Issue 233 virtual

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June 14 - June 28, 2 0 1 3

Vol. 10 Issue 233

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8

Behind Closed Doors

Down The Drain

I would bet that close to 100% of the readers of this column have: been abused, been an abuser, or have been both at some point in their lives and/or marriages.

12

In a sense, it shows that their dedication to Avodas HaShem may be just as superficial as the untucked shirt, because if they were really concerned for HaShem’s glory, they would look presentable at all times.

Mia Adler Ozair, MA, LPCC, NCC

Rabbi Jonathan Gewirtz

The

Living

THE COMMUNITY LINKS is published biweekly and is distributed free to the Jewish Community of Southern California.

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Life

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American 20 Graduation On The Haifa Bay

Twenty-three doctors received their degrees from the Technion American Medical School (TeAMS) on Tuesday,May 28.

28 The Living Life The degree to which a person exists and is living depends on what that person is doing with the life they’ve been given.

Rabbi Reuven Wolf

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7

Behind Closed Doors MIA ADLER OZAIR, MA, LPCC, NCC

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omestic violence among Jewish families exists right alongside the general population at about 15% of homes. Using the Jewish Coalition Against Domestic Abuse website as reference (www.jcada.org) here are some statistics about abuse in our communities: *According to conservative estimates, 1 million women suffer nonfatal violence by an intimate partner. Other estimates state that more than four million women a year experience a serious assault by an intimate partner. *Violence against women occurs in 20% of dating couples and 25-33% of adolescent abusers reported their violence served to “intimidate, frighten or force the other person to give me something.” *Each year,approximately 3.3 million children are exposed to violence by family members against their mothers or female caretakers. *In homes, where partner abuse occurs, children are 1,500 times more likely to be abused and 40-60% of men who abuse women also abuse children. *Domestic abuse has immediate and longterm detrimental effects on children. Although children may not be physically scarred, they may suffer emotional, behavioral and physical effects from witnessing abuse. *While relationship abuse is perpetrated by both men and women,most victims are female.

According to the National Crime Victimization Survey for 1992-1996, men were the perpetrators in 85% of intimate partner abuse.

(From the American Bar Association Commission on Domestic Violence) 8

Surveys find that men and women assault one another and strike the first blow at approximately equal rates. (Sources: Archer, J. (2000). Sex differences in aggression between heterosexual partners:A meta-analytic review.

Psychological Bulletin, 126 (5), 651-680.

Dutton, D., Kwong, M., & Bartholomew, K. (1999). Gender differences in patterns of relationship violence in Alberta. Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science, 31, 150-160 Morse, B. (1995). Beyond the Conflict Tactics Scale: Assessing gender differences in partner violence. Violence and Victims, 10 (4), 251-269.

Straus, M. (1993). Physical assaults by wives: A major social problem. In R. Gelles & D. Loseky (Eds.), Current controversies on family violence (pp. 67-87). Newbury Park, CA: Sage.)

When most people think of domestic abuse an image of a drunk man hovering over a feeble woman comes to mind with the children hiding under their beds. This scenario does take place, however the bulk of domestic abuses are more subtle: A slap upside the back of the head, a slap of the face, forceful words of “shut up and get out of my face” or blatant name calling and cursing. Grabbing an arm tightly or grabbing someone by the hair. Forcing intimacy on a partner when it is not wanted. Threatening divorce or abandonment. Manipulating and stealing power in conversations by walking out of the house or room, hanging up the phone

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mid-conversation, intentionally not answering the phone. Degrading a spouse or child with berating words. All of these constitute abuses and all of these leave a mark—if not physically then emotionally and psychologically. Yet these actions happen every single day in our Jewish homes behind the doors of families we know and love. Sometimes the abuser is one spouse, sometimes it’s both spouses, sometimes it’s a parent with a child, and sometimes it’s between siblings. Regardless, abuse is ugly and the impact of abuse even uglier. The good news is that HaShem created tshuvah—the opportunity for those who have done wrong to right themselves through sincere effort and change at the core.

It’s hard work, but it is the only solution to stopping abuses.

To better understand what constitutes abuse, let’s review the JCADA material: Physical Abuse -- Hitting, kicking, pushing, punching, slapping, choking, grabbing, throwing objects at a partner, threatening with a weapon, driving recklessly with partner in a car, refusing to help a sick partner.

Emotional Abuse -- Constant criticism, making humiliating remarks, name-calling, mocking, yelling, swearing, making victim think she is crazy, making victim feel guilty, making impossible rules and punishing victim for breaking these rules.

Economic Abuse -- Withholding money, credit cards, keeping a partner from work or school, interfering with partner’s work or

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school, giving an allowance, withholding information and access to family finances.

Sexual Abuse -- Forcing the act on an unwilling partner, demanding acts that the victim does not want to perform, degrading treatment, being treated as an object.

Threats and Intimidation -- Threatening to harm victim, children, family members, and pets. This includes putting partner in fear using looks, actions and gestures, shouting, smashing things and destroying property.

I would bet that close to 100% of the readers of this column have: been abused, been an abuser, or have been both at some point in their lives and/or marriages.

Using“Male Privilege” -- Treating partner like a servant, making all the “big” decisions,” acting like the master of the house.

Isolation -- Controlling what partner does, who she sees and talks to, where she goes, monitoring phone calls, reading mail, taking car keys.

Ask yourself: Have I ever done any of these things to someone?

Ask yourself: Has anyone done any of these things to me?

If I was a betting woman, I would bet that close to 100% of the readers of this column have: been abused, been an abuser, or have been both at some point in their lives and/or marriages. So why is it that so many people perpetrate and/or experience abuses? The reasons are endless—temperament, childhood wounds, regrets, deep-seeded resentments, lack of fulfillment, fear, anger, insecurity, inferiority, superiority, poor role models, etc. Human beings are highly complex creatures who are in a constant state of change. Life experiences and family dynamics leave their imprint upon us caus-

ing shifts. Our path is often bumpy.

Some people have control of themselves most of the time and lose it once in a rare while. Other people lose control on a daily basis. A rare few make it through life without losing it at least once. This leads us to the million dollar question: when you find yourself in an abusive relationship, what can be done to fix it or leave it?

The answer to this question lies squarely in the intentions of the people involved. IF the persons involved are willing to admit and own their role in the abuses and IF the abuser is willing to participate in education and counseling for behavior reform and IF there is investment in the relationship—be it a couple or parent/child scenario—then there is the possibility for repair and growth.

Healing from abuse, and recovering as an abuser, takes time. The situation is even more complex when both spouses are abusers of one type or another. If one spouse chooses to engage in sincerely changing behavior but the second spouse refuses to acknowledge his or her own abusive behavior, the relationship is subject to failure. Each spouse is 50% of the equation and one spouse cannot do 100% of the work.

This is a short article on a complicated matter. What I wish for you to take away from it is an awareness of what constitutes abuse from the earlier detailed list.

If you personally are perpetrating any of these abuses, please become aware and do what is needed to stop. Take responsibility for your role in the marriage and/or family dynamic. There are many therapists and counseling centers that are specially trained in these matters and ready and willing to help. As I’ve said before, our Jewish community is not immune to these problems, however as a community we can support one another to prevent and stop further abuses.

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9

Where There’s a Will There’s a Why YOSSY GOLDMAN

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hy do certain people find satisfaction in Judaism while others are bored stiff? Why is faith exciting for some and irrelevant for others, a joy for one guy and an absolute burden for the next? One fellow cannot imagine going to work without first putting on his tefillin and the other hasn’t seen his tefillin since his bar mitzvah 40 years ago. This woman can’t wait to get to shul and the other can’t wait to get out. Why? This week we read about the ultimate mitzvah of faith, the Red Heifer. It is a statutory commandment whose reason still remains a mystery. I must admit, to take the ashes of a red heifer and sprinkle them on a person so he may attain spiritual purification is, indeed, rather mind-boggling.

According to the Midrash, the Almighty promised Moses that to him He would reveal the secret meaning of this mitzvah, but only after Moses would initially accept it as a Divine decree. If he would first take it on faith, thereafter rational understanding would follow.

The truth is that there are answers to virtually every question people may have about Judaism. Intelligent skeptics I meet are often amazed that what they had long written off as empty ritual is actually philosophically profound, with rich symbolic meaning. But the skeptic has to be ready to listen. You can hear the most eloquent, intellectual explanation but if you are not mentally prepared to accept that listening may in fact be a worthwhile exercise, chances are you won’t be impressed. Once we stop resisting and accept that there is inherent validity, suddenly Judaism makes all the sense in the world.

It is a psychological fact that we can grasp that which we sincerely desire to understand. But if there is a subject in which we have no interest, we will walk into mental blockades regularly. The sixth 10

Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Schneerson, says this explains why some very astute businessman may sit at a Talmud class and find himself struggling to grasp basic principles of rabbinic reasoning. Why is it that the same person who can concoct brilliant schemes in the boardroom fails to follow straightforward logic in the Talmud class? The answer, says the Rebbe, is that this businessman is really not that interested in the subject. But if it was half as important to him as making money, he might well become a rosh yeshiva!

So, in the same way that G-d told Moses that he could come to comprehend the meaning of the Red Heifer but only after he accepted it, similarly today, those who genuinely wish to understand Judaism will succeed, but only if they buy into the product on some level first.

When I was studying in yeshiva, I would always try to attend the annual “Encounter with Chabad” weekends for university students.

These were organized to expose Jewish students to Judaism over a Shabbat and there were lectures by leading Rabbis and religious academics. Once a young man shouted back at the lecturer, “How can you expect me to put on tefillin if I don’t believe in G-d?!” The speaker calmly replied,“First put on tefillin, and I promise you will see that you really do believe in G-d.”

We all have a G-dly faith inside us. It just needs to be revealed. As illogical as it may sound, if we start by observing a mitzvah, we find that our faith will follow through and begin to blossom. It has been shown to be true again and again. If we are not interested, no answer will be good enough. If we are genuinely searching for truth and we are objective, there are ample and meaningful answers.

Reprinted with permission from www.chabad.org.

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11

The Observant Jew

Down the Drain RABBI JONATHAN GEWIRTZ

W

hile driving down the street in the holy city of Monsey, New York, I saw something that disturbed me, and then got worse. Sauntering down the sidewalk was a young man who was clearly discernible as Jewish from a distance. His tzitzis were out, his shirt was out, and he walked like someone who didn’t care what anyone thought about him.

The fact that he looked so unkempt was the start of my discomfort. Then it got worse. He was holding a Slurpee cup in his hand, and as he passed a storm drain/sewer grate, he threw the cup down and continued walking. It didn’t go down the large opening of the drain, as he tossed it from a distance, so it just sat there on top of the grate, being too large to slip through the smaller openings. As I passed, I made a motion to him as if to say, “What’s up with that?!” He ignored me.

I’ve seen many people over the years throw things down the storm drain openings. I once even heard a young child drop something and say, “Oh, my pencil fell in the garbage! I mean, the sewer.” To him, the grate is not a place to catch rain water, it will never go back to the water supply or other people’s homes, it’s just there so he can rid himself of bothersome trash.

I remember reading a book about pollution as a child, and seeing the drawings of smokestacks carrying pollutants “away” into the sky. I’m sure it was written by environmentalists with an agenda, but that’s OK. They made their point. The people who ran the factories or burned tires or whatever else they did didn’t think about the fact that the refuse from their plants that hit the atmosphere wasn’t going “away,” but was going someplace where it would affect the health of plants, animals, and people by damaging water supplies, air quality, and creating smog.

They were selfishly unaware, and oblivious to the fact that they might somehow be affecting others. Jews, however, are commanded to think about their effect on the world around them and not to leave a mess for others to clean up.

By the Torah’s direct instructions, standard-issue items for a Jewish soldier included a spade, with which the soldier would 12

dig some earth to cover up the evidence of his having used an area as a restroom. Instead of leaving piles of waste out in the open, one would leave things clean. It was required because HaShem dwelt within the Jewish camp so it had to remain pure, and also because we, as Jews, are to be responsible and not leave our messes for others to have to deal with.

When I saw this young man throw the cup on the street, I realized that he was merely impersonating an officer. Sure, he wore the uniform that said he was an observant Jew, a servant of G-d, and a “soldier” in HaShem’s army, but his uniform was untidy, showing an indifference to the fact that a uniform declares you have allegiance and responsibilities to a higher power. His messy appearance was, in my own opinion, a Chillul HaShem.

While it is common to see Yeshiva boys with their shirts untucked, I wonder if they realize the irony of the fact that they are dressing a certain way to show their closeness to HaShem, while the untucked shirt is a sign of rebellion of sorts, intended to be “cool,” showing they don’t care what people think of them, and that it’s fine for people to have a poor opinion of those who spend their days engrossed in Torah study.

In a sense, it shows that their dedication to Avodas HaShem may be just as superficial as the untucked shirt, because if they were really concerned for HaShem’s glory, they would look presentable at all times.

There is a famous parable about a man who had two sons, one wealthy and one poor. He was marrying off their brother and told them to outfit their families and come to the wedding, and that he would reimburse them for any money they spent in his honor.

The rich brother took his family to the finest stores and bought the most magnificent clothing. He hired a limousine

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to transport them and when they arrived, everyone oohed and aahed at what a fine-looking family they were.

The poor brother, not having the funds to lay out, didn’t buy new clothing, but instead did his best to clean the simple, worn clothing his family owned, and then they piled into their old, beat up, clunker of a car and drove to the wedding. When they arrived, the father was mortified at their appearance, but welcomed them warmly anyway.

After the wedding, the rich brother presented his father with a bill. His father said, “I said I would pay for what you did for my honor. If you were concerned about my embarrassment, you would have made sure your brother’s family had new clothing and a presentable mode of transportation. You didn’t. Instead, you were only concerned with your own family’s glory. You bought all those things for your honor, not mine. I don’t owe you a penny.”

The fact that people dress like Torah students, or observant Jews, but at the same time disregard how their appearance will reflect on G-d, shows that they are not concerned with His honor, but their own. Even worse than all this, however, was the Slurpee cup. The boy’s complete apathy to someone else cleaning up his mess, and to what people watching would think of him, showed me a shallowness that made me shudder. So

how did it happen?

Didn’t the young man have parents who taught him derech eretz and to think of others? My daughters know that we don’t throw things in the sewer because it will become someone else’s problem, and that’s not how we live. We take responsibility for ourselves, and try not to ask someone else to do something if we can. They know you hold onto the cup until you reach a proper receptacle for it, even if it’s not convenient. Clearly, this boy’s parents were unable (or unwilling) to instill the proper values in him. Maybe they figured the Yeshiva would teach him, but education begins at home, from earliest youth.

Parents, if you have children who are still young, who are being molded in the paths that they will continue for the rest of their lives, make the most of the opportunity to teach them right from wrong, and to guide them in thinking of others. Don’t let that opportunity slip away and go down the drain.

Jonathan Gewirtz is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in publications around the world. He also operates JewishSpeechWriter.com, where you can order a custom-made speech for your next special occasion.

For more information, or to sign up for his weekly Dvar Torah in English, e-mail info@JewishSpeechWriter.com and put Subscribe in the subject. © 2013 by Jonathan Gewirtz. All rights reserved.

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15

The Secret of Jewish Survival NAFTALI SILBERBERG

W

hen you need an honest appraisal of your strengths and weaknesses, your mother isn’t the right person with whom to speak. I recently stumbled upon a wise quote: “Your enemies have vital information which your friends are withholding from you.” Withholding because they are reluctant to hurt you by dwelling on your flaws, or simply because the warm relationship you share makes them blind to your faults.

This is what makes Balaam’s prophecies so unique. The words of scores of prophets and prophetesses are recorded in the books of the Scriptures. To a certain extent, their divinely inspired words are colored by their “insiders” perspective; their deep love and care for their brethren. Balaam, on the other hand, was a vicious anti-Semite whose greatest wish was to bring about the demise of our nation. Let us examine the words of the one who futilely toiled to pinpoint our weak point, who in vain sought to uncover our area of vulnerability.

The stunned Moabite princes listened in shock as the soothsayer who was retained to curse the Jews thus began his series

16

of soliloquies: “How shall I curse whom G-d has not cursed?

How can I invoke wrath anger when G-d isn’t angry?”

Why was this nation immune from G-d’s curses and wrath?

Balaam continues: “Because from their beginning, I see them as mountain peaks, and I behold them as hills; it is a nation that will dwell alone, and does not reckon with the nations.”

As is the nature of poetic prose, these words are (also) allegoric. Our sages tell us that “mountain peaks” are an allusion to our Patriarchs, and the hills refer to our Matriarchs.

The secret of our nation’s survival; our ability to withstand the curses, wrath and schemes of the Balaam’s of the generations, is our Patriarchs and Matriarchs, Jewish fathers and mothers who instill within their children the sense that they are a nation whose destiny is to dwell alone. Parents who teach their children that “a nation who dwells alone” is not a curse; it’s not a blight which we must try to overcome. It is a blessing.

Reprinted with permission from www.chabad.org.

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17

Congress Honors Harvey and Gloria Kaylie in Tribute to American Jewry O

n Wednesday, May 22, the United States government cates and supporters of all of OHEL causes. The Kaylies held a Tribute to American Jewry, as part of its provided OHEL with everything they needed to open the celebration of Jewish American Heritage groundbreaking Camp Kaylie- the first of its Month. kind integrated summer camp for kids of all Since its May has been proclaimed by President abilities. Additionally, the Kaylies have been Obama and the United States Congress inception, OHEL stalwart supporters of OHEL and its many as Jewish American Heritage Month. The program, and in its vision to break down stighas been a tribute to American Jewry was intended to ma in the community. celebrate the numerous contributions that dependable haven Since its inception, OHEL has been a Jews have been making to American culture dependable haven of individual and family for over 350 years, including advances in the of individual and support, helping people of all ages surmount arts, science, medicine, sports, business, govfamily support. everyday challenge, heal from trauma, and ernment, and military service. manage times of crises with strength and digThere were many illustrious Senators and nity.

Congressmen in attendance, including Bob Casey (D-Pa), For more information about OHEL’s numerous programs Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D-FL), and Joe Kennedy III and services from which you can benefit, please contact (D-Ma-4).

OHEL today at 1800-603-OHEL, askohel@ohelfamily.org Among the honorees were Harvey and Gloria Kaylie, or www.ohelfamily.org who since OHEL’s establishment in 1969, have been advo18

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19

A American me Graduation oon n tthe h H aifa Haifa B ay Bay T

wenty-three doctors received their degrees from the Technion American Medical School ( TeAM eA e S) on Tuesday, May 28.

The four-year degree allows graduates to enter residency programs both in the U.S. and in Israel. While TeAM eA e S is located in Haifa, the program follows a standard curriculum for American medical schools and prides itself on small classes and handson clinical experiences. Likewise, despite being an Internaational Medical School, their match rate consistently lies at over 80%.

Shirly Solouki, a graduate heading to obstetrics-gynecology residency at New York’s Lenox Hill Hospital, said whaat makes S unique is the intimaate setting for learning. “I rotated TeAM e in the States, where there is more of a hierarchy,” she explained, “ based on my time [in the U.S.], I think students don’t get the same attention, modest attitude aan nd comfortable learning environment like I did at TeAM e S.” “I appreciaated that physiciaans were really dedicated to our education and receptive to our questions,” Solouki said, adding,“ We would always haave meaningful discussions with faculty based on our questions.”

Solouki described diversity among her profes e sors and classmates, but more importantly, among the patient population in northern Israel. “At TeAM e S, we learned how to be able to indiscriminately serve all the populations,” Solouki said, addingg,, “Everyone is treated equally and so well, even if they come from enemy territory. This is a role model experience – of not to judge aan nyone for their views or who they are.”

“It was hard working and studying medicine in Israel, with the languaage barrierr, and sometimes a cultural barrier in regards to how medicine is perceived,” said Naomi Koesterr, who will be a 20

pediatrics resident at Winthrop-U University Hospital on Long Island,“But overall, it is good to haave gaaiined familiarity about medicine in Israel and add that to my training and work in the U.S.” Like Koesterr, Solouki thinks that studying medicine in Israel expands one’s perceptions of others and levels of tolerance. “Hospitals in this country do a superb job in treating everyone the same aan nd providing patients with the best service,” Solouki said.

At the Technion, “I learned to respect differ e ent cultures and I saaw people from all diffeerent religions,” Koester said, “Everything you see here makes you a more well-rounded doctor.”

Koester plaayed basketball for Maccabi Haifa while completing the rigorous clinical and course work. “I always made time to attend a couple practices per week, aan nd I found thaat I did better in my classes when I went to all practices. Being on a team, exercising aan nd the commitment to a team helped my studies aan nd kept me active,” she saaiid.

S students work hard in school, but they also come TeAM e from diverse backgrounds and life experiences. Prior to applying to TeAM e S, Moshe Heshing completed a laaw degree and worked as an investment banker. After living in Israel for eight years, he decided to pursue medicine.

Why the switch? “ I wanted to do something more meaningful with my time and my work,” he said, adding, “ I wanted to work with people and make important decisions to help people. I think I haave skills from economics and working with people that will benefit me as a doctor.”

As the graduates pack up their textbooks and with diplomas in hand, they fly back to the States for residency having gained a vast range of knowledge and experiences from TeAM e S.

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O

ver 300 people affiliated with 13 Jewish communities in Orange County and Long beach, with many of these families having their children at the Hebrew Academy, joined together to enjoy a transformational, uplifting and inspiring weekend in the majestic mountains of Big Bear, California.

Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Jacobson was the scholar in residence and reached the hearts and minds of all participants; from the highly regarded sophisticates to those who didn’t plan on attending the lectures. After one of Rabbi Jacobson’s talks, a young lady, of marriageable age, commented that she now understands why she should marry someone Jewish.

Rabbi Jacobson hit a grand slam and elevated our community.

Following the Shabbaton, the Hebrew Academy families are immersed in Rabbi Jacobson’s talks. Our parents are sharing what they learned with one another and the conversations around campus, staff included, are discussing nuggets from Rabbi Jacobson’s powerful talks and Q and A sessions. “What Rabbi Jacobson did for our community in a single weekend is something shluchim on shlichus for many years can only dream about”, said Rabbi Avremi Popack, Judaic Vice Principal of the Hebrew Academy, and coordinator of the event.

Participants enjoyed the fresh ,natural mountain air and challenging and fun recreational activities provided by the campsite.

24

The unbelievable children’s program, led by the Bnos Chabad of the Hebrew Academy, and volunteers from the Hebrew Academy Middle and Upper School Student body, gave the parents an opportunity to sit and enjoy the many lectures and discussions that were available. Coupled with fantastic food arranged and served

by Brod caterers turned this into a weekend that will be referred to and remembered for many long years to come.

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LOS ANGELES HOSTS DELEGATION OF AMIT EDUCATORS FROM ISRAEL L

os Angeles, May 30, 2013……..Los Angeles will be host to a delegation of nine educators from the AMIT Network in Israel the weekend of June 21, 2013, who will be attending a workshop sponsored by the Buck Institute for Education, the nation’s leading organization devoted to teacher-training, which is located in Novato, CA. The focus of the AMIT delegation will be the acquisition of skills in Project Based Learning.

Dr. Mor Deshen, deputy director of research and development and assessment at the AMIT Network and a lecturer in information science at Bar Ilan University, is heading the AMIT delegation. She explained that the group hopes to return to Israel and implement Project Based Learning, an innovative methodology, in their classrooms and to train other teachers in this method.

Educators from AMIT have visited Los Angeles on several previous occasions and have formed strong bonds with several of the leading Jewish day schools in the greater LA area, as well

as with local Jewish educators. AMIT is a leading educational innovator in Israel, and delegations periodically visit the United States to study and learn the latest pedagogical developments and methodologies.

The AMIT Network currently encompasses 108 schools and programs in 29 Israeli cities, development towns and other communities throughout Israel. More than 25,000 students are enrolled in AMIT from kindergarten through junior college. Some 70 percent of AMIT students live in development towns or other “peripheral” areas of the country. AMIT approaches each child as an individual, maximizing his or her potential, and enabling our students to become vital, productive members of Israeli society.

The AMIT schools promote religious tolerance, service to the state and the recognition that every child is blessed with unique talents and abilities. Founded in 1925, AMIT constitutes Israel’s only government-recognized network of religious Jewish education incorporating academic and technological studies.

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The

Living Life

T

laaws the reasons for which can be understood by of the Tumah—the defilement—and return to anyone (though we know they contain hidden, a state of purity. Sometimes what was required mystical dimensions); Eidus —“testimonies” that was a period of isolation and the off ffering of a mark or commemorate events or people in our sacrifice in the Mishkan (or in the Beis HaMikhistory; and Chukim—laaws that reach deeper dash—the Holy Teemple). In this case, the iminto the realms beyond reason, deeper and more purity was caused when one came into contact profound than ordinary people can grasp. with a dead body—even being in the same tent In Chassidus, Chukim are not completely or room with a corpse causes the person to bebeyond reason (which is why we don’t describe come Tamei Mais. them as “irrational”), but the significance and Now, in conveying the details of this premeaning of the Mitzvah emanates fro r m aspects cept, something unusual occurs regarding the of Divinity and Hashem’s relationship with the placement of these details in the Torah. In all world, with humankind and with the Nation Is- other cases, when the Torah describes the way rael. The Chukim are really “supra-rational” and a person became Tamei, the remedy foolllows imare only “ccloaked” in reason. But Parah Adumah, mediately. The “ccure” is given with the “diseasee” or alone among Chukim is considered completely dysffunction. But in this case, the text that tells beyond the limit of rational explanation—it is us that a person becomes Tamei when exposed not even cloaked in a reasonable explanation. to a dead body appeared seven Parshios ago, in

28

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Parshas Emor, and the remedy of the Parah Adumah appears first here in Chukas.

The Midrash tells us, “Rabbi Yehoshua of Sichnin said in the name of Rav Levi, ‘When told [by Hashem] that a Kohein was not permitted to allow himself to be exposed to a corpse, Moshe then waited to hear the remedy of what the Kohein can do to restore his purity, but such a remedy was not immediately forthcoming. At that point Moshe’s face darkened and he became disturbed and concerned.”

One might think that Moshe was concerned because of the delay in conveying the details of that “remedy”—the Parah Adumah— for all those Parshios.

But it is the same Rav Levi whom Rabbi Yehoshua quoted who tells us that the two texts— the one in Emor enjoining a Kohein from becoming exposed to a corpse, and the text here in Chukas that instructs us what is to be done if that occurred—were told to Moshe on the same day. Moshe’s concern and worry didn’t last for more than a few hours when he learned the means of restoring the defiled Kohein’s purity, namely through the ashes of the Parah Aduma.

Then again, when one considers the relative levels of severity of various kinds of Tumah, Tumas Mais—defilement from contact or exposure to a corpse—does not seem to be as severe as others. A person who has been so defiled, unlike other kinds of defilement, does not have to remove himself from the camp; he is permitted even to go onto the Temple Mount and it is only from the Temple proper that he is excluded. Besides, there are so many Mitzvos involving rendering kindness, dignity and purity to the treatment of a dead person in Jewish Law, that excluding the Kohein so that he not come in contact with the deceased seems odd and frustrating (since there are so many Mitzvos associated with proper treatment of a dead body).

So the Parsha leaves us with some questions: why the delay (even though slight) in conveying to Moshe Rabeinu the Tikkun, the correction for Tumas Mais; why was Moshe so anxious about this form of Tumah; why position Parah Aduma in a Parsha six Parshios away, which only emphasizes and underscores this anxiety? In order to understand this, we’ll have to take a closer look at how our Sages and how we Jews look at life and death, and at existence and non-existence.

To the rest of the world, existence is not even a quality— to say that something exists is nothing more than saying that it’s there and something or other about it is true. The same is true of life and death: to say someone is living is just to say that someone is walking around and answering to that name; to say

that they are dead is just to say that there is no one here or anywhere by that name. But in Judaism, the situation is different: There is existence and then there are higher and higher levels of existence—as there is life and higher and higher levels of life— and the degree to which a person exists and is living depends on what that person is doing with the life they’ve been given.

The Sages put it very plainly and succinctly when they say, “The Righteous—Tzaddikim--are alive even after they have passed away; and sinners—Resha’im— are dead even when they are alive.”

The quality of a person’s life rides on the quality of how they act and what they do while they have the gift of walking on this Earth.

Now, why should this be so?

From a Kabbalistic standpoint, this derives from the simple idea that the only thing that really exists in any meaningful way… is Hashem, the Creator of All that Is. Here’s the haunting way Maimonides puts it in the very opening section of his majestic Mishneh Torah, his code of Jewish Law: First chapter, the first four Laws, of the first book of his code, reads: “1. The foundation of foundations and the pillar of all wisdom is to know that there is something that is the primary and first existence; and that Primary Existent is that which bestows existence on everything; and that everything that exists in heaven and earth could not exist but for the “truth” of that Primary Existent. 2. And if one were to think that there is no such thing as a Primary Existent, then nothing would exist at all. 3. But if one were to imagine that nothing else existed, that Primary Existent would still exist, for the Primary Existent is not dependent on anything else for its Existence—the “truth” of its existence is independent of the “truth” of anything else. 4. This is what the Prophet meant when he said, ‘The L-rd, Hashem, is true’—that is the only essential truth and no other existence is at that exalted level of truth. That is what the Torah means when it says, ayn od milvado—‘There is nothing besides Him’--meaning, nothing exists as truly as does He, the Primary Existent, exists.”

This was a radical departure in human thought and separates all of Jewish thinking from the thinking of the rest of the world. In Chassidic thought, this idea is extended to mean that everything that exists exists only by the Will of that Primary Existent, by the will and pleasure of Hashem. And that leads inexorably to the idea that when we perform that which is pleasing in the “Eyes” of the Creator, then we are partaking of more of the existence and life He sends to us—because the interests of the Primary Existent, of Hashem, are being realized through us—and the opposite when we fail to follow His command-

The degree to which a person exists and is living depends on what that person is doing with the life they’ve been given.

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29

ments, contradicting His Will and weakening our connection to the Primary Existent. In a sense, at that point, we don’t really exist.

From this—what we might call a fascination with the essential manner in which Hashem exists and the derivative, impermanent, transitory and artificial way everything else exists—comes the Jew’s (especially the Kohein’s) total involvement with that which exists and is truly alive, and his abhorrence of the fleeting, the temporary… the dead. The concept of Tumas Mais means being in a state of disconnection, where one’s life and one’s existence does not express, in any way or form, the Existence, the Prime Existence of the Ribono shel Olam. And that was what shook Moshe. He could not fathom how could life continue after such a great disconnect from the source of Life, and how can one return from so great a chasm, so great a distance.

It also shows how thoroughly the Kohein—and the entire service of the Bais Hamikdosh—is dedicated to life. More that that, to the life that is lived for that which is permanent and eternal: the living life that partakes of the eminence of Hashem.

The concept of Tumas Mais means being in a state of disconnection, where one’s life and one’s existence does not express, in any way or form, the Existence, the Prime Existence of the Ribono shel Olam.

Rabbi Reuven Wolf is a world renown educator and lecturer who has devoted his life to reaching out to Jews of all ages and circumstances and rekindling their spirit of Judaism. Raised in the Ropschitzer Chassidic dynasty, he was educated in the Belz and Bluzhev Yeshivos, and later in the celebrated Yeshivos of Slabodka and Mir. He is profoundly influenced by Kabbalah and the Jewish Mystical teachings of Chabad Chassidic philosophy. Since 1995, Rabbi Wolf has taught Jews of all ages, all across North America. In 2006, Rabbi Wolf and Haki Abhesera founded Maayon Yisroel as a center dedicated to spreading the profound mystical teachings of Chassidic Judaism and to fostering the love of Jewish tradition among all Jews, particularly the young Jewish population of Southern California.

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Chabad of the Valley Banquet Concert 2013

O

n Tuesday, June 6, Chabad of the Valley celebrated its Banquet-Concert 2013 commemorating 40 years of service to the greater Valley community.

The event included the motivating and moving words of Dr. George Fischmann and Rona Ram; and wonderful video about Chabad, showcasing the visions of Hector Guerrero and Project 101 and Daniel Aharonoff, followed by an amazing performance by the The Piamenta Quartet, featuring renowned pianist Rambam in concert -- and much more.

The highlight of the evening was Michael Medved, whose brilliant and inspiring words were captivating and compelling!

Surely, this was an evening that will be remembered forever.

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SALAD STUFFED GRILLED PORTOBELLO A really satisfying vegetarian option.

Grilling mushrooms only enhances their “meaty” texture and taste. Stuffing them with this light and filling chickpea salad makes it a meal in one.

Times Prep Time : 12 min Cook Time : 20 min Ready Time : 32 min Servings 6 Ingredients 6 Portobello mushroom caps, stemmed and gills removed 1 (15-ounce) can garbanzo beans, drained and rinsed 1 cup shredded Romaine lettuce (about 1 small heart) 3 scallions, chopped 1/2 cup halved yellow cherry tomatoes

2 tablespoons fresh chopped dill, or 1 teaspoon dried 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper 1 lemon, juiced 2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil

Directions Grill mushrooms over medium high heat about 8 to 10 minutes per side or until tender.

In a large bowl, combine beans, lettuce, scallions, tomatoes, dill, vinegar, cumin, salt, pepper and lemon juice. Toss to combine. Divide salad between 6 grilled mushroom caps and drizzle with olive oil before serving. Serve immediately.

Reprinted with permission from www.joyofkosher.com.

GRILLED HAWAIIAN BURGER Grilled sweet and juicy pineapple is great in savory dishes—especially paired with meats like hot dogs, chicken, and burgers. Are you getting the mix and match theme of this feature?

Times Prep Time : 10 min Cook Time : 24 min Ready Time : 34 min Ingredients 1/4 cup light mayonnaise 1 tablespoon Gold’s horseradish 1 tablespoon ketchup 1 large red onion, cut into 1/4-inch thick rings 4 (1/4-inch thick) cored round slices fresh pineapple 2 tablespoons olive oil 4 (¼-pound) beef burger patties 1 tablespoon kosher salt 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper 4 whole wheat burger buns 4 leaves romaine lettuce 36

Directions In a small bowl, combine mayonnaise, horseradish, and ketchup and set aside.

Preheat grill to high heat. Rub onion and pineapple slices with olive oil and grill 3 to 4 minutes per side or until tender, but still holding their shape, then set aside. Meanwhile, season burger patties with salt and pepper and grill for 8 minutes per side for medium rare, or about 12 minutes per side for medium, or longer depending on desired doneness. Let rest 4 minutes before assembling burgers.

Divide horseradish mayonnaise between 4 bottom buns. Top with lettuce, burger, grilled onion and pineapple. Add top bun and serve immediately.

Reprinted with permission from www.joyofkosher.com.

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MOVING? Thinking of Relocating? Busy Cleveland plumbing company is now hiring. Knowledge of plumbing & sales is helpful but not necessary. We are willing to train the right person. Please call 216-3204000.

• www.thejewishlink.com • info@communitylinks.info

June 14, 2013 • 323-965-1544 • info@communitylinks.info • www.thejewishlink.com

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June 14, 2013• 323-965-1544 •

• www.thejewishlink.com • info@communitylinks.info

June 14, 2013 • 323-965-1544 • info@communitylinks.info • www.thejewishlink.com

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OUR GUESTS COME FOR THE SPECTACULAR ROCKIES AND RETURN FOR OUR SPECTACULAR PROGRAM

H or seback in L ake L ou is e

Wil low St re am Spa, 5 D ia m on d

CANADIAN ROCKIES

JUNE 30 - JULY 8, 2013

f Natio na l Pa rk KM R Welc om e to Ba nfkin g Su mm er wi th En joy An oth er Breat hta

f Sp rin gs Th e Fa irm on t Ba nf

Va il, CO lo ra do

VAIL, COLORADO JULY 21 - 28, 2013

eek sid e Vi ew Ca sca de Re sort, Cr

Colorado Rockies

Welcomes

KMR Scholar in Residence

three gourmet meals daily directed by

Rabbi Shea Werner

Michael Schick

both programs include: 24 hour elegant tea room | Luxury accommodations |ATV & 4X4 Tours, | White Water Rafting | FullService Knowledgeable Concierge | Exciting Day Camp & Babysitting | Daily Minyonim and Shiurim | Cool Weather, Low Humidity

SUMMER 2013 WITH THE WERNER BROTHERS Please visit our website for a complete list of services, activities, amenities & much more.

1-888-567-0100 or 718-778-4241 WWW.KMRTOURS.COM

Camp KMR