Faith Based Journal 08 by d-mars.com

Faith Based Journal Inspire, Inform & Educate

sept. - Oct. 15 2011

The Power of Communication

INSIDE The Power of Knowing When to Say “NO”

8TH Edition

During Critical Times...

By Jesse Muhammad So many of us feel overwhelmed by all of the commitments we feel we have been pressured into accepting.

PAGE 7

God is in Charge: Life Has a Purpose

By Joyce James Fear of the future is mounting on every front among believers and non-believers alike… PAGE 10

“That the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus.” - Philemon, verse 6

The Power of the Tongue By Madeline C. Kirksey Proverbs 18:21, expresses the power of the tongue; “Death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruit.” PAGE 11

Brandon Herndon State Farm Insurance

Bevilee Hicks & Mark Hagan HealthRite

Jesse Muhammad Contributing Writer

Dr. Andrew Watkins Sr. New Direction Christian Fellowship Church

Did You Know That Smoking is Destroying the Temple that God Built! By Dr. Tamyra Comeaux When asked, most people can’t even recall when they took their first puff or what lead them to become dependent on the drag of the cigarette. PAGE 19

Music World’s Hottest New Artist - CD in Stores NOW! See pg. 6

September - October 15, 2011

Behind The

Journal

Publisher’s Message

Keith J. Davis, Sr.

SR. PUBLISHER Keith J. Davis, Sr. VICE PRESIDENT Kevin Davis EDITING CONSULTANT Sharon Jenkins OPERATIONS COORDINATOR Stephanie Myers ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT Abbey Rodriguez ACCOUNTING MANAGER Eugenie Doualla SENIOR ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE Mike Jones C.T. Foster Pastor Freddie L. Davis, III Dwight Jones Eric D. Goodwine PHOTOGRAPHY L.C. Poullard

The Power of Effective Communication is our theme for this month’s issue. Communications is the key to getting our message across to God, our loved ones, and the significant others in our lives. It‘s the core principle that allows us to effectively share our faith with others and to communicate our love for God back to Him. I remember the old James Brown song, “Talking Loud and Saying Nothing.” It is our goal in this month’s journal to help you never get accused of committing that offense. As always, thank you for your continued support of d-mars.com. When you support d-mars.com, you are supporting more than just our company; you are supporting the communities in which we live and work. Working together, we can succeed in making positive things happen.

CONTENTS Facilitating Family Communications During Critical Times………………………................. 4-5 The Awakening of Le’Andria Johnson: A Star is Born........................................................ 6 The Power of Knowing When to Say “No”……………………………………………............. 7 Effective Communication With Your Church Congregation…………………….................... 8

Grady Carter

God is in Charge: Life Has a Purpose………………………………………........................... 10

MARKETING CONSULTANT Johnny Ray Davis, Jr. Barbara Wiederhold

The Power of the Tongue……………………………………………………............................. 11

MULTIMEDIA DIRECTOR Andrea Hennekes LAYOUT & GRAPHIC DESIGNERS Ghuzzala Malik (Faith) Michael J. Martinez DISTRIBUTION Booker T. Davis, Jr. Johnny Ray Davis, Jr. Rockie Hayden CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Joyce James Madeline C. Kirksey Dr. Tamyra Comeaux Pastor David Ned Taiese L. Nevels Dr. Joshua Stewart Jesse Muhammad Dr. Joshua W. Stewart Brandon J. Herndon Pernell Hill Pastor John Ogletree Pastor Marilyn Johnson Sharon C. Jenkins Rick Peterson/Stephen Green Charles Swindell Paul Steinbrueck

In Love – It’s Not What You Think……………………………………….................................. 11 Bridging the Gap………………………………………………………………………................ 11 Leave a legacy through charitable giving…………………………………............................. 11 Build A Family, Leave A Legacy New Era, Economics, Energy & Empowerment…............ 12 Communicated Words that Stirred a Nation………………………………………….............. 15 Effective Communication………………………………………………………………............... 15 Did You Know That Smoking is Destroying the Temple that God Built!............................... 19 Master Communication: Can You Hear Me Now?............................................................... 20 DID YOU KNOW…Black History Facts for September!....................................................... 20 5 Reasons Churches Should Use Social Media.................................................................. 20 Families First – Keys to Successful Family Functioning: Communication…....................... 23 Why a Will?.......................................................................................................................... 24

MR. D-MARS Tip of the Month A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. (Proverbs 25:11)

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September - October 15, 2011

Facilitating Family Communications During Critical Times “If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever.” The Crow (1994)

or over the last 22 years Troy B. Smith has been serving families during the most critical time of their lives, the death of a loved one. He’s had the opportunity to observe families up-close and personal during their season of grief and sorrow and can tell you a thing or two about how you can best handle this foreseeable occurrence in your life or in the life of your loved ones. After high school, Troy had no career choices to choose from and it’s easy to see why. “I come from a large family, and by the time I graduated all the good careers were gone,” says Smith as he laughingly explains his siblings’ varied careers. “Let’s see, I’m No. 12 of 13 children and when I graduated my brothers and sisters were working in various careers such as the

Harris County Hospital District, public school system, Veterans Administration, aviation, U. S. Postal Service, engineering and military fields. One brother is even a fire chief. So that left me wondering, what am I going to do? Smith eventually fell into a rewarding and suc-

cessful career path. Today, he’s the owner of Troy B. Smith Professional Services, a full-service funeral and mortuary business with over 20 employees located at 9013 Scott St. in Houston’s Sunnyside community. Careful consideration with a well thought-out plan went into naming his company. “A Trusted Name When Caring Counts,” is the company’s slogan, and the last four digits of the telephone number spell out T-R-O-Y. Smith chose to bypass the traditional labeling of his establishment and brand his business as an entity that provides premium professional services. These services include: at need funeral arrangements made in your home; prearrangement funeral plans; contemporary and traditional cremation services; arranged domestic and foreign shipments; serving individuals from all traditional and contemporary beliefs and they offer affordable cost efficient products with integrity. A product of the Sunnyside area, Smith attended T. M. Fairchild Elementary School, Crispus Attucks Middle School and is a proud graduate of Evan

E. Worthing Senior High School. He also attended Prairie View A&M University and Texas Southern University. Smith has served as president of the Houston Funeral Directors and Morticians Association for two separate terms. Under his leadership and guidance, membership increased immensely and the organization continued to give back to the community by providing toys and food for the less fortunate along with scholarships to those entering the funeral service industry. In 2007, the Independent Funeral Directors and Morticians Association of Texas, Inc. named Smith as “Profes-

sional of the Year.” He is a member of, and serves on numerous local civic, community, state and national boards. This continued commitment and his ongoing dedications to those he serve has allowed Smith to “build bridges in the industry,” with colleagues and constituents as well as the community at large. Smith found his niche in the funeral services industry when he attended and graduated from Commonwealth College of Funeral Service. He attained his Certified Funeral Service Practitioner (CFSP) certification from the Academy of Professional

home companies to being a partner in one. Because of his compassionate, caring, thoughtful and sympathetic attitude, families are especially grateful to him for his caring nature. It’s his ministry says Smith, he has an uncanny ability to help people get through the death of a loved one in a caring way. With consumers having more to choose from these days, Smith says, his funeral company is thinking outside the box and has established a five-year strategic plan. In recent years, according to the National Funeral Directors Association, consumers have

Funeral Service Practice where he serves as an ambassador for the academy. To expand his knowledge to better serve families, he applied and was accepted as a member of the British Institute of Embalmers (MBIE). He has been fortunate enough to travel to differ-

increasingly relied on the Internet as a leading resource for information. In response, businesses have increased their presence on the Web and funeral service is no exception. In order to enhance service to families and the community, many funeral homes now have their own Web

ent regions of the country and expand his knowledge. He says. “I’m constantly traveling attending seminars and conventions developing a clearinghouse of experts, creating lasting relationships.” His career has taken him to some of the most amazing areas of the funeral home industry, from servicing notable celebrities, singers, musicians and political figures at small and large funeral

site. Having a presence in cyberspace allows funeral homes to easily display their products and services, which, in turn, provides the consumer with the freedom to conduct research at-will. “My vision is one-stop shopping for consumers covering major service industries,” says Smith, “As an entrepreneur, you’re only going to be successful if you put 100 percent into what you do.” As with any

September - October 15, 2011

business venture, struggles and problems do arise, causing many to cave in

others in an industry that cares about families.” However It has been

and quit. Smith attributes his strong faith in God and stand on Romans 8:28 when the going gets rough. “And we know that in all things God works for the

his observation that families often don’t want to talk about death and dying. As a result when the time comes for that discussion, it is often too late to make the best choices for their loved ones because of the emotional toll it takes on the family. He recommends that this discussion start with family members as young as junior high school age because children are maturing at a rapid age, and often losing parents before adulthood and are usually unprepared. Mr. Smith suggests that family members sit down during the holidays, in happy times and share their final wishes with each other. In the grief process people are often pulled in all directions, it’s often

good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” “I know that every good and perfect gift comes from the Lord and I thank Him every day that I get to serve

difficult to do this at that time. During this season of grief, the decease’s life should be celebrated and not marred by family squabbles. Your local funeral director can assist with this discussion and answer any and all questions that family members may have prior to the passing of their loved one. Some funeral homes such as Mr. Smith’s even offer an after-care program for family members that have difficulty dealing with the death of a love one. One of the best times to plan is prior to death. Mr. Smith said that you can tell when a family has planned well. Their conversations when making the final arrangements are peppered with statements like; “We talked about this.” and “They didn’t want …” Planning also gives you the liberty to choose the options that best fit your budget and prevents unnecessary spending during and after the funeral. Otherwise these conversations may be heated and conflict ridden, with some family members accusing others of not taking their wishes and desires into consideration. With the economy in the state it’s in one should review their personal papers annually. Share with family members where important papers are kept, such as insurance policies, pre-arranged funeral plan papers, military docu-

because now that policy is unable to be utilized because the minor child is under age and can’t make an adult legal decision. Many factors encompass the bottom line of the final cost when making and paying for a funeral. Some choose to add outside expenses or cash advance items such as cemetery, police escorts, death

lice escorts are usually not needed. Others choose to do a very simple but classy one sheet program instead of fancy book programs with a collage of pictures. All of this can cause the bottom line figure to be much lower. As people price shop for funerals they also compare funeral cost with one another such a co-workers, neighbors and

ments (discharge papers), cemetery deeds, wills, safe deposit box information and keys. Discuss one’s service wishes and desires, should it be burial, cremation or remains being donated to science. Often time’s families have substantial insurance

certificates, newspaper notices, flowers and programs. These items are often expenses that vary depending on one’s wishes or desires and can often times raise the bottom line total. Whereas others choose a more simple service and bury at the government or family cemetery where there is no charge when

to handle the funeral but many times make the mistake of leaving a minor beneficiary. This forces even more stress on the family

one qualifies. Some drape the casket with a flag and opt to not purchase a casket spray. Many choose a graveside service where po-

church members. However one should remember in making comparison there are no two services usually exactly alike especially when there are two different funeral homes involved in the comparison. Each funeral is tailored to one’s own individual wishes and financial needs. Statistics prove that we plan for everything except our own demise. We make plans to graduate from college, marry our sweetheart, schools for our children, build our dream home, by our favorite car, take that fabulous vacation, buy tickets to see our favorite entertainer when he or she comes to town; but we don’t want to talk about our final wishes. We know the inevitable will come so why not be prepared. In Other words, “When a family knows better, they do better.” Love dictates that we do so. For more information please contact Troy Smith @ 713.734.8769 or email: tbsmithcfsp@hotmail.com.

September - October 15, 2011

The Awakening of Le’Andria Johnson: A Star is Born

e’Andria Johnson, the powerhouse singer who is the season three winner of BET’s Sunday Best, won fans around the globe as she competed in the world’s leading gospel competition television show. She stands on the threshold of greatly expanding her fan-base with the release of her new album, The Awakening of Le’Andria Johnson. The CD, which was released

contest. She describes her experience on Sunday Best as “amazing.” She said, “It was like watching my life unfold before my eyes. Every step of the way I was thanking God that he allowed me to pass another round.” Le’Andria’s star-turn on Sunday Best was not an “overnight success” story. For the 29-year-old, twice divorced mother of three, it has been a long and often arduous journey to the spotlight in the gospel

of the Head Quarters (HQ) Ministries. She began singing at her father’s church at the age of six and became praise and worship leader when she was 16. At 17, she had her first performance before a major audience when she sang for 8,000 people at a conference sponsored by gospel legend Pastor Shirley Caesar. She also sang with gospel artists Luther Barnes, Jimmy Hicks and Voices of Integrity and the Williams Brothers.

September 6, showcases the unique combination of power, skill and reverence that made Le’Andria a favorite of Sunday Best fans. Le’Andria was crowned Sunday Best after receiving the majority of the more than 2 million votes cast in the televised

music industry. An accomplished singer and songwriter and an anointed praise and worship leader, Le’Andria was born in Orlando, Florida but moved to the small town of Palatka, Florida, where her father Dr. G.A. Johnson, Sr., served as presiding Bishop

Le’Andria moved back to Orlando in 2003. She lost her house to foreclosure a few days before the final Sunday Best audition in New Orleans, LA. Encouraged by family and friends to take a shot at the competition, she made the 10 hour drive to New

Orleans with her uncle, brother and best friend, arriving just in time for the audition. Despite winning the competition, Le’Andria has faced some challenges in her life. Her family lost their church to foreclosure, she suffered the sudden loss of a brother, and she had some trouble adjusting to her suddenly public life. Things are going well now. Signed to Music World Gospel in a joint venture with BET with the Sunday Best brand, Le’Andria’s debut CD, The Awakening of Le’Andria Johnson is produced by GRAMMY® Award winner Chuck Harmony (Rihanna, Fantasia, Chrisette Michele). The CD shot to #1 on the iTunes gospel chart. Her new

single, “Jesus,” co-written by Le’Andria, is an urban contemporary song with traditional gospel roots. In it, Le’Andria offers a soulful and stirring testimony about the difference Jesus has made in her life, and makes an impassioned plea to the listener to turn to Jesus and “call Him like you want Him, call Him like you need him.” “The awe-inspiring qualities of Johnson’s voice that helped her snag the Sunday Best crown are evident on this debut effort,” said Mona Austin of EURWEB.com. “Listening to ‘Jesus’ is like jumping in the river of Jordan, from a music critic’s perspective. Leandria Johnson’s voice has revived hope for this generation of singers.” Other songs on the CD include “Cast the First Stone,” a powerfully delivered message about how wrong it is to pass judgment on each other, also co-written by Le’Andria; “Make Him Like You,” an R&B-style petition to God to lead her toward the true love that He designed for her; “New Reason,” a new millennium twist on 1960s soul, with a message about turning from bad relationships to a new and better relationship with

God; and “Struggle Not,” co-written by Le’Andria and her brother, Terrance Johnson, an uplifting worship song about God blessings in our lives. The CD also includes two tracks with medleys of songs performed by Le’Andria on Sunday Best. “Her talent will blow you away” said Pat McKay, Program Director of SIRIUS XM Satellite Radio Praise Channel. “I don’t doubt that Le’Andria owns her place in the present and the future of gospel. She defines it. Her wholesome, elegant, soaring, soulful voice finds, then fills a beautiful and strong spot for anyone with ears.” Recently named among the 15 Top Gospel Artists to watch on ESSENCE.com., Le’Andria has been on tour promoting her new CD across the country with church and concert appearances, as well as radio and press visits. A licensed minister, Le’Andria believes that singing is her God-given talent, but that ministry is her calling. As the season three winner on Sunday Best, and with the release of her new CD, she now has the platform to touch countless lives by doing both.

September - October 15, 2011

The Power of Knowing When to Say “No”

By Jesse Muhammad, Contributing Writer

o many of us feel overwhelmed by all of the commitments we feel we have been pressured into accepting. We wrestle with how to tell people “No” while stressing and stretching ourselves out. Want to know what the magical secret is? Just say “No”…Yes, just say “No.” You can do it. Easier said than done, right? It’s amazing how this two letter word “No” could yield more power at times in our lives versus the three letter word “Yes.” We have grown accustomed to say “Sure, I’ll do it”, “I got you”, and “Yes, I can make it happen.” However, deep down we want to bypass the request, offer, or deal because we know it is difficult to get anything done on our own when we’re catering to everything being sent our way. We often say “Yes” out of pressure, loyalty, friendship, favor, fear of missing out on an opportunity or a habit of wanting to feel important. What more opportunities could you focus on if you said “No” a little more?

I will be the first to admit that the last few years I have allowed myself to be lured into the spider web of saying “Yes” and ended up disappointing people, losing money, increasing my stress level and allowing my own personal goals to suffer. What was even more hurtful is that the people you overexert yourself to help don’t even appreciate it and borderline start to just use you like a washcloth and then throw you to the side. For the longest I thought saying “No” was being rude until I matured enough to know that it is actually better to say “No” than to agree to something that you know you will not be able to give it you all. If your word means something then you don’t want to live your life constantly breaking it. There’s an instant gratification that comes along with saying “Yes” at that

moment, but it soon withers away once you realize you made an irrational decision. Think before you say “Yes” and avoid getting caught up in the moment. Insanity is sometimes defined as doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. To keep running away from saying “No” just to please people and create a world of grief afterwards is not smart. Learn to strategically say “No” to a lot of things and channel your valuable “Yes” towards things you know will truly be beneficial in the long run and that you can keep your word to. You have to decide that, not someone else. Make an effort to say “No” to something. Can we do it? YES! (Brother Jesse Muhammad is a staff writer for The Final Call Newspaper and an award-winning blogger. Visit his blog at http://jessemuhammad.blogs.finalcall.com/)

September - October 15, 2011

Effective Communication With Your Church Congregation By Pastor David Ned, Contributing Writer

Effective communication... What does that mean in the church realm? Well, in theory, we all know what it means. It means having the ability to connect with each individual member of the congregation, touch them in a very real way, and give them something they can understand and use. Sound staggering? Let’s look a bit deeper (it gets worse before it gets better.) What Are the Odds of Connecting With Everyone? Effective communication for a church congregation is no small task. Unlike connecting with individuals in a business meeting, coaching a team, or even leading a youth group, the general congregation of a church is very different. You see, in a business meeting or with a sports team, there is one common goal. This makes relating and connecting quite a bit easier. Ok, it makes it a WHOLE LOT easier.

Just think about leading a youth group. Group members have a lot in common. They are, of course, all close to the same age and are likely dealing with similar issues: school, parents, friends, peer pressure, FaceBook, and dating (not necessarily in that order). But the general congregation of a church, now that’s an entirely different thing. In one church congregation, on any given Sunday, you’ve got an entire melting pot full of issues: • You have the members who are hurting emotionally. • You have the ones who are new to the faith and don’t really understand everything that’s going on. (i.e. Why are people raising their hands during worship?) • You have the pretty average family who is busy, generally emotionally healthy, but maybe a little disconnected from God. • You’ve got those who are strug-

gling with difficult problems... embarrassing problems. They’re all dressed up in their Sunday best, but they still have alcohol on their breath from a Saturday night at the strip club. • Right next to them, you’ve got the busybodies. You know the ones who are spreading the Good News of the Gospel, and a little extra information on the side. • You’ve got the single mothers who are worried about paying their light bill. • You’ve got the family members who were forced to come and are staring at the ceiling. • And of course, you’ve got at least one sleeper How do you reach them all? What are the odds? Very low, unfortunately... that is, if we operate in our own strength. No matter how talented, how eloquent, how captivating a speaker, no one person could fill the stagger-

ing voids of a thousand different people facing a thousand different situations. So, What’s the Good News Here? The good news is, (and it’s very, very good)...There is only one message. There may be a thousand problems, but there is only one message. If an entire congregation hears nothing else, they will hear this, “You are so welcome here. We’re glad you made it. You’re in the right place.” Yes, as leaders, we have life lessons to preach from the pulpit and we should be bringing messages that are very useable in today’s society. Messages that don’t ignore issues like homosexuality, premarital sex, morality, integrity, and living holy, sanctified lives. But before that message can ever be heard, we connect with our congregations when they feel wanted, when they feel like they matter, when they trust that we are here to help them. There’s a saying that goes

like this, “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” What Would Jesus Do? When Jesus preached His message, (and He is the ultimate authority on communication skills) what did He do first? He healed the sick, He opened blind eyes, and He fed the masses. He practically demonstrated the fact that He cared. That’s what softens the hearts of the congregation. That’s what gets their attention. That’s what brings all their thousands of problems to a common ground...the fact that someone cares about them. Keep that in mind, leaders of today, and future leaders of tomorrow. There’s only one message, and it’s universal. I love you and Jesus loves you...and with that, we can solve any problem. The Word tells us in John 13:35, “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” When leaders cultivate God’s love in the congregation, it spreads like wildfire. When love is the underlying factor in every message, we don’t have to be eloquent speakers, or highly entertaining, or even amusing. Remember, the Word also promises that Love never fails. Want to effectively communicate to your church congregation? Start spreading seeds of love. It’s guaranteed to work.

September - October 15, 2011

10. September - October 15, 2011

God is in Charge: Life Has Purpose

he rising cost of fuel, the loss of jobs and homes, the drop in the stock market as a result of a receding economy—all have been of great concern to many and have affected us all. Not to mention needless wars across the globe to benefit the money interests of ruling powers at the cost of human life and physical ruin to many countries.

These are just a few things on the minds of people today—and it is going to get worse, according to scripture. Fear of the future is mounting on every front among believers and non-believers alike. What we must know is that nothing is happening that God has not warned us about, and that He is in charge. For those of us who know bible prophecy, we understand that God is culminating His plan,

and these things must come to pass. What we see and hear today is found in scripture and this world system continues to move towards its final stages as we know it. God spoke to Daniel in the Old Testament and to John on the Isle of Patmos in the New Testament about the end times and showed them “things to come.” The scriptures in Daniel talks about Israel and how Israel would be surrounded by countries that desire to destroy it. The book of Daniel foretells of a man who will rise up to bring peace to the Middle East, but would later betray Israel and kill two-thirds of the Jewish people. This man would then appoint himself as ruler over Israel and proclaim to be their god. Things will continue to escalate as foretold in scripture. In Matthew 24, Luke 21 and Mark 13, there is talk of wars, rumors of wars, famine and

some of what must take place before the end of this age comes to a close. But my question to you is, “Who are you putting your trust in, and where do you live?” For most, your answer to the first part of this question would be, “My trust is in God.” But for the second part of the question, you would have to understand what is in the mind of the poser to answer it correctly. It has nothing to do with your physical address, and everything to do with your state of mind. Where do you live in your mind? Your thoughts determine your mental and physical well being. Do you live in a state of panic and fear? Or do you believe that God knows you and takes care of everything that concerns you? Is there doubt that God even cares about what happens to us here on this planet? Or do you really believe He ultimately orchestrates everything and will have the final say about, not only your life, but the world? Where do you live in your thoughts? We must know that God is in charge, or our hearts will fail us because of fear! When I see what is

happening around the world, I rejoice knowing that the bible is a true, profound prophetic book. We can count on what Jesus has shared with us in scripture to comfort and guide during times of trouble. In John 14:1 (NIV), Jesus said, “Do not let you hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in Me.” The more we understand about God and 1) His purpose for this planet, 2) our individual purpose in His plan, and 3) the purpose of others in our lives for His purposes—the more peace and security we will have during our lifespan here on earth. We will also be better able to accept life as God has purposed it for us—the good, bad and ugly. God is definitely in charge! While those with the ability to now see and understand God’s plans and purposes for the ages do rejoice and have peace, the culmination of His plan will bring great joy to all who believe! Joyce James, Th.S. Sr. Pastor, Total Man Christian Center Email:

totalmanchurch@yahoo.com

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11.

The Power of the Tongue Bridging the Gap By Dr. Joshua W. Stewart Contributing Writer

By Madeline C. Kirksey, Contributing Writer

Have you ever watched an interview of someone who has been convicted or accused of a violent crime and hear them describe their childhood. A great majority of the time, the accused had been through some violent situation in their childhood themselves. Unfortunately, often we speak out of anger some very harsh and destructive words to others not truly realizing the power of our words. Proverbs 18:21, expresses the power of the tongue; “Death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who

love it will eat of its fruit.” Consequently, many adults never end up accomplishing anything that God has promised them because of a death sentence sent forth by someone else’s tongue. Marriages have been destroyed because someone used their tongue to attack. Business deals have fell through because someone could not contain one of the smallest parts of their body. The tongue is and can be a dream-killer. The most compelling part about this scripture is that it could not be explained any more clearly. You will have death and life, not one or the other. I have often heard this Proverb’s scripture misquoted as death or life. No, the scripture says death and life will be spoken. Ones hypothesis would be that the writer already knew that there would be both negative and positive spoken into our lives. What proves to be even more interesting about this Proverbs was the

fact that the word death came before the word life; why was this? In the world we are born and then there is death but spiritually, we are dead (filled with sin at birth) then life happens as we press towards becoming more like Him (being born-again) and then eternal life really begins. Proverbs 18:27 concludes; “Those who love it will eat of its fruit.” Simply put, if we use our tongues for positive (to bring-forth life) then we will receive life. However, if we choose to use our tongue for negative (to bring-forth death), that is what we will receive as well. Whatever we speak out into the universe that

is what we will receive. Now the next time we decide to open our mouths to speak out against someone else, we should first consider the outcome. God put power in our tongue to over-power evil not to succumb to it. In Genesis, God spoke everything into existence; “Let there be….” and it was. We are the heirs of the Creator and our tongue has that same world changing power. The question remains, will we use our tongue to change and edify the kingdom or will we follow the world and cause destruction? God commands each of us to speak life!

In Love - It’s Not What You Think By Taiese L Nevels

use to think of the phrase “In Love” as a temporary state you were in with a special person; a phase of enveloped affections for someone. I could reflect back on that temporarily amazing feeling I had about a special person from the past. I am sure you are thinking the same way -- every time you thought of that person you got butterflies in your stomach and happiness fluttered into your entire

The word rival comes from the Latin “rivalis”. It’ means “one who lives on the same river. The idea is two people on the opposite sides of the river sharing the same water source, the river. They are at odds because one wants to use the water one way, while the other wants to use it another. Anytime you think you control the flow of water “god’s anointing”, Satan will use you to create a “sibling rivalry.” This is where the spirit of division has dominated the body of Christ, I have a great concern relating to unification, and bridging this gap of separation amongst the brethren. The psalmist says in 133:1... “How good it is for brethren to dwell

Leave a Legacy through Charitable Giving

By Brandon J. Herndon State Farm® Agent

body. Then one day that temporarily amazing feeling dissipated. Okay, so am I right? Is that what you think of when you hear the cliché phrase “In Love?” Here is what God unveiled to me one night while studying Ephesians 4 & 5, “In Love” is not that temporarily amazing feeling you have about a person, yet it is a lifestyle choice of actions. The ability to respond out of compassion towards a per-

son you don’t care for or a situation reflects the act of “In Love.” You chose to live this way every day of your life with everything including people, situations and seasons. In the New Testament (John 13:34) we are given a new commandment: To love one another. Therefore, we are expected to tell the truth in love, deal with unpleasant people, situations and seasons in love and walk in love; this is a conscious decision you make all the days of your life. Think about it this way, God deals with us every day “In Love,” He handles us with unfailing love despite our unattractive attitudes of anger, dissention and selfishness. Each day God continues to bless us with the gift of life and grace, truly despite ourselves. “In Love” is ultimately The Love Story of God’s Will for Us, each

and every day of our lives.

What is Love?

Love is patient & kind. Love does not envy or boast or is proud. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable. It doesn’t keep records of wrong. It does not rejoice in injustice but rejoices in the truth. Love never gives up, never loses faith. It is always hopeful and endures through all situations (I Corinthians 13: 4-7). “In Love” is an active lifestyle you decide to live by choosing actions that are relative to compassion. How will you now think and act “In Love?” It’s not what you think but, what you decide to do. For more information about In Love: The Love Story of God’s Will for Us, an Inspirational Devotional visit, http://taieselnevels. com/in-love/.

together in unity.” In the original language, the word for dwell is “yashab.” The connotation implies that we come together, sit down, and settle. It suggests that it shouldn’t be difficult for us to be able to come together in a peaceful setting. We use very loosely the words “having company”, not realizing that word company comes from a Latin word “conpanis”, which literally means with bread. If we can’t break bread together in peace, we can’t be companions one to the other. Let us bridge this gap and silence the voice of division by seeking to build unity in our relationships with one another.

chools, hospitals, museums, zoos, arts organizations, recreational facilities and places of worship all strive to make the world a better place and to improve the quality of our everyday lives. Many, if not most, of these organizations are non-profit, which means they are supported primarily by public and private contributions. Contributing money to a charitable organization is not only a generous act, but also one that is extremely rewarding. You may want to make a larger contribution to a local organization or cause but feel it would put a strain on your budget. However, with a little advance planning, you can contribute a much larger

gift than you ever thought possible in your lifetime. And you can do so with life insurance. Other options include remainder trusts, gift annuities or wealth replacement trusts. Depending on the product you select, you can determine the amount of your yearly charitable contribution and use your yearly contribution to purchase and pay for a life insurance policy. The charitable organization owns the policy and is the beneficiary of its proceeds. The organization may use dividends, borrow or withdraw cash values during the life of the policy to meet their organization’s goals. Participating in a charitable life insurance program not only offers opportunity to make a difference, it is also a resourceful way to meet your charitable giving goals without putting a strain on your budget. Meet with your financial and legal advisors to discuss what options are available to you to accomplish your charitable objectives.

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Build A Family, Leave A Legacy New Era, Economics, Energy, & Empowerment ily and leaving a legacy are the children. The mission statement of The COF is to reach, rescue, restore and reposition our genera-

of the SWAG worship and multi-purpose center for children and youth. Over 500 persons were in attendance for the unveiling of vision. This year’s theme for The COF is “From Imagination To Manifestation”. In this New Era Bishop Dixon spoke about this coming to pass, and so it has. Dixon says “At The Community Of Faith, we do children right.” The ribbon was cut they processed in, and it was on! The celebration began, the music was hyped; the children and youth set the tone for the rest of the dedication; the energy was high. Spell this with me

tion to glorify God! Dixon says no one intentionally decides to raise weeds, if you want fruit, you got to raise fruit” The COF is raising warriors to bring God Glory. Dixon notes “Never before has times been so challenging to raise children in Christ, at The Community Of Faith we believe and stand on the word of God ‘Train up a child in the way that they he should go, so that when he is old he will not depart from it”. Proverbs 22:6 On Sunday Sept 4, 2011 history was made in grand fashion. The Community of Faith held a ceremony for the dedication

“S.W.A.G.” When you put it all together you get SWAG. Spirit-Filled Warriors Anointed By God. This is the name selected for youth, by youth. The goal at The COF is to raise children to know Christ, to love Christ, to serve Christ, to pray like Christ and to have the power like Christ. Dixon said “Children being used is not something new to God.” He went on to note that “Amazing things are coming from our children. The name of the worship service is called SWAG 1023. The number 1023 is the address of the newly redesigned sanctu-

By Pernell Hill, Contributing Writer

New Era In this New Era divine timing is more than ironic when it comes to the things of God; at The Community Of Faith Church they know this all too well. If you have not been in one of their worship services, let me say, you are missing a glorious treat. Let me encourage you to make plans to attend soon, and experience the glory of God. If something good is happening it would stand to reason to announce to all who could benefit from it. The bible declares that all good things come from the Lord, and they believe they’re responsible for letting others know about the good things the Lord is doing at The COF. The Community Of Faith is so excited about where they’re headed in the Lord, yes they’ll admit they’ve had their share of challenges, but the purposes of God must go on, and they are more than grateful that God still uses this ministry to fulfill their kingdom assignment. Part of that assignment is to empower people to build Kingdom Family Legacies for God’s glory. Bishop James Dixon who celebrates his 30th year of pastoring is leading this congregation into a season

where special emphasis is put on the importance of building a kingdom family, and leaving a legacy.

Economics Leaving a legacy does not only include belief in God, but also in the things of God. August 28, 2011, it would prove to be divine timing, and not only that, it would lead The COF

into something they’ve never done before. Let me ask you: Do you own any stock? Do you believe in true Financial Empowerment? At The COF they

are teaching a Word on showing you how to invest. Dixon said “God is positioning us to receive the wealth of the wicked”. Bishop Dixon was led by the Holy Spirit to encourage the people during his pastoral emphasis about economic empowerment. During this moment he spoke about Warren Buffet who invested in Bank Of America by purchasing 5 Billion dollars worth of stock or shares in the company. Bishop then began to offer a consensus of how many of us understand this type of economic strategy. This would lead to setting up an opportunity to teach the congregation. The following Wednesday services, visitors and visioneers were wall to wall in attendance. This is a historic moment for our church, because for the first time people will have an opportunity to purchase stock. For some families it will be the first time someone would own some stock, and it happened for them at the church. There were some people buying stock who parents or grandparents never owned stocked. Bishop Dixon said “We are giving people an opportunity to establish new realities within the family legacy generationally. For some kid their parent will buy them stock, this is absolutely historic. This is about changing a family’s reality. The Community Of Faith want to empower people with working knowledge of how to own stock.”

Energy Dixon says “We are taking the kingdom by force” By the looks of it, it would seem that the children and youth have picked up that same mentality. What lies within the heart of building a fam-

ary. As God would have it, the children and youth will now worship in the same building which was occupied by an earlier generation of the Community Of Faith before eventually building a multi-million dollar facility called the Kings Dome which is located across the street at 1024 Pinemont. Every Sunday you can find Spirit Filled Warriors Anointed by God, being empowered to stand up for Jesus despite the contrary views of the world.

Empowerment Thirty years Bishop Dixon has been empowering families through the teachings of Christ. He’s been preaching since he was 15, and he started pastoring at the age of 18. The COF has witnessed thousands of souls being saved through his passion for Evangelizing and Discipleship. He’s developed and empowered not only the local community, but His Ministry expands through national and Global Outreach. He has also immolated the Model of Making a Difference by Faith! In October The Community Of Faith family, along with special guest, will give honor to whom honor is due. On October 16, a Gala will be held to honor Bishop Dixon for this milestone. Bishop D is humbled by the attention given to him in this season, and he thanks God for his church family. He told them “the best way to honor me this season is to help win another soul for Christ”.

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Communicated Words that Stirred a Nation

By Pastor John Ogletree Contributing Writer Thank God for the freedom of speech that we have in America through the Fifth Amendment. It is probable that we have been influenced by words more than any nation on earth. It was the words of the Declaration of Independence that inspired patriotism or a devotion to a new form of government that granted freedom from England. The words “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” announced a philosophy that became rooted in the American way of life. Words have communicated ideals, hope, faith, grief, joy and the ideals of individuals and groups. In every challenge, conflict, or great cause, the impact of communication cannot be undervalued. The struggle for freedom, whether for the labor movement, feminist movement or the civil rights movement would have been stagnant with-

out effective communication. In the New York Times bestseller In Our Own Words, Extraordinary Speeches of the American Century, the importance of purposeful passionate oratory is stated. “The great principles of justice, equality, and freedom were commonly invoked as orators strove to provide a voice for people who did not have access to power— the poor, the disinherited, the oppressed.” On the threshold of the historic dedication of the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial in

that the civil rights movement had grown to a point where it could influence the national government and produce the desired result—the long-overdue legislation needed to end legal segregation in the South. The crowd that day was estimated to be 250,000 people. They had heard the likes of Harry Belafonte, Sidney Poitier, Joan Baez and Bob Dylan make appeals for justice and harmony. But it took a God-called, Spiritfilled Baptist preacher to stir the souls of the crowd and nation.

Washington, we should revisit the impact and influence of his words on August 28, 1963 at the Lincoln Memorial at the March on Washington. The editors of In Our Own Words affirm it’s importance: “…but it was not until Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech in 1963

Dr. King masterfully reminded people of the “magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence.” He called them a promissory note that guaranteed the “inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. He boldly declared that America had de-

faulted on the promissory note. “America has given the Negro people a bad check…” Times were extremely rough then. Segregation was the order of the day in the South. Black people could not vote, eat, shop, work, live, play or travel as equals to whites. The politicians and police were populated with the KKK. Plus many people, white, black, Jewish had been arrested, killed, threatened and beaten for the cause of freedom. But, with bold eloquence King communicated hope: “…even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.” He continued to reveal his dream with words that reverberated around the country into the hearts of those who needed justice and those whose hearts were

Effective Communication

By Pastor Marilyn Johnson Contributing Writer There are three styles of communicators - passive, aggressive and assertive. First, the passive communicator puts the rights of others

before their own rights. Needing the approval of others keeps them from sharing their true feelings. They lose their power by leaving others to make decisions for them. This type of communicator is often angry and frustrated because others do not see the sacrifice they are making for you to like them. Next, aggressive communicators – Stands up for their rights but violate the rights of others. People often feel attacked when in conversation with aggressive communicators. They use youme statements (i.e. “You always interrupt me” or “You will not treat me this way” or “You will do what I say”). They focus on the person not the problem. Aggressive speakers act as a mind reader (Everybody says that you have a nasty attitude). They use

words like always, never and everybody as forms of attack. They will describe the other person view point (often wrongly) but seldom express their own. Aggressive speakers make others feel not worthy and hurt others with their words to get what they want. This type of communicator is often obeyed but not respected. Finally, assertive communicators stand up for their rights while maintaining respect for the rights of others. They focus on improving behaviors rather than on getting others to feel bad about their actions. They use clear and direct statement to express what they are feeling or what they want to happen. They own and express their feelings directly in concrete terms. They bring clarity to the situa-

tion. This type of communicator makes others feel equal and important. Example of all three types – What would you like to eat? Look at the responses below. Assertive I want pizza. (Clear and direct. Owning their desires) Passive I will eat whatever you’ll want to eat. (Leaves others to make the decision) Aggressive Nobody wants pizza but you. (Attacking the person not the problem) Assertive communication is accomplished through using “I” messages. The “I” message deals with the problem not the person. It has three components 1) The behavior that is annoying or dis-

devoted to achieving justice. An oppressed people gazed in wonder! A nation watched! And the world observed as a black man turned an outdoor podium into a pulpit for freedom and a crowd into a solemn assembly for justice with words that intertwined biblical precepts, national history, and oratorical expertise. Dr. King has been dead some four decades. His presentation on that August day in 1963 is a supreme example of effective communication. I believe he was anointed for the cause of civil rights and the words he communicated were those inspired by his Creator through prayer and faith. His words still impact this nation today, we not only read or hear the words he communicated but use them to measure the progress of this nation and use them to compel oppressors toward justice. One of the preeminent examples of effective communication was demonstrated by a Black Baptist Preacher—the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. ruptive 2) The feelings that you are experiencing and 3) The tangible impact it has on you. Let’s complete the message below for your teenager who is late and doesn’t call. “I” Message I feel worried (feeling word) when you are late and don’t call (specific behavior) Because I’m afraid something bad has happened to you. (result to me). I need for you to call when you will be late so that I will know that you are ok. In conclusion, if you use an “I” message, the receiver will not feel attacked and will more often comply with your request. What type of communicator are you? Marilyn Johnson is the author of I AM ANOINTED TO HELP HIM. This is a book written for women that are married to a visionary. She also serves as the Executive Director of W4 Ministries - a faith based 501(c) 3 ministry for women. Training effective leaders is a mantle that she joyfully wears.

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Did You Know That Smoking is Destroying the Temple that God Built! By Dr. Tamyra Comeaux

Are you still smoking? Do you know why you smoke? I’m sure you’ve been smoking so long that you forgot when and why you started smoking. When asked, most people can’t even recall when they took their first puff or what lead them to become dependent on the drag of the cigarette. If you ask yourself daily; why am I still smoking and why can’t I quit, the answer is simple. You have not quit because you have not been honest with yourself and identified the reason why you smoke. Communication is not only important when interacting with others, but we should also honestly and effectively communicate with ourselves in order to identify what has triggered your smoking addiction. Let’s be clear that smoking is in fact an addiction. The addictive ingredient in cigarettes is Nicotine. Nicotine is what makes you get up in the middle of the night to puff on a cigarette or to stand out in the freezing cold just to take a slow drag. I bet you didn’t know that Nicotine is also and appetite suppressant. Some of you have tried to quit smoking, but you gained weight so you threw away your cigarette sobriety and lit up again. Don’t worry; you probably weren’t aware that cigarettes serve as an appetite suppressant.

Are you afraid to stop smoking for fear of gaining weight? Maqui/Resveratrol/ Acai Ultimate is an excellent source for smoker who fear weight gain during the cessation process. Maqu/Resveratol/ Acai Ultimate can also be used as weight control for smokers. This is a supplement that contains Maqui

and Acai, which reportedly have weight control properties. Many smokers fear weight gain with quitting. For smokers, those taking the Acai juice or supplements can begin to repair the damage that has been done to the body through years of nicotine ingesting. Although the body will never be in the state of a non-smoker, it can begin to improve appearance and smoking has been known to be one of the culprits of premature aging; Acai berries have the ability to combat premature aging.

Do you smoke because you are stressed? Stress leads to a plethora of more serious ailments such as; heart attack and stroke. When we are overloaded with work, home,

for years to calm the body and bring it back into balance. Herbalith is an herbal supplement compiled of ten active ingredients that aide in helping your body recharge naturally without harsh chemicals and other foreign substances. One of the key ingredients in Herbalith is Damiana. Damiana is a native shrub of Central and South America. It is well known for its treatment in mild depression and anxiety. It can treat emotional and physical distress in people. It enhances hormonal production, both in men and women and acts as aphrodisiac. Damiana acts as nerve tonic, to relieve your stress. Herbalith can be used to aide in managing other conditions such as; ADHD, Anxiety, Migraine, Insomnia, Headache, Depression, Mood Swings, Chemical Dependency, Mania, Bi-Polar, Fibromyalgia, and Brain Aging.

Smoking is destroying your sacred temple!

school, pending deadlines, and the hustle and bustle of everyday life this can cause stress to the nervous system, stress on the brain and mental capacity, stress on the emotions, stress on the adrenals or any other organ in the body. Instead of going to the gym or just getting some much needed rest and relaxation, you grab the old faithful, your pack of cigarettes to soothe your trouble. An alternative to using smoking as a way of coping with stress is to try a more holistic and natural approach. Herbs, vitamins, and minerals have been used

There is a preponderance of evidence that shows a causal association between cigarette smoking and increased risk of developing certain diseases. The diseases most clearly associated with cigarette smoking are: [1] cardiovascular disease; [2] chronic emphysema; and [3] lung cancer. Clearly, the best strategy to prevent smoking-related diseases is to quit smoking. However, the success of smoking cessation programs is notoriously poor, even in those who are highly motivated to stop smoking. Consequently, I believe that we need to explore other ways to minimize smoking-related damage and diseases.

Octovite is a safe herbal supplement to consider for smoker health enhancement. The ingredients in Octovite are good for allergy support, eye health, memory support, and also for health support for smokers! Specifically, alpha-tocopherol (vitamin E) supplements in the dose range of 400 to 800 iu per day have generally been found to be beneficial (although doses up to 3,200 iu per day have been reported to be safe). The Bible teaches us to take care of the temple that God has blessed us with.

There are over 500 ingredients in cigarettes including formaldehyde, ammonia, hydrogen cyanide, arsenic, and DDT. Herbs, vitamins, and minerals have been used for years to calm the body and bring it back into balance. Take care of your temple as God intended making a conscious effort to quit smoking today. Quitting smoking can

be a difficult if you don’t have the proper information and support. For more information on how you can effectively manage and alleviate stress through herbal supplements please contact us today. Our specialties include Wellness Counseling, Weight loss Counseling, Vitamin Intake counseling, and Holistic Medicine.

Tamyra Comeaux, MD 11811 FM 1960 Suite 104, Houston, TX 77065 Phone: 832 237 4200 | Website: www.naturalwomenscare.com Blog: www.naturalwomenscare.blogspot.com Twitter: http://twitter.com/vitadoc2 Join me on Facebook at “Natural Womens Care”

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Master Communicating: Can You Hear Me Now? By Sharon C. Jenkins, Contributing Writer

They are cultural and class differences, misinterpretation of verbal, written, and non-verbal signals, the quality of the message content, and the writing, speaking, listening, and reading skills of the sender and receiver. There are Six C’s for Effective Communication. They are: courtesy, clarity, conciseness, concreteness, correctness, and completeness.

Reasons Churches Should Use Social Media

Courtesy requires you to: • develop the “you” attitude; • use positive words; • select gender-free terms; and • respond to messages promptly.

A master communicator is someone who has mastered the art of communications in their professional and personal life. When you finish reading this article you will be better qualified to communicate with others. Let’s get back to the basics of Communications 101. Communication is defined

as the exchange of information through speaking, signaling, or writing. There are five elements of the Communication Cycle: the sender, the message, the transmission, the receiver, and feedback. The sender is the person who originates the message. The message is the information that is exchanged. The transmission is

how the message is delivered, via e-mail, text, snail mail, face-toface or by carrier pigeon. The receiver is the person to whom the message is sent. The feedback is the response from the receiver. Your primary goal as a sender is to communicate effectively. Sometimes there are barriers that prohibit that communication.

DID YOU KNOW …

• September 22, 1862 - Emancipation Proclamation announced.

Black History Facts for September! • September 1, 1891 - Halle T.D. Johnson becomes first woman of any race to practice medicine in Alabama. • September 2, 1958 - Frederick M. Jones patents control device for internal combustion engine. • September 3, 1979 - Robert Maynard editor-publisher of the Oakland (California) Tribune, becoming the first African American to head a daily newspaper. • September 4, 1962 - New Orleans Catholic schools integrated. • September 5, 1960 - Leopold Sedar Senghor elected president of Senegal. • September 6, 1848 - Frederick Douglass elected president of National Black Political Convention in Cleveland, Ohio. • September 7, 1954 - Washington, D.C. and Baltimore, Md., public schools integrated. • September 8, 1907 - Negro

Leagues baseball star Buck Leonard born. • September 9, 1968 - Arthur Ashe Jr. wins the first U.S. Open Tennis Championship. • September 10, 1855 - John Mercer Langston elected township clerk of Brownhelm, Ohio, becoming first black to hold elective office in the U.S. • September 11, 1959 - Edward Kennedy “Duke” Ellington wins Springarm Medal for his achievements in music. • September 12, 1992 - Dr. Mae C. Jemison becomes first African American woman to travel in space.

Clarity requires you to implement the KISS (Keep It Simple Sweetie) Principle in your speaking, signaling, or writing easy-to-understand messages. Conciseness requires you to say what needs to be said in as few words as possible. Concreteness means conveying a message with precise terms. Correctness means the details of a message are accurate. Completeness is when the message answers the questions who, what, when, where, why, and how. A complete message also promotes goodwill. Implement these communications strategies effectively into your plan for life-long success and your love life will flourish and your trip up the career ladder will be a dream come true.

• September 15, 1963 - Four African American girls killed in Birmingham church bombing. • September 16, 1923 - First Catholic seminary for Black priests dedicated in Bay St. Louis, Mississippi. • September 17, 1983 - Vanessa Williams becomes first African American woman named Miss America. • September 18, 1895 - Booker T. Washington delivers famous Atlanta Exposition speech. • September 19, 1893 - Elbert R. Robinson patents electric highway trolley.

• September 13, 1886 - Literary critic Alain Locke, first African American Rhodes Scholar, born.

• September 20, 1830 - First National Convention for Free Men agrees to boycott slave-produced goods.

• September 14, 1921 - Constance Baker Motley, first African American appointed federal judge, born.

• September 21, 1815 - General Andrew Jackson honors courage of Black troops who fought in Battle of New Orleans.

• September 23, 1863 - Civil and women’s rights advocate Mary Church Terrell born. • September 24, 1957 - Federal troops enforce court-ordered integration as nine children integrate Central High School in Little Rock, Ark. • September 25, 1974 - Barbara Hancock becomes first African American woman named a White House Fellow. • September 26, 1962 - Sonny Liston knocks out Floyd Patterson to win heavyweight boxing championship. • September 27, 1912 - W.C. Handy publishes “Memphis Blues”. • September 28, 1895 - National Baptist Convention organized. • September 29, 1910 - The National Urban League founded in New York City. • September 30, 1962 - Under the protection of federal marshals, James Meredith enrolls as the first African American student at University of Mississippi.

By Paul Steinbrueck

f your church is still on the fence about using Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, or other social media tools to communicate with those in your church and those in your community, here are 5 compelling reasons.

Gets news/info to people who use social media. People miss church, they don’t pay attention to announcements, they don’t read newsletters, and some don’t check email. For some Facebook or Twitter users, the best way to let them know about what’s going on in your church may be through social media.

Helps people feel better connected to the church. For a person who may only go to church once a week or less, connecting to the church through social media helps them to know what’s going on and feel better connected to the church.

Fosters better relationships among members. Through your church’s use of Facebook or Twitter, members of your church and meet and get to know other members of the church.

Enables the entire church to be the church – praying, encouraging, and teaching each other – online.

People can invite friends to services, share stories, articles, videos, and the gospel with friends outside of the church and Christianity. The church’s role is not primarily to evangelize; it’s to equip its people to evangelize and disciple.

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Families First-Keys to Successful Family Functioning: Communication By Rick Peterson / Stephen Green, Contributing Writer

Rick Peterson, Extension Specialist and Assistant Professor, Department of Human Development, and Stephen Green, Graduate Student, Department of Human Development, Virginia Tech

Effective communication is an important characteristic of strong, healthy families. Research identifies communication as an essential building block of strong marital, parentchild, and sibling relationships. Family Communication Family communication refers to the way verbal and non-verbal information is exchanged between family members (Epstein, Bishop, Ryan, Miller, & Keitner, (1993). Communication involves the ability to pay attention to what others are thinking and feeling. In other words, an important part of communication is not just talking, but listening to what others have to say. Communication within the family is extremely important because it enables members to express their needs, wants, and concerns to each other. Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows family members to express their differences as well as love and admiration for one another. It is through communication that family members are able to resolve the unavoidable problems that arise in all families. Just as effective communication is almost always found in strong, healthy families, poor communication is usually found in unhealthy family relationships. Marriage and family therapists often report that poor communication is a common complaint of families who are having difficulties. Poor communication is unclear and indirect. It can lead to numerous family problems, including excessive family conflict, ineffective problem solving, lack of intimacy, and weak emotional bonding. Researchers have discovered a strong link between communication patterns and satisfaction with family relationships (Noller

& Fitzpatrick, 1990). In fact, one researcher discovered that the more positively couples rated their communication, the more satisfied they were with their relationship five and a half years later (Markman, 1981). Poor communication is also associated with an increased risk of divorce and marital separation and more behavioral problems in children. Instrumental and Affected Communication Communication can be divided into two different areas: instrumental and affective. Instrumental communication is the exchange of factual information that enables individuals to fulfill common family functions (e.g., telling a child that he/she will be picked up from school at a specific time and location). Affective communication is the way individual family members share their emotions with one another (e.g., sadness, anger, joy). Some families function extremely well with instrumental communication, yet have great difficulty with affective communication. Healthy families are able to communicate well in both areas. Clear vs. Masked and Direct vs. Indirect Communication Communication can be clear or masked and direct or indirect (Epstein, Bishop, Ryan, Miller, & Keitner, 1993). Clear communication occurs when messages are spoken plainly and the content is easily understood by other family members. Masked communication occurs when the message is muddied or vague. Communication is direct if the person spoken to is the person for whom the message is intended. In contrast, communication is indirect if the message is not directed to the person

for whom it is intended. Four Styles of Communication Epstein et al. (1993) have identified the following four styles of communication. 1. Clear and Direct Communication Clear and direct communication is the most healthy form of communication and occurs when the message is stated plainly and directly to the appropriate family member. An example of this style of communication is when a father, disappointed about his son failing to complete his chore, states, “Son, I’m disappointed that you forgot to take out the trash today without my having to remind you.” 2. Clear and Indirect Communication In this second style of communication, the message is clear, but it is not directed to the person for whom it is intended. Using the previous example, the father might say, “It’s disappointing when people forget to complete their chores.” In this message the son may not know that his father is referring to him. 3. Masked and Direct Communication Masked and direct communication occurs when the content of the message is unclear, but directed to the appropriate family member. The father in our example may say something like, “Son, people just don’t work as hard as they used to.” 4. Masked and Indirect Communication Masked and indirect communication occurs when both the message and intended recipient are unclear. In unhealthy family relationships, communication tends to be

very masked and indirect. An example of this type of communication might be the father stating, “The youth of today are very lazy.” Keys to Building Effective Family Communication There are many things that families can do to become more effective communicators and in turn to improve the quality of their relationships. Families can improve their communication skills by following some suggestions for building effective family communication. • Communicate Frequently One of the most difficult challenges facing families today is finding time to spend together. According to a recent Wall Street Journal survey, 40% of the respondents stated that lack of time was a greater problem for them than lack of money (Graham & Crossan, 1996). With our busy schedules, it is difficult to find sufficient time to spend with one another in meaningful conversation. It is extremely important for families to make time to communicate. Talk in the car; turn the TV off and eat dinner together; schedule informal or formal family meetings to talk about important issues that affect your family; and talk to your children at bedtime. There are many creative ways to make time to communicate with other family members. • Communicate Clearly and Directly Healthy families communicate their thoughts and feelings in a clear and direct manner. This is especially important when attempting to resolve problems that arise between family members (e.g., spouse, parent-child). Indirect and vague communication will not only fail to resolve problems, but will also contribute to a lack of intimacy and emo-

tional bonding between family members. • Be An Active Listener An essential aspect of effective communication is listening to what others are saying. Being an active listener involves trying your best to understand the point of view of the other person. Whether you are listening to a spouse or a child, it is important to pay close attention to their verbal and non-verbal messages. As an active listener, you must acknowledge and respect the other person’s perspective. For example, when listening to a spouse or child, you should nod your head or say, “I understand,” which conveys to the other person that you care about what he or she has to say. Another aspect of active listening is seeking clarification if you do not understand the other family member. This can be done by simply asking, “What did you mean when you said..?” or “Did I understand you correctly?” • In order for effective communication to take place within families, individual family members must be open and honest with one another. This openness and honesty will set the stage for trusting relationships. Without trust, families cannot build strong relationships. Parents, especially, are responsible for providing a safe environment that allows family members to openly express their thoughts and feelings. • Think About the Person With Whom You Are Communicating Not all family members communicate in the same manner or at the same level. This is especially true of young children. When communicating with young children, it is important for adults to listen carefully to what the children are saying without making unwarranted assumptions. It is also important to take into

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consideration the ages and maturity levels of children. Parents cannot communicate with children in the same way that they communicate with their spouse because the child may not be old enough to understand. • Pay Attention to NonVerbal Messages In addition to carefully listening to what is being said, effective communicators also pay close attention to the non-verbal behaviors of other family members. For example, a spouse or child may say something verbally, but their facial expressions or body language may be telling you something completely different. In cases such as these, it is important to find out how the person is really feeling. • Be Positive While it is often necessary to address problems between family members, or to deal with negative situations, effective communication is primarily positive. Marital and family researchers have discovered that unhappy family relationships are often the result of negative communication patterns (e.g., criticism, contempt, defensiveness). In fact, John Gottman and his colleagues have found that satisfied married couples had five positive interactions to every one negative interaction (Gottman, 1994). Couples who are very dissatisfied with their relationships typically engage in more negative interactions than positive. It is very important for family members to verbally compliment and encourage one another. Virginia Cooperative Extension materials are available for public use, re-print, or citation without further permission, provided the use includes credit to the author and to Virginia Cooperative Extension, Virginia Tech, and Virginia State University. Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work, Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University, Virginia State University, and the U.S. Department of Agriculture cooperating. Alan L. Grant, Dean, College of Agriculture and Life Sciences; Edwin J. Jones, Director, Virginia Cooperative Extension, Virginia Tech, Blacksburg; Jewel E. Hairston, Interim Administrator,1890 Extension Program, Virginia State, Petersburg. May 1, 2009

24. September - October 15, 2011

Why a Will? of your estate. A qualified, experienced, legal professional can help ensure your will is properly written and contribute to the overall success of your estate plan. Composing a will helps to ensure that you control how your estate is divided. However,

vided and by whom. Some people may believe their estate is too minor to need a will, but even if you believe this is the case, you should consider writing one anyway. The reason is simple: If you die without a will, you automatically forfeit the chance to direct the dealings of your estate. In addition to facilitating bequests, a will is an opportunity for you to designate your own executor, guardians for minor children, and other fiduciaries. If you have decided that you would like your estate to pass to

an estate that is not covered by a will (also known as an intestate estate) will bring into effect your state’s intestacy rules. These rules govern how your estate will be di-

personal friends or charity, a will is the primary means of fulfilling these wishes. Without a will, the courts will have no way of knowing your preferences, and

By Charles Swindell, Financial Services Representative MetLife Financial Group of Houston

Often, the prospect of writing a will brings up feelings of discomfort. And yet, devising a will is one of the most important factors in estate planning, and one that should promote feelings of security. Doing so means that heirs will be provided for, and your distribution wishes will be met. Like many people, have you postponed the task of writing a will? Or, is it time to review a will drafted years ago? A will is a formal, legal document instructing your survivors in the settlement

will seek relatives—however distant—for distribution purposes. For those who have life partners and are not married, wills are a means of helping to ensure that these loved ones will be included. In addition, a will offers the opportunity to designate a secondary beneficiary in the event of the primary beneficiary’s death. Even those who have shifted the majority of their assets into trusts, or who use joint ownership, should draw up a will. While these methods are designed to bypass probate (the judicial process that establishes the validity of a will) they are not able to cover all assets. A will, however, does have the potential to cover all assets, leaving no property unaccounted for and no stone unturned. Wills are a means of providing security to you and your loved ones. The topic may be emotionally challenging, but when the many advantages are considered, they far outweigh temporary discomfort. Careful estate planning is the best way to identify how your assets will be divided, who is to be named executor, and who will receive benefits according to your wishes. Consult a legal professional for specific guidance. Pursuant to IRS Circular 230, MetLife is providing you with the fol-

lowing notification.The information contained in this document is not intended to [and cannot] be used by anyone to avoid IRS penalties. This document supports the promotion and marketing of MetLife products. You should seek advice based on your particular circumstances from an independent tax advisor. MetLife, its agents, and representatives may not give legal or tax advice. Any discussion of taxes herein or related to this document is for general information purposes only and does not purport to be complete or cover every situation. Tax law is subject to interpretation and legislative change. Tax results and the appropriateness of any product for any specific taxpayer may vary depending on the facts and circumstances. You should consult with and rely on your own independent legal and tax advisers regarding your particular set of facts and circumstances. This article appears courtesy of Charles Swindell. Charles is a Registered Representative offering securities through MetLife Securities, Inc. (MSI) (member FINRA/SIPC). Metropolitan Life Insurance Company (MLIC), New York, NY, 10166. He focuses on meeting the individual insurance and financial services needs of people in the African-American market. You can reach Charles at the office at 10333 Richmond Ave Suite 1050, Houston, TX 77042 and 832-251-5493. MSI and MLIC are MetLife companies. Copyright © 2011 Liberty Publishing, Inc. All Rights Reserved. L0311171688[exp0412][All States][DC]

September - October 15, 2011

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