Easing back on screen time shaming during pandemic Heidi Stevens Chicago Tribune CHICAGO – Even before the coronavirus crashed into our lives, Cassandra Kaczocha and her husband, Keith Paddy, were deep into screen time negotiations with their kids. Their daughter, 10, is a competitive gymnast, spending “a part-time job number of hours” at the gym, Kaczocha said. Their son, 13, loves video games, and reasoned that he should be granted the same number of weekly hours to pursue his hobby that his sister gets for hers. “And there’s some validity to that,” Kaczocha said. After consulting their pediatrician and reading reams of research on exposure to blue light and violence in video games, and online privacy, and technology’s impact on social and emotional growth, Kaczocha and Paddy arrived upon a pleasant conclusion: Based on everything they saw in their son, his video game habits were fine. Beneficial, even, in some important ways. “This is a kid who was in martial arts and had to stop because he couldn’t hit other people,” Kaczocha said. “We do not see him becoming a violent person.” The main thing to address, they decided, was the sedentariness of gaming, which they’ve found ways to combat: a balance ball in place of a chair, an indoor yoga swing, daily walks and scooter rides around their North Side Chicago neighborhood. Their research has come in handy during the pandemic, which has forced the bulk of their kids’ learning and activities online. Kaczocha and Paddy don’t worry much about headlines and social media posts that sound the alarm over children and screen time, focusing instead on what their specific family needs. So many parents I talk to right now feel trapped. On the one hand, video games and TikTok and Snapchat are pandemic-safe outlets to interact with friends and peers. On the other hand, when you pile those pursuits on top of online learning and FaceTime calls with relatives and all the other screen time necessitated by virus lockdowns, it feels like our kids’ eyes and brains may never recover. Meanwhile, childhood development experts are sending up screen time flares all around us, which, though well-intentioned, feel an awful lot like shaming. The New York Times recently ran a front-page article headlined, “Children’s Screen Time Has Soared in the Pandemic, Alarming Parents and Researchers.” On Instagram, behavioral therapist Justine O’Neill posted an image of the headline crossed out in red. “Here @nytimes I fixed this headline for you,” the post reads. “Parents, Left With No Options During Neverending Pandemic, Turn to Screen Time as Last Resort to Help Them Not Lose Jobs and/or Sanity in the Face of Epic Failure From U.S. Leadership and Experts to Help Them Know What to Do With Their Very Sad, Very Lonely Children.” Exactly. Cindy Hamilton, a Highwood mom of 5-, 10- and 11-year-old kids, said she often hears that boredom benefits kids and sparks their creativity. But boredom, Hamilton fears, would feel like simply more loneliness and isolation when kids are already adapting to so much time away from people.
“Boredom is a skill you have to learn to navigate, and I don’t know if kids are in a place where they can learn another new skill right now,” Hamilton said. “They’re already learning how to do online school and manage anxiety, and how to miss their friends, and how to not be panicked. I see the merit in boredom, and I think it’s a beautiful idea. But I don’t think we have the capacity to do it right now.” Her kids, Hamilton said, spend a lot of time on iPads. Her older kids play Roblox and other online games that allow them to join their friends remotely. Sometimes, she said, they just “zone out” to a favorite show or YouTube channel. “I recognize it’s valid to warn against all of it,” she said, “and I also think this is a time when warnings aren’t needed or necessary or welcome.” Gregg Montalto, a physician for adolescents and young adults at Ann and Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago, said any research on the effects of screen time needs to be placed within the context of a pandemic. “We’ve told kids, ‘You can’t see your grandmother anymore because we’re worried she’s going to get sick,’” Montalto said. “That’s terrifying to a kid. My 7-year-old hasn’t been out of the house much at all in the past few months. If there’s a way for him to stay connected to his friends and his family, even if it’s on a screen, I’m going to allow that.” Montalto said it’s also important not to paint every online activity with the same broad brush. “Passive social media use is linked to depression,” he said. “If your child is on Instagram looking at images of unrealistic, unreachable body types or status, that’s different than kids who are using social media to goof around with each other and stay connected. It’s not a black-and-white issue.” Scott Smith, a Morgan Park dad of a 9-year-old daughter, said screen time is a frequent topic in his dad group. The pandemic, he said, has upended the boundaries he and his friends put in place when play dates and practices and birthday parties offered an easy balance to screens. “It’s just not realistic to say, ‘You can’t really go outside and play, in part because it’s winter. You can’t really hang out with friends because of COVID. Also, you can’t be on screens for longer than X time a day,’” Smith said. “And you still have things you need to get done as a parent. You still have to do your own work and also just have some time to decompress from everything that’s going on.” Instead of sticking to a set number of hours, Smith said he and his wife, Erin, work to set specific times of day when screens aren’t allowed. “We are putting limits on screen time where they prevent us from engaging as a family,” he said. “So no screens at dinner and no screens after 7 p.m. when we’re spending time together before our daughter’s bedtime, unless it’s to watch TV together.” Similarly, Kaczocha said she and her husband focus on making sure their son and daughter, and their 11-year-old niece who lives with them, are seeking some balance. “Did you get your homework done? Did you get your chores done? Have you moved around today?” Kaczocha said. “We check in with them a lot: ‘How are you doing? What are you doing? Who are you doing it with?’ And we have a lot of time for check-ins right now, because we’re not going anywhere.” One thing she has learned is that the friends her son has met through gaming relate to him better than some of his peers did at school. She’s grateful, she said, that he has a place where he feels continued on next page Spring 2021 | fb/eburgmoms 13
