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SundayMail House whisperer

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Could your home be holding you back?

It’s still possible to get yours in time for beach

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M A R C H 2 4 3 0

Cycle challenge The Limassol man trying to raise €30,000 to make children’s dreams come true

WIN a night for two at the Ambelikos agro hotel

02 THOUGHT

contents

Jorn Olsen’s remarkable picture of Mammatus Clouds seen at Hastings, Nebraska in 2004

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People: Golf course resort director gets on his bike for charity

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Who really is the worst mother on earth?

Lifestyle: The house whisperer who says your home could be holding you back

17 21 Fashion: Get ready for spring - the essentials you really should have

By Charles Saatchi

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Whatson: Get the Blues at upcoming concert

other Nature occasionally behaves like a very wicked stepmum, simply because she can. When she wakes up feeling grumpy, she may decide to shower you with hailstones as big as fi ling cabinets. Known by scientists as megacryometeors, they weigh up to 400lb (the largest recorded, at 484lb, dropped on Brazil, in summer, without a cloud in the sky). And no, they are not ejections from airline bathrooms; those are coloured blue from disinfectants. There will be no warning, no sudden high wind or temperature change. It is simply the sky falling on top of you in lumps of ice, big enough to turn you into a crater.

On other days when Nature turns nasty, surprised strollers walking under their umbrellas during a heavy rainstorm have suddenly found it literally raining cats and dogs. And fish.

This happened when a tornado hit a lake, fl inging fish, frogs and passing pets high into the air. In Honduras the occurrence happens on average twice a year but in genteel Bath, in 1894, fashionable locals had a rain of jellyfish land on them as they strolled along Royal Crescent.

I have never seen a Mammatus cloud but this is the meteorological term for the cellular pattern of pouches hanging underneath the base of a cloud. The name is derived from the resemblance to bosoms (ie mammaries) though clearly they can momentarily resemble a sky fi lled with bottoms.

Do you remember the story of the poor pilot of a British Airways fl ight en route from Birmingham to Málaga, Spain, in 1990 who got sucked out of the cockpit window? Flight attendant Nigel Ogden walked in to offer Captain Tim Lancaster and First Officer Alastair Atchison a cup of

The impact of Mother Nature - depending on her mood, she can offer both serene spectacles and terrifying experiences tea. The plane was rocked by a large bang as Ogden was walking out of the cockpit, and when he turned, here is what he saw: “I whipped round and saw the front windscreen had disappeared when hit by a vicious cyclone and Tim, the pilot, was going out through it.

“He had been sucked out of his seatbelt and all I could see were his legs.

“I jumped over the control column and grabbed him around his waist to avoid him going out completely. His shirt had been pulled off his back and his body was bent upwards, doubled over around the top of the aircraft.

“His legs were jammed forward, disconnecting the autopilot, and the fl ight door was resting on the controls, sending the plane hurtling down very quickly through some of the most congested skies in the world.

“Everything was being sucked out of the aircraft: even an oxygen bottle that had been bolted down went flying and nearly knocked my head off.

“I was holding on for grim death but I could feel myself being sucked out, too. Another attendant rushed in behind me and saw me disappearing, so he grabbed my trouser belt to stop me slipping further, then wrapped the captain’s shoulder strap around me.

“Luckily, Alastair, the co-pilot, was still wearing his safety harness from take-off, otherwise he would

have gone, too. The aircraft was losing height so quickly the pressure soon equalised and the wind started rushing in - at 630kph and -17˚C. Paper was blowing around all over the place and it was impossible for Alastair to hear air-traffic control. We were spiralling down at 80 feet per second with no autopilot and no radio.”

Ogden could feel his arms being pulled out of their sockets. Because of the altitude, it was very cold. The copilot managed to get the autopilot back on and the plane came back under control but the pilot was still stuck outside the window of the plane.

“I was still holding Tim but my arms were getting weaker, and then he slipped. I thought I was going to lose him but he ended up bent in a Ushape around the windows. His face was banging against the window with blood coming out of his nose and the side of his head, his arms were flailing and seemed about six feet long.

Most terrifyingly, his eyes were wide open.

“I’ll never forget that sight as long as I live. I couldn’t hold on any more, so Simon strapped himself into the third pilot’s seat and hooked Tim’s feet over the back of the captain’s seat and held on to his ankles.

“One of the others said, ‘We’re going to have to let him go’. I said, ‘I’ll never do that’. I knew I wouldn’t be able to face his family, handing them a matchbox and saying, ‘This is what is left of your husband’.”

Remarkably everything turned out well. Eighteen minutes after the windscreen blew, they were back safely on the ground at Southampton Airport, some people frostbitten and with a variety of injuries but all survived.

I try not to remember this little tale, as I strap the seat belt for takeoff on any fl ight I am simply forced to board, praying that Mother Nature is feeling benevolent that day.

SUNDAY MAIL• March 24, 2013

03 Photoshop can work for or against you

THE DATING DIARIES: Maximilian’s fortnightly column on online dating

Carnal heaven and financial ruin

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any people have at one time walked into a lawyer’s office. Certainly I remember this office in London where the doorman exaggerates the pronunciation of ‘Pleeaaze Sir’, before you step into a richly carpeted and furnished office for which you will soon pay.

I felt the same experience when I entered the world of Scammer, Scammer and Scammers Ltd, a respectable office which can bring you to the brink of carnal heaven and fi nancial ruin. It is as difficult to pull someone back from it as it is to pull back a pig who is about to eat a truffle. Men, even when they know they are being conned, want to go on and fi nd out about it with the faint illusion that sexual nirvana may still be possible. Most of the scammer’s letters which came my way through the dating site held out precisely that promise.

As con artists, some authors are real geniuses, their letters jewels of erotic literature. My friend John has a different outlook. He and I jointly participate in the exercise of finding a partner through a dat-

ing site. But whereas John mostly wants his fair share of fun, I do it in the hope of fi nding serious companionship, a partner. After a short while you recognise a scammer instantly by the picture, the profi le or the first letter.

Their picture is usually a dead giveaway. In general, they are simply too beautiful to be real. In this day and age, beauty, Botox and Photoshop are prized above the mind. This is why it is just not credible for a young lady who would immediately qualify as a top model for Valentino to resort to a respectable dating site, the Cyberspace green light district, as opposed to the steamier raw sex red light district of Amsterdam.

The profi les of scammers show many similarities and standard phrases: looking for elder men, the sucker element apparently increasing with age; a favourite expression is ‘age is just a number’; an expressed willingness to be unselfishly at the total beck and call of the partner, looking and expressing a fi rm belief in fairytale type of romance and eternal bliss.

It is often childish and totally unrealistic.

The letters are sometimes absolutely amazing; little jewels of flaming romance, hungry fiery love blossoming out of nowhere and nothing like the big bang, the average man’s dream. But is it? I read many of them carefully and realised not just that they were fake of course but that most of them were actually written by men, not women. They pander to male erotic and overtly sexual desires in ways that men may dream about but few women would ever do. To me the expressed sexual fantasies, the sometimes crude phrases remind me of brutal attempts to snare a rabbit and are inconceivable coming from women looking for serious companionship.

The tricks are beautiful in their simplicity, if not in style. Tooth implants are a favourite for ladies east of the river Bug (Poland). Now it so happens that I have considerable experience with tooth implants and, frankly, I don’t know what it is with Russian ladies that they invariably ask for money for

a tooth implant. Teeth have this weird aspect about them of being in an undetermined way vaguely outside the body and for which preferably someone else should be responsible. For the care of the body you are medically insured, for Botox you pay, but for teeth the potential boyfriend/lover of the present becomes the tooth fairy of the morning. Before I decided to eliminate all potential candidates east of the river Bug, maybe with an exception, I had met on the dating site this drop dead gorgeous (according to her pictures) 45-year-old doctor from Novgorod.

A quiet and rather nice correspondence developed. A friend of mine, more experienced in the ways of the world, to whom I one evening confided over dinner was sceptical; ‘she will ask for money, you’ll see’, was his laconic conclusion. I doubted him and progressed to Skype. Wow! She really was stunning and her English was, for once, excellent. Despite that, the discussion never really took off and was strained with long silences. It lacked inspira-

tion and fluency. She told me all about her work, how hard life was, which always starts alarm bells ringing in my head, and showed absolutely no interest in anything else except uttering a few nondescript romantic expressions.

Then she completely disappeared for a long while and came back out of the blue wailing for money. She needed a tooth implant, for which apparently no one else had been willing to lend her the sum. Bingo!

My friend had been right; I was disappointed, not at this scam attempt but at me having deluded myself that the picture she had drawn about herself was in any way honest. It was pathetic as she could have read in my profi le that I don’t go for that sort of stuff and never pay.

Anyway, saddening as it was in the eerie world of virtual romance, I said bye bye with words like ‘we’ll always have Novgorod’, even if it was not quite the same as Humphrey Bogart’s: ‘we’ll always have Paris’, in the movie Casablanca. Besides, I don’t think Ingrid Bergman needed a tooth implant!

I keep veering from being Tiger Mother to a Mumsnet softie

By Anne McElvoy I am Tiger Mother: hear me whimper. Except on the days when I am twitchy Mumsnet-mama, fretting about exam stress and worrying that quests for junior accomplishment from tennis to trombone will turn the next generation into needy neurotics. Women are readily catalogued and judged on these matters: where’s the big discussion on Tiger Dads?

But the neat division between over demanding mum and kitchen table hippy omits that many of us are Veeps - Veering Parents, who swing be-

tween the fierce demands of attainment and letting the little darlings have the run of the iPad and chillout time.

Half-term has been the opportunity for Veeps to come into our own. We set revision timetables worthy of the Prussian railways, only to wonder the next morning if it is all right to wake them at 11am. Today’s under13s regard their “stress breaks” as a trade union entitlement, which ups the negotiation stakes to levels that would impress Bob Crow. Unsure about the merits of nagging or coddling, we end up in a

March 24, 2013 • SUNDAY MAIL

strange cocktail of both.

“Just be yourself,” we say as they troop off to interviews, hoping that the “yourself” they manage will be one of their more beguiling variations.

When does this end?

I have sustained myself with the belief that it is driven by the combination of adolescence and the hard sweat of GCSEs but apparently the veering goes on until the bitter end of school (and quite possibly beyond, though I cannot face the thought). Arriving at a friend’s house at the weekend I fi nd her bedroom has been taken

over by a teenager, who has spread her A-level coursework on her parents’ bed on the grounds that it is the only place in the house she deigns to work in.

Formally, we all fret about performance pressure. Secretly, we envy those who coolly apply it and don’t feel bad. A colleague sent her daughters to one of those terrifying London day schools that turn out girls at 18 ovenready for Oxbridge fi nals and a job in advanced arbitrage. They would mock a fellow musical pupil who was rarely allowed nights off.

Everyone clucked about her “overdoing it”.

The much-pitied pupil is now seen in classy publicity pictures looking serenely unstressed in a couture frock, with a recording contract under her Gucci belt. This is not how it is supposed to turn out.

Parroting stories of the crash-and-burn overachievers, we’re less happy to acknowledge that they often prosper rather well. Being a Veering Parent is also an advanced British pursuit.

This puzzles top education nations. A Japanese father recently told me

his main concern about his kids’ schooling was that it failed to teach enough classical Japanese literature, on top of the school day and afterhours tutorials.

Much of the present opposition to education reforms reflects the wobbles of the Veep generation. We know that the conditions our young will inherit demand that their education be globally top-notch, not just a bit better than Belgium and Slovakia. No sooner have we reminded ourselves of this unpleasant fact than we all feel the need for a stress break and a lie-in.

04 PEOPLE

Challenging times Since coming face to face with cancer one Limassolbased resort manager is trying to raise €30,000 for children suffering from the disease in Cyprus. NAN MACKENZIE meets a man donning Lycra to face the challenge of his life

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hen a much loved parent dies, the family of the deceased enter a strange, almost alternate reality; they will seem in some way to have been set adrift and have to face the hugely emotional challenge of trying to navigate their daily lives which are suddenly lacking a central player. By the time we reach adulthood, most of us are keenly aware of the rituals of grief, and when experiencing bereavement for the fi rst time we know how we are supposed to feel and act - even if it doesn’t always work out that way.

Andre Friedrich knew his father was dying of cancer and over a few weeks his health declined quite rapidly, but this didn’t make it any easier for Andre when he died a year ago.

He may have done part of his grieving during those daily visits when he flew to Johannesburg from Limassol but, like all of us he was unprepared for how much was still to come. One floor below his father’s ward in the

A long way to go: Andre Friedreich Photos Janine Scott

Johannesburg Hospital was the children’s ward and every day when he visited, the lift would stop there, giving Andre a brief glimpse of the parents and their children. One day he decided to stop on the lower floor and it was there he saw the raw grief imprinted on the faces of parents whose children had just died, and started to think about how he could make a difference to the lives of these families, how he could try and help the last few months of a child’s life be something that was not always heavily curtained by grief and despair.

As a father of two healthy, happy children, Andre knew how lucky he was and how important the act of nurturing was to a child, despite the fact that many of the children he talked to and played with on the ward would never see another birthday. So it was while in South Africa that Andre volunteered with an organisation called Reach for a Dream, a charity dedicated to putting smiles on the faces of children fighting life

For information on how to donate even the smallest sum contact: Anastasia. friedrich@gmail.com. For information on the charity www.enaoniromiaefxi.com, Contact Andre on 99 417470, a.friedrich@ eleaestate.com. Follow him on Facebook page (Andre Challenge 2013) and see the barometer of funds raised to date plus all information, activities and if the special JK protein shake did the trick! Throughout the year there will also be charity specific functions held to assist the children and families. These will be announced on Facebook

threatening diseases. The children were treated to special events, treats and adventures they could only have dreamed about, from a small boy’s wish to ride in a red Ferrari to a day out for a group of girls to a fivestar hotel where they were made Queen for the Day. When Andre moved to Paphos to become resort operations manager at Elea Estate he came into contact with the Cyprus charity One Dream One Wish, which has the same aims and objectives as the South African organisation in that they help children with cancer and other related diseases to have a dream fulfi lled.

The association, particularly in these tough times, urgently needs money to keep going and Andre’s aim is to raise €30,000 in 12 months via his twin loves of cycling and playing golf. Not too difficult, nor indeed challenging, one might think, until one looks carefully at his planned programme.

On March 30 he will transform

himself into a MAMIL (Middle Aged Man in Lycra) and having lathered up with chamois butter to prevent essential parts being chafed, he will undertake a 300km cycle ride around Cyprus to be completed in three days, part of the Tour of Cyprus which starts in Limassol and takes in most parts of the island over three days, covering a gruelling 120km on each one. Later, on June 9 he will take one day in the company of three other golfers to complete four rounds of golf at the Elea course which is a total walk (always carrying his golf bag, no golf buggy allowed) of 25km.

To undertake such challenges, Andre has been undergoing a special programme since December to build the right muscles and keep his

SUNDAY MAIL• March 24, 2013

05

heart rate at a certain level to maintain the pace needed, particularly during the three-day cycle.

“I am lucky to have a personal food advisor in the shape of John Kouphou, the Executive Chef at Elea. He is the one who has devised a special protein health shake for me to drink every morning along with a strict daily diet concentrating mainly on protein such as grilled fish, chicken and lean beef meals. I have had to forgo all alcohol but drink gallons of water, of course it’s a no to any sugar and any tempting desserts have to be removed from my sight,” he says relaxing in comfortable surroundings at Elea.

Has he noticed a dramatic change in his body shape since starting the diet and the intensive training?

“There is no question that I am much fitter than I have ever been, and Kouphou has said that my general mood and outlook on life has greatly improved. My only worry with him is that he keeps coming up with new, and rather complex protein shakes and I overheard him saying to someone yesterday that he is going to pop a laxative into the mix just to see how fast I can really pedal. I hope he is joking, but you can see everyone is genuinely rooting for me and supporting the challenge which is great.

It’s also true that the bicycle is the most efficient machine ever created as it converts calories into gas, a bike probably gets the equivalent of 6,000km per gallon!”

Coming a year after the death of his father, Andre’s challenge is something of a memorial to him, and all those youngsters he met in South Africa. “I now want to put something back, to be in the position where I can know for sure that I have at least tried to make a difference in a child’s life no matter how short that life might be. That’s what keeps me going as I cycle from my home in Limassol to work in Paphos, the memories of the time spent both with my father and those children.”

Cyprus Bureau of Injustice, a new social media page

Support system: Andre with the Elea’s chef John Kophou

By Peter Stevenson

Although heading out in luminous lycra seems like a dangerous proposition in itself, Andre says the roads in Cyprus are getting safer as the profile of cycling is raised And that’s quite a ride – “two and a half hours”. And although heading out in luminous lycra seems like a dangerous proposition in itself Andre says the roads in Cyprus are getting safer as the profi le of cycling is raised.

With his smooth, polished South African twang and steely grey hair Andre is a striking presence but the 39 year old is comfortable remembering the fi rst time he got on a bike. “I was five years old and my father had bought this second-hand Raleigh - every child has that huge sense of freedom once they learn to ride a bike and they can then go off on their own even if it’s just around the corner. It’s as if you are given wings and I always remember someone saying to me that a bicycle

ride is a fl ight from sadness, and I do believe that, as I am never ever sad when riding my bike. Like all small boys, I customised the bike by putting cardboard between the spokes then graduated to a six-speed road bike when I was ten, and aged 12 I started riding in long distance road races of around 40km with a bike club, and won my fi rst race at 14”.

This was a particularly gruelling 110km. “After about 80km I was really dying in the saddle, my legs felt like blocks of wood and I was going to just give up, then I spotted my mother standing by her car at the side of the road and in her hand she had a packet of biscuits. That was it, I held on to my bike never getting off or else I would have been disqualified and wolfed down the entire packet then went on to win the race.

That was about the extent of my glory days as cycling from age 16 onwards was knocked out of touch as girls became much more interesting ( and challenging) but I got back in the saddle at 29 and after a couple of years started entering competitions as an amateur rider”.

Over the next few years Andre even went on to compete in South Africa’s Cape Argus Cycle tour, the world’s largest individually timed cycle race that sees over 35,000 cyclists from all over the world tackle the gruelling 109km route around Cape Town. He managed to complete the race in 2 hours 59 minutes, not bad considering the winning time is around 2 hours 36 minutes.

Andre still cuts a fi ne figure in his lycra and after he changed from business suit into his cycling gear I was glad I had been used to attending the ballet but I also noticed his hairless legs. Is that just to increase aerodynamics? “There is also a practical reason. If you come off the bike you suffer what’s called road rash - treating this and keeping it clean and free from infection is much easier if you have ‘nude’ legs. There’s also the view that the calf muscles and general leg shape are better defi ned when there is no hair so that defi nes you as a cyclist and one that means business.”

For Andre things haven’t changed when he is in the saddle since the days that fi rst Raleigh gave him a taste of freedom. He is now keen for the people of Cyprus to help him provide a similar release for children suffering from cancer.

Twin loves: Andre with his clubs and on his bike

March 24, 2013 • SUNDAY MAIL

SOCIAL networking sites have opened the gateway for anyone to create a page on any subject to draw attention to something they feel passionate about.

This has seen the creation of the facebook page Cyprus Bureau of Injustice by Jimi Sideras, which aims to promote social change in Cyprus “by exposing social injustice, corrupt power elites, nepotism, discrimination, sexual slavery and exploitation of migrant workers.”

It also aims to expose cultural, political and institutional injustice in Cyprus, for the promotion of social equality and fairness, the mission statement adds. Sideras, page also speaks about collaborating with individuals and organisations “as a collective voice for the voiceless and defender of the defenceless”.

It will use news feeds and empirical research evidence including primary and secondary data, to lobby government agencies for social change, it says.

Visitors to the page can post comments, inspiring quotes or stories where they have been mistreated or were the victims of injustice.

“The privileged ‘Bourgeois’ middle class

don’t want to hear what I have to say about Cyprus because they live in a contrived bubble with their well-paid jobs, EU citizenship & comfortable lifestyles. However, what about foreign immigrants, the underclass, struggling single parents and low paid workers who are overlooked, subjugated or exploited every day by those in power? Who will speak for them?” Sideras says on the page.

“The purpose of this page is to expose evil aspects of Cyprus culture; it’s racism and corrupt political and legal system controlled by powerful elites who run roughshod over the vulnerable and less powerful in society.

Instead of burying our heads in the sand let’s join together as a voice for the voiceless and a defender of the defenceless, to make their cries heard and promote social justice and equality in Cyprus.”

“Injustice is a problem in every country but it’s defi nitely more noticeable in Cyprus, especially in the run-up to the elections,” a 32-year-old follower of the page told the Mail. “Anything that deals with injustice always draws my attention,” he added.

Sideras did not respond yesterday to attempts to contact him.

Much of the page’s content is currently on the bailout terms

06 FEATURE

The Hammam Ritual, plus full body massage is priced at €100 and lasts for about 2 and a half hours. For further information contact Eden Spa on 24 747032 or visit the website at www.hotel-e.com/spa

Serious de-stressing In times of crisis, head for the spa says ALIX NORMAN with a bubble massage in her sights

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or most of the last week I’ve been glued to the television, wondering what the future holds. Saturday was spent in shock. Sunday in disbelief. Monday in tense anticipation. Honestly, by Tuesday I’d had enough of the drama and in my own inimitable way, I decided to do something about it. No, I didn’t rush to the ATM and withdraw what little cash I had. I did what I always do in times of crisis... I went to the spa.

Stressed out Japanese employees may fi nd relief through primal screaming, but in the East it’s also said that any crisis is an opportunity. And this seemed like the perfect opportunity to indulge in some serious de-stressing at The Eden Spa in Pervolia’s E Hotel Spa and Resort.

But I’d already chosen my treatment, and under the circumstances, it appeared I had chosen well: “The Hammam Magnificence ritual is actually what I would recommend for you,” Davina nodded knowledgably, having patiently listened to my record of every ache and pain I’ve had since the age of 20. “It’s all about relaxing and refreshing the body; it’s completely holistic – mental and spiritual as well as physical, just what you need – and our bubble massage is completely unique.”

It’s this bubble massage that had me so intrigued: I’d never heard of anything like it, and just the thought of it made me breathe more calmly.

Clad in my swimsuit and a fluffy bathrobe, I was popped into the sauna for a few minutes, Davina so-

Constantly attentive, she encouraged me to sip water to rehydrate, but I was so relaxed it’s hard to lift my head to the cup

Noticing they’d recently been given a TripAdvisor Certificate of Excellence decided me – I threw my swimsuit in the car and headed for the coast.

Davina Sofocleous is the manager of Eden Spa, a petite South African who’s the picture of health and a model of competence. “I’m a perfectionist when it comes to my work,” she smiled as I fi lled out a diagnostic card, already beginning to relax. As she showed me the brochure, I was like the proverbial kid in the candy store – wanting to try it all!

There was everything from a Honey Wrap to a Hawaiian Lumi Lumi Massage on the menu, and I was sorely tempted by the pure milk and cocoa wrap Body Dessert – chocolate and relaxation in one package – yummy!

licitously standing by to ensure I was completely comfortable. There followed a quick shower and a dip into the delights of the indoor hydro-oxygenated pool, the change from hot to cold reviving me instantly. The pool is fi lled with oxygen and I was buoyed up like a balloon as I zipped gleefully around the mosaic columns to get my heart going. As we entered the hammam clouds of deliciously fragranced steam wafted over us. It was like being ensconced in my own private rainforest. Davina glided around me, exfoliating every inch till my skin was so smooth I was sure I was about to slide off the heated marble plinth. Constantly attentive, she encouraged me to sip water to rehydrate, but I was so relaxed it’s hard

to lift my head to the cup. I’d even stopped chatting away. Bring on the bubbles, I thought as I fell into a relaxing doze.

But I was about to be woken up again, and even though I’d been warned, I shrieked loudly as cold water was dashed over me. But it turned out this was all part of the process: “That sharp intake of breath gets your heart going, revitalising the body,” Davina explained, alternating between warm and cool water as I gasped and spluttered. “Don’t worry, it’s very beneficial to the circulation,” she assured. Though certainly not my favourite part of the process,

it really did make me feel alive, and anyway, next up was the bit I’d really been waiting for...

The bubble massage was truly like absolutely nothing I’d ever felt before. Davina swished millions of bubbles all over my body, each one bursting with a tingle and making me giggle with glee. The process was repeated again and again as she used a soft cloth to massage the foam from top to toe. It’s almost impossible to describe how happy it makes you feel; it took me straight back to my childhood, being swaddled in thick towels after a long day at the seaside, feeling completely safe and secure. Not even the best of bubble baths could compete with this state of Zen-like contentment. The sensation is truly delicious, and I drifted into a comatose state of happiness, all my troubles lifting lightly away...

The ritual ends with 30 minutes of aromatherapy massage, and as I changed back into my clothes, I found I was humming and smiling away to myself. Thanking Davina for a truly remarkable experience, I floated off, secure in the knowledge that I’d found the perfect antidote to the chaos of the last few days. Back home, I’m relaxed, revitalised and calm: my worries have dissipated like clouds in the mist and as I fall into bed I realise my attitude has turned from bleak to optimistic.

Let others resort to bulldozing their troubles away, endorphin-releasing exercise or even the primal scream: I’ve found my way of coping. That night, I dream of bubbles.

SUNDAY MAIL• March 24, 2013

07 Willing to listen: Christian Kyriakou and Sandra Marie Humby

Unravelling the secrets of your home Does your home serve and support you?

EMILY MILLETT speaks to House Whisperer Christian Kyriacou about uncovering what your home is trying to say to you

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ccording to Christian Kyriacou, my living room “needs work”. But it’s not the bring-someone-into-give-it-a-lick-of-paint kind of work he’s referring too, because Cypriot born, UK-based Christian from his cosy looking home in suburban London is looking over my shoulder and into my chilly little living room in Engomi during a Skype conversation. Using the intuitive gifts of energy reading that he fi rst remembers noticing as a four-yearold, he is reading the space behind me, and it seems that what he is seeing is not so good.

“I remember as a child being aware of these dark energies that were around and being very sensitive to how buildings felt, to what I call the emotions of buildings. I could feel a building’s trauma, its sadness or its happiness,” he says.

Now, some 50 years later, Christian has evolved these early childhood experiences into a lifetime of experience, working with people to heal their homes and their lives. On top of being an architect and an environmental psychologist, Christian Kyriacou is The House Whisperer.

According to Christian, all buildings hold the left-over energies, attitudes and emotions of all those that have lived there before. These traumas affect the current owners, infi ltrating all areas of their lives from health and wealth to career happiness and relationship issues.

“I know how to deal with these energies and how to release them, making your home a place that is good and safe,” he says. “What I do is regress buildings as one might do with a person in psychotherapy, so I’m actually regressing the soul of the building back to its zero point, the moment of conception when the architect designed it.”

Christian says he can not only see energies trapped in a building, but he can also feel and hear what the soul of a building is trying to communicate. We’ve all heard the expression cutting the atmosphere with a knife, but what exactly is it about the at-

March 24, 2013• SUNDAY MAIL

Happy home? How does yours feel?

‘It is about creating awareness of the bigger picture of what is really happening in our spaces and how things affect our lives and what we can begin to do to make changes to improve and enhance our wealth, health and relationships’ mosphere of a building or room that stimulates that very real human feeling? Where does that sensation that we all get deep inside us come from?

And what is it actually trying to tell us?

“You may get the chills [in a particular building] and feel like running, but I would see left over energies, stuck and desperately wanting resolution.”

It all seems a rather convenient way of externalising the blame for our own ill health, financial woes or love dilemmas.

“It is about creating awareness of the bigger picture of what is really happening in our spaces and how things affect our lives and what

we can begin to do to make changes to improve and enhance our wealth, health and relationships.

“When I work with people, I go into their homes and work closely with them for some 4/5 hours, so both are shifting at the same time and what we fi nd in practice is that people are then really ready for the next level of moving on with the success of their lives. Reasons why things may not be working in your life are highlighted and once the space is cleared and aligned, the reasons for these personal problems also shift.”

So, what if we refuse to resolve these inner issues that our homes are supposedly reflecting? “Unless you actually listen to what the house wants and resolve why you have been drawn there in the first place , then it won’t let you go,” says Christian.

“If you are trying to sell a house, you won’t be able to, or certainly not easily until you take responsibility for honouring your ‘contract’ with the soul of the house.”

Surely this has more to do with the financial climate or the property market? But not according to The House Whisperer who, with over 1,008 success stories under his belt as

proof, is pretty certain that his theory is steadfast. “Many of the consults that I do are with people who have been trying to sell or rent their property for years and within one hour of the process they get a call from the agents asking if they can bring a potential buyer round.“ So can he give any tips for those looking to heal their own homes?

“You really need to sit quietly with your home and Get to know it as if it is a person,” says Christian. “Really listen to what your house needs and what it wants, particularly if you are planning changes within the property – ask it ‘are you happy with what we are proposing’ and most importantly listen to what it says back to you.”

But DIY home healing advice seems to be a bit of a no-no. “It’s not about giving tips because it’s a holistic process,” he explains, “It’s all very well telling people to clear their clutter but there is no point if they don’t know why they are doing it. It’s about uncovering and understanding the underlying personal issues behind why the clutter has built up in the fi rst place.”

So the next time you feel like you are stuck in a pattern of low energy or little motivation, you fi nd yourself surrounded by clutter, your relationship has turned from rosy to frosty – have a look at the four walls around you, perhaps the answers to your life’s troubles lie closer to home then you might have thought.

Christian and his partner Sandra Marie Humby, Pranic Healer/Energy Alchemist and House Whisperer will host a three-day The Journey Home - The Psychotherapy of Space workshop at Serenity House Wellness Centre in Nicosia in May. visit www.serenitycyprus.com or thehousewhisperer.com

08 TRAVEL

Peak performance

The Omnia

When Zermatt’s black runs prove too much, ANDREW BARKER finds solace in its bubbling Jacuzzis and fondues

Hearty mountain food

Z

ermatt, I have discovered, is where superheroes go on holiday. As I stood on the Matterhorn Glacier Express gondola, gliding over perilously sharp peaks and jutting crags, I examined my fellow salopetted crusaders. On display were helmet cams, goggles with speedometers embedded in the vi-

sor, a snowboard with a peaked tip like a surfboard: things had really moved on since the last time I was skiing in Switzerland in the 1980s, when the scant comfort of a rickety chairlift was a luxury. As the cable car was sucked into a hole in the side of the mountain at 4,000 metres (this I learned from my neighbour and his nifty altitude-reading goggles) and we piled out, I couldn’t help thinking I was going to bump into Brains and the crew from Thunderbird 5.

“Wow, you feel like you’re on top of the world,” said an American voice. I was thinking the same thing. The milky green Monte Rosa glacier, all broken and buckled from the earth’s shifting crust, glinted in the afternoon sun. I could make out Mont Blanc sitting proud in the distance and I started to understand the ‘trance 87 sublime’ that came over Percy Shelley when he gazed upon this ‘secret throne’ in the early 1800s.

But this was no time for meditation: there was serious skiing to be done. The most famous mountain in Zermatt is the Matterhorn, easily recognisable by its triangular shape.

As I bombed past its southern face I started thinking about chocolate, Toblerone, in fact, which features the peak on its packaging, and how the gargantuan mass of rock actually looks like it’s made of chocolate. At its foot lies the town of Zermatt, spilling over three valleys carved out in the Ice Age and worn down by three

glacial streams that converge into the Vispa river, bisecting the town.

There’s a church that dongs its bells every quarter of an hour and most of the houses are traditional wooden cabins made of timbers as weathered as the leathery faces of their owners.

Cars are banned and there’s only one eyesore, a McDonald’s, but it does its best to blend in among the Moncler boutiques and watch galleries full of Swiss timepieces with six-figure price tags.

The entrance to our hotel, The Omnia, ten minutes’ walk up from the train station, looked like the Bat Cave. The dimly lit tunnel, bored out of granite, takes you to a boot room with a chip-activated glass door where heated lockers dry your soggy kit. A glass lift then propels you 20 metres up through a rocky outcrop to the sleek reception that is heavy on blond wood and modernist furniture. There’s an indoor/outdoor pool (best at 6pm after the rush hour) with an expansive view of the valley, and an extremely good restaurant with a sophisticated European menu including steak tartare, and scallop

The Matterhorn

SUNDAY MAIL• March 24, 2013

09 A church bell tower in Zermatt

Krakow was spared much of Europe's destruction during the war

and truffle ravioli.

I was travelling with my other half, Javier, who prefers everything that goes with skiing holidays - the hearty breakfasts, the people-watching, the après-ski - to the actual sport, which meant I invariably spent half the day skiing alone while he took an early Jacuzzi and made dinner plans. “We would like an authentic restaurant where only the Swiss go,” he informed the concierge, who sent us to Stockhorn, a nearby establishment named after the mountain I’d been up earlier that afternoon, lured by its very high and very long yellow run. (Warning: yellow runs are not somewhere between green and blue; they are unbashed black runs and invariably come with thigh-destroying moguls.) Inside, there were wooden

Here we shared an enormous rösti, heavy on onions and lardons with a fried egg on top tables with gingham cloths and ladies in dirndls serving lager by the litre while taking care not to tread on the big dogs sitting at their owners’ feet.

We fuelled up on raclette with potatoes, a particularly vinous fondue, followed by some vitello tonnato (veal in tuna sauce; there is a strong Italian influence here as the resort of Cervinia sits just over the border on the other side of the Matterhorn). We enjoyed it so much that Javier gave the concierge the same brief the following day and off we went to Casa Rustica, a restaurant in the style of an old mountain lodge with stuffed stag, ibex and eagle heads on the walls. Here we shared an enormous rösti, heavy on onions and lardons with a fried egg on top and so fi lling that we could barely fi nd room for any of the meat fondue with its bubbling bouillon.

This kind of ballast is essential when you’re trying to negotiate icy black runs. The next day I decided to have another crack at that yellow.

I shared a chairlift with three students, who halfway up sparked up something that smelt suspiciously illegal. Ha, I thought, they’ll never make it down now. What I hadn’t noticed were their stunt skis with telltale turned-up tips. As I fiddled with my goggles, off the boys flew, nonchalantly gliding over the moguls, trailing clouds of powder spray.

Maybe this superhero lark is just not for me. After fi nally making it to the bottom (with the stoners nowhere to be seen) I returned to the luxuries of The Omnia. It was time to make plans for dinner.

March 24, 2013• SUNDAY MAIL

The hidden treasure of Krakow Lacking the sophistication of Vienna or the mushroom-growth tourism of Prague, yet with elements of both cities, Krakow is one of central Europe’s leastknown treasures.

As a base of Nazi command in the Second World War, it was spared the wholesale destruction that befell Warsaw, and remains the cultural and intellectual heart of Poland. The Collegium Maius, where Copernicus studied astronomy, still stands, housing, among its treasures, Chopin’s piano. The Pod Roza hotel, where Franz Liszt, Balzac and Tsar Alexander II reportedly lodged, continues to welcome guests.

One can wander dreamily through the traffic-free mediaeval streets to see the house where Bishop Karol Wojtyla (the late Pope John Paul II) lived on Kanonicza Street or view the swirling art nouveau decorations of Stanislaw Wyspianski, which survive to astonish still within the Gothic confi nes of the Franciscan church.

Krakow’s glory radiates from Market Square and the cobbles of Rynek Glowny, as it is otherwise known, take you back in time Pre-dating a numbering system, the palaces fringing the square – now shops, restaurants and galleries – are still romantically identified by the elaborate carvings above their portals:

Auschwitz Birkenau

the House beneath the Eagle, beneath the Rams, beneath the Evangelist.

Yet there is a melancholy to Krakow’s beauty, which seems to mourn her glory days. From the 13th century to the fall of Communism in 1989 successive invasions, partitions and occupations have weighed on the national consciousness. Tableaux of the 19th-century Jan Matejko, one of Poland’s best-known artists and local resident, speak of heroic battles or the treachery of Poland’s last king, Stanislaw Poniatowski, who forfeited Poland’s independence.

Every statue and sepulchral effigy proclaims saints and martyrs. Patriotic fervour can be

overwhelming. Within hours of arriving I learnt, in some detail, how Jan Sobiecki had defeated the Ottomans at the gates of Vienna, and of Jozef Pilsudski’s triumph over the Red Army in the Miracle at the Vistula “saving all of Europe from Turks and Bolsheviks,” added my guide, the delightful Krzysztof, proudly.

Both heroes now rest atop Wawel Hill in the cathedral built

by Wladislaw the Elbow-high to house the bones of St Stanislaw – an outspoken bishop murdered in church like Thomas à Becket a century later by an enraged king.

Together with the neighbouring castle, until 1609 the residence of kings, the cathedral’s stylistic medley of chapels and breathtaking monuments offers the most pleasurable crash-course in Poland’s rich history.

In stark contrast to this resplendently Catholic Krakow is the modest Jewish district of Kazimierz in a nook of the Vistula River. Once a thriving community, the wartime fate of Krakow’s Jews is well-known, familiar to many through Steven Spielberg’s 1993 fi lm Schindler’s List. As the residents of Kazimierz were forced across the Vistula into the ghetto of Podgorze and thence to the horrors of Auschwitz Kazimierz became a ghost town. Its small houses fell into ruin, its synagogues pillaged.

You don’t hear much about

this episode in Krakow today.

Instead, strolling the narrow streets, I discovered a delightful quarter of colourful buildings centred on Serozka Street filled with kitsch kosher restaurants of questionable authenticity, the original ritual baths transformed into the characterful Klezmer-Hois, cosy bars such as Alchemia recreating the original through-the-cupboard hiding places of less happy times.

Restored largely in response to interest ignited by Spielberg’s film, Kazimierz has become a trendy haunt of the young, buzzing with nightlife. But of the 60,000 pre-war Jews, a mere 250, according to official records, remain. Only the silent synagogues bear witness to the past.

That and a visit to Auschwitz Birkenau, which is now a fascinating memorial museum to the estimated four million people who died of ill health or were executed there by Hitler’s Nazi regime.

Overall Krakow is one of Europe’s fi nest cities to visit, with so much to see and do both in the city and in its surrounding areas.

Packages to Krakow with a free tour to Auschwitz are now available from Cyprus with Century Travel on direct flights operating from Paphos twice a week.

UK airports handled increased numbers of passengers last year

By Peter Woodman UK airports handled an increased number of passengers last year despite a dip in holiday-fl ight traffic.

A total of 221 million passengers passed through UK airports in 2012 - 0.6 per cent up on the 2011 total, the Civil Aviation Authority (CAA) said.

While passenger numbers on charter fl ights fell nearly eight per cent last year, scheduled fl ight numbers rose 1.5 per cent.

But despite the overall in-

crease, last year's total was still eight per cent below the peak of 240 million reached in 2007.

Heathrow had a record year last year, handling 0.9 per cent more passengers for a total of 70 million.

Numbers were up 1.7 per cent at Gatwick, up 1.1 per cent at Luton and up 0.8 per cent at London City, but Stansted numbers fell 3.2 per cent.

Southend airport, which expanded greatly last year, saw numbers grow from just 42,000

to 617,000.

At airports outside London, numbers rose 0.1 per cent last year to 85.7 million, with Manchester airport up 4.5 per cent to 19.7 million. But Liverpool was down 15 per cent to 4.5 million.

Passengers departing for or arriving from Europe accounted for 132 million of the 221 million total, with Italian traffic up six per cent and Irish numbers down two per cent.

North America numbers

rose nearly two per cent and China traffic increased 13 per cent.

Nearly three in five of scheduled passengers travelled on UK airlines, and 27 per cent went on other EU carriers.

CAA regulatory policy director Iain Osborne said: "While our statistics show aviation performance in the UK continues to recover, the overall picture means passenger numbers in the UK are still some way short of their 2007 peak."

10 FOOD & DRINK Not just a fad: Ribera del Duero

WINES with George Kassianos

First and foremost R

ibera del Duero sometimes seem like the latest Spanish red for fashion victims but, if so, it’s probably because most wine lovers are much more familiar with the reds of Rioja.

Both regions have long histories.

Vega Sicilia, Ribera del Duero’s most famous bodega was founded in 1864 at the same time – or even before – as many of the famous Rioja producers. And, like Rioja, the region has been growing grapes and making wines for centuries.

Aside from Vega Sicilia’s fame, what really lit the blue touch-paper beneath the rocketing reputation of Ribera del Duero was Alejandro Fernández Viña Pesquera’s ascendency to stardom. Suddenly, Ribera del Duero was perceived internationally as having two stars. Through the years other investors flocked to the area, other bodegas sprang up and the Ribera del Duero – which was only granted its Denomination de Origen in 1982 – was well and truly on the map of red wine.

Ribera del Duero lies in the centre of northern Spain, about 225km south of Santander, and almost due east-west along the river Duero – thus the denomination’s name, ‘banks of the Duero’. It’s not a large area, about 120km across and 40km north to south at it’s widest point, but it stretches across four provinces. Valladolid to the west, Soria to the east and Segovia to the south, while the majority is in Burgos, around the town of Aranda de Duero.

The altitude (between 500 and 900 metres above sea level) contributes splendidly to the quality of the wines, with cold winters and cold nights in summer giving the vines a respite from the fierce heat. The main grape is the Tinto Fino (Tinta del Pais), the local name for Tempranillo, which gives wines of more penetrating structure and fruit than in the more moderate climate of Rioja.

At least 75 per cent of a Ribera del Duero red has to be made from Tin-

Ribera del Duero is one of Spain’s most exciting wine regions

to Fino, with Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Malbec, Garnacha Tinta and Albillo (the local white grape) also allowed in the blend. Not all the region’s producers make wines to their full potential just yet, but there are enough bodegas making very good wines to single out Ribera del Duero as one of Spain’s most exciting regions. The denominación does not permit white wines, and only a few rosados are made.

Vega Sicilia may have enjoyed a head start (none of the other exporting bodegas was founded before the mid 50s and this granddaddy of the region is still ahead in overall reputation. Much smaller than either Vega Sicilia/Alion or Viña Pesquwera/Condado De Haza are other bodegas such as Viña Pedrosa, Dominio de Pingus, Hacienda Monastero, Téofi lo Reyes, Señonio de Nava, Valtraviesco, del Campo and Emilio Moro, to name but a few.

Regrettably not many are available in Cyprus with Rioja still in force.

The above selection of successful bodegas offers decent, honest wines occasionally of very high quality and at prices which are more affordable than some of the superstars of the denominación. Among the other producers, success is less predictable than it should be in these days of modern wine making, but the soaring reputations (and prices) of Ribera del Duero’s best-known bodegas should encourage the rest to make the most of their exceptional climate.

2008 Bodegas Emilio Moro, Ribera del Duero D.O. Spain Abv 14% Emilio Moro is a family-owned winery which has been making wine for 120 years. The family owns 144 acres of vines in Pesquera de Duero

ro River overlooking the Duero 0 metres. from an elevation of 700 n Moro, The third generation ng in the Emilio started working winery with his father at 14. In the late 80s he had a meeting n and with his four children ease they decided to increase the commercial end of antthe winery. Emilio planting ed new vines, grafting apes the centenarian grapes onto the young ones.. In mil1989 when Bodegas Emilio Moro was fi nally a reheir ality they launched their fi rst wine, gaining the DO. Nowadays they not here only own 173 acres where ous they grow the indigenous grapes Tempranillo or Tinto Fino but they have ar. also extended the cellar. emMade from 100% Tempranillo grape, this full herbody red has a deep, cherrple ry red colour with purple ight glints. Clean and bright s of with intense aromas uits mature, ripe black fruits d with and coffee integrated wwell-balanced toasty touches. Powy erful on the palate, it is full, meaty nand rich with thick black-fruit tany nins, vanilla, balsamic and spicy e touches from fi ne quality oak. The fi nish is long and full. €18.90

2009 Hito Cepa21, Ribera del Duero D.O., Abv 14% Bodegas Cepa 21 is one of the e a most renowned wineries in Ribera g del Duero. The Moro family, along s, with some of their closest friends, y, was the founder of this great winery, iwhich manages to unite the tradie tional and the avant-garde on the o same site, in a dual commitment to

quality wineand wine tourism. Cepa 21 is a stylish, modern wine that reflects the bond between the knowhow inherited over the years from Emilio Moro, and a team equipped with the latest technology. Hence the name of the winery and its wine, expressing the nexus between the traditional (cepa=vine) and the modern (21st century). The range is complemented by the appearance of Hito, a young wine aged for eight months in oak barrels. Being a modern, innova novative wine means achieving high levels of fruit-oak harmonisation.

T This modern wine has a bright cherr cherry colour with very intense ruby red ri rim. High tone fruit aroma comes first on the nose, but gradually it merg merges into highlighting hints of toast toasty liquorice and chocolate which lead to a great expression of aromas.

Roun Round mouth with a concentration of va varietal intensity on the palate with merged oak and front tannins, luscio luscious structure and balanced.

Linge Lingering finish. €11.90 A few foodie tips for Tinto Fino grap grapes, perhaps with one of the most food friendly wine. It produces a medium to full-bodied red wine with lowe acidity and full fruit flavour lower char characteristics.

These wines are grow primarily in the Rioja and Ribgrown d Duero regions of Spain. The era del avo profile of Tempranillo wines flavour have characteristic flavours of plum, cher cherry and strawberry often mixed with an earthy minerality. They are perh perhaps one of the most food friendly wine wines around. They offer versatility and value - without forsaking flavour and lift. Consider pairing them with their hometown favorites - tapas, pork pork, grilled or roasted entrees.

Bode Bodegas Emilio Moro are imported and distributed by The Oak Tree

Britain's oldest wine merchant puts new Chinese wine on sale

By Belinda Goldsmith Britain's oldest wine merchant is giving its official stamp of approval to Chinese wine by stocking four wines produced in China from European grapes, a production shift which could help China muscle into the world wine market.

Berry Bros. & Rudd (right), which dates back 314 years and is a supplier to the royal family, said it was the first major British retailer to put Chinese wines on sale alongside some of the world's finest wines.

The four wines on offer, a Cabernet Sauvignon/Merlot blend and three ice wines priced from £19 to £65, are from Chateau Changyu in eastern Shandong province which is China's

oldest and largest winery.

Mark Pardoe, Berry Bros' master of wine, said they were different from most Chinese wines produced for domestic consumption as they were made from European grapes and to European standards.

"For the first time we have some Chinese wine that will not be embarrassed alongside some of the world's finest wines," Pardoe said. "This really is a snapshot of what China can do in the future."

China is the eighth largest producer of wine in the world and is forecast to be sixth largest by 2016.

Wine consumption in China has more than doubled in the last five years, according to

Vinexpo, a wine industry expert, and China is expected to become the second largest wine consumer by value by 2016, up from third place today.

But to date most wine has

been made for Chinese consumption and is not suitable for export and overseas tastes.

Pardoe said China's huge size and location, with a key climate band in the northern hemisphere, meant it was home to regions with climates capable of producing good wine as shown by its production of wine for the local market since the 1890s.

British supermarket chain Waitrose last year trialled a Chinese wine made from the local grape specialty Cabernet Gernischt but a spokeswoman said this was no longer on sale.

Pardoe said it was not until Austrian winemaker Lenz Moser, whose family has run wineries for 15 generations, teamed up with Chateau Changyu several

years ago that the export potential started to emerge with the first good wines ready this year.

"He concentrated on using European grape varieties and imposed European style quality controls," said Pardoe. "The 2008 vintage we have bought, you really can't tell it is Chinese."

Pardoe said there was still only a small selection of wines suitable for export but this could be a sign of the future with Chateau Changyu showing that the combination of expertise from old and new world wines could lead to some top-class wine.

"There will be other winemakers hot on their heels and we expect to taste wines of greater quality from more Chinese producers," he said.

SUNDAY MAIL• March 24, 2013

11 RECIPES

with Maria Socratous

Easter bakes Get into the spirit of the upcoming holiday with these sweets Cheat’s Hot-Cross Buns Makes 10 For the buns 500g pack white bread mix 2 heaped tsp mixed spice 50g caster sugar 50g butter, chopped 50g mixed peel 85g currants 100ml milk 1 large egg, beaten For the crosses and glaze 3 tbsp plain flour Golden syrup, for brushing Tip the bread mix into a bowl and stir in spice and sugar. Rub in the butter with your fingertips. Stir in the peel and currants.

Pour 100ml water onto the milk, stir in the beaten egg and pour into dried ingredients. Mix to make a rather moist dough. Leave for 5 minutes and cut into 10 equal pieces and roughly shape into buns with oiled hands.

Space the buns apart on 2 greased baking sheets. Cover loosely with cling fi lm and leave in a warm room to double in size. It should take about 1 hour. Heat the oven to 220C/gas 7.

Meanwhile, to make the crosses mix the flour with 2½ tbsp water to make a paste. Using a piping bag with a round nozzle pipe crosses on the risen buns.

Bake for 12-15 minutes until risen and golden. Trim the excess cross mixture and brush with golden syrup.

140g caster sugar 3 medium eggs 100g self-raising flour 25g cocoa, sifted For the frosting 85g milk chocolate, broken 85g soft butter 140g icing sugar sifted 70g white chocolate Maltesers Mini foil-wrapped chocolate eggs Heat oven to 190C/gas 5 and put 16 cases into a fairy-cake tin. Tip all the ingredients for the cake into a mixing bowl and beat for 2 minutes with an electric whisk until smooth. Divide between the cases so they are twothirds filled and bake for 12-15 minutes. Cool on a wire rack.

For the frosting, melt chocolate in Baine Marie or microwave on High for 1 minute. Cream the butter and sugar together and beat in the melted chocolate. Spread over the cakes and decorate with Maltesers and chocolate eggs.

Chocolate Fudge Easter Cakes

Simple Simnel Cake

Makes 16

Serves 18

For the cakes 140g soft butter

2 oranges, grated zest and juice 2tbsp Cointreau

Whyyoushouldeat Honey Said to be the only food that includes all the substances necessary to sustain life, honey is so much more than merely a term of endearment. Every few months stories about the importance of bees to mankind’s survival throw us all into a tizzy, and with Cyprus’ famed honey production hitting an all-time low, the Pancyprian Beekeepers' Association is rightly encouraging us all to take up amateur beekeeping!

This noble art has existed since time immemorial and the benefits of consuming honey have been proclaimed down the ages. In ancient Egypt honey was used not just to sweeten cakes and biscuits but also as an offering to the fertility god Min. Pliny the Elder devotes consider-

March 24, 2013• SUNDAY MAIL

able space in his Naturalis Historia to the many uses of honey and in the absence of sugar, honey was an integral sweetening ingredient in Roman recipes. In Hinduism honey is one of the five elixirs of immortality and The Vedas mention the use of honey as both a medicine and a food while on the other side of the world the Maya also considered bees to be sacred and used their honey for culinary purposes. Historical myths, legends and practical information about the uses of honey abound and researchers today are continually amazed by the health benefits of honey consumption.

Honey is a mixture of sugars and other compounds, several of which are thought to function as antioxidants -

450g mixed dried fruit 250g marzipan 200g soft butter, diced 200g caster sugar 350g self-raising flour 4 large eggs 2tbsp milk For the caramel almonds 50g blanched almonds 100g caster sugar For the icing sugar 125g icing sugar Zest 1 orange 1-1 ½ tbsp orange juice Heat the oven to 160C/gas 3. Tip the zest and juice into a bowl. Add the liqueur and mixed fruit. Meanwhile, grease and line the base and sides of a 2kg loaf tin with baking parchment.

Shape the marzipan into a sausage the length of the tin, and roll out to the width.

Put the butter, sugar, flour, eggs and milk in a bowl and beat with an electric whisk until smooth.

Stir in the mixed fruit and juices.

Spoon half the mixture into the loaf tin, cover with the marzipan layer and top with the rest of cake mixture. Bake for 1hour 50 minutes until risen and fi rm to the touch. Cool in tin. Peel away paper once cold.

To make the caramel almonds, tip the almonds in a pan and heat, swirling the pan so the almonds toast. Tip from the pan and add the sugar. Heat until the sugar turns to a liquid caramel. Add the almonds and swirl to coat well. Pour onto a greased baking sheet to set.

For the icing sugar, mix the sugar, zest and orange juice until smooth.

Drizzle over the cake and decorate with chopped almond caramel.

COMPILED BY ALIX IX NORMAN including chrysin, pinobanklase, and sin, vitamin C, catalase, ugh pinocembrin - though osithe specific composition of any batch of honey depends onn the flowers available to the bees that produced the honey.

Raw honey is often advocated as a superfood as it contains bee pollen, an amazingg substance whose many benefits include allergy relief, detoxification, anti-cancer properties and increased energy levels.

Also bursting with amino amin acids and vitamins, raw honey is oone of the richest natural sources of amylase, an enzyme which facilitates the proper digesti digestion of carbohydrates, ma making honey an excellent com companion for your morning ttoast. wh coats The men in white enou of the can’t get enough substance in its basic form: scientists believ believe that the propolis - a material mate bees use for constructi constructing their hives – in raw hone honey produces antioxidant, antimicrobial and even anti-cancer effects. Also a good source of flavonoids said to aid the immune

system and improve liver health, honey researchers are clearly as busy as the bees they’re studying.

Able to reduce fat deposits in the cardiovascular system, honey’s equal ration of fructose to glucose makes it ideal for burning body fat. In fact, recent studies have shown that athletes who consumed honey before and after physical activity recovered much faster than those who ate no honey whatsoever.

As the only non man-made sweetener that also has healing effects, honey is also highly effective in soothing coughs and colds – so your grandmother was absolutely right in forcing hot honey and lemon drinks down you when you were plagued by the winter sniffles!

12 FOOD & DRINK RESTAURANT REVIEW by Alexander McCowan

OTHER PLACES TO TRY NICOSIA DISTRICT Akakiko Makarios Avenue, Tel: 77778022 Bonzai Holiday Inn Hotel, Tel: 22 712712 Chopsticks Galaxias Shopping Centre, Tel: 22 817070 Dragon Stasinou Street, Tel: 22 591711 India India Nikis street, Tel: 22 490440 Sushi La Pindaou Street, Tel: 22 375036 Sushi Yam Yam Kennedy Ave, Tel: 77776464 Wagamama Themistoklis Dervis and Menandrou Streets, Tel: 22 870140 Zen Fusion Spyros Kyprianou Avenue, Tel: 22 755060

LIMASSOL DISTRICT Akakiko Apollonia Beach Hotel, Tel: 25 323351 Chi Lounge Uptown Square, Tel: 250025555 King’s Garden Kolonakiou street, Tel: 25 311166 Pagoda Ambelakion Street, Tel: 25 312000 Roku Profiti Ilia, Tel: 70009777 Shanghai Far East Griva Digeni and Riga Feraiou Streets, Tel: 25 748777 Zen Room Amathounda Avenue, Tel: 25 812659

LARNACA DISTRICT Ganga Indian Restaurant Larnaca-Dhekeleia Road, Tel: 24 824949 Lai Chinatown Makarios Avenue, Tel: 24 629508 Masalas Dhekelia Road, Tel: 24 644950 Nippon Bistro Grigoris Afxentiou Street, Tel: 24 657555 Sushi la Athenon Avenue, Tel: 24 628882 Taipei Town Makarios Avenue, Tel; 24 621399 21399

PAPHOS DISTRICT CT Asiachi 300 Amathus Hotel, Tel 26 883300 Bombay Brasserie Poseidonos Avenue, Tel: 266 964083 Chloe’s Chinese Restaurant ant Poseidonos Avenue, Tel: 266 934676 Gold Sakura Poseidon Avenue, Tel: 26 947492 47492 O’Shin Sushi Bar Elysium Hotel, Tel: 26 844444 44

Flagship Japanese moves across town Akakiko, Nicosia

W

here has Makarios Avenue gone? At one time the centre of all social and ‘cultural’ activity in the capital, now a dust strewn tumbleweed derelict; how those renting property must be suffering. Poor souls.

So what does a smart operator do when he witnesses his otherwise prosperous enterprise mired by association with the sight and sound of broken windows and empty tills?

He moves. For weeks I have passed a sign on the fringes of the Hilton Park garden informing the public that Akakiko, formerly of Makarios Ave and the premier flag-bearer of Japanese cuisine, would open shortly and open it did, on Wednesday.

The new premises sparkle in brightness and whiteness; everywhere white. We arrive on a Thursday, not many in tonight but we spot some prominent men of fi nance quietly entertaining. Our waitress, the attractive and efficient Veronica, supplies the menus. The wine list contains local and new world wines all surprisingly, given the location, very reasonably priced. We select a Chilean white which will be our companion for the night and attack the menu. This will take some time

VITAL STATISTICS perfectly, but as Sushi can be fi lling and I wish to penetrate the hinterland of the food on offer I chose the Unagi Kabayaki; grilled smoked eel.

The Anguila is one of my favourite dishes and I will eat it in any form - although it is years since my last bowl of the jellied form - strange how it never appears in what passes for Chinese cuisine in Cyprus. To accompany the starters we select a steamer of soft shell crab dumplings.

The choices on the starter menu

For the main course I selected the Kamo Ramen, this is thinly sliced duck breast in tempura - the batter that so lightly embraces Japanese food - on a bed of noodles and peppers and clearly, Veronica knows. There is none of the annoying hovering whereby one is forced into making hasty and regrettable decisions.

The Akakiko menu is something else; it is fully illustrated: Japanese food for the uninitiated. My companion, who is just back on the circuit, requires help with the sets, these are combinations of Suchi and Maki, can she more of this and less of that, she enquires, and then changes her mind; she will go with the prawn toast; excellent choice, she llater la ter claims.

The Sushi and S shimi balance Sa Sashimi

range through the whole gamut of Sushi, Maki and Sashimi as well as the dim sum, stuffed seaweed cones, 12 different salads and soups, including Tom Yam, a Thai dish containing seafood, lemon grass, chilli and celery. To do justice to this menu one would have to dine twice a day for three months.

For the main course I selected the Kamo Ramen, this is thinly thin sliced duck breast in tempura - the th batter that so lightly embraces Japanese J food - on a bed of noodles and a peppers. I was tempted by the seafood tempura, a platter of praw prawns, scallops, mussels and squid with vegetables, but stayed with the du duck.

The dishes arrived in o order, but the table for two is a little littl on the small side, and the ambitio ambitious diner may need a side-table - note to management.

The prawn praw toast was a crac cracker; five huge cru crustaceans toasted in sesame until crust crusty. Each

Specialty: Japanese cuisine.

Where: Akakiko, Achaion 1, behind the Hilton Park, Engomi, Nicosia. Will also deliver Contact: 77778022 Price: Very reasonable dish was accompanied by a separate sauce, and as glutton for wasabi I was given an extra bowl; a nice touch on the eel was that it came with a little sculpted cucumber crown fi lled with salmon eggs. Food presentation is top-hole with none of the nonsense of piling masses of vegetables on the plate to satisfy the Cypriot taste.

We had a Banana Santo between us for sweet: this is bananas and raisins cooked in fi lo pastry with deep fried ice cream and quite delicious.

Through the kitchen window one can watch the oriental chefs beavering away with their flashing blades, but without the theatrics that some other establishments think necessary.

I recognised Marios, the manager, from a previous restaurant, he is an old head on young shoulders, and even in these interesting times will make this place work.

There are about 150 covers inside and out, the tables are very well spaced ensuring privacy, and the staff first-rate, no annoying music and excellent food.

SUNDAY MAIL• March 24, 2013

games Gears of War: Judgment Gears of War: Judgment takes you back before the events of the original Gears of War trilogy to the immediate aftermath of Emergence Day the defining event of the Gears of War universe.

Follow Kilo Squad, led by Damon Baird and Augustus The Cole Train Cole, as they fight to save the city of Halvo Bay from an unstoppable enemy in the most intense Gears game yet.

Gears of War: Judgment introduces a variety of new multiplayer experiences, including OverRun, a thrilling new class-based competitive mode that will pit Locust and COG soldiers in a head-to-head battle unlike anything Gears fans have experienced yet.

A Riveting Campaign Set years before the events of the previous Gears of War trilogy, Judgment centres on Kilo Squad, a troop of soldiers led by Damon Baird and Augustus The Cole Train Cole.

They are joined by newcomers to the Gears series, Sofia Hendricks and Garron Paduk, as they at-

discs Justin Timberlake

The 20/20 Experience While other major pop stars such as Rihanna seem to be stuck on an unstoppable treadmill that demands new music year in, year out, Justin Timberlake’s first album in almost seven years feels like a real event. It has the structure of a heavyweight rock release - 10 tracks in 70 minutes, with seven of them more than seven minutes long. That would be indulgent if he didn’t lock himself into such infectious grooves, from the light, intricate funk of Pusher Love Girl to the vintage, horn packed soul of That Girl. There’s nothing as immediately striking as the time he brought “sexy back” in 2006 but his sweet falsetto and Timbaland’s crisp production make this an album built to last.

By David Smyth

If your job involves handling explosives, probably the last thing you’re worried about is whether or not your watch can survive a blast that would leave you dead. But that didn’t stop Kaventsmann from crafting this truly over-the-top timepiece that’s been torture tested with five kilos of C4. The March 24, 2013• SUNDAY MAIL

true essence of Gears combat and introduces a new style of combat that’s faster-paced and more action-packed than ever before. Judgment introduces a new Smart Spawn System [S3] for both campaign and multiplayer action.

This new system ensures that each encounter is unique and new because types, timing and locations of enemies change with each new encounter.

Console: Xbox 360

Low

Suede

The Invisible Way Without a whole bunch of people noticing, Minnesotan band Low have been at it for around 20 years and this is their 10th album. Their music is a subtle blend of pop, folk and restrained psychedelia and is thus dubbed “alternative”.

The truth is that they could be Fleetwood Mac (later incarnation) if they cared a hoot. The opening Plastic Cup has guitarist Alan Sparhawk and wife/drummer Mimi Parker duetting to great and mildly disturbing effect. So Blue gives Parker and her lovely vibrato a chance to shine.

While acoustic guitar and piano predominate, On My Own suddenly turns into a noisy feast of distorted guitar, which will scare listeners of a nervous disposition. Low inhabit an intriguing and dark corner of modern music, one that needs to be investigated.

By Pete Clark

Bloodsports When Suede stumbled to a halt in 2002, few tears were shed since the most loose limbed Brit poppers seemed to have run their course.

Time plays tricks on the mind and on reforming in 2010 the recent-vintage nostalgia circuit was theirs for the taking. A new album, though – their sixth but first since 2002’s dreadful A New Morning - is a less sure enterprise entirely. Some of the old failings remain: Brett Anderson’s vocals are detached and they cannot shed their tendency to meander into drear. Even so, Bloodsports is rarely bloodless and while What Are You Not Telling Me? is full of choral fireworks, it’s business as usual for the most part with moments of focused wonder (the rattling Barriers; the grandstanding sweep of Hit Me) and the abiding understanding that pop is a sexy, glamorous affair. Or it ought to be.

By John Aizlewood

verdict: the crystal got scratched, but the watch kept on ticking.

The Triggerfish Bronze A2 boasts an incredibly chunky 20 millimetre thick case that’s rated to 300 bar. So if you happen to fall into the ocean unconscious and sink, the watch will keep working to depths of almost 3,000 metres.

your teeth and popping some gum in your mouth mouth. It is coated in toothpaste and you basically twirl your tongue around and let the bristles get the gunk out.

The Tongue Toothbrush: be hygienic without using your hands

Ivan Zhang and Jeho Yoon have designed what could be the ultimate relaxation tool: an air mattress that can transform into a boat.

Thanks to an internal structure of ropes and carabiners, the Nest is a comfy air mattress perfect for lounging about in a pool. But when you disconnect all of the carabiners inside, the

The T2T is a hands free toothbrush that you slip onto your tongue to do your teeth cleaning. Before, handsfree brushing just meant not brushing

The air mattress that turns into a boat

ibis Sleep Art Artistic sleep, what an incredible concept, if that’s what you’re after then look no further than the Sleep Art app from ibis, that will capture and sketch out your activities as you slumber.

Set your alarm, place the phone right beside yourself and go to sleep! Don’t forget to plug in the phone first though and make sure that it’s switched on. After you’re settled you can just relax and let the magic happen.

This masterpiece will now be inspired by your movements and your sounds, and even your temperature, collating beautiful colours and abstract shapes for you to see as soon as you wake up. Another fantastic feature is the hyper sensitive accelerometer that monitors your breathing too.

Fun, inspiring and certainly helps getting out of the right side of bed. www.itunes.apple.com

Autology Homework Tutor Welcome to the future of our education, where your academic life can be transformed should you so wish. If you’re between the ages of 11 and 19, then you’re in luck, because this genius little app will take the pain right out of studying for those dreaded exams, especially as it plays host to an incredible array of features including time saving page access, which cannot fail to improve your revision time, keep your mind fresh for longer and boost your grades.

With its vast library of over 500,000 resources, ranging from GCSE and A-Level textbooks to revision guides, the app acts like a personal tutor explaining in layman’s terms all the resources you need. You can phrase your search queries as questions, with Autology interpreting the question to suit the academic material you’re after, which will no doubt save you stress, time and energy. Check out the index links to useful images and educational videos, examined for you by the BBC. Autology is simple yet mind broadening - quick, clear and precise, it’s supported by experts and parents alike. It also has an element of fun, providing the learner a more relaxed way to study whilst still being incredibly productive. www.itunes.apple.com

mattress changes shape into a boat that’s ideal for a lazy paddle across a lake.

Sadly, there’s no word on whether the duo pplan to actually mass produce or sell their creation. But the Nest did manage to snag a Best of the Best Red Dot Design Award. So who knows, maybe it will catch the eye of an outdoor gear manufacturer and appear on store shelves before the summer summer’ss out?

TOYSFORTHEBOYS

Bombproof watch can survive five kilo C4 explosion

tempt to save the besieged city of Halvo Bay from a terrifying new enemy.

Playable cooperatively with up to three friends on Xbox LIVE (four players total) Gears of War: Judgment depicts the planet Sera on the brink of annihilation by an unstoppable new Locust menace, giving you a new vantage point into one of the richest and most acclaimed sagas in gaming.

Faster and More Intense Combat Gears of War: Judgment delivers a riveting gameplay experience that gets back to basics, captures the

websites&apps

TECHNOLOGY 13

14 FILM THE LAST STAND

FILM REVIEW by Preston Wilder

DIRECTED BY Kim Jee-woon STARRING Arnold Schwarzenegger, Forest Whitaker, Eduardo Noriega US 2013 107 mins

He’ll be back H

ow much longer must we suffer for our misspent youth by watching now-middle-aged action stars of the 80s and 90s trudge through their wellworn personas, like mechanical arms grown heavy with rust, and having to pretend it’s ironic/elegiac/ poignant? Jean-Claude Van Damme did it best in JCVD, playing with the notion of an action-star persona and exploding the shell of machismo with a weepy confessional scene, and we all had fun watching Sly Stallone gather The Expendables and Bruce Willis play John McClane (again) in Live Free or Die Hard – but, as the recent follow-ups to both those fi lms showed, that kind of fun is easily exhausted. It’s conceptual fun, our old heroes ‘proving’ their indestructibility by going up against the ultimate baddie, their (and our) advancing years – and conceptual fun tends to wilt pretty quickly amid the toxic tedium of a Bad Movie.

Now here’s Arnold Schwarzenegger, a decade after his sideways move into politics, back again with The Last Stand – a modern-dress Western, a post-ironic action movie, call it what you will. Arnie’s always been a cut above the other macho men – a kind of royalty, even before he married into America’s equivalent of a royal family (he and wife Maria Shriver, a Kennedy scion, are now divorced). He typifies something more than tough-guy posturing; he typifies the American Dream. “You make us immigrants look bad,” Sheriff Ray Owens (a fi ne immigrant name) tells the Mexican villain in The Last Stand, and Schwarzenegger wears his status as a foreigner made good – a walking symbol of the US meltingpot – as proudly as he wears his stillunreconstructed Austrian accent.

Maybe that’s why the fi lm garnered

The Last Stand may be Arnold Schwarzenegger’s comeback, but it’s still a Bad Movie generally kind reviews, especially in the States.

Yet it’s obviously a Bad Movie: lame, erratic, sometimes risible. It does end strongly, in an extended shoot-out that doesn’t disgrace Korean director Kim Jee-woon (though it doesn’t match the pugnacious power of his outrageously good I Saw the Devil), but everything before that is snooze-worthy. The opening scene sets the tone: a small-town cop parked by the side of a country road, his night-time reverie interrupted by a car going by at top speed. The cop gets on his walkie-talkie: “Contact the FAA,” he tells headquarters, “tell ’em some jackass is flying around without any lights on”. Seriously?

That’s the joke? The cop thinks the car is a low-flying plane? That’s the best they can do for an opening sequence? I know we’re trying for cheesy 90s throwback, but that gag wouldn’t pass muster in a Mark Dacascos vehicle.

The car in question plays a fairly major role in The Last Stand. At one point, FBI honcho Forest Whitaker calls for the FBI agent who knows about cars (!) to take a look and tell them what kind of car it is. This canny specialist informs his colleagues that the car is a Corvette ZR1, a “Batmobile” that’s “faster than any chopper”. It’s being driven by Gabriel Cortez (Eduardo Noriega), an escaped drug lord heading for the Mexican border. Cortez could’ve chosen to fly across the border; he could’ve cho-

I know we’re trying for cheesy 90s throwback, but that gag wouldn’t pass muster in a Mark Dacascos vehicle sen to smuggle himself across in the back of a truck; in fact, he could’ve chosen any number of methods faster and less conspicuous than driving a sports car at top speed, taking out SWAT teams and police roadblocks along the way – but it seems Cortez is a race-car driver as well as a drug lord, and wants to do things his way.

“He wants to be behind the wheel.

Literally,” explains Whitaker. Yes of course, that makes perfect sense.

Meanwhile, Arnie’s doing his sleepy small-town sheriff routine, dealing with errant motorists and putting on his reading glasses when things get tricky. There’s no doubt the man is an icon: even the back of his neck looks Arnie-ish when we glimpse it in an early shot, that thatch of wiry hair and thick-set nape – but he’s not much of an actor, never has been, and he’s soon defeated by

filmsummaries

Mama

Diabolical drug-cartel boss Gabriel Cortez (Eduardo Noriega) busts out of FBI custody and heads for the Mexican border. His plan is to cross over near the small town of Sommerton, and there’s only one man who can thwart him: the town’s pencil-pushing sheriff Ray Owens (Arnold Schwarzenegger), armed with nothing more than years of experience as an LA narcotics cop and a team of inexperienced sidekicks.

Also starring Forest Whitaker, Johnny Knoxville and Peter Stormare. Directed by Kim Jee-woon.

(Action thriller, 107 mins.)

the Colorado home he shares with his wife Trish (Amanda Peet) and two daughters to Florida. His goal is to track down the woman who stole his identity, trashed his credit rating, and cost him his job. She’s Diana (Melissa McCarthy), a fat, foul-mouthed cartoon creature who wallows in excess as she adds to Sandy’s debt – but, having confronted his nemesis, Sandy soon finds various events (including two mob enforcers and a bounty hunter) conspiring to force them on a road trip together. Also starring John Cho. Directed by Seth Gordon. (Comedy, 111 mins.)

Identity Thief

Oz the Great and Powerful

Sandy Patterson (Jason Bateman) travels from

Oscar Diggs (James Franco), a travelling circus

The Last Stand

Our rating:

Our rating:

the witless goings-on. We alternate between Whitaker yelling at his men in frustration, psycho henchman Peter Stormare killing innocent farmers with bad CGI (an occupational hazard in these movies; there was a similarly gory, fake-looking killing in A Good Day to Die Hard) and Arnie turning his Terminator glare on delinquent cops caught in illicit target practice. Then the baddies approach, and he heads off to “wanda sevillans”. Wait, Wanda who? Wanda Sevillans? Was that the name of that girl who works at the diner?

Yes OK, making fun of Ah-nuld’s accent is the cheapest of cheap shots – but the big guy’s complicit in the teasing, and I’ll bet he didn’t spend 10 years as Governor addressing Californian lawmakers in that robotic-Teuton voice. Schwarzenegger knows what he’s doing, and fans will appreciate the instant catchphrases (Villain: “Who the hell are you?”; Arnie, after calmly shooting him between the eyes: “I am ze sheriff”) – but The Last Stand is a tedious fi lm, its occasional highlights unable to compensate for its overall lameness and creakiness. “I know what’s coming,” says our hero grimly, and we all know what’s coming: two more Schwarzenegger fi lms in 2013-14, then increasing self-parody and diminishing returns till he croaks or wins a sympathy Oscar, or both. Our misspent youth deserves better.

magician with dubious ethics, is hurled from dusty Kansas to the vibrant Land of Oz. At first he thinks he’s hit the jackpot: fame and fortune are his for the taking. That all changes, however, when he meets three witches, Theodora (Mila Kunis), Evanora (Rachel Weisz) and Glinda (Michelle Williams), who are not convinced he’s the great wizard everyone’s been expecting as per the prophecy. Nonetheless, he’s all they’ve got – and, as their new king, he’s expected to save them from evil. He is after all, the great and powerful Oz. Also starring Zach Braff. Directed

by Sam Raimi. In 3D. (Adventure fantasy, 130 mins.)

Our rating:

A man, having shot his ex-wife, kidnaps his two young daughters (aged one and three), and wanders with the kids through the woods till they come to a dilapidated cabin. Once inside, he prepares a double murder-suicide – but something emerges from the dark to snatch him away. Five years later, the girls, Victoria (Megan Charpentier) and Lilly (Isabelle Nelisse), now eight and six, have been discovered living on their own in the cabin. Feral, and frightened of people, they’re eventually released into the custody of their uncle Lucas (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and his goth rocker girlfriend Annabel (Jessica Chastain). But the girls don’t come on their own: they bring with them “Mama”, their ‘friend’ from the cabin. Directed

by Andres Muschietti. (Horror, 100 mins.)

Our rating:

SUNDAY MAIL• March 24, 2013

MONSIEUR LAZHAR DIRECTED BY Philippe Falardeau STARRING Mohamed Fellag, Sophie Nelisse, Emilien Neron Canada 2011 94 mins.

In French, with Greek subtitles

Those who can, teach

Monsieur Lazhar is a genteel Canadian drama, yet it packs quite a punch

S

ometimes reactions are visceral. I was going to write about Identity Thief, one of last week’s new releases at the multiplex, but ended up having such an angry reaction to that fi lm – not just irritation but violent anger, at its view of the world and its reprehensible heroine – that I just want to pretend it never happened. I wasn’t necessarily going to write about Monsieur Lazhar: it’s in French with Greek subtitles, only showing in Nicosia and only showing for a few days (it’s at the Friends of the Cinema) – yet just thinking about its final shot gives me goosebumps and makes me want to cry, so how can I ignore it?

That fi nal shot is beautifully staged (it wouldn’t work at all if the camera were closer), and I wouldn’t dream of spoiling it. The rest of the fi lm is perhaps a touch too middle-ofthe-road, though you couldn’t say it lacks edge. Take the opening scene, for example. At a primary school in Quebec, pupils laugh and chatter in the snow-covered playground. A little girl with wise, amused eyes is joined by a rather goofy, mischievous boy. “Isn’t it your turn for the milk?” she says. Gosh, that’s right! he exclaims, and runs off to get cartons of milk for the class. The boy (his name is Simon) walks down the corridor, lugging the crate of milk. He tries the door of the classroom; it’s locked. He peers through the glass – and sees

the dead body of a woman (his teacher) hanging from the ceiling. Simon steps back in shock, then runs off to try and find a grown-up. A bell rings.

Kids come in, heading back to class.

On the floor, the overturned crate spills out child-sized milk cartons.

It’s a great opening – a defining trauma, all the more chilling for being so low-key. The school offers counselling, of course, but pupils and staff remain shell-shocked. “My parents are freaking,” says one girl.

Simon, taking the teacher’s suicide

The film rhymes that physical repression with the emotional repression of a school trying to avoid a bad memory

personally – she knew it was his turn for the milk! she knew he’d be the one to fi nd the body! – starts to withdraw and misbehave. And of course there’s another question: who will replace the late Mademoiselle Martine?

Enter Monsieur Lazhar (Mohamed Fellag), middle-aged and trimly bearded, who turns up one day in the office of the headmistress. He claims to have taught for 19 years at a primary school in Algiers, but says he’s now a permanent resident of Canada. Neither statement, it turns out, is entirely true. In fact, Lazhar is secretly traumatised – like the children – and liable to be deported at any moment. He’s also antiquated, clearly out of place in this progressive, politically-correct school; he scoffs at the kids’ double-barrelled surnames, insists that they sit in straight rows (instead of placing their desks in a semi-circle “to encourage group spirit”) and even gives Simon a cuff when the boy acts up in class. That last detail is especially inappropriate, since the school (like all schools in Montreal, and unlike Algiers) strictly forbids any physical contact between teachers and pupils – not just corporal punishment, but even a comforting hug.

The fi lm rhymes that physical repression with the emotional repression of a school trying to avoid a bad memory, just as it rhymes Lazhar’s hidden trauma with that of his charges (the classroom becomes a place of

Warm Bodies R (Nicholas Hoult) is a zombie in a postapocalyptic world where the few remaining humans shelter behind a wall in a ruined city. They include Julie (Teresa Palmer), part of a team sent into zombie territory to retrieve medical supplies. Zombies and humans clash and R kills Julie’s boyfriend Perry (Dave Franco), eating his brains and absorbing his memories of their relationship. Somehow, this jump-starts R’s transformation back to the land of the living. His heart begins to beat. He starts speaking words.

And he protects Julie from the other zombies.

In short, R is in love – but can it ever work out between a girl and a zombie? Also starring John Malkovich and Rob Corddry. Directed by Jonathan Levine. (Horror with romantic comedy elements, 98 mins.)

Our rating:

March 24, 2013 • SUNDAY MAIL

15

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Lincoln In 1865, over the final four months of his second term as President of the USA, Abraham Lincoln (Daniel Day-Lewis) focuses his energies not just on ending the devastating Civil War, but something even bigger – the fight to pass the 13th Amendment, permanently abolishing slavery.

Lincoln is a man of paradoxes: funny and solemn, a playful storyteller and fierce powerbroker, a shrewd commander and a vulnerable father. But in his nation’s darkest hour, when the times demand the very best of people, he reaches from within himself for something powerful and everlasting. Also starring Sally Field, Tommy Lee Jones and David Strathairn.

Directed by Steven Spielberg. (Historical drama, 150 mins.)

Our rating:

Once upon a time, as children, they were in deadly danger from a witch – but Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and his sister Gretel (Gemma Arterton) have grown up to be bounty hunters who track and kill witches all over the world. As the fabled Blood Moon approaches, the siblings encounter a new form of evil that might hold a secret to their past. Also starring Famke Janssen and Peter Stormare. Directed by Tommy Wirkola. (Action fantasy, 88 mins.)

Our rating:

Barbie in the Pink Shoes Barbie is Kristyn, a ballerina with big dreams.

When she tries on a pair of sparkling pink shoes, she and her best friend Hailey are whisked away to a fantastical ballet world where Kristyn dis-

mutual escape). Its greatest achievement, however, lies in managing to navigate the pitfalls of the Inspirational Teacher genre (Dangerous Minds, anyone? Music of the Heart?

Dead Poets Society?) mostly by making Lazhar well-meaning rather than inspirational. All he really does is give the kids a daily routine, offer support and do his best to help them heal. He’s not especially smart or charismatic – he is, as someone puts it at the end, no more than “solid”.

The same could be said of Monsieur Lazhar, which never does anything especially imaginative; even that fi nal shot is actually quite simple, and derives its power from being simple. The whole fi lm is tasteful and restrained almost to the point of being timid (to be fair, its subject is so delicate that restraint is inevitable).

Like the rest of the recent French Film Festival at the Friends of the Cinema – which also included talky comedy Le prenom and the Juliette Binoche-starring La vie d’une autre – it’s aimed squarely at older viewers looking for a genteel night out. Damning with faint praise seems wrong, however, when the fi lm packs such a punch – not by breaking through but just holding on, treating a painful situation with a modicum of quiet sensitivity. Objectively speaking, I can see it’s a bit conservative (both stylistically and thematically) and a bit inadequate. Viscerally speaking, it knocked me out.

covers she must dance in her favourite ballets in order to defeat an evil Snow Queen. Directed

by Owen Hurley. DUBBED INTO GREEK. (Kids’ cartoon, 75 mins.)

Our rating: N/A

A Good Day to Die Hard Irreverent, take-no-prisoners cop John McClane (Bruce Willis) finds himself on foreign soil for the first time after travelling to Moscow to help his wayward son Jack (Jai Courtney) – unaware that Jack is really a highly-trained CIA operative out to stop a nuclear weapons heist. With the Russian underworld in pursuit, and battling a countdown to war, the two McClanes discover that their opposing methods make them unstoppable heroes. Also starring Sebastian Koch. Directed by John Moore. Includes some dialogue in Russian, with Greek subtitles. (Action, 97 mins.)

Our rating:

TURN TO PAGE 16

16 FILM

Films change on Friday. Check the Cyprus Mail for details of new films for Friday and Saturday.

Ratings Key

Unforgettable Unmissable Recommendable Watchable Regrettable Abominable

newreleases filmsummaries

Jack the Giant Slayer Jack (Nicholas Hoult) is a hapless farm boy who finds a pouch of magic seeds and inadvertently grows a gargantuan beanstalk that pierces the clouds and extends all the way up to a sky world populated by giants. When the beanstalk grows, Princess Isabelle (Eleanor Tomlinson), the heir to the realm of King Brahmwell (Ian McShane), is in the wrong place at the wrong time. She is caught in the vines and carried into the sky.

Jack, along with Isabelle’s protectors Elmont (Ewan McGregor) and Crawe (Eddie Marsan) and her would-be groom Roderick (Stanley Tucci), head off in pursuit. Unfortunately, Roderick has an agenda that doesn’t involve rescuing Isabelle. In 3D. Directed by Bryan Singer. (Fantasy adventure, 114 mins.)

continued from page 15

Jack the Giant Slayer

(Kids’ cartoon, 92 mins.)

Sammy’s Great Escape Sammy and Ray, a pair of leatherback turtles, are captured by a poacher and shipped off to a spectacular aquarium show in Dubai.

The kingpin of the place, Big D the seahorse, enlists them in his plans for a great escape – but, with their new friends Jimbo the bug-eyed

Our rating: N/A

Monsieur Lazhar Bachir Lazhar (Mohamed Fellag), an Algerian immigrant, is hired to replace an elementary school teacher who committed suicide. While the class goes through a long healing

Our rating:

Hitchcock

Hitchcock

When Alfred Hitchcock (Anthony Hopkins) buys the film rights to Robert Bloch’s novel Psycho, he is a highly regarded filmmaker at Paramount. But this choice for his next film is questioned by the studio – and just about everyone else. They don’t finance it – but he decides to make it anyway, and Paramount agrees to distribute it. Hitch and his wife Alma (Helen Mirren) have a somewhat stormy and sometimes uneasy relationship, even though Hitch recognises the enormous help he gets from her. Determined but troubled, Hitch pushes on – with Alma’s help – even as the strain on his various relationships threatens to become intolerable. Also starring Danny Huston, Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel.

Directed by Sacha Gervasi. (Drama, 98 mins.)

Monsieur Lazhar

blob fish and Lulu the snippy lobster, Annabel the sweet octopus and a whole family of penguins, Sammy and Ray hatch breakout plans of their own. That is when little Ricky and Ella arrive, determined to break in to rescue them.

Directed by Vincent Kesteloot and Ben Stassen. DUBBED INTO GREEK.

Our rating:

process, nobody in the school is aware of Bachir’s painful former life; nor that he is at risk of being deported at any moment. Also starring Sophie Nelisse and Emilien Neron.

Directed by Philippe Falardeau. In French, with Greek subtitles. (Drama, 94 mins.)

Our rating:

What’sonwhere NICOSIA Jack the Giant Slayer (12)

K-Cineplex (Screen 1) at 5.40, 7.55 and 10.15pm, weekends also at 3.25pm; K-Cineplex, Mall of Cyprus (Screen 1) at 5.40, 7.55 and 10.15pm, weekends also at 11am, 1.10pm and 3.25pm. Tel: 7777-8383 Hitchcock (12)

K-Cineplex (Screen 4) at 5.30, 7.50 and 10.15pm, weekends also at 3.30pm; K-Cineplex, Mall of Cyprus (Screen 4) at 5.30, 7.50 and 10.15pm, weekends also at 11.10am, 1.20pm and 3.30pm.

Tel: 7777-8383 The Last Stand (15)

K-Cineplex (Screen 5) at 5.40, 7.50 and 10.10pm, weekends also at 3.30pm; K-Cineplex, Mall of Cyprus (Screen 5) at 7.50 and 10.10pm. Tel: 7777-8383 Identity Thief (12)

K-Cineplex (Screen 2) at 7.55 and 10.15pm; K-Cineplex, Mall of Cyprus (Screen 2) at 7.55 and 10.15pm. Tel: 77778383

Lincoln (12)

The Last Stand (15)

K-Cineplex (Screen 6) at 7.15pm.

Tel: 7777-8383 Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (15) K-Cineplex (Screen 3) at 7.45pm; KCineplex, Mall of Cyprus (Screen 3) at 7.45pm. Tel: 7777-8383

Rio 5 at 7.45 and 10pm, weekends and Monday also at 5.30pm. Tel: 25-871410; K-Cineplex (Screen 5) at 7.50 and 10.10pm. Tel: 7777-8383

Barbie in the Pink Shoes (K)

K-Cineplex (Screen 3) (in Greek) at 5.25pm, weekends also at 3.30pm; K-Cineplex, Mall of Cyprus (Screen 3) (in Greek) at 5.25pm, weekends also at 11.30am, 1.20pm and 3.30pm. Tel: 7777-8383 Sammy’s Great Escape (K)

K-Cineplex (Screen 6) (in Greek) at 5.25pm, weekends also at 3.20pm; K-Cineplex, Mall of Cyprus (Screen 5) at 5.25pm, weekends also at 11.20am, 1.15pm and 3.20pm. Tel: 7777-8383 Monsieur Lazhar

Cine Studio, tonight at 8pm, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday at 9pm, presented by the Friends of the Cinema Society. Tel: 96-420491, www.ofk.org.cy

Identity Thief (12)

Rio 3 at 7.45 and 10pm. Tel: 25-871410; KCineplex (Screen 2) at 7.55 and 10.15pm.

Tel: 7777-8383 Oz the Great and Powerful (12)

Rio 3, weekends only at 3 and 5.20pm, Monday only at 5.20pm. Tel: 25-871410; K-Cineplex (Screen 2) at 5.30pm, weekends also at 3pm. Tel: 7777-8383

LARNACA

PAPHOS

Jack the Giant Slayer (12)

Jack the Giant Slayer (12)

K-Cineplex (Screen 1) at 5.40, 7.55 and 10.15pm, weekends also at 3.25pm.

Tel: 7777-8383

Rio 1 at 5.45, 8 and 10.10pm, weekends and Monday also at 3.30 and 5.45pm. Tel: 26-207000

Hitchcock (12)

Hitchcock (12)

K-Cineplex (Screen 4) at 5.30, 7.50 and 10.15pm, weekends also at 3.30pm.

Tel: 7777-8383

Rio 7 at 6, 8 and 10pm. Tel: 26-207000

The Last Stand (15)

K-Cineplex (Screen 5) 5.40, 7.50 and 10.10pm, weekends also 3.30pm. Tel: 7777-8383

The Last Stand (15)

Rio 4 at 5.30, 7.30 and 9.45pm, weekends and Monday also at 3.30pm. Tel: 26-207000 Identity Thief (12)

K-Cineplex (Screen 2) at 7.55 and 10.15pm. Tel: 7777-8383

Rio 5 at 5.30, 7.30 and 9.45pm, weekends and Monday also at 3.30pm. Tel: 26-207000

Oz the Great and Powerful (12)

Oz the Great and Powerful (12)

K-Cineplex (Screen 2) at 5.30pm, weekends also at 3pm. Tel: 7777-8383

Rio 6 at 5.15, 7.30 and 9.45pm, weekends and Monday also at 3pm. Tel: 26-207000

Mama (15) K-Cineplex (Screen 3) at 10.10pm.

Tel: 7777-8383 Warm Bodies (12)

Mama (15)

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (15)

K-Cineplex (Screen 6) at 10.05pm.

Tel: 7777-8383

Lincoln (12)

Lincoln (12)

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (15)

K-Cineplex (Screen 6) at 7.15pm.

Tel: 7777-8383

Rio 2 at 7.30pm, weekends and Monday at 5.30pm. Tel: 26-207000

Mama (15)

Rio 1 at 10pm. Tel: 25-871410; K-Cineplex (Screen 3) at 10.10pm. Tel: 7777-8383 Warm Bodies (12)

Rio 4 at 7.45pm, weekends also at 3.30pm. Tel: 25-871410 Lincoln (12)

Rio 6 at 7.30pm, weekends and Monday also at 4.30pm. Tel: 25-871410

Identity Thief (12)

Rio 2 at 9.45pm. Tel: 26-207000 Warm Bodies (12)

Rio 3 at 5.30 and 7.30pm. Tel: 26-207000 Rio 3 at 9.45pm. Tel: 26-207000

Oz the Great and Powerful (12)

LIMASSOL

K-Cineplex (Screen 3) at 7.45pm.

Tel: 7777-8383

K-Cineplex (Screen 2) at 5.30pm, weekends also at 3pm; K-Cineplex, Mall of Cyprus (Screen 2) at 5.30pm, weekends also at 11am and 3pm. Tel: 7777-8383

Jack the Giant Slayer (12)

Barbie in the Pink Shoes (K)

Rio 2 at 7.45 and 10pm, weekends also at 3 and 5.20pm, Monday also at 5.20pm.

Tel: 25-871410; K-Cineplex (Screen 1) at 5.40, 7.55 and 10.15pm, weekends also at 3.25pm. Tel: 7777-8383

Rio 1 (in Greek), weekends only at 3, 4.30 and 6pm, Monday only at 6pm. Tel: 25-871410; K-Cineplex (Screen 3) (in Greek) at 5.25pm, weekends also at 3.30pm. Tel: 7777-8383

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (15)

Barbie in the Pink Shoes (K)

K-Cineplex (Screen 3) at 7.45pm.

Tel: 7777-8383

Rio 7 (in Greek), weekends and Monday only at 3 and 4.30pm. Tel: 26-207000

A Good Day to Die Hard (15)

Barbie in the Pink Shoes (K)

Sammy’s Great Escape (K)

Hitchcock (12)

Rio 6 at 10.10pm. Tel: 25-871410

Rio 1 at 7.45pm; Rio 4 at 10pm, weekends and Monday also at 5.20pm. Tel: 25871410; K-Cineplex (Screen 4) at 5.30, 7.50 and 10.15pm, weekends also at 3.30pm.

Tel: 7777-8383

Sammy’s Great Escape (K)

K-Cineplex (Screen 3) (in Greek) at 5.25pm, weekends also at 3.30pm.

Tel: 7777-8383

Rio 3 (in Greek), weekends and Monday only at 3.30pm. Tel: 26-207000

Mama (15)

K-Cineplex (Screen 3) at 10.10pm; K-Cineplex, Mall of Cyprus (Screen 3) at 10.10pm. Tel: 7777-8383 Warm Bodies (12)

K-Cineplex (Screen 6) at 10.05pm.

Tel: 7777-8383

Rio 5 (in Greek), weekends only at 3.30pm. Tel: 25-871410; K-Cineplex (Screen 5) at 5.25pm, weekends also at 3.20pm. Tel: 7777-8383

Sammy’s Great Escape (K)

K-Cineplex (Screen 6) (in Greek) at 5.25pm, weekends also at 3.20pm.

Tel: 7777-8383

(K) All Audiences (12/15/18) No admittance to Under-12s/15s/ 18s (N/A) Not Available

SUNDAY MAIL• March 24, 2013

17 The Zilla Project Part of the March Live Madness series at Blue Wine Bar and Lounge in Nicosia, March 27.

21.30. €5 cover charge. For further information and reservations call 22 664006.

Long standing Blues band The Zilla Project is set for a Nicosia gig this week. ALIX NORMAN sits down with their guitarist

T

here are six guitars on Emmanuel’s wall.

“But only two belong to me,” he grins, “most of mine are at home, these are in for repairs.”

We’re sitting in his soundproofed teaching studio, cosied up with excellent coffee, listening to the blues on a stellar sound system.

The walls are papered with band posters, sheet music lies open on a stand, records line the shelves.

In the spacious corridor a high bench functions as a neatly contained repair workshop, boxes of wire and screws lying next to what look like instruments of torture. He clearly has a lot of strings to his guitar.

Originally from Thessaloniki, Emmanuel Vourakis’ Bosto-

nian twang is a relic of his days at Berkley, before his marriage brought him to Cyprus where The Zilla Project was born. Aside from the intriguing name, The Zilla Project is a blues band that has played widely on the island, from the clubs in Nicosia to the Jazz Festival of Pomos and everywhere in between. They’re regulars at Savino Live in Larnaca, Teepee in Limassol and Blue Wine Bar and Lounge in Nicosia – and it is this last venue at which the band will be playing this coming Wednesday.

“We’re what you’d term a ‘real band’,” he says. The Zilla Project has been around for about four years, and has four members: “On the keys is Nicholas ‘the Honeyman’ Melis – ‘cos he plays so sweet! Omiros Andreou plays bass guitar, and is nicknamed ‘Bagman’ in an allusion to the expression ‘playing in the bag’, which means playing real tight.

But actually it’s kind of because he’s inseparable from his handbag!” laughs Emmanuel. “Then there’s me on guitar and vocals - I’m called ‘Big Mo’ for obvious reasons - and Stefanos Meletiou plays the drums. We call him ‘PP’, and I’m not going to explain that one!”

As the morning ticks by unnoticed, I persuade Emmanuel – who is incredibly modest for such an accomplished musician – to give me a live performance, and the gravelly vocals and catchy lyrics transport me back in time to the deep south. “The blues evolved through juke joints and bars and ballrooms,” he explains. “It’s music for the people, the forerunner of rock and roll.” He mentions

A Blues project that though the band play crowdpleasing music, and include a lot of covers, they’re defi nitely not in it for the money. “We play what we love,” he continues, referencing any number of famous musicians as inspiration, and clicking through youtube so I can hear the music of Ry Cooder, JJ Cale and the iconic Bob Dylan.

My allotted interview time of an hour quickly overruns, as I get a potted history of the blues and discover a passion for slide guitar. Not just a practising musician, Emmanuel is also clearly an inspirational teacher, and before I know it he’s whipped a guitar

off the wall and is demonstrating fi nger placement. Never having touched a guitar before, I’m thrilled when he encourages me to have a go myself, and before I know it he’s taught me three chords – and I’m playing the blues!

If Emmanuel is anything to go by, The Zilla Project is a great bunch of guys, full of humour and passion for their calling: “Music is a full-time job for all of us; we live and breathe what we do with the utmost love and attention. It can be hard to keep a band together here – it’s like a marriage with four partners! – especially with

What’sonlistings

Exhibition

Exhibitions Nicosia district

The Leftovers Solo political exhibition by Angelo Evangelou. Until March 31. 83 Aeschylus, old Nicosia. Monday-Saturday: 10am12:30 and 4pm-6.30pm. Tel: 99-535329 March 24, 2013 • SUNDAY MAIL

people coming and going from the island. Though the four of us have been playing together for a while now, our original drummer has gone back to Greece.” Interestingly enough, one night of madness on the drummer’s part led to his nickname: ‘Georgezilla’! “And it sounded so good that we stuck with the zilla bit for our band,” Emmanuel concludes.

Catch The Zilla Project at Blue Wine Bar and Lounge this Wednesday for an unmissable event; even if you’re a novice to the genre, you’re sure to be entertained and inspired by the beautiful blues. See you there!

Andreas Savvides Solo painting and sculpture exhibition.

Until March 27. Gallery Gloria, 3 Zinonos Sozou Street. Monday-Friday: 10.30pm12.45pm and 5pm-8pm. Saturday: 10.30pm-12.45pm. Tel: 22-760286 Art is not a Luxury Cypriot Artists in Silkscreen Limited edition, numbered silkscreens signed by the artists and with a certificate of authenticity. Until March 30.

Loukia and Michael Zampelas Art Museum, 27 Arch. Makarios III Avenue, Kaimakli. Monday to Thursday: 10am-1pm and 4pm-7pm. Friday: 10am-1pm and 4pm-8pm. Saturday: 10am-7pm. Tel: 22-456099. info@zampelasart.com.cy. www.zampelasart.com Constantinos Partsilis Solo painting exhibition. Until March 30. Opus 39 Gallery, 21 Kimonos Street.

Monday: 5pm-8pm. Tuesday-Friday: 10.30am-12.30pm and 5pm-8pm. Tel: 22-424983 The Leftovers Solo political exhibition by Angelo Evangelou. Until March 31. 83 Aeschylus, old Nicosia. Monday-Saturday: 10am-12:30 and 4pm-6.30pm. Tel: 99535329 Asia Minor, 90 Years of Memory Exhibition of relics, records and works of art from Asia Minor. Until March 31.

The Cultural Centre of the Archbishop Makarios III Foundation, Archbishop Kyprianos Plazza. Monday-Friday: 9am4.30pm, Saturday: 9am-1pm. Tel: 22430008

Metamorphosis Solo painting exhibition by Nikos Kouroussis. Until April 3. Alpha Gallery, Makarios Avenue & 3 Papanikoli Street.

Monday-Saturday 10.30 am-1pm and 4.30pm-7.30pm. Tel: 22-751325 / 99303366. www.art.com.cy The Last Bride Exhibition by Asteris Gkekas and poetry reading. Until April 5. ARTos Cultural and Research Foundation, 64, Ay. Omoloyites Ave. Tuesday-Friday: 9am5pm. Tel: 22-445455 Terra Mediterranea – In Crisis Group contemporary art exhibition curated by Yiannis Toumazis scrutinising the current turbulence experienced globally, from both a political and a poetic stance. Until July 21. Nicosia Municipal Arts Centre 19, Palaias Ilektrikis.

Tuesday-Saturday: 10am-3pm and 5pm-11pm. Sunday: 10am-4pm. Tel: 22-797400. info@nimac.org.cy. www. nimac.org.cy The project includes a second contemporary art exhibition curated by Re Aphrodite team. The exhibition deals with the unwritten feminine histories of Cyprus and their private and public structure. Until July 21. Ethological Museum – The House of Hagjigeorgakis Kornesios, 20, Patriarxou Grigoriou. Tuesday, Thursday, Friday: 8.30am-3.30pm. Wednesday: 8.30am5pm. Saturday: 9.30am-3.30pm. Tel: 22-305316 Cyprus Icons and Mosaics Makarios III Foundation, Archbishopric, old Nicosia. Monday-Friday 9am4.30pm and Saturday 9am-1pm. Tel: 22-430008

Old Maps and Engravings 16th-19th Century Permanent exhibition: Cyprus and other Greek lands, Europe and America. Viewing by appointment. Gallery Leventi, 6 Polykleitos St. Tel/Fax: 22-348451/ 99658694.

Cyprus Yesterday and Today Permanent exhibition. Diachroniki Gallery Idalion, 32 Makarios Ave., Dhali.

Open Monday-Saturday 11am-5pm. Tel: 22-525691

Larnaca district Savvinos Pareskevas Solo art exhibition. Until April 12. Gallery Kypriaki Gonia, 45 Stadiou Street. Monday-Saturday: 10am-1pm & 4.30pm-8pm. Sunday:11am-2pm & 4pm-7pm. Tel: 24-621109 Helen Tumelty’s Mosaic Studio Permanent exhibition of mosaic pictures, tables and mirrors. Just off Zenon Kitieos St. Studio also offers mosaic classes in a small friendly environment throughout the year. Tel: 99-925315 Cyprus Artists Pieces from the Larnaca municipality’s permanent collection on display. Larnaca Municipal Gallery. Monday-Friday: 9am-4pm, Saturday: 10am-1pm. Tel: 24-657745

Limassol district Uninterrupted Stare Solo art exhibition by Nina Sumarac.

March 28, 7.30pm until April 6. Rouan Gallery, 28 Dodekanisou. MondaySaturday: 10.30am-1pm and 4.30pm7.30pm. Tel: 25-350845

TURN TO PAGE 19

18 WHAT’S ON Nightlife Nicosia district Natasa Theodoridou Well-known Greek singer in Cyprus for a unique performance. March 24. Blinkers Club, 5 Andrea Avraamidi, Engomi.10pm.

Tel: 22-351550 Kyau & Albert Trance music producers and DJs from Germany play live. March 29. Occhio Lounge, 23, Alkeou Street, Engomi.

11pm. €17/12. Tel: 99-399769/22-255111 Marlenka Café Music Weekends Come and enjoy a glass of wine, your favourite cocktail or dinner while you listen to violin pedagogue Professor Robert Hovanesyan and member of the Cyprus Symphony Orchestra. Marlenka Cafe, 92-94 Phaneromenis Street, old Nicosia. Every Saturday and Sunday evening from 8.30pm. Tel: 70-001129 Live Jazz Event Jazz music with band ‘D Lirious’, food and drinks available. Every Friday night at Baroque Lounge Bar, Cleopatra Hotel.

9:30pm. For reservations 22-844000 Music Nights Entechno and folk music at RED. Every Saturday. Red, Dionysus 15, old town hall square. Tel: 22-767711. www.music. net.cy/red Agapiou Escuela de Danza Parties Latin parties every Sunday at Sitio Cafè, 20 Makarious Avenue, Nicosia.10pm Milonga/Argentinean Tango Regular Milonga/Argentinean Tango every Thursday at Enallax,16-17 Athinas Avenue, Nicosia. 10pm

Mystiagogia Relaxed bar playing both Greek and English rock, and a selection of chill out music. Mystiagogia, 42 Areos St, Old Nicosia. Open daily 8pm-2am. Tel: 99788486 Baroque Live music every Thursday night from the 70s, 80s and 90s, 9.30pm until late.

Open on a daily basis as regular bar from 10am-2am.Baroque Lounge Bar, Cleopatra Hotel. Tel: 22-844000 The Petsteppers Trio playing live every Monday. Lotofagi Bar, 8 Athinas Avenue, Old Nicosia.

10pm. Tel: 22-347573 Funky Jelly at Domus With DJ Yiotis and Theo playing uplifting lounge tunes. Domus lounge bar, 5 Korai St, Old Nicosia. 10pm until late. Tel: 22-433722 Arabesque Sundays With belly dancers and ethnic music.

Mberdema Gold, 30 Nikiforou St, Famagusta Gate. 11.30pm until late. Tel: 22345946 Club Red Live Greek music and various events. 15 Dionysiou St, Old Municipality Square, Nicosia. Thursdays-Sundays, 10pm onwards. Tel: 99-516799/ 22-767711 Lush Playing R&b, hip-hop, basement and old school music. Friday and Saturday, 11.30pm. 6 Evagorou Avenue. Tel: 99853333

Times Bar ‘Manic Sundays’ with Manic Mike playing progressive/electro. 73 Athens Avenue, Finikoudes Promenade. Tel: 24-625966 DMC An uplifting atmosphere with a range of stimulating weekly events. Laiki Gitonia, 1 Watkins St, Finikoudes. Open daily from 9.30pm. Tel: 99-458138 Salsa Island Regular event every other Friday featuring DJ Escobar. Music includes Pure Salsa, with a twist of Pure Salsa, Merengue, Mambo, Son and Cha Cha Cha. Blitz Roof and Pool Bar Terrace, 4th Floor, Kition Hotel. 10pm until late. Tel: 96-717271 Horseshoe Pub 60s, 70s and 80s music from MondaySunday. Horseshoe Pub, Larnaca-Dhekelia road, opposite Palm Beach Hotel.

Tel: 24-646111

Limassol district Crowne Plaza Lounge-Bar On Mondays rediscover your romantic side with Violin Duo playing classical music and popular melodies on the violin. Every Wednesday, local guitarist Byron Athinodorou will be playing a mix of Spanish melodies, pop-rock hits and Greek classics on the guitar, alongside his own compositions. Every Friday Jazz – Blues night with a mix of upbeat and smooth jazz classics. Crowne Plaza. Tel: 25-851515

Jazzy B With live jazz music on various nights each week. JazzyB, Corner of Anexartisias & Athinon str. €8. 10.30pm. Tel: 99-605502 Half Note Blue velvet play classic soul, funk and RnB every Saturday night. Half note Music Bar, cnr Saripolis and Socratous st. Tel: 25-377050 Woodman’s Pub Traditional English pub, serving an excellent range of foods including Sunday Roast. Big Screen TV’s, Karaoke every Friday evening and a quiz with a rolling jackpot every Monday. 73 Georgiou Avenue. Tel: 25-879082

Blue Wine and Lounge Bar Serving over 140 selected wines from across the world. 96 Rigenis St, Classic Hotel, Old Nicosia. Open daily except Sunday. 12 noon until late at night. Tel: 22-664006 Marco Polo Playing live Latin music. Marco Polo Bar, Holiday Inn rooftop, 70 Regina St. 11pm until late. Monday- Thursday €10 with one drink. Friday and Saturday €20 including two drinks. Tel: 22-712712 Ithaki Bar Charismatic bar with outdoor summer area. 33 Nikiforou Foka St. Old Nicosia.

7pm-2am expect Mondays. Tel: 22434193 Avlaia Music Stage Hosting live bands on weekdays and regular Greek music weekends with George Arestis and Dimitris Makris. Avlaia, Corner of Emmanuel Roidis and Prodromou St. Tel: 22 675638 Chateau Status A café/bar and restaurant with various theme rooms catering to different tastes. Ledra Palace Road. Monday-Sunday 10am-2am. Tel: 77771167 Potopion to Ellinikon With live Greek music on Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. Potopion to Elinikon, 18 Theophani Theodotou St, Zina Palace building. 9pm until late. Tel: 22-722760 Brew Lounge and tea bar. Brew, 30b Hippocrates St, Nicosia. 11.30am-2am on weekdays, 11.30am-3am on weekends. Tel: 22-100133

Scorpios Platinum Theme nights from Wednesday-Sunday.

Stasinou 3, Engomi. Wednesday and Thursday 11pm- 3am, and Friday and Saturday 11pm-4am. Tel: 99-545690 Skaraveos Restaurant, café and bar with Persian Cuisine. Wednesdays: electronic music, Thursdays: reggae and Fridays: progressive psychedelic and Saturdays: rock and funk. 11pm-2am. 4 Nikokreontos St. Tel: 99-935777 Amalfi Lounge Bar Every Thursday, Friday and Saturday live music with Yiota Louka, Christos Andreou, Konstantinos Koutras and Yiannos Hadjiloizou. Enjoy exotic cocktails, finger food and Cuban cigars daily from 5pm-2am. Hilton Park Hotel. Tel: 22-377777 Enallax With various live music shows each week, with a focus on English and Greek rock. Athinas St. old Nicosia. Wednesdays & Thursdays 11pm-2pm, FridaysSaturdays 11.30-3pm. Reservations: 22430121/99-617820 Orpheas Piano Bar With live jazz and piano on various nights. Orpheas Piano Bar, 24 Athinas St, old Nicosia. Free entrance. Tel: 22439311/99-697259

Cyprotel Cypria Bay Hotel Monday Jezebel & Lisa-Marie present a themed show 9.45pm for an hour at Cyprotel Cypria Bay Hotel. Free Moonlight Bar Every Friday Jezebel sings golden oldies 9pm – midnight in the Moonlight Bar inside the Aloe Hotel on the harbour road in Kato Paphos. Free entry The Sea Gypsies Live acoustic blues and country music every Friday from 10pm. The Old Fishing Shack Ale and Cider House, Margarita Gardens, Tefkrou Street, Kato Paphos. Tel: 99-805390/99-170667 Latin Nights at Notos Latin music in a rooftop bar. Notos, Harbour area. Every Thursday and Saturday.

10 pm until late. Tel: 26-939616

Larnaca district Casa de la Musica Club night with resident DJ Jon Fitz joined by internationally famous guest DJs from Ibiza. Friday night. Club Deep, Finikoudes. 12 midnight-4.30am. €10 with a free drink included. Dress code: Style and sophistication. Tel: 97-843001

can expect a trademark collection that combines the danceable beats of progressive house and trance with the visceral emotions that come from powerhouse vocals.

Recently, they’ve been adding remixes for the likes of Armin van Buuren to their repertoire, so it’s definitely a good time to check them out – especially if you don’t want to risk having to wait another couple of years for the chance.

Kyau & Albert Trance music producers and DJs from Germany play live. March 29. Occhio Lounge, 23, Alkeou Street, Engomi, Nicosia. 11pm. €17/12. Tel: 99-399769/22-255111

Cuba Tropical Local band playing live Cuban-Latin sounds every Sunday. Wet Beach Bar, Amathountos Avenue. 9pm-11.30pm. Tel: 25-320006 Harleys Café Bar Happy hour 10am-6pm. Every Tuesday, pub games night. Every Thursday, quiz night. Special theme nights once a fortnight. Near Esso station, Amathus Area.

Tel: 25-328533 Electronic music at Barfly Quality house, techno and minimal beats with guest DJ. Every other Friday. Barfly, 1 Elenis Paleologinas St. 10pm until late. www.myspace.com/pmdj Mandaloun With Lebanese food and DJs every Friday and Saturday night playing a variety of ethnic, world and chill out music.

Mandaloun, opposite Le Meridien Hotel.

7pm-2am. Tel: 25-636845 Graffiti House, tribal house, oriental and mainstream hits. Enjoy your drink with finger food and nargile. Wednesdays- Saturdays, 9pm-2am. Graffiti bar, 236 Ayios Andreas St. Tel: 25-747552

by Andreas Vou

Paphos district

The kings of vocal trance music return They’ve been here before and they’re likely to come back for more. Cyprus just can’t get enough of German trance veterans Ralph Kyau and Steven Moebius Albert, better known as Kyau & Albert.

The last time this trance duo came to Cyprus was two years ago and this week they’re back in the capital to summon up the fresh buzz in the Med and beyond with a 30-country tour promoting their latest album Nights Awake.

Kyau & Albert have been working together for over 15 years now, so they’ve certainly amassed a good amount of material to bring with them. Plus the pair are responsible for the longest-running trance label, Euphonic Records, which has seen them dubbed the German equivalent of Anjunabeats by UK trio Above & Beyond – praise indeed.

The pair are no strangers to producing finely tuned vocal trance music and are one of the most original producer duos with all-male vocals performed by Albert himself. For a decade Kyau & Albert have brought their unique sonic styles to airwaves, clubs and festivals across Europe.

This Friday, Absolut Vodka presents the first trance event at Occhio, with Kyan & Albert as part of their European tour. Crowds

REVIEW

Paphiessa Hotel Thursday: Dave Roberts sings hits, Paphiessa Hotel, Kato Paphos. Tel: 99-185952 Square Bistro Saturdays: David East entertains on the guitar. 8 pm. Square Bistro, Tala Square.

Tel: 26-930408/99-966139

Changing face of bar scene Dylan’s Bar, Larnaca The Larnaca bar-scene is no longer as one-dimensional as it once was; a new culture has emerged with an interest in a wide variety of genres and styles, and the town is acting accordingly to gratify these new trends. While rock bars such as Savino and Stone Age have been around for decades in Larnaca’s famous old quarter of the Laiki Yitonia, the emergence of Dylan’s Bar offers something unique to the town’s newfound diverse culture.

Dylan’s Bar is situated in what used to be an old house which dates back to the early 19th century, just off the Phinikoudes promenade. However, from the moment you enter the bar, you are immediately drawn to the present with its sleek wooden floors, American-style bar stools and framed photos of musical legends of various times.

It boasts a wide choice of both local and international beers, 60 to be precise. For those who have a hard time deciding which one to pick, the staff are always willing to lend their expert advice as to which one will suit your needs. A host of cocktails are also available, which will come in handy as the temperatures begin to start rising once again.

Dylan’s is host to a number of live music nights, ranging from anything from Dubstep to R&B and Salsa to Funky House.

With a number of important matches coming up from now until the middle of June, Dylan’s could be a useful hangout for sports fans with all the important games, both home and abroad, being shown at the bar. There is also an impressive games room, equipped with a pool table, foosball table, arcade games and even some board games.

The bar is closed on Mondays but is open every other day from 6pm until the early hours of the morning.

Dylan’s Bar Where: 9 Watkins Street, Laiki Yitonia, Larnaca When: 6-late, Tuesday-Sunday Contact: 96 211161 ‘

Famagusta district Sirena Bay Bar Playing a diverse range of music, from chill out to upbeat electronic tunes. Sirena Bay, near Golden Coast Hotel, Paralimni. 7am-1am. Tel: 99-511701 Guru Bar Live music with DJ Dimi, bongos and dancers. Guru Bar, 11 Odysseos Elitis Street, Ayia Napa. Every Thursday, 10pm.

Tel: 23-721838 Vanilla Bar Playing funky house tunes. Vanilla Bar, 41 Makarios III Avenue, Ayia Napa. MondaySunday 9am-2am. Tel: 23-721126 Cliff Bar Open air bar/café playing chill out music and offering a great selection of cocktails. Grecian Park Hotel, Konnos Bay, Cavo Creco, Protaras. 12noon-2am daily.

Tel: 23-832000

SUNDAY MAIL• March 24, 2013

19 What’sonlistings New York Between the Lines Photo exhibition by Christina Drakos. Until March 31. Library Cafe Bar, 1 Themidos Street. All proceeds from this exhibition will be given to Sagapo Children’s Foundation. Tel: 25-361362 Blackdove Art Studio Permanent exhibition of artwork in oils, acrylic, print and mixed media, including painted driftwood, by Mary-Lynne Stadler. Commissions welcome and art tuition on offer in a number of media. Tel: 99-048369. www.marylynnestadler.com.

Anoyira Mosaic Artwork Discover the magic of mosaics and Anoyira. Friday-Sunday 10am-4pm, other times by appointment. Tel: 99-108710 Katie Sabry Studio Permanent exhibition of paintings in oils, watercolours and pastels. Mosaics Workshop, 9 Georgiou Malekidi St, nr Rialto Theatre. Tel: 99-571139. www.katiecolours.com Art by Susanne Gallery with contemporary artwork. Shop 2, Marina Beach, Amathus Avenue. Daily 10am-4pm. Percentage of profits go to children with Cystic Fibrosis. Tel: 99-247668 Theomaria Art Gallery Permanent exhibition of Vera Parlalidou’s ceramics. 7 Vassilisis Karlotta St. Monday-Friday 8am-1pm. Tel: 25-745777 Michael Owen Galleries Permanent exhibition of oil and watercolour paintings. Lania. Tel. 25-432404. www.michaelowengallery.com Olivera Papathoma Permanent exhibition in City Art Gallery.

255A Saint Andreas St. Monday-Friday 9am-1pm, 4pm-7pm. Sat. 9am-2pm Sea King Permanent exhibition of old aviation photos. Sea King restaurant, near Akrotiri base. Tel: 25-954500

Paphos district Aphrodite Lovestoned Photography and book presentation by Anna Würth. Until April 6. Chiaki Kamikawa Contemporary Art Gallery, 10 Solonos Street. Open Tuesday- Friday: 10am1pm & 4pm-6pm. Saturday: 10am-1pm.

Poetry reading evening: March 30, 8pm.

Tel: 99-311225 Judith Constantinou Permanent exhibition of watercolours.

The Studio, Stephanie Village, Tala. Tel: 26-652760 Stewart B Johnson Open house viewings of Scottish artist’s works by appointment. G. Xenopoulou st. Tel: 26-930525 Gallery at Home with Theresa French Watercolours, prints and cards. 2 Modestou Panteli, 2 Nicolas Cliff, Yeroskipou. Tel: 26-962597/ 99-316485 Stone Sculptures Permanent exhibition by Andreas Constantinou. Polis Chrysochous, near central square. Call artist for viewing. Tel: 26-321227/99-585543 Michael Gorman Figurative paintings and prints. 20 Theodorou Kolokotroni, Peyia. Open daily.

Tel: 99-952376/99-006832/26-621424 Harry and Sheila Hawkins Art by Harry Hawkins and books by Sheila Hawkins. Ayias Zonis St., Neo Chorio. Open daily. Tel: 26-321123 Herbs and Wild Flowers Arts and crafts inspired by the flora of Cyprus. Medicinal herbal teas and oils available. Information Centre for the Akamas National Park at the School of Pano Arodes. Tel: 99-616748 David Lester Working Studio in Peyia, with permanent exhibition of oil paintings and other works by the author of ‘Wishful Thinking’. Tel: 26-621130

Famagusta district Blue Spice Restaurant Permanent exhibition of Carolina Alotus’ works. Blue Spice, 29 Aphroditis St (between Perneras and Protaras rd), Ayia Napa. Tel: 23-832088. www.CarolinaAlotus.com Where are the Rights of the Children of Karpasia?

Permanent photographic exhibition.

Famagusta Cultural Centre, 35 Evagorou St, Dherynia. Closed Sundays. MondayFriday 7.30am-4.30pm and Saturday 9.30am-4.30pm. Tel: 23-740860

Music Nicosia district Baroque, Classicism, Romanticism The Cyprus Symphony Orchestra Foundation presents afternoon family concert especially for children between 7-15 years old and their parents. March 28.

Pallas Theatre, old Nicosia. 6pm. €5 for adults/free for children. Tel: 22-410181

compiled by Ledha Socratous

Larnaca district The You Don’t Bring Me Flowers Tour The Classic songs of Neil Diamond and Barbra Streisand with Ross Neil, Tina Chester & Andrew Oliver. March 29.

Pyla Village Tavern. 7pm - Showtime 8.30pm. €20 inc. buffet dinner. Tel: 99975863/ 99-070168

Limassol district The Firebirds America’s 1950s greatest hits played live. March 24. Chasers, Seafront. 8pm - Showtime 9pm. €10 inc. bangers and mash or pork goulash. Tel: 99284118/99-832538 People - The Met: Live in HD Live broadcast from the Metropolitan Opera of New York in high-definition.

March 29. Rialto Theatre. 8.30pm. €8/5.

With Greek and English Subtitles Tel: 77-777745. Online ticket: www.rialto. com.cy A Journey through Two Continents Music programme travelling from Europe to Latin America. Presenting among others, soundtracks of Greek and foreign films, Argentinean Tango and fragments from the opera Carmen.

March 30. Rialto Theatre. 8.30pm. €12/7.

Tel: 77-777745

Paphos district The You Don’t Bring Me Flowers Tour The Classic songs of Neil Diamond and Barbra Streisand with Ross Neil, Tina Chester & Andrew Oliver. March 26: Y & P Latchi Hotel. 7pm - Showtime 8.30pm, €20 inc. dinner. Tel: 99885428/26-321411 March 30: King Solomon Tavern, Coral Bay. 7pm - Showtime 8.30pm. €20 inc. dinner. END OF TOUR PARTY. Tel: 99-577247/99-826919/99832538 The Firebirds America’s 1950s greatest hits played live. March 27: Old Kamaroudi Tavern, Konia. 8.30pm. €10. Tel: 99-832538/ 99857851 March 30: Pine Bay Club, Pissouri. 1.30pm - Showtime 3.30pm. €20 inc. lunch. Tel: 97-788574/99-832538 Baroque, Classicism, Romanticism The Cyprus Symphony Orchestra Foundation presents afternoon family concert especially for children between 7-15 years old and their parents.

March 29. Markideion Theatre. 6pm. €5 for adults/free for children. Tel: 26932571

Theatre & Dance Nicosia district An Evening with Jean Cocteau Five one-act plays based on Jean Cocteau’s work. March 24. Polihoros Estia, 7 Olympias, Street, Lykavitos. In Greek. €8. Tel: 99-588330 Below Zero Drama directed by Photis Georgidis.

March 24-25, 28 & 30-31. Melina Merkouri Hall, Famagusta Gate, Athina Avenue. 8.30pm. €15. In Greek. Tel: 70007410/99-308232 International Theatre Day A night of theatre with Greek Cypriot and Turkish Cypriot authors. March 25.

THOC THOC New Theatre Building, 9 Gregori Afxentiou. 8pm. With Greek and Turkish subtitles. Tel: 22-674920/99388160 Tone Clusters The Second Stage of ETHAL presents work of famous American author Joyce Carol Oates. March 27 & 29-30. THOC THOC New Theatre Building, 9 Gregori Afxentiou. 8.30pm. In Greek. Tel: 220480300 Dream On… An event that combines music, dance and theatre. March 27-28. Latsia Municipal Theatre, 57 Yiannos Kranidiotis Avenue, Latsia. 8.30pm. The net proceeds of the performances will be given to charity. In Greek. Tel: 22-878688/ 96277101 The Switch Theatro Ena presents play by Argiro Toumazou. April 3. Theatro Ena, 4 Athinas Avenue. Every Wednesday at 8.30pm. In Greek. €15/12. Tel: 22-348203 Shakespeare in an Hour Pirasmos Productions presents a theatrical comedy directed by popular Cypriot actor and director Loris Loizides. Until March 29. Pantheon Art Cinema, 29 Diagorou Street. Thursday and Friday at 8.30pm. In Greek. Tel: 70-001910 How to Rob a Bank Skala Theatre presents a three act comedy by Samy Fayad. March 29. Vladimiros Kafkarides Cultural Centre 11-15 Vladimiros Kafkarides Street, Αglantzia. 8.30pm.

In Greek. €12/7. Tel: 22-312940/22421609

March 24, 2013 • SUNDAY MAIL

EXHIBITION

Avoiding eye contact act Eyes are the windows to the soul, or so they say. Artistically speaking, that means that in any given portrait one of the first places a viewer will look is the subject’s eyes.

But what happens when a portrait is cut from above the knee and below the eyes? We have all seen the standard portrait; face forward, smiling, an emphasis on eyes and facial expressions.

While the standard formula works well and produces nice images, it’s often refreshing when coming across something outside the box.

Nina Sumarac’s latest exhibit, Uninterrupted Stare, which will be on display from Thursday until April 6, at Rouan Gallery in Limassol features a collection of unconventional portraits that offer viewers something memorable and a fresh take on an old format. Although the artist so far has worked more in painting, mixed media and collage, for the first time she will display drawings in charcoal and soft pastels.

Normally, when you look at a portrait you look at the eyes and the face which are the most expressive part of the face. Looking into another person’s eyes, whether it is a glance or a longing gaze, can reveal more about someone than an hour-long conversation. Penetrating stares trigger an exchange or mental interaction between the viewer and subject. However, in this series of artworks the artist wants to deprive the viewer of that intimacy and create her own artisThe Snow Queen Interactive theatre production of fairy tale by Hans Christian Andersen for children aged 5 and above. March 30.

Casteliotissa Hall, old Nicosia. 10.30am & 12.30. €5. In Greek. Tel: 99-429638/99849598 eidekanou@gmail.com The True Women Show An interactive play mocking female perceptions towards men and society.

March 30-31. Scarabeo Bar, 4 Nikokreontos Street. On Saturdays and Sundays at 9pm. In Greek. €7. Tel: 96-349216 The Children of Cain Theatro Ena presents psychological thriller by Andreas Thomopoulos. Until March 31. Theatro Ena, 4 Athinas Avenue.

Every Friday through Sunday at 8.30pm.

In Greek. €15/12. Tel: 22-348203 The Harley Jacket THOC’s New Stage presents play by Vasilis Katsikonouris. Until April 5. THOC New Theatre Building, 9 Gregori Afxentiou. Performances at the exterior spaces of THOC’s New Theatre Building.

Every two weeks Wednesday through Friday at 8.30pm. €12/10. In Greek. The performances on March 6 and 20 will be with Greek and English surtitles. Tel: 77-772717 Pinocchio Theatre Maskarini unique adaptation of well-known tale. Until April 14. Russian Cultural Centre, 16 Alassias Street. every Sunday at 10.30am. In Greek. Tel: 22-761607/22-270420 The Eulogy A black comedy that breaks the mould on what we consider a typical monologue by Greek poet, playwright Iakovos Kambanelis. Until April 20. Epigoni Theatre, Kyriakos Karaolis Square, Old Aglantzia. Every Saturday at 8.30pm. In Greek. €8. Tel: 99-222974 Trelantonis Stage 018 of THOC presents classic work of Greek literature by Penelope Delta.

Until April 28. THOC New Theatre Building, 9 Gregori Afxentiou. Every Sunday at 6pm. In Greek. Tel: 22-864300 In the Land of Peter Pan The Puppet Group of Satiriko Theatre presents work by James Barry. Until April 28. Vladimiros Kafkarides Cultural Centre, 11-15 Vladimiros Kafkarides Street, Αglantzia. Every Sunday at 10.30am. In Greek. €10. Tel: 22-312940/22-421609 Tom, Dick and Harry Satiriko Theatro presents comedy by Ray and Michael Cooney. Until April 28.

Vladimiros Kafkarides Cultural Centre, Vladimiros Kafkarides Street, Αglantzia.

On Saturdays at 8.30pm and Sundays at 6.30pm. €15/10. Tel: 22-312940

tic interpretation of a sitter’s inner character.

Her work is therefore more mysterious and odd than your average portrait. Without the distraction of the eyes, there is more emphasis placed on body language as a communicative tool.

Viewers don’t get the chance to explore facial expressions in these portraits, but rather these works are open to interpretation.

The Serbian-born painter has been working and living in Cyprus for the past 13 years. She holds a Masters in Mechanical Engineering from the Belgrade Polytechnic University for New Technologies in Serbia and a postgraduate diploma in Fine Art from Cyprus College of Art. Uninterrupted Stare Solo art exhibition by Nina Sumarac. March 28, 7.30pm until April 6. Rouan Gallery, 28 Dodekanisou, Limassol. Monday-Saturday: 10.30am-1pm and 4.30pm-7.30pm. Tel: 25-350845

Gone With the Jobless A comedy performance by Marinos Hatzivasiliou who, together with other actors from the popular TV programme Patates, present a hilarious show with humour and laughter. Until May 5. Diachroniki Music Stage, 2 Yianni Koromia Street, Kaimakli. Every Sunday at 9pm. €15. In Greek. Tel: 99-783455 The Dispute The Main Stage of THOC presents tragic comedy by Pierre de Marivaux. Until May 17. THOC New Theatre Building, 9 Gregori Afxentiou. Friday and Saturday at 8.30pm and Sunday 6pm. In Greek.

The performances on March 30 and 31 will be with Greek and English surtitles. €12/10. Tel: 77-772717

Larnaca district The Harley Jacket THOC’s New Stage presents play by Vasilis Katsikonouris. March 28. Larnca Municipal Theatre. 8.30pm. €12/10.

In Greek. In Greek. Tel: 77-772717/ 24665795 How to Rob a Bank Skala Theatre presents a three act comedy by Samy Fayad. Until March 31. Skala Theatre, 15 Kyriakou Matsi Street. Saturday at 8.30pm and Sunday at 6.30pm.

In Greek. Tel: 99-490102

Limassol district Tone Clusters The Second Stage of ETHAL presents work of famous American author Joyce Carol Oates. Until March 24. Technohoros ETHAL, 76 Franklin Roosevelt Avenue. Tuesdays, Saturdays at 8.30pm and Sundays 6.30pm. In Greek. Tel: 25877827 Dream On… An event that combines music, dance and theatre. March 26. Agios Athanasios Municipal Theatre, 42, Stavraetou tou Machera Str. Agios Athanasios. 8.30pm.

The net proceeds of the performances will be given to charity. In Greek. Tel: 25724135/96-277101 How to Rob a Bank Skala Theatre presents a three act comedy by Samy Fayad. March 28. Rialto Theatre. 8.30pm. In Greek. €12/7. Tel: 77-777745 The Firebird Theatro Versus presents drama based on the play by Chilean playwright Ariel Dorfman. Until April 7. B Municipal Market (Theatro Ena). Wednesday, Fridays and Sundays. 8.30pm. In Greek. Tel: 96458399

Paphos district Woyzeck Multi-media performance of one of the most performed and influential plays in contemporary German theatre. March 27. Polihoros Cultural Centre - Old Electricity Authority, 8 Vladimiros Heracleous Street.

8.30pm. €15/10. In Greek Language with English songs and text fragments. Tel: 99-655796

Other Events Nicosia district Glyn Hughes- A Small Chalk Short film screening by Stella Georgiou, exhibition of manuscripts and historical documents from his time teaching at the Junior School. In addition there will be a donation box going towards the care of the artist. March 27.

RESART, 70, Agioi Omoloyites Avenue.

8pm. Tel: 22-445455 Fifth International Cartoon Exhibition Exhibition of cartoons by Greek Cypriots, Turkish Cypriots and foreign cartoonists from around the world on the theme of Troika. Journalist’s House, 12 CyBC (RIK) Avenue, Aglantzia. Until March 27. Open daily: 10am-1pm and 5pm-8pm. Tel: 96-683786. cartoonscy@gmail.com Screenings at the Shoe Factory An extraordinary selection of rare eclectic films. Until March 29. The Shoe Factory, 304 Ermou Str. 8pm. Free.

Films shown in original language with English subtitles where applicable. For more information: www.pharosartsfoundation.org Kyriakos Michaelides Tailor Museum A sightseeing attraction for visitors in the area as well as a space where the young and new generations may become aware of the richness of the traditional tailor’s craft dating back to the sixties. Old Nicosia, Phaneromeni area.

Tel: 99-796333 Singing Group Singing for fun. All kinds of music in harmony small Nicosia group Tuesdays 5.30pm-7pm, all welcome. Call Olivia 99-497318 Rooftop Theatre Group Regular play script-writing workshop.

In the room next to Kala Kathoumena coffee shop in old Nicosia (Phaneromeni Square). 6pm. In English. Tel: 22- 661354

Kindermusik with Vaso Come and see how music and movement can stimulate your young child’s developing mind and body.

Tel: 96-693462. For full details please visit: www.kindermusikwithvaso. com. kindermusikwithvaso@gmail. com Childrens African DrumagiQ Includes: Drums and rhythm tuition with educational approach, psychological expertise, culture, customs, games, dance and innovative creative techniques. Every Friday. Kisa Centre, old Nicosia. 5-6pm for children under 12, 6-7pm for children 12-15. Tel: 22878181 Serenity House Offering classes in yoga, tai chi and anger management, self awareness seminars traditional Thai and classic massage, and more. Serenity House, 2 Einstein St, Ay. Omologites. Tel: 99434353, Rebecca (Yoga) 99-487927 or splishys@cytanet.com.cy Healing Rooms Free 20 minutes healing sessions for the well-being of spirit, mind and body in a loving atmosphere. Confidential.

Every second and fourth Thursday of the month. 8-9.30pm. 225 Strovolos Avenue, near Metro roundabout (above Afrikanos Bath Store). Tel: 99-771084 Inter-faith prayers and meditation Every Friday. Baha’i Centre, 11 Parthenonos, Kaimakli. Tel: 22-624283 HIV Discussion Group Discussing issues around HIV for sufferers and friends of sufferers. Every Thursday. UNESCO Amphitheatre, Intercollege, Makedonitissas Ave. 7pm. Free Nicosia Horrible Hash House Harriers Exercise, eat, drink and be merry with Nicosia Hash House Harriers. Meetings every Tuesday 7.30pm for a walk, jog or run around Nicosia. For directions to the run or more info, Tel: 99-308436 or visit www.nh4.com.cy Nicosia Writers’ Workshop If you enjoy creative writing and want to meet people with similar skills, then the Nicosia Writers’ Workshop is the place to be, so bring your ideas and we’ll open a new world together. 48 Rik Avenue, Angantzia. Every Sunday from 11am-1pm.

Free membership to new candidates.

Ring Machela on 99-867315 Writing Workshops Unleash your creative side with Rhay Christou. Rhay’s Studio, Old Nicosia. Tel: 99 522333 Italian for Beginners Lessons offered by the Dante Alighieri Society and the Italian Embassy. Monday and Wednesday 6.30pm-8pm.Tel: 22-358168/99-339644 Children’s Theatre Workshop Dionysus Theatre brings kids closer to theatre. Three different age groups, ranging from 6-18+. Classes are in Greek. Dionysus Theatre, 29 Diagorou St. Tel: 22-818999/99-621845 or visit www.music.net.cy/dionysos Play in a Day Fun theatre workshops geared towards adults. Every Thursday 6-8pm. (lessons for youths between 14 and 17 also take place on Wednesday 5pm-7pm). 15 per session or 50 per month. Taught in Greek and English. For registration Tel: 99-130916/99-552654. theatrenicosia@ gmail.com Arts & Moods Creative workshops for children of all ages. 15 Averoff Street, Strovolos. Tel: 22313142. email: artsandmoods@cytanet.com.cy Brocante Antique and vintage furniture market.

Every Sunday 9am-7pm. In front of the old municipal market in old Nicosia and outside the Akanthos workshop space.

Tel: 22-100984. www.facebook.com/ akanthos.furniture St Paul’s Thrift Shop Thrift Shop for clothes and bric-a-brac is open every Saturday morning from 10am- midday in St Paul’s Cathedral car park. Lots of bargains on offer at very reasonable prices. Tel : 22-445221 St Paul’s Babies and Toddlers Non-religious, non-political and multinational organisation that caters for newborn to pre-school kids with activities including outdoor and indoor play equipment and toys. St Paul’s Church Hall, Byron Avenue. No membership required. babiesandtoddlers.googlepages.com Cans for Kids Quiz Nights First Friday of every month. 8.30pm.

Esogba, behind the Junior School. €5.

Drinks and home cooked food available. Tel: 99-666011. www.cansforkids. org Cyprus Go Association Meetings every Saturday to learn the game and improve skills. Oktana Café, 2 Aristidou St. 5pm. Tel: 99-476253. cyprus@european-go.org, cyprus.european-go.org

20 WHAT’S ON

TRIBUTE

Artist-toartist

Larnaca district Transformative Tarot Course Fun & educational, meet other likeminded people. Tuesdays and Wednesdays. 7.30-9.30pm. contact: seekersofthetarot@yahoo.com for more details Kara – Mind & Body Centre Gain a certificate in Tarot Reading. An 18-week course that covers symbology, colourology, numerology and much more. KARA - Mind & Body Centre, Oroklini. Tel: 99-029952. tarotcyprus. yolasite.com/about-us.php Fisu Meditation Learn Fisu Meditation. Free introductory talks on why meditate and what meditation is all about. Book by appointment, 24-532479/99-665330 Larnaca Hash House Harriers Every Monday, 5pm. For more information call Fred-the-web on 24-647175 Kition Hash House Harriers Run/jog/walk from a pub/taverna round the town and back. Wednesday evenings, 7.30pm. All welcome. Join us and have some fun. Tel: 24-647283 Antidote Theatre Workshops Drama workshops for children aged 5+ who can attend weekly workshops to learn about theatre through games and play, and participate in productions staged at the end of each year. Theatre Antidote also offers its students the Trinity Guildhall drama examinations in June, a useful qualification for university applications. Antidote Theatre, Apothikes st.Lazarus. Tel: 24-822677. info@theatreantidote.com/ www.theatreantidote.com Baby Antidote Brings the young tots up to 3yrs in touch with theatre, by combining storytelling, fairytales and play. Through interactive performances inspired by favourite children’s books, the heroes come to life as the little ones embody them in their own unique way. Apothikes st. Lazarus.

Every Monday and Friday, 9.30-11.30am.

Entrance is €4 per family, and includes refreshments and snacks.

Royal Antediluvian Order of Buffalos Social and benevolent organisation supporting charitable groups. The James Mercury Lodge meets at Dhekelia Barracks. Every Tuesday, 7.30pm.

Next to ‘George’s Taxi’ on the South Road. Tel: 24-635812 RAFA Larnaca Bay Branch Social gathering taking place on second Tuesday of each month. Beachcomber Restaurant, Makenzie Beach . 7pm. Tel: 24-363752. www.rafacyprus.co.uk/larnaca Larnaca Reading Group If you enjoy reading and debating the pros and cons of a book, you are welcome to join, the group endeavours to read a diverse selection of books. Larnaca Reading Group (LRG) meets the first Monday of each month in the Reading Lounge, upstairs in the Academic & General Bookshop, address: 41 Hermes Street. Tel: 24-628401/99-597094/99925315

Cash Bingo Eyes down every Wednesday, 8.30pm, and Sunday, 8.30pm, Makedonas restaurant, Dhekelia road. Food and drinks available at venues. Tel: 99-108391 Line Dancing Every Friday, 8pm. Makedonas restauraunt, Dhekelia road. Tel: 99-108391 Royal Engineers’ Association Meets on second Tuesday of the month at venues around the Island. For details of next meeting contact Bob Beer (Chair) on 97-633728 Larnaca Chicago Bridge Club Thursdays, 9.30am-1pm. Tel: Pete on 24-424899 Larnaca Walking Tours Wednesdays: Larnaca Past and Present, 10am from CTO office in Vassileos Pavlou Square. Fridays: Skala and its Craftsmen, 10am from Larnaca Fort. Tel: 24654322 Leon Friendly Darts League Meetings carried out at selected pubs: Tuesdays, 8.30pm. Tel: Bob Johnson on 24-427275 Mazotos Camel Park Adventures for the family. Camel rides, swimming, play areas and more. Tel: 24991243/99-416968. www.camel-park. com

Limassol district International Christian Fellowship East Please join us, Sundays 10.30am, Angel’s English Nursery School, 37 Ampelakion, Germasogia. Sunday school available, small groups meet midweek. Tel: 99815033. www.icf.org.cy Day out in Lania Visit the museum, church, olive mill, wine press and the artists’ galleries.

Lania. Glennis208@gmail.com Island Blend Barber shop group sing a wide repertoire of songs at events and raise money for Friends for Life. Every Thursday at UKCA, 4pm-6pm. Tel: 25-397456 The World of Wine Beginners and advanced specialised courses for enthusiasts who wish to become more confident in understanding and enjoying fine wines and spirits.

Spectus shops, Nicosia and Limassol.

Tel: 22-511521/25-341525 Food for Friends Vegetarian social group, with monthly lunch-time outings to tavernas and short presentations on related subjects. Monthly lunch on last Saturday of month. Tel: 25-634487/25-634487 Rising Star Youth Theatre of Limassol Theatre workshop for aspiring actors and actresses from the age of 6 years and up. Call 99-608826 for information.

Children’s Theatre Workshop Organised by the Versus theatre group.

Theatro Ena, Limassol Municipal Market, old town. Classes for ages: 5-9, 10-13, 1717. Saturdays 9am-3pm. Tel: 99-428691. www.theatroversus.com Magic Craft Supplies For the latest on Magic Craft Supplies & Penny’s Parties, please visit www. pennycyprusmagic.com 25-634487/99304237 Theatre Workshops Open to students between six and 16.

Every Saturday. ETHAL Theatre. Basement, 76 Franklin Roosevelt Ave. Tel: 25-877827 Premiere Group Theatre group producing annual musicals. The group conducts monthly social events that include camping, picnics and sports evenings. Tel: 25775922. www.premiere.com.cy C3A Limassol Join us and share educational, creative and leisure activities in friendly, sociable groups. Attend Open meetings, listen to informative talks, enjoy social activities.: C3A gmail (c3a.limassol@gmail.com) C3A, PO Box 51922, 3509 Limassol. Find out more: http://c3a-cyprus.org/limassol/ Help Me Grow Lecture on child development by the Health Ministry. Every Wednesday. Lecture hall, New Limassol Hospital. 6pm.

In Greek. Free

Baha’is of Limassol Weekly discussion circle. Tel: 25340021 Happy Valley Hash House Harriers Weekly runs on Thursdays around the southwest of the island, times vary, see www.hvh3.org.uk. Tel: 99-434794 Amathus Hash House Harriers Run, jog or walk every Sunday afternoon. For more info Tel: 99-905746. www.ah3.freeservers.com Limassol Walks Get to know the historical centre of Limassol. Mondays at 10am. Walks begin at the CTO Information Office, 115A Spyros Araouzos St. Free. Tel: 25362756 Limassol Crusaders Rugby Club Training on grass for Cyprus League matches, or just to get fit, Tuesdays 6.30-8.30pm and Thursdays 7-9pm, AEK Katholiki Stadium, Tagmatarchou Pouliou St. Seniors and Juniors. Tel: 96323962. www.limassolcrusadersrfc. com Table Tennis Monday and Friday at 10 am at UKCA, 37 Termopilis Street. Contact Antonio 99-334706 Limassol Bridge Club Mondays and Fridays, 3.30pm at Limassol Sporting Club. Tel 99-645338 Car Boot Sale Every Saturday and Sunday at Moni Station. Tel: 25-323525/25-365102 Linopetra Corner Car boot sale on Saturdays, 8am-2pm.

Tel: 99-612832 Royal Antediluvian Order of Buffaloes Social and benevolent organisation.

Aphrodite Bitter Lake Lodge meet at the UKCA Club. Wednesdays, 6pm.

Tel: 99-425527. The Troodos Pride of Cyprus Lodge meets at the UKCA Club. Every other Sunday, 10am. Tel: 99-345384

sively on Cypriot contemporary art, while his work has been on display in solo and group shows from China to Australia.

Georgiou’s relationship with Hughes began in 2000, when he reviewed her first exhibition at the Pantheon Gallery.

From there Georgiou followed Hughes’ activity on the art scene both as a journalist and an artist. Nine years later, she was looking for a way to show her appreciation to him and his work and came up with the idea of recording him on camera. The result: without any proper equipment, just a discussion between the two people artist-to-artist.

Glyn Hughes – A Small Chalk Short film screening by Stella Georgiou, exhibition of manuscripts and historical documents from his time teaching at the Junior School. In addition there will be a donation box going towards the care of the artist. March 27. RESART, 70, Agioi Omoloyites Avenue, Nicosia. 8pm. Tel: 22-445455 Riding for the Disabled Horse riding for disabled riders from The Red Cross and Theotokos Foundation every Thursday morning 8.30am11.30am. Happy Valley, Episkopi. Volunteers greatly needed to assist with rides.

Tel: 25-773058. rdaroster@gmail.com RAFA Aphrodite Branch Social Meeting First Wednesday of every month. Sergeants Mess. Akrotiri. No food provided.

7.30pm. Tel: 25-932196 RAF Akrotiri Voluntary Band The band plays a large repertoire of classical music at military dinners, Episkopi Fete and charity fund raisers. Meetings every Monday: 7.30pm. Padre’s Centre at RAF Akrotiri. Tel: 99-925524 The Royal Military Police Association The Cyprus branch seeks new members. First Friday of every month. The RMP Corporals Mess, WSBA Episkopi.

2pm. Tel: 26-642120/99-453867 Cyprus Donkey Sanctuary Visitor centre with shop, refreshments, hillside walk and picnic area. Friends of the Cyprus Donkey, Vouni. Daily 10am4pm. Tel: 25-945488

Experiential storytelling Last chance to see Hans Christian Andersen’s classic fairy tale The Snow Queen come to life at Casteliotissa Hall in old Nicosia this Saturday. In two morning shows actresses Nikoletta Verykiou and Elena Pavlidou will narrate and recreate the frosty story which follows the adventures of Kai and Gerda. The production uses a mixture of narration, object theatre, puppetry and acting. Emphasis is given to the representation of the drama using simple props. The experiential nature of the show makes for great family

entertainment, kids can watch objects transform into the characters and even participate in movement and sound improvisations at the end of the show.

The Snow Queen Interactive theatre production of fairy tale by Hans Christian Andersen for children aged 5 and above. March 30. Casteliotissa Hall, old Nicosia. 10.30am & 12.30. €5. In Greek. Tel: 99429638/99-849598 eidekanou@gmail.com

THEATRE

Porcelain Painting Paint your own dinner set or special gift for your loved ones. Beginners classes morning and afternoon. Strovolos. Tel: 99-620992 Saint Andrews Bridge Club Wednesday, Friday and Saturday 4pm, Saturday 7pm-10pm; 15 Heroes Avenue.

Tel: 22-781063 or 96-510121 Tarot Card Game Lessons Not lessons in the divination art but rather the strategy and memory game.

Every Wednesday evening. Brasserie Au Bon Plaisir, 15 Alasias Street. 8pm. Tel 96-755111 The World of Wine Beginners and advanced specialised courses for enthusiasts who wish to become more confident in understanding and enjoying fine wines and spirits. Tailor-made courses, wine classes and tasting can also be organised on request.

Spectus shops, Nicosia and Limassol.

Tel: 22-511521/25-341525 Coffee Morning A warm welcome for all women. Interesting talks and a chance to get together socially. Second Thursday of the month. (except July and August).

9.30am St.Paul’s Church Hall, Byron Avenue. In English. Tel: 99-924363 Walking Tours of Nicosia Mondays: Palouriotissa and Kaimakli: the past restored guided bus and walking tour. Thursdays: walking tour of Nicosia.. Free. Tel: 22-674264 Bird Watching in Cyprus Birdlife Cyprus regularly arranges bird watching trips around the island. Tel: 22-455072, 99-059541. www.birdlifecyprus.org Horse Races Every Wednesday and Sunday at the Nicosia Race Club. Tel: 22-782727. Subject to change check website. www.nicosiaraceclub.com.cy

Artist Stella Georgiou pays tribute to prominent artist and beloved teacher Glyn Hughes this Wednesday at RESART. The evening will include a premier screening of Georgiou’s short film Glyn Hughes – A Small Chalk.

During the evening guests will also have the opportunity to explore manuscripts and historical documents from the period he taught at the Junior School. Prior to the screening guests can sip on some wine, while donation boxes will be on hand with proceeds going towards the artist who is currently in healthcare.

Born in Wales in 1931, Hughes studied art at Bretton Hall, Yorkshire before taking up his teaching post in Nicosia. In 1960 he founded the first gallery in Cyprus, the Apophasis Gallery with Christoforos Savva and then went on to create Synergy, a combination of a conceptual and environmental art event. Since 1975 he has held a prolific collaboration with the German director Heinz Uwe Haus both in Cyprus and abroad and with the Cyprus Theatre Organisation.

Hughes has lectured exten-

Ocean Bar Restaurant Every Thursday: Bingo Night, 8pm. Tel: 96-381509.

Every Friday: Multi Media Quiz with many prizes to be won, 8.30pm. Tel: 99032876. Ocean Bar Restaurant, 10 Christina Court, Onicilliou St, Ayios Tychonas

Paphos district The Easter Bazaar Approximately 30 stalls with handmade and imported crafts. March 30. Coral Star Restaurant Coral Bay.10am-3pm. Tel: 99387311 or e-mail, mail@in-any-event.biz Spiritualist Meetings.

Monthly ‘Modern Spiritualists in Cyprus’ meetings are held on the last Sunday of the month in Stroumbi. 7pm start. For full details www.yvebrooks.org or Tel 97801472 Paphos Flower Club Courses in flower arranging. Anglican Church Hall, Kato Paphos. Beginners 2pm, intermediate classes 12.30pm. Beginners.

Tel: 99-475564/99-533704. Intermediate: 99-744635 Orphean Singers Three times a year this well established singing group delights audiences with an entertaining concert. Meetings every Friday at Kamaras club, 9.30am-12pm. Tel: 26-913249 Paphos Light Music Society A new group starting up in Paphos for the appreciation of light opera, Gilbert and Sullivan etc. Non-singers also welcome. Meetings every fourth Monday at 3.00pm in Paphos area. Tel: 26- 723002/ 99-370883 Paphos Town Centre Walking Tour Get acquainted with the newest part of the city and learn how the town evolved from the late Byzantine and Mediaeval times.

Every Thursday, 10am. CTO Information Office, 3 Gladstonos St. Tel. 26-932841 The Corona Society Go along and meet new friends at monthly meetings held every second Wednesday of the month, 2.30pm – 4pm. Coffee mornings held every last Tuesday of the month, 10.30am – 12.00pm. Annabelle Hotel. All proceeds go to local charities.

Tel: 99- 177479 Scottish Country Dancing With the St Andrew’s Society, Paphos, at the Latin Parish Hall every Tuesday evening from September to May 6-8pm. Beginners welcome 5.30pm. Tel: 99-298512 Timi Village Car Boot Market Every Sunday 7am-1pm all through the year. Tel: 99-611637 Evans Plus Evans Comedy Magic Show, at the New Kikkos Bar Coral Bay - Alternate Tuesdays.

9.30pm. Tel 99-173801 Singles Nights at Ollie’s Bar Every second and fourth Saturday of the month. Ollie’s Bar, Trimithousa. 8pm. Tel: 99-769899 Quiz Nights Play for weekly prizes and a jackpot. Every Friday. Kings Hotel, Tomb of the Kings Road. 8.30pm. €2. Tel: 26-939075 Quiz night Quiz at the New Olympus Hotel. Every second Thursday of the month. 7.30pm. To register your team call: 26-932020 New Friendly Bridge Chicago bridge every Tuesday with all bridge partnerships welcome. Fantasia Club. 6.45pm. Tel: 26-937551 Table Tennis Club Night Coaching for all levels by Gordon Allen.

Every Wednesday night. New venue, 7pm.

Tel: 99-841471, 26-652763 Badminton Club Atromitos Badminton Club for children and adults meets four times a week, days and evenings, to suit all levels, coaching available or play just for fun. Tel: 99-971150/99519504.badmintonpaphos@cytanet.com. cy www.atromitosbadmintonclub.org Emba Badminton club Emba Badminton club meets on Saturday mornings, and Tuesday and Friday afternoons. All levels of play are catered for. Tel: 99-276192. www.EmbaBadmintonClub. org.

Paphos Tigers RFC Mini Rugby: Tuesdays, 4.30pm-5.30pm.

Kinyras Centre, Cypria Maris Sports Ground. Tel: 99-934315/26-652959. barrie@cytanet.com.cy Paphos Cycling Club Newly founded to help promote cycling in Paphos as a great form of exercise, meeting and making new friends and a perfect way to see areas of beauty in Cyprus you would never normally see. We are an informal club and we welcome new members from all walks of life and abilities. We meet every Sunday at Hectors Barin Coral Bay at 9am. Tel: 99-320213. www.paphoscyclingclub.com Paphos Adonis Lions Club Meetings every second and fourth Monday of the month at Paphos Gardens Hotel Resort. New members welcome as well as visiting members of other Lions Clubs. Tel: 26-622810/97-635883

Alzheimer Self Help and Support Group Offers dementia patients and their carers the opportunity to meet others with this condition, share feelings and exchange experiences. Latin Parish Hall, Coastal Rd. Chlorakas. Every first Wednesday of the month at 10am. Tel: 26-621530/96-767164 Cancer Patients’ Support Group Association’s Day Centre - 84 Ellados Avenue, Paphos, near Carrefour’s on Polis Road. Tel: 26-952478. Coffee morning on the second Tuesday of the month, 10.30am.

Craft group meet every Thursday, 10am12pm. New members always welcome.

Quiz nights and meal on Thursdays and meal, 7 for 7.30pm. Tel: 26-654007 or visit www.cancerpatientssupport.net Cancer Patients’ Support Group – Paphos Information Help Line Trained volunteers who will listen and assist anyone needing information, emotional support, befriending or referral to an appropriate professional. Available from 9am-1pm Monday to Friday. Tel: 97760989 Paphos Bereavement Support Group If you’ve suffered a loss or death, either recently or in the past, you are welcome to share your feelings with others in a safe and confidential environment. Group meets on the first Monday of each month, 2pm-4pm. Association’s Day Centre, 9 Dimitriou Mavrogenous, (the road alongside Constantinides Bakery opposite CYTA). Tel: 26-952478 Gamblers Anonymous Support group for gambling addicts, partners and families. Meetings every Tuesday.

Ayia Kyriaki Anglican Church Hall, Kato Paphos. 7.30pm. Tel: 26-622289 Self-Improvement and Fulfilment Dr. Eva Bratslavsky clinical psychologist and psychotherapist weekly discussion group meetings on self-confidence, selfesteem, relationship enhancement, assertiveness. 3pm. Tel: 99-495467 Hemi-Sync sound technology of The Monroe Institute Metamusic CDs for quantum learning, deep relaxation, meditation, workshops. Contact Linda Leblanc, accredited Outreach Trainer of The Monroe Institute. Tel: 26-621272/ psygnos@spidernet.com.cy Reiki Training Philip Westwood, Reiki Master/Teacher is now taking bookings for Reiki 1 & Reiki 2 training courses.Tel: 99407526/26-271640 or email philipreiki@ cytanet.com.cy Polis Charity Bookshop, Crafts and More Now open six days a week. MondaySaturday, 10am- 1pm. Large stock of books, videos, talking books, jigsaws and greeting cards. Proceeds donated to local charities. Goods in first rate condition always needed. Arch. Makarios Avenue, Polis Chrysochous. Tel: 99-867511 Mums ‘n’ Toddlers Group Mums, Tots & Babies - Join us for a fun filled morning of Music & Movement, Story time, Arts & Crafts, Free Play, snack & coffee time etc. Spacious garden at our new location in Chloraka. Five groups per week offered. Also ongoing sale of nearly new clothing (1Euro per item) raising funds for local charities. Tel: 99-867662.

First Time Mums’ Club Come and join us for a cup of tea. Bring baby with you and meet other mums and get tips, ideas and advice on caring for your little infant. Weekly meetings where topics include breastfeeding, bottle feeding, sleeping tips for baby and mom, milestones, what works and lots more. Thurs 10-12. Cholorakas. Tel: 96-429659 Apollo Branch of the Royal Air Forces Association Meeting on the third Thursday of every month. UKCA Clubhouse, Tombs of the Kings Road. 7pm. Tel: 26-991615 Basic Dog Training and Grooming Fridays. 3pm. Kallepia. Tel: 26643079/99-105557

Famagusta district Tours around Ayia Napa Ayia Napa and the Sea: a different dimension. Mondays in English and German; Fridays in English and Swedish, 10am from CTO office. Tel: 23-721796 Folk Art Workshop Art workshop for children. Cultural Centre of Famagusta, Evagorou 35, Dherynia. Tel: 23-721140 Bingo and Games Every Tuesday night. Quiz, bingo and games every Thursday night. Party night every Saturday. Woody’s Inn, Protaras. Tel: 23-831690 Charity Boot Sale Every Tuesday morning. Woody’s Inn, Protaras. 10am-12pm. Tel: 23-831690 Open Air Market Every Wednesday. St Thekla Beach restaurant, Ayia Thekla, 500m from the church. 9am-4pm. Tel: 23-743778

SUNDAY MAIL• March 24, 2013

FASHION 21

Set for spring You can’t afford to be caught napping now the new season is upon us. KAREN DACRE picks her new wardrobe essentials 1. The below-the-knee skirt If you, like me, are struggling with the overriding urge to splash a majority share of your recent wage on something pretty, shiny and totally impractical, may 1.

I suggest you take a moment to acquaint yourself with the season’s hottest skirt shape before hitting the “check-out” button.

Pioneered by Jil Sander and Miuccia Prada, a diaphanous A-line skirt in a textured fabric is really all you need to ensure you stride elegantly into the milder months. Wear one with a sweater, a shirt, a T-shirt or even a trench for practically perfect results.

(Jil Sander available at HarveyNichols.com) 2. The non-twee tea-dress The first thing to note about 2013’s tea-dress is that it’s not as Cath Kidston knows it, which means you won’t be expected to bake the perfect Victoria sponge while wearing one. On the contrary, this breed of teadress - pioneered by luxury house Bottega Veneta - is inherently sexy and entirely intended for evening.

Grown-up, not girlie, wear it with vertiginous heels and 20-denier tights. (Bottegaveneta.com)

2.

3. The supersized clutch The clutch bag is going nowhere - instead, it’s getting bigger. Literally. Give the crook of your arm a few months’ respite by investing in something lovely and leathery that is intended to be worn nestled under the arm. Phoebe Philo’s spongy pouches are perfect for this, as is this document wallet by accessory designer du jour Sophie Hulme. Of course, you’ll have to leave the kitchen sink at home.

4. The slouchy leather trousers As recently as 18 months ago, it was impossible to imagine leather trousers in any setting other than the Hell’s Angel annual conference (should such a thing exist) - now life without a pair is inconceivable. If you fancy getting on board with the trouser style this season, look to Whistles, which has bypassed skin tight incarnations in favour of a more relaxed fit. Team with a varsity jacket and high-tops for the most of-the-moment way to wear. (whistles.co.uk) 5. The white shirt Should Lady Luck bring you to

March 24, 2013 • SUNDAY MAIL

3.

the perfect white shirt, may ecent I suggest you do the decent e one thing and buy the same n twice - or thrice if you can e afford it. The perfect shirt is,, y you see, the key dto all your wardrobe dilemmas this spring. COS has ecan amazing seleceve tion of long-sleeve shirt styles in crisp cotton, as does M&S, which offers a host nterof wide-sleeve interuxury pretations. Luxury hould shirt lovers should try menswear brand h has E Tautz, which s first just debuted its men’s ever line of women’s shirts. (marksandspencer.com) 6. The statement sweatshirt The beauty of this season’s prevailing trend for sportsinspired clothes is that you already have most of it in your wardrobe - or, rather, rolled up in a ball at the back of your “pyjama drawer”. Take the humble sweatshirt for instance: once saved for sloppy nights on the sofa, a cotton sweatshirt in a vibrant shade is probably the most useful thing you could have in your wardrobe this spring. Team with printed trousers for day and with a brocade pencil skirt for an effortless evening look.

7. The sugar pink coat By this time next year, almost every woman will own a fondant pink coat, so all encompassing is next winter’s outwear trend. Get ahead of the game now – you may well be tired of this look by November - by investing in a lightweight interpretation. This structured style from COS looks great with bare skin and denim. (cosstores.com) 8. The T-bar flat Flat shoes, which come in a host of incarnations, remain in favour this spring - and not just among those of us who consider running for the bus an ty. During the sh essential activity. shows ntino’s in Paris, Valentino’s studded flat courts proved popular, as did ation.

Zara’s interpretation.

The shops willl be laden with this style ch is by the time March out. Get yours now ights and wear with tights ather until the weather rter. turns. (net-a-porter. com)

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22 BEAUTY Cartoon capers: MAC’s Archie’s Girls range is a homage to the legendary Fifties comic

Going dotty The freshest look this season is a face full of freckles - even if you have to fake yours.

EMMA MCCARTHY on the new hot spots

W

hen it comes to our looks, we always want what we don’t have. We iron curly hair straight and tong straight hair curly. We pluck unruly brows and fi ll in thin ones.

We plump up thin lips, glue in longer locks, bronze pasty complexions, dye our hair any hue other than natural and change our eye colour with contacts.

Which brings us nicely on to the subject of freckles. Ask any befreckled face what she thinks of hers and she’s likely to tell you that they’re nothing but a pox upon her complexion - one she has covered up religiously ever since she fi rst held a make-up brush.

So, of course, it follows that those who are without are suddenly wishing they had a peppering of facial polka dots to call their own. From a light dusting at Sass & Bide to a full covering at Moschino Cheap & Chic, freckles of entirely unnatural origin were one of the biggest little trends to come out of the spring/summer 13 shows. Backstage at Holly Fulton, models sported a subtle cluster of freckles across the bridge of their nose, while Fulton’s fellow London Fashion Week designer Kinder Aggugini sprinkled them across rosy cheeks to complement a wholesome and rustic collection inspired by life at sea. At House of Holland, St Tropez even gave models a “geek chic tan” by using a paintbrush to speckle sun-kissed spots over the

A staff member alters the Victor Edelstein creation worn at the US gala dinner

skin.

“Adding freckles to the face can make it look youthful, outdoorsy, healthy and fresh,” says MAC senior artist Caroline Donnelly. “It can also be incredibly fl attering because - as you can see the freckles - it makes the face look natural and unmade-up.”

MAC is so on board with the look that its latest collaboration is centred on one particular freckled face from the pages of comic book history. The brand’s Archie’s Girls collection serves as a tribute to Fifties cartoon heart-throb Archie Andrews - and, of course, his eternal love triangle with legendary frenemies Betty Cooper and Veronica Lodge. But for those not naturally blessed in the pigmentation department, copying their all-American

‘Adding freckles to the face ace can make it look youthful, l, outdoorsy, healthy and fresh’ resh’

On board: MAC’s Penultimate Brow Marker

innocence is easy.

“This is a strange-sounding tip but it works to think of your faux-freckles in shades of real hair colours,” advises Donnelly. “Blonde, brunette and redhead all work well and, with this in mind, corresponding eyebrow pencils are ideal to use. Alternatively, our Penultimate Brow Marker works wonders for a long-lasting result.

“To get a natural look, gently tap the pencils randomly on the areas you want to freckle - don’t draw them carefully. If there are any that look fake, tap your fi nger over to soften the colour and make it look more realistic.”

According to the Rolling Stones, you can’t always get what you want.

But on this occasion, MAC would have to disagree.

Princess Diana gowns fetch $1.2 million at auction

By Clare Hutchison Ten dresses worn by the late Princess Diana, including a velvet, midnight blue gown she famously danced in with John Travolta at the White House in 1985, fetched more than £800,000 ($1.2 million) at a London auction this week.

The Victor Edelstein creation worn at the US gala dinner was the top lot of the sale, held by fashion specialists Kerry Taylor Auctions, selling for £240,000, within the pre-sale estimates.

A beaded black Catherine Walker evening gown worn by Diana in a Vanity Fair fashion shoot by photographer Mario

Testino raised £108,000, as did a crushed velvet burgundy dress by the same designer donned by the then Princess of Wales during a state visit to Australia.

Diana originally sold the pieces at a charity auction in New York shortly before she was killed in a high-speed car crash in Paris in August 1997.

The selection of mainly evening gowns charted the former royal’s style evolution from ingenue to global fashion icon, a transformation that captivated the world as much as her private life.

Dubbed the “People’s Princess” following her death aged

36, Diana was adored by millions of people who considered her a breath of fresh air in a royal family seen at the time as out of step with the modern world.

That fascination has been replicated by public affection for Kate Middleton, who married Diana’s elder son Prince William in 2011 and subsequently announced her pregnancy last year.

The monarchy, meanwhile, has undergone a resurgence in popularity, underlined by the huge crowds that turned out to witness celebrations for Queen Elizabeth’s Diamond Jubilee in 2012 marking 60 years on the

throne.

Kerry Taylor said the sale saw a high level of interest, with some museums coming forward to grab a slice of royal history.

“We attracted bidders from across the world including Asia, America, Austria, Australia and of course, the UK, including three important museums, so we are hopeful that now people will actually get to see some of the dresses that belonged to the ‘People’s Princess’,” Taylor said.

No stranger to royal fashion, Taylor previously sold a knitted see-through dress worn by Middleton during a student fashion show for £78,000.

SUNDAY MAIL• March 24, 2013

HEALTH 23

Plantoftheweek

BY ALEXANDER MCCOWAN

Poisonous plant was of interest to early homeopaths Name: Mezereon (Daphne mezereum) Otherwise known as: Dwarf Bay, Mezerie Cortex Habitat: A shrub member of the Thymelaeceae family growing up to 1.2m in moist woodland soil, and native to Europe and Asiatic Russia. The plant forms lanceolate, alternate, grey green, leathery leaves at the end of its stems that enclose clusters of highly aromatic, purplish to pink flowers that transform into bright red, olive size fruit; the bark is malodorous, and all parts of the plant are poisonous.

S

tanding in my bedroom with what is effectively a giant rubber strap under my feet, with one hand holding each end, I raise my arms up to my shoulders. Absolutely certain that the strap is going to snap in my face, I tentatively squat down, feel the flex in my hamstrings and bottom, then nervously rise up again, wincing in anticipation, before completing the move, relieved to fi nd the band is still in one piece.

I haven’t taken up contortion - I am trying to simulate the movements of a beach volleyball player.

I have wanted a “volleybody” ever since the Olympics. I watched Team GB at Horse Guards Parade in awe. But with the absence of sandy beaches or tropical sunshine, London isn’t the ideal place to take up the sport. Until now.

A new exercise programme claims to help you develop the lean, muscular physique of a beach volleyball player without needing to touch a single grain of sand. Volleybody is the brainchild of Katie Taylor, who was so inspired by the London Games that she decided to leave her job in PR and enlist the help of Team GB’s Zara Dampney and Shauna Mullin to develop a workout that could be done in your fl at.

She says: “I created a programme with Shauna and Zara and their conditioning coach Kate Eddy that the average fit woman could do at home, in the gym or at a class.”

The workout, which is available to download online, uses a medicine ball and a resistance band to recreate the movements of beach volleyball with a focus on core, upper and lower body strength. There are also plans for an app.

I’m not convinced the home sessions are as fun as actually playing volleyball but Dampney disagrees.

“It’s just different. I do fi nd them really fun, they’re different from the exercises you would do in a normal exercise class. And you can feel the benefits all over your body,” she says.

Using the easy-to-follow video tutorials that feature demonstrations by Dampney and Mullin, I begin the workout, which comes in five

March 24, 2013 • SUNDAY MAIL

Getting a volley body Awed by the toned athletes at Horse Guards Parade during the Olympics last summer, MIRANDA BRYANT is keen to look lean sections starting with a warm-up of skipping and sprinting. Warmup done, I move on to lower body strength and stability. Inspired by defensive postures and passing the ball, it involves squatting, medicine ball passing (there is an alternative of passing to yourself if you are doing it alone) and jumping to squat.

I repeat each exercise 10-15

A new exercise programme claims to help you develop the lean, muscular physique of a beach volleyball player without needing to touch a single grain of sand times, then move onto upper body strength. This section is far more challenging - particularly the pressups. The “high intensity fi nisher”, which emulates the energy and movements of a volleyball game with a series of sprints, jumps and the tricky squat jump using the resistance strap, fi nishes me off and I am forced to move outside for more space.

The exercises seem effective - I feel the ache in my upper arms

What does it do: The plant contains the alkaloids mezerein, daphnetoxin and daphnoretin as well as mezeen, euphorbone and mezereic acid; all highly toxic compounds. From early times, probably following the practice if it didn’t kill you, it would cure you mezereon was used to treat syphilis, tuberculosis, chronic rheumatism, psoriasis, tinea capitis - a fungal infection of the scalp - and to expel intestinal worms.

and back in the morning - but Taylor says getting noticeable effects take around 12 weeks. According to Eddy, “To get the best results from training you must train regularly and progressively overload your body so you require it to adapt to the demands of the training.” So here’s to a volleybody by summer.

Member of the GB Beach Volley team and Volleybody member Shauna Mullin

In Siberia it was given to draw snake and spider venom, and the herders painted the hoofs of their horses to prevent splitting. Ointments made from the latex were very popular in Victorian England as a treatment for varicose ulcers.

The Germans made a light tincture to combat neuralgia and would thinly slice the root, which could be chewed to give relief from dental abscesses, but this must have been extremely hazardous.

Mezereon was of great interest to the early homeopaths and an examination of some of their early cases is quite revealing: there is a well documented case of hearing being restored to a teenage boy who had been completely deaf for nine years, and of a sea captain cured of a disfiguring nasal tumour after a course of treatment using a tincture of mezereum.

Currently some western and Asian university research departments are taking a close interest in the compounds of this plant as it has displayed strong anti-cancer properties, particularly relating to leukaemia and breast cancer.

Next dangerous plant

Quaker Buttons

mac123@cytanet.com.cy

24 BOOKS

All the world’s an algorithm once the geeks inherit the earth

By Andrew Neather In 2009, engineers at Google made a remarkable medical discovery. They realised they could mine the three billion questions that people Googled daily - the company keeps them all - to predict the incidence of flu, mapping the illness’ seasonal spread across the US. What’s more, the pattern of people self-diagnosing online gave a more accurate, far faster picture than the traditional method of collating reports from doctors.

It is a prime example of

the unintended, secondary uses of “big data”. For big data is not simply about the vast quantities of data that we create every day, now mostly storable and searchable digitally. More important is the functionality of that data after it has been gathered. This is what gets the authors of this book (Big Data: A Revolution that Will Transform How We Live, Work and Think by Viktor Mayer-Schönberger and Kenneth Cukier) breathless with excitement. They are keen to talk up the busi-

ness applications. Around a third of Amazon’s sales are generated by its automatic recommendations based on comparing your purchases with those of others and figuring out what you will like.

Meanwhile, delivery service UPS fitted all its vehicles with sensors and wireless equipment so that it could compare the routes taken by its drivers as well as the efficiency of their trucks’ engines. As a result, in 2011 it saved three million gallons of fuel.

But, the leader in big

data - especially its secondary uses - is Google itself.

Data from the cars taking pictures for its Street View also improved Google Maps and is feeding into its prototype self-driving car. Google hoovering up your personal data, even though it doesn’t yet know what it may use it for, is more worrying than Amazon offers clogging up your inbox – though MayerSchönberger and Cukier don’t seem troubled by it.

Earlier this month Google was fined $7 million for its Street View cars’ harvesting

Will the internet economy make life better or worse?

By Talitha Stevenson Jaron Lanier (Who Owns The Future?) is a computer scientist with dreadlocks and all the makings of a secular prophet. At age 13 he went to New Mexico State University, and in his twenties, when he was already famous in his field, he popularised the term “virtual reality”. Since then he has continued to speak and to write about goings-on in Silicon Valley with insider knowledge - he currently works for Microsoft – and a blend of vision and social conscience which makes his perspective unique.

His book makes a frightening claim: if we do not modify our relationship with the internet and new technology we will see “hyperunemployment” and “the destruction of the middle classes”. According to Lanier, the cause of this crisis is the belief that our “information” even of the modest kind we volunteer in tweets and on Facebook - is not worth anything to the servers that contain it.

It may be hard to imagine that a tweet could have value, but Lanier argues that value is defi ned by context: currently, when we tweet about what we’re reading, eating

PAPERBACKS

or watching, when we search for something on Google, or “like” it on Facebook, these events are noted by spying “bots”, converted to statistics, and then used to drive investments and marketing.

To explain his ideas he is required to plunder Greek myths, Keynesian economics, Marxism, postmodern philosophy, popular culture, mathematics, and his own wild imagination. He coins thrilling new phrases and words: large companies like Google or Facebook are “Siren Servers” because they seduce us out of rationality; “antenimbosian” is his Latinate term for the period of history before “cloud” computing.

This book may only be sporadically intelligible to most readers - one footnote explains the sudden inversion of a metaphor by explaining, “in mathematics we often switch round top and bottom” - but Lanier is always good company. He explains, for example, that he didn’t fi nish his degree because “(though I have received honorary ones)… the very thought of slogging through someone else’s procedures to gain abstract approval seemed unacceptably retro

of personal data including emails and passwords.

Big Data raises profound questions. As the authors point out somewhat repetitively, it renders causality less important: if you can establish a correlation, does it matter why it’s there? When US statistician Nate Silver correctly predicted the outcome of last year’s presidential election in all 50 states, it confirmed what the authors call the “demise of the expert”. Traditional political pundits – like me - were beaten by the über-geek relying

on a mathematical model.

Or take New York’s new “analytics” unit, which has merged diverse data sets - from property taxes to rodent complaints to crime rates - for every building in the city. It came up with connections no one had noticed - such as the danger posed by fires at buildings with illegal conversions. It improved the efficiency of building inspectors fivefold.

When the geeks inherit the earth, it seems, big data will make privacy a quaint bygone.

Part wise man, part wise guy: Jaron Lanier, pictured in New York in 1999, has a mind as boundless as the internet

and irrelevant”. Chapter titles like A Stab at Mitigating Creepiness or mini-meditations called Second Interlude (A Parody), or Fourth Interlude: Limits are for Muggles, suggest that Lanier - “Your always amused author” - is the David Foster Wallace of tech.

Despite a manic elation about 3D printers and the possibility (once the geek has inherited the earth) that accountants will be “not backroom nerds but action heroes”, Lanier’s desire “to see if network technology can make capitalism better instead of worse” is engaging and well grounded in research. His vision of “an information economy” in which Siren Servers make “nanopayments” for human contributions is well worth struggling to understand.

The impact of Siren Servers on society has been vast. Online ventures have already done millions out of service sector jobs - travel agencies and music stores, for example, are all but consigned to the past. As Lanier suggests, it is not a coincidence that so many of Facebook’s early devotees are now unemployed and living at home in their thirties.

By William Leith

What to Eat

The Boy in the Snow

New Ways to Kill Your Mother

By Joanna Blythman

By MJ McGrath

By Colm Tóibín

Joanna Blythman writes about food. She tells us what’s good and what’s bad and why. Her message: avoid processed food and eat organic if possible. Organic is good because of what’s not in it - pesticides, which are, of course, poisons. Eat meat but remember that it is made of what the animal you’re eating has itself eaten. So grass-fed beef is best.

Watch out for trans fats and hidden sugar. This might sound obvious.

What’s also obvious is that someone needs to say it. In terms of her advice, she reminds me of the brilliant American food investigator Michael Pollan. I trust her.

Alaska. It’s cold. Edie Kiglatuk, an Arctic guide from Northern Canada, comes across something horrifying.

It’s the body of a baby boy that’s been placed in a tiny wooden house and wrapped in fine fabric. Edie is an expert when it comes to cold climates, snow, ice, and the way things freeze.

She notices something odd about the body - beside the fact it’s there in the first place, and the ritualistic packaging. Something weird is going on. Now she’s going to get mixed up in it when all she really wanted to do was support her ex-husband, who is taking part in a cross-country dog-sled race.

This is Alaska, seen through the eyes of someone from further north. Neat.

These are essays by Colm Tóibín. He is a subtle and clever thinker. Here, he tells us about other writers and their families - the ones they came from, and the ones they created. He is excellent on the lack of mothers in 18th and 19th-century novels. There are plenty of aunts. But the novel is all about the personal growth of the individual, so mothers would get in the way.

He is perceptive about Henry James and Jane Austen. There’s some lovely work on JM Synge, WB Yeats and Samuel Beckett. And a superb piece on John Cheever, which explores Cheever’s writing through the lens of his difficult marriage, his secret gay trysts, and his alcoholism.

SUNDAY MAIL • March 24, 2013

25 Women on the march: a SlutWalk demonstration in New York in 2011

Horoscope

BY SALLY BROMPTON

ARIES Others may not deserve your help but as this week’s Moon is full in your opposite sign of Libra it will pay you to be kind and considerate. However, where money matMarch 21 - April 20 ters are concerned Saturn’s restrictive influence warns you not to be so considerate that you let slip information that could make others rich at your expense. If everyone knows what you know it will quickly lose its value.

TAURUS You seem to plagued by the notion that if something can go wrong it will go wrong, and your negative thoughts are making it happen. Your main task this week is to find April 21 - May 21 ways to improve your outlook on life: once that improves everything else will improve as well.

Fifty Shades of Feminism Edited by Lisa Appignanesi, Rachel Holmes & Susie Orbach

GEMINI

Brilliant, inspiring and still going strong

I

suspect when the editors dreamed up the title Fifty Shades of Feminism last year it seemed much wittier than it does today. Now that we’ve had Fifty Shades of Gay, Gravy and Louisa May, puns on EL James’s S&M novel sound like some embarrassing hangover from 2012 - like dancing Gangnam Style or enthusiasm for the Olympics.

Fortunately, the book is much stronger than its title. Lisa Appignanesi, Rachel Holmes and Susie Orbach asked 50 female authors to explore what it means to be a woman, their inspirations and experience. The result is sharp, intelligent and impressive. It’s a fitting book for a time when feminism - long proclaimed to be dead - is resurgent, with movements such as SlutWalk and One Billion Rising, and a revived campaign against topless women appearing in The Sun. There are a few voices that particularly stand out. Queen of the quip Kathy Lette is deliciously witty: “I doubt that any man would have trouble multi-tasking at, say, an orgy.”

The critic and broadcaster Bidisha is brilliantly - and inspiringly - angry:

50 authors explore what it means to be a woman. ROSAMUND URWIN is impressed “Those who react with vociferous derision when they are called on their misogyny are enraged because their cover has been blown, their presumption of superiority has been questioned and women have dared to challenge them and answer back.” And Lennie Goodings, head publisher at Virago, is contemplative about the problem women have with power: “Think of the language we use almost exclusively for women in power, the word ‘bossy’ being the most interesting. Is it bad to be bossy if one is the boss?”

Some contributors could get a whole book out of their chapter. In particular, Bee Rowlatt, a journalist with the BBC World Service, should be penning a What Would Mary Do? advice guide for girls, based on the genius of Mary Wollstonecraft: “‘Yes, your bum looks big,’ Wollstonecraft would have

snarled, ‘but who cares?’” And I’d happily read an extended version of Lindsey Hilsum’s account of life as a foreign correspondent, in which she makes the surprising admission: “It’s the men in the newsroom, rather than in the countries where we report, that have caused us most grief.”

My (small) complaints are with editorial decisions. The pieces appear in alphabetical order by author, probably in some kind of misguided attempt to be democratic. This actually means the chapters are badly ordered. Why lose Lette in the middle and have similar arguments juxtaposed? There’s also the maddening decision for Laura Dockrill’s words to appear in the faux scrawl of a tipsy teenager, instilling them with all the importance of those of Tracy Beaker.

Rather more damningly, the contributor list feels rather predictable - most of the usual suspects are there and I wonder if that won’t put off some potential readers. I really hope not, though: because there’s much in Fifty Shades of Feminism that deserves a wide audience. But boy, I wish they’d picked a better title.

Plagued by poltergeists on paradise holiday

By Katie Law Rachel and Dan have come to spend their three-week honeymoon in a luxury hotel in Antigua. It’s all rather shotgun, as they’ve only just tied the knot and Rachel is already 14 weeks pregnant with Dan proposing to her at the last minute and announcing the Caribbean trip as a fait accompli, a wonderful surprise.

They arrive to fi nd a tropical paradise of cocktails, plunge pools, gorgeous beaches and endless blue sky. What could be more romantic? And yet

something’s not quite right.

The taxi driver seems to recognise Dan, even though Dan says he’s never been here before. He also warns Rachel, ominously, that her husband cannot leave the island.

Then, in the hotel room, as Rachel puts her glass of fizzy wine down on a table, it suddenly smashes against the wall, apparently by itself.

A little later Rachel visits the ladies’ loo in the restaurant where one of the maids tells her that her husband is in danger. As she says this, the screws in the light fitting

March 24, 2013 • SUNDAY MAIL

start undoing themselves and the light suddenly hurls itself through the air.

From here on, things can only get spookier. A ghostlike man in a wool suit starts appearing to Rachel; it’s not clear whether he’s good or evil. She starts having nightmares about being buried alive and wakes up to find her feet and hands covered in dirt, her nails bleeding. Dan is beginning to behave strangely too. Is Rachel going mad?

Well, maybe she is, and Julie Myerson, no stranger to being called mad herself

after dishing the dirt on her own family travails, is particularly good at cranking up the ambiguity, setting scene after scene of The Quickening in which everything appears to be normal on the outside while Rachel’s inner world starts sliding into disintegration.

Right up until the extremely violent ending, the question of whether Rachel is bonkers or not remains tantalisingly unclear even if it doesn’t quite come off.

It’s a good fast read; just the thing for your next Caribbean holiday.

You’ll find it hard to stay focused this week: the Full Moon will pull you in two directions while Saturn will make you worry for no good reason. Set yourself a target and stick May 22 - June 21 with it no matter how many doubts you may have. It’s what you do, not what you think, that counts.

CANCER You must be totally honest with friends and colleagues this week even if you know what you have to tell them is not what they want to hear. Your idea of bad news is probably nothing of the kind: it will just look that way because the June 22 - July 22 Moon is full. It will look better next week.

LEO Try not to promote a particular viewpoint too strongly this week: if you become identified with it you’ll find it hard to distance yourself when it doesn’t look quite so attractive.

One of one your strengths is that you stick to your convicJuly 23 - Aug 23 tions but, just now, it could be a weakness.

VIRGO

Aug 24 - Sep 23

With reckless Mars at odds with autocratic Pluto you may be tempted to break rules this week but if you do you are sure to regret it. Both personally and financially you must play by the book and not take advantage of people whose minds don’t move quite as fast as yours.

LIBRA

Sept 24 -Oct 23

Do partners and colleagues really know what is best for you?

With a Full Moon in your sign you’ll find plenty of reasons to doubt it, but by next weekend your view could alter. There may be good reasons to mistrust their judgment now but they won’t seem convincing for long.

SCORPIO If you really want to change the habits of a lifetime you’ll find ways to make it happen, but current aspects warn this isn’t the right time to make major adjustments. Before you Oct 24 - Nov 22 get rid of anything important you must have something better waiting to take its place.

SAGITTARIUS

Nov 23 - Dec 21

The less you reveal about your plans this week the better.

With gregarious Mercury linked to inhibiting Saturn you must be uncharacteristically tight-lipped and clandestine.

Don’t let anyone know what you’re thinking - presuming, of course, you know yourself.

CAPRICORN

Dec 22 - Jan 20

You may be tempted to make a long-term decision this week, but with a Full Moon highlighting your social and professional reputation that’s not a good idea. Don’t be pressured into choosing a path before you know in your heart and head that you’re ready to take it.

AQUARIUS

Jan 21 - Feb 19

Don’t give away too many details about your plans this week: your rivals are looking for clues and if they get enough they could piece them together which would put you at a serious disadvantage. Keep your cards close to your chest until you’re ready to play them.

PISCES This is not the time to make snap decisions, especially about business and money affairs. Wednesday’s Full Moon will make you too emotional to think straight, so postpone your Feb 20 - March 20 move until later in the week. It’s likely to be a very different move to the one you resisted.

26 MARKETPLACE

Chanel’s new presence in Debenhams Olympia

A freshness that makes men hot Faithful to the practice of maintaining its brand’s presence, Jean Paul Gaultier has transformed male scent Le Beau Male ensuring a “freshness that makes men hot”.

This oxymoron, the brand says, marks a new era, the era of “fatal man,” the confident sex-appeal. The scent becomes a trap in which women want to be caught.

Le Male was launched 18 years ago as a fragrance reflecting a sensual sailor with a child’s heart! Today, this object of desire is still in high demand.

Nutritional revolution from Nestlé children’s cereal In their quest for a balanced childhood breakfast, Nestlé has improved the nutritional value of their products.

Favourites Nesquik, Honey Cheerios, Cookie Crisp, Nesquik Duo and Chocapic have renewed their recipes to offer a delicious and nutritious breakfast. They now: • have fewer than 9g sugars per serving • are rich in calcium • are enriched with vitamin D! All the cereals are wholewheat and contain calcium and Vitamin D.

Win a meal cooked by a celebrity chef With all new packaging, Freezeland frozen vegetables have been relaunched onto the market, and now offers consumers the chance to savour a feast cooked by celebrity chef Tonia Buxton.

Send your recipes using the frozen veg into the competition on Facebook (freezelandvegetables) and you could win a meal prepared for you and your friends by Buxton. Finalists will also get a copy of Buxton’s latest book My Greek Kitchen and all those taking part will get an ebook with selected recipes.

Freezeland frozen vegetables are tasty and a convenient option at any time of year. Belgian Freezeland says its products may even be more nutritious than fresh! All Freezeland vegetables are rapidly deep-frozen without additives and preservatives, so the freshness, vitamins and nutritional value of food me as at the time of harvest. remains the same There are 11 different kinds off Freezeland frozenn vegetables avail-able in selected supermarkets.

Chanel has created a new service point within Debenhams Olympia, Limassol, the largest specialised area for the brand ever in Cyprus.

The 18m2 space allows customers to get personal beauty advice from experienced and qualified staff.

The ergonomically designed place offers comfort and ease of movement for customers to be introduced to Chanel’s world of beauty.

The point of service will stock the full range of Chanel products.

SOCIETY 1

2

Get your kids to eat veg!

3

1. Tonia Buxton 2. Fotoula Nicolaou-Kleanthous, Yiannis annis Ladommatos, Tonia Buxton, Isabella la Kailidou and Kika Charalambous 3. George Tsakistos, Tonia Buxton and nd Ariana Petride 4. Tonia Buxton, Fotoula Nicolaou-Kleanthous Kleanthous and Yiannis Ladommatos 5. Vasilis Petrides Zissimou, 6. Freezeland penguin, Andry Zissim mou, Olga Paschalidou and Maria Kyrri Gregoriadou Gregoriadou

Presenting new packaging for its frozen vegetables, Freezeland also says it is keen to help parents encourage their children to eat them. For this reason a playful penguin is now prominent on the vegetables’ packaging. It is also one of the incentives behind the brand’s Facebook competition to win a meal prepared by celebrity chef Tonia Buxton. Enter your vegetable recipes for a chance to grab the prize.

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SUNDAY MAIL• March 24, 2013

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SAMURAI SUDOKU

PUZZLES 27 4

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HOW TO PLAY:

The rules for Samurai Sudoku are the same as usual: fill in the grid so that every row, every column and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1-9. There’s no maths involved, you solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic

KOUDUS © A I

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No. 38

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lenloullis@hotmail.com

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Koudus No. 37 A C H F B G D E D

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Books of Koudus available from www.melrosebooks.com

Puzzle by websudoku.com

Whatzit?: Makeup artist

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ANSWERS

LAST WEEK’S SOLUTIONS

Puzzle by websudoku.com

DOUBLE CROSSWORD no 2346 Cryptic clues

Across

Down

1 Chap connected with urban area is a frequenter of clubs (3,5,4) 7 Sharp gymnastic movement? (8) 8 Clothing cassocks hide (4) 9 Fuss about the ballad (4) 11 Abandoned widow from in France taking the lead (8) 12 A fabric woven when one chooses (2,4) 14 Idea is to produce a negative charge (6) 16 Ida’s gone wild, having suffered (8) 19 So he became a tennis player (4) 21 Drawback using tin with silver (4) 22 Period of decline immediately after sunset (8) 23 Fail to keep control when the handle comes off (4,4,4)

1 Some confusion about second prophet (5) 2 Stupid person for instance has first class spear (7) 3 Nothing repeatedly shaped like an egg (5) 4 Turn set round during practice (4,3) 5 One flying round Seoul (5) 6 Embrace clergy wearing a cravat (9) 10 Redesigned a long coat having many sides! (9) 13 Empty hotels converted in Africa (7) 15 In a ripping hurry? (7) 17 From north-east, Augustus brought hot wine (5) 18 Propel a car along a private road (5) 20 Each sheep will devour the lot (3,2)

1

Down

1 Relative by marriage (7-2-3) 7 Charred (8) 8 Melody (4) 9 Against (4) 11 Coarse food (8) 12 Tallied (6) 14 Italian painter (6) 16 Break one’s journey (4,4) 19 Young woman (4) 21 Flick (4) 22 Obscurity (8) 23 Panorama (5-3,4)

1 Iraqi port (5) 2 Ant-like insect (7) 3 There (anag.) (5) 4 Uncertain (2,5) 5 On the ----- (5) 6 Drink container (9) 10 Place of entertainment (9) 13 Roundabout (7) 15 Israeli city (3,4) 17 Kilted instrumentalist?

(5) 18 Team race (5) 20 Fibrous tissue (5)

Answers to the crossword will appear in Monday’s newspaper

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Quick clues

March 24, 2013• SUNDAY MAIL

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Answers to Double Crossword 2345 CRYPTIC: Across – 1 Picnic; 4 Matrix; 7 Pamphlet; 8 Kept; 9 Protuberance; 13 Optima; 14 Slogan; 15 Light traffic; 18 Perm; 19 Browbeat; 20 Stay in; 21 Richly. Down – 1 Pep up; 2 Compo; 3 Celebrant; 4 Met; 5 Taking off; 6 Impresari; 10 Repellent; 11 Thingummy; 12 Reservoir; 16 Flesh; 17 Cathy; 19 Ban. QUICK: Across – 1 Litmus; 4 Shindy; 7 Greenery; 8 Pest; 9 Christmas Eve; 13 Plight; 14 Theban; 15 Congregation; 18 Fuji; 19 Flagrant; 20 Stayer; 21 Hasten. Down – 1 Logic; 2 Their; 3 Spectator; 4 Shy; 5 Implement; 6 Desperado; 10 Holocaust; 11 Ingenuity; 12 Autograph; 16 Inapt; 17 Not on; 19 Far.

28 Getting away: a desert island

A MINUTE WITH...

Where do you live?

I live alone in a modern apartment not far from the club in central Larnaca.

I used to have two Jack Russells but they were sadly stolen. Since then I can’t bear to get another pet as they just wouldn’t live up to them. I do fi ll my house with friends though, so I’m never lonely.

Best childhood memory?

Helping my Mum look after my young brother, George, after he was born.

I was 16 at the time and he’s now 14 years old. I am a real nurturer by heart so washing him, feeding and just helping my Mum was a real pleasure. I love kids actually.

Constantinos Constantinou Owner of new lounge bar Cosmopolitan and Larnaca nightclub Club Deep

What is always in your fridge?

Meat. My signature dish is lamb cooked in a marinara sauce.

Dream house: rural retreat or urban dwelling? Where would it be, what would it be like?

It would be small, comfortable and classic and a bit like my Mum’s. Ideally it would be near to the sea in Larnaca so I could swim in the summer.

Most frequented restaurant and absolute favourite dish?

It has to be good steak so it has to be Hobo’s Steak House. Situated literally metres away from my club, it’s convenient but even if it wasn’t I’d travel there for the excellent customer service, classy surroundings and the quality food.

If you could pick anyone at all (alive or dead) to go out for the evening with, who would it be?

I’d have Mum, Dad and all the family together for a huge family dinner. We’d eat my Grandma’s souvla, koubebia, makaronia – the works!

What food would you really turn your nose up to?

I love fish and I even like sushi, but for some reason I really detest sashimi (raw fish pieces). It’s just too fishy…

What did you have for breakfast?

I don’t have time to eat so I literally survive on caffeine, indulging in five huge Americano coffees every day. If I did have time I’d love a full English breakfast. With a coffee, of course.

If the world is ending in 24 hours what would you do? re reclaim my “happy energy” before he working late into the early hours at the nt club. My perfect day would be spent ng with family and my perfect evening b would be in Cosmopolitan or Club nDeep surrounded by happy people enjoy the great atmosphere.

Best book ever read?

Stay at home and read a book? No!

Would you class yourself as a day or night person? What’s your idea of the perfect night/day out?

You’ll be surprised to know that I’m actually a morning person! I have so much energy in the morning; I put some all time classic favourites on the stereo and I’m in a great mood. From 7-9pm I like to have a “disco nap” to

day is a little haven of peace and quiet.

If I listen to music I have eclectic taste ranging from Oasis to Sinatra.

Favourite film of all time?

I love 1980+ comedies. I have 3,000 0 movies on my hard drive and 1,000 DVDs (although there are a lot misse ing as people borrow them all the at time!) Analyze This & Analyze That h are both hilarious and I can watch d Will Smith in Independence Day and

N I W

Worth another view: Hitch

Hitch time and again.

Best holiday ever taken?

What’s your dream trip?

Last year I went away alone for the fi rst time ever without family and I loved it. I went with my partner at the time and it was a really spontaneous trip that resulted in me spending a small fortune on shopping and living it up. My dream trip would be to a deserted island somewhere exotic where there’s no mobile phone service, no internet and just me and a loved one.

I’d go out for one last big party with all my friends. We’d start in Cosmopolitan for cocktails in a civilised manner then head to Club Deep. I’d make sure we all enjoyed our last night for sure.

What is your greatest fear?

I inherited a great fear of flying and also of heights from my Dad but my greatest fear is death. The fear of the unknown, what happens after this… that’s what scares me the most. Ideally I fancy a painfree, instant death…

Tell me a joke…

What music are you listening to in the car at the moment?

I listen to enough music at the club.

For me my short time in the car each

I’m a really shy person. I blush, I go red. Most people don’t believe me and think that’s a joke…

A NIGHT FOR TWO WITH BREAKFAST AT

Answer: swer: ........................... .................

COMPETITION

............................................................ ......................................................

Name: ................................................ ............................................................

Address: ............................................. ............................................................

Telephone: .........................................

Email: ................................................

Answers must reach us by April 1st The winner will be announced on Apri 7th.

Send replies to: PO Box 21144, Fax: 22 676385.

Email: competition@cyprus-mail.com (answers by email must be accompanied by full address and contact numbers) (Winners will be notified by telephone)

High up in the mountains above Limassol, in the heart of agrotourism and in the quiet village of Potamitissa, the Ambelikos AgroHotel is housed in a newly refurbished unique cluster of traditional stone buildings from the late 1800's. It has preserved the distinctive Cypriot character whilst including all modern conveniences. The hotel is tucked away in the imposing Eastern Troodos mountain range, in the picturesque Potamitissa village. It stands at a height of 820 metres above sea level, among pine-clad rocky mountain peaks near to the highest point of Mount Olympus that reaches 1953 metres. The refreshing alpine atmosphere exudes an invigorating and calming feeling. This unique ecohotel offers wonderful relaxing holidays to all those who are searching for a small village and rural accommodation in the heart of agrotourism on the island of Cyprus. A stay in one of the rooms of Ambelikos AgroHotel is both a journey through time and a harmonious blend of tranquillity and seclusion, with excellent service and privacy. It's a year round hotel with all modern facilities, including en-suite bathrooms, television and heating system. In the lowest level of the hotel and accessed by a sloped ramp, the Health Club has an outdoor swimming pool tucked into a ledge on the hillside and overlooking the banks of Ambelikos river. In the Health Club you can relax in the blue mosaic Jacuzzi and enjoy the panoramic view. The sauna, equipped for six people, is another irresistible way to rejuvenate mind and body, especially after a long hike. The health club is open ONLY during the summer season. The pool bar is located outside the Health Club and outdoor swimming pool. In the summer, guests can enjoy refreshing drinks all day long. Swim in the evening under the stars and fall totally in love with our Ambelikos retreat.

To win, answer the following question: Question: In what village is the hotel ?

Potamitissa 4879 Limassol, Tel: 0035799763049.

Fax: 0035725522211 E-mail: info@ambelikos.com Website: www.ambelikos.com

SUNDAY MAIL•March 24, 2013

T V FRIDAY 29/03 March 24, 2013• SUNDAY MAIL

CYBC 1 06.45 08.15

Proti Enimerosi Kali Sas Mera Local variety show, with entertainment options, cookery tips and more.

11.00 11.30

Kaftis Piperies (rpt) Istories Tou Horkou (rpt) Local comedy series, which happens to be the longest-running show on TV.

12.00

CYBC 2 07.00 08.00 17.00

18.00 18.50 19.00 19.10

Apo Mera Se Mera Local cultural show.

Mazi Sto CyBC News Kaftes Piperies

18.45

Paizoume Kypriaka

Live cookery show.

20.00 21.00

Moiraia Fengaria Local drama series inspired by Maro Kranidioti’s book ‘Otan i Moira Apofasizei’.

20.00 21.15

News Patates 8

22.30

Tete A Tete Tasos Tryfonos interviews Greek celebrities from the world of showbiz.

23.00 23.30 23.45

Local Sketch (rpt) News Repeats

08.40

Biz/Emeis News In English News In Turkish Surviving Alaska (rpt)

09.30 10.25 11.15

NRG Zone Vera

23.30

12.10 13.00 13.20 14.00 14.50

Top Gear Sixteenth season.

Episode 5: Jeremy Clarkson gets behind the wheel of a Jaguar XJ and races against the rotation of the Earth, James May travels to America to drive Nasa’s latest Space Exploration Vehicle and Richard Hammond tests two of the most famous supercars of the 1980s.

Local satirical show, using comedy sketches and embarrassing TV clips to skewer local politicians.

22.00

07.50

First season of detective drama.

‘Telling Tales’. DCI Vera Stanhope sets out to retrospectively solve the mystery of a case, exposing the secrets and lies of a small community that continues to be rocked by the crime.

Local game show, asking questions having to do with Cypriot dialect.

19.20

05.30 06.20 06.50 07.00

Les Stroud travels to Alaska and demonstrates how to survive avalanches, blizzards, icy waters and hungry polar bears.

Entehnos

16.00 18.00 18.15

Eurones Kids’ TV Kati Psinetai (rpt) Amateur chefs each stage a dinner party to find who will be crowned the winning host.

Current affairs show.

15.30

ANTENNA

Repeats

15.45 16.40 17.30 17.40

Erotas (rpt) Proini Enimerosi Me Agapi Strivein Dia Tou Arravonos (rpt) Akros Oikogeneiakon (rpt) Lyke, Lyke Eisai Edo (rpt) Einai Stigmes (rpt) Panselinos (rpt) Ekeino To Kalokairi (rpt) Niose Me (rpt) News Mera Mesimeri Konstantinou Kai Elenis (rpt) To Kafe Tis Haras (rpt) Ta Koritsia Tou Baba (rpt) Aiyia Fuxia (rpt) Lefta Sto Lepto Ekeino To Kalokairi (rpt)

MEGA 06.00 06.30

Greek drama series.

07.00 10.00

00.00 00.05 00.30

12.30 14.00 15.00

Enimerosi Tora Klemmena Oneira (rpt) Eheis Meson

16.00

Yia Sena

01.40 02.30 03.20 04.40

06.10 07.00 08.20 10.00 10.50 12.00 14.30 15.20 17.10 18.00 18.05 18.40

Local talk-show.

18.00 18.20 19.30

News Erastis Ditikon Proastion (rpt) Oi Vasiliades

19.30 20.20 21.20 22.20

Greek music show.

00.00 00.10

News Klemmena Oneira Greek drama series.

22.20

00.20 00.25

Mousiko Kouti - Live Greek musical game show.

01.20

News Gymnoi Angelloi (rpt)

02.10 03.30

Local drama series.

01.30 03.30

Yia Sena (rpt) Proino Mou (rpt)

Efta Ourani Kai Sinnefa Alites News Aspra Balonia FILM: The Other Woman A dying mother attempts to gain the acceptance of her two young stepdaughters.

Made-for-TV drama, starring Rosemary Forsyth. 1995.

Daily family comedy based on the Argentinian sitcomtelenovela Los Roldan.

20.20 21.20

Anna Paola (rpt) Protoselido Eleni Vasiliki (rpt) Mila Mou (rpt) Mesimeri Kai Kati Efta Ourani Kai Sinnefa Alites (rpt) Magazino Siga Min To’ Xeres News Ti Tha Fame Simera Mama Anna Paola Latin American telenovela.

Current affairs show.

Tin Patisa (rpt) Niose Me News Spring Wipe Out Laikes Paraskeves News Sports News Vradi Me Ton Petro Kostopoulo Klemmeni Zoi (rpt) Angigma Zois (rpt) News Deal (rpt)

Nea Mera Proino Mou Lifestyle programme features entertainment, a cookery segment with the winner of the first Greek Master Chef, music and more.

Hosted by real life couple Giorgos Liagas and Fay Skorda.

With News at 18.00.

18.40 19.30 20.20 21.25 22.20

Ta Epta Kaka Tis Moiras Mou Retire (rpt)

SIGMA

04.00 04.30

News Istories Tou Astinomou Beka (rpt) Siga Min To’ Xeres (rpt) Mona Mia Fora (rpt) Se Fonto Kokkino (rpt) Ta Hrisopsara (rpt) Eleni (rpt)

PLUS TV 06.45 07.20 08.30 09.05 10.00

Kid’s TV Fotis - Maria Live Best Of Exelixeis Sti Showbiz Mesimeriani Meleti Best Of I Kouzina Me Ti Dina (rpt) Cooking show, with helpful tips on eating well and nutrition.

10.45 11.40 12.30 13.00 15.30 17.00 17.50 19.40

Mila (rpt) Berdema (rpt) Star News Mesimeriani Meleti Kids’ TV Berdema Fotis Maria Live Mila Discussions about various issues based on a woman’s life (men, relationships, sex, kids etc.) with showbiz guests.

21.15 22.00

Exelixeis Stin Showbiz FILM: Synecdoche, New York The line between fantasy and reality blurs for an ailing theatre director, who builds a replica of New York City and instructs his actors to live out constructed lives within it. Drama, with Philip Seymour Hoffman and Catherine Keener.

2008.

00.05 01.50 02.20

CAPITAL 09.00 09.30 10.00 11.00 11.30 12.30 13.25 15.20 16.15 16.45 17.35 18.15

Magikos Kosmos Akti Oneiron Ston Asterismos Tis Imeras Kouzina Me Apopsi Remington Steele Milagros Kids’ TV Top Models Kouzina Me Apopsi (rpt) Sabrina, To Koritsi Tis Agapis Akti Oneiron Pacific Blue With News at 18.30.

19.15 19.50 20.05 21.00

News Sports Time O Anthropos Tis Thalassas FILM: Fire From Below An industrialist threatens to bring about devastation when he unearths a source of lithium. Sci-fi adventure, starring Kevin Sorbo. 2009.

22.45

FILM: Malevolent When a detective is implicated in a string of grisly murders, he embarks on a frantic mission to prove his innocence. Thriller, starring Lou Diamond Phillips. 2002.

00.30

FILM: Hitters A businessman with ties to the Mob questions where his loyalties lie when war brews with a rival crime syndicate. Crime thriller, starring Robert Davi. 1996.

LTV Sports News Star News Repeats

Margin Call (Novacinema1, 23.55)

01:10 The Weakest Link 01:55 EastEnders 02:25 Doctors 02:55 Keeping Up Appearances 03:25 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 04:15 Gavin & Stacey 04:45 The Stephen K Amos Show 05:15 Beautiful People 05:45 Keeping Up Appearances 06:15 The Weakest Link 07:00 3rd & Bird 07:10 Fimbles 07:30 Boogie Beebies 07:45 Tellytales 07:55 Tweenies 08:15 3rd & Bird 08:25 Fimbles 08:45 Boogie Beebies 09:00 Tellytales 09:10 Tweenies 09:25 Keeping Up Appearances 09:55 Mastermind 10:25 The Weakest Link 11:10 EastEnders 11:40 Doctors 12:10 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 13:00 How The Beatles Rocked The Kremlin 13:50 Gavin & Stacey 14:20 Mastermind 14:50 The Weakest Link 15:35 EastEnders 16:05 Doctors 16:35 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 17:25 Gavin & Stacey 17:55 Keeping Up Appearances 18:25 The Weakest Link 19:10 EastEnders 19:40 Doctors 20:10 Casualty 21:00 The Old Guys 21:30 The Stephen K Amos Show 22:00 Famous, Rich & In The Slums 22:50 Lead Balloon 23:20 Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 23:45 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 00:30 Mad Dogs

07:00 How It’s Made 07:25 Wheeler Dealers 08:15 American Chopper 09:10 Dirty Jobs 10:05 Deadliest Catch 10:55 Ultimate Survival 11:50 How Do They Do It? 12:15 How It’s Made 12:40 Extreme Engineering 13:35 Fifth Gear 14:30 Wheeler Dealers 15:25 American Chopper 16:20 Mythbusters 17:15 Dirty Jobs 18:10 Deadliest Catch 19:05 Ultimate Survival 20:00 How It’s Made 21:00 One Car Too Far 22:00 Bear’s Mission Everest 23:00 Werner Herzog’s Death Row 00:00 Ultimate Cops 01:00 Banged Up Abroad 01:55 One Car Too Far 02:50 Bear’s Mission Everest 03:50 Werner Herzog’s Death Row 04:50 Ultimate Cops 05:45 How Do They Do It? 06:10 Overhaulin’

09:30 Snooker: China Open Beijing 13:30 Fitness: The Box 13:45 2014 Fifa World Cup Qualifiers 14:30 Snooker: China Open Beijing 18:30 Football: Next Gen Series 23:00 Boxing 01:00 Football: Brazilmania 01:15 Football: Next Gen Series 02:00 Snooker: China Open Beijing

05:40 Desperate Housewives 06:25 Bones 07:10 Raising Hope 07:35 Scrubs 08:00 Grey’s Anatomy 08:50 Masterchef 09:40 Desperate Housewives 10:25 Bones 11:10 Raising Hope 11:35 Scrubs 12:00 Happy Endings 12:25 Don’t Trust The B...In Apartment 23 12:50 Glee 13:40 Grey’s Anatomy 14:30 Masterchef 15:20 Desperate Housewives 16:05 Bones 16:50 Raising Hope 17:15 Scrubs 17:40 Grey’s Anatomy 18:30 Masterchef 19:20 Desperate Housewives 20:10 Bones 21:00 Happy Endings 21:25 Don’t Trust The B...In Apartment 23 21:50 Glee 22:40 Raising Hope 23:05 Scrubs 23:30 Happy Endings 23:55 Don’t Trust The B...In Apartment 23 00:20 Glee 01:10 Bones 02:00 Desperate Housewives 02:45 Raising Hope 03:10 Scrubs 03:35 Surviving Suburbia 04:00 Grey’s Anatomy 04:50 Masterchef

07:30 Black Sunday 10:00 Ghost Writer 12:15 Hangover Part Ii, The 14:00 Insignificant Harvey, An 15:20 Cold Creek Manor 17:20 Funny Bones 19:30 Hollywood Buzz 20:00 LTV Sports News 21:00 Unnatural & Accidental 23:00 Kick-Ass 01:05 Hustler TV

03:00 Unthinkable 04:45 Horrible Bosses 06:30 LTV Sports News

07:00 Kids TV 15:45 Justice League Unlimited 16:10 Legion Of Super Heroes 16:35 Young Justice 17:00 La Liga Show 201213 17:30 Planet Speed 18:00 Barclays Premier League World 18:30 Nba Action 19:00 Volvo Ocean Race 19:30 2010 World’s Strongest Man 20:00 Volvo Ocean Race 21:00 2013 Indy Car Series 23:30 Barclays Premier League Preview 00:00 K9 Nation 00:30 Winter X-Games 15 02:30 Nba 2012-13 05:00 2009 Us Figure Skating

07:15 08:30 10:20 Back

Privileged 08:00 Friends Closer, The 09:15 Luck One Tree Hill 11:15 Strike 13:00 Closer, The 13:45

Privileged 14:30 Closer, The 15:15 Luck 16:15 Big Bang Theory The 16:40 According To Jim 17:25 Mentalist The 18:10 Southland 19:00 Closer, The 19:45 Gossip Girl 20:30 Friends Vi 21:00 Fringe 22:30 Ncis: Los Angeles 23:15 Supernatural 00:05 Henry’s Crime 01:55 Miss Congeniality 03:45 Big Bang Theory The 04:10 According To Jim 05:00 Mentalist The 05:45 Southland 06:30 Closer, The

08:00 Dealing: Or The BostonTo-Berkeley Forty-Brick Lost-Bag Blues 09:30 Shelter 11:30 Evita 14:00 Men In Black (1997) 16:00 Lionheart 18:00 Fork In The Road, A 20:00 Bad Boys 22:00 Bonfire Of The Vanities, The 00:05 Daring! TV 04:05 Battle Los Angeles 06:15 Strictly Sexual

05:45 A Happy Event 07:35 Azur Et Asmar 09:15 Take Shelter 13:10 The Adventures Of Tintin: The Secret Of The Unicorn 15:00 She’s The One 16:50 From Prada To Nada 18:40 Hollywood Buzz 19:15 Brake 21:00 Ncis 22:00 Welcome To The Sticks 23:55 Margin Call 01:45 Cine News 02:15 Girl With The Dragon Tattoo 04:55 Another Earth

lass 05:40 Cold Mountain 08:15 Air Force One 10:20 Cine News 10:40 My Week With Marilyn 12:20 Happy Gilmore 13:55 No Reservations 15:40 Uranya 17:20 Action Zone 17:55 Frida 20:05 The Three Musketeers 22:00 Haywire 23:45 Source Code 01:25 A Better Life 03:05 The Ides Of March 04:45 Cine News

18:40 TheHit List 20:20 Stolen Lives 22:00 Game Of Thrones 01:50 Pornochic 17: Tarra 03:35 Animal Kingdom

06:00 Only Hits 08:00 MTV GreekLips 09:00 MTV Hollywood Heights 10:00 MTV Plain Jane (Commissioned Version) 11:00 Pure Local 12:00 MTV VHI Pop up Video 13:00 MTV Made 14:00 MTV Big Time Rush 14:30 MTV Victorious 15:00 MTV Hollywood Heights 16:00 MTV Crash Canyon 17:00 MTV Pranked 18:00 MTV GreekLips 19:00 Only Hits 20:00 MTV Catfish 21:00 MTV Hitlist Hellas 22:00 MTV World Stage 23:00 McCafé Music Project 23:30 MTV Savage U 0:00 MTV Jersey Shore 1:00 MTV Geordie Shore 2:00 Only Hits

19:25 Dirty Girl 21:00 The Deep End Of The Ocean 22:55 My Future Boyfriend 00:20 Illegal 02:00 On The Inside 03:40 Cine News 04:25 White Material

15:30 European Tour Trophee Hassan Ii Rd. 2 18:00 Pre Game 18:45 Championship 201213:Aep Vs Omonoia 20:45 Post Game 21:30 Snapshots Cyprus Football 22:00 Props 7 Brutal Crashes 22:30 Props 7 Slilck Tricks 23:00 Car Warriors 2 Cut-

07:00 The Wonderful World Of The Brothers Grimm 09:05 Somewhere I’ll Find You 11:00 Grand Prix 13:45 Hearts Of The West 15:25 Ice Station Zebra 17:45 Anchors Aweigh 20:00 Cool Hand Luke 22:00 Dark Of The Sun 23:40 Old Acquaintance 01:35 The Wonderful World Of The Brothers Grimm 03:40 Ice Station Zebra 06:10 Tcm Presents Under The Influence: Edward Norton

By Preston Wilder

Unnatural & Accidental (LTV, 21.00) Do Canadians make serial-killer movies? They do indeed - but they make them from acclaimed stage plays with ‘First Nations’ heroines (First Nations being their term for Native Americans, a.k.a. Injuns), which is very Canadian of them. The trailer makes this look like a horror film, with a suitably evil killer - “He is listening. He is watching. And, in his darkness, he sees himself as a hunter” - but in fact it’s more of an arty drama, based on the true story of 10 First Nations women who died “unnatural and accidental” deaths in a rough Vancouver neighbourhood in the 1980s.

The women were homeless alcoholics, and alcohol poisoning was assumed to be the cause - but in fact

Unnatural & Accidental

they’d been murdered, which our heroine (Carmen Moore) discovers as she goes looking for her mum and tangles with the killer. She also finds herself guided by the ghosts of the killer’s victims, a typical touch in a film that tries to merge fantasy and reality - and some will call it hopelessly pretentious (it was never released to cinemas) but it does have a certain style.

Don’t expect Hannibal Lecter, though. Made in 2006.

The Bonfire of the Vanities (LTV3, 22.00) Not a great Friday night, at least in prime-time - and Bonfire of the Vanities, based on a vivid satirical bestseller that defined the late 80s, has long been a by-

word for disastrous mega-flop. There’s even been a book about it, The Devil’s Candy: The Anatomy of a Hollywood Fiasco by Julie Salamon - yet it has its moments, especially 23 years later when we’re no longer bothered by the miscasting of Tom Hanks as a Wall Street trader. He’s a ‘Master of the Universe’ with New York at his feet - but his perfect life falls apart when his mistress (Melanie Griffith) hits a black kid while driving his car and a tabloid reporter (Bruce Willis) fans the flames of racial anger. “Merely a mediocre yuppie nightmare movie,” wrote Time Out at the time - which is probably true, but a yuppie nightmare with a good cast and veneer of 80s nostalgia isn’t the worst thing you can watch on a slow Friday night. Made in 1990.

SundayMail Seeking Justice Man’s life goes down drain after he agrees to revenge killing

Misery Fine suspense drama that won Kathy Bates an Oscar

Tuesday, NovaCinema2, 8.10pm

Thursday, Capital, 10.45pm

M A R C H 2 4 3 0

Men in Black 3 Will Smith as Agent J travels back in time to 1969, and then it gets complicated Sunday, NovaCinema1, 10pm

Complete guide to what’s on the small screen this week, including our selections and satellite choices

T V MONDAY 25/03 March 24, 2013• SUNDAY MAIL

CYBC 1 08.00 10.00 10.30 11.30 12.00 12.50 13.00 14.00 14.30 15.00 15.30 16.00 18.00 18.15 18.45

Axio Esti Despoina Tis Paradosis Thermai Psihai Elliniki Epanastasi Kai Kypros Oi Manes To Spiti Tou Konstantinou Kavafy Theogennitor Maria Keimilia Tis Ellinkis Epanastasis Tou 1821 Krifoi Anemoi Kastellorizo Entohnos Ekdilosi Afieromeni Ston Michali Pasiardi News Engleismos Kai Pagidevsi Paizoume Kypriaka

CYBC 2 07.00 08.00 17.00

18.00 18.50 19.00 19.10

20.00 21.00

20.00 21.15

22.30

News Vimmata Stin Ammo

Greek FILM: Manto Mavrogenous Historical drama, starring Jenny Karezi.

1971.

23.30 23.45

News Repeats

Contestants try to outdo each other by throwing the perfect dinner party.

07.50

Chernobyl (rpt) News In English News In Turkish Somewhere On Earth (rpt)

08.40

NRG Zone Small Island

Brothers & Sisters (rpt) Fourth season.

‘Breaking the News’.

Robert is concerned that news of his recent heart attack will reach the media, while Kitty confides in Nora after struggling to keep her illness a secret.

Meanwhile, Kevin and Scotty discuss the possibility of surrogacy.

Third season of local period drama, based on true events.

22.00

06.30 06.50 07.00

Two-part adaptation of Andrea Levy’s novel.

A Jamaican woman travels to London in 1948 to meet with her new husband, but her life becomes entwined with that of her landlady, who once spent a night of passion with the newlywed’s former lover. Part 1 of 2.

Moiraia Fengaria Local drama series inspired by Maro Kranidioti’s book ‘Otan i Moira Apofasizei’.

NRG Zone Kids’ TV Kati Psinetai (rpt)

A series of documentary films whose aim is to shine the spotlight on some of the few places on earth where nature and man exist in harmony.

Local game show, asking questions having to do with the Cypriot dialect.

19.20

ANTENNA

23.15

Repeats

09.30 10.25 11.15 12.10 13.00 13.20 14.50 15.45 16.40 17.30 17.40

Proini Enimerosi Me Agapi Strivein Dia Tou Arravonos (rpt) Akros Oikogeneiakon (rpt) Lyke, Lyke Eisai Edo (rpt) Einai Stigmes (rpt) Pansellinos (rpt) Ekeino To Kalokairi (rpt) Niose Me (rpt) News Konstantinou Kai Elenis (rpt) To Kafe Tis Haras (rpt) Ta Koritsia Tis Haras (rpt) Aiyia Fuxia (rpt) Lefta Sto Lepto Vals Me 12 Theous (rpt) With News at 18.00.

18.40 19.30 20.15 21.25 22.20 23.00

Tin Patisa (rpt) Niose Me News Vals Me 12 Theous Ekeino To Kalokairi Castle

MEGA 06.00 06.30 07.00

08.00 10.00 13.00

01.40 02.30 03.20 04.40

Klemmeni Zoi (rpt) Angigma Psihis (rpt) News Deal (rpt)

Nea Mera Proino Mou Mousiko Kouti Live (rpt) Greek game show.

15.00

Yia Sena

18.00 18.20 19.30

08.20 10.00 10.50 12.00 14.20 15.20 17.10 18.00 18.05 18.45 19.40 20.20 21.15 22.20

Local talk-show.

News Erastis Ditikon Proastion (rpt) Oi Vasiliades

23.30

20.20 21.20 22.10

News Klemmena Oneira Me Ta Panetelonia Kato New Greek comedy series.

23.20

FILM: Donnie Brasco An FBI agent poses as a mobster to gain an insight into the workings of the Mafia.

Fact-based gangster drama, starring Johnny Depp. 1997.

00.00 00.10 01.00 03.30 04.40

News Gymnoi Angeloi (rpt) Yia Sena (rpt) Enimerosi Tora (rpt) Proino Mou (rpt)

Eleni Vasiliki (rpt) Aspra Balonia (rpt) Mesimeri Kai Kati Epta Ouranoi Kai Sinnefa Alites (rpt) Magazino Siga Min To’ Xeres News Ti Tha Fame Simera Mama Anna Paola Efta Ourani Kai Sinnefa Alites (rpt) News Aspra Balonia Oikogeneiakes Istories CSI: NY Fifth season. ‘Rush to Judgment’. The body parts of a murdered high-school wrestling coach are found scattered around the city, and Hawkes discovers he may have been responsible for e-mailing sexually explicit pictures of under-aged boys. Meanwhile, Flack is accused of using excessive force to subdue a suspect.

New daily family comedy based on the Argentinian sitcomtelenovela Los Roldan, replacing I Zoi tis allis.

News Sports News Radio Arvila Live parady show.

Ta Epta Kaka Tis Moiras Mou Retire Master Chef (rpt) New season of Greek reality competition show where amateur chefs compete against each other in weekly challenges.

American drama series.

00.00 00.05 00.30

SIGMA

00.20 00.25 01.20 02.00 03.00 03.45

News Istories Tou Astinomou Beka (rpt) Siga Min To’ Xeres (rpt) Mono Mia Fora (rpt) Se Fonto Kokkino (rpt) Ta Hrisopsara (rpt)

PLUS TV 06.45 10.40 12.30 13.00 14.15 15.30 17.00

Kids’ TV To Kleidi (rpt) Star News Mesimeriani Meleti Best Of Fotis - Maria Live Best Of Kid’s TV Berdema Greek comedy series.

17.50

Mila Best Of Tear-jerking talk-show.

19.30

Roda Tsanta Kai Kopana Greek comedy series.

21.00

FILM: Full Metal Jacket Acclaimed drama, starring Matthew Modine amd Adam Baldwin.

1987. See Pick Of The Day.

22.45

00.30 01.20 02.00

CAPITAL 08.55 09.35 10.00

17.40 18.15

S’ Agapo (rpt) Akti Oneiron (rpt) Ston Asterismo Tis Imeras Kouzina Me Apopsi Remington Steele (rpt) Milagros Kids’ TV Top Models S’Agapo Sabrina, To Koritsi Tis Agapis Akti Oneiron Pacific Blue

19.15 19.50 20.05 21.00

News Sports Time Capital Sports FILM: Scorcher

11.00 11.30 12.30 13.25 15.05 15.55 16.55

With News at 18.30.

A series of underground bomb tests causes the Earth’s temperature to rise, and a handful of scientists must avert disaster.

Thriller, starring Mark Dacascos. 2002.

Supernatural Sixth season.

‘Appointment in Samarra’. Dean agrees a deal to have Sam’s warped soul released but must wear Death’s ring for a day in return.

Armed with the power to end lives, Dean finds the job easy at first but finds his resolve tested when he is faced with a terminally ill 12-yearold.

22.45

LTV Sports News Star News Repeats

00.25

FILM: The Iris Effect A desperate woman travels to Russia to search for her gifted son who disappeared 10 years earlier. Thrillerm starring Agnes Bruckner. 2005.

FILM: The Black Hole An experiment gone wrong creates a black hole in the middle of a city, while also unleashing a deadly alien monster. Sci-fi thriller, starring Kristy Swanson. 2006.

Larry Crowne (Novacinema1, 18.25)

01:05 Live At The Apollo 01:50 The Weakest Link 02:35 32 Brinkburn Street 03:15 Little Britain 03:45 The Weakest Link 04:30 32 Brinkburn Street 05:15 The Old Guys 05:45 Little Britain 06:15 The Weakest Link 07:00 3rd & Bird 07:10 Fimbles 07:30 Boogie Beebies 07:45 Tellytales 07:55 Tweenies 08:15 3rd & Bird 08:25 Fimbles 08:45 Boogie Beebies 09:00 Tellytales 09:10 Tweenies 09:30 Little Human Planet 09:35 The Old Guys 10:05 Lead Balloon 10:35 The Weakest Link 11:20 EastEnders 11:50 Doctors 12:20 Casualty 13:10 Himalaya With Michael Palin 14:00 The Old Guys 14:30 Lead Balloon 15:00 The Weakest Link 15:45 EastEnders 16:15 Doctors 16:40 Casualty 17:35 India With Sanjeev Bhaskar 18:25 The Weakest Link 19:10 EastEnders 19:35 Doctors 20:05 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 21:00 dinnerladies 21:30 The Green Green Grass 22:00 Waking The Dead 22:50 Ideal 23:20 The Fixer 00:10 32 Brinkburn Street 00:50 The Impressions Show With Culshaw &...

07:00 How It’s Made 07:25 Wheeler Dealers 08:15 American Chopper 09:10 Dirty Jobs 10:05 Deadliest Catch 10:55 Ultimate Survival 11:50

How Do They Do It? 12:15 How It’s Made 12:40 Extreme Engineering 13:35 Street Customs 14:30 Wheeler Dealers 15:25 American Chopper 16:20 Mythbusters 17:15 Dirty Jobs 18:10 Deadliest Catch 19:05 Ultimate Survival 20:00 How It’s Made 21:00 Dynamo: Magician Impossible 22:00 The Real Hustle 23:00 Magic Of Science 00:00 River Monsters 01:00 Ross Kemp On Gangs 01:55 Dual Survival 02:50 The Real Hustle 03:50 Magic Of Science 04:50 River Monsters 05:45 How Do They Do It? 06:10 Overhaulin’

09:30 Snooker: China Open Beijing 13:30 Ski Jumping: World Cup Slovenia 14:30 Snooker: China Open Beijing 18:30 Cycling: Criterium International France 19:30 Ski Jumping: World Cup Slovenia 20:30 Snooker: China Open Beijing 21:45 All Sports: Watts 22:00 Pro Wrestling: This Week On World Wrestling Entertainment 22:30 Pro Wrestling: Vintage Collection 23:30 Fight Sport: Total Ko 00:30 Ski Jumping: World Cup Slovenia 01:30 Snooker: China Open Beijing

05:40

Desperate

Housewives

06:25 Bones 07:10 Raising Hope 07:35 Scrubs 08:00 Grey’s Anatomy 08:50 Masterchef 09:40 Desperate Housewives 10:25 Bones 11:10 Raising Hope 11:35 Scrubs 12:00 Once Upon A Time 12:50 Revenge 13:40 Grey’s Anatomy 14:30 Masterchef 15:20 Desperate Housewives 16:05 Bones 16:50 Raising Hope 17:15 Scrubs 17:40 Grey’s Anatomy 18:30 Masterchef 19:20 Desperate Housewives 20:10 Bones 21:00 Once Upon A Time 21:50 Revenge 22:40 Raising Hope 23:05 Scrubs 23:30 Once Upon A Time 00:20 Revenge 01:10 Bones 02:00 Desperate Housewives 02:45 Raising Hope 03:10 Scrubs 03:35 Surviving Suburbia 04:00 Grey’s Anatomy 04:50 Masterchef

07:30 Dennis The Menace 09:10 Arthur 3: The War Of The Two Worlds 11:00 Get Smart’s Bruce And Lloyd Out Of Control 12:30 Twilight (2008) 14:45 Twilight Saga: New Moon 17:15 Twilight Saga: Eclipse 19:30 Action Zone 20:00 LTV Sports News 21:00 Messenger, The 23:00 Cemetery Club, The 00:50 Hustler TV 02:30 Faster 04:30 Walk On The Moon, A 06:30 LTV Sports News

07:00 Kids TV 15:45 Justice

League Unlimited 16:10 Legion Of Super Heroes 16:35 Young Justice 17:00 Grand American Series 2012 18:00 Pba Us Open 19:00 Volvo Ocean Race 19:30 2010 World’s Strongest Man 20:00 Volvo Ocean Race 21:00 Pba All-Star Shootout 22:00 Grand American Series 2012 00:00 Espn Films 01:00 Planet Speed 01:30 E-60 03:00 Pba Us Open 04:00 2009 Us Figure Skating 06:00 2012 American Le Mans Series

07:15 Friends 07:50 Fringe 09:30 Big Bang Theory The 10:00 According To Jim 10:45 Mentalist The 11:30 Southland 12:30 Gossip Girl 13:15 Harry’s Law 14:00 Fringe 15:30 Big Bang Theory The 16:00 Eastbound & Down 16:30 According To Jim 17:20 Hawaii Five 19:00 Harry’s Law 19:45 One Tree Hill 20:30 How To Make It In America 21:00 Strike Back 22:40 Ncis: Los Angeles 23:25 Supernatural 00:15 Dead Presidents 02:15 Live Wire 03:40 Eastbound & Down 04:10 According To Jim 05:00 Hawaii Five 06:30 Harry’s Law

08:30 Wrestling Ernest Hemingway 10:45 Practical Magic 12:30 Life As We Know It 14:30 Cats & Dogs: The Revenge Of Kitty Galore 16:00

Sparkle 18:00 Heartbreaker 20:00 Kick-Ass 22:00 Batman Begins 00:20 Daring! TV 04:05 Country Strong 06:15 Lost & Found

06:35 Cine News 08:40 Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3 10:15 Hollywood Buzz 15:00 Wings Of The Dove 16:45 This Means War 18:25 Larry Crowne 20:10 Poker Face 22:00 Haywire 23:45 The Following 00:45 Rampart 02:40 Colombiana 04:30 A Happy Event

07:10 Cine News 07:55 Fast Five 10:05 Tower Heist 11:55 Cine News 12:25 Rango 14:15 Uranya 16:00 Doctor Dolittle 17:30 Cine News 18:05 Never Let Me Go 19:55 The Bourne Identity 22:00 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 00:05 The Son Of No One 01:45 The Grey 03:40 O Annivas Pro Ton Pilon

05:00 Walled In 06:30 Ginekes Dilitirio 08:10 Inspector Gadget 09:30 TheGhost And The Darkness 11:20 Tt3d: Closer To The Edge 13:05 TheGame 15:15 Love Crime 17:00 TheLongest Yard 18:55 Cowboys & Aliens 21:00 Salvation Boulevard 22:40 Cine News 23:00 Ncis 23:50 Cine News 01:00 3 Days In

tral International

June 03:00 Super 04:35 Sniper Reloaded

06:15 Mpilompa 08:00 Cine News 08:50 The Romantics 11:55 Illegal 13:35 5 Lepta Akoma16:55 Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules 18:40 Fame 21:00 The Edge Of Love 23:00 I Fouska 00:50 Courageous 03:00 London 04:35 The Help

14:30 Big Ten Men’s Swimming & Diving Big Ten Championships 16:00 Big Ten Men’s Gymnastics Penn State At Minnesota 18:00 Pre Game 18:45 Championship 201213:Aep Vs Doxa 20:45 Post Game 21:30 Golden Boy Classic Fights Oscar De La Hoya Vs Ike Quartey 22:00 Punk Payback With Bas Rutten All Ages And Sizes 22:30 Dumbest Stuff On Wheels 23:00 Sports Unlimited 00:00 Golf Cen-

06:00 Only Hits 08:00 MTV GreekLips 09:00 MTV Hollywood Heights 10:00 MTV Plain Jane (Commissioned Version) 11:00 Pure Local 12:00 MTV VHI Pop up Video 13:00 MTV Made 14:00 MTV Big Time Rush 14:30 MTV Victorious 15:00 MTV Hollywood Heights 16:00 MTV Crash Canyon 17:00 McCafé Music Project 17:30 MTV Pranked 18:00 MTV GreekLips 19:00 Only Hits 20:00 MTV Mission Lydia 20:30 MTV Everyday Girls 21:00 MTV Catfish 22:00 MTV Young and Married 23:00 MTV The Pauly D project 0:00 MTV Jersey Shore 1:00 Only Hits

07:00 Tick…Tick…Tick 08:35 The Brothers Karamazov 11:00 3 Godfathers 12:45 Logan’s Run 14:40 The Year Of Living Dangerously 16:30 The Sandpiper 08:25 Party Girl 20:15 Brigadoon 22:00 Something Of Value 00:00 The Year Of Living Dangerously 01:55 The Brothers Karamazov 04:25 Logan’s Run

By Preston Wilder

Full Metal Jacket (Plus TV, 21.00) First there’s Private Gomer Pyle, overweight and sadly inept, bullied and dehumanised in the US Marine training programme till he finally snaps. Then there’s Private Joker in Vietnam, covering the war as a correspondent for ‘Stars & Stripes’. Then there’s an account of a single mission - a sniper hidden in a derelict building - and the theme from The Mickey Mouse Club to finish off. No-one knew what to make of Stanley Kubrick’s elliptical Vietnam movie, so they accused it of being unconvincing; everyone knew it had been filmed mostly in England - Dorset standing in for ’Nam - and besides Platoon had come out the year before, taking realism to new heights, so middle-aged

Kubrick seemed out of touch. It’s still hard to know what to make of it, but its reputation has soared in the 26 years since - mostly because its chilly, fragmented style now seems appropriate for this nightmarish war, and indeed war in general. All together now: “I don’t know, but I’ve been told...” Made in 1987.

Haywire (Novacinema1, 22.00) Gina Carano fights like a girl - but a girl who’s also a top Muay Thai kickboxer and MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) champion. “You shouldn’t think of her as being a woman. That would be a mistake,” notes baddie Ewan McGregor in this cool, supple action thriller.

She’s a secret agent doing black-ops work for the US

Haywire

government, double-crossed and left for dead by her own people - but she’s also the only unknown in a cast full of stars (not just McGregor but also Michael Fassbender, Antonio Banderas, Michael Douglas and Channing Tatum), the only woman in a cast full of men, and the only real fighter in a cast full of pampered Hollywood actors pretending to fight. That’s why the fight scenes have a real charge, because Carano is authentic - and because the rest of the film is so sleek and elegant, with a near-ambient score that sounds like something playing in the background in a cappuccino bar. Bottom line? In the battle of femaleempowerment action flicks, Haywire kicks The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo’s ass. Ooh, catfight! Made in 2012.

T V SATURDAY 30/03 SUNDAY MAIL• March 24, 2013

CYBC 1 08.00

Moiraia Fengaria (rpt) Local drama series.

10.30

14.00 14.30

Vimmata Stin Ammo (rpt) Two episodes of local period drama, based on true events.

18.00 18.15

News Patates Antinahtes (rpt)

17.00

18.30 18.50 19.00 19.10 21.00

19.30 20.00 21.30

22.30

Local Sketch News Savvato Ki Apovrado

02.30 04.30

News Tete-A-Tete (rpt) Savvato Ki Apovrado (rpt) Me Kali Parea (rpt) More Repeats

Candid Camera News In English New In Turkish NRG Zone Weekend X-Factor USA

Ghost Whisperer (rpt) Fifth season. ‘The Children’s Parade’.

Melinda’s investigation of a poltergeist in the hospital leads to a showdown with supernatural forces terrorising her and Aiden.

Last-ever episode of the paranormal drama, starring Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Variety show, with wellknown guests pretending to have a good time for the benefit of You At Home.

23.30 23.45 00.45

FILM: The Perfect Score

American version of the talent contest, in which solo singers and groups compete to win a recording contract by impressing judges Simon Cowell, Nicole Scherzinger, Paula Abdul and LA Reid.

Ego Ki Esi Local comedy series.

Euronews Kids’ TV

High-school students worried about a forthcoming exam decide to take drastic action and steal the answers.

Comedy, with Scarlett Johansson and Bryan Greenberg. 2004.

Local satirical show, using comedy sketches and embarrassing TV clips to skewer local politicians.

18.45

ANTENNA

Shown till 12.30, then repeated till midafternoon.

Edoxe Ti Vouli Kai To Dimo News Me Kali Parea Vivian Kanari hosts new show featuring a mix of news, information and live music.

16.30

07.00 08.00

Paizoume Kypriaka Local game show, asking questions having to do with Cypriot dialect.

13.00

CYBC 2

23.15 00.00 00.15

Album Show News In English And Turkish (rpt) Euronews

05.15 06.00 06.30 07.00 07.30 08.00 08.50 09.40 10.30 11.20 12.10 13.50 15.10 16.45

Aliki (rpt) Proini Enimerosi Dada Yia Oles Tis Douleies (rpt) To Pio Glyko Mou Psema (rpt) Oi Men Kai Oi Den (rpt) Paris Kai Eleni (rpt) Steps (rpt) Super Babas (rpt) O Tzitzigas Kai O Mermingas (rpt) Tihi Vouno (rpt) Laikes Paraskeves (rpt) Yia Tin Agapi Sou (rpt) Niose Me (rpt) Ekeino To Kalokairi (rpt) With News at 18.00.

19.30 20.20 21.20 23.00 00.05 00.20 00.30

Vals Me 12 Theous News Exairetika Afieromeno Sold Out News Sports News Vradi Me Ton Petro Kotsopoulo Late night talk-show.

01.40

Blackout Game show which places contestants in complete darkness to compete in challenges.

02.40 03.50 04.40

Mavros Okeanos (rpt) News Eftyhismenes Meres (rpt)

MEGA 06.00 07.00 09.40 10.20 11.00 12.10 12.40

Ta Epta Kaka Tis Moiras Mou (rpt) Proino Mou (rpt) Kid’s TV Mia Stigmi Dio Zoes Klemmena Oneira (rpt) Proino Mou (rpt) Chuck A computer geek finds himself in charge of the government’s most sensitive data.

13.20 15.00 16.40 18.00 18.20 20.15 21.20 22.20 23.55

Mousiko Kouti Live (rpt) Anonymous (rpt) Oi Vasiliades (rpt) News Epta Thanasimes Petheres (rpt) News Anonymous Mousiko Kouti- Live Kapse To Senario New season of Greek improvised comedy show, in which guests create spontaneous routines and sketches based on suggestions from the studio audience.

00.00 01.00 01.40 02.20 03.20 04.00 04.30 05.00 05.40

News Kleista Ta Mata (rpt) Epafi (rpt) Eheis Meson (rpt) Mia Stigmi Dio Zoes (rpt) Patir, Yios Kai Pnevma (rpt) Oi Afthairetoi Palirroia (rpt) Ta Epta Kaka Tis Moiras Mou (rpt)

SIGMA 08.10 09.15

10.00

Zoi Podilato (rpt) The Legend Of Snow White

07.50 11.35

Animated adventure, dubbed in Greek.

12.05

Mes Stin Kala Hara

13.00 13.40

Weekend variety show, informative and entertaining.

14.00 15.40 17.00

Aspra Balonia (rpt) The Cooking (rpt) Annita SoS With News at 18.00.

19.00

Pame Paketo (rpt) Popular talk-show that deals with human interest stories such as reuniting people, fulfilling dreams and connecting individuals who want to correct past mistakes in their lives.

20.15 21.20

PLUS TV

News Stin Igeia Mas

14.20 15.40 16.50 18.00 18.45

22.00

01.30 02.20 04.00

Istories Tou Astinomou Beka (rpt) Mes Stin Kali Hara (rpt) Magazino (rpt)

Vathis Kokkino Exelixeis Sti Showbiz FILM: Malibu’s Most Wanted A politician is shocked when his son poses as a loud-mouthed street kid - and arranges for the youngster to get a taste of the real thing.

Comedy, starring Jamie Kennedy. 2003.

News Las Vegas (rpt) Drama series focusing on a security team at a large casino.

07.00 10.00 10.30 12.05 13.15 13.45 15.50 17.30

23.30

00.10 01.05 01.40

18.00 18.55 19.05 19.55 20.05 21.00

Remington Steele News Acapulco HEAT News O Anthropos Tis Thalassas FILM: Deep Impact A reporter investigating a presidential misdemeanour stumbles on evidence that a huge comet is on a collision course with Earth.

Sci-fi drama, starring Robert Duvall and Téa Leoni. 1998.

Cold Case (rpt) Crime drama, about a detective investigating unsolved homicide cases that happened years before.

Kids’ TV Kouzina Me Apopsi Greek FILM: Trikimia Mias Kardias Telemarketing Kouzina Me Apopsi (rpt) Greek FILM: Se Iketevo Agapi Mou News FILM: Bruno A curmudgeonly woman wonders why her genius 8-year-old grandson loves to wear dresses. Comedy drama, starring Gary Sinise. 2000. With News at 17.30.

Comedy.

20.15 21.15

Variety show, with wellknown guests pretending to have a good time for the benefit of You At Home.

00.20 00.25

Kids’ TV Exelixeis Sti Showbiz LTV Sports News (rpt) Star News Fotis - Maria Live Best Of Mesimeriani Meleti Best Of Fotis - Maria Live Best Of Mila (rpt) Stin Kouzina Me Tin Dina (rpt) Greek FILM: Diakopes Stin Aigina

CAPITAL

23.15

FILM: Shark Zone Divers try to recover diamonds in waters infested by white sharks.

Horror, starring Brandi Sherwood. 2003.

LTV Sports News Star News Repeats 00.55

FILM: Naked Fear A killer kidnaps and terrorizes a young woman in the wilderness.

Horror, starring Ronald Dunas. 2007.

Hanna (Novacinema2, 22.00)

01:15 Live At The Apollo 02:00 The Weakest Link 02:45 EastEnders 03:15 Doctors 03:45 Casualty 04:35 Famous, Rich & In The Slums 05:30 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 06:15 The Weakest Link 07:00 3rd & Bird 07:10 Fimbles 07:30 Jackanory Junior 07:45 Tellytales 07:55 Tweenies 08:15 3rd & Bird 08:25 Fimbles 08:45 Jackanory Junior 09:00 Tellytales 09:10 Tweenies 09:30 The Weakest Link 10:15 Doctor Who 11:05 Drop Zone 11:55 dinnerladies 12:30 The Green Green Grass 13:00 ‘Allo ‘Allo!

13:35 Fawlty Towers 14:10 Casualty 15:00 Casualty 15:50 EastEnders 18:20 The Weakest Link 19:05 Doctor Who 20:10 Drop Zone 21:00 Live At The Apollo 21:45 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 22:30 Mad Dogs 23:15 Ideal 23:45 The Impressions Show With Culshaw &... 00:15 The Stephen K Amos Show 00:45 Drop Zone

07:00 How It’s Made 07:25 Twist The Throttle 08:15 Fifth Gear 09:10 Mega Builders 10:05 Mighty Ships 10:55 River Monsters 14:30 Extreme Engineering 15:25 You Have Been Warned

16:20 Classic Car Rescue 17:15 Fast N’ Loud 18:10 Texas Car Wars 19:05 Mythbusters 20:00 How It’s Made 21:00 Auction Hunters 22:00 Baggage Battles 23:00 The Real Hustle 00:00 The Real Hustle 01:00 Chris Ryan’s Elite Police 02:00 Auction Hunters 04:00 Baggage Battles 04:50 The Real Hustle 06:35 How It’s Made

09:30 Fitness: The Box 09:45 Snooker: China Open Beijing 12:30 Football: Next Gen Series 14:30 Snooker: China Open Beijing 17:30 Table Tennis: World Team Cup China 19:00 All Sports: Watts 21:30 All Sports: Eurosport Top 10 22:00 Fight Sport 01:00 Snooker: China Open Beijing 02:15 All Sports: Eurosport Top 10 02:45 All Sports: Watts

05:40 The Gates 06:30 Desperate Housewives 10:20 Raising Hope 11:10 Scrubs 12:00 Happy Endings 12:25 Don’t Trust The B...In Apartment 23 12:50 Masterchef 14:30 Grey’s Anatomy 15:15 Grey’s Anatomy 18:30 Masterchef 21:00 Once Upon A

Time 21:50 Revenge 22:40 Modern Family 23:05 New Girl 23:30 Glee 00:20 Bones 04:25 Raising Hope

07:30 Hollywood Buzz 08:00 Spaced Invaders 09:45 Skellig 11:30 That Darn Cat 13:05 Swing Kids 15:05 Last Night 17:00 PreGame 18:00 A’ Division Cyprus Soccer Championship 2012-13 20:00 LTV Sports News 21:00 Mystic River 23:30 Youth In Revolt 01:05 Hustler TV 04:15 Rite, The 06:30 LTV Sports News

07:00 Kids TV 13:15 Legion Of Super Heroes 13:40 Max Adventures 14:05 Barclays Premier League Preview 14:45 Barclays Premier League 2012-13 19:00 Nba 2012-13 21:00 Liga Bbva 2012-13 23:00 Barclays Premier League 2012-13 01:00 Liga Bbva 2012-13 06:00 Winter X-Games Europe

07:15 Gossip Girl 08:00 Friends Vi 08:30 Big Bang Theory The 09:00 According To Jim 10:00 Privileged 10:45 Strike Back 11:45 Mentalist The 12:30 Hawaii Five 13:15 Closer, The 14:15

Fringe 15:00 Gossip Girl 15:45 Harry’s Law 00:05 Triage 01:45 Fifth Patient, The 04:15 Harry’s Law 06:30 Closer, The

08:00 All Roads Lead Home 10:00 Live Wire 12:00 Lovely Bones, The 14:30 Call Of The Wild 16:00 What Women Want 18:15 Unnatural & Accidental 20:00 Social Network, The 22:00 Kick-Ass 00:05 Daring! TV 04:10 Rich Man’s Wife, The 05:50 Unthinkable

06:30 Fish N’ Chips 08:15 Cine News 11:10 The Art Of Getting By 12:35 The Avengers 15:00 Ncis 16:50 The Conspirator 18:55 The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel 22:00 The Way 00:15 Men In Black 3 02:05 Cine News 03:00 The Following 04:50 Gone

05:05 Traffic 07:30 Rounders 09:30 Cine News 09:50 A Thousand Acres 11:40 Hugo 13:50 Fast Five 16:00 $5 A Day 17:45 Mad On Novacinema 18:25 Transporter 2 20:00 The Debt 22:00 Hanna 00:00 Cine News 00:35 Kingdom Of Heaven 03:00

Never Let Me Go

05:30 Essential Killing 07:00 Cine News 08:00 Love Crime 09:50 TheCompany Men 11:40 TheShadow 13:30 ThePelican Brief 15:55 Cowboys & Aliens 18:00 Salvation Boulevard 19:45 Real Steel 22:00 Game Of Thrones 00:55 Cine News 01:30 Folles De Cul 03:00 Straw Dogs

06:15 Bad Teacher 07:50 The Edge Of Love 09:45 Hud 11:40 Open Season 3 13:00 Molis Chorisa 14:40 Mr. Popper’s Penguins 16:20 Our Day Will Come 17:50 Marley & Me: The Puppy Years 21:00 Transformers: Dark Of The

Moon 23:35 The Beaver 01:05 Killing Bono 03:00 Amnistia

15:00 European Tour Trophee Hassan Ii Rd. 3 16:15 Pre Game 17:00 Championship 201213:Apollon Vs Ayia Napa 19:00 Post Game 19:45 Big Ten Women’s Gymnastics Big Ten Championships Session 2 At Michigan 21:00 Big Ten Baseball Northwestern At Nebraska 31/3/2013 14:00 Pinks All Out 15:00 European Tour Trophee Hassan Ii Final Rd. 16:15 Pre Game 17:00 Championship 2012-13:Aep Vs Olympiakos 19:00 Post Game 20:00 America’s Game: 1973 Miami Dolphins

06:00 Only Hits 11:00 Pure Local 12:00 MTV World Stage 13:00 McCafé Music Project 13:30 MTV VHI Pop up Video 14:00 MTV Daria 15:00 MTV Crash Canyon 16:00 MTV Mission Lydia 16:30 MTV Everyday Girls 17:00 MTV Movies & Stars 18:00 MTV Megadrive 18:30 MTV Slips 19:00 Only Hits 20:00 Pure Local 22:00 Only Hits 0:00 S7S Lockdown Top10 0:30 MTV Party Zone 4:00 Only Hits

07:00 Lone Star 08:35 The Golden Arrow 09:45 Little Caesar 11:00 Old Acquaintance 12:55 Blossoms In The Dust 14:30 Prodigal 16:20 It Started With A Kiss 18:05 Now, Voyager 20:15 Easter Parade 22:00 Sweethearts 23:55 Abbott And Costello In Hollywood 01:15 Lone Star 02:50 The Prodigal 04:45 Now, Voyager

By Preston Wilder

Mystic River (LTV, 21.00) Sean Penn won an Oscar for this film - which is odd because he’s the weakest link by far, his hysterical performance (see e.g. the scene where he weeps for his dead daughter) almost wrecking the film’s sombre tone and reserved, watchful presence. Penn is one of three childhood friends united by a common trauma: one of them (Tim Robbins) was abducted and abused when they were kids - and guilt-ridden Robbins is a suspect when Penn’s daughter is killed, the third friend (Kevin Bacon) being the cop in charge of the investigation. A film based around Silence - in the presence of a mute boy, in Bacon’s estranged wife who tries to talk but can’t form the words, above all of

course in the silence of the unspoken, the trauma of child abuse unaired and allowed to fester - building to a subtle, philosophical ending heavy with the weight of things left unsaid. And the Mystic River just keeps flowing along. Directed by Clint Eastwood in 2003.

The Way (Novacinema1, 22.00) “Life is about the journey, and the family you make along the way,” says the trailer, punning on the title because ‘the way’ is also The Way, the so-called ‘Camino de Santiago’, a hikers’ path snaking 800 kilometres along the north-western coast of Spain. “People have walked the path for over 1000 years. The Way is a very personal journey,” explains a friendly Spaniard to Mar-

The Way

tin Sheen - who’s in two minds about the whole thing because his son (played by real-life son Emilio Estevez, who also directed) has just been killed while walking the path, but he finally decides to take the journey himself as a kind of tribute. What follows is predictable, with Martin discovering an improvised ‘family’ in the company of three other pilgrims - an exuberant Dutchman, a chain-smoking Canadian woman and an eccentric Irish writer - and learning the inevitable life lessons, but a thoughtful film with a middle-aged hero is a nice change these days, and Martin Sheen makes a pretty good middle-aged hero. Now if he could just get black-sheep son Charlie to stop snorting coke and walk The Way with him and Emilio! Made in 2010.

T V SUNDAY 24/03 SUNDAY MAIL• March 24, 2013

CYBC 1 07.30 10.30

Church Service Savvato Ki Apovrado (rpt) Variety show, with wellknown guests pretending to have a good time for the benefit of You At Home.

12.30

07.00 08.00 13.25 17.05 17.30

I Ypaithros Weekly farming show.

13.00 13.30

CYBC 2

Kypros Ena Taxidi Eimaste Edo Local talk-show aimed at youth.

14.00 14.30

News Me Kali Parea

16.30 17.30

Tete-A-Tete (rpt) Aminesthai Peri Patris

Local talk-show.

18.15 19.15 19.25 19.35 20.30 21.00

News Patates Antinahtes (rpt) Local satirical show, using comedy sketches and embarrassing TV clips to skewer local politicians.

19.00

Ego Ki Esi

22.50

Local comedy show.

19.30 20.00 21.30

23.40 00.00

News Repeats

06.30

Documentary about one of the world’s top art museums.

08.50 09.40 10.30 11.20 12.10

I Kypros Konta Sas (rpt) News In English News In Turkish Tete-A-Tete (rpt) NRG Zone Weekend MINI-Series: My House Is Full Of Mirrors

23.35 23.50

07.00 07.30 08.00

13.50 15.20 16.10

News In English & Turkish (rpt) Euronews

Dad Yia Oles Tis Douleies (rpt) Cheek To Cheek Men Kai Den (rpt) San To Skilo Me Ti Gata (rpt) Steps (rpt) Santa Yiolanta (rpt) Litsa.com (rpt) Tihi Vouno (rpt) Exairetika Afieromeno (rpt) Yia Tin Agapi Sou Tha Vreis Ton Daskalo Sou (rpt) Niose Me (rpt) With News at 18.00.

18.30 20.20 21.20

Vals Me 12 Theous News FILM: Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade Action adventure sequel, starring Harrison Ford. 1989. See Pick Of The Day.

23.30

FILM: Mr Destiny

MEGA 06.00 07.00 09.40 10.20 11.00 12.00 12.40 13.30

00.45 00.50 01.00 01.50 02.40 03.50 04.40

News Sports News Vradi Me Ton Petro Kotsopoulo Blackout Mavros Okeanos News Eftyhismenes Meres (rpt)

Ta Epta Kaka Tis Moiras Mou Church Service Kids’ TV Mia Stigmi Dio Zoes Klemmena Oneira (rpt) Proino Mou (rpt) Chuck FILM: Stuart Little 2 The little mouse goes to the rescue when his canary friend is taken prisoner by a falcon.

Family adventure sequel, with the voice of Michael J Fox. 2002.

15.20 16.40 18.00 18.30 20.15 21.20 22.20 00.00 00.50

Anonymous Oi Vasiliades (rpt) News Epta Thanasimes Petheres (rpt) News Anonymous Mousiko Kouti - Live News FILM: The Take An armoured-car driver survives being shot in the head during a robbery, and plots revenge on the criminal responsible. Crime drama, starring John Leguizamo. 2007.

A man is shown how his life would have turned out if he had managed to win a baseball game 20 years previously.

Fantasy drama, with James Belushi. 1990.

Ghost Whisperer (rpt) Fifth season of paranormal drama, starring Jennifer Love Hewitt. ‘Dead Ringer’.

Melinda is baffled to discover the person she was looking for is alive, and finds herself embroiled in a dangerous revenge plot, battling enemies she never knew she had.

Local Sketch News FILM: The Rainmaker An idealistic lawyer teams up with a disreputable researcher to help a leukaemia sufferer’s mother sue an insurance company.

Legal drama, starring Matt Damon and Danny DeVito. 1997.

NRG Zone Kid’s TV More Kids’ TV Mihanokinitos Athlitismos The Gallery Of Uffizi

Depicts the start of Sophia Loren’s acting career, while giving justice to the opposite fortunes of her sister, who learns on the eve of Sophia’s Oscar that she is pregnant.

Autobiographical drama, starring Sophia Loren. 2010. Part 2 of 2.

Local military and defence show.

18.00 18.15

ANTENNA

02.20 03.20 04.00 04.30 05.00 05.40

Eheis Meson (rpt) Mia Stigmi, Dio Zoes (rpt) Patir, Yios Kai Pnevma (rpt) Oi Afthairetoi Palirroia Ta Epta Kaka Tis Moiras Mou

SIGMA 07.50 09.30 10.00 14.00 15.30 17.30 18.30 18.35

20.15 21.30 22.40

Zoi Podilato (rpt) UEFA Champions League Magazine Mes Tin Kali Hara (rpt) Kid’s TV Efta Ouranoi Kai Sinnefa Alites (rpt) The Cooking News Pame Paketo (rpt)

07.50 10.45

Talk-show, that deals with human interest stories such as reuniting people, fulfilling dreams and connecting individuals who want to correct past mistakes in their lives.

16.40

02.00 03.20

11.35 12.05 13.00 13.40 15.40

19.30

News Istories Tou Astinomou Beka (rpt) Mes Tin Kali Hara (rpt) Magazino (rpt)

07.00 10.00

Greek game show.

13.45

Mesimeriani Meleti Best Of Stin Kouzina Me Tin Dina (rpt)

15.30 15.45 16.15

10.30 12.05 13.15

18.00 19.55 19.05 19.55 20.00 21.00

FILM: The Lucky Ones

FILM: Lost At War a team of five elite soldiers find themselves stranded in a foxhole in a deserted camp. Sci-fi action, starring Ted Prior. 2007.

00.30 01.20 02.05

LTV Sports News News Repeats

Remington Steele News Acapulco HEAT News O Anthropos Tis Thalassas FILM: The Perfect Husband A journalist believes she has found the perfect husband when she marries a widowed author, but her new spouse has sinister intentions. Thriller, with Tracy Nelson. 2004.

Three soldiers returning from Iraq go on a road trip, each with their own goal in mind.

Comedy drama, with Tim Robbins. 2008.

22.55

Kids’ TV Kouzina Me Apopsi (rpt) Greek FILM: Dakria Orgis Telemarketing Kouzina Me Apopsi (rpt) Greek FILM: Afiste Me Na Ziso Kipotehnia Star Stories FILM: Devil Winds A storm chaser-turnedcop faces up to the memory of his family’s demise. Adventure, starring Joe Lando.

2003. With News at 17.30.

Mila (rpt) Exelixeis Sti Showbiz FILM: A Dennis The Menace Christmas The troublesome youngster causes chaos when he attempts to spread some Christmas joy around his neighbourhood.

Family comedy, with Maxwell Perry Cotton.

2007.

21.00

CAPITAL

Kids’ TV Fotis - Maria Live Best Of Exelixeis Sti Showbiz LTV Sports News Star News Quiz Fun

Cookery show.

17.30 19.00

News Siga Min To’ Xeres Celebrity FILM: Uptown Girls The spoilt daughter of a dead rock star is forced to work as a nanny after a wily accountant swindles her out of her fortune.

Comedy, starring Brittany Murphy and Dakota Fanning. 2003.

00.50 00.55

PLUS TV

22.40

FILM: Rising Sun A Los Angeles cop and a mysterious detective investigate a prostitute’s murder in the offices of an Americanbased Japanese company. Thriller, with Sean Connery. 1993.

01.00

Late Programmes

Kick-Ass (LTV, 21.00)

01:35 As Time Goes By 02:05 Live At The Apollo 02:50 The Weakest Link 03:35 The Stephen K Amos Show 04:05 Drop Zone 05:00 Live At The Apollo 05:45 As Time Goes By 06:15 The Weakest Link 07:00 3rd & Bird 07:10 Fimbles 07:30 Jackanory Junior 07:45 Tellytales 07:55 Tweenies 08:15 3rd & Bird 08:25 Fimbles 08:45 Jackanory Junior 09:00 Tellytales 09:10 Tweenies 09:30 Bobinogs 09:40 The Weakest Link 10:25 One Foot In The Grave 10:55 Keeping Up Appearances 11:25 Gavin & Stacey 11:55 The Old Guys 12:25 Dad’s Army 12:55 Lead Balloon 13:25 Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 13:50 The Weakest Link 14:35 One Foot In The Grave 15:05 Great Expectations 15:55 Doctors 18:25 Keeping Up Appearances 18:55 Gavin & Stacey 19:25 Heart & Soul 20:15 32 Brinkburn Street 21:00 Fawlty Towers 21:30 Little Britain 22:00 Outcasts 22:50 Waking The Dead 23:40 Lennon: Naked

07:00 How It’s Made 07:25 How Do They Do It? 08:15 Motor City Motors 09:10 Mythbusters 10:05 Destroyed In Seconds 10:55 Extreme Engineering 11:50 Ameri-

can Guns 12:40 Finding Bigfoot 13:35 Auction Kings 14:30 Dealers 15:25 Gold Rush 16:20 Gold Divers 17:15 Jesse James Outlaw Garage 18:10 Ultimate Survival 19:05 Man, Woman, Wild 20:00 How It’s Made 21:00 Man, Woman, Wild 22:00 Ultimate Survival 23:00 Dual Survival: Brazil Version 00:00 Aircrash Confidential 01:00 I Shouldn’t Be Alive 01:55 Man, Woman, Wild 02:50 Ultimate Survival 03:50 Dual Survival: Brazil Version 04:50 Aircrash Confidential 05:45 Jesse James Outlaw Garage 06:35 How It’s Made

09:30 Speed Skating: World Cup Russia 10:30 Ski Jumping: World Cup Slovenia 12:45 Cross-Country Skiing: World Cup Sweden 15:45 Cycling: Criterium International France 17:00 Cycling: Tour Of Catalunya 18:00 Fia World Touring Car Championship: Round In Monza, Italy 19:00 Curling: World Women’s Championship 20:30 Ski Jumping: World Cup Slovenia 21:30 Boxing 23:15 Motorsports: Motorsports Weekend Magazine 23:30 CrossCountry Skiing: World Cup Sweden 01:00 Ski Jumping: World Cup Slovenia 02:15 Motorsports:

Motorsports Weekend Magazine

05:40 The Gates 06:25 Scrubs 07:40 Raising Hope 08:05 Scandal 08:50 The Hour 09:50 Grey’s Anatomy 10:35 Private Practice 11:20 Once Upon A Time 12:05 Revenge 12:50 Modern Family 13:15 New Girl 13:40 Glee 14:30 Bones 18:30 Masterchef 20:10 Happy Endings 20:35 Don’t Trust The B...In Apartment 23 21:00 Scandal 21:45 The Hour 22:45 Grey’s Anatomy 23:30 Private Practice 00:15 Raising Hope 01:55 Masterchef 03:35 Scrubs

07:30 Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory 09:15 Dreamcatcher 12:00 Nine 14:00 Twilight Saga: New Moon 16:15 Heartbreaker 18:15 Bachelor, The 20:00 LTV Sports News 21:00 Kick-Ass 23:00 And Soon The Darkness 00:40 Hustler TV 02:15 Runaways, The 04:40 Love Affair 06:30 LTV Sports News

07:00 Kids TV 13:15 Legion Of Super Heroes 13:40 Max Adventures 14:05 Planet Speed 14:35 Nba Action 15:05 Volvo Ocean Race 15:35 E-60 16:05 Grand

Marilyn 15:30 S.W.A.T. 17:30 The Debt 19:25 Cold Mountain 22:00 The Adjustment Bureau 23:55 Traffic 02:25 Frida 04:30 The Last Temptation Of Christ

American Series 2012 17:00 Volvo Ocean Race 18:00 2013 Indy Car Series 20:30 2011 Reebok Crossfit Games (Men’s) 21:00 Pba All-Star Shootout 22:00 Grand American Series 2012 23:00 Espn Films 00:30 2009 Us Figure Skating 02:30 Planet Speed 03:00 Pba Us Open 04:00 Winter X-Games Europe 05:00 E-60 06:00 2012 American Le Mans Series

07:15 According To Jim 07:40 How To Make It In America 08:10 Eastbound & Down 08:40 Friends 09:05 According To Jim 10:00 One Tree Hill 10:45 Strike Back 11:35 Southland 12:25 Hawaii Five 13:10 Five Days 2 14:15 Fringe 15:00 Two And A Half Men 20:00 C.S.I. Miami 23:45 Noises Off... 01:30 Phenomenon (1996) 03:30 C.S.I. Miami 06:30 Ncis: Los Angeles

08:30 Eat Pray Love 11:00 Akeelah And The Bee 13:00 Burlesque 15:15 Miss Congeniality 17:15 Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 1 20:00 Tourist, The 22:00 Dead Presidents 00:05 Daring! TV 04:05 La Princesse De Montpensier (The

Princess Of Montpensier) 06:30 Safe Passage

05:55 Perfect Sense 07:30 Analyze That 09:05 Lower Learning 10:40 Action Zone 11:15 From Prada To Nada 13:05 Nisos 2: To Kinigi Tou Chamenou Thisavrou 15:00 Person Of Interest 15:50 Les Emotifs Anonymes 17:10 Super 8 19:10 It’s Kind Of A Funny Story 21:00 Person Of Interest 22:00 Men In Black 3 23:50 How I Spent My Summer Vacation 01:35 Cine News 02:30 The Hunger Games 04:50 Margin Call

05:45 The Client 07:45 Happy Gilmore 09:20 Pal Joey 11:10 Cine News 13:50 My Week With

06:25 Taxi Driver 08:20 TheResident 09:50 Midnight Run 11:55 Cine News 12:15 TheCompany Men 14:00 Hit List 15:30 Stolen Lives 17:00 Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes 18:50 Real Steel 21:00 Abduction 22:55 Animal Kingdom 00:55 Cine News 01:30 Black Angelika Infirmiere Tres Speciale 03:10 TheVanishing

06:45 Bad Teacher 08:20 Cine News 10:25 She’s The One 12:05 Treasure Buddies 13:45 Mean Girls 2 15:25 The Beaver 17:00 The Rose Tattoo 19:05 Bounce 21:00 O Orgasmos Tis Ageladas 22:40 Dirty Girl 00:15 Wisegal 01:50 The Tree Of Life 04:10 Cine News 04:40 On The Inside

15:00 European Tour Maybank Malaysian Open Final Rd. 18:00 Big Ten Baseball Penn State At Indiana 21:00 Super Bowl Highlights: Xi: Oakland V Minnesota

21:30 Super Bowl Highlights: Xii: Dallas V Denver 22:00 America’s Game: 1972 Miami Dolphins 23:00 European Tour Maybank Malaysian Open Final Rd.

06:00 Only Hits 11:00 Pure Local 11:30 S7S Lockdown Top10 12:00 MTV Hitlist Hellas (E) 13:00 MTV Movies & Stars 14:00 MTV Daria 15:00 MTV Crash Canyon 16:00 MTV Catfish 17:00 Only Hits 19:00 MTV Megadrive 19:30 MTV Slips 20:00 MTV Paris Hilton my new BFF 23:00 MTV Underemployed 0:00 MTV Young and Married 1:00 Only Hits

07:00 Operation Crossbow 09:00 Our Vines Have Tender Grapes 10:45 Seven Days In May 12:40 The Roaring Twenties 14:40 Somebody Up There Likes Me 17:00 3 Godfathers 18:45 The Scapegoat 20:25 Rich, Young And Pretty 22:00 Our Mother’s House 23:45 Speedway 01:20 Operation Crossbow 03:15 Seven Days In May 05:15 The Roaring Twenties

By Preston Wilder

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (Antenna, 21.20) It’s a good night for threequels [see below] - and this grand entertainment finds the Indiana Jones franchise firing on all cylinders, even giving Indy (Harrison Ford) a sparring partner in the shape of his dad (Sean Connery). Jones Sr. gets captured by the Nazis while trying to track down the Holy Grail, so Junior (“Don’t call me that!”) sets out to (a) rescue him, (b) find the Grail and (c) save the world from goose-stepping Fascists, in that order. The action is slick - starting with a childhood flashback that explains our hero’s lifelong fear of snakes - the banter sharp and enjoyable, especially when father and son discover they’ve both slept with

the same woman. “It’s disgusting! You’re old enough to be her grandfather!”; “Well, I’m as human as the next man”; “Dad ... I was the next man”. Don’t you hate those awkward family moments? Made in 1989.

Men in Black 3 (Novacinema1, 22.00) I’m sorry, I know the country’s bankrupt and there’s all sorts of real-life problems - but still, we need to talk about Time-travel. Thing is, you see, if you go back in Time (which I know is impossible, but work with me here) and alter the future in a way that impacts your future self, prompting you to go back in Time sometime in the future ... well, that’s a paradox, because

Men in Black 3

none of it could’ve happened if you hadn’t gone back in Time in the first place. Confused? You’ll be none the wiser at the end of this amiable time-waster in which Agent J (Will Smith) travels back to 1969, his mission being to stop an alien from killing his friend Agent K (Josh Brolin, doing a mean impression of Tommy Lee Jones) which would change the course of History.

There’s a fast-talking sidekick (who’s amusing, at least till they turn him into a sub-Robin Williams moist-eyed mystic) and an overall laziness: when J finds himself seconds away from being neuralised - which would mean the end of the world! - one isn’t so much thrilled as furious with J for allowing this to happen by going in without a plan. Also: Time-travel. Made in 2012.

T V THURSDAY 28/03 SUNDAY MAIL• March 24, 2013

CYBC 1 06.45 08.15

Proti Enimerosi Kali Sas Mera Local variety show, with entertainment options, cookery tips and more.

11.00 11.30

CYBC 2 07.00 08.00 17.00

12.00 15.30 16.00

Apo Mera Se Mera Entehnos Mazi Sto CyBC

18.00 18.15

News Kaftes Piperies

18.00 18.50 19.00 19.10

18.45

Paizoume Kypriaka

20.00 21.00

New season of local game show, asking questions having to do with Cypriot dialect.

19.20

Moiraia Fengaria Local drama series inspired by Maro Kranidioti’s book ‘Otan i Moira Apofasizei’.

20.00 21.15

News Patates 8 Local satirical show, using comedy sketches and embarrassing TV clips to skewer local politicians.

22.00

Friends (rpt) American comedy about the lives and loves of six New Yorkers.

22.30 23.30 00.45

Biz/Emeis News In English News In Turkish Passage To Malaysia (rpt)

22.30 23.00

05.30 06.30 06.50 07.00 07.50 08.40 09.30 10.25 11.15 12.10 13.00 13.20 14.00

Documentary that explores some of the threads that weave the rich fabric that is modern Malaysia.

Local talk-show.

Live cookery show.

Euronews Kids’ TV Kati Psinetai (rpt) Greek version of reality show featuring a group of amateur chefs each staging a dinner party to find who will be crowned the winning host.

Kaftes Piperies (rpt) Istories Tou Horkou (rpt) Local comedy series, which happens to be longest-running weekly show on Cyprus television.

ANTENNA

NRG Zone Lennon Naked

14.50

Drama focusing on the most turbulent and intense period of John Lennon’s life, chronicling the beginning of his relationship with Yoko Ono, which ended his first marriage, and the re-establishment of contact with his estranged father.

The story also follows the events that led to the end of the Beatles and Lennon’s move to America in 1971.

Starring Christopher Eccleston.

15.45

Motor Sports Repeats

Proektaseis News Repeats

16.40

MEGA

Erotas (rpt) Proini Enimerosi Me Agapi Strivein Dia Tou Arravonos (rpt) Akros Oikogeneiakon (rpt) Lyke, Lyke Eisai Edo (rpt) Einai Stigmes (rpt) Pansellinos (rpt) Ekeino To Kalokairi (rpt) Niose Me (rpt) News Mera Mesimeri Konstantinou Kai Elenis (rpt) To Kafe Tis Haras (rpt) Ta Koritsia Tou Baba (rpt) Aiyia Fuxia (rpt) Local comedy series, with village setting.

17.30 17.40

Lefta Sto Lepto Vals Me 12 Theous (rpt)

06.00 06.15 07.00 10.00

Lifestyle programme features entertainment, music and more.

12.45 14.00 15.00

Tin Patisa (rpt) Niose Me News Vals Me 12 Theous Ekeino To Kalokairi Eilikrina News Sports News Ola Bahalo Fetos Klemmeni Zoi (rpt) Angigma Psihis (rpt) News Deal (rpt)

Enimerosi Tora Klemmena Oneira (rpt) Eheis Meson Local investigative show.

16.00

Yia Sena Local talk-show.

18.00 18.20 19.30

News Erastis Ditikon Proastion (rpt) Oi Vasiliades Daily family comedy based on the Argentinian sitcomtelenovela Los Roldan.

20.20 21.15

07.00 08.20 10.00 10.50 12.00 14.30 15.20 17.15 18.00 18.05 18.45 19.30 20.20 21.15 23.20

22.10

News Klemmena Oneira FILM: Jackie Chan’s The Medallion Two police officers are transformed into turbocharged warriors by the power of a magic medallion. Comedy thriller, starring Jackie Chan, Lee Evans, Julian Sands and Claire Forlani.

00.00 00.10

Protoselido Eleni Vasiliki (rpt) Mila Mou (rpt) Mesimeri Kai Kati Efta Ourani Kai Sinnefa Alites (rpt) Magazino Siga Min To’ Xeres (rpt) News Ti Tha Fame Simera Mama Anna Paola Efta Ourani Kai Sinnefa Alites News Pame Paketo CSI: NY Fifth season. ‘The Party’s Over’. Stella attends a fundraising event, but proceedings are interrupted by the death of the deputy mayor, whose body plummets from the ceiling in full view of everyone. The team realises he had been strangled before the fall, and evidence points to the involvement of his son.

Two episodes of Greek drama series.

With News at 18.00.

18.40 19.30 20.15 21.15 22.10 23.15 00.00 00.05 00.20 01.40 02.30 03.20 04.40

Ta Epta Kaka Tis Moiras Mou Retire Nea Mera Proino Mou

SIGMA

00.00 00.05

News Istories Tou Astinomou Beka (rpt)

PLUS TV 07.20 08.30 09.05 10.00 10.45 11.40 12.30 13.00 15.30 17.00 17.50 19.40 21.15 22.00

Fotis - Maria Live Best Of Exelixeis Sti Showbiz Mesimeriani Meleti Best Of Nistikoi Praktores (rpt) Mila (rpt) Berdema (rpt) Star News Mesimeriani Meleti Kid’s TV Berdema Fotis Maria Live Mila Exelixeis Stin Showbiz Fringe Third season of action sci-fi series. ‘Firefly’.

An Observer makes contact with the team in a bid to rectify a mistake. Walter strikes up a friendship with Roscoe Joyce - one of his musical heroes.

22.45

LTV Sports News

News Gimnoi Angeloi (rpt)

11.00 11.30 12.30 13.20 14.20 15.30 16.20 16.50 17.40 18.15

Magikos Kosmos Akti Oneiron Ston Asterismos Tis Imeras Kouzina Me Apopsi Epi Topou (rpt) Milagros Kids’ TV Telemarketing Top Models Kouzina Me Apopsi (rpt) Sabrina, To Koritsi Tis Agapis Akti Oneiron Pacific Blue With News at 18.30.

19.15 19.50 20.05 21.00

News Sports Time O Anthropos Tis Thalassas FILM: Homeland Security Story following the formation of the US Government department after the September 11 terrorist attacks. Fact-based drama, starring Scott.

2004.

22.45

FILM: Misery Thriller, starring Kathy Bates. 1990. See Pick Of The Day.

00.45

FILM: My Name Is Modesty A woman running a casino engages in a battle of wits with a bandit leader who has taken the customers hostage. Crime thriller, starring Alexandra Staden. 2003.

Local drama series.

01.00 03.00 04.30

09.00 09.30 10.00

FILM: Spooner A used-car salesman falls in love with a woman who is leaving the country in two days. Dramatic comedy, starring Shea Whigham and Matthew Lillard. 2009.

00.15

CAPITAL

Yia Sena (rpt) Enimerosi Tora (rpt) Proino Mou (rpt)

The Iron Lady (Novacinema1, 17.35)

01:35 Beautiful People 02:05 EastEnders 02:35 Doctors 03:05 Casualty 03:55 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 04:30 Little Britain 05:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 05:45 One Foot In The Grave 06:15 The Weakest Link 07:00 3rd & Bird 07:10 Fimbles 07:30 Boogie Beebies 07:45 Tellytales 07:55 Tweenies 08:15 3rd & Bird 08:25 Fimbles 08:45 Boogie Beebies 09:00 Tellytales 09:10 Tweenies 09:30 Little Human Planet 09:35 Bobinogs 09:45 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 10:15 One Foot In The Grave 10:45 The Weakest Link 11:30 EastEnders 12:00 Doctors 12:30 Casualty 13:20 Great Expectations 14:10 Outcasts 15:00 The Weakest Link 15:45 EastEnders 16:15 Doctors 16:45 Casualty 17:35 Great Expectations 18:25 The Weakest Link 19:10 EastEnders 19:40 Doctors 20:10 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 21:00 Keeping Up Appearances 21:30 Gavin & Stacey 22:00 Spooks 22:50 Beautiful People 23:20 Dad’s Army 23:50 The Stephen K Amos Show 00:20 How The Beatles Rocked The Kremlin

07:00 How It’s Made 07:25 Wheeler Dealers 08:15 American Chopper 09:10 Dirty Jobs 10:05

Deadliest Catch 10:55 Ultimate Survival 11:50 How Do They Do It? 12:15 How It’s Made 12:40 Extreme Engineering 13:35 Rides 14:30 Wheeler Dealers 15:25 American Chopper 16:20 Mythbusters 17:15 Dirty Jobs 18:10 Deadliest Catch 19:05 Ultimate Survival 20:00 How It’s Made 21:00 Extreme Fishing 22:00 Outlaw Empires 23:00 Inside The Gangsters’ Code 00:00 Trouble In Paradise 01:00 Kidnap And Rescue 01:55 Extreme Fishing 02:50 Outlaw Empires 03:50 Inside The Gangsters’ Code 04:50 Trouble In Paradise 05:45 How Do They Do It? 06:10 Overhaulin’

09:30 Snooker: China Open Beijing 13:30 Football: Brazilmania 13:45 2014 Fifa World Cup Qualifiers 14:30 Snooker: China Open Beijing 18:30 Cycling: 3 Days Of The Panne/France 19:30 2014 World Cup World Tour 20:30 Snooker: China Open Beijing 22:00 Fight Sport: Fight Club 00:00 Poker: European Poker Tour 01:00 2014 World Cup World Tour 02:00 Fia World Touring Car Championship-Magazin : Inside Wtcc

05:40 Desperate Housewives 06:25 Bones 07:10 Raising Hope 07:35 Scrubs 08:00 Grey’s Anatomy 08:50 Masterchef 09:40 Desperate Housewives 10:25 Bones 11:10 Raising Hope 11:35 Scrubs 12:00 Scandal 12:45 The Hour 13:45 Grey’s Anatomy 14:30 Masterchef 15:20 Desperate Housewives 16:05 Bones 16:50 Raising Hope 17:15 Scrubs 17:40 Grey’s Anatomy 18:30 Masterchef 19:20 Desperate Housewives 20:10 Bones 21:00 Scandal 21:50 The Hour 22:45 Raising Hope 23:10 Scrubs 23:35 Scandal 00:20 The Hour 01:15 Bones 02:00 Desperate Housewives 02:45 Raising Hope 03:10 Scrubs 03:35 Surviving Suburbia 04:00 Grey’s Anatomy 04:50 Masterchef

07:30 First Deadly Sin, The 10:00 Corruptor, The 12:00 Dark City 14:00 Ye Olde Times 16:00 Adventures In Babysitting 18:00 Battle Los Angeles 20:00 LTV Sports News 21:00 Splice 23:00 Vincere 01:05 Hustler TV 02:35 New York Stories 04:40 Simple Twist Of Fate, A 06:30 LTV Sports News

07:00 Kids TV 15:45 Justice

League Unlimited 16:10 Legion Of Super Heroes 16:35 Young Justice 17:00 Volvo Ocean Race 17:30 K9 Nation 18:00 Pba Us Open 19:30 2010 World’s Strongest Man 20:00 Planet Speed 20:30 K9 Nation 21:00 Barclays Premier League World 21:30 La Liga Show 2012-13 22:00 Grand American Series 2012 23:00 Espn Films 00:30 Planet Speed 01:00 2010 World’s Strongest Man 04:15 2009 Us Figure Skating

07:15 According To Jim 08:00 Eastbound & Down 08:30 Hawaii Five 10:00 Friends 10:30 Gossip Girl 11:15 Fringe 12:50 Closer, The 13:40 According To Jim 14:30 Hawaii Five 16:00 How To Make It In America 16:30 One Tree Hill 17:20 Strike Back 19:00 Closer, The 19:45 Privileged 20:30 Friends 21:00 Closer, The 21:55 Luck 22:55 Ncis: Los Angeles 23:40 Supernatural 00:25 Taking Lives 02:15 Special 03:40 How To Make It In America 04:05 One Tree Hill 04:50 Strike Back 06:30 Closer, The

08:15 Biutiful 10:45 Magic Men 12:30 Red (2010) 14:30 Love In The Time Of Cholera 16:50 De-

ception (2008) 18:45 Il Ciclone 20:20 Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure 22:00 Faces In The Crowd 00:05 Daring! TV 04:05 Crackie 06:00 Brighton Rock

To Tango Ton Christougennon 17:40 The Jackal 19:50 Sagan 22:00 My Super Ex-Girlfriend 23:45 The Change-Up 03:25 Kill Bill: Vol.2

05:00 Kill Bill: Vol.1 06:55 Wings Of The Dove 08:40 Anonymous 10:50 Action Zone 11:25 The Descendants 13:25 Tooth Fairy 2 15:00 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 17:00 Cine News 17:35 The Iron Lady 19:25 Mad On Novacinema 20:05 Contraband 22:00 Demeni Kokkini Klosti 00:00 Big Miracle 01:50 Cine News 02:20 Drive 04:00 Polisse

23:00 TheFollowing 23:50 Cine News 01:00 After Party Bitches

05:25 The Son Of No One 07:05 The Bone Collector 09:05 Good Morning Vietnam 11:10 Cine News 12:00 Rio 13:40 Jack And Jill 15:15 Hollywood 1on1 15:50

19:05 A Little Bit Of Heaven 21:00 Taxidi Sti Mitilini 23:00 Management 00:40 Majority

15:30 European Tour Trophee Hassan Ii Rd. 1 18:00 Pre Game 18:45 Championship 201213:Apollon Vs Olympiacos 20:45 Post Game 21:30 Snapshots Cyprus Football 22:00 Pass Time

06:00 Only Hits 08:00 MTV GreekLips 09:00 MTV Hollywood Heights 10:00 MTV Plain Jane (Commissioned Version) 11:00 Pure Local 12:00 MTV VHI Pop up Video 13:00 MTV Made 14:00 MTV Big Time Rush 14:30 MTV Victorious 15:00 MTV Hollywood Heights 16:00 MTV Crash Canyon 17:00 MTV Pranked 18:00 MTV GreekLips 19:00 McCafé Music Project 19:30 Only Hits 20:00 MTV Young and Married 21:00 MTV Underemployed 23:00 MTV Flash Prank 0:00 MTV Jersey Shore 1:00 Only Hits

07:00 The Women 09:10 Ninotchka 11:00 Dial M For Murder 12:45 The Charge Of The Light Brigade 14:40 How The West Was Won 17:10 The Three Musketeers 19:15 Grand Prix 22:00 Ryan’s Daughter 01:10 Ninotchka 03:00 How The West Was Won 05:30 The Charge Of The Light Brigade

By Preston Wilder

Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure (LTV3, 20.20) If you watch the first 15 minutes of Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure you’re likely to give up in disgust - and eccentric manchild Pee-Wee Herman (a.k.a. Paul Reubens) is a bit of an acquired taste, with his foppish mannerisms and creepy high-pitched voice. You may wonder how the film got such good reviews - it’s an 80s classic, as well as a star-making debut for director Tim Burton - but it gets better once the initial shock wears off, and some of the jokes are immortal. Need I say ‘Large Marge’? ‘Amazing Larry’? The tour of the Alamo? “I’m a loner, Dottie, a rebel”? Or how about this one: “Everyone I know has a big ‘but’ in their lives.

Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure

C’mon, Simone, let’s talk about your big ‘but’.” The plot - such as it is - has Pee-Wee going on a quest to find his stolen bicycle, but it’s all about the jokes, brilliantly zany production design, copious film-buff references and random non sequiturs. “Why? What’s the significance? I DON’T KNOW!”. Made in 1985.

Misery (Capital, 22.45) “I’m your No. 1 fan,” said Kathy Bates (as Annie Wilkes), and won an Oscar for saying so - maybe because Hollywood types are especially sensitive to the notion of fixated fans who turn psychotic when snubbed.

Nowadays, of course, Annie would be stalking Paul Sheldon (James Caan) and leaving endless messages

on his Facebook page - but back in the 80s (when Stephen King wrote the original novel) all she could do was stay in her mountain cabin in the middle of nowhere and devour the ‘Misery’ books, her favourites.

She’s beyond thrilled when she rescues her idol from a car crash and nurses him back to health, especially since Paul has the manuscript for the new ‘Misery’ but Annie’s excitement turns to indignation when she reads the pages; the No. 1 fan demands a rewrite, and the scene where she uses a sledgehammer to drive the point home made an entire audience gasp in unison when I watched it in the cinema. A potent suspenser, though the way Annie’s evil is conflated with her physical ugliness is rather dubious. Made in 1990.

T V TUESDAY 26/03 SUNDAY MAIL• March 24, 2013

CYBC 1 06.45 08.15

Proti Enimerosi Kali Sas Mera Early morning entertainment magazine featuring segments on cooking, fashion, lifestyle issues and more.

11.00

Kaftes Piperies (rpt)

11.30

Istories Tou Horkou (rpt)

CYBC 2 07.00 08.00 17.00

12.00

18.00 18.50 19.00 19.10

Apo Mera Se Mera Entehnos Local cultural show.

16.00 18.00 18.15 18.45

Mazi Sto CyBC News Kaftes Piperies Paizoume Kypriaka

20.00 21.00

Moiraia Fengaria Local drama series inspired by Maro Kranidioti’s book ‘Otan i Moira Apofasizei’.

20.00 21.15

23.00

Local period drama, based on true events.

22.00

Friends (rpt) American comedy about the lives and loves of six New Yorkers.

22.30 23.30 23.45

Eponymos News Repeats

23.15

07.50 08.40 09.30 10.25 11.15

14.50

NRG Zone Small Island

Brothers & Sisters (rpt) Fourth season of drama series. ‘Almost Normal’. Robert and Nora help Kitty make a decision about her treatment and prepare to tell the family that her cancer has spread.

Saul and Holly attend a wine auction, where an unwanted guest is determined to sabotage their offers.

News Vimata Stin Ammo

05.30 06.20 06.50 07.00

12.10 13.00 13.20 14.00

Two-part adaptation of Andrea Levy’s novel, about Jamaicans and Londoners involved in World War Two. Starring Naomie Harris. 2009. Part 2 of 2.

Local game show, asking questions having to do with the Cypriot dialect.

19.20

Biz/Emeis News In English News In Turkish Passage To Malaysia (rpt) Documentary that explores some of the threads that weave the rich fabric that is modern Malaysia.

Current affairs show.

15.30

Euronews Kids’ TV Kati Psinetai (rpt) Greek version of the show where contestants try to outdo each other by throwing the perfect dinner party, which is then judged on its merits by their rivals.

Cookery show.

Local comedy series, which happens to be the longest-running show on TV.

ANTENNA

Repeats

15.45 16.40 17.30 17.40

Erotas (rpt) Proini Enimerosi Me Agapi Strivein Dia Tou Arravonos (rpt) Akros Oikogeneiakon (rpt) Lyke, Lyke Eisai Edo (rpt) Einai Stigmes (rpt) Pansellinos (rpt) Ekeino To Kalokairi (rpt) Niose Me (rpt) News Mera Mesimeri Konstantinou Kai Elenis (rpt) To Kafe Tis Haras (rpt) Ta Koritsia Tou Baba (rpt) Aiyia Fuxia (rpt) Lefta Sto Lepto Vals Me 12 Theous (rpt)

MEGA 06.00 06.30 07.00 10.00 12.45 14.00 15.00

Current affairs show.

16.00

Tin Patisa (rpt) Niose Me News Vals Me 12 Theous Ekeino To Kalokairi Enopion Tou Laou News Sports News Radio Arvila Greek parody show.

01.40 02.30 03.20 04.40

Klemmeni Zoi (rpt) Angigma Psihis (rpt) News Deal (rpt)

Yia Sena Local talk-show.

18.00 18.20 19.30

News Erastis Ditikon Proastion (rpt) Oi Vasiliades New daily family comedy based on the Argentinian sitcomtelenovela Los Roldan, replacing I Zoi tis allis.

20.20 21.15

News Klemmena Oneira

07.00 08.20 10.00 10.50 12.00 14.30 15.20 17.10 18.00 18.05 18.40

22.10

19.30

Efta Ourani Kai Sinnefa Alites

20.20 21.15 22.20

News Aspra Balonia FILM: Double Impact

Local comedy series.

Twin brothers separated as infants unite to seek revenge on their parents’ killers.

Thrilling martial arts adventure, starring Jean-Claude Van Damme as both siblings. 1991.

FILM: Sherlock Holmes Detective Sherlock Holmes and his stalwart partner Watson engage in a battle of wits and brawn with a nemesis whose plot is a threat to all of England. Detective thriller sequel, starring Robert Downey Jr, Jude Law and Rachel McAdams. 2009.

00.00 00.10 01.00 03.00 04.30

00.20 00.25

News Istories Tou Astinomou Beka (rpt) Greek drama mystery series.

News Gimnoi Angeloi (rpt)

01.20

Local drama series, based on true events.

02.00 02.40

Yia Sena (rpt) Enimerosi Tora (rpt) Proino Mou (rpt)

Protoselido Eleni Vasiliki (rpt) Aspra Balonia (rpt) Mesimeri Kai Kati Efta Ourani Kai Sinnefa Alites (rpt) Magazino Siga Min To’ Xeres (rpt) News Ti Tha Fame Simera Mama Anna Paola Latin American telenovela.

Greek drama series.

With News at 18.00.

18.40 19.30 20.15 21.25 22.10 23.15 00.00 00.05 00.30

Ta Epta Kaka Tis Moiras Mou Retire Nea Mera Proino Mou Enimerosi Tora Klemmena Oneira (rpt) Eheis Meson

SIGMA

03.00 03.30

Siga Min To’ Xeres (rpt) Mono Mia Fora (rpt) Se Fonto Kokkino (rpt) Ta Hrisopsara (rpt) Eleni (rpt)

PLUS TV 07.20 08.30 09.05 10.00 10.45 11.40 12.30 13.00 15.30 17.00 17.50 19.40 21.15 22.15

Fotis - Maria Live Best Of Exelixeis Sti Showbiz Mesimeriani Meleti Best Of Nistikoi Praktores (rpt) Mila (rpt) Berdema (rpt) Star News Mesimeriani Meleti Kids’ TV Berdema Fotis - Maria Live Mila Exelixeis Sti Showbiz FILM: Wake A woman with a hobby of attending wakes falls for a widower.

Romantic comedy, starring Bijou Phillips.

2009.

23.15

08.30 09.30 10.00 11.00 11.30 12.30 13.25 14.25 15.35 16.25 16.55 17.45 18.15 19.15 19.50 20.05 21.00

S’ Agapo (rpt) Akti Oneiron (rpt) Ston Asterismo Tis Imeras Kouzina Me Apopsi Capital Sports (rpt) Milagros Kids’ TV Telemarketing Top Models Kouzina Me Apopsi (rpt) Sabrina, To Koritsi Tis Agapis Akti Oneiron Pacific Blue News Sports News Igeia & Zoi FILM: The Third Miracle An investigative priest suffers a crisis of faith - but the strange death of a woman gives him a new perspective.

Supernatural thriller, starring Ed Harris.

1999.

Eleventh Hour (rpt) First season and only season of drama.

‘Olfactus’. Dr Hood investigates when members of the public begin suffering from extreme rage during Fashion Week, with lethal consequences.

00.00 00.50 01.50

CAPITAL

23.15

FILM: Expecting Mercy A couple on the run find themselves dealing with the hidden cameras that have been installed at the B&B where they choose to hide out.

Thriller, starring Carrie Hitchcock 2000.

LTV Sports News Star News Repeats 00.50

FILM: Our Fathers A lawyer represents victims of sexual abuse within the Roman Catholic Church.

Drama, starring Brian Dennehy. 2005.

The Shining (LTV3, 22.00)

01:20 dinnerladies 01:55 The Green Green Grass 02:25 Ideal 02:55 The Weakest Link 03:40 EastEnders 04:10 Doctors 04:40 The Impressions Show With Culshaw &... 05:10 Ideal 05:45 The Green Green Grass 06:15 The Weakest Link 07:00 3rd & Bird 07:10 Fimbles 07:30 Boogie Beebies 07:45 Tellytales 07:55 Tweenies 08:15 3rd & Bird 08:25 Fimbles 08:45 Boogie Beebies 09:00 Tellytales 09:10 Tweenies 09:30 dinnerladies 10:00 The Green Green Grass 10:30 The Weakest Link 11:15 EastEnders 11:45 Doctors 12:15 32 Brinkburn Street 12:55 Fawlty Towers 13:25 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 14:20 dinnerladies 14:50 The Green Green Grass 15:20 The Weakest Link 16:05 EastEnders 16:35 Doctors 17:05 32 Brinkburn Street 17:45 dinnerladies 18:20 The Weakest Link 19:05 EastEnders 19:35 Doctors 20:05 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 20:55 Fawlty Towers 21:30 The Impressions Show With Culshaw &... 22:00 South Riding 22:50 As Time Goes By 23:20 Lab Rats 23:50 Outcasts 00:40 Fawlty Towers

07:00 How It’s Made 07:25

Wheeler Dealers 08:15 American Chopper 09:10 Dirty Jobs 10:05 Deadliest Catch 10:55 Ultimate Survival 11:50 How Do They Do It? 12:15 How It’s Made 12:40 Extreme Engineering 13:35 Overhaulin’ 14:30 Wheeler Dealers 15:25 American Chopper 16:20 Mythbusters 17:15 Dirty Jobs 18:10 Deadliest Catch 19:05 Ultimate Survival 20:00 How It’s Made 21:00 Mythbusters 22:00 X-Machines 23:00 Strip The City 00:00 Penn & Teller Tell A Lie 01:00 An Idiot Abroad 01:55 Mythbusters 02:50 X-Machines 03:50 Strip The City 04:50 Penn & Teller Tell A Lie 05:45 How Do They Do It? 06:10 Overhaulin’

09:30 Fitness: The Box 09:45 Snooker: China Open Beijing 13:30 Cycling: Criterium International France 14:30 Snooker: China Open Beijing 18:30 Cycling: 3 Days Of The Panne/France 19:45 2014 World Cup World Tour 20:45 Snooker: China Open Beijing 22:00 Boxing 00:00 2014 World Cup World Tour 01:00 Fia World Touring Car ChampionshipMagazin : Inside Wtcc 01:30 Rally: Inside Erc 02:00 Motorsports: Motorsports Weekend Magazine 02:15 All Sports: Watts

The 23:00 Extract 00:45 Hustler TV 02:30 Beyond Borders 04:45 Buried 06:30 LTV Sports News 05:40 Desperate Housewives 06:25 Bones 07:10 Raising Hope 07:35 Scrubs 08:00 Grey’s Anatomy 08:50 Masterchef 09:40 Desperate Housewives 10:25 Bones 11:10 Raising Hope 11:35 Scrubs 12:00 Modern Family 12:25 New Girl 12:50 Glee 13:40 Grey’s Anatomy 14:30 Masterchef 15:20 Desperate Housewives 16:05 Bones 16:50 Raising Hope 17:15 Scrubs 17:40 Grey’s Anatomy 18:30 Masterchef 19:20 Desperate Housewives 20:10 Bones 21:00 Modern Family 21:25 New Girl 21:50 Glee 22:40 Raising Hope 23:05 Scrubs 23:30 Modern Family 23:55 New Girl 00:20 Glee 01:10 Bones 02:00 Desperate Housewives 02:45 Raising Hope 03:10 Scrubs 03:35 Surviving Suburbia 04:00 Grey’s Anatomy 04:50 Masterchef

07:30 Action Zone 08:00 It Runs In The Family 09:50 80 Minutes 11:30 Bound By Honor 14:30 Tom & Jerry: Shiver Me Whiskers 16:00 Parallax View, The 17:45 Knight’s Tale, A 20:00 LTV Sports News 21:00 Secret Pact,

07:00 Kids TV 15:45 Justice League Unlimited 16:10 Legion Of Super Heroes 16:35 Young Justice 17:00 Nba Action 17:30 Barclays Premier League World 18:00 Pba Us Open 19:00 Volvo Ocean Race 19:30 2010 World’s Strongest Man 20:30 Planet Speed 21:00 Pba All-Star Shootout 22:00 Grand American Series 2012 23:00 Espn Films 00:00 2011 Reebok Crossfit Games (Men’s) 00:30 2009 Us Figure Skating 03:00 Pba Us Open 04:15 Winter X-Games 15 05:05 E-60 06:00 K9 Nation 06:30 Planet Speed

07:15 One Tree Hill 08:00 How To Make It In America 08:30 Strike Back 10:20 According To Jim 10:45 Eastbound & Down 11:15 Hawaii Five 12:45 Harry’s Law 13:30 One Tree Hill 14:15 Strike Back 15:05 Strike Back 16:00 Friends 16:25 Privileged 17:10 Closer, The 17:55 Five Days 2 19:00 Closer, The 19:45 According To Jim 20:30 Big Bang Theory The 21:00 Mentalist The 21:45 Southland 22:30

Post Game 21:30 Snapshots Cyprus Football 21:45 Nhl: Los Angeles Kings At Chicago Blackhawks 00:00 Golf Central International

Ncis: Los Angeles 23:15 Supernatural 00:05 Police Academy 01:40 Road, The 03:30 Friends 03:55 Privileged 04:40 Closer, The 05:25 Five Days 2 06:30 Closer, The

08:00 Five Days One Summer 10:00 Dave 12:00 Faster 13:45 Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen 16:15 Election 18:00 Outland 20:00 Messenger, The 22:00 Shining, The 00:05 Daring! TV 04:05 Eye For An Eye 06:00 Poseidon

06:20 Restoration 08:20 Fierce Creatures 09:55 Do No Harm 11:35 Cine News 11:55 Spy Kids 4 13:25 Like Crazy 15:00 First Daughter 16:50 Cine News 17:20 Think Like A Man 19:30 Hollywood 1on1 20:05 War Of The Buttons 00:25 Shame 02:10 Catch. 44 03:50 Let Me In

07:05 Friends With Benefits 08:55 Habemus Papam 10:45 John Carter 12:55 Cine News 13:30 Emma 15:35 Dead Poet’s Society 17:50 Hollywood Buzz 18:25 Along Came A Spider

20:10 Seeking Justice 22:00 The Hunting Party 23:50 Barney’s Version 02:05 A Dangerous Method 03:45 We Need To Talk About Kevin

19:30 Breaking Wind 21:00 Scorpion King 3: Battle For Redemption 23:50 Death Race 2 01:30 L’infirmiere A De Beaux Seins

19:05 Monte Carlo 21:00 Something Borrowed 23:00 The Portrait Of A Lady 01:30 Sling Blade

17:00 Nhl: Los Angeles Kings At Chicago Blackhawks 18:00 Pre Game 18:45 Championship 2012-13: Apollon Vs Apoel 20:45

06:00 Only Hits 08:00 MTV GreekLips 09:00 MTV Hollywood Heights 10:00 MTV Plain Jane (Commissioned Version) 11:00 Pure Local 12:00 MTV VHI Pop up Video 13:00 MTV Made 14:00 MTV Big Time Rush 14:30 MTV Victorious 15:00 MTV Hollywood Heights 16:00 MTV Crash Canyon 17:00 MTV Pranked 18:00 MTV GreekLips 19:00 Only Hits 20:00 MTV The Hard Times Of RJ Berger 21:00 MTV Underemployed 22:00 MTV Catfish 23:00 MTV The Inbetweeners 0:00 MTV Jersey Shore 1:00 Only Hits

07:00 The Philadelphia Story 08:55 Destination Tokyo 11:00 Brigadoon 12:45 Les Girls 14:35 North By Northwest 16:50 Conagher 18:50 Giant 22:00 Mccabe And Mrs: Miller 00:00 The Wild Bunch 02:25 North By Northwest 04:45 Destination Tokyo

By Preston Wilder

The Messenger (LTV3, 20.00) “We walk into these people’s lives; we don’t know anything,” says Ben Foster. “Trust me,” replies Woody Harrelson: “You don’t want to know”. Ben is the Messenger, the bearer of bad news - a US soldier tasked with the awful mission of going to relatives’ homes and being the first to notify them that their loved ones have been killed in action - but Woody is the MVP here (director Oren Moverman gave him an even better role three years later in Rampart), gruff and magnificent as the hard-living older soldier who partners Ben in his soul-crushing work. Some of the relatives collapse with grief, others lash out; one wife (Samantha Morton) is shaken but composed, thank-

ing the Messengers and saying that she knows it can’t be easy for them - and Ben, intrigued by her unusual reaction, decides to get closer. One of the most acclaimed Hollywood films of the past few years, though the quasi-romance is less successful than the spiky, joshing camaraderie between the two very different soldiers - a reminder that Moverman himself (who’s from Israel) did four years in the Army. Made in 2009.

Seeking Justice (Novacinema2, 20.10) “We’re just a few citizens seeking justice,” purrs Guy Pearce creepily - and you have to wonder when he became such a great villain (see also Lawless), but Ni-

Seeking Justice

colas Cage has no time to wonder because his life is going down the drain. It all starts when his wife (January Jones) is attacked on the street one night - and Nic is visiting her in hospital, looking devastated, when smoothie Pearce turns up and says he represents an “organisation” who’d be happy to kill the scumbag responsible: “This wouldn’t cost you anything financially, but we may ask a favour of you at some point in the future”. Don’t do it, Nic! Don’t give in to Pearce’s silky blandishments! You can guess what happens and in fact there are no surprises, except perhaps the fact that Cage is so subdued by his standards; even the equally crappy Trespass had that great bit where he yelled “Your filthy lust invited them in!”. Made in 2011.

T V WEDNESDAY 27/03 March 24, 2013• SUNDAY MAIL

CYBC 1 06.45 08.15

Proti Enimerosi Kali Sas Mera Early morning entertainment magazine featuring segments on cooking, fashion, lifestyle issues and more.

11.00

CYBC 2 07.00 08.00 17.00

Kaftes Piperies (rpt) Istories Tou Horkou (rpt) Local comedy series, which happens to be the longest-running show on TV.

12.00 15.30 15.35

Apo Mera Se Mera Lottery Draw Entehnos

18.00 18.50 19.00 19.10

Mazi Sto CyBC News Kaftes Piperies Paizoume Kypriaka

20.00 21.00

Moiraia Fengaria Local drama series inspired by Maro Kranidioti’s book ‘Otan i Moira Apofasizei’.

20.00 21.15

23.00

News Vimata Stin Ammo

22.00

Friends (rpt) American comedy about the lives and loves of six New Yorkers.

22.30 23.30 23.45

I Kypros Konta Sas News Repeats

23.45

07.50 08.40 09.30 10.25 11.15

14.50 15.45

NRG Zone FILM: A Cry In The Dark

16.40

Brothers & Sisters (rpt) Fourth season. ‘From France With Love’.

Sarah returns from overseas and tries to distract Kitty from her chemotherapy treatment by telling her about her romance with a French artist.

Justin is struggling with his course and is forced to ask his lecturer for extra help.

Local period drama, based on true events.

05.30 06.30 06.50 07.00

12.10 13.00 13.20 14.00

A mother, whose child was killed in a Dingo attack in outback Northern Territory, Australia, fights to prove her innocence.

Fact-based starring Meryl Streep. 1988.

Local game show, asking questions having to do with the Cypriot dialect.

19.20

Kato Apo Ton Idio Ourano News In English News In Turkish Passage To Malaysia (rpt) Documentary that explores some of the threads that weave the rich fabric that is modern Malaysia.

Local cultural show.

16.00 18.00 18.15 18.45

Euronews Kids’ TV Kati Psinetai (rpt) Greek version of reality gameshow where contestants try to outdo each other by throwing the perfect dinner party, which is then judged on its merits by their rivals.

Cookery show.

11.30

ANTENNA Erotas (rpt) Proini Enimerosi Me Agapi Strivein Dia Tou Arravonos (rpt) Akros Oikogeneiakon (rpt) Lyke, Lyke Eisai Edo (rpt) Einai Stigmes (rpt) Pansellinos (rpt) Ekeino To Kalokairi (rpt) Niose Me (rpt) News Mera Mesimeri Konstantinou Kai Elenis (rpt) To Kafe Tis Haras Ta Koritsia Tou Baba (rpt) Aiyia Fuxia (rpt) Local comedy series, with village setting.

17.30 17.40

Lefta Sto Lepto Vals Me 12 Theous (rpt)

18.40 19.30 20.15 21.15 22.10 23.00 00.00 00.05 00.20 01.40 02.30 03.20 04.40

Tin Patisa (rpt) Niose Me News Vals Me 12 Theous Ekeino To Kalokairi Oikonomahies News Sports News Ola Bahalo Fetos Klemmeni Zoi (rpt) Angigma Psihis (rpt) News Deal (rpt)

With News at 18.00.

MEGA 06.00 06.30 07.00 10.00

Ta Epta Kaka Tis Moiras Mou Retire Nea Mera Proino Mou Lifestyle programme features entertainment, music and more.

Hosted by real-life couple Giorgos Liagas & Fay Skorda.

12.45 14.00 15.00 16.00

Enimerosi Tora Klemmena Oneira (rpt) Eheis Meson Yia Sena Local talk-show.

18.00 18.20 19.30

News Erastis Ditikon Proastion (rpt) Oi Vasiliades Daily family comedy based on the Argentinian sitcomtelenovela Los Roldan.

20.15 21.20

SIGMA 07.00 08.20 10.00 10.50 12.00 14.30 15.20 17.15 18.00 18.05 18.40 19.30 20.20 21.15 22.20 23.20

Fifth season. ‘She’s Not There’. The murder of a Ukrainian man who was searching for his missing daughter leads the detectives to uncover a sex-trafficking ring involving teenagers.

News Klemmena Oneira Two episodes of Greek drama series.

22.30

Piso Sto Spiti New season of Greek drama series.

23.30 00.00 00.10 01.00 03.30

Omorfo Kosmos News Gimnoi Angeloi (rpt) Yia Sena (rpt) Proino Mou (rpt)

Protoselido Eleni Vasiliki (rpt) Aspra Balonia (rpt) Mesimeri Kai Kati Efta Ourani Kai Sinnefa Alites (rpt) Magazino Siga Min To’ Xeres News Ti Tha Fame Simera Mama Anna Paola Efta Ourani Kai Sinnefa Alites News Oikogeneiakes Istories 60 Lepta CSI: NY

00.10 00.15 01.20 02.10 02.40

News Istories Tou Astinomou Beka (rpt) Siga Min To’ Xeres (rpt) Mono Mia Fora (rpt) More Repeats

PLUS TV 07.20 08.30 09.05 10.00 10.45 11.40 12.30 13.00 15.30 17.00 17.50 19.40

Fotis - Maria Live Best Of Exelixeis Sti Showbiz Mesimeriani Meleti Best Of I Kouzina Me Ti Dina (rpt) Mila (rpt) Berdema (rpt) Star News Mesimeriani Meleti Kids’ TV Berdema Fotis - Maria Live Mila Discussions about various issues based on a woman’s life (men, relationships, sex, kids etc.) with showbiz guests.

21.15 22.00

Exelixeis Sti Showbiz The Closer Sixth season of detective drama. ‘Heart Attack’. At the request of Mikki Mendoza, the squad investigates a string of murders that seems to suggest a Mexican drug cartel may be operating in the city.

22.45

Vathi Kokkino

23.30

Nistikoi Praktores (rpt)

CAPITAL 06.45 09.00 09.30 10.00 11.00 11.30 12.30 13.25 15.35

Latin American telenovela.

16.25 16.50 17.40 18.15 19.15 19.50 20.05 21.00

00.15 01.15 02.20

LTV Sports News Star News Repeats

Repeats

Kouzina Me Apopsi (rpt) Sabrina, To Koritsi Tis Agapis Akti Oneiron Pacific Blue News Sports News Epi Topou FILM: Creature A researcher, his estranged wife and their son battle a deadly amphibious creature in the Caribbean. Horror, starring Colm Feore.

1998.

00.15

FILM: Impostor A weapons designer is suspected of being an extraterrestrial android sent by alien forces to weaken Earth’s defences. Sci-fi drama, starring Gary Sinise.

2001.

Greek drama series.

Cooking show, with helpful tips on eating well and nutrition.

Kids’ TV Magikos Kosmos Akti Oneiron (rpt) Ston Asterismo Tis Imeras Kouzina Me Apopsi Igeia & Zou (rpt) Milagros Kids’ TV Top Models

01.50

FILM: Kleptomania A passion for impulsive theft brings together an unhappy socialite and a homeless runaway.

Thriller, starring Amy Irving and Patsy Kensit 1995.

This Must Be the Place (Novacinema1, 19.50)

01:15 The Weakest Link 02:00 The Impressions Show With Culshaw &... 02:30 EastEnders 03:00 Doctors 03:30 Doctor Who Confidential 03:45 South Riding 04:40 Lab Rats 05:10 The Impressions Show With Culshaw &... 05:40 Fawlty Towers 06:15 The Weakest Link 07:00 3rd & Bird 07:10 Fimbles 07:30 Boogie Beebies 07:45 Tellytales 07:55 Tweenies 08:15 3rd & Bird 08:25 Fimbles 08:45 Boogie Beebies 09:00 Tellytales 09:10 Tweenies 09:30 Fawlty Towers 10:05 Lab Rats 10:35 The Weakest Link 11:20 EastEnders 11:50 Doctors 12:20 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 13:15 Great Ormond Street 14:10 Fawlty Towers 14:45 The Weakest Link 15:30 EastEnders 16:05 Doctors 16:35 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 17:30 Great Ormond Street 18:25 The Weakest Link 19:10 EastEnders 19:40 Doctors 20:10 Casualty 21:00 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 21:30 Little Britain 22:00 Outcasts 22:50 One Foot In The Grave 23:20 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 00:10 Lennon: Naked

07:00 How It’s Made 07:25 Wheeler Dealers 08:15 American Chopper 09:10 Dirty Jobs 10:05

Deadliest Catch 10:55 Ultimate Survival 11:50 How Do They Do It? 12:15 How It’s Made 12:40 Extreme Engineering 13:35 Fast N’ Loud 14:30 Wheeler Dealers 15:25 American Chopper 16:20 Mythbusters 17:15 Dirty Jobs 18:10 Deadliest Catch 19:05 Ultimate Survival 20:00 How It’s Made 21:00 Gold Rush 22:00 Gold Divers 23:00 Jungle Gold 00:00 Deadliest Catch 01:00 Swords: Life On The Line 01:55 Gold Rush 02:50 Gold Divers 03:50 Jungle Gold 04:50 Deadliest Catch 05:45 How Do They Do It? 06:10 Overhaulin’

09:30 Snooker: China Open Beijing 13:45 2014 Fifa World Cup Qualifiers 14:30 Snooker: China Open Beijing 18:30 Cycling: 3 Days Of The Panne/France 19:30 2014 Fifa World Cup Qualifiers 21:00 2014 World Cup World Tour 22:00 Football: Brazilmania 22:15 All Sports: Wednesday Selection 22:20 Equestrian Sports: Riders Club 22:25 Golf: U.S. P.G.A. TourTampa Bay Championships 23:25 Golf: U.S. P.G.A. Tour-Arnold Palmer Invitational Usa 00:25 Golf: The European Tour-Malaysian Open Kuala Lumpur 00:55 Golf: Golf Club 01:00 Sailing: Yacht Club 01:05 All Sports: Wednesday Se-

lection 01:15 2014 Fifa World Cup Qualifiers 02:00 Snooker: China Open Beijing

05:40 Desperate Housewives 06:25 Bones 07:10 Raising Hope 07:35 Scrubs 08:00 Grey’s Anatomy 08:50 Masterchef 09:40 Desperate Housewives 10:25 Bones 11:10 Raising Hope 11:35 Scrubs 12:00 Grey’s Anatomy 12:50 Private Practice 13:40 Grey’s Anatomy 14:30 Masterchef 15:20 Desperate Housewives 16:05 Bones 16:50 Raising Hope 17:15 Scrubs 17:40 Grey’s Anatomy 18:30 Masterchef 19:20 Desperate Housewives 20:10 Bones 21:00 Grey’s Anatomy 21:50 Private Practice 22:40 Raising Hope 23:05 Scrubs 23:30 Grey’s Anatomy 00:20 Private Practice 01:10 Bones 02:00 Desperate Housewives 02:45 Raising Hope 03:10 Scrubs 03:35 Surviving Suburbia 04:00 Grey’s Anatomy 04:50 Masterchef

07:30 Roxanne 09:20 Magic Men 10:55 Summer Of ‘42 12:40 Heyday! 14:15 Education, An 16:00 Faces In The Crowd 17:45 Primal Fear 20:00 LTV Sports News 21:00 In The Valley Of Elah 23:15 Taking Lives 01:15

17:35 Chicken With Plums 19:15 Action Zone 19:50 This Must Be The Place 22:00 Witchville 23:40 Happy Few 01:30 Cine News 02:05 The Sitter 03:30 The Tomb

Hustler TV 03:00 I Love You, Man 04:50 Class Act 06:30 LTV Sports News

07:00 Kids TV 15:45 Justice League Unlimited 16:10 Legion Of Super Heroes 16:35 Young Justice 17:00 2013 Indy Car Series 19:30 2010 World’s Strongest Man 20:00 Volvo Ocean Race 21:00 Pba All-Star Shootout 22:00 Grand American Series 2012 23:00 Espn Films 00:00 2011 Reebok Crossfit Games (Men’s) 00:30 2009 Us Figure Skating 02:30 K9 Nation 03:00 E-60 06:00 Planet Speed 06:30 K9 Nation

07:15 According To Jim 08:00 Big Bang Theory The 08:30 Mentalist The 09:15 Southland 10:00 Friends 10:30 Privileged 11:15 Closer, The 12:00 Five Days 2 13:05 Closer, The 13:50 According To Jim 14:35 Mentalist The 15:20 Southland 16:10 Friends

16:35 Gossip Girl 17:20 Fringe 19:00 Closer, The 19:45 According To Jim 20:30 Eastbound & Down 21:00 Hawaii Five 22:30 Ncis: Los Angeles 23:15 Supernatural 00:05 Extract 01:45 Peacemaker, The 03:50 Friends 04:15 Gossip Girl 05:00 Fringe 06:30 The Closer

08:00 Veronica Guerin 09:45 Assassination Games 11:30 80 Minutes 13:15 Friday After Next 14:45 Wild Things 16:40 Fine Madness, A 18:30 Fair Game 20:20 Centurion 22:00 Ma Part Du Gateau (My Piece Of The Pie) 00:05 Daring! TV 04:05 Beyond Borders 06:20 Private Benjamin

05:45 Quarantine 2: Terminal 07:10 Perfect Sense 08:45 The Adjustment Bureau 10:30 Hollywood 1on1 11:00 War Horse 13:30 Doctor Dolittle 15:00 Kate And Leopold 17:05 Cine News

05:40 The Artist 07:20 The Double 09:00 The English Patient 11:45 Cine News 12:05 Man Of The House 13:50 Ola Tha Pane Kala! 15:35 Runaway Jury 17:45 Films & Stars 18:20 Beastly 19:50 Glory 22:00 Retreat 23:50 Chasing Amy 01:45 Blitz 03:25 Albert Nobbs

19:10 Starsky & Hutch 21:00 Your Highness 23:00 Person Of Interest 23:50 Street Kings 2: Motor City 01:30 Le Casting De Candice

‘My piece of the cake’ is the literal translation of that title - though in English we’d say ‘pie’ instead of ‘cake’, not being as big on patisserie as those hedonistic French. Alas, France too is feeling the recession, and our heroine (whose name is France!) is a single mum who finds herself jobless when the factory where she works closes down. France (Karin Viard) picks herself up and finds a new job as a cleaning lady, her employer (Gilles Lelouche) being an arrogant financier with an eye for the ladies - and our heroine soon becomes indispensable, but what will she do when she learns that her new friend is the corporate raider who closed down the factory? A little-seen French film

which, by all accounts, tries to marry rom-com with topical Euro-indignation, ending on what the Village Voice called “a simple-minded power-to-the-people finale” - though of course the Voice is American, and we all know that America is the enemy of the proletariat. To quote some French queen or other: “They have no bread? Let them eat gâteau”. Made in 2011.

Witchville (Novacinema1, 22.00) A time of war. A time of cloaks and cowls and swords.

A time of torchlight flickering on warriors’ stubbled faces. A time when former pop stars (Luke Goss, once of 80s pop band Bros) return to their homeland to find the King their father dead, and the land devastat-

06:00 Only Hits 08:00 MTV GreekLips 09:00 MTV Hollywood Heights 10:00 MTV Plain Jane (Commissioned Version) 11:00 Pure Local 12:00 MTV VHI Pop up Video 13:00 MTV Made 14:00 MTV Big Time Rush 14:30 MTV Victorious 15:00 MTV Hollywood Heights 16:00 MTV Crash Canyon 17:00 MTV Pranked 18:00 S7S Lockdown Top10 18:30 Only Hits 20:00 MTV Movies & Stars 21:00 MTV Awkward 22:00 McCafé Music Project 22:30 MTV Awkward 23:00 MTV Underemployed 0:00 MTV Jersey Shore 1:00 Only Hits

19:15 Chalet Girl 21:00 Bright Star 23:05 Amnesty 00:35 A Far Off Place

17:00 Nhl: New York Rangers At Philadelphia Flyers 18:00 Pre Game 18:45 Championship 2012-13:Aep Vs Alkh 20:45 Post Game 21:30 Snapshots

By Preston Wilder

Ma part du gâteau (LTV3, 22.00)

Cyprus Football 22:00 Lucas Oil On The Edge Powri Midgets 22:30 Wrecked Off-Roading In Chicago 23:00 Sports Unlimited

ed. Luke is reluctant to take over, but the other warriors tell him it’s his “birthright” - and besides there are witches to be vanquished, the evil Red Queen being the mad hag responsible for all the destruction. Mediaeval-looking fantasy is trendy these days (Game of Thrones, anyone?) but this made-for-TV trifle is a pretty naff addition to the genre - though apparently not awful, if you like this kind of thing. “The plot is identical to dozens of others, [but] this movie offers more in the way of shirtless tied-up guys, women with swords, cross-bows, etc,” says someone at the Internet Movie Database - which also informs us that the film contains “witch burning”, a “bare-chested male” and a “dead rabbit”. Poor little rabbit. Made in 2010.

Witchville

07:00 Mr.Skeffington 09:05 The Human Comedy 11:00 Giant 14:15 The Prize 16:25 Never So Few 18:30 Dodge City 20:15 Dial M For Murder 22:00 Splendor In The Grass 23:45 The Night Of The Iguana 01:55 Mr.Skeffington 04:00 The Prize