Harnessing the DragonMoney

By Gregory Gordonson

Two loving people sharing a life... doesn’t that sound easy?

ASK A MARRIAGE COUNSELLOR ABOUT THE BIGGEST BONE OF CONTENTION BETWEEN WARRING PARTNERS AND THE ANSWER WILL LIKELY BE MONEY.

Yours. Mine. Ours.

Who brings it in? Why is there never enough? Who gets to spend it? How much of it should be saved?

Money is a sensitive issue because it is so often tied to our personal values, beliefs, and emotional needs, including security, independence, and control. When partners come from different financial backgrounds, their goals and spending habits can be so opposite that they cause serious friction. Arguments about sharing financial responsibilities, allocating funds, and dealing with debt versus savings can shake even the most loving partnership to its core.

If a successful financial union is a simple matter of adding two lives and two paychecks, subtracting what it takes to live comfortably and then multiplying the gains year by year, what’s the problem?

It’s that last element of basic math – division.

Unless both partners are on the same page when it comes to budgeting and financial plans, each person may be working towards different –and potentially conflicting – goals, creating feelings of confusion and frustration. Keeping financial secrets from your partner can create a division that could cause serious harm ranging from misunderstanding and lack of trust to difficulties tracking expenses. Without honestlyshared financial information, it’s impossible to plan for the future, save for retirement or buy a home.

Financial conflicts can take a serious toll on even the most loving partnership. When there are difficulties in agreeing about common financial goals, stress mounts, satisfaction with the relationship plummets and communication falters.

Financial conflict within a family can also have negative effects on children, creating stress, anxiety, and insecurity that can harm their emotional and mental well-being. Financial conflict between parents decreases family cohesion, increases tension, and takes a huge toll parent/child relationships. If the financial picture becomes very dark, it may even challenge the children's future financial stability, education, and career goals, and will certainly skew their own views and beliefs about money.

If bills go unpaid, there can be serious damage to credit scores that can threaten future financial stability and even lead to legal disputes. That’s why it's so important for couples to discuss their finances, set