ISSUE 14 | 00: THE RESET ISSUE

SPRING 2022

EDITOR IN CHIEF

Co-editor - Clay Morris

Co-editor - Anwar Boutayba

Associate - Joey Marmaud

ARTS

Editor - Jane Durden

Editor - Casey Mentch

Editor - Caroline Kaynor

Katelyn Crespo

Hannah Noel

Valeria Cloes

Amie Cooke

BEAUTY

Editor - Jasmine Wilson

Editor - Alice Novinte

Associate - Sophia Alem

Megha Iyer

Sofia Martinez-Querecuto

DIGITAL

Director - Erin Campagna

Associate - Caroline Nihill

Associate - Leslie Guzman

Blanka Bathory

Ashley Humphrey

WEB

Director - Brianna Li

Janhvi Kulkarni

GRAPHIC

Editor - Nia Freeman

Editor - Naomi Burns

Claire Audilet

Anna Thomas

Deja Boone

Sanvi Korsapathy

Layna Hong

Niha Kanumuri

Mya Hulse

Mia Dewitt

Bonnie Zhang

SOCIAL MEDIA

Director - Thomas Jones

Associate - Emma Cooke

Associate - Anne Denhert

Madeline Lai

Ashley Santillan

Shelby McLamb

Emma Cooke

Katelyn Chedraoui

Sarah Groce

Ellie Cowan

HEALTH

Editor - Cameron Shaw

Editor - Priya Kosana

Associate - Kate Yarbrough

Olivia Dela Cruz

Nina Wozniak

Henley Younts

Morgan Taylor

Soorya Vasan

WEB – COULTURE.ORG

INSTAGRAM – @COULTUREMAG

TWITTER – @COULTUREMAG

FACEBOOK – @COULTUREMAGAZINE

COPYEDITING

Editor - Tran Nguyen

Associate - Elizabeth Efird

Associate - Adithi Reddy

Brooke Spach

Elizabeth Sills

Makayla Santos

Tianyi Wang

Grace Beasley

Sarah Monoson

Aoife O’Brien

PHOTOGRAPHY

Editor - Cynthia Liu

Editor - Lauren Cmiel

Editor - Chase Cofield

Calli Westra

Alexandra Peeler

Ira Wilder

Bailey Ingham

Maddee Burt

Ashley Chang

Vivien Liebler

Sarita Lokesh

Brooke A. Lester

Marcos Gregorio

Natalie Peoples

Jay’la Evans

Alzahraa Al Bayati

Ketaki “Sonali” Upasani

Gillian Faski

FEATURES

Editor - Ashley Quincin

Editor - Sabrina Ortiz

Associate - Sara Raja

Claire Hardesty

Josie Lewis

Annie Gibson

Jane Wilson

Leah Berry

Leo Culp

Abby Pender

Annabel Gigley

OUTREACH

Director - Rushi Doshi

Director - Rylee Parsons

Associate - Emory Keel

Larson Normark

Anna Donahoo

Mollie Williamson

John Duffy

Addison Lanter

Madison Aarons

Mary Kate Burns

Francesca Del Posso

Lacy McKee

STYLE

Editor - Juliana Koricke

Associate - Aashna Shah

Associate - Monique Gandy

Gigi Guffey

Loulie Olson

Hannah Gogal

Rose Calnan

Anna Kate Tucker

Ellie McCleary

Haylee Frazier

Forbes Fowler

Anna Souhan

Jacob Rakhman Gerardi

Manaal Iqbal

Celia Funderburk

Emily Garcia

Nazef Syed

VIDEO

Director - Thomas Jones

Director - Emma Claire Lisk

Emma Cooke

PRODUCTION

Director - Izzy D’Alo

MODELING

Director - Gabriella Torres

Associate - Riya Jayanthi

Diannah Abdel Halim

Connelly Miller

Emma Cooke

Brianna Li

Brynna Miller

Gabriela Duncan

Vivian Karamitros

Shania Mastan

Melissa Hierman

Guadalupe Gonzalez-Rodriguez

Ji Won Kim

Izzy Richie

Halima Hasan

Terrique Morris

Nina Dakoriya

Emily Garcia

Pearl Dang

Julia Fuller

Minh Trinh

Gugma Vidal

Kira Ranieri

Taft Stevens

Lynx Yuan

Nadeen Atieh

Brandy Abreu

Fatima Konsouh

Morgan Williams

Taylin Cain

Yena Ismail

Thi Vu

Ameena Hester

Jake Rakhman Gerardi

Leai Means

Ce’Niyah Ellison

Aayush Bhatt

Kiana Burns

Sirina Goolbis

Crystal Dezha

Heba Akhtar

Crystal Rangel

Julia Clark

Morgan Williams

Chenoah Hassan

Rebecca Dasema

Megha Iyer

Samantha Casolaro

Sanvi Korsapathy

Adi Uchil

Grace Berry

Johnetta Sarkorh

Alexis Campbell

Kiana Burns

Sofia Martinez-Querecuto

Jessica Pelaez

Justin Pfeifer

Christina Farag

Luke Francis

Rhea Jayaswal

Anna Souhan

Cynthia Tran

Lauryn Fairley

Blaine Purcell

Uredo Agada

ADVISOR

Dana McMahan

FRONT COVER BY Calli Westra

BACK COVER BY Calli Westra

LETTERS FROM

the editors

PHOTOGRAPHED BY KETAKI "SONALI" UPASANI

As I sat down to write this letter, the first thing I did was press play on “Butterfly” by Mariah Carey. The 12-track LP is the diva’s self-proclaimed magnum opus, but is also, from my perspective, as a mega-fan, her reset. Though her sixth album, it is essentially Carey’s reintroduction to the public as the truest form of herself. Made when she was just beginning to taste the depths of having complete creative and artistic freedom, “Butterfly” is the perfect synthesis of Carey as the artist she’d always been and the artist she’d always wanted to be. She isn’t sacrificing any of what trapped the adoration of the public and made her a household name. She’s enhancing that allure by packaging it in a way that many didn’t see coming (or like) but that she knew felt more honest to who she was than she’d ever been publicly at that point.

Obviously, I’ll never be Mariah Carey, and she won’t be in-between the covers of Coulture anytime soon (cross your fingers!), but there is a connective tissue between her commitment to authenticity that layers each note of “Butterfly” that I aimed to weave throughout each image, sentence and pose selected for this issue.

Whether it’s Justin Pfeifer’s essay on his journey with the ego, Valeria Cloes’ exploration of immigration as rebirth or Celia Funderburk’s interrogation of Tik Tok’s impact on true style: this entire magazine is concerned with the question of trying to see the end in the beginning and the beginning in the end.

That’s why we chose to include “00” in the title. While I’m better friends with words than numbers, I am confident in saying that 0 is the only number that truly moves in both directions. Negative and positive. It is deeply symbolic of desperately wanting to taste what is in front of you while being keenly aware of what is behind you, as well as the summation of the obfuscated in-between. That sort of awareness, that level of cognizance, is something that can only be achieved by making an active choice to reset. By examining yourself, or a magazine in this case, holistically and identifying strengths and weaknesses in an effort to understand instead of efface.

Note that resetting isn’t starting over or an erasure of what came before, regardless of how bruised and discolored it may be. At its purest, a reset is collecting our contusions, our mistakes to help edit and repair—both metaphorically and literally.

You may be a stranger to the calamity that befell Coulture last semester, and that propelled me, a junior who was just an associate editor-in-chief four months ago, to the top of the magazine’s masthead. I won’t go over the dreadful details here because it replays ad nauseam in my mind, and we don’t have the space (but if you see me and stop to ask, I’ll spare no facts.) What I will say, however, is that the dysfunction and frustration of the last semester were a large part of the dialogue that shaped the pages of this issue that I’m so proud to share with you. There is no excuse for lacking models of color. There is no excuse for somehow deleting the names of Black models from a photoshoot conceptualized by the magazine’s only Black editor. And still, yet, there is no excuse for the magazine’s first Black editor-in-chief having to rectify the burden of those oblique obstacles.

So I didn’t. And I won’t. But I will give the magazine the reintroduction it so deserves. Quite simply: “I’m not new to this. I’m true to this.” Sometimes you have to remind people of that. Without the foundation of those who

have held this position for me, I wouldn’t have even known how to log into the magazine’s Instagram account, yes. But similarly, without my predecessors, I also wouldn’t know what mistakes not to make, or have the room to make mistakes of my own. Thus, I aimed to create a reset while not chaining myself to the past, but instead framing the past as a concomitantly painful and blissful reference.

That is my hope for you. That is my hope for what you take away from this magazine. You can move on without forgetting. You can remember without looking back. You can reset without starting over.

Much love, always.

“Come spread your wings, and you’ll see that it’s alright to fly…” - Mariah Carey.

PHOTOGRAPHED BY ANWAR BOUTAYBA AND MARIANA BYKER

To be honest, I did not expect to be in this position. Given that I was going to be abroad, I was expecting to take a semester off as Associate Editor-in-Chief. “I mean, I’m just an Associate, what’s the worst that could happen,” I thought to myself. The worst did not necessarily happen; I was very grateful to be “promoted,” but the promotion never had any merit. I simply was on an elevator and someone pressed the button for me. There is no need to sit here and type away at how hard I worked and how deserved this opportunity was.

It was/is deserved. I just wish I could have worked for it more, especially since I was the man behind the Parisian green curtain the entire semester. Yes, I edited articles, came up with concepts and sat in meetings; but, was I there, stressing out about every single garment and pose? No. I was not, and I feel bad for that. However, being away from something I wanted to be a part of so badly really forced me to go through my own reset. My absence from this issue forced me to rethink my issues with control, with the fact that everything needs to be perfect. This time, nothing could be to my standards since my standards would be 4,045 miles away.

My absence from Coulture helped me realize that I needed to step back to fully understand how it worked, to make sense of all the changes going on around me and, most importantly, it helped me understand how I can be there for Coulture and its members next year.

editing, photographing, makeup-ing, copywriting, developing, styling, researching, slugging (you should read that article as well), and all the other assorted tasks concerned with making 00: The Reset Issue, thank you.

With infinite love wherever I am,

“The camera doesn’t have to be pointed at you all the time. Sometimes, it’s better to see someone else getting their picture taken.”

Fatima Boubsis

Zero was the hardest number to name. At first, I was surprised by that since zero symbolizes nothingness. How difficult is it to define nothing?

Incredibly difficult. In order for something to be “nothing,” it has to be worth something. Even the number zero has value.

Coulture was not worth something when it was an entity that excluded Black models and staff members, thus fostering a culture where Black people and other minority groups felt intimidated to apply and/or participate. Because of that, we decided to make it nothing.

Starting from 00, or should I say, resetting, was the key to recentering Coulture to its original mission statement: to give a voice to all of UNC-Chapel Hill’s vibrant community, not just the voices we hear everyday. This is why you will see that our articles and photoshoots seem a little different this year. Maybe they contain fresher perspectives, like Justin Pfeifer’s piece on the ego or Morgan Taylor’s piece analyzing whether women are consciously altering their styles to match their partners. Or, you’ll just notice the new layout, the life behind all the photos and the attention to detail spent on truly resetting this magazine.

Yet, in my absence, I never felt nervous about this issue. Not only did Clay and Joey have all the capacities, brain power and fashion references to deliver an incredible issue, I knew it would come together because everyone agreed that Coulture needed a fresh start. Though the start was rocky and we are still in progress of making Coulture a well-oiled machine, this issue taught me some fundamental things:

1. Who you surround yourself with is paramount.

2. Inspiration comes from everywhere.

3. Things can just work out with the presence of people who care.

4. Take a breath.

When reading this letter, I hope you consider trying to be an observer instead of a participant. I want you to analyze your life and see where you could use a reset. But that will be easy once you finish reading all of the thought provoking articles and looking at the gorgeous photos in this issue.

I know hearing renewal, perspective and other inspirational buzzwords is probably earth shatteringly annoying so the last thing I will say is this: I hope you enjoy this issue.

To everyone that spent countless hours

PHOTOGRAPHED BY DIANNAH ABDEL HALIM AND OLA ZUBROWICZ

Imust preface this letter by heeding those on which the success of this magazine and myself hinged. There is not a high enough word count to allow for my ineffable thanks, but I would be remiss in not giving at least some recognition to a few of the many who inspire me on a daily basis.

Thank you, Clay. Simply put, thank you for being there. You know the details.

Thank you, Diannah, my muse, for showing me the beauty in the minutiae and in the chaos of being a sophomore in college. Thank you, Luke, for being the first person in any situation and for reminding me of the levity of the world. Thank you, Emi, for your evergreen wisdom and shrewdness. From Ehaus to the Arbo, it’s always really been us.

Before succumbing to political ennui, there was a specific Hillary Clinton line I often circled back to in the early months of 2017. In the zeitgeist of ‘60s protests and social movements and as Wellesley’s first student commencement speaker, she responded to the rhetorical, “Why, if you’re dissatisfied, do you stay in a place?” by

replying, “Well, if you didn’t care a lot about it you wouldn’t stay.”

Fashion was my first love, and this adage has come to define my feelings behind Coulture and the fantasy in which we author. I refuse to let the blight of last semester define the integrity of our magazine and masthead. That being said, it is equally irresponsible to minimize its consequences, as that pain is indelible to the Black and brown students who faced the brunt of such shortcomings.

00 was more than apt; it was necessary. Delineating ourselves from issue zero (this is technically issue fourteen), we recognize the need to look inward, a concept the last two years have taught us more than anything, and evolve. Evolution does not mean erasure, and a reset is an evolution.

The election of Teddy Vann, who we profile in this issue, was certainly a reset, one of welcomed historical significance to the tapestry of this university. Her profile can be found among articles chronicling everything from poetry to Parisian profundity. We hope you enjoy reading them as much as we enjoyed writing and editing them.

My final revisions are made in the early morning. As I shower myself under the mist of REPLICA Jazz Club, birds chirp and croon as the rising sun casts the patinated dome of the Old Well to its original gold, and I’m reminded of nascent summer. The gold lapses down the rest of Cameron Avenue and bronzes my face, and I can see that the UV Index will reach 7 today. I glance at Chris Eigeman from the “Metropolitan” poster on my wall as my bloodstream caffeinates.

“How do you direct a movie you didn’t know there wasn’t a script for? You write the script yourself.” -Clay Morris

PHOTOGRAPHED BY IRA WILDER

B BEAUTY

PHOTOGRAPHED BY CYNTHIA LIU

MODELED BY CHENOAH HASSAN

SLUGGING kincare.

WRITTEN

BY ANNIE GIBSON DESIGNED BY ANNA THOMAS

In the wake of the seasonal dry skin epidemic, slugging became the latest skincare trend to take over social media. Originating in South Korea, it involves coating your face in Vaseline, or any form of occlusive product, such as petroleum jelly, overnight to restore hydration and prevent moisture loss. Active participants

TOREVIVETHEIR SKINFROMTHE WINTERSLUMP ANDATTAINA SUMMERTIME DEWYSHEEN

in the trend hope to revive their skin from the winter slump and attain a summertime dewy sheen.

Slugging begins with your normal nighttime skincare routine. You should wash your face as usual and apply any nightly moisturizers or serums. After this, you can begin coating your

entire face in a thin layer of occlusive product; some of the most popular varieties among TikTok users are Vaseline and Aquaphor. You should leave the coat on overnight and do your normal skincare the next morning. Most dermatologists recommend slugging a maximum of two to three times a week. The hydration slugging provides is beneficial, but it is also important to let your skin exist without hindrance.

Petroleum jelly is not absorbed into the skin overnight. Rather than moisturizing the skin itself, the jelly acts as a shield to keep the moisturizer you have already applied in place. Slugging also prevents transepidermal water loss, which is the process by which water evaporates through the skin into the external environment based on the balance of water vapor pressure. The process is heavily influenced by humidity levels. In drier air, like the air that we experience in the winter months, transepidermal water loss is more likely, which is why slugging is popular in the colder months.

Aside from hydration, slugging can also provide healing benefits for your skin. Petroleum jelly can soothe general irritation, burns, minor cuts and wounds and can be used to treat skin conditions like eczema and dermatitis. However, everyone’s skin is different, and slugging could hurt more than help if your skin is sensitive. If your skin is acne-prone, the petroleum layer could be suffocating to your skin

SLEEPINGWITHA FACECOVERED INPETROLEUM JELLYCOMES WITHBUILT-IN INCONVENIENCES

and cause more breakouts. For oily skin, the extra hydration could become irritating and create discomfort. So, if you are considering slugging, try it on a small patch of skin first to see how you react.

Apart from the normal obstacles of trying a new skincare method, sleeping with a face covered in petroleum jelly comes with built-in inconveniences. Bacteria from dirty pillow cases can stick to your face, and if you are a person who moves around a lot during sleep, it may not be worth it to risk your pillow cases becoming a casualty of skincare experimentation.

The jury is still out on whether slugging is effective or worth the time. Social media is riddled with mixed reviews of successful, glowing skin versus new breakouts and bad reactions. However, if you are worried about perpetual dry skin, and the end doesn’t seem near, slugging could be worth a try.

2 GIRLS, 10 LOOKS

PHOTOGRAPHED BY CHASE COFIELD, CYNTHIA LIU, IRA WILDER WRITTEN BY CLAY MORRIS DESIGNED BY SANVI KORSAPATHY

BEAUTY BY ALICE NOVINTE, JASMINE WILSON, MEGHA IYER AND SOPHIA ALEM PRODUCTION BY IZZY D'ALO STYLE BY CLAIRE WALSH

AN EYESHADOW PALETTE. A SET OF MAKEUP WIPES. AND A DREAM. WHAT MORE DO TWO GIRLS NEED TO BECOME TEN PEOPLE?

MODELED BY CHANOAH HASSAN AND CONNELLY MILLER

S STYLE

PHOTOGRAPHED BY CALLI WESTRA MODELED BY DIANNAH ABDEL HALIM

MYMAN STYLIST is my

WRITTEN BY MORGAN TAYLOR | DESIGNED BY NIHA KANUMURI

I never understood the power of a man when it comes to his female partner’s fashion until now. Today’s fashion influencers no longer seem to be designers themselves, such as Vera Wang or Donatella Versace; instead, they are male musicians. Although it sounds crazy, it is now normal to see celebrity couples where the man controls the woman’s fashion narrative. Think about celebrities like Megan Fox, Kim Kardashian, Julia Fox, and Kourtney Kardashian where the man affects their collective wardrobe expression.

Female celebrities are very influential on women’s fashion, but it’s actually their male partners’ stylings that are being presented through the media. This is subversive to when considering fashion and celebrity couples. When

I think about the way Kim Kardashian dressed before her marriage to Kanye West, I remember her bright colors and designer handbags and shoes. However, her aesthetic seemed to all change when she first started dating Kanye in 2011. A benchmark of this change was when she made an appearance at the 2021 Met Gala when she was still married to Kanye, donning a black, fitted Balenciaga dress. Kim is known for her industry-defining facial features and physique, so it was subversive for her to cover up her entire body at one of the fashion calendars most publicized events. Perhaps Kim would not have

have acknowledged Kanye West for her fashion choices. Before she was married to Kanye, her fashion statements were already widely noticed by her fans on social media, but her personal style and interest in the industry were nascent when compared to her current influence.

adopted such a sartorial philosophy had she never married West and hence gained a deeper footing in the industry. This culminated with Kim receiving the Fashion Icon Award during the 2021 People's Choice Awards. She attributed the honor to her estranged husband, stating, “Thank you to Kanye for really introducing me to the fashion world……. I feel in love with fashion” Kim said. This statement was surprising to many, as much of the public never thought that she would

Newly-engaged celebrity couple Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly caught the eyes of many with a similar narrative on men’s impact on their female partners’ fashion. Megan, who split from ex-husband Brian Austin Green this year, started to dramatically change her appearance as well. Machine Gun Kelly, or MGK, a contemporary and alternative hip hop/rock artist, embodies a more gothic style, expressing himself in dark clothing, painted fingernails, and dark eyeliner. Megan started to imitate this appearance by picking up on the colors worn by her fiancé and his aesthetic to fit the couple's fashion narrative. For years, she was known as a “sex symbol’ in Hollywood from some of her acting roles in productions like, Transformers and her guest appearance on Two and A Half Men. After having kids, her style again to altered to the “new mom” role while married to Green. Most recently, we have seen a shift back to the “sex symbol” ideology in current her relationship with MGK, in which she has worn more revealing pieces in her most recent media appearances.

With all of these couples, it appears that these women change their original styles with fashion statements that complement the men they are with. Women seem to alter their styles depending on their partners at the time, which indicates that it depends on the man who they associate themselves with. As mentioned previously, Kim revealed that Kanye influenced her fashion statements, while Megan seems to stylistically adapt to the relationship she is in. While this trend is not necessarily a good or bad thing, it is something to consider when assessing the gender component associated with the couple’s fashion narrative, and how that narrative was historically off-limits to the male’s opinion.

““THANKYOU TOKANYE FORREALLY INTRODUCINGME TOTHEFASHION WORLD...”

fashion on TIK TOK.

WRITTEN BY CELIA FUNDERBURK | DESIGNED BY MYA HULSE

Generation Z gravitates toward TikTok for daily outfit inspiration, but people are starting to depend on the opinions of others too much.

“For You” Pages are filled with outfits revolving around trends such as wide-leg pants, stand-out sunglasses, street-style sneakers and oversized sweatshirts. This fashion is described as clean, flattering and conventional. This style is what is accepted because there is just enough similarity to others’ outfits paired with a hint of individuality and risk-taking that people can understand and respect it.

Think about what you consider to be a stylish outfit, is this decision skewed to appease the trends you see daily? Although social media can be a great place to find inspiration, viewers are stripped of the potentiality of true personal

style. Each unique “For You” Page is filled with people from different communities, with different bodies and different values. However, all of these people are wearing the same style of clothing. How can a person express themselves if there is only a narrow range of styles they can choose from?

Anyone who attempts to dress outside the norm can be subjected to criticism in the comment section with hurtful messages ripping apart their choices.

One content creator on TikTok with the handle @tinyjewishgirl receives a lot of hate for her style choices. Her whole brand is breaking the constraints of trendy fashion. Clara Perlmutter, the creator, takes crazily unique clothing items and styles them with other bold pieces. Most people stick to one eccentric piece to make their outfits pop, but Perlmutter

embraces the strangeness. She does many things that define her as “weird” in a fashion sense. Perlmutter states that the number one things she looks for in pieces are color and texture, two things that can overwhelm an outfit, but she embraces. She said she also tries to incorporate contrast into her outfits. This contrast can come in the form of color, texture, silhouette or length. This content creator is spearheading a movement to embrace dressing how you truly want, no matter what other people think.

Perlmutter receives so much hate because she refuses to assimilate into “TikTok fashion.” Unconventional outfits are rarely supported in TikTok comment sections.

Mia Regan, who goes by the handle @mimimoocher on TikTok, receives a much different response from her viewers. Regan wears the most distinct and individualistic

gen z

pieces such as mixed print pants, funky jewelry, embroidered corsets and hot pink crocs.

Although she receives a lot of praise for her individualism on social media, she additionally receives a lot of hate. Scrolling on one of Regan’s videos where she shows her outfit on the day from February 12, a comment reads: More comments on a video titled “building an outfit with me” from February 22 state: “got to be one of the worst” and “absolutely not.”

People constantly question the validity of

IDON’TMEAN TOBERUDE, BUTWHAT THEACTUAL HELLAREYOU WEARING?

her outfits. They wonder if she actually has a sense of style or can simply pull it off because of her model-like features.

Another popular and unique content creator @ttaanyaa showcases her ability to build what she calls “unconventional outfits.” Tanya is a bit more conservative in her eccentric and creative pieces. Unlike Regan and Clara, she ensures there is a more conventional beauty standard included in her decisions. Her pieces are wild and funky, but she doesn’t always style them with additional crazy pieces. Perhaps this is why she receives more praise and less hate. The restraining theme remains: the closer you are to the social norm, the more likely you are to be accepted.

Society claims it allows people to be risktakers, but risk-takers are not truly accepted. By taking a quick glimpse at some of the new collections released in New York Fashion week in 2022, one can see that designers are trying to spearhead eccentric fashion, but the public is not quite accepting it. Vogue describes Marc Jacobs’ collection as “one of looming, semi-threatening

models with a postapocalyptic edge.” However, the clothes on display are not ones that will be worn by the general population.

In terms of the acceptable level of taking a risk in TikTok fashion, an individual may include a lime green shoulder purse or contrasting color jacket. Who knows what outfits would truly consist of if individuality was accepted.

The concept of trends is a large aspect of TikTok that is ruining personal style. Of course, trends have always been around, such as the bellbottom pants in the 1970s or the flapper dresses in the 1920s, but the exposure of trends has never been more prevalent. Currently, the exposure to trends has increased significantly due to the increase of social media and content creators.

People can showcase every outfit they wear, informing audiences of what fashion trends they do or do not support. When creators buy the latest clothing trends to appease their audience and increase engagement they are forced to participate in and accelerate the effects of the mainstream fashion movements.

Currently, TikTok is creating the popularity of certain clothing pieces such as UGG mini boots, balaclavas, corsets and fuzzy bucket hats. Even though people may not personally enjoy these pieces, they buy them to fit in with the trends. Their fashion status is dependent upon what other people view as stylish. The exposure of popular creators wearing trendy outfits then inspires viewers to buy those pieces. Then, everyone has the same wardrobe and pieces which eliminates so much uniqueness and individuality.

This cycle will never end. There is no room for personal expression in a space where people only look good if they are wearing the latest TikTok trend.

Fashion is something very sensitive to people because of how personal it is. The clothes a person puts on themselves are an extension of who they are. Clothing is a way for people to share with the world how they feel and want to be perceived.

Not everyone is a preppy girl who wants to wear pinstripes and collars. Not everyone is a bold girl who wants to wear revealing sets and attention-grabbing makeup. Not everyone is a

beachy girl who wants to wear loose linen tops and strappy sandals. Furthermore, not everyone

IFNOONEWANTS TOBETHESAME WAY,WHYARESO MANYPEOPLE DRESSINGTHE SAME?

wants to conform to the trends that TikTok endorses.

Everyone should be entitled to express themselves. No one has to fit in with the group they are with. No one’s outfits have to be so similar.

The future of individualistic fashion needs to be fought for. The assimilation of people, especially Generation Z, into the trends of TikTok becomes more noticeable every day. Individuals should start actively choosing to dress for themselves and what they believe looks good.

Additionally, society needs to be more accepting of outfits that other people wear. Even if you do not like the outfit someone is wearing, it doesn’t mean this opinion needs to be expressed. Let whoever it is live their best life without hurting their feelings or making them feel selfconscious. Everyone wants to be accepted and our society needs to reflect that.

Ev Everyone should be entitled to express themselves. No one has to fit in with the group they are with. No one’s outfits have to be so similar.

The future of individualistic fashion needs to be fought for. The assimilation of people, especially Generation Z, into the trends of TikTok becomes more noticeable every day. Individuals should start actively choosing to dress for themselves and what they believe looks good.

Additionally, society needs to be more accepting of outfits that other people wear. Even if you do not like the outfit someone is wearing, it doesn’t mean this opinion needs to be expressed.

HEAVEN'S PADDING

WRITTEN

BY IZZY D’ALO | DESIGNED BY BONNIE ZHANG | PHOTOGRAPHED BY GILLIAN FASKI

On the second floor of the Joan H. Gillings Center for Dramatic Art lies the hub where graduate students learn costume production and the secret PlayMakers Repertory Company’s costumes.

The inimitable Triffin Morris, veteran costume producer and head of the Costume Production program at UNC-Chapel Hill, guides the students in their work.

During her second year of graduate school, Morris found her way to a costume shop in New York during the fall, when there is a rush of shows in the city before the Winter season begins. Once she was there, she felt like she’d “finally come home.” Once she went back to Milwaukee, Wisconsin, to finish her graduate program, she moved back to New York and began working as a draper for a premier costume shop, eventually becoming the top in her field.

“I watched my work drive by on the side of a bus,” Morris said. The costume production doyenne has produced costumes for Tonyaward-winning shows, such as “Wicked,” where her shop worked on all the costumes for Emerald City.

“The designer, Susan Hillfredy, told us that what she was doing was taking center-front, and tipping it 45 degrees,” making nothing symmetrical, Morris said. Morris described it as a “brain twister” with a lot of collaboration. “It was really challenging and interesting work, and I was really proud of my work in it. And then it won a Tony, and then it sent me around the world,” Morris said.

Her specialty is padding.

Morris made the padding that goes under the Hagrid costume for Harry Potter on Broadway, created all of the body padding for “Shrek,” contributed work on “Matilda,” and assisted in helping the Rockettes for their Christmas Spectacular.

What many people don’t realize is that Broadway needs “rebuilds regularly,” more so for shows that run a long time, such as “Wicked” which has been running for twenty years. Every time a new actor or dancer is cast, a show must have a technician to create new costumes for them.

For example, with the Rockettes, if a new dancer arrives or a new number is introduced, their costumes will be produced by the original shop who made the costumes, Morris said.

“But in the meantime, there are 69 other

Rockette costumes being worn by the same people that wore it last year, so those costumes need to be refurbished. This work happens by the shops who gather in the summer, and who work through about October,” she added.

She talked about the Santa number, performed by the Rockettes, where she developed a new interior to keep the Santa stomachs full and round, but so they could also keep their shape as they moved.

Four years ago, she started her career here at UNC. She likes to teach students how to be costume technicians, rather than designers, making the distinction clear to her students. Costume designers draw pictures and collaborate with the director, choose fabrics, and create the concept. Once that is done, they give this to the costume technician, or draper, who will create the piece. Technicians work year-round, while costume designers are usually

GRADUATE STUDENT MATTY BLATT WORKS ON ALTERATIONS FOR COSTUMES FOR THE PRODUCTION OF “A WRINKLE OF TIME.”

GRADUATE ALEX HAGMAN WORKS ON ALTERATIONS FOR THE PRODUCTION OF “A WRINKLE IN TIME.”

UNC’S DEPARTMENT OF DRAMATIC ART IS PARTNERED WITH PLAYMAKERS REPERTORY COMPANY SO STUDENTS CAN CREATE COSTUMES FOR UPCOMING THEATRICAL PRODUCTIONS.

needed up until the show opens, Morris said.

“From this position, I can really do something about diversity. And I can do something about expectations about what our work hours will be, and what our wages will be, and I can graduate people who are very well qualified, and who do excellent work, but who will also expect to get paid and treated well,” Morris said. “I can really change the industry.”

She describes the industry as what was once “grandma’s work” and is excited that the profession is getting the recognition and respect she feels it deserves.

The graduate program at UNC gives students the privilege to design and create their

own costume pieces that they can add to their portfolio, while also giving students the chance to create garments for theatrical productions, such as PlayMakers.

“I’m trying to give my students a big toolbox and to have a variety of techniques at their disposal. To be flexible of mind,” Morris said.

During the early stages of the pandemic, Morris described the challenges their department faced, as sewing is a tactile skill, and said that the chair of the department was able to “persuade the university that our costume shop is our laboratory.” The university approved the request, and while limited numbers of students were allowed at the same time, they did have the

LEAF ARMOR, CREATED BY GRADUATE STUDENT EMMA HOYLST, AS A PART OF HER FINAL PROJECT FOR HER COSTUME DESIGN CLASS.

IN THE COSTUME PRODUCTION PROGRAM, HEAD OF PROGRAM

TRIFFIN MORRIS TEACHES STUDENTS TO BE COSTUME TECHNICIANS INSTEAD OF COSTUME DESIGNERS. TECHNICIANS, OR DRAPERS, CREATE THE PHYSICAL GARMENT WHILE DESIGNERS CONCEPTUALIZE.

hands-on opportunity to continue to grow in their skills.

In the morning, they are a graduate program, but in the afternoon, they are PlayMakers’ Costume Shop. Currently, they’re working on the costumes for “A Wrinkle in Time.”

Morris said the costume industry is not for everyone, but that it’s perfect for people who always want to create. What she looks for in prospective students is that they know they want to be costume technicians. A sense of certainty.

“Be sure this is what heaven looks like,” Morris said.

DESIGNED

BY MIA DEWITT

PHOTOGRAPHED BY BAILEY INGHAM, CALLI WESTRA, MADDEE BURT, LAUREN CMIEL

MODELED BY BLAINE PURCELL, DIANNAH ABDEL HALIM, EMILY GARCIA, UREDO AGADA

WRITTEN BY CLAY MORRIS

the diamond

MOST CLUBS REQUIRE YOUR ID TO GET IN. THIS ONE ONLY REQUIRES YOU DRESS THE PART. SEE YOU INSIDE.

diamond rope

BEAUTY BY ALICE NOVINTE AND JASMINE WILSON

PRODUCTION BY IZZY D'ALO

STYLE BY JULIANA KORICKE, MONIQUE GANDY, AASHNA SHAH

MISC BY THOMAS JONES

CASTED BY GABBY TORRES

SPECIAL THANKS TO RUMORS BOUTIQUE

FASHION AND ITS

DOUBLE STANDARDS

WRITTEN BY MANAAL IQBAL DESIGNED BY LAYNA HONG

There’s a double standard that exists in fashion. One that takes advantage of freedom of expression without advocating for it. One that celebrates modesty until it becomes the brown woman’s modesty. Fashion is a space meant to celebrate creativity in appearance, because of the infinite styles, fabrics and trends that accompany it. is what makes it so appealing. But what’s it like when brands get away with using an existing appearance for their own profit, without acknowledging the politics that might come with it?

women all over the world. Since it’s a very tangible symbol of Islam, it’s become a target of Islamaphobic policies by foreign governments. In France and many other fashion capitals of the world, hijab bans have been imposed to limit the expression of the religion and curb “terrorist” influences. Right off the bat it sounds ridiculous. To deny someone their basic rights based off of a piece of clothing sounds like something out of a dystopian movie, but it’s the reality of Muslim women all over Europe. Muslim women exist in spaces that support freedom of expression and reject it at the same time. The dichotomy laughs in their faces when they’re being physically assaulted for a piece of cloth. What do fashion brands like Gucci, Dior, Miu Miu, and Acne

ITGOESTOSHOWTHATFASHIONWILL USEWHATEVERAUDACITYNECESSARY TOKEEPPOLITICSOUTOFITSSHOWS, ITSBRANDS,ANDITSLIFESTYLES WHENEVERITWANTS. BUTWHY?IT’SBECAUSEPOLITICS DON’TSELL–ESPECIALLYTHE BROWNWOMAN’SPOLITICS.

The hijab is at the center of this concept. At first glance, it might look like cultural appropriation, but this goes beyond that. It goes to the point of fashion taking advantage of cultural and religious norms for profit even though individuals who practice these norms can’t safely do so. The hijab is at the center of this concept. Brands take advantage of the “headscarf” (as they so popularly refer to it) and commercialize it into the next big trend, while simultaneously refusing to acknowledge the struggle Muslim women face everyday trying to represent their religion. Distancing themselves from the politics of the real world, this is just one example of the way high fashion has turned into something inaccessible for the average consumer. The double standard makes fashion’s every claim of diversity, inclusion, and progress that much more meaningless. The hypocrisy isn’t something that can be ignored, and understanding where this double standard comes from is the first step in acknowledging it.

At the center of the issue, Tthe hijab sits as the intersection between fashion and religion. The hijab is a religious headscarf worn by Muslim

Studios have to do with the politics of a hijab?

The answer: nothing. At least, that’s what they try to tell us. The fashion industry, especially high fashion, exists in a bubble that tries to separate expensive brands and lifestyles from the real world. It takes the saying “no need to make everything political” quite literally. The hijab is still on the runway, with models and celebrities donning colorful fabrics and textures on their heads–except it’s not a hijab anymore. Once it walks onto the runway it’s a “headscarf” or a balaclava, even though almost everything about its appearance matches the hijab.

For example, the balaclava is a head covering that’s traditionally worn in Eastern Europe. Strikingly similar to the hijab, the balaclava is like a hood of a hoodie. It’s become the latest trend appearing in runway shows for Miu Miu, Acne Studios, and Maison Margiela. Muslim women, including myself, can’t help but feel a pang of betrayal to see another head covering headcovering gain popularity in fashion without any support for the struggle tied to wearing hijab. We can’t do anything but watch a model walk down the runway wearing the same

thing as them. Yet, when it’s a headscarf or balaclava it’s a cool trend, but when it’s a hijab it’s a crime. Stripping the hijab of its politics has real consequences on the people who wear it, something the fashion industry does a great job of ignoring in order to keep everything neutral.

High end brands remove any political, religious, or cultural meaning from their clothing unless it benefits them in order to perpetuate the “neutral” bubble. This perspective has slightly shifted in the last decade, with brands standing up for gender equality and against human rights violations (queue Burberry pulling its inventory from Russia) or joining movements against Asian-hate, but there are two important caveats–that change is microscopic, and it only happens when the industry can profit off of it. Paris Fashion Week still exists even though the French government demonizes Muslim women, and there’s not a glimmer of support from the industry. It goes to show that fashion will use whatever audacity necessary to keep politics out of its shows, its brands, and its lifestyles whenever it wants.

But why? It’s because politics don’t sell–especially the brown woman’s politics. High fashion perpetuates a bubble that markets to a very specific audience: rich white people. Wealth is notorious for standing away and above the problems of the world, and issues like gender equality or human rights violations can be marketed from the white perspective, making it easy for brands to selectively include politics in their industry when it’s convenient for them. Whether someone like me, the average consumer, is offended by it or not–it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to actively participate in high fashion anyways, because I can’t. Since high fashion brands have turned themselves into an exclusive club for the rich, they have no need to “trouble” themselves by relating to average people. It makes fashion’s every claim of diversity, inclusion and progress that much more ironic.

In the 21st century, fashion has taken a pivotal stance on the politics of an industry built on objectifying the white woman’s body. Building a diverse pool of models from all over the world to walk the runway, the industry has begun championing diversity in race, gender, ethnicity, size, all of it. It seems like real improvement exists when this year’s Paris Fashion Week is compared to the first. But all of that improvement exists in a “neutral” bubble soaked in ignorance, and without that bubble, none of the progress is really there. Without Gucci, Dior, Versace and every other high-end high end brand desperately trying to play Switzerland and keep politics out of their clothes and runways, their “progress” isn’t progress at all. It’s an intentional choice to profit off of political and social issues because it’s easy, convenient, and marketable–not because it’s important, meaningful and morally sound.

Trying to be neutral by removing everything political in the industry isn’t neutral at all, it’s joining the side of the oppressor.

But who cares if Dior doesn’t want to get political in their shows? Even though fashion can and should be used as a space to creatively escape from the overwhelming emotion of today’s world through self-expression, there’s a line. Selectively including politics when it’s profitable and removing them when it’s not crosses that e line. If fashion wants to profit off of the hijab by marketing it as a headscarf, it has a responsibility to advocate for Muslim women where their hijab jeopardizes their safety and livelihood. The industry can support Ukraine, call out Asianhate, and advocate for gender equality, so there’s

won’t seek out inclusion. It makes breaking into fashion, breaking this cycle, very difficult. It also makes witnessing this double standard that much more heartbreaking. Not even days after France imposed a nationwide hijab ban, Vogue France posted a picture on Instagram with the caption: “yes to the headscarf!” The irony laughs in our faces, and proves why recognizing this hypocrisy is more important than ever.

PHOTOGRAPHED BY ALZAHRAA AL BAYATI MODELED BY NADEEN ATIEH

no excuse for excluding support for issues that predominantly affect brown women. In order for fashion to lay claim to diversity, inclusion, and progress, it needs to find that balance between advocacy and appreciation.

Whether or not there is a solution, whether or not this is right or wrong, there’s a double standard that needs to be acknowledged. I still actively participate in fashion where I can, drawing inspiration from my favorite designers and trends. As much as I want to chase after high fashion and get a taste of that lifestyle, none of that matters if it comes from a space that refuses to advocate for me, to uplift me, to support me. This experience becomes more common across so many different identities: Muslim women, When an industry takes advantage of an individual’s lifestyle without advocating for them, they distance themselves from them, and from the real world. From that point on, every claim about supporting different voices, ideas, or issues goes down the drain. The industry is yelling into an echo chamber. The audience that’s already been sucked into a world of couture will stay that way, and the average consumers left behind

TRYINGTOBE NEUTRALBY REMOVING EVERYTHING POLITICALINTHE INDUSTRYISN’T NEUTRALAT ALL,IT’SJOINING THESIDEOFTHE OPPRESSOR.

DEEP dive

HOWASINGLEGARMENTINFLUENCES PROPORTIONALITYANDSELF.

WRITTEN BY FORBES FOWLER

DESIGNED BY SANVI KORSAPATHY

What are you wearing right now? Chances are, you just had to stop reading and think for a few seconds about the cloth draped around your body. The vast majority of college students, and the rest of the population, wear clothing that is meant to be forgotten. We choose our daily uniforms for comfort and safety. One need only glance at the explosion of “athleisure” brands, catering to leggings, hoodies and sneakers as the acceptable attire for any occasion to see this trend.

But what if we decided to not forget the clothes we wear every day? Such is the case with the avant-garde designer Carol Christian Poell, or CCP for short. Known to some as the designer whose runway is a river — which is a reference to his SS04 “MainstreamDownstream” show where models were sent floating down a canal — CCP is often written off as overly eccentric. A close examination reveals CCP’s quiet revolution in tailoring: he fashions clothing which asserts its presence through material and proportionality to create a vastly more intimate connection between garment and wearer.

Before exploring a single garment deeply, it is important to define what is meant by “proportionality” in fashion. Proportionality

refers to how lines and shapes divide the space, garment, or outfit into parts. It involves the relationship of one part or space compared to another part or space, then to the figure as a whole. In reference to division, you may have heard about the “rule of thirds.” This rule refers to how you break up your body through clothing. Take a simple t-shirt tucked into jeans for example. This would be an example of a half and half proportion, you have equal amounts top half and bottom half. Wear a longer t-shirt untucked and you elongate the top into a twothirds proportion.

BUTWHATIF WEDECIDEDTO NOTFORGET THECLOTHES WEWEAREVERY

DAY?

It’s all about playing with proportions! Ask someone to take a photo of you standing straight (the camera should be at your waist level), then print the photo out. To start playing

COMFORT VS. ANXIETY HARMONY VS .DISCORD “

“

with proportions like a seasoned designer, begin by drawing a simple shape like a triangle or trapezoid on top of your body to see which one matches you best. This may require a little imagination. Once you find the shape you think will suit you, proceed to find a garment that resembles the shape, and put it together. Ask yourself questions like, what does it exaggerate, what new lines or curves can be formed by the clothing itself? It’s important to keep on wearing the outfit you created often enough that you can think of details to add on to it. Time and patience tend to give the best answer in many things!

IT’SALLABOUT PLAYINGWITH PROPORTIONS!

Generally, uneven proportions are more visually interesting as they are less obvious than even body proportions and follow the natural shape of the body. Harmonious proportions with the body do not reveal nor accentuate natural variations, allowing manipulation purely through elements of design. When designers master proportionality, such as CCP has, they can begin to create fascinating illusions about the figure through the curiosity of a pinched seam, bunching fabric in an unexpected way, or through sharp architectural lines that contrast innate curvilinearity.

Perhaps the best example of CCP’s revolution through garments is the GM/2622BP COWO/11. Confused by the name? Yeah, I was too. CCP doesn’t offer traditional names to his clothing, opting instead for the industrial name of the material, pattern and color. A name like “long black blazer” would be antithetical to the purpose of the garment. When an article of clothing is named conventionally, it is easy to write it off as just another blazer and not examine its construction. Looking closely at the surface of this jacket, rigid metal is seen enmeshed with black wool fibers, the elbows bulge out in an unnatural way and the seams have thick stitches reminiscent of scars. One gets the impression upon viewing that there is an untouched and complex world teeming below the surface of the threads of fabric.

Not a single seam meets itself, instead they all “dead-end,” a simple concept but thought impossible to be achieved in pattern making until CCP made this garment. Before CCP released his dead-end collection, items of clothing traditionally had seams that met each

other, as this process conserves the most fabric and ensures a longer lasting garment due to the strength of the joined seams. However, CCP ingeniously devised patterns where no seams joined, held together by industrial glue and exposed stitching. Through material and form, CCP demands an investigation into the garment by the viewer.

CCP is constantly interrogating wardrobe staples to find dichotomies like comfort vs anxiety or harmony vs discord. In his GM/2622BP COWO/11, there is a harmony of material, but discord in the seams. There is comfort in the clean linearity of the shoulders, but anxiety enforced by the rigid padding which presses on the shoulders of the wearer. In fact, this particular garment has sharp industrial glue reinforcing every stitch and joint, which can cut into the wearer at stress points. It has titanium metal inserts in the elbows that restrict movement and high armholes which pull at the back of the wearer to induce a posture that CCP envisioned. This jacket extends below the knees, ending in a sharp, crisp line at the shins, creating an unbalanced proportion between a long top half and small bottom half, exciting and inviting the viewer to explore how the jacket can change how their body is perceived.

CCP’S

GM/2622BP

32

HEALTH

PHOTOGRAPHED BY IRA WILDER MODELED BY ALEXIS CAMPBELL

On

DETOXING

WRITTEN BY CAMERON SHAW DESIGNED BY DEJA BOONE

Detoxes have become a huge trend in recent years with mainstream celebrities promoting them and people paying hundreds of dollars for products that promise to help them cleanse their bodies, lose weight and improve their health. Specific definitions for detox can vary, but most people tend to agree that detoxes are intended to remove toxins from your body in an effort to improve overall health. Many advocates view detoxes as a way to reset and give their bodies a fresh start and the narrative has certainly been promoted by celebrities and influencers, who may or may not actually use the products they are paid to advertise. However, there has been a lot of disagreement about whether detoxes are actually beneficial

Two of the most popular types of detoxes are detox teas and juice cleanses.

Yogi, a tea company, sells a selection of “Yogi DeTox Teas” which their website claims “support healthy cleansing.” Yogi references their use of traditional herbs and ingredients from Ayurveda, a thousands-year-old holistic Indian medical system, but provides no actual evidence or explanation of how this works. As required by law, they admit on their website that the FDA has not evaluated their claims.

Weight loss product company Flat Tummy Co, which has been promoted by many celebrity influencers including the Kardashians and Amber Rose, also offers detox tea in addition to a variety of other products. On their website they claim their goal is to help women “look and feel like the best versions of themselves.” However, given the name “Flat Tummy Co” it seems clear that their goal is much more focused on attaining a certain aesthetic.

This seems to be a common theme with detox teas. Despite claiming that their products are meant to help with bloating and sluggishness, brands with names like SkinnyFit, Skinny Tea and Flat Tummy Co are clearly focused on weight loss, not “detoxing”, and advertise their products by claiming they will help women achieve a certain body type.

Flat Tummy Co’s “Flat Tummy Tea,” which is marketed as a detox tea, claims to “boost

energy, speed metabolism and reduce bloating.” They offer two or four week programs where participants drink their tea in the morning and at night. Their website, like Yogi’s, references traditional use as an explanation for why their products work, but offers no actual science. Flat Tummy Co admits that different people will have different results and the FDA has not verified any of their claims.

Another popular type of detox is a juice cleanse. Pressed, a juice company, offers four full-day and three half-day cleanses. Although

they do not specify how many days your cleanse should last, most people choose three days. The full-day cleanses are $34.50 and include six juices which you should drink every two hours with no additional food. Pressed’s website claims that their cleanses will “give your digestive system a break,” but there is no evidence to support that this is true or that your digestive system even needs a break. All of the Pressed cleanses are well below the bare minimum calorie requirement of 1,200 calories a day for women and 1,500 for men suggested by Harvard Health Publishing. The

YOURBODYISABLETO DETOXITSELFWITH NATURAL PROCESSES INTHELIVER,KIDNEY, ANDOTHERORGANS

PHOTO COURTESTY OF UNSPLASH.COM

most extreme cleanse provides only 710 calories. These cleanses seem more likely to trigger disordered eating than provide a healthy option.

Despite all of the claims made by these companies, there is no evidence that detox teas or juice cleanses are actually beneficial, and it is very difficult for scientists to debunk the vague statements. No specific toxins or processes are mentioned and, as a result, very few studies have been done on the effects of detox diets. The studies that have been done were low quality in terms of design, size and peer review according to the National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health.

Your body is able to detox itself with natural processes in the liver, kidney and other organs. According to the American Liver Foundation, the best ways to support your liver, one of your body’s main detox organs, are to stay hydrated, eat a balanced diet, exercise and avoid chemicals and alcohol.

Additionally, there is emerging coverage of cases where cleanses caused harm. One case suggested that Yogi Detox herbal tea may have caused liver failure in a 60-year-old woman. In another case, a woman developed severe hyponatremia (dangerously low blood sodium levels) after using a detox tea. In both of these cases, the women had been drinking detox tea two or three times a day for two to four weeks. Doctors hypothesized that the detox tea caused the patients’ conditions because the patients had no related medical history and no other significant dietary changes.

Many detox teas contain diuretics or laxatives to achieve the anti-bloating and weight loss effects their customers are after, which can have many harmful results. Some side effects of diuretics and laxatives include electrolyte imbalance, acid-base disorders,

dehydration and nutrient deficiencies.

In terms of weight loss, no specific studies have been done. However, much of the weight loss that occurs with detoxes comes as a result of laxatives, dehydration or extremely low calorie consumption, all of which tend to be temporary and unhealthy ways to lose weight. Diets in general have a weight loss success rate of only about 20% or less. Despite claims that they are healthy, detoxes are actually extremely stressful on your body. People lose weight during detoxes because of dangerous caloric deficits, which can slow down people’s metabolisms and increase their appetites. This may result in binge eating and long-term weight gain.

Part of the reason detoxes and cleanses have been so successful in a business sense is because they use a narrative we have become accustomed to. People are constantly looking for an easy way to improve their health and shed weight. Detox diet marketing feeds off people’s body insecurities to the point that people are willing to spend any amount of money for a simple fix. The

term weight loss. Detox and cleanse companies have manipulated social media to convince people that eating disorder behaviors are healthy, using celebrities and fitness influencers to promote their products. If you truly want to improve your health, assuming that you don’t have a medical condition, adopting a balanced diet, hydration and exercise is the solution.

Additionally, there is no reason to strive for the unrealistic body goals perpetuated by detoxes. These “perfect” socially-constructed bodies are not necessarily healthy and being consumed with these false images can be very harmful. You should love your body and all it does for you, not deprive it of essential nourishment.

DESPITECLAIMSTHATTHEY AREHEALTHY,DETOXES AREACTUALLYEXTREMELY STRESSFULONYOURBODY

WRITTEN BY SABRINA ORTIZ | DESIGNED BY NIHA KANUMURI

What do Oprah Winfrey, Sofía Vergara, Hillary Clinton and I all have in common? We all have a condition called hypothyroidism.

Towards the end of the Spring 2021 semester, I was too exhausted to do everyday tasks and I constantly asked myself, “Why do I feel like this?” With it being more than a year since the pandemic began, I attributed the way I felt to the intense circumstances we were living through. After all, people from all around the world were experiencing burnout and a lack of motivation. When I tested positive for COVID-19 in March 2021, I blamed my tiredness on lingering symptoms. I was consistently reassured by everyone I talked to that the tiredness I felt was normal.

Not only did I feel tired, but I also felt myself gaining weight very quickly. The few times I had the courage to bring up the delicate topic of my weight, something I have struggled with in the past, I was met with dismissive responses. I was told that I was exaggerating and that I looked fine. I was also met with the complete opposite response, reassuring me that everyone gained weight in quarantine or that my body was just growing into “the body of a woman.” Instead of trusting my intuition that something was off, I chose to listen to everyone else’s thoughts and opinions about my body. Feeling unhappy with the way my body was functioning, I questioned if it would be my new normal.

In August, it was time for me to return to UNC-Chapel Hill after taking classes remotely for a year and a half. This meant packing, moving into a new house, fearing the COVID-19 risks. on campus and readjusting to school in person

HYPOTHYROIDISM

“HYPOTHYROIDISM... OCCURSWHEN YOURIMMUNE SYSTEM ATTACKS THETHYROID GLAND...”

THYROID

after being cooped up for so long. I was already overwhelmed with all the changes coming my way, so I decided to only focus on getting back to campus. My mom, however, insisted that I get my yearly checkup done at the doctor’s office before I left for school. I pleaded that I had too many things to worry about and did not want to go, but, as mothers do, my mom got her way, and I went to the doctor’s office one week before leaving New York.

Shortly after that visit, I received a voicemail from my doctor saying that there was something unusual in my blood test results. When I called back, my doctor told me that my thyroidstimulating hormone (TSH) levels were unusual, and I likely had hypothyroidism. My doctor, who has taken care of me my entire life, sensed the apprehension and fear in my voice and reassured me I had nothing to worry about. I just needed to see a specialist as soon as possible. As I hung up the phone, I cried to my mom, whom I had watched struggle with hypothyroidism my entire life.

My visit to the endocrinologist only confirmed what we already knew; I have hypothyroidism caused by Hashimoto’s disease, which occurs when your immune system attacks the thyroid gland, preventing it from producing enough hormones, resulting in hypothyroidism. This thyroid hormone deficiency can have many symptoms, including weight gain, fatigue, mood swings, cold sensitivity and hair loss. If untreated, this disease can be life-threatening, but treatment is simple: taking medication regularly to regulate hormone levels. I was excited to finally have a solution to all my issues that had been dismissed by everyone I had talked to previously.

My mom, two of my best friends and my boyfriend’s dad all have hypothyroidism, so the concept was not completely new to me. According to the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases,

NEARLY5OUTOF 100AMERICANS AGES12YEARS ANDOLDERHAVE HYPOTHYROIDISM

with most cases having mild or few obvious symptoms. Despite being so common, it is not a condition that many people are aware of. Even though I was surrounded by it I did not think of it as a possibility for me.

Treating hypothyroidism has been a journey, but, like all things, good things come with time. Shortly after being prescribed my first medication, I started feeling worse. I would get so tired that I needed to nap in the middle of the day just to be able to function. I remember one weekend, my boyfriend came to visit me. We woke up late and went to Carolina Coffee Shop to get brunch. By the time I got home, I had to go right back to sleep because I was so exhausted. Even walking for too long down Franklin Street was a challenge. When I met with my specialist, she reassured me that it was normal to feel the way I did as my body adjusted. She switched me over to a different pill for good measure and told me to trust the process. Today, over six months after my diagnosis, I am glad I did.

With the medicine I am on now, I feel like I am back to my normal self. I have enough energy for class, my internship, extracurriculars and working out without taking any naps throughout the day or needing caffeine. This impacts my overall mood, productiveness and my self-esteem. My best friends, who both also got diagnosed and put on medicine, also have had positive experiences. Both of their levels normalized and they do not need to take medication anymore. In my case, my doctor said I will likely have to stay on medication permanently because of how high the dosage is, but I am okay with that because I am feeling great.

Getting diagnosed and receiving treatment gave my body the reset it deserved. My body was given a chance to work at its full potential and to heal itself from what it was undergoing. The entirety of my time experiencing symptoms, my body was trying to warn me that something was going on. Instead of listening and taking care of my body, I chose to ignore it, and as a consequence, both my mental and physical health suffered. This experience taught me important life lessons, the biggest being: listen to yourself and your body.

The truth is, only you know what your body is experiencing, and no one else in the world will know it better. I knew I was gaining weight, but when no one believed me, I chose to ignore

my feelings and just go with their perception of me. I have and continue to struggle with body dysmorphia, so when I was constantly told that I was not gaining weight, I believed it. Gaining weight didn’t mean I was feeling overweight, which is what people immediately thought I meant. I knew the weight gain was out of the norm for me, and I should have trusted that. The same concept applies to the fatigue I was feeling.

PARTOFLISTENING TOYOURSELF ANDYOUR BODYINVOLVES NOURISHINGYOUR BODY

This situation can also serve as a reminder to be mindful about how you approach someone else’s health concerns. Whether it concerns physical or mental health, only the person living it knows what they are experiencing, so the best thing you can do is offer support.

We typically think of nourishing our bodies as eating healthy and drinking water; however, an extremely important part of self-care is going to the doctor regularly to make sure everything is okay. My mom had to pull my teeth to go to the doctor and get my checkup done. If I had gone earlier, the issue could have been identified earlier. Another way to think about it is, if you have a car, you are going to bring it to the mechanic every year for its inspection to make sure everything is okay with it, right? Your body is so much more valuable than any car, and you need to make sure everything is running properly too. Go make that doctor’s appointment!

As college students, we often juggle what feels like a million tasks. However, it is vital to not lose sight of what is most important: your well-being.

LISTENTOYOUR BODYANDGIVEITTHE RESETITDESERVES

HYPOTHYROIDISM

ANDRÉ LEON TALLEY. ROBIN GIVHAN. NAOMI CAMPBELL. PATRICK KELLY— FOUR NAMES EVERY SERIOUS FASHION AFICIONADO OUGHT TO KNOW. TURN THE PAGES TO SEE LOOKS INSPIRED BY THEIR LEGACIES AS EDITORS, CRITICS, SUPERMODELS, AND DESIGNERS.

black fashion LEGENDS

WRITTEN BY CLAY MORRIS PHOTOGRAPHED BY CHASE COFIELD, LAUREN CMIEL

DESIGNED BY DEJA BOONE

MODELED BY AMEENA HESTER, TERRIQUE MORRIS, LAURYN FAIRLEY, CE’NIYAH ELLISON

BEAUTY BY ALICE NOVINTE, MEGHA IYER, SOFHIA

MARTINEZ QUERECUTO, JASMINE WILSON

CASTED BY GABBY TORRES

STYLE BY AASHNA SHAH, MONIQUE GANDY, JULIANA KORICKE, LOULIE OLSON

MISC BY THOMAS JONES

SPECIAL THANKS TO RUMORS BOUTIQUE

A ARTS

PHOTOGRAPHED BY IZZE STEINKE

what does it mean to be seen?

HAVEYOUEVERTHOUGHT OF DRIVINGOFFABRIDGE?

Over the edge into the water out the window back to the surface When I remember I want to live again He is nothing but a stranger a UFO in my mind in my mirror when they tell me I need to change my mustache, my shoulders, my ugly ass shoes if I really want to be fluid like the water that said I was too dense like the air bending around my car as it fell Just another day in the life of oxygen whispering around windmills stop lights and the curve of my ear into the drum of my mind like a gnat on the playground.

-Blaine Purcell

DOESAWOUNDWITHOUT BLOODSTILLSCAR?

My best friend is so happy with themselves that the simple act of being misgendered is no longer an issue. They say they have become a bird, and the labels of a world they don’t live in just slide off their back and down to the ground below them, all mixed up with their shit and left on some asshole’s windshield.

I want to tell them to shut the hell up and ask when, they, of all people, started using cliches? The only bird I’ve ever known is my grandmother and you are alive, meaning you haven’t done what it takes to get there. Why do you get to fly away when I’m sitting here with shit on my head and human, and every second I look in the mirror and everytime someone calls me someone else it feels like getting stabbed by a pinning needle, the tiniest blade in my pupil, right in the spot where the color resides, without a drop of blood or scab or piece of evidence it leaves me, a shirt sewn inside out and missing a sleeve.

WRITTEN BY BLAINE PURCELL DESIGNED BY MIA DEWITT

If had a chance for last words I’d say that I am happy for you.

- Blaine Purcell

REPRESENTATION IN HOLLYWOOD IS NOT WORTH THE PRICE WE PAY

WRITTEN AND DESIGNED BY LAYNA HONG

Confession: I am Asian-American, and seeing someone who looks like me on an American movie theater screen is bittersweet.

In recent years, Western audiences have been pushing for increased racial representation in Hollywood movies and TV shows. This movement toward visibility has produced highly acclaimed content, such as “Black Panther,” “Crazy Rich Asians” and “Coco.” Diverse storytelling is certainly important. However, we should remain critical of it — especially when it comes from major corporations who stand to profit more than the communities their productions claim to represent.

It is no secret that corporations have figured out that seeming progressive is profitable. One infamous example of this new marketing strategy is “rainbow capitalism,” when corporations market to the LGBTQ+ community, as its members have amassed

sufficient purchasing power. Take the rainbow merchandise and company rebrands that emerge every June during Pride Month, for example. Racial representation is another manifestation of this capitalistic phenomenon.

The Walt Disney Co., in particular, has mastered how to profit from performative activism. From its animated films to Marvel movies, there has been a definite increase in positive racial representation. Historically, Disney has portrayed their characters of color through orientalist and racist caricatures, like in “Aladdin” (1992) or “Pocahontas” (1995). However, since the introduction of the animation studio’s first Black princess, Tiana (which has its own problems since she’s a frog for the majority of the movie), Disney has been trying to appeal to the largest audience possible by putting out diverse narratives with diverse faces. With films like “Shang-Chi and the “Legend of the Ten Rings” and “Encanto,” Disney has transformed itself into an acclaimed advocate for more representation of marginalized groups. For example, the song “We Don’t Talk About

Bruno” from “Encanto,” a 2021 movie based on Colombian magical realism, gained international success, dominated social media for several weeks and brought in over $90 million in profits in the U.S. The success of “Encanto” proves that Disney’s gamble of inclusion is paying

start using it as an indicator that our society is becoming more equitable.

While representation is important, hypervisibility is not. As a Vietnamese- Chinese person, I have learned the double-edged blade of media representation with every Vietnam War

MARGINALIZEDPEOPLESTILL DONOTCONTROLOUROWN NARRATIVES.

off, a microcosm of a wider phenomenon: the profitability of diversity.

I am not saying that people are not allowed to experience joy when they see themselves or other groups represented in mainstream media. I loved “Encanto.” Pop culture offers us comfort, allows us to process our emotions and acts as an important medium to bring people together. However, it becomes dangerous when we

movie that has dehumanized my people while centering white, American pain.

Even at the highest saturation of Asian American media representation, the U.S. still refuses to acknowledge the weight of its war crimes against my homeland and has stoked anti-Asian sentiment, resulting in racial violence against my communities. So, it does not matter to me if Disney’s “Raya and the Last Dragon” did

well in the box office or if you like phở.

In an era of American global hegemony, I am wary of giving Hollywood too much credit. This critique focuses so much on Disney because the company owns the majority of the media we consume – Pixar, ABC, Marvel and more. Instead of supporting foreign films, we wait for their cultures to be sanitized for a Western audience by Disney. For “Encanto,” Disney hired Colombian and Afro-Latino cultural consultants to inform their story. Although this decision could be applauded, it just makes me think that marginalized people, like me, are allowed to be consultants and actors, but never the owners.

Marginalized people still do not control our own narratives. Representation does not mean much when the marginalized communities that are being “represented positively” on screen are still being systematically oppressed in real life. I will not beg to be seen by Hollywood. In fact, I don’t think the visibility is worth it if it means that my culture and experiences will be wrapped up, put on shelves and mass-produced. That is not a price that I’m willing to pay.

PHOTO COURTESY OF UNSPLASH.COM

durham artist

“ASSOMEONEWHOOBSESSESOVERTHE COMPLEXITYANDBEAUTYANDVARIETYOFHUMAN SKINTONE,I’MALSOHYPERSENSITIVETOTHE WAYSTHATWETURNSOMETHINGSOMARVELOUS INTOSOMETHINGSOPROBLEMATIC.”

cyan WILLIAM PAUL THOMAS

WRITTEN BY JANE DURDEN PHOTOS BY KETAKI "SONALI" UPASANI DESIGNED

BY SANVI

KORSAPATHY

In his latest series “Cyanosis,” artist William Paul Thomas explores the complexity of the Black men who have significantly impacted his life. The series, eponymous of the medical term for blue discoloration of the skin due to oxygen deprivation in the blood, comprises around 40 portraits of Black men.

Each man’s face is centered against a monochrome background, and Thomas has altered their faces so that half of it is covered in deep blue. This technique utilizes the idea of simultaneous contrast, in which the color of one half of the face accentuates the other.

“As someone who obsesses over the complexity and beauty and variety of human skin tone, I’m also hypersensitive to the ways that we turn something so marvelous into something so problematic,” he said during a TEDx Talk at Duke University in February.

Thomas, who received his Master of Fine Arts from UNC-Chapel Hill in 2013 and currently lives in Durham, North Carolina, with his fiancée, Leticia, and daughter, Indigo, started the series after painting a self-portrait exclusively comprised of cool gray tones. He did so to question the effect someone’s complexion has on their ability to empathize with others, and if removing that central aspect of his identity changed the way other people perceived him.

“Does the complexion of Black men — does my own complexion — is it something that gives me social warmth and comfort, especially as it’s attached to my racial heritage or the way I think of myself and my race,” Thomas asked. “Or is it something that’s a permanent mask that limits my capacity to receive empathy or other vital resources? Is it both of those things at once? Does my skin, my complexion turned to some unnatural color, make me a more empathetic character than my skin in its natural state?”

“Cyanosis” began with representations of Thomas’ family members, such as his brother and nephew. However, since many of his family members live across the country, he soon expanded his own definition of family to one that included his community. His subjects include James Gadson, the first African American studio art professor in the Department of Art at UNC-CH, whom he met as a graduate student at

UNC-CH, and Anthony Hill, whom he met at a bus station in Durham.

His portraiture process begins with a photography session, where he catches up with or gets to know his subject. It was during these sessions in the early stages of the series in which he recognized another important facet of these men’s lives:

“I started to realize a pattern based on the conversations I had with the models,” he said. “All of them seem to ruminate on or reflect on relationships they’ve had with women in their lives.”

And it is for that reason that each painting is titled not with the man’s name but with the names of women who play a significant role in their lives; Gadson’s is entitled “Lindsay’s Friend” after his friendship with UNC-CH’s longtime Department Manager of Art and Art History, C. Lindsay Fulenwider. Hill’s is entitled “Lydia’s Only Caregiver” after his relationship with his mother, Lydia.

While Thomas might not be creating representations of global icons in “Cyanosis,” his portraits are extensions of the “invisible aspects” of the men in them: the characteristics that transformed these men from strangers to people he admires and respects, as well as

the significant role that the namesakes of the paintings had in this process as well. Sure, Thomas is a man painting other men. However, his renderings capture the vulnerability of his subjects that serve as the antithesis to the typical hypermasculine depiction of Black men in particular.

“It’s important to me to try to unearth the middle ground of recognizing the humanity of Black men who have been the faces of where I exist,” he said. “I’m looking at Black men who haven’t been assassinated and whose talents will not garner million-dollar endorsement deals. I’m curious about the folks that exist in that space.”

osis

RESETTING:

THE IMMIGRANT EXPERIENCE

WRITTEN BY VALERIA CLOES | DESIGNED BY MYA HULSE

Being an immigrant and resetting are one and the same – at least for me.

I was born in Argentina and lived there for only two years before moving to Boston, where I spent most of my early childhood years. I can only remember this particular resetby peering into childhood pictures. Like the photo of my rosy cheeks and my sweaty, freshly scarred forehead at my second birthday party in January in Argentina, and snapshots of my brother and me playing in two feet of snow, both of us wearing huge insulated coats. This is the reset that I remember the least. Yet, it has had the most influence on me up to this point in my life.

My second reset is much fresher in my mind. After eight years in Boston, my family and I moved to Lyon, France. While my family and I all spoke French fluently, I remember the culture shock knocking the wind out of me. My most vivid memory from the beginning of our move was getting to school two hours late and walking

into my classroom to my teacher yelling at me to sit down because I was bothering her. 10-yearold me had a rude awakening that day. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against French culture or the memories of my stay there. But needless to say, my teacher was a little more brash than I was used to in Boston.

My third reset was after four years in France, when my family and I moved to Raleigh, North Carolina. This move had the biggest impact on my identity as a Latina immigrant by far. Up until moving to Raleigh, I always attended international schools where I was surrounded by many different cultures: Algerian, Spanish, Egyptian, French, Italian, Haitian, Argentinian, Mexican, Japanese, German, Polish, English, Lebanese and so many others. Since everyone had a similar experience to mine, my story was not out of the ordinary. I did not feel like an outsider because of my culture or because I was an immigrant — that's what made me belong.

But when I started going to an American public school that didn’t have a large population

of immigrants, I suddenly found myself struggling to belong. I think being 14 and

THAT’SWHAT MADEME BELONG

finally understanding my identity better also contributed to that. All of a sudden, I found myself in this liminal gray space of belonging: I didn’t feel like I belonged to American culture because I had been away for so long and did not have citizenship. I also felt like I didn’t fully belong to my Argentinian roots that I was born into and raised with at home because Argentina was where I spent the least amount of time.

While my struggle with belonging is likely not as significant as others’ because I have white privilege and could be experiencing much worse, I find it difficult to grapple with not feeling like I

fully belong to one place or culture, feeling like I am not enough for anyone. I am not Argentinian enough for other Argentines because some say I don’t have a perfect Argentine Spanish accent and didn’t grow up there. I am not American

with other immigrants throughout my life, I have found that this struggle with belonging is common among us.

For Antonio Alanís, his whole life has been about resetting, as it has been for mine. Alanís’ most recent reset was with his career. He became a full-time grant writer and artist in January 2022, after working as a full-time artist and full-time development and communications manager at ISLA, a Latina-led nonprofit focused on fostering Latin American identity and culture through language, community and education.

society's values about what you or I should be.”

Alanís said he is now in the career of his dreams with art, grant writing and activism while also following his own schedule. He can explore different avenues of being creative as he becomes an entrepreneur and small business person.

He comes from a nonprofit world where he mostly did grant writing around uplifting and centering of Latinx, Latino and Latina communities through education, empowerment and Spanish language.

enough because I am an immigrant and was not born in the states. Occasionally experiencing xenophobia and witnessing my parents, who have accents when speaking English, experience it as well, exacerbates the feeling. One of the first people that put this feeling into words the most accurately to me was Adriana Ameigh, a Raleighbased Puerto Rican abstract artist. I interviewed her for The Daily Tar Heel and felt seen when she expressed this feeling in the interview.

All of this begs the question: Culturally, where does this leave me? What culture do I choose to belong to?

I always say I am a person of the world and am an amalgamation of all the migrations and resetting I’ve done. And after speaking

WHATCULTURE DOICHOOSETO BELONGTO?

Alanís said he was born in Mexico and moved to Texas when he was five. Alanís’ family comes from a working-class background and decided to move to the U.S. for more opportunities and to live more comfortably. Then, he moved to North Carolina in 2000, citing that as another reset.

“All of my life has been pretty much opening up to new opportunities, new careers,” Alanís said.

He realized he wanted to be a Spanish teacher while attending UNC-Chapel Hill between 2009 and 2013 studying romance languages and Hispanic literature and culture. Alanís also earned a Master’s of Arts in Education at Wake Forest University and taught for a while.

Then, he reset once again. He said that while he loved teaching, he realized it was his calling but in another capacity. He said he wanted to help his community members through the nonprofit world.

“I think resetting has a lot to do with evolving as humans, evolving and maturing,” Alanís said. “I think I really like this quote that 'Life is not about finding yourself but really creating yourself as you go,' and also shedding

“So, my grant writing really deals around making sure that we have proper equitable systems for families to thrive in this society,” he said.

Alanís said he is also working on several commissions; one of which he is applying for is in its conceptual phase.

“Part of what I'm doing right now as an artist is to counteract negative thoughts about who we are as Latinos, as immigrants,” he said. “I am here to be an example for myself — I definitely don't want to use my life as representative because it's only one experience that I have, right? One voice, one life — but I definitely want to use the resources that I have to show that it is possible to be a contributing member to society; someone who is going to have an impact in the community, in the world, definitely to younger generations to see themselves represented, to know that being a Latino, Latina, Latinx, Hispanic person is definitely something that is a strength and not a deficit ever. So, I just want to be a contributing member of changing this narrative.”

Alanís said that he grew up with a lot of negative stereotypes around being Mexican, Mexican-American and Latino in general. It was only when he started attending UNC-Chapel

FEELINGLIKE IAMNOT ENOUGHFOR ANYONE

STARTING OVER

Hill that he realized all the beautiful things that Latinx individuals have contributed to the world, not only artistically but also economically.

“Carolina was such a perfect place to show me that what I am is a beautiful person coming from a beautiful community that is often mischaracterized through either racism or

I have an answer, but then I don't,” he said. “It's everything and it's nothing.”

He added that home is anywhere his immediate family is – he said he thinks it’s a series of locations: Mexico, Durham, Chicago (where his sister just moved), El Paso and Los Angeles.

Throughout Alanís’ migrations and other resets, he said his family dynamic has been very supportive.

northern Argentina, said starting over always appealed to her.

ignorance,” Alanís said.

I curiously asked Alanís where home is for him,something I have always struggled with.

“Home is such an abstract word that I think

I related to this because whenever someone asks me where home is, I always say it’s wherever my immediate family is. My immediate family and living in the Argentine culture at home has always been the one true constant in my life.

Gabriela Costas, a Winston-Salem-based abstract painter originally from Orán, Salta, in

Costas grew up in Argentina and went to college at the National University of Córdoba and earned a B.A. in Art Education and Fine Art, majoring in painting. Costas moved to Montreal, Quebec, in 2000 and lived there for ten years. Once she met her now husband, who is American, she said she was ready to experience new cultures again.

Costas said at the current stage in her journey, life and painting are unified.

“I start over a painting, and well, there’s no problem,” Costas said. “Starting over is a part of life. There are challenges, and it’s not easy. At the beginning it’s difficult, but it’s like a constant evolution, and I think that is what has sustained me being in other places.”

Costas said she has always had the desire to travel the world and experience other cultures, and an opportunity presented itself to move to Montreal after going on a 20-day trip to different parts of Mexico.

She moved once again, this time to the U.S., which she said was something she never thought she would do.

WHATIAMIS ABEAUTIFUL PERSON COMINGFROM ABEAUTIFUL COMMUNITY

IT’S EVERYTHING ANDIT’S NOTHING

ISAPARTOFLIFE. THEREARECHALLENGESANDIT’SNOTEASY.

BEINGABLETOSPEAKWITHOTHERLATINAMERICANS ANDOTHERIMMIGRANTSHAS

FILLED A PART OF ME THAT FELT EMPTY

Costas said maintaining her Argentinian identity proved difficult initially after moving to Montreal.

“Montreal is a very cosmopolitan city, so there are so many cultures and, at the beginning, one is building themself, I think,” Costas said. “That takes time. We are rebuilding all the time.”

She said if someone asks her if she still struggles to maintain her Argentinian identity in Winston-Salem, her Argentine roots are more present because she feels good and really likes it there.

“Maybe it’s always been in me,” Costas said. “It’s like it’s more palpable.”

environment in Argentina, to such a cold place in Montreal, have influenced her painting and how she approaches art because she works abstractly, not in a realistic sense.

“Contact with other cultures and other ways of expressing oneself, symbology of other cultures,” Costas said. “Contact with people of other cultures and nature has influenced me a lot in my work.”

She described Orán as being very green as it is in a tropical zone, the las Yungas mountain jungles. In the outskirts, between Salta and Jujuy, another northeastern province in Argentina, the land is arid. She said she connects las Yungas with North Carolina because they are visually similar, citing the greenery, the tall trees and the feeling of getting lost in the mountains.

Returning to Argentina is very important to her, and he tries to go back every year.

studying journalism has brought me is being able to connect me with people who share similar experiences.

Throughout my life, especially in Raleigh, I always felt like I was blindly searching for other Argentines, Latin Americans and other immigrants. Being able to speak with other Latin Americans and other immigrants has filled a part of me that felt empty and unfulfilled — a part of me that was reaching out to feel connected and like I belonged, but never truly grasping anything.

I hope anyone who can relate to this experience can take back their feeling of belonging and experience the warmth that provides.

Hopefully, reading Costas’, Alanís’ and my story accomplishes that.

Costas’ travels and identity have influenced her painting in her way of working, in the themes and the colors she uses, she said.

She added that the places she’s been geographically, from going to a tropical

“I believe that my purpose, my dream, is to be present more often,” Costas said. “My entire family is there. We are very united, so I want to feel that connection and returning to my country is very important for me.”

Having my entire family in Argentina as well, I share Costas’ purpose. One of the gifts that

IT’SLIKEIT’S MOREPALPABLE

D LISO SA T I O R AL R

Monochromatic dressing is a way to instantly elevate your style, create clean lines and feel good about what you’re wearing. An effort that appears effortless. But it doesn’t have to be done in black, grey or navy to work. Vibrant hues are instant serotonin and give the concept a muchneeded facelift. Combine jewel tones with nuances in texture and bright monochromatic dressing is sure to become a spring/summer seasonal staple

PHOTOGRAPHED BY KETAKI "SONALI" UPASANI AND IRA WILDER

WRITTEN BY CLAY MORRIS

MODELED BY ALEXIS CAMPBELL, CRYSTAL DEZHA, NADEEN ATIEH, LEAI MEANS

DESIGNED BY CLAIRE AUDILET

BEAUTY BY ALICE NOVINTE, JASMINE WILSON, MEGHA IYER, & SOPHIA ALEM

PRODUCTION BY IZZY D’ALO

CASTING BY GABBY TORRES & RIYA JAYANTHI

STYLE BY AASHNA SHAH, CELIA FUNDERBURK, MONIQUE

GANDY, HANNAH GOGAL, JULIANA KORICKE

DID THE PARTY EVER END?

Despite2022potentially beingthezenithofthe digitalage:everything important’sstillcaughton film.

PHOTOGRAPHED BY CHISOM MAGAIJE AND IZZE STEINKE DESIGNED BY BONNIE ZHANG

HOOKUP CULTURE AND

RETHINKING THE ETHICS OF DATING PLATFORMS

WRITTEN BY ANNA SOUHAN | DESIGNED BY MYA HULSE HOOK·UP

1.“ABRIEFUNCOMMITTEDSEXUALENCOUNTER BETWEENINDIVIDUALSWHOARENOT ROMANTICPARTNERSORDATINGONEANOTHER”

It started as an undergraduate research assignment at Stanford University: two students, Sophia Sterling-Angus and Liam McGregor, sent out a survey to 10 Stanford email lists and forums for their economics final. The survey asked intimate questions about students’ romantic and sexual values and was playfully named “The Marriage Pact,” with a dubious goal of finding each participant a future spouse. You know that episode of “Friends” when Rachel and Phoebe make pacts with Ross and Joey to marry each other if they are not married by the time they turn 40? This is kind of like that.

The program uses an algorithm that matches you with your most compatible “marital backup plan” on campus based on cutting-edge technology and economic theory. So, what was their inspiration? According to Sterling-Angus and McGregor, they saw how overwhelming dating apps could be and how the wealth of options presented to them were negatively impacting their classmates’ love lives. This problem is also called the paradox of choice: the idea that having too many options can lead to

decision paralysis.

Apps like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and so on all rely on presenting people with a limitless array of attractive photos that you can choose to like or dislike by swiping in a certain direction. As a result, the two students decided to do the opposite of what everyone else was doing; they radically shrank the dating pool by giving people one match based on core values instead of interests and physical attraction, both of which can be ephemeral. Doing so allowed them to cut out the superficial items that people prioritize in short-term relationships to encourage real connections.

However, the pair quickly realized that most college students are not looking to find longterm partnerships between the ages of 18 and 22 years old. So instead, they decided to market their research project as the perfect backup plan

THEPERFECT BACKUPPLAN

where you can marry your match if you do not meet anyone else. Admittedly, the marriage part is a joke — or at least optional. Furthermore, Sterling-Angus and Liam McGregor clarified that the Marriage Pact was not created to help strangers fall in love; instead, it is meant to facilitate compatibility pairings within a set group of individuals. In an interview with The New York Times McGregor said “If you’re going to make a marriage pact in college, what are the odds that the person you already know is the best person for you? It’s entirely possible that you could never meet that best person just

YOUCOULD NEVERMEET THATBEST PERSON

because there are too many people."

Their initiative received over 4,000

AND THE MARRIAGE PACT

responses in five days — over half the undergraduate population. The marriage pact has now grown into an even larger initiative, evolving from a mysterious Typeform link to a platform used across 65 schools within the United States.

Could this be the solution to the growth of hookup culture on college campuses? That is a good question that requires some background information — starting with what “hookups” are. The Cambridge Dictionary defines a hookup as a brief uncommitted sexual encounter between individuals who are not romantic partners or dating one another. They have emerged from general social shifts during the last century, and their origins can be traced back to the culture of

COULDTHISBE THESOLUTION TOTHEGROWTH OFHOOKUP CULTUREON COLLEGE CAMPUSES?

the Roaring 20s.

During this period, the upsurge in automobile use; including public entertainment in the form of movie theaters and clubs, contraception, and the growing popularity of colleges created the freedom necessary for young people to choose, leading to a shift away from traditional courtship rituals. Dating became commonplace and ceased to just be a search for a mate; it became a means to casual social entertainment and experimentation.

By the 1960s, youths became even more sexually liberated, especially as the feminist movement took over popular culture. Today, sexual behavior outside of marital or even romantic relationships is seen as socially acceptable.

The internet has also been a huge part of this shift as both a method of connecting people and educating them about sex. Platforms like Pornhub were born as a result of its creation,

encouraging people to explore their sexual urges. A new problem as a result of this cultural manifestation is the inaccurate portrayal of sexuality, which can lead to dangerous sexual practices in real life. Furthermore, pornography has been proven to reduce empathy in viewers, affecting how they objectify and radicalize sexual bodies. It is even theorized by some researchers that porn is bad for relationships, as it sets unrealistic expectations for partners and fosters insecurity.

However, the biggest contributor to hookup culture and unhealthy relationships is likely social media due to its broad reach and ability to casually facilitate connectivity in familiar, socially acceptable environments. People use Snapchat and Instagram to find sexual partners all the time, or they simply rely on the aforementioned dating apps.

The consequences of these apps lie in their ability to negatively influence mental health.

For example, research by the American Psychological Association indicates that dating apps expose users to considerable rejection, leading to experiences that are dehumanizing and can foster insecurity. Furthermore, dating apps take away the pre-existing social ecology that was formerly established by meeting potential partners through friends or work. This shift eliminates trust and allows some users to hide under a cloak of anonymity and deceit, leading to personal violations such as “catfishing.” This can also encourage self-doubt and affect how people behave in relationships. Finally, dating apps reduce three-dimensional people to two-dimensional displays of information and, like porn, eliminate the experiential aspects of social interaction that are necessary to evaluating one’s compatibility with a potential partner. This erasure of identity and genuine communication can also lead to the objectification of “matches” and deter individuals from committing to relationships that they view as temporary.

The marriage pact is such a unique concept that one has to wonder if it can address all of these issues and truly help people approach online dating in a healthy, sustainable way. It is a program that moves away from hyper optimized products centered around high-efficiency dating and meaningless engagement and encourages

ITISTIMETOTRY SOMETHING NEW

people to work toward fulfilling, long-term commitments. Schools like Duke, the University of Virginia, the University of Florida, and New York University have already made the transition, so what is stopping UNC-Chapel Hill? We have the potential to use this technology to establish real relationships, which is more important than ever due to the isolating effects of COVID-19 and the new academic and social stressors placed on those of us transitioning into college life. It is time to try something new to reset hookup culture and bring the Marriage Pact to our campus.

BIPOCskate collective

WRITTEN BY JANE WILSON | DESIGNED BY NIHA KANUMURI

When Louise Hoff sets her skateboard on the ground and pushes off, she feels nothing but true bliss and liberation. It’s her favorite way to decompress; it is her “escape.” But “escape” is not quite the right way to describe it, she says, because when she skates, she is not removed but centered.

“Your body. The movement. The air. The music. And you’re just moving,” Hoff says. “Fast. I like going fast.”

Hoff, a first-year at UNC-Chapel Hill, used the personal peace that she finds within skateboarding to found UNC’s BIPOC Skate Collective. With the collective, Hoff and other co-organizers Niya Harris and Ama Kwabia hope to inspire and create social change through community and skateboarding. The collective became an official UNC organization – which you can join on HeelLife – on Feb. 15.

“I came to UNC, and I was skating around, and I was like, ‘I love this,’” Hoff says. “I thought to myself that I would love to skate with other folks, other people of color, other non-traditional skaters.”

Skateboarding caught Hoff’s eye when she was in middle school. All of the “cool kids” were skating, she says, and she consequently thought that skating was the “coolest thing ever.” Hoff had grown up being told that she could do anything she wanted regardless of her gender, so she was

not expecting her mom to shut down her request for a skateboard with a brutal “Girls can’t skate.”

Hoff eventually acquired a skateboard at the beginning of the pandemic. She began skating with others when she arrived at UNC.

“I’d see non-traditional skaters around, and I would be like, ‘Hey, wanna join this GroupMe?’” Hoff said. “That’s how it started.”

Hoff asked Kwabia to join her as a coorganizer of the collective on account of Kwabia’s “organizer energy.” Kwabia, a first-year at UNC, began skating in high school, but she said . she never felt as if she could be herself while skating due to the toxicity of “white skater culture.”

“Skating is something I’ve always wanted to do but never felt that I had the autonomy to do,” Kwabia said. “White skater culture is super toxic and very misogynistic, and I also just in general needed a space where people like me — weird people, nontraditional people — could gather and feel like they have the freedom to do things like fall off a skateboard and embarrass themselves.”

The collective serves as a safe space for non-traditional skaters to challenge the norms of mainstream skate culture. The confining nature of mainstream skate culture, including a specific way to hold your board and ever-changing ideas of what is cool to wear – “God forbid you go to Zumiez,” jokes Kwabia – directly opposes the nonconformist, misfit style that it claims.

For Hoff, skating has always been about expression, liberation and agency over her identity.

“It’s just completely strange to me that somehow skating would be associated with a niche type of conformity,” she says. Hoff began thinking about using skateboarding to create community and social change when reading Adrienne Maree Brown’s “Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change; Changing Worlds.”

In “Emergent Strategy,” Brown views social change through a less masculine, Western lens. She encourages approaching social change and resisting white supremacy through small interactions.

“By interacting with each other, we can grow and relate and reimagine new ways to enter the future,” Hoff says. “We can imagine a future where equity exists, and we don’t have to cultivate specific spaces in which we can feel safe.”

The nature of skateboarding itself helps foster community. Kwabia recollected a time when she, Harris, and another friend were skating at Craige Deck, a popular location for all UNC skaters. The trio was on the top of the deck, preparing to skate down the incline that connects the ninth and eighth floors.

“Niya was like, ‘We’re going to go down this hill,’ and I was like, ‘I am not going to die today, I don’t know what you’re talking about,’” Kwabia said. “Eventually, I go down the hill. I’m screaming and crying, literally in tears.”

But the process of working her way up the hill, Kwabia says, holding the hand of someone she trusts, allowed for them to connect in an intimate way. The dangers that skateboarding presents required the group to connect through trust, and Kwabia says that this type of connection is a fundamental part of their vision for the collective.

“For me, community comes first, and skating is the form through which it happens,” Kwabia said. “The primary goal is for us to create a space and an environment for people to feel liberated and free, [to feel] trusting of one another and unified in doing something that forces you to forge community.”

White supremacy remains pervasive in mainstream skating spaces. Thus, the BIPOC Skate Collective serves as an important place for non-traditional skaters to gather and feel

safe in their expression. For marginalized folks, Hoff explains, skating in community is more important than ever. Hoff and Kwabia both said that they’ve never come in contact with the police more than they have while skating and that they are not always comfortable skating alone.

THEPEOPLE

INTHESKATE COLLECTIVEARE PEOPLEWHOARE ALREADYOVERPOLICED,WHO AREALREADY MARGINALIZEDBY SOCIETY.

The people in the skate collective are people who are already over-policed, who are already marginalized by society, who are already outsiders in the UNC community,” Kwabia says. “Skating is always going to happen in places that are over-policed as well, like sidewalks, parking decks, public spaces.”

Having “double contact” with law enforcement, which comes with skating as a marginalized person in over-policed areas, is “terrifying.”

“I feel like there’s something about skating that makes you hypervisible, especially as a marginalized person,” Hoff adds. The term “hypervisible” refers to the idea that members of marginalized communities often feel overly visible due to one or more aspects of their identity. The collective will allow members to both ease feelings of hypervisibility by hosting gatherings for skaters of color while also taking advantage of it by making a statement. “Imagine

THE MUSIC.ANDYO

skaters at protests holding Black Lives Matter flags,” Hoff proposes.

Hoff’s initial vision for the collective, which started with a GroupMe, has turned into a movement. In the future, Hoff hopes to emphasize the social justice orientation of the club. She imagines distributing zines about abolition, doing skate protests, distributing pamphlets on sexual health and getting funding for skaters who don’t have gear. Kwabia envisions a “fruitful, productive community” and a place where people can advocate and dissent alongside their passion for skating.

Skaters participating in activism? According to Hoff, “It makes the revolution irresistible.”

IT MAKES THE REVOLUTION irresistible

U’RE JUST MOVING”

COLLEGE EXPERIENCE AN OPEN BOOK on my

WRITTEN BY OLIVIA DELA CRUZ | DESIGNED BY SANVI KORSAPATHY

It is hard to accept that these may not actually be the best four years of my life. Not yet, at least. I spent my first year in college at home and online, but even so, I would have still happily settled for three years of that peak college experience I have heard about. And after freshman year, I was ready for it. I wanted to meet my professors, take classes I cared about in person and finally find the path I might want to pursue in the future. Of course, what I really meant was that I was ready to party, figuratively and literally. I felt anxious to meet new people and have the new experiences that had been delayed, and I imagined that once I got here, every day would be exciting. It turns out that this daydreaming was leading to disappointment

about the reality of my college life.

I thought college would be transformative, that I could be anyone and do anything I wanted. But I did not anticipate the jarring transition between relative isolation and constant stimulation, or that living with relatively new people off campus might take some getting used to. I forgot to consider that even before lockdown, I was not exactly a social butterfly, having stuck to the same friend group since middle school. Most of all, I was not ready for the mental and physical toll that the traditional college experience would have on me. A lot of college students undoubtedly feel this way, and that fact alone can be comforting. We all struggle with being overworked, trying to maintain some

PHOTO COURTESY OF UNSPLASH..COM

semblance of mental health and attempting to have fun in the process. Every college student knows the dread that comes with opening LinkedIn or the exhaustion that comes with applying to over 50 internships just to get one email back. Everyone on campus has grappled with the tragedies and obstacles the university has faced during this school year, with some days seeming so dull and somber it is nearly impossible to focus.

Although we have witnessed surges of mental health advocacy on campus throughout the year, it is hard not to be affected by the FOMO of seeing everyone having fun, seemingly all the time. While I know realistically I cannot be the only one that feels this way, it is still an isolating experience. My lack of memorable moments so far this year has been both disheartening and frustrating, and it is hard to not put all the blame on myself. I thought I would be more outgoing, have my career path figured out, participate more – but it just hasn’t worked out yet.

ICOULDBE ANYONEAND DOANYTHINGI WANTED

As if the social challenges were not enough, I feel about 10 steps behind everyone else when it comes to preparing for life after college. Somehow, it seems everyone has already volunteered at a hospital or done an internship in New York City by the end of their sophomore year. People in my classes can already announce the niche they plan to go into. Meanwhile, I became an advertising and public relations student before I even knew what public relations was. Though I am unsure how based in reality it is, I feel this immense pressure to be building up to my career right now with any kind of opportunity I can get. Everyone seems to be getting things done while juggling school work and a social life, but I just haven’t found that balance. I’ve been wondering when, or if, I will.

I keep waiting for a moment—any moment—when I will feel things start to change and reset into the image I have in my head of who I should be and what I should be doing, according to my own expectations. Isn’t that what college is supposed to be? A time of blossoming into the person I will be for the rest of my life? Shouldn’t I be setting myself up to be successful and, hopefully, happy? Yet, I don’t feel like I’m doing either of those things, and maybe I’m growing at such a slow rate that I might never be able to catch up.

IKEEPWAITING FORAMOMENT —ANYMOMENT

This internalized disappointment and frustration cannot be solved completely. It can’t be wished away or pushed out of this reality by making up another. It also is not a good idea to resign yourself to lowered expectations and not try to make the best of what you have. I think the best thing to remember is this: even if it is not the best four years of your life, these four years can still be good. They can have great moments, even times when it feels like life has never been better. And these exceptional times will come with some bad times, but they will soon pass and hopefully be followed by more great times. Things might get lonely, boring or stressful, but there’s a significant chance things will get better – at least a little bit.

And that’s something to hold onto.

it is hard not to be affected by the FOMO of seeing everyone having fun, seemingly all the time

Translating

Teddy

WRITTEN BY CLAY MORRIS | DESIGNED BY BONNIE ZHANG | PHOTOGRAPHED BY JAY’LA EVANS

The 1,997 students who voted for Taliajah Vann to become student body president-elect at UNCChapel Hill probably don’t know why people call her Teddy.

At first, everyone at Vann’s high school called her “T.”

But when her friends would call out “T,” at least five other students would turn around. And one day, the front office called for “Tilinajah,” another student, instead of “Taliajah” when Vann’s mother came to pick her up.

“I was like, ‘I have to get a new nickname because this is for the birds,’” Vann said.

Thus, Teddy was born. Though there’s no distinction amongst Teddy, T or Taliajah, who has always been around and certain of herself for a while.

Vann is aware that people often want to glue her to one end or another of a spectrum and insist that her inclination towards leadership must be separated from vulnerability.

“I don’t want to be viewed as a lion, but I don’t want to be viewed as a flower,” Vann said. “I think people get nervous and then portray me to be something that I’m not, and then I find myself dealing with the consequences of that characterization.”

And she doesn’t mean this to say she thinks

she’s impenetrable or infallible (she said she’s “old friends” with imposter syndrome). But, instead, that people’s choice to be intimidated by her has, well, nothing to do with her.

What other people definitely know about Vann is that she’s president of the Black Student Movement, an Ebony Readers/ Onyx Theatre poet and the founder of an educational equity non-profit, Bright Brain Tutoring. And that’s only a fraction of her CV.

Vann knows she’s powerful. She describes herself with the word without hesitance because she knows her power doesn’t negate that of others unless they allow it to.

“I envision myself in this universe as the sun, and everybody else is the moon,” Vann said. “But I also think that you have the responsibility to view yourself as the sun and view me as the moon.”

So, in non-heliocentric terms, stamping Vann with the misnomer of “intimidating” means you don’t know her well.

And that you probably don’t know that she’s a highly respected freestyle rapper with a collection of classic rock vinyls (“Don’t Shoot Me, I’m Only The Piano Player” by Elton John is a personal favorite of Vann’s), or a film studies major with a love for analyzing “Star Trek.”

“I think they think that they know her,”

said Victoria Bryant, the chief policy analyst for Vann’s student body president campaign.

The “they” Bryant references likely being Vann’s over 5,000 Instagram followers, but potentially being anyone around UNC’s campus, as Vann is always “making sure she connects with the people on the ground,” Bryant said.

“Especially at this school, it’s so amazing to see Black students do such great work that you often forget that they’re literally a person,” said La-Ontra Bacon, chief marketing director of Vann’s campaign.

Vann agrees that her achievements sometimes blind others to just how human she is.

But if you need a reminder, it’s easy to find. Especially in her poetry.

In a video of Vann reciting a poem she wrote entitled “His Love’s Antithesis” posted to Ebony Reader/’s Onyx Theatre’s Instagram account, she says:

“This rough-edged girl eats fire and spits out the weaknesses of coddled little boys who’ve been wearing men’s costumes so long that they seem real… Her words are shrapnel to the picture-perfect dream of a quiet, pretty girl who doesn’t ask questions.”

The video does not end with analysis of the poem, but in the same way it opens, with Vann offering a sphinx-like gaze and saying nothing

after her poetry has said everything.

Clearly, she doesn’t stack her ambitions in one pile and her feelings in another. But Vann said she’s watched some of her relationships grow complicated due to other people’s misunderstanding of her success and goals.

“It’s like ‘I can’t get anywhere near you, I can’t touch this,’ like ‘Wow, you’re doing all these big things’ or ‘I don’t want to mess up what you have going on,’” Vann said.

She even thinks her father has fallen prey to that perception of her. And as a result, he calls her less frequently than she wishes he would.

“I don’t think it’s that my dad is looking for an excuse not to talk to me,” Vann said. “I think he’s really convinced himself that I have so much going, I’m so busy that I do not have the time for him.”

Ty Clayton, who’s known Vann since 2019 and was the chief field coordinator for her campaign, admitted he had the self-proclaimed sun completely wrong when he first met her.

“My first impression of Ted was, ‘Damn, I do not want to get in her way,’” Clayton chuckled.

Clayton and Vann’s first interaction was after he’d only asked the men in a classroom what types of video games they liked to play and skipped over Vann. She quickly corrected him.

“She loves Assassin’s Creed,” Clayton said.

Bacon speaks similarly of Vann’s enigma, saying if she gave a speech on ice cream, HäagenDazs would soon be the number one stock in the world. And she admits that she thought Vann was British for weeks after walking past her and hearing a convincing posh accent.

“She just has this energy and vernacular that makes you feel like she’s been on this earth for 50 years—and we don’t know it,” Bacon said.

Vann said one question she wishes people would ask her is, “What’s happening that I don’t know about?”

Clayton said that was the last time he made assumptions about Vann.

Now, when he calls her “Ted,” it is as if they’ve been friends since diapers.

He can’t quite place the source of her force, though.

“Something had to have happened,” Clayton said. His tone implying that maybe he thinks Vann is the result of a cosmic interaction.

And though she explains this question abstractly, removed from herself, it is clear she wishes people would ask her more simple, yet less obvious, questions about herself.

Like why her nickname is Teddy.

“I’m just a person,” she said.

But she’s also the sun of her own universe. And an Elton John fan.

“SHE JUSTHASTHISENERGYAND VERNACULARTHATMAKESYOUFEEL LIKESHE’SBEENONTHISEARTHFOR 50YEARS—ANDWEDON’TKNOWIT.”

VANN ROCKS HER PRESIDENTIAL RED COAT AFTER BEING ELECTED 2022-2023 STUDENT BODY PRESIDENT. VANN BECAME PRESIDENT AFTER EARNING 47 PERCENT OF VOTES.

‘I envision myself in this universe as the sun, and everybody else is the moon.’

Teddy Vann stats

votes

year: junior

major: political science, film studies

minor: entrepreneurship leadership +3

+ president of Black Student

Movement at UNC

+ treasurer of Ebony Reader/ Onyx Theatre

+ criminal justice committee chair of UNC NAACP

skill +3

+ Greenhouse Scholars Program

+ Colonel Robinson Scholarship

+ Carolina Covenant Scholarship

Europeanification of Américains The

Aneutral-colored trench coat, mild-to-wild cigarette habit and cabinet full of $1-3 wine are the marks of the French, or someone on their semester abroad in France.

In the United States, we are conditioned to have unabashed individuality. In France, and one could argue Europe in general, fitting in takes on a whole new meaning. Though the French are by no means traditional, they rely on their uniformity for everything. Parisians, especially, swear by their routine, which involves everything from brands they purchase to their friend groups.

I knew some of these things prior to

leaving Chapel Hill. As a Moroccan, the French are a constant part of our lives due to their colonization of the country from 1912 to 1956. So the following Frenchisms were already embedded:

1. The Language

2. The French’s hatred of bright colors

3. Their penchant for surviving on less than six hours of sleep

4. The questions they ask about anything and everything at dinner, especially at dinner. It doesn’t matter if you’re in public, people will still ask you about your sex life or finances, and you are expected to answer.

Even though I am someone who likes to live life unapologetically, I was in a new place known to be harsh on tourists, newcomers and, especially, exchange students. Ditching the bright clothes and forcing myself to let go of my creature comforts was not a need, it was a must.

When I first arrived, I was scared out of my mind. I suffered from language fatigue for days, and I was living in a piece of shit apartment from which I have since moved, thankfully. For those unfamiliar, language fatigue refers to the learning curve that comes with speaking a new language 24/7. Your brain gets exhausted trying to find new phrases, translating back and forth and dealing with the initial insecurity of not being a native speaker.

To deal with language fatigue, I chose to exude “French-ness” by dressing in all black, going to bars at night to talk with strangers and learning how to have a “gueule française,” which refers to certain facial expressions the French make when speaking. All of these things are seemingly cosmetic in nature, one may even call them unnecessary, but they have drastically changed my experience in France. In fact, it is a very common coping mechanism for American exchange students to “Europeanize” themselves to fit in with the French.

TOME,IT’S REASSURINGTO KNOWTHATMY FEARSABOUT SPEAKINGFRENCH ORINTERACTING WITHFRENCH CULTUREARE,FOR THEMOSTPART, ALLINMYHEAD.

I remember one day when my friends and I went to the Marais, a neighborhood known for its art scene and cheap drinks, to thrift shop. Instead of picking out flashy, one-of-akind pieces, all of us bought blazers and trench coats. Before coming to Paris, I would not have described my style as “classic” or “traditional.” I dressed well, at least according to me, but I never had a trench coat, and I certainly did not wear blazers to class. All of that changed once I saw how everyone else in Paris dressed and acted. If I, or my exchange friends, were to immerse

WRITTEN BY ANWAR BOUTAYBA | DESIGNED BY LAYNA HONG

ourselves in French culture, we had to start from our closets.

The next step of Europeanization involves the heart, lungs and liver.

One (or more) Parisian flings are a must. The French are not fans of talking stages; I know this first hand because I tried having a talking stage and the next week, I was meeting his childhood friends. Though we are not together anymore, I learned that part of the European identity is diving into things and being unafraid to get hurt. Plus, dating around is a great way to immerse yourself in any language.

Another thing about the heart is that, especially in a new place, it will suffer minuscule cracks. Every wrong verb conjugated, every stutter and every lost look will feel infinitely worse. But it is all about perspective. While talking to French speakers, they always express their insecurities about speaking English to Americans or Brits. To me, it’s reassuring to know that my fears about speaking French or interacting with French culture are, for the most part, all in my head.

At this point, the heart begins to repair itself. Friends start being made, language becomes more fluid and “home” becomes Paris, not Chapel Hill.

“Pause clope.” “Boire un verre.” “Vous avez d’happy hour?”

These three phrases translate to “cigarette break,” “drink a glass of something alcoholic” and do you have happy hour drinks? These three phrases comprise the Europeanization of the lungs and the liver. Whereas Chapel Hill culture is based around chill hangouts and studying together, the French are big fans of sitting at a barresto for hours, drinking $7 Aperol Spritzes and gossiping about the

latest news. Oh, and smoking. Just to be clear, I do not smoke — I have sinus issues.

Since the night usually starts at 7 p.m., I find myself coming back home around 1 a.m. One time, I was prancing around Paris until 4 a.m with no worries about assignments or what I would have to do the next day. I know it seems ridiculous, but being here has been a masterclass in work-life balance. However, by becoming “Europeanized,” I have not lost my sense of self, nor have my friends.

By spending time in France and interacting with the French, we have become more carefree and more willing to spend time with people important to us.

At first, my assimilation into French culture was born out of fear. I did not want to stick out. But, after some time, and many mistakes and clothing purchases, I realized that all of the changes I did to my life — like getting a new wardrobe, becoming more confident speaking another language and jumping into a relationship for no goddamn reason — all led to one thing: a more complete version of myself.

Très cliché, I know.

PHOTOCOURTESYOF ANWARBOUTAYBA

MONEY, EGO,

WRITTEN BY JUSTIN PFEIFER | DESIGNED BY ANNA THOMAS PHOTO COURTESY OF UNSPLASH.COM

andauthenticity

My older brother’s cat spends hours inside a clear plastic storage tub, clawing at the corners in pursuit of a fuzzy neon worm on a string. Despite the fact that he can’t reach the worm his determination never wanes.

This is how I picture our human pursuit of understanding our humanity and, specifically, the human ego. The inherent bias and blind spots of a subject studying itself makes for challenging terrain that can be easier to avoid than to traverse. However, exploring the ego is essential to finding the self-knowledge, selftrust and self-confidence to navigate our lives with purpose, intentionality and love.

Although most people have a general idea of what ego is, I want to share what it means to me and why it is important. Much of this will be informed by my own experience because I have never gotten the chance to be someone other than me. There is definitely some irony in writing and publishing a 3000-word article about my thoughts on and personal experience with ego. But I am hoping that sharing a little bit of my story and the lessons I have learned will resonate with people who have been on a similar path and inspire others to do more introspecting. It is one of the most elusive, bemusing mysteries we have come in contact with: the human ego.

ITISONEOFTHE MOSTELUSIVE, BEMUSING MYSTERIESWE HAVECOMEIN CONTACTWITH: THEHUMANEGO

What is it? How did it come about? Why does it matter? These are tough questions that don’t necessarily have clear-cut answers.

The ego plays many vital roles in human functioning. It is what unites our shared experience while allowing us to remain unique individuals. It holds us together and pushes us apart. It can be the driving force behind creativity and expression, but also a catalyst of oppression and sadism. Our collective effort to understand ego is imperative to our connectedness. Merriam-Webster defines the ego as “the self, especially as contrasted with another self or the world.” Essentially, it is traditionally thought of as the

phenomenon that allows us to perceive ourselves as who we are in relation to other people and the broader collective human experienceover time. Despite this relatively impartial definition, the contemporary connotations of the word “ego” are largely negative. The word feels unsavory, caustic and shameful. So, how did we decide that having a self relative to others is an all-around negative

HAVINGANEGO

PLAYSAROLEIN EVERYTHINGTHAT WEDO

Ask yourself how you perceive your own ego. Does it manifest as something physical and emotional? Or do you identify it as more of a reoccurring logical rumination? When is it most likely to surface in your conscious thoughts? Do you feel that it often constricts you with hypervigilance? Or is it more typically the spark of your selfexpression? Maybe it’s something you hardly consider at all. We all have different responses to these inquiries.

Regardless of our individual perceptions, the experience of having an ego plays a role in everything that we do, and it would be impossible for me to describe this role and its effects holistically. What I can speak to is my own perception of it. I find that I experience it more viscerally when my emotions are heightened. When I am especially happy, angry, sad or excited, I usually feel those emotions promoted and expanded by my ego telling me that my world experience is valid and important. If the emotion is the voice, the ego is a megaphone. Immediately after this, I feel the logical aspect of my ego kick in, reminding me of my experience and emotions in relation to everyone else’s. This whole process only takes a couple of seconds, and it is not necessarily something that I am aware of as it happens.

At the time, I wasn’t fully aware of what was going on. It took me 18 years and a well-timed, very intense acid trip to begin to fully realize how miserable I was, how much hatred I had for myself and how that was affecting my relationships. This was when I started to dedicate most of my energy toward reconstruction. The first step was becoming aware of my past and my family’s past and contextualizing them within the broader scope of American history. The ego is built and influenced by innumerable things throughout life, so it takes a well-rounded lens to gain even a basic understanding. It is helpful

THEREAREMANYEVENTSANDSITUATIONSTHAT AREOUTOFOURCONTROLANDMAKEKEEPING OURVASESINSHAPEAFORMIDABLECHALLENGE.

PHOTO GRAPHED BY IRA WILDER MODELED BY CYNTHIA LIU

to think of ego as a ceramic vase that never hardens, constantly rotating on a pottery wheel. Maintaining your ego at a healthy magnitude is like keeping the vase the correct shape. But this is an outdoor pottery studio. Most days are temperate and comfortable, and we can sit back and enjoy the clouds and the pastel colors of the sky without giving much thought to our constant sculpting. There are times when rain pours down in forceful sheets; on other occasions there is a calm, placid drizzle. Now and again, the sun beams harshly and the air gets hot. There are many events and situations that are out of our control and can make keeping our vases in shape a formidable challenge. We have to mold the clay with our hands and moderate the speed of its spin by governing the pedal at our feet. At the end of every day, each of our vases is our responsibility, and we are culpable if it melts in the rain or dries and crumbles in the heat. My childhood was a rainy one, and it left my vase over saturated throughout my adolescence and the transition from high school to college. My ego — like that of many other cis white men, especially those who grew up in the South — had become swollen and unhealthy. I became especially reliant on my large ego to cope with the neglect and abuse that I experienced in my home. I have since learned that this is a common pattern. A lot of people with oversized egos developed them as a defense against the painful realities they have experienced. This coping mechanism only worked for so long. Eventually, the big muddy ego that I was struggling to prop up fell through my fingers. I had to wait for the clay to dry out so that I could start over.

ALOTOFPEOPLE WITHOVERSIZED EGOSDEVELOPED

THEMASA DEFENSEAGAINST THEPAINFUL REALITIESTHEY HAVEEXPERIENCED

When I was growing up, my mom stayed home with my six siblings and I. My father made good money at times, but most of it was spent on steak, Maker’s Mark, Marlboro Reds, an absurd array of firearms, expensive short-lived hobbies and different cars that would come and go. When money was tight, it was my mom’s fault, it was my siblings’ fault and it was my fault. So we wore 25 cent t-shirts from the Help Center, cut

down on hot water and ate more than our fair share of canned food. But as a young child, you trust your parents, so I associated these feelings with money rather than my father’s actions and decisions.

My siblings and I were homeschooled and raised Catholic. This mostly consisted of playing in the woods and waiting for Sunday Mass to mark the passing of another week. I didn’t start school until sixth grade. My older siblings didn’t start until high school. Spending my formative years isolated made trying to fit in with other kids debilitatingly terrifying. Lacking any type of formal education made school exhausting and aggravating.

These struggles were coupled, and contrasted, with American culture telling me that the world was my oyster. There was a big shiny pearl that was mine to take. Not only that, but I would be considered a failure and a weakling if I didn’t. To have value, I was required to make money.

to me to figure out who I was and who I wanted to be.

The absence of a “genuine” personality meant that at first, my new self-image was characterized mostly by loathing. So, I defaulted back to what I knew, which was that suffering and hard work would get me where I wanted to go. I spent my time in the library, the gym and maintaining a social life that didn’t fit my needs. Working out is something I still find satisfying and helpful when I am feeling stressed, but my former obsession with fitness was both a form of self-punishment and a product of my low selfesteem. How could anyone find me attractive if I didn’t have the biggest muscles and the best mile time? When I didn’t like myself, I needed everyone else to do it for me — ironically, the people that knew me the least had the most influence on my self-image. A lot of the time, I would convince myself that everyone already had a problem with me, which would cause me to shut down, avoid eye contact and construct protective walls out of an irritated or antisocial demeanor. Otherwise, I would try to be whoever it was that the people I was around would enjoy the most. I also gave my time and energy to everyone, regardless of how they made me feel.

Money was my world. The deficit of comfort, friends and education I grew up with was enmeshed with the other forms of abuse I experienced and intertwined with the sentiments I built around money. If I could just get enough, then one day me and the people I love would be done with pain and bitterness. These feelings combined with the ambient and ever-present Catholic teaching that suffering is divine made me an industrious teen.

I got my first job at 15 as an umpire for Little League Baseball. Throughout high school, I worked in a warehouse, installed solar panels and insulated attics. All of these employers had one lesson in common: if you want to be comfortable, you have to own the business. Another consistent pattern perpetuated by capitalism is that an employer will treat their employees like dirt. To find “comfort” in America is to flush your emotions down the toilet, disregard everyone except yourself and sometimes your family and then “do what ya gotta do.” It is to “get yours” and put profit first. It is to use your voice for personal gain, to manipulate others and to feel proud of yourself doing so.

I knew I hated everything about being “successful” in America and everyone else that was doing it, but I wanted money and I wanted my family to have money. So I splashed some more water on my vase and kicked up the speed. My defensive ego grew, and I shrank.

Of course, this coping mechanism was only effective for so long. Around halfway through my first year of college, my ego pancaked. It was up

I spent a lot of this time clinging to what I thought I knew: that money was the way out of discomfort and grief. I worked hard, got good grades, found internships and pinched every penny that I found. I spent every second of my waking hours doing something that I considered productive to avoid confronting the sense that I was an empty husk or a vessel being operated by someone or something out of my control. This fixation on productivity only delayed the emotions that were catching up behind me. It was only so long before I had to combat my dissociation.

IWASANEMPTY HUSKORAVESSEL BEINGOPERATED BYSOMEONEOR SOMETHINGOUT OFMYCONTROL

I didn’t know who I was. I’m still spending a lot of time figuring that out, but I knew that I didn’t want to be the same selfish person that I had been. In pursuit of change, I took it too far in the other direction and started living to try and please everyone except myself, not noticing that all I had done was outsource my ego to the people around me. I let my clay dry out for too long. It began to crumble, and heavy winds were

TOHAVEVALUE,I WASREQUIREDTO MAKEMONEY

picking up. But this is a vulnerable condition to be in because opposite egos often attract each other. People with a lack of self sometimes attract people with large, insatiable egos. Someone who doesn’t care about much besides their own pleasure will often like to be around people who live to please others. Someone who needs control and power to feed their ego may like to be around someone who is insecure and highly dependent. It is hard to discern who is good for you and who isn’t when you don’t even know yourself, which makes it easy to get caught in a feedback loop that can reaffirm a bad self-image.

helpful in learning about the human experience and relating it to my own. The slower pace of reading leaves room for reflection, which tends to make it better for gaining perspective than other forms of media.

As I practiced seeking validation and stability internally rather than from everything around me, I was simultaneously accepting that my place in the world is ultimately miniscule and insignificant. That insignificance bolstered my growing ability to simply be myself and have fun doing it rather than spending so much time and energy convinced that the world rested on my shoulders.

I quickly found that prioritizing my needs and happiness was the first step in improving the relationships in my life. Something as simple as learning when to say “no” benefits everyone involved. A good friend of mine shared one of her mottos with me: “If it is not a ‘Hell yes!’ then it is a ‘No, thanks.’” It goes through my head frequently and helps me put myself in settings that I want to be in with people that I want to be around rather than ones toward which I felt a false sense of obligation. Being where I want to be helps me to be more authentic and vice versa.

confronting the fact that I was just trying to help my distaste for the capitalist definition of success coexist with my need for external validation.

Eventually my idea of who I am caught up with who I actually am, allowing me to regain confidence and trust in myself. Mindfulness, for me, has meant getting to know myself and accepting every part of who I am, even as I work to change my flaws.

As a cause and a symptom of not being constantly in a state of distress, my relationship with my future and money has improved as well. I trust that things will work out for me, and I spend more energy in the present than stressing about theoretical futures. I also trust that my family will be healthy and comfortable. The more that I transition my energy, attention and time from anxiousness about my future and money toward the things I am passionate about, the more I am aware of the undertow that swept me away and how it did so.

Everyone has a different relationship with themselves and their ego. I can only share what has helped me to improve mine. Journaling has been massively constructive, and having the ability to organize my thoughts and emotions on paper where they are static and can be reflected on later has been vital. Expressing myself in writing makes it easier to figure out how I have stayed the same, how I have changed and what I have yet to change. It also makes it easier to organize and identify emotions and their sources. When I have restless energy that can’t quite be put into words, art is the next best outlet. When I am expressing myself, working with textures, shapes and colors is more forgiving and open-ended than trying to organize words that fit. I find that expelling my emotions into whatever medium I am working with allows these emotions to keep flowing and avoid stagnancy, even if I can’t quite sort them out yet. It is also nice to have a physical representation of where my energy went and what I learned. Physical activity helps me to be in the present moment and avoid spending time in the imaginatively horrific future scenarios that my anxiety sometimes creates in my head. Group activities like yoga, boxing and climbing tend to be the most effective for me, unless I am particularly restless, in which case I run or lift weights. Yoga is super beneficial when I feel particularly dissociated. The slow, strenuous movements and focus on breathing help reel my mind back into my body. I find reading to be

SOMETHING ASSIMPLEAS LEARNINGHOWTO SAY’NO’BENEFITS EVERYONE INVOLVED

I have always known I am introverted and require a lot of quiet time, but until recently I viewed that as a weakness or a shortcoming to be conquered rather than a simple part of who I am. Giving myself enough alone time even if it is more than I think I “should” need��allows me to be more open and present when I am with my friends and family, which then reflects back positively on my self-image.

There were parts of me that were uncomfortable with how I was changing, even though I knew it was for the better. I would cling to actions, events, ideas and people from my past that confirmed my outdated self-image. When everything else was unfamiliar, money and making money was always the same. Even as other parts of me developed and improved, I would constantly tell myself that my hyper focus on earning money was for my family, which was mostly true, but I was selfishly and needlessly making myself a martyr. I was convincing myself that I needed to make big profits off of a corrupt system “for the right reasons,” rather than

I am fortunate that the mistakes I made and the self-sabotaging I did in the process of regaining my sense of self were relatively inconsequential—some poor impressions and gracelessly cut ties at the worst. I will undoubtedly make many more mistakes, but like the others that I have made in the past, each will be a lesson bringing me closer to my most authentic and best self.

The most important skills in sculpting my vase from a dusty heap of clay were patience, consistency and self-compassion. Change is almost never constant or consistent.

After all of the work I have done and the discomfort I have persisted through to conform to social standards that don’t fit me and ensure a materially comfortable future, what I desire the most is having nothing to do except wander the outdoors with the people I love. There is no catching that neon worm, the joy is in the pursuit.

THEREISNO CATCHINGTHAT NEONWORM, THEJOYISINTHE PURSUIT

ITISHARDTO DISCERNWHOIS GOODFORYOU ANDWHOISN’T WHENYOUDON’T EVENKNOW YOURSELF