Community Links Issue 183

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June 17-July 1, 2011

Vol. 8 Issue 183

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The 52nd Day of the Omer

We tell time by our Jewish calendar of events. Our personal watches are set by the time of observances we celebrate.

The rabbi looked up from his bifocals and smiled. "Ah! The insults, the abuse and the criticism. But you know what: for a little honor it's all worth it!"

Dr. Robert Rome

Parshas Korach Rabbi Mordechai Kaminetzky

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Why Marry?

THE COMMUNITY LINKS is published biweekly and is distributed free to the Jewish Community of Southern California.

THE COMMUNITY LINKS accepts no responsibility for typographical errors or reliability of Kashrus of any advertisers. All submissions become the property of THE COMMUNITY LINKS and may be shortened and/or edited for length and clarity. Articles published in THE COMMUNITY LINKS express the views of the individual writers and may not necessarily represent the views of THE COMMUNITY LINKS. No artwork or any part of the magazine may be reprinted or otherwise duplicated without the written permission of the publisher.

Blind Ambition

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Recovering Apathetic

Hello. My name is Chava and I am a recovering Apathetic. (Then I would have waited for everyone to respond with “Hi Chava, it works if you work it”....I like cheesy AA sayings, it helps sets the mood.)

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What logic lurks behind a commitment which lasts an eternity?

Would anyone in their right mind sign a job contract which contains a binding lifetime Miraim Klein

Chava Tombosky

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By Robert J. Rome, Ph.D.

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While we stop counting the days of the Omer on Shavuot, we don’t stop our counting. Throughout the year, and especially during the summer, we count our weeks. During the summer, we count our weeks by which chapter of Pirke Avot we read that week. Each week throughout the entire year is known by the portion of the Torah for that specific week.

Many of the Haftorot are significant and we often see the week within the context of the prophetic reading for the week. We recall births as having occurred during a particular week and particular Parshah, weekly portion.

We count the seven weeks between Passover and Shavuot, but then count the weeks between Shavuot and Tisha B’Av, and then between Tisha B’Av and the High Holidays. Of course, we highlight “The Three Weeks” preceding Tisha B’Av. We even count es-

The 52nd Day of the Omer As I write this article, we are just coming off of a holiday period that started with our Purim preparations and proceeded through Purim, Shushan Purim, preparations for Passover, eight days of Pesach, and then later Pesach Sheni, Yom HaAtzmaut, Lag BaOmer, and Yom Yerushalayim. We celebrated Rosh Chodesh multiple times before embarking on the days preceding Shavuot and the actual two days of the holiday. We counted each day for seven weeks between Passover and Shavuot. With the unfolding of the period of the Omer, we refrained from haircuts, then got our hair cut when the right number of days had transpired. We were invited to weddings on Lag BaOmer¸ a traditional • 323-965-1544 •

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pecially the first nine days of Av which culminate with the saddest fast day in our year.

Every day, every week in our Jewish calendar is seen within the context of the calendar and the events taking place. We recall events by the context of the calendar events taking place at the same time as the event. No one knew for sure what day was the birthday of my grandmother, just that she was born around Rosh Hashanah and that Rosh Hashanah was observed as her time of birth. Her name, Allegra, most likely refers to the joy of the holiday, just as my daughter’s name, Rina Nissa, refers to the joy and miracle of Hanukah, the holiday during which she was born and which serves as the basis of her name. There are men named Pesach in honor of the time of their birth. There are those named Esther or Mordechai after their births on Purim. We tell time by these major occasions in the year. We plan Bar and Bat Mitzvah celebrations on the anniversary of the Portion of the Week of birth and not just by the date of birth.

What an interesting perspective of our most interesting religion!

Time is what is important for our Jewish religion, not space. I recall listening to a presentation by Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel z’l where he spoke how we Jews make time holy. We even say Shehechiyanu to mark the specialness of the time. We say “asher kidd’shanu b’mitzmotav”, speaking of the holiness of time-governed celebrations, like building a Sukkah at its time or saying Kiddush for Shabbat or a holiday.

Compare and contrast to some other faiths where place takes precedence. The Mormon faith can only do certain things within the confines of one of their Temples. While the place of prayer in Judaism is often within a synagogue, it is the time of prayer which is important, not place.

When it becomes time for prayer, we merely face the east wherever we may be and pray. We light the candles at a special time. We celebrate Passover on time. We don’t begin the holiday of Shavuot early because the holiday can only occur after 49 complete days starting on the second night of Passover. Time governs. Time is special.

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We tell time by our Jewish calendar of events. Our personal watches are set by the time of observances we celebrate.

A professor of mine shared a story that actually happened to him. During the refusenik period in the Soviet Union, he would travel to Russia to bring prayer books, Matzah, and a host of other Jewish things to a Jewish pop-

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ulation eager for these and other items. One day he was in Leningrad outside of the main synagogue when an older man came up to him and said, “Look at my watch.” My professor looked at the watch and said to the man in Yiddish, “I see your watch.” The man said again, “Look at my watch.” My professor looked again and said, “I don’t know why you want me to look at the watch. It is just a regular watch and it appears broken as the time is two hours off.” The old Jewish man responded, “It is not broken. I keep time by Jerusalem time.”

We need to keep time by Jerusalem time.

This year with a daughter studying in Jerusalem, I always calculated the nine to ten hours time difference to think what time it was then in Jerusalem. I found that I became aware

when it was evening and when it was morning in Jerusalem.

My daughter introduced me to the coming of the Sabbath or a holiday as she called as the holiday was about to occur in Israel. My holiday in California became all the more meaningful as the tone was set by the call from Jerusalem.

We are done with the counting of the Omer, but every day still counts. Every day matters by what we make of it. We celebrate the portion of the week and spend time each week with the biblical personalities in that week’s portion. We mark the months in which the holidays will occur and count down from the beginning of each month to the coming holiday.

We celebrate time. We not only count time, we make time count. •

Robert J. Rome, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in clinical practice in Encino, California.

He can be reached at RJRome@aol.com.

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arely do we find that Hashem's commands assume personal connotations. The commands are meted for the sake of Judaism and the glory of Heaven. Yet, disturbingly, we find the mission of the spies defined with very personal invectives. The Torah begins with Hashem commanding Moshe, "Send for yourself spies to scour the land of Israel." Why is the command tainted with such a personal epithet? Is Moshe sending the spies for himself ? In fact, Moshe reviews the entire episode in Deuteronomy, stating how the idea of spies found favor in his eyes. The commentaries are quick to point out that the idea found favor in Moshe's mortal's eyes, but Hashem disapproved. Therefore He told Moshe send the spies for yourself. "As far as I am concerned," Hashem infers, "it is a mistake, but if that is what you desire, then proceed." Thus the words, "send for yourself spies."

Of course, the dire consequences of the mission are well known. The spies returned and maligned the Land of Israel. They were punished along with the entire nation that joined them in their misconceived sorrow, and the next 40 years were spent wandering in the desert.

But we are human, and our intentions are tinged with mortal bias. Isn't every mortal action filled with human bias and mortal partiality.

Adam Parker Glick, President of the Jack Parker Corporation, told me a wonderful story: A wealthy man decided to take up the sport of fishing.

He rented a cottage near a Vermont lake and barreled into the local sport and wildlife shop and demanded to see the manager.

"I want to buy the best of everything: the most expensive rod and tackle, the best hooks, anglers, and even the

most exquisite bait!" The store owner, who had seen his share of city-folk, was not impressed. He instructed a young salesman to follow the man around the store and serve as a human shopping cart. The man chose the most exquisite rods and reels; he selected a mahogany tackle box and a refrigerated bait cooler. Money was no object, and the fisherman-to-be selected the finest of all. The enthusiastic young salesman was extremely eager to please and offered him every imaginable fishing item and accessory. The owner, a crusty and seasoned Vermonter just smirked at the naivete of the new-found angler.

As the tycoon approached the checkout counter, he noticed brightly colored, hand-painted fishing lures whose prices were as outlandish as the colors. "Wow!" he exclaimed, as he gathered a bunch into his hand. "These look really wonderful!" Then he turned to the manager and in a voice sounding as well informed as possible, he asked the owner, "do fish really go for these?"

"Don't know," shrugged the old-timer. "I don't sell to fish."

Moshe reluctantly agreed to the whims and premonitions of a nervous and anxious nation. He agreed to their pleading to allow spies to check the land that they would ultimately inherit. But by no means was it a Divine mission. Hashem told Moshe send spies for yourself. He taught Moshe that missions that are fueled by self-fulfillment are doomed.

Often, we stand at the check-out counter of life and choose the impulse items with the view that they are necessary for our success. We marvel at the brightly-colored lures and find it hard to imagine life without them. We rationalize that they are needed for the sake of family, livelihood, and even spirituality. We think we are purchasing

PARSHAS SHALACH THE LURE OF LIFE

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them for lofty reasons and negate the fact that perhaps selfishness and insecurity are the driving forces behind the proverbial sale. We buy them thinking that they are the items that will catch the fish, but ultimately, we are the only ones caught!

Moshe was about to send spies on a seemingly sacred mission. The mission may have been falsely justified in hundreds of different ways: the operation would save lives, it would prepare a young nation for a smooth transition and pave a new level of spirituality for the fledgling folk. But those were not the true objectives. There was selfishness involved. And the mission was doomed. For the road to the lowest of places is paved with disingenuous holy-intent.

Therefore Hashem told Moshe that there is only one motivation behind the mission. They are not sending spies for Hashem. The nation is sending spies for its own ego and insurance. "Send them for yourself." G-d does not need scouts, guides, or pathfinders. He does not sell to fish. He just may yield to those who are selfish. And ultimately they get the hook. • Rabbi Mordechai Kaminetzky • www.torah.org

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Love is blind. So is hate and any principle that begins to shade the intellect with emotion. This week, in what appears to be the worst ideological division of the Jewish people after the Exodus, a litmus test of human nature proved that the great divide bordered more on ego than on principle.

Korach, a cousin of Moshe and a brilliant man in his own right, began a rebellion that challenged the leadership and divine appointment of both Moshe and Ahron. In addition to his own family, Korach's iconoclastic actions inspired 250 Jewish leaders to denounce publicly the leadership of Moshe and Ahron. Foremost among the self-appointed detractors were two men with a history of vindictive activities toward Moshe - Dassan and Aviram. Back in Egypt, when Moshe killed an Egyptian taskmaster who was beating an innocent Jew, these men threatened to inform the Egyptian authorities.

But Moshe wanted to deal with them.

As leader of two million people, he could have laughed at the complaints of a minute fraction of the population, but he didn't. He reached out to Dassan and Aviram and asked them to come and discuss their qualms with him. His request was met with a barrage of insults.

"Even if you gouge out our eyes - we shall not meet!" they responded (Numbers 16:14) I was always amazed at this most arrogant response. Why did these men, who obviously were stubborn, arrogant, and supercilious, respond in a self-deprecating manner? Why did they suggest the horrific infliction of eye-gouging upon themselves? Would it not be enough to respond, even to the worst of enemies, "we will not come?" What connection does the loss of vision have with their refusal?

Reb Gimpel, a travelling salesman, developed an illness in a small village far from his home and was prescribed with a cure that entailed eating of non-kosher food. A foreigner in that town, he decided to ask the local rabbi if he was permitted to eat the medicine.

The gentile doctor did not know where the rabbi lived and suggested that Reb Gimpel ask the local butcher. Reb Gimpel went into the butcher shop. "Excuse me," he asked the burly meat vendor, "do you know where I can find your

rabbi?" "The rabbi!" sneered the butcher, "why would a respectable-looking man like yourself need our rabbi?" The man was puzzled but continued to explain. "I'd like to ask him something. "Ask him something!" mocked the butcher.

"Our rabbi doesn't know the difference between a horse and a cow! You're wasting your time! Ask the chazzan where he lives, I have no reason to tell you."

The shocked man went to the chazzan's home. "Excuse me," he asked. Do you know where the rabbi lives?"

"The rabbi?" asked the cantor in horror. "Why in the world would you want to meet that ignoramus? Surely you don't want to ask him a question! I wouldn't want to be party to your misfortune. Better ask the mohel."

Frustrated the poor man went to the home of the mohel where once again he was accosted with a barrage of insults and put-downs. Finally, however, the mohel acquiesced and directed the man to the rabbi's home. The man entered the threshold and before he even shook the rabbi's hand he exclaimed, "Listen, I don't know you, and you don't me. I came here to ask one question, but I will ask you something totally different. Why are you the rabbi here?

The butcher thinks you're a thief, the chazzan thinks you're an ignoramus, and the mohel loathes you. Why in the world do you remain the rabbi of this town?"

The rabbi looked up from his bifocals and smiled. "Ah! The insults, the abuse and the criticism. But you know what: for a little honor it's all worth it!"

As the proverbial rabble-rousers of all time, Dassan and Aviram were preaching profound insight into the laws of arrogance. When one is set on a self-fulfilling mission of squabbling, as corrupt and perverted as his judgement is, so is his vision. He is blind to the critics, blind to the world, and worst of all, blind to his own self. Once a man is blind, you can gouge his eyes and he will not notice. Only those with a pure sense of mission, cherish the vision that lets them see a situation from every angle. Even if it is not their own. While Moshe, the leader of the entire nation asks to meet his worst enemies and discuss their gripes, thy refuse and would rather be blind to any criticism. •

BLIND AMBITION Rabbi Mordechai Kaminetzky • www.torah.org 18 J u n e 1 7 , 2 0 1 1

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Hi My Name Is Chava, And I’m a Recovering Apathetic

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his past week I attended an “Ask the Rabbi” lecture where two Orthodox Rabbis and one Orthodox Rebbetzin sat on a panel ready to answer questions on Jewish life, ritual and tradition. There were many interesting questions thrown at them like “What is your take on using marijuana, What’s your feeling about men and women texting each other, and what is your opinion on the Jewish education crisis?”

Obviously these were all important questions that deserved good answers, and for the most part, the panel answered them pretty well. One question that was anonymously posed left me frustrated and dissatisfied with their answers. The question was, and I quote: “I am married to a religious and observant man and we are raising our children with Jewish observance as well, but deep inside I am feeling despondent and disconnected and feel as though I don’t believe in any of it anymore. What do you have to say about what I should do to rectify my frustrations with religion?”

Across the panel, the patent answer that was given to this tortured soul was “You should learn more.” Although I agreed with this answer, my frustration lied in the fact that this poor soul was never actually celebrated for asking her question. She was also asking an impassioned question, and deserved an equally sensitive answer instead of rhetoric. Here’s what I would have said (had they asked me to be on the panel, but they didn’t.): Hello. My name is Chava and I am a recovering Apathetic. (Then I would have waited for everyone to respond with “Hi Chava, it works if you work it”....I like cheesy AA sayings, it helps sets the mood.)

First let me applaud you for asking your question. For by the mere fact that you were in tune with your soul needing more, and by your ability to articulate your lack of inspiration, you indeed inspired me to re-ask this

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to myself again, who has faced this shameful feeling in the past and, I imagine, inspired many others who may have been afraid to ask this question but were scared of judgment or criticism. For how do we possibly learn, evolve, or tackle difficult issues if we hide from them? On the contrary, you were brave enough to face this deep seeded feeling of apathy and asked for an emotional response.

You deserve an emotional answer.

There are many reasons a person feels despondent in life. Sometimes it is out of lack of practice, sometimes it is out of pain, sometimes it is out of boredom. It is human. It is normal. My despondency was a result of deep rooted pain. I had witnessed an event that caused me to truly face my lack of faith in people, which in turn hurt my faith in G-d.

Leaders let me down, and children got hurt as a result of men and women in leadership positions who were unable to stand up for right versus wrong. This event shook my faith to its core. I had put so much faith into people instead of into the principles that I was living by, that I became a broken hearted tortured soul yearning for love and light, understanding, and rectification. While on my search for closure, I ended up at a holy site in Brooklyn. The Lubavitcher Rebbe is buried in a cemetery in Brooklyn and many from far and wide go to his place of burial to pray and to lament and to seek spiritual atonement and enlightenment. It is a well known fact that Jews all over the world from the beginning of time have visited the grave sites of their past righteous teachers and leaders to pray and meditate, and to ask the righteous to invoke on their behalf.

It was a cold January day. The clouds hovered over my head and the chill in the air was way below zero. As 25 J u n e 1 7 , 2 0 1 1

is customary, I took off my leather shoes out of respect and proceeded into the cemetery barefooted with only a thin nylon separating my delicate toes from the stone frozen ground. I stood for a long time in meditation, begging G-d to allow the Rebbe to intervene on my behalf and on behalf of the many children who needed healing. I had cried for my own broken heart who witnessed senseless manipulation and deep rooted crimes which stole many children’s innocence away inside the doors of an institution promising to protect and adhere to high moral standards. I cried for the many leaders who failed at a time they should have been strong with resolve over how to protect children from sexual abuse. I cried and I cried. My cold breath suspended in mid-air as every last word I uttered froze through the chilled wind. And then I looked up to the heavens and I saw the sky, and you know what- it was still grey. Nothing had really changed. My despondency became more real and my bitterness and anger more fresh. Religion had let me down, and I was frustrated that the only person that had the answers was now in a grave unable to truly give me any guidance. How could I possibly adhere to a faith that had disappointed me so?

I dragged my cold stiff body back into the synagogue attached to the cemetery. Tears covered my skin and my eyes bled the truth that my heart was feeling. Nothing, no one, could possibly change my verdict. I was as apathetic as I could have possibly become. There was a television playing in the background where the Lubavitcher Rebbe was lecturing past lectures that had been taped during his years as leader. Typically these lectures play all day never repeating itself more than once. Through my crying • 323-965-1544 •

I noticed the TV but was not paying attention to the words. For when you are feeling indifferent, there is nothing that can really change that feeling except for more indifference. It is a slippery slope, and sometimes G-d has to tap you on the shoulder or shake you in order to recreate your focus to set up a personal recharge.

Sometimes that shoulder tap ends up being the TV breaking down. For a few moments, there was an interruption in the program, the screen scratched a fuzzy picture and then seemed to replay the exact same lecture. It was so noticeable, most of the folks in the Synagogue stopped what they were doing and paid attention only to go back to their private prayers. For some reason, this pause had me pause in my own wallowing of emotion and without realizing, I started to pay attention to what the Rebbe was reiterating now for the second time. I will forever remember these words, as they are etched in my mind every time I feel far away from my purpose or resolve: (I am paraphrasing of course) It is said that the Jews left Egypt in the “Middle of the night”, “Bietzem Hayom Hazeh”, otherwise known as “Midnight”. But the Jews were deserving of this exit from Egypt. What could possibly be G-d’s purpose for having them sneak out of Egypt in the middle of the night? Surely it was not to hide this miracle or sneak them out of Egypt out of shame because the Jews were well deserving of leaving Egypt and many knew of their unjustified slavery. The only thing one can learn from the moment the Jews left Egypt, is that the darkest hour of the day is midnight. That was the exact moment the Jews left their inexcusable slavery. Sometimes when life is very difficult, when a person is in a deep slavery, a heart breaking sitinfo@communitylinks.info

uation, the darkest hour, it can seem as though there is no light at all. But midnight has a startling lesson, for every single minute after midnight the earth rotates towards the sun therefore making each minute and hour after midnight a little bit brighter. When the Jews left Egypt, they left at the darkest moment of their lives, but every minute and hour after became a little bit lighter, a little bit brighter. For a Jew is never stuck. A Jew only has to look to midnight to know the light is but a few hours away, no matter how broken hearted he/she is.

It was at that moment I knew my heart would mend.

I also knew it would be up to me to pull myself out of my pain and practice getting my soul fed through love and light, and yes, learning also helped. The question shouldn’t really be, what should you do to rectify your frustrations with religion, but how do you rectify your frustrations with your soul? Your soul is not going away.

Whether you leave your path or stay on it, your soul will continue to be tortured if it is not fed. For every person’s soul is just an extension of a Higher Power pushing itself into this earth. We all have this Higher Power inside of our selves, but it is up to us to let it out and shine.

And if it feels dormant, the only way to unleash it is by acknowledging it’s sleep, taking ownership for its rest and re-inspiring it so our inner selves sore. Remember midnight is the darkest hour, after that, eventually the sun comes up- but if you do not get dressed open the shade and make room for the light, it will remain trapped in bitterness, despair, and apathy. So keep asking questions, keep seeking and searching, and eventually your soul will lead instead of your despair.

Thanks for letting me share. And yes, it works if you work it.....(See? Cheesy, I know, but it helps.) •

By Chava Tombosky

Chava Tombosky is a screen-writer, an award winning independent film producer, and the author of a Blog entitled "My Big Fat Jewish Life". Chava is also a noted lecturer on Jewish women's issues, and offers her listeners a refreshingly honest and down to earth perspective on Judaism and Torah values.

She is currently working on her first single entitled "Eternally Hopeful", and her first book- a dark humored memoir where she attempts to make sense of why G-d laughs while the rest of us make plans.

26 J u n e 1 7 , 2 0 1 1

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info@communitylinks.info

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Father’s Day – As a Father Am I Doing the Right Things?

W

hen Father’s Day comes around I think of the many single parent families where children are brought up fatherless, some never knowing their fathers. How sad are those who never had a chance to feel the strong and warm loving hand of a father. I have friends who have great caring and sharing fathers. Why are some blessed with good fathers or bad fathers and others with no fa-

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ther? We are not given a choice of fathers. When you are born, the man whom your mother loved is your father.

All of this got me thinking. If God let me be a father, am I doing the right things? To whom can I turn to get some guidelines? As a Rabbi, I look towards my religion for answers.

In the Jewish religion there is an ethical teaching found in Pirke Avot (Ethics of Our Fathers) C.100, info@communitylinks.info

“Grandchildren are the crown of the aged; and the glory of children are their fathers.”

What we have here is a two–way street: parents proud of their children and children proud of their parents. The glory is shared and earned by father, son and grandson.

On a personal level, I look to my father for guidance and inspiration.

As American Jews growing up in the East Side of New York my father’s family experienced the regular joys and hardships of life. The depression years were hard on my American grandfather. He was a salesman, always on the move, trying to make ends meet for his six boys, insisting on a full American education so his boys would appreciate our great country. As a second generation American and an Orthodox Jew, he taught his children the importance of old-time standards, balancing honesty and pride with religion and practice. He even hired personal tutors to teach the boys the truth of religion.

Not preaching religion, just practicing, was his motto.

When his sixth son was ordained as a rabbi he said, “I don’t really have a need for my sons to be rabbis. Just be honest children.” To him, being a rabbi was a bonus, being honest was a must.

My father became a rabbi at the young age of twentyone. He built schools, synagogues, and found time to raise nine children. All of his children are rabbis or are married to rabbis. Believe me, it was no easy task to achieve.

Bringing up children in the late 50’s and early 60’s were trying times.

One of the main problems with the father/child relationship is where discipline begins and ends. My father created a simple formula. When he used the words, “I forbid you,” then there was no flexibility. However, when he said, “I don’t want you to do it,” then we knew negotiations were still possible. Somehow I don’t remember him forbidding me to do anything.

When a son loves his father, he respects the “I don’t want you” statement as an "I forbid you."

In his 60’s my father became president of the Rabbinical Alliance of America, a group representing some 750 rab-

bis. He meets presidents, senators, congressmen, community leaders, and gives quality time for the not so famous. Somehow he still finds time to talk to all his children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. Since he turned 89 he has been busier than ever.

Recently, I asked him if he was happy with his life. He answered that “A father doesn’t ask himself if he is happy.

Instead, he asks himself if he is doing the right thing.

When the answer is yes, then he is happy.”

Unfortunately, for so many fathers the opposite is true.

If they are happy, they reason that whatever they are doing must be the right thing, regardless of the cost to the family.

My job as a father has been made simple by being blessed with a father who expects you to live like him. Father’s Day reminds us to try to follow in our father’s footsteps. Remember that we only have to follow footsteps.

If we did that we would be very happy indeed.

There is a Father’s Day prayer created by the great Hassidic master, Rabbi Nachman of Breslow (1772-1810): “Dear God, teach me to embody those ideals I would want my children to learn from me. Let me communicate with my children wisely – in ways that will draw their hearts to kindness, to decency and to true wisdom. Dear God, let me pass on to my children only the good; let them find in me the values and the behavior I hope to see in them.”

Once, I asked my son, “What do you think of Father’s Day?” He ran to get the New Book of Knowledge Encyclopedia and read aloud to me: “Spokane, Washington, is said to be the first city that observed Father’s Day in 1910. In 1924, President Calvin Coolidge proclaimed the third Sunday in June as Father’s Day. Roses are the Father’s Day flowers – red to be worn for a living father and white if the father is dead.”

Then my boy turned to me and said: “Father’s Day is every day. It says clearly in the Ten Commandments, ‘Honor your father and mother.’” That is the nicest Father’s Day gift anyone can get. A happy Father’s Day to all. •

Rabbi Eli Hecht is vice–president of the Rabbinical Alliance of America and past–president of the Rabbinical Council of California. He is the director of Chabad of South Bay in Lomita, CA which houses a synagogue, day school, nursery school and chaplaincy programs.

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W

hy marry? The question is so maddening because there seems to be very little rational reason to support such a drastic move. Whichever way the issue is presented, the obvious cons considerably outweigh any pros which may be suggested. What logic lurks behind a commitment which lasts an eternity?

Would anyone in their right mind sign a job contract which contains a binding lifetime obligation when so many jobs are available which do not require such an extreme commitment?

So why enter a binding marriage proposition? While the marriage contract does contain an escape clause, invoking this clause invariably causes unspeakable pain and emotional havoc. Why not enjoy relationships for their natural duration and then move on when the eroded passion ceases to justify the maintenance of the relationship? Why would any sane person willingly consent to stick with a relationship even after it deteriorates to the point that it is rocky and chal-

Why Marry?

The Call from Within

lenging at best?

Admittedly, the improved economic standing of women and the elimination of much of the stigma attached to remaining single have caused the marriage rate to decline in recent decades. Nevertheless, despite the decrease in societal and peer pressure to marry, latest statistics show that more than three quarters of the adult population is married!

So why do we marry? According to Kabbala, the compulsion to rush into a lifelong commitment is an expression of the human soul's deepest ambitions. The subliminal signals emanating from the soul have caused the logic-defying institution of marriage to be an integral part of the human fabric since the dawn of time.

The soul's desire to connect and commit makes the aspiration for marriage one of our most basic instincts.

What is the soul's agenda? What does it stand to gain from hooking up with another soul? The Mystics explain that two primary considerations drive the soul's desire to marry: a desire to be complete and its need to transcend itself.

1+1=1

Miraim Klein 30 J u n e 1 7 , 2 0 1 1

In the first marriage ever, Adam and Eve were initially created as a single, two-faced body. The single being was split in two -- a man and a woman -- and then reunited in matrimony. In the world of souls, the partition and reunification of the male and female components of individual souls occurs continually.

Every body is occupied by half a soul, and both

• 323-965-1544 •

body and soul only reach a state of completion when they are reunited with their bashert, their long-lost other half.

The Talmud says that each soul's bashert (predestined soulmate) is determined before its birth. The two may be born continents apart with seemingly nothing in common, but Divine destiny ensures that everyone's path intersects with their bashert's.

[In rare instances, due to external spiritual factors which may intervene, it is possible for people to marry spouses who are not their basherts.

Even in such instances, however, eventually the two original soulmates will marry -- whether later on in life as a second marriage, or in a future incarnation of the two souls. See Marriage: Destiny or Chance.]

Thus the attraction to the opposite sex, so often reviled as a weakness associated with base carnal urges, actually stems from the soul's innate desire to reunite with its soulmate.

Extreme care must be taken not to misuse the sacred and potent power of sexual attraction by expending it in a context other than marriage.

The Commitment Itself is the Objective Whereas bodily needs and tendencies are decidedly egocentric, the soul is totally selfless. Commitment without the expectation of a commensurate return benefit may sound absurd when talking the language of the body, but is music to the ears of the soul. The soul's most fervent wish is to transcend itself. Marriage offers the soul the opportunity to express its altruistic nature.

Marriage is about two souls who put their individual needs aside, and commit themselves 100% to the info@communitylinks.info

success of the relationship.

The Ultimate Goal Aside for the bride and grooms' commitment to each other, Jewish marriage involves an additional two commitments. Firstly, it is a commitment to the continuity of the Jewish nation. Jewish parents raising Jewish children with Jewish values is our non-violent way of combating the Crusaders, Chmielnicki, Hitler, and all the other bigots who aspired to relegate the Jewish people to the annals of history.

are the perfect team to implement this plan. When working in harmony they have the ability to make the home an epicenter of holiness whose rippling waves affect the neighborhood, the country, the world, and the cosmos.

Because of the considerable role marriage plays in the actualization of the master plan for creation, G-d expends considerable time and energy (as it were) on "playing matchmaker."

Marriage is also a commitment to actualizing the Divine plan which spawned all of creation

Secondly, marriage is also a commitment to actualizing the Divine plan which spawned all of creation. G-d desired a home, and it is our mission to sanctify the world, making it a hospitable abode for its Creator. The ammunition we were provided to accomplish this task are the Torah and its commandments; and the home is the first frontier. Man and woman

31 J u n e 1 7 , 2 0 1 1

"With what is He occupied since [the six days of Creation]?" the Midrash asks. "He is preoccupied with matching together couples," is the answer! Every individual wedding is a vital piece in the grand puzzle which when completed will usher all of creation into its intended state of redemption.

Jewish marriage is about two people who commit themselves 100% to the success of G-d's relationship with creation. •

• 323-965-1544 •

info@communitylinks.info

300 AT YOUNG LUBAVITCH CHEVRA’S 4TH ANNUAL SHABBATON IN CA Many Young Lubavitch families from across Southern California joined together this past weekend, some three hundred men, women and children in total; at the picturesque Chabad Running Springs Resort for Young Lubavitch Chevra of Southern California's 4th Annual Shabbaton. Straight from the outset it was evident that it was a first class event as was demonstrated by guests being greeted at the entrance gate with champagne served by a steward in full tuxedo; a first for Running Springs.

scavenger hunting, learning, a Shimon Omer competition and Chasidic Fitness session on Sunday morning.

The "scholars in residence" included: Mrs. Miryam Swerdlov, Rabbi Moshe Kesselman, Rabbi Shlomo Bistritsky, and Colonel Chaplain Jacob Goldstein. They kept participants engaged all weekend with many inspirational lectures and farbrengens culminated by a thought provoking panel discussion on Motzei Shabbos that lasted until 1:30am. Guests were also treated to a preview of the award winning show "THINK! The Mentalist" which will soon debut in Hollywood.

At the Shabbaton, Young Chevra of SoCal also launched a new "Arichas Yomim Life Insurance Initiative", the importance of which was highlighted following the recent tragic passing of a Young Chevra colleague.

The children were occupied all weekend. Up bright and early to be entertained at Camp Young Chevra and the famous Kol Yaakov Yehuda Jr. Congregation, led by the effervescent Rabbi Mendel Duchman. Kids had a chinuch filled weekend that they will never forget: Alon Zak Agent 0G80549

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Sunday's chilly weather did not deter the exciting events planned including the Animal Planet Reptile Show, a Cirque de Soleil performance and the crazy BMX Stunt show. Following the action packed Sunday morning, guests were treated to the Grand BBQ featuring delicacies from Jeff's Gourmet Sausage Factory.

Young Chevra was established with the goal of promoting achdus among the young and rapidly growing Lubavitch communities of Southern California.

The Board of Young Chevra is comprised of members from the many local shuls and regional communities. Earlier this year Young Chevra held a very successful Melava Malka Cocktail Evening to significantly expand its Keren Avrohom Eliezer Gemach Fund. •

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Create flowers, bows and more!

3 sessions @ $20 per person per session Bring a friend and both of you pay $15 per session! Ages 10 and up.

Contact Miriam for more info: artyoucaneat@gmail.com 818•577•3770 Check out my blog at http://cakesart.blogspot.com

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Engagements Shifra Freedman & Moshe Hager Sara Sarles & Tomi Rosenthal Sarah Smith & Zvi Graubard Molly Loberbaum & Dan Dorn

Births - Boys Miriam & Shlomo Abramson Kayla & Yitzy Gross Devorah & Dovi Bobker Mrs. & Rabbi Yehoshua Millman Leeba & Aryeh Bernstein

Births - Girls Zahava & Avi Ryzman Sharon & Douglas Kruschen Ellah & Brad Greenberg Ziba & Shalom Kaufman

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• 1 cup balsamic vinegar • 1 cup pitted green and black olives, halved • 1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley leaves • 2 tablespoons capers, rinsed and drained • 1 garlic clove, thinly sliced • 8 fresh basil leaves, shredded • 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper • 6 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil • 1 pound vine-ripened tomatoes (3 tomatoes)

1. Cook the balsamic vinegar in a small saucepan over low heat until thick, syrupy, and measuring 1/4 cup, about 20 minutes. Set aside to cool.

2. Combine the olives, parsley, anchovies, capers, garlic, basil, pepper, and olive oil in a small bowl and toss to combine.

3. To serve, slice the tomatoes into 1/4-inch thick rounds and place, slightly overlapping, on a serving plate. Spoon the olive and parsley mixture over the tomatoes. Drizzle the reduced balsamic over the salad and serve.

FRIDAY, JUNE 17, 2011 Light Candles at: 7:49 pm ••• FRIDAY, JUNE 24, 2011 Light Candles at: 7:51 pm ••• FRIDAY, JULY 1, 2011 Light Candles at: 7:51 pm

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1. The cell phone on the bottom is missing. 2. There are two blue stripes on the performers’ pants. 3. There is a window panel missing from the window in the back. 4. The red stripes on Baily Weiss’s dress are now green. 5. The logo on Lipa Popack’s cap is missing. 6. Dr. Mark Horowitz is holding a hotdog instead of a coke bottle. 7. One of the wooden polls is missing from the staircase. 8. Rochel Duchman is missing from the background. 9. Mendel Morris’s shirt is now a solid orange instead of grey and orange stripe. 10. Shmuly Levy’s cap is now burgundy instead of white.

qq qq qq qq qq CHANGES KEEP SCORE

10 Please email us your event pictures to Info@communitylinks.info Double Take YOUR Pictures!

Many Young Lubavitch families from across Southern California joined together , some three hundred men, women and children in total; at the picturesque Chabad Running Springs Resort for Young Lubavitch Chevra of Southern California's 4th Annual Shabbaton.

YOUNG CHEVRA SHABBATON Can you spot the differences in these two pictures?

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Take the best parenting class in town to learn how to deal with misbehavior, discouragement and poor school performance. In addition, acquire all the skills necessary to raise confident, independent, and responsible children. Appropriate for ages 0-5, 6-11, and teens. Individual or group sessions. Affordable. Call Irine Schweitzer, LCSW for more information, www.parentingbyirine.com @ 818 754-4501. -1548-

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Dining Guide Listing Please Call 323-965-1544

DINING GUIDE MEAT Afshan Restaurant RCC 106 W. 9th St. LA, (213) 622-1010 Bocca Steakhouse RCC 16610 Ventura. Encino, 91436 (818) 905-5855 Café Del Mar Meat Kehila 12526 Burbank Blvd. N.H. 91607 (818) 487-8171 Chic N Chow Kehila 9301 West Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 274-5595 Chinese and Kabob Kehila 9180 Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 274-4007 Cohen’s Restaurant RCC 316 E Pico Blvd # F LA, CA 90015 (213) 742-8888 Elat Burger Ben Zaken 9340 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 278-4692 Elite Cuisine RCC 7119 Beverly Blvd. LA, 90036 (323) 930-1303 Shawarma Express Kehila 5577 Reseda Blvd. Tarzana, 9135 (818) 342-2226 Glatt Hut RCC 9303 W. Pico Blvd. 90035 (310) 246-1900 Golan RCC 13075 Victory Blvd. N. H, 91606 (818) 763-5344 Got Kosher? RCC 8914 W. Pico Blvd. 90035 (310) 858-1920 Habayit Bukspan 11921 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90064 (310) 479-5444 Haifa Ben Zaken 8717 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 888-7700 Jeffs Gourmet Kehila 8930 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 858-8590 La Gondola Kehila 9025 Wilshire Blvd. BH, 90211 (310) 247-1239

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La Glatt RCC 446 Fairfax Ave. LA, 90036 (323) 658-7730 La Seine 14 N. La Cienega Beverly Hills, CA 90211 310 358 0922 Mashu Mashu RCC 12510 Burbank Blvd. 91607 (818)752-ASIA (2742) Metro Glatt RCC 8975 W. Pico Blvd. 90035 (310) 275-4420 Nagilla Meating Place Kehila 9407 West Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 788-0119 Orange Delight Kehila 13628 Ventura Blvd. SO, 91423 (818) 788-9896 Pats Kehila 9233 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 205-8705 Pico Kosher Deli RCC 8826 West Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 273-9381 Pita Way RCC 8532 Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 652-5236 Sassis Kehila 15622 Ventura, Encino, 91436 (818) 986-5345 Schwartz Bakery and Deli RCC 433 N. Fairfax Avenue, LA, 90036 (323)653-1941 Shanghai Kehila 9401 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 553-0998 Shilohs Kehila 8939 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 858-1652 Subway Kehila 8948 W Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 274-1222 Schnitzle Kehila 9216 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 786-8282 Temptation Grill Kehila 17547 Ventura B. Encino, 91316 (818) 995-4700

Tierra Sur at Herzog Winery 3201 Camino DelSol Oxnard (818) 752-6866

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DAIRY 26 By Shilo’s Kehila 8657 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310)246-1326 Beverly Cafe Elite RCC 7113 Beverly Blvd. LA, 90035 (323) 931-3563 Bibis Warmstone Kehila 8928 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 246-1788 Bramis Pizza

RCC

Nagilla Pizza Kehila 9411 West Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 788-0111 Nana Cafe RCC 1509 S Robertson Blvd.

(310) 407-0404 Pacific Pizza RCC - Cholov Yisroel & Pas Yisroel 12460 Oxnard St. N. Hollywood (818) 760-0087 Pico Cafe Kehila 8944 W Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310)385-9592 Pizza Maven Kehila 140 North La Brea Blvd. 90036 (323) 857-0353

17736 ShermanWay, Reseda 91326

(818) 342-0611 Café Del Mar Dairy Kehila 12526 Burbank Blvd. N.H. 91607 (818) 487-8171 Circa RCC 8622 W Pico Blvd, Los Angeles (310) 854-0592 Delice Kehila 8583 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 289-6556 Fish Grill Kehila 7226 Beverly Blvd. LA, 90036 (323) 937-7162 12013 Wilshire Blvd. LA, 90025 (310) 479-1800 9618 W. Pico Blvd. 90035 (310) 860-1182 22935 Pacific Coast Highway (310) 456-8585

Pizza Nosh Rabbi Ami Markel 30313 Canwood St. A.H. 91301 (818) 991-3000 Pizza Station Kehila 8965 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 276-8708 Pizza World Kehila 365 Fairfax Ave. LA, 90036 (323) 653-2896 Sassis Sushi Kehila 16550 Ventura, Encino, 91436 (818) 783-2727 Shalom Pizza RCC 8715 West Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 271-2255 Unique Cafe Rabbi Aron Simkin 18381 Ventura Blvd. Tarzana (818) 757-3100

Jerusalem Pizza Kehila 17942 Ventura Blvd. Encino, CA 91316

PAREVE

(818) 758-9595 La Brea Bagel Kehilla 7308 Beverly Blvd. LA, 90036 (323) 965-1287 La Pizza Rabbi Furst 12515 Burbank Blvd. N.H, 91607 (818) 760-8198 Milk N Honey RCC 8837 West Pico Blvd LA, 90035 (310) 858-8850

Fish In The Village RCC 12450 Burbank Blvd. N.H, 91607 (818) 769-0085 Le Sushi RCC 12524 Burbank Blvd N.H. 91607 (818) 763-6600 SushiKo RCC 9340 West Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 274-3474

Milky Way Kehila 9108 W. Pico Blvd. LA, 90035 (310) 859-0004

The Meating Place KCA 30313 Canwood St. AH, 91301 (818) 706-1255

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