Aristotle
Born in three eighty four That's BC don't ignore A boy amid mud and wattle, With nickname "The Master" His learning was faster Top of class was Aristotle.
With Plato his teacher
An imperfect creature Who's Theory Of Forms rejecting, Started his own school
This guy was no fool Felt Plato was misdirecting.
One wife and one lover
Lost father and mother
Well known for a line in his book, "Education Is Bitter
But it's sweet fruit is fitter"
At weekends he worked as a cook.
Sigmund Freud
Asleep I scheme and in my dream
I'm with my latest lover, A passion long, it can't be wrong I'm all hands on with mother.
Another night and what a sight I'm holding little sister, I have a niece, I want a piece It's getting dodgy mister.
Then at full moon in my bedroom
I'm with my XL Bully, Beautiful bitch without a stitch
My love is rampant fully.
Here comes the law at bedroom door
Well he's a handsome Peeler, With shackles on I'll soon be gone In jailhouse transport wheeler.
Descartes
The Dutch Golden Age
Being all the rage
Descartes was far from barmy, A top scientist
Was asked to enlist Served in the Dutch States Army.
At the seige of Rochelle
Huguenots he did quell Then troubled by nightly dreams, Of exploding head
A syndrome he dread But not as bad as it seems.
He left a good line Used all of the time
I THINK THEREFORE I AM, Gave lessons to Queen In damp unforseen
He died before her exam.
Simone De Beauvoir
Her mother decided in a dream
To name her daughter as a team
Simone Lucie Marie Ernestine
And add Bertrand to the list.
Her lawyer father wanted to act
A lover signed her into a pact
No bad behaviour made her retract A long half century tryst.
Had a nickname namely The Beaver Loved a pupil passionate fever
Being her tutor told to leave her Ended in being dismissed.
Lived to write as all authors do
Seventy eight she died of the flu Buried as Sartre wanted her to Alongside---You get the gist.
Denis Diderot
Yo-Yo-come listen to me
I'm a French dude called double D Yo-Yo-was friends with a Queen Way way back one seven thirteen. Keep the church and keep the law I'm better than that, what a bore.
Once I wrote a saucy book Sultans ring, your mind he'd look.
Another tome came to mind
A list of everything you'll find, Twenty years of sweat and toil
But the printers tried to spoil. Wrote a nuns cute kiss and tell Feds then locked me in a cell, I've a statue for my tricks
In arrondissement number six.
Yo-Yo-come visit with me
See my stone, I'm Double D.
Elizabeth Anscombe
From Ireland there was a young lady
I think from Limerick maybe Adored Wittgenstein
Well most of the time
He seemed well but then I'm afraid he.
She sat in cafés for hours
Staring at insects on flowers
'You see a large bee' 'But what do I see?'
A creature that cruelly devours.
Opposing war amid the jeers
Atomic Bomb for obvious fears
This woman was brash
Survived a car crash
Popping clogs after eighty one years.
John Dewey
Born in eighteen fifty nine
John was bright and doing fine
Votes for all within his sights
Democracy and human rights.
Taught a while at Oil City
Left his job which was a pity
Writing long in tall skyscrapers
Forty books and endless papers.
Then to Nipon, the rising sun
A rousing talk, along they'd come
Democracy----his lifelong call
A hint of hope to change them all.
And to China, his word to spread
A meeting hall, his daily bread
Talked of freedom, taking a bow
In the front row sat Chairman Mao.
Iris Murdoch Crossing the water long ago
As others did the same, She wrote 'The Sea' as you should know And Murdoch was her name.
The novels flowed also the rhyme A civil service pa, Another friend of Wittgenstein Know him and you'll go far.
Sex was absurd to husband John Full name that of John Bayley, Her affairs went on and on Not just a pinta daily.
First book was called 'Under the Net' Written with certain knack, Living with Cornwall Gardens set House honoured with blue plaque.
Thomas Hobbes.
Fifteen eighty eight
So not to be late Hobbes mother needed inducing, "HERE COMES THE ARMARDA" "PUSH HARDER AND HARDER "
Gave birth, her stomach reducing.
Hobbes grew up quite fast He studied the past Loved history ethics and travel, During Civil War Against all he saw His mind began to unravel.
His most famous tome
All written at home
Leviathan wasn't no lark, He suffered a stroke
Last words from this bloke Were "A great leap in the dark".
Niccolo Machiavelli
Here's a real Renaissance guy Leading his farmer army, I like this man, I'll tell you why Don't label me as barmy.
A Florentine and diplomat
Wrote songs and was a poet, Numerous kids and one black cat A worn out wife you know it.
Notable work by far "The Prince" A handbook for our time, Manipulate enforce convince Unscrupulous in crime.
Imprisoned for rejecting Pope Took torture in his stride, A stomach ailment took all hope At fifty eight he died.
Johann Gottlieb Fichte
Open letter to I Kant esq.
Now hear my rant Immanuel Kant
You were my favourite thinker,
My name's Johann, I had a plan
Your words I'd slightly tinker.
A month to write, each every night
In good faith and good feeling, Finished my book and then I look
To see your double dealing.
Taking my praise all of the days
I worked hard as a beaver, Insult my kin, a mortal sin
My father was a weaver.
For seven years and many tears
You took my written credit, In coffee shop it was no flop
Those caffeine lovers read it.
Yours faithfully J G F
Martin Heidegger
Under shells of spiteful type
Not matching popular hype
Martin found himself at war
Year was one nine one and four.
Should have kept up art and tech
Should have tried to save his neck
Up to waist in blood and gore
Bombs and bullets more and more.
Became army weather man
Kept him dry which was his plan
Not so good, he took a punt
All calm on the Western Front.
End of war and at a loss
Went to tailor name of Boss
Purchased suit, not too tarty
Enrolled in Nazi Party.
A J Ayer
I'm A J Ayer and here's the thing I sort my problems in the ring, Boxing, cricket, I played them all Football hockey and Eton Wall.
At one event I met a man Well in the past I was a fan, Boorish guy, spoilt my preamble And annoyed that nice Ms Campbell.
So ten hard rounds with Iron Mike In special opps I'd run and hike, Light of foot, strength of a bison Logic floored mean old Mike Tyson. Heart stopped once due to a fish More insurance don't I wish, So who to leave my 2 CV And shares in Citroën company.
Isaiah Berlin
Deep amid a Russian forest
Lived a boy enriched by wood, Father owned a timber company That lad toiled as good sons should. Logging for the Russian people
Swinging high his vicious axe, Revolution---times are changing Thinks that he'll be making tracks.
Walking past the Winter Palace
Rabble cheering loud Hurrah, Telling all to girlfriend Alice Of this grasping greedy Tzar. Expertise in Russian history
Worked for Britain in the war, Knighted nineteen fifty seven Ninety seven shown the door.
His book "Hedgehog and the Fox" Packed safe away in his box.
Albert Camus
My name is Albert Camus
I'm called a 'Pied Noir'
My mother was illiterate
And bullets killed my pa.
In Paris when the Germans
Bullied the local men
I joined the French Resistance
And fought them with my pen.
In sport a great goalkeeper
I studied suicide
A ladies man entirely
Bedding bride after bride.
Addicted to my morphine
My new book best by far
'The First Man' yet to finish
Died with me in my car.
Edmund Husserl by Eugen Fink
Working for that man
It wasn't my plan
For years I would fetch and carry, Then I was shoved
Another he loved Miss Steinschneider he did marry.
It seemed like a joke
This logical bloke
Seduced by perfume and skirt, My philosophy And afternoon tea
What I should have done was flirt.
Then second world war
The nazis they saw
To ban him from library time, He suffered a fall
Was me he did call
Then dying in seventy nine.
Hannah Arendt
Bad blood bad dad
From her father health was bad, Young woman in sick upheaval
Wrote of wealth, power and evil.
Thirties were much troubled times Germans jailed her for her crimes, On release a little grey Citizenship took away.
Then the French of her detained Poor Hannah now feeling drained, Married Gunther one time lover He soon died married another. Heidegger then tried his luck
Hormones now had run amok, Started book "Life of the Mind" Never ended it you'll find.
Karl Groucho Marx
One of a brood of children Maybe eight or nine or so Names of Laura Chico Jenny Zeppo Eleanor Harpo.
Well Karl soon found his calling Joining socialist elite Wrote a hit manifesto 'Communisum Can't Be Beat'.
Das Kapital then followed Fighting privilege by pen Attended club of poets With a drinking bunch of men.
Dead before wartime revolt
So no help that November Karl wouldn't join a movement That had him as a member.
Bertrand Russell
My intellect is I suspect The true cause of my jailing, Against the war which I abhor Silent I would be failing. To bomb was wrong the Viet Cong Appeasement of Herr Hitler, I------
I want to be on the blue sea
A pirate bold and cruel, To lead a horde wielding a sword Fighting in a duel.
A nice eyepatch and I'll dispatch All sailors rough and strong, Red blood will flow then I will go To sing my pirate song. I want to be on the blue sea
It is the life I'd choose, Pacifist stuff, I've had enough You would do in my shoes.
Voltaire The Bastille 1717
Locked away three hundred day
This darkened gloomy cell, Amid the crooks avoid of books
My mind doth sadly dwell.
Not loose and fast but moral past Imprisoned for my wit, Satiric mind astute and kind And that one guy I hit.
Drafting letters, now in fetters
My liberty I miss, A cellmate rat, I'd love a cat With me in my abyss.
But I'm consoled myself paroled By Regent and his daughter, I will attest twas no incest
That stuff he shouldn't oughta.
Zeno 490bc---430bc
My name is Zeno, Ancient Greek Rejecting facts I feel are weak
I have my notes come take a peek What does exist? The truth I seek.
The Flying Arrow is my test I'll use a bow, this one is best
Now to aim at your bare chest By the way, have you confessed?
And then The Tortoise in a race
A runner cannot match it's pace
I bid you sir try strike my face With all your might using a mace.
I've woken in hospital bed With bandages around my head
The mace was sadly made of lead Going to beat that Tortoise dead.
John Locke Here I lie, six feet under
Feeding worms, hearing thunder Did I wrong? Often wonder Deep in the Essex soil.
Went to school, I loved to sing Heard they were to chop the King Hope to us his head they'll bring Our cook could maybe broil.
Private Doc to Ashley A Told of plotting, spoilt my day Netherlands, I ran away My jailing I did foil.
Witnessed plague so many dead Fire of London burning red Slaves providing daily bread I'm done this mortal coil.
St. Thomas Aquinas
Within her sturdy castle walls
Theodora near did faint, Inducing screaming baby boy
Destined to be a saint.
Later his siblings took up sword
He'd shun the choice of brother, "I'll be a good Dominican" This really angered mother.
She locked him up about a year
A prostitute was gifted, "Be gone temptress you'll not seduce" Defencive log he lifted.
Through later life his ecstacy
Gave rise to levitation, On donkey back he hit his head And ended his creation.
Jean-Paul-Sartre
My name is Jean-Paul-Satre
"I think therefore I am"
Not exactly my own words
Of course--Descartes--oh damn.
"To live life is to suffer"
Nietzsche I suppose "Hand-grenades and Horseshoes"
That I didn't compose.
"Life's a box of chocolates"
This plagiaristic stench I've one last chance to impress My own work is in French.
Mon nom est Jean-Paul-Satre
Mon père a trois voitures
Une essence et deux diesels
Une blanche une rouge une bleue.
