My river out of its flow
D. Canales
The writing process in Soy Autor evoques an authentic experience of self discovery. The following piece is the result of the collaborative work between students and teachers to find the hear t of the story, through the publication of their first illustrated Memoir.
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Mi rĂo fuera de su canal
My river out of its flow D. Canales
We are the Canales family. We all lived in Honduras very happily, until one day our river of joy, stirred and its dark waters brought disappointment. My mom, Carmen Canales, chose to make a new life with another man.
She left us alone, my brothers and my dad.
I felt a lot of hate over her, even though my dad, CĂŠsar Canales took care of us.
When my dad went to work, he left us with my grandmother, Angela, in El Salvador, on the other side of the river. We spent much more time with her, we were more Salvadorans than Hondurans. We almost did not see my dad, his work consumed him a lot of his time.
He lived to work!
Life went by and we began to feel that we neededsomething
my mom’s heat.
Loneliness seized us, we could not feel her gentle hands caressing and consenting us as a mother should consent her children.
We used to feel very good in El Salvador. Although we did not have Mom, we had my grandmother.
She became our nest where the big birds raise their little birds and protect them from any tempest that wants to snatch them.
Her affection made us feel better even though the memory of our mother remained in our minds.
We used to go to the river and sat on the shore, feeling the cool breeze; my brothers and I always asked ourselves the same questions, over and over again:
Where would Mom be? Why didn’t she come back?
We swam like aimlessly fish, from one side to another without getting anywhere. Every time we saw Dad, the first thing we asked him was to find Carmen
Without her, we felt like roses withering.
She was the water we needed:
water to survive, because the river was not enough.
I enjoyed thinking that I was like a little baby kangaroo who needed Kangaroo mom, so that she would carry and hug me.
Dad looked for Mom for us, he forgave her and brought her home again.
We touched Mom´s hand and we could not believe we were back together again.
Our heart throbbed again.
The air smelled happiness, the food had another taste.
The roses spread their petals again, we were like fish swimming
now with a purpose.
At home, mom slept with us, we woke up very early, then we went to Santa Rosa city. We went by my grandma Angela´s house. My aunt, my cousins, my brother and I went to the river to play to be craftmen and then sell the product we made. I can still smell the mud; I still hear the sound of the dry leaves that we turned into money.
Despite all the problems we had, there were
very happy days.
Dad was our sun and mom our full moon.
In spite of everything, years later, dad still distrusted of my mother, so one April he decided to look for a better life in the United States. We cried a river, without half our hearts and the other half breaking into a million pieces when Mother definitely took us to live to El Salvador.
Four years passed and Carmen decided to leave again. With another man, Mario Vรกsquez, she started a new life and
left us alone again.
Without my parents it was very difficult to live.
I took wrong ways that took me to jail in La Union and San Miguel city, and later to the Juvenile Detention Center of of Ilobasco city where I have to be in prison for five more years.
IAún stillrecuerdo remember the day oflathe audience, the loneliness felt la audiencia, soledad que sentí viendo a miI madre when looking at my mother Carmen cryingolvidar inconsolably. Carmen llorar inconsolablemente. No puedo su mirada I can’t forget her defeated look and besides her, my friend Lorena and her daughter Guadalupe, my cousins Norma and Yolibeth, my Aunt Veronica; all crying.
My heart stopped throbbing again that day.
I thought of many things; the people, the gossips. But more importantly, I kept thinking of my mother and being there for me ever since. She was there for me unconditionally, although I have not been the best of her children. That day I learned that mistakes are human.
For being the best example of all my life, and for giving me the security that nobody could give me, Carmen, mom, I give you as many thanks as all the stars that light up the sky.
Thank you for accepting me as I am, homosexual,
but always your child.
Thank you for being the watercourse of my river. Forgive me for how badly I have treated you, the way I have judged you.
In my kingdom, Mamita Angela is the queen, you are the princess, Dad will remain the prince. My brothers and I are the castle.
César, Carmen, Josué, Antonio and Daniel Canales someday you’ll be happy again and when it happens it’ll be forever.
Me llamo E.D. Mi familia es de apellido Canales. Me gustarĂa ver que el mundo crea positivamente en los que tienen problemas con la ley. No solo por eso son nadie, son mucho; tenemos experiencias que ayudan a reflexionar. Me gusta oĂr mĂşsica ranchera de Ana Gabriela, Marisela y Jenny Rivera entre otras de ellas. Le regalo al mundo mi historia, para que sepan que no solo porque una madre por amor a un hombre deja solos a sus hijitos no significa que ya no es nuestra madre. Madre solo es una en este mundo, hasta la eternidad.