Community Links Issue 224 by The Jewish Link

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January 25- February 8, 2 0 1 3

Vol. 10 Issue 224

PESACH IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

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FEATURES

January 25, 2013

Next Issue Next Advertising Deadline February 1, 2012 Circulation February 8, 2012 Media Kit & Pricing 323.965.1544 Email info@communitylinks.info News & Press Releases press@communitylinks.info Virtual Subscription subscribe@communitylinks.info

Mental Health and the Torah Way Tradition

The secret is out and we do not need to hide. Jews do in fact suffer from mental and emotional issues of all kinds in the same ratios as the general population.

So what if my grandfather did it? My grandfather rode around in a horse and buggy! Must I give up my car for a horse just because Zayde rode a horse?

Mia Adler Ozair, MA, LPCC, NCC

Rabbi Yossy Goldman

THE COMMUNITY LINKS is published biweekly and is distributed free to the Jewish Community of Southern California. THE COMMUNITY LINKS accepts no responsibility for typographical errors or reliability of Kashrus of any advertisers. All submissions become the property of THE COMMUNITY LINKS and may be shortened and/or edited for length and clarity. Articles published in THE COMMUNITY LINKS express the views of the individual writers and may not necessarily represent the views of THE COMMUNITY LINKS. No artwork or any part of the magazine may be reprinted or otherwise duplicated without the written permission of the publisher.

The Transplant

Yaffa Newmark

L.A.S.B. Approves New Hebrew Language Charter School

Lashon Academy to become sixth school in Hebrew Charter School Center network

Dan Gerstein www.hebrewcharters.org

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MENTAL HEALTH AND THE TORAH WAY Mia Adler Ozair, MA, LPCC, NCC here is a book, a very heavy and cumbersome book, called the Diagnostics and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders or DSM for short. This book is the bible of all mental health professionals for assisting in determining proper diagnosis for clients and patients. Within it you will find almost every possible disorder that may impact a person’s mental well-being. Although many have debated what the content should be over the course of many years, it remains primarily the same with a few additions or deletions here and there. However, there is one key element that is not stated or included in this book that perhaps speaks the loudest of all relevant factors: It does not say, “Applies only to Asians” or “Does not impact Israelis” or “Not applicable to persons of color”, and it sadly does not say “Jews exempt”. This, of course, is because these ailments and conditions are those of the Human Race, and have the potential to impact all of HaShem’s human creations equally. Why do I make this point? Quite simply because what I see in religious communities is a shade of secrecy and shame that these types of conditions exist among us. These conditions impact our loved ones, our friends, our neighbors, yet even with today’s advancements people are still generally embarrassed to admit when there are problems. Very unfortunately, this stigma often delays necessary treatment and does not help break the unproductive cycle of thinking there is shame in seeking help for mentally and emotionally related issues. That’s the bad news.

Here’s the good news: the secret is out and we do not need to hide. Jews do in fact suffer from mental and emotional issues of all kinds in the same ratios as the general population. We deal with child abuses, domestic violence, depression, anger management, anxiety, personality disorders, divorce, addictions, sexual issues, and general dysfunction to name a small few. We, as Jews, are not alone in that we have these challenges alongside the rest of the Human Race, and you the reader are not alone because if you are suffering so are many others living right next door or even perhaps with you. Which brings us to an extremely important question: How are religious Jews meant to seek professional help when they live within the context of an entirely unique and specific set of Jewish laws and guidelines? What about the community and rumors? How can a person trust that his or her matters will be kept strictly private? Well, many seek the help and guidance of their Rabbi which is an excellent place to start. A rabbi can provide initial comfort and reassurance, can answer religiously-based questions, and can refer you to professionals who have training to address specific needs. However, what if you don’t have a rabbi or are embarrassed to approach your rabbi? In Los Angeles we are very blessed in the matter of support for mental and emotional issues. The Jewish Federation of Los Angeles and their Aleinu offices offer a variety of therapeutic services to support the community. In addition, there are many therapists in the area specializing in working with the Jewish community who are themselves January 11 , 2012 • 323-965-1544 • info@communitylinks.info

observant and understand the nature and culture of religious Jews. Just off the top you’ve been given three excellent and viable options for seeking help in our community and I’m certain there are many more. The key point here is this: if you or someone you love is suffering from a mental health issue, please do not ignore it. Do not think it will go away on its own. Do not be embarrassed. Do not stay in a state of denial. Do something to help the situation and don’t wait yet another day. Our Torah gives us values to live by, and at the top of these values is the value of life itself. Life, according to Torah, does not simply mean a beating heart and breathing lungs. Live means living. Life means contribution. Life means realizing personal potential and sharing it with others. “V'Avraham zakein bah bayamim”, “And Abraham, the elder, came with days.” What does it mean that Avraham Avinu, z’l, “came with days”? It means at the end of his life when he presented in the heavenly courts, he came with days rich with life and mitzvoth. It means he lived his life and brought meaning to other’s lives. He showed up. He engaged. He literally ran to do mitzvoth. If we are truly Torah observant Jews then we must recognize that we have an obligation to live our lives to

the fullest and to reveal all of the greatness that HaShem intended for us. If mental and emotional issues are preventing you, or someone you love, from doing this, then you must take steps to seek help and not waste another moment. No matter your challenge, from depression to matters of shalom bayit, there are people who can help and support you. However it is your job to take the first step and ask for that help. The time has come to remove the stigma of seeking help for mental and emotional matters and it is the Torah way to support members of our families and communities as they do so. Just as Avraham Avinu, z’l, knew the importance of living each day to its maximum potential, we must also embrace the right and responsibility we have to ensure that with proper support and guidance we too can overcome our challenges and come out stronger, wiser souls. Mia Adler Ozair, MA, LPCC, NCC is a licensed clinical psychotherapist and educator with a private practice in Beverly Hills, California. Mia is licensed in both California and Illinois and she can be reached through her website at www.bhcounselingcenter.com, e-mail at mia@bhcounselingcenter.com, office 310-4645226, or followed on Twitter @MiaAdlerOzair.

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TRADITION

How important is tradition in Judaism? I don't just mean for the Fiddler on the Roof -- I mean for me, you, and all the rest of us. How strong is the need for tradition in the spiritual consciousness of Jews today?

Despite the effects of secularism, I would venture to suggest that there is still a need inside us to feel connected to our roots, our heritage, and our sense of belonging to the Jewish people. But for vast numbers of our people, tradition alone has not been enough. And that applies not only to the rebellious among us who may have cast aside their traditions with impunity, but also for many ordinary, thinking people who feel that to do something just because "that's the way it has always been done" is simply not good enough. So what if my grandfather did it? My grandfather rode around in a horse and buggy! Must I give up my car for a horse just because Zayde rode a horse? And if my Bobba never got a university degree, that means that I shouldn't? So, just because my grandparents practiced certain Jewish traditions, why must I? Perhaps those traditions are as obsolete as the horse and buggy? There are many Jews who think this way, and who will not be convinced to behave Jewishly just because their grandparents did. We need to tell them why their grandparents did it. They need to understand that their grandparents' traditions were not done just for tradition's sake, but there were very good reasons why their forebears practiced those traditions. And that those very same reasons and rationales still hold good today. Too many young people were put off tradition because some cheder or Talmud Torah teacher didn't take their questions seriously. They were silenced with a wave of the hand, a pinch of the ear, the classic When you get older, you'll understand, or the infamously classic Just do as you're told. There are answers. There have always been answers. We may not have logical explanations for tsunamis and other tzoris, but all our traditions are founded on substance and have intelligible, credible underpinnings. If we seek answers we will find them in abundance, including layers and layers of mean-

ing, from the simple to the symbolic to the philosophical and even mystical. This week's Parshah features the Song of the Sea, sung by Moses and the Jewish people following the splitting of the sea and their miraculous deliverance from the Egyptian armies. In its opening lines we find the verse,1 This is my G-d, and I will glorify Him; the G-d of my fathers, and I will exalt Him. The sequence is significant. First comes my G-d, and only thereafter the G-d of my fathers. In the Amidah, the silent devotion which is the apex of our daily prayers, we begin addressing the Almighty as Our G-d and the G-d of our fathers... Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Again, our G-d comes first. So it is clear that while the G-d of our fathers -- i.e. "tradition" -- most definitely plays a very important role in Judaism, still, an indispensable prerequisite is that we must make G-d ours, personally. Every Jew must develop a personal relationship with G-d. We need to understand the reasons and the significance of our traditions, lest they be seen as empty ritual to be discarded by the next generation. Authentic Judaism has never shied away from questions. Questions have always been encouraged and formed a part of our academic heritage. Every page of the Talmud is filled with questions -- and answers. You don't have to wait for the Passover Seder to ask a question. When we think, ask, and find answers to our faith, then the traditions of our grandparents become alive, and we understand fully why we should make them ours. Once a tradition has become ours, then the fact that this very same practice has been observed uninterruptedly by our ancestors throughout the generations becomes a powerful force that can inspire us and our children for all time. Rabbi Yossy Goldman was born in Brooklyn, New York. In 1976 he was sent by the Lubavitcher Rebbe, of righteous memory, as a Chabad-Lubavitch emissary to serve the Jewish community of Johannesburg, South Africa. He is Senior Rabbi of the Sydenham Shul since 1986, president of the South African Rabbinical Association, and a frequent contributor to Chabad.org. His book ‘From Where I Stand’ - Life Messages from the Weekly Torah Reading was recently published by KTAV and is available at Jewish book shops or online www.ktav.vom

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The Transplant By Yaffa Newmark

The ads appear – the words are big and bold. They announce the need. They name the blood type. They call out to ‘rachmanim bnei rachmanin’ – and we wonder, who is it that answers the call? Who is it that reads these words and can see before their eyes the person in need? Renewal has become a household word. We all know that they are involved with kidney transplants. But what we don’t always know is the story behind the headlines, the human tale that is the impetus for all the heroic efforts. This is just one story of the ‘simple’ everyday people that populate our nation – and the ones about whom it can be said ‘mi keamcha yisroel’! This story began almost two years ago when a young man, a young father, collapsed with kidney failure. Immediately all the resources were marshaled; and the call went out for a donor. In the meanwhile, this young man was tethered to the dialysis machine 3 days a week. His life began to revolve around the treatment – the dreaded routine. A few months after the diagnosis, Renewal asked someone to write a brief description of the young man. This became the text of the ad that appeared.

One young mother, we will call her Ella*, read it – and it resonated with her. The idea, in her words, “appealed to me.” But she had just given birth to her youngest child, and though she connected with the need, she pushed it aside. She also had the example of her own mother who had tried to become a donor, but after testing, it fell through. She remembered her mother’s disappointment. And Ella knew that her mother would understand her own desire to do this. More than a year went by; in the meanwhile, the young man continued his gut wrenching routine of life revolving around dialysis. The toll on his wife, even on his child, and on his supportive family was immense. It appeared to be his role to keep everyone’s spirits up – to dig deep and use his sense of humor to enable everyone to survive each challenge and each setback. The search for a donor had not produced any likely candidates. The road ahead looked bleak. Yet his emunah and bitachon remained strong. What many people don’t realize is that it costs money to run the ads. And after the first run, the ad did not appear for quite a long time. You need only open your eyes to see the many levels of hashgacha pratis that guided this entire story. One woman in need of a kidney transplant, having just found a kidney through Renewal, realized that there were still others on the list in need of help. And so she sponsored the ad, the one that had run a year earlier, in hopes of getting a donor. There was no shortage of tefilos being said to save Chaim*’s life. And the tefilos of his mother were certainly up there as well. On May 8 (16 Iyar), his mother went through a medical procedure of her own – her tefilos as she went into the operating room were directed at a yeshuah for her son. She davened that he would find a donor – and be able to reclaim his life. Two days later Ella, seeing the ad again, responded. Ella comes from a home where chessed is real and tangible. She herself, with her B”H large family of young children, thought about where she could do something for others. She admires all those wonderful people who devote hours of their time to do Bikur Cholim, those who rush to respond to an emergency call as part of Hatzalah, she is amazed by the readiness of those who solve the myriad problems of everyday life as part of Chaveirim. She realized that Hashem makes different people who are able to do different things.

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We might think that the saga of her generosity of spirit would be a simple one – after all, here she was, a donor, someone willing to give one of her kidneys so that someone else could live a full life. She had the support and encouragement of her husband, of her parents, and most important of all, she was a perfect match. Throughout the process, she kept on saying that she wouldn’t be able to do this without the constant support and help of Renewal. Ella says that they were there to take her to the various tests, to encourage her without ever pressuring her in any way. The process is one that requires a bit of patience and determination – and she was in ample possession of both. The tests came in and showed that she was a match – the follow-up tests confirmed that she was not simply a match, but that she matched in every particular – just perfect. This meant that the likelihood of the recipient accepting the new organ easily and smoothly – and enjoying a quick recovery – was greatly enhanced. All systems go – but no, not just yet. Part of the process of being a donor involves making sure that the donor is making a reasonable, rational, and responsible decision. It is also crucial that the donor should be acting freely, without any coercion. Her decision must be hers – and hers alone. And her decision to give must be coming from a healthy place. So how is this determined? Ella describes meeting with a social worker, a psychologist, a donor advocate and a psychiatrist. It was their job to find out what ‘made her tick’, what was the impetus behind her decision. Meeting this wonderful young woman must have been an eye-opening experience for the professionals. They found before them a healthy person, one whose love of life and of her family was secure and solid. They also discovered a person whose life revolves around giving to all those around her, and with a heart that embraces her entire family – the family of klal Yisroel. To Ella, it was a ‘davar pashut.’ If, chas veshalom, a member of her family needed a kidney and she was able to give one, wouldn’t she? So how could she not give one to a member of her extended family – for her “achi” – my brother – is not a theoretic term. It is how she lives. The psychiatrist and psychologist and social worker felt more comfortable once they found out that Ella is one of those people who give blood, who give of their time, who has been involved with chessed all her life. Finally, they gave the go-ahead. Ella was thrilled. Chaim was afraid to believe that this was really happening. A date was set – the operating room reserved for the donor and the operating room for the recipient. But not just yet… The surgeon decided that he wasn’t going ahead. He simply refused – he wouldn’t operate on a healthy young mother with a family of children. The team tried to persuade him – he was

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adamant. He knew what the professionals had said – Ella was a normal, healthy young woman, with a deep desire to give. She was not being reckless, she was not impulsive. Her decision was reasoned. It didn’t matter to him – he refused. Chaim’s hopes were dashed. Though he hadn’t wanted to believe that the yeshuah was really here, though he had resisted pinning his hopes on a particular day, and a particular donor, suddenly his future looked bleak. And for the first time in all those months of waiting, he felt that he might succumb to despair. Ella, in the meanwhile, was also devastated. All those tests, all that time. Her disappointment was immense; but most of all, she felt heartbroken for the young man who now needed to start his wait all over again. The people at Renewal, however, were not deterred. They were convinced – and rightly so – that if Ella still wished to donate than she was going to give a kidney. Of that, there was no doubt. So, despite the surgeon’s refusal, they said that if Ella was going to give a kidney anyway, why shouldn’t it be Chaim? And here the plot thickened. Renewal, which has earned the respect and trust of many major hospitals, had just entered into a more formal relationship with Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York City. Mount Sinai found that Renewal was a reliable partner in bringing patients and donors to their attention. They were convinced that Renewal was truly dedicated to the best possible care of donors and recipients. Armed with this confidence, Mount Sinai was willing to enter into the picture. Once again, Ella was subjected to examinations by mental health professionals. Once again, they were convinced that Ella is simply a good person, determined to do good. And that her decision was made with seichel. A devoted wife and mother, she was not doing anything to jeopardize her family, or herself. She saw an opportunity to help – an opportunity to save a life, and was ready to step up. Mount Sinai now had to agree that Chaim and Ella were indeed a match. And they, too, recognized that here was a perfect match. Instead of months stretching ahead of Chaim while he waited for a possible match, he found himself just 3 weeks later in Mount Sinai. In the next operating room was Ella – and the process of kidney transplantation was under way. To the joy of the doctors, the kidney started working as soon as it was transplanted – while Chaim was still on the operating table. Within a few days, both Ella and Chaim were home. And both have B”H enjoyed a quick recovery. For Ella, she still wonders why people think she did such an “amazing thing.” To her, this was her way of giving – ‘others 29

do Hatzalah… this was something I could do.” And she wonders why anyone would hesitate – to her it’s clear, this is something everyone can do.

told what their mother was doing? The night before, the oldest child was very excited. One child offered, “I’d like to do it as well.”

Did Ella share what she was doing with her extended family and friends? In fact, no. She was concerned that some would try to dissuade her. Just before she actually went in for the surgery, she did confide in one sister-in-law. The response she got was wonderful; there was no questioning, no ‘did you ask a shaila’ (she had), it was simply an encouraging “You’re doing a wonderful thing.” After she came home from the hospital, and word began to leak out, once again, she did not get the dreaded ‘what were you thinking?’ Instead, she heard a heartfelt “Kol Hakavod.”

As to herself, Ella marvels at how well it went. Having had 2 C-Sections, she assumed that there would be some pain. However, her recovery was smooth and she says “although most kidney donors I spoke with before my surgery needed pain killers, I did not take even one.” Throughout, she says she could see the Yad Hashem. “The truth is”, Ella tells us, “you can see the Yad Hashem in everything. In her own life, she has seen this over and over again”.

For Ella, the lesson she drew from all these encounters was that the chochma is in learning how to respond, to think “What does the other person need to hear?” And so she also knew what she needed to say to her husband and her mother who were fully supportive, to her mother who came to watch the children, she told them both that “You each get 100%” of the credit, the zechus, for what Ella was able to do. Her mother was greeted by those who knew with brochos and “ashrei yeladetah”. And what of her children, what were they thinking when

Ella describes herself as “just a regular person”. She does live with eyes wide open, seeing the goodness of HKB”H at every step. She says that if you don’t see it, you kvetch. And Ella doesn’t kvetch; Ella is grateful for all the good in her life, and all the chassodim. When she was dealing with the many attempts to dissuade her from being a donor, she told a social worker that she doesn’t feel that “my whole life was built up for this moment. Life will go on.” And so it does. For Ella and her family, there is a simcha that comes from being happy with what you did. And for Chaim and his family, life is back on track – with a healthy father and a family made whole.

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Los Angeles School Board Approves New Hebrew Language Charter School Lashon Academy to become sixth school in Hebrew Charter School Center network NEW YORK -- The Hebrew Charter School Center today welcomed the latest addition to its growing network of Hebrew immersion charter schools with the formal approval of the Lashon Academy Charter School by the Los Angeles Unified School District Board on Tuesday. Lashon will join the Hebrew Language Academy in Brooklyn, Hatikvah International Academy in East Brunswick, N.J., Kavod Elementary Charter School in San Diego, Sela Public Charter School in Washington, D.C., and Harlem Hebrew Language Academy in Manhattan as the sixth school to be developed based on the HCSC model. "We could not think of a better way to start the new year than to bring our movement -- and another innovative school of excellence -- to one of the country's most influential centers of learning and culture," said HCSC Executive Director Aaron Listhaus. "We want to thank the the LAUSD for their support and validation of our model and applaud the Lashon planning team for their dedication and passion for creating more great educational opportunities for families in the Los Angeles area." Lashon, which will be located in Van Nuys, plans to start with 290 students in grades K-2 and grow to serve 660 children in grades K-6 by its fifth year.

"We are first and foremost very excited for and grateful to the Los Angeles community, which has provided us with incredible support as we have gone about developing this project," said Lashon planning group leader Josh Stock. "We would also like to thank the Hebrew Charter School Center for their guidance and encouragement, as well as the LAUSD 38

Board and Superintendent, with whom we have worked long hard to ensure we are building a school of excellence."

ABOUT HCSC The Hebrew Charter School Center (HCSC) is a nonprofit organization founded in 2009. The Center's mission is to promote the development and sustainability of the Hebrew charter school movement by supporting a network of excellent schools that serve diverse populations of students, foster strong inter-personal relationships, advance overall academic and social/emotional well-being, and promote high levels of Hebrew language proficiency and understanding of the culture and history of Israel and its immigrant communities. HCSC works with planning teams and existing charter schools across the country to: Build and increase the capacity for designing new, high quality Hebrew language charter schools; Provide resources for established schools; Grow a field of educators prepared to lead Hebrew language charter schools and the movement; Promote and support a network of high quality Hebrew language charter schools; Support local communities to develop Hebrew language charter schools and to maximally benefit from their impact on children and families. For more information, go to: http://www.hebrewcharters.org/

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Engagements Chaim Yehoshua Munitz to Mushka Levitansky Avi Inzelbach to Esti Mozes Ushi Silverman to April Stone Yossie Rosenberg to Chana Nortman Baby Boy Chaim and Shula Bryski Yisroel and Eliana Kovacs Gavriel and Yocheved Balsam Albert and Leat Silvera Menashe Chaim And Sara Mushke Abramovc Baby Girl Rachmiel and Orna Narod Tamar and Yoni Braun

Short Rib Sliders Prep Time : 10 min Cook Time : 2 hour, 5 min Ready Time : 2 hour, 15 min Servings: 4

Ingredients 1 tablespoon olive oil 1 ½ pound flanken 1 cup bbq sauce, divided 1 cup shredded green cabbage 3 tablespoons white wine vinegar 4 slider buns or rolls