Issue 5 2018 by CLM Publishing

MANAGING EDITOR Karen E. Chin

Be Well! We’re so excited for the first-day-of-big-school groups and the returners. It must be exciting for parents, guardians, and teachers to know that whatever the future brings these youngsters, you’ve helped to prepare them. Continue to show them a clear path that they may walk therein. Students, don’t ever forget that “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world” (Nelson Mandela). Make the most of the time. In this editorial we want to give attention to our wellness. Somewhere, we have forgotten that this temple that hosts our spirit needs to be whole. The Bible says, in 3 John 2: “Beloved, I pray that in every way you may succeed and prosper and be in good health [physically], just as [I know] your soul prospers [spiritually]. (AMP version, emphasis added). These days, there are so many distractions; not all bad, but we seem to have lost our way. We will not blame social media because all things that are made can be used for good with self-control. Nevertheless, when we get the opportunity, let’s put some active interest in finding ways to heal our bodies and our minds. The soul needs the body to be well and vice versa. The Apostle Paul says, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works...” (Ephesians 2:10 NIV). Our good works can only be accomplished when we are spiritually, physically and mentally well. Regardless of what’s going on around us: health issues, death, lack of finance, trouble on every hand, let us not neglect the components of being in good health. If you’ve fallen a little by the wayside, you can reverse the issue. Start by letting go of anything that is ensnaring you; ‘baggage’ that is not necessary for the journey. Our minds, the engine of our bodies and spirits, need to be free of self-interest. What you want for yourself, you should want for others. Start wishing that others “succeed and be in good health.” May it be well with you; mind, body and soul. As the world seems to be undecided on what is good or evil, we trust that you will turn or return to the Word of God for guidance. We hope to continue doing our part by delivering good news in this format.

Karen E. Chin

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS KRYSTYNA CHIN RALPH F. WILSON (DR.) SPECIAL CONTRIBUTION ADAM HOLZ ANDREW LISA BILLY GRAHAM EVANGELISTIC ASSOCIATION BOB WALLISZEWSKI CHERI FULLER CHRISTINE LUFF CINDI MCMENAMIN DANIEL DARLING FOCUS ON THE FAMILY GIS GREG SMALLEY LOREN EATON RHONDA STOPPE RICK SORENSEN SHANA SCHUTTE SHAUNTI FELDHAHN GRAPHIC PRODUCTION CLM Publishing SALES DEPARTMENT Email: clmsales7@gmail.com CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE Building D4, Suite 5, Countryside Shopping Village Savannah, Grand Cayman CAYMAN ISLANDS +(345) 926 2507 or +(345) 946 1737 E: karen.chin@cstylemagazine.com www.cstylemagazine.com TO CONTACT THE EDITOR If you have questions, wish to comment, or participate, or be a contributor; please contact The Editor, c/o Christian Lifestyle Magazine, Box 1217 KY1-1108 Grand Cayman, CAYMAN ISLANDS BWI. Send email to editor@cstylemagazine.com. WEBSITE www.cstylemagazine.com

C O N T E N T S TWO TRUTHS ABOUT YOUR GOD-GIVEN PURPOSE

HOW TO BE GENEROUS WITH YOUR MONEY

10 MORNING PRAYERS TO USE DAILY

COVER STORY

Two Truths About Your God-Given Purpose 6 10 Health Benefits of Laughter 8 Why Back to School is for All of Us 11 What to do When Worry Gets the Best of You

12-19 Teen Vibez

• Is Over-Parenting Turning Your Kids Away from Faith? (Pt.2) • Bullying • Equip Kids for Lifelong Learning

20 22

Honoring Marriage 15 Foods with Low Calories and a Lot of Nutrients

26 Cover Story How to be Generous with Your

Money (Even if you don’t have a lot)

30 32 34

6 Simple Changes for a Healthy Diet 10 Morning Prayers to Use Daily The Vicious Truth About Drugs Addiction and Alcoholism (Pt.1 of 3) 36 11 Healthy Ways to Reduce the Risk of Breast Cancer 38 Understanding the Differences Between You and Your Spouse 36 10 Ways to Reduce Stress 38 The Shared Role of Caring for Our Children 41 Crossword Puzzle 42 Wordsearch 43 Kids Korner

TWO I TRUTHS ABOUT YOUR GOD-GIVEN PURPOSE

n the last issue, Shana shared some points on how we can overcome fear of criticism to fulfill our purpose. She shares that “even Jesus knew when to ignore naysayers who wanted to prevent Him from accomplishing His purpose. In Luke 4:30, those in His hometown became furious when He said He was sent by God. To destroy Him, they drove Him out of town to the top of a hill so they could throw Him over a cliff. What did Jesus do? He walked through the crowd and went His way.” Join us now on the continuation of the topic of purpose.

BY SHANA SCHUTTE

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

When I was 21, I lived in London as a college exchange student. During my stay in England, it exhilarated me to hop on the train, travel to a part of the city I hadn’t seen before and wander around without an agenda. My roommate, on the other hand, was a planner. She needed to know why she was going somewhere, how to get there and what to do once she arrived. One

evening, when we were supposed to attend a concert, my roomie was naturally in charge of getting us there, so she had a map. Only something went wrong. We got lost and for over 90 minutes we wandered the streets of London without a clue where we were headed. Sure, I wanted to see the concert, but after a while I thought, “That’s OK, if we can’t, we can do something else.” My roommate, on the other hand, was exasperated. She kicked a cement post in the middle of the sidewalk several times while shouting expletives. I was certain she had broken her toes. We eventually found the concert and made our way home with her toes (thankfully) uninjured. Understandably, my roommate felt that the trip from our apartment to the concert should have been a straight line, like the one an arrow makes to a bull’seye. Instead, it was like the trip a bee makes from one flower to another—in loop-de-loops and circles. When God is revealing bits and pieces of your purpose through the seasons of your life, remember that even if He has told you how you will ultimately serve Him, it doesn’t mean that the fulfillment of your purpose will happen in a straight line. Instead, you might feel like you are going in loop-de-loops and circles, like you are wandering. This is OK. God won’t waste any of your experiences (Romans 8:28). And even if some of your “circles” seem unrelated to God’s calling, He will weave them in to His purpose for your life. Rest assured, He is still in control and will perfect that which concerns you (Psalm 138:8). Joseph must have known what it felt like to wander in circles. In Genesis, God showed him through dreams that his brothers would bow down and worship him (Gen. 37:5-6). It wasn’t until many years later after being sold into slavery by his brothers, serving Potiphar for 10 years, being thrown into prison for two

years (after Potiphar’s wife accused him of trying to rape her) and becoming the Prime Minister of Egypt that Joseph’s brothers finally did do just as his dreams revealed. Scripture reveals that God had His hand on Joseph all along—just as He has His hand on you. If Joseph’s trip from slavery to seeing his dreams materialize wasn’t a straight line for him, then why should we expect that it will be for us? But we have a problem, right? We’re often not comfortable with wandering; and like my roomie, we may become frustrated because we want to see our purpose fulfilled now. Remember that fulfilling your God-given purpose is a journey, not a destination; it’s a process which includes preparation (which feel like pit stops) and delays (which feel like detours). But God is never in a hurry, He’s always in control and is completely able to get you where we need to go to complete in you what He started (Phil. 1:6). While God is unfolding your purpose, sometimes you may not only feel like you are wandering in circles, but you’ll also have to do some waiting—but that’s not a bad thing.

WAITING CAN BE FILLED WITH ANTICIPATION. There are few things more painful that waiting for God to reveal our purpose— especially if we wait without hope. Without hope, waiting for God to act can feel like torture. But with confidence in Him, waiting can feel like joyful anticipation. Isaiah 30:18 says, “Blessed are all who wait for Him.” Part of the definition of “wait,” which is the word chakah in the original Old Testament Hebrew, means to wait “in ambush.” Just thinking about this definition makes me smile. Imagine it. Waiting in ambush for God is like a happy-faced dog who knows his master is coming home; so he stays by the door, ready to pounce when he arrives. It’s

like a young woman who counts the minutes for her to date to show up for the prom. It’s like a freckle-faced boy who anticipates Christmas and counts down the days. Waiting God’s way, for Him to show us where we belong serving Him, means we have hope because we know that something good is going to happen-in God’s time, in God’s way. When faith replaces distrust, the agony of waiting can turn into hopeful anticipation. Waiting in ambush for God means, I’m fully convinced that He is working behind the scenes. In it, I allow my heart to dream about the goodness that will be mine after my wait is over. On the contrary, when I wait without believing that my purpose will become reality, my future hopes are not hope at all, but despair. The end result of waiting in faith is always a reward; but if we wait without hope we may act out of our unbelief through sin and walk away from God’s plans for our lives. To wait in ambush for God means, I may have to choose to trust Him God while He unfolds more and more of His plan for my life. I may have to ask myself, “Shana, what do you believe? Do you believe that God is working behind the scenes? Will you choose to trust that He will reveal the totality of His perfect plan? If so, lift up your head, girl! God is on His way!” What about you? Are you waiting for Christ to reveal more of His plans for your purpose? Lift up your head and wait in ambush for God! He’s on His way and wants you to know why He made you more than you do. My personal experience has shown me that God is more than able to lead you into your purpose. Without your help, He is able to guide you exactly where you need to go; your job is to remain open to what He wants to do through you while you wander and wait. IN THE NEXT ISSUE: Your Purpose Matters for Eternity

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

better as part of a team. Your mood affects your creativity, and a brighter mood means you’re more responsive and open to ideas, not to mention that you’ll collaborate with others better brainstorming session anyone?

#1.

10 HEALTH BENEFITS OF

LAUGHTER They say laughter is the best medicine, but is it really true? The team at Expertrain HQ wanted to find out, so we thought we’d look into the health benefits that laughter can provide. You know that laughing makes you feel good and can be a good cure for the blues, but what about the other benefits? Whether you’re into Russell Howard’s stand-up, a huge fan of Will Ferrell movies or prefer watching funny animal videos on YouTube, we all need more laughter in our lives, and these 10 health benefits give you plenty of excuses to laugh out loud. We’re not responsible for any strange looks you may get on public transport...

IT REDUCES DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY

Laughter helps your whole body to relax and brings with it a host of benefits for your mental health. Not only does it bring joy into your life, it can also help to diminish feelings of anxiety and fear, relieve stress and enhance your resilience, so that huge problem you were worrying about a minute ago suddenly doesn’t seem like such a big deal. Laughing will boost your mood and the positive, optimistic feeling you get will stay with you long after you’ve finished chuckling. You can’t be angry, sad or anxious whilst you’re laughing!

#2.

IT WILL BOOST YOUR CREATIVITY

Did you know that laughter can boost your creativity and enhance your problem-solving abilities? It can also help to boost productivity and that’s something we all need a little help with this February! Happy people relate to others better, so by laughing, you’ll work

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

#3. IT CAN HELP YOU SLEEP SOUNDLY

Insomnia affects around a third of people in the UK at some point in their lives, and if you’re having trouble falling asleep or keep waking up in the middle of the night, you’ll know how tiredness can impact your mood, energy levels and your health. Research shows that laughter can actually help relieve bouts of insomnia whilst improving the quality of your sleep. That’s because laughing in the evening causes the body to produce more melatonin, according to a group of researchers from Japan. Their study of 48 nursing women divided the group into two halves - half watched a DVD about the weather (yawn!) whilst the other half watched Charlie Chaplin’s ‘Modern Times’. Breast milk was collected at intervals throughout the evening and analysed for melatonin levels. The levels of melatonin were higher in the mothers who watched the Chaplin DVD. Melatonin is responsible for regulating our sleep cycle, and a lack of it can lead to insomnia.

#6. IT IMPROVES YOUR BLOOD FLOW AND CIRCULATION

#4.

IT CAN MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS STRONGER AND HEALTHIER

Having a solid network of friends and family to support you reduces your risk of anxiety and depression and makes you feel happier. Laughter is a key tool in forming healthy relationships, and it can help to increase your sense of trust and strengthen your emotional connection with others, building closeness and a positive bond. Shared laughter keeps relationships fresh and can improve not only your romantic relationships but also relationships with friends, family and work colleagues.

#5.

IT STIMULATES THE RELEASE OF ENDORPHINS

We know that exercise is good for our fitness levels and that it also stimulates the release of endorphins which can boost our mood - but did you know that laughter can also stimulate the release of endorphins? Studies carried out by Robin Dunbar, an evolutionary psychologist from Oxford University, revealed that pain resistance increased in test subjects after a period of laughter. Pain resistance is often used an indicator of endorphin levels. During the series of experiments, test subjects were asked to watch excerpts of different videos including comedy, neutral and positive but unfunny clips. They were then asked to wear a freezing wine sleeve on their forearm or a blood pressure cuff which was gradually tightened, to measure their resistance to pain. Whilst being more resistant to pain isn’t necessarily a reason to stimulate your body to release endorphins, they can boost your mood and help you to feel happier.

Researchers from the University of Maryland found that laughter could improve the function of blood vessels. It can cause the endothelium, the tissue lining blood cells, to dilate or expand. The endothelium plays an important role in regulating blood flow and preventing the development of cardiovascular disease. Michael Miller M.D., director of preventative cardiology at the University of Maryland Medical Centre and lead researcher, explains, “The endothelium is the first line in the development of atherosclerosis, or hardening of the arteries, so, given the results of our study, it is conceivable that laughing may be important to maintain a healthy endothelium and reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease.”

#7.

IT BOOSTS YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM

Last week we posted about ways you could boost your immune system - how about this one? Laughter can help reduce your stress levels, and when your body is stressed and overworked, you’re more likely to be unwell. Researchers discovered that laughter can improve the activity of natural killer (NK) cells- a researcher from the study in question explained, “As low NK cell activity is linked to decreased disease resistance and increased morbidity in persons with cancer and HIV disease, laughter may be a useful cognitive-behavioural intervention.” Laughter also helps to promote relaxation and a great night’s sleep, which can also be of benefit to your immune system.

#8. IT LOWERS BLOOD PRESSURE

High blood pressure (hypertension) is a common problem which can, if left untreated, lead to an increased risk of heart attack, stroke and kidney disease. Laughter can reduce your body’s

production of stress hormones such as cortisol, which makes your heart beat harder and faster and increases blood pressure. Laughter also gives your muscles a workout, which creates a sustained drop in blood pressure as blood vessels dilate and more oxygen enters your circulation. For a healthier heart, laugh for around 15 to 20 minutes a day - it doesn’t matter what you laugh at!

#9. IT IMPROVES YOUR MEMORY

Always forgetting where you put your car keys, or leaving your healthy lunch at home when you go to the office? Scientists from Loma Linda University in California discovered that laughter could improve memory and learning. Two groups of adults in their 60s and 70s participated in an experiment - one group watched a 20-minute comedy show whilst the other group watched a humourless TV show. After the viewing, researchers discovered that the comedy group had lower cortisol levels and their memory had improved by up to 43%. Dr. Gurinder S. Bains, the study’s author, explains the findings, “Excess cortisol can damage the hippocampus - the part of the brain that consolidates short-term memory - and can eventually impair learning and memory.” So if you want to stop forgetting what you just went upstairs for, try laughing more often!

#10. IT MAKES YOU

HAPPY

It might be one of the most obvious benefits of laughter, but laughing out loud really does make you happier. Happy people attract other happy people, so the happier you are, the more surrounded by friends and loved ones you’ll be. Just 10 to 15 minutes of laughter a day can significantly boost your mood, and when you’re happier, you’re more likely to make healthy choices when it comes to your diet and lifestyle.

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WHY BACK TO SCHOOL IS FOR ALL OF US BY DANIEL DARLING I don’t want to spoil your day, but the summer is almost over. Lazy mornings spent sleeping in and lazy evenings spent by the pool are over. Fresh stocks of paper, glue, and other necessary supplies sit ready to be deployed in the service of the mind. Restless kids and tired parents are ready to begin the orderly routines that help shape childhood. But it’s not just the little ones who must get ready to go back to school. This time of the year offers a fresh opportunity to prepare our hearts for the coming season.

PARENTS GO BACK TO SCHOOL

Christian parents have to carefully weigh their options when making educational decisions for their kids. This is a deeply personal decision, with quite a few variables. Our four kids have been enrolled in all three models of education during various seasons. Right now, we have one child homeschool and three who attend our local (very good) elementary school. Regardless of the method of education, we parents must understand that we have a primary responsibility when it comes to forming our kids’ minds. No educational model can fill in the gaps for parents who fail to take their discipleship responsibility seriously. Our kids’ minds are being shaped. The question is: Are we the ones doing the shaping, or are we outsourcing that to the culture or other influences?

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

PASTORS GO BACK TO SCHOOL

There is perhaps no issue more potentially divisive in church life than the issue of education. As a pastor, I’ve had to navigate the tensions in the congregations where I’ve served. The wisest course of action is to try to create a culture where parents are both equipped to disciple their children well and supported in the educational decisions they make. A healthy church is filled with public school teachers, homeschool families, and Christian school kids. Often churches can create cliques: homeschool cliques, public school cliques, Christian school cliques. Pastors should encourage their people to build deep friendships with families who do school differently.

KIDS GO BACK TO SCHOOL

As a Christian school kid, I am aware of the temptations toward pride that can easily accompany our schooling choices. I remember the sinful elitism that I, at times, displayed toward public school kids or homeschool kids I grew up with. Some of that was due in part to the way I often heard adults speak of our schooling. In their well-meaning zeal to champion private schooling, I often heard my teachers and administrators disparage parents and kids who were doing school differently. This fed an overinflated sense of myself that God has had to chip away from my character. As parents, we should be confident in our choices, but not so much that we unintentionally teach our kids to be little Pharisees. Education is important, but we should hold our opinions about it loosely in order to love our neighbors and live in unity in the body of Christ.

GRANDPARENTS GO BACK TO SCHOOL

Your days of buying school supplies and making lunches might be over, but this doesn’t mean grandparents don’t have an important impact to make on their school-age grandchildren. It is during this busy season that you can have maximum impact, both on sharing some of the responsibilities for busy parents and being a source of wisdom and guidance in forming the minds of your grandchildren.

THE WHOLE CHURCH GOES BACK TO SCHOOL

Even if you don’t have children going back to school this week, you still have a role in shaping the next generation. The kids in your church need your prayers and support. The parents in your church need encouragement. And the teachers in your church need to know you are seeking the Lord on their behalf. You also have a role in shaping the children in your community, whether it

is through volunteer work at your local school, inviting local kids to church, or supporting your neighbors who are in the midst of the busy school season. As we readjust our rhythms for back to school season, let’s recommit ourselves to influencing the next generation of kids to love the Lord with all of their hearts, souls, minds, and strength. After all, it is childlike faith, Jesus tells us, that embodies the kingdom of God (Matt. 18:2). This article originally appeared on ERLC.com, The Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission. Used with permission. Daniel Darling is the Vice President for Communications. He is a contributor to Christianity Today, In Touch and a columnist for Homelife. His works has appeared in The Washington Post, CNN, Huffington Post, Washington Times, OnFaith, and The Gospel Coalition. Daniel is the host of The Way Home Podcast and is the author of several books, including his latest, The Original Jesus.

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

WHAT TO DO WHEN WORRY GETS THE BEST OF YOU BY CINDI MCMENAMIN One of my friends sent me a text upon learning her husband was diagnosed with colon cancer. I was surprised—yet encouraged—by her reaction. “God’s got this,” she said confidently. I want that type of unswerving trust in the One who can handle all things. Then I realized something. You and I have the ability to have that kind of trust in God because we’ve been given the same thing that my friend, Allison, has been given: God’s trustworthy Word. And his trustworthy character. Still, we tend to be people who worry. When I asked a group of Christian women to tell me what they worry about most, this is what they said: • I worry about my children, and that they will wander from the Lord. • I worry that I don’t have any friends. • I’m concerned about unsaved family members. I want them to know Christ and spend eternity with him. • I’m worried about the stability of my marriage and my husband’s desire for a divorce. I’m so comforted to know that God is intimately acquainted with all our ways and that he knows our thoughts (and concerns) before we even think them (Psalm 139:2). That assures me he is already working on the matters that concern us most. I’m also glad God knew we would be worriers and prone to anxiety and stress. And I’m SO glad he had the Apostle Paul address our “anxious thoughts” in Philippians 4:6-7: Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

So, according to that verse, if you’re worried about not having friends, tell God about it, and thank him that he already knows your situation. Ask his wisdom in leading you toward trusted friends and then rest in the peace that comes from trusting him. If you’re concerned your unsaved family members, remember that God desires their salvation even more than you do. So thank him that he is the One who draws all men to himself, and then pray specifically for them, trusting God’s timing and

methods. He may choose to reach them through you and he may not. And when you start to stress out about your marriage, remember that God’s heart breaks over broken marriages— not because he can’t fix them, but because we often give up before we allow him the chance to restore it all. He is the God of reconciliation, not the God of giving up. He is also the author of persevering love. Pray, dear friend, for your husband’s heart to soften toward the Lord and that, in the process, you can love him as God loves him. Any time you find yourself in a situation you can’t do anything about (which is why we worry in the first place) trust that God is who he says he is and he can work out that situation far better than you. In my life, when I begin to worry that God hasn’t “done something yet,” I have to remind myself that he is who he says he is. He doesn’t need my help. He doesn’t need my stress. He desires my trust. When I acknowledge that he is God and I am not and that his plan is always better than mine, that is when he gives me that peace that guards my heart and soul— as Philippians talks about. He still expects me to be a good friend before I can find a good friend. He still expects me to share my faith and talk openly of his goodness, in case he wants to use me to reach my unsaved family members. And he still expects me to work at my marriage and be the wife he called me to be, regardless of what I might feel. But when you’ve done what you can, go confidently back to the principles in Philippians 4:6-7 and “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand…” (NLT). The next time you begin to worry, ask yourself “What am I believing about God that isn’t true?” “Do I believe he is true to his word? Do I believe he can really take care of this?” Trust that he really can work ALL things together for good to those who love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). And through this time of waiting and trusting (rather than worrying), you can also have peace knowing that during your time of trusting, he is making you more like his Son (Romans 8:29). Today, my friend’s husband who was diagnosed with colon cancer is doing remarkably well. It’s been two years. The cancer is gone. They’re still living day by day in the palm of God’s hand. And they’re still convinced—and so am I—that “God’s got this.” Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker and author of several books, including When Women Walk Alone (more than 120,000 copies sold), God’s Whispers to a Woman’s Heart, and her newest, When God Sees Your Tears. For more on her ministry or for free resources to strengthen your soul, marriage, or walk with God, see her at: www.strengthforthesoul.com

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

IS OVER-PARENTING TURNING YOUR KIDS AWAY FROM FAITH? (PT. 2)

BY RHONDA STOPPE

TEEN VIBEZ

In the previous issue of the magazine, Rhonda shares that “ we must ask God to help us discern our motives raising “good” kids. If your ambition is for others to think you’ve done a good job as a parent then it’s time to evaluate your motivations.” Join us now for the conclusion of the story. So, how does a parent guide their child to become less dependent upon them and more dependent upon Christ as they mature? This is not for the faint of heart. But you can know that if God has called you to this (and if you’re a parent He has), then He will give you His wisdom and strength for this incredible ministry of parenting. Jesus said, “The student will become like his teacher.” (Luke 6:40)

kingdom purposes! Helping your children see themselves through this wonderful identity in Christ will train them to anticipate the future God has planned for them (see Ephesians 2:10).

future that brings glory to God? One way is to teach them to think biblically. What does this mean? Simply stated, it means to filter all of life’s experiences through God’s Word.

NOTE: If your child’s not a Christian, the best witnessing tool you have for winning him to Christ is your own life of joyful service to Christ. Be ever mindful that your child is observing how you live to see if your relationship with Jesus makes a difference. Religious duty will not draw your child to your Savior; rather, your wholehearted surrender to the One you call Lord will speak volumes to him as he tries to decide whether he needs or wants a relationship with Jesus.

To instill a scriptural foundation in your child, you’ll need to know the Bible well enough to season with sound doctrine the conversations you have with them.

If you desire to guide your child toward dependence on Christ, you’ll need to create ways for them to rely less and less upon you as they mature. Did you know the best place for your kids to make mistakes is while they’re still living under your roof? Think about it. If you raise your children in such a bubble they never fail, when they move out and make mistakes––and they will––they’ll not have learned the proper way to recover.

In Deuteronomy 6:4-9, you’ll find a simple outline for developing a biblical worldview in your child’s mind:

Notice Jesus didn’t say the student will be like the teacher teaches him to be, but rather he will emulate the characteristics and values he observes in his teacher. As a parent, you my friend are that teacher. So, how can you live in a way that shows your kids a life that reflects God’s glory? How can you train them to love God and others in the way Jesus commands in Mark 12:30-31? We are not trying to raise perfect kids. Rather, we are trying to raise kids who From my book, Moms Raising Sons to know how to repent and recover when Be Men, I share the following insights: they sin. Isn’t that part of the normal Christian life? If your child is a Christian, he is not ordinary––he is a child of the Most High God. Made alive in Christ to accomplish So, how can you equip your child for a 12

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

D.L. Moody said, “If we attempt to feed others we must first feed ourselves.” Steve Miller, author of D.L. Moody on Spiritual Leadership explains: “When we take the time to ensure our lives abound with spiritual water, [the people we lead] are more likely to abound with spiritual fruit.”

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” Let’s break this down:

Verse 4-5: You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. Your wholehearted commitment to God and His Word will demonstrate to your child how much you love God and value Scripture. Verse 6: Think about, meditate on, and memorize Scripture, so your obedience to God will be a response based upon biblical precepts. When you transform your thinking with Scripture you will be prepared to teach your kids how to speak and act in God-honoring ways, without hypocrisy. Verse 7-9: Relate your child’s everyday experiences to the Bible. This practice will make talking about spiritual matters a normal part of your conversations. When you arm your children with godly knowledge, they will learn to recognize when others are attempting to deceive them. God said, “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6). So, to keep your children from being destroyed by worldly influences and

deceptions, impart knowledge from the Bible as often as the opportunity arises. This will grow their faith more than the practice of over-parenting attempts to manipulate or control their actions. The world would instruct your children to achieve their goals for their own pleasure and fame, rather than God’s glory. That is why it’s vital for you to train them to filter their opportunities and achievements through a biblical mindset. One way to lay a biblical foundation in your child’s mind is through music. (And realize that ungodly music can also be the thing that woos your child’s heart away from a godly mindset.) For example, as a witness for the Lord, God told Moses to write a song for His people to teach to their children so it “will not be forgotten in the mouths of their descendants” (Deuteronomy 31:19-22). When our kids were little, every night my husband and I tucked them into bed listening to songs that put Bible verses to music. Even now, more than 20 years

later, our children can still sing the Scripture passages they memorized as they drifted off to dreamland. Last weekend my husband, Steve, and I babysat our granddaughter, Karis. When our peacock’s screeching frightened her (yes, we have peacocks on our ranch–– they kill snakes!), in response to her fear, Karis immediately started singing a song her mom had learned as a child, “When I am afraid I will trust in you.” Steve and I smiled because another generation is learning how to apply biblical knowledge to situations of life. Over-parenting can feel like the right thing to do, but learning to parent in a way that helps your child mature away from dependence upon you and more upon faith in Christ will equip your child to leave your home ready to follow Christ for His Kingdom and His glory. Rhonda Stoppe is a pastor’s wife, speaker, and author. As the NO REGRETS WOMAN, Rhonda has more than 20 years experience of helping women live life with no regrets. Through humor, and honest communication, she helps women build NO REGRETS LIVES by applying sound teaching from Scripture.

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BULLYING Being picked on or made fun of can lower your self-esteem and make you feel unworthy. Maybe you feel like no one cares. But Jesus Christ was also ridiculed and understands what you’re going through. He can give you strength to help you overcome this situation. The Bible says in II Corinthians 12:10 that when we are weak, He makes us strong.

WORTH IN CHRIST

God created each person unique, with different talents, personalities and desires. We are not mass produced, but carefully made by the God of the universe. He knows us by name. Just think of it: You are God’s masterpiece! Your life is not worthless, no matter what others say or how they treat you. Your life is a gift from God. He knew you before you were even born. Psalm 139:13-14 says, “You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful.”

God values you. And He doesn’t show favoritism (Acts 10:34). He loves you and cares how you feel. I Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” If you have trusted in Jesus Christ as Lord, you are called a child of God. I John 3:I says, “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!”

WHY BULLIES BULLY

Some people—children, teenagers and adults alike—pick on others because of things going on in their own lives. They might envy you or even resent you for something beyond your control. They might have a difficult situation at home and target you to fulfill a need to be in control. Perhaps they are not treated well, either, or have a negative view of themselves. Maybe they receive little attention from people around them. It could be that the person or people making your life miserable are simply trying to take the focus off of their own problems. Some bullies bully others to gain attention, status or approval from

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their peers. While these things might not be the case, keep in mind that you might not be the only one facing a hard situation. While there’s no excuse for bullying, recognizing a motive might help you respond in the best way.

RESPONSE

While the word “bully” does not appear in the Bible, the idea of treating others in a brutish or disrespectful way does. Christians can even be a specific target of bullies since trying to live like Christ is often countercultural. Matthew 5:39 says, “Do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.” However, this doesn’t mean you can’t ask for God’s defense or stand up for yourself. When responding to a bullying situation, remember that the Bible tells us to treat others fairly and with respect. Matthew 22:39 says to love others as yourself. And Romans

12:18 advises, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” When faced with someone talking bad about you, making fun of you or putting you down, do not seek revenge but respond in love. Matthew 5:44 says to “love your enemies,” and Matthew 5:9 says peacemakers will be blessed. Luke 6:28 even says, “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” How you treat others reflects your relationship with God since He created and values everyone. When you respond to bullies in love, they notice and might even change their attitude toward you. Proverbs 15:I says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” At the same time, if the bullying is negatively affecting you—mentally, emotionally or physically—do not allow yourself to remain in danger, but

seek support from a trusted adult or authority figure. Remember that our strength comes not from ourselves, but from God who cares about us and gives us hope. Let that give you confidence to endure. Psalm 34:4-5 says, “I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” Sometimes, it’s wise to even flee from a bully. Out of jealousy, King Saul in the Bible chased David, and David fled (I Samuel 19-24). Fleeing from a bully isn’t cowardly; it’s often the best choice when we can’t protect ourselves. Ask God for wisdom in how you should respond, and trust Him to bring justice. If it is a fellow Christian who is wronging you, Matthew 18:15-17 says to point out the wrongdoing to the person. If that person doesn’t listen, ask one or two others to approach him or her with you. If that doesn’t change anything, bring the issue to your church.

Regardless of the situation, we can find comfort and protection in God. Psalm 46:I says, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Let His strength encourage you today.

PROTECTING OTHERS

Ephesians 5 and 6 calls husbands to defend their families and businesses. And it’s up to parents to try to protect their children from danger. If your child is being bullied, don’t assume it will just go away. It might help to role-play how your child can respond so that he or she feels prepared to face the bully. Keep the line of communication open with your children, and don’t hesitate to get another adult or school administrator involved to help resolve the issue. Source: Going Farther - Billy Graham Evangelistic Association

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EQUIP KIDS FOR LIFELONG LEARNING

BY CHERI FULLER

The aim of education is the knowledge not of fact, but of values. —Dean William R. Inge Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it —Proverbs 22:6 The MacLean family moved around a lot. They home schooled during the seven years the parents served as missionaries overseas, and they eventually moved to Oklahoma after a short stint in another state where their children attended a Christian school. Soon after entering the public middle school in their community, their son Anthony went into a downward spiral. He’d scored very low on standardized tests taken on enrollment day, and after a week or two, he was so discouraged with his low test scores and mounds of homework, he wanted to quit. Anthony’s mom, Maggie, began volunteering in his classroom one afternoon a week. There she realized more clearly the challenges and expectations for sixth graders. The teacher gave her supplemental materials for Anthony, and she began working with him after school at home — having him reading his science and history textbooks aloud; providing extra books, maps, and atlases from the library to enrich the material; and equipping him with study strategies. When the students were to enter the science fair, Anthony found a project that piqued his curiosity; his mom, dad, and brothers helped him find interesting resources and cheered him on as he worked. When he was awarded first place in his division, Anthony, who’d always been in the shadow of his two high-achieving older siblings, began to feel more confident. After that success, he made it a goal to get straight A’s and worked even harder. During the many months Anthony persevered, his parents focused on his progress and effort, instead of on what he hadn’t yet achieved or an occasional low grade. It wasn’t easy and Anthony had plenty of setbacks, but with his optimism, effort, and determination fueling him, by the end of the next year, he’d made all A’s for the first time ever, and his standardized test scores went way up. This young man didn’t stop there. Though he had to work harder than other classmates to get high grades, by college he was a 4.0 student and was on the president’s honor roll. Along the way, the boy who struggled with middle-school homework fell in love with learning, which took him to a Japanese university to teach English as a second language and on a history fellowship to tour and write about his travels in Europe and around the world. Now in his late 20s, this lifelong learner plans to study for a Ph.D. and become a college professor. Just as Anthony’s parents found, there are many ways you can equip your child for lifelong learning and success. This article series will share how you can be a homework consultant and encourager yet leave the ownership of the responsibility with your child. You’ll also learn how your role model as a parent is one of the best ways to impact your child’s achievement. In addition, you’ll see CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

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how a positive home environment that supports learning and develops strong character and values is vital as you build momentum for lifelong learning.

Parents’ Role in Homework What can you do then to support your children in learning and help them take ownership? It wasn’t hard to tell which kids were getting too much outside help from their parents. A project and poster would look like a graphics team had created it, or a homework paper would be perfect, but the student would fail the test on the same material. Today the urge to get over-involved in homework is just as great, and perhaps even greater because some experts say that many parents “consumed with overprotective zeal” are coddling their kids through homework, correcting their errors or even doing the papers for them. Telltale clues of over-involvement are when parents say “Our project is taking a lot of time,” or “We have so much 18

homework tonight!” Actually, it’s the child’s project and homework, and even though parents are just trying to help, if they take over, kids start thinking, Why care or put out so much effort? Mom and Dad will do it for me! What can you do then to support your children in learning and help them take ownership? The first step is to build responsibility. Kids who learn responsibility at home (by doing a few daily, age-appropriate chores and completing their own homework assignments) tend to be more competent and successful at school. You should provide an organized study area (with good light, paper, and colorcoded file folders to keep papers in, and let them choose some of their own supplies) because disorganization causes stress and distracts from the learning process. Children need a break and physical play after school, but then you need to establish a fixed place in your house and a regular time for homework and reading because it helps build a strong “mental set” for studying. Another thing you can do is show your child how to break assignments into

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doable bites so the pressure won’t be on the night before the due date (when you’re more tempted to pick up the ball and do the project for him so he won’t get a zero) — but then expect your child to do the work. Teach good study strategies that build on your child’s learning strengths — but let him or her keep the “ownership” of the homework and school responsibilities. And if he’s done a math problem incorrectly, show him how to work a similar problem but let him be the one to correct it on his worksheet. When parents repeatedly bail kids out if they fail to do their work, the kids don’t learn responsibility or use their own abilities. But when you encourage self-reliance and responsibility, you’ll be empowering your child with an “I can do it” kind of attitude.

Boost Curiosity and Thinking Skills Curiosity is key to your child’s desire to learn. As long as kids stay curious, they are motivated to learn, but when their

curiosity dies, their learning ability suffers. Many experts believe curiosity may be the most important factor for children’s brain development and their ability to tackle academic tasks. Just as my friends the McLeans found, when their son’s curiosity was stimulated, it boosted his motivation to learn. Like curiosity, thinking is perhaps one of the most important subjects of all, and it begins at home. Use opportunities in real, everyday living to give your kids problem-solving practice. Let them help figure out how far apart to space vegetable and flower seedlings in the garden. Before a trip, let them help plan and budget the vacation money and navigate using maps while en route to your destination. Turn a walk to the park into a nature investigation with an inexpensive magnifying glass, a sack for interesting rocks or leaves, and a critter jar made out of a plastic container with a mesh lid to let in air. Ask curious questions when you go to the zoo together like “Why do you think this animal has long legs? Is this animal a meat eater or a grass eater?” Give them toothpicks and say, “What are all the ways we can use a toothpick?”

Brainstorm and see who can figure out how to use something that would normally be thrown away. “What are all the ways we can use a toothpick?” Brainstorm and see who can figure out how to use something that would normally be thrown away. “What can we do with a Styrofoam tray the chicken was in?” (After washing, of course!) And there are many other creative ideas kids can think of on their own. And most of all, take your kids’ questions seriously — even though little ones ask a lot of questions that can seem endless. (Remember, these curiosities, these questions, are a key to his desire to learn, so avoid putting out the fire!) At the same time, don’t feel like you have to give all the answers; it’s valuable to help your child think through the question and ask, “What do you think about that?” or “That’s a really great question,” and then guide him through applying facts he’s already learned or coming up with a theory of his own. If you’re too busy to talk about it at the time or don’t know the answer, write your child’s questions on an index card and the next time you’re at the

library, have him take it to the librarian to help discover the answer, or search together on the Internet later. When kids are in junior high and high school, critical-thinking skills are developing, so it’s vital to keep an open dialogue with them about issues and situations they face. When they make a statement that contrasts with your values, avoid overreacting. Instead, guide them through the thought processes, and encourage them to consider what determines right and wrong and to search for what God says about that issue in the Bible. But let your children explain their views and not always be put down for their ideas. Also, find out what the school is doing to inspire kids’ curiosity. If your discoveries prove disappointing, band with other parents to brainstorm for creative ideas and buy hands-on science equipment (lots of which is inexpensive). Meet with teachers and the principal to see how parents can partner to improve the school environment and build students’ sense of wonder, curiosity, and motivation for learning.

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“My Favorite Things” is a popular song, originally from the 1959 Rodgers and Hammerstein musical The Sound of Music. In the movie version, Maria and the von Trapp children sing the cheerful lyrics during a scary thunderstorm — “Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens” — to fill their minds with things they love. Likewise, when you face busy times or difficult seasons with your spouse, it’s important to remember your favorite things about your marriage. The apostle Paul gave a similar directive when he wrote, “Let marriage be held in honor among all” (Hebrews 13:4). But what does it mean to honor marriage?

HONORING MARRIAGE BY GREG SMALLEY

The word honor means to highly value something — to appreciate, cherish and recognize it as a priceless treasure. Matthew 6:21 says, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” This verse suggests that honor is primarily a matter of the heart. So in marriage, it involves recognizing the beauty and worth of your relationship with your spouse and then doing something to put that recognition and appreciation into action. It’s about dedication, heart and soul, to building strong foundational qualities into your marriage relationship.

LAY THE FOUNDATION

Focus on the Family has developed a list of 12 traits that are considered fundamental to every thriving marriage. Five of those traits bear a special relevance to the subject of honoring your relationship with your mate. Consider the following: • Cherishing your spouse. Successful marriages are made of two people who intentionally keep an account of the things they value about each other. When you cherish one another, you recognize that each spouse is created in God’s image and is, therefore, of infinite worth and value. You remember what you value about your marriage, keep reminders of good memories and celebrate milestones together. • Nourishing your marriage is about discovering your mate’s “love language” and learning to speak it. These actions will involve shoring up your spouse’s strengths, supplementing his or her weaknesses and “encouraging one

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another daily” (Hebrews 3:13, NIV). • Maintaining a lifelong commitment — a full and earnest investment of your whole heart — flows out of what you treasure. You invest in whatever it is that you esteem. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the word wholehearted as “marked by complete earnest commitment.” Complete. Earnest. Wholehearted commitment begins when you recognize the incredible value of your relationship. • Spending enjoyable time together. Thriving couples are intentional about making time for each other. It’s crucial that you schedule regular date nights and outings, develop meaningful traditions and family rituals, and know how to maintain a healthy balance between togetherness and independence. • Being community minded. It takes a village to sustain a marriage. It’s vital to regularly connect with likeminded couples who are committed to your relationship. To have a thriving marriage, you need to realize your need for other people as well as their need for you, stay engaged with nurturing communities of all kinds and make a special point of maintaining an active involvement in the local church.

RECOGNIZE YOUR FAVORITE THINGS

Once you’ve built these foundational characteristics into the groundwork of your marriage, you can get down to the practical task of honoring your marriage on an everyday basis. Get together with your spouse and make a list of what you value about your relationship — your “favorite things.” See how many you can come up with. Here are a few ideas to get you started: • Having fun and laughing together • Loving someone with all my heart • Being liked and loved • Enjoying the combined effect of the synergy between us — we are able to do so much more together than we could

do alone • Sharing affection for each other • Pursuing God together • Being real and authentic • Raising our children together • Being challenged to become a better person • Making memories together • Sharing inside jokes • Pursuing dreams

vocabulary. Because divorce isn’t an option for us, our commitment keeps us pressing forward — it motivates us to resolve problems and conflicts as they arise.

COMMITMENT INVOLVES PASSION AND EMOTION

Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all.” Honoring marriage means we recognize its immense worth. In the past, I never really thought about the value of my marriage. It wasn’t like I avoided this thought — it just never occurred to me. So I made a list of what I love about my married life with Erin:

• Having someone to celebrate with

• Laughing together

• Sharing the deepest levels of intimacy and connection — sex

• Raising our children together

• Knowing someone deeply and being deeply known by another

• Sharing deep levels of intimacy

• Celebrating life’s successes

• Serving together

• Serving together • Being with my best friend • Having a helpmate to share life’s responsibilities • Feeling safe and secure

When we recognize the treasure that is marriage, it has a great impact on our commitment because our hearts are fully invested in what we consider valuable.

COMMITMENT REQUIRES ACTION

BUILD A FUTURE

I remember standing at the altar on my wedding day and pledging my lifelong commitment to my wife, Erin. But after saying my vows, I didn’t give much thought to my marriage commitment. I was simply committed. What was there to think about? Since that time, however, I’ve come to realize that commitment is more than just a vow at a wedding. Twenty-three years of marriage have taught me that commitment is a passionate decision to be with your spouse for a lifetime and to proactively build a future. I’ve learned there are three key aspects of commitment:

We need to take active steps to maintain a strong marriage. One powerful action couples can take to strengthen their marriage is to develop a shared dream. The dream that Erin and I share is to lead marriage seminars. When we’re leading a seminar, Erin and I experience a type of connection that is difficult to put into words. God blesses our relationship when we’re living out our shared dream. Dr. Greg Smalley is vice president of Family Ministries at Focus on the Family.

COMMITMENT IS A DECISION

A husband and wife must decide to love each other for a lifetime. It’s a decision to remove all other options that compete against their marriage. For example, Erin and I have removed the word divorce from our marriage

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FOODS WITH LOW CALORIES AND A LOT OF NUTRIENTS

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THE KEY TO LOSING WEIGHT IS ABOUT EATING FEWER CALORIES THAN YOU USE. IT’S THE MATH AROUND ENERGY IN VERSUS ENERGY OUT. IT SOUNDS EASY, BUT BECAUSE OF THE WAY FOODS AND THEIR NUTRIENTS INTERACT WITH OUR BODIES, IT CAN BE A BIT HARDER IN REALITY! THEN ONCE YOU’VE LOST A FEW KILOS, THE TRICK TO MAINTAINING YOUR WEIGHT LOSS IS ALL ABOUT BALANCING OUT WHAT YOU EAT WITH WHAT YOUR BODY NEEDS.

15.TOMATOES

Fresh tomatoes are technically a fruit although we use them as if they are a vegetable. Enjoy them in all their sizes and varieties from sweet cherry sized to bigger “beefsteak” tomatoes. Tomatoes have a high water content to keep you hydrated and are a good source of Vitamin C. 100 grams of tomatoes, or 3.5 ounces is only around 20 kilocalories.

10. LETTUCE

Whatever variety takes your fancy – romaine, iceberg, summer crisp – lettuce leaves are an excellent source of Vitamin K and Vitamin A. They also contain the minerals iron and folate. 100 grams, or 3.5 ounces, is around 15 kilocalories. That’s the equivalent of about 5 calories per cup, so you can eat a lot of lettuce without consuming very many calories!

5. RASPBERRIES

Juicy raspberries are very high in dietary fiber to keep your digestive system healthy and help with feeling full. Low in natural sugars, but high in Vitamin C and the mineral manganese, they also have a high water content. 100 grams or 3.5 ounces of raspberries is about 50 calories.

4. CAULIFLOWER

14. ASPARAGUS

9. BLACKBERRIES

The humble blackberry is an excellent source of dietary fiber of both the soluble and insoluble kind that your body needs, and also contains good levels of Vitamins C and K. 100 grams of blackberries, or 3.5 ounces contains only 43 kilocalories.

This is another vegetable that comes in multi colors, you can find white, green, orange and purple cauliflowers grown around the world. Cauliflower is a good source of Vitamins C, K, B6, foliate and dietary fiber and protein. 100 grams or 3.5 ounces of cauliflower is about 25 kilocalories.

13. BEETS

8. ROCKET

3. BELL PEPPERS

Bring on asparagus in Spring! Asparagus shoots are low in sodium and contain iron, potassium, zinc, Vitamin K, B Vitamins, fiber and a high water content. A 100-gram serve or 3.5 ounces is around 20 kilocalories.

Both the bulbs and leaves of beets are very good for you. The cooked ruby red roots or bulbs are an excellent source of folate (vitamin B9), and a good source of manganese. 100 grams of beetroot or 3.5 ounces is around 45 calories.

12. CABBAGE

Leafy cabbage can be found in green, red, purple, and white varieties. It is packed with Vitamins K and C and a good source of dietary fiber. 100 grams of cabbage, or 3.5 ounces, is just 25 kilocalories.

11. GRAPEFRUIT

This citrus fruit with a bit of tang comes in a few different varieties and colored flesh. Grapefruit is very high in Vitamin C and an excellent antioxidant. 100 grams or 3.5 ounces of grapefruit is around 35 kilocalories.

Rocket, aka arugula, the small leafy green with a slight peppery flavor, is very rich in Vitamins K, A and C and includes minerals such as iron, calcium, manganese, and magnesium. 100 grams or 3.5 ounces of rocket leaves is about 25 kilocalories.

7. MUSHROOMS

Edible mushrooms are neither a fruit or vegetable! These tasty fungi are an excellent source of vitamins and minerals. Mushrooms contain Vitamin D, most of the B vitamins and are also good sources of zinc, potassium and phosphorous. 100 grams or 3.5 ounces of mushrooms is around 20 kilocalories.

6. WATERCRESS

A serving of watercress, another leafy green vegetable contains more than your bodies daily needs for Vitamin K, along with being a good source of Vitamin C, B Vitamins and Vitamin A. 100 grams of watercress, about 3.5 ounces is only 10 calories.

Bell peppers, or sweet peppers, in their bright red, yellow, orange and greens are excellent sources of Vitamin C, with sweet red peppers being the highest. They also have a high water content and are a good source of Vitamin B6. 100 grams of raw sweet pepper is around 20 kilocalories.

2. BRUSSEL SPROUTS

Love them or loathe them, Brussel sprouts, are the strong little powerhouses in the cabbage family! A 100 gram serving of Brussel sprouts contains more than your daily requirements of Vitamins K and C. They also contain Vitamins A, B6, folate, potassium and Vitamin C. 100 grams of Brussel sprouts contains about 45 calories.

1. CARROTS

We think of carrots as predominantly orange, but their colors can range in the spectrum from white to yellow, to red, to purple. Carrots are excellent sources of the carotenes that our bodies process into Vitamin A. They are also a good source of Vitamins B6 and B12. 100 grams of carrots or 3.5 ounces is about 40 kilocalories.

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

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HOW TO BE GENEROUS WITH YOUR MONEY (EVEN IF YOU DON’T HAVE A LOT)

COVER STORY

BY RICK SORENSEN

nderstanding where your money comes from is the beginning to living a generous life, even when you don’t have a lot of money to be generous with. I should know. While this is quite hard to admit, I am barely making enough money to sustain my own family right now. I had been working at a company for 10 years before it closed down last year – a circumstance many face today. I’m working again, but unfortunately, my new income does not come close to what it was before. Now, I am working hard to move my finances beyond a “paycheckto-paycheck” lifestyle. During all of this, though, there has been one constant area of my family’s life that my wife and I were certain needed to remain, no matter what’s in the bank account. It’s something that comes before you even begin to think about your own living expenses. It’s called generosity, and none of us would be here without it. Generosity, at its core, doesn’t have anything to do with money, even though we are talking about our ability to be generous with money when you may not have a lot to be generous with. If you are someone who is barely making it with the bare minimum and do not have anything you can cut spending wise, please know that this article is for you. I will say, though, whether you are at the bare minimum, or well above in terms of 26

income, there is an understanding about generosity that you need to learn before you can begin to use your money not only generously, but with an eternal purpose in mind.

The Importance of Being Generous

Our desire to be generous has to do with the fact that the Lord of heaven and earth is a generous God (Philippians 4:19, 2 Corinthians 8:9) and the fact that we are made in His image (Genesis 1:27). His generosity towards us began the moment He fixed the stars in the sky, separated the land from the water, and created Adam and Eve to inhabit, enjoy, and increase. He continues this generosity by allowing us the air that we breathe even though, in all accounts, we are all worthy of a swift justice due to our disobedience and sin (Romans 3:23). Instead, He gives generously of His grace, His mercy, and of Himself, not because we deserve it, but because it is in His nature to do so. Since we are made in His image, we are able to not only recognize generosity but to uphold those willing to partake in its

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practice.

“...we are locked in an internal struggle between holding on and letting go.” The hard part to all of this is found in the way we are locked in an internal struggle between holding on and letting go. On one hand, we desire to give because it is in our very nature to do so. On the other hand, we hold on to what we have tightly because of the selfishness and fear found in sin. The remedy for this is faith and obedience to God’s Word and in the Holy Spirit’s prompting for when and how we should give.

Faith and Obedience

If we have the faith to believe in God and in the fact that He is truly generous to the ones made in His image (which is all of us), then we need to have more faith in the idea that He will honor and bless us in ways we could have never imagined as we seek to live like Him. His Word acknowledges that if we give, then we will receive blessings on earth, in heaven, or both (Luke 6:38, 2 Corinthians 5:10, Matthew 25:21); but we must remember that we do not give generously simply because of the blessings that follow. We give because of the example He

first gave us (Matthew 10:8) and because of generosity’s ability to ready the heart of those with whom we seek to share the gospel of Christ. If we were only generous in light of what we received on earth, then anyone martyred for their faith in Christ would seem a fool. Just the opposite is so.

generosity. We are seeking to help, but we know that begins within the heart of each and every person. What makes generosity so powerful is in its ability to continue through the decades as a witness of God’s love through us, no matter how small we may believe our generous act to be!

but John 20:30-31 says that it was with a purpose,

it out of what may be all that we have. One of the greatest Biblical examples of this faith and obedience being practiced simultaneously is in the story of the prophet Elisha and the widow at Zarephath in 1 Kings 17:7-24.

this, Elisha shares this with her in verses 13-14,

“Don’t be afraid. Go home and do as you have said. But first make a small loaf of bread for me from “...we need our actions “...God may call on us what you have and to speak louder than to give when we least bring it to me, and our words...” expect it...” then make something There is a saying commonly attributed You may be saying, that’s great and all, but to St. Francis of Assisi that says, “Preach Jesus did all of this without the need of for yourself and your the gospel at all times. If necessary, use money. I would love to be able to perform words.” While there is no record of him miracles so that I could have an audience son. For this is what ever writing these words, the purpose of to preach, but until that time happens, the Lord, the God of this saying has touched many Christian’s I barely have enough money to feed my hearts concerning the idea that we need own children let alone give money to Israel, says: ‘The jar of our actions to speak louder than our others in need. How can I give anything words if we are to share the Gospel in a away generously? flour will not be used fallen and sinful world. It says that our Again, the answer to that question is up and the jug of oil generosity will be heard long before the message. But I’ve always had an issue with found in faith and obedience. Faith in the will not run dry until idea that God will provide for us as we this saying because it seems to downplay seek to help others in need (Luke 6:38), the actual need to speak the truth. Yes, the day the Lord sends and obedience in the idea that God may Jesus would show His generosity in call on us to give when we least expect rain on the land.’” healing the sick and feeding thousands, “Jesus performed many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.” His generosity preceded the gospel to show that He not only came with the Word of God but with the love of God, as well. That is the very reason for our

God Providing in Miraculous Ways

In this story, there is a drought upon the land and Elisha is commanded by God to go to the widow of Zarephath so that she may supply him with food. Upon his arrival, he finds that she was just about to use her last bit of flour and oil to make bread for what she was certain would be her and her son’s last meal. Upon hearing

The widow’s faith to the word of the Lord blesses her with the ability to provide for her and her son based off of her obedience to give to the prophet first. She could have used that flour and oil to make one more meal, but she gave her all, just as the widow gave her all in giving 2 mites in Luke 21:1-4, believing that God will provide for her. God provides for the widow of Zarephath in a miraculous way, but what about the widow and her 2 mites? We know nothing of her fate except that she is held high by the Lord himself and is, to this day, held high by the church as an example of what it truly means to give in faith. She may have gone on with her life, never fully coming out of her poverty, though I have a hard time believing this myself.

“How much money you have to give isn’t what defines your ability to give

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

generously.”

COVER STORY

I’ve seen God’s generosity from others far too many times in my own life, especially during this past year, and while I know God’s goodness isn’t dictated by our own, I also know that God honors those that give (Deuteronomy 15:10, Proverbs 11:24-25, Proverbs 22:9). While I do not wish to boast, I feel it’s important to use my own experiences with being generous as a testimony to God’s goodness; both in giving and receiving. We are a family that not only believes in giving God our first fruits but in the idea that God can do so much more with our money than we could ever imagine if we continue to understand that it’s all His in the first place. With that, we have been faithful and obedient in giving to where we believe He has asked during our last 14 years of marriage. In this past year, we received an overwhelming amount of generosity from people who want to serve Him and feel that we have been placed on their heart as a recipient to God’s generosity. He makes it all work even when it shouldn’t make sense; on paper or in practical purposes! How much money you have to give isn’t what defines your ability to give generously. It’s based on heart. Your obedience to God and your faith in His providence is what defines your ability to give generously. Knowing the difference between giving in compassion or in compulsion is where your responsibility as a steward comes in.

from the perspective that it all belongs to Him. He will be the one in charge of guiding you on how to use it. Instead of saying, “I have to pay my mortgage, utilities, car, Netflix, date night, etc., and then I’ll use what I can to help others,” you instead say, “God, this is all yours. You know what I need, but you also know what I don’t need. You can do more with this money than I could ever begin to imagine, for me, for those I care about, and for those that I may not even know. I fully trust that you have the best intentions for my life according to your purpose, and just as you are generous with me, I long to be used as a vessel of generosity for others.”

“When you give God your finances...” When you give God your finances, you remove the guilt that can come in receiving while others around you may not have anything. Removing this guilt can also help you stop giving in compulsion to things that might not be a part of the purpose God has for your money. The purpose comes in the compassion that God gives you for those you are seeking to be generous with. It’s proactive, and not reactive. It doesn’t make you second guess if you are being a good steward of your money because you know that you have a set time to go before the Lord to let Him tell you where it’s most needed. Just always be aware that God can and will use us when we least expect it because of the power of someone else’s faith (Matthew 15:21-28).

“...how rich we truly are as children of God.” Giving with Compassion Instead of Compulsion

The difference between giving in compassion and giving in compulsion comes from proactively saying that the money you have is God’s. It’s when you decide to stop giving to God what you have leftover and look at your finances 28

Finally, I wish to say that, even if you feel financially poor by today’s modern standards, I pray that your faith and obedience to Christ in your generosity to others reveals just how rich we truly are as children of God. Richard Lee Sorensen is a happily married father of 7. He received his Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology – Christian Counseling

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

from Liberty University and is a Certified Professional Life Coach from Light University. He helps people overcome the often emotionally overwhelming process of decluttering and writes a blog with his oldest daughters at Fiction and Fatherhood.

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

6 SIMPLE CHANGES FOR A HEALTHY DIET BY CHRISTINE LUFF

When it comes to eating healthy, losing weight, or maintaining your current weight, you’re more likely to be successful if you make small changes over time rather than trying to overhaul your entire diet at once. Try these simple changes to work toward a healthier diet.

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

4. Eat plenty of whole grains, fruits, and vegetables

Try brown rice instead of white rice and whole wheat pasta instead of regular pasta. Aim for five servings of fruits and vegetables a day. You don’t need huge amounts of fruits and vegetables. A cup of salad counts as one vegetable, so try eating a salad with either lunch or dinner (and choose from the lowcalorie, low-fat or fat free dressing options). Here are some other quick tips for getting more vegetables and fruits in your diet: • Serve carrots and broccoli with vegetable dip or hummus. • Put some blueberries or strawberries on top of your cereal or in your yogurt. • Serve apples and grapes with a yogurt dip. • Add spinach, peppers, onions, and tomatoes on top of your pizza.

1. Eat breakfast

A nutritious breakfast gets you fueled for the day and helps prevent you from binging later in the day. It’s especially important if you’re planning on running or doing other exercise. Your workout will be much more effective if you give your body some healthy fuel in the morning. Easy-to-prepare breakfasts that are also good for runners include cold cereal with fruit and low-fat milk, whole-wheat toast with peanut butter, yogurt with fruit, or whole-grain waffles.

2. Try lower-calorie, lower-fat versions of your favorite foods

Don’t assume that you have to give up favorite comfort foods like macaroni and cheese when you’re trying to eat healthier and lose weight. Use lower-calorie ingredients or prepare it differently. For example, if your macaroni and cheese recipe uses whole milk, butter, and full-fat cheese, try remaking it with skim milk, less butter and light cream cheese. You can even add some fresh spinach and tomatoes to make it even healthier. Look for recipes that are low-calorie versions of your favorite dishes. Just remember to not increase your portion sizes of the lower-cal, low-fat foods.

• When making a sandwich, add lots of veggie toppings -lettuce, tomatoes, thinly-sliced cucumbers, and sprouts. • Use salsa as a topping for a baked potato, instead of butter or sour cream. • Put extra vegetables -- such as onions and peppers -- into your tomato sauce for an extra veggie (and flavor) boost. • Get microwavable bags of frozen vegetables for an easy dinner side dish.

5. Keep healthy snacks on hand

Since runners often get hungry throughout the day, it’s important to make healthy snacks available, especially when you’re at work. Keeping healthy snacks, such as fruits, veggies, granola, or low-fat popcorn, on hand will prevent you from heading to the vending machine for an unhealthy snack.

6. Start with lean cuts of meat and poultry

For poultry, the leanest choice is white meat from skinless breast of chicken or turkey. When shopping for beef, look for round, chuck, sirloin or tenderloin. Lean pork choices include tenderloin and loin chops.

3. Watch your portion sizes

Standard portion sizes may actually be smaller than you think. For example, three ounces of meat is about the size of a deck of cards. One serving size of pasta or rice is about the size of a tennis ball. Try putting smaller amounts of food on your plate or using smaller plates. If you put more food in front of you, you’ll eat it because it’s there. Use bags and containers to divide food into small serving sizes as soon as you get it home from the store, so you avoid the temptation to open and finish the entire bag. CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

10 Morning Prayers to Use Daily A morning prayer is a wonderful way to focus your time and attention on seeking God’s plan for the day ahead. Whether you need encouragement, peace, strength, or rest, God can meet you in a very real and present way when you come before Him with a humble heart. Seek God’s presence each morning before your energy and attention is pulled by all the tasks you have ahead. 1. “Lord, may nothing separate me from You today. Teach me how to choose only Your way today so each step will lead me closer to You. Help me walk by the Word and not my feelings. Help me to keep my heart pure and undivided. Protect me from my own careless thoughts, words, and actions. And keep me from being distracted by MY wants, MY desires, MY thoughts on how things should be. Help me to embrace what comes my 32

way as an opportunity... rather than a personal inconvenience. And finally, help me to rest in the truth of Psalm 86:13, ‘Great is your love toward me.’ You already see the ways I will fall short and mess up. But right now, I consciously tuck Your whisper of absolute love for me into the deepest part of my heart. I recognize Your love for me is not based on my performance. You love me warts and all. That’s amazing. But what’s most amazing is that the Savior of the world would desire a few minutes with me this morning. Lord, help me to forever remember what a gift it is to sit with You like this. Amen.” - Lysa Terkeurst 2. Dear God, thank you for another day. Please watch over my family and friends. Thank you! Amen. “I have set the LORD always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” - Psalm 16:8 3. “Dear Lord, I don’t know who or what will cross my path today. But I do know that You are my Rock and my Fortress. You are my Shield and my Strong Tower. Help me to anchor myself to You today. Teach me how to stand strong in You and choose only Your way today. Help me walk by Your truth and not my feelings. Help me to embrace anything that comes my way as an opportunity to see You

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at work and as an opportunity to point others to You. Thank You that You love me and nothing can ever take that away from me! Even if I fail today and fall short, You whisper Your unconditional love deep into my soul and remind me that Your mercies are new every morning. That truly amazes me, Lord. Thank You for meeting with me today. Would You wake me again tomorrow with the same sweet whisper of Your love? I can’t wait to meet with You again. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.” - Wendy Blight 4. Lord, give me strength in my weakness. Give me faith in my fear. Give me power in my powerlessness. I am trusting You. Amen. “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.” Isaiah 26:3 5. “Lord, grant me tenacious winsome courage as I go through this day. When I am tempted to give up, help me to keep going. Grant me a cheerful spirit when things don’t go my way. And give me courage to do whatever needs to be done. In Jesus’ name, Amen.” - Dr. Ray Pritchard “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7

“I got up early one morning And rushed right into the day; I had so much to accomplish That I didn’t have time to pray. Problems just tumbled about me,

6. “Father, my heart is heavy. I feel like I have to carry the burden alone. Words like overwhelmed, distraught, exhausted seem to describe where I am. I am not sure how to let you carry my heavy load, so please show me how. Take it from me. Let me rest and be refreshed so that my heart won’t be so heavy in the morning. In Jesus’ name. Amen.” - Ron Moore

hear You speak words of affirmation, assurance and wisdom over my heart as I prepare to go into my day. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.” - Traci Miles

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your mind in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

8. God, please enlighten my mind with truth; inflame my heart with love; inspire my will with courage; enrich my life with service. Pardon what I have been; sanctify what I am; and order what I shall be. Amen.

I tried to come into God’s presence;

9. The prayer of Jabez: “Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, ‘Oh, that You would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let Your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.’” 1 Chronicles 4:10

And paused before entering the day;

7. “Dear Lord, help me remember what a difference it makes when I make time with You a priority in my morning. Awaken me in body and spirit each day with a desire to meet with You and to

“If any of your lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5

And heavier came each task; ‘Why doesn’t God help me?’ I wondered. He answered, ‘You didn’t ask.’ I wanted to see joy and beauty But the day toiled on gray and bleak I wondered why God didn’t show me He said, ‘But you didn’t seek’, I used all my keys in the lock. God gently and lovingly chided, ‘My child, you didn’t knock.’ I woke up early this morning, I had so much to accomplish That I had to take time to pray.” -Author Unknown, The Difference Source: Crosswalk

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CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

THE VICIOUS TRUTH ABOUT DRUG ADDICTION AND ALCOHOLISM (PT 1 OF 3)

BY BOB WALISZEWSKI, LOREN EATON, AND ADAM HOLZ

“I

THOUGHT MARIJUANA WAS NO BIG DEAL. ... I FELT I COULD STAND OUT IF I DID CRAZY THINGS.” THAT WAS BEFORE KEVIN WEST PUT A BULLET THROUGH HIS HEAD — STONED ON POT. Kevin went from house to house with his friends, smoking at each stop. Then someone suggested they play a game of Russian roulette. Kevin agreed. He didn’t realize that putting a gun to his head and pulling the trigger might be life-changing. It was. Two years of surgeries, treatment and medication have not erased the damage Kevin did to himself. His left side is paralyzed. He must take medication daily to prevent seizures. “I only smoked for a few months. Now I’m on drugs for the rest of my life. I thought marijuana was no big deal.”

“NO BIG DEAL...”

You’ve heard anti-drug messages before. Maybe you said, “Yeah, whatever,” and didn’t give it a second thought. There are a lot of attitudes about drug use floating

around. Some say it’s harmless fun. Others try to persuade you not to use. But maybe what you’re hearing doesn’t seem to add up with what you see. You may know people who use. They do well in school. They start on the football or basketball team. You see them smoked out only at parties. And it’s the same in the media, where many celebrities enthusiastically endorse pot smoking but seem to suffer few ill effects from their habit. So you may dismiss the warnings. Despite popular perceptions, even casual drug use can have devastating consequences. Today’s anti-drug messages highlight some of them but tend to focus only on the physical effects of use. The teen who’s asked Christ to be Lord of his life should know that drug use can damage his soul as well as his body.

REALLY? THINK ABOUT IT.

Contrary to popular opinion, you are not a cosmic accident or mass of protoplasm wandering aimlessly on the planet. Rather, you were specially made by a loving Creator who intends for your life to be dynamic and purposeful. He made you in His image. You are an eternal, spiritual being with a miraculous mind and body that bears His reflection. And He wants every part of you to be pure. This is only possible when your spirit lines up with God’s Spirit. When you sin, you disrupt your companionship with God and begin to slide away from Him. This is often a subtle, slow process — at least at first.

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Do not be fooled by those who claim they use drugs as a means to enhance their spirituality. It works just the opposite. Many drug users find the only way to relieve their guilt is to turn their backs on God. They go through a reasoning process something like this: • If there is a God, I should do what He wants. • But I want to do something He forbids. • Therefore, I’ll claim there must not be a God, or I’ll conclude I can no longer serve Him because He certainly must hate me now. Willful, repeated sinful behavior can cement such fundamentally flawed logic — what the Bible calls a hardening of our hearts or being given over to “a depraved mind” (Romans 1:28). It’s not that God wouldn’t take us back. Instead, we have no desire to return. Without question, it’s an enormous risk to take.

BUT IS IT WRONG?

Doubtless, some will reply, “The Bible doesn’t say anything about drugs, so get off my back!” But does Scripture’s apparent silence might mean that some drug use is acceptable? Drugs were virtually nonexistent during biblical times. Thus, substances such as LSD, marijuana, heroin, Ecstasy, cocaine, methamphetamine and any number of others aren’t mentioned in Scripture. However, God makes it clear that He continues on page 40

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

11 HEALTHY WAYS TO REDUCE THE RISK OF BREAST CANCER BY ANDREW LISA

RISK FACTORS

There is no sure way to prevent breast cancer, but the things you do — or don’t — can dramatically reduce the risk of becoming a victim. Research across several fields indicates that women (and men) have at least some degree of control over their chances of facing the disease, based on lifestyle choices.

BREASTFEED

An analysis of nearly 50 studies shows a connection between breastfeeding and reduced breast cancer rates, according to The Susan G. Komen Foundation. Women, especially premenopausal women, are significantly less likely to get breast cancer after having breastfed for one year than those who did not. After two years, the benefit doubles. Women who breastfed for more than two years over their lifetime get the most benefit.

QUIT SMOKING

The link between smoking and increased rates of breast cancer, particularly in younger, premenopausal women, includes secondhand smoke, BreastCancer.org says. Smoking can also create serious complications with common breast cancer treatments such as radiation and hormone therapy.

EXERCISE AND STAY ACTIVE

Several studies show a definitive link between regular physical activity and lower breast cancer rates. In fact, active women — particularly postmenopausal — who exercise regularly might enjoy a 36

10 percent to 20 percent lower risk than women who are sedentary.

LOSE WEIGHT

Breast cancer is just one of many cancers that pose a greater risk to obese people, according to the National Cancer Institute. This is especially true with highweight postmenopausal women, who suffer a 20 percent to 40 percent increase in breast cancer rates.

AVOID OR LIMIT HORMONE THERAPY

The combination of estrogen plus progestin as menopausal hormone therapy increases the risk of breast cancer, according to the National Women’s Health Network. The studies show dramatically lower rates of breast cancer as the therapy is used less.

AVOID ALCOHOL

A single alcoholic drink per day increases the risk of breast cancer, according to the American Institute for Cancer Research. The report, released with the World Cancer Research Fund, found that risk increased for women before and after menopause, even when the drink was smaller than a normal serving size.

AVOID POLLUTION

There might be a link between pollution and breast cancer, says a study in the journal Breast Cancer Research. Women in polluted urban areas are more likely to have higher breast density, which makes them more prone to breast cancer.

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

AVOID RADIATION EARLY IN LIFE

Children and young women exposed to significant radiation early in life, especially in the chest, suffer rates of breast cancer three to seven times higher than those who didn’t, according to Komen. These exposures are often for Hodgkin’s disease treatment, which, Komen points out, is still beneficial even though it increases the risk of later-life breast cancer.

EAT WELL

A healthy diet is likely to reduce the risk of first-time and recurring breast cancer, BreastCancer.org advises. Although no foods or supplements are linked directly to the cancer, a low-fat, mostly plantbased diet has shown to reduce risk.

AVOID BIRTH CONTROL PILLS IN SOME CASES

Birth control pills with high doses of estrogen can increase the risk for breast cancer in some women, the National Cancer Institute says.

STAND MORE OFTEN

“Sitting is the new smoking” is now a cliché, but research from the American Cancer Society reveals that women who spend six or more hours day sitting each day are 10 percent more likely to get a particularly invasive kind of breast cancer than women who sit for three hours or less.

All Nations United Pentecostal Church (UPC) 23A Woodlake Drive George Town Grand Cayman Tel: (345) 949 9533

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

UNDERSTANDING THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE BY SHAUNTI FELDHAHN “At least tell me what you’re thinking!” I pleaded. Without meaning to, I had disparaged hours of effort my husband, Jeff, had invested in a project with the kids. We were at odds, and it had escalated into painful words and hurt feelings on both sides. Jeff was heading for his basement workshop with me following behind, worried about the relationship and desperate to keep him from withdrawing. Frustrated, he grabbed the handle to the basement door. “I don’t know what I’m thinking!” How can you not know what you’re thinking? I wondered. Fighting back tears, I felt shaky and in need of reassurance. Sure, I had a strong personality and sometimes didn’t realize how my words were coming across — but why was Jeff letting that bother him so much? He was a strong and confident guy. If he kept pulling away, what did it say about how much he cared about me? I had fallen into a common trap that ensnares millions of marriages: failing to recognize the differences in the way God designed men and women. Differences that He intended for good all too often divide us because we don’t know they exist — or we don’t see them as legitimate. Men and women are equal in the sight of God — but that does not mean that we are the same. God created men and women to be different, and one key to a great marriage is to work with His design 38

rather than against it. In the years that followed those early marital conflicts, I started researching men and women for my books. Not only did I see these key truths staring up from my surveys, but I also saw how understanding them was dramatically changing my own marriage. Four revelations in particular have transformed things for Jeff and me — and maybe will for you, too.

DIFFERENT INSECURITIES MEAN THAT DIFFERENT THINGS HURT US. I was shocked to learn that my confidentlooking, accomplished husband was vulnerable on the inside — and that his insecurities were different from mine. According to my surveys, the doubt that lives inside most women (about 80 percent) sounds like this: Am I loveable? Am I special? Would he choose me again? This insecurity asks: Am I worthy of being loved for who I am on the inside? The doubt that lives inside most men (about 75 percent) sounds quite different: Am I able? Am I adequate? I

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want to be a great husband (or father or businessman), but am I? This insecurity asks: Am I any good at what I do on the outside? Because these vulnerabilities are like raw nerves, husbands and wives can unintentionally cause pain to each other. For example, a wife returning from a weekend retreat asks her husband, “Why did you take the kids for doughnuts on Saturday morning — in their pajamas?” She doesn’t realize that to her husband, her question sounds like, “I think you’re a lousy dad.” Or a husband needing space from a conflict heads to the gym (or his basement workshop) and doesn’t realize that, to his wife, his response feels like he’s saying, “You’re not worthy of being loved.” Neither of those feelings is accurate, but it still hurts. Also, the spouse causing the pain often doesn’t understand why such a “little thing” would bother his or her mate. When we become aware of these sensitive places, we will know how to avoid hurting our spouse (and stop thinking of him or her as “oversensitive”), and we will be able

to care for our mate in the way that he or she needs.

Most men constantly question how others view them, so they are filled up by knowing that their wife has noticed what they do. Saying “thank you” or “great job” to a guy in the little things of life is the equivalent of a dozen roses to a girl. “Thank you for taking the kids all weekend so I could go to the retreat! You’re such a good dad. The kids will forever remember the adventure of getting doughnuts in their PJs.” On the other side of the gender divide, men may know that women need to feel loved, but they don’t always realize that because of their unique inner doubt, women need to be reassured of their man’s love every day. Men are often shocked to learn that 82 percent of women are deeply pleased by simple actions like a husband reaching out to take his wife’s hand or texting a simple note like, “I’m just thinking about you.” Why? Because it says, “Yes, you’re lovable . . . and I would choose you all over again.”

DIFFERENT BRAIN WIRING MEANS DIFFERENT WAYS OF COMMUNICATING. For many skeptics, the biggest proof of gender differences can be found in brain science that shows men and women have different “wiring.” The female brain is wired to think things through externally, so women process by talking. The male brain is structured to think things through internally, so men find it difficult to process through conversation.

DIFFERENT INSECURITIES LEAD TO DIFFERENT EMOTIONAL NEEDS. As my eyes were opened to these gender differences, the biggest change in my marriage was that I began to give Jeff what he needed emotionally, rather than what I would need emotionally. I learned that Jeff ’s greatest need was to know that I appreciated and respected him — even more than he needed to feel that I loved him.

This wiring difference is most obvious in a marriage when there’s conflict. When Jeff and I were at odds, we often found that he most wanted space when I most wanted a hug. In my hurt, I assumed that his desire to get away from me meant he didn’t care and wanted to avoid communication. But Jeff did care — he just needed to communicate differently than I did. Most men need to pull away from emotional situations to figure out what they’re thinking and feeling so they can talk about it later.

Because women process emotions by talking, what a wife least needs is a quick solution because that would cut off her processing. For her, those troubling feelings are what she most needs to talk through, and a man will be his wife’s hero if he will draw out those feelings so she can talk about them.

DIFFERENT SEXUAL WIRING MEANS DIFFERENT APPROACHES IN THE BEDROOM. In no other area of the marriage relationship do gender differences create as many opportunities for misunderstanding as in the bedroom. The physical differences between male and female should remind us all that when it comes to physical intimacy, we’re simply not the same. Women should understand that for most men, sex isn’t just a physical need; it’s primarily an emotional one. A husband needs to know that his wife desires him. That affirmation gives a man a sense of well-being that carries over into every other area of his life. Conversely, if he feels it’s a little too easy for his wife to say, “I’m too tired,” he has a depressing sense that he must be undesirable. But in most cases, a husband can avoid that painful feeling by approaching his wife in the way that she needs — instead of expecting a response that he thinks she should have if she really desired him. Where testosterone gives most men a desire to pursue sex and be ready at a moment’s notice, women still need anticipation time. A wife also needs to feel close to her husband outside the bedroom, so letting her know in advance what he has on his mind will help her to become physically excited. There are certainly exceptions to these generalizations. But working with male/ female differences, rather than against them, can definitely help couples live happily in sync in many areas of married life. Today, Jeff and I have an incredible marriage. Not perfect, of course, but in spite of our differences, we love being married to each other. Shaunti Feldhahn is a social researcher, speaker and author of “The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages”.

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

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prohibits drunkenness (see Proverbs 23:20-21, 29-35; 1 Corinthians 5:11; 1 Peter 4:3). The application to drugs is obvious: Substances that compromise our minds and bodies are out of bounds. Consider the following: 1. The Bible explicitly instructs us to refrain from getting high. Scripture specifically instructs us to avoid an induced buzz. For example, the apostle Paul writes, “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18). The reason Paul gives for this instruction is that it leads to indulging passions without restraint, a.k.a. debauchery. He contrasts drunkenness with being filled with the Holy Spirit of God. The principle behind the passage is simply this: Stay away from stuff that will confuse your thoughts, weaken your inhibitions and make you more vulnerable to sin. Can you think of a drug that doesn’t do all those things? Whether depressant or stimulant, psychedelic or dissociative, legal or illegal, substances that mess with your mind get a poor rap in God’s book: “In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper. Your eyes will see strange sights and your mind imagine confusing things” (Proverbs 23:32-33). 2. Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. God instructs us to honor Him with our body. In 1 Corinthians 6, the apostle Paul condemns sexual immorality. He says, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). We do not own ourselves. Ultimately, we belong to God. He lives inside of those who trust in Him and takes a dim view toward those who destroy His habitation — even if they do so in the name of pleasure. Now, don’t forget that God is not against pleasure. He wants us to enjoy life and have it to the full (John 10:10). But He knows that the “pleasures of sin” 40

(Hebrews 11:25) eventually take us further than we want to go and cost us more than we want to pay. Plus, no matter how good the trip, an artificial high never really gratifies. It’s that way with drugs and all “enjoyable” sins: Their emptiness takes us away from true enjoyment in God. Jeremiah compared Israel’s search for satisfaction in sin to broken cisterns, man-made reservoirs designed to store water. “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken Me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water” (Jeremiah 2:13).

THE ECSTASY AND THE AGONY

Hailed as a wonder drug, Ecstasy is said to offer everything from limitless energy to reduced social inhibitions — a virtual cure-all for the shy — to greater “spiritual” awareness. Like marijuana, its supporters claim few negative side effects and lots of positive ones. And it’s increasing in popularity. So what’s it all about? Methylenedioxymethamphetamine, if you want to get technical, Ecstasy or XTC in pop usage, combines the dual effects of a relaxant and a stimulant. Especially popular at raves, it has stimulant qualities that allow ravers literally to dance the night away, gyrating for hours on end with a seemingly endless supply of energy. Also, users experience a sense of euphoria, sometimes so strong it sends them into howls. Sense of touch is accentuated as well, and with that comes increased emotional intensity. For good reason, Ecstasy sometimes goes under the title of the “hug drug” or “love drug.” Increased energy. Intense bliss. Affection without bounds. Could there be a downside to Ecstasy? You’d better believe it. Join us in the next edition for part two of this three-part article. Source: Focus on the Family. USA Weekend, Feb. 16-18, 1996 “’Ecstasy’ use rises sharply among teens in 2000,” The University of Michigan News and Information Services, December 14, 2000.

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

RESOURCES FOR DRUG ABUSE NATIONAL DRUG COUNCIL Unit’s #17 and #18 Caymanian Village PO Box 10007 Grand Cayman KY1-1001 CAYMAN ISLANDS Ph: (345) 949-9000 Email: info@ndc.ky Web: www.ndc.ky Caribbean Haven Residential Centre (CHRC) 2409 Bodden Town Road, Cayman Islands T: 345.947.9992 The Counselling Centre 3rd Floor, Royal Plaza Cardinall Ave., George Town T: 345.949.8789

ACROSS 1 he warmeth himself, and saith, ___, I am warm (Isaiah 44:16) KJV 4 whosoever shall exalt himself shall be ___ (Matt 23:12) KJV 10 we know that our old ___ was crucified with him (Rom 6:6) 14 Then Paul stood in the midst of ____ hill (Acts 17:22) 16 your love more than wine. How right they are to ____ you (Song 1:4) 17 Asa destroyed her ____, and burnt it by the brook (1 King 15:13) 18 he had clad himself with ____ ____ garment (1,3) (1 King 11:29) 19 also, that women ____ themselves in modest apparel (1 Tim 2:9) 20 ____; God hath numbered thy kingdom, and finished it. (Daniel 5:26) KJV 21 If you see oppression of the poor and ___ of justice (Eccl 5:8) (NAS) 23 I am full of ___ to and fro (Job 7:4) KJV 25 they believed his promises and ___ his praise (Ps 106:12) 27 stagger (Isa 28:7) 29 The shekel is to consist of twenty ___ (Ezek 45:12) 32 bless you by turning ___ of you from your wicked ways (Acts 3:26) 35 It is God who ___ me with strength .(2 Sam 22:33) 38 Eber, Misham, Shemed who built ___ and Lod (1 Chron 8:12) Copyright 2018. All Rights Reserved. More Puzzles 39 Then Pharaoh woke up; it had been ___ DOWN ___ (1,5) (Gen 41:7) 1 As ___ ___ man who casteth firebrands (1,3) (Prov 26:18) KJV 41 ____ your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD (Ps 33:22) 2 Zoan and their envoys have arrived in ___ (Isa 30:4) 42 ___, a trusted personal servant of the king (Acts 12:20) 3 Like men condemned to die in the ___ (1 Cor 4:9) 44 cow will feed with the bear, their young will ___ down 5 Tear down your father’s altar to ___ and cut down the Asherah together (Isa 11:7) (Judg 6:25) 45 They beat us publicly without ___ ___ (1,5) (Acts 16:37) 6 Who of you by worrying can ___ a single hour to his life?(Matt 47 long period of time 6:27) 48 they are not plagued by human ___ (Ps 73:5) 7 So they took ___ from a furnace and stood before Pharaoh (Ex 49 they ___ to the depths like a stone (Ex 15:5) 9:10) 50 and put them in the loops to ___ the tent together (Ex 26:11) 8 Who can discern his ___ ? Forgive my hidden faults (Ps 19:12) 53 that my ways ____ directed to keep thy statutes! (Ps 119:5) KJV 9 the ___ forest has been cut down (Zech 11:2) 55 The words of ____, who was among the herdmen of Tekoa (Amos 1:1) 58 when you suddenly bring ___ against them (Jer 18:22) 62 O afflicted city, lashed by ___ and not comforted (Isa 54:11) 64 Peace, peace, to those far and ___ says the LORD (Isa 57:19) 65 but lips that speak knowledge are ___ ___ jewel (1,4) (Prov 20:15) 67 Then they ___ in his face and struck him with their fists (Matt 26:67) 68 it goes through ____ places seeking rest (Matt 12:43) 69 Jesus rebuked the ____, and it came out of the boy (Matt 17:18) 70 we spend our years as a ____ that is told (Ps 90:9) 71 Noah and his ___ , Shem, Ham and Japheth (Gen 7:13) 72 the sound of the hoofs of galloping ___ (Jer 47:3) 73 The wicked ___ in the righteous, so that justice is perverted (Hab 1:4)

at: http://biblewordgames/com 33 Jeremiah was put into a vaulted ___ in a dungeon (Jer 37:16) 34 the LORD sent thunder and ___, and lightning flashed (Exod 9:23) 36 Five gold tumors and five gold ___ (1 Sam 6:4) 37 off the coast of Cilicia and Pamphylia, we landed at ___ in Lycia (Acts 27:5) 39 Sarah was Lots ______ 40 thrust him into a net and he wanders into its ___ (Job 18:8) 42 its feet partly of iron and partly of ___ clay (Dan 2:34) 43 He will surely violently turn and ____ thee like a ball (Isaiah 22:18) KJV 46 cut the ram in pieces, and wash the ___ of him (Ex 29:17) KJV

10 With many ___ parables Jesus spoke the word to them (Mark

48 Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my ___ being (Ps 103:1)

4:33)

50 the ___, and the chameleon, and the lizard (Lev 11:30) KJV

11 a river went out of ____ to water the garden (Gen 2:10)

51 He who tends a fig tree will ___ its fruit (Prov 27:18)

12 my Savior, and my hope is in you all day ___ (Ps 25:5)

52 called ten of his servants and gave them ten ___ (Luke 19:13)

13 Laban said to him, “You are my own ___ and blood.” (Gen 29:14)

54 Blessed is the one who ___ the words of this prophecy (Rev

15 as he ___ his ax to fell a tree (Deut 19:5)

1:3)

22 men and women of ripe old ___ will sit in the streets of

56 Moabite women, one named ___ and the other Ruth (Ruth 1:4)

Jerusalem (Zech 8:4)

57 I will change my expression, and ___ (Job 9:27)

24 remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many ___

59 Roman emperor(54-68 A.D.)

(John 12:24)

60 They worship me in ____; their teachings are but rules taught

26 This beginning of miracles did Jesus in ____ of Galilee (John

(Matt 15:9)

2:11)

61 to another faith by the ___ Spirit (1 Cor 12:9)

28 Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, ___ sabachthani?”

62 The Lord needs it and will ___ it back here shortly (Mark 11:3)

(Mark 15:34)

63 there shall come forth a rod out of the ___ of Jesse (Isa 11:1)

30 O my people, put on sackcloth and ___ in ashes (Jer 6:26)

KJV

31 The word of the LORD that came to ___ son of Beeri (Hos 1:1)

66 My beloved is like a ____ or a young hart (Song 2:9)

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

Answers on Page 44

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018

PUZZLE AND WORDSEARCH ANSWERS

CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE >> ISSUE NO. 5 - 2018