HEALTH + WELLNESS: Rika Tanaka with help to handle holiday stress

How To Cope With Holiday StressBy Rika Tanaka

By Rika Tanaka, PhD Background Painting by Tina Christiansen

The holidays have always been my favorite time of year. Growing up in Pennsylvania, the season brought much needed excitement and cheer to our otherwise cold, dark and dreary winter days. As twinkling lights began to outline the homes in our neighborhood and store fronts began displaying various holiday scenes, I remember feeling as though everything was a bit more magical during this time of year. The holidays also meant that there were lots of special events and treats — candy canes, carols, cookies and concerts — which contributed to the excitement of it all. As a grown-up now, I recognize that this was not at all “magic,” but a great culmination of the hard work and dedication of so many loving and caring people in my community.

While certainly joyous and exciting, this time of year can also be incredibly taxing as we juggle the challenges of everyday life with the added pressure of making life feel extra special. The anxiety associated with creating that festive feeling is well articulated in one of my favorite holiday children’s books, Llama Llama Holiday Drama, by Anna Dewdney. As Baby Llama follows Mama Llama around preparing for the holidays (e.g. shopping, cooking, decorating, crafting, etc.) the stress of the holidays eventually overwhelms Baby Llama, to the point where he falls to the ground from the weight of all the “Holidrama!” What I love about this book is that it validates and normalizes, for both children and grown-ups, the physical and mental toll the holiday season can take on us all.

As we forge ahead into another holiday season, I thought it might be helpful to outline some strategies to cope with the stress of this unique time of year.

Dr. Tanaka singing Christmas carols with her brother in Bethlehem, PA, circa 1988.

1. Be Mindful of How You Feel. It is important to remember that it is okay — and even quite normal — to have mixed emotions. You can feel excited, joyful, grateful and happy while also feeling anxious, stressed, frustrated and sad. It might feel inappropriate or as if there is not enough time or space to feel uncomfortable emotions during such a festive time of year. However, ignoring the full range of your emotions can get in the way of your ability to take care of yourself and those around you. For example, hiding or ignoring symptoms of stress and sadness for fear of taking something away from the festivities may make you less patient with those around you or distract you from the things that help you take care of your health (e.g. eating well, exercising and pacing activities). Over the course of a few weeks, these behaviors can have lasting effects well beyond the celebrations. Important relationships may become strained or there may be a greater need to physically recover in the New Year. By being mindful and honest with yourself and those around you about the state of your emotions, you can create space to understand your own needs and take the rst steps in ensuring they are not neglected.

2. Loosen Your Grip on the “Shoulds.”

Traditions can be important to acknowledge and continue, as they can provide a sense of comfort, connection and meaning. Holiday traditions and “norms,” combined with the pressure to recreate previous successes and avoid past failures, often act as guideposts throughout the weeks leading up to the holidays. It is only natural, then, that the list of “shoulds” can pile up quickly during this time of year. Nevertheless, when coming from a place of heightened anxiety and stress, “should” statements can really get you in trouble. By constantly comparing your reality to an imagined “perfect world” — which does not exist — the “shoulds” can quickly move you away from what is real and leave you feeling worse. As you navigate the stress of the season, it would be especially important to be mindful of any ideas of “holiday perfection” you may be hoping to achieve. By slowly loosening our grip on the “shoulds,” you can focus our energy on what you can realistically attain and create space to enjoy the outcome of whatever efforts you are able to put into creating a special experience for yourself and those around you.

3. Be Realistic About Your Resources &

Set Healthy Boundaries. With a strong focus on giving and sharing, the holidays are a time when many people are asked to contribute more. The additional commitment of resources, including time, money and emotional and physical energy, can exacerbate holiday stress — especially because it can be incredibly hard to say, “No.” This is why being honest with yourself about what you have to give and setting healthy boundaries are incredibly important skills to exercise when managing holiday stress. By taking the time to assess what you feel comfortable giving and committing your time, money or energy accordingly, you can help safeguard against feeling depleted or overwhelmed. Saying “No” to something today does not mean you cannot say “Yes” tomorrow or a year later. Overextending your resources, on the other hand, can potentially limit your ability to take care of your own well-being and ability to contribute in the future.

Dr. Tanaka’s son, Buzzy, posing for his fi rst holiday photo shoot in 2017.

4. Ask For Help. With all the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, it would be natural to feel as though some of your usual sources of support are not available. With so many events and functions, you may nd that it is harder to coordinate times to check in with friends and family. Or you might shy away from reaching out because you assume others are too busy or too stressed themselves to hold space or offer help. We know, however, that stress and anxiety have a way of causing us to make assumptions about what others are thinking or feeling that can limit our access to our usual sources of support. Family and friends are often more helpful and available than stress allows us to see. It is important to be mindful of your needs and the assumptions that may get in the way of your ability to cope. It is also important to note that additional support from a mental health professional can be helpful during this particularly stressful time of year. I encourage anyone interested in how psychotherapy can help manage stress to reach out to a mental health professional to learn more.

• Dr. Rika Tanaka, Ph.D. (PSY30925) is a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Coronado Psych, who lives here with her husband and two children. For more information about the services provided at Coronado Psych, please feel free to call (619-554-0120), email info@coronadopsych.com, or visit their website at www. coronadopsych.com. • Background artwork is an ocean-inspired painting by local artist Tina Christiansen. Learn more about Tina online at TinaChristiansen.net.