City Weekly July 11, 2024

CITY WEEKLY salt lake FREE

Life After Dead Pool

As Lake Powell recedes, a Utah author’s new book explores the past, present and possible futures of Glen Canyon.

BY ZAK PODMORE

S AP

BOX

We Run the Country

“Who runs the country?” I’ve been hearing variants of that question a lot over the last few weeks, mainly in forms like: “given Joe Biden’s age and apparent mental decline, can we trust him to run the country for another four years?”

For the last eight or nine years, I’ve also heard it a lot, in slightly different forms, about Donald Trump.

I visited Google Trends to find out if I’m just imagining increased frequency of that annoying question. Turns out my perception is correct: After a brief spike

in 2004, the phrase “who runs the country” took a long vacation, only beginning to rise to prominence again a decade or so ago, and recently peaking at its highest point since 2015.

It’s a really dumb question ... and a pet peeve of mine. Donald Trump did not “run the country” from 2017 to 2021. Nor has Joe Biden “run the country” since then. Whoever wins this November’s presidential election will not “run the country” starting next January 20.

What are you doing today? Whatever that might be, did you ask Joe Biden for permission to do it? Next January, will you start running your daily calendar by Joe Biden or Donald Trump for approval? Almost certainly not.

The president is just one of more than 330 million Americans. He (or, someday, she) may be more powerful than most of us, But not so much more powerful that he “runs the country” in any meaningful sense. At most, the president “runs” one of three branches of the federal government ... and the federal government is not “the country.”

Economics isn’t everything, but it has its uses. U.S. Gross Domestic Product (the value of all goods and services produced) in 2023 topped $27 trillion, of which the federal government spent $6.13 trillion. That’s a lot.

It’s way too much. But it’s hardly “running the country.”

That $6.13 trillion was appropriated by Congress, not the president. His only power over that is to sign or veto the appropriations bills (in the latter case, Congress can override him), then spend the money as Congress directs.

Increasingly “imperial” presidents since World War II have tried to get around such strictures with “executive orders.”

Sometimes that works. Other times Congress or the courts say “nope.”

Outside the purely economic arena, the president gets to negotiate treaties (but the Senate must approve them) and act as commander in chief of the armed forces when they are “called into the service of the United States,” which should only happen when Congress has declared war (it hasn’t done so in 80 years).

The president doesn’t “run the country.” He only “runs the government” to a limited extent, if Congress and the courts allow it (they allow it far too much).

The country is “run” by those of us who produce that $27 trillion in goods and services every year—or don’t—and who go about our business with or without a president’s permission.

We should stop fantasizing so much power into the hands of politicians. They’re just wasteful parasites. We’re the productive hosts.

THOMAS L. KNAPP

William Lloyd Garrison Center for Libertarian Advocacy Journalism

Correction: The July 4 installment of “Hits and Misses” incorrectly described the credentials of Jack Stauss, who is the office manager and outreach director for the Glen Canyon Institute.

Care to sound off on a feature in our pages or about a local concern? Write to comments@ cityweekly.net or post your thoughts on our social media. We want to hear from you!

THE WATER COOLER

What movie(s) are you looking forward to this summer?

Krista Maggard

I’d have to say Deadpool & Wolverine but I think Twisters will be good too!

Scott Renshaw

What are these “moo-vies” you speak of? I know nothing of such things.

Katharine Biele

Mostly the Minions. However, I am set to see a Sundance movie Skyscraper. Looking forward to something different.

Larry Carter Deadpool and Wolverine

Chelsea Neider

Inside Out 2, I still need to go see it. Really can’t wait for Beetlejuice Beetlejuice this fall! Never thought they would make a sequel!

Carolyn Campbell

I can’t wait to see Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F, even if it’s just streaming and not in a theater.

Paula Saltas

Stormy Daniels. Does this fall under horror movies?

Benjamin Wood

I’m really hoping that Alien: Romulus isn’t terrible.

OPINION

BY CHRISTOPHER SMART

Joe’s Bad Night

“Ihad a bad night.” Well Wilson, we’ve all had to admit that a time or two, although your outing with those hot tub chicks wasn’t exactly a presidential debate. On the other hand, your little game of “Who’s On First?” didn’t leave us in a national quandary—if that’s the right word.

Before this Shakespearean tragedy, the Dems were whistling past the graveyard (no pun intended). But after Joe Biden crashed and burned in the debate with Donald Trump, the epitaphs loomed large and left us ever closer to our first felon president.

Those funny bumper stickers—“Let’s Put A Felon In The White House”—aren’t so humorous anymore. But give it time and the MAGA machine will rewrite history. Stormy who?

Speaking of bad nights—poor Stormy. No Wilson, we should not review the porn star’s courtroom testimony and her positive identification of ... well, you know, his thing. But we digress.

As it stands, the election is between an aged statesman and a felon with an enemy payback list—not to mention a radical instruction manual, “Project 2025,” brewed up by the sinister Heritage Foundation. Despite urging from many quarters and plummeting poll numbers, Old Joe says he won’t go.

Shakespeare is known for dramatic endings and you know what Yogi Berra said—and it doesn’t rhyme with “fat lady.”

The New 10 Commandments

1. Thou shalt have no god above Trump

2. Thou shalt make Melania an idol

3. Thou shalt not take The Donald’s name in vain

4. Remember Mar-a-Lago and keep it holy

5. Honor Eric and Don Jr.

6. Thou shalt shoot people on 5th Avenue

7. Thou shalt commit adultery whenever you can 8. Thou shalt rip people off—business as usual 9. Thou shalt take whatever you want 10. Thou shalt lie and lie and lie...

The New Ten Commandments will be posted in all Louisiana public K-12 schools and classrooms of state-funded universities.

Supreme Court to the

Rescue

Thank goodness the U.S. Supreme Court has made homelessness illegal. The court’s ruling comes just in time as the country is exploding with some 1 million people living on the streets. Now those scofflaws will have to buy houses or rent condos like everyone else.

But wait, there’s more. The Supremes ruled 6-3, along ideological lines, to strike down a law banning bump stocks that turn semi-automatic firearms into machine guns in order to kill more people at concerts and grocery stores. The Founders would just love it.

Moving right along, the six conservative justices determined that it was OK for South Carolina to gerrymander voting districts to minimize black votes, overturning a lower court ruling.

The hits just keep coming. Along ideological lines, the court ruled that federal agencies have limited power to regulate industry impacts on environment, health care, consumer safety, government benefit programs and guns.

Then there’s the icing on the cake—Donald Trump

is at least partly immune from prosecution for plotting the Jan. 6 insurrection and any crimes he committed in the Oval Office. And by a 6-3 vote, the conservative court gave future presidents immunity from all official acts. God Bless America and Richard Nixon.

Postscript—That’s going to do it for another hazy, lazy summer week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of DEI (diversity, equity and inclusion) so you don’t have to. DEI is being rooted out of corporations, agencies and taxpayer-funded schools, because it’s a communist plot to make everyone equal. And we all know that some people are more equal than others.

Utah lawmakers did their part by making DEI programs strictly verboten—particularly at universities, where leftists push propaganda that diversity, equity and inclusion are somehow good things when they are so evil. Why should minorities, women, LGBTQ and other marginalized communities get stuff that white men don’t get?

And then there’s this: Congressional Republicans blame DEI for an uptick of antisemitism at colleges and universities. “I think DEI is a fraud and what we’re seeing now on campuses is proof of that,” said Utah’s Rep. Burgess Owens, chairman of the House Higher Education Subcommittee. If it seems ironic that the GOP blames DEI for antisemitism, then you’ve been paying too much attention.

How else can we undercut affirmative action? You’re right Wilson, there’s always the Supreme Court’s ongoing efforts to get equal rights for white people. CW

Christopher Smart writes the weekly “Smart Bomb” column, available online at cityweekly.net. Private Eye is off this week—send feedback to comments@cityweekly.net

tune in to your with

community

HITS & MISSES

BY KATHARINE BIELE | @kathybiele BY BRYAN YOUNG

MISS: Move Along

“It’s Whac-A-Mole again.” That was the sentiment from one man on the recent U.S. Supreme Court ruling on homelessness. He’s not wrong—homelessness, not unlike immigration, is one of those problems governments can’t seem to crack, though it keeps trying. If you were focused on the court’s “king” ruling instead, you may have missed a decision giving cities the right to punish people sleeping in public places. The National Homelessness Law Center called it profoundly disappointing that the “U.S. Constitution does not protect homeless people against cruel and unusual punishment, even when they have no choice to sleep in public.” In Salt Lake County, homeless camping is sometimes beyond a nuisance, affecting public safety. Most experts agree that housing aims at a solution, and yet the court encourages moving the unsheltered around, fining or imprisoning them, making the problem worse.

HIT: Dust to Dust

Once again, the Great Salt Lake Collaborative is sounding the alert. New research from the University of Utah says that harmful dust exposure from the shrinking lake disproportionately affects people of color—especially Hispanics and Pacific Islanders. The collaborative has been sounding the alert for a while, and environmentalists have long been concerned about what’s in the air. We already know that the Legislature is bent on saving coal plants, much to the deficit of clean air. Now, too, the Environmental Protection Agency has rated Utah with the fourth most toxic chemical releases of any state—and most of that from Kennecott Copper Mine. “The level of contamination steadily gets worse year by year,” Dr. Brian Moench told The Salt Lake Tribune on July 5. It’s one thing to blanket the news with information about toxins. It’s another for legislators to recognize climate change and the harm from toxic air in the valley.

MISS: Never Surrender

Colby Jenkins isn’t about to give up. The candidate for the 2nd Congressional District has been dribbling behind Rep. Celeste Maloy by about 290 votes. While he may be able to seek a recount (if the vote is “equal to or less than 0.25%” of votes cast) he doesn’t want to wait. Jenkins is suing the Washington County clerk, who denied him access to the 500 or so ballots being “cured” as signatures are verified. If they are all pro-Jenkins, that would push him over the top. Utah law does allow cure lists to be released, but the question is whether voters want to be contacted by candidates or the county clerk? Jenkins senses a conspiracy, but a judge will decide if he can get the lists and the canvas deadline is July 9—after City Weekly’s print deadline. Be ready for more drama in the race between two candidates endorsed, respectively, by Sen. Mike Lee and Donald Trump. CW

Women and Children Last

“Women and children first!” is something you hear in movies when a boat is sinking. It’s certainly a cry you’ll hear from the Utah Legislature on our particular sinking ship. But instead of protecting them and putting them in life rafts, they’re throwing women and children overboard to die in the frigid waters.

That’s not hyperbole—metaphorical, yes, but not hyperbolic.

It’s an election year, so the GOP will naturally tack so hard to the right that they’d make Vladimir Putin blush. But this year, LGBTQ+ folks are a political football they really, really want to kick. The existence of LGBTQ+ folks is inherently not political, but the GOP insists on politicizing them because they see it as a great wedge issue.

What is the latest call to throw women (especially trans women) and kids overboard? It comes as a result of the Biden administration’s additions to Title IX, which creates protections for the education system to be free of discrimination on the basis of sex. Well, the Biden administration decided (rightly) that it includes gender identity and sexual orientation. Unfortunately for the state Legislature, that fouls up all of the bigoted laws they’ve been passing—like those that mean my trans 9-year-old is forced to use a bathroom they feel uncomfortable in. Why did they do it? Who knows— there’s no logical reason.

Utah lawmakers recently passed a law to undo the Supremacy Clause in the U.S. Constitution, the document they pretend to worship. They are instructing schools to follow Utah’s laws instead of Title IX, as if teachers signed up to oppress kids instead of protecting and teaching them. It’s going to cost the state a lot of money—they’re going to get sued into oblivion, but it also risks federal funding for public schools. It’s not worth the risk but, frankly, they’re too dumb to realize it. I apologize for being so salty on this issue. It hits very close to home. I was relieved when the Biden administration took steps to protect kids like mine, and it’s depressing to see the Legislature work to undo that progress and protection for something as cynical as winning votes from bigots. But we’re in Utah. Every day it seems there are more and more of them coming out of the woodwork and if you want to win in Utah, you need to be cruel.

To end, I’ll quote one of my favorite authors, Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., whose wisdom the Legislature will never know because they keep banning his books. If there’s one rule, it’s “God damn it, you’ve got to be kind!”

Now if we could only get the state Legislature on board with that single rule, we wouldn’t have to worry about them persecuting queer folks anymore. But with their track record, somehow I doubt they’ll suddenly learn to be kind. I genuinely hope they get the therapy they need. It’s not like we don’t pay for their insurance. In the meantime, please vote against them. CW

TRUE TV

All-American TV to Stream

Celebrate ’Merica with TV shows of questionable patriotic value

BY BILL FROST comments@cityweeklyh.net

Last year, around the Fourth of July, I assembled a random group of movies based on a Reelgood.com search of the term “American.” That made a decent column— I got paid, after all—so this year I tried it with TV shows. I didn’t get many ultra-patriotic hits, because TV producers will just slap “American” on anything with no concern for accuracy (shocking, I know). Here’s what the Al Gore Rhythm gave me.

American Woman (2018; Paramount+): When Paramount Network came to be in 2018, the suits didn’t know that all they had to do was run Yellowstone and Bar Rescue 24/7 and not bother spending money on “premium TV” content like American Woman. Still, the story of a just-divorced housewife (Alicia Silverstone) struggling to find her way in 1975 Los Angeles is an entertaining watch. The ’70s aesthetic is spot-on, and American Woman serves up a tasty fondue of second-wave feminism and suburban sleaze.

American Gigolo (2022; Prime Video): Showtime’s update of the 1980 Richard Gere movie American Gigolo couldn’t find a plot as an eight-episode series, but Jon Bernthal gave it his all. Julian Kaye (Bernthal) is fresh out of prison after a 15year stint for—you guessed it—a murder he didn’t commit. As he looks for the real killer, he also attempts to reconcile with

A&E

his suspicious ex (Gretchen Mol) and get back into the sex worker game. None of it pans out, but at least we get a remix of Blondie’s “Call Me.”

American Housewife (2016–2021; Hulu):

The sitcom was originally titled The Second Fattest Housewife in Westport, and ABC will never be forgiven for watering it down to American Housewife. Headlined by the comic dream team of Katy Mixon and Diedrich Bader, American Housewife is a standard-issue family comedy juiced with smart writing and a sprawling guest cast of killers (including, at various points, Ali Wong, Leslie Bibb and even Drew Carey). Over five seasons and 103 episodes, the duds are few.

American Gods (2017–2021; Prime Video):

The TV adaptation of Neil Gaiman’s American Gods novel started well enough, with a splashy first season that convinced skeptics that maybe it could be done. The series introduces Shadow Moon (Ricky Whittle),

an ex-con who accepts a right-hand-man job from Mr. Wednesday (Ian McShane), a sketchy character who also happens to be the god Odin. There’s also the matter of Shadow’s dead wife, Laura (Emily Browning), who’s alive but still quite dead. Just go with it.

American Auto (2021–2023; Peacock): Back when NBC could actually produce a decent comedy that’s not a Night Court retread, American Auto was one of the network’s most promising new vehicles. It was created by Justin Spitzer (Superstore) and starred Ana Gasteyer (Saturday Night Live) and Harriet Dyer (Colin From Accounts), but it only lasted two seasons. Admittedly, a car company was a harder sell for a workplace comedy than the chain big-box of Superstore, but American Auto was still funny as hell.

American Dad! (2005–present; Hulu): American Dad! is a far superior show to its predecessor, Family Guy—have at it,

Redditors. They have Seth MacFarlane in common, but the surrealistic twists of American Dad! are as consistently surprising as Family Guy’s are tedious. Also, the characters are better: Stan Smith (voiced by MacFarlane) is Sean Hannity with a smaller head, alien Roger (MacFarlane again) is reliable comedy gold and Francine (Wendy Schaal) is animation’s sexiest mom … did I make it weird?

American Crime Story (2016–present; Hulu): The lesser-known anthology cousin of American Horror Story, has produced three excellent seasons staying mostly under the radar. The first two sizzled, but they can’t compete with season 3, Impeachment. The installment about the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal of the ’90s is all about the casting: Clive Owen as Bill Clinton, Beanie Feldstein as Monica Lewinsky, Cobie Smulders as Ann Coulter and Billy Eichner as Matt Drudge. Perfect. CW

Wasatch Theatre Company: King James

Male friendships are unique things, complicated by matters like power dynamics, race and fragile egos. But it seems to be a common thread through the years that guys can bond over sports, and their common passion about a local team. Pulitzer Prize-finalist playwright Rajiv Joseph explores such matters in his 2022 play King James, which follows the friendship of two men—bartender Matt and aspiring writer Shawn—linked by their shared love of the Cleveland Cavaliers NBA team.

The story opens in 2004, the rookie season of Ohio native LeBron James, as Shawn looks to buy tickets to the remaining Cavaliers home games from Matt, who’s in need of some quick cash. They soon bond over their Cavs fandom, and the narrative follows them over the next 12 years in scenes linked to key moments in LeBron’s career: his 2010 decision to leave as a free agent for Miami; his return to Cleveland in 2014; and the team’s first championship in 2016. As Frank Scheck wrote in the New York Stage Review about the show’s original production, “The playwright beautifully captures the vagaries of friendship, including the power imbalance dependencies that can affect them and the careless misunderstandings that can rupture them.”

Wasatch Theatre Company presents the local premiere of King James at the George F. Plautz Theatre Co-op at The Gateway (167 S. Rio Grande) for seven performances only, July 12 – 20, Wednesdays – Saturdays at 7:30 p.m. and 2 p.m. on Sunday, July 14. Tickets are $15 general admission; visit wasatchtheatrecompany. org to purchase tickets and for additional event information. (Scott Renshaw)

BRUNCH EVERY SUNDAY

theESSENTIALS ENTERTAINMENT PICKS,

Complete listings online at cityweekly.net

JULY 11-17, 2024

Johnny Hebda: Undaunted

For nearly 50 years, the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire has been dedicated to supporting the Utah LGBTQ+ community; indeed, it was the first such organization in the state. As a fundraiser for the non-profit organization, acclaimed local performer Johnny Hebda—an honoree as RCGSE’s “Mr. Gay Utah” and a 2023 Top 10 finalist for Mr. Gay America—presents Undaunted, an event filled with multi-media entertainment.

At the center is Utah native Hebda, who will be accompanied by a live band, drag queens and backup dancers from great local organizations including Ririe-Woodbury Dance Company and Repertory Dance Theatre for a concert full of favorites. The scheduled playlist includes medleys of Broadway hits, including selections from The Book of Mormon and Bare: A Pop Opera; renditions of hit songs from the likes of Elvis Presley; and a variety of jazz standards. Hebda is also using the occasion to premiere Cry Me a River, an original short film which he produced and stars in. Dialogue, dance, music and film combine for an evening filled with Hebda’s commitment to celebrating diversity and bringing people together. And it’s a preview of the performance that Hebda will present when he competes in the Mr. Continental LGBTQ pageant Undaunted comes to the Rose Wagner Center’s Jeanne Wagner Theater (138 W. 300 South) for one night only on Sunday, July 14 at 7 p.m. Tickets are $20; visit arttix. org to purchase tickets and for additional event information. (SR)

theESSENTIALS ENTERTAINMENT

Complete listings online at cityweekly.net

JULY 11-17, 2024

European Cultural Festival

Obon Festival

Cultural festivals abound in Utah throughout the summer, and those who are interested in exploring cultures have myriad options to choose from. This weekend, two such festivals bring visitors to opposite ends of the world—Europe and Japan—with experiences for the whole family.

On Saturday, July 13, University Place in Orem (575 E. University Parkway) hosts the European Cultural Festival, a chance to dive into the traditions of Spain, the British Isles, Alpine countries and more. Centerpiece entertainment includes Salt Lake Crusaders, demonstrating the world of battling knights in armor, as well as Scottish bagpipes by Heathen Highlanders, Irish dancing by Harp Irish Dance Company, flamenco dancing from Flamenco del Lago, Alpine horns by Salzburger Echo, and a variety of musicians. Kids are invited to play on the pirate ship at the event, and guests of all ages can learn about the tradition of the Maypole. The event takes place 5 p.m. – 9 p.m. and is free and open to the public; parking is also free on-site. Visit universityplaceorem.com for additional details.

Saturday, July 13 also marks the Obon Festival at the Salt Lake Buddhist Temple (211 W. 100 South, SLC), marking the traditional Japanese festival honoring the spirits of ancestors and the dead. The event includes an array of cultural experiences and performances, including Bon Odori dance, family-friendly activities and food offerings. Temple tours will be held throughout the afternoon, and taiko drumming begins at 7 p.m. The 2024 Obon Festival runs 3 p.m. – 9 p.m., and admission is free. Visit slbuddhist.org for additional information. (SR)

Wade McKinney stands beside Fatt Falls, which formed in the bed of Lake Powell after water levels began dropping in 2000.

Life After Dead Pool

As Lake Powell recedes, a Utah author’s new book explores the past, present and possible futures of Glen Canyon.

BY ZAK PODMORE COMMENTS@CITYWEEKLY.NET

The following is an excerpt from the book “Life After Dead Pool: Lake Powell’s Last Days and the Rebirth of the Colorado River” by Zak Podmore. The book, to be published in August by Torrey House Press, is currently available for preorder. The excerpt below is reprinted with permission.

Wade McKinney and I had high expectations for ourselves when our alarms went off at 6:30 a.m. on a cold winter morning at my house in Bluff. Wade, a river guide who I’d met a few years earlier on an all-kayak trip in the Grand Canyon, had arrived from southwest Colorado the night before. We talked about getting an early start so we could make the two-and-a-half hour drive to Clay Hills Crossing on the San Juan River and start our two-week paddle down the final miles of the San Juan, across the reservoir delta, and into Lake Powell. By 8 o’clock, we were still on the couch drinking coffee and catching up. We motivated ourselves for a brief flurry of packing, stuffing gear in drybags and lashing sea kayaks to the roof of Wade’s 1985 Toyota truck before we retreated to the house again for some breakfast. Wade dumped a pound of ground bison meat into a cast iron pan and scrambled in eight eggs while flipping a heap of hash browns in another skillet. Soon he’d engaged all four burners on the stove, making espresso and dropping dollops of pancake batter onto yet another pan that he’d smeared with butter. He sliced up three oranges, all while I danced around him trying to keep the contents of the various pans from burning and mostly getting in the way. After

he’d served up the meal (and Wade had gone back to the stove two or three times to ensure there were no leftovers), we were further delayed by a mid-morning food coma. By the time we pulled out of the driveway, it was well past noon.

In the summer months, when he’s rowing boats and guiding clients down the Grand Canyon, Wade is legendary among his colleagues for his work ethic. His days start well before dawn when he lights coals for a Dutch oven so he can have fresh-baked pastries ready by the time the bleary-eyed guests emerge from their tents. He doesn’t rest until after the morning’s camp has been broken down, the boats packed, the rapids run, the guests entertained with endless stories, the boats unloaded at the next camp, the dinner cooked, and the dishes put away.

In the off-season, though, Wade is equally legendary among his friends for his ability to, as he puts it, relentlessly squander his time. He is the only person I know who has packed two weeks of food to run an 80-mile section of river— a very relaxed pace to begin with—and then has proceeded to spend twelve days at a single campsite just downstream from the launch point. On that particular trip, Wade was with his frequent river companion, Quinn, and in those 12 days they never strayed far from their boats,

preferring instead to do 200 pushups and 400 squats in the morning and then spend the rest of the day, as Wade often says, “lounging like lions in the sun.”

Only when the copious amount of food they’d packed was nearly gone did they get back on the water to complete the entire run in two marathon days.

Wade had recently finished a solo trip on the wilderness section of the Salt River in Arizona—a four-day run for most boaters—in 19 days. While lounging like a lion, he’d gone toe to paw with a real feline, a half-starved mountain lion that invaded his camp and shredded his tent before he could scare it away with rocks and by firing his .22 rifle into the air. (A day later, the mountain lion attacked another rafter, who had to be evacuated.)

The encounter was not enough to persuade Wade to shorten his layover plans; he spent the six subsequent days in the same camp, watching a series of floods roar through the canyon while keeping an eye open for the cat.

In short, Wade was the kind of guy who would not only agree to spend a couple weeks on Lake Powell at a moment’s notice but also one who would never get stressed by how slowly I—a lazy, if not legendarily lazy, kayaker—was moving at any given moment.

After finishing our multi-course breakfast, our day did not take on a sense of urgency. We shopped for food and drove Wade’s Toyota to the San Juan to unload our boats at Clay Hills. By then it was too late to paddle, so we built a fire in a campsite tucked into the tamarisk-

choked flats. We were already below Lake Powell’s high-water mark, though the campsite hadn’t been flooded in more than 20 years.

Having run the San Juan many times, I was familiar with the effects of Lake Powell on the last 17 miles of the multiday river trip that ends at Clay Hills. The San Juan is not known for its difficult rapids, but, compared to other popular rafting destinations in the Utah desert, it flows at a relatively fast pace. The gradient of the river, the number of feet it descends per mile, is on par with the Grand Canyon. But unlike the Grand— where water pools along flat, slow-moving stretches and then explodes in discrete rapids—the San Juan takes more of a steady approach, pouring through rock gardens and around the bends of its limestone gorge with just a few minor rapids along the way.

That pattern changes dramatically when the San Juan River approaches Lake Powell’s historic high-water mark at 3,700 feet in elevation after Slickhorn Canyon. Below Slickhorn, the current slows considerably, and it braids out into shallow channels that weave back and forth between ever-shifting sandbars. Nearly all river runners exit the San Juan River at the Clay Hills Crossing boat ramp where a warning sign reads:

DANGEROUS

Waterfall Ahead

ZAK PODMORE

Native plants dominate the new banks of the San Juan River after decades underwater.

The San Juan is the only major river that flows into Lake Powell besides the Colorado. I’d already paddled through the Colorado’s reservoir delta near Hite, and now we were going to see the San Juan’s delta, as well as a stretch of returning river corridor that few people visit.

The next morning, Wade and I lowered our kayaks from the truck’s rack beside the warning sign and began to load bags into our boats. Wade’s reputation for setting a leisurely pace is matched by his ability to fit an ungodly amount of gear into his kayak. For this trip, he decided to leave behind his 12-person, teepee-like tent and collapsible titanium woodstove, which he typically brings on winter kayak adventures. But he made up for it with other amenities: blow torch (for campfire starting), fire blanket (for containing campfire ashes), two sleeping pads, a ukulele and his beloved Dutch oven (for making riverside pastries). Wade talked me into bringing a full-sized guitar to play along with the uke, and both of us ended up strapping bulging dry bags to the back decks of our boats.

With all of this in place, we slid into drysuits and started downstream. Almost immediately the current picked up from the maze of sandbars. We floated between banks of the “Dominy formation”—the name geologists have given to the sediment that has accumulated in Lake Powell, a tongue-in-cheek homage to the infamous Floyd Dominy, who was commissioner of the Bureau of Reclamation when the Glen Canyon Dam was being completed.

Dead and dying tamarisk lined the river. After running several small rapids, we heard the roar of Fatt Falls, where the river disappeared over a clean horizon line with plumes of mist rising from beyond.

We pulled over in a small eddy on the left bank. The rapid wasn’t so much a waterfall as a bedrock slide, the water careening over an 18-foot drop at a 60-degree angle. We passed our kayaks down a water-slicked rock ledge beside the drop. The easy portage took all of 10 minutes, even with the heavy boats.

As we continued downstream in our kayaks, a single coal-black thunderhead consumed the canyon ahead while the sun shone on our backs. Sunlight cut under the ap-

proaching storm, igniting the Wingate Sandstone walls into a corridor of red fire that vanished into sheets of angry rain. The storm soon enveloped us, and the rain turned to sleet. Gusts of wind forced us to pick up our pace, our hands exposed and numb.

After 15 minutes, the deluge ended as abruptly as it had begun, and the sun shone back through to the gurgling brown river. As the air settled to a light breeze, we set our paddles down on our boats and let the sunlight warm us. The most magnificent aroma drifted from the red-barked willows that grew thick on banks of once-flooded Dominy formation sediment: fresh, fragrant and full of promise. Wade floated beside me, leaned back in his kayak, his eyes shut and a smile on his face.

“How would you even begin to describe that?” I asked. Wade drew a deep breath through his nose without opening his eyes. “It smells like life,” he said. “Clean, pure life.”

We pulled over on a Dominy bank to dry out. After coaxing a fire from wet brush, we unpacked our ukulele and guitar, both of which we’d just started learning. A halting singalong of “Clouds so swift and rain fallin’ in” seemed appropriate since we weren’t going nowhere and, with beans heating on our camp stove, Wade dubbed our band the Legume Brothers: either the world’s worst musical act or the canyon’s best, depending on your perspective.

There was a huge supply of driftwood scattered near our camp, and Wade began fantasizing about a revival of Norman Nevills’ river company, which offered pre-dam float trips down the San Juan and into Glen Canyon. “Twentyfive day trips from Mexican Hat to Lake Powell,” he announced, “with a mandatory 20-day layover on this beach, and fires every night.”

The next day, we discovered the healthiest Dominy-dominated corridor that I’d encountered on Lake Powell. The area had been mostly exposed since the early 2000s, and groves of 40-foot cottonwoods clung to the shore above a thick forest of privet and coyote willows. Beaver dens lined

the banks, birds flitted through the trees and a family of river otters dove into the water from a blocky boulder, one after the other. The San Juan had not carved as deep into the Dominy formation here as in Cataract Canyon; the pancakeflat banks were just a few feet higher than the river and stretched across what had once been a wide reservoir bay.

As we neared the Great Bend of the San Juan, a 180-degree meander that once awed the clients on Nevills’ trips, the more familiar Dominy features started to emerge: the jumbles of sand, silt, and clay spanning the canyon bottom from wall to wall and the river cutting a crazy path between. We camped that night just above the delta on a plain of mud, where Wade coined another term, “bayou boot,” to describe what happens when you misjudge solid ground and sink shin-deep in Dominy slop.

Taking care to avoid the bayous, we explored the wasteland of barren mud, working around bogs and over fractures in the ground. A low mound with a perfectly symmetrical shape caught my eye. The formation looked like a threefoot-high shield volcano, the small crater on its summit bubbling as gasses escaped from below. Brenda Bowen, a geologist I’d met in Cataract Canyon, had told me about encountering something similar in the Colorado River’s reservoir delta near Hite. She and her colleagues had conducted a beer-in-hand experiment that I decided to repeat.

I asked Wade to grab my arm as I leaned over the crater with a BIC lighter, and I flicked it above the summit of the mound. The miniature volcano erupted in a plume of fire that sputtered down to a low flame for a few moments and blew out. The escaping gas, as Bowen had told me, was mostly methane produced by decaying organic matter in the Dominy formation.

Although hydropower dams have often been categorized as green energy, they are a significant contributor to greenhouse gas emissions. Reservoirs have a global emissions impact that’s roughly equivalent to the entire nation of Canada, according to a 2016 article in the journal Science. Multiple studies have found that emissions from reservoirs can rival the warming impacts of fossil fuel power plants per kilowatt-hour generated. Bowen had identified

yet another research project that could be undertaken on Lake Powell: a survey of the climate-warming gasses being released from decaying organic material trapped in the reservoir bed.

The next day we paddled past the delta front. The river poured into a wide bay, and the current stopped. The silt instantly began to settle out of the opaque brown river water, sinking to the bottom to form the San Juan’s Dominy formation glacier. A relatively small river, the San Juan carries only about 15% of the water that the Colorado River dumps into Lake Powell each year. But the San Juan is exceptionally muddy, moving almost as much silt into the reservoir as the Colorado does.

As we crossed the delta and paddled onto the reservoir, Wade and I were only 25 miles from the drowned confluence of the two rivers—where the San Juan met the Colorado in the heart of Glen Canyon before Lake Powell. The San Juan’s delta was creeping closer to the confluence each day. If it reaches the main channel of Lake Powell, which could happen as soon as 2030, it will cause major problems for reservoir boaters. The glacier will keep marching past the confluence, effectively dividing Lake Powell into two reservoirs.

“I can see that being a problem for water travel as you get just a pile of mud building up in one specific location and no way of modifying that,” Hannah Hartley, a grad student at the University of Utah who studied Lake Powell’s sediment, told me. “There would be no natural force coming along and washing some of it downstream.”

Boaters would likely no longer be able to motor from Bullfrog to Wahweap Marina or vice versa. Their path would be blocked by a shallow mud bar at the confluence.

All of that was still years away as Wade and I paddled down the blue water of Lake Powell’s San Juan arm and past the confluence. On the reservoir, the Legume Brothers began to find a rhythm: mornings exploring the landscape on foot or lounging like lions, days in drysuits glued to the seat of our kayaks, and fires and music practice in camp at night. When storm fronts arrived every few days, they turned the reservoir into a violent froth of whitecaps, and it was all we could do to keep our boats straight enough as we fought our way to shore. More than once, we woke to a snowcapped canyon rim in the morning. We landed our boats and hiked up stream after stream, often suffering from bayou boot in soggy canyon bottoms, sometimes strolling serenely over bedrock chutes and scrambling up falls. A week into our trip, we passed Kane Creek and the Crossing of the Fathers, where Dominguez and Escalante had despaired over the “sterile” country in 1776 during the first visit of Europeans to Glen Canyon. Wade and I were grateful horse meat was not on our dinner menu as it had been for the explorers.

I told Wade that on another trip years earlier I’d found a sign posted at Kane Creek that read: “AREA CLOSED.” A party of 20 houseboaters had decided to use the beach under a cliff as a toilet for several days and the camp had been “deemed unsafe for recreational activities due to potential exposure to human feces,” according to the sign.

At the time, graphic photographs of human turds on beaches and slickrock were posted at every boat ramp and marina: warnings to boaters to follow regulations for packing out waste.

The problem is as old as Lake Powell, which has seen regular closures of its beaches over the decades after fecal coliform bacteria has been detected. Worst hit were the road-accessible Lone Rock and Hobie Cat beaches near Wahweap and Bullfrog marinas.

In the early 1990s, Hobie Cat Beach saw annual parties that drew tens of thousands of people and resulted in hundreds of arrests. Outside magazine ran an article in 1993 that included the local law enforcement blotter from a single twenty-four hour period:

12:10 a.m. Drunk minor being transported to Visitor Center. 9:03 a.m. Gentleman passed out in men’s restroom near gas station.

11:50 a.m. Cliff-diving accident below restaurant at employee swimming cove.

1:05 p.m. Visitor reports individual threatening with a knife on Hobie Cat Beach.

1:16 p.m. Gangs from Salt Lake roaming beach stealing T-shirts at gunpoint.

5:50 p.m. Hit-and-run jet ski at Bullfrog marina.

5:53 p.m. Call to Kane County Sheriff; suspected drug activity in A-loop of campground.

6:53 p.m. Car stopped for suspected DUI; found pound of dope.

7:42 p.m. Two boat collisions; intoxicated drivers, no injuries.

10:59 p.m. Fight breaks out over firewood on beach; one visitor hit in the face with two-by-four, several teeth missing.

Ah, the glory days. Luckily for Wade and me, the wintertime lake was deserted. We passed only a handful of boats over two weeks. We had no problem locating driftwood for fires, and we kept all of our teeth while staying clear of tangles with law enforcement. Though we were forced to filter and drink the lake water each night, we avoided E. coli infections.

The days of exploration felt endless and always surprising. In one canyon, we encountered a slot that narrowed to shoulderwidth and remained that way mile after mile, around bends and through pools. We eventually came upon a great horned owl perched on a low ledge, peering down with wide yellow eyes, attentive to our intrusion but not worried enough to flee.

The slot was so long and winding and magical that Wade declared it was the most incredible canyon he’d ever explored, eclipsing the hundreds of world-class hikes in the Grand Canyon. I was inclined to agree. Even more remarkable was that it had been under water just 10 years prior— and that it was almost indistinguishable from the pre-dam photographs.

The San Juan River just upstream from its delta in Lake Powell.

Wade McKinney paddles toward the drowned confluence of the San Juan and Colorado rivers.

DINE

Making it Epic

Bambara and Epic Brewing forge alliance at Hotel Monaco.

BY ALEX SPRINGER comments@cityweekly.net @captainspringer

Afew weeks ago, I learned that the Hotel Monaco would be kicking off a series of events in which their team at Bambara would forge a culinary alliance with Epic Brewing Company. I’m usually on board for anything Bambara-related, so I signed up as soon as I learned that this event would be a multi-course meal inspired by some of the brews on tap at Epic. I had a little preview of the menu beforehand, but the experience itself was so much more than a dinner.

The dining menu was conceived and executed by Bambara’s banquet chef Max Goodrich, who took a deep dive into U.K. pub food territory. This makes sense when you consider his creative inspiration came from a few of his favorite beers from Epic Brewing Company, represented for the evening by Ryan Kluh. Dinner was served in the Bombay Room on the second floor of the hotel, imparting a true private-dining event to the whole affair. Bambara has great ambiance to be sure, but there is something nice about being separated from the dinner rush bustle of the evening.

Each table setting had a pair of shot glasses filled with pelleted hops and grain—a very nice touch aesthetically, and they served an educational purpose as the meal progressed. Dinner started with a small amuse-bouche that consisted of a savory cream puff topped with a cheddar tuile and an equally diminutive pour of Epic’s Peach Cream Ale. Despite my love for all things peach-flavored, this ale had eluded me until this evening.

It did not disappoint, and it paired well with the cream puff.

Next up was a house-made beer focaccia served with a dollop of beer mustard and a small wedge of drunken goat cheddar. All of the above were made with some of Epic’s Brainless Belgian Golden Ale, and it was a great overture for the rest of the meal. With Goodrich and Kluh on hand to provide some culinary context, those yeasty flavors from the beer synced up with those of the focaccia quite nicely. Adding the beer mustard and the goat cheddar to a bite of the focaccia and then chasing it with the ale was a primo combination.

From here, the menu plunged right into gastropub comfort food, with an excellent scotch egg served on top of greens tossed with more of that beer mustard. Full disclosure: I’d order a scotch egg whenever I saw it on a menu if it were a bit more common, so I was excited to see this dish cross my table. After slicing it in half and watching the golden, luxurious yolk spill into the mixed greens, I knew this would be a memorable moment. The protein surrounding this perfectly cooked egg was made from a wagyu and pork sausage, and the exterior provided the right amount of textural contrast to all this tender richness.

The scotch egg was paired with Epic’s 825 State Stout, which is a very sentimental beer for the local brewery. Kluh pointed out that this particular beer won plenty of accolades outside of Utah, and became the beer that put Epic on the map for serious beer enthusiasts. Admittedly, I’m not the biggest fan of stouts, but the magic of a beer pairing is that it helps you approach a flavor combo from a different perspective. When you’re indulging in a rich, unctuous scotch egg and following it up with the sharp, burnt-caramel notes from the stout, you get a peek behind the cosmic culinary curtain.

The scotch egg was followed by a plate of freshly-made cavatelli tossed with

a black garlic sauce, lamb, asparagus and topped with a tuile made from that drunken goat cheddar we had earlier. Just like with the mustard in the scotch egg greens, it’s these little touches that showcase Goodrich’s master plan of a menu—the meal was all about taking a few steps into new territory while remembering where we’ve been.

I was most fond of the cavatelli in this dish—it had a perfect, toothsome texture—and the black garlic sauce kept triggering the latent stout flavor that still lingered on my palate. This course was served with Epic’s Citralush IPA, whose aromatic hops we had been enjoying as a centerpiece. The richness of the cavatelli definitely benefited from the sharp IPA tang of the Citralush, once again demonstrating the pleasurable balancing act taking place with each course.

The penultimate dish was fish and chips, the former having been battered in the Los Locos Mexican Lager that was served as a pairing. Authentic to the British pub fish and chips experience, Goodrich had prepared his own superior riff on the pea paste—“mushy peas”—that typically accompanies this dish across the pond. The foundational magnetism between fried fish and Mexican beer was definitely front-and-center with this dish.

Our meal concluded with a take on banoffee pie, which was served as a multitextural mousse that captured a classic banoffee flavor. This was served with Epic’s Double Skull Doppelbock, which complemented the dish with its toffeelike flavor notes. Again, hadn’t been the biggest fan of the bock until I tried it with some complementary flavors, so score another one for the pairing team.

This was the first event in an ongoing series, so if you’re interested in checking out this (ahem) epic partnership, keep tabs on Hotel Monaco’s (@monacoslc) socials for details about the next event. CW

Scotch Egg on Greens

1048 E 2100 S Sugar House

2 Row Brewing

73 West 7200 South, Midvale

2RowBrewing.com

On Tap: Elderberry Blonde

Avenues Proper

376 8th Ave, SLC avenuesproper.com

On Tap: Limited Pride release, “Gei Effect”: a mango and pineapple Gose, 5%

Bewilder Brewing

445 S. 400 West, SLC BewilderBrewing.com

On Tap:  Cerveza De Mayo for Bewilder.

Bohemian Brewery

94 E. Fort Union Blvd, Midvale BohemianBrewery.com

On Tap: California Steam Lager, Hans Gruber Export Lager

Bonneville Brewery 1641 N. Main, Tooele BonnevilleBrewery.com

On Tap: Peaches and Cream Ale

Chappell Brewing

2285 S Main Street Salt Lake City, UT 84115 chappell.beer

On Tap: Crispy Boi - cerveza-ish Cream Ale

Craft by Proper

1053 E. 2100 So., SLC properbrewingco.com

On Tap: “Proper Yasuke” dark rice lager 5%, Mamachari Strawberry Serrano kombucha (NA)

Desert Edge Brewery

273 Trolley Square, SLC DesertEdgeBrewery.com

On Tap:  Ay Curuba! Curuba Sour

Epic Brewing Co.

825 S. State, SLC EpicBrewing.com

On Tap: Nectaron IPA

Etta Place Cidery

700 W Main St, Torrey www.ettaplacecider.com

On Tap: Stray Arrow Rosé Cider, Pineapple-Passion Fruit Session Mead

Fisher Brewing Co.

320 W. 800 South, SLC FisherBeer.com

On Tap: A rotation of up to 17 Fresh Beers!

Grid City Beer Works

333 W. 2100 South, SLC GridCityBeerWorks.com

On Tap: Cask Nitro CO2

Helper Beer

159 N Main Street, Helper, UT  helperbeer.com

Hopkins Brewing Co.

1048 E. 2100 South, SLC HopkinsBrewingCompany.com

On Tap: Solstice Lager

Kiitos Brewing

608 W. 700 South, SLC KiitosBrewing.com

On Tap: Olut Amber Lager

Level Crossing Brewing Co.

2496 S. West Temple, South Salt Lake

LevelCrossingBrewing.com

On Tap: Sun Slope Sour

Live Music every Sunday, 5 to 8pm

Level Crossing Brewing Co., POST

550 South 300 West, Suite 100, SLC LevelCrossingBrewing.com

On Tap: Philly Sour Fruit Bat

Live Music every Saturday, 3 to 6pm

Moab Brewing

686 S. Main, Moab TheMoabBrewery.com

On Tap:  Arnie (Co-Lab with 2 Row brewing): cream ale base with Lychee black tea and fresh pasteurized lemon juice.

Mountain West Cider

425 N. 400 West, SLC MountainWestCider.com

On Tap: Carmel Apple- Sweet Green Apple

Offset Bier Co 1755 Bonanza Dr Unit C, Park City offsetbier.com/

On Tap: DOPO IPA

Ogden Beer Company

358 Park Blvd, Ogden OgdenBeerCompany.com

On Tap: Mastero of None Italian Pilsner

Park City Brewery 1764 Uinta Way C1 ParkCityBrewing.com

On Tap: Cold IPA dry hopped w/ Mosaic, Amarillo, and Chinook

Policy Kings Brewery

223 N. 100 West, Cedar City PolicyKingsBrewery.com

Prodigy Brewing 25 W Center St. Logan Prodigy-brewing.com

On Tap: Golden Hour Belgian Sour

Proper Brewing/Proper

Burger 857 So. Main & 865 So. Main properbrewingco.com

Proper Brewing: Limited Pride release, “Gei Effect”: a mango and pineapple Gose, 5%

Proper Burger: “Whispers from Santa Maria” Helles lager with peach and jalapeno

Proper Brewing Moab 1393 US-191, Moab properbrewingco.com

On Tap: “Bermuda Blonde” keylime blonde ale 5%

A

Red Rock Brewing

254 So. 200 West

RedRockBrewing.com

On Tap: Gypsy Scratch

Red Rock Fashion Place 6227 So. State Redrockbrewing.com

On Tap: Munich Dunkel

Red Rock Kimball Junction 1640 Redstone Center Redrockbrewing.com

On Tap: Bamberg Rauch Bier

RoHa Brewing Project 30 Kensington Ave, SLC RoHaBrewing.com On Tap: False Prophet Hazy IPA

Roosters Brewing

Multiple Locations RoostersBrewingCo.com

On Tap: Pineapple Sour Seltzer

SaltFire Brewing 2199 S. West Temple, South Salt Lake SaltFireBrewing.com

On Tap: Eddy Out Imperial Pilsner

Salt Flats Brewing 2020 Industrial Circle, SLC SaltFlatsBeer.com

On Tap: Luau Rider - Coconut Chocolate Milk Stout

Scion Cider Bar 916 Jefferson St W, SLC Scionciderbar.com

On Tap: Original Sin Pineapple Haze 6% ABV

Second Summit Cider 4010 So. Main, Millcreek https://secondsummitcider. com

On Tap: Blackberry Lime

Shades Brewing 154 W. Utopia Ave, South Salt Lake ShadesBrewing.beer On Tap: Spring Fever Grapefruit Radler

Shades On State

366 S. State Street SLC Shadesonstate.com

On Tap: Salud Mexican Lager, Six Wheat Under Hefe

Silver Reef 4391 S. Enterprise Drive, St. George SGBev.com

Squatters Pub Brewery / Salt Lake Brewing Co.

147 W. Broadway, SLC saltlakebrewingco.com/ squatters

On Tap: Salt Lake Brewing Co. Kreator Kolsch

Squatters and Wasatch Brewery 1763 So 300 West SLC UT 84115 Utahbeers.com

On Tap: Holy Haze IPA 5% Love Local new release April 26

Strap Tank Brewery, Lehi

3661 Outlet Pkwy, Lehi, UT StrapTankBrewery.com

On Tap: ”Let’s Gose” [Gose with smoked salt, pineapple and lime]; “Yojimbo (The Wandering Ronan)” [Japanese Toasted Rice Lager with White Tea].

Strap Tank Brewery, Springville 596 S 1750 W, Springville, UT StrapTankBrewery.com

On Tap: My Beer My Choice (Dry Hopped American Sour w/pink boots blend), Cream Ale

TF Brewing 936 S. 300 West, SLC TFBrewing.com

On Tap: Watermelon Gose

Talisman Brewing Co. 1258 Gibson Ave, Ogden TalismanBrewingCo.com

On Tap: The Griffen- Citrus Wheat Ale in collaboration with the 419th at Hill AFB

Top of Main Brewery 250 Main, Park City, Utah topofmainbrewpub.com On Tap: Top of Main Blue Corn Lager

Uinta Brewing 1722 S. Fremont Drive, SLC UintaBrewing.com On Tap: Was Angeles Craft Beer

UTOG 2331 Grant Ave, Ogden UTOGBrewing.com

On Tap: Golden Grant 5% ABV.

Vernal Brewing 55 S. 500 East, Vernal VernalBrewing.com

Wasatch Brew Pub 2110 S. Highland Drive, SLC saltlakebrewingco.com/ wasatch On Tap:  Top of Main Brewery Mother Urban’s Parlor Blonde Ale

Zion Brewery 95 Zion Park Blvd, Springdale ZionBrewery.com

Zolupez

205 W. 29th Street #2, Ogden Zolupez.com

BEER NERD

External Influences

Tasty beers that borrow from other reputations

BY MIKE RIEDEL comments@cityweekly.net @utahbeer

2

Row - Artificial Intelligence: This new beer from 2 Row Brewing was designed by an artificial intelligence algorithm (with a little nudging from owner, Brian Coleman). To the best of my knowledge, this is the first time that this has been done locally, and it may or may not be a sign of things to come. This beer features Ekuanot, NewZilla, Citra and Galaxy hops, and style-wise, it most closely resembles a West Coast Style Double IPA. How did the AI do? Let’s get into it.

Pale gold and cast in a heavy translucent haze, Artificial Intelligence brings a dense sheet of stark white froth. Tangy, fruity and herbal aromas gravitate toward the nose, with citrus, tropical fruits and a botanical array that all hinge on greener, underripened varieties.

It’s almost shortcake-like in texture, but soft with sweetness; a light hint of honey and cereal provide a faintly doughy, sweet taste of granola on the front of the tongue. Sweetness slowly lifts and the hops quickly build up as the ale crosses the middle palate. The fruitiness of ripe oranges leads the way, while hints of lime, gooseberry, pineapple and passionfruit soon follow, developing into a sharp, fragrant, woodsy and peppery bitterness, with a balance of spruce, lemongrass and tea-leaf frame providing the hop-dominant finish.

Medium in body, the stronger hazy IPA quickly favors the dry and smooth bitterness into a medium-long aftertaste showcasing herb, grass, gin and chive. Remnants of cream of wheat, cereal and dough keep the ale supported, even as the stemmy hops do all the talk-

ing late. You get a nice, malty base for a West Coast style. The berry is subtle, but fruity and not tart—drinks quite well, though slightly heavy for a hot day.

Verdict: A good brew overall. With all the other hazy IPA options out there, this is not the best, but overall it is quite enjoyable and certainly worth a try. Did the AI algorithm get it just right? In this case, it’s an interesting enough idea that I’d recommend trying again, but based on this beer, Brian Coleman and his crew could handily beat the AI with little effort.

Proper - Yasuke: This is something that I’ve never tried before from a craft brewery: a Japanese-style Dark Rice lager that has much more Japanese influence than I anticipated. It pours a deep, dark amber, with a nice reddish hue— really dark, which is always nice to see— and a solid inch or two of head forming at the top. The aroma is very toasty and malty for what I thought would be a light malt base. Hints of pine emerge as well, along with an ever-so-slight hint of orange peel in the back. Earthy grains and fresh grass round out the nose.

The palate opens with a nice bready taste—kinda musty with a touch of a cereal grain. As you move on, you’re met with a satisfying Koji rice assault.

A good amount of toast combined with soy sauce dominates; while there is absolutely no saltiness or brine flavor here, the soy flavors are evident. Some cocoa rounds out the end, plus a hint of grassy hops. I wouldn’t call it crisp, but more akin to German or Czech dark lager. Awesome carbonation lasts straight through until the end, as it never did get dull or come across as slick in any way.

Verdict: I liked that the Proper crew were able to come up with a Japanese lager that was far from one-dimensional. The complex flavors absolutely come from Japanese influences, which sets this Japanese rice lager apart from others in the market.

Yasuke is only on draft at most Proper locations, while Artificial Intelligence is available in 16-ounce cans at 2 Row Brewing.

As always, cheers! CW

the BACK BURNER

BY ALEX SPRINGER | @captainspringer

2nd Annual Real Salt Lake Taco and Margarita Festival

Our local soccer team will be hosting its second annual taco and margarita festival, and it’s shaping up to be a banger. For starters, there will be over 20 local taco vendors onsite—you just need to get five tacos from each one to get a full hundred! On top of that, there will be plenty of margaritas to sample, and even a few lucha libre matches. As for myself, I’ve never been much of a sports fan, but when a giant arena like the America First Field (9256 S. State Street) signs up to host this many tacos and margaritas, I can kind of understand why people like soccer in the first place. This event takes place on July 13 starting at 11 a.m.

Obon Japanese Festival

For those after a completely different type of cultural celebration and cuisine, you can check out the Obon Japanese Festival at the Salt Lake Buddhist Temple (211 W. 100 South). The festival will be serving traditional Japanese cuisine throughout the festival, and chapel tours will start at 3 p.m., with taiko drumming followed by plenty of other traditional performances carrying the event into the evening. This traditional festival has been a highlight of the downtown community for over 80 years, so if you’ve never had a chance to check it out, now’s a great time to do so.

Scovilles Opens

Sugar House has seen a good deal of restaurants opening recently, and we can add this new hot-wings spot called Scovilles to the list. Named for the unit of measurement that tells us the heat level between a serrano and a Carolina reaper, Scovilles (2121 S. McClelland St #101, SLC) is all about delivering the spice. At the moment, its menu features a wide range of sauces that run the gamut of flavors and heat levels. They’ve even got a hot wing challenge that pits one brave diner against twelve bone-in wings doused with El Diablo Sauce. Even for those not wanting to tempt El Diablo, Scovilles has a great sports bar setup and plenty of awesome bar bites for those looking for a place to hang in Sugar House.

Quote of the Week: “I have the right to life, liberty and chicken wings.” – Mindy Kaling

THE BEEHIVE

The Simba Truth

On The Lion King ’s 30th anniversary, a look at the media universe that it begat.

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

At the peak of the 1990s “Disney Renaissance,” the animation braintrust turned to not another fairy-tale libretto, but an adaptation of Shakespeare’s Hamlet set on the savannah. And The Lion King didn’t just become a hit; it became the most successful hand-drawn animated feature of all time, and one of only four movies from the 20th century still on the list of the 100 highest-grossing movies of all time.

Not surprisingly—and perhaps presciently, given Disney’s modern-day obsession with intellectual property—The Lion King was spun off into several more features and animated series. Now, with the original film back in theaters July 12 for its 30th anniversary, and a prequel to the 2019 CGI remake coming later this year, here’s a look at the whole Simba-verse.

The Lion King (1994): The one that started it all was a satisfying mix of grand melodrama and lowbrow humor—in other words, absolutely true to its Shakespearean roots. It’s hard to say why specifically this became grand champion in an era that also boasted The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin, but the songs by Elton John and Tim Rice were certainly earwormy enough, and the comic relief from Timon (Nathan Lane) and Pumbaa (Ernie Sabella) kept the kids coming back for more. It’s probably also worth giving Jeremy Irons’ Scar a (gulp) lion’s share of the credit as one of the great Disney villains.

The Lion King’s Timon & Pumbaa (19951998): Thrown together on the cheap for

syndication, this series lasted three seasons and 85 episodes focusing on the Looney Tunes-style misadventures of the meerkat and warthog buddy pair. While original Pumbaa Ernie Sabella voiced his character throughout the run of the show, three different voice actors—including Nathan Lane—contributed Timon’s voice, which is just one indication of how sketchily this whole enterprise was constructed.

The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride (1998): Ah, the halcyon days of direct-to-video sequels! This first feature follow-up opens with a nice twist on the finale of the original film that found Simba (Matthew Broderick) and Nala (Moira Kelly) presenting their own child on Pride Rock: It’s a girl! Their daughter Kiara (Neve Campbell) ends up connecting with a cub from Scar’s exiled band of Outsiders, and shazam, Hamlet becomes Romeo & Juliet. Where so many of the Disney quickie sequels felt half-baked, this one managed to replicate the formula of its predecessor in all the right ways, even if the visuals were clearly

The Lion King 1-1/2 (2004): If The Lion King was Hamlet, it was only fitting that it would get its version of Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead. Timon & Pumbaa are once again at the center of this story, a meta-narrative “midquel” focusing on the origins of the characters and the events taking place between their discovery of Simba and the lion prince’s return to Pride Rock. As these things go, it’s not half bad, boasting a couple of catchy tunes (particularly “Digga Tunna”) and directed with energy and an anarchic comedy sensibility evidenced by a finale of Disney character silhouettes watching the movie with Timon and Pumbaa in a theater.

The Lion Guard (2015-2019): Another century, another TV incarnation. This one turned Simba and Nala’s younger cub, Kion, into the leader of an oddball band of animals tasked with protecting the pridelands from threats. It may not have been particularly good, but at least it got weird

and ambitious enough to bring back Scar as a fiery, vengeful spirit (voiced by David Oyelowo). Plus, Rob Lowe taking over as the voice of Simba. What a world!

The Lion King (2017): Director Jon Favreau’s CGI remake was a massive boxoffice success even beyond the level of the original, so I guess someone out there was interested in what it had to offer. It hits all the same story notes, only with photorealistic animals, which feels misguided on every possible level; there’s a huge difference between an animator’s creation of Timon as an idiosyncratic character, and a meerkat that looks, you know, just like a meerkat. The faces lack all ability to show emotion, because heaven forbid that an animal character ever demonstrates a facial expression that doesn’t look like an actual animal. Some of the voices are perfectly serviceable, but somewhere along the line, the creative team didn’t stop to consider whether making these animals look more real was worth making them look less alive. CW

farmed out to the “B” team of the TV animation division.

Bitter With the Sweet

Drusky’s Cake & Absinthe evokes the mixed-up emotions of growing up.

BY EMILEE ATKINSON eatkinson@cityweekly.net @emileelovesvinyl

There are few things that we can all collectively agree on as humans. We all have different experiences that shape us into who we are, and that makes us all unique. One thing most people could probably agree on, though, is that growing up ain’t easy. The transition from adolescence into adulthood is fraught with emotion and hardships and just plain sucks at times. Music is often a uniter, making us feel like we’re not so alone. If you are in such a phase, or you want to heal your inner teen a bit, Cake & Absinthe from local rockers Drusky is the album for you.

Drusky (pronounced druh-skee) has been on the scene for some time, and if you’re a fan of alt/rock/emo sounds, you’ve probably heard some of their work or caught them at a show around town. If not, you better run, not walk, to listen to Drusky right now. They’ve been releasing music since 2019, leading up to their debut album that dropped in April, Cake & Absinthe. The band is happy the album is out, and it will serve as a stepping stone for future work.

“I think it’s been really fun to finally have it out there just because we spent so long on it,” said vocalist/guitarist Mia Hicken. “We were holding onto those songs for so long and we’ve been playing them live for a really long time, so it’s nice to have them finally out there so people can know the words and sing along.”

“It’s nice to have the album officially

MUSIC

out and available for anyone to listen to at any time,” added bassist Elias Pratt.

“Something kind of happens when something that you’ve held onto closely because you’ve been working on it and listening to it for a long time, but it changes when it’s available to the world.”

One may not have thought to pair their cake with absinthe, but Drusky named the album after writing the opening track,

“Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder.”

“I just think there’s an interesting juxtaposition between the two,” Hicken said.

“Cake is something that’s sweet and innocent, and something you have as a child and as an adult. Then absinthe has just got this weird history to it,” she said.

“There’s a lot of themes about growing up and maturing, but also looking back and having nostalgia or looking at how you’ve changed,” Pratt added.

“Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder” simultaneously eases you into the album and makes you intrigued for what else is to come. It starts with a sweet recording from Hicken’s great-grandparents, wishing her a happy birthday, and personal touches like these on an album add a whole other level to the authenticity

of the work. It’s another facet of their lives the artist makes listeners privy to, and it feels like you’ve been let in on a secret.

From there, the lyrics pull no punches and the music builds. “Classify my curdled courage / As a product of expired will / By design, my thoughts are ruthless / Smoke them out so they don’t kill,” Hicken sings. The album continues on with great tracks like “Big Halftime Show,” “Tolerance” and “Religisticious”—there are honestly no bad songs on the album.

Cake & Absinthe feels so nostalgic, especially for the aging emo kids who listened to this type of music in spades growing up. It evokes a feeling like I’m a teen again, sitting in my room, feeling the weight of the world and believing that no one could possibly feel as bad as I do—but then the next song that comes on truly acknowledges those feelings, and suddenly the world is a little less dark.

That’s not to say that the album is juvenile in any way—just the opposite, in fact. This is alt/emo rock for the modern day and for those who grew up listening and want something fresh. Drusky have an incredible energy, and now that this album is out, they know exactly what direction to

go in from here.

“We want to work on maybe writing more of these songs just together as a band,” Hicken said. Drusky also wants to narrow down specifics of a theme for a new album and make things more cohesive in terms of narrative. They love Cake & Absinthe, but “art is never finished, only abandoned,” as the saying goes.

Their next releases will probably continue to be relatable to many, since that has happened a lot so far with Drusky’s current library. “A lot of people comment on how they feel like the lyrics are relatable and, I’m sorry that they’re relatable, because a lot of them are about hard times,” Hicken said. “I think that even if you’re experiencing doubts you can still turn it into something beautiful. You can even dance and scream too. Sometimes that’s all you gotta do is scream and dance it out a little bit.”

Cake & Absinthe is the perfect thing to put on when you need to dance and scream and get your feelings out. Your inner teen would want you to do that. Stream Cake & Absinthe wherever you get your music, and catch Drusky at shows this summer, including DIY Fest next month. CW

Drusky

THURSDAYS

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SHARK

MONDAYS REGGAE

TUESDAYS

WEDNESDAYS

MUSIC PICK S

Electric Pow Wow @ Fort Buenaventura Park 7/12–7/14

It’s officially the height of the summer festival season, and that includes Dope Soul Entertainment hosting Electric Pow Wow: A New Beginning. This camping festival includes vendors and workshops, with the main event being the performances of Ahee and Sully DJ-ing on Friday night. You’ll be able to catch headliner Champagne Drip, known for singles like “Technosexual” and “Slam” which offer a heavy melodic experience. Saturday will include wild dubstep with DirtySnatcha and back by popular demand, Dubloadz. Electric Pow Wow (EPW) describes their event on Facebook in this way: “At EPW, our purpose is to bring people from all walks of life together, fostering a vibrant and inclusive community that embraces the joys of music, love, camping, and cultural experiences.” Dancing under the stars on a warm summer night is one of the best experiences in life. Don’t miss out! EPW takes place Friday, July 12 to Sunday, July 14 at Fort Buenaventura Park (2450 A St., Ogden). There are various group bundle options for tickets. General admission costs $134 at aftontickets.com (Arica Roberts)

Redd Kross @ Metro Music Hall 7/12

Fueled by a giddy obsession with trash culture and a knowing appreciation of pop music values, brothers Jeff and Steve McDonald launched Redd Kross in 1979 when they were teenagers (Steve was still in middle school). Initially billed as Red Cross, the bratty punk band was inevitably forced to change its name before releasing its debut EP in 1980. The band’s lyrical subject matter has always been playfully transgressive; Charles Manson and The Exorcist star Linda Blair were both the subject of early Redd Kross tunes. By the time of 1987’s Neurotica and even more so upon the release of 1990’s Third Eye and Phaseshifter from 1993—Redd Kross had (somewhat) matured into a winning melodic rock band, combining its sly pop perspective with roaring yet supremely tuneful songs. They even enlisted legendary vocalist Susan Cowsill for the lovely harmonies that grace Third Eye’s “Bubblegum Factory.” Never the most prolific outfit—they’ve released just 10 albums and three EPs in the last 44 years—Redd Kross more than makes up the difference with quality songwriting, top-notch playing and an always exuberant stage show. The group’s latest release, 2024’s double-LP Redd Kross, is a loving nod to The Beatles’ “White Album” (1968), full of buzzsaw guitars, creamy harmonies and the McDonald brothers’ trademark timeless take on punk-meets-pop-meets-psychmeets-what-have-you. The irresistible “Stunt Queen” distills all of Redd Kross’ virtues into a tidy four minutes and change—and it’s not even the best tune on the album. Come see Redd Kross on Friday, July 12 at 7 p.m. Tickets to the 21+ show (which features an opening DJ set from Melvins drummer Dale Crover) are $25 at 24tix.com. (Bill Kopp)

Redd Kross

Starship featuring Mickey Thomas @ Canyon Village 7/12

One could be forgiven for having some confusion over who can actually lay claim to the legacy of the legendary Jefferson Airplane. So here’s a quick primer: When the late Paul Kantner—the last founding member of the Airplane—departed the band, he segued into Jefferson Starship, bringing with him singer Grace Slick and guitarist David Freiberg, who had joined the Airplane in its waning days. However, after going through a seismic shift, and with new lead singer Mickey Thomas at the helm, Starship sans Kantner went on to score a number of huge hits, including “Sara,” “We Built This City” and Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now.” This band, now known as Starship featuring Mickey Thomas, tours consistently, even though a revived Jefferson Starship, formally reignited under Kantner’s aegis, also continues as well. The competing bands cover many of the same songs, and both tout their ties to the Airplane by performing at least two of its seminal songs, “Somebody To Love” and “White Rabbit.” Granted, those ties are slim considering the original Airplane members are either retired, passed or making their music elsewhere (i.e. Hot Tuna). Follow so far? It’s the Mickey Thomas version that will land locally, fully capable of sharing the hits (including “Fooled Around and Fell in Love” from Thomas’ days with the Elvin Bishop Band). With ’80s chart-topper Taylor Dayne sharing the launch pad, it ought to be a terrific night of nice nostalgia. Starship with special guest Taylor Dayne comes to Canyon Village at Park City Institute on Friday, July 12 at 7 p.m. Tickets cost $72.08 - $135.08. Go to parkcityinstitute.org. (Lee Zimmerman)

Transmitter, Molotov Dress, 333, @ Kilby Court 7/13

There’s hardly a more exciting time for the local music scene than the summer. Bands pack their schedules with tons of shows, spoiling us with opportunities to see our favorites live. As we head into July, there are more and more shows you’ll want to keep an eye out for—especially this awesome local lineup. At the top of the bill is Transmitter, an electronic punk group who will be playing some new material, according to a recent post on Instagram. While you’re waiting for these new tunes, you can check out their 2023 EP BIODIGITAL JAZZ. The two tracks, including the title track, take you on an adventure that sounds exactly how you think it would based on that title. The digital elements make you feel like you’re in a futuristic-yet-old club, filled with smoke and cyborgs. At the show you’ll also be able to catch Molotov Dress, who released their debut single “Choking Up” back in February. Molotov Dress’ single also has a lot of catchy digital effects on top of their punk attitude. Last but not least on the bill for the evening is 333, who are known for their trippy, shoegaze sound. Come jam out on Saturday, July 13 at 7 p.m. Tickets for the all-ages show are $10 and can be found at kilbycourt.com. (Emilee Atkinson)

Ziggy Marley @ Snow Park Amphitheater 7/14

Reggae is in a class of its own; rebel music’s importance in ending apartheid in South Africa cannot be overstated. The Marley brand has been a massive force for positive change, essential cultural history if not artistic masterpieces with each release. And look, I get the irony that the Island Marley albums—which are most people’s reference standard for reggae—aren’t really reggae, but a polished rock-and-roll hybrid, and moreover, often re-recorded versions of songs already released in Jamaica. It doesn’t negate the fact that these gems are touchstones of culture. David Nesta “Ziggy” Marley is his father’s son, but has created his own sound. He just has this way of making people feel good and saying something important. “I don’t see anyone talking about love and unification of humanity. Nobody is spreading love to the human race,” Ziggy told Exclaim.com. “The One Love message that we’re spreading throughout the world right now, for my father, that was what was most important to him.” Ziggy’s LP’s Dragonfly, Conscious Party and Wild And Free are solid. There is something about these albums that absolutely require several listens before you can really get on their level, but then you will never be without them. Love Is My Religion is worth checking out as well—in fact, it’s essential listening, featuring the best mastering of his peak output. Lettuce opens. Catch these artists on the Circle Of Peace tour at the Snow Park Amphitheater in Park City on Friday, July 14. Gates at 5 p.m., show at 6:30 p.m. Tickets for the all-ages show are $65 and can be found at axs.com (Mark Dago)

free will ASTROLOGY

BY ROB BREZSNY

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

I trust your intuition has been guiding you to slow down and disappear from the frenzied bustle that everyone seems addicted to. I hope you have afforded yourself the luxury of exulting in the thrill of doing absolutely nothing. Have you been taking long breaks to gaze up at the sky and listen to music that moves you to tears? Have you been studying the children and animals to learn more about how to thrive on non-goal-oriented fun? Have you given your imagination permission to fantasize with abandon about wild possibilities? Homework: Name three more ways to fuel your self-renewal.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Actor Carrie Fisher put a priority on being amusing and amused. For her, almost everything that happened was tolerable, even welcome, as long as it was entertaining. She said, “If my life wasn’t funny, it would just be true, and that’s unacceptable.” I recommend you experiment with those principles. Be resourceful as you make your life as humorously interesting as possible. Life will conspire to assist you in being extra amused and amusing.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

As you charge into the upcoming period of self-reinvention, don’t abandon and forget your past completely. Some of your old emotional baggage might prove useful and soulful. A few of your challenging memories may serve as robust motivators. On the other hand, leave behind as much oppressive baggage and burdensome memories as possible. You are launching the next chapter of your life story! Travel as lightly as you can.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

You and I were both born under Cancer the Crab, but I have a taboo against advising you to be like me. I love my life, but I’m not so naïve or arrogant as to think that what worked for me will also work for you. However, I will make a temporary exception. Amazingly, the astrological omens suggest you will flourish in the coming weeks by being at least somewhat like me. Therefore, I invite you to experiment with being kind and sensitive, but also cheerfully irreverent and tenderly wild. Be on the lookout for marvels and miracles, but treasure critical thinking and rational analysis. Don’t take things too personally or too seriously, and regard the whole world as a holy gift. Be gratefully and humbly in awe as you tune into how beautiful and wonderful you are.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

Over 3,700 years ago, a craftsperson in what’s now Israel fashioned a comb from an elephant’s tusk. It was a luxury item with two sides, one to smooth tangles and the other to remove lice. On the handle is an inscription: “May this tusk root out the lice of the hair and the beard.” This is the oldest known sentence written in Canaanite, a language that created the first alphabet. In some ways, this comb is a precious object—unspeakably ancient evidence of human innovation. In another way, it’s mundane and prosaic. I nominate the comb to be a symbol for your story: a blend of monumental and ordinary. Drama may emerge from routine. Breakthroughs may happen in the midst of everyday matters.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Some astrologers assert that Virgos are modest, humble and reluctant to shine. But New Yorker Ashrita Furman provides contrary evidence. His main activity is breaking records. He holds the Guinness world record for having broken the most Guinness world records. His first came in 1979 with 27,000 jumping jacks. Since then, he has set hundreds, including fastest time running on stilts, longest time juggling objects underwater, and most times jumping rope on a pogo stick. Make him your spirit creature for the coming weeks. What acts of bold self-expression are you ready to make, Virgo? What records are you primed to break?

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Libran author Diane Ackerman says, “We can’t enchant the world, which makes its own magic; but we can enchant ourselves by paying deep attention.” I’m telling you this, dear Libra, because you now have exceptional power to pay deep attention and behold far more than usual of the world’s magic. It’s the Season of Enchantment for you. I invite you to be daring and imaginative as you probe for the delightful amazements that are often hidden just below the surface of things. Imagine you have the superpower of X-ray vision.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

If I’m reading the omens correctly, you are in the midst of major expansion. You are reaching further, opening wider, and dreaming bigger. You are exploring frontiers, entertaining novel possibilities, and daring to transcend your limitations and expectations. And I am cheering you on as you grow beyond your previous boundaries. One bit of advice: Some people in your life may find it challenging to follow you freely into your new territory. They may be afraid you’re leaving them behind, or they may not be able to adjust as fast as you wish. I suggest you give them some slack. Allow them to take the time they need to get accustomed to your growth.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Sagittarian actor Jeff Bridges has wise words to heed: “If you wait to get all the information you think you need before you act, you’ll never act because there’s an infinite amount of information out there.” I think this advice is apropos for you right now. Why? Because you will thrive on making strong, crisp decisions and undertaking strong, crisp actions. The time for pondering possibilities must give way to implementing possibilities.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

People may be attracted to you in the coming weeks because they unconsciously or not-so-unconsciously want to be influenced, stirred and even changed by your presence. They hope you will be the catalyst or medicine they need. Or maybe they want you to provide them with help they haven’t been able to give themselves or get anywhere else. Be aware that this may not always be a smooth and simple exchange. Some folks might be demanding. Others may absorb and integrate your effects in ways that are different from your intentions. I still think it’s worthwhile for you to offer your efforts. You could be a force for healing and benevolence.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Sometimes when gifts arrive, they are not recognized as gifts. We may even mistake them for obstacles. In a worst-case scenario, we reject and refuse them. I am keen on helping you avoid this behavior in the coming weeks, Aquarius. In the oracle you’re now reading, I hope to convince you to expand your definition of what gifts look like. I will also ask you to widen the range of where you search for gifts and to enlarge your expectations of what blessings you deserve. Now please meditate on the following riddles: 1. a shadow that reveals the hidden light; 2. a twist that heals; 3. a secret that no longer wants to be secret; 4. a shy ally who will reward your encouragement; 5. a boon that’s barely buried and just needs you to scrape away the deceptive surface.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Lake Baikal in Russia is the world’s deepest, oldest, and largest lake by volume. It contains over 22 percent of the fresh surface water on the planet. I propose we make this natural marvel your prime symbol for the next 11 months. At your best, you, too, will be deep, fresh, and enduring. And like Lake Baikal, you will be exceptionally clear. (Its underwater visibility reaches 120 feet.) PS: Thousands of plant and animal species thrive in this vital hub. I expect you will also be a source of richly diverse life, dear Pisces.

IT and Application Support

Analyst (Job# IT65) sought by Christopherson Andavo Travel, LP in Salt Lake City, UT: Prioritize, evaluate, track & resolve Service Desk requests as well as maintain rltd user guides & other selfservice documentation. Support & troubleshoot customer issues both h/ware & s/ware rltd. Perform basic system & applic admin/ configuration tasks. Escalate requests when additional techn’l expertise is reqd. Assist in techn’l projects as needed. Reqmts: Bachelor’s in Info Systems, Comp Sci, or rltd field. Familiar w/ server install & configuration, Active Directory, DHCP/DNS, & Group Policy Objects. Apply: Mail CV w/ Job# to HR, 5588 S Green St, Salt Lake City, UT 84123

Need a New Hive?

urban LIVING

Flame Nightmares

The weather has been kinda scary this season. Record-breaking highs are drying out our hillsides and mountain areas as rain has become a scarce commodity these days.

St. George is two months without rain; Salt Lake has gone weeks and more high heat is expected. As of last week, there had been more than 400 Utah wildfires, roughly 72% of them human-caused. And what happens when an area is designated with “high fire danger?” Homeowners insurance may get canceled!

People love to live in the foothills, enjoying city and mountain landscapes. Until recently, there hadn’t been much talk of fire danger. Since the Camp wildfire wiped Paradise, Ca., off the map and killed 85 people in 2018, folks have been worried about freak fires. Tens of thousands have been evacuated this past week as the Thompson wildfire spreads within 60 miles of that previous disaster. Insurance companies have canceled coverage for the Paradise area, but Californians can get it through the California Fair Access to Insurance Requirements (FAIR) plan—the state’s insurer of last resort. It helps owners who can’t find insurance get a policy, but premiums can be $6,000 to $10,000 per year or more. One woman told the Associated Press that her home insurance that had been $1,200 per year would now be $9,750.

Salt Lake’s areas of concern are the upper Avenues, City Creek Canyon and the state Capitol, Millcreek, the Cottonwood canyons, Olympus Cove, upper Draper and both sides the Oquirrhs. On the Nextdoor app, a woman in the St. Mary’s neighborhood reported a cancellation notice of her insurance policy, stating that the home’s risk score “exceeded the company’s eligibility guidelines” and that several other neighbors’ coverage had also been canceled.

In Utah, insurance companies have to give you 30-day’s notice prior to cancellation unless it’s for nonpayment, which requires 10 days. They can cancel if you’ve filed too many claims, if they suspect you intentionally set your home ablaze or filed a fraudulent claim, or they could just be pulling out of Utah’s market.

Reach out to your agent to see if there’s anything to do. If there’s no hope, have that agent shop for a new policy. There may also be fixes you can do to your property to make it more insurable, like cutting back trees and shrubs or replacing wood shingles.

CROSSWORD PUZZLE

ACROSS

1. Makes noise, like a microwave

6. 2008 Liam Neeson thriller

11. Some lab fixtures

14. “___ last I see the light” (“Tangled” lyric)

15. Nearsighted horned beast

16. Official language in Vientiane

17. Guest list for a private party?

19. The whole thing

20. “Iliad” warrior god

21. Pen tips

22. Studio 54, for one

24. Cheers

26. ‘50s experiment, briefly

28. Author of “The Namesake” and “Whereabouts”

32. Wild diving duck

34. Key near F1

35. Status ___

36. Some chess pieces

37. Salty expanse

38. Denim jacket ornaments for punks,

once

40. Friend in France

41. “Ew”

42. Filled with ennui

43. Indescribable thing

47. Cut back, as a branch

48. Says

51. One of many Peyo characters

53. No, to Nabokov

55. Spinnaker or jib

57. Hot goo

58. Australian actor in “Saltburn”

61. Mid-show filler

62. “I’m only ___ mortal ...”

63. “The Floor” head-to-heads

64. Comb creator

65. Lance Bass’s group

66. Throat infection type

DOWN

1. ___ California

2. Make accustomed (to)

3. ‘50s Ford fiasco

4. Notable retiree of June 2024

5. Place to swine and dine?

6. Axiom

7. Moby-Dick’s chaser

8. Congolese capital

9. Conclude

10. “Beats me”

11. Brick that goes boom

12. AP math subject

13. Perform without backup

18. Outperform

23. “... or something like that”

25. As follows

27. “No Scrubs” group

29. Cheats at cards, maybe

30. “Ant-Man” star Paul

31. Platform that runs on Apple devices

32. Not much

33. Place to take a penny, leave a penny?

36. “The Big Bang Theory” character

37. Sorta academicsounding, in a way

38. Fireplace buildup

39. Auditions

41. Suffix with Dickens

42. Montana mining city

44. Blow it

45. Stevens who inspired the musical “Illinoise”

46. Province where poutine supposedly originated

49. Not so common

50. Move sneakily

51. Attempt

52. Manufactured

54. “Strange Condition” singer Pete

56. Second-oldest programming language that’s still in use (behind Fortran)

59. Breakfast hrs.

60. Brigham Young’s gp.

Last week’s answers

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9. No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

NEWS of the WEIRD

It’s a Dirty Job

Perhaps the stresses of HOA board membership just weigh heavily on some people. An unnamed 74-year-old woman in New Palestine, Indiana, is facing charges of criminal trespass, criminal mischief and public nudity after she was caught not once, but twice, defecating in broad daylight against the side of a neighbor’s home, FOX59-TV reported. According to court documents, the homeowner was mowing his lawn on May 29 when he discovered a pile of human feces next to his air conditioning unit. His surveillance cameras had first caught the culprit on May 2, but after the second incident, he contacted police. The woman can clearly be seen in the video lowering her trousers and squatting to empty her bowels. She initially denied the act but admitted it when confronted with the evidence; she said she had nothing against the homeowner and simply had to go. She has stepped down from her position on the HOA board.

The Continuing Crisis

Edward Kang, 20, is facing a long stretch without gaming after he allegedly assaulted a fellow online gamer on June 22, ABC News reported. Kang, who lives in New Jersey, flew from Newark to Jacksonville, Florida, on June 21, where he checked in to a hotel and purchased a hammer and flashlight at a hardware store. Late on June 22, he arrived at the victim’s home in Fernandina Beach, entering the home through an unlocked door, “apparently to confront the victim,” said Nassau County Sheriff Bill Leeper. When the victim got up from gaming to use the restroom, Kang allegedly attacked him with the hammer. The victim’s stepfather heard the altercation and helped to wrestle Kang to the ground; officers said the victim sustained severe head wounds and they found “a significant amount of blood.” Kang told deputies that the victim is a “bad person online.” He was charged with attempted second-degree murder and armed burglary.

How Hot Is It?

It’s so hot ... Abe Lincoln’s legs are falling off. A 6-foot-tall wax replica of the sculpture of our 16th president inside the Lincoln Memorial is succumbing to the extreme temperatures in Washington, D.C., the Washington Post reported on June 24. The statue was placed on the campus of Garrison Elementary School in February with the idea of drawing attention to the Civil War and its aftermath. But as the heat dome settled over the capital, he started melting. “The idea was that the ambient temperature, unless it got to 140 degrees, wouldn’t melt the sculpture,” said artist Sandy Williams IV of Richmond, Virginia. But “even his poor legs are starting to come unglued,” observed Melissa Krull, 41, who lives nearby. Lincoln’s head lolled so far backward that the nonprofit that commissioned the work removed it, with plans to restore it to its perch when temps moderated.

Least Competent Criminal

Kelsey Lynn Schnetzler, 34, of Salisbury, Missouri, was charged with stealing thousands of dollars’ worth of lottery tickets from her employer, Casey’s General Store, KTVO-TV reported. Schnetzler’s home-court MO may have been what got her nicked: Every evening during her shift, she told police, she would put a cup over the camera and unlock the safe where tickets were stored. Her burglaries took place between October 2023 and March 2024; the 36 lottery books she stole were valued at $24,000. She cashed in winning tickets at Casey’s and other locations. She was charged with felony stealing.

Pay No Attention to the Body in the Backseat

On June 22, after Margot Lewis, 32, of North Liberty, Iowa, crashed her car in Olmsted County, Minnesota, police arrived at the scene, the Des Moines Register reported. There, they discovered the body of 35-yearold Liara Tsai of Minneapolis in the back seat. Tsai was “wrapped in a bedsheet, a blanket, a futon-style mattress and a tarp,” court documents said. Police said Tsai also had a “large wound on the right side of the neck around the carotid artery.” The medical examiner determined that Tsai’s injuries were not related to the vehicle accident. Lewis was arrested for interference with a dead body; her unconditional bond was set at $1 million.

The Tech Revolution

At Crescent Regional Hospital near Dallas, Texas, patients are for the first time in the U.S. consulting with doctors via hologram, ABC News reported on June 26. The technology, designed by Dutch company Holoconnects, features a life-sized 3D image of the doctor in real time. Raji Kumar, the hospital’s CEO, said the technology will reduce doctors’ travel time between hospitals and clinics. “They can just hop into the studio to have the consult,” she said. She hopes to expand the program to rural hospitals in the area.

Ewwwwwwwww!

The CBC reported on June 18 that conditions at Her Majesty’s Penitentiary in St. John’s, Newfoundland and Labrador, have deteriorated so drastically that inmates are literally sharing cells—and more—with rats. Inmate Devon Fitzpatrick told an interviewer that he woke up one morning to the feeling of something moving in the crotch of his pants; when he reached down, he found a rat had given birth there. “Stuff like that happens on a regular basis,” he said of the Victorian-era facility.

“They climb on the tables, they climb up the pipes and the wires. They’re everywhere.” He said he’s been bitten about 20 times and described other dehumanizing conditions at the prison. The government has said it’s working with a company to build a new prison, but no improvements have been made in the meantime.

Send your weird news items to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com

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