Trauma Informed Parents NavigatingTrauma'sEffecton achildandDevelopingtheir senseofFelt-Safety
GrowingMe
ATrauma-informedLifeStory workofferingforthecareexperiencedcommunity
Howwesupportour youngpeopleto becomeindependent
Parentsviewpoint
Parentingachildwhoisemotionally youngerthantheirchronologicalage
Chronologicalagevs Developmentalstage –IsDDPtheanswerto fillthegap?
CoECTNews
Editor'sNote
MeettheTeam!
ChronologicalagevsDevelopmentalstage –IsDDPtheanswertofillthegap?
NavigatingTrauma'sEffectonachildandDevelopingtheirsenseof Felt-Safety
What’sOn-Training&Events
GrowingMe
-ATrauma-informedLifeStoryworkofferingforthecare-experienced community
StayingPut -Howwesupportouryoungpeopletobecomeindependent
AsktheExperts
Parent’sviewpoint: Parentingachildwhoisemotionallyyoungerthantheirchronological age.
COECT NEWS FosteringNews CongratulationstoTrueFostering,whowerenominatedforanawardatthe ChildrenandYoungPeopleAwardsandwonHighlyCommendedintheir category Ourcongratulationsgotothefosterfamiliesandstaffteamthere
FirstTrauma-InformedLifeStoryworkshop launched Wewereexcitedtolaunchournew Trauma-InformedLifeStoryWork qualificationinSeptember Ourcohort attendedtheirfirstin-persontrainingday earlierinNovemberatourtrainingcentre inGloucestershire.Thedaywasledby SarahNaishandSarahDillon,andour courseleaderforthequalification,Helen Tavner,alongwithassessorsJoanne WilsonandEmmaEdwardswhowerealso presenttomeettheirstudentsinperson. Thedaywasfilledwithengagingactivities anddiscussions Welookforwardto meetingeveryoneagainforthesecond dayoftraining,whichwillbeheldonline.
Ournextcohortforthequalificationstarts inJanuary,andthefirstin-persontraining dayforthiscohortwillbeinFebruary If youareinterestedinlearningmoreabout howthisqualificationcansupportyouin workingwithchildrenandyoungpeople tohelpthemnavigatetheirlifestoriesina trauma-informedway,pleasegetin touchwithusatinspire@coectcouk
Editor’sNote Welcome Everybody,
Withhalf-term,Halloween,andBonfireNightbehindus,winterisjustaroundthecorner. Surprisingly,theweatheratCoECTheadquartersinGloucestershirehasbeenmild.As Christmasapproaches,youmaybethinkingabouthowtoprepareyourchildoryoungperson fortheseasonaleventsthatthistimeofyearbrings.Whetheryouembracethisseasonornot, it'simportanttoconsidertheimpactitcanhaveonfamilymembers.Forsome,theChristmas lightsandsoundsassociatedwithvariousactivitiescanbequiteintense,sokeepingthings low-keycanbebeneficial.
Ournewdiscussionseries,“ThroughtheKeyhole,”willbeginon6Decemberand continuemonthlythroughoutthenextyear Thefirstsessionwillfocusonhowto navigatetheChristmasseason
InthiseditionofTIPS,wearefocusingontheemotionalageandthechronologicalage ofthechild,andthedifferencesbetweenthetwo,whichcanbeapparentinsome children LauraTaylor,atrainer,therapeuticparentcoachandsocialworker,has contributedtothiseditionandwrittenanarticleabouttheStayingPutarrangementin fostercareandhowwecansupportyoungpeopleindevelopingtheirindependence. WearejoinedbyAmandaMauger-Jones,aDDPInformedTherapist,Therapeutic ParentCoach,andTrainer,whoexploresthedifferencesbetweenachild's chronologicalageandtheirdevelopmentalstage SheaddresseswhetherDyadic DevelopmentalPsychotherapy(DDP)isaneffectiveapproachtobridgingthisgap
EmmaEdwardshascontributedanarticlefromaparent'sperspectiveonthe challengesofparentingachildwhoisemotionallyfunctioningatayoungeragethan theirchronologicalage Additionally,JessicaSpenceleydiscusseshowtherapeutic parentingcanhelpaddresstheeffectsoftraumaonchildrenandhowparentscan fosterasenseoffeltsafety,whichisessentialfordevelopingtrustingrelationshipswith theirprimarycaregivers.
IhadthepleasureofmeetingEllieandNickyfromGrowingMeCIC,anon-profit organisationthatcreateslifestorypacksforparentsandtherapistsworkingwith childrenandyoungpeople Wewereexcitedtosharetheirpackatourfirstin-person trainingonTrauma-InformedLifeStoryWork,allowingattendeestoexplorethepack asavaluableresourceinsupportingachild'slifestoryjourney.EllieandNickyhave kindlycontributedtothiseditionbywritinganarticleabouttheir“GrowingMe”Life Storyresourceandhowtheirpacksupportschildrenandtheirfamilies
Thisisthelasteditionof2024,butwewillreturninJanuary2025withournextedition. Inthemeantime,wewishyouastress-freelead-uptotheChristmasperiodanda restfulholidaybreak.
Sair, Sarah, and The Team at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma MeettheTeam! TheCentreofExcellenceinChildTraumaismadeupofateamofexpertswhohave essentialreal-lifeexperience.WeareAdopters,FosterParentsandBioparentsofneuro diversechildren,andalsoworkasprofessionalsinthefield.
ExecutiveEditor-SarahNaish
SarahisaTherapeuticParent,an Adopteroffivesiblings,former FosterParent,retiredSocialWorker, BestsellinginternationalAuthor, KeynoteSpeakerandfounderof threeIndependentTherapeutic FosteringAgencies
ManagingEditor-Kathryn Talbot
KathrynworksacrossCoECT, specialisingincommunications andpublicrelations
Contributor-Jessica Spenceley
Jessicaisatherapeutic socialworkerwithover20 yearsofexperiencehelping adoptiveparentsnavigate theirparentingjourneys usingtheattachment-based, trauma-informedparenting approachofTBRI®.
ExecutiveEditor-SairPenna Sair(Sarah)isaTherapeuticParent, Trainer, TherapeuticParentingCoach. DirectorofNATP,TheHavenParenting andWellbeingCentreandInspire TrainingGroupandauthor,Sairworks acrossCoECTsupportingfamilies.
Contributor-EmmaEdwards EmmaisaTherapeuticParent, Adopter,DirectorofNATPandThe HavenParentingandWellbeing Centre
Contributor-AmandaMaugerJones
Amandaisatherapeuticfoster parentwhoistrainedinempathic listeningandisaDyadic DevelopmentalPsychotherapy (DDP)informedPractitioner.Sheis alsoaTrauma-InformedTrainerfor theCentreofExcellenceinChild Trauma
Contributors-Nicky&Ellie
Nickyisanadoptivemum,andCreativeDirectorofGrowingMeCIC.Witha backgroundincommunityartanddesign,Nickylovesfindingwonderinthechaos! Becomingamumthroughadoptionhasbeenfullofmessy-nessandbeauty And GrowingMewasbornoutofadesiretonurturethat,inawaythatcelebratesthe wonderfullycomplicatedrelationshipswehavewithourselves,eachotherandthe worldaroundus.
EllieisTherapeuticDirectorofGrowingMeCIC AsanHCPCregisteredArt Psychotherapist,Elliehasbroughtcreativityandwonderintoherworkwithcareexperiencedchildrenandtheirfamilies.TrainedinTheraplay,DyadicDevelopmental Psychotherapy(DDP),DyadicArtTherapy,andtraumaprocessingtherapyEMDR, shedelightsinweavingcolourandflowintoevidencebasedpractice
Chronological age vs Developmental stage – Is DDP the answer to fill the gap? Written by Amanda Mauger-Jones
fyouarereadingthis,itissafe topresumethatyouare experiencingwhatitisliketo liveorworkwithachildwhohas experiencedtrauma Itis recognisedandunderstood thattraumaimpactsonall aspectsofachild’sfunctioningbutwhat doesthislookliketousparentswhoare caringforthesechildren?Whatarethe challengeswefaceaswetryto understandtheirindividual developmentalstage,whilstalso supportingthemwiththeissues connectedtotheirchronologicalage?
Forme,asafosterparentandspecial guardian,itwouldseemthateveryone hasanopinionofwhatadditional supportsareneededformychildto ‘bridgethegap’,butoftenthisisfrom onesinglepointofview,meaningthat thebiggerpictureisoftenoverlooked As wellastheacademicinterventions, therearealsomanydifferenttherapies whichhavebeensuggested;play therapy,musictherapy,equestrian therapy.Butwhoisoverlookedbymuch ofthis?You Theparent Theconsistent safebase Allthese‘new’adultscoming intoourchildren’slivescanbeconfusing andattimes,overwhelmingforbothus andourchildren
Therehasbeenincreasedchatterover DDPwithinthelocalauthoritiesinrecent yearsbutwhatdoesthismeanfor parentsandthechildrenintheircare?Is itreallya‘fix-all’therapywhichwillsolve alltheofourparentingproblems?Canit bridgethegapbetweenchronological ageanddevelopmentalstage?
DyadicDevelopmentalPsychotherapy, DDP,wasdevelopedinthelate80’sby DanHughes,anAmericanclinical psychologistwhenhewasstrugglingto understandhowhecouldsupport parentsandchildrenwhohadbeen
understandhowhecouldsupport parentsandchildrenwhohadbeen effectedbytrauma Theunderpinning valueswhichhefocusedonwasPACE; Playfulness,Acceptance,Curiosityand Empathy Throughtheuseofthese values,Danwasabletoassistchildren andtheirparents,tounderstandtheir troubledpastwhilstalsocreatinga trustbasedrelationshipbetween parentandchild,encouraginga positiveattachment.Sincethattime, DDPhasbecomeoneofthemost recommendedtherapiesofferedto adoptive,fosterandkinshipparents
Thisallsoundsgreatandareal problemsolverbutwhatdoesthatlook likeforthefamily?Theothersideofthe coininthissituationisthattheparent isincrisisandhasaskedforhelp,only tobeofferedamiraclesolutionwhich theydon’tunderstand.Let’stakesome timetogainaclearerunderstanding
Thesupportisforbothparentsand child.
Thisallowsthechild’sexpert, theparent,toshareaclearinsight intohowthingsare‘onthefront line’.
DDPbuildsandsupports trustingrelationships
Thishastostartathome andencouragespositive attachmentstobebuilt betweenparentandchild, whichischallengingwhen achildhasexperienced beingletdownbyadults before.
DDPhelpsunderstandthe communicationthrough behaviour
Theworkerwillsupportthe parentbygivingthemthe confidenceinunderstanding whatisbeing communicated throughtheirchild’sbehaviours andreactions Theworkerwill alsoallowtheparentstooffload withoutjudgementorfearof criticism,allowingthemto understandtheirowntriggers andreactions
DDPpromotesgoodself-care
Thisinturnallowsforbetter parentemotionalregulation andpositivereflection,making
theparentmoreavailableforanattuned relationship withtheirchild.
TheDDPworkerwillalwaysstartby workingwiththeparentsand supportingthem,whilstgainingaclear viewofhowtheirchildis,before includingthechildinthesessions Itis importantfortheparentstobea placewheretheycanregulateanyof theirnegativitysothatitdoesn’t furtherimpactontherelationship beingbuiltwiththechild DDPisall basedaroundbuildingthatstronger connectionbetweenparentandchild, notjustworkingwiththechildasan individual
Thisholdingofourownemotionsis easiersaidthandonewhichiswhythe workbeforethechildisintroducedis soimportant Havingthatsafespace forparentsandempoweringparents tostickwithitisthekey
Sohowdoesthisallrelatetoworking withthechronologicalagevsthe developmentalage?
Asthechildandparentsarefocusing ontheattachmentrelationshipand strengtheningthebondwithinthe family,itwillallbedonewiththe developmentalageofthechildin mind.AsIhaveexperienced,a teenagercanhaveatoddlertantrum whentheyareoverwhelmedand unabletopositivelyprocesstheworld aroundthem.DDPunderstandsthis andtheworkerwillbeknowledgeable abouttheimpactoftraumaonbrain development,allowingforthechanges ourchildrencanexhibit.Byfocusingon feelingsandconnectingtheseto behaviours,achildwillbeableto safelyregressandthenregrowina positive,safeandattachedway,with theparentstakingaleadingrolein showingtheir‘stickability’totheir children
Asaparentwhohasonlyever parentedchildrenwhohave experiencedtrauma,Iamsograteful fortheDDPinformedsupportIhave beengiven,especiallyduringthereally challengingtimes Thereassurance thatIwasnotonmyownandthatthe behaviourwasnotduetomycreation,
h wassoinspiredthatIhave spentthepastfewyears continuingtosupportthe childreninmycarewhilstalso learningandtrainingsothatI nowofferthissupporttoothers
Throughmyworkwiththe CentreofExcellenceinChild Traumaandmyownbusiness, EdelweissTherapeutic Consultancy,Iofferthat empathiclisteningeartoother parents,workingwiththemto getclosertothelightattheend
ofthetunnel,sothattheyarein turnabletomakeitthroughthe days,orweeks,untilIspeakwith themagain
Thisisdonewithoutjudgement, prejudiceordiscrimination, allowingmyparentstofilltheir cupswithempathyandthen attunepositivelywiththeirchildren. Thereisnosuchthingasa‘quickfix’,howeverwiththesupportof DDPinformedwork,Ihave experiencedthesupportIneeded tofindawayforward
Have you listened to the CoECT podcast series?
ScantheQRcodeorgo to https://wwwnaotpcom /podcast-1tofindout more.
TIP'S
Photo: Amanda Mauger-Jones
NavigatingTrauma'sEffectonaChildand DevelopingtheirSenseofFelt-Safety Written by Jessica Spenceley
Adoptiveparentsoften reachouttomebecause theirchild’sbehaviours don’tmakesenseto them.It’snotuncommon
foraparenttotellmethattheir11year-oldisanacademically advancedmathwhizz.Yetatnight, hewantstobesnuggledup,held likeababy,andfedwithabottle
Orthatwhentheir12-year-oldis upset,theyneedthesortofcomfort, reassurance,andaffectionthat theywouldgivetoamuch,much youngerchild.
Orthattheir14-year-oldhasmore incommonwith10-year-oldsand prefersthecompanyofyounger kids Beingaroundotherteens makestheirchildfeelveryoutof placebecausethereisnothingfor themtorelatetoortalkabout.
Thesesortsofscenariosarereally commoninchildrenwhohave experiencedtrauma.However,they leaveparentsfeelingconfusedand unsureofwhattodo
Parentsaskmeiftheyshouldkeep offeringupwhattheirchildseems toneed?Butthentheyworrythat theirchildwon’t“growup” They’re concernedthattheirparentinghas somehowbeencausingthesesorts ofbehaviours Andtheywonderif theyshouldofferupstronger boundariesortoughlove.
It’shardtoknowwhattodoand howtorespondbecausethe impactoftraumaisconfusing.
Buthowcantraumacauseachild tobesoontrackorevenadvanced incertainareasofdevelopment,yet
sofarbehindinothers?
Thinkofitlikethis Whenachild (oradult)experiencestrauma, thethinkingpartoftheirbrain goesonpauseandgoesoffline. Thepartsofthebrainthatcontrol thingslikeautomaticresponses, emotions,andsensory processingareverymuchonline andareworkinginoverdriveto helpthechildstayalive Whenthetraumaticeventisover, thethinkingpartofthebrain startsbackupagain,kindoflike nothinghappened That’swhy yourchildcanbean academicallyadvancedmath whizz Mathinvolvesthelogical, thinkingpartofthebrainthatwas onpausewhenthetrauma occurred.
Buttheotherpartsofthebrain aretheonesthatexperiencedthe traumaandareimpactedbyit. Thoseimpactscancauseyour child’sdevelopmenttofallbehind orgoofftrack That’swhyyour childmaybeemotionally youngerthantheiractualage That’swhyyourchildmayhave sensoryprocessingchallenges That’swhyyourchildmaygo from0to100intheblinkofaneye
forseeminglynoreason It’sthe impactoftrauma.
Trust-BasedRelational Intervention(TBRI)helpsyouto betterunderstandhowthelegacy ofyourchild’spastisshowingup today And,TBRIprovidesyouwith theskillsandstrategiesyouneed tohelpyourchildalongtheir healingjourney
Felt-safetyisoneoftheprimary conceptsinTBRIthatIalways encouragefamiliestocomeback tobecauseitissopowerful Feltsafetyiswhatitsoundslikefeelingsafe.It’snotenoughfor you,astheparent,toknowyour childissafe;theyneedtofeelit
Meetingyourchildwheretheyare emotionallyisasignificantwayto helpyourchildtoincreasetheir senseoffelt-safety So,ifyour10year-oldisemotionallymorelike a5-year-old,giveyourchildthe sortofnurturing,connection,and careyouwouldtoa5-year-old
Youdon’thavetoworrythatyour childwillstayatayoungerage becausetheywon’t By“going back”toyourchild’syounger emotionalage,youarehelping
Photo:
yourchildtofeelsafe Andthatis whatwillhelpyourchildtomove forwardontheirdevelopmental trajectory
Felt-safetyhelpstohealtrauma
Asyourchild’ssenseoffeltsafety increases,you’llseetheirtraumabasedsymptomsandbehaviours decrease Andovertime,thatgap betweenyourchild’semotional ageandactualagewilllessen
So,whenyou’rethinkingofhowto supportyourchildtomove forward,thinkfelt-safety
ThepowerofTBRIisinitssimplicity andinthehopeofhealingforall children
Ifyou’recuriousaboutTBRIorare readytoimplementitinyourown family,learnabouttheTBRI® CaregiverTrainingat https://nurturedbelonging.com/.
JessicaisthefounderofNurtured Belongingwhereshehelpsadopters
createastrongparentingbasefor theirchildrensotheycanheal fromearlyadversityandtrauma JessicaisalsoanAssociatewith
TheHavenParenting&Wellbeing Centre https://wwwthehavencentrecouk
UPCOMING TRAINING DATES JANUARY2025
First Steps In Therapeutic Parenting
Cambridge
Thursday 9th January, 10 am - 1 pm
Therapeutically Managing Violent Behaviour
Plymouth
Tuesday 21st & Wednesday 22nd January
10 am - 4 pm each day
FEBRUARY2025
Exploring the Foundations of Attachment
Bristol
Wednesday 5th February, 10 am - 1 pm
Managing Feelings for ParentsCompassion Fatigue
Merseyside
Tuesday 11th February, 10 am - 1 pm
Exploring the Foundations of Attachment
Manchester
Tuesday 14th January, 10 am - 1 pm
Managing Feelings for ParentsCompassion Fatigue
Portsmouth
Tuesday 28th January, 10 am - 1 pm
Therapeutically Managing Violent Behaviour
Nottingham
Tuesday 11th & Wednesday 12th February 10 am - 4 pm each day
First Steps In Therapeutic Parenting
Sussex
Wednesday 26th February, 10 am - 1 pm
For more information click on the QR code or go to www.naotp.com/training
UPCOMING MEET UP/LISTENING CIRCLE DATES Tuesday 3rd December 2024
Virtual Listening Circle for Supporting Professionals
Tuesday 3rd December 2024
Virtual Listening Circle for Men
Tuesday 10th December
SGO/Kinship Carer Virtual Listening Circle Zoom
Thursday 12th December 2024
International Members Virtual Listening Circle Zoom
Wednesday 4th December 2024
Virtual Listening Circle Hosted by Suzanne Zoom
Saturday 7th December 2024
Berkshire Family Circle
Monday 9th December 2024
In-person Listening Circle Norwich - Clippesby Hall
Corporate Information Session Tue, 26 Nov | zoom
For more information click on the QR code or go to https://www.naotp.com/training-events
Friday 13th December 2024
Surrey Listening CircleCamberley
Monday 10th January 2025
Surrey Listening CircleCamberley
Corporate Information Session Tue, 03 Dec| zoom
GrowingMeATrauma-informedLifeStorywork offeringforthecare-experienced community Written By Ellie & Nicky
Itwasapassionforhelping care-experiencedchildren thatbroughtNickyandEllie together.Fromtheir personalandprofessional expertise,grewGrowingMe,abright andcolourfulofferingforthecareexperiencedcommunity.GrowingMe isaphysicalbox,andadigitalportal, throughwhichachildandtheir trustedgrownupareguided Itisa 10-stepjourneyfilledwithgames, animations,funideas,andcreative activities Nomatterachild’s chronologicalage,GrowingMe engagesthechildwithin.Sometimes itisthecool,sassy,olderchildren whobenefitmostfromthenurture theymissedouton
InthisarticleNickyandEllieshare theirvisionforaccessiblelifestory work,andtheirmutualloveofnature metaphors!
So,wheredidGrowingMecome from?
Nicky: Likemanyadoptiveparents,I knewthatmychildwouldneedalot ofhelptobuildtrustinadults,anda senseofsafetyintheworld.Through trial,error,therapy,andawholelotof love,westartedtobetterattuneto ourchild,andseethebenefitsofplay andcreativity.Butthesystems aroundourchildwerestruggling,and oursocialworkerskeptchanging
Arrivingoverayearlate,mychild’s lifestorybookwasprintedonscratty paper,fromaprinterthatwas
runningoutofink.Evenbefore delvingintothecontent,Icouldsee thatitwastheoppositeofthecareful andsensitivedocumentthatcould helpourchildbuildapositivesense ofself,andunderstandingoftheir past
OtheradoptersIspoketohadsimilar issues;contentreadinglikeahorror story,incorrectnames,overworked socialworkersnotgiventhetimeor resourcestodowhatwasneeded. Veryfewfamilieshadusablelife storybooks,andyetfillingoutforms togetfurthersupportforcesparents tofocusonnegativebehaviours, whichdoesn’tfeelusefulorhealthy
Therecanbemassivewaitinglistsfor suitabletherapists,andsometimes nomatterhowskilledthe professional,exploringfeelingswith someonenew,istoobiganaskfor childrenwhostrugglewithtrust.
Surely,Ithought,theremustbea waytomakelifestoryworkmore accessible,saferandmore consistent,tohelpchildrenfeel understood,tofeelloved,andto feelgoodaboutthemselves The seedsofanideastartedtoform
Themetaphorofatreehadhelped ourfamily
Bornintoastorm,alittleseedling hadtobemovedinordertofind saferground Thegrowingtree neededtomoveseveraltimes beforeaforeverhomewasfound;a placewherethesaplinghad everythingitneededtogrow Iused thetree’sringstotellmychild’s storysothattheycouldexplorethe eventsfromadistance,hearhow bravethelittlesaplinghadtobe, hearhowthegardenerlovedthe littlesaplingforallthatithadbeen through,allthatitwas,andallthat
Photo: Ellie & Nicky in the wodds. ©Growing Me CIC
itwouldgrowinto,andforeveryoneofitsmanyvaried leaves Thetreegivesusawonderfulimage-early partsoflifearealwayswithinus,butratherthandefine us,theybecomepartofourstorywithnewrings growingwitheverypassingyear
Inourfamily,westilluseatreetohelpusrecordgood memories,badjokes,andsillyfacts Westick‘wonder leaves’intoourWonderBook Werecordtheannoying bitstoo,andsometimestakegreatpleasurein scrunchingandrippingthemtoshreds!Theseleaves celebrateeverysinglepartofourchildbecausethere’s valueinthemessy,difficultfeelingstoo-it’sallpartof theiruniquewonder
Ellie: WhenNickygotintouchwithanideaformaking therapeuticlifestoryworkaccessible,IknewIwantedto help Tooofteninmypracticeasachild’stherapist,my client’sLifeStoryBooksneededatotalrethink It sometimesseemsthatInformationGivingisgiven precedencewhilethetruetherapeuticneedsofachild getsidelined Sadly,Iknowmorethanonetherapist employedtohelpachildprocessthetraumaticdelivery ofaLifeStoryWorkintervention;wellmeaning professionalsgettingitsoverywrong.
IwasdelightedtomeetNicky,whosecreativityand positivityisajoy-anditisn’teverydayImeetsomeone whoseloveofnaturemetaphorsmatchesmyown!I lovedhowNickywantedtouseatreeanalogytohelp care-experiencedchildrenunderstandtheirstory,and explorehowtechnologyandanimationcouldengage reluctantreaders.IalsoknewthattheInformation SharingpartofLifeStoryWorkisnotthemostimportant partoftheprocessandthateverychild’sneedsare different Weneedtothinkaboutwhatisgoodforeach childtohear,whattheywanttoknow,andwhetherthey havethesupport,stability,andcapacitytoprocess whattheyhear Inaddition,forchildrentofeelsafe enoughtoexploretheirexperiencestheyneedgrownupsaroundthemwhofeelempoweredenoughtobe there.Therapistsaresometimesrightforsomefamilies. TheydoagreatjobandIwouldn’tdothisjobifIdidn't believeinit,butoftenthebiggestagentsofchangeina child'slifearethegrown-upswhoalreadycarefor them.
It’stakenyearsofresearch,design,fundraising,pilot studies,tobringGrowingMetofruition,andwe’re incrediblyproudtoshareitwiththeworld.
TellusmoreabouthowGrowingMeworks? Nicky:Ellie’ssoothingvoiceguidesachildandtheir trustedgrownupeverystepoftheway There’s6parts toeachofthe10sessions,startingwithachanceforthe adulttograbacupoftea,preparefortheupcoming session,andtakeafewminutesforthemselves,whilst theylisten(orread)theGrownUpBit!
Thechildalwaysstarts,withtheiradult,attheMeTree; abeautifullyillustratedwhiteboardwithdials, encouragingchildren(andgrown-ups)toconnectwith thefeelingsinourbodies-Heartbeatingsuperfast? Hungry?Fed-upandfloppy?Developmentaltrauma canskewoursensoryintegration,sothisisaplayful waytobuildthoseskillsofrecognisingourfeelings.
Followingonfromthis,isthePlayDen,aseriesofshort activitiestoup-regulate,down-regulateandbuild positivepathwaysinthebrain,whilsthavingawholelot offunwithatrustedgrownupalongtheway!Our GrowingMetoolkitsencouragepeopletogettoknow theirsensorysystems,andexplorethetastesand texturesandmovementsthatfeelgoodandcalming!
TheThinkTheatrecomesnext Inspiredbyanimalsand nature,there’sashort,funnyanimation,exploringeach ofthe10themes-fromtakingownership,beingpartof ateam,whatparentsdo,threatandsafety,senseof belonging
Photo: ©Growing Me CIC
Photo: ©Growing Me CIC
Photo:©GrowingMeCIC
There’sacreativeactivitytomatcheachanimationat theMakeStation;acontracttomakeclearwhatyou wanttoknow(andnotknow)aboutyourpast,a superherocapetocelebrateyouruniqueresources,a bodymaptoexplorewheredifferentfeelingsareinthe body,acalmbagtofillwiththewho,what,whereand whenoffeelinggood,andmore
AndeachsessionendsattheWonderBook-Ellie guidesyouthroughacelebrationstomp(using bilateralstimulationtoinstallgoodfeelings)andthere isofcourseawonderbook,wonderleavesandrip-me leaveswhichencourageyoutocelebrateeverypartof yourchild
It’squiteabigcommitment-whatsupportistherefor theadult?
Ellie:TheGrown-upbitispackedwithself-care, therapeutictipsandpreparationforthesessionahead, andthenarratedguidetalksadultandchildthrough eachsessiontoo Onetherapisttoldus"Reallylovethat younormalisehowimportantanddifficultthisworkcan bebutyoumakeitfeelmanageableandsafe”
TheTrustedGrownUpwhodeliversGrowingMemaybe aparent,ateachingassistant,asupportworker,a therapist,oranyoneelsethathasatrustingrelationship withachild:Thesupportthatpersonneedswillvary massively,thoughweencourageeverygrownupto nominateasupporter Forsomepeople,thiswillbea professionalintheroom Forothers,itwillbeafriendor colleaguetotalkthingsthroughwith.Inschools,itworks wellinsmallsupportivegroupsofadultandchild dyads
Nicky:Forawhile,I’dbeenreallywaryofsaying ‘GrowingMeisTherapeuticLifeStorywork’ Asaparent (evenonethathasco-designedGrowingMe!),ifIwas askedto‘doTherapeuticLifeStoryWork’withmychild, I’dfeeloutofdepth:itfeelslikeabigcomplicatedsoundingterm–atherapeuticinterventionthatneeds afullytrainedprofessional
TherapeuticLifeStoryWorkmightsoundbigandscary, butitshouldn’tbe Itshouldbeaboutplayfully connectingwithchildren,sotheyfeelsafeenoughto exploretheirfeelings Andsometimes,thebestpeople todothatarethosewhoknowthechildbest.
Andthebenefits? Bringingtherapyintotheeveryday: Althoughthereare 10sessionsofGrowingMe,manyoftheresourcescan beusedineverydaylife.Childrenhavetoldushowfun thisis-theydidn’thavetogotoatherapisttobe‘fixed’, theycouldexplorethisstuffwithsomeonetheyknew andtrusted,inaplacetheyfeltsafe.TheMeTree,Play DenandWonderBooksallworkasstand-alone resources,normalisingconversationsaboutfeelings, boundaries,sensoryintegration-suchimportant subjectsthatoftengetoverlookedinthebusy-nessof life.
Communicatinghowlovedandloveableourchildren are:Thisissoimportantforthosewhostruggleevery daywithfeelingsoflowselfworth.Wehavepouredour heartsintothecreationofGrowingMe,fromthe carefullycrafteddesign,trauma-informedcontentand highquality,sustainablematerials(allprintingon100% recycledpaper/card).Localcraftspeoplehavegivenup theirtime,becausetheyreallycare,andwanttomake apositivedifference
Empoweringadultstosupporttheirchildren: By empoweringtheadultsalreadyinachild’slife,we removestigma,reducewaitinglistsandmake therapeuticlifestoryworkaccessibletoallthose childrenwhowouldbenefit.Eachsessionstartswitha narratedguidefortheadult,packedwithself-care activities,therapeutictips,andpreparationforthe sessionahead
Atherapeuticallytightframework:Co-designer,Ellieis trainedinTheraplay,DDP,EMDRandArtPsychotherapy AllthesemodalitiesarewovenintoGrowingMe-noreinventingthewheel,justmakingcurrentbestpractice availableandaccessible!Socialworkers,teachersand supportworkerstellushowmuchthisisneededin schoolsandcommunitycentresaswellashomes
Offeringhope:Thestatisticsforcare-experienced childrenshowreducedoutcomesacrosstheboard Thisisnotafailureofyoungpeople,butafailureof societytoprovidethesupportthatisneeded.By interveningearly,weknowthatwecanimprove relationshipsinfamilies,reducedisruptioninschools anddecreasethelikelihoodofanti-socialbehaviour, timeinprisonormentalhealthproblems.
Letthechildrenleadtheway:Formanychildren,talking directlyabouttheirfeelingsandexperiencesistoo much.Whilstthereisvalueinunderstandingourpast,it isimperativetothechild’ssenseofsafetyandtheir trustintheirgrownup,thatthechildisincontrolof when,andwhatisexplored Inthefirstsession,children andtheirgrownupsfillinacontract,thinkingabout whatwillhelpthemfeelgoodinGrowingMetime;what snackswillhelp,whatdotheywanttoknowandnot knowaboutthepast Thisistheplaceforquestions,not answers.Session8iswherethereisanopportunityto explorethepast,inwhateverwayfeelsbestforthe individualsinvolved Somechildrenonlywanttogo
Photo: ©Growing Me CIC
backafewweeksoryears,otherswanttofocuson cartooncharactersthey’velikedthroughtime Otherswillhavespecificquestionsaboutpeople they’velost GrowingMeguidesthegrownup throughthedifferentwaysachild’sstorycanbe told
WeusealotofnaturemetaphorsinGrowingMe, becausetherearesomanylessonsinthenatural world,andbecausedepersonalisingconceptscan helpusexplorethemwithoutfeelingthreatened
Celebratingstrength,whilstcaringforvulnerabilities: Whensomeoneneededtobestrongasasurvival mechanism,thenanythingthatsuggeststheir vulnerabilitycanfeelunbearable
Somechildrenhavehadexperienceswaybeyond theiryears Likeawindswepttreewhoselopsided, gnarlybranchesandthickrootstellastoryof extremestrength,forsomeofourchildren,every ounceofenergyhasbeenthrownintosurvival Therecanbesadnessandtherecanbeloss,and simultaneouslytherecanbeanincrediblehulk-like strengthandbeautifulspiritthathasbeenshaped, andwillcontinuetobeshapedbytheirstory
Andyet,weknowthatifachildhasmissedouton thoseearlynurturingexperiences,theycan emotionallybeveryyoung:Relationshipsarepretty hardifyou’veneverbeenabletorelyonsomeone Andassocialcreatures,humansareatquitethe disadvantageiftheycan’ttrustothers.GrowingMe isbrightandchild-like,thoughthecontenthasbeen lappedupbyteenagerswhoabsolutelyneededthe opportunitytobenurtured
SowhatageisGrowingMeaimedat?
Thoughit’seasytocountthenumberofyearswe havebeenalive,ouremotionalandexperiential growthrarelyfollowsastraightandlinearpath! Cognitively,wewouldn’trecommendGrowingMeto under7’s,buttheupperagelimitismorefuzzy
GrowingMeworkswithchildrenwhohave experienceddevelopmentaltrauma-andsowe’re communicatingwiththosewhohaveyoung emotionalpartsthatneedcareandattention
Chronologically,someonewhobenefitsfromGrowing Memaybe7yearsold,or24yearsandanywherein between.
WhatdoesabrightfuturelooklikeforGrowingMe? Ultimately,wehopethatourtoolkitswillallowevery childwhohasexperiencedtraumatoaccesstruly therapeuticlifestorywork GrowingMeisyoung;we onlylaunchedinJune2024,afteryearsofdesignand developmentandsoournextstepistospreadtheword aboutwhatwedo.
Pleasecheckoutourwebsitewwwgrowingmecouk YoucanalsolikeandshareandfollowusonFacebook, InstagramandLinkedIn
OurmottoinGrowingMeis‘Letthesunshinein!’ Human brainsarewiredtofocusonwhat’sgoingwrong,but thatdoesn’talwayshelpus.Oftenwehavewhatwe needinsideofus,andwhenwe’reempoweredwiththis knowledge,wecanfindthegoodinourselves,each otherandtheworldaroundus Andwecando incrediblethings!
Photo: ©Growing Me CIC
Photo:©GrowingMeCIC
Photo:©GrowingMeCIC
Programme Benefits
This qualification helps the learner to develop the necessary skills to create a safe and supportive environment for the children, young people, and their families
This will enable them to successfully implement a strategy that prioritises the child's wellbeing and helps them create a positive narrative about their life story.
Accreditation and Certification information
Our course has been accredited by NCFE CACHE, an awarding organisation recognised by the qualification regulators for England and Wales. NCFE CACHE’s regulators are the Office of Qualifications and Examinations Regulation (Ofqual) in England and the Welsh Government in Wales.
Accreditation and Eligibility to join ACCPH
The Qualification is also accredited by The Independent Professional Body and Register for Counsellors, Coaches, Psychotherapists and Hypnotherapists (ACCPH) This means that on successful completion of the qualification, you will be eligible to join their accredited association. Next Cohort Starts January 2025
Staying Put - How we support our young people to become independent Written By Laura Taylor
Astherapeuticparents,you willbealltoofamiliarwiththe conceptofemotionalagevs chronologicalage.Itoffersan understandingofwhyso manychallengingbehavioursoccur andhowweusePACEtomanage them.Itgivesusalensinwhichto viewtheworldthroughachildwhois developmentally“stuck”andwhereto focusroutines,boundariesand expectations.Withoutthisknowledge manytherapeuticparentswouldbe experiencingevenhigherlevelsof stressandbeatriskofentering compassionfatigue.
Managingtheexpectationsofwhat yourchildcandobothphysically, emotionallyandpsychologicallyisa gamechangerwhenitcomesto rewiringthebrainandformingsecure attachments Haveyoueverbeenina jobrolewhereyouwereexpectedto completeataskaboveyourgrade? Withoutthefoundationknowledge andskillbase?Withthepressureof theteamexpectingyoutoperform well?Thatfeelingisoverwhelming, scaryandfeelsimpossible Youdon’t feelworthyoftheexpectation;you mightevenfeelphysicallysick!When weexpectachildwithdevelopmental traumatocopewithsocialsituations andassociatedemotions,weare settingthemuptofailinthesame way;itcantakeyearsofconsistent andresilientparentingtosee progress Andthisshouldn’thaveto stopjustbecausetheyreachthe magicageof18yearsold DrGaborMateremindsusthat “traumaisnotwhathappenstous,itis whathappensinsideofus,asaresult ofwhathappenedtous Itisnot alwayscausedbythebadthings happeningthatshouldn’thappen,it canbeexperiencedwhenthegood
stuffthatshouldhappen,doesn’t happen.”Thefinalpartofthis quotelinkstohowtherapeutic parentscanreplacelostnurture whenchildrenare“stuck”atanage whenlifefeltscaryand unpredictable Thetransitionfrom childhoodtoadulthoodisalso venturingintotheunknownand shouldberespectedforneeding justasmuchsupportasanyother livedexperience
Parentingthatreplaceslostnurture issoimportantintheyounger years,butwhataboutwhen childrenbecometeenagersand arethenapproachingadulthood? Weseereportsandformsthatstart tomention“lifeskills”likemeal planning,washingclothesand budgeting.Sadly,therearenot enoughtraumainformedsocial workersandprofessionalsinthe teamaroundthechildthatare awareofthestarkdifferences betweenemotionaland chronologicalageandsotheirown policy-ledexpectationsstartto challengeparentsintheir approachestocare
Careplansforchildrenhighlighta longlistofparentingtasksfor parentstoachieveyetpathway plansshifttheresponsibilitytothe child/youngpersontomanage Andwhentheystruggleoreven fail,theparentappearstobethe onetoblame StayingPut arrangementsoftenallowyoung peopletoremainwiththeir parentstosupporttheirongoing developmentbutexpectationsare setonbeing18or19,not15or16
Irecallstrugglingwiththisconcept whenIwasinpractice,before learningmoreaboutthisareaof traumaandwishIhadbeenable toseewherethegapswereand supportthemtobefilled Staying Putplansneedtoinclude emotionaltopicssuchasanxiety overinterviews,endingsof relationshipsandthehighsofa firstpromotion,balancedwiththe abilitynottoburntoast!These plansstillneedtoinvolvethe psychologicalsupportthat parentscanandwanttooffertheir childrentocontinuetheir attachmentjourneybeyond18
Forsocialworkersandothersupporting professionalsreadingthisarticle,please educateyourselfinthisareaofyour worktoreallyallowtheyoungpeople andtheirparentsthetimetheyneedto keepmakingprogressattheirown emotionalpace
LauraisaTherapeuticParentCoach,Social WorkerandalsoaTrainerforTheCentreof ExcellenceinChildTrauma(CoECT) TofindmoreinformationontrainingCoECT offers,andwhichLauradeliversgoto wwwnaotpcom/training
Discover Havening: A Path to Stress Relief Intoday'sfast-pacedworld,stresshasbecomeanever-presentchallenge,impactingourphysical andmentalwell-being That'swhereHaveningTechniques®comeintoplay Thisinnovativeapproach tostressreliefcombinesgentletouchwithdistractionmethodstopromoterelaxationandemotional healing Haveningusesthebody’snaturalabilitytohealfromtraumaandstressbyapplyinggentle touchtothearms,faceandhandscalledtheHaveningTouch®
aimstoreducestresslevels,diminishanxiety,and ptomsofdepression,allowingindividualstofeel oreatpeace.Bydecreasingthelevelsofstress veningsessionscanhelpapersonrecoverfrom encesandhelpforgepathwaystoresilience.
ostcompellingaspectsofHaveningisitsfocuson ativeemotionstiedtotraumaticmemories This eprocessassistsindividualsinadaptingbetterto tions,empoweringthemtoleadhealthierand
ngforawaytomanagestresseffectively,consider eningtechniques Bybookingasessionwitha tioner,youcantakethefirststeptowardsamore dfulfillinglife ortoscheduleasession,contactusat haven@coectcouk
Photo:© byKrakenImages.com viacanva.com
We’re looking for short break foster parents
Ideally in these key areas:
**East Midlands **
**East Anglia **
**The South West **
Fantastic opportunity for those that would love to foster, but not all the time.
Why not do something amazing with your weekends, support our existing incredible team of foster parents, and provide children with incredible memories?
Full therapeutic support provided, alongside our ground-breaking, quality training.
ASKTHEEXPERTS Letourteamofexpertswithfirst-handexperience,guideyou throughsomeofthosetrickyTIPmoments! ThisissuewearejoinedbySairPennawhohasansweredyour question.
RBfromCornwallasks... My6-year-olddaughtercomeshomefromschoolfeelingangry,often throwingthingsandscreamingatme.Thisbehaviourhasbeenhappeningfor acoupleofweeksnow,andIsometimesfindmyselfdreadingthehoursafter school.Icatchmyselfwishingforthattimetopassquicklyandlooking forwardtoherbedtime.WhatcanIdotohelpher?
Sairreplies: Thiscanbeachallengingtime forbothparentsandchildren. Somechildrenmayfeel overwhelmedduringtheschool dayandbecomegoodat maskingtheirfeelingswhile theyareatschool.Theymay bottleuptheiremotions,andas soonastheschooldayends, theybegintorelax Atthatpoint, themaskslips,andallofthose suppressedfeelingscome bubblingtothesurface When theyseetheirhomeandyouas theirsafespacetoprocess thosefeelings,itindicatesthat theyfeelsecureenoughto expresstheiremotions.
Dependingontheeventsofthe day,youmightnoticethis releasesoonaftertheypass throughtheschoolgates,orit mayhappenlater
Whenshecomeshome,aim tocreateacalmand welcomingenvironment.This couldinvolvehavingasnack ready,playingsoothing music,orallowinghersome quiettimetodecompress. Establishingaconsistent after-schoolroutinecanalso provideasenseofsecurity andpredictability This routinemightincludea snack,somequiettime,and thenplaytime.
Additionally,helpherlearnto expressherfeelingsina healthyway.Thiscaninclude teachinghertousewordsto describeheremotionslike feeling“wobbly”or“fizzy” whensheisfeelinglikesheis becomingemotionally dysregulated
Practicingbreathing exercises,playingwithwater, swinging,jumpingcanalso helptoregulateher alternativelysettingupa calmingspacewithher favouritetoysorbookscan alsohelp Thiscantakeabit oftrialanderrorastowhat regulatesher
Itmightalsobehelpfulfor youtotrytoidentifyifthere arespecifictriggersat schoolorduringthe transitionhomethatmight becausingyourchild distress.Talkingtoher teachertofindoutif anythingunusualis occurringatschoolcanalso helpreducetheemotional overwhelmforher
Doyouhaveaquestionaboutacertainbehaviouryourchilddisplaysorasituationwhichseemstricky? Writeintousviatheemailtips@coectcouktogetyourquestionansweredintheAsktheExpertssection
Written By Emma Edwards
A Parent’sviewpoint: Parentingachildwho isemotionally youngerthantheir chronologicalage saparent,itcanbe heartbreakingtoseeyourchild strugglewithsomethingthat seemssosimpleandnaturalto otherchildren
My13-year-oldsonwhohas experiencedtraumaisaprime exampleofthisasheisemotionally muchyoungerthanhischronological age Ioftenfindmyselfcaught betweentwoworlds Ononehand,my sonisphysicallygrowingand maturinglikeanyotherteenagerhis age Ontheotherhand,emotionally, heisstillayoungchild,stuckinatime whenhewasjust3or4yearsold.
It'sadifficultandheartbreakingreality toface Myson,whoshouldbe playingcomputergamesand hangingoutwithfriends,stilllistensto lullabiesatbedtime,cuddleshis teddy,andplayswithtoysmeantfora muchyoungerchild.Hedesperately wantstobelikehispeers,buthis traumahasheldhimback
It'saconstantstruggleforhimtofitin andkeepupwiththeexpectationsof hisagegroup Hewantstohavea mobilephonelikehisfriends,buthe strugglestouseitsafely,evenwith parentalcontrolsandhebecomes overwhelmedbytheconstant notificationsandmessages Hewants toplaythelatestcomputergames, buthegetseasilyfrustratedandhas ahardtimefollowingtheinstructions, struggleswhenhelosesthegameor
ifothersdon’tplaythewayhewants themto.Whilsttheyallwanttohang outatthepark,ridebikes,goto parties,andplayongameconsoles, mysonstillwantstoengagein chasinggamesliketag,playwithhis armyfiguresorbuildatowerwithhis Legobricks
Icanseethedisappointmentand sadnessinhiseyeswhenherealises thathisfriendsdon’twanttodo whathedoesandcallhimababy Wehavetriedtakinghimtothe sameplacesashispeersbuthe oftenhasmeltdownsandbecomes overwhelmedbythecrowdsand noise.It'shardforhimtoprocess everythinggoingonaroundhim, whichisolateshimfurther
Asaparent,it'sdifficulttowatchhim struggleandfeelleftout.Ioftenfind myselftryingtoexplaintoothers whyhestillactslikeayoungchild It'snotsomethingthatcanbeeasily understoodorexplained.People oftenjudgehimandthinkhe'sjust beingdifficultorimmature,butthey don'tunderstandtheunderlying traumathathe'sdealingwith.We havetoconstantlyremindourselves thathisemotionalageisnotthe sameashisphysicalageandhave toadjustourexpectations.Wehave learnedtobepatientand understandingwhenhehas meltdowns.Weknowthatheisnot misbehavingorbeingdifficulton purpose,heisjuststrugglingtocope
withhissurroundings.It's importantforustoprovidehim withasafeandcalmenvironment tocalmdownandthenhelphim processhisfeelingsafterwards.
It'salsochallengingtobalancehis emotionalneedswithhisphysical growth.
Ontheonehand,Iwanttoprotect himandnurturehimlikeayoung child,butontheotherhand,Iknow thatheneedstolearnhowto navigatetheworldasateenager It'sadelicatebalancethatI'mstill tryingtofigureout.Especially whenhecanflitfromone emotionalagetoanotheratthe flickofaswitch Youmaybe nurturingthe3-year-oldwhenthe teenkicksinandhegetsfrustrated thatIambabyinghimorvice versa Thebeststrategywehave foundforthisisaskinghim‘What ageareyoufeelingatthe moment?’andhewillsayanage, sowecanthenbeguidedbythis However,weunderstandthatat timesheisunabletotellusashe justdoesn’tknow
Butdespiteallofthesechallenges, mysonisresilientanddetermined Hemaybeemotionallyyounger thanhispeers,buthehasastrong spiritandakindheart.Hehasa uniqueperspectiveontheworld, andheoftenseesthingsinaway thatothersdon't
Hemaynotbeabletodoeverything thathispeerscando,buthehashis ownstrengthsandtalentsthatIam constantlyamazedby.Wehave learnedtocelebratethesmall victories Whenhesuccessfullyplays avideogameforafewminutes withoutgettingfrustrated,it'sahuge accomplishment Whenhecanhave aconversationwithhisfriends withoutgettingoverwhelmed,it'sa hugestepforward.
Asaparent,it'smyjobtosupport andadvocateformyson Heiswho heis,andheisperfectjusttheway heis Ihopethatwithlove,patience, andunderstanding,hewillcontinue togrowandthriveinhisownunique way
Tootherparentsexperiencing similar,Iwanttosaythis:bepatient andunderstanding Yourchildmay struggletofitinandkeepupwith theirpeers,butthey arestillgrowingandlearningintheir ownway
Lovethemforwhotheyare,andnevergiveuponthem Theyarecapableofamazingthings,andwithyour support,theywillovercomechallengesthatcometheirway.
When you’re all worn out And you can’t think straight, When you’ve done your best, But it seems too late… Breathe. If your head is heavy, And your heart feels sore, When you’ve done enough, But they still want more…. Stop.
When the future looks bleak, And your hope is gone, If the fear you carry Means you can’t go on…. Rest.
When you’re tired of trying Bowed from your load, Take courage my friend. For we walk the same road.
Written By Sarah Naish (2024)
