eburgmoms 2019

Serving Ellensburg, Ronald, Roslyn, Cle Elum, South Cle Elum, Kittitas, Thorp & Easton | Spring 2018

Women’s wellness: 7 tips for back pain relief during pregnancy Living with Children: Why some believe they’re entitled ‘He was cold as ice’: Parents want to know what causes SUDC Lack of focus don’t necessarily mean your child has ADHD

A supplement to the Daily Record / Spring 2019

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CONTENTS Genealogy searches: Not all adopted children want to be found

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Women’s wellness: 7 tips for back pain relief during pregnancy

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Ask Mr. Day: Traveling With Someone Else’s Kids

10 Child development this and child development that, what about mother development?

12 Living with Children: Why some believe they’re entitled 14 His Christmas kindness went viral, but here is this bus driver’s real gift to kids 16 ‘He was cold as ice’: Parents want to know what causes SUDC 22 College students fund free summer camp for children touched by cancer 24 Lack of focus don’t necessarily mean your child has ADHD

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Genealogy searches:

Not all adopted children want to be found

By Alison Bowen Chicago Tribune DeAnn Link is searching for her daughter. She’d be 23 years old now.

Link said she gave birth in a Chicago hospital in 1996 at age 18, and the baby was placed with an adoptive family.

She has searched for her on LinkedIn, Google and through websites that allow birth parents and adoptees to register with contact information. But years of searching has led to nothing.

“It’s kind of frustrating,” she said. “I know she’s out there, and I know I’ll find her soon. The more I try, the more I put myself out there, the more she’ll be able to see it.”

Up next to try? A genealogy website. Link and other birth parents have been turning to DNA and genealogy websites as a way to potentially find and connect with adopted sons and daughters.

Recently, Link opened an account on Ancestry.com, and she is waiting on the next steps to submit her DNA, which could potentially match others who have submitted to the site. Maybe, she hopes, she will find her that way.

“I’m excited,” she said. “I was so young when everything went on, and it’s been a missing piece in my heart since then.”

Genetic testing sites like Ancestry, 23AndMe and MyHeritage are expanding the options for biological parents seeking to find adoptees.

Birth parents’ search options include going through 4

an adoption agency or turning to online searching and scouring social media. Some also use private investigators. But now, for example, on Facebook pages that help people find family members, many first suggest a genealogy website.

The ability to seek matches instantly is an enormous shift, adoption experts said.

“That is a huge, huge sort of change in the way that nobody ever anticipated,” said Nina Friedman, director of post adoption support at The Cradle, an adoption agency based in Evanston, Ill. At Adopted.com, a website that has 850,000 members and helps adoptees and biological parents connect, founder Katharine Wall said, “Technology can really change things overnight.”

Last fall, the website, which already helps connect searchers with investigators and genetic researchers, began letting users upload their own DNA profiles.

Adopted.com is working on partnerships with some genealogy websites in hopes of eventually being able to offer users a way to check matches across several sites.

Kathryn Holcomb-Kirby said she has been trying to establish contact with her son, who would now be 27, for years. He was adopted in 1991, when Holcomb-Kirby was 17, she said. She gave birth to him in Skokie, Ill., and he was placed with an adoptive family in Wisconsin, she said.

She is working with an agency attempting to connect her, and she added her information to Adopted.com.

Even armed with some information — the parents’

first names and the state they lived in — about her son’s adopted family, she still has been unable to find him. “It’s more than a lot of people have, but it’s still limited,” she said. She recently requested a kit from Ancestry.com.

Often, it is the adoptee who seeks out more information or a connection with a birth mother or father.

But with ever-expanding search options like genealogy sites, said Chuck Johnson, president of the Alexandria, Va.-based National Council For Adoption, “it doesn’t surprise me that with the technology today and the tools that are available, that more and more birth moms may be reaching out that way.”

In Illinois, searchers can use the Health Department’s Illinois Adoption Registry and Medical Information Exchange, where people can register to authorize or prohibit the release of identifying information to others involved in an adoption. The Confidential Intermediary Service of Illinois, a program of the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services, is another resource for seeking family members.

BEGINNING THE SEARCH Birth parents or adoptees begin a search for many reasons, from establishing a relationship to finding out health history. Others might not know that seeking a reunion or more information is a possibility.

“A lot of birth parents don’t feel like they’re entitled to actually seek out their child,” Friedman said. “And so it seems like it should be the child’s decision.”

She said that, in some cases, both parties — a biological parent and an adopted child — might be open to connecting, but each thinks the other person should make the decision. “If everyone thinks the other person should be doing it, nobody does it.”

Of course, in some cases the person might not want to be found or contacted.

That’s how Chicagoan Linze Rice felt when her biological father reached out in 2018. Years earlier, her mother had told her that although she was her birth mother, the man she’d always known as her father had actually adopted her. Rice said she felt no need to establish a reunion with her birth father — “It wasn’t really a huge void in my life,” she said — but did seek out information on him through contact with a cousin years ago. She knew that he was aware of her, and vice versa.

For that reason, she said, it surprised her even more when he sent a Facebook message to her parents.

“I’ve never reached out, I’ve never done anything to do that, and he knows that I could if I wanted to,” Rice said.

“I had a surprisingly negative reaction to it.”

She decided not to respond and, a year later, still has not.

HOW TO REACH OUT Before attempting to establish contact, experts advise thinking through a few things. Consider what might happen and how you will feel. The person may or may not

want a relationship; the person may or may not have the life you might have hoped.

Wall counsels patience, and she reminds people that they might simply need to give a potential relationship time.

“It’s super important to have a very gentle approach and then to back off and be patient,” she said. “It’s so common that people say they’re not interested in a reunion, and then they change their mind.”

Friedman advises thinking through possible outcomes, expectations and motivations. “You could find out a number of things that may not be what you were expecting,” she said. “The other person may no longer be living, which can be devastating. The other person may not be open to contact.”

Experts caution against simply showing up on the person’s doorstep.

And Friedman cautions against bringing an attitude of, “You’re my child, and I’m so excited to find you, and let’s become best friends.” Instead, consider the approach, “This is who I am. I think we might be a match, and would you be open to exploring that?”

Reaching out, Friedman reminds people, is just the first step.

“Just because you find the other person and you connect and they’re open, it is a brand-new relationship,” Friedman said. “You’re strangers. You have to think about how you build a new relationship.”

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Women’s wellness: 7 tips for back pain relief during pregnancy

By Mayo Clinic News Network Back pain during pregnancy isn’t surprising, but it still deserves attention. You’re gaining weight, your center of gravity changes, and your hormones are relaxing the ligaments in the joints of your pelvis.

Often, however, you can prevent or ease back pain during pregnancy. Consider seven ways to give pregnancy back pain the boot.

1. Practice good posture As your baby grows, your center of gravity shifts forward. To avoid falling forward, you might compensate by leaning back _ which can strain the muscles in your lower back and contribute to back pain during pregnancy. Keep these principles of good posture in mind: n Stand up straight and tall. n Hold your chest high. n Keep your shoulders back and relaxed. n Don’t lock your knees.

When you stand, use a comfortably wide stance for 6

the best support. If you must stand for long periods of time, rest one foot on a low step stool — and take time for frequent breaks.

Good posture also means sitting with care. Choose a chair that supports your back, or place a small pillow behind your lower back.

2. Get the right gear Wear low-heeled — not flat — shoes with good arch support. Avoid high heels, which can further shift your balance forward and cause you to fall.

You might also consider wearing a maternity support belt. Although research on the effectiveness of maternity support belts is limited, some women find the additional support helpful.

3. Lift properly When lifting a small object, squat down and lift with your legs. Don’t bend at the waist or lift with your back. It’s also important to know your limits. Ask for help if you need it.

4. Sleep on your side Sleep on your side, not your back. Keep one or both knees bent. Consider using pregnancy or support pillows between your bent knees, under your abdomen and behind your back.

5. Try heat, cold or massage While evidence to support their effectiveness is limited, massage or the application of a heating pad or ice pack to your back might help.

6. Include physical activity in your daily routine Regular physical activity can keep your back strong and might relieve back pain during pregnancy. With your health care provider’s OK, try gentle activities — such as walking or water exercise. A physical therapist also can show you stretches and exercises that might help.

You might also stretch your lower back. Rest on your hands and knees with your head in line with your back.

Pull in your stomach, rounding your back slightly. Hold for several seconds, then relax your stomach and back _ keeping your back as flat as possible. Gradually work up to 10 repetitions. Ask your health care provider about other stretching exercises, too.

7. Consider complementary therapies Some research suggests that acupuncture might

relieve back pain during pregnancy. Chiropractic treatment might provide comfort for some women as well. However, further research is needed. If you’re considering a complementary therapy, discuss it with your health care provider. Be sure to tell the chiropractor or acupuncturist that you are pregnant.

Know when to consult your health care provider If you have severe back pain during pregnancy or back pain that lasts more than two weeks, talk to your health care provider. He or she might recommend medication such as acetaminophen (Tylenol, others) or other treatments.

Keep in mind that back pain during pregnancy might be a sign of preterm labor or a urinary tract infection. If you have back pain during pregnancy that’s accompanied by vaginal bleeding, fever or burning during urination, contact your health care provider right away.

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Ask Mr. Dad:

Traveling with someone else’s kids

By Armin Brott Tribune News Service Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I are planning our summer vacation and are considering inviting one of our daughter’s friends to join us. I know it sounds like a great idea, but I’m sure there are all sorts of potential pitfalls. What do we need to watch out for?

A: You’re right. There are plenty of ways your plan could go awry. Here are a few steps you can take to minimize the potential hazards.

Get permission. If your daughter’s friend has divorced or separated parents, make sure you get written permission from both parents. If this sounds odd, consider that single parents can’t generally take a child outside the U.S. without written permission from the other parent or legal proof of having sole legal and physical custody or documentation that the other parent is either dead or can’t be found.

Plan. If you don’t know your daughter’s friend pretty well, invite her to dinner first or at least 8

make sure you spend some time together so you can all get to know each other. If your daughter is thinking of inviting a boy (or a romantic interest of either sex), you’ll need to set up a few family-only dinners to clarify exactly what your thoughts are on that issue, as well as your expectations. This can be a big deal, so you and your wife might want to have a few conversations first to be sure that you’re both on the same page before you lay down the law for your daughter.

Health. Avoid surprises and never depend on a child of any age to inform you about any allergies, medication, medical conditions, or physical limitations. Ask your young guest’s parents to complete a checklist including medical history (including their doctor’s name and phone number), allergies (including food and drugs), favorite (and despised) foods, normal bedtime hours, movie restrictions (are R movies allowed), and religious observances (i.e. grace before meals, regular church or synagogue attendance, etc.).

Discipline. Sometimes your children will behave better in your presence because they don’t want

to be disciplined in front of their peers (other times they behave worse, because they want to show off how much they can get away with). Someone else’s philosophy of discipline may not be yours but it’s fine to explain that during the trip, your daughter’s friend will have to abide by your rules or go home. Smaller children may not understand so readily why your expectations differ from their parents’, but the same guidelines should apply.

That said, if you happen to know that your methods of disciplining are very different from that of the parents of your daughter’s friend, I would recommend postponing travel together until their child has experienced other authority figures and has learned to adapt to different situations.

Logistics. Be ready to adapt to traveling with a larger number by arriving early to a restaurant or making a reservation to accommodate your group size. Also, be flexible enough to split up the group, for example, in a movie theater, if you can’t find seats all together.

Who pays. Be clear with the other child’s parents about which expenses you are willing to cover and which ones you expect them to cover. The more specific, the better. If one or more of your guests are paying for their own meals, it’s easier to keep an expense log and settle the bills later, rather than collecting money at every meal.

If you discuss the arrangements verbally, follow up with a note so that you’ve got a nice, detailed paper trail.

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Child development this and child development that, what about mother development?

By Debra-Lynn B. Hook Tribune News Service Throughout the lives of our children, we mothers get loaded down with information and advice.

Via pamphlets at the pediatrician’s office, posters on the wall at the elementary school and experience itself, we become experts in first words, first teeth and first steps, in weaning, potty training, going to school, making friends and leaving home.

All about them.

Having done this three times now, having just weathered one of the hardest stages of motherhood, that is the leave-taking of the last child and the concurrent reassembling of my identity, I have to ask: What about the story of the mother?

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What about the fact that we are as new to this business of child-rearing, as the babies we birthed, and how come the pediatrician doesn’t hand out mother-development pamphlets with the child-development ones?

We are led to believe the birth-to-vacate-the-premises process is exclusively about child development, when in fact, we mothers are silently moving from one profound stage of human development to the next, right alongside them.

We could use some attendant educating about what to expect, not just when we’re expecting. But about all the stages of motherhood, from start to “finish,” from the time the baby emerges and we feel like a baby ourselves, to the time they leave and we curl up in the fetal position and wonder if we’ll ever come out.

This information would not be a parenthetical

paragraph inserted in a pamphlet about the Terrible Twos.

It would be a whole pamphlet, or a series of pamphlets, or, a book, a companion book, say, to “Raising your Spirited Child,” entitled “Raising Your Spirited Mother Self.”

The authors of such works could make it easy, staging us like butterflies, with the egg stage ending in a hatching.

Baby hatches. We do, too, our mouths agape in just as much bewilderment and awe.

Next would be the caterpillar phase, an especially long stage, when we grow and expand, in this case, our wisdom, while inching along and sometimes squirming right off the leaf we’re trying to eat.

At some point we would move into the chrysalis stage, about the time the kids move into college, emerging only after we have meditated our way into the butterfly the pamphlets told us we would become.

As it is, as my last child graduated from high school four years ago, and I entered the chrysalis, couldn’t fathom anything but darkness.

Sometimes I lay curled up inside, simply breathing through the monumental changes to my daily existence over which I had no control.

Other times I struggled against the hard walls of my necessary incubation, wanting out, but not finding an exit.

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with spring, I felt the walls begin to give way to the opening of wings.

My wings.

I had no idea.

I thought I was in there forever, only to find there is life after the child-rearing years, and a good one at that.

A pamphlet about the stages of motherhood would have alerted me to the waiting light, and especially the dark, that there is light after dark after light, with consistent, measurable progress along the way.

Just like potty training. Mommy training. Just like baby weaning. Mommy weaning. Just like holding hands to cross the street, having our own hands to hold.

Attention to mother development would have let me know, as much as anything, that the system is seeing us, watching our backs, upholding our progress, too.

Such attention, of course, would require a wholesale reversal of romantic thought, about mothers as selfless, giving creatures needing nothing.

Which will likely not happen in my lifetime when an overwhelming majority of the world’s leaders, still, will never be a mother.

Meanwhile, I envision a pamphlet, right next to the ones about potty training and weaning.

It would be aptly titled, “First in a Series: Mothers Start Off As Babies, Too.”

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Living with Children: Why some believe they’re entitled

By John Rosemond Tribune News Service To the many readers who recently asked: Yes, I do take requests, and yes, I will riff on the Perpetually Beautiful People Who Laid Out Mega-Bribes to Guarantee That Their Beautiful and Everlastingly Entitled Bratz Get into the College of Their Choice Scandal.

Why would anyone who’s been paying attention be surprised?

When polls find that a majority of high school students believe that cheating on tests is acceptable if it means they might get into a better college, why would anyone be aghast at their parents paying big bucks to fudge transcripts and test results to guarantee their admission to said schools? And let’s face it, if more people made mega-bucks, this scandal would not be limited to people stalked by paparazzi.

There are three factors at work here (and I’ve already identified one of them): Entitlement, Self-Esteem, and Co-dependency. In order …

First, the parents and children in question come from two generations disproportionately populated by people who believe they are entitled … entitled to be entitled, even. The individuals in question believe three things 12

that until recently were reserved to European royalty, toddlers, criminals, and career politicians: 1. What I want I deserve to have.

2. Because I deserve it, the ends justify the means.

3. The rules do not apply to me because I am special (semi-divine, if you must know).

This mentality, which defines a sociopath, began to spread in the 1970s as America’s collective parenting goal shifted from instilling self-responsibility and the work ethic — as in, preserving culture — to fostering success and happiness. That shift accounts for the dramatic increase over the same time period of children and teens in therapy and on psychiatric medications.

Second, the ongoing encroach of entitlement has been accompanied by the post-modern notion that high esteem for the self is a good thing and that parents should do whatever possible to guarantee that this psychological virus finds permanent lodging in their kids.

The mental health community tied self-esteem to achievement, so parents got busy helping their children achieve. When is the last time you heard someone brag about their child’s manners? Or his character? His morals? You probably cannot remember unless you are Amish. Come to think of it, Amish parents don’t brag about their kids, period. That explains it! My parents were closet Amish!

Which brings us to the third factor: Parent-child co-

dependency has also become ubiquitous in recent years, a symptom of which is parents who, when their kids do bad things at school, deny they are culprits or could even be culprits and say really dumb things like “My child has never lied to me!” and “My child would never do such a thing!”

Today’s parents feel their children’s pain (as opposed to understanding why their kids are in pain and after offering helpful suggestions, wish them well with it).

That is the operational definition of co-dependency.

When you feel someone else’s “pain,” you enter into their reality. At that point, you become their personal enabler and enabling is the primary feature of a co-dependent relationship.

Parents who are in co-dependent relationships with their kids are beyond being helicopters; they are now called lawn-mower and snow-plow parents. I call them “Cuisinart Parents,” because their lives and their children’s lives are blended together — pureed, even.

Their children’s successes, failures, disappointments, frustrations, rejections, upswings, downswings — every swing in every way, in fact — are theirs as well. No wonder, some say, mothers take more anti-depressants than any other demographic.

My final word on the subject: We ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

How about paying for your kid to get a prime job and then paying his or her salary? I’m not kidding.

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His Christmas kindness went viral, but here is this bus driver’s real gift to kids

By Sharon Grigsb The Dallas Morning News DALLAS — Months after school bus driver Curtis Jenkins became an internet sensation for playing Santa to every child on his Richardson ISD route, this humble man’s steadying daily presence in their lives continues to be the far greater gift.

Jenkins’ generosity went viral just before Christmas when Lake Highlands Elementary posted to Facebook a photo of the front of Bus 1693 piled high with more than 70 brightly wrapped gifts. Jenkins not only had bought each of his young charges a present, he made his selections from the kids’ wish lists.

The Facebook post was quickly shared more than 13,500 times, and media outlets in more than 20 countries picked up the story. ABC News and Huffington Post wrote about Jenkins. And about 100 or so cards — from Kansas, Africa, California and Australia — arrived at the Lake Highlands campus, all of them expressing thanks to Jenkins. Some even offered financial help.

“Mr. Jenkins didn’t want any money. He didn’t really even want the press. He just wanted to show his love for the kids,” PTA President Jennifer Wilcox told me this 14

week.

Jenkins says he just hopes that when these kids look back on their early school days, they will say, “Remember that bus driver — he put a lot into us.”

Lake Highlands Elementary is known within RISD for exuding big-hearted generosity, but even here, Jenkins’ quiet passion for doing good deeds and teaching life lessons stands out. Kids can’t escape some amount of education before they arrive at school each day, Jenkins told me. “I want to give them the right kind.”

In his seventh year driving Richardson ISD routes, the 46-year-old ferries students to and from three schools _ the elementary, Richardson West Junior High and J.J. Pearce High School — as well as handling some specialneeds bus duties.

Jenkins has a heart for all the students, but he has a special soft spot for the elementary-age children.

Jenkins and the Lake Highlands Elementary students have created their own virtual neighborhood on the bus. The children hold down various leadership jobs such as cleanup detail, safety officer and president.

Each “working” student gets five “bus bucks” weekly, redeemable for school supplies that Jenkins purchases mostly out of his own pocket.

He’s recently added a new wrinkle to this economics lesson: Jenkins takes back one bus buck from each student to cover the “cost” of those who choose not to work. “You go to those people who aren’t working and recruit them to help, then you’ll all win,” he tells the students.

Jenkins believes his most important work is the short talk he gives from the front of the bus each morning before the students pile out to begin their school day.

The deeply devout Jenkins takes on a preacher’s oratory voice as he recalled some of those: Walk with a purpose until you walk into your purpose. Everybody deserves a chance. No matter the odds, don’t ever count anyone out _ including yourself.

Lake Highlands Elementary principal Emily Gruninger told me — through a giant smile — about a conversation just last week with a parent who reported that her child is excited to get up and come to school because he knows Jenkins will be there to greet him each morning at the bus stop.

She said that while Jenkins’ activities are hardly part of a bus driver’s job description, his deep investment in the students on his bus sets each up for better success at school. Informally, he is playing a role in the socialemotional learning environment — soft skills, but critical ones, such as problem-solving and collaboration _ nurtured by the Lake Highlands campus and its involved parents.

“We want every child to have an adult they can count on, and the more adults the better,” Gruninger said.

“Having Curtis there to start the day and end the day for these kids — with all the people in the rest of the day — he is part of the puzzle helping kids grow and succeed.”

Wilcox, the PTA president, says Jenkins is a beautiful example of what she sees inside the school every day: “A spirit of acceptance and love amid a great diversity of children and talents.”

Led by the PTA, the school is planning a special award for Jenkins in the next few weeks.

While the giant spread of Christmas gifts last December may be the most eye-catching of his work, Jenkins and his wife, Shaneqia, try to make every holiday special. For example, the young students receive birthday cards and the couple buys turkeys for overburdened families at Thanksgiving. Recently they were busy putting together Easter bags for the kids.

Jenkins, who hopes to eventually create a nonprofit that provides after-school options for children, says he has plenty of reasons for the inspiration underneath his good works.

After spending his early childhood in Louisiana, his family moved to Pleasant Grove and he attended Spruce High School. “It was rough back then at Spruce. I came from the country and I wasn’t ready for all that black on black violence,” he told me.

Life was so treacherous — and so many of his friends were dying — that he didn’t expect to see his 25th birthday. But with a strong faith in God — and his mother’s firm hand on Curtis — Jenkins eventually earned the necessary credentials to do electrical, HVAC and plumbing work.

He and Shaneqia, whom he met in eighth grade, now live in Garland and are the parents of three daughters in their 20s. He’s most proud of his daughters’ work ethic.

“I taught all of them to be worker bees and they work hard.”

Jenkins signed on to drive a school bus because his mother became ill and he needed more flexibility. His assessment of his life’s path is simple and spiritual: “I’m always walking in the light of whatever God has asked me to do.”

Jenkins doesn’t much care for terms like “fame” or “hero” when it comes to his work with students. Yes, he knows that a lot of recognition has come his way this school year, but he says that’s something to be shared with the children, along with the school teachers and staff.

“There is no I on my bus, only we. We did this all together,” he said.

But he would like to see more adults step up to be advocates. “We need these kids to know they have potential _ they are like little apprentices. One day they will be the leaders when we aren’t around.”

15

‘He was cold as ice’:

Parents want to know what causes SUDC

By Kate Thayer Chicago Tribune It was during a rushed but otherwise typical Tuesday morning when Jeff Frank of North Aurora, Ill., went to wake his 16-month-old son, Emmett, and noticed him in an unusual sleeping position: a yoga child’s pose. When he turned him over, Emmett was already gone.

Joe and Nicole Wesolowski, of Naperville, Ill., were getting their older daughter ready for bed when they decided to check on 15-month-old son Ryan, who had been asleep in his crib since earlier that evening. He had stopped 16

breathing.

And when Raquel Torres, of Glenview, Ill., tried to wake her 2-year-old son Julian for the day, she couldn’t. “He was cold as ice.”

All of their children were dead, some for hours. And still years later, no one can tell them why.

Sudden unidentified death in childhood, or SUDC, is defined as the death of a child age 1 to 18 — though most are toddlers — without a known cause, even after an autopsy and investigation by doctors, and sometimes police and child-welfare officials.

These children are older than the 12-month age cutoff for sudden infant death, typically referred to

as SIDS, and have outgrown the risk of suffocating in their sleep, a factor in sudden death in younger infants.

Now, parents, researchers and other advocates are looking for answers. They are pushing for federal legislation that would fund SUDC research and improve how these deaths are classified and investigated. Researchers say the first step is to come up with an accurate count of these deaths, with the hope of someday finding common links. That could not only provide answers to devastated families, but also offer lifesaving measures similar to the safe sleep campaigns credited with lowering

SIDS rates across the country.

The New Jersey-based SUDC Foundation and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimate that about 400 children in the U.S. die these mysterious deaths each year — the fifth leading cause of death among 1- to 4-year-olds — though researchers say the number is likely higher. Yet SUDC is mostly unknown, even in the medical community. Families say their physicians, puzzled by the children’s deaths, had never heard of it.

Torres, whose son died more than two years ago, still can’t understand it.

“There were no signs of him being sick,” Torres said, through tears. She is still haunted by this question: “Is there something I could’ve done?”

‘SAVE MY BABY’ On Kristy Frank’s way out the door early Oct. 15, 2013 — her 33rd birthday — she peeked at son Emmett sleeping, but a voice inside her told her not to go in the room before heading to the optometry practice she owns with her husband.

Not long after, Jeff Frank was getting the couple’s older sons — then 6 and 4 — up and ready for the day. When he went to get Emmett and turned him over, the toddler wasn’t breathing and felt like “dead weight” in his arms. The father laid his son on the floor and started CPR as he yelled for his 6-year-old to call 911. The boy then also called his mom’s cellphone, not knowing she had left it at home. Her voicemail recorded the next several minutes as Jeff Frank screamed “save my baby” to the paramedics who had arrived. They soon told him his son was already dead.

After Jeff Frank called his wife at work, a police officer had to confirm what he was telling her because she didn’t believe him. “He

had just seen the pediatrician (for a checkup) a few weeks before,” she said.

When Kristy Frank arrived home, Emmett was wrapped in a blanket so she could hold him one last time before the coroner took him away. Because there was no obvious cause of death, police and the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services investigated.

The Franks were forced to place their other children in relatives’ custody and could not be alone with them for about a week until DCFS cleared them, they said.

In the days that followed, Kristy Frank said she’d wander the house, not sure what to do with her hands because she was used to carrying around Emmett, a loving, happy toddler who loved to hug and would pat his parents’ backs when he embraced them.

“I thought for sure she’d blame me,” Jeff Frank said. “For months, I thought I was the cause of his death.”

In time, Jeff Frank said, he came to know that his son’s death was out of his control. Although he accepts he may never know why, he hopes to find answers. “There has to be a reason.”

SEARCHING FOR ANSWERS In seeking answers, the Franks, along with more than 100 families across the country, have sent medical records and blood samples from their deceased children and themselves to the SUDC Registry and Research Collaborative, funded by private donations, mostly through the SUDC Foundation.

Dr. Orrin Devinsky, a neurologist at New York University’s Langone Medical Center and the principal investigator of the SUDC research collaborative, said he’s looking for genetic mutations among these children and their relatives, while also reviewing other

medical information in what he calls an “extremely understudied population.” While SIDS has received millions of dollars in federal funding from the National Institutes of Health and CDC for research and public awareness campaigns, “SUDC has received zero,” Devinsky said.

He’s joined by more than 30 other physicians and scientists in varying specialties, including medical examiners and coroners, who review the children’s medical records and the investigations into their deaths. They also interview the participating families.

In the four years since their SUDC research began, Devinsky and his colleagues have found that 30 percent of the children he’s studied had a history of febrile seizures, or a seizure caused by a fever. These seizures rarely result in death in the general population, he said, but they represent a significant portion of kids in the study. He’s also found that nearly all of these children die in their sleep, and 8 percent had a mutation of a gene affecting the heart or the brain, which could have accounted for their death.

But “the vast majority remain unexplained,” he said. If more families who have lost a child in an unexplained death hear of SUDC and the research collaborative, Devinsky said, his sample size will grow, and with it, the chance his research could yield answers.

Laura Crandall was a parent looking for such answers more than two decades ago.

Crandall, the executive director of the SUDC Foundation, cofounded the organization after her daughter, Maria, died suddenly at 15 months old in 1997. When no one could identify a cause, Crandall started looking for answers and support but only found information on SIDS. continued on next page 17

What first started about 20 years ago as a program under a larger SIDS organization turned into its own nonprofit more than four years ago. The foundation now serves 800 families worldwide, Crandall said, by guiding them to the research collaborative while offering bereavement support.

“We try to bring families together … to reduce the isolation,” she said.

The foundation, which has dubbed March SUDC Awareness Month, has also helped shape pending federal legislation.

Scarlett’s Sunshine Act is named after a 16-month-old Pennsylvania girl, Scarlett Pauley, who died in January 2017. Her mother, Stephanie Zarecky, who now works for the foundation, went to check her sleeping daughter before heading to bed and found Scarlett wasn’t breathing.

Zarecky had once worked for U.S. Sen. Bob Casey, D-Penn., and after he heard about Scarlett’s untimely death, he introduced the legislation, he said. The bill would, in part, provide federal funding for a CDC study on sudden child death and sudden infant death, and provide grants to local agencies to put toward improving child death investigations and data collection.

“It’s bad enough to have the horror of the loss of a child,” Casey said. “It’s much worse if you don’t get your answers.”

EXAMINING CHILD DEATHS Using an SUDC Foundation grant, the National Association of Medical Examiners and the American Academy of Pediatrics are reviewing how they examine child deaths. Their findings and recommendations are due to be published in a book later this year, said Dr. Eric Eason, assistant medical examiner in the Cook County Medical Examiner’s Office, who worked on the project.

When a child dies and there’s no 18

clear cause, the local coroner’s or medical examiner’s office conducts an autopsy to determine a cause of death, Eason said. In Cook County, about 10 percent of deaths of children 1 to 18 years old remain unexplained after that process, he said.

At that point, the medical examiner issues a death certificate that states “undetermined.”

But not all offices use the same terminology, he said, and that term is problematic.

“Putting undetermined on a death certificate could imply a death is suspicious, and there’s often a stigma,” Eason said.

Dr. Vincent Palusci, professor of pediatrics at New York University School of Medicine, who worked on the project, said the forthcoming book will also offer guidance to pediatricians on how to deal with sudden deaths of their patients and improve their awareness of SUDC. “In general, in a pediatrician’s career, they may have one or two kids who die unexpectedly ... and most of those kids will be infants,” Palusci said, adding this unfamiliarity warrants further training. “Not only do I help the family get over this grief,” Palusci said, “but what do I recommend to them for their surviving kids?”

ANXIETY LINGERS Families who’ve lost children to sudden unidentified death describe anxiety about parenting their other children. They affix heart monitors to their kids as they sleep, constantly check on them during the night and frantically seek out medical tests to make sure they’re OK. The image of finding a dead child, “haunts you,” said Jeff Frank, who used a heart monitor for his daughter who was born after the death of his son.

Artavia Cleveland, of Canton, Ohio, said that since losing her 2 1/2 year-old son Tayjon in

August 2016, she’s constantly worried about her other children, especially at night. Although Tayjon was adopted, he’s biologically related to Cleveland’s adopted daughter. And because she doesn’t know why Tayjon died, she worries about all her children.

Cleveland described her ritual of tiptoeing into her young son Tyler’s room every night. “You hold your breath and listen and wait to see if he’s still alive.” And when her older children sleep in, “you go into full panic mode.”

The Wesolowskis bought heart monitors for the children they had after Ryan died unexpectedly March 17, 2015. While son Weston, now 3, outgrew his monitor, 1-yearold daughter Quinn still sleeps with hers, Nicole Wesolowski said.

“We’re overly cautious,” Joe Wesolowski said, recalling that he’d recently scolded his older daughter, Natalie, 9, for not wearing gloves on a cold day. “I just don’t want anything to happen to them.”

“Losing a child is terrible, no matter what,” Nicole Wesolowski said, describing how she’d constantly question what could have happened. Was it Ryan’s blanket? Was it the minor cold he had? “To have it happen so suddenly, and there’s no reason?

How do we prevent it from happening to our other kids?”

Estuardo and Raquel Torres said they find comfort from the other families they’ve met through the SUDC Foundation who know what they’re going through.

After their son Julian died, they didn’t even know the term SUDC until Estuardo Torres came across the foundation website while scouring the internet looking for a possible cause of death.

Families like theirs “wake up to their worst nightmare, not knowing where to go,” said Raquel Torres. “Not having that closure, the not knowing? It’s very hard.”

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College students fund free summer camp for children touched by cancer

By Pam Kragen The San Diego Union-Tribune Eight summers ago, Tyler Leptich was a sad, quiet and solitary 11-year-old with a dad battling terminal lung cancer. Then he spent a week at Camp Kesem.

The free summer camp — offered to children ages 22

6 to 18 whose parents are cancer patients or survivors — changed Leptich’s life. At the activity-rich camp, the San Diego grade-schooler found new confidence and communication skills and a circle of lifelong friends.

Now he’s ready to share the wealth.

Tyler Leptich, 20, co-founder of the Camp Kesem chapter at San Diego State University, talks about the organization in a recent interview.

Leptich, now 20 and a sophomore studying business management at San Diego State University, is co-founder of the campus’s newly formed chapter of Camp Kesem.

It’s one of 116 student-run chapters at universities nationwide, including UC San Diego. Students raise money year-round to underwrite in full the campers’ tuition and they also serve as counselors at the weeklong camps.

This year, Leptich, chapter co-founder Olivia Di Santo, and 18 other SDSU students raised enough money to send 25 campers to the chapter’s inaugural camp at Cedar Glen Camp in Julian Aug. 5-11. Meanwhile at UCSD, which has had a Camp Kesem chapter since 2004, is on track to send more than 230 kids to camps

on June 17-23 and Aug. 4-10 at the Irvine Ranch Outdoor Education Center.

Sarah Gan, an outreach coordinator for the UCSD chapter and aspiring elementary school teacher, said being involved in Camp Kesem over the past three years has been a life-changing experience.

“Seeing the smiling faces on the faces of all the kids is indescribable. You don’t really realize how much a 6-yearold can inspire you and how strong they are,” said Gan, 20, a developmental psychology major who grew up in Pasadena. “They inspire me to be a better person.”

Camp Kesem got its start at Stanford University in 2000 as a community project for students in Hillel, a Jewish campus organization. Kesem means “magic” in Hebrew. The Hillel students wanted to create an enriching experience where kids touched by cancer could “forget about their problems and just be kids again,” said Krystine Bernas, 21, a fundraising coordinator for the UCSD chapter.

Students at each campus set and meet their own fundraising goals, develop their own curriculum and staff the camps, which are held within a few hours drive of each university. Last year, more than 5,000 student volunteers nationwide raised enough money to send more than 9,000 kids to camp. This year’s goal is for more than 10,000 campers.

Bernas, as human development major who plans to work as an occupational therapist for children with special needs, said that despite the cancer connection all the campers share, the camps are not sad, tearful affairs.

Children have fun, full days of hiking, swimming, doing arts and crafts, playing sports and doing activities like zip lining But to open up the lines of communication, the campers also have nightly “cabin chats” to talk about their day and their ups and downs. There are also optional empowerment sessions where campers can learn the communications skills to build self-esteem and share their personal stories with others. The Camp Kesem mascot is a caterpillar, since the children often emerge much changed by the camp experience, said Tiffany Mora, 22, who co-chairs the fundraising team with Bernas at UCSD. “I have received emails from parents who thank me for being a counselor,” said Mora, a Sacramento native who is studying human biology with the goal of becoming an obstetrician/gynecologist. “One parent wrote in a letter ‘I have my child back.’ When I hear something like that I realize all the hard work is worth it.”

Like every camper and counselor, Leptich was invited to choose his own camp nickname when he arrived at his first camp in 2011. Because so many campers and counselors competed for dibs to give Leptich a nickname, he became known as “Dibs.” Leptich said he

so enjoyed the idea of shedding his name and sorrows at the camp gates that he returned to Camp Kesem ever summer until he turned 18.

“What I remember most from that first camp was how excited the counselors were and how super happy everyone was to be there. That creates its own atmosphere. You could be whatever you wanted to be,” he said. “When I got home from that first camp, I went into the swimming pool and I cried. Leaving camp that summer was the first time in my life that I ever felt homesick.”

Leptich’s father, David, passed away in November 2012. The loss was devastating, he said, but having a group of camp friends — who he has stayed in close touch with at monthly Camp Kesem “friends and family” events — made the loss easier to bear.

“The friends you make at camp become friends for life, because once you’ve shared your deepest feelings with someone, there’s nothing you can’t talk about,” said Leptich, whose goal is to work at Camp Kesem’s national headquarters when he graduates.

To fund camper tuitions, the student chapters raise money in a variety of ways. Each active student member — SDSU has 20, UCSD has more than 100 — must raise $1,200 on their own. The rest is made up through corporate sponsors, walkathons, Giving Tuesday online giving, restaurant dining promotions and other means.

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Lack of focus don’t necessarily mean your child has ADHD From Mayo Clinic News Network Dear Mayo Clinic: As the mom of an elementary schoolboy, I hear a lot of talk about ADHD. But what is it exactly? How do you tell the difference between a kid who just has a ton of energy and one who has a problem that needs to be addressed? Are there things that put a child at risk for ADHD? A: Awareness of attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD, has grown significantly over the past 20 years. The number of children diagnosed with ADHD has grown substantially, too. But it’s wise to be cautious about labeling all high-energy children, or children who have some difficulty focusing, with ADHD. There isn’t one test that can diagnose ADHD definitively, but there are criteria that health care providers can use to identify this disorder.

ADHD is a chronic condition that involves problems with inattention or distraction, hyperactivity and impulsive behavior. Some people use the term ADHD casually for any child who has trouble focusing on a task for long or one who can sustain high levels of activity for a long time. But it’s helpful to recognize that most healthy people are occasionally inattentive, hyperactive or impulsive.

For example, it’s normal for preschoolers to have short attention spans and be unable to stick with one activity.

Even in older children and teens, attention span can vary throughout the day. Young children also are naturally energetic. They often have plenty of energy left long after their parents are worn out. And some children simply enjoy a higher level of activity than others. Children should never be classified as having ADHD just because they’re different from their friends or siblings.

A critical distinction between typical childhood behaviors and those of ADHD is that ADHD symptoms consistently and significantly disrupt daily life and relationships. Children with ADHD don’t have it only in one environment. If a child has significant problems at 24

school but is fine at home — or the other way around — something other than ADHD is going on. Two other key characteristics of ADHD behaviors are that they begin when a child is young (before age 12), and they last more than six months.

Children who have a parent or sibling with ADHD tend to have a higher risk of developing the disorder than children who don’t have that family history. The same is true of children who experience a complex medical condition early in life. For example, children who were born prematurely tend to develop ADHD more often than other children.

Following are questions to ask when considering the possibility of ADHD. Is the child often easily distracted? Is he constantly on the move? Does she fail to think before acting, to the point that it raises safety concerns? And most crucial: Do issues with inattention, distractibility, impulsivity and hyperactivity significantly impair daily life?

If the answers to these questions are yes, then an evaluation with the child’s primary care provider is in order. Assessing a child for ADHD involves several steps.

The first is a medical exam to rule out other possible concerns, such as hearing or vision problems, or learning, language or other developmental disorders.

The health care provider also will talk with the child and the parents about the child’s symptoms. Other family members, teachers, coaches or child care providers may be asked to fill out questionnaires about behaviors they regularly see in the child. This can give a more complete picture of the child’s condition overall. Based on the information gathered, ADHD is diagnosed using guidelines developed by the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Psychiatric Association.

If you’re concerned a child’s behaviors could signal ADHD, make an appointment for an evaluation. If ADHD is diagnosed, treatment can help control symptoms, making it easier for a child to manage and enjoy daily life.

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Local Parks Cle Elum City Park West Second Street & Reed Ave. Features: Picnic shelter, barbecues, restrooms, playground equipment, horseshoe pits

McElroy Park 1703 Brick Rd. Features: Walking trails, pond, natural areas, picnic tables, natural play structure

CWU Community Fields 18th Ave. & Alder St. Features: Softball fields, soccer/multipurpose fields, restrooms

Memorial Neighborhood Park 700 N. Poplar St. Located next to the pool Features: Picnic shelter, children’s play structure, basketball, open turf area

Irene Rinehart Riverfront Park Umptanum Road and I-90 Features: Boat landing, lake swimming (no lifeguard), sand volleyball, picnic and barbecue facilities, hiking/biking trails, grass areas, dog park, restrooms Iron Horse Park Sixth Street and Milwaukee Street, South Cle Elum (access points throughout county) Features: Access to hiking, mountain biking, horseback riding, bird watching, fly fishing, snowshoeing, and cross-country skiing Kiwanis Neighborhood Park “A” Street & 14th Ave. Features: Picnic shelter, children’s play structure, basketball hoop/court, junior baseball field, restrooms Lake Easton State Park I-90 Exit 70, Easton Features: Open year-round for camping, hiking trails, cross country, snowmobiling Lions/Mt. View Community Park 1200 E. Seattle St. Features: Soccer fields, baseball field, roller hockey rink, picnic shelter, barbecues, toddler and youth play structures, swings, restrooms 26

North Alder Park 2400 N. Alder Street Features: Picnic shelters, playground equipment, trails, turf area, restrooms Paul Rogers Wildlife Parks Judge Ronald Road Features: Trails with natural setting Reed Neighborhood Park 1200 E. Fifth Ave. Located at the top of Craig’s Hill Features: Views of Ellensburg and Kittitas Valley, turf areas, picnic tables Roslyn City Park Third Street & Idaho Ave. Features: Picnic tables, gazebo shelter, restrooms, softball field and tennis court, swings Rotary Park 1200 W. Fifth Ave. Features: Multi-use fields, full-sized softball/baseball fields, youth baseball fields, walking trail, play structure, dog park, bathroom and parking lot Skate Park Second and Pearl Street Features: Ramps and jumps for skate boarders

South Cle Elum Firemen Park Madison Avenue and Main Street Features: Picnic tables, shelter, barbecues, restrooms Wanapum State Park I-90 Exit 136, Vantage Featuring: Picnic area, swimming, boating, fishing, camping, trails.

West Ellensburg Neighborhood Park 900 W. Third Ave. Features: Picnic shelter, children’s play structure, tennis court, restrooms, youth baseball fields, full-sized softball fields, full-sized baseball fields, walking/bike trail Wippel Neighborhood Park 400 W. Elliott St. Features: Picnic and barbecue facilities, basketball, open turf area

HEALTHY FOOD AND A LOT MORE! WIC IS MORE THAN JUST ABOUT FOOD. WIC provides healthy food, nutrition education, and breastfeeding guidance to more than 8 million moms and children. Families of all sizes and types may qualify for WIC. Most families getting health benefits from Washington State qualify for WIC. Children of working parents may still qualify for WIC.

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This institution is an equal opportunity provider. Washington State WIC Nutrition Program doesn’t discriminate.

For persons with disabilities, this document is available on request in other formats. To submit a request, please call 1-800-841-1410 (TDD/TTY 711).

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Dr. Neal is Kittitas County’s First & Only Pediatric Dentist Yakima 925 Seattle Slew Run Yakima WA 98908 509-248-2973 Ellensburg 315 N Sprague Street Ellensburg, WA 98926 509-933-2973

Drs. Neal & Amy Smith with daughters