Portland State Vanguard

VOLUME VOLUME6868| |ISSUE ISSUE279

OCTOBER11,8,2013 MARCH 2013

THE ROAD TO IMPASSE A LOOK BACK AT PSU-AAUP CONTRACT BARGAINING NEWS

OPINION

ARTS & CULTURE

SPORTS

ASPSU busy with election preperations, possible faculty strike and Higher One renegotiations. pg. 6

Preconcieved notions about kinky sex­—why being a freak is much more normal than you think. pg. 11

Feeling overwhelmed? Head to the Park Blocks for free stress-shedding tai chi classes! pg. 17

Vikings men’s basketball finished the season strong and looks forward to the conference championship. pg. 21

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Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

3

NEWS

WHERE YOUR TUITION MONEY IS GOING HANA KING

Ever wonder where your money is going? Here’s a tuition breakdown for both undergraduates and graduate students at Portland State.

Shown below is the base tuition for a student taking 12 credit hours with added fees (excluding differential programs such as business, engineering, fine and performing arts and the honors program). While fees are set and used for specific purposes, tuition dollars are the main source of revenue for the university.

UNDERGRADUATE

Tuition: $ 1,764

GRADUATE

Tuition: $ 4,092

UNDERGRADUATE

Tuition: $ 5,820

GRADUATE

Tuition: $ 6,396

(RESIDENT) (RESIDENT)

(NON-RESIDENT)

(NON-RESIDENT)

Health service fees $119 Health service fees are different than the insurance premiums PSU students pay. They cover the baseline services that the Center for Student Health and Counseling offers, including counseling and dental. Because SHAC relies on students actively using their insurance to cover their medical needs, health service fees are necessary to keep the doors open.

4

Tuition Cost

Building fees

Health Service fees

Incidental fees

Academic & Student Rec Center fees

Total: $ 2,185 Total: $ 4,513

Total: $ 6,241 Total: $ 6,817

Academic and Student Rec Center fees $41 This fee keeps the Rec Center up and running and accessible to students and the community.

Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

Building fees $45 These fees cover the cost of deferred maintenance, seismic upgrades, construction and renovation of PSU property.

Incidental fees $216 Incidental fees cover a variety of campus needs, including IT, computer lab maintenance, library and research services, athletics and certain other student activities overseen by the Student Fee Committee.

BRENDAN MULLIGAN/PSU VANGUARD

NEWS

PSU OPENS NEW WELCOME CENTER HEATHER WILSON

Portland State has opened a new Welcome Center in the Academic and Student Rec Center. The new center is located in room 101 and is the result of moving the Viking Information Center, the Student Ambassador Program and the Campus Visits office into the same location.

The Viking Information Center and Student Ambassador Program were previously located in Neuberger Hall.

“The groups merged to be more efficient and better serve prospective students and visitors to PSU,” said Nicholas Running, coordinator of commencement and outreach for enrollment management.

The new Welcome Center offers drop-in admissions counseling for prospective students and information about general admissions requirements. They also counsel transfer students on the trans-

fer process and help them obtain official transcripts from their previous schools “The center is now the welcome face of PSU,” said Lauren Golden, student ambassador coordinator and PSU senior in business and human relations.

The Student Ambassador Program is a resource for prospective students, faculty and visitors to PSU. They represent PSU in the Portland community through recruitment and events with the university president, special guests and visiting faculty.

The center also houses the Campus Visits office and schedules informational tours. Formerly, scheduling for campus visits and student ambassadors required coordination through two different offices, but scheduling can now be reached at one phone number.

The Campus Visits office offers several different types of informational tours designed for prospective and new students with student ambassadors.

From community information tours, tours for transfer students or tours specifically designed for first-generation students or those from ethnically diverse backgrounds, the different types of campus tours the Campus Visits office offers are designed to provide specific information focused on the group’s needs.

“Before the center opened, knowing where to get certain information was confusing and vague for students,” Golsen said. “Having a distinguished Welcome Center helps prospective and incoming students know exactly where to go to get information.”

For more information, visit the Welcome Center website at pdx.edu/admissions/visit

THE NEW WELCOME CENTER in the Academic and Student Rec Center.

ALEX HERNANDEZ/PSU VANGUARD

Task Force on Campus Safety releases final report STEPHANIE TSHAPPAT

Almost a year after its initial convening in April 2013, Portland State’s Task Force on Campus Safety released a report on Feb. 26 of its findings in regard to improving campus public safety.

In their report, the TFCS found that sworn police officers who are connected to PSU are integral to the best model of campus public safety at the university.

“The Task Force believes the most ideal campus safety staffing model is one that allows PSU access to dedicated professionals, who are part of the PSU ethos

CREATIVE COMMONS ATTRIBUTIONS TO M.O. STEVENS

and community, who have sworn police officer status,” said the report.

The first recommendation of the task force is to obtain availability to sworn officers who will be dedicated to the PSU campus.

“PSU should explore ways to ensure access to sworn officers who are…appropriately trained in campus policing and available on-site to the PSU campus community,” the report stated.

The TFCS report recommended this action due to the discovery of the following findings in their re-

search: “1. PSU must make reasonable efforts to address known safety concerns; 2. Perceptions of safety may be misleading; 3. There have been improvements with campus policy development; 4. The complexity of PSU’s daily operations has increased; 5. The complex nature of campus law enforcement is changing with increased service demands; and 6. Resources allocated to CPSO and campus safety in general have not kept pace with the level of growth.”

Campus Public Safety Office Chief Phil Zerzan was

grateful for the time and energy put into the report by the TFCS. “I am appreciative of the effort and thought that went into understanding the complexities and challenges of modern campus policing,” he said.

Other recommendations made by the TFCS in the report regarding CPSO include CPSO maintaining non-sworn CPSO officers to continue providing regular campus safety duties, PSU creating a permanent committee to give a continuous review of campus

safety needs and best practices, and CPSO leadership providing safety presentations and other educational events during events such as student orientation.

Recommendations were also made in regard to access control on campus, as well as safety awareness and emergency preparation.

PSU President Wim Wiewel appointed the task force last year in response to discussion about transitioning PSU’s CPSO to a law enforcement agency with sworn police officers. The TFCS met over six months

to analyze “the challenges of improving response time and making security more effective across [PSU’s] 50-acre campus,” according to PSU’s website.

The full task force report is available to download at pdx. edu/insidepsu/the-futureof-campus-security. A link listed on the webpage allows PSU community members to give feedback on the TFCS report, and an all-campus forum will be held on April 30 to discuss the options that the report suggests. Its time and location will be announced at a later date.

Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

5

NEWS

ASPSU stays busy with upcoming elections and potential faculty strike KARISA CLEARY

With the upcoming student government elections, a possible faculty strike and renegotiations with Higher One, the Associated Students of Portland State University have been busy.

With spring term approaching, student government elections will soon be in full swing and PSU students will have the opportunity to run for ASPSU president, vice president and senate positions.

“Voter turnout was approximately 600 students last year, I believe, and this year we’ll be postering, tabling and reaching out to student groups and resource centers to attempt to involve underrepresented communities to improve upon that,” said Harris Foster, current ASPSU president.

Registration to run in the ASPSU elections opened March 11 and will end on May 2. Orientation for candidates marks the beginning of campaigns, which will begin May 1 and continue until the end of May, when the winners are announced.

Typically the ASPSU president can be re-elected a maximum of one time, serving a maximum of two years in office. However, Foster will be graduating this spring and his term as president will end on May 31, leaving his position open for next year.

Foster explained that he hopes to take an active role in elections this year, which will include promoting the campaigns through posters and tabling and encouraging students to both run and vote.

“There was absolutely zero effort, other than that of the candidates, to get stu-

6

dents to vote/run in ASPSU elections last year,” Foster said. “Anything that we do this year will be better than last year; however, we will be goal-setting next week, as far as how many students voters we [are] trying to achieve.”

Some other ways to get students involved in the election process will be through several campaigning events during May, including debates and meet-and-greets.

According to Thanh Ngo, a justice on the ASPSU Judicial Board, debates are planned to take place on May 8 and 13 in Parkway North and May 16 for the Food For Thought town hall debate.

Two meet-and-greets are expected to take place in May. The first will be on May 6 from 5 to 7 p.m., and the second date has not yet been confirmed.

“The second meet-andgreet date is still not finalized,” Ngo said. “As we are looking at some budget issues and room-booking issues.”

Aside from campaigning, ASPSU has also been present in mediation sessions between the PSU chapter of the American Association of University Professors and the university administration.

In their involvement, Rayleen McMillan, university affairs director for ASPSU, stated that ASPSU has recently taken a stance on the issue in support of the faculty.

“ASPSU has a strong sense that the learning conditions students face are a direct reflection of the working conditions encountered by our university’s staff and faculty,”

McMillan said. “It is with the student body’s interest in mind that we have adopted a stance in support of PSUAAUP regarding their declaration of impasse and potential strike authorization activity.”

ASPSU is working to keep students updated on their involvement with the strike through their newsletters.

“Our data indicates that half of the student body opened the informational newsletter that ASPSU sent out about the sta-

tus of AAUP contract negotiations,” Foster said.

ASPSU has also been working on renegotiations with Higher One, a student banking service and ID card company that processes student financial aid refunds at PSU. In the next two weeks, ASPSU will work to solidify final tasks, which include reducing and phasing out fees as well as confirming the location for a fifth ATM on campus. This location is

expected to be in or near the Urban Plaza.

“We’re looking at the best practices of other banks in order to hold Higher One to a higher standard. In essence, we’re attempting to ensure that a student isn’t being forced to use a bank that they would not choose on a free market,” Foster said.

Being a third-party financial aid company, Higher One is currently being investigated in Washington, D.C., in regard to

student fairness and fees compared to regular banks.

The state of Oregon has also begun lobbying for Higher One fairness. Foster says they are looking into “whether or not it is fair on a national level.”

ASPSU has been using both an ID card survey from 2009 and, more recently, a survey done specifically on student feedback of Higher One in fall of 2013 during the negotiations.

EBONY WHITE, ASPSU campus organizer, leads an ASPSU meeting with (left to right) Pheonix Singer, equal rights advocacy director, Galen Russell, senator, Shaymaa Taha, chief of staff, and Eric Noll, legislative affairs director.

Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

MARIAM ESKANDER/PSU VANGUARD

NEWS

PSU CREATES NEW REVERSE TRANSFER AGREEMENT KATHARINE PEDERSEN

Last year, Portland State paired with Portland Community College to create a reverse transfer agreement, and on Feb. 6 the university made the same agreement with Mt. Hood Community College.

The new reverse transfer agreement ensures that students who attended a community college and transferred to PSU before they received their associate degree are still eligible to receive it.

Cindy Skaruppa, associate vice president for enrollment management at PSU said that “the main purpose

[of this agreement] is to acknowledge what students have accomplished.”

To achieve this, students will need to be co-admitted to both schools and still take the classes required for an associate degree. They also will need to have a minimum of 24 credits from MHCC and have a combined total of 90 credits.

Students will need to fill out the correct forms for receiving the degree at the community college.

Before this agreement, students were only able to receive an associate degree while attending their com-

munity college.

So far, only PCC and MHCC have a reverse transfer agreement with PSU. However, the university is hoping to reach out to others over the next few years.

“President Wiewel has a desire to expand the reverse transfer with all community colleges,” Skaruppa said.

Part of the reason why MHCC and PCC were chosen first for the reverse transfer agreement was because they’re the two top community colleges in Oregon that feed into PSU. According to Skaruppa, PSU enrolled

1,282 students from PCC and 288 from MHCC in fall 2013.

Another push for the agreement is due to Senate Bill 253, which was approved by the Oregon Legislature in 2011 and aims to see 40 percent of Oregon residents obtain a bachelor’s degree or higher, 40 percent an associate degree or higher and 20 percent with at least a high school diploma by 2025. This is called the 40-40-20 plan. “[The reverse transfer agreement] gives students credentials they earned and helps us maintain the 40-40-20 goal,” Skaruppa said.

PORTLAND COMMUNITY COLLEGE, Sylvania campus.

CREATIVE COMMONS ADUMBVOGET

CRIME BLOTTER

Week of Mar. 3–Mar. 9

STEPHANIE TSHAPPAT

MARCH 3

MARCH 4

MARCH 7

STUDENT CONDUCT

EXCLUSION

ARREST

West heating plant At 4:20 p.m., Officer David Troppe and Officer David Baker observed two students sitting outside at the northwest corner of the building. One student dropped something, then picked something up and placed it in his backpack.

As officers approached the students to contact them, they smelled what was believed to be the odor of marijuana. Upon contact the students denied smoking marijuana but consented to a search of the backpack, which located a bag with marijuana residue and one Adderall pill.

These items were confiscated and marked for destruction. Report referred to Dean of Student Life.

Hoffman Hall, south side At 8:05 p.m. Officer Denae Murphy observed a male subject, later identified as nonstudent Dave C. Shippentower, urinate on a tree. Murphy contacted Shippentower, who was extremely intoxicated but denied detox, and issued him a PSU exclusion.

MARCH 5 ARREST

Academic Student Rec Center At 5:40 p.m. Officer Brenton Chose and Officers Troppe and Baker responded to a report of a suspicious male in the sixth floor single occupancy restroom. They contacted non-student David Sankey, who had three clean needles, in the restroom.

Sankey had a current PSU exclusion and was arrested for criminal trespass II.

Cramer Hall At 3:09 a.m. Officer Jon Buck responded to a report of a man sleeping in Room 71.

Officer Buck contacted nonstudent Steven S. Trend who had a current PSU exclusion.

Trend was issued a new PSU exclusion, arrested for criminal trespass II and lodged at Multnomah County Detention Center.

ARREST

Cramer Hall Sergeant Joe Schilling and other officers were notified at 10 a.m. that the suspect from the indecent exposure case on Feb. 24 was on the first floor of the building. Officers contacted and identified the suspect, a PSU student, and arrested him for indecent exposure and lodged him at Multnomah County Detention Center.

EXCLUSION

Ondine residence hall Officer Chose and Sergeant Schilling responded to a report of a male subject passed out on the floor of classroom 218 at 11:07 a.m. Portland Fire also responded to evaluate the subject, who was awake when officers arrived, and identified as non-student Tyler Levesque. Levesque had passed out from a mix of alcohol and oxycodone he had consumed the night prior with an unknown PSU student who let him into the building. Levesque was issued a PSU exclusion and transported to a local hospital by Portland Fire.

EXCLUSION

Millar Library Over the last month, library staff have received several complaints about non-student Michael Bruett, including Bruett smelling bad, being in the library after hours, going

through staff lockers, yelling and watching pornography on his laptop. At 1:45 p.m. Officer Nichola Higbee, Officer Chose and Sergeant Schilling contacted Bruett, issued him a PSU exclusion and escorted him from the building.

EXCLUSION

Science Reserch and Teaching Center At 6:07 p.m. Officers Chose and Buck responded to a report of a skateboarder who physically contacted and was being verbally aggressive toward a student. Upon arrival, officers contacted non-student Preston N. Cahill who admitted to skateboarding on ornamental surfaces on the south side of the building and “unintentionally,” in his words, running into the student. Student was not injured and didn’t wish to pursue charges. Cahill was issued a PSU exclusion.

MARCH 8 STUDENT CONDUCT

Lincoln Hall Officer Buck observed a student slumped over, sitting on a bench on the west side of the building at 1:20 a.m. The student was visibly intoxicated and admitted to drinking a fifth of vodka. The student is 19 years of age and not legally able to consume alcohol.

The student phoned his friend and roommate, another PSU student, who agreed to care for him. The intoxicated student was released to his roommate without incident. Report referred to Dean of Student Life and CARE team.

Read the full crime blotter at psuvanguard.com

Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

7

OPINION

EMBRACING MINIMALISM We live in a culture dominated by materialism. Virtues are often exchanged for possessions and people are obsessed with having more and more. While this may be a result of living in a first-world economic powerhouse, it’s caused some to embrace minimalism.

When most people hear the term minimalism, they recognize it as a modern art form and architecture style. For some, however, minimalism has transcended mere style and has become a lifestyle choice where excess is avoided and a conscious awareness of usefulness is emphasized.

The first time I ever heard about minimalism was when I was on a website looking for free Legend of Zelda sheet music. The page was set up as a blog and down in the corner I saw a post titled “Life as a Minimalist.” Fascinated, I clicked on it and was exposed to a way of life I had never once considered.

Often times when people consider the absence of material possessions, the image of some sage, monk or blissed-out hippie comes to mind. But as I was scanning through this woman’s post, I saw pictures of empty rooms devoid of clutter with just the bare essentials. She explained how she condensed her whole photo, movie and CD collections to digital files, invested in space-saving bags, gave away a bunch of her books and used her mattress as both a couch and bed. For her, the idea that she “might need this someday” no longer made sense to her, and she got rid of anything that had no applicable everyday use.

The gauge for minimalism is different for each person. It can range from trying to live out of a suitcase to just being more considerate and aware of what you buy, what you decide to keep and what is actually needed. I myself have the illustrious goal of reducing my immediate possessions to three plastic tubs, a piece of luggage, one duffel bag and a backpack. (Right

now it’s four plastic tubs, two duffle bags, a backpack and two pieces of luggage.)

I am one of those people who seeks to find sentimental value in material things, so naturally I held on to a lot of unnecessary stuff. However, I’m also extremely stressed out by clutter. In my adolescence cleaning meant shoving stuff into tubs, under my bed and into my closet.

It wasn’t until I moved into student housing that this desire to limit my material possessions manifested as action. There’s something about the college lifestyle, moving in and out of buildings twice a year, that makes owning a lot of stuff difficult.

So toward the end of my freshman year I sought to embrace minimalism in my own life.

I got rid of a lot of books I had been holding on to, gave away a bunch of clothes I never wore, tossed out a bunch of old memorabilia, got rid of old notes and gifts that were only used during nostalgic moments and avoided the desire to buy impulsively. I tried to only purchase items that were essential and useful.

For students who are always on the move, such an approach can be useful. Living in student housing can be difficult. It always seems like you could use more things, especially if it’s your first time living alone. My time here at Portland State will be temporary. My desire to avoid accumulating as much as I can reminds me that this is a mere stepping stone to bigger and better things. When you lay up your treasure in your room, it’s harder to move on and be ready for big changes.

When I first got into minimalist living, I was often too focused on the evil of excessive material possessions. I paid more attention to the negative effects materialism had upon my state of mind, rather than the positives that the absence created. However, after a two-week long mission trip in Belize,

Against the Current

by Sebastian Richardson

I learned the positive side to minimalism in a deeper and more profound way.

Minimalism isn’t just anti-stuff, it’s also pro-existence. It challenges a person to make more of life than physical and tangible items. It makes room for the things in life that truly matter.

By getting rid of my books, I began visiting the library more often. By getting rid of old sentimental items, I began focusing more on my life as it was happening. By avoiding impulse buys, I saved money and was able to do more things with family and friends.

Today, I’d much rather go out to a movie with a friend than buy some quirky vintage item I found at a thrift store.

Becoming a minimalist, even in the slightest sense, is not an easy task. Getting rid of stuff is difficult. I myself have had regret over throwing out an old notebook or parting with an old raggedy t-shirt I once wore during a memorable time. However, such remorse only lasted a little while. The calm atmosphere of a room devoid of clutter allows me to focus so much better.

While I always advocate for a minimalist approach to living, I am nowhere near perfect. As I write this, my desk is full of papers and clutter that makes me cringe every time I look at it.

It’s a learning process—one that requires patience and struggle. It takes proper discernment and consideration.

I would never advocate impulsively throwing out everything in one fell swoop. You have to be careful regarding what you throw out and what you decide to keep. But with that said, I encourage more people to think empirically about what they need, what makes them happy and how that is reflected in the amount of material possessions they own and choose to buy.

As Seneca the Younger wrote, “It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.”

CHRISTOPHER SOHLER/PSU VANGUARD

8

Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

OPINION

PIZZA AND PANDERING A WORD ABOUT THE 2014 OSCARS

The Front Row

by Breana Harris In his annual post-oscars special, Jimmy Kimmel did one of his hilarious “Lie Witness News” segments where he asked people on the street what they thought of made-up critically acclaimed films like Croque Monsieur: I Made Love to My Sandwich, how Jonah Hill fared playing a wolf in The Wolf of Wall Street and whether it was offensive that 12 Years a Slave featured an all-white cast.

The jokes were pretty funny, but the statistic that inspired them makes me sad. Kimmel cited a Reuters/Ipsos poll that said 67 percent of Americans haven’t seen even one of this year’s nine Best Picture nominees. It’s not really that surprising, as most surveys show a large number of adults don’t even go to the movies anymore. As in, ever.

I ran into a Facebook page asking for opinions on the best film of the past year, and there were a whole lot of Lone Survivor fans. Yes, people on Facebook like movies about Navy SEALs kicking al-Qaeda ass. I can’t think about this too much. It gives me high blood pressure.

So how about those Oscars? Ellen DeGeneres fared well. The ceremony was the most watched entertainment telecast in a decade, bringing in 43 million viewers. According to Entertainment Weekly, those are the biggest numbers for a non-sports event since the finale of Friends.

One of the most memorable moments of the night came when DeGeneres gathered an impressive crowd of A-list stars for a selfie—Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lawrence, Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts and more. Her aim was to “break Twitter” by having the most re-tweeted photo ever, and she succeeded. The image not only caused the site to crash on Oscar night, it passed the one billion re-tweet mark by the next morning, breaking the record set by President Obama on his re-election night.

Why did her hosting gig work so well? First, and most obviously, people love Ellen. But they also love celebrities. And around DeGeneres, the stars were at their most casual and relatable. She had no problem making the show about them.

Who doesn’t want to see Pitt chipping in $20 for pizza, or Bradley Cooper accepting an honorary scratch lotto card? The ones who are decidedly unwilling to act like normal people, like Leonardo DiCaprio, or who are genuinely kind of abnormal without trying, like Jared Leto and Matthew McConaughey, really stuck out. DeGeneres can make anyone look good, and she turned what might have been a stuffy and pompous occasion into a warm-hearted party.

I am a self-confessed award season junkie, and I love Oscar night more than Christmas. Still, the cynicism surrounding award show politics is not unfounded. The Hollywood Reporter released seven anonymous sample ballots from the Academy’s voting body, which is mostly made up of old white men, and some of the reasoning behind their decisions is nothing short of appalling.

I am a massive fan of Steve McQueen and Michael Fassbender,and I was in tears when Lupita Nyong'o won Best Supporting Actress, as well as when 12 Years a Slave won Best Picture. I think it’s one of the most deserving winners in years.

But I also understand that many Academy members voted for it on the basis of its subject matter, even those who were too cowardly to watch it, and I am aware that some of the sample voters planned to vote for Nyong'o without even knowing her name, simply because it’s been considered the thing to do.

It’s not unlike the outlook of a group of older women I heard discussing the ceremony on the streetcar this morning. “I’m so happy for that little black girl,” one of them said. “She seems like such a nice little girl.”

Is this the most that old-school film lovers like myself can hope for? That hopelessly out-of-touch Academy voters and audience members will happen to like the right things for the wrong reasons? As lovely and moving as Nyong'o's win was, I can’t help but worry that this begins her fade into history. To paraphrase what Alfre Woodard recently said, we’ll know if there is true change in Hollywood when we compare Nyong'o's career trajectory with

Jennifer Lawrence’s. Similarly, Leto’s win for playing a transgender women feels like a ticked box. Now he can go back to being a rock star instead of an actor, having done the Academy a favor by making it look like they really care about transgender issues.

I’m really happy that DeGeneres makes actors look likable, because I really like them. Even the actors I don’t like, I still like, by virtue of the fact that they are thriving in an industry I admire so much and creating extraordinary work. I don’t need to see them eating pizza or taking selfies to think they’re great, but the idea of appealing to the average Midwest housewife who feels better about herself to see that is fine with me. It’s fun. If it inspires a few of those 43 million people to watch Her, that’s awesome.

I’m never going to give up on the Oscars because celebrating movies is incredibly important. The idea that normal people don’t care about the films themselves deeply saddens me. But the idea that the organization giving some of my favorite movie-makers shiny gold statues doesn’t really care about them either is even more depressing. Even when they get it right, it doesn’t mean they’re necessarily doing their job.

CHRISTOPHER PERALTA/PSU VANGUARD

Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

9

OPINION

Whipping our way to a better citizenry With the public safety budget stretched thin, Oregon needs to get creative about ways to save money.

Some school administrators, mainly in the Midwest and the South, are apparently still able to legally beat their students.

However, while states may legally allow the beatings, individual school districts may adopt bans on the practice. I say kids these days are out of hand and school administrators in our state should be able to spank these kids.

Kids will benefit because it will correct negative behavior as well as toughen them up. Honestly, I don’t even feel it is the school’s job to administer such punishment. However, if the parents will not do it, then someone needs to.

I charge that parents and schools are letting kids become soft, as well as carefree. This carefree outlook eventually festers and develops into what has been coined in the media as “affluenza.” Affluenza is a disease that strikes primarily affluent suburban kids who have little to no parental oversight.

These out-of-control young adults drink, drive and party as if they were adults, generally doing what they please.

They do what they please because their parents are soft on them. My mother had a firm hand. Now, I would not go so far as to say that my mother beat me as a child, but if I egged the neighbor’s car—and I did—that was worth a paddling. You can probably guess how many times I egged the neighbor’s car after this administering of corporal punishment.

It’s a good thing I got my act together at a young age. It was a blessing, because a 10-year-old egging a car is a lot different than a 17 or 18-year-old high school student egging a car.

In case you didn’t know, removing eggs from the side of a house or car can be a very expensive operation, and it can also lead to a criminal record. An example of this occurred recently, with Justin Bieber potentially facing felony vandalism charges for egging a mansion neighboring his own.

Let’s pretend corporal punishment is legal. Next, we will pretend some nearly grown child afflicted with affluenza drinks and drives directly into a school bus full of second graders.

Luckily, no one is seriously injured…this time. The judge says the culprit has the option of going to jail, where they will probably end up getting the crap kicked out of them, or they can take 10 lashes from a whip.

Sure, the 10 lashes will hurt like the dickens. However, I would wager that anytime in the future the culprit begins to think about doing something foolish, they will remember how awful it was to be whipped mercilessly, all at a limited cost to John and Jane Q taxpayer.

This whipping would save taxpayers like you and me costs associated with additional jail cells, parole officers and a bogged-down judicial system. The whipping would also save the criminal from the psychological abuse of living in a cell like some kind of caged animal.

Naturally, not everyone agrees with corporal punishment.

The American Psychological Association is against it. I am

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not persuaded by their argument that it causes psychological damage, especially since I feel that kids these days need to get tough. Which is worse psychologically for a child: to get whipped at a young age and mentally know that they can take it, or for a child to grow up in a sheltered environment and become traumatized the first time they experience violence from peers in their high school or from aggressive street folks inhabiting the real world?

I ask you to think back to 1999. One of the greatest movies of all time was released in this year. Of course I am talking about

Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

The Illuminator

by Mike Bivins

Detroit Rock City. If you haven’t seen this movie then you need to watch it at your earliest convenience. If you have already seen it, you will remember the scene where Trip (James DeBello) begs for mercy. “Please sir, don’t kick my ass!” he cries. “I’ll do anything to get out of a beating!”

Doesn’t this sound suspiciously similar to a plea from a criminal addressing a judge who has sentenced them to a whipping? Trip, or a first time offender, would hopefully be scared straight after the first beating. Ideally they would be so scared that they become a productive member of society.

“This whipping would save taxpayers like you and me costs associated with additional jail cells, parole officers and a bogged-down judicial system.”

RACHAEL BENTZ/PSU VANGUARD

OPINION

UNKINK YOUR KINKY SEX BIASES

RACHAEL BENTZ/PSU VANGUARD

The Cuddlefish

by Adam Lamascus Once upon a time I was watching an episode of the TV crimedrama Bones. As part of a murder investigation, they find that their super-crazy, super-creepy murderers are, in fact, kinky people who enjoy sex bondage. Of course.

In television and pop culture, if you really want to show how intrinsically disturbed people are, emphasize that they like to do things with floggers, chains and leather when they are having sex. Anyway, in one scene, the titular character (Emily Deschanel) and Agent Booth (David Boreanaz) are discussing kinky sex, at which point both of them talk about how kinky people are freaks who just can’t appreciate or enjoy normal sex anymore.

Elsewhere, on an episode of Law and Order a detective interrogates another depraved murderer who is, surprise surprise, a kinkster! While talking to the murderous kinkster, the detective says he has done research into her freaky culture, and he knows that she is (gasp) a SAM (smartass masochist), which is a sub who likes to provoke their dom. She is embarrassed that he knows it. Uh, ok, that’s not actually a big deal at all, but whatever.

Modern American society is rife with misconceptions about kinky people, especially in pop culture. Television is especially

guilty of this. Bones, CSI and Law and Order are some of the most regular offenders, propagating the myth that kinky people are a tiny clique of folks all screwed up in the head and are much more likely to commit murder. That’s just wrong, plain and simple.

A 2012 article by the Institute for Personal Growth reported that most studies show 15–20 percent of Americans engage in some sort of regular bondage play or other more intense kinky behavior. If you take lighter activities, such as love bites or light spanking into account, that number jumps to over 55 percent. Of those who reported partaking in kinky activities, most reported that it is something they enjoy periodically—a sort of extra spice on the side—where “vanilla” missionary-esque sex was the most common.

Less than one percent reported making any major lifestyle choices based on their kinky sexual proclivities. In fact, most psychologists agree that there is absolutely no evidence to suggest that people become kinky because they are bored, abuse victims, crazy or have any kind of mental disorder whatsoever.

Like any minority, there are some fringe crazies that go too far, but most kinksters are totally normal people. Odds are that you have many friends and family members who are kinksters.

Maybe you are one yourself, and guess what? That is perfectly fine and fun.

Beyond this most basic misconception that kinksters are a tiny, psychotic minority bored with sex, there are some other big ones. For example, it is a pretty common myth that kinky sex, especially any sort of bondage where a woman is tied up by a man, is inherently misogynistic. This is also untrue.

Like many activities, especially sexual ones, this boils down to agency.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a strong, powerful, independent feminist woman deciding she likes being tied up.

It is her choice. In fact, a 2009 study published by the National Institute of Health showed that 62 percent of female under-

graduates in college have regular fantasies of being dominated or have even had rape fantasies. Other studies have shown that this trend continues in strongly feminist circles.

It is not at all uncommon for people who abhor rape (read: any person who isn’t horrible) to be a bit turned on by the idea of having “forced” sex with a trusted partner. Turns out that choice and agency are really important factors, and also that the human brain and sexuality are complicated. Don’t judge people who like to be tied up or otherwise dominated.

Yet another myth is that women aren’t kinky. They only do it for the men, because they themselves are delicate and pure snowflakes. I am told that Fifty Shades of Grey is guilty of perpetuating this, though I don’t know, because I read good books in my spare time.

Lastly, and I think very importantly, the issue of judging and stigmatizing kinky sex is itself incredibly controlling and often times inherently political. After all, what is “normal” sex, and what are the implications? For example, do you think oral sex or anal sex is normal? Well, statistically speaking, you do and even if you don’t, it is.

The Journal of Sexual Medicine reported in 2013 that the vast majority of Americans partake in oral and anal sex on a regular basis. Yet despite the fact that most people are doing it, Montana, Idaho, Utah, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana, Alabama, Mississippi, Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina and Michigan all have laws that are explicitly based on Christian dogma and which ban oral and anal sex as “crimes against nature.” This is despite the fact that these laws were declared unconstitutional over a decade ago by the Supreme Court of the United States.

In the end, don’t judge or discriminate based on people’s kinky sexual practices, because plenty of so-called normal people are also kinky. Also consider that there are 14 states in the U.S. that might declare you criminally kinky. Be open-minded, be kind and be understanding.

Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

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COVER

THE ROAD T A LOOK BACK AT PSU-AAUP CONTRACT BARGAINING

Collective bargaining began April 24.

Photo: Posters of AAUP’s bargaining issues

Bargaining continued through the summer.

Contract from the previous biennium expired at the end of August and was extended through the end of November.

In August, AAUP formed a strike strategy committee.

On Nov. 19, A students, sta the PSU Facu a rally to amp for fair contra com/news/w

The administration first called for a state mediator in October

CORINNA SCOTT/PSU VANGUARD

With talk of an impending strike reaching a fever pitch, an email last Friday from Portland State president Wim Wiewel told students that spring term courses and graduation dates will remain on track no matter how contract negotiations progress over the next month.

SARA SWETZOFF

FACULTY IN THE American Association of University Professors recently declared an impasse and soon after scheduled a strike authorization vote that will take place today and tomorrow, March 11–12.

In his email, Wiewel did not offer details as to how the university plans to temporarily replace up to 1,200 professors, instructors and academic professionals in the event of a strike. He promised that “details will be announced in a timely fashion.”

“Our job is to make sure that nothing gets in the way of students pursuing their academic goals, and we will do everything we can to make sure there is no interruption,” Scott Gallagher, PSU’s communications director, has stated.

Many faculty and students claim that it is in fact the administration’s lack of cooperation that has brought the university to this point of instability in the first place.

“We don’t want to strike but we will if we have to, in order

to provide the kind of high quality education to which we are committed,” explained instructor David Osborn.

The website “Fighting for the Future of PSU,” representing a coalition of faculty, staff and students in support of the AAUP in their current bargaining process, says that, “After 10+ months of negotiations where the administration has been dragging their feet on issues AAUP members care about, a strike may be the only way to move forward.”

G E TTING HERE Every two years AAUP renegotiates their biennial contract with the administration. Negotiation for this biennium began April 24.

By August, faculty were already feeling frustrated at the bargaining table. With their current contract slated to expire at the end of August, it was at that time that AAUP first convened a strike strategy committee.

In September they were put on a temporary contract extension and negotiation continued. However, faculty were surprised that the administration contacted a state mediator as early as October.

“They were unwilling to even talk money until October, so the decision was odd,” explained Mary King, an economics professor and president of the PSU Chapter of the AAUP. “It was a very quick decision, and was understood as an attempt to steamroll the process,” she continued.

On Nov. 19, faculty and students rallied in support of professors’ demands. Starting on the sky bridge between Smith Memorial Student Union and Cramer Hall, hundreds of participants marched to the administration’s Market Center Building and held speeches on the steps.

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Two days of mediation in mid-December seemingly made little difference. “Mediation is not as useful as it sounds,” Mary King said. “The mediator just goes back and forth between the separate rooms asking if anyone has changed their mind yet.”

The past month has seen the situation quickly crescendo into crisis mode. On Feb. 7, AAUP filed an unfair practice charge with the Employment Relations Board, accusing the administration of breaking the rules that govern employer-employee relations statewide.

Faculty announced their declaration of an impasse on Feb. 24. According to state law, an impasse may not be declared until at least 15 days of mediation services have elapsed. By that time in February, AAUP had already been in mediation for nearly two months.

Labor law dictates that employer and the employees each submit their best offer contracts to each other a week after an impasse is instated. At that point a 30-day “cooling off period” begins, which is a window of time when a strike authorization vote can be held but no strikes may take place until after the month has elapsed.

Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

That puts the earliest day of strikes on April 3, right at the beginning of spring term. However, both the administration and the AAUP declare that they are doing everything possible to resolve a contract before the need to strike, and that they remain optimistic that an agreement can be reached and strike evaded.

“We don’t think we’ll get there,” said Gallagher at university communications. “Every two years we go through this process, and sometimes it is more contentious than others.

“We were disappointed that it [went] to an impasse,” he continued. “We thought we were making progress.”

But faculty see it differently.

“After ten months, forty hours of mediation and ten hours of one-on-one with the chief negotiator, we are stuck,” King explained to a groupd of students at Thursday’s general meeting of the PSU Student Union.

At this point, avoiding a strike would involve the AAUP membership voting to ratify an acceptable contract between now and the beginning of April.

Once the 30 days are up, the administration has the right to impose the contract of its choice. AAUP faculty have the corresponding right to reject that offer and choose to strike.

COVER

TO IMPASSE

AAUP along with aff and members of ulty Association held plify their demands acts. psuvanguard. we-stand-united/

The temporarily extended contract expired at the end of November.

From this point it was renewed on a month-to-month basis.

Mediation began on Dec. 18.

AAUP filed an unfair practice charge on Feb. 7, publicized in a Feb. 17 press release.

Faculty declared an impasse on Feb. 24.

Photo: The bargaining table located in the Marketing Center Building CORINNA SCOTT/PSU VANGUARD

Faculty and students rallied together on Feb. 27, drawing more than 1,000 attendees.

Photo: AAUP and student rally on Feb. 27th

WH AT ARE THE C ON TR ACTS ON THE TABL E?

As explained in Wiewel’s campus-wide email, the administration’s final contract offer to the AAUP includes two options.

The first, option A, proposes a 3 percent rise in salary over two years combined with the right of the union to be consulted on change to promotion and tenure guidelines.

The second, option B, offers a larger salary increase than A (4 percent over 2 years) but completely removes the union’s say in changes to promotion and tenure guidelines.

Some, including King, have suggested that presenting two options in a final contract is unusual.

“It’s extremely unusual—perhaps unlawful—to offer possible choices in a last, best and final offer, as it creates a great deal of uncertainty about what contract the PSU administration would impose on the bargaining unit, which they can do at the end of the 30-day cooling off period,” King said.

Gallagher defended the structure of the final contract.

“We’ve provided two options because it helps provide them two ways to go. They can determine which part of the overall negotiation is more important to them,” he said.

However, King asserts that neither contract option is ratifiable. “They both involve giving up faculty and academic professional rights in shared governance, and only incorporate token movements toward stabilizing the faculty and a cut in real pay,” she explained.

Indeed, the fact that the strike vote was scheduled so quickly attests to the unpopularity of the administration’s proposed contract.

“We went out and spoke with our members and it was clear that these choices are not very different from the administration’s previous positions,” King said. “We have seen, and rejected, these contracts before.”

King admitted that there are some minor improvements, but that these are just token changes that affect a minority of AAUP members. For example, the new contract slightly improves the status quo for fixed-term faculty. Now those who

have worked 5 years will have a 45 percent chance of getting a permanent job, whereas before they would have had to work 6 years.

“A very small number of teachers are actually affected,” King said, calling the measure a “token movement.”

In terms of shared governance, King says that the current contract offers from the administration both take away what AAUP has had for thirty years—namely, the ability to have the last word when it comes to negotiating changes in tenure and pay scale. In the administration’s option A, the right to consultation is retained.

King is quick to clarify that consultation is not the same as being required to negotiate with the union. “They’ve given us nothing but a choice to lose all of it or lose some of it,” she said.

“Both choices are below our bottom line.”

Gallagher countered that changes to tenure and promotion already have to pass the faculty senate, and therefore going through AAUP as well is redundant.

Jose Padin, a professor of sociology at PSU and a member of PSU-AAUP, explained the difference between the faculty senate versus the union.

“Through the senate we define standards for tenure and promotion, whereas through our collective agreement with the administration we set a legally-binding safeguard against unilateral changes to these standards by the administration.”

“The faculty senate can be overruled by the president,” King added. Both she and Padin described the importance of the union’s safeguard for increasing trust in the relationship between faculty and the administration.

Padin underlined the significant breach of historical protocol represented by the administration’s desire to remove that union oversight. “Every prior administration going back 35 years has considered it reasonable to sign on to an agreement that provides a legally-binding check against a president’s unilateral usurpation of faculty power,” he explained.

MILES SANGUINETTI/PSUVANGUARD

Strike vote set for March 11–12.

As dictated by a process following an impasse, AAUP and the PSU administration exchanged final offer contracts on March 3. This also started the 30-day cooling off period during which mediation continues.

AAUP cannot strike until after this window of time elapses.

Bargaining team to meet with administration again on March 14.

According to the 30-day timeline, the earliest a strike could occur would be April 3.

Faculty have indicated that they would not strike until the second week of spring term or later, in order to allow students to meet enrollment needs that dictate scholarship disbursements, visas, etc.

WH AT NE X T? While the administration hasn’t mentioned specifics regarding how the university will run during a strike, AAUP has made some comments that suggest a strike wouldn’t last for long.

“Strikes in education tend to be short, given the tremendous pressure on both sides to settle,” King said.

“I expect that most classes would be cancelled for the duration of the strike, and that faculty would be working hard to adjust to a shorter term—as we do in summer session—or that we might extend the term by a few days, if need be.”

However, King cautioned, “nothing is certain.

“Nobody wants a strike,” she said. “We’d rather be doing the jobs to which we’ve dedicated our lives!”

Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

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ARTS & CULTURE

Portland Farmers Market returns to the PSU campus SHARON JACKSON

So long, dreary winter. Spring is peering around the corner and warmer weather is on the way, which means it is time to get ready for the plethora of outdoor activities Portlanders like to partake in.

With all the hiking, biking and keeping things weird, it’s easy to forget about the organic and local foods and all of the other bonuses that go with the Portland Farmers Market. After months away, the Portland Farmers Market returns to the Portland State campus on March 15 and will run every Saturday through Dec. 20.

“We are lucky at PSU to have such an elaborate farmers market within our reach. I go all the time with my family and friends. It’s one of the fun things we do,” said Christen Hall, a junior at PSU studying English.

Hall lives near the campus and does her weekly vegetable shopping at the market.

“With living alone, I am able to buy just enough for me, and it is great that the fruits and vegetables are changing throughout the season,” Hall said.

“It is entertainment and it doesn’t have to be expensive.

There are bouquets of dahlias for five dollars to brighten up your living room. It is nice to get out and see what’s going on, listen to some live music,” Hall said.

The market is host to a variety of musicians. This year’s ballot of artists include American roots musician James Clem, the Ray Mann Band, singer-songwriter Robert Richter, and The Stomptowners, a traditional Irish group.

As well as a host of vendors at the market every week, visitors can count on a variety of fresh produce for sale.

Lyle Stanley is the owner of the Gee Creek Farm Community in Ridgefield, Wash., which has had a booth at the PSU Saturday market for 11 years. Gee Creek Farm is a teaching farm that aims to run as self-sufficiently as possible. They also run an organic grain mill, create herbal tinctures and prepare vegan foods.

“We are passionate and committed to what we do,” Stanley said.

Gee Creek Farm has created an affordable organic food buying club, which entitles members to a share of the year’s harvest. Weekly pick-ups and farm visits give members a connection to their food and how it came to fruition.

“At the lowest cost available, we hope people will make use of it. It is our way to give back to the community and to eat well,” Stanley said.

As well as supporting regional agriculture, attendees are able to speak with those who grow the product and learn about the benefits of eating fresh, nutritious foods.

“It’s inspiring. They love to talk about any questions you have with something unusual, how to cook it and how they like to prepare it. Farmers are super interested in engaging with their customers,” said Mona Johnson, communications director for the Portland Farmers Market.

The farmers market offers more than shopping; it is also an atmosphere with something for everyone. There are programs and special events designed to engage and satisfy market shoppers of all ages.

When the market first started in 1992, its original location was in a parking lot at Albers Mill before moving to the Park Blocks at the PSU campus. In 1997, a second market was added on Wednesdays.

“What sets this market apart is the beautiful location, surrounded by all those great buildings with a lot of history. It just has a kind of buzz and excitement being there, a central hub for the city,” Johnson said.

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VALARIE KITTLE/PSU VANGUARD

VALARIE KITTLE/PSU VANGUARD

PSU's Saturday market also offers special events. Beginning in June, the market will present Chef in the Market, where local chefs use local seasonal produce to create simple, delectable dishes.

“We also have the recipes for people to take with them so they can try to recreate it at home,” Johnson said.

Another event is Kids Cook in the Market, which runs June through August. Children ages 7–11 have a chance to become a “Top Chef” by enrolling in culinary classes taught by instruc-

Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

tors and students of the International Culinary School at the Art Institute of Portland. Participants learn about the seasonality of food, meet local farmers and gain first-hand experience preparing ingredients purchased fresh at the market. “[It is] very educational and hands on. They make the dish themselves and eat it,” Johnson said. “It is a really nice way to be involved with the market outside.”

More information about the Portland Farmers Market and their vendors can be found at portlandfarmersmarket.org

ARTS & CULTURE

JEWISH THEATRE COLLABORATIVE AND PSU TEAM UP FOR NEW PLAY, A PIGEON AND A BOY’ BRANDON STALEY

The Jewish Theatre Collaborative will be debuting its stage adaptation of Meir Shalev’s novel A Pigeon & A Boy on March 22. The JTC is a theater company which, by adapting Jewish narratives for the stage, tackles complex cultural issues.

A Pigeon & A Boy chronicles the lives of two lovers at different periods in time, shifting between the Israeli War of Independence in 1948 and modern times. The JTC’s adaptation marks the first time the novel has been adapted for the stage.

Sacha Reich, founder of the Jewish Theatre Collaborative, adapted the novel with Doren Elias, a local actor and co-owner of the Traveling Lantern Theatre Company.

Reich said they chose to adapt the novel after the company put on a performance called Taster’s Choice at the Fertile Grounds Festival last year. The company adapted excerpts from three novels dealing with Jewish life and culture. Afterward, audience members were encouraged to provide feedback.

“We had the audience writing about what they were responding to and what they liked between each performance,” Reich said. “We pored over them.”

Reich said the audience reactions to A Pigeon & A Boy were particularly positive.

The play was chosen to be adapted in its entirety shortly after the festival.

Reich said the adaptation has been designed to stand on its own. No knowledge of the book is required to enjoy the play, though audience members familiar with the

book may note differences in the plot.

Reich said one reality of adaptation is that certain characters and plot points had to be cut. Reich estimated that the novel stands at 200,000 words. The adaptation sits at about 19,000 words.

“The characters, the stories, the themes of the novel are really very powerful,” Reich said. “We’ve just distilled them for the play.”

Reich said she hopes to use the communal aspect of theater to gather as a community and start conversations.

“In Jewish culture, stories have always been the center,” Reich said. “You wrestle with a story to understand who you are and the world you’re in.

“That’s lost its centrality, but stories haven’t lost their power.”

The play’s debut will mark the culmination of several months of events organized by the JTC. The events, divided into acts, served to explore the themes of the novel and the history and culture in which it is steeped.

A Pigeon & A Boy is being co-sponsored by several organizations within Portland State, including the Harold Schnitzer Family Program in Judaic Studies, the School of Theatre & Film and the Middle East Studies Center. “[Reich] approached the three departments at PSU,” said Elisheva Cohen, outreach coordinator for the MESC. “She encouraged us to read the book to see if we were interested in co-sponsoring.”

Cohen said the MESC had partnered with the JTC before in a project called Cafe Baghdad, a theater performance that combined poetry and memoirs to describe

what Jewish life was like in Baghdad in 1928.

Cohen said the MESC has largely been helping publicize the play by creating and dispersing promotional material.

“These productions about life in Israel, and taking sort of a historical and cultural approach, fit into the goals of our outreach program,” Cohen said. “It’s a different approach to understanding life in Israel.”

Lorraine Bahr, an adjunct professor in the School of Theatre & Film, will be playing Raya, the mother of the main character. Bahr said that her understanding of the cultural and political history of the Jewish people, particularly in Israel, had only been vague before getting involved with the play.

“The geopolitical birth of Israel, the struggle for a homeland, all of these are dense with complexities,” Bahr said. “The roots of the ongoing troubles are deep and ancient.”

Bahr first became involved with the JTC during the Fertile Grounds Festival, when she participated in stage readings of excerpts from novels.

Bahr, who is also an experienced playwright, said engaging in the adaptation process has been fascinating. Bahr said that adapting a novel for the stage is unusual, as novels are far more likely to get adapted for film. The two processes are very different.

“Narration must be woven into active dialogue,” Bahr said. “This creates an intriguing story-telling style.”

Additional information about A Pigeon & A Boy and the Jewish Theatre Collaborative can be found at jewishtheatrecollaborative.org.

“THE BABY” (PLAYED BY SAM DINKOWITZ) cradles a pigeon in his hands on stage.

COURTESY OF JEWISH THEATRE COLLABORATIVE

Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

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ARTS & CULTURE

TERRORIZE THIS!

‘TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE’ INVADES 5TH AVENUE CINEMA

FUCK YEAH!

©PARAMOUNT PICTURES

ANDREW ECHEVERRIA

Closing out 5th Ave. Cinema’s winter quarter screenings is Team America: World Police, Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s send-up of Jerry Bruckheimer-esque action films.

The film thrusts Broadway heartthrob Gary (voiced by Parker) into the ranks of the titular action faction with hopes of violently dismantling a terrorist organization headed by Kim Jong Il (remember that guy?) and a band of diabolical Hollywood celebrities. With sheer brute force and tons of guns, Team America fight to protect—or as the case often is, accidentally destroy—the world and end America’s war on terror.

But is the war on terrorism funny?

This is a question that an MSNBC anchor asked South Park creators Parker and

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Stone while they marketed the release of Team America in 2004. The interview, which had been all laughs and smiles up to that point, suddenly became quite tense and uncomfortable. A decade later, the anchor’s question still prompts the same simple answer that Stone responded with: No. But if you add puppets into the equation, it can at least be fairly humorous.

The problem with this question is that it guts out the core of the film and instead creates an incendiary political topic that critics love to latch onto and lambaste. When the film was released, this happened to the point where Team America actually entered into the political dialogue of the country. It was taken as a critique of the Bush administration, making light of America’s

fight against terrorism and the North Korea situation.

All of this insensitivity must have been magnified given that the film was released only three years after 9/11.

People were furious, people were amused, but most importantly, people were affected. They were thinking and talking about the political and societal topics that Parker and Stone had interjected between the offensive show tunes and steamy marionette sex scenes.

Parker and Stone, hate 'em or love 'em, are to be treasured precisely because of their ability to get people to think critically about the world around them. Sometimes misguided, always juvenile, the duo’s method of interjecting culturally and politically relevant commentary into their television shows and movies might

Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

be why their work has seen lasting appreciation.

To add to the political fervor, the subject material of Team America: World Police lends itself almost too easily to humor. It’s even in the name. To some it may seem that the two are mocking America and the wanton desire to police every country in the world (they are), but this does not make the film remarkably anti-American.

A fine line is walked between self-deprecation and selfawareness, and whichever side the audience falls on more than likely decides how they will view Parker and Stone’s collective work.

Although the brand of humor in the film may not appeal to some nearly as much as it did when it was released, it’s hard not to recommend seeing Team America for your-

self. Apart from the minds that created it and the subjects explored within, there’s an unsung beauty about the fact that a movie like this even exists. A large budget, Hollywood-made American action film that spits on America, Hollywood and action films, and exclusively stars puppets should by all rights not exist in this world. But somehow it is here for us to enjoy.

Kim Jong Il wrote a nice letter to Parker and Stone following a personal screening

of Team America in which he stated that he found their depiction of him in the film very disrespectful. A few years later, Kim Jong Il died at the age of 69. I do not think he ever did anything funnier.

This is directly in confluence with the aforementioned beauty of the mere existence of Team America. Where does the juvenile humor of the film end and the unfortunate reality of the world begin? See if you can navigate your way out this weekend.

5TH AVENUE CINEMA PRESENTS TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE Friday, March 14 7p.m.

9:30p.m.

Saturday, March 15 Sunday, March 16 7p.m.

3p.m.

9:30p.m.

ARTS & CULTURE

MEDITATION IN THE PARK BLOCKS THE CONFUCIUS INSTITUTE OFFERS FREE TAI CHI CLASSES AT PSU ELIZABETH HENDRICKSON

Three times a week, members of the Portland State community gather together to dismiss the bustle of the day and move through the peaceful, calming motions of the Chinese art of tai chi.

The classes are held every Monday from noon to 1 p.m. in front of the Millar Library and 5:30 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. in the lobby of the Academic and Student Rec Center, as well as Wednesdays from noon to 1 p.m. at Pioneer

Courthouse Square. All sessions are free and open to the general public.

The free tai chi classes are offered by the Confucius Institute at PSU. Dr. Meiru Liu, the director of the Confucius Institute and a Chinese language professor, explains that these classes represent “a centuries-old Chinese practice designed to exercise the mind and body through a series of gentle, flowing postures that create a kind

of synchronized dance.” Liu considers tai chi to be “slow, graceful and fluid, and easy to learn.”

“The idea to offer free tai chi on the PSU campus and local community is to promote Chinese culture while offering low-key exercise for PSU faculty, staff, students and people working in the Portland downtown area who need a break from work or study,” Liu said. “Just learning to relax and breathe

more deeply can be reason enough to take tai chi."

Tai chi also provides multiple health benefits. Historically, tai chi is rooted in Chinese meditation, medicine and martial arts, Liu said. “[It] combines mental concentration with slow controlled movements to focus the mind, challenge the body and improve the flow of what the Chinese call ‘chi,’” Liu said.

The tai chi classes are led by Qi Gao. Gao is a Taiji instructor QI GAO, an instructor at PSU’s Confucius Institute, leads students through a free Thai Chi class session in front of Millar Library.

from Chengdu, Sichuan Province, China, who is currently teaching language and culture courses at PSU. Gao has practiced tai chi for 15 years and finds that it brings flexibility, relaxation and meditation. “[Tai chi] is a wonderful part of life,” Gao said. "[It] is beautiful. I think tai chi is the traditional Chinese art."

Gao said she was inspired to practice tai chi by watching tai chi masters as a young girl.

“They take good care of themselves, both body and heart, because tai chi can also be a kind of meditation,” Gao said.

Qian Li, who has previously been an assistant in Gao’s tai chi classes, finds the classes to be easily accessible and beneficial to both the students and the faculty.

“Unlike cardio, tai chi is slow and practices the whole body,” Li said. "[It’s] not only about the body; it takes practice of the body and the mind together to understand the meaning of tai chi.”

Other than exercise, Li also finds peace in practicing tai chi.

“You can keep quiet and keep the balance of your body,” Li said.

In addition to meditation and flexibility, breathing is another important aspect of tai chi, Gao said.

“When I do tai chi, I focus on my breath. Breath is the most important thing of people’s daily life. But most people probably never think of how important the breath is, but tai chi is very good for doing that.”

Tai chi strives to create a harmonic relationship between a human being and his or her surroundings, representing the yin and yang Chinese philosophy, Gao said. This balance has been found to improve heart condition and blood pressure and decrease stress and fatigue.

“It is very practical for keeping fit, helping people build a good body shape and enjoy a healthy life.”

THE CONFUCIUS INSTITUTE PRESENTS FREE TAI CHI CLASSES Mondays PSU Library 1875 S.W. Park Ave. Noon–1 p.m.

PSU Campus Rec Center 1800 S.W. 6th Ave. 5:30–6:30 p.m.

Wednesdays Pioneer Courthouse Square 701 S.W. 6th Ave. Noon–1 p.m.

CHRISTOPHER SOHLER/PSU VANGUARD

Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

17

ETC

EVENT CALENDAR Tuesday, Mar. 11 Place-based Leadership and the Inclusive City: An International Analysis 6–7 p.m.

Native American Student and Community Center 710 S.W. Jackson St., Portland, OR 97201 This presentation will be led

by Robin Hambleton, a professor of city leadership at the University of the West of England, Bristol. At this hour-long event, Hambleton will discuss how civic leadership and innovation leads to sustainable cities. The Toulan School of Urban Studies & Planning will be hosting this event. FREE

ting on this event in partnership with the Multnomah County Library and the Library Foundation

Wednesday, Mar. 12 Midnight Breakfast 9 p.m.–12 a.m.

Smith Memorial Student Union Ballroom 1825 S.W. Broadway, Portland OR 97201 Feeling burned out? Take a break from the stress of studying for finals to have some free food and fun. The theme this term is Talent Show, so show up and impress the crowd with your talent. The event will also have music, prizes and games.

FREE

Everybody Reads 2014: Sonia Sotomayor

Saturday, Mar. 15

7:30–9 p.m.

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall 1037 S.W. Broadway, Portland, OR 97205

Brain Fair

This year’s selection is My Beloved World by U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor. This is the 12th year of the annual community reading project, where Sotomayor will discuss her book and the importance of reading. Literary Arts is put-

10 a.m.

Oregon Museum of Science and Industry 1945 S.E. Water Ave., Portland, OR 97214 Insane in the brain! The largest brain fair in the country will be coming to OMSI in the midst of Brain Awareness Season.

Check out some cool exhibits, demonstrations, prizes and real human brains. Neuroscientists

from Oregon Health & Science University will also be there to discuss their research. Event goers must pay museum admission to attend, but the brain fair is no additional cost.

are welcome, and all crafts are welcome as well. Yarn and needles are available for beginners and for those in need.

Call 503–725-5672 for more information. FREE

Portland Women’s Expo

Friday, Mar. 21

10 a.m.–6 p.m.

Oregon Convention Center 777 N.E. Martin Luther King Blvd., Portland, OR 97232 This all-day event features over 300 exhibitors ranging from nutrition and fitness to shopping and beauty. There’s something at this event for everyone. There will also be an area for massages, a variety of different food samples, beer and wine tasting, a beauty bar and a fashion show.

Come celebrate yourself!

Wednesday, Mar. 19 Crafternoons Noon–1:00 p.m.

Women’s Resource Center Lounge 1802 S.W. 10th Ave., Portland, OR 97201 Join this group of avid crafters for Crafternoons! Bring your crafting supplies and share your skills and ideas with others for a fun, craftfilled hour. All crafty people

Parent Social Hour 4–5 p.m.

Rogue Hall 1717 S.W. Park Ave., Portland, OR, 97201 The Resource Center for Students with Children will be hosting a parent social hour for student parents. This event provides a chance for attendees to connect and get to know other student parents on campus over some free appetizers. Childcare will be provided for those attending at Little Vikings on campus. FREE

Monday, Mar. 24

with the skills and knowledge necessary to recognize and respond to emergencies and provide care for victims of injury or sudden illness until emergency medical services arrive.

Cost is $100 for members and $150 for non-members. The deadline for registration is March 21 at 5 p.m.

Friday, Mar. 28 Two Old Black Guys Just Sitting Around Talking 7:30 p.m.

Ethos/IFCC 5340 N. Interstate Ave., Portland OR, 97217 Henry and Abe are two elderly fellows with no real like for one another, but a park bench finds them sharing company long enough to watch the years go zooming by. This play, according to one critic, “eloquently describes aging and the human condition.”

Runs through April 13.

Tuesday, Apr. 1 A Day in the Life: ‘I Shall Not Hate’ 6:15 p.m.

Multnomah County Central Library, U.S. Bank Room 810 S.W. 10th Ave., Portland, OR, 97205 Join Laura Robson, assistant professor of history at PSU, for a discussion of Dr. Izzeldin Abuelaish’s book I Shall Not Hate. The book follows Abuelaish’s life growing up in a refugee camp in the Gaza Strip, and advocates peace between Palestinians and Israelis. This discussion comes as part of a book club series which seeks to dispel Middle Eastern stereotypes.

Free copies of the book will be available to a limited number of participants. FREE

Red Cross Lifeguard Course 10 a.m.–4 p.m.

PSU Campus Rec 1800 S.W. 6th Ave., Portland, OR, 97201 FREE

Running through the 29th, this lifeguarding course provides entry-level participants

FEATURED EVENT

21+

WHAT THE...?!

PSU FREE OPEN TO PUBLIC 21 & OVER

BRENDAN MULLIGAN/PSU VANGUARD

St. Patrick’s Irish Festival Monday, Mar. 17 11 a.m.–2 a.m.

Kells Irish Restaurant and Pub 112 S.W. 2nd Ave., Portland, OR 97204 Kells Brew Pub 210 N.W. 21st Ave., Portland, OR 97204 Portland’s Irish staple, Kells Irish Restaurant & Pub, concludes its four-day celebration of Saint Patrick’s Day with a day of music, dancing and drinking. Each location includes a festival tent for additional party space. Enjoy the music of artists like Shana Morrison, Kells Pipers and Coming Up Threes while enjoying pints of your favorite Irish drink! 21+ CREATIVE COMMONS ATTRIBUTIONS TO ANDREAS F. BORCHERT

18

Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

“When the earthquake hits...we’re all gonna be died.”

ETC

Pisces Feb. 19–Mar. 20

Taurus Apr. 20–May 20

Spending your time following the crowd may be good way to get your bearings, Pisces, but it’s time to spread your fins and choose your own path through the sea. Originality and independence is your key to success.

Great opportunities are landing in your lap, and all I’m hearing are excuses. If you keep procrastinating like this, you’re going to wake up old one day and get steamrolled by regret.

Is that a chance you’re willing to take?

Gemini May 21–Jun. 20

Aries Mar. 21–Apr. 19

Listen up, Gemini: If you’re reading these for answers or insight into your life’s malaise, you’ve got problems. Pull your head out of your ass and take a look around—you won’t find any answers here (or in there).

Do you ever feel like you’re hitting a brick wall over and over?

Maybe it’s time to chill out a bit, Aries, and realize that your head isn’t simply for battering brick walls, but can also be great for thinking outside the box. Don’t wanna hurt that noggin!

Cancer Jun. 21–Jul. 22

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Speed things up, kick ass and take names!

Break the mold or be boring, it’s your life.

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Shake it fast, Aquarius, but watch yourLibra Sept. 23–Oct. 22 self! You’re one bad Being at the crossroads mamajama and you can be daunting, but also got the stuff to strut, exciting. Trust your inbut you don’t want to stincts and move forward. party your way into the Because you know what Danger Zone. Keep a happens when you stand watchful eye, but keep still...nothing. the party flowing, and you’ll find yourself Capricorn Dec. 22–Jan. 19 Scorpio Oct. 23–Nov. 21 rocking till the end of You’re a careful one, CapHey, you, stop obsessing! time.

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manage every aspect of your life, but it’s a bit out of hand this week. It’s time for you to step back and let someone else take control for once. Trust me, you’ll feel a lot better with the stick out of your ass.

You’ve been having issues with a certain someone in your life lately, but holding in how you feel is not helping anyone. Suck it up and tell them how you feel before you end up burning a bridge.

Get back to work Leo. You’ve been spending too much time enjoying the finer things in life and have lost sight of the task at hand. Take this week to put your nose to the grindstone and soon enough you will have plenty of time to get back to all the fun and games of the past few weeks.

You’ve had your face buried in that book long enough. Don’t neglect the people around you.

Take a friend out to dinner and catch up or go for an urban hike and cap it off with a drink or five.

Leo Jul. 23–Aug. 22

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Virgo Aug. 23–Sept. 22

There’s a tough road ahead, but fear not, all your hard work is about to pay off. It’s good to take some time to relax before the big deadline. Invite some friends over and have a big home cooked meal.

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Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

19

SPORTS SCORES

UPCOMING

PSU MEN’S BASKETBALL

PSU MEN’S BASKETBALL

IDAHO STATE PSU

Top Performers: Kyle Richardson, 28 points and 14 rebounds

74 BIG SKY TOURNAMENT 78 QUARTERFINALS MONTANA vs. PSU THURS. 3/13 6:00 p.m. | OGDEN, UT

PSU WOMEN’S BASKETBALL

PSU IDAHO STATE

Top Performers: Kate Lanz, 13 points

PSU MEN’S TENNIS

64 WEBER STATE vs. PSU 79 SUN. 3/16 10:00 a.m.

CLUB GREEN MEADOWS | VANCOUVER, WA PSU WOMEN’S TENNIS

PSU MEN’S TENNIS

PSU SACRAMENTO STATE

0 7

SOUTHERN UTAH vs. PSU FRI. 3/14 10:00 a.m.

CLUB GREEN MEADOWS | VANCOUVER, WA PSU SOFTBALL

PSU WOMEN’S TENNIS

PSU NORTH DAKOTA

Top Performers: Megan Govi, 6–4, 6–0

4 3

FRI.–SUN. 3/14–3/16 | SANTA BARBARA, CA NBA

PORTLAND @ MEMPHIS

PSU NORTH DAKOTA STATE

Top Performers: Aubrey Nitschelm, 1-3, RBI

MLS

3 11 CHICAGO vs. PORTLAND SUN. 3/16 12:00 p.m. | PROVIDENCE PARK WHL

NBA

Top Performers: LaMarcus Aldridge, 28 points and 12 rebounds

113 118

TRI-CITY vs. PORTLAND TUES. 3/11 7:00 p.m. | MEMORIAL COLISEUM

VIKINGS’ MEN’S BASKETBALL SEED FOR THE BIG SKY TOURNAMENT THANKS TO VICTORIES IN 5 OF THEIR LAST 6 GAMES. 20

JOEL GUNDERSON

TUES. 3/11 5:00 p.m. | COMCAST SPORTS

PSU SOFTBALL

PORTLAND HOUSTON

UCSB TOURNAMENT

SABINA-ELENA REACHES NEW HEIGHTS One quick search for Sabina-Elena Preda on the internet and you quickly realize that you’re not searching a run-of-the-mill tennis player. At just 19 years of age, Preda has found ranking on the Women’s Tennis Association Tour, was named Big Sky Player of the Week and graduated from Pamfil Seicaru in her native Romania in 2013.

Not too shabby of a start to her career.

Tennis, it seems, has been in Preda’s blood from the time she was born. In her native Romania, Preda’s career took off early. A member of the Tennis Club 2000 in Bucharest, Romania, Preda found instant success. She was a member of a national championship team with Tennis Club 2000 in 2008 at the age of 16, and was a vice champion with the club in 2011.

Despite all of her early success in Romania, Preda knows her main mission in life is to make it on the Pro Tour and in 2011 she reached her highest ranking to that point (1092), solidifying herself as a player to watch out for on the WTA scene.

Coming off her early success, Preda has proven herself to be much more than just a successful tennis player. A mathematics major at Portland State, Preda has shown she can handle not only her athletic career, but also her

Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

FRESHMAN SABINA-ELENA PREDA was named the Big Sky Player of the Week Feb. 25 after helping the Vikings earn their first-ever win over Northern Arizona.

CORINNA SCOTT/PSU VANGUARD

academics. If math and tennis were not enough, she also double majors in actuarial science—proving athletes can be just as successful in the classroom as outside of it.

Preda is joining the squad at a very exciting time for the program. After setting records last season for wins (12) and single season wins (Megan Govi, 17), and having four players record more than 10 wins, a player of Preda’s talent can only help coach John Sterling and the Vikings reach unprecedented heights.

That isn’t to say there hasn’t been a bit of a learning curve. Preda struggled during last week’s tournament in Nebraska, but the team around her, strongest in years, more than picked up the slack.

Coach Sterling told GoViks.com that his team is built on players who are there for each other.

“This is the team I expect to see,” he said. “We came into this weekend wanting to get our season back on track and this was a good win to start it for us. We just

have to play at this level every match.”

Having a fully-loaded staff with a freshman phenomenon is certainly a good way to achieve that. And it appears that Preda is only getting stronger as the season goes on.

She won Big Sky Player of the Week on Feb. 25. Not bad for a freshman.

Wherever her future takes her—a successful WTA Tour run or a career in math— Preda seems to have all the tools to be successful, on the court and off.

SPORTS

MEN’S BASKETBALL TOURNAMENT BOUND AFTER A BACK-AND-FORTH SEASON THE BIG SKY TOURNAMENT TAKES SHAPE JAY PENGELLY

Portland State’s men’s basketball team entered their final game of the season at the Peter W. Stott Center in control of their destiny; if they won they were assured a Big Sky Tournament berth.

The drama was lifted with 3:20 left in the second half of the Vikings’ matchup against the Idaho State Bengals.

Manager of Annual Fund

and Special Events Tygue Howland got on the mic and announced that because of other Big Sky results, PSU would return to the conference tourney. Seeding would wait until the final scores of the evening’s matchups.

For PSU it would take extra time. The Vikings had a substantial lead early in the game, but a 20–4 run allowed Idaho State to take the lead

late in the second half. In the closing minutes the game was back and forth, but Kyle Richardson took control with a monstrous dunk with 13 seconds left in the game, tying the score at 65. Following a missed ISU shot, Senior Night’s game was in overtime. Fittingly, Richardson was the hero; he had eight points and seven boards in the OT, leading PSU to a 78–74 win. He finished

the game with a career high 28 points on 14–19 shooting.

PSU’s regular season record ends at 16–13, 11–9 in the Big Sky. They also finish on a three-game win streak.

The wins give PSU the fifth seed in the conference tournament, which begins March 13 in Ogden, Utah. The first seed and host, Weber State, receives a bye in the opening round of play.

PSU will face four-seed Montana first. They split their earlier games with the Griz this season, each team winning on their home floor. With a neutral site as the venue this time around, a true test will be waiting for PSU. The Big Sky Conference Tournament has three rounds.

If PSU prevails in the first round they will advance and

GARY WINSTON finished the regular season ranked thrid in the Big Sky in three-point shooting percentage.

PHOTO COURTESY OF LARRY LAWSON

play again the next day. Oneseed Weber State will play the second round opponent with the lowest seeding, while the other two winners face off. The two teams that win on the second day of action move on to a championship game on Saturday, the winner gaining an automatic berth in the NCAA tournament.

PSU has been playing an exciting brand of basketball recently. They are tied for first in the Big Sky in assists per game (13.5) and second in assist/turnover ratio (1.2). DaShaun Wiggins, Tim Douglas and Gary Winston are all in the top 20 scorers in conference. Richardson is eighth in rebounding at 6.3 per game.

The Vikings have won the Big Sky Tournament twice, in 2008 and 2009. Head Coach Tyler Geving took the helm following these victories, and this year will mark the third time in his five seasons as head coach that PSU will play in the conference tournament. In both 2010 and 2012 Geving led his team to a first round victory over Montana State before falling to Weber State in the second round.

This year’s first-round opponent, Montana, has won the Big Sky Tournament in three of the last four years. They also have the most all-time tournament wins with nine. Close behind them with eight wins is Weber State, though they have not won the tournament since 2007.

Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

21

SPORTS TOTOWHOM WHOMITITMAY MAYCONCERN CONCERN Dear college students, Your college team upsets the number one team in the nation in an intense, grueling game. The crowd has been anticipating this all game. As the buzzer sounds, the crowd bursts through the gates onto the court to celebrate with the team. This is one of my favorite moments in sports, the upset over the best team that culminates in the whole school celebrating the victory together. But guess what guys, you are all ruining it.

This celebration isn’t about the huge upset anymore. Now it’s about the home team beating anyone.

If the crowd thinks that in any way there is a chance they could rush the court, they’re going to do it.

Come on guys. We’re better than this. Not every moment can be spectacular. If we try to make every game special, none of them become special. That’s not what we want to do when there are actual opportunities that exist within sports in which rushing the court is appropriate. And it’s what I described earlier: monumental upsets in which the game is over. By “over” I mean the buzzer has sounded, the referees have left the arena and the coaches are shaking hands. I definitely don’t mean there is still time on the clock.

This is a great celebration and it is exciting to see everyone enjoying a win in this fashion. But for anyone who saw the New Mexico State vs. Utah Valley college basketball game, it’s easy to see how dangerous a situation can be when there are so many people on the court. In that case, punches were thrown and a brawl broke out. Once again guys, you are ruining it. That game was obviously heated, and I understand that most people’s intentions were not to start a brawl on the court. But that was dangerous.

People could have been hurt. Instead of making a moment like that one about enjoying the basketball team’s victory, it became about a bunch of people in close quarters trying to hurt each other.

This kind of issue is embarrassing. It’s not only embarrassing for both teams involved, it’s embarrassing for all of college sports. I don’t want this celebration to be something that has to be completely stopped because it’s too dangerous, but if complications like what happened in the New Mexico State vs. Utah Valley game happen again, maybe college students and athletes are unable to handle rushing the court.

Please don’t make that the case. I don’t even want people to make the argument that we should completely end the rushing-the-court celebration. It’s cool. It’s something that all sports fans want to be a part of. Here in Portland we had one of the best court rushes ever when the Blazers won the NBA Championship in 1977. The fans immediately ran onto the court and climbed on the backboard, creating some of the most famous pictures in Trail Blazers history.

Be smart. Have fun. Enjoy sports for what they are instead of turning them into something they’re not.

ROCHELLE HEARNS RETURNS TO PSU SOCCER ROCHELLE HEARNS talks to the team at practice.

MARIAM ESKANDER/PSU VANGUARD

CLAUDE AKINS

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Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

The Portland State women’s soccer team has hired Rochelle Hearns as their new assistant head coach.

Hearns worked with the PSU women’s soccer team from 2009-12 as a volunteer assistant coach. She left the program to become the head coach of Clark College in Vancouver, Wash., where she led the team to its first ever post-season appearance and was named South Region Coach of the Year.

Despite her success at Clark, Hearns decided to return to PSU. “I really like what Portland State has to offer academically,” she said. “I also was drawn back to the women’s soccer program; it has continued to be such an amazing and successful program both on and off the field that I just knew I wanted to be a part of its continued success. Laura [Schott] has done an amazing job here, and I believe in the direction she wants to take the program and the steps she wants to take to get there.”

Last year the Vikings were 12–4–3 overall and a nearly

perfect 8–0–1 in the conference, making it the first unbeaten Big Sky Conference regular season in school history. Laura Schott was named Coach of the Year and PSU finished behind only Weber State, who they lost to in the championship match by a score of 3–0. That is what Hearns means by success.

The coaching at PSU has been a large reason for this success. By adding Hearns, the Vikings are adding yet another dynamic component to an already established system. Hearns, after all, understands the value of having a cohesive coaching unit.

“The wins, the losses, the coaching staff—all of it relies on you,” Hearns said, referring to her head coaching experience. “With that I have learned how important it is to have a good staff around you and how important it is for myself as an assistant to work hard and help improve the team and [the] program, because it affects more than just myself.”

One of the ways in which Hearns will improve the team is through her recruiting expertise. In fact, along

with regular coaching duties such as developing players, this will be one of Hearns’ main priorities.

“I am always looking at identifying talent in individuals…looking for tendencies within the game that will help improve our overall team and also looking for players that will fit into the team’s dynamics.”

Six new recruits have been signed to play this upcoming season to join a stable PSU squad, which saw only two starters leave over the offseason. One of the departed starters, however, was last year’s leading scorer, Eryn Brown. Still, the Vikings remain confident.

“We feel the girls are on the right track for the season,” Hearns said.

And with yet another talented person joining the team, one has to feel that indeed they are.

The PSU women’s soccer team is scheduled to kick off their season April 5 at the Concordia Tournament.

The tournament is hosted

by Concordia University and will be played at Tuominen Yard in Portland.

SPORTS

AN INTRODUCTION TO THE MADNESS A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO FILLING OUT A BRACKET

FILLING OUT an NCAA bracket is a way to participate in one of the greatest American sporting events.

TOBIN SHIELDS

It’s hard to interact in American culture without at least hearing about March Madness. While sports fans may wait all year for this event, many others do not even know what sport it refers to. This is the perfect guide for those who want to participate in their office pools and take part in the group fun.

So what is March Madness?

March Madness is a two week event where the best college basketball teams in the nation compete for the NCAA national championship. All season they have been working to earn a spot in this singleelimination tournament.

There are a total of 68 teams that eventually narrow down to a single winner.

Most of the attention goes to the teams that make it to what’s known as the Sweet Sixteen, when it’s down to the last 16 teams after the first weekend. After the round of eight is the Final Four, and lastly the championship game. The winning team collects the trophy, gold rings and (of course) the title of National Champion.

What’s this office “pool” all about?

While originally the NCAA national basketball championship may have solely

been about enjoying the games themselves, many have taken to betting on the outcomes of the event. Once the core 64 teams are announced, individuals betting will take a blank tournament bracket and predict who the various winners will be.

For every correctly predicted winner as the games occur, the person betting will receive a certain amount of points (which varies depending on who is running the pool). Usually the first few rounds aren’t worth a lot of points, while those who correctly guess the later winners receive more points. After the games wrap up, whoever has the most points in the pool wins the money.

How to fill out your bracket and join the pool If you want to join the pool this year, you need to first track down the person running your office/group’s pool.

They will be able to explain any particular rules they have in place that are not explained here. However, don’t expect too many changes from this guide.

On Sunday, the players and what’s called their “seeds” are announced. Each team will receive a number between one and 16, which is given based on their performance

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over that year’s season. The team with a seed number of one will play the 16th seed, the second will play the 15th and so on. This makes the initial pairings fairly easy to figure out.

Once the top 64 teams are paired up, you need to go through the entire bracket and attempt to predict which teams will end up winning their matchups, all the way to the grand champion. Your goal will be to correctly guess as many as you can.

“That sounds impossible!” you might say. Yeah, actually, it is. There are no documented cases of anyone ever filling out a perfect bracket. The

goal is to be as close as you can. Some pools weight the points that you receive, based on how far into the tournament you are. While usually you will only receive a single point for guessing correctly the first round, guessing the Final Four or champion correctly can win you as many as 30 points (again, check with your pool coordinator).

For those of you still hung up on the idea that you need to guess so many teams that you have no idea about, here are some tips: 1. There has never been a 16th seeded team beating a first seeded team. That means that you can usu-

ally bet on the better ranked teams to win.

2. The overwhelming majority of the winning teams were never ranked lower than a fifth seed. There have only ever been two champions seeded lower than that— the lowest ever was an eight seed. That means that your predicted champion should be somewhere between a first and a fifth seed.

3. Don’t forget to pick a favorite team! If you have any kind of relationship with a participating team (home state, previously attended, like the name, etc.), then see them through and hope they win a few rounds.

While “bracketology” is actually a word, and many swear by their certain methods of getting a strong bracket, it’s really just a game of luck. As The Wall Street Journal’s Jason Gray says, “The number one rule in March Madness is that you will lose your bracket to someone who has never watched an NCAA game.” He also mentioned that “anyone who claims to have a method is delusional.”

In short, don’t worry too much about trying to outsmart your fellow players. The point of filling out a bracket is to enjoy the games and these pools just give it that extra element of intensity.

Vanguard | MARCH 11, 2014 | psuvanguard.com

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