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The Importance of Reputation To be introduced by someone meant they were vouching for your character, which also put that person’s own reputation at risk. For this reason, the formalities of introduction and acquaintance were taken very seriously. When a woman was being introduced to a new male acquaintance, would she offer her hand to be polite? It depends…on introductions taking place inside a room, a married lady generally offers her hand, but a single girl would not. However, in a ballroom setting, where an introduction is made to ask for a dance, not friendship, a gentleman would not initiate contact or shake hands with a lady, only bow. “It may perhaps be stated that the more public the place of introduction, the less touching takes place.” What were the reasons for this degree of formal etiquette? To a
woman of the 1860s, a spotless reputation was the first priority. Someone of dubious character was shunned completely by the rest of “society.” The double standard was best exemplified by the case of that well-known rake, Congressman Dan Sickles, the self-proclaimed hero of the Peach Orchard at Gettysburg. Dan Sickles’ pre-Civil War career was full of personal scandals. He was censured by the New York State Assembly for escorting a well-known prostitute into its chambers. He also reportedly brought that same prostitute to England with him to meet Queen Victoria, leaving a pregnant wife half his age at home. Speaking of his wife Teresa, Sickles had married her against the wishes of both families, and so on. In an ironic twist with tragic consequences, his lack of fidelity came back in his face when his young wife became involved in an ill-advised affair with Philip Barton Key II, the son
Maj. Gen. Daniel E. Sickles. (Library of Congress) 12
of the famous Francis Scott Key, who wrote “The Star Spangled Banner.” Far from forgiving, upon learning of his wife’s indiscretion in 1859, the enraged Sickles summarily shot and killed Philip Key in the streets of Washington, D.C., allegedly right in front of the White House. As for as Philip Key, besides being the son of someone famous and beloved, he was perhaps more importantly the U.S. Attorney for the District of Columbia. Now here was a scandal, even by Washington standards. Congressman Sickles was charged with murder but subsequently acquitted after a sensational trial involving the first use in U.S. jurisprudence of temporary insanity as a legal defense for murder. His defense attorney was well chosen, none other than Edwin M. Stanton, later to become Lincoln’s Secretary of War. After this incident the notorious Dan Sickles did not even lose his congressional seat. The attitude of the general public was much more hostile toward Sickles’ after his later reconciliation with his wife than it was to the murder of Key or even Sickles’ numerous other scandals including his unorthodox legal “defense.” However, his wife Teresa was never forgiven and formally shunned by Washington society ever afterwards, the love affair apparently being the more serious of the two crimes.4 The only complaint about Sickles’ behavior (generally) was that he took his wife Teresa back. The point is…there was no middle ground for a woman in the 1860s. They were either virtuous, or a trollop. Another example of behavior being modified by threat of a soiled reputation (justified or not) was the famous Orders # 28. One of the major problems confronted by Maj. Gen. Benjamin F. Butler on his occupation of New Orleans in April of 1862 was the abuse his soldiers endured from the female civilian residents of the city. It was noted that “Bitterly resentful of the Union occupation, whenever any of Butler’s men were present they
CivilWarNews.com
April 2022
Gen. Benjamin F. Butler. (NARA 528659)
General Orders No. 28.
April 2022
