HELIOS NEW
DRUG
HITS THE STREETS!
LOTUS
WHY ‘LOTUS’ IS THE NEW “IT” DRUG March 23, 2015
ISSUE 257
WORLD EXCLUSIVE! PG. 3
Stop & Smell the Lotus! Story by: Anneke Heimlich
You’ve heard about huffing. You’ve heard about sniffing glue. But the latest drug this nation’s teens are after took everyone by surprise. Recently at Harrison High School in West Lafayette, Indiana, students were noticed eating something that doesn’t appear on the cafeteria lunch menu: lotus pods. While research on the psychoactive effects of the lotus flower is few and far between, it appears to function like a narcotic, causing a pleasant and happy sleepiness. Police Chief Jason Dombkowski commented on the effects of the drug on young adults, stating, “Lotus is a dangerous and addictive drug, and poses a major threat to the health of our young people.” In an anonymous survey of Lafayette High School students, 15% report having eating lotus pods at least once, but authorities estimate the figure at closer to 99%, as teachers have been surprised at the happy, carefree attitudes of the overwhelming majority of their students. Apparently, students no longer rush home at the ring of the bell at the end of the school day. In some classes, the students happily stay relaxing at their desks for hours after the 3PM bell, leading to concerned calls from parents, wondering where their children are. As for the source of these addictive flowers, local florist Rubia Flower Market has reported a fivefold increase of lotus sales. This has prompted a movement by Harrison High School’s PTA to put an age limit in place for the sales of lotuses. Although local politicians are still working to establish a law on this dangerous substance, Rubia has agreed to put an 18+ policy in place on lotus sales. In the meantime, school assemblies across the state are currently being held to educate students on the dangers of eating lotus, and parents are urged to watch closely for changes in their children’s behavior.
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MANSION MURDER! Story by: Anneke Heimlich
An astonishing 108 men were found dead after a party at a secluded Ithaca, NY mansion after police were alerted to screams and gunshots by drivers traveling on roads near the house. Three men were apprehended by police. The main suspect’s identity has not yet been confirmed, but he claims to go by the name “Odysseus.” He appears to somehow have slain all 108 men with no outside help, possibly implicating drugs like PCP and alcohol in the crime. The man claims that two other men helped him, namely his son and an unidentified family friend, but these reports are yet unsubstantiated. Initial reports suggest this is a case of a marital separation gone sour. Although “Odysseus” claims that he is a resident of the mansion, the female owner of the house stated that she did not recognize the man at first, but soon realized that he was her husband, from whom she has been separated for the past 20 years. In a police interview, she claims he appeared disheveled and virtually unrecognizable. A former friend of “Odysseus,” who wishes to remain anonymous, reports that he is seldom seen in town, and has recently been spotted wandering the streets of Ithaca, babbling incessantly at passersby. Another anonymous source claims that “Odysseus” has been previously hospitalized for schizophrenia. “Odysseus” himself claims that the men at the party were all pursuing his wife, the owner of the house. In a jealous rage, the suspect entered the house with intent to kill. Kill, he did. Police called the scene “gruesome.” Investigation continues – new details will be reported as they become available. http://www.examiner.com/article/mass-murderer-or-serial-killer http://ww2.hdnux.com/photos/16/47/43/3832025/3/628x471.jpg http://www.westsidewayoflife.com/blog/do-you-recognize-these-houses-iconic-house-from-tv-and-movies
The Imagination of Children: 3 Boys Adventure Home from School Story by: Dalton Thompson
Noah a young boy thought he was having a normal day. The bell rings and he heads out his elementary school looking for his mother’s familiar face in her car waiting for him. However on this day she was not waiting. His mom was supposed to take Noah and his two friends Gunner and Jack home, but the three children were struck with confusion and fear. This is Noah’s story of his journey 3 blocks home.
and need of nutrients. The woman gladly offers her snacks and invites the boys in. The boys continue to eat the cookies without a care in the world forgetting their journey completely. As the boys finish one batch of cookies the woman has a fresh batch ready for eating. As Noah is eating a cookie he thinks about the delicious cookies his mother makes and suddenly it hits him. He smacks the cookies out of his friend’s hands and reminds them of their journey. The boys Noah and his friends decide they will have to not wanting to leave the paradise of the old walk to Noah’s house since it is the closest. woman’s house, ignored their friend and Fearing the length of the journey, they check grabbed more cookies. To this Noah then their rations of food and water. They find one drags his two friends out the door. Once pack of crackers and half a bottle of water. out the door, the boys realize they need to They decide to eat all the crackers now since continue on the journey despite the comfort lunch was four hours ago, but splitting the the cookies brought them. With this they crackers among the three of them left each continue walking and made it past their first with only two crackers not satisfying their block. hunger. Beginning their journey with rumbles in their tummies the boys leave the school. The boys continue on foot with their hunger At about the third house past the school, satisfied, anxious to return home. While the boys begin to smell the delights of fresh they are walking Noah and Jack notice chocolate chip cookies. Noah’s mouth an abandoned bike and rush to inspect begins watering and he looks around and it. Gunner however wandered off. After sees an old lady holding a sheet of cookies. investigating the bike and realizing it has flat The boys approach the woman and request tires and is not any good. The two then turn to try the cookies explaining their situation around and see a dog with the same brown
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hair as Gunner and Gunner nowhere to be found. The dog just sits next to the two boys. The two begin shouting for Gunner with no replies. The boys now begin to look at the dog asking it of Gunners whereabouts. As before the dog just sits there with no barks or howls. Jack then proposes that maybe the dog is Gunner. Noah does not accept the crazy proposition. However as minutes pass and there is still no sign of Gunner the proposal becomes easier to accept. Suddenly a woman with long gray hair and with a green facial mask appears and asks the boys what they are doing with her dog. The boys are frightened by the woman’s hideous appearance. Noah then accuses the woman of being a witch and turning their friend into a dog. As the woman and the boys are arguing, Gunner walks from the woman’s backyard and the dog returns to its pin. Gunner greets his two companions and they are shocked and hug him in relief that he is human again. Gunner has no idea what the two are talking about and to avoid confliction just goes with what his friends say. The woman then yells at the boys to leave her yard and the boys continue on their way making it to the third and final block on which Noah’s house is at the end.
The boys are only a couple of houses from Noah’s and are continuing at a fast pace. Three girls appear in a yard in front of the boys. They quickly realize they are the three prettiest girls in their class and the ones they have had a crush on all year. The girls call for the boys to come over. Noah and the two boys begin walking over towards the girls. Noah however sees his house and tells his friends to cover their ears and follow him. As usual, the two friends ignore Noah. Noah begins trying to drag his friends but he does not have the strength. However the girls see the act and think the boys are acting weird and decide to retreat into their house. Jack and Gunner then follow now with the hearts sunken deep in their chests. The three boys finally reach Noah’s house. They expect something to be wrong with Noah’s mom when entering his house. They walk in and see Noah’s mom watching TV. Noah agitated begins yelling at his mom telling her all that he had to go through with his friends. Then the mom calmly tells Noah that today was their first day of basketball practice and they were supposed to stay after school.
MAN WAKES UP FROM 20 YEAR COMA: CLAIMS HE WENT ON A MYSTICAL JOUNEY Story By: Lauren Gellenbeck
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Last Thursday, doctors were surprised when a male patient awoke from a twenty year coma. Years ago they are baffled as to the cause of the sudden coma, and now the man has just as rapidly awakened with no explainable reason why. When asking the man his opinion on his strange medical mystery, he claimed he had gone on a fantastic adventure. Doctors are trying to explain his strange story but have been unable to determine anything. The man is adamant about his claims. Among the man’s claims are visits from a goddess, battling giant one-eyed creatures, and mysterious sea monsters. Reporters questioned the man for further information on his claim. His response was, “I went on a luxury cruise, but I was lost at sea when Poseidon got mad at me. The ship was blown off course, and everyone was screaming. We went by these big rocks and a giant tentacled creature jumped out grabbing passengers from the boat. The creature gobbled them up like candy. The boat crashed into an island. Trapped on a deserted island, I felt
like I was on an old rerun of Gilligan’s island until a giant one eyed monster appeared. He gobbled up even more of the passengers, so we all ran for our lives back into the ocean. I was all alone in the ocean. I drifted along, and when I saw the same big rocks where the sea monster had been, I paddled my way as far away as I could but then the water started to swirl beneath me and pulled me under. When I woke up, I was on another island with a beautiful woman lying beside me. She introduced herself as Calypso. I stayed with her as long as I could, but I wanted to go home. One day, she sent me out on a raft and then I woke up here. It all felt so real. It couldn’t have been a dream.” Our reporters asked the man’s wife, Penelope, about her husband’s supposed adventure, and she responded that she was already filing for his insanity and, after hearing more of his adventures with Calypso, a divorce. When asked for any additional comments the man said, “I should’ve gone on a Disney cruise instead.”
MUSIC SCENE:
Review By: Lauren Gellenbeck
A newcomer band has just released a top-selling album that is breaking every record for music sales. The new all-female band, called Siren, released their first song named simply Siren’s Song, two months ago and has been breaking sales records ever since. Looking at the words to the simple tune, one would be surprised at the success of the band, but hearing the song makes listeners want to go buy as much of their music as possible. The band has had enormous success with their first national tour and is planning to go on an international tour this spring. Tickets for concerts performed by Siren have sold out for the next ten years. Stories of concert
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goers being in a type of deep trance, unable to leave the concert, have not been investigated and have not slowed the sale of tickets in any way. This type of instantaneous success for a band is completely unheard of in the music industry. Other musical artists have been heard complaining about Siren until they hear any of the catchy songs sung by this breakout band. The songs have an almost instant effect on any listener. When our reporters caught up with the leader of the band, they asked about the band’s plans for their concerts. The woman said their shows were incredibly simple without the usual bells and whistles that other performers use. Our reporter then asked why the
band didn’t need elaborate shows to entertain their fans. The woman replied that listeners were under their spell. When our reporter finished the interview, he asked what the secret was for the band’s success. The woman replied with a laugh, “Magic.” The band’s success begs the question, is that her sense of humor or something more? The band will be performing in every state with an upcoming concert near the reading area. The band has no plan to slow down its flow of new music or its full load of tour stops. Siren is in complete control of the music industry, so if you don’t want to hear them, you should buy ear plugs now.
Circe’s Earplugs!
Somethings you just shouldn’t have to listen to!