The Family You Make by Scott Dunn

I do not believe I am alone in this sentiment when I say, “Your family is what you make of it.” What I mean by that statement comes directly from my upbringing. The reason I call someone by a title like “aunt” or “uncle” is complicated. I grew up lucky enough to have four sets of grandparents. Some I sort of knew and others I knew very well. I have a large family by blood, so not uncommon where I am from.

Yet, the grandparents I knew the most. The ones whose home I lived in for several years as a child, the ones I call my Nan and my Pop, were not my grandparents at all. When I think of a “man” I think of my dad or Poppy. They are my heroes, and so that special bit of awe will always linger in my heart. I went to work with them, they were both doers and worked long hours to support their families. With all of that said, they were not my grandparents in any lineage or legal sense. They were technically my great-aunt and great-uncle, but they raised my mother. So, they are my grandparents and always will be. Neither is here now, and I miss them something fierce whenever I discuss them. Aside from my parents, they are the most impactful people I have had in my life. Even now, after marrying Bethany, I feel like I have gained a new grandmother. Her Nana has always been fond of me and told me I was handsome and all those things a guy likes to hear, of course. So, I have adopted her in that place in my heart, even if she does not know that.

I have never seen the family as only those of a bloodline and I feel that a large part of that comes from the complications of being a child from a split marriage who was taken in by a man and raised as his son with no thought that I was anything but his actual progeny. I am repeating those same things now. I am married; I have two children that are not biologically mine, but I get told so often how much they look like me and I get a Cheshire cat sized grin on my face every time I hear that! Family is very much what you make of it for me.

Even more so, as I have grown in my walk with Christ, the definition of the family seems to expand beyond measure. It forces one to evaluate the idea that you only have so much love to give. Can you imagine a world where God said, “Well, I’m all out of love, what am I going to do with these souls here?” I am quite sure I want to be on the good end of that equation!

Not only that, but there is an inherent danger in this thinking of a family that is only of a bloodline. It leads to cultural tribalism and caste systems that the world struggles with still. The tribes of Israel are a great example of how these 12 tribes, considered the chosen, and all even in God’s heart, fought one another. You can find an example of that in Judges 20:1-46.

This segregation of ‘who is family’ is present in churches as well. Granted, we gravitate towards people with similar interests; that is just how we are made. God created us for relationships, starting with a deep love relationship with Him and expanding from there. There is nothing inherently wrong with gravitating towards certain people with similar interests. We like these sub-groups because they pique our interests. The problem comes in when our hearts shift away from the simple act of relishing the sameness of others, to looking down on others who are not like us. That is a slippery and dangerous slope for Christians to walk along. Newcomers may see these behaviors as slights or cliques and feel like they simply will never fit in. God brings every single person through a church door for a specific reason. We belong to His family and He has led them there to find Him so He may adopt them into His family. It is so easy to forget how good we have it when we are in His presence for so long. Sometimes we forget what that is like, being on the outside looking in, seeing others joyful and triumphant. Our greatest mistakes never come while we are attentive, devoted, and hungry for more. It is when we become comfortable and complacent in our relationship. That is when we fail and cause harm beyond just ourselves. Your heart is bigger than you think because God can equip you with the care and compassion you need. Jesus himself said it in Matthew 12:48-50 (ESV), “But he replied to the man who told him, ‘Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?’ And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.’”

Now, the disciples probably did not fully comprehend what those words meant at the time, but Jesus is foretelling God’s stance on humanity. God’s telling them, “My family is those who want a relationship with me. Those who do my will and live their life for me are my beloved.” And He showed that by giving up His actual Son. Every single believer is your family. Every single person searching has the potential to be your family. Have patience with them, shower them with love no matter how you feel towards them, and let them see what it means to be a child of God. They have no experience and you already have the greatest gift, one that you’ve been commanded to share.

Scott Dunn is a Christian husband and father who has spent over 15 years in the telecommunications industry. He is the founder of Talking with God (https://twgpodcast.com), a podcast that seeks to educate and encourage a closer relationship with God. Scott is a northerner who migrated south and has fully acclimated to the wonderful area known as the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains. He serves at his local church by helping with the production and online streaming of services.

He has a genuine passion for the Christian man and his responsibilities, often writing about them on his blog https://justholdfast.com. Here he shares open and real-life experiences so that other men can relate to the human condition and how that relates to a stronger love relationship with God.

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