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GOLF GUIDE

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LO O K B E T T E R • F E E L B E T T E R • K N OW M O R E M AY 2 0 1 3

CLOTHES, GADGETS, SHOES, CLUBS

SHARPFORMEN.COM

“THE MEDIA HAS FAILED”

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THE INVINCIBLE

CONTENTS MAY 2013 | VOL.6 | ISSUE 2

FEATURES 66

IRON MAN How Robert Downey Jr. made a second-tier superhero into a box-office legend.

96

JAMES DEAN’S LAST DRIVE Contemplating fame, rebellion and speed in the new Porsche Boxster S.

102

THE STYLISH ANGLER This season’s coolest casual wear is rugged, classic and fit for a day in the backwoods.

STANDARDS

GOLF GUIDE 74

BUBBA WATSON’S FREAK SHOW The PGA’s harddriving class clown is ready to branch out.

78

HIGH STYLE ON THE BACK NINE Amp up your style game with these hot looks for the links.

88

THE GEAR REPORT Tee off with this year’s slickest clubs, sunglasses, shoes and tech.

92

DAVID HEARN Talking game with Canada’s next big PGA hope.

12

EDITOR’S LETTER

20 24

MAN ABOUT TOWN

112

BRAND DIRECTORY

114

RANK & FILE 14 SHARPFORMEN.COM / MAY 2013

HOW TO WIN AT GOLF STYLE pg. 78

P H O T O : M AT T B A R N E S

LETTERS

CONTENTS

56

HEALTH Workout tips from a man with million-dollar abs.

GUIDE 30

THE FIRST THING Ditch the 10-dollar umbrella for good.

33

A MAN WORTH LISTENING TO Conrad Black takes on America.

58

STYLE

40

WOMEN How Tina Fey and her ilk became the thinking man’s sex symbol.

42

FILM

38

Say goodbye to Kirk’s Utopian future: the newest Star Trek is the grittiest yet.

Julia Voth: Zombie Killer.

44

40

A WELCOME INTRODUCTION

SHARP’S STATE OF NERDOM ADDRESS From business to fashion to (obviously) technology, nerds are a force to be reckoned with. Here’s why.

48

SPORT It’s the playoffs, time to actually enjoy hockey.

50

The linen suit, the return of the boutonnière and a primer on the preppy surfer look. Plus: cycling fashion for the urban commuter.

62

GROOMING Gym bag essentials for the sporty man.

AUTOMOBILES

63

WATCHES

Five hot new gadgets to geek out over.

Sedans may be the oldest form of automobile, but they’re still worth getting excited about.

Yachting chronos: say hello to the diving watch’s sophisticated sibling.

46

52

64

The lean man’s guide to drinking.

Six perfect reasons to travel on two wheels.

A man, a boy and a pirate ship bunk bed.

TECH

VICES

16 SHARPFORMEN.COM / MAY 2013

MOTORCYCLES

DAD SKILLS: CARPENTRY

P H O T O B Y: FA U B E L + C H R I S T E N S E N / S H I N . L I N E N S H I R T ( $ 6 3 0 ) A N D T W I L L D U N G A R E E S ( $ 7 9 0 ) B Y LO U I S V U I T T O N ; C L A R K F O R K M E S H V E S T ( $ 4 5 ) A N D F I S H I N G R O D ( $ 1 8 5 ) B Y R E D I N G T O N ; C A N VA S A N D L E AT H E R T O T E B A G ( $ 3 7 0 ) B Y L E V I ’ S M A D E & C R A F T E D ; W W 1 A R G E N T I U M WAT C H ( $ 5,9 0 0 ) B Y B E L L & R O S S .

MAY 2013 | VOL. 6 | ISSUE 2

05.13

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LONDON UNDERCOVER

$195 at Club Monaco

Win this

U M B R E LLA

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If there’s one thing Brits know well—better even than tea, tweeds, jangly guitar rock and dry humour—it’s rain. The UK’s drizzly climate birthed such rainwear icons as the trench coat and the Wellington boot, and now the British design virtuosi at London Undercover have found a way to make something as staid and perfunctory as an umbrella veritably cool. Fashioned by hand in London from the finest materials, this is a bumbershoot worthy of an English gent. Standing beneath its searing orange canopy, you’ll feel dashing, sophisticated and, most importantly, dry.

30 SHARPFORMEN.COM / MAY 2013

Need the perfect trench to go with this umbrella? Visit Sharpformen.com/category/style/

Culture | GUIDE

Netflix Is Killing It These Days

AND BY ‘IT,’ WE MEAN TELEVISION. AND THAT’S A GOOD THING.

BY GREG HUDSON

>

OTHER THAN PERHAPS STREET corner drug dealers, has there ever been a capitalistic endeavour more attuned to the demands of its customers than Netflix? More than any other content provider (is there a more romantic phrase than that? Content provider: it just melts off the tongue), the movie/television streaming service knows and gives—and has the power to give— cinephilic couch potatoes exactly what they want. It’d be easy to say that it’s because Netflix are fans ( just like us!), but it’s more

likely that they are just the first service to really get it. And getting it means more money for them.

In February, we had the first taste of what Netflix could do with their original programming. House of Cards was like a prestige TV watcher’s wet dream: film heavyweights Kevin Spacey and David Fincher tackle the dark side of American politics. The West Wing meets Richard III. And—because the trend in viewers has shifted towards consuming series in all-out binges—it was available for immediate consumption.

And that’s just the beginning.

This spring brings more proof that the future of TV looks like Netflix. First, Hemlock Grove, a new horror series—a genre that, at least before the confounding American Horror Story, was a tricky sell on television—from the mind of mad genius Eli Roth. It mixes the mystery of a small-town murder with supernatural elements that are all the rage these days (read: werewolves.) That it also stars the esoteric beauties Penelope Mitchell and Freya Tingley doesn’t hurt. Netflix can target a relatively small but strong audience the same way cable can—think genre fare normally broadcast on Space—except they have network-sized budgets and enough clout to bring in marquee names. Hello, Mr. Roth.

And speaking of clout, this month marks the glorious return of Arrested Development. It’s a series that, if you aren’t unhealthily excited for its release, that’s only because you have stubbornly resisted for years friends’ urges to watch it. But, Arrested Development is the perfect example of how these Netflix nerds work. They recognize their consumer base is chock full of fans, fans who care more about satisfying their itch to watch than what anyone around a proverbial water cooler might be saying. They know that these fans are hungry, and if they can feed that hunger, they’ll be loyal.

And, so, we are. Take that Must See TV.

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JUNE/JULY

GUIDE | Women A WE L C OM E I N T R ODU CTIO N

Julia Voth

ZOMBIE SLAYER

BY GRADY MITCHELL

WHILE MODELING in Japan when she was 15, Saskatchewan prairie girl Julia Voth was cast as the face and body of Jill Valentine, the hero of the hugely popular Resident Evil videogames.

On the one hand, that meant at any given time, Voth is somewhere killing zombies.

On the other hand, it opened up whole new worlds for sibling bullying. “Of course, my brothers would walk me straight into a zombie,” she says. “They liked to kill me in really gross ways.” You’ll see her next in Package Deal on City wherein Voth plays a beautiful woman who tries to wrest the love of her life away from his brothers, who are definitely deadbeats, but not, thankfully, undead. After years ratcheting up a pretty hefty body count in videogames, comedy is a nice change. “The first show, I heard the audience laughing, and I realized, ‘They’re laughing at me’; I was super validated in my career.”

We’d call that moving up in the world.

38 SHARPFORMEN.COM / MAY 2013

For more Welcome Introductions, visit Sharpformen.com/category/women/

PHOTO: CHRISTOPHER KILKUS/C ONTOUR BY GET T Y IMAGES

>

GUIDE | Tech

1.

Lehmann Aviation LA100 UAV Drone (1)

Get your recon on with this automated carbon-fibre flying machine, capable of running five-minute surveillance missions at heights up to 100 m. Frozen tundra or sweltering desert, this durable mini-drone will deliver breathtaking aerial footage and look badass doing it. $1,320

Velocity Micro VSC455 V8 Tesla GPU Workstation (2)

A genuine supercomputer brought down to desk level; this custom machine is packing dual hexa-core processors, up to 144 GB RAM and up to 4 Tesla Kepler GPUs. In other words, about triple the specs you’ll ever need unless you’re mapping molecules in your spare time. Excessive? Certainly, but undeniably enticing. From $7,195

The Sophisticated Nerd FIVE GIZMOS THAT LET YOU GEEK OUT WITHOUT LOSING YOUR COOL

BY MATT CURRIE

IDEALLY, your gadgets—much like your clothes, car and wristwatch—exude a certain refined sensibility.

On occasion, though, especially in the realm of tech toys, it’s healthy to indulge the nerd within. Just so long as you do so with dignity, and not a fountain pen shaped like Dr. Who’s sonic screwdriver.

LaCie Blade Runner External Hard Drive (3)

3D Systems CubeX 3D Printer (4)

Word documents and colour pictures? Please. Full-blown coffee mugs, smartphone cases, socket wrenches—that’s the kind of stuff the CubeX 3D printer spits out. Fact: it’s impossible to discuss 3D printers without making a Star Trek replicator reference. And this particular gizmo is the closest thing yet to the one in Picard’s ready room. $2,500

MYO GestureControl Armband (5)

Tom Cruise’s gesture interface in Minority Report must have been the inspiration for this remote of the future, which reacts to electrical impulses in your muscles to control tablets, PCs and more with the flick of a finger. Finally, enjoy hands-free dominion over all things digital. $150

2.

The 4 TB of storage and speedy USB 3.0 interface you can find anywhere; you choose the Blade Runner because it looks like it was ripped right out of the classic Ridley Scott film. Designer Philippe Starck evokes the dystopian future, complete with flying cars and sexy androids, in this rigid aluminum shell. $300

3.

4.

5.

44 SHARPFORMEN.COM / MAY 2013

The future is here! For more nerd-approved gadgets, visit Sharpformen.com/category/cars-tech/

GUIDE | Automobiles

Sedan Special!

LIKE A WELL-CUT SUIT, A GOOD SEDAN IS ALWAYS IN FASHION. IT’S THE OLDEST SHAPE IN MOTORING, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN IT CAN’T BE SURPRISING.

BY MATT BUBBERS

2014 MERCEDES-BENZ E63 AMG

>

NOT EVEN AN APOCALYPTIC CASE OF FOOD POISONING COULD KEEP me from driving the new E63 AMG up a mountain in Spain. I admit, my condition did slow our progress somewhat, but the revised AMG with its new 4Matic all-wheel drive system was more than capable of making up for lost time.

One of AMG’s earliest sedans was called the Hammer, and the metaphor seems to apply to every car they’ve done since. To drive the new E63 is to wield an almighty hammer: grip the steering wheel and feel the heft; take a deep breath and wind up 5.5-litres of biturbo V8; and bring it down upon the unsuspecting road. Then, feel the earth shake. So it has been, and so it shall always be with AMG. Amen.

Standard AWD on the E63 just makes this mighty hammer much easier to control for those of us not named Thor.

ENGINE: A welcome addition—don’t listen to the so-called enthusiasts 5.5-LITRE, who chant rear-drive or no-drive. On a two-tonne machine TWIN-TURBO V8 with 531 ft-lb of torque built to transport your loved ones, POWER: anything but all-wheel drive would be gross negligence on 550 HP, 531 the part of the engineers. (We’d bet our shiny red toolbox the LB-FT TORQUE next BMW M5 will go all-wheel drive as well.)

If the E63 sounds like a high-tech muscle car, that’s GEARBOX: 7-SPEED AUTO because it is. But—and this is what we love about a good AVAILABILITY: sedan—it’s understated and formal enough that nobody SUMMER will take you for a man-child. (No offence to the muscle car PRICE: crowd, but you know what you are). Besides, not even the $108,000 (EST.) Americans can make a V8 engine sound this good.

SPECS

50 SHARPFORMEN.COM / MAY 2013

THE COVETED MACHINE 1998 BMW M5

The sedan world, like classical music or literature, has its masters. They come along maybe once-in-a-lifetime and make everything that came before look old fashioned, tired, boring, flawed. The ’98 M5 was masterful in that sense.

With a V8 built like a Swiss watch, a perfectly balanced chassis, and a timeless style that will surely become iconic in decades to come, it remains a high watermark for the automobile.

Everything about it was in harmony. A future classic, mark my words. – MB

Automobiles | GUIDE

2014 AUDI S6

Imagine the force between two opposing magnets. The brief for Audi’s S Models is to find a way to force together two such repellant forces: performance and comfort.

Never the two shall meet, or so we thought.

ENGINE: But somehow the S6 always managed to combine 4.0-LITRE them: performance, with a snarling 4.0-litre, TWIN-TURBO V8 twin-turbo V8; and comfort, with ample room for POWER: four and adaptive air suspension that takes the 420 HP, 405 edge off potholes. To its bag of tricks, the new S6 LB-FT TORQUE now adds cylinder-on-demand technology, which GEARBOX: reduces fuel consumption by only using as many 7-SPEED AUTO cylinders as necessary and shutting off the rest.

AVAILABILITY: When you do want the full compliment of 420 NOW horsepower and 405 lb-ft of torque, all cylinders PRICE: instantly stand at attention. $82,300 Speeding tickets never came so comfortably.

SPECS

2014 LEXUS IS 350 RWD

People generally fall into two categories: those who love the IS, and those who have never heard of it. We suspect the all-new model is going to change that.

Thankfully, this doesn’t mean the IS has gone mainstream. That much should be obvious: just look at it. It’s like an angry origami interpretation of a sedan: all sharp creases and strangely beautiful lines.

Why is it worthy of cult-like worship? In a word: handling. These are the same engineers who brought the LFA supercar into the world. Even on a race ENGINE: track, the IS remains totally 3.5-LITRE V6 composed and willing to play.

POWER: The front end turns in keenly, 306 HP, 277 and once you can see the exit, LB-FT TORQUE you can feed in the power with GEARBOX: confidence. The 3.5-litre direct8-SPEED AUTO injected V6 propels the car out AVAILABILITY: of the corner with just a tiny hint SUMMER of oversteer. They had to tear PRICE: me away from the controls at the $52,900 (EST.) end of the day.

SPECS

2014 ACURA RLX

The Boeing Dreamliner was designed from the get-go to be the smoothest thing in the sky. On the ground, that title would seem to fall to the Acura RLX. There’s nearly as much technology under the skin here as in the Boeing too. Most ENGINE: notably, the RLX steers with all four of its 3.5-LITRE V6 wheels. Now, if you ask us how exactly it does POWER: this, we’re as lost as you. But we can report it 310 HP, 272 LB-FT means this is one of the most sure-footed and TORQUE agile sedans in its class. The other highlight GEARBOX: should be obvious: those jewel-like headlights 6-SPEED AUTO with two rows of big LED lights. There’s AVAILABILITY: nothing else like that on the road.

No, the Acura’s not the sort of car you get NOW PRICE: when you want to show off. It’s the one you $49,800 (EST) get when you don’t need to show off anymore.

SPECS

For more of our sedan picks, visit Sharpformen.com/category/cars-tech/

MAY 2013 / SHARPFORMEN.COM 51

STYLE | Style Manual

WALLET REFIT Eliminate that unseemly bulge in your back pocket by downsizing to a svelte, candycoloured cardholder.

IL BISONTE, $70 AT UNIONMADE

HOOK + ALBERT, $30

PAUL SMITH, $140 AT MR. PORTER

MAKR, $110

THIS BUD’S FOR YOU

OWEN & JAMES, $15

Spruce up your sportcoat with a new-school boutonnière YOU PROBABLY REMEMBER THE LAST TIME YOU WORE a boutonnière. Chances are, you were a groom, a groomsman, or in a limo alongside eight other couples headed to a grade 12 prom. Lately, though, stylish gents have taken to donning floral accoutrements on their jackets for more casual affairs. With a handful of labels now fashioning vibrant lapel-ready flowers in felt and wool, it’s an easy, understated way to bring a hint of springtime cheer to your favourite suit or sportcoat. Trudeau would be proud.

60 SHARPFORMEN.COM / MAY 2013

JACK SPADE, $115

J AND HP, $25

THE KNOTTERY, $10

WANT LES ESSENTIELS DE LA VIE, $110

THE RAKISH RIDE

Ditch the spandex shorts this season—the next wave of cycling gear is as stylish (and office-appropriate) as it is functional JEAN GENIUS

Traditionally speaking, denim is among the worst possible fabrics for cycling. The folks at Levi’s solved this problem by reengineering their classic trucker jacket in a treated, elasticized denim that repels dirt and resists water and odors, with subtle reflective tape hits to keep you visible.

CYCLING’S SAVILE ROW

UK label Rapha helped set this whole sartorially conscious biking movement in motion a few years back, and is still leading the pack. Fashioned from a highly technical, fast-drying textile, their dress shirts boast a buttoned rear pocket and displaced shoulder seams to prevent any discomfort from your bag’s straps. RAPHA, $170

UNDERCOVER HELMET

Yakkay’s concerned-mother-approved bike helmets come cleverly disguised as modish headwear, like this dashing glen plaid number. YAKKAY, $140

LEVI’S COMMUTER, $130

FIXIE FIXATION

Fixed-gear bicycles are all the rage right now, and Felt’s sleek gunmetal version was designed with the urban sophisticate in mind. FELT, $650

POST-GRAD BOOK BAG

You won’t be able to carry your briefcase on your two-wheeler, but a grown-up, leather-trimmed backpack like this one will ensure no one mistakes you for a 10th grader.

WANT LES ESSENTIELS DE LA VIE, $440

P H O T O : PA U L I E WA X

THE PERFECT SUMMER DUFFLE Spacious enough for a weekend at the cottage, compact enough for the gym. Built from heavy-weight, waterresistant cotton duck canvas in a timeless mid-century design. The only real problem?

Having to decide which of the 13 classic maritime hues will look best slung across your shoulder all summer long.

WM. J. MILLS & CO, $140 Polish off your look with a few more perfect accessories at Sharpformen.com/cateogry/style/

STYLE | Grooming

NO SWEAT

The best stuff to keep you fresh when you play hard

BY WILLIAM REED

GO. Use that body of yours and enjoy the world. Do those things that make you live longer. You know, exercise. Work up a sweat.

Use these products to smell good while you’re doing it.

JACK BLACK TURBO WASH (AND BODY REHAB SCRUB AND MUSCLE SOAK)

While we don’t usually endorse the all-in-one convenience of goop that is meant to wash both the body and the hair, after working out, one doesn’t always have the time to groom as one normally would. Plus, this light rosemary- and eucalyptusinfused body wash is as invigorating as a post-workout wash should be.

For added benefit, use the Body Rehab Scrub to work out knots and tight muscles. $60

ALLURE HOMME SPORT

Water itself doesn’t smell like much—or if it does, it’s probably a bad sign. And yet, Homme Sport has captured the purity of water in a fragrant, appealing form. The fresh top notes are complemented by hints of wood and vetiver. It’s like a day at the lake, minus the campfire and flies. $80

KENZO SPORT

Mixing grapefruit, lemon and mint sounds like a refreshing summer beverage, but in fragrance form, it’s a perfect out-of-doors, warm-weather scent.

Kenzo takes those notes and boosts them with basenotes of cedar and ginger—which doesn’t sound like a bad cocktail garnish, actually. $80

INSTITUT KARITÉ 100% SHEA BUTTER

Composed of pure shea butter, there is nothing to dilute this product’s moisturizing power, nor is there any fragrance to distract. It doesn’t get much lighter and fresher than that. The more a man works out, and the more time he spends outside, the more he’ll need to replenish moisture. This stuff works on everything: body, hands, face and hair. $55

62 SHARPFORMEN.COM / MAY 2013

OLD SPICE PURE SPORT DEODORANT

It is impossible to compile any sort of list celebrating sport fragrances without including this icon of the genre. It’s simple, fresh and infused with enough notes of citrus and nostalgia that it almost works as a cologne, despite it being a lowly deodorant. $10

For more summer-proof grooming essentials, visit Sharpformen.com/category/style/

Timepieces | STYLE IWC

PORTUGUESE YACHT CLUB EDITION $15,800

LOUIS VUITTON

TAMBOUR REGATTA AMERICA’S CUP AUTOMATIC $11,000

ÇŞ

SEAMASTER AQUA TERRA CHRONOGRAPH $11,000

TAG HEUER

ROLEX

AQUARACER 500M CALIBER 72 COUNTDOWN CHRONOGRAPH $5,515

YACHT-MASTER II $25,450

PANERAI

REGATTA CHRONO FLYBACK $18,800

ALL HANDS ON DECK

BY ARIEL ADAMS

Find more beautiful timepieces at Timeandstyle.ca/

>

WHILE DIVE WATCHES ARE THE STANDARD FIRST WATCH FOR most men (for good reason—the right one can be worn on just about any occasion), boating watches are closely related, and can help you look more the captain as opposed to the sailor. While often aesthetically similar, the real difference is intended use: above or below water. Dive watches are chunkier and sportier, while boating watches tend to be more refined—a reflection of their destination for the wrists of yacht owners. Furthermore, within the category of boating watches are those intended for racing, which feature chronographs or specially designed countdown timers for use during formal regatta events.

Do you need to be a boating man to enjoy these? Certainly not. But if you’re looking for an excuse to buy a yacht, having the right timepiece certainly won’t hurt.

MAY 2013 / SHARPFORMEN.COM 63

GUIDE | Fatherhood

SHIPBUILDERS UNION A pirate, a carpenter and a state of emergency

BY SHAUGHNESSY BISHOP-STALL s ILLUSTRATION BY PAUL BLOW

I HAVE THIS IDEA—A PIRATE IDEA. Well, I guess it’s more of a carpenter idea, but I tend to connect more with piracy than carpentry. Also, my son Zev is really into pirates right now. He fake-limps around my apartment, growling, “Shiver me timbers!” and, “Swab the deck, matey!” And he practically never mentions carpenters (except for Jesus who, for some reason, he keeps asking me to tell him about: “Daddy, talk more about Jesus!” I usually mumble something about lepers and fish, then tell a Superman story.)

So, this idea is about my son’s bedroom—or lack thereof. I live in a loft; there’s plenty of space, but no actual rooms. The ceilings are high enough to accommodate queen-sized bunks—so that’s what I’ve got. Zev hasn’t wanted to sleep alone yet, and I don’t want him tumbling six feet in the middle of the night, so we sleep together on the bottom 64 SHARPFORMEN.COM / MAY 2013

bunk. But I know the day is coming fast when he’ll want his own space. I want to give it to him for his third birthday. And thus: the Pirate Ship Bed. I have an extremely vague concept of it: sturdy enough so he’ll be safely contained, with shelves and space for his toys and books—and…well, shaped like a pirate ship.

But I have no idea how to do any of this—and no excuse not to.

By all logic, I should be handy. All my real jobs (and even some of the writing ones) have been manual labour. I lived for a year in a shantytown where I built my own home.

But looking back on the book I wrote about that, I feel like a bit of a fraud: sure I made it happen, that eight-by-ten, wood-burning, one-windowed, ladder-to-attic shack wouldn’t have existed if it weren’t for me and my bare necessity. But it was the skilled Tent City men who, with stolen tools, really built the thing. I just scavenged the booze, did the heavy lifting and some hammering. Ten years later, not much has changed; I can scavenge, lift and hammer with the best of them. But that’s about it.

Fortunately, I still hang out with derelict handymen.

“What did you call me?”

“A dedicated handyman.”

Robb’s eyes narrow. “Turn left here.”

I’m driving to Home Depot because he doesn’t have a license.

“Don’t mention that in the article!”

Robb is a former navy man who owns a number of businesses—some of them even legal. Today, for four different enterprises, he is building a giant cage, constructing a bar-ramp for a gay fashion show, salvaging a sunken sailboat and—at this moment—piloting the pirate ship project.

“There should be a slide,” he says. “Like in Jake and the Neverland Pirates.” Robb also has a number of children.

“Let’s figure out the pirate ship first,” I say.

“Oh, that’ll be easy.”

Robb says this all the time, mostly about things that are not going to be easy. He is a terrifying mix of optimist, over-reacher, anarchist and perfectionist. }}} It’s a week later and I’m still staring at all the stuff we bought.

My buddy Robb did help me.

He drew up plans and designs, showed me how to use the tools, even paid for the materials. But Zev’s birthday is a week away and Robb’s busy excavating a wooly mammoth or fixing a monster truck or something. All I can do is stare.

I know it’s a mental block, but that doesn’t help. In recent months, I’ve made a fire without a match, roll-tacked a sailboat through crosswinds, tumbled a fighter plane at 6,000 feet, jumped off a skyscaper.

Yet this—by far—is my hardest challenge. In fact, right now, I’m stuck in some sort of shame spiral—a downward-twisting obsession with my inability to figure out my inabilities. It’s not a lack of logic, attention, aesthetic, desire or basic hand-eye coordination, but rather a precise lack of a precise combination of these things, combined with my own perfectionism and the absence (if you can combine something with absence) of emergency.

This is what I tell myself: if it were a do-or-die situation, I could build a perfect pirate ship bed. Then I go back to staring. }}} Just four sleeps until Zevvy’s birthday. With the help of my ladyfriend, who is much handier than me, I have a giant stained piece of plywood in the shape of a ship, complete with an anchor. It’s still on the floor, but the silhouette is traced on the wall opposite to the upper bunk. I also have the makings of a crow’s nest—a painted basket and broom handle. I’m staring at it all when Robb shows up.

“What are you waiting for?” Robb says.

“You, I guess.”

In minutes the whole thing is bolted to the bed. Robb is doing sturdiness tests, going on about different kinds of hooks and brackets and knots. I nod, overwhelmed but also

hopeful: it actually looks pretty good up there—the makings of a pirate ship, six feet off the ground.

“Gotta go,” says Robb, looking at his phone. “That SWAT truck I just bought—there’s a problem with it.”

“You don’t say.” }}} It’s down to a matter of hours. Weeks ago, in a fit of hysterical self-confidence, I invited a couple dozen friends to a Pirate Ship Bed Launch/Birthday Party, for tomorrow night.

On the bright side, this project has finally reached a state of emergency—which is, of course, when I’m most effective. Part of this, I’ve realized, has to do with a lack of patience, made more frustrating by a surplus of perseverance.

Something else I’ve realized: it’s the tools I fear. The only way I ever create anything is to use only the most rudimentary of tools. I wrote my first book on a typewriter, my second by hand—and both, it so happens, in states of emergency.

So I make a quick decision: use only the tools I’m comfortable with and do it fast. My new doomsday toolbox contains a hammer and nails, duct tape, a staple gun, a spool of wire and a credit card. I grab the hammer, a mouthful of nails, and start to swing—freaked out for sure, but finally focused. “Argh!” I grunt.

“Shiver me timbers!” }}} It’s Zevvy’s birthday, and this is what he sees: a wooden ladder rising up through rolling nylon waves (shower curtain) against a mahogany-stained shipside—a line of silver portholes (bicycle mirrors) below wrought iron railings (plastic garden fencing).

The crow’s nest and jolly roger (nailed, stapled, wired and glued) rise into a billowing sky (chiffon and silk, on top of three other attempts at sky). There is a bell and a parrot and a large nautical clock. On the bow, extending into the air, there is a ghostly masthead lit by a lantern (miniature antique streetlamp) and a disco ball (disco ball).

All Zev sees is a pirate ship, floating overhead.

“Do you like it, Zevvy?” I say.

He nods. Then just stands there, staring. }}} And now, after the requisite handyman victory, comes the part that no father wants to face: that moment your threeyear-old son is dancing and bouncing and giggling in his brand new disco pirate ship bed, six feet off the ground and then a crack, and a snap and a scream. The stupid plastic wrought iron has given way and he is falling. He’s falling, thank god, in slow motion—not just because of the adrenaline, but also your friend who’s up there too grabbed his foot—so you get there just in time, and he falls into your hands.

You’ve always been good in an emergency. But that’s not what you think while you hold him in your arms in the middle of his pirate birthday party. Instead, it’s this: God, I love you.

And I’m so sorry. And tomorrow I’ll be a better carpenter.

Right now, I’m stuck in a downward twisting obsession with my inability to figure out my inabilities. This is what I tell myself: If it was a do-ordie situation, I could build a perfect pirate ship bed. Then I go back to staring.

For the rest of Shaughnessy Bishop-Stall’s fatherhood chronicles, visit Sharpformen.com/category/culture/

MAY 2013 / SHARPFORMEN.COM 65

THE

INTERVIEW BY STEVEN WEINTR AUB / A R T I C L E S I N T E R N AT I O N A L

IN THE

THE SUPERVILLAIN-DEFEATING, JUDO-CHOPPING, LIFE-WINNING ROBERT DOWNEY JR. 6M ;F9; <I8GCB D<CHC;F5D<M 6M B=;9@ D9FFM

MAY 2013 / SHARPFORMEN.COM 67

G

olf is a game built on rituals. It’s in the practiced mechanics of your swing, in the way you survey the green before a putt, in the profanities you scream as your ball plunks into a water hazard. In many ways, it’s the repetition of these familiar rites and habits—static and unchanging—that makes golf the sport we all love.

But things are changing. There’s a new energy surrounding the sport. You can feel it in the eccentric personalities of pros like Bubba Watson; see it in the colourful clothes lining aisles in golf shops. Golf will always be a game of rituals, but now it’s got a little extra swagger in its step. And that’s something worth celebrating.

MAY 2013 / SHARPFORMEN.COM 73

BUBBA SPARKS THANK GOD FOR GERRY LESTER WATSON JR.—BETTER KNOWN AS BUBBA: THE MAN WHO’S SHAKING UP THE WORLD OF GOLF

BY CRAIG DOLCH

T

here are other elite golfers who are known simply by one name—Tiger, Rory, Ernie and Phil, to name a foursome—but there is only one Gerry Lester Watson Jr. ¶ You might know him as Bubba.¶ Bubba doesn’t play golf like you and I. Fact is, he doesn’t play golf like most of his peers on the PGA Tour.

He plays his own style on the course—“Bubba Golf” he calls it—and doesn’t follow many rules of the green either. ¶ Bubba boasts of never having taken a golf lesson.

He doesn’t have an instructor. He doesn’t pay a sports psychologist. When given the choice of taking a chance or playing it conservatively, the lanky left-hander invariably takes the aggressive route, the creative solution.

“My nickname is ‘Freak Show’ because I can hit shots that people don’t hit,” Watson says. “You can’t explain it. You can have the most educated man in the world, and he can put a hypothesis on it, but it doesn’t make sense, you know?”

We know. How many pro golfers use the word “hypothesis” when describing his talents? Just Bubba, your 2012 Masters champion.

While every other pro golfer expects 74 SHARPFORMEN.COM / MAY 2013

silence when he hits a shot, Watson will lift both arms upward, asking for more noise. Even at the pressure cooker known as the Ryder Cup, he’s trying to make it more like an AC/DC concert.

Bubba likes his music “Golf is boring. We’re trying to show this is a different age in golf,” Watson says. “This is not your country club golf.

We are trying to grow the game, showing the younger people and older generations, as well, that we are here to have fun. Let’s enjoy the game and try to make it a little bit faster and fun.”

Bubba’s a straight talker who rarely hits a straight shot, preferring to either hook or slice the ball, sometimes by as much as 40 yards. Otherwise, he says, he’d become bored on the golf course. The ability to shape the ball comes from learning the game in his backyard while playing with whiffle balls—not exactly the training technique used by Tiger Woods and Jack Nicklaus when they were kids.

Nobody on the PGA Tour hits the ball longer than Bubba—especially with a pink driver that can reach a clubhead speed of almost 140 mph, which translates into a ball speed of 200 mph—and few Hall of Famers play with the imagination he possesses. At last year’s Mas-

TOUGH SHOTS IT’S STILL A GENTLEMAN’S GAME, BUT THE YEAR’S FINEST GOLF CLOTHES PROJECT AN EDGY, DOWNRIGHT DANGEROUS VIBE PHOTOGRAPHY: MATT BARNES STYLING: LEE SULLIVAN for Plutino Group

Cotton jacket ($995) by Z Zegna, at Harry Rosen; cotton polo ($235)

by Burberry Brit, at Harry Rosen; polyester pants ($120) by PING; belt ($75) by Robert Graham.

GREENREADY GEAR AT LONG LAST, GOLF EQUIPMENT THAT’S AS COOL LOOKING AS IT IS CUTTING EDGE BY: SCOTT KRAMER PHOTOGRAPHY: ADRIAN ARMSTRONG

88 SHARPFORMEN.COM / MAY 2013

PIN

SEEKERS

Quickly adjust loft on TaylorMade’s R1 driver for your ideal trajectory. Then, from the fairway, zero in on the pin with Cobra’s AMP Cell Fairway woods, Tour Edge Exotics’ Xrail Hybrid, and Cleveland’s 588 Rotex wedge.

Finally, harmonize yourself with the green using PING’s Scottsdale TR Grayhawk, which makes every putt perform as if struck perfectly.

CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT: TAYLORMADE R1 DRIVER, $400; COBRA AMP CELL FAIRWAY WOOD, $275; PING SCOTTSDALE TR GRAYHAWK, $165; CLEVELAND 588 ROTEX WEDGE, $120; TOUR EDGE EXOTICS XRAIL HYBRID, $130.

MAY 2013 / SHARPFORMEN.COM 89

THE FLORIDA SWING AS HE RISES THROUGH THE RANKS—AND STARTS EARNING THE BIG MONEY THAT COMES WITH IT—CANADIAN PGA PRO DAVID HEARN IS ON THE BRINK OF A BREAKTHROUGH

BY LORNE RUBENSTEIN

I

t is a day like any other for David Hearn, at least away from the PGA Tour. The 33-year-old professional golfer from Brantford, Ont. is taking his eightmonth-old daughter, Ella, out for a stroll with his wife Heather, near their winter home in Delray Beach.

Hearn turned pro in late 2001, and in 2004 won on the Nationwide (now Web.com) Tour and the Canadian Tour.

After losing his tournament spot in 2005, he earned his way back on to the PGA in 2011. Last year, he finished 97th on the money list, winning $1,012,575.

He played in tournaments with both Phil Mickelson and Tiger Woods, and even though he doesn’t have a marquee name like they do, he didn’t feel intimidated or overshadowed. That is to say, he’s settling into the role of a full-time PGA Tour player.

92 SHARPFORMEN.COM / MAY 2013

He’s also settled into life as a new father. He’s a member of Team RBC, which includes major champions Mike Weir, Graeme McDowell and other top players, and he’s signed a contract with Kia Canada. Life off and on the course is agreeable, which is exactly why he wants to take the next step.

On the course, the part of the year known as the Florida swing is imminent.

In the following week, Hearn will tee up at the Honda Classic in Palm Beach Gardens, a half-hour drive from his neighbourhood. Hearn played five tournaments on the West Coast Swing. He’d made the cut in only two of the events, with his best finish being a tie for 16th at the Waste Management Phoenix Open.

“I’ve always been a slow starter,” Hearn says. “I’m looking forward to the Florida Swing.”

MAY 2013 / SHARPFORMEN.COM 93

THE

JAMES 96 SHARPFORMEN.COM / MAY 2013

97

S DEAN FAST CARS, DANGER, REBELLION AND THE LITTLE BASTARD

BY MATT BUBBERS MAY 2013 / SHARPFORMEN.COM 97

102 SHARPFORMEN.COM / MAY 2013

UNCOMMON ANGLER THE HANDSOMEST SPRING SPORTSWEAR LOOKS AT HOME WHETHER YOU’RE REELING IN A TROUT OR AMBLING DOWN A RAINY CITY STREET P H O T O G R A P H Y: FAUBEL + CHRISTENSEN/SHIN S T Y L I NG : LUKE LANGSDALE

POLYESTER JACKET ($400) AND LINEN CHAMBRAY SHIRT ($230) BY STRELLSON; PANAMA HAT ($50) BY STETSON; HERRINGBONE SACK PANTS ($305) BY H.W. CARTER & SONS; LAMBSWOOL SUSPENDERS ($155) BY ALEXANDER OLCH; LEATHER DRESS BOOTS ($400) BY ALLEN EDMONDS; STRIPED CANVAS BAG ($425) BY A.P.C.; FISHING ROD ($205)

BY REDINGTON. MAY 2013 / SHARPFORMEN.COM 103

104 SHARPFORMEN.COM / MAY 2013

THIS PAGE: OVERSHIRT ($415) BY STONE ISLAND; ZIP FRONT WADER ($410) AND FISHING ROD ($185)

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LEFT: COTTON SHIRT ($610)

BY BRUNELLO CUCINELLI; NYLON VEST ($185) BY PATAGONIA; SOFT-SHELL GLOVES ($35) BY REDINGTON; CANVAS SMOCK ($205)

BY ORVIS; SKELETOOL ($75)

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BY SAGE. 106 SHARPFORMEN.COM / MAY 2013

MAY 2013 / SHARPFORMEN.COM 107