Portland State Vanguard by Portland State Vanguard

The Portland State Vanguard Presents

Look inside for the special insert!

The 2015

Night Out Guide

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CONTENT NEWS OPINION ARTS & CULTURE CALENDAR SPORTS

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EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

ADVERTISING MANAGER

EDITOR@PSUVANGUARD.COM Turner Lobey

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MANAGING EDITOR

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MANAGINGEDITOR@PSUVANGUARD.COM Tim Sullivan

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NEWS EDITOR

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NEWS@PSUVANGUARD.COM Colleen Leary

ARTS & CULTURE EDITOR ARTS@PSUVANGUARD.COM Brandon Staley

OPINION EDITOR OPINION@PSUVANGUARD.COM Chelsea Lobey

SPORTS EDITOR SPORTS@PSUVANGUARD.COM Matthew J. Ocasio

ASSOCIATE NEWS EDITOR ASSOCIATENEWS@PSUVANGUARD.COM Lisa Dunn

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The Vanguard is published weekly as an independent student newspaper funded by the Student Fee Committee and governed by the PSU Student Media Board. Views and editorial content expressed herein are those of the staff, contributors and readers and do not necessarily represent those of the PSU student body, faculty, staff or administration. One copy of the Vanguard is provided free of charge to all community members; additional copies or subscription issues may incur a 25 cent charge. The Vanguard is printed on 40 percent post-consumer recycled paper.

Vanguard | MARCH 10, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

NEWS

sBa’s sociaL innoVation certiFicate enters second Year ADJUSTMENTS AND ACHIEVEMENTS AFTER PILOT YEAR KaTrin KaSPer

The Business of Social Innovation certificate at Portland State, a program introduced last year by the Impact Entrepreneurs in School of Business Administration, is entering its second year. “The feedback has been very positive so far,” said Jacen Greene, program manager and social entrepreneurship instructor. We have an incredible diversity and range of students of all ages, and I think they all found the content very useful.” “It’s great for students to gain more real-life experience. I believe our youngest participant was 18 years old and the oldest in their 60s,” he said. The one-year program consists of three primarily online courses offered in winter, spring and fall term and is supplemented with a field study practicum. For that, students can choose between a Portland field study in summer and an international field study in India in December 2015. As social entrepreneurship has become a major

topic in the past few years, more and more universities are implementing related programs. “We’re one of 30 Ashoka U Changemaker Campuses worldwide,” Greene said. Ashoka U is an initiative of the global association of leading social entrepreneurs Ashoka to support universities in the field of Changemaking. Participants of PSU’s Changemaker certificate learn how to examine social and environmental problems and find solutions for them in designing new businesses, programs or nonprofit organizations considering the issue. According to Greene, the top five job skills on demand with human focus are work ethic, teamwork, collaboration, effective communication, hands-on training, problem solving and critical thinking. “We very specifically teach these skills. We know that these can all be taught,” Greene said. Thirty-six participants attended last year’s pilot pro-

gram and nine of them have completed the certificate. “Many of them didn’t enter to [complete certification]. They wanted to gain special skills from one course,” Greene said. Amanda Hess completed the certificate in September after participating in the Portland field study. “I was able to go through the iterative steps of working on my own concept, called Full Belly Oregon, which would raise funds to get healthy food to hungry families through innovative partnerships with Oregon craft industries,” she said. Her first pilot project is under development. Registration for the upcoming spring course Money Matters for Social Innovation is now open. It’s the second course after Design Thinking for Social Innovation and will be followed by Storytelling and Impact Measurement. “We made a number of changes after the first year,” Greene said. “We asked stu-

CERTIFICATE PARTICIPANTS in conversation with the Lemelson Foundation during the Social Enterprise Field Study.

COURTESY Of ABBY CHROMAN

dents what they would like to improve. One of the big things we’re working on is to allow participants to take the courses in any order they want, without permission.” The program is open to students from other universities and interested professionals. “We know that about two-thirds of the students come either from other PSU programs than the School of Business or from other uni-

versities. About one-third of the participants are working professionals,” Greene said. Angela Merrill is an undergraduate community development major at PSU. She enrolled in the certificate program this term, as she was interested in the combination of social value with the mechanism and practice of business. “The content of the curriculum is really interesting and relevant to today. Also, the

community aspect is great. You have people who are experts in their field mixed with sophomores, which is intimidating at first but very inspiring and informational,” she said. 2010 Impact Entrepreneurs was founded by Carolyn McKnight and cofounder Cindy Cooper. It is a group of professors, nonprofits, community members, social enterprise professionals and students at PSU.

Wiewel holds quarterly Student Media press conference LiSa dUnn

The Office of the President hosted its quarterly Student Media press conference for all student media groups on campus on March 3. Representatives from the Vanguard and the Rearguard were present. President Wim Wiewel discussed campus safety, upcoming construction projects and the upcoming legislative session in Salem, among other topics. Wiewel said Portland State is ready to break ground on the addition of a new School

of Business Administration building and start renovations on the current SBA facilitiesthis August. The Viking Pavilion and Peter W. Stott Center project is expected to break ground as early as Jan. 2016, with a projected completion date in early 2018. The project is estimated to cost about $20 million. There are plans to raise an additional $4 million in order to ensure the building is the most ideal space for students. The majority of money

raised has been from donors and the legislature. “Since we last met, the Student Fee Committee agreed to invest $1.5 million of the building fee in the [Viking Pavilion], because it will be a very important social space, meeting space, informal student space, which was, frankly, the thing that made me decide to support the project,” he said. “The thing we’re spending the most time on is the Strategic Plan,” he said. The Strategic

Vanguard | MARCH 10, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

Plan is a document outlining goals to promote PSU’s vision and initiatives. Wiewel said between the Strategic Plan Development Team and eight topic teams—sub-committees that tackle specific goals within the plan—there are about 100 people actively involved in molding PSU’s future. Wiewel talked about PSU’s future with an armed police force as well. He said that the Board of Trustees’ Implementation Advisory Committee, the committee planning the

implementation of armed officers on campus, has had several meetings, focusing on recruitment, training, use of force and oversight policies. Wiewel also praised the research, both practical and theoretical, being done on campus, including recent research on formaldehyde levels in e-cigarettes that brought the school national media attention. “It’s about advancing knowledge.” He emphasized the need to balance both local en-

gagement and a global emphasis. Though PSU is conducting research that’s relevant to the whole world, he said, “It is that local engagement that makes us unique, because nobody else is as engaged with Portland as we are.” Following his introductory speech, Wiewel then opened the meeting up to a questionand-answer session. To read the full questionand-answer session, go to psuvanguard.com.

NEWS TIA GOMEZ-ZELLER presents collected data from culturally diverse PSU students.

Students celebrate cultural competency

SELENY DIAZ/PSU VANGUARD

Kara ernY

Associated Students of Portland State University held a cultural competency celebration on March 2. The event consisted of three workshops held in the Multicultural Center in Smith Memorial Student Union followed by a closing celebration in the SMSU Ballroom. According to ASPSU’s suggested cultural competency policy, cultural competency is defined as “the ability to effectively and respectfully interact with people of different backgrounds and experiences in a manner that recognizes, affirms and values the worth of individuals, families and marginalized communities, protecting and preserving the dignity of each, thereby creating a welcoming and safer community.” Policy Committee on Cultural Competency, or PCoCC, was created by ASPSU to draft a policy on cultural competency for PSU. The celebration began with opening remarks from President Wim Wiewel and Vice President of Academic Affairs and Provost Sona Andrews. Tia Gomez-Zeller, ASPSU Academic Affairs director, presented the research that ASPSU conducted during Spring and Summer 2014.

“We collected 1,070 surveys and we were able to analyze 822,” Gomez-Zeller said. She explained that the surveys not analyzed were incomplete. “We looked into the faculty and the staff interaction with the students and we looked, based [on] those interactions, what was the percent of faculty and staff that the students find culturally competent, and finally, we looked more into what student experience looks like in regard to discrimination and inclusiveness,” she said. According to GomezZeller, ASPSU also conducted 17 focus groups with 68 different students. From the data collected, Gomez-Zeller said they found that, overall, students tended to say they felt faculty and staff were supportive and accommodating, but when broken down into specific cultural groups there was a difference in feelings about cultural competency. For example, of students who self-identified as Caucasian, 76 percent agreed that faculty and staff are culturally competent, while only 64 percent of students who identify as any race other than Caucasian agreed faculty and staff are culturally competent. Gomez-Zeller

then went on to break down these numbers into more specific races and also looked at different ages, sexual orientations and other groups. Gomez-Zeller then presented a film featuring students, faculty and staff highlighting why PSU needs cultural competency. Next, Galen Russel, Equal Rights director and ASPSU Senate Chair, explained PCoCC’s current policy suggestion. After going over the policy, the audience members were asked to fill out feedback sheets. Some questions included, “How well do you see your values reflected in the policy suggestions?” and, “What parts of the suggested policy seem to be unclear and/or confusing?” After giving the audience time to answer the questions, Russell and ASPSU senator Melinda Joy gave awards recognizing exceptional work in cultural competency. The closing celebration ended with Oregon House Representative Joe Gallegos speaking and commending PSU for its work thus far. Gallegos also talked about the history of cultural competency in Oregon and urged the audience to keep moving forward. Earlier in the evening, student groups and campus re-

sources tabled in the ballroom. The tabling ran from 5–6:30 p.m. and included groups and resource centers such as the Queer Resource Center, the Pacific Islanders Club, the Thai Student Organization, the Veterans Resource Center and many more. When people arrived at the event, they signed in and recieved buttons that read, “Bring CULTURAL COMPETENCY to PSU”. Carly Hollabaugh, a volunteer with the QRC, said cultural competency is important to the QRC because

“the [QRC] is inclusive and intersects with people who have their different cultures and different identities.” “Since we’re the Pacific Islanders Club, and we encompass six different Polynesian islands…I think it’s important that we incorporate other cultures,” said Jessel Galiza, vice president of the Pacific Islanders Club said. Galiza also said this event may allow for the different student groups to become more involved with each other and learn more about each group’s cultures.

Between 9 a.m. and 3 p.m., a series of workshops on cultural competency and creating culturally competent spaces were held in the Multicultural Center in SMSU. Gomez-Zeller said the workshops went well. “We had around 50– 60 people participating throughout the workshops, and some people participated in all workshops,” she said. To learn more about cultural competency and PSUs work so far, or to get involved, visit aspsu.pdx.edu

(503) 816-0207 WWW.C LI MBMAXMO UTAI NE E RI NG .CO M

Vanguard | MARCH 10, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

NEWS

usda under secretarY discusses nationaL Food issues

aSPSU members call for greater student involvement during town hall meeting HaYLeY BoYd

KEVIN CONCANNON, UNDERSECRETARY FOR FOOD, NUTRITION AND CONSUMER SERVICES, during a 2011 visit to Nottingham Elementary School in Arlington, Virginia. COURTESY Of THE U.S. DEPARTMENT Of AGRICULTURE

SaSHa KraMer

Kevin Concannon, Undersecretary for Food, Nutrition and Consumer Services in the United States Department of Agriculture, visited Professor Belinda Zeidler’s Nutrition for Health class on Feb. 27. Concannon gave a presentation on the programs his department institutes in the U.S. These programs work to address food-related issues such as food insecurity, nutrition and sustainable agriculture. Concannon spent several days in the Portland area visiting schools that have implemented the National School Lunch Program—a USDA institution that provides free or low-cost breakfast and lunch to children in public and private schools across America. “Today, the school-based food programs serve 15 million children lunch and 14 million children breakfast,” Concannon said. “The program is a huge accomplishment for us because it combats issues like food insecurity and offers nutritious meals for students who may not have access to healthy choices at their own homes.” A student in Zeidler’s class asked Concannon to define food insecurity in this country. “Can you talk about the weighing of actual food scarcity versus the fear of scarcity and how they may be contributing to this ironic situation that we have noticed, where sometimes we see those [who] are food insecure are actually obese? Could you

reconcile that relationship?” the student asked. Concannon said the interconnections of the American food supply are complex. He added that access to healthy options can account for the relationship between obesity and food insecurity, where those who are affected by a physical and or mental association to food insecurity tend to be heavier and overall less healthy. “Where I live, a little outside of Washington, D.C.,... there are four different major food supermarket chains, and then there’s a Whole Foods [Market], a Trader Joe’s, and a Mom’s [Organic Market]—an organic food chain,” Concannon said. “But on the Southeast section, the poorest section of Washington, they don’t have nearly enough access or choices. So the government has an obligation to solve these problems.” Every five years, the USDA puts forth a scientific report that recommends dietary guidelines. The Scientiﬁc Report of the 2015 Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee (Advisory Report) was submitted in February and will be released later this year. Concannon explained how this report is eventually translated into a policy document that governs the menus for the government programs like NSLP. Another student asked about sustainability: “How is that accounted for in the dietary guidelines and agricultural practices?”

“The new report that has just been issued basically is saying that we ought to eat a more plant-based diet, one that is sustainable,” Concannon said. “But when this kind of report is released it gets a lot of heat from the cattle industry. We try to resist the push from the industry, but usually the industry then goes to congress. Money these days pollutes the process.” After Concannon addressed educational aspects during his presentation, he discussed political issues. He highlighted how, in a capitalist nation, industry has influence—especially in the political spectrum—and that affects the policies that are administrated by the USDA. Zeidler said she asked her class to respond to Concannon’s presentation in a later class meeting, and they expressed appreciation toward his openness on the subjects he addressed. “I thought the undersecretary was quite frank regarding the problems that he has faced from strong industry influence to party alignment and control,” Zeidler said in an email. Zeidler added that Concannon spoke positively of Oregon’s programs meant to address food-related issues. “It was great to hear him talk about how wonderful Oregon is doing to provide healthy school lunches and our farmto-school programs and farmto-table programs that make it easier for people who are struggling to purchase or receive healthy and fresh food,” Zeidler said.

Vanguard | MARCH 10, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

The Associated Students of Portland State University held a town hall meeting on Mar. 3. The main topics of discussion were ASPSU’s recent role in the authorization of an armed police force on campus, inclusion and a percieved lack of student involvement. ASPSU held the town hall meeting as an open forum designed to inform students about projects, answer questions and receive feedback. In response to a question posed as to whether or not ASPSU did enough to prevent the authorization of an armed police force on campus last December, members were split. ASPSU President Eric Noll said that in the long-term, student government could not prevent it from happening. “There was a lot of inertia built on this campus around the policy,” Noll said. “We could have fought to stop it from happening, and we could have fought to stop the board from taking a vote in the affirmative…and we may have won that this year, but at some point there would have been a lack of student government at, or a lack of student organizing…or enough momentum that they would have pushed it through.” Tony Funchess, director of Multicultural Affairs, defended student government and said students were not active enough. “ASPSU can only do what its students are willing to do,” Funchess said. “When students aren’t engaged it makes it difficult for us to know what is the next step.”

Senator Danielle Ali-Cassim was not a member last fall during the controversy and reflected that as a student she wished ASPSU had been more proactive. “I kind of feel like, all together, we did just back down,” Ali-Cassim said. “I feel if we were to [have] taken a more proactive step, students would have been more involved, knowing that their student government was willing to take that step.” Funchess explained that student government will have a role in implementation. The Campus Public Safety Office Implementation Committee will have input on training, recruitment and policy. So far, nothing has been decided. Funchess encouraged students to engage with the discussion via the ASPSU website and during upcoming forums. “At this stage we are just going over all the policies to make sure that we have been very thoughtful and intentional and inclusive as we move forward,” Funchess said. Members also talked about the possibility of future renovations to the Smith Memorial Student Union Building if students decide it would be worth the increase in fees. Jonathen Gates, University Affairs director for ASPSU, said that students would be able to have a lot of input. “There is tremendous opportunity to re-engage Student Media, for instance,” Gates said in response to a student’s question about possible renovations. Gates also related possible future renovations to SMSU

to the need to make PSU more inclusive for people with disabilities. “There’s entire sections of this building which are completely inaccessible to students [with disabilities],” Gates said. Members of the Cultural Competency Committee emphasized the importance of the Cultural Centers for students with disabilities. “The cultural centers don’t just serve folks of a specific identity group, but they are there for all students,” Funchess said. “There’s computer labs there, meeting space, community, events, information, the cultural centers represent a great resource that is underutilized on campus.” With few students in attendance at the town hall meeting, the question of engagement came up, especially among non-traditional students. “Is there any thought about proactivity around how to get students here, how to get older students, and people that are not necessarily in the dorms [to be more involved]?” asked student John Pinney. Noll said the problem was the lack of diversity in representation. “There is a wide spectrum of identities across campus,” Noll said. “One of the ways we can get ourselves a good start about outreach to different groups and events like this is to have a very diverse representation in government.” The next student Senate meeting will be held March 9, 5 p.m. at SMSU 236. Campaigning for student elections begins in April.

STUDENT SENATORS address a crowd of students during a recent ASPSU-hosted town hall. SILVIA CARDULLO/PSU VANGUARD

in defense of clipboarders

OPINION

That's What's the Matter

by Kevin Rackham I never thought I’d say this, but here it goes: The canvassers and clipboard activists on campus get a bad rap. I hate it just as much as the next person when people try to stop me when I’m already running late or pretend like they’re really interested in talking to me when I can see the Children’s International logo on their jackets. Still, most of the clipboarders don’t deserve the hate they get. Being on the other side of the clipboard gives you some perspective. I’ve never had to do it on campus, but I’ve gone door to door for candidates before, and I’ve done fundraising for nonprofits for about two and a half years, whether in person, by phone or by email. It’s not fun. We know you don’t want to part with your hard-earned money. We know you don’t think you have time to talk to us. Despite that, we’re just doing our job, and most of the time it’s legitimately a good cause. There’s definitely a right and wrong way to do that job, though. The faux-friendly voice or the holierthan-thou admonishment that children need help are definite turnoffs and will never get a dollar out of me. But the times I’ve let myself be stopped by someone who’s upfront about what they’re raising money for, I’ve found that they’re usually very nice, genuine people who are really excited that someone actually stopped. Cut them some slack; most of them are just as poor as you are. No one goes into canvassing for the money. One of the most common complaints about people fundraising at PSU is, “I’m a college student, don’t they know I don’t have money?” There’s a reason why one of the go-to lines for a fundraiser is, “It’s just a few cups of coffee.” Almost everyone has more money than they think they do. Beyond that, clearly, college students do have money or people wouldn’t be trying to solicit money out of the people at Portland State. Most field teams have a quota. If they weren’t making that quota at PSU, they would either lose their jobs or find a new location to fundraise at. Something’s got to be working or we wouldn’t have a new crop of people with clipboards standing in the Park Blocks every year. One of the reasons nonprofit fundraising works so well is because working-class people give more. Countless studies and analyses show that upper-class people give a smaller share of their income and are overall less likely to give. There are exceptions, like the Gates Foundation or other charities running off huge donations from the wealthy, but most philanthropy is run by the dollars and work of people like you or your parents. PSU is a great place to fundraise for that reason. We’re a commuter school with a lot of working-class people of all age ranges. Even if you personally can’t afford to give, you might be able to next month, or someone walking behind you might. The fact that we’re constantly being asked for money isn’t fun, but it speaks well of us.

NIMI EINSTEIN/PSU VANGUARD

KaYLa ToWnSLeY

Vanguard | MARCH 10, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

OPINION

Should I go to grad school? Against the Current

by Sebastian Richardson Should I go to graduate school? This is a question many juniors and seniors are asking themselves as they get closer to graduation and application season. While it might seem like a good option for many who are looking down the barrel of a liberal arts degree and undergraduate loans, it’s a risk that should be well thought out before taking the plunge. I myself am currently contemplating whether or not it would be a good decision to go to grad school, and I have found myself falling into many of the pitfalls prospective graduate students often engage in. There are many good reasons to go to graduate school. More education often means a bigger paycheck; oftentimes, it’s necessary for certain careers, and it can give you more specialization in a field that you can market easily. However, these facts alone do not mean you should begin filling out those applications and getting recommendations. Here's something to think about before applying: Will this actually help me achieve the job I want? If you are an English or philosophy major and have no idea what you want to do career-wise, then going to graduate school is not something you should do. You shouldn’t use graduate school to delay your uncertainty. I recently read a book on why you shouldn’t go to law school, and it made a point to not “double down on useless degrees” if you don’t know what you want to do. If you’re not sure what

you want to do, then work for a few years, figure out the sort of work you enjoy and what fields interest you. Having two years of work experience will not be a setback and might even make you a more valuable graduate student. Sometimes employers might even send you back to grad school and offer employer tuition assistance. Another thing to consider is how much debt you already have and how much debt you would incur following grad school. One good way of figuring out if it’s worth the investment is adding up the total of your undergraduate student debt and the potential debt you will incur from grad school. If that total is more than your first year of projected income following graduate school, then it’s probably not worth it. This brings us to an interesting variable. Certain fields have better projected payouts if you get a graduate degree. For instance, if you are getting a degree in business, the pay bump with an MBA might very well be worth it. People pursing degrees within the accounting, nursing, engineering and pharmacy fields may find that shelling out the cash for a graduate degree is worth the risk. However, graduate programs in social work, law and education have a large debt burden with a low income return. The average debt of a law student is $140,000, and some law schools only put about 50 percent of their law school graduates in the law field. As far as the liberal arts go, the cost is generally not worth the risks. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, people who majored in communications saw no real pay difference after getting a graduate degree. The social sciences see the smallest pay jump after receiving professional degrees in comparison to engineering, business, computer science and the natural sciences. With the liberal arts and the social sciences, as a general rule of thumb, if you can’t get a teaching fellowship or some sort of grant, it’s probably not worth it. Ask any professor and they’ll tell you something similar. When I was first considering graduate school I met with three different professors who all proceeded to try to talk me out of it.

Now, I know what you might be saying: “But, Sebastian, I’m super-duper intelligent and will graduate in the top of my class in my grad program and will easily find a great job, live frugally for a few years, pay off my loans super quick and then be living the high life.” This sort of mentality is what author Paul Campos calls “the special snowflake syndrome.” I hate to shatter the illusion for you, but that’s unrealistic. Yes, I’m sure everyone’s read the article about the woman who paid off $90,000 in loans in a few years. Her situation is unique, and she was in a solid career path that allowed her to be successful in her endeavors. Unless you’re making a six figure salary straight out of school, assume you’ll be paying loans off for a while. You simply can’t pay off $65,000 of loan debt with a teacher’s or a social worker’s salary. What you need to do when considering graduate school is ignore the top 10 percent of successful graduates who quickly find a career and are doing fine. You also need to forget about the bottom 10 percent who are living in their mom’s basement with their framed M.A. in history over their futon. When looking at grad school, always assume you are mediocre. Unless, of course, you are graduating top of your class from a reputable school and get a high score on the GRE, LSAT or MCAT. This will allow you to make realistic, smart and lowrisk decisions that will hopefully put you ahead and not set you back three years with $50,000+ in debt. So, for all those who are considering graduate school, who don’t know what their career objectives are, who are considering pursuing graduate work in the social sciences or who are already overcome by large undergraduate loan debts, seriously think about your options. Short answer: if you aren’t an engineer, not getting school paid for through a teaching fellowship or a grant and don’t know how your degree will help you, don’t go. Don’t throw away two to three years of your life and incur more debt if it’s not worth it. However, for those who have weighed the risk and plan on applying in the fall, good luck to you and I wish you the best.

Adam Grace/psu VANGUARD

Vanguard | MARCH 10, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

The Portland State Vanguard Presents

NIGHT OUT GUIDE

A choose your own night out adventure!

Warning!!!! You’re a fresh-to-death PSU student, and it’s Saturday night. Finals are behind you, and the torture of staying up until 5 a.m. writing 10 pages of nonsense on Foucault is behind you for now. So it’s time to get out there, tiger. As a fresh young thing, you’ve got 10 invitations in your inbox—everything from a midnight comedy show to a dressy dinner with that guy you’re kind of seeing. What do you do? Do you dress to the nines and hit the Pearl, or do you put on sweatpants and hunker down with Netflix? Who hasn’t had an existential crisis in the moment before accepting an invitation? God forbid something better pop up in the meantime, after all. But don’t worry. You stay cool as a cucumber, take a shower, and let us help you go out into the night.

What kind of night are you going to have?

Wild 1 Food 4 Fancy 6 Arts 8 Weird 10 Night in

Morning after

WILD

Christian Profeta/psu VANGUARD

Pray to the porcelain God:

How to have a wild night out Jordan Paige

t least once per quarter, most college students debate whether their weekly (well, let’s not kid ourselves, daily) five (fine, eight) drinks are grounds for maybe cutting back. I had been considering this myself the morning after another “I’m only drinking on Fridays and Saturdays” pep talk didn’t quite pan out. So let’s get down to business and have a wild night.

First of all, the fact that I can walk three short minutes from my apartment to this bar is an obvious plus. Secondly, it may be $5 for a pint of beer, but it’s delicious. At this point, taste still matters. Really, the only time you should be drinking good alcohol on a night like this is before you get swallowed up by Portland’s bar scene. Stay for a drink or two.

1. The Prefunk: Home (or a friend’s house, or maybe a shitty hotel. Use your imagination.) Okay, I shouldn’t have to even say this if your goal is to make your tomorrow-self as miserable and confused as possible. Cheap handles of liquor should be at hand, of course.

3. Take it to the Next Level: Scooter McQuade’s 1321 Washington St. I bought three shots of Jack Daniel’s, two cocktails and two beers for $14. That should be enough said, but I won’t stop there. They give generous pours. The first shot I ever bought there was so big I wondered if the bartender confused my whiskey shot with a glass of ginger ale. Plus, cheap-o boozehounds and recovering high school

2. Baby Steps: Rogue Hall 1717 SW Park Ave. Because I live on campus, Rogue is usually my first stop.

cheerleaders rejoice: they have Jell- O shots. 4. Go Overboard: Momo’s 725 SW 10th Ave. Close to two MAX lines? All responsible alcoholics should be sold. Heated patio? All fellow anemics should be sold. You can get pisswater (PBR) for $2.50 or watch hipsters who take themselves too seriously drink pisswater while debating the merits of said pisswater. 5. Wave Your Hands and Say “Woooo”: Whiskey Bar 31 NW 1st Ave. On Wednesdays they have $1 well whiskey drinks. If you’re into the EDM thing, they have DJs every week. Dancing with the crazies who run through there is most fun on a night like this. And when “7/11” comes on, try not to get so excited that you smack your friend’s

drink out of her hand when Beyoncé specifically tells you to not drop that alcohol. Now I have to live with the shame of knowing Beyoncé is disappointed in me.

around him. Better to poke fun than to argue. It’s also a good thing they have $2 well specials. After that, you’ll need holy water to deliver you to the porcelain god.

6. Go Ahead and Embarrass Yourself: CC Slaughters 219 NW Davis St. You know you’re getting to the most hyphy part of the night when you walk into a bar bustling with Portland’s finest queens, least-dressed bartenders and most unabashed dancers. Bonus: One of the evangelical protesters who frequents the Park Blocks also occasionally graces CC’s with his soul-saving light. Hopefully someone will just so happen to have a balloon animal shaped like a penis like someone did on the night I went. Wave it in his face, take pictures with it behind his head, ride it like a horse while you gallop circles

7. Try Not To Pass Out in Your Biscuits and Gravy: The Roxy Diner 1121 SW Stark St. There’s nothing like diner food to end a night of binge drinking. The Roxy is the best diner in all of Portland. They have the best cheesecake in the city and the staff is amazing— they even gave us a free slice of cheesecake the last time we were there. They’re open 24 hours, and at 3 a.m. everyone is so blasted that there’s no shame. I mean, if you can be loud and vulgar and still get a free slice of cheesecake, I believe that’s what I would call drunk person heaven. Now go home, chug some water and prepare for 11 a.m. hell.

Boos for booze

WiLd

hOW TO haVe a SOBer NIGhT OuT YOu'll acTuallY reMeMBer The NeXT MOrNING CoLLeen LearY

ou think doing alcohol is cool? Think again! A night out in Portland doesn’t have to mean ending your evening leaning over a random public toilet and waking up the next morning with a raging hangover. You can have fun in this town without getting wasted. Whether you’re underage, super-square or super-sober, there are plenty of ways to get wild in Portland that don’t revolve around alcohol and drugs.

TaTTOO TIMe: WalkeNS WelcOMe Make it a night you’ll remember forever by getting branded with a tidbit of ink. You can’t get tattooed if you’ve been drinking, so this is a perfect way to send your sober night of revelry into high gear. A couple of Portland’s legitimate tattoo shops offer walk-in days and will give you a quality flash piece that you won’t regret for the rest of your life. art Work rebels 510a nW 23rd ave. Art Work Rebels tattoo studio does $150 flash walk-ins on the 23rd of every month, open until 8 p.m. atlas Tattoo 4543 n. albina ave. Atlas is another good bet for a quality walk-in, which they welcome on most Sundays. Atlas is open until 7 p.m. If you’re going to go get a walk-in tattoo, behave yourself. Mark Galloway runs Windhorse tattoo in Kansas City and regularly guest tattoos at Portland’s Art Work Rebels. He gave some tips on how not to be a douche when getting a walk-in tattoo: 1) Have a loose idea of what you want so you aren’t wasting the artist’s and your time. 2) Walk-ins are usually set prices; haggling will only make you look like a cheap

asshole. Pay with cash, and tip your artist. 3) Don’t expect miracles or something fantastical. Walkins are generally very straight forward and bold.

PeW! PeW! You’ve got a couple of options on where to take your evening now that you’ve branded yourself as a permanent badass. ground Kontrol 511 nW Couch St. Get started early and let your inner nerd run wild at Ground Kontrol, Portland’s well-loved classic arcade. This spot features 60 classic video games and 27 pinball machines. They’re all-ages before 5 p.m. If you’re lucky, you can catch one of their comedy shows, host DJs, karaoke or trivia nights, or game tournaments. Play some rounds and fill up on a Rudy Dog and a root beer float; your evening has just begun.

My Father’s Place 523 Se grand ave. Round off your sober adventure at My Father’s Place. This Portland staple has been slinging comfort food since 1978. The restaurant’s website boasts its people watching to the likes of “Rockers, hipsters, whitecollar professionals, college students [Hey, that’s you!], enigmatic drifters, storytellers, cultural tourists, artists, your Grandpa…”, and they’re spot on. Give

your grandpa a hug, grab a booth, go ahead and order that French toast sandwich, watch all the sloppy drunks and think about how awesome you’re going to feel tomorrow. MFP is open until 2:30 a.m. everyday.

aMONG uS, NOT OF uS If you’re 21 and want to go to an event where alcohol is served, but don’t feel like partaking or answering questions about why you’re not drinking, there’s a loop-

hole. One of my favorite drinks is soda water, bitters and lime. It makes me feel like I’m participating in the social aspect of alcohol-dependent activities without spending a bunch of money on something that’s going to ultimately make me act like an idiot and feel like shit the next day. Keep your wits about you and party on. You’ll be bright-eyed and bushytailed as the first one in line for brunch tomorrow. THE GROUND KONTROL barcade is a Portland mainstay for the sober and the drunks.

Ultrazone Laser Tag 16074 Se Mcloughlin Blvd. How about taking down your friends in a an epic 5,000 square foot laser tag arena featuring movable walls, black lights, glowing rocks and mirrored rooms? For $8 per game, this laser tag action will be enough to get your adrenaline pumping without having to rely on your fickle friend Molly. Keep in mind that Ultrazone is a trek if you don’t have a car. glowing greens Mini golf 509 SW Taylor St. If you don’t want to schlep out to Southeast, check out Glowing Greens minigolf in downtown Portland. You’ll be seeing putt-putt in a whole new light at this black-lit, indoor 18-hole golf course. They offer individual or group games, and they’re open until midnight on the weekends.

SELENY DIAZ/PSU VANGUARD

Not your grandmother's Midnight Ma$$

WILD

Dip your toes into southeast Portland's entertainment scene

Lisa Dunn and colleen leary

know you think your friends are funny and really great and all that. And sure, they are. They’re hilarious, screaming at each other over Rainier tall-boys and lying about how many Tinder girls have hit them up. Most nights, if you wander around the city for long enough and drink enough beer, you’ll be able to go home feeling like you’ve still got it after all these years. But occasionally, your friends just aren’t going to cut it when it comes to meeting your crazy quota. It’s time to ditch the mundane. Hop down the rabbit hole that is Southeast Portland’s entertainment scene and get wild. White Owl Social Club 1305 SE 8th Ave. Now, we can’t just throw you into the fire. You’ve got to start slow on a night like this. And what better place to start than White Owl? Amazing food for carnivores and vegans alike, a side-eyed cocktail menu featuring local spirits, an impressive rotating tap list, and an irresistible photo booth where you can sit on your friend’s lap and show the world how spontaneous you are: you can’t go wrong here. Order something hearty—I suggest the rice and bean bowl for herbivores and the bacon cheddar burger for meat-eaters. You’re going to need it to absorb the rosemary-infused liquor you’re about to drink. And hey, White Owl also doubles as a music venue, so you may catch some live music now and again. After your second cocktail, go ahead and swagger (or stumble) your way to that photo booth. Sassy’s 927 SE Morrison St. Obviously, after you’re done taking pictures of you and your boyfriend making

fish faces, you’ve got to take it to the next level. Walk a couple blocks to Sassy’s and revel in the tacos and tatas. The only place worth sitting is the main stage, so buy yourself a drink, ask the bartender for some ones, and sit your ass at the rack. The dancers here are pretty much like the dancers anywhere else, but so much hotter. Tattoos, librarian glasses, slinky American Apparel dresses, unexpeted music—everything from Beck to Band of Horses. It’s a Portlander’s wet dream, so sip your whiskey, and let your head start to spin. Eventually, I’m sure, once all of your bills have disappeared from your hands—how the fuck did that happen so quickly?—you’ll get the urge to dance. Holocene 1001 SE Morrison St Now that you’ve had some booties in your face, it’s time to shake your own. Conveniently, Sassy’s is directly across the street from Holocene, a music and art venue located inside a converted auto parts warehouse. Last time I was leaving Sassy’s, I narrowly avoided a random rave happening on top of a 15-passenger van. So that’s a thing. On a given Saturday, you can plug into a myriad of events hosted by Holocene, including Booty Bassment, Verified and Gaycation. Tip: Sassy’s drinks are cheaper and their lines are way shorter, so knock one back before you go dance. Midnight Ma$$ at Funhouse Lounge 2432 SE 11th Ave. The clock is about to strike 12, but your night is far from over. Comedian Amy Miller hosts Midnight Ma$$, a

Rico Macias-ZEpeda/PSU VANGUARD

monthly (vaguely) religiousthemed stand-up showcase at Funhouse Lounge that runs from midnight to bar close. "Comedy fanatics often hear tales trickling out of New York or LA about Chappelle dropping into an open mic or Louie doing a spot on a basement show," Miller said. "Many Portlanders don't re-

alize that all it takes to experience some of this big city magic is to be a night owl!" Miller said the show has seen the likes of Dave Attell, Norm MacDonald, Kurt Braunohler and many many more. When celebrities don't show up, the audience still gets a free taste of some of the best standup from Portland and

beyond. Even the crabbiest of morning people manages to stay awake for the jokes and Miller's energetic hosting style. Follow @midnightmassPDX for updates on upcoming shows. Fair warning: If you have a crippling fear of clowns, steer clear of Funhouse's nightmarish Clown Room.

Holy Cow, that was a wild night. Turn to page 13 for a tame conclusion!

Food

Get stuffed Or, hOW TO eaT uNTIl YOu ThINk YOu MIGhT ThrOW uP CHeLSea LoBeY

’m about to send you into the most massive food coma you have ever known. I’m going to impregnate you with the biggest food baby anyone has ever seen. This is going to be a journey, so strap in and prepare your mind, your soul and your stomach.

Clyde Common Take a quick walk down the Park Blocks and head on over to Clyde Common, which is nuzzled inside the Ace Hotel on Southwest 10th Avenue and Stark Street. This is a great place to begin your food journey; they have an extensive cocktail list and the food on their happy hour menu has fancy names, like the smoked cod brandade with a baguette or the pork and shitake lumpia. You can choose just one appetizer from their happy hour menu, or heck, why not get both? You’re living in the moment. You’re seeing what life has to offer. Enjoy it!

Miss delta You’re not going to want to overdo it at Clyde Common, because the next stop is Miss Delta in North Portland at 3950 N. Mississippi Ave. Their motto is “Southern cookin’ made from scratch,” and that’s exactly what you’re going to get. They’ve got slow cooked meat and fried chicken, hush puppies, corn bread and way too many types of macaroni. They’ve even got jambalaya, for god’s sake. Miss Delta is going to make you want to sit back, relax and enjoy the comforts of this Southern eatery.

The originial After cleaning your plate at Miss Delta (trust me, you can do it), you’re going to hop back into downtown and over to The Original, located at Southwest 6th Avenue and Oak Street, for dessert. They have boozy

milkshakes and seasonal pies, oh my! They also have poutine—so, you know, go crazy! I am a fond admirer of The Dude shake, which is made of kahlua, vodka and vanilla ice cream, but their other boozy shakes are just as delightful.

Star Bar By this point in the night, you might be feeling like your pants are too tight. I thought I told you to wear the fat jeans! But heck, why not. Let’s keep going! Head on over the river to Star Bar and throw back a super quick PBR to wash down the boozy milkshakes and pie you just enjoyed. I’m pretty sure Star Bar serves PBR and only PBR. Good thing it goes down like water! I wouldn’t recommend the food (I’ve actually never had it, but hang on to your butts because I’ve got a special treat for you just as soon as you finish that tall boy).

Star Bar is on Southeast 7th Avenue and Morrison Street. They play loud punk music which might help you forget about that kicking food baby in your belly, and they also have a real film photo booth, so you’ll never, ever forget this beautiful night. Whether you will want to remember this night or not, Star Bar is a place you’re going not to want to miss out on.

you’ve got room for a whole burrito! They have meat burritos as well as vegetarian and vegan ones. And if you have a true Mel’s Hole (look up the Wikipedia page, it’ll blow your mind!) of a stomach, you can get an entire combination plate or enchilada plate. Robo Taco is open until 1 a.m. Sunday–Thursday and until 3:30 a.m. on Friday and Saturday, so it’s the perfect place to end your night.

robo Taco

Broder Café

After you finish that PBR, head on down the block to Robo Taco to end the night. Everyone needs to experience the joys of a goodnight sleepytime taco. Bob Ross is usually playing on the tiny TV they have up on the wall and his voice will send you into a food coma to end all food comas. You can gauge how much room you have left in your tum-tum and order accordingly. You might have room for just one fish taco, or maybe

When you wake up from your coma, you might be wondering, “What’s for breakfast?” You can cure your food hangover with Broder Cafe, located at Southeast 28th Avenue and Clinton Street. Broder is a Swedish breakfast and brunch café and they serve a whole host of food I can’t pronounce, but trust me, it’s all delicious. And you’re going to need it after the night you just had. ROBO TACO, LOCATED ON SOUTHEAST MORRISON, offers Mexican-inspired options late into the night.

CHRISTIAN PROfETA/PSU VANGUARD

Frugal Dinner Plans

food

get dinner without breaking the bank Sebastian Richardson

or many of us, college will be one of the most socially vibrant times in our lives. We are constantly meeting people, studying different subjects, going new places and trying new things. However, in what could be seen as a cruel twist of fate, this exciting social life is all too often coupled with financial struggles and very little money to spend on extracurricular activities. I know this dilemma all too well, and I have learned a few tricks to save cash, as well as found a few places to eat that are fairly friendly for minors and for people who are trying to have a meal without bankrupting themselves. First, before I even discuss places to go, one of the best tips I can offer for having a frugal night out is leaving your debit card at home,

or at least not swiping it like a madman who just won the lottery. Prior to going out, hit an ATM and withdraw the amount of money you’ll feel comfortable spending. By setting a limit and using cash, you’ll be very conscious of how much you’re spending and how much you have left, and it’ll be easier to stay within that limit. While this article is primarily centered on having a night out, another tip for eating cheap is starting your evening excursions a bit earlier in the day. Happy hours are a great way to avoid high prices and large, late-night crowds. For long-time Portlanders, many of these restaurant recommendations will seem generic, but as someone who doesn’t like spending money, I have found

these places to be a safe haven for the frugal. For those in the downtown area, Luc Lac Vietnamese Kitchen, on Southwest 2nd Avenue and Taylor Street, is a fairly affordable place to eat and makes a great location for a date or a night out with friends. Their pho and small sandwiches are delicious and won’t break the bank. If beer, pizza and sandwiches are more your speed, The Lucky Labrador Beer Hall up in Northwest is a great place to go. They have an outdoor patio for when it’s nice out and large, open seating areas inside, as well as darts. The Bollywood Theatre has Indian food for around $6–7 with a great ambiance. The Bollywood Theater has two locations. One is on Southeast Division Street and 30th Avenue, and the other is at

Northeast Alberta Street and 21st Avenue. Both locations make great date spots, and the Division Street location is rigth next to a Salt & Straw. If you’re hunkering for some Middle East cuisine, Petra, located in Southwest Portland on 4th and Alder, has great authentic Mediterranean dishes for under $8. At the risk of sounding too generic, Little Big Burger has always been one of my favorite places to go for a cheap burger and fries while still feeling like I’ve gone out. Its location next to Powell’s makes this a nice stop when exploring the downtown area. If you want to get your money’s worth, Boxer Ramen, located in Southwest on Stark and 10th, has huge bowls of ramen that will leave you wishing you had a larger stomach in order to fill it with

all the brothy, noddley goodness that’ll be left over. Overall, I’d say to avoid fast food. While the prices are tantalizing, it’s not worth it unless you’re drunk, alone or just really craving fries. However, fast food joints make good lastminute stops to get a cheap desert. Do not hesitate to treat yourself to some delicious McDonald’s flurries or ice cream cones. Here’s what you shouldn’t do to have a good night out at a reduced price: meet up with strangers on Craigslist who might buy your food, bring your own food to a restaurant, stroll through grocery stores and eat the leftover granola that’s in the bulk section Subway. Trust me. No matter how tight your budget is, you’re better than that.

Portland is alive with the sound of romance Anna Suarez

ortland’s bar scene is much more vibrant than most cities. Upon turning 21, I found myself energized by the unexpected crowds at local bars as well as the creative cocktails. Portland is a lovely city to wander around in, especially when feeling tipsy and light after a few drinks composed of exciting ingredients such as lavender tinctures, flowers and pomegranates. I imagine Portland as an erotic city, vibrating with sensuality and romantic openness. The best dates I have been on have occurred in this beautiful city, taking public transportation while our legs nudge and our heads spin from either the cocktails or the infatuation. Indulge in Rose City’s tour romantique avec moi.

Before-dinner drinks Begin your evening with an apéritif at Valentine’s, a bar located at Southwest Second Avenue and Ankeny Street. Surround yourself with the

bar’s flowing white curtains, moody lighting and romantic atmosphere. If you find yourself at Valentine’s in the spring or summer when the nights are warm, you can sit outside, feeling the subtle breeze with your chéri beside you. The setting is intimate though situated around the wild drunk squalor of downtown Portland. Valentine’s takes you to the realm of intimacy suitable for conversation and eye-locking. Though Valentine’s has romantic décor, the bar still embodies the charming Portland ruggedness which makes this city so unique.

Dinner If it happens to be a starry, rainless night, take a long walk to admire the city. This may be the time for the connection to heighten, helped along by city lights and fresh air. I suggest walking across the Morrison Bridge to arrive at a lovely restaurant called Le Bistro Montage. The restaurant, located underneath

the bridge at Southeast Third Avenue and Morrison Street, has a fascinating blend of Cajun-Creole dishes. Inside, the Montage has a dreamy, dark and sensuous environment. Lit by candles and serving the richest dishes, Montage is an ideal date night restaurant. I recommend splitting an order of their macaroni and cheese while trying a variety of small dishes. The food is decadent, lush with a blend of flavors. You will find yourself surrounded by an ambience of mystery, excitement and sensuality. The Montage is the perfect place to immerse yourself in the adventure of attraction while indulging in Portland’s diverse cuisine.

Dessert Finish the evening off with something sweet. Perhaps

Brendan Mulligan/PSU VANGUARD

stay in the rich atmosphere of the Montage and enjoy their heavenly Gooey Butter Cake with a glass of sweet dessert wine. Or, if you would rather switch up restaurants for your final indulgence, check out the fantastic Papa Haydn, located at Northwest 23rd Avenue and Irving Street, which is only a quick jaunt away on the number

15 bus. Order French macarons or a delicious slice of their cake. Finish the night off with a short walk along Northwest 23rd Avenue, a storybook street with graceful buildings and shops. Once the night is over, the palette will be alive with new flavors and the mind swelling with attraction. Sharing a blend of unique flavors with a lovely person is a delectable way to spend a weekend night out.

That's one full tummy you got there. Turn to page 13 to see how you end up!

rounds, gowns and downs

FanCY

a FOrMal NIGhT OuT ON The TOWN JaSon SUSiM

fter four straight hours of binge watching, your Netflix account asks if you wish to continue. You are given 15 seconds to decide weather you will indulge in another session or get up and join the outside world. There’s no way you’re going to let your whole night be claimed by gluttony and sloth. Break out your lucky pair of silk undies because, god dammit, you’re going out tonight! Electing for a more formal evening, the attire you don needs to send a message. On a special night like this, what is most important is that you feel good about yourself. Nothing boosts your confidence more than getting dressed to the nines. This doesn’t necessarily require a tuxedo or ball gown—you’re not exactly walking the red carpet, and while your attire may attract attention, it’s best to keep it simple. Gentlemen would be wise to remember that a blazer, jeans that fit and nice shoes or boots will go a long way. For the ladies, the main concern is finding a balance between elegance and comfort. If you opt for high heels, make sure you’re able to actually walk in them. A formal night is your chance to break out that outfit you’ve been dying to wear. The choice is yours, but no matter what you decide on, it’s all in the way you carry yourself. As the old saying goes, “The clothes don’t make the man, the man makes the clothes.” Whether you’re seeking a formal night out with a loved one, a friend or even rolling solo, the city presents you with a plethora of options. Portland nightlife is booming with possibilities. Should you find yourself downtown and decide on beginning the night with a quick cocktail, you’re in luck.

Barlow

An artisanal cocktail bar located right off the Park

Blocks, at 737 S.W. Salmon St., Barlow (a slang term for flapper) makes for a perfect first stop on your fancy night out. The bar’s theme pays homage to Portland’s prohibition-era speakeasies. The bartenders are not only knowledgeable but also very dapper. You will feel like you’re ordering drinks from a Mumford and Son. Orders are placed at the bar instead of a cocktail server, which allows for more interaction with your prim and proper mixologist. Along with an extensive wine list and beers on draft, Barlow offers an array of classic cocktails with a modern twist. Standing out among these is the French Pearl, which consists of London dry gin, genepy, absinthe and lime. Cocktails start at $10. Happy Hour prices go from 3–6 p.m., and then again at 10 p.m. until last call.

another notch and head over to the east side for some after dinner festivities. If you’re looking for some live entertainment but don’t want to break the bank, Funhouse Lounge, at 2423 S.E. 11th Ave., is the place for you. A self-described “fringe theater and arts venue,” Funhouse offers everything from improv to burlesque to karaoke. Be sure to check out the Sideshow Bar and Clown Room which surrounds you with

every creepy clown painting you’ve ever had nightmares about. Hours: 5 p.m. to 1 a.m.

Sapphire Hotel

The night is winding down, though you’re not quite ready to call it quits and decide on a nightcap. A final stop on your formal outing could place you at Sapphire Hotel. Located at Southeast 50th Avenue and Hawthorne Boulevard, this dimly lit lounge boasts an intimate setting

for patrons to cozy up. The place originated as a brothel and shady hotel in the early 1900s. It was said that ladies of the night, mystics, sailors and gypsies would pass through these walls. The lounge describes itself as “a lovely place to gather, to eat, drink and kiss.” This isn’t the place to go for beers, though, for they have some of the most delicious and inventive cocktails that you’ll find anywhere in Portland.

THE SOUTHWEST PORTLAND-BASED BARLOW features artisanal drinks with a blend of early 20th century and modern sensibility.

departure

Located on the 15th floor of the Nines Hotel, on Southeast 5th Avenue and Morrison Street, Departure is an Asian fusion restaurant ideal for rooftop dining. The east and west decks provide stunning views of the respective sides of the city. Don’t miss this opportunity to snap some rooftop photos in your fancy digs. Send a copy to your parents or an ex-lover and let them know how large you’re living. In addition to sushi and salad dishes, Top Chef finalist Gregory Gourdet has come up with a refreshing take on both surf and turf offerings. Chef Gregory lists his own recommendations on the menu. Among them is the delectable ishiyaki steak, which consists of a grilled Wagyu sirloin seasoned with ginger and garlic ($30).

Funhouse Lounge

You’ve decided to loosen up that tie, let that belt out

CHRISTIAN PROfETA/PSU VANGUARD

FanCY

TEARDROP: THE TEARDROP COCKTAIL LOUNGE offers an array of hand-crafted mixers, in addition to a menu built on locally-produced ingredients. CHRISTIAN PROfETA/PSU VANGUARD

You're so fancy, Pearl already knows MaTT raUCH

hether you just finished your last final, want to impress someone on a first date, or when the Cheerful Tortoise or Rogue Hall don’t fit your definition of a fancy night on the town, you should consider moseying on over to the Pearl District to satisfy your upscale desires. One of the best benefits about enjoying a night out in the Pearl is that the MAX and Portland Streetcar can usually get you no more than a 10 minute walk from wherever you want to go. This means no DUIs and no dirty cab rides. If you happen to stay later than public transit operates, it’s only a 30 minute walk back to campus.

No matter how you plan to get to or from the Pearl, once there, you are in for dazzling sights, ambrosial beverages with exotic names and a plethora of mouthwatering foods to dive into. However, one thing must be noted—the Pearl’s establishments can get quite pricey. Rather than have you bounce from place to place trying to figure out which is the best, this guide to a fancy night out in the Pearl will provide you with some great options to satisfy your Kardashian-like taste. Before any successful night out on the town, it is wise to ensure that your stomach contains enough food to soak up the alcohol you are

sure to enjoy. The beautiful thing about the Pearl is that, unlike other bars that serve you mainly fried food, it has a diverse array of palettepleasing food options for you to choose from. The new food and beverage spot that has everyone buzzing is the Mediterranean Exploration Company. Located on Northwest 13th Avenue, MEC provides a great selection of Mediterranean cuisine. The food is spectacular, but what is even more pleasing is the environment they have created. Using an open kitchen concept, the diners sit at large community tables that provide a unique communal vibe. If you have never eaten in an environment like

this, you should definitely give it a try. After filling up on your favorite dish, the next step is to find a great place to indulge in a tasty beverage. Teardrop Cocktail Lounge is a delightful place to enjoy a well-made cocktail. Teardrop is located on the 1000 block of Northwest Everett Street and offers a dizzying array of cocktails to choose from. With their mission “to help revive the lost art of mixing drinks, striving for balance in every glass,” it is no wonder their cocktails are the favorites of many Pearl regulars. You are now full and have a good buzz going. The last thing needed is a perfect place to cap off the night. Located

Shoot! You sure are fancy. Turn to page 13 to see how it turned out!

on Northwest 11th Avenue and Alder Street, JackKnife has the perfect mix of fun and class needed to end the night properly. Subtle lighting, beautifully stained hardwood floors, two fireplaces and plenty of nooks and crannies provide the perfect opportunity to get lost in your guests’ company. Feel like dancing? Tucked away in the back corner is a perfectly sized dance floor to boogie the night away. All-in-all, a night out in the Pearl can be quite pricey, but well worth it for the right occasions. From delicious food and beverages to environments unique to the Pearl, there is no better part of Portland to enjoy a fancy night out on the town.

dance, get married and discover Italo disco

arTS

The lOVecraFT'S daNce FlOOr IS eVerY GOTh kIdS WeT dreaM JaiMe dUnKLe

moke billows from the entrance. The sigil to the Necronomicon gate watches over the dance floor, glowing in the black light, filling the ceiling. But this landscape is not a portal to Yog-Sothoth or Bruce Campbell’s early career; it’s Portland’s horror-themed night club, The Lovecraft. This bar is what every goth/industrial club kid in the ’90s dreamed of, me especially. But the style of music doesn’t begin and end with the darkness. DJs spin all kinds of cuts from punk to new wave, and sometimes there are even live bands, like at Psychopomp on every fourth Wednesday. For this article, I went to see one of my favorite DJs, Acid Rick, who specializes in saxophone-driven ’80s tracks, what he calls hunkwave, synthpop, ’80s Italo disco, a touch of goth, and all things danceable produced before 1990. Did I mention ’80s? This guy will play all the old-school cuts: anything from Skinny Puppy to Circle Jerks to Nina Hagen and back again. This past Sunday night, DJ Acid Rick even played Don Johnson’s longform video Hearbeat as a backdrop—suitable for the onset of spring. Acid Rick said that Profil “Leb Wohl Mein Schatz” is his number-one favorite song to spin. “This jam is HOT,” DJ Acid Rick said. “Without fail, it gets people dancing. And just like I told you, it’s the one jam that always makes someone come and ask me what it is. You saw it happen twice! [I did see two people run to the DJ booth, awestruck] Plus, it’s German and it has some absolutely killer synth parts. And it’s like eight minutes long. So it’s easily one of DJ Acid Rick’s Picks for DJ Success.” Diviacchi “Waiting For Heaven” comes out at number two. “This is my most favorite Italo disco jam,” Rick said. “Everything about it

is amazing: magical synths, sweet rhythm and cheesy lyrics (which is the best part about Italo disco). ‘Waiting For Heaven’ is perfect for a room full of fog and lasers because it’s like an alternate dimension…a dimension full of passion and desire.” Tim Capello “I Still Believe” is third. “As a professional DJ, I am very familiar with just how sexy a saxophone is,” Rick said. “Nothing says romance in the night like a saxophone. Tim Capello’s mega-hit from The Lost Boys soundtrack is a slam dunk, every time! He’s a musclebound hunk who plays the saxophone! And the song itself is dark and moody, but positive and motivating. So, basically, this song has it all. I still believe, indeed.” Acid Rick’s regular gig is every fourth Sunday, Softcore Mutations. But this past Sunday March 8, he did a one-off called Deadlift. A Facebook post advertising the event said it best,“Punk died, so bring on the SYNTHESIZERS!” My advice: If Hive is too crowded with spooky kids, and you’re sick of hearing Sister of Mercy’s “Temple of Love,” look for DJ Acid Rick’s nights. Let’s backtrack a moment. Maybe you’re wondering, “What the hell is Italo disco?” “Italo disco is a genre of pop music that existed throughout the ’80s, mainly in Italy and other European countries,” Rick said. “It is inspired by, but not exactly like, American disco from the ’70s. Italo disco is very danceable, full of synthesizers and performed by hunks and babes who sing strange lyrics in English, their second language.” Aside from the atmosphere and sounds, the Lovecraft has killer drink specials like Blood on the Snow—marshmallow infused vodka and strawberry nectar, chilled. I only wish I had requested “Strawberry Switchblade” while drinking it.

FLY GIRL VIV takes a break from the dance floor at The Lovecraft, March 8.

JAMIE DUNKLE/PSU VANGUARD

Which reminds me—if you make requests, DJs like Acid Rick will actually play them! This is a rare treat considering how many knucklehead egoists end up behind the turntables in this town. Before I end, let it be known to the world that Lovecraft’s decor mixed with Visage songs would be nothing without resident fly girl Viv. The first time I met her she insisted we unite our technicolor souls in marriage under the chthonic seal, probably to an Adam Ant song. In fact, she married two other women the same night. This Sunday, she had me marry her to two other women and a

mannequin dressed as Nixon in drag. And to cap off the night, when the lights were on and we sipped the last of our drinks, Viv left us with something we can never unhear. To the tune of Devo’s “Mongoloid” she unabashedly sung, “Suck my dick, why don’t you suck my dick? Suck my balls, why don’t you

The Lovecraft 421 SE Grand Ave. Portland, Oregon 97214 Sunday–Thursday: 8 p.m. to close Friday and Saturday: 4 p.m. to close 21+ Almost always no cover

suck my balls? Eat my ass, why don’t you eat my ass?” I think she affectionately dedicates that song to you, her future (100th) wife. DJ Acid Rick’s first-ever entirely Italo disco night, Heaven in the Night, will be March 29 at the Lovecraft. For more events, check the calendar at thelovecraftbar. com/calendar.

are you not entertained?

arTS

TUrner LoBeY

ou’re a student, and it’s a Friday night. This can only mean one thing—it’s time for a night out. While many of your cohorts might prefer to indulge in a wild and most likely forgotten night out, you’re of a different breed. Your tastes are more sophisticated, more demanding. Only one type of night will work for you—an artsy night out.

fine art galleries and peruse some fine art. The Littman Gallery and the White Gallery are PSU’s student-run art galleries. Others, like the Autzen Gallery on second floor of Neuberger Hall and the galleries in the Art Building, the AB Lobby and the MK Gallery, are department-operated.

get your art on

get your art on, redux

It’s Friday, so chances are good that your classes are getting out early, if you even have any. While you’re hanging around campus waiting for your pals to get out of their final class for the week, mosey on over to one of Portland State’s many

All arted out? Of course not. That’s why it’s time for you to swing by the Portland Art Museum. If you’re a student, take advantage of their College Pass. At $15 for an entire year, it equals the admission a regular adult pays for a single visit.

Well, on second thought, maybe you are arted out. If that’s the case, cross the street to the Oregon Historical Society and scratch that historical itch you’ve been meaning to scratch. Current exhibits include The Art of War: Propaganda Posters of World Wars I and II, A Community on the Move (which focuses on the lives of black Portlanders in the 1940s and ’50s), Place: Framing the Oregon Landscape and several others. Costing a grand total of absolutely nothing for Multnomah County residents, it would be a disaster of historic proportions if you were to miss out on an OHS tour.

a reel good time The next stop of the night calls for something more cinematic. Only minutes from PSU on the streetcar, two of Portland’s premier cinema houses are saving a seat just for you on this glorious night. Cinema 21 on NW 21st Avenue and the Living Room Theater on SW 10th Avenue screen some of the most artistic and entertaining movies one can find in Portland. And you know what’s even better than watching films you can’t see anywhere else? Getting to drink beer while you do it. Play us out The movie is out, and chances are pretty good that you just

watched something long, depressing and subtitled. We all know you’re a closeted crooner, so what better way to cheer yourself up than killing it to some sing-along fun with Don Henley and Marc Cohn? There are a few options for awesome karaoke bars, but Suki’s Bar & Grill on SW 4th Avenue and Voicebox Karaoke Northwest on NW Hoyte Street are your best options. At Voicebox you can rent private rooms so nobody can watch you butcher Meatloaf’s “I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)”, but where’s the fun in that? Whatever you do, for the love of God, don’t sing Queen. Nobody wants to be that asshole.

The ‘Italian Style’ exhibition displays at Portland Art Museum through May 3.

NIMI EINSTEIN/PSU VANGUARD

CHRISTIAN PROfETA/PSU VANGUARD

Now that you're entertained, let's turn to page 13 to see how it all turned out!

Get grossly incandescent:

WIERD

How to spend a weird day in Portland Brandon Staley

I Brandon Staley

n some ways, I love our new gentrification overlords. While the rise of stately studio condominium culture has directly correlated with the regrettable rise in rental prices, it’s now surprisingly cheap to find artisanal doughnuts, hand-churned ice cream and very small vegetarian burgers. This is great, really. But our newfound love for hedonism has come at the price of something we Portlanders once held dear: our weirdness. Or has it? There was a time when Portland was known for its velvet museums, ATM churches that were ostensibly about Elvis, and anything but Portlandia. Weird shit was around every corner, and every once in a while it would unfurl itself from its bundle of rags and chase you down Burnside for a couple blocks, merrily screaming obscenities the whole way. Those days are long gone, but that just means you have to work a little harder to get your freak on.

Nuclear fraternity Nothing is weirder than nuclear radiation. It’s so sexy and mysterious, and it created the Hulk. Luckily, Portland has its own nuclear reactor. Unfortunately, it’s administered by Reed College students, making it the only reactor in the world operated solely by undergraduates. I shouldn’t need to tell you how dangerous a predicament this is, but no one has tried to cook a whole Renn

Fayre pig in the core yet, so it’s probably okay. The reactor itself was established in 1968 and is largely used for experimental purposes. You can arrange a tour of the reactor, but since most of the experimentation is initiated by outside parties, you can pitch your own experiments. No word back on my proposal to determine if dubstep becomes real music upon exposure to raw plutonium.

The truffle kerfuffle Everybody loves chocolate, but not for long after they visit the chocolate waterfall at the Candy Basket headquarters in Northeast Portland. Frankly, the waterfall is a cool idea, but profoundly disgusting. The chocolate is constantly churning, so it has to be in an open environment. That means dust particles, anything that might get thrown into the pool and, hey, let’s just say lice, because why the hell not? When I called Candy Basket (and spoke to a representative who sounded exactly like the kind of person who has to answer questions about a chocolate waterfall every day) I learned that the waterfall is currently under maintenance and that tours have been halted. In these trying economic times, there’s no telling if the waterfall will make a comeback. I certainly hope it does, since the waterfall embodies a mythic, pointless opulence. We need to bring that

Elise furlan/PSU VANGUARD

back to Portland: chaotic projects that burn bright, big and weird.

Phone to table If you’re anything like me, you probably spend an inordinate amount of time on your phone looking at pictures of adorable animals. I can’t help it. It helps take me away from the grim reality of pretending I care about the critical theories of Saussure and Foucault among my liter-

ary, Tumblr-frenzied peers. Of the animals that soothe my pathological exhaustion with the theory-ruled literati lifestyle, I find the sloth to be the most effective. Enter the Sloth Captive Husbandry Center, which is dedicated to the care and research of the world’s most adorable animal. While the center offers an opportunity to get close to sloths, it’s not a zoo. The center’s programs are seasonal, somewhat expensive and very limited on space. It’s also located in

Rainier, Oregon, so it’s a real day trip. It’s worth it, though. The center is home to many other admirable but sloth-inferior animals, like wolves, lynx and tigers. Because the center is solely about the propagation and care of these animals, it’s a good idea to visit their site and look up a laundry list of very reasonable rules and regulations. Why are you still reading this? Go drop some fat bills and touch a sloth.

A wonderful night to have a curse:

How to spend a weird night in Portland

WIERD

Brandon Staley

think we can all agree that daytime is for chumps, and that nighttime is where it’s at. Getting weird in Portland in the day can sometimes seem like a chore, but, luckily, if you’re able to avoid the Tom Waits-esque siren song of utter hellholes like Cuda Beach Club and Dig a Pony, there’s a bunch of weird fun to be had at night.

Theater of the rind There are a handful of food carts in this city brave enough to stay open right up until the bars close. At the moment, Doner Haus on Mississippi is the main one that comes to mind. Needless to say, these monuments to the nocturnal are fascinating locales where hard truths and real insight into the human condition can be overslurred. So try parking yourself around a late-night food cart to catch a glimpse of the truest human drama. At the very least it’s dinner and movie.

Let’s rap about Goth Narnia Listen, I could blow some smoke up your ass to try and convince you that Voodoo Doughnut is still cool and edgy, that buying a pastry shaped like a dick and posting your hoard on Instagram is a proper, strange way to spend a night. But I like you, so I’m not going to do that. If you want to have a weird night in Portland you’re going to have to go off the grid. Get off Google Maps, throw your five-star Yelp reviews in the creek, and for goodness sake stop checking into places on Foursquare, you dweeb. Go outside and get into some weird shit. That’s how I found Goth Narnia. Goth Narnia is definitely not the name of a club I visited in Portland in ’08, but it feels apt because I have never been able to find

Brendan Mulligan/PSU VANGUARD

the club again. Led on by a group of very suspect people I am not longer associated with, it would be reasonable to assume that I was in an altered state when I found Goth Narnia. Or, should I say, when Goth Narnia found me. From what I remember of Goth Narnia, it was in the second floor of a building and definitely in Portland. Probably. The dance floor itself was inexplicably school-gymnasium large, and the drone of The Cure brought everyone out of their seats for a proper shuffle. There was an ironic disco ball and an old fog machine that I admired for its tenacity and dedication. The events that transpired in Goth Narnia have been lost to time, but it’s safe to say there was ample dancing

and attempted conversation with the Victorian denizens, though I was careful not to eat the food of the dead. We left when a guy in a rabbit mask started breakdancing. Weird memories like this don’t come from curated lists or aggregated ratings. You’ve got to get out there and let the flow of the night take you. I might never be

able to find Goth Narnia again, but it lives on in my heart and in my dreams.

Where the sidewalk ends If there is a center to Portland, not a geographical one but an ideal one, it’s probably Mill Ends Park. The smallest park in the world, Mill Ends

Well, that got weird. Turn to page 13 for a more normal conclusion.

has taken on many forms since it was officially recognized as the smallest park in 1971. You might have missed the park in passing since it’s on an island in the middle of Naito, right off Taylor, but there’s an equal chance that you just didn’t notice it because your night wasn’t over yet. Mill Ends practically beckons for selfies. It’s just that right combination of dangerous and appealing—it sits in the middle of a busy intersection and the curio aspect of a very tiny tree is nigh irresistible to the intoxicated. Mill Ends won’t make you night weirder, but if you find yourself hazily admiring this diminutive municipal landscape then you can rest assured that your night got weird somewhere along the way.

NIGHT IN

A homebody’s night in:

a how-to Margo Pecha

Brandon Staley

Start on your shitty extra-long twin mattress that you’ve cozied up with grandma’s lovingly made quilts and crochet afghans. Settle down for a binge marathon of The X-Files while you knit a new sweater for your cat. Keep the lights on. 2.Transition to yoga in the corner. Get your heart pumping to classics by Riff Raff and Lil’ Debbie, like “Rice Out” and “Bake a Cake.” Hell, throw in a $2 bottle of pink moscato from Target. You deserve this luxury. Chug the whole bottle and lie on the floor. Contemplate the popcorn ceiling. 3. Speaking of popcorn… that sounds pretty good. Pop some in the microwave but get distracted by cat pictures in your Tumblr feed (Gosh, aren’t they cute?). You don’t

notice the popcorn is burning until the smoke detector goes off. 4. Hide in the closest so you don’t have to face the shame of your neighbors—or your whole building when it starts to evacuate. It’s too cold to go outside, anyway. Take Grandma’s quilt with you and a cup of tea to ease your throbbing head. 5. Listen at the door while your neighbors discuss your inability to microwave anything ever. Earn the nickname Burnie. Try to forget about the time you nuked a brownie on accident and your whole dorm floor saw. 6. Take your mind off your new nickname by designing your next tattoo—a tasteful cameo tribute to your cat. And while you’re feeling crafty, notice your walls are

looking a little drab. Get out your acrylics and go to work making some bold statement pieces. Accidentally chug paint water when blindly reaching for your drink. Spew it all over your abstract masterpiece when you realize what you’ve done. 7. Facebook all your friends an impromptu craft party invite. Unfortunately, they’re all out doing normal things. Like drinking. In bars. And being social. No one responds to your invite within the hour (or over the course of the night). 8. Whatever, you don’t need friends! Pump up the volume on the new T-Swift album and sing along— maybe a little too loudly once the people downstairs start

pounding on the ceiling for you to shut up. Well, two can play at that game, can’t they? Retaliate by donning a pair of heels and stomping to the beat. Don’t stop until the RA knocks on your door and reprimands you for being obnoxious. Tell her it’s not quiet hours and you can do what you want. She calls you Burnie to your face, and you decide some battles just aren’t meant to be won. Retreat back into your room. Turn off T-Swift. 9. Try to catch up on Downton Abbey, but you’re too distraught about becoming Burnie to concentrate on much. Add to that the fact that poor Edith never gets a break, and now you’re sobbing, and why can’t everyone just be nice to Edith for once, huh? Why?

10. Collapse on your bed at 11:30, completely and utterly exhausted. You’re getting too old for nights like this. Vow to never have a wild night in again.

Essentials for a homebody’s night in: 1. Cheap wine 2. Netflix 3. Frozen pizza/ice cream/candy 4. Tissues 5. Craft supplies 6. A cat (or two, or three) 7. T-Swift’s new album 8. Tu m b l r a n d / o r Pinterest 9. Blankets. Lots of blankets. 10. Footie pajamas

Christian Profeta/psu VANGUARD

You choose to spend your night in. Look at page 13 to see how it worked out.

There’s got to be a morning after…

morning

after

Tim Sullivan

t’s the morning after a night of shame and debauchery (or a night drinking shot for shot with your cat) and the skull splitting pain that you’re experiencing is making you wonder if you’ll ever drink again. Well buck up, Kitten, you’ll drink again and sooner than you think. Trust me, I’ve been there before, waking up in a position that a master contortionist could only pull off in their wildest dreams. Mouth tasting like the backside of a sweaty hobo and clothes that smell worse than the bottom of an ash tray. Each time, I’ve sworn off the devil’s drink and to go legit,

but that’s not the case. We both know this, so to help you get back into fighting shape, here are a few hangover cure-alls that’ll make you right as rain.

or a Mimosa. Or if you’re feeling saucy, shotgun one of those beers still left in your fridge. It’ll make you feel better now, but later, you may regret it.

me, even if all the beer you drank the night before tasted mostly like water, you still need to get some water in your system. So drink up!

Hair-of-the-dog

Hydrogen dioxide

Pickle juice or sports drinks

Now, I know alcohol is the last thing on your mind to toss back into that churning inferno of hellfire that you’re calling your stomach right now, and your body is right to tell you no. But some swear by it, so it’s here in the list. If you go this route, drink something where alcohol isn’t the main ingredient, say, like a Bloody Mary

Good ol’ H2O, water, aqua, the stuff that some people only drink from bottles distributed by Coke. This is actually a must if you want to survive after your apocalyptic night of drinking. Come on, after all those trips to the bathroom, if you’re not a dried up husk of your former self, then congrats to you. Trust

Now, seriously, hear me out on this: pickle juice. It works…well, at least it feels like it works. Just like the various “Ade” sports drinks out there, pickle juice has a bunch of salty electrolytes that help your body retain water and keep you hydrated. S eriously, pickle juice, it’s what drunks crave.

That’s it. Your night is over.

You’re still in your goingout clothes, you saucy minx, and morning is now here. It’s unbearably bright outside, and your organic urban-farming asshole of a neighbor’s rooster is starting to do its rooster thing. Stumble back to your bed and crawl between the sheets before your hangover sets in. When you finally emerge—sweaty, hungover and born anew— from your nest of twisted sheets, crawl out into the

Brunch Come on! If you don’t already know about this, then you need to have some Irish confetti (there’s a term to look up on Urban Dictionary) knocked into the side of your head. Brunch is to Portland like single-gear bikes are to hipsters. Just drag yourself out of bed, off the bathroom floor, or out of the gutter and go. You don’t have to go far. There’s probably a restaurant serving brunch within a block of where you live. While you’re there, get everything else that’s mentioned above and get yourself fixed up.

day and get some hair of the dog at Pizza Schmizza on campus. It’s just what the doctor would order, if you would bother listening to your mother once in a while and actually get a check-up. Schmizza’s cheesy, greasy pizza will help soak up some of the angry bubbly stuff in your stomach. Chase it with a mighty mug of the finest Pabst Blue Ribbon, and you’ll be ready for anything in no time. If you’re feeling crazy, just flip back to the beginning of this guide and do it all over again!

The Vanguard's Night Out Guide is a choose your own adventure designed to take you on a journey like you've never known. We're putting you in the driver's seat, so hop in and take the wheel! Do you want to get down and dirty, or keep it classy? Do you want to eat until it hurts, or would you prefer to dance the night away? Whatever type of night you want to have, we've got you covered. Just remember—the choice is yours!

"A night out so fantastic, you won't even remember it!" –The Portland Advocate

"...incredibly engaging...authoritative... If you like going out and having a good time, look no further than what's in your hands right now." –The Anthology of American Beer Drinkers

"I'm usually not very good at figuring out what to do with my free time. The Night Out Guide took the guesswork out of making my own fun!" –Steve

ARTS & CULTURE

I'Sexlike it when you call me Brimp Papa Criminals: Volume two' stays relevant without compromising tone ANDY ANADY

Matt Fraction and Chip Zdarsky's Sex Criminals has finally come out with its second volume, aptly titled Two Worlds, One Cop, and it’s as perfect as the last one. Sex Criminals even won the Eisner Award for best new series, and a contract with Universal for a television show has been

confirmed. All for good reason, too. At the end of volume one it really looked like Sex Criminals was going to move away from the intelligent tone it had established. But it never once crossed my mind that the series would become less hilarious and instead move toward the out-there

Image Comics/2015

ridiculousness that the presence of the Sex Police kind of necessitates. The dramatic arrival of Kegel-face and her two cronies, all in skintight suits with crotches well-displayed, doesn’t immediately imply intelligence, but Fraction manages to keep the balance. In the last volume, Suzie’s childhood got the focus, going into detail about the sex education she received, which ended up being two things: non-existent and total crap. Her dad dies, and she finds out that when she orgasms time stops, all of which makes for pretty awful pillow talk. Then she meets Jon, who also stops time when he orgasms. For the first time in her life, she can share the afterglow. Then Jon has a great idea: Suzie can’t get the money necessary to save her library, so why not have sex in the bank’s bathroom

and then steal what money they need? He might be the first person Suzie’s ever met with the same weird sex-thing she has, but he’s obviously not the best influence. Not to overgeneralize, but anyone who suggests bank robbing should be seriously side-eyed. Also, it catches the attention of the Sex Police, which is where the second volume picks up. At this point, Jon is off his meds. He has ADHD with attendant comorbid disorders like oppositional defiance disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder, or as he calls it: brain stuff. None of these are helped by a magical sex-oriented mysterious group following him around and threatening him with vague, hidden messages. Inevitably, he gets shingles, caused by stress, which immediately gets diagnosed by WebMD as cancer, but it also might be AIDS.

While taking a crap in his boss’s potted plant, everything just sort of implodes and he calls Suzie in an exhausted panic. Though she isn’t doing any better on her own pills: a birth control that turns her into a “boiled, bloated, dried-up, barrenwombed, desert hag with weird, rock-hard tits.” Sex Criminals is just a really intelligent series even after 10 issues; it explores serious problems like the absence of good sexual education in America, the complicated relationships people can have with each other and medication, as well as how those relationships influence each other. While on his meds, Jon is in sepia and smooth as a Ken doll, fading in and out of transparency. He’s not necessarily any happier when he’s riddled with shingles and seeing spies in the corner of his eye. Part brain chemistry, part unresolved issues, there’s

no quick fix to learn how to deal with these issues. In the first issue he tries to pretend like pooping in his boss’s plant is all he needs to calm his brain, and it’s in volume two that he realizes he’s full of crap. Volume two also includes the backstory of Jon’s favorite pornstar, Ms. Jazmine St. Cocaine. She’s a tenured professor now, who studies and teaches horology. As a young person she didn’t have the money for college and ended up stripping, which led to The Wicked + The Divinethemed porn called The Lick-ed and the Divine. And that’s one of the best things about Sex Criminals: every little thing is some kind of sex pun. Make sure to read all of the signs, posters and book titles as they appear in the background. Check out the Vanguard's review of Sex Criminals: Volume One here: bit.ly/1EclNsN

Asian Studies institute unveils new series ‘Dialogs across Asia’ connects cultures through film LAUREN MOORE

Portland State’s Institute for Asian Studies will host a new quarterly series called Dialogs across Asia. The inaugural event will take place on March 11 at 6 p.m., and is titled “Expression, Repression, Terror and Backlash: A Glimpse of 6 Asian Film and Conversation with PSU Asian Film Scholars.” The event is open to the public and free for students. Dialogs across Asia arose to facilitate further discussion among the faculty in Asian Studies at PSU. “There are over 70 faculty on campus with interest in Asia,” said Sharon Carstens, director of the Institute for Asian Studies. “Often, we only talk to those who share our same Asian regional interest.”

Carstens said that another goal of the new series is to attract a broader audience. An issue, theme or topic is chosen for each discussion, and professors with expertise across Asian countries get together to have a round table discussion with each other and the audience. Each professor has 10 minutes to introduce his or her topic to the audience. “Expression, Regression, Terror and Backlash” focuses on these themes across India, Japan, China and Hong Kong. Dr. Jennifer Ruth, a professor in the department of English, is the presenter for the Chinese movie Searching for Lin Zhao’s Soul. Ruth said she chose this film because Hu Jie, the director, has made over 30 documentaries, but his first work

is his most accomplished. It also launched his later interest in films about the history of politics in China. “[It is an] amazing story about a woman [named Lin Zhao] who was originally a strong believer in the party but started having doubts,” Ruth said. “She began to see her peers persecuted. She did not get persecuted because of her opinion, but for defending other people’s rights.” Ruth said anyone who is passionate about something should care about this movie. It is about someone who has the courage to stand up against the crowd. It is a story of heroism and how groupthink targets the vulnerable and persecutes whistleblowers. As a strong proponent of a liberal arts education, Ruth said this topic is important

not only for those attending university, but also for citizens to think for themselves. Dr. Jon Holt, assistant professor of Japanese, is the presenter for the Japanese movies Eternal Zero and The Wind Rises, both about the notorious World War II figher plane, the Zero. Holt has been fascinated with how Japanese history is being reinterpreted under Prime Minister Shinzō Abe. Japan wants to change its constitution so that it can rearm itself. “A great symbol for Japanese interest is the Zero,” Holt said. “For the first part of World War II it was a devastating weapon against the U.S.” The Japanese have great pride in it. Eternal Zero was directed by Takashi Yamazaki, a

powerful force in current Japanese culture. Holt said that Yamazaki comes from a background of writing for television shows; serves on the corporate board for the NHK, Japan’s national public broadcasting organization; and is a prolific novelist. Yamazaki has conservative views of Japanese history and contemporary Japanese politics. Holt said the film contains strong nationalistic sentiments. “I am somewhat confident that Eternal Zero is just as bad as Michael Bay’s Pearl Harbor.” The second film, The Wind Rises, was directed by Hayao Miyazaki. Holt said Miyazaki is just as obsessed with the Zero, but as an artistic and engineering

feat. Miyazaki turned away from the ugliness of Japanese history and instead looked at the artistic side of it, which, in turn, weakened his political position at the time. The Wind Rises is the only animated film in the selection. “A significant part of Japanese cinema output is anime, or Japanese animation,” Holt said. Holt said that Miyazaki and Yamazaki are both giants in their genres and are pushing people toward certain opinions. “They are using this battle about the airplane to represent different voices in Japan,” Hold said. “Through film and through art we can understand Japanese culture.” Dr. Priya Kapoor, of the International Studies department, and Dr. Mary Erbaugh, of the University of Oregon, will also be presenting.

Vanguard | MARCH 10, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

25 9

ARTS & CULTURE White Bird to present ‘new israeli voices in dance’ Lincoln Performance Hall to host choreographers for U.S. premiere MoriaH neWMan

Portland State is rolling out the red carpet for promising, emerging choreographers in New Israeli Voices in Dance, a U.S. premiere performance at Lincoln Performance Hall from March 19–22. The performance will be presented by White Bird dance company. Ticket prices range between $25 and $30. Students receive an additional 20 percent discount. New Israeli Voices in Dance is a creative collaboration with esteemed Israeli choreographers Hillel Kogan, rehearsal director of renowned Batsheva Dance Company, and Danielle Agami, former Batsheva dancer. Together, they will be showcasing two powerful performances highlighting

the best dancers Israel has to offer. Batsheva Dance Company, formed in 1964 and, based in Tel Aviv, is internationally known as the greatest contemporary dance company in Israel. Their dances often break through barriers of physical, political and social boundaries. Tere Mathern, both dance professor at PSU and artistic director of Conduit dance, has high hopes for this performance. “Given the work of Batsheva, I anticipate intense physicality and embodiment of the movement and expect to be impressed by the dancers’ skill and emotional [and] physical investment in the dance,” Mathern said. “I am sure it will be sophisticated

on one level, but also accessible in how content of the work comes through containing surprises, potentially humor and fantastic dancing.” In this shared performance, Kogan will present his beloved piece We Love Arabs, an award-winning duet displaying the complex and sometimes comical relationship between Arab and Jewish culture. Mixing political conflict with sharp and intense movements, Kogan pushes ideas and traditions. Known to incorporate moments of humor into his choreography, Kogan has been reported to use hummus on stage for We Love Arabs, and even pass out pita bread to

lucky audience members in the front row. Agami, with her bold and energetic choreography, has been commissioned by White Bird to showcase her Los Angeles based dance company Ate9 in a new piece titled EXHIBIT b. Agami trained with the Batsheva company for eight years before branching off to create her own work and company. Scott Lewis, executive director of the NW Dance Project, worked with Agami in 2013. “Danielle comes into the studio with a well-formed idea of what she is going to build with the dancers,” Lewis said. “She’s very focused and serious and quiet, so much so that sometimes it felt like we were in a library

DANCE ARTISTS ADI BOUTROS (LEFT) AND HILLEL KOGAN perform Kogan's "We Love Arabs." COURTESY Of GADI DAGON

or a church. But, as with most people, once you get to know her a bit you find there is a very kind, considerate and sharply funny side to her as well.” Having the skill to mix technique with humor into a tightly choreographed piece requires astounding grace and agility. Her ability to articulate feelings into movement is an incredible process.

“Her movement style is fluid and fascinating, and, when she’s on the stage, you can’t keep your eyes off her,” Lewis said. “It’s the same case in the studio even when she is creating rather than dancing.” Audience members can expect that same fluidity and passion in her premiere of EXHIBIT b.

PsYchic cat sees true coLors, aided BY sungLasses

'WHEN THE CAT COMES' IS MORE THAN JUST A CHARMING PARABLE

aManda Keener

ÚSTŘEDNÍ PŮJČOVNA fILMŮ/1963

5TH AVENUE CINEMA PRESENTS 'WHEN THE CAT COMES' WITH SUBTITLES 510 SW Hall St. Friday, March 13 at 7:30 p.m. Admission: free for students

26 10

This is my new favorite movie. My cat will never wear sunglasses again. Although enjoyable as purely a moralistic story, Vojtěch Jasný’s 1963 Czech new wave film, When the Cat Comes, uses the enchanting qualities of a folktale to convey the troubles with conformity and oppression innate to communist government. From the clock tower of the town, the seer Oliva (Jan Werich) introduces the townspeople and their character traits, revealing undesirable qualities in them that they may already be aware of but have chosen to ignore. With the arrival of a magician (also played by Werich) and his magic show, the corruption of the town becomes harder to pass over as the magic show

Vanguard | MARCH 10, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

features an acrobat (Emília Vášáryová) and her magical cat that wears sunglasses. When the cat’s sunglasses are removed, the townspeople change to the color that matches their true nature, such as violet for liars, red for lovers and yellow for traitors. The transformation tears the town apart, separating the people who appreciate nonconformity and the truth shown in the colors, and those who would prefer to remain anonymous in their unsavory ways. At the heart of this matter are the children of the town and their beloved art teacher Robert (Vlastimil Brodský) and the deceptive headmaster of the school (Jirí Sovák), who convey the beliefs of the two opposing sides which exist in and out of the film.

The anticommunist undertones are not surprising, considering Jasný’s other films from the same period. His feelings are subtly showcased in When the Cat Comes through dialogue and imagery. Some of the most consistent imagery is the presence of birds, which are conveyed as emblems of freedom when alive and oppression when in the hands of the headmaster, a taxidermist. Some of the dialogue is surprisingly blunt when it comes to the expression of communist opposition, such as when Oliva meets the magician—who looks exactly like him—referring to it as matter against antimatter, saying, “I wouldn’t advise it, it might just mean mutual annihilation and the creation of a third power. The known powers are more than enough.”

I wonder how this line escaped the censorship of the time, but then again, who could resist a cat in sunglasses? There is not much to complain about with When the Cat Comes. The cat is delightful, there is a magic show within the film, and the antagonist of the film takes the presence of the cat so seriously that it’s at once unnerving and laughable. Finally, when the townspeople’s true colors are revealed, they dance. It is the Czech new wave at its very finest. Although Jasný is considered to be a significant figure in the cinematic canon, When the Cat Comes is shown infrequently in the United States and is unavailable through digital streaming providers. Don’t miss the chance to see it on the big screen.

all juiced up with e-cigs

ARTS & CULTURE CHEMISTRY PROFESSORS JIM PANKOW (LEFT) AND DAVID PEYTON are studying the chemical reactions involved in E-cigarette use.

Talk outlines the dangers of traditional smoking versus vapes Jon raBY

Remember those seven CEOs of big tobacco testifying before congress that, to the best of their knowledge, nicotine was not addictive? Well, they where lying. Three Portland State professors spoke on different aspects of nicotine in the body and the comparative danger traditional cigarettes pose versus ecigarettes on Feb. 25. The event was organized by the PSU Neuroscience Club. Dr. Bill Griesar, professor of behavioral neuroscience; Dr. David Peyton, professor of chemistry; and Dr. James F. Pankow, professor of chemistry and civil environmental engineering, were all of similar minds regarding nicotine and e-cigarette usage. “If you are definitely going to do one or the other, at this point our limited knowledge suggests you’re probably better off vaping than smoking cigarettes, but the long-term health effects of vaping are not known,” Pankow said. E-cigarette flavor was the most prominent danger presented in Pankow’s section of the lecture. He said though many flavors are considered food grade, it

does not mean they are safe to smoke. The chemical makeup of the flavors, referred to as juice, are generally nicotine, propylene glycol, glycerol and flavor chemicals that change based on different flavors. “Some flavor chemicals are surely more harmful than others when inhaled,” Pankow said. “Flavor chemicals that are aldehydes, like vanilla, are probably more worrisome than others like maltol, which is a common caramel-type flavor.” Go caramel, not vanilla, he repeated at the end of his lecture. Smoke compared to vapor was another subject Pankow talked about. He said having small liquid particles present among the gaseous smoke of traditional cigarettes allows the nicotine to reach lungs easier and thus be absorbed through the nervous system to the brain faster. Griesar agreed that speed of drug intake is related to addiction: The faster the intake, the greater the potential for dependency. “The faster the link between the behavior required to administer a drug—say, inhalation, which can be very fast—and the

drug’s actions in the brain and those experienced effects, the greater the risk of dependence and abuse,” Griesar said. Pankow compared the addictive effects of snorting cocaine and smoking it in the form of crack, the latter of which has been widely known to be more addictive. Peyton’s lecture went over some recent studies of ecigarette vapors, of which he said there are not yet many. Some of the studies had several problems because they only tested specific effects, conditions and brands over a short period or lacked human testing. The results were interesting, nonetheless. For instance, in one study mice were placed in a box that was filled with e-cigarette vapor twice daily for one and a half hours. They were clearly breathing differently than the average smoker. Those exposed to e-cigarette vapor showed reduced pulmonary bacteria clearance, and were less able to clear out viruses when infected with the flu. Of mice infected with the H1N1 virus, nearly 50 percent more died at the 12th day mark if also exposed to nicotine vapors.

“Nicotine was also found to increase the survival of damaged cells lining air passages in the lungs, thus increasing the risk that these damaged cells might develop into cancer cells,” Griesar said. Griesar delved into the science of how nicotine is absorbed in the lungs—into the blood, then the nervous system and on to the drug’s target, the nicotinic acetylcholine receptors. These targets of nicotine are found in your body where the nerves meet muscle and in peripheral ganglia, where they can influence heart rate and other autonomic functions. Nicotinic receptors are also found in the thalamus region of the brain and in many other regions. He noted the positive effects on neurotransmitters by nicotine action at these central nervous system receptors, and how that can be rewarding. Griesar also said that nicotine was used for years as a pesticide and listed the many serious health risks to smoking, such as addiction, cancer, heart disease and emphysema, among others.

CHRISTIAN PROfETA/PSU VANGUARD

Formaldehyde was an area where Peyton spent a lot of time. His research showed the heating of e-cigarette juice to create vapor also released formaldehyde. “[Formaldehyde was found when] heating to higher temperatures in variabletemperature devices, and also just using a couple of the fixed-setting devices that we have tested,” Peyton said. “At low-power settings using variable-setting devices we did not detect any of the formaldehyde related products, however.” Formaldehyde, he said, is present in or can be released by many everyday items such as hair products and carpets. Though quite dangerous, on the bright side, he said, it is not accumulative; your body disposes of it, but it is reactive. One of the flavors Peyton experimented with was café mocha juice.

“I’ve got to say, I do enjoy the smell of many of these,” he said. Both Pankow and Peyton made a point of saying they were not entirely against e-cigarettes, but that they would like to find ways to make them safer. “If I had to expose myself to cigarettes or e-cigs, there is not a question,” Peyton said. His studies of the chemicals contained in and released by cigarettes and e-cigarettes showed much, much lower amounts in the e-cigarette variety. “Most people can get away with smoking cigarettes at a pack a day for a few years without really compromising their long-term health,” Pankow said. “[But] when e-cigarettesusers say they have vaped for a few years and are okay, that’s not proof that long-term vaping is perfectly safe.”

Looking ForWard With the 'rearguard' A Q&A WITH THE NEWLY APPOINTED EDITOR-IN-CHIEF INCOMING EDITOR IN CHIEF DAVID WOOLDRIDGE prepares the 'Rearguard' office for a new staff.

JEOffRY RAY/PSU VANGUARD

Brandon STaLeY

The Vanguard recently had the chance to sit down with newly appointed Editor-inChief of the Rearguard, David Wooldridge, about his new position and the future of the newspaper.

Not to talk bad about the old members of the Rearguard, but they had some issues, I feel like, with being a voice that was trustworthy. It’s hard to advocate for people if they don’t trust you.

vg: What can people expect from the Rearguard in the coming year or so? DW: I’m excited to get it started as something that really stresses advocacy and activism and speaking out for people who aren’t spoken out for, as is the mission of the Rearguard.

vg: Have you made any headway on ﬁnalizing the format? do you think it will look signiﬁcantly different from previous iterations of the Rearguard? DW: Well, there’s so many iterations of the Rearguard, and it changed every time.

So I think we’re going to keep with that tradition and change it up quite a bit. vg:Considering that you’re starting something from scratch, are you still reasonably sure you’ll be able to hit that ﬁrst deadline? DW: Well, there isn’t really a first deadline. The first deadline, since the expectations have been lowered so much from not having put out anything since, I think, last June, we just have to get something out. My hope

is to have something by the end of March, and then just the end of every month from here on until the end of the year. vg:if people want to apply for editorial positions or as writers, what’s the best way they can go about doing that? DW: Email me at editor@ therearguard.org and I will get back to them as soon as the email hits my phone. Read the full interview on the Vanguard’s website.

Vanguard | MARCH 10, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

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ETC

horoscoPes

Pisces Feb. 20â&#x20AC;&#x201C;March 19

JoHn PinneY

Recycle cans, turn off the water while brushing your teeth and donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t waste battery power on your laptop. You can be a better human being this way

Aries March 21â&#x20AC;&#x201C;April 19

Gemini May 21â&#x20AC;&#x201C;June 20

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time to do your laundry, Gemini! Shirts shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t stand up on their own like that. And donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t forget to turn them inside out so that logo on that shirt you got for the holidays doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t start to fade.

Feel free to take a bite out of life this week, Aries! It might Cancer June 21â&#x20AC;&#x201C;July 22 bite back, but thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ts some- Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time to fake some enthusithing inherently tasty about asm! Pretend itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s your favorite taking a bite out first. winter holiday, because youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got some things to get through this week and need all the fake enthusiasm you can muster. Taurus April 20â&#x20AC;&#x201C;May 20 Depending on your school of thought, it was either sad or brilliant that Norm had a per- Leo July 23â&#x20AC;&#x201C;Aug. 22 manent seat at Cheers. Think Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t play Clue with your on that this week. friends anymore. They cheat while you go to the bathroom. Or, get your revenge by mastering Risk. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not my job to tell you how to live your life, after all.

Virgo Aug. 23â&#x20AC;&#x201C;Sep. 22

Memes abound this week, Virgo, but getting sucked in will waste precious time and resources you simply donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have. School is your priority, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t forget!

Libra Sept. 23â&#x20AC;&#x201C;Oct. 22

Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nothing I can say to Capricorn Dec. 22â&#x20AC;&#x201C;Jan. 19 dissuade you from your cur- Conversely, pajama pants are rent path, Libra, except that okay for you this week, Cappie. perhaps your current path Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re just trudging along and is full of vipers, and Jehovah nobody is going to care what isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really spelled with a J. you look like. This might be a good time to try a beard.

Scorpio Oct 23â&#x20AC;&#x201C;Nov. 21

Revenge might be a dish best served cold, but the next time youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re in front of me in line at Subway and you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know what you like after waiting for six people, my revenge might be piping hot.

ELISE fURLAN/PSU VANGUARD

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Vanguard | MARCH 10, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

aCroSS 1 Prize winner gets golden ring exchanged after initial refusal (5,8) 9 Migratory bird from 6 is returned to centre of perch (7) 10 Raise level of a GCSE pass (7) 11 The trunk contains a tonne approximately (5) 12 A drip almost paired up with staggering blonde in 8 tournament (9) 13 Skilfully captivates girl, acting thus? (8) 15 A former college professor studied chiefly coelenterates (6) 18 A measure of medicine after party is wise (6) 19 The Blues requires playing old instruments (8) 22,8 A general request to appear in court? (6,3,6) 24 A student member causes panic (5) 25 Greek character in a spot with height indicates part of horizon (7) 26 One chanting in male voice, misplacing vowels (7) 27 Removes all complexities from unfinished diary scientist scribbled (12)

Sagittarius Nov. 22â&#x20AC;&#x201C;Dec. 21

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be that person who thinks that jeggings are okay. Jeggings are not okay. This is your week to show up for school looking ready for that interview. Because it just might happen when you least expect it.

COURTESY OF ALBERICHCROSSWORDS.COM

doWn 1 Victorious at 12 in 1998 after Antonov exploded (7) 2 See 16 3 Give money to German for game (5) 4 A strong rising tide submerging Henry's animal (7) 5 Regions about to be given aid (6) 6 Cake eaten by Gabriel? (5-4) 7 One leaves Daniel frolicking with antelope (5) 8 See 22 14 Legendary seamen have a gas with heartless relatives (9) 16,2 "Surely you jest?" famously heard at 12 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; you see ban on court is a possible outcome (3,3,3,2,7) 17 Attendant at 12? (8) 18 Tense situations arising when Mum's relocated in Indian city (6) 20 Girl's taking on politician victorious at 12 in 1998 (7) 21 Hound a citizen (6) 23 It was once torn apart in year 506 uprising (5) 24 A lofty Greek? (5)

Aquarius Jan. 20â&#x20AC;&#x201C;Feb. 18

Double check those plans you made for spring break, because Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not 100 percent certain but Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m at least at an 80 that theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve fallen through. So sorry. From Mystic J, Permanent resident of Room 1313, Hollywood Tower Hotel

ETC

EVENT CALENDAR john pinney

March 10

Do Islamist Parties Have Any Future? 4 p.m. SMSU rooms 327-329

Dr. Nathan Brown, president of the Middle East Studies Association and 2013 Guggenheim Fellow, will discuss the shifting discourse in the Islamic world as the political branch of the movement shift into seats of power in parliaments and other elected capacities. He will try to answer questions about the future of the movement, its organization and structure, and possible evolutions.

March 11

Dialogs Across Asia in Film 6 p.m. Cramer room 53

Otherwise entitled: Expression, Repression, Terror, and Backlash, this event presented by the PSU Asian Film Scholars will explore the relationships and identities of several Indian, Japanese, Chinese and Hong Kong films. The lively discussion will center around: My Name is Khan, Tere Bin Laden, Eien no zero (Eternal Zero), Kaze Tachinu (The Wind Rises), Searching for Lin Zhao’s Soul and Life Without Principle.

FREE

Call Me Home

7:30 p.m. Powell’s on Burnside Author of Call Me Home, Megan Kruse will read from her book about a woman in the rural West who is queer and trying to raise a family. The book uses three different voices to tell a story and should be a very compelling evening for anyone choosing to go. FREE

FREE

March 12

Heroines: Sharing Their Stories 10 a.m PSU Multicultural Center

In 1998, the then Women’s Studies department began the Walk of Heroines Project. This year, the Monumental Women Senior Capstone will present on the women and women’s organizations honored on the Walk of Heroines. An overview of the organization and its goals can be found on the Walk of Heroines website. FREE

Speaking of Music 6 p.m. Belmont Library

Dr. Morgan Luker will examine how far tango music has affected Argentine culture and history. For anyone interested in either music, dance or Argentinean culture, this is a not-miss event that’s also free! FREE

March 13

Self-Organizing Signals 12 p.m. Urban Center Distance Learning Wing 204

Professor Peter Furth will discuss arterial traffic signals and how they both help and hinder the current flows of traffic. If you’ve ever muttered under your breath while waiting to get on the freeway, this is probably the event for you, considering Dr. Furth will discuss ways to improve the venture. FREE

BAD NEWS, GUYS... 7:30 p.m. Brody Theater Fee: $9–12

An evening of laughs for your Friday! Ends on March 27, so this is an ideal week to show up. A team of improv performers makes it hard for you

to breathe while inventing a world ending scenario and playing it out on the spot!

March 14

Rafting Along the Clackamas 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. Outdoor Program Office (505 SW Harrison St)

(shadowy!) lighting, guys in fedoras, girls with guns, and all kinds of mysterious objects based around a culturally insensitive idea of the Far East. Also plays Friday night and Sunday at 3 p.m. FREE

March 15 a-MAZE-ing

The registration deadline is on 3/11 (I know, I know, bad event calendar guy!) but hopefully you’ve signed up for this already! I doubt they’ll go to the "Killer Fang" section, but even without the ominous sounding name, the Escatada portion of the Clackamas promises lots of fun and challenge throughout! Fee is $35 for members and $70 for non-members.

‘The Maltese Falcon’ 7 and 9:30 p.m. 5th Avenue Cinema

I was quite literally just thinking about this movie as I was on my DVR and going through my old Tiny Toons Adventures episodes. Plucky Duck plays the Sam Spade hard-boiled detective character and I think Hampton J. Pig plays the femme fatale or the foible, I can’t remember which. In any case, go and see the 1941 classic that bouyed a whole genre of chairoschiro

9:30 a.m to 5:30 p.m. OMSI (take the streetcar to get there!) Fee: $13 Okay, so I know in my head that OMSI is the science museum for kids. I get that, really. But I saw this article and literally got so excited. It’s a maze exhibit! Puzzles, problem-solving, logic, getting lost, solving mazes backward. WHAT ELSE DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO DO ON YOUR SUNDAYS, ANYWAY? Mazes are cool (There is going to be one out of the thirteen called the Maze of Illusions), and I can’t wait to go. On exhibit through May 6.

2 Cellos

8 p.m. Aladdin Theater Fee: $32.50–$45 So if you don’t know who 2 Cellos is, you need to head over to Youtube and find them. I’ll wait while you do that. For those of you lazysau-

ruses, 2 Cellos are these two amazing performers who play modern hits on nothing but cellos. I’m pretty sure I did a little dance when I saw this and automatically went to my Twitter to ask if it was real, because I’m pretty sure I’m not a good enough person to deserve hearing their awesome music live. FREE

March 16

Gays on Wheels!

Oaks Park Skating Rink Fee: $5 Okay, so the third Monday of every month should be completely transformed for you because, everyone: queer, straight, senior citizen, fiveyear-old, the Church Lady, Bruno the crime solving cartoon dog voiced by Bruce Willis, and Meredith Wilson as the Music Man all love Gay Skate Night. Not loving or being excited about gay skate night is proof that you have no soul. Hope to see you there! Hosted by Just Out. Lots of disco will be played.

FREE

21+

PSU FREE OPEN TO PUBLIC 21 & OVER

FEATURED EVENT Winter Midnight Breakfast: Dance through the Ages 9 p.m. to 12 a.m. SMSU Ballroom March, 11–12

That icon of finals week returns with some fresh and fun music (hint: my alter ego DJ Johnny Red is laying down the tracks so you know I'll have you up and dancing) and some awesome treats. So give yourself a break from studying, come to the ballroom for some late night socialization, and be prepared to boogie the calories away with all of your new besties. There will be prizes as well! Please remember to bring your PSU ID so you don't get bounced at the door, and come say hi to me in my rainbow mohawk wig!

Delish!

Vanguard | MARCH 10, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

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SPORTS running under moonlight LaUren SCHLangen

We all run from conflict, from bills, from people, from school, from work, from our kids when they’re “it.” Why do so few of us run for fun? Or for fitness? Running has amazed me since I started taking it seriously by running high school track. It’s a great workout, giving you time to listen to your favorite music, think and reflect. My favorite time to run is at night; when I let all of the stress from the day melt away on the run and then home to a hot shower and go hit the hay. Before I moved to Portland I would take my friend

Anna’s beautiful German Shepherd, Kai, on night runs. We’d both get our energy out, and there was a peace that came with running at night. In the suburbs, if it was a clear night, the moon and stars were easily visible. There would be minimal street traffic, and those summer night runs were warm in the darkness. I love Portland State for more reasons than I can count. But one of these reasons is its location in relationship to the waterfront. Maybe I am the only one, but I am extremely intrigued by water, and since

I am a horrible swimmer, it’s nice that I can still surround myself with its majesty. My favorite route to run right now is from my building, Ondine, to Market Street, a left on Naito Parkway and then jump right on to the Hawthorne Bridge, circle OMSI and head back. There’s just something about the city lights reflecting off the water and the feeling that nothing seems quite as bad when you’re blaring Jon Bellion and your feet are hitting the pavement at a speed that would make your high school track coach beam.

eVen-ing Yoga JaCQUeLine C. BrYan

After a long week of school and work, I enjoy nothing more than to attend my favorite Friday night yoga class. It’s a way to unwind, let go of stress and find my balance once more. It’s energizing and revitalizing in a way that hits me to the core. The breath work and energy that are necessary to effectively achieve yoga poses brings power to my mind and body— a power that I rarely find in any other sort of physical activity. The best part is that this particular class I take is led by a very enthusiastic and mindful yogi named Nicole, who combines yoga and med-

itation to give us the best use of our brains and bodies. We begin the class with an internal centering as we sit up nice and tall and find our breath. From there, she brings us into different poses that help us balance our chakras—from the core chakra to our crown chakra. Each pose is designed to not only open up each individual chakra, but to find balance within them as well. Since each chakra represents a different aspect of our being, it is easy to disrupt their balance with stresses and worries within our lives. For example, the fourth chakra is the heart chakra and it is found in

the center of our chest. Matters dealing with the heart, both physical and emotional, can disrupt and throw your heart chakra off kilter. By doing poses that open our chest and stretch all of those internal and external muscles while breathing deeply and evenly, you are slowly able to bring it back to balance. Somehow, Nicole manages to guide us through the poses in a way that releases all that tension. My body feels much lighter after every class and I am able to think more clearly, feel more balanced and am much more happy. Maybe an evening of yoga will do it for you, too.

derBY night at the rink MaTTHeW J. oCaSio

I’ll admit to some bias. I play roller derby. Men’s flat track, to be precise. (The big inclined track that you saw in Whip It! is mostly played in the Southwest, pretty much.) My bias be damned, however, because what got me into the sport in the first place was that it’s great fun to watch. Everything from the clever names to the costumes to the intensity of the sport—it never ceases to surprise and delight casual fans and dedicated derby heads of all stripes. Although it is a femaledominated sport, there are, indeed, multiple leagues of roller derby that you can see in most major cities and certainly here in Portland— adult women’s, junior women’s, men’s and sometimes co-ed flat track. They’re all an absolute blast to see live. Here in Portland, you have the Rose City Rollers, boast-

ing a robust roster of two competitive travel teams and four local teams. The Wheels of Justice, our hometown superheroines, are renowned worldwide for their ferocity and precision. The level of play they are at makes a strong case for derby being an Olympic event in 2020. Men’s derby is like anything a man tries to do that a woman does better—faster, sloppier and more aggressive. A large part of practice is getting us to go against our topheavy male instinct to body check somebody across the track and instead lock their legs and drive them out of bounds—you know, like the women do. While the Rollers have all the skill, production, budget and track time, some people say that men’s derby is more fun to watch. To which any male player would disagree. But it is probably

because to the newcomer, precise plays aren’t as exciting as crushing body blows that lie players out flat on the track. On the other end of the spectrum, the junior ladies’ league is a ton of fun as well. Seeing Portland’s own Rosebuds play against Eugene’s Reservoir Dolls (my favorite team name in a sea of great candidates) ranges from adorable to thrilling, and the slower pace of junior matches are a great way to get acquainted with the fundamentals of the sport. Whether you’re going to see the Wheels of Justice play in the Rose Quarter, the Menace stomp the crap out of someone somewhere in Beaverton, or the Rosebuds race around the track at Oak’s Park, no matter how many beers you have, you’re guaranteed to have a great time.

DERBY CONTENDERS at a recent open scrimmage hosted by the Rose City Rollers derby league. CHRISTIAN PROfETA/PSU VANGUARD

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Vanguard | MARCH 10, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

SPORTS

Timbers & Thorns: Soccer City USa

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS FANS celebrate in the streets in response to their 2014 Superbowl victory.

PHUoC FranCiS ngUYen

My favorite sporting event to attend at night would have to be a Timbers or a Thorns game, and it’s not even close! I would love to see these two teams every night if it were possible. The Portland Timbers and their army represent everything you could want in a team. The Timbers Army and the Rose City Riveters can be seen standing the entire match, as well as singing and moving—all done according to their chants. They have been known as the loudest, most passionate and best supporting groups in their respective leagues.

The reason I love attending these games at night is the fact that there is no better place to watch a soccer game. Providence Park is electric when the Timbers play. This team has an entire city behind them. They are led by one of the best players in the MLS today, Diego Valeri. His nickname is The Maestro for a reason. His vision, passing and scoring make him a dangerous play waiting to happen at any moment. His fellow Timbers are all similarly relentless in their approach. Another team that does this is the inaugural 2013

National Women’s Soccer League Champions, the Portland Thorns. They have the best forward tandem in former University of Portland player Christine Sinclair and U.S. Women’s National Team star Alex Morgan. Sinclair will go down as the best player in Canadian soccer history while Morgan could possibly break the goals record that Abby Wambach continues to pad. The Thorns have top shelf talent like Spain’s Vero Boquette who, like Valeri, is a player who you always want to keep your eye on due to her dribbling ability, scoring and creativity. ALLIE LONG (left) in a 2013 match against the Seattle Reign.

tWo Words:

COURTESY Of DAVE SIZER THROUGH CREATIVE COMMONS VIA fLICKR

“sea” “haWks” MaTT raUCH

Blazers, Timbers and Ducks games are known to be the best fan experiences. All have reputations for being some of the loudest and most exciting venues in their respective sports. However, there is one Northwest sporting event that trumps all: a Seattle Seahawks game. Though the ticket prices, beer and food are the most expensive of all the regional sporting events, it is well worth it. CenturyLink Field is known to be the tough-

est stadium to play in all of American professional sports. There is one reason for this: the fans. Known by the football world as the 12th Man, Seahawks fans have generated more noise per fan than any other in the league. From the moment you walk up to the stadium, you hear the sporadic—yet boisterous—chant of “SEA!” followed by other fans yelling “HAWKS!” Located next to King Station between Downtown Se-

attle and the industrial blocks, there is plenty of space for fans to pregame. Whether it be at an over priced bar, in the Bullpen at Safeco Field or in any of the many tailgate sites, there are a variety of places for fans to experience what it means to be a part of the 12th Man. One word of advice: For those who have sensitive ears, be sure to pack a set of ear plugs, because the noise generated reaches upward of 120 decibels.

Live without regrets, Learn without borders. COURTESY Of HOCHGELADEN VON HMLARSON THROUGH CREATIVE COMMONS

BLaZers Light uP the night aLeX Moore

The Portland Trail Blazers at Moda Center—there’s not a better seat in Portland. As one of the loudest home court advantages in the NBA, there’s not a bad seat in the house when the Blazers play. Even seats in the nosebleeds are exciting. When it comes to the United States’ four major sports in Portland, the Blazers are it. Until the Timbers moved into the MLS, they were the only professional team Portland had and the city has loved them since their inaugural year in 1970.

It’s an irrational love. One that includes layers of pain. Especially in the knees. But it doesn’t matter to us who grew up in Portland or who became Blazers fans after falling in love with the city. The pain we suffer is what makes winning so much sweeter in the end. Like in 1977. And Damian Lillard’s shot. And the next championship banner we will hang in the future, which we all know is due. All you have to do to become a Blazers fan is check out a game. The passion and

love Portland feels for this team has fueled them to victory multiple times. Even when the Blazers aren’t winning their games, fans still come to support in high numbers. You’ll love it. LaMarcus Aldridge fade-away jumpers are addicting. They’ll fuel that irrational love while Lillard game-winners will make you a fan for life. You can watch the Blazers 41 times per season at Moda Center, tip off usually at 7 p.m.

Discover where you’ll study abroad at usac.unr.edu

USAC VWXG\DEURDGXVDF#

Vanguard | MARCH 10, 2015 | psuvanguard.com

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