2021 Eburg Moms

Serving Ellensburg, Ronald, Roslyn, Cle Elum, South Cle Elum, Kittitas, Thorp, Easton & Vantage | Spring 2021

A supplement to the Daily Record

Easing back on screen time shaming during pandemic Kids’ mental health is still pediatricians’ greatest concern Is it safe to travel over spring break?

We are here for you. We are still available to address your needs and schedule telephone, virtual, or in person visits.

In addition to primary care services, we offer comprehensive dental care, obstetrics, pediatrics, osteopathic manipulative treatment, behavioral health, care coordination, and WIC. And for your convenience, we have an on-site lab, coumadin clinic, pharmacy, and ultra-sound.

We have safety procedure and protocols in place to minimize any exposure to COVID-19

PHARMACY SERVICES

WIC & FIRST STEPS

DENTAL CLINIC

PATIENT PORTAL

Prescription delivery now available.

Have your prescriptions delivered right to your door.

Visit chcw.org/ pharmacyservices to learn more.

Call to schedule your WIC and First steps appointments.

Our Dental clinic is open and ready to provide comprehensive dental care for the entire family. Our dedicated staff can provide both preventive and restorative services.

Connect with us through our patient portal, FollowMyHealth Or call to learn more.

(509) 962-1414

We are currently accepting new patients.

Call us today and get your family enrolled.

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We also continue to provide BHC and Nutrition visits.

Call today.

chcw.org

Kittitas County’s resource just for parents

CONTENTS 4 ........ COVID takes a toll on family 6 ........ Hungry as a child, she now uses her own house as a food pantry 7 ........ The ‘good enough’ pandemic warrior 9 ........ Should I be worried about heavy metals in my baby’s food?

10 ...... Kids’ mental health is still pediatricians’ greatest concern 12 ...... From a prolonged pandemic, a rethink of life’s milestones?

13 ...... Easing back on screen time shaming during pandemic 14 ...... Is it safe to travel over spring break?

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COVID takes a toll on family Alison Bowen Chicago Tribune CHICAGO – The coronavirus had already taken her uncle and her grandmother. By the time Karina Reyes’ 47-year-old mother was hospitalized, Reyes and the rest of her family were all too familiar with planning a pandemic memorial.

Doctors told Reyes and her brothers that their mother, Elvia Mendoza, was not getting better. “Does a miracle have to happen for her to live?” Reyes recalls asking a doctor. She said the doctor responded: “Honestly, I haven’t seen miracles happen when it comes to COVID.” People who care for their family members who contract the virus can end up paying for it with their own lives. The Mendoza family is one of many suffering through COVID-19’s deadly path. Elvia Mendoza became ill after caring for Reyes’ grandmother. “She would sleep with her, she would bathe her, everything,” Reyes said.

Reyes, 21, and brothers Francisco Reyes, 23, and Daniel Mendoza, 19, and their father, Celso Alejandro Reyes, 44, are working to honor their matriarch’s memory and find a way forward themselves.

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The Evanston, Illinois, family experienced a cascade of COVID-19 diagnoses last year, beginning in April when Reyes’ uncle, Isaias Mendoza, who had diabetes, became severely ill after contracting the virus. He spent a month in the hospital before he died.

For a few months, the multigenerational household had a respite from the virus — “everything was fine up until November,” Reyes said. Her older brother traveled with their grandmother to Mexico for another relative’s funeral, and when they returned, they both eventually tested positive for the virus.

“We didn’t think it was possible, because they were socially distancing, they were always wearing a mask,” Reyes said. But her brother and grandmother, Reyna Mercado, started feeling ill. With a fever, Francisco Reyes quarantined in the family’s basement, but their grandmother, who used a wheelchair, was not able to quarantine, she said. Her father also tested positive and has since recovered. Reyes and her boyfriend, who lives with family, tested negative for the virus.

In December, Mercado was hospitalized, and the family made the difficult decision to place her in hospice care. She died Dec. 17.

The day after, Elvia Mendoza was hospitalized, too, after spend-

ing her days worrying about a proper burial for her mother. She missed the Dec. 22 burial.

BURIAL COSTS

Paying for the burials and medical care has been hard; many in the family have been unable to work during the pandemic.

Reyes, who is a college student and also worked part-time, said her mother did not have health insurance. The family has a GoFundMe campaign to help with the costs. It has raised about $8,000.

Typically, in the fall and winter, the Mendoza family would be planning to visit a pumpkin patch, which Elvia Mendoza loved, or going to see the Christmas tree downtown. Instead, the siblings stayed in the living room together, watching a video stream connected to their mother’s hospital room. Karina Reyes kept notes in her phone about questions she asked the medical staff daily — her mother’s condition, her oxygen levels.

“My heart felt like it was in a bubble, and it was just waiting for it to pop,” she said.

When the doctor suggested a ventilator, Reyes said her mother was terrified. She remembered how her brother never came off his.

The siblings begged to see her. After suiting up in full protective gear — two pairs of gloves, two face masks including an N95, a hairnet — they saw her for several minutes. They gave her a small postcard with the image of the Virgin Mary.

“We told her we loved her so much,” Karina Reyes said. “We blessed her. We told her that, don’t be scared, everything was going to be OK.” Her mother went on a ventilator on Christmas night.

“She kind of did it for us,” Reyes said about her mother going on the ventilator. “She was scared, but she wanted to do it for us.”

In the days after, Elvia Mendoza developed steady high fevers. The doctor told her sons and daughter that it was time.

They put on protective gear, told her how much she was loved, that they were going to be OK. They prayed. They blessed her — gave her holy water.

“You’re not supposed to take off your gloves, you’re not supposed to take off your masks,” Karina Reyes remembered. “In those moments, all we wanted to do was hug her and kiss her.”

Her mother died at 9:07 p.m. on Jan. 6.

Again, they traveled to the funeral home. They spent two hours looking at caskets. None felt right. They bought bright flowers, to mirror her personality. They chose an outfit and shoes that she loved.

MEMORIES OF KINDNESS

At her memorial, people came up to Karina Reyes one by one to tell her how her mother had put a smile on their face, a memory of a moment about her kindness.

“To me, my mom was such a hero,” she said. “She was never the type of person to expect anything in return.”

Lydia Maldonado, a friend for more than a decade, said Elvia

Mendoza would go out of her way to help others, dropping everything to help and bringing food when family members were sick. She loved their Dunkin’ Donuts runs for sweet tea and catch-ups.

“This lady had such a big heart, you wouldn’t even believe,” she said.

An immigrant who grew up in Mexico and came to the United States as a teenager, Elvia Mendoza had worked hard her entire life cleaning houses and schools, her daughter said.

Decades after arriving, her immigration interview was finally scheduled, said her lawyer, Ruth Dunning. She was expected to get a green card; a December immigration interview had to be canceled when she became sick.

“My mom has gone through so many obstacles that only made her stronger, only made her grow, and made us grow in life,” Karina Reyes said. “We just assumed (COVID-19) was another obstacle that we were going to be able to face.”

Instead, after their mother died, she and her brothers went to their rooms and found the piggy banks their mother had bought at Target. From time to time, they would slip in cash.

Instead, they sat on the floor together, opening them.

Her father, Karina Reyes said, had been saving up to take their mom on a trip. Finally, as a resident, she would be free to fly and visit her family in Mexico.

“All this money was for your mom,” he told them. “Look what we’re using it for now.”

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Hungry as a child, she now uses her own house as a food pantry Alfred Lubrano The Philadelphia Inquirer PHILADELPHIA – Desiree’ LaMarr-Murphy grew up without enough food.

Back in the mid-1980s, school days were the hardest, when she’d sit without lunch in the cafeteria of the former William B. Mann Elementary School (now Mastery Charter Mann Elementary) in the Wynnefield section of Philadelphia, watching other kids eat.

Years later, after life improved a bit, an apartment fire left her and her children temporarily homeless and dependent on church-donated food that was lovingly bestowed but spoiled and inedible.

The food-less lunch periods and the after-fire charity forged LaMarr-Murphy, now 43, into an unparalleled hunger fighter. Trained as a special-ed teacher and now a special-needs coordinator for the School District of Philadelphia, LaMarr-Murphy promised herself two things: to never again suffer hunger, and to help feed children and their families by creating food pantries in schools and other locations throughout the region.

And now, during the pandemic, she’s distinguished herself as perhaps the only person in the Philadelphia area who runs a food pantry out of her own home. LaMarr-Murphy created the network of food donors for the pantry herself, and stores some of the supplies in the 550-square-foot building she calls her “she-shed” in her Upper Darby backyard.

‘POST-TRAUMATIC GROWTH’

People label survivors of hard times resilient, said LaMarr-Murphy, a widowed mother of five daughters. But, she explained, “there’s also something called post-traumatic growth. Bouncing back from trauma isn’t enough. You have to do something with your trauma: You grow and become somebody better for somebody else, not just for yourself.

“You’re healing yourself, then you’re helping others.”

Over time, LaMarr-Murphy discovered that there was something wrong in the early days of her life.

“I learned we were food insecure,” she said, referencing the term that means a person or family is lacking the money to buy enough food to live a healthy life.

She remembers having cereal and Oodles of Noodles for dinner, as well as pancakes made without pancake mix. LaMarr-Murphy would enviously watch “The Cosby Show,” in which the well-dressed characters lived cohesive, loving lives, with plenty to eat.

“How come,” she’d ask herself, “I don’t have that?”

In those days, anyone needing free school lunch had to turn in paperwork that LaMarr-Murphy didn’t know how to fill out.

“I didn’t want to make anyone in my family sad or feel bad, so I didn’t talk about not eating lunch,” she said. “And at school, no adult ever asked what was wrong.”

So, no sandwiches, no chicken nuggets, no pizza. She’d see and smell the food other students ate, and wait for the bell to ring.

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“I just accepted this,” LaMarr-Murphy recalled.

At 17, she became pregnant while attending Overbrook High School. There she learned about food stamps and WIC (the Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children).

“I was a disgrace to my family getting pregnant and being the first to be on welfare,” she said. “But those programs sustained us.”

After graduating from high school, LaMarr-Murphy went on to Philadelphia Community College. She had her second daughter with Christopher Murphy, the man who would become her husband.

At 23, she and Murphy separated for a while. One night, a fire broke out in her West Philadelphia home, and she and the two girls found themselves homeless.

When someone from a local church promised a box of food, LaMarr-Murphy fantasized about its contents, visualizing a nutritional cornucopia that would keep the beleaguered trio going. “Instead,” she said, remembering the exact items, “we got one can of waxed beans, one can of kidney beans, one can of chickpeas, and lots of moldy mushy produce.

“I fell to my knees and cried. We waited all day for this box of trash, and there was nothing to feed my kids.

“From that day forward, I vowed to never ever feel that way again.”

She kept her word. In 2009, LaMarr-Murphy went on to Temple University and graduated with a degree in education at age 32. She and Murphy reconciled, bought a house, and had three more children, one of whom would have her own child. Murphy would die of a pulmonary embolism at age 39 in 2016.

STORIES FROM STUDENTS

As a special-ed teacher in North Philadelphia, LaMarr-Murphy listened to her students talk and heard the hunger in their conversations: “They would ask me what I had for dinner the previous night,” she said. “I’d tell them and they’d say, ‘I wish I had that.’ ” LaMarr-Murphy would bring in food for the kids, her empty-stomach lunchtimes never diminished in her memory. Soon afterward, she started pantries, connecting with Philabundance, the hunger-relief agency, to stock the shelves in some of them. She opened her co-called Murphy’s Markets at Richard Wright Elementary School in North Philadelphia, and at Mitchell Elementary School in Southwest Philadelphia.

LaMarr-Murphy also distributes food at several other locations in the area, though none more unique than her own home.

In the Philadelphia region, there are more than 800 food pantries, though LaMarr-Murphy’s Sellers Ave. location is believed to be the only one in a private home, according to both Philabundance CEO Loree Jones and George Matysik, executive director of Share Food Program, the largest food distribution agency in the area.

On Martin Luther King Jr. Day, LaMarr-Murphy talked a bit about her anti-hunger mission with then-President-elect Joe Biden and Dr. Jill Biden at Philabundance during a day of service. She said that as she and Biden filled boxes for Philabundance clients, he made a promise of his own to fight food insecurity. And she said she felt she’d met a kindred spirit after Dr. Biden told her that, as a teacher, she too brings food to students — even adults.

In an icy rain, more than 30 people lined up on the sidewalk outside LaMarr-Murphy’s two-story stucco house in a middle-class Upper Darby neighborhood. It’s a startling sight — an outdoor market in a driveway, created by LaMarr-Murphy’s contacts and convictions.

“This helps a lot,” said Maria Guzman Salazar, 43, a pantry client

and a local manicurist whose hours were curtailed because of the pandemic. “We’re feeding four adults and four kids in my house, and this is very good food. Everything is fresh. I feel blessed.”

Saju Paul agreed. “It’s important for my family that I come here,” said the 64-year-old who, pre-COVID-19, worked in food distribution at Philadelphia International Airport. “I have no job right now because of the pandemic, but I have a wife and three kids.”

During the Tuesday distributions, neighbors have sometimes complained because of the crowds, said Rashida Ximines, LaMarr-Mur-

phy’s longtime friend. “But it’s nothing that can’t be rectified.”

Mostly, people are impressed with LaMarr-Murphy’s “good spirit and kind heart,” she said.

Jones of Philabundance is also a fan, summing up LaMarr-Murphy’s value to the community: “I’m moved by somebody who went through so many challenges and literally used them to make the world better.

“I find her inspiring.”

The ‘good enough’ pandemic warrior Debra-Lynn B. Hook Tribune News Service The book “A Good Enough Parent” brought great relief to me and perfectionist-leaning mothers everywhere when it came out in the late 1980s.

“While we are not perfect, we are indeed good enough parents if most of the time we love our children and do our best to do well by them,” was the theory popularized by parenting expert Bruno Bettelheim.

Now if only I could apply this principle to pandemic household management.

To be sure and in the interest of full disclosure, there’s been much to forgive since the pandemic hit almost a year ago: My pandemic-era kitchen floor most often looks like the floor of a barn, as does my hair. I curl up with Netflix for hours, days, on end, unmoving, when I could at least sit on the edge of the bed and do chair yoga. I reach for chocolate instead of spinach, go for a week without showering; and the worst offense of all for me and my socially conscious cohort: I give way too much money to the evil empire Amazon.

“Every time I step outside, I see the Amazon truck in front of your house,” my observant neighbor proclaimed.

For these and other pandemic-related lapses, I have been known to feel shame and self-loathing; to apologize to whoever is within earshot and/or to pound on my chest murmuring “mea culpa” like the good Catholic girl I once was.

But then one day recently, I overheard my high-achieving compatriot Lisa, a just-retired college professor and widow, who takes care of two 90-something parents and a house, calling herself lazy for spending the day reading.

Are you kidding?

“You may be unmotivated and overwhelmed by the frightful conditions of this awful pandemic,” I said to her. “But I would never, ever all you lazy” — any more than she would call me a bad pandemic manager for, hello, eating chocolate instead of spinach.

Forgive Lisa. Forgive myself.

We women, we’re pros at this perfection dance — both striving for it and beating on ourselves for our lack thereof. This is especially so when the stakes involve our families, even within the impossibility of a pandemic. Being as two out of three caregivers are women, we are holding the bulk of responsibility for homeschooling children and maintaining healthy social lives while managing social distancing, jobs and safe consumerism, while also worrying about all of the above, says the non-profit Kaiser Family

Foundation, which recently asked 1,200 men and women in the United States how they are handling the pandemic, “(Our) survey reinforce(s) much of what we have known about the impact that balancing multiple responsibilities – often without a safety net — has on women,” says Kaiser’s report. “Women are worried that they or someone in their family will get sick…They worry more about losing income and worry more about putting themselves at risk because they can’t afford to stay home.”

This is echoed by Eve Rodsky, bestselling author of “Fair Play,” about the domestic workload between couples, in an interview with goodmorningamerica.com about the effects of COVID stress on women.

“Women in good times are diagnosed with anxiety disorders twice as much as men and it’s because we’re holding the conception and planning of every household activity,” says Rodsky. “A woman’s brain is a brain that doesn’t shut off.”

And yet if ever there was a time for shutting off our self-analysis, it would be now, when there is no consistent rule book and the goal posts keep getting moved.

We women can’t seem to get out of the bearing-the-brunt of familial responsibility loop, no matter how many Betty Friedan books we read.

But we do have power over how we see ourselves.

Fact is, when I allow my 24-7 brain to be as objective with myself as I am with my friend Lisa, I see a pretty excellent citizen.

I might win the neighborhood award for most Amazon purchases made.

But I might also win Best Safety Protocols Practitioner, as I faultlessly practice social distancing, even as I even wear a mask to bed sometimes, even though I sleep alone.

I may forget to run six miles a day. But I work hard at maintaining my mental health, going to virtual therapy twice a week; keeping meditative coloring books in a basket beside me on my bed; and allowing myself a variety of emotions.

The next time a friend criticizes herself for not knowing how to manage a pandemic, I should stand in front of a mirror as I tell both of us exactly why and how we’re not lazy, inept or clueless.

It’s highly likely we’re good enough.

Maybe better.

Debra-Lynn B. Hook of Kent, Ohio, has been writing about family life since 1988. Visit her website at www.debralynnhook. com; email her at dlbhook@yahoo.com, or join her column’s Facebook discussion group at Debra-Lynn Hook: Bringing Up Mommy.

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Should I be worried about heavy metals in my baby’s food?

Dr. Aparna Bole American Academy of Pediatrics

Q:

I’ve been reading about heavy metals in baby food. How concerned should I be?

A:

Recent news about heavy metals found in baby food can leave parents with a lot of questions.

The low levels of heavy metals found in foods likely are a relatively small part of a child’s overall heavy metal exposure risk, but exposure from all sources should be minimized. Heavy metal exposure can be harmful to the developing brain. Many genetic, social, and environment factors influence healthy brain development, and heavy metal exposure is just one of these factors.

Metals, found naturally in the Earth’s crust, are also released into our environment as pollution and get into the water and soil used to grow food. Metals can also get into food from food manufacturing and packaging. Some of the most common metals that get into food include arsenic, lead, cadmium, and mercury.

Stronger rules are needed for testing and limiting the amount of heavy metals in foods for babies and toddlers. But there are steps parents can take now to help reduce exposure: • Think variety. Give your child a well-balanced diet that includes a variety of fruits, vegetables (wash in cool water before serving), grains, and lean protein. This can lower exposure to metals and other contaminants in some foods.

• Read the labels. Multi-ingredient baby food blends may be a good option. But be aware that different flavor blends, such as kale/pear and spinach/pumpkin, may actually have sweet potatoes as the first ingredient. Look at the ingredient list to be sure you are offering a true variety of foods.

• Switch up your grains. Fortified infant cereals can be a good source of nutrition, but rice cereal does not need to be your baby’s first or only cereal. Rice tends to absorb more arsenic from groundwater than other crops do. Serve a variety of grains, such as oat, barley, couscous and bulgur. Try to avoid rice milk and brown rice syrup, which is sometimes used as a sweetener.

• Check your water. Heavy metals can get into tap water: for example, arsenic can contaminate well water, and older pipes may contain lead. You can contact your local health department to have your water tested if this is a concern.

• Breastfeed if possible. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding as your baby’s sole source of nutrition

for about six months.

• Avoid fruit juice. Offer toddlers and young children sliced or pureed whole fruits rather than juice. Some fruit juices can contain concerning levels of heavy metals. Plus, juice is high in sugar and not as nutrient-rich as whole fruit. Stick with breast milk or formula for babies under 6 months old, and water and milk after age 1.

• Make healthy fish choices. Some types of fish can be high in a form of mercury and other metals. Of most concern are larger fish that eat other fish, such as shark, orange roughy, swordfish, and albacore/white tuna. Light tuna (solid or chunk), salmon, cod, whitefish, and pollock are better options.

• Consider homemade baby food. Making your own baby food may help lower the risk of contaminants during processing, and you can choose the ingredients. Remember that offering a variety of foods is just as important when making your own baby food as when buying prepared baby foods.

Organic baby foods may have lower levels of some pesticides and other chemicals. But because heavy metals are found in the soil, organic foods often contain similar levels of heavy metals as non-organic foods.

Keep in mind that there are other ways to reduce exposure to heavy metals. For example, the most common source of lead exposure is from peeling or chipping paint from older homes. Soil, some cosmetics, and spices, water and certain occupations and hobbies can also be sources of exposure. In addition, second-hand and third-hand smoke from regular and e-cigarettes may expose children to metals such as cadmium and lead. Vaping allows heavy metals from the vape coils to get into the air and be inhaled.

If you’re concerned about metals exposure in your child, talk with your pediatrician.

Spring 2021 | fb/eburgmoms 9

Kids’ mental health is still pediatricians’ greatest concern Bethany Ao The Philadelphia Inquirer PHILADELPHIA – Physician Steven Shapiro chairs the pediatrics department at Abington Hospital. He’s never been a therapist. Yet a big chunk of his medical practice these days is devoted to mental health issues, far more than ever before.

“Twenty percent of the calls I take now are to put kids on more medicine for panic attacks and anxiety,” said Shapiro.

“It’s more than you could ever believe. It has been so difficult for them, and as pediatricians, we have to recognize the downstream effects of where things are going.”

Pediatricians and adolescent health experts have cautioned for months that the uncertainty and anxiety spurred by the pandemic, coupled with the lack of social contact, may have lasting effects on the mental health of children and teens, though they are significantly less likely than adults to experience serious physical illness from COVID-19.

And while declining case counts and the new vaccines may have adults feeling more optimistic, vaccines are not yet approved for those younger than 16. That means kids may still be feeling a lot of uncertainty and stress about what the rest of the year will look like for them, health experts say. Pfizer recently began vaccine trials for adolescents ages 12 to 16.

“For younger teens and children, they are likely most looking forward to the vaccine so that they may be able to get back to more normal social activities and gatherings with 10 fb/eburgmoms | Spring 2021

their friends, and so that they don’t have to worry as much about parents and older relatives,” said Stephanie Ewing, an assistant professor in counseling and family therapy at Drexel University’s College of Nursing and Health Professions.

There also are concerns about the physical health of kids and teens. In the spring, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released a study that showed that routine vaccinations — and regular checkups — fell drastically in the first few months of the pandemic as stay-at-home orders were in place. In a report published November by Blue Cross Blue Shield Association, childhood vaccinations for measles and whooping cough fell 26% compared to 2019.

DECREASE IN FLU

One silver lining of the pandemic has been a significant decrease in cases of strep throat, flu, and ear infections, likely due to social distancing, said Jonathan Miller, a pediatrician in primary care at Nemours/Alfred I. duPont Hospital for Children.

But, Miller said, he’s also noticed “kids have been more inactive, doing a lot of screen time, and there’s definitely concern about them being at home for prolonged periods of time and that impact on overall well-being.”

Even more alarming: He’s observed an increase in depressive and anxiety symptoms, as well as thoughts of suicide.

Because of that, his practice has shifted to more proactive and preventative care when dealing with behavioral and

mental health, he said.

“We’re worried about them falling through the cracks,” Miller said. “So we’re trying to find new ways on telemedicine to give the family the ability to connect with us, and provide resources that can help them through troubling times.”

Katie Lockwood, a pediatrician at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, said that while overall pediatric visits to the emergency room have gone down nationally in the past year, behavioral health visits increased, showing the negative impact of the pandemic on the mental health of children and adolescents.

“I want to make sure we have enough services to meet the behavioral health demands both in and outside of schools as kids start to go back to school,” she said. “While anxiety related to school has been lower, I do worry about how kids who did well with virtual learning will be supported through the transition back to in-person learning.”

Without in-person school, there has been a huge impact on the educational and social development of children and teens, said Ewing. The constant presence of anxiety and worry can impair learning, she said.

Many health experts are still unsure about what the pandemic’s long-term consequences on pediatric and adolescent health will be. Ewing said that there’s an opportunity to mitigate some of the effects on a community level by paying attention to health disparities resulting from differences in socioeconomic status and ethnic background and offering services to address them.

“If children are struggling with feelings of anxiety, irritability, boredom, and depressive symptoms — all natural by-products for everyone coping with the pandemic — are we as communities and as a society providing enough resources for a family to cope with those things? Are we enacting support for families so they can meet basic needs?”

Ewing said. “Because if not, that’s going to exacerbate the situation and make it more difficult for children to weather the storm.”

disrupted sleep, eating meals at different times and less physical activity. Kids are going to return to school eventually, and it takes a while for negative habits to reverse themselves.”

Most pediatricians have been conducting patient visits over telehealth for the past year. There are a significant number of advantages that come with that, Miller said. He said that telemedicine, when used in conjunction with in-person care, can help provide pediatricians with an additional level of screening.

“We have to recognize that the parents of kids now are the ones who are going to expect telemedicine to be part of how they interact with the health care system in the future,” Miller said. “We’ve tried to be really responsive to that.

We’ve rolled out screenings looking for social determinants of health, like food insecurity, transportation issues and housing issues, and we try to provide resources and education to families that need them.”

Lockwood also praised the flexibility of telemedicine. She said that it’s now easier for pediatricians to connect with patients after school or over a lunch break, which is less disruptive to their learning. In general, she said pediatrics is becoming more creative about how to provide care.

“We’ve partnered with schools, nurses and teachers to manage testing and screen for symptoms,” Lockwood said.

“That partnership is hopefully one that we can carry forward.”

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PARENTAL STRESS

Parental stress is one of the most important factors that can affect how a child is doing emotionally, Ewing said.

“When parents are stressed and don’t have resources that they need to take care of their families or to help their children feel safe, it’s going to impact the household,” she said.

When kids’ daily routines are disrupted, they may experience more anxiety than usual, leading to changes in their sleep and eating patterns, Ewing said. She said that anecdotally, children are staying up much later using their electronic devices. But blue light from devices can trick the body into thinking it’s still daytime, making it harder to fall asleep. In the long term, that can be really damaging to a child’s health, Ewing said.

“Changes in your sleep, meal times and exercise schedule can influence each other,” Lockwood said. “There’s more

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11

From a prolonged pandemic, a rethink of life’s milestones?

Leanne Italie Associated Press

Wedding anniversaries for Elizabeth O’Connor Cole and her husband, Michael, usually involve a dinner reservation for two at a fancy restaurant. Not this time around.

As the pandemic raged last May, the Chicago mom of four unearthed her boxed wedding gown from 19 years ago, got it zipped with help from one of her daughters and surprised her spouse.

Cole recreated their reception menu — a shrimp appetizer and beef tenderloin — and pulled out her wedding china and silver after enlisting another of her kids to DJ their first-dance song, “At Last,” for a romantic turn around the living room. And the priest who married them offered a special blessing on Zoom with friends and family joining in.

“Spontaneous and a bit chaotic,” O’Connor Cole pronounced the celebration.

“Still, it was probably the most meaningful and fun anniversary we’ve had.”

As the pandemic enters its second year, there’s a pent-up longing for the recent past, especially when it comes to life’s milestones. When the crisis finally resolves, will our new ways of marking births and deaths, weddings and anniversaries have any lasting impact? Or will freshly felt sentiments born of pandemic invention be fleeting?

Some predict their pandemic celebrations have set a new course. Others still mourn the way their traditions used to be.

Milestones, rituals and traditions help set the rhythm of our lives, from the annuals like birthdays and anniversaries to the one-timers like births and deaths, extending beyond those boundaries to more casual events like opening day (choose your sport), drinks out after work with colleagues and that first swim of summer.

Jennifer Talarico, a psychology professor at Lafayette College in Pennsylvania who studies memory and personal experience, says certain events shape lives differently — and have been reshaped just as differently during the pandemic.

Perhaps most devastatingly impacted, she says, are death and dying, sitting at bedsides to comfort and attending funerals to mourn as the coronavirus has killed more than 2.3 million people around the world.

“That’s being felt the hardest because it’s the hardest to replace,” Talarico says. “That’s probably going to have the most lasting impact.”

Renee Fry knows the feeling well. Her grandmother, Regina Connelly, died Dec. 6 of COVID-19 at her nursing home in Hollidaysburg, Pennsylvania.

She had just turned 98. There was no dropping everything to be at her bedside.

There was no large church celebration of her life followed by dinner for all.

“We had to rely on video conferencing,” Fry says.

‘MEMORY BOOK’

But they also did something else. She and her sister, Julie Fry, put together a “memory book” shared with far-flung family and friends. They included Regina’s favorite prayer, the Hail Mary, and asked loved ones to recite it on her behalf. They filled pages with photos through the years, from a portrait of young Regina in a fine red dress (lipstick to match, gold pendant around her neck) to more casual shots with grandchildren.

The sisters — Renee in Quincy, Massachusetts, and Julie in Port Matilda, 12 fb/eburgmoms | Spring 2021

Pennsylvania — wrote the story of how Regina met her husband on a blind date, then lost him when he died in 2010 after 64 years of marriage. They wrote of how she spent most of her teen years caring for her two brothers after their mother died suddenly when she was 13. They included rosaries with each of the 32 booklets they mailed.

Judging from the response — a second cousin called to say thank you, and a caregiver for Regina wrote a two-page letter offering thanks as well — it made an impact. “It was incredibly meaningful,” Renee says.

Such a booklet will be created when the family faces death once again. The pandemic, Fry says, has proven that distance no longer denies lasting meaning.

Daryl Van Tongeren, an associate professor of psychology at Hope College in Michigan, studies meaning in life, religion and virtues. Rituals, symbols and milestones help provide structure to our worlds, he says, demarcating the passage of time or a significant accomplishment but more importantly lending meaning to life itself.

“One of the things that these milestones and these rituals do is they connect us with other people and things that are larger than ourselves,” he says.

Sometimes left behind in a swirl of celebration is the core significance of something just as important — the events themselves. Students who missed out on the walk across the stage at their graduations remain graduates. Couples forced to elope or give up their dreams of weddings for 200 for smaller affairs still have their marriages to experience.

While some predict a Roaring ‘20s renaissance once the crisis has ended, “there are going to be a number of people who are changed,” Van Tongeren says. “They’re going to say, `I’m going to emerge from this pandemic with a new set of values and I’m going to live my life according to new priorities.’”

Last year, Shivaune Field celebrated her 40th birthday on Jan. 11 with a group of friends at a downtown restaurant in Los Angeles, where she lives.

It was just weeks before the coronavirus made its way to the U.S. This year, when she turned 41, the adjunct professor in business at Pepperdine University simply took to the beach with her pals.

“It felt much more authentic, a nicer way to connect without all the bells and whistles,” she says. “I think it’s really nice to get back to that. It reminds me of childhood.”

Fields grew up in Melbourne, Australia, where she says her parents kept birthdays rooted in family outings to the beach or bike rides followed by a treat of ice cream.

“Weekend get-togethers are now in sneakers with dogs sitting on grass and picnic rugs rather than on stools in fancy restaurants,” she says. And Field is just fine with that.

Marking time has changed during the pandemic. There’s the ticking off of months based on trips to the hair salon and the length of pandemic beards.

There’s Zoom creativity and socially distanced trips outdoors. Recreating celebrations of the past for major, time-marking events has been difficult as time blurred and safety restrictions took over.

“We have all of this cultural baggage, in a good way, around those events,” Talarico says. “It’s a reinforcing cycle of events that we expect to be memorable.”

Memorable has been hard to achieve. But the rethink has been important for many, and its effects may ripple long after the virus has ebbed.

“For those wanting to reminisce years later about important events that happened during the pandemic, there will likely be nostalgia mixed with more than a tinge of trauma,” says Wilfred van Gorp, a past president of the American Academy of Clinical Neuropsychology.

“It may remind us of the loneliness and isolation brought about by the pandemic, our fear of catching the virus, fear of dying, fear of losing loved ones and loss of any we knew who may have died from COVID-19,” he says.

“And,” he adds, “recollections of what we didn’t have, what we missed, and the experiences we couldn’t share together.”

Easing back on screen time shaming during pandemic Heidi Stevens Chicago Tribune CHICAGO – Even before the coronavirus crashed into our lives, Cassandra Kaczocha and her husband, Keith Paddy, were deep into screen time negotiations with their kids.

Their daughter, 10, is a competitive gymnast, spending “a part-time job number of hours” at the gym, Kaczocha said. Their son, 13, loves video games, and reasoned that he should be granted the same number of weekly hours to pursue his hobby that his sister gets for hers.

“And there’s some validity to that,” Kaczocha said.

After consulting their pediatrician and reading reams of research on exposure to blue light and violence in video games, and online privacy, and technology’s impact on social and emotional growth, Kaczocha and Paddy arrived upon a pleasant conclusion: Based on everything they saw in their son, his video game habits were fine. Beneficial, even, in some important ways.

“This is a kid who was in martial arts and had to stop because he couldn’t hit other people,” Kaczocha said. “We do not see him becoming a violent person.”

The main thing to address, they decided, was the sedentariness of gaming, which they’ve found ways to combat: a balance ball in place of a chair, an indoor yoga swing, daily walks and scooter rides around their North Side Chicago neighborhood.

Their research has come in handy during the pandemic, which has forced the bulk of their kids’ learning and activities online. Kaczocha and Paddy don’t worry much about headlines and social media posts that sound the alarm over children and screen time, focusing instead on what their specific family needs.

So many parents I talk to right now feel trapped. On the one hand, video games and TikTok and Snapchat are pandemic-safe outlets to interact with friends and peers. On the other hand, when you pile those pursuits on top of online learning and FaceTime calls with relatives and all the other screen time necessitated by virus lockdowns, it feels like our kids’ eyes and brains may never recover.

Meanwhile, childhood development experts are sending up screen time flares all around us, which, though well-intentioned, feel an awful lot like shaming.

The New York Times recently ran a front-page article headlined, “Children’s Screen Time Has Soared in the Pandemic, Alarming Parents and Researchers.” On Instagram, behavioral therapist Justine O’Neill posted an image of the headline crossed out in red.

“Here @nytimes I fixed this headline for you,” the post reads. “Parents, Left With No Options During Neverending Pandemic, Turn to Screen Time as Last Resort to Help Them Not Lose Jobs and/or Sanity in the Face of Epic Failure From U.S. Leadership and Experts to Help Them Know What to Do With Their Very Sad, Very Lonely Children.”

Exactly.

Cindy Hamilton, a Highwood mom of 5-, 10- and 11-year-old kids, said she often hears that boredom benefits kids and sparks their creativity. But boredom, Hamilton fears, would feel like simply more loneliness and isolation when kids are already adapting to so much time away from people.

“Boredom is a skill you have to learn to navigate, and I don’t know if kids are in a place where they can learn another new skill right now,” Hamilton said. “They’re already learning how to do online school and manage anxiety, and how to miss their friends, and how to not be panicked. I see the merit in boredom, and I think it’s a beautiful idea.

But I don’t think we have the capacity to do it right now.”

Her kids, Hamilton said, spend a lot of time on iPads. Her older kids play Roblox and other online games that allow them to join their friends remotely. Sometimes, she said, they just “zone out” to a favorite show or YouTube channel.

“I recognize it’s valid to warn against all of it,” she said, “and I also think this is a time when warnings aren’t needed or necessary or welcome.”

Gregg Montalto, a physician for adolescents and young adults at Ann and Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago, said any research on the effects of screen time needs to be placed within the context of a pandemic.

“We’ve told kids, ‘You can’t see your grandmother anymore because we’re worried she’s going to get sick,’” Montalto said. “That’s terrifying to a kid. My 7-year-old hasn’t been out of the house much at all in the past few months. If there’s a way for him to stay connected to his friends and his family, even if it’s on a screen, I’m going to allow that.”

Montalto said it’s also important not to paint every online activity with the same broad brush.

“Passive social media use is linked to depression,” he said. “If your child is on Instagram looking at images of unrealistic, unreachable body types or status, that’s different than kids who are using social media to goof around with each other and stay connected. It’s not a black-and-white issue.”

Scott Smith, a Morgan Park dad of a 9-year-old daughter, said screen time is a frequent topic in his dad group. The pandemic, he said, has upended the boundaries he and his friends put in place when play dates and practices and birthday parties offered an easy balance to screens.

“It’s just not realistic to say, ‘You can’t really go outside and play, in part because it’s winter. You can’t really hang out with friends because of COVID. Also, you can’t be on screens for longer than X time a day,’” Smith said. “And you still have things you need to get done as a parent. You still have to do your own work and also just have some time to decompress from everything that’s going on.”

Instead of sticking to a set number of hours, Smith said he and his wife, Erin, work to set specific times of day when screens aren’t allowed.

“We are putting limits on screen time where they prevent us from engaging as a family,” he said. “So no screens at dinner and no screens after 7 p.m. when we’re spending time together before our daughter’s bedtime, unless it’s to watch TV together.”

Similarly, Kaczocha said she and her husband focus on making sure their son and daughter, and their 11-year-old niece who lives with them, are seeking some balance.

“Did you get your homework done? Did you get your chores done?

Have you moved around today?” Kaczocha said. “We check in with them a lot: ‘How are you doing? What are you doing? Who are you doing it with?’ And we have a lot of time for check-ins right now, because we’re not going anywhere.”

One thing she has learned is that the friends her son has met through gaming relate to him better than some of his peers did at school. She’s grateful, she said, that he has a place where he feels continued on next page Spring 2021 | fb/eburgmoms 13

continued from previous page

welcome and understood — particularly right now.

I can relate. A dad from my son’s school emailed me the other day to say his sons mentioned how kind my son is to them when they’re gaming. “I honestly had no idea they even knew each other till a couple weeks ago,” he wrote.

I didn’t either. Alarming that we don’t know who our kids are interacting with online? Or encouraging that they’re managing to make new school friends, even though they haven’t been in the school building since March? I’m going with the latter.

“Yes, we need to take research into account,” Montalto said. “But we are in a pandemic, and we also need to account for that. Parents are

spinning eight plates at a time right now, and if I start asking how they’re managing screen time rather than how I can be supportive, I’m asking the wrong question.”

Besides, Montalto said, it’s possible the pandemic will eventually send the screen-time pendulum swinging back in the opposite direction.

“I think there’s a good chance kids are going to be so sick of being stuck inside, they might throw away their phones and go outside and play like we’ve been wanting them to do,” he said. “I don’t think we give kids enough credit sometimes for knowing what’s best for them.”

Especially during a pandemic, when reserves are tapped and nerves are shot. Grace and adaptability — with ourselves and our kids — will serve us better, I think, than wringing our hands over screen time.

Is Is it it safe safe to to travel travel over over spring spring break? break?

Dr. Gary Kirkilas American Academy of Pediatrics

Q: A:

After being cooped up for months, my family would like to take a trip for spring break. Is it safe?

As the COVID-19 vaccine rollout continues, we get a glimmer of hope that the end of the pandemic may finally be within sight. Some families are wondering if it’s safe to travel this spring.

At the same time, many popular vacation spots like California, Florida and Arizona still struggle with high COVID-19 infection rates.

This pandemic is constantly evolving, and we are learning more every day. But this can be confusing for families trying to understand everyday risks, let alone to make plans.

Most high-risk people (over 65 and essential workers) are eligible to get the COVID-19 vaccine. However, it may not be until late spring or even summer that other adults and teens over age 16 have access. And it will be even longer still before children can get a COVID-19 vaccine. That’s because vaccine trials for younger teens and children need to be completed.

We are also seeing new variants of COVID-19. These strains are showing to be more easily spread to others. Existing vaccines appear effective in protecting against these variants now. However, experts predict that the virus will continue to spread this spring.

For families who want to get away, it may be a safer idea to focus on summer or fall travel. Even if enough COVID-19 vaccines become available to the general public this spring, it will likely be summer before we see a big drop in community spread. Pushing those travel plans just a few months down the road would not only be a safer option for your family, it will also help to prevent the spread.

For families determined to travel this spring, there are some steps that can help minimize risk. For example, traveling by car to a vacation rental home is much safer than flying to a busy hotel to spend the week at a crowded beach. The key is for families to think about 14

fb/eburgmoms | Spring 2021

the number of close contacts they’ll likely have during their travels.

Other tips to help reduce risk: n Check the COVID-19 spread rates where you plan to visit.

Locations with high rates of community spread will put families at a high risk of being exposed to COVID-19. If your destination has high rates, be extra cautious when your family is out in public. Be sure to wear face coverings and continue social distancing. n Travel by car, if possible. While the airline industry has taken several steps in helping to lower the risk of COVID-19 transmission (HEPA air filters, air exchange, electrostatic spraying), traveling by car will limit your contact with others. During stops, remember to wear masks and wash hands with soap and water for 20 seconds. Also, consider packing your own drinks and snacks. n If you must fly: Take a direct flight, if possible. That will limit the need to change planes and walk through busy airports. Keep your masks on for the entire flight; consider opting out of meals so you don’t have to remove masks. Bring disinfectant wipes to sanitize all the high-touch areas.who n Pack extra masks and hand sanitizers. Pack at least two masks per child in case one is lost or being washed after use. Include a travel-size dispenser of hand sanitizer as well as a larger container for refills. Ensure that the hand sanitizer contains at least 60% alcohol. n Have your family get flu shots. Last year, we saw a record number of children from ages 0-4 years who needed to be hospitalized because of the flu. If you haven’t visited your pediatrician already, do so at least two weeks before travel to get the flu shot.

Spring break travel is very tempting, but families should consider the dangers of traveling while COVID-19 is still spreading. If the vaccine rollout continues as hoped, your family will be able to enjoy a relaxing and safe trip together soon.

Dr. Gary Kirkilas is a general pediatrician at Phoenix Children’s Hospital with a mobile medical unit that travels to homeless shelters providing free care to families. He also is a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics. For more information, go to HealthyChildren. org, the website for parents from the AAP.

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