Portland State Vanguard

PORTLAND STATE VANGUARD HOLIDAY GUIDE

VOLUME 70 | ISSUE 18| DECEMBER 1, 2015

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CONTENT NEWS OPINION HOLIDAY GUIDE ETCETERA ARTS & CULTURE INTERNATIONAL

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Vanguard | DECEMBER 1, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

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NEWS

ASPSU PRESIDENT’S EMAIL CALLS FOR MASS STUDENT MOVEMENT TURNER LOBEY

ASPSU PRESIDENT DANA GHAZI (SECOND FROM LEFT) AND VICE PRESIDENT DAVID MARTINEZ (LEFT) at a recent student senate meeting.

Associated Students of Portland State University President Dana Ghazi issued a statement to the PSU body Tuesday afternoon calling for student action. The statement, titled “Time for Mass Student Movement,” was sent to students’ university email accounts.

“To the Community at Portland State University, We as students are facing a host of challenges on campus. Institutions of higher education have been transformed into laboratories of corporate restructuring, which reproduce rather than eliminate the inequality and oppression we face in our everyday lives. Some of our students have to make a choice between buying a textbook

and buying food. The food pantry is struggling to serve hundreds of students living the reality of food insecurity, sometimes while facing houselessness. In six years, the tuition at Portland State University has increased by 12 percent, leaving more students in crushing debt and many unable to access education that could better their lives. Students of color have to deal daily with the ugly face of racism and islamophobia, while sexual violence still plagues our campuses, affecting women and transgender individuals.

Yet the PSU administration and the business elites on the Board of Trustees decided for us that the solution

CRIME BLOTTER

ELLIE BRADLEY

Nov. 23

Nov. 24

Academic and Student Recreation Center

Associated Students of PSU Children’s Center

CRIMINAL MISCHIEF II

Officers David Troppe and Peter Stuart Ward responded to a report of vandalism in the first-floor men’s restroom in ASRC. Two of the bathroom toilet stalls were out of place and it appeared that the top of the frame was twisted. The doors were hanging off the stalls. The officers hung tape on the door to alert people to the damage.

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WARRANT ARREST/EXCLUSION

Officers Gary Smeltzer, Troppe and Ward responded to a call of a suspicious person who was causing a disturbance in the ASPSU Children’s Center. It was later determined that the reported person had a warrant out of Multnomah County.

THEFT II

Millar Library

Officer Brian Rominger took a theft report from a student whose cellphone was stolen. The student stated that a white male wearing a white shirt and carrying a red shoebox approached him asking to use his cellphone. Some time went by and the man never came back.

SILVIA CARDULLO/PSU VANGUARD

to combat such systematic issues is to further increase tuition and bring more guns, under the premise of creating safety. Far from bringing safety , these policies and measures have statistically shown to escalate rather than de-escalate conflicts and are no solution to sexual assault.

We find it particularly disturbing, that at a time when an admitted national crisis is unfolding over the murder of black youth by police around the country, the administration and Board of Trustees are going through with arming campus security and hiring armed police officers.

Militarization of the police has mirrored a trend of increased militarization

nationally, with the U.S. government waging wars across the Middle East and North Africa, and militarization taking place at the U.S.-Mexico border. Political debates are filled with anti-refugee, antiimmigrant rhetoric. Violence and destruction against people and the environment has spilled across our borders.

But students are beginning to demand justice and ethical accountability of our academic institution, asking for divestment from fossil fuel, from private prisons and from corporations and institutions that benefit from the Israeli occupation of Palestine.

Inspired by the courageous action of students at the University of Missouri,

we know this is the time for a mass student movement that links arms with our faculty and campus workers to build the power necessary to stand up to these structures and demand a radical change.

Change that does not cover up the host of issues we are facing with half-measures and policies that produce more of the same. Today, we must Unite to fight for a just world, to oppose systemic racism, and to oppose all forms of oppression at home and abroad.

We must Unite against the business model, which higher education has been reduced to. We demand free education, we demand a living wage, and we demand forgiveness of our student debt. We

know this is a long fight. We know this is a hard fight, but it is the only way we can make PSU’s slogan ‘Let Knowledge Serve the City’ a reality. The path to transforming our university lies with us.

In Solidarity, Dana Ghazi, ASPSU President P.S. Furthermore, I would like to share this statement by the Portland State University Student Union endorsed by several student groups at Portland State University: We at Associated Students of Portland State University stand in solidarity with all students working actively towards social justice on our campus.”

Visit psuvanguard.com for future updates.

NOV. 23–NOV. 28 EXTORTION

Morocco

Officer Chris Fischer took a report from a PSU student who met a female on Facebook. The student made a Skype video of himself masturbating for the female, which the female recorded. At the end of the video the female told the student that she was actually a male and demanded $2,500, stating that the video would otherwise be released on YouTube. The person then posted the video on YouTube but removed it, proving to the student that they had the capability to post the video. Officer Fischer was able to have YouTube and Facebook remove the video, which had again been posted. The person who posted the video is apparently in Morocco.

Vanguard | DECEMBER 1, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

Nov. 25

Nov. 26

PSU Urban Center

Ondine

EXCLUSIONS ISSUED

Officers Matthew Masunari, Smeltzer and Ward were dispatched to a call that three people were on the second floor of the Distance Learning Center smoking, drinking and blaring music.

This was all found to be true and the group was also charging various electronic devices. Officer Masunari recognized one of the people as someone who had been issued an exclusion the previous day; the man was then arrested.

The other two were escorted from the building and issued PSU exclusion notices.

FIRE ALARM

Officer Fischer responded to Ondine regarding a fire alarm on the 10th floor. Portland Fire Bureau advised that the alarm was due to burnt bacon in one of the rooms and the alarm was reset.

Nov. 28 CAR PROWL

University Place Hotel

Officers Troppe and Ward responded to a report of a guest’s gray GMC GMT that had been broken into by smashing the rear driver’s-door window. Reported stolen were brand-new Cabela’s men’s size-10 hiking boots still in their box, Cabela’s men’s XL camouflage overalls and a pair of

size-10 men’s slippers. Officers made inquiries at the Oregon Department of Transportation property adjacent, but nothing was found.

CAR PROWL

Southwest 5th and College

Officer Troppe took a report from a student whose car had been broken into. The student stated that she parked her 2014 Nissan Altima on the street the evening before and found it had been broken into the next morning. The student reported that her Apple laptop was stolen. Another student on the scene reported that a bag of Mary Kay makeup, valued at about $611, and a Victoria’s Secret bag with miscellaneous clothing items were also stolen.

NEWS

FOSTERING COMMUNITY WITH EMMIE BRUNELLE ELLENA ROSENTHAL

This Holiday season, students are getting into the spirit of giving and chipping in around the Portland State community and beyond.

Emmie Brunelle is a living example of a student who gives back to a community, both through action and education. Originally from Wyoming, Brunelle transferred to PSU last year with five years of experience working in foster care on a national level, with projects like National Youth in Transition Database and organizations like the National Resource for Youth Development, among others.

Brunelle was also in the foster care system at age 15, so she knows on a personal level what the system and experience is like.

During Brunelle’s third day on PSU’s campus last September, she found herself at the Regional Research Institute, which is the research aspect of the Graduate School of Social Work on PSU’s campus.

She knew participating in something on campus related to foster care was important to her. Brunelle’s

first position was through My Life, a research project that involved assessing youth in the foster care system, and interviewing them through surveys and other avenues.

My Life split into two groups; one cohort was youth who received standard services through the state, and the other cohort was youth placed in intervention groups to access coaching and mentoring activities for a school year, along with standard state care.

After a few months of administrating assessments and interviews, Brunelle became more interested in mentoring youth and wanted to help them work toward their life goals, so she became a coach.

“I meet with five different youth every other week,” Brunelle said. “They are all high school seniors or General Education Students in the EXITO Better Future Programs.”

All of the youth are found through the Department of Human Services and are all in foster care.

Some have hopes to go to college after graduating high school, while others may start working.

The youth in the Better Future Programs are matched up with a coach who works with them for a full academic year. They can leave the program at any time, and are not forced to participate in it.

“The motto,” Brunelle said, “is ‘Nothing about them without them.’”

“The [foster care] system is usually people making decisions for the youth without talking to them, so the beauty of the program is us being in a position where we can focus on what they want,” she continued.

Brunelle meets with the youth in multiple places. She said her office is coffee shops, libraries, her car; she meets the youth where they are.

“In the beginning we focus on building relationships, because generally people are going to do better when they want to be around someone,” Brunelle said.

After a foundation of a relationship has been laid out, Brunelle assists the youth in something called a narrowdown, a chart that is filled out with different goals, along with different steps that need to be made to reach that goal.

For example, if a mentee wants to get their drivers license, Brunelle will assist them with figuring out who they need to talk to, what papers they need to bring to the DMV, what days they can take the test and how they’ll pay for the test. She’ll also take the youth to the DMV. “It’s helping them, like an assistant, walking with them, not me doing it for them, but them leading me to whatever their goals are,” said Brunelle.

One goal is for the youth to develop skills like narrowdowns on their own by the end of the school year, and to gain connections with people in their communities, with the hope that a support system can be formed.

STUDENTS GIVE BACK DURING THE HOLIDAYS

EMMIEE BRUNELLE mentors youth in state foster care programs in Oregon.

LEAH HINKLE/COURTESY OF EMMIE BRUNELLE

Vanguard | DECEMBER 1, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

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OPINION

A GUIDE TO TRANSPORTATION IN PORTLAND: THE BEST AND WORST This past week, while attempting to bike to class from my residence in Northeast, I discovered that my tire had gone flat. I decided to deal with the issue later and brave the horrors of downtown cartraffic near campus. I tossed my things into my blue Honda Civic, until now slumbering peacefully curbside, and drove downtown.

I arrived some time later and, after circling several streets and side streets and passing innumerable “no parking” zones, found a space. I found that I had forgotten to turn off Strava, the iPhone app I use to track my biking progress. The drive to campus was logged as a bike ride, and according to the eight timed segments of the trip, I had only beat one “personal record” on the drive.

Just one. Using a car, with an internal combustion engine and everything. Prehistoric creatures had to literally die and transubstantiate into fossil fuels in order to propel me through the streets of Portland using fire, explosions and all of the wonderful industrial technology humankind has created since the Industrial Revolution. The trip by car took an entire 10 minutes longer than traveling by bicycle.

Clearly, some ways of getting around the city are better than others. Some ways are easier and more convenient. Others, not so much. So in the spirit of providing a public service to the Portland State community, and to anyone who happens to come upon this issue of the Vanguard, I have put together a handy transportation guide to the city of Portland, with the purpose of evaluating the various means of travel and judging them mercilessly.

Perhaps even making a few of them cry, if necessary.

Walking (Grade: A-) This is perhaps the oldest form of transportation, in use as long as human beings have had legs. In Portland, this form of movement is still in widespread use. Advantages include ease of parking ( just stand there! Done!), the ability to travel in any space the same size as oneself and the lack of fuel costs. Disadvantages include the weather, by which I mean the rain, which is everywhere at all times from October through about April.

infrastructure. Routinely cursed by bicyclists for using the bike lane and by pedestrians for terrorizing the genteel, mild-mannered foot-travelers, skateboarders may simply be misunderstood. Or they may be doing it on purpose. It isn’t clear. It is, however, among the few methods of travel that allow one to yammer on a cell phone while propelling oneself through space, without a helmet, while carrying a bag of groceries. Which is something, I suppose.

Segway (Grade: C-)

by Kevin Hadsell

The Segway. What can be said about it that has not already been said? The Segway is the preferred transportation device for mall cops and tour guides, and indeed anyone else who wishes to travel at a walking speed without worrying about the pesky cardiovascular benefits of physically moving one’s musculature from place to place. One sees them frequently on the Eastbank Esplanade, where Segway tours occur during the less-rainy times of the year. They resemble a family of ducks: the tour guide in the lead and a line of helmeted tourists following, bobbing up and down slightly to the rhythm of the Segway. This is literally the only use of the Segway I have witnessed in Portland, save one.

Lately I have seen an unusual, hands-free model of Segway both in the Pearl District and on Killingsworth in northeast Portland.

There is a glowing blue light emitting from the bottom. The riders in question are always alone, gliding in a seemingly disembodied manner above the pavement. They appear to hover. Who are these hovering Segway riders? Where do they come from? Where are they going? These are questions we do not have answers to at the present time. They may or may not be of our time, but in the end, they remain Segways, if in a slightly modified form. Maybe this is a vision of the future, perhaps a vision of a dumb future. If the future is stupid, it will likely involve Segways in whatever form they take.

In the meantime, consider this column your guide to navigating the city. Whether by foot, bicycle, public transportation, skateboard or Segway, there are certainly better options than relying on a car (OK, maybe not the Segway). Godspeed, Portland.

Public Transportation (Grade: B+) Public transportation in Portland takes several forms, the MAX, the bus and the Portland Streetcar chief among them.

These allow the good citizens of Portland to get around without having to use their feet or merge onto I-5. Generally a good option, especially if one has over an hour to get to where they need to go and happens to carry numerous small bills on their person. Public transportation has been renowned for its tendency to strengthen the immune systems of the citizenry by confining them to enclosed tubes with a variety of infectious diseases and airborne bacteria. Think of it as a flu shot that can also get you to work in the morning.

Bicycle (Grade: A) The preferred method of transport for many people in the city. One can see squadrons of bicycles moving in formation across the streets and bridges of Portland. They resemble flocks of migrating birds soaring majestically across the landscape.

They are also ideal for those who wish to flagrantly disregard traffic regulations or weave between other cars in the road. In this way, the bicyclist also resembles the struggling salmon, making its way upstream (particularly if said bicyclist ignores the direction of one-way streets, which I have actually witnessed on more than one occasion). The bell is also a nice touch, and compares favorably to the sound of car horns blaring in the distance wherever motorists travel.

Skateboard (Grade: B) Skateboards, long the favorite of such notable cultural icons as Tony Hawk and Bart Simpson, have managed to retain a foothold in the urban landscape of Portland. Neither as fast as a bicycle nor as versatile as merely walking, skateboarders find themselves somewhat between these two worlds when it comes to using Portland’s

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THE MAX TRAIN in operation during a 2014 snow storm.

Vanguard | DECEMBER 1, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

Musings from the Sub-basement

MILES SANGUINETTI/PSU VANGUARD

OPINION

PROTEST, DEBATE WITH CAUTION AND RATIONALITY The Campus Oracle

by Nathan Anderson

So often, free speech is interpreted as “the right for someone to say what I want to hear, in a manner that I approve of.”

Let me give a couple of recent examples.

There have been two major college protests in recent weeks that have caught national attention. The first was at Yale, where a student protest erupted over a couple of emails from people in power regarding Halloween costumes. In one particularly disturbing message, a Yale professor addressed students of color and asked them not to be offended by racist costumes, to let the rich, privileged white kids have a bit of fun at the expense of minorities. Clearly this was over the line and, at best, ignorant and insensitive. In a video that went viral, a student is seen screaming at a Yale administrator, apparently for no other reason than that the administrator was related to one of the email’s authors.

Both the administration and the infuriated student were expressing their right to free speech, and both were doing a pitifully poor job of it.

The second incident involved the University of Missouri, where the school’s football team went on strike protesting the president of Mizzou’s unwillingness to tackle racial problems on campus. Eventually they were supported by the football team’s head coach, a large number of graduate students and several more faculty members. The president caved and resigned.

These two incidents were similar in the sense that they both involved a group of students protesting structured racism and the unwillingness of those in positions of power to address it.

However, the manners in which these issues were addressed were diametric. At Yale, the faculty and students began the discourse with insults, put-downs, thinly veiled racist attacks, virulent name-calling and screaming matches. At Mizzou, the discourse began civilly, then escalated to civil disobedience and peaceful protest. Yale students were attempting to suppress unpopular opinions rather than engaging in an open discourse. The Mizzou students went on strike and called for the university president to resign. The emotional, nearly violent confrontations that the Yale protests begat simply didn’t exist at Mizzou.

We can learn much from these incidents and the results these two approaches led to. Free speech and our right to assemble have been interpreted by the United States Supreme Court to be about as inclusive and wide-ranging as it possibly can be.

Having said that, our society as a whole has been slowly moving in the direction of actual discourse being interpreted as “shouting the other person down as loudly and as obnoxiously as possible.” Why we feel that this is in any way productive, I have no idea. Perhaps the idea isn’t to be productive but rather to simply be the loudest in the room. Clearly, a calm and open discussion produces far more beneficial results than simply screaming past each other.

Today, perhaps more than ever, this is an important thing to remember. As we approach election season, the amount of

loud rhetoric totally devoid of facts will only increase in quantity and volume—witness the recent furor over Donald Trump calling for government-mandated identification cards for Muslims. Such racist and bigoted remarks will no doubt come again, and we must be ready to counter such inflammatory statements with rationality and calm discourse.

PROTESTERS GATHER IN JESSE HALL at the University of Missouri in solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement on Oct. 6, 2015. COURTESY OF KOMU NEWS/MIKALA COMPTON THROUGH CREATIVE COMMONS VIA FLICKR

Vanguard | DECEMBER 1, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

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Po r t l a n d S t a t e Va n g u a r d

The 2015 Holiday Guide

D e ce m b e r 1 , 2 0 1 5

INSIGHT INTO A NEPALI’S HOLIDAY TRADITIONS An international student from Nepal shares how she celebrates the winter festival season Yu n i C h o i Rusma Manandhar is an international student from Kathmandu, Nepal—the home of Mount Everest and the birthplace of Buddha—who came to Portland State to study financing. When she joined me for an interview about Nepali holiday traditions, her face lit up with high-spirited excitement.

For those who are only familiar with lit candles and jingling bells during the winter holidays, it may be hard to imagine how Nepal enjoys the winter festivities. “Nepal celebrates the new year in similar but different ways,” Marandhar said.

Having lived in the United States for three years, Marandhar recalled memories of her first winter celebration here. She wasn’t too astonished; she had already experienced the American form of winter holidays in Nepal.

“Nepal is a very small country whose economy relies heavily on tourism,” Marandhar said. As a result, Nepal’s holiday traditions are an amalgamation of diverse cultures and traditions. Marandhar already had a taste of the American-style winter festivities—holiday parties, presents being exchanged, and brightly decorated streets.

Although Nepal follows the global calendar standard, it counts time according to its own unique calendar system.

“In fact, it is now year 2072 in Nepal,” Marandhar said, laughing.

“We still celebrate the new year on January 1st, but it isn’t actually the first day of a new year for us.” When asked if there was a day of celebration similar to Christmas, she referred to the Teej Festival.

“Teej is my favorite,” Marandhar said, excited. The Teej festival is of great significance for Nepali women in particular. It is a

festival that celebrates the union of Lord Shiva and Goddess Parvati in Hinduism, which is the dominant religion in Nepal.

There are three days of celebration full of feasts and fasting.

Women adorn themselves with gold jewelry and bright-colored saris, which are traditional garments in Nepal, India and many other South Asian cultures.

Marandhar shared her plans to wear a red sari in the next Teej festival. Traditionally, the red sari is only worn by married women.

“I love that I can wear a red sari nowadays,” Marandhar said. She found it very special to wear this color and show off her beautiful sari in the last Teej festival, organized by the Nepalese Association in Oregon. “It’s sad that we can’t celebrate Teej for all three days,” Marandhar said. “Still, we enjoy dancing, light decorations and delicious Nepali food.”

This winter holiday, Marandhar’s family was unable to join her in the United States. She is still grateful for the Nepali spirits and traditions upheld by organizations in Portland, including the Nepalese Association on campus. Here, she is able to feel a taste of home during the festival season. She also looks forward to her graduation in 2016, at which she will finally be united with her family.

During Teej, women pray for the health and longevity of their husbands, their marriage and beauty. This year, Marandhar wants to pray for one more thing: “Nepal went through a devastating crisis this year. It is still lacking supply of food and resources.” She hopes that, in the future, Nepal will be self-sufficient to meet the needs of its people.

WOMEN CELEBRATE Teej festival in Lalitpur. COURTESY OF GANESH PAUDEL THROUGH CREATIVE COMMONS

Get in the holiday spirit with a live performance of a classic play, musical or parody. Here are a few live stage presentations throughout the Portland area for the holiday season.

HOLIDAYS ON STAGE IN PDX

Thomas Spoelhof

THE SECOND CIT Y’S A CHRISTMAS

THE SANTAL AND DIARIES

A CHRISTMAS CAROL

SHREK THE MUSICAL AT

GEORGE BAL ANCHINE’S

CAROL: T WIST YOUR DICKENS

AT PORTL AND CENTER STAGE

AT THE PORTL AND PL AYHOUSE

NORTHWEST CHILDREN’S THEATER

THE NUTCR ACKER

The holiday season is no place for the cynic, yet David Sedaris’ whimsical portrayal of a curmudgeonly elf is outlandish and hilarious. If you struggle to smile through the plasticity of holiday cheer, relax and commiserate with Crumpet the Elf. The production features local favorite Darius Pierce in the lead role and promises a perennial favorite for your holiday humbug collection. Seriously, anyone familiar with Sedaris’ work will not be disappointed with The Santaland Diaries.

The play runs Dec. 4 through 27 in the Ellyn Bye Studio. Performances are Tuesday through Sunday at 7:30 p.m., matinees Saturday through Sunday at 2:00 p.m., Thursdays at noon and a special showing Dec. 24 at 2:00 p.m. Running time is about 75 minutes, sans intermission. Tickets are $25 with student ID. See www.pcs.org for more details.

It’s a classic for a reason: Scrooge and the ghosts that school him in humanism are a timeless treat for viewing.

The ghosts, the chains, the Dickens vocabulary—all are positively smashing! You’ve heard Ebenezer’s schtick before, but Drew Harper’s performance is a notable among notables, and the score that accompanies this production is spectacular. The Charles Dickens standard is directed by Cristi Miles and features adaptations of script and score

by Rick Lombardo with Anna Lackaff arranging for the musical ensemble. This award-winning production is endorsed by the Oregon Arts Commission and the National Endowment for the Arts.

The show runs Dec. 2 through 24 with daily matinees at 2:00 p.m. and evening shows at 7:00 p.m. See portlandplayhouse.org for more details.

Too old for a show at the children’s theater? No, not when it’s Shrek the Musical. Not a holiday play? Shrek, like Shakespeare, is a play for all time, and what better time than during the holiday season? Ogres are like onions—they have layers. And the layers of this production will keep you in stitches while your favorite characters—Shrek, Fiona, Donkey—are brought to life before your eyes.

The show is billed for audiences aged six and up, but you know that the best of the humor is lost on those little ones! Gather your friends, because this one offers the perfect opportunity for holiday bonding.

The musical runs from Dec. 5 through Jan. 3, with showtimes at noon and 4:30 p.m. Tickets range from $17 to $23.

See nwcts.org for more details.

AT PORTL AND CENTER STAGE

Any time Second City takes on a stodgy old classic like Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, you know good times are in store. Portland Center Stage presents the Second City’s A Christmas Carol: Twist Your Dickens Dec. 11 through 31 at the U.S. Bank Main Stage.

Expect the unexpected and prepare to participate in the haunting action.

A bevy of local celebrities make appearances, and all of your venerable holiday standards are bound to be skewered with the irreverent comedy of the famous parody troupe. Showtimes are evenings Tuesday through Sunday at 7:30 p.m., matinees Saturday through Sunday at 2:00 p.m., Thursdays at noon and a special showing Dec. 24 at 2:00 p.m. Running time is about an hour and 50 minutes with one intermission. Tickets are $25 with student ID. See www.pcs.org for more details.

AT KELLER AUDITORIUM

What holiday stage menu would be complete without The Nutcracker?

Oregon Ballet Theater’s performance of the quintessential holiday epic begins Dec. 12 and promises all of the grandeur this standard deserves. All of the familiar tones and harmonies, all of the enchanted icons that perpetuate your holiday imagery—all of them are in this play.

The magical settings of this beloved musical set the tone for the season, so partake in the tradition; you know you love it. Performances run Dec. 12 through 26 at 2:00 p.m. and 7:30 p.m.

Tickets vary by seating, from $25 to $150. Running time is two hours.

See www.obt.org for more details.

The 2015 Holiday Guide

P S U Va n g u a r d .co m

HOLIDAY DRINKS TO GET YOU DRUNK Homemade Irish cream and other delicious favorites J o n R a by Other options:

Welp, it’s about Christmastime again, and you know what that means: corporate-sponsored shopping, angry Salvation Army Santas, Christmas music, family drama and, oh yeah—drinking.

If you can’t take caroling or grandmas yelling any longer, here is a little guide to hit the sauce festively.

In an attempt to get your boozing done right, I want to give you some options this year—all the norms I know. First of all, the obvious: brandy, rum and eggnog. Or Rumple Minze, straight out of the bottle if you want to hate yourself in the morning, or with hot cocoa for my favorite after-dinner drink while watching a movie. These are staples, along with hot buttered rum, hot apple cider and rum-and-coffee drinks; to get some whiskey in there, try hot toddies.

You might be noticing a trend here—they are all loaded with sugar. It’s Christmastime, so what the hell, let’s continue! All of these drinks can be made from scratch, but in the case of eggnog and buttered rum, maybe it’s best to just buy it from the store. But some other sweet concoctions are easy to make.

Irish Cream:

• 1½ cups Irish whiskey (most recipes recommend Jameson; I used Old Crow because that’s how I roll; the whiskey flavor will really show through, though, so if you have the money, buy yourself a smooth Irish whiskey of your choice) • One 14-ounce can sweetened condensed milk (this stuff is the best, very healthy) • 2 tablespoons chocolate syrup • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract • 2 teaspoons instant coffee (or if you don’t mind it being thinner, 5 ounces of Stumptown Cold Brew) • 1 cup heavy cream The directions are simple: blend everything but the cream, then mix in the cream afterward with a spoon. You can store it in the fridge, and it will keep for a few weeks. There are a ton of pompous-ass drinks made with Irish Cream, but just drink it straight as a dessert or in coffee with some cinnamon.

ILLUSTRATIONS BY ELISE FURLAN

Another huge favorite holiday drink is Chartreuse, a French liquor made by monks with sometimes over a hundred herbs and spices. It is sweet and spicy, and has that complex herby aperitif flavor that lets you tell yourself it’s good for you.

On cold nights, with a date, you can also bring some oranges, lemons, cloves, nutmeg, cinnamon and sugar to a boil. Then mix with some brandy and you have mulled wine. This has many variations, made with different booze, such as Gluhwein.

There is a Puerto Rican holiday drink called Coquito, which is a cinnamon, coconut and rum delight. It is a pretty in-depth process to make, but if you dare, Google it. Best served out of a milk jug.

Some might also consider absinthe a holiday drink. I don’t see it, but what the hell, any time is a good time to drink some 120-proof booze.

Lastly there is Kahlua, not a holiday drink at all, but it is so easy to make that it can’t be neglected. It is equal parts simple syrup, coffee and Everclear. It will come out stronger than 40 percent, and you can make White Russians without the vodka or even a bourbon White Russian.

So this holiday season, when the nights get cold and the air is white, get those cheeks good and red with any variety of these drinks. Careful on the sugar intake, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do…but since you don’t know me, I guess that means do whatever the hell you want.

Please drink responsibly.

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HOLIDO’S AND DON’TS How to avoid holiday pitfalls and eggnog-related mistakes Chelsea Lobey Do the holidays confuse you? Alarm you or make you nervous? Are you not sure whether to hate or embrace the red Starbucks cups, or to hate those who complain about them? Do you wish you knew how to love peppermint lattes and ugly Christmas sweaters?

If so, this list is for you, my wayward son.

DO:

Rock that ugly sweater like you’re Michael Jackson in the “Thriller” video.

The moms of the world may have caught on that ugly Christmas sweaters are cool now, but don’t let that slow you down.

They’re still cool and you know it.

DON’T: Post on Facebook about your uglyChristmas-sweater party like it’s a brand-new phenomenon that you’re sure nobody’s ever heard about before. We’ve all been to an ugly-Christmassweater party, MOM. This is nothing new, AUNT BECKY.

DO:

DON’T: Drive drunk after you get thoroughly and completely schnockered on New Year’s.

Uber, Lyft and various cabs are all over this city. You can also hop on a bus or the MAX. If you drive drunk, I will call your mom, and she’s going to be so disappointed in you and I know you don’t want that.

DO: Consider nontraditional holiday music. Mariah Carey’s 1994 hit Christmas album isn’t the only one out there, you know. I’m looking at you, Macy’s. There’s a lot of great holiday music out there to get your booty shakin’ and the party goin’.

Mariah Carey can’t do that, can she?

No, she can’t.

DON’T: Spend a ridiculous amount of money on a white-elephant gift. You’re doing nothing but making everybody else feel crazy uncomfortable, waving all that cash around like it’s nothing.

DO:

Drink nothing but boozy eggnog, cinnamon dolce lattes and peppermint everything while you can still get it.

Seriously, don’t pretend like that shit isn’t delicious. You know it is, and you only look like a fool when you pretend your taste buds are too refined for them. And speaking of cinnamon dolce…

DON’T: Ever, ever, ever complain about the red Starbucks cups. I swear, if I hear one more peep about those goddamn cups, I will absolutely unfriend you from Facebook and pretend like I don’t know you when I see you walking down the street.

ILLUSTRATIONS BY NIMI EINSTEIN

DO: Pretend like you’re actually excited to see your grandmother on Christmas, even though she chain smokes and smells like diet coke and pats you on the butt EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. she sees you.

Get thoroughly and completely schnockered on New Year’s. That’s the entire reason for the season, isn’t it?

DON’T: Be that one friend who pretends to hate the holidays and bums everybody out. The holidays are fun and you know it.

DO:

Call your parents, you self-absorbed assholes. Jesus, if you’re not going to fly across the country and visit them, the least you could do is call them on the phone. Your mom has so much love for you that she takes time out of her busy goddamn day to send you Facebook messages to check in with you. The least you could do is give her a goddamn call on Christmas morning.

DON’T: Be the hero and pretend like you can make all the turkey and ham and mashed potatoes and gravy and green beans and casserole and cranberries and apple pie and… Nobody is perfect.

Nobody can reasonably do all of that on their own. Don’t pretend like you can.

Divvy up the food preparations so you can actually breathe for one goddamn second.

If this list doesn’t help you, well, you’re on your own, pal.

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HEALTHY HOLIDAY RECIPES EVERYONE WILL LOVE Jacqueline C . Br yan

Whether you’re attending a party or a small family gathering, it’s important to come armed to any holiday event with original and tasty options. The recipes below are meant to push you outside the box while staying relatively healthy. Dig in and enjoy!

Apple-Walnut Stuffing

• • • • •

1 teaspoon cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg 1 cup low-fat buttermilk (use almond, coconut or other substitute for vegan or vegetarian option) 1 cup chopped and peeled apple 2 tablespoons brandy (optional) Cooking spray 2 teaspoons powdered sugar

Stuffing is everything. If done right, it can be the glue that holds any holiday meal together. This recipe is particularly flavorful, original and sure to leave anyone eating it wanting second or third helpings. Recipe courtesy of Countryliving.com.

• • • •

• 3/4 pound mild ground pork sausage (omit for vegan or vegetarian option) • 1 medium onion • 2 medium apples • 1 cup celery • 2 large garlic cloves • 1 cup toasted walnuts • 1/4 cup fresh parsley • 2 tablespoons fresh sage • 1 tablespoon fresh thyme leaves • 1 teaspoon salt • 1/2 teaspoon ground pepper • 12 cups assorted bread cubes • 2½ cups low-sodium turkey, chicken or vegetarian broth • 1/4 cup melted butter • fresh parsley to top

Directions:

Directions:

This will for sure be a party favorite. It’s tasty, cozy and will give you that jolly holiday buzz. Be warned, this recipe makes a hefty quantity, so be prepared to share. Cheers! Recipe courtesy of Foodnetwork.com.

Heat oven to 350 degrees F. Saute sausage and onion in a large skillet over medium heat six minutes or until sausage is no longer pink. Add apples and next two ingredients; saute five more minutes or until apples are tender. Stir in walnuts and next five ingredients. Transfer to a large bowl, and let cool 10 minutes.

Fold in bread and broth until well blended. Spoon into a well-greased, three-quart or 13- by 9-inch baking pan. Brush top generously with butter. Bake at 350 degrees F for 45 to 50 minutes or until top is crusty and brown. Garnish, if desired.

Apple Spice Cake

Since pumpkin and apple pies are the usual go-to holiday dessert, why not try making something new? This apple spice cake has that amazing holiday feel with a kick you won’t be able to resist.

Recipe courtesy of Health.com.

• 1 cup packed dark brown sugar • 1/3 cup fat-free cream cheese, softened (use vegan cream cheese for vegan or vegetarian option) • 1/4 cup vegetable oil • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract • 2 large eggs (use egg substitute for vegetarian/vegan option) • 1½ cups all-purpose flour • 1 teaspoon baking soda

ILLUSTRATIONS BY TERRA DEHART

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Place the first four ingredients in a large bowl, and beat with a mixer at medium speed until well blended (about three minutes). Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Lightly spoon flour into dry measuring cups; level with a knife. Combine flour and the next five ingredients (flour through nutmeg), stirring with a whisk.

Add flour mixture and buttermilk alternately to sugar mixture, beginning and ending with flour mixture; beat well after each addition. Stir in the apple and brandy, if desired. Spoon mixture into an 8-inch square baking pan coated with cooking spray.

Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pan on a wire rack for 10 minutes. Remove from pan; cool completely on wire rack.

Sprinkle with powdered sugar.

Hot Buttered Rum

• • • • • • • • • •

2/3 cup packed dark brown sugar 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature 1/4 cup honey 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg 1/8 teaspoon ground cloves Pinch salt 3/4 cup spiced rum 2 cups boiling water 4 sticks cinnamon, for garnish

Directions:

Using an electric mixer, beat the brown sugar, butter, honey, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves and salt in a medium bowl until blended and smooth. Transfer the mixture to a four-cup (or larger) measuring cup. Add the rum and then two cups of boiling water.

Stir until the butter mixture dissolves. Divide the buttered rum among four mugs. Garnish with the cinnamon sticks and serve.

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PETS IN SWEATS 2.0 It’s the holiday season, which means your only option is to gather up your pets and dress them in sweats. And by sweaters I mean holiday sweaters—the more shameful the better. Cat as Mrs. Clause? Yes. Bunny as an elf?

Yes. Mogwai as a reindeer? Hell yes.

It just wouldn’t be a holiday if you didn’t invoke a deep sense of shame and sadness into your fuzzy friends by forcing them to wear tiny tiny adorable clothes and pose in front of a roaring fireplace.

PHOTOS COURTESY OF ROBERT WOODSON

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ILLUSTRATION BY TERRA DEHART

Vanguard | DECEMBER 1, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

If you don’t have any pets, it’s cool. Just steal your neighbors.

If your neighbors aren’t willing to capitalize on the cuteness of their critters by clothing them in costumes, you have every right to burgle those beasts, purloin those pests, misappropriate those mammals...if you know what I mean.

Or, if you don’t want to get your Grinch on this year, peruse these photos and let your heart overflow with the nauseating joy that abounds from seeing all the Pets in Sweats.

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Vanguard | DECEMBER 1, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

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TREE LIGHTING CEREMONY TURNS EVERYONE INTO SCROOGE’S TROLLS Jaime Dunkle

Nothing prepared me for the mayhem I was about to face. Even the crows were avoiding the chaos as they perched high in the trees along Southwest 6th Avenue. I should’ve known hell awaited when one of those accursed armless bastards shit on my head.

I never thought I’d be so grateful to be in a McDonald’s bathroom.

People spewed onto the still-operating streets from every corner of the Pioneer Courthouse Square for the 30th tree lighting ceremony on Nov. 27 at 5:30 pm. A 75-foot Douglas fir stood bare next to the stage as I approached.

Spectators were literally crowd-crushing each other. I even saw someone knock over a small child. The person didn’t even look back or stop to help.

Transit police repeatedly told people not to cross the MAX tracks, often when the train was only 25 feet away.

This social disconnect was more entertaining (read: disturbing) than the booked guests.

Northwest Community Gospel Choir performed during the pre-show at 5 p.m. Headlining was Thomas Lauderdale and other members of Pink Martini. Oregon’s 234th Army Band and the Pacific Youth Choir also shared the stage, but it was impossible to see anything unless you made it to the Square’s center, which meant you were more crushed than black pepper and more crammed than sardines in a can.

When they say the holidays are meant to bring people

THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE CROWD THE PIONEER COURTHOUSE SQUARE for the Tree Lighting Ceremony, Nov. 27, 2015.

together, who knew they meant the kind of closeness prisoners protest.

I’ve lived here for 18 years, and although I don’t habitually attend the tree lighting, I’ve never noticed it to be so overcrowded to the point of extreme contagious asininity reminiscent of Black Friday instore massacres.

“Since 2010, an estimated 116,168 people have moved to the Portland metropolitan area,” according to oregonmetro.gov.

From 2013–2014, with an

JAIME DUNKLE/PSU VANGUARD

increase of 33,500 residents, the City of Roses ranked the 15th-fastest-growing city among the 50 largest metro areas in the U.S., according to oregonmetro.gov.

After witnessing the utter shitshow that was easily one of the worst experiences of my life, I wonder how many people have moved here since the above census stats were processed. Twice, maybe even thrice as many?

One of the night’s mysteries I still cannot comprehend was why anyone would topple over and push others and yell unintelligible jibes to stand in a spot where they can’t even see the damn tree or stage.

If you want a good view and good cheer, avoid the tree lighting up close and watch it at home.

If you missed the parade before the tree lighting, you can watch it at KGW.com.

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BUDGETFRIENDLY GIFTS Miles Sanguinetti It can be difficult to afford holiday gifts for your friends and loved ones on a student’s budget. With that in mind, here’s a list of great gifts you can put together with common household items or cheap store-bought ones.

Mason jar lid coasters

Coasters make for a great gift because you can customize them however you want. Using a mason jar lid as a base is a cheap and easy way to make a durable coaster using common materials that you can probably find around your home.

Here’s what you’ll need: • • • • • • •

A mason jar lid A thin sheet or circle of cork A hot glue gun A permanent marker Scissors, a precision knife or other cutting implement Stencils (optional) Spray paint (optional)

How to make them:

1. Take the circular metal insert out of the mason jar lid and trace a circle around it on the sheet of cork.

2. Cut out the circle from the cork sheet.

3. Use the hot glue gun to glue the metal insert into the frame of the mason jar lid and let it dry.

4. (Optional) Spray paint or decorate the lid however you would like and wait for it to dry.

5. (Optional) Using stencils and a marker or a stamp, decorate the circular piece of cork that you cut out.

6. Use the hot glue gun to attach the round piece of cork to the bottom of the mason jar lid; let it dry.

Open terrariums

An open terrarium is an easy way to add some greenery to a loved one’s desk. Unlike closed terrariums, open ones cater best to plants that thrive in dry environments, like tillandsia (or air plants), cacti and succulents. Fortunately, this means that they’re easy to take care of—a number of species can survive with just the sunlight from a nearby window and a weekly watering.

What you’ll need:

•

• A mason jar or other glass container (nearly anything will work, provided there’s enough room in the bottom for soil/pebbles/decorations) A tillandsia plant (or a cactus or other succulent if you intend to put soil in the jar)

How to make them:

1. Clean out the jar if it previously had anything else in it.

2. Cover the bottom of it with pebbles, other small objects or

soil in the case that you’re planting a cactus.

3a. If you’re planting a tillandsia, optionally mount it on something with hot glue (driftwood or stones work well for this) and place it inside.

3b. If you’re planting a cactus, plant it in the dirt, ensuring that its root-ball remains intact.

Habanero peanuts

Is there a spicy person in your life who might enjoy an edible gift with a bit of a kick? If so, check out this recipe for habanero peanuts; they’re super easy to cook up, keep well and get spicier the longer they’re in your cupboard.

What you’ll need: • • • • •

20 dried, small habanero chili peppers (serrano chilis will also work; aim for about one inch long) 2 tablespoons olive oil 2 pounds salted peanuts (preferably without skins) 1 teaspoon kosher salt 1 teaspoon chili powder

How to make them:

1. Heat the chilis over medium heat in olive oil in a heavy pan for one minute, constantly stirring so that they don’t scorch.

2. Add the peanuts to the pan and and stir for about five minutes until they begin to brown.

3. Store the peanuts and chili peppers in a covered jar.

4. Add salt and chili powder and mix well.

Reinbeer

While more of a stocking stuffer than a full-blown gift, reinbeer are a great holiday touch for the beer enthusiast among your friends or family.

What you’ll need: • • • • •

1 or more bottles of beer (or any other glass-bottled beverage) A hot glue gun Brown or black pipe cleaners 2 googly eyes A small red pompom

How to make them:

1. Tie a pipe cleaner around the bottle’s neck, ensuring that excess pipe cleaner length is evenly distributed on each side.

2. Cut two smaller segments of pipe cleaner and tie them around each of the pipe cleaner antlers so that they fork upward.

3. Attach the eyes and nose to the bottle’s neck using the hot glue gun.

4. Leave the bottle on its side to dry until the reinbeer’s eyes and nose are secure, then refrigerate it.

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HOW TO PARTY FOR NEW YEAR’S EVE Catherine Johnson

New Year’s Eve is still weeks away, but as the holidays fly by, it will be here before you know it. And if you’re anything like me, the thought of planning for it is anxiety-inducing. So many options. What to do?

Where to go? Here are a few suggestions to get you started.

If you’re looking for a transformative experience, an opportunity to reflect on your personal evolution and get inspired for the future while still drinking and dancing the night away (and have some cash to throw into the evening), then InspireTruth at the Portland Art Museum downtown is probably perfect for you. Boasting two stages, two lounges and many interactive environments, this party in Portland Art Museum’s Mark Building promises to deliver the best of all the meaningful intention-setting associated with a new year, and all the fun of a raging (yet ecologically conscientious) party. Some general admission tickets are still available for $99. Doors open at 8:30 p.m. and the fun won’t wind down until 4:30 a.m.

If your ideal evening includes Axl Rose, head-banging, leather, pizza and beer, then check out Brew Year’s Eve at the Aladdin Theater in southeast Portland with Guns N’ Roses tribute band Appetite for Deception, Motorbreath (Metallica tribute) and Sacred Heart (Dio tribute). Doors open at 7 p.m. and the show starts at 8 p.m. Tickets are $30 in advance or $40 at the door.

ILLUSTRATIONS BY ELISE FURLAN

If your evening won’t be complete without a little alt-country rock-bluegrass twang in a funky elementary school-turnedhotel-movie theater-restaurant-brewery and you’d like the option of ending the night in the same building it began, then McMenamins Kennedy School New Year’s Eve Celebration in northeast Portland, featuring About World’s Finest and the About Freak Mountain Ramblers, is your gig. Tickets can be as reasonable as $20 in advance, or you can add much more if you up the ante with one of their tempting packages. Tunes are from 9 p.m. till 12:30 a.m.

If marrying yourself to a single location sounds like the worst idea ever, and yet you don’t want the hassle of designating drivers and spending all your money on cab fares, then consider the 16th

Annual New Year’s Eve BarFly Bus + Ball. Paying $30 to $45 gets you into a secret pre-party and chauffeured around Portland for a pub crawl, as well as snacks, drink specials, a complimentary champagne toast and other typical NYE accoutrements. Celebrate from 7 p.m. to 4 a.m.

If you absolutely cannot wait to kick off your “new you” healthy lifestyle in 2016, consider ringing in the new year with the First Run 5K Run/Walk or 10K Run along the waterfront. Starting and ending at the World Trade Center, enjoy food and beverages (including Deschutes Brewery beer), music and dancing, and a costume contest with prizes. The festivities start at 10 p.m. and the runners will be off at the stroke of midnight!

And finally, if the only way to do something right is to do it yourself, consider throwing your own shindig. Also, there’s no shame in abstaining from amateur antics altogether and spending the evening in your lounge pants, with your cat, catching up on John Oliver with a pint of Coconut Bliss. Or maybe that’s just me.

Still not sure? There’s time. And a Facebook page for that. But whatever you end up doing, make sure to do it safely; if you’re drinking, then take a cab, Uber, Lyft or use transit (which is free after 8 p.m. on Dec. 31).

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WINTER WORKOUT LAND E l l i e B ra d l e y

If cold weather is keeping you away from the gym, getting creative with your workouts will help you stay more active in winter.

If you’re starting to resemble the glistening ham that adorns your holiday table, it might be time to reconsider your winter workout regimen. Whether eggnog or stuffing is your kryptonite, fighting the bulge this holiday season is easier than you might think.

First, it’s important to note that notions regarding holiday weight gain are based more on myth than fact. The New England Journal of Medicine conducted a study in 2000 showing that, on average, adults gain a relatively small one to two pounds during the holiday season. While this isn’t necessarily permission to knock out a tray of crescent rolls, it should help you enjoy your holidays without fear of packing on pounds. However, studies have also shown that overweight groups are most at risk for significant gains, making winter an even more critical time for those trying to maintain or lose weight.

When excuses get in the way As temperatures drop, the list of excuses for avoiding the gym seems to grow. People cite lack of time as their top reason for avoiding physical exertion, especially when juggling college coursework and holiday gatherings. Fortunately for those short on time, the rule of “quality over quantity” applies to exercise.

Try sticking to strengthbuilding activities like highintensity interval training (HIIT), circuit workouts, weight lifting and other resistance-based workouts. If you like a combination of strength and cardio, taking a dip in the university pool is a nice (and free) way to keep away from the cold while still getting your sweat on.

Phone a friend There’s a reason Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? allows its contestants the opportunity to call a friend in moments of panic: Having a buddy makes things easier, whether you’re answering a trivia question or digging deep for motivation to hit the gym.

Recruit a friend and commit to a certain number of workouts together each week. This adds a level of accountability, especially for runners, bikers and other outdoor enthusiasts. When it’s pouring rain and 40 degrees, workout buddies make it much easier to layer-up and head out into the elements.

Heat things up Perhaps you’re among the many who are motivated to exercise, but can’t seem to conquer the chill. If brisk air sends you running back to the nest of blankets you’ve made on the sofa, hot yoga might be the answer for you. With temperatures upwards of 90 degrees, warm air hugs you when you walk in the room, providing

ILLUSTRATIONS BY SHANNON KIDD

a welcoming environment to build strength and flexibility.

Besides, where else do you get to take a mini nap at the end of your workout?

Many gym rats scoff at the thought of stretching for an hour, not realizing that yoga can be both physically and mentally taxing.

(Note: As a former cardio junkie, it only took one ass-kicking for me to change my mind about yoga forever.) If you’re skeptical, consider giving it a try at least once.

Yoga complements other sports and activities by improving core strength, flexibility and proprioception, aka body awareness.

Most studios are eager to boost their numbers, offering free trial memberships to new students. Many studios also offer community classes at heavily discounted and donation-based rates, allowing students to pay on a sliding scale.

Consult the Internet super highway If you just can’t find the motivation to leave the refuge of your favorite reclining spot, there are lots of ways to get active within the comfort of home.

Type in “home workouts” to Pinterest or YouTube and you’ll find a deluge of quick routines that require little to no equipment. Whether you’re looking for a 15-minute circuit to crush your abs or 20 exercises you can do with a kettlebell, Internet inspiration helps add variety to your routine and get you moving when you’d otherwise stay put. Try adding exercises between episodes of a Netflix binge, or maxing out reps during commercial breaks.

When all else fails If you’re still not convinced that you should leave the warmth of your bed to make a sunrise yoga class, here are a few last-ditch efforts to make you slightly more active this holiday season: • Walk to the next bar instead of calling an Uber. It might be frosty, but think of how much energy you can burn hustling to get your next drink.

• Buy something from the mall instead of online. Walking from store to store boosts your heart rate and step count. Sitting at the computer…not so much. Bonus point for parking in the remote corners of the lot and trudging your way to the storefront.

• Chop down your Christmas tree. If decorating a tree is part of your winter routine, consider channeling Paul Bunyan while supporting your local farm.

Bottom line There are plenty of ways to stay active this winter. While research has debunked myths of holiday weight gain, all the benefits of physical activity are still true. Try something new this winter and get ahead of the chill.

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ETC WEDNESDAY DEC. 2 Fall Midnight Breakfast

9 p.m.

Smith Ballroom 355 Free Make sure to remember to bring your student ID! Provided by the programming board, this semiannual term tradition is going to be pajama-themed this time around. Come for the free food, stay for the prizes.

The Conversation Project

12 p.m.

College of Urban and Public Affairs, 2nd Floor Parsons Gallery Free For those who want to be part of impactful conversations, this project is about thought, diversity and friendly debate in a setting designed to look at impactfulness. This particular conversation, led

by Adam Davis, revolves around nonprofit and charity work.

JOHN PINNEY

EVENT LISTINGS FOR DEC. 2–6 THURSDAY DEC. 3 Holiday Student Craft Market

11 a.m. to 3 p.m.

Native American Student Center If you’ve started to look for a gift for someone and can’t find anything among the mass-produced din, consider trying this craft faire, stocked with interesting and handmade wares by local PSU students. Vendor spots are open on a rolling basis.

Holiday Ale Fest

11 a.m. to 10 p.m.

Pioneer Courthouse Square 21+ Fee: $35 This 20-year-old festival marks the start of the holiday season for people who love ales. Hard-to-find and custom ales mingle here to provide a warm and festive atmosphere for all adult guests. Warming tents keep you toasty; food and event merchandise can also be purchased.

For those of us who don’t drink, there will also be a root-beer garden.

FRIDAY DEC. 4 Kids Night Out

5 to 8 p.m.

Smith Game Room Free Another event for the exhausted parent from the Students with Children office. Drop off your sixweek-old to 12-year-old kid for a night of bowling and popcorn while you get a little bit of a break from the constant pressures of parenthood and scholarship. First come, first served. Register online beforehand.

SATURDAY DEC. 5 Wreath-Making Workshop

12 p.m.

Learning Gardens Laboratory Fee: $20 minimum (donation-based) No experience is necessary (not even gloves or pruners are required) to attend this wreath-making workshop. Grapevine and evergreen cuttings will be the centerpiece of your experience, and you’ll come away with a wreath that is perfectly you. Coffee and pastries provided.

Singing in the Rain

SUNDAY DEC. 6 Book Sale and Signing

12 to 4 p.m.

Oregon Historical Society Free If one of the people on your gift-giving list is all about the written word and local authors, then this event is a perfect way to get them (or yourself ) exactly what they want for the holidays. Come celebrate local works, listen to carols and enjoy some delicious hot cocoa while you peruse.

McMenamins Holiday Market

5 p.m.

AB Lobby Gallery, Art Building Free This is the reception for a show that is all about supporting the work of returning MFA students.

Come and see the hard work of the six participating students in a variety of media. As always, support your student artists as much as possible. This event runs through Dec. 4.

7 p.m. and 9:30 p.m.

5th Ave. Cinema Free for students!

Before Channing Tatum was proclaimed the new Gene Kelly, this Gene Kelly was dancing and singing up a storm, both in and out of the rain. This comedy that explores the new age brought to movie studios by sound technology is a riotous and colorful affair for all. You quote it without even knowing you do. Same times on Friday night and a matinee at 3 p.m. on Sunday.

Aquarius (Jan. 20–Feb. 18)

Aries (March 21–April 19)

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

Leo (July 23–Aug. 22)

Pisces (Feb. 19–March 20)

Taurus (April 20–May 20)

Cancer (June 21–July 22)

MFA Student Exhibition

12 to 5 p.m.

Cornelius Pass Roadhouse (Hillsboro) Free Here’s another chance to celebrate and support local artists in a wide range of food, craft and homecare products. Listen to authentic Dickens characters while you shop and enjoy some seasonal mulled wines. There will be four rooms to shop from.

FEATURED EVENT The Santaland Diaries

Starting Wednesday, Dec. 2 at 7:30 p.m., through the end of December Gerding Theater at the Armory Fee: $35 to $55

Face it, those tickets to Beauty and the Beast happening this same week are sold out. They’ve been sold out for a while. And you’re a college student craving culture. What do you do? Well, how about a subversive, somewhatmocking David Sedaris stage play? Themed around a Santa display at Macy’s and told from the viewpoint of the hard-working and underpaid elf? The Santaland Diaries has been around for a few years, and I know at least a couple of people who make this an annual tradition. Give it a try. It may shock, but it won’t bite.

JOHN PINNEY

Sagittarius (Nov. 22–Dec. 21)

Try writing a letter to your past self during the week.

Perhaps you can then gain insight into the problems you face today, or you’ll at least have a good anecdote about a lost love.

Capricorn (Dec. 22–Jan. 19)

Let your words of thankfulness guide your actions this week, Capri. Do something extraordinary until love bursts through.

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Though you may be tired, do not stop running the race. You are capable of so much in your second and third winds, more than you or I can even know.

Don’t hold back any part of yourself from what you do.

A true measure of success is being capable of giving it your all. Think Chariots of Fire, or at least Remember the Titans.

You’ll have to work hard to get there, but you can see a glimpse of your full potential in the future. Reach for the stars and you’ll be unstoppable.

You’ve been struggling to get ahold of your emotions recently. Stop holding yourself back and simply feel; learn what Elsa learned in Frozen.

Vanguard | DECEMBER 1, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

Forces in the world can only succeed in keeping you from your destiny for so long, Gemini. Not every obstacle is a mountain; some are simply deceptive hills.

If you can change the way you look at a problem, you may see a solution that eluded you before. Consider all possibilities, and the number of angles will astound you.

You’ve been holding so tight to the concept of the perfect future that you’ve forgotten to see what’s in front of you now. Perfection in a simple laugh is attainable; a mansion may not be.

Virgo (Aug. 23–Sept. 22)

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a titan in your field. But you must be prepared for the sacrifice and hard work it takes. Are you prepared to give everything?

Libra (Sep. 23-Oct. 22)

Libra (Sept. 23–Oct.22)

Someone dear to you needs you this week, Libra. Only you are capable of being the shoulder they need to lean on. Don’t offer solutions— just be the shoulder.

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21)

The fire that burns inside of you can be controlled, Scorpio, if you learn how to temper yourself. The things that you want in life won’t always be burned by your touch.

ETC

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ARTS & CULTURE

NEAL MORGAN IGNITES ENTHUSIASM FOR HERO-ARTIST PHILIP GUSTON

CATHERINE JOHNSON

On Wednesday, Nov. 18 Amanda Wilson of the Time Arts Club and Tia Factor, an art professor in the School of Art + Design, brought Neal Morgan to Portland State for a lecture on the late artist Philip Guston.

Neal Morgan is not a painter. He is not an academic. He is a successful drummer (who’s collaborated with songwriters like Bill Callahan, Joanna Newsom, and Fleet Foxes’ Robin Pecknold) with a passion for the art of Philip Guston, a painter in the New York School famous for his abstract and neo-expressionist work in the 1960s.

Factor heard him lecture on the subject last summer at a Portland Museum of Modern Art event at the Hollywood Theatre.

“I liked that he is not an art historian but just a guy (a very successful drummer as it were) who has tunnel vision for and is pretty much obsessed with Guston,” Factor said. “The novelty of this and Neal’s warmth and passion is what impressed me.”

In an effort to forge new relationships, Factor approached Morgan afterward and asked if he would be interested in doing a talk for her students.

“He was thrilled and agreed immediately—he usually just gives his Guston lectures in much less formal or academic settings,” Factor said. “He started out giving them in bars so this was a real step up to actually address art students!”

Morgan’s zeal for Guston, which ignited 12 years ago, was palpable. He launched into a thorough history of the artist’s life and the evolution of his work—from cartoons in his youth to political murals in the 1930s to abstract expressionism in the 1950s to his neoexpressionism in the 1960s featuring his signature images: klansmen, lightbulbs, shoes, cigarettes, bricks and clocks.

As Morgan moved through his prepared PowerPoint presentation, he described the personal, political and social context of Guston’s work. He also offered his own interpretation of each piece’s possible significance, reminding the audience that

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he wasn’t an art historian and that the meanings often alluded him. He didn’t always know how to read Guston’s alphabet of images.

“All great work keeps you on your toes,” Morgan said.

Just as Guston went through a period of time when he doubted the importance of art in a world rife with conflict (specifically the civil rights protests and assassinations of John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King Jr.), Morgan felt similarly about his music in the wake of 9/11.

“Why am I an artist?”

Morgan asked himself.

It was at this time, in the 1960s and 1970s, that Guston turned the critical lens of his work on himself, often creating self-portraits which depicted himself as the ominous hooded figure, smoking cigarettes. This raw honesty, willingness to expose oneself, and resistance to a clear cut resolution spoke to Morgan.

“Nothing is ever solved,” Morgan said.

Even though he works in music, not the visual arts, Morgan considers Guston one of his creative heroes.

“This is one thing I’ve been trying to figure out: How do you keep your heroes really close?”

Morgan asked. “And how do you draw from your heroes?

How do you use their work and their life and their process?”

The students were visibly engrossed in Morgan’s animated presentation and many followed him to a break-out session afterward. Bridgette Costa, a senior studying Art Practices, was affected by Morgan’s energy.

“Especially since he’s a drummer and he’s so passionate,” Costa said. “It makes you a little more excited to be in the art world when you see something like that.”

NEAL MORGAN discusses Philip Guston at a recent lecture hosted by the PSU art department.

CATHERINE JOHNSON/PSU VANGUARD

ARTS & CULTURE WILD ARTS FESTIVAL FLIES INTO ITS 35TH YEAR WITH ARTISTS, WRITERS, AUCTIONEERS AND BIRDS

CATHERINE JOHNSON

MARINER BOOKS/2015

Editor’s Pick Book: The Best American Essays 2014 Aislinn Rennison I know the name The Best American Essays sounds a little dry and textbook-y. At least that’s what I thought when it was assigned to me in a writing class this term. Well, the title does not do the collection justice; this was one of the best reads I’ve ever been handed as homework.

Every year, The Best American Essays will choose one writer to pick a series of nonfiction works written by authors from around the country. For 2014, John Jeremiah Sullivan was given the honor.

Sullivan has worked for the New York Times, GQ and Harper’s Magazine. He is most famously known for his two books Blood Horses and Pulphead (also a good read of short essays!). Sullivan’s writing is clever and brilliant; naturally, each essay he chose for The Best American Essays 2014 impressed me.

The writing drew me in so much that I didn’t realize I was actually doing homework; each piece used eloquent flow, beautiful words and powerful topics to illustrate how individuals cope with challenges and experiences in their lives.

I will tell you now, though, some of the essays are a little on the dark side and should be read during the daylight, not before bed. For example, two of the essays, “Sliver of Sky” and “Someone Else” were stories about two authors and their journeys of overcoming the excruciat-

ing memories of child abuse. Although raw and sometimes hard to read because of the content, the writing was so strong and the themes were so compelling that I was highly intrigued to read them through, rooting for the author along the way.

Although there are more lighthearted essays (and some humorous too), such as “The Old Man at Burning Man,” each written work contributes to an ongoing theme of growing up, maturing, overcoming personal challenges and self-reflection throughout the series.

Each text ranges in size and category, so there is an essay for everyone in Sullivan’s compilation.

They are easy to read, yet the underlying meanings will keep you pondering. This book is perfect to read during break because it will keep your mind sharp before winter term starts, yet it is fascinating and quick to finish.

f.y.i.

Where & Price: Amazon ($10 Kindle or $13 paperback) Powell’s Books ($10) Multnomah County Libraries (Free rental with library card)

On Nov. 21 and 22 the Audubon Society of Portland held its 35th Wild Arts Festival at Montgomery Park.

The annual festival features a variety of artists, authors, a silent auction and the opportunity to meet the live Audubon Education Birds, including popular Ruby the turkey vulture.

Bob Gandolfi, the event producer, explained that nine years ago the festival nearly came to an end. But after rebranding it and bringing it back to Montgomery Park the weekend before Thanksgiving, it has experienced a substantial revival. This year they expect between 4,000 and 5,000 visitors.

“Over the last few years, we’ve really enhanced it,” Gandolfi said.

Last year they netted over $110,000, which will fund the Audubon’s efforts toward bird conservation in Oregon and a Wildlife Care Center. The Audubon Society is one of the oldest conservation organizations in the United States, founded in 1902.

“It has a rich history,” said Ann Takamoto, the development director.

There are over 60 artists present, and it’s a juried show. The guidelines for the art includes work made with natural materials or built around themes of nature, or art that enhances the concept of sustainability. According to Gandolfi, artists love this show because, while they usually don’t get much assistance at other shows, the volunteers here (almost 250 over the weekend) help load the artists in.

“It’s really building a community,” Gandolfi said. “My client is not just Audubon. It’s everybody. And all the committee feels that way too. It’s a very friendly show.”

Among the painters, sculptors, jewelers, photographers, woodworkers and glassblowers, Barbara Kennedy is a painter from Crooked River Ranch, Oregon.

“This festival is always wonderful,” Kennedy said.

“The art is all excellent quality and it brings people that really appreciate it. I absolutely love coming to this festival.”

The education birds were another popular attraction.

Crowds gathered around them and their handlers, who answered questions. These birds have been rescued and rehabilitated, but could not survive if released back into the wild due to the severity of their injuries. Therefore, they’ve become part of the Audubon Society’s extensive education program, visiting classrooms and participating in events.

Each day also had an impressive lineup of authors and book fair activities.

Perhaps the best-known writer is science fiction author Ursula K. Le Guin, who has attended 33 out of the 35 Wild Arts Festivals.

“I really like the Portland Audubon Society,” Le Guin said. “And I get to see Ruby, the vulture!”

CATHERINE JOHNSON/PSU VANGUARD

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Vanguard | DECEMBER 1, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

21

INTERNATIONAL

GLOBAL REFUGEE CRISIS YUNI CHOI

HOW CAN THE US BALANCE ISSUES OF BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS AND NATIONAL SECURITY?

The United States House of Representatives passed a bill last Thursday to halt President Barack Obama’s plans to resettle 10,000 Syrian refugees in the United States by 2016.

With 242 Republicans and 47 Democrats in favor, this majority could override the veto power of the president.

This debate in the U.S. government focuses on security checks and the process of vetting Syrian refugees. The shock of the recent attacks in Paris have had a significant impact on the motion to suspend the plan.

Although still under investigation, a Syrian passport was found near the body of one of the suicide bombers in the Paris attack. In effect, more than 24 state governors have expressed opposition to the resettlement plan, despite Obama’s defensive position on the issue.

“We don’t make good decisions if it’s based on hysteria and exaggeration of risks,” Obama said. All of the confirmed attackers have been identified as French nationals thus far.

In an attempt to gain insight into the refugee crisis, I approached several individuals at Portland State.

“Portland has many problems of its own,” said Bhawinee Banchongraksa, an international student studying English at PSU. “Still, I don’t think we can refuse

these people who face such life-depending problems.”

“I think we should help those who need a place to be safe,” said Xing Li, a student from China.

“As a Muslim myself, I am sad to see people’s assumptions that everyone with our faith is dangerous…I feel that I have to prove to them that I am just here to study,” said Nor Amira Abd Rahman, a student from Malaysia studying economics.

It was notable that the only individuals who proceeded to comment on the phenomenon were international students. Was this a coincidence?

The voices heard from PSU’s international students suggest the current U.S. stance in a nutshell—a serious lack of sentiment and careful analysis to determine the real cause of insecurity in this nation.

The Guardian reported that 48 percent of Americans now agree to completely close the borders to incoming refugees. This is a two-point increase since last month.

Also, 83 percent agree that a proper security check is necessary for all refugees, and 80 percent believe that terrorists are taking advantage of the opportunity to seek asylum as refugees. These statistics allude to the public’s increased fear and disapproval of the refugee crisis.

The current “refugee crisis” refers to the mass move-

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ment of people who are forced to settle in nations all over the globe. Syria has been suffering from a violent civil war for five years now.

According to the United Nation’s statistics, 250,000 people have lost their lives in the conflict. Furthermore, the violence in the region has led 4.2 million Syrians to leave their homeland to find security in other nations.

Most of the refugees have moved into countries near Syria, including Turkey and Jordan. Thousands have also made their way to Europe and the U.S. Since January of 2014, the U.S. has embraced the resettlement of 2,058 Syrian refugees.

The proposed admittance of 10,000 more refugees is just 1 percent of the number of individuals accepted by Lebanon.

“We have resettled 3 million refugees in the U.S. since 1975,” said Mitzi Schroder, director of policy for Jesuit Refugee Service/USA, to Al Jazeera. “They have not been a source of terrorist concern.”

It is possible to make analogies between the current refugee crisis and the U.S. response to the Jewish refugees who fled from Nazi Germany during World War II. In a poll at the time, 61 percent of the U.S. public disapproved of admitting 10,000 (mostly Jewish) refugee children from Germany.

Nicholas Kristof of the New York Times wrote that this is “a stain on our conscience” that must not be repeated.

Obtaining refugee status in the U.S. is an intensive process that lasts at least 18 months. With this process, just three out of 785,000 refugees admitted since 9/11 have been arrested with terrorism-related charges.

Taking advantage of the refugee resettlement plan seems inefficient and more difficult than other pathways

to enter the country.

Neither vague strategies nor anti-refugee sentiments are productive resolutions.

To render effective solutions, it is important to examine the existing problem areas: failure of Europe’s intelligence services, access to guns and weapons by organized terrorist groups within the U.S., repercussions of socially alienating refugees and Muslims, and failure in American foreign policy to make Syria habitable for its residents.

House Speaker Paul Ryan told CNN there are “gaps in this refugee program” proposed by the administration.

In light of the Paris attacks and their potential connection to the Syria- and Iraqbased Islamic State, such gaps must be closed. However, it is also valuable to reflect upon the history of resettlement in the U.S. and the effectiveness of closeddoor policy in improving the security of the nation.

SYRIAN REFUGEES sleep at a railway station in Budapest, Hungary, in Sept. 2015.

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Vanguard | DECEMBER 1, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

COURTESY OF MSTYSLAV CHERNOV THROUGH CREATIVE COMMONS

INTERNATIONAL

CHINESE METH WARS AND THE WAR ON DRUGS ROBERT EVANS

80 percent of users are under the age of 35.

To gain a better understanding of factors that could be influencing this rise in synthetic drug use in rural China, I interviewed Portland State Assistant Professor Yiping Fang from the Toulan School of Urban Studies and Planning.

She said that, since the 1980s, formerly-rural migrant workers in cities have been deemed “second-class citizens [who] do not have access to local public services, including healthcare and schools.”

“They were supposed to return to their rural villages when they are old enough to retire,” Fang said. “As a result, [the] majority [of the] population living in rural communities are those who are young kids and old grandparents.

Many social problems arise relating to kids growing up without parents.”

The country of North Korea has a hand in the synthetic drug epidemic taking China by storm, despite China being one of North Korea’s few allies.

Chinese criminals sell large quantities of precursor chemicals to North Korean cooks, North Koreans then sell Chinese criminals the finished product of extremely pure methamphetamine. In fact, even the government of North Korea has a history of forcing its embassies to sell large quantities of illegal goods, including methamphetamine, to earn hard cash to prop up the regime.

The North Korean regime had been manufacturing massive batches of extremely pure methamphetamine to sell abroad, but since 2004 the production of methamphetamine is mainly controlled by private, black-market interests.

While China has seen a significant increase in methamphetamine addiction, the population of North Korea appears to be embracing the drug with alarming enthusiasm.

Experts have reported a usage rate of approximately 40 to 50 percent of the North Korean population. The drug has been used as a display of wealth in elite circles, while the country’s poorer populations tend to use methamphetamine as a miracle drug—purporting to cure everything from stomachaches to strokes. This can especially be attributed to the severe lack of actual medicine in the country.

As college students, we are often approached by people trying to sell us “bad decisions.”

While our capitalist culture elevates drug-dealing figures like Biggie Smalls and Rick Ross, it’s important to remember the cost of such displays of decadent extravagance. Drug dealers across the globe indirectly earn profits for murderous regimes, so the next time someone offers you “a good time,” remember that they might be indirectly funding one of Kim Jong Un’s personal cartoilets while propping up the ruthless regime.

PHAN OFFICER OF THE PEOPLE’S ARMED POLICE stands at attention in Tienan men Square.

COURTESY OF LUO SHAOYANG THROUGH CREATIVE COMMONS

A R T I S T S R E P E R T O R Y T H E AT R E

Val Landrum

According to Bloomberg View, China’s National Narcotics Control Commission claimed that approximately 14 million drug addicts lived in China in 2014, “a number that the agency acknowledges is a serious undercount.”

Nearly half of the 2.955 million addicts registered with government agencies were hooked on methamphetamine; synthetic drug use is rising, on average, at a rate of 36 percent every year.

The problem is so bad, CNN reported that in the Chinese province of Guangdong, Chinese police conducted 109 synchronized raids on the village of Boshe, home to only 14,000 people, and shut down 77 drug factories, resulting in the arrest of 182 people suspected to be involved in over 18 different drug rings in January 2014.

The fact that Guangdong province is the heart of China’s chemical industry probably makes the situation worse since meth cooks can bribe corrupt management at chemical factories, gaining access to large quantities of precursor chemicals necessary in the production of methamphetamine. In fact, China is one of the world’s largest producers of chemicals needed in the production of synthetic drugs.

An article in the Atlantic stated that the majority of addicts come from the newlyrich urban class and poor youth in rural areas—roughly

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