July 2014 } by Community Spirit Magazine

r e t n e C e e b a M ’s a s l u T o t Gaithers Return d at 6: 00 PM Satu rd ay Au gu | 14 20 ur To g in om ec m Ho r Ga it he

ALSO INSIDE

ANNUAL CHRISTIAN SCHOOL DIRECTORY P8 TULSA MEN OF CHRIST P16

st 2n

B.A.’S TASTE OF SUMMER P18

Contents FEATURES 6 A Personal Interview with Bill Gaither 8 Annual Christian School Directory 14 Augustine Christian School Serves Homeschool Kids 16 Bryan Craig and The Tulsa Men of Christ 18 Broken Arrow’s Taste of Summer 20 Word Explosion Returns to Tulsa 24 Surprising New Tobacco Statistics COLUMNS 22 ACT Financial 23 The Yes Women Can Blog - Private Label Realty 26 Deniece Adsit 29 The Biggest Loser 30 Cornerstone Christian Counseling

JULY 2014 PUBLISHER & editor Tom McCloud CREATIVE Director Ramond Walker CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Tom McCloud, Randy Cowell, Danny Cahill, Deniece Adsit, Mollie Myer, Kevin Nieman, Cindy Steward www.mccloudmedia.com • www.communityspiritmagazine.com

Distribution Community Spirit Magazine is distributed to churches, schools, restaurants, Christian bookstores, and other businesses. Call us today to deliver to your church. Community Spirit Magazine is published monthly by McCloud Media. Claims by advertisers and the opinions of writers within this publication do not necessarily represent the views of Community Spirit Magazine or its publisher, Equipment Publications, Inc. Philippians 2:1-2 “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.” Our Mission: 1. Build Community – Develop a sense of community among all local believers in Christ 2. Inspire Good Works 3. Support Families 4. Share the Good News of Jesus Christ Fan us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/CommunitySpiritMagazine

is making disciples

WORSHIPPING

GOD PASSIONATELY

Grace Church :: 9610 S Garnett Rd :: Broken Arrow, OK Live Streaming :: www.gracetulsa.com :: 918.252.1611 4

C o m m u n i t y S p i ri tma g a zi n e.com J UL Y 2 0 14

[Neh. 2:18]

Let us rise up and build . . . Get our NEW app in iTunes or Google Play stores.

ChurchesByDaniels.com

New Construction :: Renovation :: Remodeling :: Expansion // 918.872.6006

cover story

The Gaithers Return to Tulsa’s Mabee Center Gaither Homecoming Tour 2014 Saturday August 2nd at 6:00 PM

hey call it a “Homecoming” and that is exactly how it feels each year as Tulsa rises to its feet to welcome the MultiGrammy Winner, Bill Gaither, the Gaither Vocal Band and a host of their extremely talented friends. In an exclusive radio interview with Community Spirit Magazine and KCFO Radio AM970, Bill Gaither said he always looks forward to being in Tulsa and they have put together a terrific show this year. Scheduled for Saturday night, August 2nd, he knows it may be scorching hot outside, but that he hopes the heat will be even more reason to come inside and enjoy the show. The Gaither Homecoming never disappoints crowds all over the country. Presenting a variety of talent and music, there is truly something for everyone. “The show keeps evolving and when people buy tickets, they often don’t know exactly who will be on stage. But they trust us to put on a great show. If you don’t like one style of music, hang in there 10 or 15 minutes and it will change,” Bill said. The variety show model is something of a trademark for the Gaither family. Bill explained that he grew up going to Gospel All-

6 |

C o m m u n i t y S p irit m agaz ine.com JUL Y 2 0 1 4

night Singings. “I might go there to hear one group in particular, but was always blessed by all the other groups as well. There was something for everybody and that is what we try to provide to our audiences.” The Gaither Vocal Band is “that one group” many people show up especially to hear. And though the group has changed members from time to time, it remains consistently one of the best Gospel groups in the country. “We now have Todd Suttles who has something I call a ‘bass baritone,’ unbelievable voice. He is an incredibly talented human being. We also have Adam Crabb, an amazing young man you will remember from the Crabb Family. And of course, everyone loves David Phelps and Wes Hampton, two guys who are singing better than ever.” The Tulsa show will also feature special guests including The Martins, Charlotte Ritchie, Gene McDonald and Kevin Williams. Bill Gaither has been blessing audiences for over 50 years and he has no plans to stop anytime soon. “I still believe in the message. It is a message of hope and it comes at a time when our country and the world really needs hope. I still love male harmony and to see what happens when you put incredible voices together. I have lived a dream life, singing with the best male singers in the field. They all bring a distinctive song. It is interesting, musical instruments will vary a little but not much, a violin is pretty much a violin, a piano is pretty much a piano, but there is no human voice exactly like

another human voice. I love to mix them and see what we can come up with. As long as my health holds out, I am going to do this,” he said with a chuckle. But even though Bill is a wonderful entertainer, he and his wife, Gloria, are probably best known for the 700 plus songs they have written. Married in 1962, the couple spent the first five years of their married life juggling full-time teaching jobs, writing, singing, recording and publishing until music became their full-time career in 1967. Their huge list of treasured songs include hymnal standards “Because He Lives,” “The King Is Coming,” “Something Beautiful,” “He Touched Me,” “It Is Finished,” “There’s Something About That Name,” “Let’s Just Praise The Lord,” and “Loving God, Loving Each Other.” Bill and Gloria have collectively won eight Grammy Awards and received more than a dozen nominations, and they have won more than two dozen Dove Awards from The Gospel Music Association, as well as earning the title of Gospel Music Association’s “Songwriter of the Year” eight times. “Our calling is not just making music… but communicating the reality of Christ. That might mean birthing a song about Him or simply offering a cup of cold water to someone who needs it. Gloria and I have never claimed to have God figured out, but we do know that if He could use two imperfect people like us to communicate His Truth to the world, He can use everyone sitting in the audience, working on our staff or singing with us. If we have done anything right over the years, I hope we have built bridges where people could connect with God and with each other. That is what started us writing and what will keep us going for the rest of our lives,” he said. We asked Bill if his personal testimony has changed through the years. He thought for a moment and responded, “I hope it has. As we grow, there are new bits of theology that grabs us. For instance, I understand better now than I did 30 years ago that ‘life is like a vapor, here today and gone tomorrow.’ James was saying that we should make the most out of every day. I find myself at this stage in my life, with my theology wrapped around that.” Bill also said that life continues to teach him lessons, especially about grace. “If you live long enough, you will learn more about grace. As you get older, you begin to understand that not only are you a recipient of that grace, you need to extend that grace to other people. You have no choice, because you understand that you are

only there doing your job because somebody has extended grace to you.” Bill and Gloria live in Indiana in the same house they had when they were teaching school. They love having the grandkids over to drive the golf cart and swim in the pool. And whenever he can, Bill loves to read history. They still are on the road nearly 60 nights a year, but they love their time at home, “just holding hands,” Bill said unapologetically. “Do you believe you were called to do music?” After hesitation, Bill said, “I believe I was called to communicate the Gospel at a level that reaches the guy who may not have been able to get it other ways. We receive lots of email and letters particularly from wives who say that they couldn’t get their husband to pay attention to anything spiritual. Then one day, he turned on the TV and said, ‘I love this and I believe these guys.’ That gets me up in the morning.” Let’s hope it also keeps Bill Gaither and family coming back to Tulsa, year after year.

Gaither Homecoming Tour 2014 Mabee Center End Arena Saturday August 2, 2014 • 6:00 PM Doors open at 4:30 PM Tickets The Mabee Center Box Office will open at 10 AM Saturday, August 2, the day of the show. Tickets will be available online www.mabeecenter.com or by calling the Mabee Center Box Office (918) 495-6000. Tickets may also be purchased by calling (800) 678-1353. Prices Prices range from Gold Seating $35 plus $6 service charge to Reserved Balcony at $26 plus 6.00 service charge. Senior (Ages 60+), Children, Military Personnel Reserved (Gold / Balcony) are $23 plus $5.00 service charge. Groups (15+) Reserved (Gold / Balcony) are $21 plus $5.00 service charge. Group Discount: Groups of 15 or more receive $5 off each ticket and 2 free tickets per order. The group discount is only available in reserved seating. Group purchasers can call 1-800-678-1353 for assistance.

C ommu n itysp ir itmagazin e.com

JU LY 2014

| 7

christian school directory

2014 CHRISTIAN

SCHOOL DIRECTORY Looking for the right school? Here is a directory of some of the best in the area. Get on the phone and Internet to start your initial research, then make appointments to meet the principal and see the school for yourself. At this time of the year, many of the schools will be full, but don’t despair. Private Christian education is worth both the research and expense. AUGUSTINE CHRISTIAN ACADEMY Headmaster: Mr. Kirk Post Address: 6310 E 30th Street; Tulsa, OK 74114 Phone: 918-823-4600 Website: acatulsa.org Email: office@acatulsa.org Grades offered: K4 - 12th Accreditation: Member, Association of Classical Christian Schools Augustine Christian Academy was founded in 1997 and is a member of the Association of Classical Christian Schools. ACA is a classical, non-denominational, college preparatory school for grades K4 through 12 dedicated to educating young people to think and reason from a distinctly Christian worldview. Our goal is to encourage students to serve God and man, and to strive to make an impact for Christ on the culture. Augustine Christian Academy uses a classical model that integrates every subject with the Biblical truths of the Christian faith. Strengthened by a challenging curriculum, and encouraged by relationships with godly teachers, our students are taught to address any subject articulately and persuasively. It is the strong relationships among students and staff, as brothers and sisters in Christ, that forms the secret to the success of ACA

8 |

C o m m u n i t y s p i r it m agaz ine.com

JUL Y 2 0 1 4

students both spiritually and academically. Believing that parents are ultimately responsible for educating their children, ACA is committed to building strong families that view education as their primary focus.

THE PURSUIT OF EXCELLENCE THROUGH CHRIST

IMMANUEL CHRISTIAN ACADEMY School Administrator: Katherine McGrew Address: 400 North Aspen Ave. Broken Arrow, OK Phone: 918-251-5422 Website: www.icaba.org Email: kmcgrew@icaba.org Grades offered: PreK- High School Accreditation: the National Lutheran Schools Accrediting Agency and recognized by the State of Oklahoma (OPSAC). Immanuel Lutheran Christian Academy exists to provide quality Christian education in which to grow Godly leaders for the future. Through inquiry, exploration, service and faith, Immanuel Lutheran Christian Academy curriculum challenges and encourages students to know Jesus and move forward in faith with Him in their education and in their world.

CONGRATULATIONS CLASS OF 2014

National Merit Scholar 23% of the Class were Oklahoma Academic Scholars Over $3.1 Million in Scholarships Awarded to Class of 78 Students

Attending Universities that include:

Colorado School of Mines - University of Oklahoma - University of Kansas University of Tulsa - John Brown Columbia University - University of Michigan - Oklahoma State University

District and/or Regional Champions in Baseball,

Football, Tennis, and Cross Country

Five AP Students Received the State Superintendent Award for Excellence in Art

Now enrolling. Call for information.

METRO CHRISTIAN ACADEMY School Administrator: Roger Gerstenberger, Headmaster Jana Annette, Director of Admissions Address: 6363 S. Trenton Avenue, Tulsa, OK Phone: 918-745-9868 Website: www.MetroCA.com Email: MCAInfo@metroca.com Grades offered: P3-12th Â Accreditation: State Department of Education, North Central Association Commission on Accreditation and School Improvement - a division of AdvancedED, and a member of the Oklahoma Secondary Student Activities Association (OSSAA) Affiliation: Christian - Interdenominational, not affiliated with a particular church Mission Statement: To provide, in partnership with involved parents, an accredited college preparatory education that is founded on Biblical principles, cultivates Christian character, and equips students to excel academically, spiritually, physically and socially. C ommu n itysp ir itmagazin e.com

JU LY 2014

| 9â&#x20AC;&#x201A;

christian school directory

Metro Christian Academy is a state accredited, college preparatory, inter-denominational Christian school serving over 1000 students in P3-12th grade. Metro provides an education founded on biblical principles, which cultivates Christian character. With an average student-teacher ratio of 18-1 and an average graduating class of 95 students, Metro offers challenging academic programs and a wide variety of co-curricular activities. Academic services range from AP and honors courses, and foreign language studies, to programs assisting students with diverse learning needs. As a member of the OSSAA, activities include state recognized fine arts and athletic programs, honor societies, as well as leadership and service organizations. For more information contact our admissions office at 918-745-9868 ext. 164 or email mdixon@metroca.com.

MINGO VALLEY CHRISTIAN SCHOOL  Contact: Lisa Padgett, Office Manager Address: 8720 E. 61st Street‚ Tulsa, OK 74133  Phone: (918) 294-0404 ext. 209   Website: www.mingovalley.org   Email: office@mingovalley.org  Grades offered: K4-12  Accreditation: State of Oklahoma (OPSAC); AdvanceED (formerly NCA); and Association of Christian Schools International (ACSI)  Mingo Valley Christian School is a non-denominational, college preparatory, private school conveniently located near 61st Street and Mingo. Since 1976 we have sought to partner with parents to build faith, knowledge and character in the hearts and minds of students. We are a discipleship school that keeps Christ at the center of everything we do. We seek to cultivate academic

Experience the Mingo Difference •K4-12th Grade College Preparatory •Non-Denominational •Christ-centered, discipleship focused •Accredited •Arts and Sports programs Now enrolling - call to schedule a tour 8720 E. 61st St. 918•294•0404

www.mingovalley.org

excellence, integrate faith and learning, and celebrate moral virtue. We offer athletics (football, soccer, basketball, volleyball, cheer, track, golf and other activities), student leadership (Key Club, Junior Achievement, NJHS/NHS, Nehemiah Project and Citadel), art, drama, music, foreign language, computer, missions trips and other activities. We also provide an excellent academic program that helps students develop a biblical worldview as they study about God and His creation. We offer honors level courses and the ability to enroll in concurrent college courses. Our focus is on building Christian thinkers who can communicate effectively and persuasively. Call to schedule a tour or day of shadowing.

Regent Preparatory School of Oklahoma Contact: Andrew D. Shapleigh Address: 8621 S. Memorial Drive; Tulsa, OK Phone: 918-663-1002 Website: www.rpsok.org Email: agilbert@rpsok.org Grades offered: Pre-K – 12th grade Regent’s mission is to provide academically able students with a challenging education designed to help them know, love and

10 |

C o m m u n i t y s p i rit m agaz ine.com

JUL Y 2 0 1 4

practice that which is true, good and beautiful and to prepare them to live purposefully and intelligently in the service of God and man. Regent uses the classical model to immerse students in a Christian worldview. Students will appreciate the cultural impact of Western civilization, studying ancient history, languages, and culture in light of Christianity. Distinctive aspects of Regent include: Latin in grade 4 and up; 13:1 student/teacher ratio; strong family environment, accelerated mathematics, rhetoric skills development, and classic literature studies.

Rejoice Christian School School Director: Dr. Craig Shaw Address: 13413 E. 106th St. North; Owasso, OK Phone: 918-272-7235 Website: www.rejoiceschool.com Email: rcs@rejoiceschool.com Grades offered: Pre3 - 12th grade The right school will change a child‚ future. At Rejoice Christian Schools (RCS), our experienced faculty provides for your child‚ best future through Christian nurturing, educational challenges,

Invest wisely.

REGENT

PREPARATORY SCHOOL OF OKLAHOMA rpsok.org 918.663.1002 E N R O L L I N G N O W for 2 0 1 3 - 2 0 1 4

O P E N H O U S E : February 7th at 7:00 p.m. O P E N H O U S E W E E K : March 4-8th C ommu n ity sp ir itmagazin e.com

JUL Y 2014

| 11

christian school directory

and small class sizes. Year after year, RCS continues to rank in the national academic top 10% of all schools, both public and private. Our god-given ministry is to lead young people to know Christ and train them in biblical principles, Christian character, language and traditional subject matter. RCS offers a compete curriculum from Pre3 - 12th grade, including college preparatory and honors classes, a vibrant arts program and a dynamic sports program.

Victory Christian School Contact: Sherrill Whipple  Address: 7700 South Lewis Avenue, Tulsa, OK  Phone: 918-491-7720  Fax: 918-491-7727  Website: www.vcstulsa.org  Grades offered: K3- 12th Grade  Accreditation: The Oklahoma State Department of Education and the International Christian Accrediting Association. VCS, serving grades K3-12, offers before and after-school programs and a Summer Fun program. These provide a safe and secure place all year round. A full range of courses, activities and facilities makes for a great educational experience where love of God and Country and strong discipline are evident. Multiple child tuition and fee discounts make Victory very affordable. No entrance tests are required to become a part of Victory. VCS serves students from over 168 church congregations. Come and experience a staff called to teach and minister to students and a student body that is serious about being successful in life. It is not too late to make the change to Victory Christian School. Enrollment is open all year round. Check our website for open house dates and learn

12 |

C o m m u n i t y s p i rit m agaz ine.com

JUL Y 2 0 1 4

Call today for a personal tour at:

918-272-7235

(Preschool / Elementary)

918-516-0050

(Middle / High School) Rejoice Christian Schools admits students of any race, color, national and ethnic origin to all the rights, privileges, programs, and activities generally accorded or made available to students at the school. It does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national and ethnic origin in administration of its educational policies, admissions policies, scholarship and loan programs, and athletic and other school-administered programs.

more about this tremendous opportunity.

Wright Christian Academy Contact: Jeffrey L. Brown Address: 11391 E. Admiral Pl.; Tulsa OK Phone: 918-438-0922 Website: www.wrightchristianacademy.com E-mail: info@wrightchristianacademy.com Grades Offered: Pre-K3 - 12th grade We count the opportunity to teach every child as a sacred trust entered into as a partnership with parents. Since 1989, we have sought to connect the hearts of young people to God within the context of a quality educational ministry. As a college preparatory school, we are committed to offering the finest education possible to our students.

C ommu n ity sp ir itmagazin e.com

JUL Y 2014

| 13

augustine christian academy

For Such a Time as This

Augustine Christian Academy Assists Homeschool Families

omeschooling is more popular than ever. The number of families homeschooling their children has increased over 75 percent since 1999 and now represents about four percent of all kids nationwide. According to researcher, Dr. Brian Ray, of The National Home Education Research Institute, we can expect “a notable surge in the number of children being homeschooled in the next five to ten years.” He predicts the increase because of the growing popularity of the practice and because of the impending second generation of homeschoolers. With this in mind, why would a private Christian school set out to help homeschooling parents? It is a mindset which began in 1997, back when Augustine Christian Academy was only an idea. Kirk D. Post, founder and headmaster explained that some of the original leaders came from homeschooling backgrounds. “We have had a respect for homeschoolers from the beginning. Even though we were setting up a classical program that would cover everything from kindergarten through high school, we respected parents who were very actively involved with the education of their children. We started with the foundational idea that parents are responsible for the training of their children for life.” Mr. Post and other school leaders also recognized that many homeschool kids search for ways to get plugged in socially. Many want to enjoy the social benefits of a school while only taking a specialized class or two. “We decided to provide an option for parents to enroll their 6th through 12th grade students in some of the classes, but not be full time. We decided to allow students who attend here for any number of classes to participate in all of the extracurricular activities that make up the culture of the school. That has been our model ever since. In these older grades, students can choose to take just one class, yet be qualified to participate in all of the other school activities. Many of our part-time students become so engaged in the culture at ACA that they achieve enough credits to qualify for our homeschool diploma, just one of the school’s five diploma options.

14 |

C o m m u n i t y s p i rit m agaz ine.com

JUL Y 2 0 1 4

“We meet in the collegiate model, Monday/Wednesday/Fridays and Tuesday/Thursday. We have found that this is ideal for the homeschool community while it also prepares our students for what they will experience at the university level.” The feedback from the homeschool community has been great. “Parents enjoy the fact that we trust them, that we recognize them as educators. Secondly, that we give them choices and don’t dictate to them everything they have to do for their child. They look for a place that respects them as homeschool parents. They feel comfortable here. They say we recognize their authority as parents and give them opportunities without being suspect of everything they do. Our experience with homeschool families is that they are very serious about the work they do with their children. As we respect that, they respect our work as well,” explained Mr. Post. Augustine Christian Academy is obviously not the only Christian school that accepts homeschool students. However, Mr. Post believes what they offer is very unique because of the school’s culture and opportunities available at no additional cost. “Students pay per class, and it is more expensive (à la carte), but because there are so many things they can get involved in here, it is a good deal for them. In most co-ops, you must pay for each activity. Here, they can pay for taking just one class and be involved in such things as

We have had a respect for homeschoolers from the beginning. Even though we were setting up a classical program that would cover everything from kindergarten through high school, we respected parents who were very actively involved with the education of their children. We started with the foundational idea that parents are responsible for the training of their children for life. -Kirk D. Post, founder and headmaster our Performing Arts and be part of our “House Culture.” Augustine Christian Academy anticipates enrollment of 240 students for the fall, up 10 percent from last year. Students come from as far as an hour’s drive away to take advantage of the school’s unique classical approach to education and homeschool support. The Oklahoma Christian Home Educators Consociation (OCHEC) has obviously recognized and applauded that uniqueness. In fact, ACA was the only school represented at the Tulsa Spring Conference. Learn more about Augustine Christian Academy at acatulsa.org or by seeing their directory listing on page eight.

tulsa men of Christ

Brya n Crai g – T u ls a M en o f C hris t

Helping Men Find Christ through Discipleship By MOLLIE MYERs

nights and round tables may take you back to King Arthur, but there are those in our fair city who take this Kingdom business very seriously. Bryan Craig is the founder of Tulsa Men of Christ, (TMOC), a ministry of around 1,200 men seeking to bring a powerful and effective message into the market place through helping men find meaning, purpose, and significance in life through a relationship with Jesus Christ. Bryan also owns and operates Sigma Sales, a cutting tools sales and service business that provides a physical home for TMOC. TMOC is open to all men who want to pursue a walk with Christ that transcends a Sunday service to impact every hour of every day of life. Though they are not affiliated with any one church, TMOC deeply respects the church’s position and influence in the lives of the men who make up its members. TMOC does not seek to replace the church, but to support it by creating a strong discipling effort among the men, as well as an avenue to bring new believers into the Kingdom. It all started when God called Bryan into a deeper relationship with Him. “I was just a casual Christian, sitting in the pews, not really living for the Lord, just going to church on Sunday, when I went to a Promise Keepers Conference. Suddenly, God got my attention. I had a lot of major life stuff going on. I had just turned

16 |

C o m m u n i t y s p i rit m agaz ine.com

JUL Y 2 0 1 4

thirty, we had just had a baby and I had just bought a business, so I was kind of ripe. They put this message in me that there is a different life than I had been living, this life for God. No one had ever shown it to me. Just sitting in church, you don’t find it. You can learn some stuff and meet some great people, but that is not how you find abundant life in Jesus. I decided I had to find it. At Promise Keepers, they put us in an accountability group which got me reading God’s word and I was immediately blown away. That is where all the secrets were…in the Word,” he explained. Bryan got more and more involved in Promise Keepers and the men’s ministry at his church. And in the process, he began to meet guys who were hungry for spiritual things just like him, but none of them really knew how to find them. Discipleship seemed to be the key of what was missing. To fill the gap, Bryan started Tulsa Men of Christ to help men disciple other men. Quickly, a network of men began pouring into each other’s lives and God has since used the effort to change thousands of lives. They held a conference called “No Man Left Behind.” Over a thousand men strong, they organized Tulsa Men of Christ into a 501C3 and searched for the right study materials. “God led me to Northwest Arkansas where I met Rocky Fleming. He held about this thing called “The Journey.” The Journey is a nine-month process that takes a person through an incredible journey that helps develop each participant into not only an intimate disciple of Jesus, but turns him into a disciple maker.

The materials associated with The Journey are created to capture a man’s heart and imagination through the imagery of knights, adventures, nobility, and service. (Ladies, do not despair! The Journey has begun forming women’s groups as well. The response from the wives of many men who encountered Journey was so strong, TMOC helped to develop opportunities for women and couples to also take The Journey.) Additionally, every Friday, TMOC meets for The Anchor in the warehouse of Sigma Sales at 7420 East 46th Place, (Just behind

Robinson Glass). There is a time of worship and prayer, as well as testimonies from different men each week. The Anchor meets before the business day begins from 6:30-7:30 am. These men don’t just gather to worship with their mouths and hearts. They sometimes worship with hammers and paintbrushes! For instance, Hale High School came to the attention of TMOC as an opportunity to reach out to the teaching staff by transforming the room loosely referred to as the teacher’s lounge to a place where staff can gather, relax, dine, recharge, and “de-kid” for a few minutes. With a 1,200 member strong network, transformation is not only doable, but done! TMOC also promotes efforts such as Promise Keepers, 111Tulsa, educational initiatives, prayer, and strong families. For more information about Tulsa Men of Christ, The Journey, (for men, women, or couples) or The Anchor, please visit their website at www.tulsamenofchrist.com or contact Bryan Craig at 918.749.9301. Find a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ. Start today. Unite My City is honored to be affiliated with Tulsa Men of Christ and is strongly supportive of their heart to make a kingdom sized impact in the lives of men, no matter what church they are a part of.

C ommu n ity sp ir itmagazin e.com

JUL Y 2014

| 17

taste of summer

Broken Arrow’s Taste of Summer Local Sponsors to Bring All-You-Can-Eat Blue Bell Ice Cream Fun to Broken Arrow

t has become a Broken Arrow summer tradition. Just ask the kids and their parents and they will tell you that nothing beats the heat like Blue Bell Ice Cream. The annual Taste of Summer is returning to Broken Arrow for its 12th lip-smackin’ year. A community hit for the entire family, the festival takes place Saturday, July 19th, from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. at the Central Park (1500 S Main Street) on Main Street in Broken Arrow. Taste of Summer is a family-friendly event where attendees can enjoy FREE all-you-can-eat ice cream from Blue Bell. But it even is more than the ice cream which draws in families from all around. Local performers offer live entertainment and local artists offer unique items for sale. Kids enjoy FREE crafts, train rides, coloring sheets, a fun-filled Kids Zone. Chick-fil-A joins in the fun by offering a Hamster Ball Run and a Mascot parade brings in over 20 area mascots. And if the ice cream isn’t enough, there are lots of food choices with multiple food trucks. The event is held in the heart of Broken Arrow’s exciting and rejuvenated section of downtown called, “The Rose

18 |

C o m m u n i t y s p i rit m agaz ine.com

july 2 0 1 4

District.” When the railroad came to town in 1903, city fathers (and mothers) planted roses near the fence lines on the perimeter of their properties and along the exterior of their homes. Soon, Broken Arrow gained the reputation as the City of Roses among the many visitors who traveled the railroad. Today, city leaders desire to embrace and reconnect with our community’s historic past as demonstrated by naming the new Arts and Entertainment area the Rose District. It is now thriving with excitement and things to do. Civic-minded companies have joined in to make sure you have a great time at Taste of Summer. One example is AVB Bank, the official bank of the Taste of Summer. The historic Broken Arrow bank was started in 1905 and is located in the heart of the Rose District. Kelli Sowell, AVB Bank Senior Vice President, Marketing & Public Relations, explained that they are proud of the bank’s Broken Arrow heritage and are building for the future.

As the Rose District grows and changes, AVB Bank is going through its own Broken Arrow expansion. Committed to Broken Arrow’s beautiful downtown, they have begun a 15,000 square-foot building at Main and El Paso. Scheduled to open in 2015, the bank will continue to operate in its existing part of the building until the new facility is finished. Ted Cundiff, AVB Bank president and CEO announced at the recent groundbreaking that they plan to donate the current building to the community to become a Creative Arts Center, “a central place to foster relationships between artists.”

Enjoy 15% off your next order! Use code CSJuly15 (Expires 7.31.14)

Not valid with other offers. Cannot be combined. (CS)

Come Enjoy The Taste of Summer!

81st & Lewis in The Plaza (Tulsa) 918-935-2731 The event is $5 for ages four and over. Ages three and under are free. The Taste of Summer festival is thevintagepearl.com an annual tradition presented by Blue Bell Ice Cream and the Broken Arrow Chamber of Commerce, Come enjoy the day and when you get a chance, thank the along with the following incredible sponsors: Broken Arrow Ledger, AVB Bank, Jim Norton Chevrolet, Robertson Tire sponsors for their generous support of Broken Arrow. Company, Bank of Oklahoma, Dave & Buster’s of Tulsa, TTCU the Credit Union, Tate Boys Tire & Service, Huntington Your Tutoring For more information visit Solution, Arvest Bank, Sun Loans, Broken Arrow Youth Baseball, www.facebook.com/BAtasteofsummer Theatre Arts, Inc., Andrews Lighting Gallery, Inc., Magnum Construction, Inc., Allied Waste/Republic Services.

C ommu n ity sp ir itmagazin e.com

JUL Y 2014

| 19

word explosion

It’s Word Explosion Time!

August 10th (Missions Conference) through August 17th Victory Christian Center 7700 S. Lewis Ave., Tulsa, OK grown with thousands in attendance to hear well-known men and women of God preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This year’s conference will include a long list of favorite speakers. Check the website at www.wex.victory.com for speaker bios and more information.

SCHEDULE

ugust is coming and that means it is Word Explosion Time. The annual event hosted by Victory Christian Center has been a favorite event for thousands of believers since 1979 when Pastors Billy Joe and Sharon Daugherty held the conference to kickoff Victory Bible Institute. Since then, Word Explosion has

20 |

C o m m u n i t y s p i rit m agaz ine.com

JUL Y 2 0 1 4

John Hagee – August 10th at 6 p.m. Jentezen Franklin – August 12th at 7 p.m. Dr. Micheal Brown – August 14th at 10 a.m. Matthew Barnett – August 14th at 7 p.m. and August 15th at 10 a.m. John Bevere – August 15th at 7 p.m. and August 16th at 10 a.m. Paul Daugherty – August 16th at 5 p.m. Sharon Daugherty – August 17th at 9 a.m. Dr. Billy Wilson – August 17th at 11 a.m. Dr. Bill Winston – August 17th at 6 p.m.

NOW HIRING SALES REPRESENTATIVES

FLEXIBLE HOURS • GREAT COMMISSIONS CHRISTIAN WORK ENVIRONMENT

CALL TOM AT 918-307-2323 FOR MORE INFORMATION

our BEST hearing aid technology ever! A hearing aid so comfortable you’ll forget you’re wearing it!

• Unmatched comfort • VirtUally inVisible • enhanced clarity

Appointments are limited. CAll TodAy to reserve your space! ®

HEARING AID LABORATORIES, INC.

918-838-1000 or 800-722-8050 2323 S. Sheridan Rd • Tulsa, OK www.MyCleartone.com

C ommu n ity sp ir itmagazin e.com

JUL Y 2014

| 21

act financial

RANDY COWELL

Why Long Term Care Insurance

hen my mother had a stroke from lung cancer that had metastised to her brain, I got a personal glimpse into the cruel world of eldercare. After her stroke, my brother and I transported her to my sister’s home in sunny Florida. What we thought would be a very short stay turned out to be a two-year ordeal. My sweet sister agreed to care for Mom and would not consider placing her in a nursing facility. “It will be just for a short time. I will take some time off and we will manage.” She would say. Well, a short time turned into two years and not only did my sister suffer financially from having to give up her job, but her health started to fail from the constant demands of caring for an invalid. At the end, my parents estate was all but wiped out and a lifetime of dreams were replaced with medical bills and heartache and indelible bad memories. Long-term care is a reality. My hope for you and your loved ones is that you never have to experience what many call the “living death”. The purpose of this article is to shed some light on the subject and create awareness.

Just the Facts Ma’am (Dragnet) Trends in the long-term care industry indicate that insurance companies are taking a hard look at the viability of long-term care insurance and many have decided that the risk is too great. Companies such as Metropolitan, Alliance, and AIG have discontinued selling the product. The obvious answer as to why can be found in our aging population. With 10,000 Baby Boomers turning 65 every day coupled with the fact we are living longer and the probability that some type of long-term care need is in the cards for most of those that live, has convinced insures they have a proverbial “Tiger by the Tail”. Put your insurance hat on and think like an insurance executive. Looking at some of these statistics can give you an idea as to why companies are getting out of the market. And why the ones that are choosing to stay are raising their premiums and making it more difficult to get coverage. The end result to the consumer is that it is becoming more and more difficult to get coverage. Lets look at some of the statistical data: The population segment of the “very old”, older than 85, is the fastest growing age group in the country. Obviously, the older the person the more likely they will need some sort of long-term care. Based on current estimates of the rate of long term care, 30 years from now we can expect about 17 million elderly Americans will be receiving long term care. (Abstract of the United States, 2005). With the top ten insures paying $11,000 per day can you blame them for wanting out of the market? The projected cost 30 years from now for two years of long-term care is $500,000! (New York Time, 2012) In the midst of all this gloom and doom, let me share some good news. According to a 2012 Market survey of Long-term cost, Oklahoma is the cheapest state in our region to take care of someone requiring nursing home care. The average private room rate is $147 per day versus the national average of $248

22 |

C o m m u n i t y s p i rit m agaz ine.com

JUL Y 2 0 1 4

A New Strategy There is a new version of LTC insurance that is gaining in popularity. It is called asset based long-term care. The premise is simple. Give an insurance company a lump sum of money and if you are unfortunate enough to qualify for long-term care benefits you get a multiple of the amount you deposited back to pay for long-term care. The great news is you get the money tax-free. Yes, it takes a major monetary commitment up front, but there are many payoffs with this strategy. First, there are no future premiums. One of the complaints of traditional LTC is that policyholders do not like paying ongoing premiums. There are no future premiums and if you do not use the benefits you get your money back, sometimes with interest! This is a major difference between traditional LTC and the asset-based type. Another benefit to this type of coverage is the premiums are guaranteed not to increase. With insured individuals receiving premium increase notices at an ever-increasing rate, this is a huge advantage! For additional information on long-term care and strategies on how to pay for it please contact my office. I have been told that I get passionate when the subject of long-term care comes up. I suppose that is true. If we ever have the good fortune to meet, I hope to share other experiences, good and bad, about the trials and tribulations of long-term care. In the meantime if you would like to discuss this topic of long-term care and strategies on how to pay for it, please give us a call at 918-664-0081. We would love to visit. A special thanks to Will Baxter and Jordan Woodall for their research assistance.

RANDY C. COWELL, M.S., LUTCF, CFP®, CRPC® ACT FINANCIAL Randy C. Cowell is a columnist and President of ACT Financial Services, Inc. in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He is the author of “God GoodDebt Bad”. Randy welcomes your thoughts and prayers. He can be reached at 918-664-0081 or by e-mail at rcowell@htk.com.

The “Yes Women Can” Blog

He’s Gone – Now What? BY CINDY STEWARD

WATCH FOR THIS BLOG IN EACH ISSUE OF COMMUNITY SPIRIT

bills on time and had very good credit. I believed it was a long shot but another friend referred me to a mortgage lender. I was absolutely frightened at my first meeting with him. I felt alone and totally out of my comfort zone in my new ‘single’ life. Before the meeting I firmly believed his answer would be no to a loan! I said a quick prayer and reminded myself of all of the times God had literally provided for me and the girls. I took a deep breath and walked in. The mortgage lender was very nice and immediately put me at ease! The first step was to ‘run my credit’ and what did you know? It looked good! I began to have hope of a new home! By the time I walked out of his office I had learned that I would qualify – on my own – to purchase a home! I couldn’t wait to tell my daughters the good news! Returning to my car I thanked God LISA GOINS & CINDY STEWARD for once again providing for us! Smart Women Buy Homes are professional Realtors who have a passion and commitment to serving the I started looking for our new home unique needs of women home buyers. Lisa and Cindy are dedicated to making it easy, exciting and a joy for immediately. It took several months to sell you to buy and own a home! the existing home and I had located a new here were no more tears left in me to cry. It had been two one for about half the price. It needed some weeks since arriving home from saying the last goodbye to my fixing up but I am good with a paint brush! Within six months we dying father only to find that while I was gone my husband had sold our old home and were living in our new one with freshly had moved out. I was devastated and so were my two daughters, painted, rooms with colors the girls got to choose for themselves! ages thirteen and nine at the time. I was filled with questions and During this time my heart began to heal and we got our feet on a fears, but I simply had to face them. new path. I learned that in life there are many possibilities that we I had been a ‘stay at home mom’ since the girls were born. Now, may not even be aware of. Yet, with the help of a Realtor friend and those days were over. Instinctively, I knew that we could not afford mortgage banker we are still living in our own beautiful and very to stay in our beautiful dream home. But where would we go? colorful home! What realistic options were there for us? These were dark days for CALL Cindy Steward AT 918-809-5805 OR Lisa Goins AT me as I clung tightly to the hand of God and my faith in Him as I felt isolated and alone in this situation that clearly I had not seen 918-289-3919 VISIT US AT www.privatelabelrealty.com coming. The sadness of losing the family that I so cherished was overwhelming. Cindy Steward Suddenly, I had been thrust into a world that I didn’t know much Cindy Steward has been buying a selling homes in Tulsa for over 7 years. She currently owns thirty rental properties about! But God had given me a head upon my shoulders and now that provide income for her family. Cindy is passionate was the time to use it! It was early spring and I contacted a Realtor about helping other women pursue their dreams of home friend about putting our home on the market to sell. Quickly, the ownership. She is a licensed Realtor with Private Label Realty. She currently lives with her two daughters now 18 girls and I clean and shined everything up and the home looked and 13. beautiful! I dreamed of a new family loving it as much as we had. The ‘For Sale’ sign was up in the yard and it was ready to sell. Now I needed to face what we would do when it did sell. I wanted to continue to provide a place for them to call their own. Although I didn’t have much cash, I had always paid my

C ommu n itysp ir itmagazin e.com

JUL Y 2014

| 23

oklahoma health department

Parents Need to Be Aware… Danger Lurks!

he 1950’s icon of the high school kid in the white t-shirt with the pack of cigarettes rolled up in his sleeve, was cool for grandma’s generation, but maybe “not so much” for the kids in 2014. A new U.S. Government survey of high schoolers shows a trend of a continual national decline in teen smoking. Some 15.7 percent of teens nationally admitted to smoking a cigarette at least once in the previous thirty days, down from 18.1 percent in 2011, 21.9 percent in 2003, and the peak of 36.4 percent in 1997. Experts are giving credit to higher prices due to increases in cigarette taxes, tougher smoking bans and stronger messages in advertising directed specifically at teenagers. Still, cigarettes remain the country’s leading preventable cause of fatal disease, according to a report in U.S. News. And, kids are still “playing” with tobacco, moving to cigars, a less regulated product which is commonly marketed with candy, fruit and chocolate flavors. This, along with less taxes, explains why cigars, although showing a slight decline in the survey, continue to decline less than cigarettes. But before we celebrate too much, it is also evident that teens are still seeking nicotine. In fact, the study showed that 8.8 percent of high schoolers use smokeless tobacco, up from 7.7 percent the year before. And, the Center for Disease Control reports that the use of electronic cigarettes rose at an alarming rate, from 4.7 percent to nearly 10 percent. They say kids have the misperception that the electronic cigarettes are safer, when in reality, they often deliver more nicotine.

24 |

C o m m u n i t y s p i rit m agaz ine.com

JUL Y 2 0 1 4

Here in Oklahoma, while we like for our sports teams to be listed in the Top Ten, we have the dubious honor of being in the Top Two states in the percentage of teenage smokers. According to the Center for Disease Control…”In Oklahoma, 24.7% of the adult population (aged 18+ years)—over 677,000 individuals— are current cigarette smokers. Across all states, the prevalence of cigarette smoking among adults ranges from 9.3% to 26.5%. Oklahoma ranks 47th among the states. Among youth aged 12–17 years, 13.3% smoke in Oklahoma. The range across all states is 6.5% to 15.9%. In this category, Oklahoma ranks 48th among the states.” “Bottom line, we are making progress, but we have a long way to go,” says Corey Love, Tobacco Prevention and Control Coordinator of the Tulsa Heath Department.

The percentage of our kids: Smoking Cigarettes Smoking Cigars Smoking E-Cigs Being Overweight Texting while driving Carrying a gun Drinking Alcohol Use of Marijuana Use of harder drugs

Down Up Up Up Up Up Down Slightly Down Slightly Up, but down since 1995

This is tobacco marketing. Kids who see it are more likely to smoke.

It’s a fact: Research shows that kids who shop at stores with tobacco marketing two or more times a week are 64% more likely to start smoking than their peers who don’t. Source: Henriksen, Schleicher, Feighery and Fortmann. Pediatrics: The Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, July 19, 2010. DOI: 10.1542/peds.2009 3021

You may not notice, but they do. Talk with your kids about tobacco – learn more at StopsWithMe.com.

Sponsored by:

918.595.4226 TSET. Better Lives Through Better Health.

unite my city W I T H

MOLLIE MYERS

Back To School – Back To Serve We are at a unique point in the history of our city. There is deep need in the school system for one to one work with children to help them succeed. There is unprecedented openness for churches to become involved. There are hundreds of churches in the Tulsa area. By churches working together it’s possible to every student in our public schools mentored by believers from our churches. The commitment and potential are huge! Is it possible that the future of these students and our school systems could be shaped by the Church serving our schools in a cohesive, strategic capacity?

ou are likely seeing uniforms in stores and Back To School ads at every turn. – or you will be shortly. With Common Core, State Superintendent elections, 3rd grade reading tests, and A-F report cards, schools are certainly on our minds. Does your church have a plan to interact with and reach out to the school in your community after the chalk dust settles in early September? When Unite My City (UMC) speaks with principals and counselors at Tulsa Public Schools we repeatedly hear the same thing. “We need people to connect with these kids. We need mentors and reading partners.” I recently interviewed Sergeant Rohloff with TPD’s Mingo Valley Police Division and asked him about the strengths and concerns of his east Tulsa community, as well as what the Church could do to help make a significant impact. His response echoed the schools. “Get to the kids early. They need help, reassurance, and accountability in a safe and secure environment. And, develop relationships with the parents by helping them with needs like parenting and finances.” What if every church adopted at least one school in its community? Not just elementary schools, but every school. What if people of your church chose to mentor a student throughout their school career? What if groups from our churches focused on specific goals, like making sure every second grader has a reading partner so they can pass the 3rd grade reading test rather than being held back or struggling throughout their academic career?

26 |

C o m m u n i t y s p i rit m agaz ine.com

JUL Y 2 0 1 4

Here are several examples of how the Body is at work on this issue and ideas on how your church can be engaged: •

•

• •

•

Tulsa Dream Center is building a children’s library. All children who read a book and turn in a book report will be able to either keep that book, or select another for their personal library. Your church can hold a book drive to collect donated books and take them to The Frugal Bookworm (between 61st & 51st on Lewis Avenue) who is serving as a processor for this drive. Volunteers are also welcome at The Dream Center! Crossover Community Impact is actively serving the Hawthorne neighborhood by engaging the students and their families through academics and sports. CCI is committed to bringing transformation to the Hawthorne community on a large scale which will eventually include services for the entire family. Your church can partner with CCI and actively volunteer in mentoring, tutoring, sports, and many more ways as they increase to meet their vision. TOUCH is holding after school and summer programs at several locations around the city, including expanding the P61 After-School Program to include up to 100 students from Memorial Junior High this September. TOUCH has attracted national attention and is the recipient of a significant 21st Century Grant it is utilizing to bring science, technology, engineering, arts, and mathematics to elementary and junior high students in under-resourced areas of Tulsa. Your church can partner with TOUCH and other churches by providing volunteers and funding. Through these partnerships together we can bring transformation to the lives of the students, their families, and their community. These are just a few of the ways we are seeing Kingdom impact through the Body into the community. For more information on any of these opportunities, please email mollie@worldcompassion.tv. Unite My City exists to foster unity among The Church in order to transform our city.

the heart of the matter

DENIECE ADSIT

Flying the Plane

eturning home from a recent trip, I noticed a lady in uniform standing in the employee area talking with another person, telling him she was working the flight to Tulsa. I pointed her out to my husband and said, “See that lady in uniform? I think she is the stewardess on our flight. I just heard her tell that man she was working the flight to Tulsa.” To which my husband replied, “That is a pilot’s uniform. She is a pilot.” About that time an announcement came that we were waiting for a crew member and the flight would be taking off as soon as that crew member arrived. Soon a man in uniform came hurrying up and asked if this was the flight to Tulsa. He said he was the Captain that was called in for the flight. Immediately, we began to board the plane. The Captain had arrived. The wait was over. A calm but strong male voice came over the intercom introducing himself as the Captain, and saying that we were preparing for take-off. He expected a little turbulence at the Oklahoma border, but otherwise it should be a relatively uneventful flight, so sit back and enjoy the flight. At this point, I wasn’t sure where the female pilot had gone, but I could rest assured we were in good hands – there was a man at the controls of the plane. As we neared Tulsa, just as the Captain had predicted, we experienced some turbulence. Again his calm and strong voice was reassuring, as he instructed us to remain seated with seatbelts securely fastened. We should be in Tulsa in about thirty minutes. Leaving the plane, my husband stopped and thanked the Captain who simply nodded toward his co-pilot and said, “Thank her. She flew the plane all the way. I just sat there looking pretty, and talked.”

Our perceptions (preconceived stereotypical viewpoints) led us both to believe the Captain – the man – was flying the plane. I wonder how many times we pass up opportunities to serve because of pre-conceived ideas that we aren’t as capable as someone else. We know our limitations. We know our past. Surely there are others more qualified than we are. But if God gives us an assignment he always gives us the knowledge and skill to complete the task. His kingdom is made up of broken people like me, empowered by the redemptive power of the blood of Christ, just doing the job He has given us to do. Moses had difficulty speaking, so God gave him Aaron as a spokesperson. Timothy was young, so God gave him Paul as a mentor. Naomi was left alone, so God directed Ruth to go with her as a companion. God needed both Moses and Aaron. He needed both Paul and Timothy. And He needed both Naomi and Ruth. Their tasks were different but equally important. But the story that gets to me every time is the story of Mary, who anointed Jesus feet with expensive perfume, and dried his feet with her hair. This perfume is presumed to be tools of the trade, so how dare she touch Jesus with it! But Jesus knew her heart. When the others rebuked Him for allowing this, He stressed the importance of this small gesture:

“When she poured this perfume on my body, she did it to prepare me for burial. I tell you the truth, wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.”- Matthew 26:12-13 NIV Just one small act of kindness and reverence, and the world will forever speak of Mary, not as a prostitute, but as the one who anointed Jesus. What is that one task we are given that would make a “forever” impact on someone? And what prevents us from doing it? Do we think it will not be accepted, or that someone else might do it better? God has given us the desire to serve and the skill for service, so let’s go ahead and write our book…teach our class… paint our picture…fly our plane!

ABOUT DENIECE Deniece has a passion to minister to women. You are going to grow to love her and the way she tells stories, always getting to the real heart of the matter.

C ommu n itysp ir itmagazin e.com

JUL Y 2014

| 27

NOW HIRING SALES REPRESENTATIVES FLEXIBLE HOURS GREAT COMMISSIONS CHRISTIAN WORK ENVIRONMENT

CALL TOM AT 918-307-2323 FOR MORE INFORMATION

28 |

C o m m u n i t y s p i rit m agaz ine.com

JUL Y 2 0 1 4

lose your quit B Y

DANNY CAHILL

Where’s my ministry?

Community Spirit is excited to have Danny Cahill as one of our featured, monthly writers. Whether you wrestle with your weight or not, you will enjoy Danny’s motivating column. We all cheered Danny on when he was on The Biggest Loser. Now, he continues to gain our applause while he shares his testimony with others. Danny loves the Lord and is not shy about telling people about Him. It is a blessing to the magazine to have his monthly article. Be sure to watch for Danny’s article each month.

’ve heard people say, “Why won’t my ministry get off the ground” or “I don’t understand why God doesn’t use me more.” Many people try to build a platform to minister from and become frustrated. Maybe they’re missing it. Let me explain. This is simply a perspective moment. In The Journey Training (www.thejourneytraining.com) we talk about seeing a different perspective of your situation. You may have a blind spot that is keeping you stuck. Matthew 25:23 says, “You have been faithful with few things; I will put you in charge of many things.” Are you meant to pastor a church? Maybe. Where do you start? You start exactly where you are; you simply take a step and, in turn, take responsibility. I needed to pay a house payment and had no work. I was worried. I thought, “How will I make this payment?” Then and idea came to me. People had often asked me if I trained people. I guess when you lose 239 pounds and keep it off, other people want that, too. I decided to begin a bootcamp here in town. I called it “Simply Lose It”, which is the name of a health program I am releasing this year on QVC. Twelve people signed up, and I was able to make that payment! In turn, I had a responsibility – to those twelve people.

Simply Lose it is in its fourth session, and I see something happening. I am caring for people; helping them progress physically, and also spiritually. I speak encouragement to them! I am seeing them succeed. Let me share a message from one of my participants just two weeks in: “Thanks for sharing the talk at the end; I cannot express my appreciation enough for you doing this bootcamp. You have changed my life probably more than you will ever know. I will never go back to the fat, lazy, unhappy person I was just a few weeks ago. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!” You see, God has given me my Bootcamp, and the people in it. I have changed my perspective to see it is a ministry. Not a church. Not a lucrative business. (YET!) But God has entrusted me with a few dozen very special people, and I will be as faithful to them as I can. Maybe you need to change your perspective and see that your ministry is exactly where you are. It’s where you work, where you play, in your home, and it’s the next person you meet. If you are “faithful with few things,” you’ll end up stepping into many. And you won’t be trying so hard to build that platform. It will just kind of build itself!

Simply Lose It Bootcamp is run by Danny Cahill. You can get information about signing up by emailing him at Danny@ TheDannyCahill.com. When: Monday – Thursday & Saturday (Generally 5 weekly sessions) Cost: $99 per month for up to 3 weekly sessions, or $119 for unlimited Where: Fitness Together 97th & Riverside, Fitness Together Downtown Tulsa, Outside at several different Broken Arrow, Tulsa, and Bixby parks. Info: Email Danny@TheDannyCahill.com

C ommu n ity sp ir itmagazin e.com

JUL Y 20 14

| 29

marriages that last

BY DR. KEVIN NIEMAN

It All Starts Somewhere, Part 1

any times, couples come to my office believing that they have a hundred different issues. They are overwhelmed with the daunting task of wading through all of these “issues”. Their attempts to resolve conflict are thwarted with years of dysfunctional interactions that creep back up and create endless frustration and more “issues”. Have you ever noticed your conflicts feeling similar? Initially, they look and sound different but before long, the argument quickly reverts back to the same old frustrating conversation of bringing up problems of the past. As the conversation/argument/fight progresses, both individuals lose focus of the current challenge and the very reason they started down this hurtful path. Couples don’t have a hundred different issues, they simply have one issue played out a hundred different ways. Think for a moment about what you feel when you’re in conflict? In your last argument with your spouse, what were the top three to five feelings you experienced? Chances are very good that these are the predominate feelings you experience regardless of who is challenging you. Once you have top five feelings in your conflicts identified, draw an arrow to the right. Now identify your typical responses to those feelings. For example, “I feel unloved when we are in conflict”. What coping behavior do you exhibit because of feeling unloved? Do you get defensive, feeling that you have to prove that you are lovable? Do you withdraw thinking in doing so, you will avoid being hurt? Once you have both lists created, examine the words you chose to describe your feelings and coping behaviors. I realize this little exercise is not very pleasant. We all have coping behaviors that we’re not proud of. To better understand why we use these dysfunctional coping behaviors, we need to take a look back. With your list of feelings in front of you, think of the time you first experienced these feelings. Chances are that these feelings were first introduced long before your spouse came into the picture. That one realization can dramatically change our spousal relationship in itself. We tend to blame our spouse for

30 |

C o m m u n i t y s p i rit m agaz ine.com

JUL Y 2 0 1 4

these feelings and take our pain and frustration out on them. In reality, for most people, the first time these feelings were felt was during childhood or early adolescence. Once you’ve recalled this early experience of these feelings, take another look at your current coping behaviors in this new light. The probability of your coping behaviors making sense in this original situation of these feelings is probably very high. Though early coping behaviors may have made sense for the early situation, they no longer serve the same purpose. We tend to be creatures of habit. When you felt these feelings as a child, you found a way to express yourself that made sense to a child or adolescent. These childlike or adolescent behaviors became our habit. As time progresses and we grow into adulthood, no thought is given to the fact that those habitual responses and coping mechanisms are now dysfunctional behaviors. We simple revert back to them because it’s all we’ve known and unconsciously we still believe that they work today. It’s pretty easy to see why we tend to believe that we have a hundred different issues when in reality we are still dealing with the first time we felt these feelings. In next month’s issue, we will explore how to deal with these feeling and dysfunctional coping behaviors and discuss better ways of expressing ourselves. If you find yourself repeating the same unproductive conversations within your marriage, give Cornerstone a call. We’d love to sit down with you and explore your feelings and coping behaviors.

Dr. Kevin Nieman, LMFT Cornerstone Christian Counseling Services Cornerstone Christian Counseling Services is proud to announce that we are now in our newly remodeled offices. We are also pleased to announce that our new website www. cornerstoneoftulsa.com is active. We are excited about bringing hope and healing to those hurting in our community, blending our Christian beliefs with our professionalism.

CORNERSTONE Christian Counseling Services

Let us help you get your life back on track. Call today: 918.392.4008

4930 S. Sheridan Rd.