician and songwriter. But as she tours with her new solo project, Springtime Carnivore, it’s the first time she’s been completely in control. “It was like grabbing the steering wheel and deciding where to drive,” she says.

Morgan played every instrument besides bass as she self-recorded what would end up being Springtime Carnivore’s self-titled 2014 debut. Morgan learned as she went and discovered new studio tricks to replicate sounds that had been swimming in her head.

“I would have to read something like ‘how to make distorted guitar sounds’ or ‘how to mic toms,’ ” she says. “I kind of joke that I went to YouTube University.”

The result is an album that relies heavily on electronic layers and keyboards to produce a warm, easygoing, psychedelia-tinged pop sound that belies Morgan’s deeply personal lyrics.

Recording Springtime Carnivore on her own was markedly different from the give & take process of writing and recording with other band members—a process that could sometimes chip away at Morgan’s original vision for her songs.

“I always felt like everything kind of fell short by a very small amount,” she says. “But I could never put my finger on what that was.”

But with Springtime Carnivore, Morgan was responsible for every facet of her songs, from idea to tape. Going it alone was empowering, she says.

“I can’t remember having been that excited in a while,” she says. “Every morning felt like Christmas.”

That excitement bleeds through the speakers.

Morgan’s fans who came to her work through the Hush Sound or Gold Motel will mostly find her voice and songwriting in familiar territory, but Springtime Carnivore is also the sound of a woman liberated from the expectations created by her past work.

Morgan performs songs like “Collectors,” “Foxtrot Freak” and radio-friendly single “Name on a Matchbook” without a hint of weariness—a commendable feat for a 10-year industry veteran.

In fact, Morgan says she gets giddy when she hears “Name on a Matchbook” come on the radio. Part of that joy, she says, comes from knowing that it’s her own work and that she made it on her own terms.

“Writing for other artists or writing songs to pitch for film and TV, there was this sort of attitude that you could slide by writing something that felt extremely generic or boring,” Morgan says. “To me, if you’re going to put your energy into something creative, put 100 percent of your energy into it.” CW

Springtime Carnivore

w/The Dodos The Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East Sunday, March 15, 9 p.m. $12 SpringtimeCarnivore.com, TheUrbanLoungeSLC.com

CELEBRATE ST. PATRICK’S WEEK AT

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| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

Full Line-Up at

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MARCH 12, 2015 | 39

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Hey Marseilles To Travels & Trunks, the 2010 debut album from Seattle orchestral-folk group Hey Marseilles, was a musical globetrotting jaunt, featuring wanderlust-fueled songs such as “Rio”—with its clever, eye-catching music video—and “Goodbye Verseilles.” But for their latest, 2013’s Lines We Trace, the troupe of musicians turned their gaze homeward, literally. Recorded mostly in the band’s 100-year-old home, located just south of Seattle in Columbia City, Wash.—or else in nearby locations including a church and even a tunnel in Golden Gardens Park—Lines We Trace is a collection of gorgeous songs that are less folksy than To Travels & Trunks, but are no less poignantly written, about human connections and focusing on what’s happening around you, instead of across the world. The album is “about finding and creating home where you’re at and as you are,” says guitarist and lead vocalist Matt Bishop in Hey Marseilles’ online bio.

L’anarchiste and Electric Cathedral will open.

Bar Deluxe, 666 S. State, 9 p.m., $10, BarDeluxeSLC.com Pennywise Southern California veteran punk band Pennywise has been getting back to its roots lately in more ways than one. Not only has original frontman Jim Lindberg reunited with the band after departing for a spell in 2009, but Pennywise’s first project with Lindberg back in the fold is an album that features never-before-recorded songs written by original bassist Jason Thirsk, who passed away in 1996. Aptly titled Yesterdays, the barragelike album is a rough, raw look at the early days of the band. Before Pennywise took

Broods

LIVE

on their angrier, politically minded message, Thirsk was writing hopeful, unitypromoting songs influenced by the idea of PMA, or “positive mental attitude.” “Us going back and recording these songs was a huge inspiration because it reminded us of where we were when we started, and why people responded to the band in such a powerful way,” Lindberg says in their online bio.

A Wilhelm Scream and Teenage Bottlerocket will also perform. In the Venue, 219 S. 600 West, 7 p.m., $20 in advance, $20 day of show, InTheVenueSLC.com

Friday 3.13

Broods Broods is the brother/sister duo of Caleb and Georgia Nott, and together, they weave dreamy tunes that often explore that painful stage between childhood and adulthood.

Listeners may find some similarities between Broods and fellow New Zealand native Lorde, since the band’s debut album, Evergreen— released fall 2014—and Lorde’s Pure Heroine were both produced by Joel Little. As heard on Evergreen, Broods’ sound is sleek, elegant and a little melancholy, made up of a heart-tugging combination of breathy melodies, shimmering synths and airy atmosphere.

For an introduction to Broods, check out the music video for their R&B-tinged beauty “Bridges,” which is a sumptuous depiction of the beginning (and ending) of a quirky romance between two young people. Mikky Ekko will open. The Complex, 536 W. 100 South, 8 p.m., $16 in advance, $18 day of show, TheComplexSLC.com; limited no-fee tickets available at CityWeeklyStore.com Talib Kweli Brooklyn artist Talib Kweli came into hip-hop from a different background than a lot of

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE

CITYWEEKLY.NET

BY KO L B IE S TO N EH O CK ER

@vonstonehocker

Hey Marseilles rappers. He dropped out of school, but he came from a well-off family of academics.

Yet, even with his affluent background, the urban struggle remains one of the recurrent themes in Kweli’s masterful lyrics. A social philanthropist, he uses his platform to promote charity and political activism. Radio Silence, his upcoming release, was announced in a January post he wrote on Medium, but he has been talking about the collaboration with Aloe Blacc, Q-Tip, Alchemist and other all-star producers on Twitter since at least September 2014. Immortal Technique is joining him on the People’s Champion tour. (Tiffany Frandsen) In the Venue, 219 S. 600 West, 8 p.m., $22 in advance, $25 day of show, InTheVenueSLC. com; limited no-fee tickets available at CityWeeklyStore.com »

Talib Kweli

| cityweekly.net |

| NEWS | A&E | DINING | CINEMA | MUSIC |

| CITY WEEKLY |

42 | MARCH 12, 2015

Sunday MARCH 15TH - SINGLES DANCE | 7PM

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SAT 3/14 Umphrey’s McGee

Saturday 3.14

Umphrey’s McGee Largely known for their musical versatility and mind-expanding improvisation, Indiana prog-rock band Umphrey’s McGee have been continually pushing their own boundaries since they formed in Indiana in 1997. That’s especially true for Umphrey’s McGee’s latest project, a live album recorded at London’s famed Abbey Road Studios—specifically Studio 2, haunt of the Beatles from 1962 to 1970—fittingly titled The London Session.

Out April 7, The London Session was created during a supercharged 12-hour recording session that captures the energy of a live Umphrey’s McGee performance as well as some the studio’s unique atmosphere and history—for example, the piano the band used was the same Steinway Model D that’s been heard on several Beatles records.

Musically, it features a mix of old and new material that Umphrey’s McGee often perform in concert, as well as a bang-up cover of “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)”—can you blame them? The Revivalists will open. The Depot, 400 W. South Temple, 8 p.m., $25, DepotSLC.com; limited no-fee tickets available at CityWeeklyStore.com

Coming Soon Holy Ghost Tent Revival (March 19, Bar Deluxe), Elephant Revival (March 19, Park City Live), Bayside (March 20, The Complex), That 1 Guy (March 22, The Urban Lounge), The Gaslight Anthem (March 23, The Depot), Geographer (March 24, The Urban Lounge), Craft Spells (March 24, Kilby Court), Ed Kowalczyk (March 25, The State Room), Moon Honey (March 25, The Urban Lounge)

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| cityweekly.net |

| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

| CITY WEEKLY |

MARCH 12, 2015 | 43

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| cityweekly.net |

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| CITY WEEKLY |

44 | MARCH 12, 2015

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CONCERTS & CLUBS

Complete listings online @ cityweekly.net

Thursday 3.12 Salt Lake City Mic Masters: Dead Lock, Umang, Tre DMC, Syncronice, No Gravity Music, Lunatic Asylum Boys (5 Monkeys) Charlie Overbey & the Broken Arrows (Area 51) Hey Marseilles (Bar Deluxe) Karaoke (Bourbon House) Live Band Karaoke With TIYB (Club 90) New Orleans Jazz Septet With Doc Miller (Dopo) Melissa Pace Tanner Quintet (Gallivan Center) Karaoke (Habits) Gentri Watson (Hog Wallow Pub) Pennywise, A Wilhelm Scream, Teenage Bottlerocket (In the Venue/Club Sound) Fetis, Ben Road, Stiff Kitten, Something Like Conmen (Kilby Court) Sounds Like Teen Spirit (Liquid Joe’s) Antidote: Hot Noise (The Red Door) Joe Marson, Anthony Hall, Whiskey Bravo (The Royal) Heaps N Heaps, Crook & the Bluff, Henry Wade, Soft Limbs (The Urban Lounge) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Weekly Live Reggae Show (The Woodshed)

Ogden Danny Heslop, Thirsty Thursday With DJ Battleship (The Century Club)

Park City Cowboy Karaoke (Cisero’s) Local Vibes: Kemosabe (Downstairs) Infamous Stringdusters, Tony Furtado (Park City Live) Yeah Buddy (The Spur Bar & Grill)

Utah County Jordan Reynolds EP Release, Amber Lynn, Jefferson & York (Velour)

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City Weekly’s Hot List for the Week

Know Ur Roots (5 Monkeys) Darksiderz, DJ Snbrn (Area 51) Enslaved, Yob, Ecstatic Vision (Bar Deluxe, see p. 39) Pat & Roy (Bleu Bistro) Off the Record (Club 90) Broods, Micky Ekko (The Complex, The Grand) Mat Kearney, Judah & the Lion (The Complex, The Rockwell) Young Dubliners, Swagger (The Depot) Knight Hawk Karaoke (Do Drop Inn) Cool Jazz Piano Trio With Fred McCray (Dopo)

Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band (EnergySolutions Arena) Morgan Snow, Tony Holiday (The Garage) Apres Ski With DJ Gawel, DJ Matty Mo (Gracie’s) Son of Ian (The Green Pig Pub) DJ Scotty B (Habits) Marinade (Hog Wallow Pub) Talib Kweli, Immortal Technique (In the Venue/Club Sound) Ossatura, DiseNgaged (Kilby Court) Girl on Fire, Wareye, Seven Second Memory, My Private Island (Liquid Joe’s) Donald Glaude (The Moose Lounge) Better Off With the Blues (Pat’s Barbecue) DJ Choice (The Red Door) Royal Bliss, Marmalade Hill, Zodiac Empire (The Royal) Mooninite, RS2090, Blade (The Urban Lounge) Kaleb Austin (The Westerner) Candy’s River House, Tony Holiday, Matthew & the Hope (The Woodshed)

Ogden

Wyatt Lowe & the Automatics (Brewskis) Shane Osguthorpe (The Century Club) Joe McQueen Quartet (Funk ‘N Dive Bar) Sugar Bone (Kamikazes) Logan Mize (The Outlaw Saloon)

Park City

Miss DJ Lux (Downstairs) Dead Winter Carpenters (O.P. Rockwell) Richard Vission, Adam Rush (Park City Live) Motherlode Canyon Band (The Spur Bar & Grill)

Utah County Jack & Jill (ABG’s) Foreign Figures EP Release, Grey Glass, Go Suburban, Kenz Hall (Velour)

Saturday 3.14 Salt Lake City

Crisis in Consciousness, Poonhammer, The Beginning at Last (5 Monkeys) Ying Yang Twins (Area 51) Slamrock Utah 2015 (Bar Deluxe) Scotty Haze (Bleu Bistro) Off the Record (Club 90) Lil Dicky, Better Taste Bureau (The Complex) Umphrey’s McGee, The Revivalists (The Depot) Knight Hawk Karaoke (Do Drop Inn) Cool Jazz Piano Trio With Stan Seale (Dopo) »

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MAR 17: 8 PM DOORS FREE SHOW

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Mar 21: Mar 22: Mar 24: Mar 25: Mar 26: Mar 27: Mar 28:

8 PM DOORS

MAR 20: HIP HOP ROOTS: 8 PM DOORS

THE DODOS SPRINGTIME CARNIVORE

MAC LETHAL

BURNELL WASHBURN, UMANG GENTRY FOX QONE DJ POOKIE

COMING SOON Apr 6: Monophonics Apr 8: Medusa Collective Apr 9: FREE SHOW Stag Hare Apr 10: Folk Hogan Album Release Apr 11: Electric Wizard Apr 13: Harsh Toke Apr 14: Black Milk Apr 16: The Bee: Dirt Apr 17: Michal Menert Apr 18: Better Taste Bureau Apr 19: Big Data

Apr 20: Peelander-Z Apr 21: Twin Shadow Apr 22: The Soft Moon Apr 23: Buku Apr 24: Acid Motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Temple Apr 27: FREE SHOW Starmy Apr 28: Tennis May 2: Strong Words Album Release May 4: Utah Beats Society May 5: Pianos Become Teeth May 6: Young Fathers

MARCH 12, 2015 | 45

U92 Presents 88Back That 1 Guy Geographer The Velvet Teen Public Service Broadcasting This Will Destroy You FREE SHOW Flash & Flare with Matty Mo Mar 29: of Montreal Mar 30: Rubblebucket & Vacationer Mar 31: Stars Apr 1: Reverend Peytonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Big Damn Band Apr 2: Quantic Apr 3: DUBWISE Apr 4: Max Pain & The Groovies Return From Tour

BEARDYMAN

| CITY WEEKLY |

8 PM DOORS

FEAT. BETTER HOMES & GARDENS EIGHTS EVERYWHERE RED SPECTRAL EPACE

MAR 19:

MAR 15:

SPACE VERSIONS:

PETE ROCK

SLUM VILLAGE HANIF HOUSE OF LEWIS DJ JUGGY

MOONINITE

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ATOMIC 45 ¿MAÃ&#x2018;AERO? TEMPLES

MAR 18: KRCL PRESENTS:

MAR 13: SLUG LOCALIZED: 9 PM DOORS

MAGDA VEGA

| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

MAR 11:

| cityweekly.net |

Join us at Rye Diner and Drinks for dinner and craft cocktails before, during and after the show. Late night bites 6pm-midnight Monday through Saturday and brunch everyday of the week. Rye is for early birds and late owls and caters to all ages www.ryeslc.com

Complete listings online @ cityweekly.net Nathan Spenser Revue, Cocktail Sisters (The Garage) Chaseone2 (Gracie’s) Get Lucky 2015: Dada Life, Borgeous, Henry Fong, Snails (The Great Saltair) Jack & Jill (The Green Pig Pub) DJ Scotty B (Habits) Gigi Love & the Mystics (Hog Wallow Pub) Plum Stickie (Johnny’s on Second) Larusso, MoneyPenny, The Signal Sound, Brickson (Kilby Court) The Spazmatics (Liquid Joe’s) Utah County Swillers (Pat’s Barbecue) St. Paddy’s Warm-Up Party: Red Headed Step Twins, Brett Knickerbocker (Piper Down)

DJ E-Flexx (Sandy Station) Spaceversions, Better Homes & Gardens, Eights Everywhere, Red Spectral, Epace (The Urban Lounge) Kaleb Austin (The Westerner)

Ogden Metal Dogs (Brewskis) Preston Creed (The Century Club) The Salt Shakers (Funk ‘N Dive Bar) Mr. 200 (Kamikazes) Red Shot Pony (The Outlaw Saloon)

Park City Tribal Theory (Canyons Resort) DJ Sat-One, DJ Juggy (Downstairs) Pistol Rock (The Spur Bar & Grill)

Utah County Alfie Boe, Lexi Walker, The Strike, Larry King and More (UCCU Center) Mindy Gledhill, Flannel Graph (Velour)

Dunmore Lasses @ 1:00pm The Number Ones @ 8:00pm Casino Tables 9:00pm-12:00am Marmalade Chill 10:30-1:00am ChaseOne2 10:00pm-1:00am Bagpipers

| CITY WEEKLY |

46 | MARCH 12, 2015

Sunday 3.15 Salt Lake City American Head Charge (Area 51) Funk & Soul Night With DJ Street Jesus (Bourbon House) Live Bluegrass (Club 90) The Steel Belts (Donkey Tails) Rick Gerber (The Garage) Karaoke Church With DJ Ducky & Mandrew (Jam) Entourage Karaoke (Piper Down) Sunday Funday Karaoke (Three Alarm Saloon) Springtime Carnivore, The Dodos (The Urban Lounge, see p. 38) Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck (The Woodshed)

Park City Red Cup Party: DJ Matty (Downstairs) Badfeather (The Spur Bar & Grill)

Salt Lake City Monday Night Jazz Session: David Halliday & the Jazz Vespers (Gracie’s) Open Blues Jam (The Green Pig Pub) The Attic Ends, Vinyl Tapestries, The Femme Medea, Bellrave (Metro Bar) Karaoke (Poplar Street Pub)

Park City Jordan Young (The Spur Bar & Grill)

Utah County Incessant Noise (Velour)

The

Westerner Saturday, March 14

ST. PARTY’S DAY GREEN BEER & GIVEAWAYS LIVE MUSIC WITH KALEB AUSTIN PATTY’O FIRE PITS NO COVER BEFORE 8 P.M.

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wednesdays

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fridays

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Monday 3.16

COUNTRY DANCE HALL, BAR & GRILL

| NEWS | A&E | DINING | CINEMA | MUSIC |

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CONCERTS & CLUBS

saturdays

LIVE MUSIC NO COVER BEFORE 8PM

www.we ste r n e r s lc .c om

3360 S. REDWOOD RD. s 801-972-5447 s WED-SAT 6PM-2AM

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VOTED BEST CABARET ENTERTAINMENT IN UTAH 2015 C H EAP E ST D R I N KS , CO L D E ST B E E R

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March 17th

HEY MARSEILLES L’ANARCHISTE + ELECTRIC CATHEDRAL

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SPECTRAL VOICE GRAVECODE NEBULA + INVDRS COMING UP

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| cityweekly.net |

MARCH 20TH: BENEFIT FOR FORREST SHAW MARCH 26TH: YAMN MARCH 28TH: STURGEON GENERAL APRIL 17TH: MR GNOME

H OT TE ST WO M E N

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THURS 3.12:

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&

| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

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MARCH 12, 2015 | 47

TO SEE 1 OF OUR 3 PIONEER NEX MODELS

| cityweekly.net |

1/3oz Bourbon Tastings Wednesday March 25th at 6:30pm

48 | MARCH 12, 2015

Tuesday 3.17 Salt Lake City

OLD FORESTER SIGNATURE • BASIL HAYDEN’S 8YR FOUR ROSES SINGLE BARREL • WILLETT POT STILL RESERVE • BULLIET 10YR GEORGE T. STAGG • WOODFOOD RESERVE MASTER’S COLLECTION CLASSIC MALT WILD TURKEY 60TH ANNIVERSARY DIAMOND SERIES • PAPPY VAN WINKLE 15YR

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MARCH 12, 2015 | 51

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

Last weekâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s answers

SUDOKU

1. "High Voltage" rockers 2. Challenge 3. Holiday lead-ins 4. "Mercedes Benz" singer, 1970 5. "Giant Brain" that debuted in 1946 6. Former New York Times crossword editor Will ____

52. Manhattan, for one 53. Je ne ____ quoi 54. Best-selling PC game of the 1990s 55. Juanita's "this" 56. Kristen of "Bridesmaids" 57. Duncan of Obama's cabinet 58. Peruse Proust, say 59. Word that begins with an apostrophe 60. ____ mess 61. Have debts

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7. Biblical twin 8. Lo-cal 9. Blacken 10. Otherworldly 11. Cut (off) 12. Frank Sinatra's wife before Mia 13. Neighbor of Homer 21. Title location in a Hemingway novel 22. Kennedy's secretary of state 25. Treats again, as a sprain 26. Come to light 27. Bird described by Audobon as "sometimes a nuisance in cities" 28. Baryshnikov's birthplace 29. Eastern philosophy 30. Time's 1930 Man of the Year 31. Eero Saarinen's architect father 32. Librairie book 33. Back of a boat 34. Cornell of Cornell University 37. Vague memory 38. One of 11 pharaohs 43. Nasty cut 47. Weather Channel newsmaker 49. Frozen margarita insert 50. Oohed and ____

| cityweekly.net |

1. Suffix with lemon 4. Some bling 10. One of the men on "Two and a Half Men" 14. Post- and pre-Heat LeBron, for short 15. Baby attire with crotch snaps 16. "A madness most discreet," per Romeo 17. Beats by ____ (audio equipment brand) 18. One hanging around a party?

19. Modern cash register device 20. Phrase of resignation 23. Minute Maid brand 24. General Assembly participant, for short 28. Geo. Washington was the U.S.'s first 31. "It's nobody ____ business" 35. U.K. record label 36. Thin batteries 37. Forceful advance 39. Firm (up) 40. Chopped ____ 41. It may be a plot 42. Ex-girlfriend of Derek Jeter who was FHM's Model of the Year in 2004 44. "Never Let ____" (2005 Kazuo Ishiguro novel) 45. Suffix with cartoon 46. Snarlin' ____ (nickname of former U.S. senator Specter) 47. German industrial city 48. Out of kilter 50. Brewed beverage 51. Aggressive declaration that literally applies to the ends of 20-Across (French), 37-Across (German) and 42-Across (Spanish) 59. God with a day of the week named after him 62. Gives a quick greeting 63. Wrath 64. "I'm from ____, we don't know what cool is": Ashton Kutcher 65. Tune in 66. ____ nutshell 67. Beef ____ 68. Nueva York, por ejemplo 69. Community coll. prerequisite, maybe

| cityweekly.net |

| COMMUNITY |

52 | MARCH 12, 2015

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An Authentic Taco Experience in SLC

By Jenn Rice

C

annella’s in downtown Salt Lake City has been offering mouthwatering Italian fare since 1978. Add in a cozy atmosphere, eclectic bar scene and phenomenal service to the equation, and it’s clear why this spot has remained a local favorite over the years.

The family’s latest venture though is all about authentic street tacos. “Taco Taco was born out of the ashes of the Amore Pizza,” stated Joey Cannella, Owner of Taco Taco. Longtime chef Alberto Higuera Calderon actually suggested the idea, as they had been serving tacos every Wednesday night at Cannella’s for years. “At the time there were no other taco options in our area, so we decided to make it happen.”

“Alberto also cooked both the Italian and Mexican food at our wedding to celebrate my Italian heritage and my wife Lisa’s Mexican heritage,” stated Cannella.

“We had a very unique ‘MexiTalian’ celebration that pretty much sums up the seed that was planted to create the latest version of Cannella’s and Taco Taco.” And just like that, a top local eatery was born.

The interior feels as if you’re at a street cart in Mexico, with art, lighting and music playing an important role. Several customers also lent their artist hands in order to create artwork inside. “Ben Weimeyer painted the gargantuan El Santo and Blue Diamond action wall mural,” relayed Cannella. “He freehand painted the outline of the wrestler with a roller. The man is truly gifted when it comes to painting larger than life.”

“Christopher Henderson did all of the graphic and interior design down to the hand built tables and battleship-looking metal counter and salsa bar,” he says.

INSIDE / COMMUNITY BEAT PG. 44 FREE WILL ASTROLOGY PG. 45 URBAN LIVING PG. 46 SLC CONFESSIONS PG. 46

“He also handled all of the lighting, and my favorite addition—the two handmade wood crosses that hang on the brick wall in reverence of Taco Taco.”

The food, as imagined, is out of this world. Chef Alberto Higuera Calderon drew inspiration from his memories in La Paz, Todos Santos and Cabo San Lucas when creating the menu at Taco Taco, which includes a variety of the best tacos, quesadillas and burritos that you’ll ever experience—and a fresh salsa bar, which is popular amongst diners. Cannella’s current favorites include carne asada tacos and burrito, smoked marlin tacos and al pastor tacos. And nothing on the menu exceeds $10, giving you the ability to try out several things at a time.

Wash your tacos down with a local cerveza from Mexico, or with one of their specialty Vida Tequila cocktails. Cannella’s favorite is the VidaRita, a Pacifico or Corona added on top of the classic Vida Margarita.

For those looking for a non-alcoholic option, try the Horchata.

As the spring weather gets warmer, expect more specials and beverage options, as well as an all-new patio dining section that will seat an additional 24 people outside. They’re also in the works of planning a big taco in celebration of Cinco de Mayo in May, so be sure to check out www.tacotacoslc.com and www.facebook.com/ Tacotacoslc801 for additional information. n

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY B Y R O B

B R E Z S NY

Go to RealAstrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes.

Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

ARIES (March 21-April 19) In the old Superman comics, Mister Mxyztplk was a fiendish imp whose home was in the fifth dimension. He sometimes sneaked over into our world to bedevil the Man of Steel with pranks.

There was one sure way he could be instantly banished back to his own realm for a long time: If Superman fooled him into saying his own name backwards. You might think it would be hard to trick a magic rascal into saying “Klptzyxm” when he knew very well what the consequences would be, but Superman usually succeeded. I’d like to suggest that you have a similar power to get rid of a bugaboo that has been bothering you, Aries. Don’t underestimate your ability to outsmart the pest.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) In 1637, mathematician Pierre de Fermat declared that he had solved the “Last Theorem,” a particularly knotty mathematical problem. Unfortunately, he never actually provided the proof that he had done so. The mystery remained. Other math experts toiled for centuries looking for the answer. It wasn’t until 1994, more than 350 years later, that anyone succeeded. I think you are on the verge of discovering a possible solution to one of your own long-running riddles, Taurus. It may take a few more weeks, but you’re almost there. Can you sense that twinkle in your third eye? Keep the faith.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) Your upcoming efforts might not be flawless in all respects, but I suspect you will triumph anyway. You may not even be completely sure of what you want, but I bet you’ll get a reward you didn’t know you were looking for. Cagey innocence and high expectations will be your secret weapons. Dumb luck and crazy coincidences will be your X-factors. Here’s one of your main tasks: As the unreasonable blessings flow in your direction, don’t disrupt or obstruct the flow.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) One of your important assignments in the coming week is to get high without the use of drugs and alcohol. Let me elaborate. In my oracular opinion, you simply must escape the numbing trance of the daily rhythm. Experiencing altered states of awareness will provide you with crucial benefits. At the same time, you can’t afford to risk hurting yourself, and it’s essential to avoid stupidly excessive behavior that has negative repercussions. So what do you think? Do you have any methods to get sozzled and squiffed or jiggled and jingled that will also keep you sane and healthy?

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Singer Gloria Gaynor recorded the song “I Will Survive” in 1978. It sold over two million copies and ultimately became an iconic disco anthem. And yet it was originally the B-side of “Substitute,” the song that Gaynor’s record company released as her main offering. Luckily, radio DJs ignored “Substitute” and played the hell out of “I Will Survive,” making it a global hit. I foresee the possibility of a similar development for you, Capricorn. What you currently consider to be secondary should perhaps be primary. A gift or creation or skill you think is less important could turn out to be pre-eminent.

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PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) In the fairy tale “The Ugly Duckling,” the young hero suffers from a peculiar case of mistaken identity. He believes that he is a duck. All of his problems stem from this erroneous idea. By duck VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) “Whoever travels without a guide needs 200 years for a two-day standards, he is a homely mess. He gets taunted and abused by journey.” That’s an old Sufi saying sometimes attributed to the other animals, goes into exile, and endures terrible loneliness. In poet Rumi. I don’t think it’s accurate in all cases. Sometimes we the end, though, his anguish dissolves when he finally realizes are drawn to wander into frontiers that few people have visited and that he is in fact a swan. United with his true nature, he no none have mastered. There are no guides! On other occasions, we longer compares himself to an inappropriate ideal. Fellow swans can’t get the fullness of our learning experience unless we are free welcome him into their community, and he flies away with them. to stumble and bumble all by ourselves. A knowledgeable helper Is there anything in this story that resonates with you, Pisces? would only interfere with that odd magic. But right now, Virgo, I I’m guessing there is. It’s high time to free yourself from false believe the Sufi saying holds true for you. Where you’re headed, notions about who you really are. you would benefit from an advisor, teacher, or role model.

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) I’m tempted to furrow my brow and raise my voice as I tell you to please please please go out and do the dicey task you’ve been postponing. But that would just be a way to vent my frustration, and probably not helpful or constructive for you.

So here’s my wiser advice: To prepare for that dicey task, lock yourself in your sanctuary until you figure out what you first need to change about yourself before you can accomplish the dicey task. I think that once you make the inner shift, doing the deed will be pretty easy.

t ix

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) In 1961, 19-year-old Bob Dylan began doing solo performances of folk songs at New York clubs. To accompany his vocals, he played an acoustic guitar and harmonica. By 1963, his career had skyrocketed. Critics called him a creative genius. Pop stars were recording the songs he wrote, making him rich. But he still kept his instrumentation simple, relying entirely on his acoustic guitar and harmonica. That changed in 1965, when he made the leap to rock & roll. For the first time, his music featured a full drum set and electric guitar, bass and keyboards. Some of his fans were offended. How dare he renounce his folk roots? I wonder if it might be time for you to consider a comparable transition, Leo. Are you willing to risk disorienting or disturbing those who would prefer you to stay as you are?

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) I have taken a passage from a letter that Henry Miller wrote to Anais Nin, and I have chopped it up and rearranged it and added to it so as to create an oracle that’s perfect for you right now.

Ready? “This is the wild dream: you with your chameleon’s soul being anchored always in no matter what storm, sensing you are at home wherever you are. You asserting yourself, getting the rich varied life you desire; and the more you assert yourself, the more you love going deeper, thicker, fuller. Resurrection after resurrection: that’s your gift, your promise. The insatiable delight of constant change.”

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CANCER (June 21-July 22) As soon as a baby loggerhead turtle leaves its nest on a Florida beach, it heads for the ocean. It’s only two inches long. Although it can swim just one mile every two hours, it begins an 8,000mile journey that takes ten years. It travels east to Africa, then turns around and circles back to where it originated. Along the way it grows big and strong as it eats a wide variety of food, from corals to sea cucumbers to squid. Succeeding at such an epic journey requires a stellar sense of direction and a prodigious will to thrive. I nominate the loggerhead turtle to be your power animal for the coming weeks, Cancerian.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) There’s a meme rolling around Tumblr and Facebook that goes like this: “Everyone wants a magical solution for their problems, but they refuse to believe in magic.” Judging from the astrological omens, I think this Internet folk wisdom applies to your current situation. As I see it, you have two choices. If you intend to keep fantasizing about finding a magical solution, you will have to work harder to believe in magic. But if you can’t finagle your brain into actually believing in magic, you should stop fantasizing about a magical solution. Which will it be?

URBAN L I V IN I love a girl named Tiffany who works at salt lake weekly. But my girlfriend doesn’t know.  I go to busy office buildings and get on elevators alone. Then pour some water on the ground and wait. When people come to get on I act like I’m zipping up and say “all yours” with a big smile as I exit. I love being a trust fund baby.  I am having an affair with a girl at work. Her Fiancé thinks we have something going on but she keeps telling him I’m gay and I always play along. She’s a good lay.

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The Pipes Are Callin’!

I

t’s that time of year again when virtually every bagpiper within a hundred miles of Salt Lake City comes to squeeze their brand of tunes out of a decorative bag they’ve filled with hot breath, that escapes through long, attached pipes to celebrate St. Patty’s Day with us locals. The annual parade is this Saturday from 10-noon-ish through the middle of The Gateway Mall on Rio Grande Street. For city folk this parade and the various activities during the week are either a yearly celebration of Irish heritage or just an opportunity for anyone else to drink green beer and dress up in funny green outfits and party with friends.

I owned a bar many years ago. My learning curve went straight through the roof when St. Patty’s day rolled around and Mo would start throwing Irish Car Bombs at the patrons to get them drunk, fast.

Green beer went out in the 1990’s because distributors found that the dye gummed up the kegs and the taps. Now if you want green beer your bar keep has to add a few drops of green drops to your pitcher to get the effect.

St. Patty’s parades have been going on in the good ‘ol U.S.A. since the 1700’s when Irish solders forced into service for the British Army would hold marches in memory of their home country. Irish solders held a parade at Valley Forge attended by George Washington himself. The first events held in Utah were at Camp Floyd, where many of the Irish Americans served as soldiers stationed in Utah. General Patrick Connor (born in Ireland on St. Patrick’s Day) was one of the most well-known leaders at Fort Douglas at the University of Utah, commanding troops there during and after the War Between the States.

Some historians believe that bagpipes originate from ancient Egypt and were brought to Scotland by invading Roman Legions where others say they were brought by the Irish over to the Scots. The argument is centuries old: who created the traditional bagpipes-the Scots or the Irish? What I do know is that bagpipes were used to scare the enemy in wars. They don’t sound like any old battlefield trumpet. Personally, I hate their sound. I hear the tunes and generally go running the other way (so I guess the scare tactic works!). Then again, there is nothing that brings tears to my eyes faster at a funeral than to hear a piper squeeze out Taps, Amazing Grace or a traditional Irish or Scottish song. We’ve got great pipers in Utah so if you love the sound come celebrate this Saturday at the parade.

Bring your kids, your dogs and always bring a flask! For all the non-bar events go to: www.irishinutah.org. n Content is prepared expressly for Community and is not by City Weekly staff

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MARCH 12, 2015 | 55

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56 | MARCH 12, 2015

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