January 2014 | Community Spirit Magazine by Community Spirit Magazine

JUST SOME OF THE REASONS WHY, “IT’S A GOOD DAY TO BE A CONQUEROR” EST.

7700 S. LEWIS AVE TULSA, OK 74137

1979

918-491-7720 || WWW.VCSTULSA.ORG C ommu n itys p ir itmagazin e.com

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JANUARY 2014

Contents FEATURES 6 A Weekend to Remember - Feb. 14-16 8 POSTOAK Lodge - A Place to Meet 13 Chicago Comes to Tulsa! 16 The Demand Project 18 Remembering The Golden Rule 20 Celebrate Recovery 22 Tragedy Really Can Have a Silverlining 24 TOUCH - Tulsans Operating in Unity Creating Hope 25 GoWork Conference to be Held in Tulsa COLUMNS 14 ACT Financial 26 Grace Hospice 27 Cornerstone Christian Counseling 28 Deniece Adsit 28 The Biggest Loser

PUBLISHER & editor Tom McCloud CREATIVE Director Ramond Walker COVER PHOTO BY Don Kreutzweiser

A special thank you to our cover models... Jim and Sheila Schmidt! CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Tom McCloud, Randy Cowell, Dr. Kevin Nieman, Ava Hancock, Danny Cahill, Deniece Adsit, Blythe Fowler www.mccloudmedia.com • www.communityspiritmagazine.com TULSA Sales Office 10019 S. 69th E. Ave. Tulsa, OK 74133 phone: (918) 307-2323 fax: (918) 528-6209 Distribution Community Spirit Magazine is distributed to churches, schools, restaurants, Christian bookstores, and other businesses. Call us today to deliver to your church. Community Spirit Magazine is published monthly by McCloud Media. Claims by advertisers and the opinions of writers within this publication do not necessarily represent the views of Community Spirit Magazine or its publisher, Equipment Publications, Inc. Philippians 2:1-2 “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.” Our Mission: 1. Build Community – Develop a sense of community among all local believers in Christ 2. Inspire Good Works 3. Support Families

C o m m u n i t y S p i ri tma g a zi n e.com DE CE MBER 2014

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family life

A WEEKEND TO

REMEMBER A Val entine’s You Will Never Forget

A Unique Marriage Conference Getaway!

February 14-16 at The Renaissance Tulsa Hotel and Convention Center Pssss…Hey you with the wedding ring. Listen up a minute. Wanna have a great marriage? Wanna stop all the bickering and fighting? Whether you have a wonderful relationship or if you are one step away from splitting up, there is a special weekend designed just for you. Thousands of couples say it has made an incredible difference in their marriage and we believe it will for yours as well. It is called A Weekend to Remember®. Now, before you roll your eyes and turn the page, give this some attention. First of all, lets put your mind at ease. This is not… Some lecture by “talking head” psychologists. One of those group things that make you feel uncomfortable. A small group thing where you are expected to “share.” Or a touchy-feely moment without substance. No, you AND your spouse are going to truly enjoy this. It is good stuff taught by real couples who understand that marriage can be tough. In fact, the Weekend to Remember® is the result of more than three decades of biblical research by a team of men and women who understand the challenges and what it takes to have a successful marriage and family. The speakers will show you exactly how to

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pursue a marriage that really works through their own stories of their own breakthroughs and blunders. Over one single weekend, you will leave with a new-found source of encouragement, hope for your marriage as well as practical tools to build and grow your relationship. Rick and Mendy Collier remember what it was like to go on their first Weekend to Remember. “A neighbor kept asking us to go and every time, I would come up with an excuse…We can’t afford it. We are busy and so forth. But finally one year, we gave in. I was really dreading it, but surprisingly, it turned out to be nothing like I expected. Five minutes into it, I knew I was going to have a great time,” Rick said. “We had a good marriage, but the weekend helped us to have a great one. It challenged us to talk about things we never had before and in the process, it raised our intimacy level, he explained.” Rick and Mendy were so impressed they continued to volunteer and now serve as the area directors for the Tulsa region. “We are able to truly see miracles happen, marriages change, walls come down. Couples rediscover what attracted them to each other in the first place. And nearly every weekend, there is at least one couple that come on the verge of divorce and leave arm in arm. Like golf,

these are those “birdies” that keeps us coming back year after year,” Rick explained. “So many times, we get so busy with life we give up on romance. Often, we have just forgotten to try. It is the little things we stop doing. We get busy with jobs, kids, and everyone is tired and we don’t take the time. The weekends always remind me to take some time and put in some effort. We, as women, expect our guys to the do the little things. But the Weekend to Remember encourages both the men and the women to focus on what they can do rather than on what their spouse isn’t doing.” Mendy said. For Jim and Sheila Schmidt, the couple pictured on the cover, they thought their marriage was good. After all, they routinely went on dates, he often bought his wife flowers, and things seemed fine. But the Weekend to Remember made a huge impact on them. In fact, they immediately came home and paid for a weekend for their niece and her husband. Especially to the guys who might come up with excuses not to go to this weekend, Jim says, “Guys can understand the importance of changing the oil in your car. You better put on the top of your to do list, an oil change for your marriage. You don’t have to worry about the touchy-feely, it is more oil change time. You know the old saying, ‘pay me now or pay me later?’ This is the pay me now. It is a cheap oil change. And especially the fact that this weekend is going to be held over Valentines Day, this is a no-brainer. For those guys who have stopped being creative, this is easy. Except for maybe bringing along a secret card or gift or something, you don’t have to worry about planning an agenda. This is a special weekend where most everything has been done for you.” Jim and Sheila insist you are going to love it. Just saying ‘yes’ to going is a major step and your spouse is going to love you for it. “I still remember the commitment time at the end. It was a special moment and he even danced with me,” Sheila said with a smile.

DETAILS ABOUT THE WEEKEND During The Weekend to Remember Getaway, you will receive marriage-changing principles that you can take home and apply to your daily lives that will strengthen your marriage. You will learn how to: • Receive your spouse as a gift. • Clarify your role as a husband or wife. • Resolve conflict in the relationship. • Maintain a vital sexual connection. • Express forgiveness to one another. • Increase your commitment, creating an even deeper level of intimacy. The Schedule: FRIDAY 05:00 p.m. 07:00 - 07:30 p.m 07:30 - 08:30 p.m 08:30 - 08:45 p.m. 08:45 - 09:30 p.m. 09:30 - 09:50 p.m.

Sign in to receive getaway manuals and name tags. Welcome to your Weekend to Remember. Why Marriages Fail: Identify and understand the five threats to marriage. Break (on your own) Can We Talk? Discuss factors that make communication difficult. Application project for you and your spouse.

SATURDAY 08:00 - 08:30 a.m. 08:30 - 09:20 a.m. 09:20 - 09:35 a.m. 09:35 - 10:25 a.m. 10:25 - 11:40 a.m. 10:25 - 11:40 a.m. 11:40 - 12:30 p.m. 12:30 - 02:00 p.m. 02:00 - 03:05 p.m. 03:05 - 03:20 p.m. 03:20 - 03:30 p.m. 03:30 - 04:40 p.m. 04:40 - 05:00 p.m. 04:40 - 05:40 p.m. Evening

Resource center and ballroom open. Unlocking the Mystery of Marriage: Realize God’s plan for marriage. Break (on your own) From How to Wow: Achieve God’s plan for marriage by leaving, cleaving, and becoming one flesh. Application project for you and your spouse. So You Wanna Get Married (Optional premarried session) What Every Marriage Needs: Marriage is dependent upon your own personal relationship with God. Lunch break (on your own) We Fight Too: Understand how to handle the inevitable conflicts of marriage. Helping Others Break (on your own) Marriage After Dark: Uncover intimacy from God’s perspective. Help for Today (Optional breakout session) Two Become One (Optional premarried session) Date Night**

**Make Date Night the highlight of your weekend by spending meaningful time together and reclaiming the love and intimacy that is often obscured through the activities of daily living. Rekindle the fire over a candlelight dinner—reserve a romantic table for two. Surprise your spouse with a special gift that you have tucked away in your suitcase. Or simply, hang the “do not disturb” sign outside your door. And, if attending with friends, make sure to reserve this evening just to spend

SPECIAL COMMUNITY SPIRIT DISCOUNT

Sign up between January 6th – 27th AND use the group name “SPIRIT” and you will receive what equates to a special Buy One, Get One Free deal. So in other words, you and your spouse get in for HALF PRICE! Regular Price is $299.99 per couple Community Spirit Group Price is only $149.99 per couple. Need More Info? Ready to Sign Up? Log onto www.familylife.com/weekend.

this time together as a couple.

SUNDAY 08:30 - 09:00 a.m. 09:00 - 10:30 a.m. 10:40 - 11:10 a.m. 10:30 - 11:15 a.m. 11:15 - 12:00 p.m. 12:00 - 12:35 p.m. 12:35 p.m.

Resource center and ballroom open. Woman to Woman / Man to Man: God has given husbands and wives different roles and responsibilities. Hope for Tomorrow (Optional breakout session) Application project. How Marriages Thrive: Learn the three essential elements to a healthy marriage. Leaving a Legacy: Detect and implement your family’s legacy. Getaway ends.

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post oak lodge

POSTOAK Lodge & Retreat…A Place to Relax!

rom church conferences and business outings, to family reunions or weekend get-aways, POSTOAK Lodge & Retreat offers a countryquiet destination just outside the shadows of downtown Tulsa.

An un-discovered gem to many of our readers, POSTOAK may be just what you, your business and your church have been looking for. Located just northwest of downtown, the lodge is set on 1,200 acres, offering a civilized escape for groups large or small. Deer and other wildlife cross the beautiful walking trails that amble through the Oklahoma pastures surrounding the lodge and the developing botanical garden. And, along your walk, stocked ponds will call out for you to either bait up a hook or simply enjoy an afternoon of tossing pebbles into their clear water. Local lore says adventurous pioneers fell in love with the Osage Hill’s woodlands, valleys and sparkling ponds. Storied outlaws like Jesse James, Belle Starr and the Dalton brothers are said to have found refuge in the area’s hills and caves. But the outlaws are long gone. In fact, you will find something positively relaxing about POSTOAK. Inside and out, the lodge has proven to be the perfect place to hold a conference, get married, or just escape for a family or staff outing. No matter the occasion, people seem to bond and be their best here, possibly a positive influence left over from the days when the lodge, then called Our Lady of Osage Hills, served as a retreat for the Oklahoma Catholic Diocese. The main lodge offers beautiful dining areas as well as professionally appointed meeting and classrooms, equipped for the most casual or the most serious of occasions. Surrounding the main lodge are a total of 60 guestrooms beautifully configured in eight separate lodges. Equipped with 4 to 18 bedrooms, these individual lodges include common areas providing the perfect setting for comfort, entertaining and conversation. Add in hiking, horseshoes, barbecues, hot tubs, fishing and more, and you can see why POSTOAK has become

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a premier location for church retreats, family reunions, Christian conferences and business meetings of all sizes. Families have also discovered POSTOAK and routinely enjoy the “Lodge Away from Home” Special today. For only $389 plus tax per night, they enjoy the private 4-bedroom lodge and continental breakfast for up to 8 people. POSTOAK Lodge & Retreat is located at 5323 West 31st Street North. Check out their website at www.postoaklodge.com. Or, you may call them at 918.425.2112.

Some Specifics: POSTOAK is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year.

MEETING FACILITIES • • •

11000+ square feet of function facilities, including meeting rooms, boardrooms, plus acres of outdoor event space Wireless high-speed Internet access Audio-visual services

SERVICES • • •

Daily housekeeping Business center Free parking

RECREATION • • • • • • • •

Fitness center Outdoor swimming pool Two heated, outdoor hot tubs POSTOAK Canopy Tours zipline adventure Hiking trails and nature walks Bird watching Lawn games – croquet, horseshoes Team sports – basketball, volleyball, softball

• • • • • • • • • • • • •

Skeet shooting Ropes course Catch and release fishing Hayrides to Homes Peak Bonfires with s’mores Field games Table games Group casino games – must be pre-arranged DINING & CATERING Multiple inside and outdoor dining venues Executive Chef, highly skilled culinary team and professional wait staff Menus designed specifically for our guests’ needs – from elegant plated dinners to casual picnic boxed lunches. Full bar and wine selections

POSTOAK’s culinary team delights guests with menus that are carefully crafted and driven by authentic flavors. Led by Executive Chef Damien Jacob, their staff combines the freshest ingredients possible with creative flair. The result is a dining experience and visual presentation appreciated by the most discriminating palate.

Come Fly Through the Treetops & Enjoy your Zipline Adventure! Opening again March 1st, is the POSTOAK Canopy Tours, a fun time no matter your age or the purpose of your meeting. Oklahoma’s first zipline canopy tour is an adrenaline rush from the getgo. POSTOAK Canopy Tours takes thrill seekers and nature lovers soaring above the treetops along a network of more than 3,865 feet of cable line. Along the way, seven platform landing-bases provide a bird’s -eye view of northeastern Oklahoma’s magnificent Osage Hills and downtown Tulsa. Daredevil or not, this will be an amazing, fun and rewarding ride! Perfect for families, friends, corporate groups and Youth Groups! Call (918) 697-2700 or go to www.postoakcanopytours.com/reservations/ to book your reservation today!

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oklahoma health department

Think you can NEVER QUIT? Think again.

A True Story…

Andrea Felsinger quit smoking for a while. But since her husband didn’t quit, the temptation was just too much for her and she was soon lighting up more than ever. But then, they discovered the Oklahoma Tobacco Helpline. “I couldn’t have done it without the Helpline. They were really nice and they didn’t judge me or tell me that it would be easy. Instead, they understood and were there 24 hours a day. Whenever I would get a trigger to light up, whether it was in the car or with my morning coffee, I would call them and they talked me through the cravings. They even sent me some nicotine gum, absolutely for free. I am proud that I quit. It wasn’t easy, but after a week or two, I found out that it was totally worth it, especially for my kids. Call the Oklahoma Tobacco Helpline. They can help you too!

here are proven tools and professional help available to make this “quit” the absolute last. All you have to do is call and ask. In fact, people just like you are picking up the phone, getting the facts, making the choice and forever leaving the smoking habit behind. There is no reason you can’t do the same thing and January is the perfect time to make it happen. The Tobacco Settlement Endowment Trust is pleased to offer the Oklahoma Tobacco Helpline, a FREE service for all Oklahomans with a desire to stop smoking or using other tobacco products. Through the Helpline, callers receive one-on-one “Quit Coaching” help, specialized materials, and referrals to community resources. To help keep them on track, callers interested in receiving follow-up can even enroll in the Helpline’s multiple call program in which they will receive a series of telephone based coaching sessions with the same “Quit Coach” throughout their quitting process. If you participate in the multiple call program, you may also

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receive free nicotine patches, or gum, or they may can assist you work with your health insurance company or health care professional to make a plan for additional treatment. Don’t have insurance? The folks at Helpline realize that many Oklahomans are without insurance coverage, and that many others may have a health plan that does not cover these products. In an effort to help people like you, they are currently working with employers and health insurance companies to negotiate and promote full coverage of cessation services. They are also working with pharmaceutical companies to seek opportunities to make cessation aids more affordable. Ready to Start? If you’d like to quit tobacco now and forever, we invite you to begin your journey with this quality, professional service, and give yourself every chance to make this quit attempt a successful one! Think you can NEVER QUIT? Think again. So What are You Waiting On?

According to the Tulsa County Health Department, approximately 24% of Tulsans are tobacco users and 1,140 Tulsans die each year from tobacco use. You should also know that Heart disease is the leading cause of death in Tulsa County. There is no reason you should be one of them. Decide today that you will make a life change. Ask for help, develop and plan and put down the tobacco forever.

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celebrity attractions

The National Tour of Chicago Comes to Tulsa January 21-26 at the Tulsa Performing Arts Center

P H O TO B Y PAU L K O LNI K

he national tour of CHICAGO comes back to Tulsa and it’s PURE ENTERTAINMENT! Suave, debonair, awardwinning actor and star of stage, TV & film, John O’Hurley stars in the role of “Billy Flynn” at Tulsa Performing Arts Center for eight performances only from January 21 - 26. Tickets go on sale Monday, December 16. Produced by Barry and Fran Weissler, CHICAGO is the winner of six 1997 Tony® Awards including Best Musical Revival and the Grammy Award for Best Musical Cast Recording. With a legendary book by Fred Ebb and Bob Fosse, music by John Kander and lyrics by Fred Ebb, CHICAGO is now the No. 1 longest-running American musical in Broadway history -- and it still shows no sign of ever slowing down! Murder. Greed. Corruption. Violence. Exploitation. Adultery. Treachery. Set amidst the razzle-dazzle decadence of the 1920s, CHICAGO is the story of Roxie Hart, a housewife and nightclub dancer who maliciously murders her on-the-side lover after he threatens to walk out on her. Desperate to avoid conviction, she dupes the public, the media and her rival cellmate, Velma Kelly, by hiring Chicago’s slickest criminal lawyer to transform her malicious crime into a barrage of sensational headlines, the likes of which might just as easily be ripped from today’s tabloids. CHICAGO is recommended for mature audiences. Starring as the deviously clever attorney “Billy Flynn,” O’Hurley is an award-winning actor and is best known as “J. Peterman” on Seinfeld, which is now the No. 1 syndicated series in the world in 85 countries. Presented by Celebrity Attractions, CHICAGO Starring John O’Hurley comes to the Tulsa Performing Arts Center for eight performances only, January 21 through 26. Performance times include Tuesday through Thursday evenings at 7:30 p.m., Friday and Saturday evenings at 8 p.m., Sunday evening at 7 p.m. and Saturday and Sunday Matinees at 2 p.m. Tickets go on sale Monday, December 16th at 10 a.m. and may be purchased online at www. MyTicketOffice.com, in person at the Tulsa PAC Box Office, or by calling 918.596.7111 or 800.364.7111. Discounts are available for groups of 10 or more by calling 918.796.0220.

Get social with Celebrity Attractions by becoming a fan on Facebook.com/BwayTulsa. Follow the Tulsa engagement of CHICAGO Starring John O’Hurley on Twitter.com/BwayTulsa or join the conversation using hashtag #ChicagoTulsa. CHICAGO Starring John O’Hurley is part of the Celebrity Attractions’ 2013-2014 Broadway Season which also includes, JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR® DREAMCOAT, SISTER ACT, WICKED and the add-on production of Disney’s BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. Celebrity Attractions is proud to have KOTV-NewsOn6, American Airlines and Tulsa World as sponsors for this spectacular season. For Celebrity Attractions’ 2013-2014 Broadway Season ticket information, call 918.596.7109 or visit CelebrityAttractions.com. Season tickets are still available for a limited time only. Visit www.ChicagoTheMusical.com for more information. NOTE FROM THE PUBLISHER…CHICAGO is recommended for mature audiences. Its costumes and content may be offensive to some Community Spirit Readers.

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act financial

RANDY COWELL

Financial Do’s and Don’ts for the New Year

s I sit here in my slippers, sipping my morning coffee and contemplating what a wonderful year this has been, the planner in me can’t help but fast-forward to 2014 and ponder the things many of us should be considering. I know you might think that is odd but it is what I do! With the New Year approaching, here are several items that many of you should address as you attempt to “Get your house in order.”

Social Security Roulette For all those that are approaching Social Security age you owe it to yourselves to have an independent Social Security analysis performed. For a couple, each 62 years of age, there are over eightyone (81) different filing dates and many filing strategies. Yes, you read that right! The difference in picking the wrong filing date and using the wrong strategy could cost you and your spouse hundreds of thousands of dollars of income over your combined lifetimes. Filing, restricting, filing on your spouse, and refiling are just a few of the strategies that are available to you. Rumor has it that the Sequester will affect the number of SSA personnel and the quality of their training. If this occurs, there will be fewer qualified Social Security personnel to assist the 10,000 baby boomers turning 60 every day. If you are fortunate enough to have your 701/2 birthday in 2014, congratulations, you have now joined the ranks of the RMD army. Now you are required to take your Required Minimum Distribution from your IRA accounts. Why is this so important? The most severe tax penalty in the tax code will apply to YOU if you miscalculate and do not take out the correct amount. That’s right, somewhere the AARP has lost sight of the 50% excise tax penalty perpetrated on our seniors. After you have calmed down pick up the phone and call your congressman!

It’s Not Too Late If you have not made your year-end retirement contributions to your individual retirement plans, don’t worry, you have until April 15th. Once upon a time the retirement plan rules were very simple and easy to understand. With the complexity of the tax code you have to be a rocket scientist to know “if and when” to make a contribution. If you have questions we can help. I hoped you enjoyed this glimpse at some of the areas that should be included in your new-years planning. If you need assistance with any of the subjects discussed, please contact us for a no-obligation consultation. We look forward to helping you! Happy New year from the staff of ACT Financial Services and Premier Partners!

ACT FINANCIAL

When I discuss ownership and beneficiaries with client’s it often resembles Abbott and Costello’s famous comedy routine “Who’s on First?” Because of all the uncertainty that is shared during these meetings, we periodically perform a beneficiary and ownership study. This study will ensure the ownership is accurate and the primary and contingent beneficiaries are exactly the way the client wishes. Because “Life” happens, it is important to review these items periodically. Births, deaths, and marriages are the three life occurrences that can significantly alter estate distribution planning so you are well advised to revisit these items during your annual planning meetings. The Bible instructs all of us to seek wise counsel, and occasionally, it is prudent to ask the advice of an estate planning attorney.

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If you have more than one IRA retirement account, you are using different advisors, and you are approaching or have reached 701/2, you will soon be facing a real dilemma. “Which account(s) will I take my distribution from?” will be a question that you will be asking yourself as long as you have money in multiple IRA accounts. Because every great football team has a great quarterback and every great basketball team has a take charge point guard, I believe it is prudent to have one advisor working with all your retirement accounts to utilize the aggregation rules. These rules allow you and your advisor to selectively withdraw funds based on the performance of each investment. The alternative is to systematically withdraw funds proportionately from each account regardless of performance. Not having your IRA accounts correlated and withdrawals synchronized to performance can spell retirement plan disaster!

RANDY C. COWELL

Who’s On First?

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A Point To Ponder

JANUARY 2014

Randy C. Cowell is a columnist and President of ACT Financial Services, Inc. in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He is the author of “God GoodDebt Bad”. Randy welcomes your thoughts and prayers. He can be reached at 918-664-0081 or by e-mail at rcowell@htk.com.

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the demand project

Hidden in Plain Sight

Tulsa Couple Shines Light on Tragedies of Sexual Exploitation

At a recent fundraising walk. (left to right) Kristin and Jason Weis along with U.S. Attorney Danny Williams, DA Tim Harris, Asst. U.S. Attorney Matt Cyran, Rep. Pam Peterson and OBN Director Darrell Weaver. Powerful People with a Purpose! Stop Predators, Protect Children, Rescue Victims and Restore Lives. Photo by Deanna Spyres - InSpyred Images

nce upon a time in our hometown of Tulsa, sins of perversion were hidden in the dark. Finding them, required going to “the bad” side of town, wherever that may have been at the time. Pornographic magazines were neatly wrapped in brown paper and hidden behind the quick-stop counter. X-rated videos were available only in the seediest specialty stores that “decent people would never be caught dead in.” And although such evil was probably available, it was generally kept out of the view of most of us. Life was sweet and charming on the streets of Tulsa. Kids played outside without the supervision or the worry of parents and the “dirtiest” things we were exposed to was an occasional explanation of “where babies came from” told by that one kid in the neighborhood. But things have changed. Like the serpent’s offer to Eve, we have been “enlightened.” Sin is open and easy now, respectable and in many ways even protected by law as “a right.” And as technology has put information within the immediate reach of the “smart” phone in our pocket, those sins of perversion have become equally as accessible. Ordering up a heaping serving of evil is as simple as making a few clicks on our mobile devices. We can visit the “bad side of town” anytime we want and nobody has to know. The result is a virus of evil so prevalent, it has invaded the minds of some of our kids, our spouses and even our pastors. But this “secret sin” doesn’t stay secret very long. Given time, the lines between the virtual world and reality are erased and the sins of the

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mind become sins against others.

A Couple Fights Back Jason and Kristin Weis feel called to fight back. Many years ago, while watching a news report, they heard about the arrest of a man who had raped his two year-old daughter, filmed it and posted it online for all to see. The story hit them hard as they not only thought about the depravity of the act, but also about how sick it was that tens of thousands downloaded such a horrible thing. They asked themselves, “How can we continue our safe life, when so many children are living in this torture?” Jason and Kristin made the decision right then to dedicate their lives to eradicating child sexual exploitation. They moved from their home, family, and friends to get trained up to fight in this battle for freedom. Now almost nine years later, they have never looked back. Although their fight causes them to do extraordinary things, they describe themselves as ordinary people fighting for a very worthy cause. “We believe we were lead to move to Tulsa and attend Victory Bible Institute and now because of the Holy Spirit, we are doing things that on paper, we should have never been able to accomplish,” Jason explained. “We are committed to seeing a change. You can’t beat someone that doesn’t quit and we are dedicated to never stopping,” added Kristin.

The Demand Project

The Battle Continues

For years, Jason and Kristin focused most of their attention on the human trafficking part of the problem. However, last June they started a new 501(c)(3) non-profit organization with the mission of directing their efforts, resources and energy toward the eradication of sexual exploitation of all kinds. “Whether they’re victims of trafficking, forced prostitution, online enticement or child pornography—our mission is to end all sex crimes by targeting the DEMAND side of sexual exploitation,” Jason explained. (Demand = Predator).

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“Never, Never be afraid to do what’s right, especially when the well-being of a person is at stake. Society’s punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way.” -Dr. Martin Luther King JR.

The Demand Project attacks the situation by four sides. 1. Prevention – They help keep kids safe by educating, equipping and empowering the community on how to protect against child predators who seek to harm children. Their in-depth presentations provide insights on how predators operate, how to keep children safe online, and how to stay educated on any emerging technological trends. 2. Prosecution – The Demand Project supports law enforcement, believing it plays a key role in stopping child predators, protecting children, and rescuing victims. They have developed strategic relationships with various law enforcement agencies that target child predators and individuals who commercially traffic people against their will. Raising money, they direct funds to assist these agencies in making additional arrests. 3. Rescue – Through the use of VAST (victim advocate support teams), they work closely with law enforcement to offer victim advocacy, transporting victims to safe shelters and then providing community resources to assist them in their restoration process. 4. Restoration – Believing that rescuing a victim from sexual exploitation is only the beginning of an extensive process for a victim to become a survivor, they continually work with these people to restore them to a better lifestyle.

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The United States Justice Department estimates that close to 300,000 American youth are currently at risk for becoming victims of commercial sexual exploitation. Two-thirds of the sex offenders in state prisons committed offenses against children. There are more than 747,000 registered sex offenders in the United States today. As many as 100,000 are noncompliant and missing. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children reports, “Best data suggests at least 100,000 American children a year are victimized through child sexual exploitation,” (more children are victimized than the number of people that die from car accidents and illegal drugs combined in America). In a study by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children of the people arrested for child pornography; 40% also had raped children along with possessing child pornography. Child pornography is one of the fastest growing crimes in the United States right now. Nationally, there has been a 2500% increase in arrests in the past10 years, according to the FBI. From 2004 through 2008, ICAC task force officers processed 20,562 documented online enticement complaints, including 7,879 documented complaints of suspected travelers. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children reviewed 17.3 million images and videos of suspected child pornography in 2011 — four times more than 2007. What mental health experts have learned is that when someone (90% of the offenders are male) becomes addicted to child pornography, they usually progress to younger and younger children and will seek out more sadistic or masochistic images, and in extreme cases, bestiality. 2 The Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers found that the average number of victims for non-incestuous pedophiles who molest girls is 20, for pedophiles who prefer boys the number jumps to 100. An average serial child molester may have as many as 400 victims in his lifetime.

What Can YOU Do to Help The Demand Project? Taking a stand against sexual predators and rising together to rescue and restore victims is no small task. The folks at The Demand Project rely on volunteers and there are many opportunities for you to help. Learn more about the problem and the solutions at www. thedemandproject.org. Get plugged in. Schedule a presentation at your church, civic group or church. And don’t forget to give… invest your money in this battle. Your donations to this very worthy cause are tax-deductible.

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victory christian school

THE GOLDEN RULE

NEVER GOES OUT OF STYLE by Dr. Dennis Demuth, ph.d.

he Victory Christian School theme is found in Matthew 7:12, “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” (NIV). More than a One-Time Ordeal Applying the Golden Rule is more than a onetime ordeal. It is a continual endeavor that requires sensitivity to the needs of others. Over the weekend, we had a fish fry at our house. We were seated at the table; my granddaughter, Tatum, was in a highchair next to me. She accidentally knocked her drinking cup onto the floor, on the other side of her chair. Looking over at me with her beautiful brown eyes, she said, “Oh, Oh, cup!” The message being sent was, “Grandpa, I’m strapped in this high chair. Would you mind picking up my cup?” As I was getting out of my chair to pick it up, my grandson, Braden, a freshman in high school, who was seated on the other side of the table jumped out of his chair, hustled around the table, and picked up the cup and placed it back on the highchair. I was amazed at this action. He saw the need and immediately took action -without being told to do so. The Golden Rule Requires Action “Do” is an action verb. The power of this action verb lies in the meaning and intention that it contains; it brings direction and force to behavior. Braden could have remained in his chair and watched as his 68 year-old grandpa picked up the cup. He could have waited to be asked, or told to pick up the cup. He acted first.

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No matter what you do for a living. Whether you are a teacher or a businessman or a truck driver, living the Golden Rule is the best way you can show people you really care about them. Practice it and you will find that treating others the way you would want to be treated generally makes them more receptive, allowing you to speak into their lives; that is, allowing the words we speak to cause positive changes. Hopefully, the example you set will not only affect them, it will be transferred over to the interactions they have with others, how they treat family members, relatives and their neighbors. Practical Actions to Take Consider the following actions that you can take to practice the Golden Rule: 1. Listen. Through careful listening, you really find out what is in the heart of people. All of us long to have someone listen to our concerns. Listening is an expression of respect. It also shows that you care and it helps build relationships, especially when it is done with empathetic understanding. As you listen, put yourself in their shoes; feel their frustration, confusion, or lack of understanding. 2. Show compassion. As Christians, we should, by Our new nature, be compassionate. Showing compassion means we sense the pain of others and are motivated to do something to lessen it.

3. Be Helpful. Although being helpful may require you to go out of your way; it generally requires a little extra time. For a teacher, It might be as simple as showing a student how to tie his shoe, how to work his lock, how to get organized to learn, or how to effectively study for a test. It may be as complicated as helping them respond to strife in the home, or to parents they feel do not love them. Being helpful means tuning in to other people’s needs and troubles.

Victory Christian School is available to grades K3-12th. It is accredited by the Oklahoma State Department of Education, AdvancED, and the International Christian Accrediting Association. For more information about the school and its second semester enrollment, visit www.vcstulsa.org or call 918-491-7720.

4. Practice love, acceptance and forgiveness. Obviously, not every person you encounter will be perfect. They are human, just like you. When they fall short of your expectations, minister, love, acceptance and forgiveness. 5. Accent the positive. Society tends to encourage us to put people down, spending a lot of time addressing their shortcomings, weaknesses, and limitations. Want to be different? Spend your time reinforcing the positive. Praise is a powerful force. Dr. Demuth has spent his career in education pouring positive teaching into the lives of his students. But all of us can learn from his lessons. Like the Golden Rule, they are based upon Biblical truths that stand the test of time. Mom taught you right. Isn’t it time you apply the Golden Rule to your life? Victory Christian School is a special place. Their stated purpose is to provide a quality Christian education without compromising the Word of God, in an environment where students will experience maximum success. Here, students learn to live by the Word of God, be led by the Spirit of God, and reach out to others with the Love of God.

why should Vcs Be your school? the distinct advantage of Victory is its full range of quality programs at one of the best prices in the greater Metropolitan tulsa community. Begun in 1979, Vcs is one of the most diverse christian schools in the nation offering balanced quality programs in the arts, Music, academics, athletics, and spiritual life. • spirit-filled, charismatic, word of faith emphasis. • art (all grade levels), Music programs. • access to modern technology including the classroom Performance system, smartBoards, and new Portable science computer lab. • after-school supervision, extended care, or study hall for all grade levels – ideal for working parents. • ossaa—Victory is part of the oklahoma secondary schools activity association, providing an opportunity to compete for district and state championships in music, art, drama, academics, and sports with public schools. • health services with certified school nurse. • small class sizes. special remedial options for students needing academic help. and Much More!

it is not too late to make the switch to Victory christian school. contact the school for our second semester discount special.

Victory christian school now enrollinG! K3-12th Grade | 7700 S. Lewis Ave., Tulsa OK 74136 918.491.7720 // vcstulsa.org

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celebrate recovery

Strength to

Change by blythe fowler

eople all around the world celebrate the New Year holiday. And while the manner in which the event is observed varies due to religious, social and cultural differences, some commonalities exist. Casting off the old year and rejoicing in the arrival of a new one, resolutions are made to start doing good things or stop doing bad things beginning on New Year’s Day. Another common thread of this holiday is the inability of people to keep their resolutions – often breaking their promises just a few days into the New Year. This sparks a compound question: Why is it so hard to do the things we purposefully set out to do and so easy to do the things we purpose to stop?

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There is none more important than my relationship with God and my heart grieves over the hardships I inflicted upon others in search of an intimate connection with Him; for I knew not that only He could satisfy the hunger and deep yearnings gnawing within my soul. Principle 1 of Celebrate Recovery/CR begins with this statement: Realize I’m not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing... The great Apostle Paul recognized

The weakest man can experience the power of the Son of God once he is willing to let go. Any strand of self energy will blur the life of Jesus. We have to keep letting go, and slowly and surely the great full life of God will invade us in every part and men will know that we have been with Jesus. -Oswald Chambers being powerless over his actions and described the internal conflict between failing to do the things he wanted to do and doing instead the things he did not want to do in Romans 7:15-25. Paul was not weak-willed or unfocused; he was powerless and fighting a spiritual battle. His flesh was struggling with sin – doing things he detested rather than good things he intended. A lot of us can relate to the intense turmoil within Paul and until we stand in Jesus’ presence, we will continue to experience spiritual battles. The only way to win is to admit our powerlessness, turn to Jesus Christ and surrender to Him. The correlating Beatitude for CR’s Principle 1 is “Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor.” (Matthew 5:3) In this verse Jesus declares that people who see there is nothing good in them, know they’re spiritually bankrupt and lost in sin, are blessed because they’re at their lowest condition and recognize their need for Him. So just by coming out of denial of sin in our lives and admitting our need for a power greater than self to control our thoughts and actions, we position ourselves to win spiritual battles (every time) through surrender to Christ. There is immeasurable strength available through surrender. Oswald Chambers, an early twentieth-century evangelist and teacher wrote, “The weakest man can experience the power of the Son of God once he is willing to let go. Any strand of self energy will blur the life of Jesus. We have to keep letting go, and slowly and surely the great full life of God will invade us in every part and men will know that we have been with Jesus.” Surrender and letting go does not come naturally; it takes courage, perseverance, prayer for godly desires, and faith in the One to whom we release our grip and surrender. 2014 begins the 8th year of my earnest intent to practice Celebrate Recovery’s core principles daily. Resolve as I may to diligently apply these principles, I find myself doing the very things I purpose not to do and failing to do what I know is right. Time spent in God’s Word taught me to recognize this as a spiritual battle and CR taught me the steps to take toward victory, one day at a time. Learning to accept that I can’t and that He can and will

when I let go and let Him, completely changed my life and every relationship I have for the best. There is none more important than my relationship with God and my heart grieves over the hardships I inflicted upon others in search of an intimate connection with Him; for I knew not that only He could satisfy the hunger and deep yearnings gnawing within my soul. And though I knew Jesus (kind of ) for many years, it was on the road to recovery that He met me with an offer to win my spiritual battles. Apart from Jesus I can do no good thing; standing on His promise to never leave or forsake me, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Phil 4:13) The Christ-centered Celebrate Recovery program is about Jesus recovering our relationships - with Him, our heavenly Father, the Holy Spirit, self, and others. Most people, Believers in Jesus Christ included, have no recognition of their need for recovery. Here is little test to discover if you do: Put your hands up and praise the Lord from whom all blessings flow. Keep your hands up and surrender to Him - all that you are, were and want to be. If it’s difficult to raise your hands very high, pride could be blinding you to the truth of God’s provision in your life, you’re relying on self and denying Him as the Source. Another reason hands can’t reach high is binding to the past and help is needed to break free. Participation in Celebrate Recovery will open your eyes and set you free. CR is not a cult to which one clings – it’s a community of people traveling along the same road and applying core principles that bring victory in spiritual battle. There are 32 CR ministries located in Eastern Oklahoma and a Celebrate Recovery gathering can be found every night of the week. Find one today and get on the road to recovery. You will be changed. www.celebraterecovery.com/ find-a-group/usa-oklahoma Your questions or comments about CR are welcome; please contact the author of this article directly to share: bfowlerb@cox.net

Celebrate Recovery is a biblical and balanced program that helps us overcome our hurts, hang-ups, and habits. It is based on the actual words of Jesus rather than psychological theory. 20 years ago, Saddleback Church launched Celebrate Recovery with 43 people. It was designed as a program to help those struggling with hurts, habits and hang-ups by showing them the loving power of Jesus Christ through a recovery process. Celebrate Recovery has helped more than 17000 people at Saddleback, attracting over 70% of its members from outside the church. Eighty-five percent of the people who go through the program stay with the church and nearly half serve as church volunteers.

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moore funeral home

Tragedy Really Can Have a Silverlining

Introducing a Book, Video and Small Group Study by Dr. T. David Willets

avid Willets cracked opened the door into his dark house. The quiet consumed him, weighing down on his shoulders as if he was carrying an immense burden. He remembers thinking of the irony that the room should be so silent, so deadly silent. It was supposed to be full of laughter, talking and fun and either his wife, daughter or both were supposed to be there to greet him, but not tonight, not anymore. David walked into the bedroom, gave way to his anguish and collapsed on the floor. In his pain, he cried out, charging God with placing more on him than he could bear. It had been three weeks since he heard the tragic news that both his wife and daughter were killed in an automobile accident. While heading to Tulsa from their home in Louisiana, they had run into a thunderstorm. The car hydroplaned across the median and into an oncoming car. Reports later informed him that his wife had died immediately and his eighteen year-old daughter died on the way to

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the hospital. The funeral was now over and it was up to David to pick up the pieces of his shattered life. “God, if you don’t show up, I am going to despair,” David cried out in the darkness. “It wasn’t a suicidal thought. I never considered that, although it is not at all uncommon for someone experiencing deep grief. But as I laid there, God did show up, not as a vision or a voice for that matter, but He was there and His message was clear, ‘I know you are sinking, but understand this, I will not be moved.’” To some, God’s answer doesn’t sound very comforting, but somehow David knew exactly what He meant. “Fix your eyes on me and take hold of me, because I will not be moved,” God said. Through his tears, David answered back with the prayer of Job. “Though you slay me, yet will I trust in you.” “At that point, I felt tremendous affirmation and peace that God would forever be more real to me than ever before. And I would

trust Him,” David now recalls. The tragedy hit the front page of the Tulsa paper. David and his entire family were loved here. After serving 18 years as the senior pastor at Parkview Baptist Church, he had left just a year earlier to take on a large church in Louisiana. March 4th, Tulsans grieved the news along with David. Throughout his career, David had counseled hundreds of grieving people. He had told them all the right doctrine, that sin had entered the world and that tragedy was a result of that sin. But now, David sees God in a different light. He doesn’t apologize for God. Instead, he recognizes the sovereignty of God. “God either does things or allows them to happen with a greater picture that we can’t see, but He can. And I am convinced that the picture He sees is so beautifully complex that he takes everything, even the most traumatic things of life that we don’t understand, and makes good out of them.” And though a minute doesn’t go by that he doesn’t miss his wife and daughter, David does see a Silverlining to cling to. After eight years of sorting out his own grief, he began a book, video and study series designed to help people through theirs. It is a role he never anticipated, but now sees as a major portion of his ministry. He explains that grief is absolutely necessary and is a gift from God. He says that until people allow themselves to face and work through the grief, they can’t lead a normal life. “Hanging onto the pain is the most unhealthy thing you can do. God has given us grief

as a mechanism to cleanse us from the pain,” he insists. David’s book and small group study series is called Silverlining. Its six sessions are designed to guide the student into dealing with something he refers to as the Grief Monster. The series is quickly becoming one of the most popular study series on the subject of grief. Just released last June, 31 churches, funeral homes, hospice groups and retirement centers are now using it and many churches have added it to their Sunday night or Wednesday night curriculum. Moore Funeral Home has adopted it as their most important aftercare program. “Dr. Willet’s Silverlining grief workshop has been an answer to my prayer. For years I’ve been looking for a concise, clear, Christian based program I could offer our families who have experienced a loss. This program has provided help, hope, and healing,” said Elaine Moore Jones. Moore & Fitgerald Funeral Services will be continuing this free service to the Tulsa community. Silverlining Grief workshop, 4 P.M. to 5 P.M., every Tuesday, Moore’s Southlawn Chapel, 9350 East 51st, Tulsa, OK 74145. Call 918-663-2233 for details. All materials are provided. All are welcome. To purchase the Silverlining small group packets including the book, study guide and videos, go to www.silverlining.ws. And to sign up for one of the classes held by Moore Funeral Home, you may call 918-663-2233.

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unite my city W I T H

MOLLIE MYERS

A Gentle TOUCH It’s the fact that there are people who show up every day and love on these kids. Yes, we spend meaningful academic time with them, but most importantly – we spend time with them. We serve as cheerleaders and supporters who speak strong words of encouragement into their lives. And, we back that up with solid teachers and solid curriculum to help make sure they have the best chance of success.

TOUCH is an acronym for Tulsans Operating in Unity Creating Hope. Great name. Great group.

TOUCH is innovatively involved in promoting unity and creating hope in at-risk communities by tirelessly finding ways to bring transformation to those living there. KJ Jackson is the director of this organization that is strategically involved in after school education and apartment complexes. Currently, TOUCH is working in Mark Twain Elementary and Central Junior High School. TOUCH is the first non-education organization to receive the grant for 21st Century education ($1,000,000) based on their excellent record of not just supplying enrichment for children after school, but providing the needed human factor that helps students become lovers of learning that propels them on to success. TOUCH is able to track where the students start and where they end up at the close of the school year and the results are impressive. So impressive that the Department of Education paid TOUCH a visit to find out just why they were so successful. KJ’s response? “It’s the fact that there are people who show up every day and love on these kids. Yes, we spend meaningful academic time with them, but most importantly – we spend time with them. We serve as cheerleaders and supporters who speak strong words of encouragement into their lives. And, we back that up with solid teachers and solid curriculum to help make sure they have the best chance of success.”

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TOUCH is also involved in providing social services at several apartment complexes around town and in the process these complexes are becoming communities. Though TOUCH is a community based organization, they strongly seek church partnerships to find ways to address the fundamental needs of targeted communities with emphasis on educating and supporting physical, emotional, intellectual, environmental, and social aspects of the members in that community. This approach is poised to grant the Church both a tremendous avenue and access directly into the lives of those who so desperately need a transforming touch. TOUCH is one of the key partners in bringing about the P61 After School Program that is a collaborative effort between various community organizations including TOUCH, ORU, Unite My City, a growing list of churches, Tulsa Public Schools, and several businesses. This area is in critical need of the hands and feet of Christ and TOUCH is playing a significant role in paving the way for that to happen in a comprehensive and collaborative way. P H O T O C O U R T E S Y O F aussie m an 0 2

ABOUT UNITE MY CITY Unite My City exists to foster a sense of unity in the Body of Christ and is pleased to feature TOUCH, Inc., a registered 501 (c) 3, and its efforts to foster and promote both unity and hope in our city. For more information on becoming involved with TOUCH, please visit their website at http://touchtulsa.org/ or contact KJ or Kimberly Jackson by phone at (888) 370-5444. TOUCH is open to partner with as many churches as possible and welcomes inquiries.

GoWorkPlan

Learn to Minister in the Workplace

oWorkPlan™ conference and Lunch is set for a 2nd annual event, Wednesday January 29th at the iconic pavilion at EXPO Square from 8:30 – 3:00. GoWorkPlan™ conference & lunch fosters productivity, increases meaningful workplace activity and moves the great commission thru the workplace. The conference was titled last year, Faith & Work. Norm Miller, Chairman of Interstate Batteries, and well known for his sponsorship of the Interstate Batteries #18 Nascar®, will be the keynote lunch speaker. Many other nationally known speakers and presenters will fill the 8:30 a.m – 3:00 p.m. schedule. (Norm’s picture attached (wish I could find one of the car too) Corporate tables, individual floor seats, reserved stadium seats, are available at $39, $19, and $9 as well as free tickets from sponsors and online at www.GoWorkPlan.com GoWorkPlan™ will educate local workers about how faith and work benefits a company, associates and the local community.

Conference topics include: •

Relief & Rest at Work: Increase productivity and loyalty thru less stress, less issues and addiction – free lifestyles. • Is Work Sacred? • Corporate Abundance: Are your workers’ children and other family members affecting your bottom line • Creating an environment for the great commission at work • Not on Sunday and not at church…….. where it really happens. • Prayer Works • Money Works Members of the GoWorkPlan™ leadership committee work in all facets of business and industry in the Tulsa area, including the oilfield, banking, finance, education, printing, technology, communication, retail, commerce, media, sales, health care, manufacturing, supply chain, roofing, construction, investment, delivery, transportation, hospitality, government and more. Co hosting the GoWorkPlan™ Conference and Lunch will be the local Influencers organization; men and women who recently provided volunteers for the Promise Keepers® conference in Tulsa. Influencers focus on building relationships, workplace mentoring, and facilitating a nine month bi-weekly study of scripture called the Journey. Bryan Craig, local businessman and president of Sigma Sales, leads the Influencers local organization and the Tulsa

Men of Christ. Jim Schmidt, leads the GoWorkPlan™ Conference & Lunch committee. Schmidt works as an executive salesman for Spectrum Tracer Services, a local oilfield service company. Schmidt, a member of the Oilfield Christian Fellowship Tulsa chapter, which sparked this conference last year, is excited about the companies benefitting from the conference. “It’s not fair that so few companies like Chic-Fil-A, Hobby Lobby, and Interstate Batteries have all the fun when it comes to faith at work”, Schmidt said lightheartedly. “The more the merrier” Gary Shotton, owner of Auto-Turn Manufacturing,Inc. of Broken Arrow and president of Global Business Success Foundation, a business missions trip organization had key takeaways from the conference last year. Shotton offered his machinists/employees the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University. He also hired a marketplace chaplain. “These have been such a benefit to our company, said Shotton. Interstate Batteries Chairman Norm Miller, a leader in faith at work, began his career after graduating from North Texas State. Miller is also the co founder of I Am Second (www.iamsecond. com) Bill Peel, founder of the Center for Faith & Work at LeTourneau University will return to Tulsa to give key insights and equip workers on how work matters and how the workplace is strategic in enabling coworkers to find hope, help and healing in a battered and fragmented society. Peel is in the business of closing the gap between Sunday faith and Monday work. For more than 25 years, he coached thousands of men and women to uncover their calling and to grasp their work’s importance to God. “God’s at work in the workplace”, says Peel. Brad Dacus, President of Pacific Justice Institute will speak about workplace freedom of speech. Dacus formed an all volunteer legal defense league to help Americans maintain their rights at work and at school. Visit http://www.pacificjustice.org Other speakers are slated. Seating is limited so online registration is highly recommended at www.goworkplan.com registration includes a light breakfast, lunch and free parking at the fairgrounds. You can also call 918259-5000

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grace hospice

AVA HANCOCK

Question: One of our New Year’s resolutions is to get all of our medical papers and documents in order and that includes looking at a living will. We have heard about them but I am not clear what it is or how it works. Can you please explain? recommend you keep the original with you and provide copies to your physicians and family members. One note: there were changes to the Oklahoma law in 2006, so anyone who filled out an Advance Directive before then will need to create a new one. Having these documented will allow you and your family to relax and your loved ones will know what to do when the time comes. At Grace Hospice, we can help as well. Just call us at 918-7557223.

living will is one of two main “Advance Directives” which will speak for you in the event you are not able to communicate your wishes clearly to you loved ones. Having this document is actually a gift to your loved ones and I encourage everyone to have one and to discuss it with their family and friends. You are not alone: according to the American Psychological Association, only 25% of Americans actually have a living will. This medical directive allows you to document your wishes concerning medical treatments at the end of life. Before a living well can go into effect, two physicians must certify that you are unable to make medical decisions. In addition, you must have a medical condition covered by the state’s living will law. The other type of Advance Directive is a “medical power of attorney” which can also be called a “healthcare proxy” This will allow you to appoint a person you trust as your healthcare agent, or surrogate decision maker, who is authorized to make medical decisions on your behalf. Before a medical power of attorney goes into effect a person’s physician must conclude that they are unable to make their own medical decisions. In addition, if a person regains the ability to make decisions, the agent cannot continue to act on the person’s behalf. Both of these Advance Directives require two witnesses eighteen years or older not named in your will or related to you. You do not need an attorney or any other “official” person to fill it out for you, you can download the form and fill it out yourself. I

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AVA HANCOCK, , MS, LCSW Executive Director, Grace Hospice

Ava is Executive Director of Grace Hospice of Oklahoma. Grace Hospice is the largest independent hospice in Northeastern Oklahoma. Ava has been with Grace Hospice for more than 10 years and was named Executive Director in 2010 where she leads a staff of more than 80 employees. Ava received a Master’s Degree in Clinical Social Work and Health Care from the University of Houston. She’s a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and a trained Executive Leader for hospice through the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization (NHPCO). She is also a volunteer and board member of the Case Management Society of America. Ava also volunteers with the P.E.O. Sisterhood as the State Educational Loan Fund Chairman for Oklahoma, assisting women in furthering their educational goals. Ava’s an avid supporter of animal rescue and is the Foster Coordinator and a board member of Great Plains Mastiff Rescue.

Because every moment counts...

Grace Hospice helps you embrace every moment. We provide expert medical care and counseling services to our patients including: � Nursing services 24 hours/7 days a week � Medications related to the terminal illness � Pain and symptom management � Emotional, spiritual and bereavement counseling � Family support services for friends and family Grace Hospice serves all of Northeastern Oklahoma. Please call 918-744-7223 to learn how we can help you and your family.

Phone (918) 744-7223 • Toll Free (800) 659-0307 www.gracehospice.com Not affiliated with Grace Living Centers.

marriages that last

BY DR. KEVIN NIEMAN

What if tomorrow was today?

’ve just now barely gotten used to writing 2013 on my checks and it is already time to readjust to the New Year’s expectations of changing the 3 to a 4. Sounds simple enough but I’ll struggle with it for several months. Every year millions of people make New Year’s resolutions vowing to either stop or start some form of behavior. Webster’s defines resolution this way: “to break into separate parts & analyze; to change, transform or cause to decide.” Though I question the steadfastness of many while making New Year’s resolutions, I appreciate the desire to bring about change. For many the proverbial “I’ll start Monday” mentality cripples even the best of us. For many, the New Year helps to break through the “I’ll start Monday” mentality and actually helps to formulate an official start date. After reviewing many polls of the most common resolutions, spending more time with family and friends overwhelmingly appeared to be at the top of the list. Spending more time with family would seem so simple; however, at times it’s as difficult as to remember writing a 4 instead of a 3 and before you know it another year passes. Most of the year we are either focusing on what happened in the past or what we hope to happen in the future. Rarely are we living in the present and experiencing contentment. New Year’s has a way to connect both dimensions and in some crazy way produces moments of clarity. We set our sights on a particular day of allowing our “Monday” to appear. Suddenly, we are doing things we have only talked about doing for who knows how long. The consistent delay of change has come to an end and action has taken its place. What if tomorrow was today? What if you stopped wishing you had more time with your spouse and kids and actually did something to create more time? What would it look like if you see your wife dressed beautifully and instead of keeping the thought to yourself, you tell her that she’s the most beautiful woman walking? What difference would it make if you shared your appreciation

Most of the year we are either focusing on what happened in the past or what we hope to happen in the future. Rarely are we living in the present and experiencing contentment. New Year’s has a way to connect both dimensions and in some crazy way produces moments of clarity. We set our sights on a particular day of allowing our “Monday” to appear. Suddenly, we are doing things we have only talked about doing for who knows how long. The consistent delay of change has come to an end and action has taken its place. toward your husband for his hard work, for providing you and the kids with so much? What changes could be made in your marriage if you put your spouse’s needs ahead of your own? What would it mean for your son or daughter to hear you tell them how proud you are of them and how much you love them? For many of us, these questions/situations are very common and quite simple, yet we forget the put the 4 instead of the 3. As 2014 begins to pick up speed don’t wait to start tomorrow. Remember to slow down and take action today. Cornerstone Christian Counseling Services wishes you a prosperous new year. Please call on us if we can assist you in any way. Dr. Kevin Nieman, LMFT Cornerstone Christian Counseling Services Cornerstone Christian Counseling Services is proud to announce that we are now in our newly remodeled offices. We are also pleased to announce that our new website www. cornerstoneoftulsa.com is active. We are excited about bringing hope and healing to those hurting in our community, blending our Christian beliefs with our professionalism.

CORNERSTONE Christian Counseling Services

Let us help you get your life back on track. Call today: 918.392.4008

4930 S. Sheridan Rd.

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lose it for the kids

Lose it for the Kids! Submit a Pledge - Cheer Tom on! in helping people with eating disorders. Conducting much of her counseling around the fully equipped kitchen in the offices of Cornerstone Counseling Center at 51st and Sheridan, she teaches nutrition while helping her clients get to the root of why they eat too much or too little.

Join in the Fun!

he New Year has arrived and so has the diet…ahhh “life change.” But this year is different for Community Spirit Publisher, Tom McCloud. He has set out to… lose it for the

kids! He has put down all inhibitions and stepped up on the scales in a very public way. His goal is to lose 100 pounds as a fundraiser for some very needy kids on Tulsa’s Westside. And as he does, he is challenging Community Spirit readers to pledge money for every pound he can strip off between now and Friday night, October 3rd. “I couldn’t write the big check I would have liked to have written to Contact Mission, a wonderful ministry which targets a couple of really tough neighborhoods on the Westside. So, I decided to do something creative and healthy. I am willing to put pride on the line, be that ‘fat guy poster child’ in order to raise a significant amount of money for this ministry,” he explained. Tom has recruited some very professional help. His motivation coach is none other than America’s Biggest Loser, Danny Cahill. Danny, a Broken Arrow native, continues to hold the record for the most weight lost during a single season of The Biggest Loser television show. Danny lost an amazing 238 pounds during season 8. Along with Danny’s help, Tom will be pushed by Michael Watkins, the owner of Fitness Together locations at 97th and Riverside and Downtown at 6th and Boston. Michael is considered to be one of the most respected trainers in the Tulsa area. On the Nutrition side of the weight-loss equation, is Lindsey Nieman, professional nutritionist and counselor. Lindsay specializes

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1. First, visit www.LoseItForTheKids.com. Learn more about Tom’s effort and about the needs of the kids on the Westside. 2. Submit a pledge for every dollar Tom can lose in the 10-month period. 3. Sign up for Tom’s blog. He will be passing on everything he learns from the experts. You can apply the tips to your own weight loss effort. 4. Start your own weight loss fundraiser. You too, can… Lose it for the Kids! Set your goal, get some sponsors and raise some money for this very worthy 501(c)(3) non-profit.

Lesson One – SuperSize Makes You SuperSized! As I am writing this, the official kick-off hasn’t even happened yet. However, Lindsey Nieman is already helping me to realize that we live in a totally supersized world. The average serving at a sit down restaurant is enough to serve two to three people! At home, it is still about portion control. Having a bowl of cereal doesn’t mean you fill up a mixing bowl! And in the fast food line, although there is little of it that is actually ‘nutritious,’ it is the size that is possibly the worst thing. “Craving a quick hamburger and fries? Okay, on occasion. But the junior burger and junior fries is the right choice,” Lindsey insists. Tom’s diet? A healthy, balanced diet, avoiding sugar, processed foods and non-complex carbohydrates. Target daily calorie count of less than 2500 and lots of daily exercise.

lose your quit B Y

DANNY CAHILL

Change Your Prayers

Community Spirit is excited to have Danny Cahill as one of our featured, monthly writers. Whether you wrestle with your weight or not, you will enjoy Danny’s motivating column. We all cheered Danny on when he was on The Biggest Loser. Now, he continues to gain our applause while he shares his testimony with others. Danny loves the Lord and is not shy about telling people about Him. It is a blessing to the magazine to have his monthly article. Be sure to watch for Danny’s article each month.

hen I was 460 pounds, my health wasn’t the only casualty! My wife was suffering from Alopecia – stress induced hair loss. The strain of my addictions was bleeding into every aspect of my family! My wife was near the end of her rope, too. Think of what that means: the end of your rope. Picture yourself holding on as tight as you can, and the rope beneath you is fading away. The end is 20 feet from you; then 10 feet; then 5 feet, then 5 inches! When you get to the end of your rope, it’s all over – you fall! That is where Darci was – just an inch from letting go. She was confused. She’d cry out to God, “God, what do I do? Please change him! Please change his heart! Help him to see that his weight is killing all of us!” But nothing seemed to work, and in the process of her prayers and stress she was losing her hair. On the highway between Dallas and Tulsa, she again cried out to God. “I don’t know what to do! You’ve got to throw me a bone here God!” Then she heard an answer: “Darci, don’t do anything. Give him to me. Take care of you, Darci.” She said it was as if a ton of weight was lifted from her shoulders. She breathed a sigh of relief and drove home with a new calm. She realized that I wasn’t her problem to deal with – I was God’s problem. If she didn’t take care of herself, she might not have long

to live, either! Darci told me at that point her prayers completely changed! They went from “God, change Danny” and “God, show me how to tell him to change” to something a little different: “God, fulfill the plans that You have for Danny’s life. Give him the desires of his heart. Help him to realize his dreams. Your plans for Danny are what I want!” Boy did that open a floodgate! You see, Darci had enough to worry about – and my heart wasn’t the problem! God had my heart! I was in an addiction. I needed to stop trying to control everything, and submit to God’s will for my life. Darci’s hair began to return, her weight began to drop, and she took care of herself! And during that process, I began to cry out to God myself. I began to ask Him to show me the way. I couldn’t see a way – but I knew that God could. I was in the struggle, but God was in the press-box, overlooking the game and calling the plays! And if I needed to know where to go, maybe I should simply rely on Him. Well, the path of The Biggest Loser appeared, and our lives will never be the same! In fact, God gave me the scripture Genesis 50:20 before I left for The Biggest Loser. “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” You see, God not only showed me a way out, He showed me a way out that could help fulfill His purpose in my life and also the lives of millions. And just like joseph handing out the food in a famine, I find myself in charge of handing out hope to the hopeless – to people who, like me, can’t see a way out of their mess. I encourage you to pray for those in your family, your workplace, and yourself. Don’t pray for God to change them! Pray for God to fulfill His purpose in their lives. Because if God does that, we know the plans He has for us – plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

PURCHASE DANNY’S NEW BOOK AT THEDANNYCAHILL.COM

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the heart of the matter

DENIECE ADSIT

The Instructions The LORD said to Moses, “Come up to me on the mountain and stay here, and I will give you the tablets of stone with the law and commandments I have written for their instruction.” (Exodus 24:12 NIV) From the beginning, God had a plan for His story to be told, for His instructions to be passed along, initially as tablets of stone given to Moses to be read to the people. Later as the Israelites settled in the land they had been promised, they were given a king.

young boy walked into the room holding a box not much larger than a deck of cards. He emptied the contents of the box in front of me – 45 very small pieces of metal and plastic. He then brought me a very tiny screw driver and wrench saying, “Here, you’re gonna need these.” When I asked him what he wanted me to do with them, he showed me the front of the box and said, “Make it look like this.” On the cover of the box was the image of a three-wheeler, and all these pieces properly put together would result in a three-wheeler approximately three or four inches long. My first thought was…Oh this would be so much easier if I had the instructions! The box clearly stated that this toy was designed for children six and older. In reality it took hours for an experienced machine shop assembler and a mechanic to put it together, even with the limited instructions that were included. It could be accomplished but it would require a lot of studying the design, and even greater perseverance to keep trying. When we choose to become a follower of Christ, we sometimes find ourselves living out that same concept. We have a picture in our minds of how a Christian should look when completely assembled. We have our common sense (the innate, rational part of us that helps us define the difference between right and wrong), and we have the ability to love (breathed into us by God as He gave us life.) These are the basic tools we were given by our creator. Now we need the detailed instructions and a lifetime to put all the pieces together.

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When he takes the throne of his kingdom, he is to write for himself on a scroll a copy of this law, taken from that of the Levitical priests. It is to be with him, and he is to read it all the days of his life so that he may learn to revere the LORD his God and follow carefully all the words of this law and these decrees and not consider himself better than his fellow Israelites and turn from the law to the right or to the left. Then he and his descendants will reign a long time over his kingdom in Israel. (Deuteronomy 17:18-20 NIV) Having an image in our minds as a goal to what we want to become is a good thing, but even the best Christian examples around us only show us the product of reading and following the instructions. They do not show us every step along the way that has developed them into the inspiration they have become. It is up to each of us to read the instructions. And even if we do everything right, and read the instructions daily, it will take us a lifetime to become the person God has designed us to be. ABOUT DENIECE Deniece has a passion to minister to women. You are going to grow to love her and the way she tells stories, always getting to the real heart of the matter.

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