Family Relationships During COVID-19

freedom would suffer some curtailment. Their online classes are less than stimulating. College age adults and their parents are entering new territory, often with success. More confined time together makes family meals a time for frivolous conversations as well as discussions on family issues, career directions, politics and where the country is going. The struggle for parents is allowing the young adults to explore and express their views without a critique, remembering the young adults have less experience in formulating their views, but the free expression can be beneficial if the relationship is solid.

Young children miss the interaction with classmates and friends, the stimulation of varied outings, and they grow weary of the confined areas of the house and yard too quickly. Lacking the coping skills to adjust happily becomes a daily problem in many households with the stay-at-home parent focusing more time than usual originating and supervising their activities. With preschoolers running around the house, parents organize craft sessions, watercolor painting, reading time, and exercise periods, conscious of activities that promote learning as well as relieving boredom, and those periods require supervision.

For the elementary student, the virtual classroom situation in the initial stages required constant parental monitoring while the child became used to the routine. Involvement in the children’s day, with determined focus on what they were doing, however, led many parents to a closer bond with their children. The added time with them morphed into a desired commodity.

Additional time can become an enemy or a treasure. With fewer carpools and meetings, less commuting and shopping, most parents find themselves with more hours to manipulate. Acknowledging that life is too short to waste on the negatives, the issue of using the time constructively looms. Recent studies have shown that relationships between parents and their children benefit from more time together, especially when an effective relationship is already established. Females seem to share their emotions more freely, so delving into what is happening below the surface can deepen a relationship. With more contact time, being an engaged listener is possible. In a recent survey conducted during the pandemic, out of 500 mothers with children ages 10 – 20, Grant McCracken, an anthropologist and consultant who specializes in American culture, reported a “shift in the American family especially in the relationship between mothers and daughters.” Asked which relationship in the family is flourishing the most, 61% of the mothers listed their relationship with their daughters

while 18% listed their sons. Fathers reported improved relationships with daughters at 12% and sons 8%. The research reported mothers who felt less connection with daughters at 6% and those with about the same connection at 34%.

Besides being more open to discussing their emotions, the research found that “daughters felt more lonely, and many mothers responded by trying to lift their spirits and keep them company.” Added togetherness meant mothers were more apt to relate family stories, sometimes repeating ones the daughters had already heard but adding new ones, too. The females were open to talking about “random stuff.” Withdrawing to play video games, boys had “a built-in social network that took them out of the family center and made them less visible.” An added component concerning deepening relationships during the pandemic is that “boys are less likely to report feeling lonely.”

According to Julia Munson, a Denver psychotherapist and life coach, “The pandemic can amplify conditions that already existed.” Good conditions get stronger while “power struggles can become even more intense” in shaky relationships.

Coronado residents hold varying opinions of how relationships have flourished or remained the same for them. Within a small sampling of views, no parents mentioned deterioration of relationships with either sons or daughters; most relationships remained basically the same. One young mother spent more time on walks with her two boys in the stroller, stopping at a playground only when it was empty. More Disney viewing occupied the toddlers, but additional floor time reading books and setting up wooden train tracks with the older one were enjoyable activities.

Two grandparents spent three days a week lending a helping hand when a son and his wife, two teachers occupied with online classes, needed assistance getting their son started each morning on his classes. When the child became a self-starter, the grandparents returned to their active schedules. The warm relationships remained the same as before.

A senior mother who enjoys her daughter’s extended visits from Europe, initially said the close relationship during this trip had remained the same, but as we talked, she realized the additional help her daughter had contributed: preparing frequent meals and assisting in setting up her iPad for reading. Her local daughter checks in regularly and also offers help, especially assisting with computer problems.

Several parents mentioned adult children calling more often to check on their health which resulted in more family news on both sides, even when the news was rather mundane, like what was on the menu for dinner. Seniors also commented on keeping in closer contact with distant siblings due to more time at home, sharing family news but discussing the latest books, television programs, and political views.

While no one would welcome a pandemic, we may in hindsight be thankful for the realization that scheduling in more togetherness and family time has benefits. Coronado residents seem to have indeed made the best of the situation, no matter their ages. Putting their life on hold has never been an option for most. With friendly streets busy with walkers and areas for safe biking, outdoor exercising has remained available. With comfortable temperatures, and porches and yards inviting pods of friends and family to visit while safely distancing, solitary living has had bursts of togetherness. Our normal has changed and our family dynamics may have transformed, but making adjustments when needed and creating a workable, enjoyable environment is the standard course of action for a healthy mental attitude.