Portland State Vanguard

PORTLAND STATE VANGUARD

VOLUME 71 • ISSUE 16 • DECEMBER 6, 2016

Healthy Volunteer Research Study Are you healthy and sexually active?

Summit Research Network is looking for healthy males and females ages 18 to 40 to participate in a clinical research study designed to measure the effects of antidepressant medications on sexual functioning.

Qualified participants may receive study related medical monitoring at no cost.

You may qualify if you meet the following criteria: • Healthy male or female age 18-40 • Sexually active at least twice a week • No unstable medical or psychiatric conditions • No currently or history of alcohol or drug abuse Compensation up to $1,060.00 may be available for qualified participants completing the study.

(503)228-CARE (2273) www.SummitResearchNetwork.com.

No Cost & Private STD / STI Testing for chlamydia, gonorrhea, & trichomonas Participants Receive $50 Molecular Testing Labs is developing and validating a self-collection kit for screening sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and is looking for female only study participants.

All participants will receive an STI panel at no cost with $50 compensation which includes testing for:   

Gonorrhea Chlamydia Trichomonas

The entire visit should take no more than 15 mins to complete (please allow for 30 mins to be safe).

Compensation is provided as cash immediately at the time of the study. Results provided confidentially through SHAC within a few days.

In order to receive compensation, all participants will be expected to provide urine and vaginal swabs.

You must be SHAC eligible to participate.

Call the SHAC to make an appointment for the STI study. The option for additional testing and treatment will be available through the on-site nurses.

Testing will be performed at the SHAC every Tuesday & Friday from 10am – 2:30pm.

Walk-ins during those days are welcome, but appointments are recommended to avoid longer wait times.

Email Dr. Sailey at csailey@pdx.edu if you have questions about the study.

NEWS: TRANS COMMUNITY AFRAID OF LOSING HEALTHCARE RIGHTS P. 4 INTERNATIONAL: Q&A WITH ISAP

STUDENT LEADER P. 6

ARTS & CULTURE: PSU ORCHESTRA REMIXES DAVID BOWIE P. 27 OPINION: BRING HOLIDAY CHEER TO CAMPUS P. 28 COVER DESIGN BY SHANNON KIDD FEATURING MOLLY OZIER AS VANGUARD ELF BABY

STAFF EDITORIAL EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Colleen Leary MANAGING EDITOR Molly Ozier NEWS EDITOR Jon Raby ASSOCIATE NEWS EDITOR Alanna Madden ARTS & CULTURE EDITOR Daniel Finnegan OPINION EDITOR Jennee Martinez COPY CHIEF Thomas Spoelhof COPY EDITOR Jacoba Lawson ONLINE EDITOR Tim Sullivan CONTRIBUTORS Joan Brown Andy Clark Astrud Benson Marie Conner AJ Earl Chris May John Pinney Christian Poindexter Molly Simas Jason Susim Nick Tool Devon Wanderon

PHOTO & MULTIMEDIA PHOTO EDITOR Silvia Cardullo PHOTOGRAPHERS Stella Crabtree Rachel Lara Christian Poindexter Jacob Salazar Molly Simas Jamon Sin Lauryn Smith-Freimark Roosevelt Sowka MULTIMEDIA MANAGER Andy Ngo

ART DIRECTION & DESIGN CREATIVE DIRECTOR Arlen Cornejo DESIGNERS Lauren Chapluk Terra DeHart Shannon Kidd Lydia Wojack-West Aaron Osborn MARKETING DESIGNER Skyler Nguyen

DISTRIBUTION & MARKETING MANAGER

BETTER WATCH OUT! BETTER NOT CRY! HE SEES YOU WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING...

HE KNOWS IF YOU'VE BEEN BAD OR GOOD...

KRAMPUS IS COMING.

Hrushikesh Apte

ADVERTISING

ILLUSTRATION BY SHANNON KIDD

ADVERTISING MANAGER Madelaine Eivers ADVERTISING DESIGNER Sam Hicks ADVERTISING SALES Michael Hardy Ilyse Espino

ADVISING & ACCOUNTING ADVERTISING ADVISER Ann Roman STUDENT MEDIA ACCOUNTANT Sheri Pitcher COORDINATOR OF STUDENT MEDIA Reaz Mahmood To contact Vanguard staff members, visit psuvanguard. com/contact.

To get involved and see current job openings, visit psuvanguard.com/jobs About The Vanguard, established in 1946, is published weekly as an independent student newspaper governed by the PSU Student Media Board.

Views and editorial content expressed herein are those of the staff, contributors and readers and do not necessarily represent the PSU student body, faculty, staff or administration. Find us in print every Tuesday and online 24/7 at psuvanguard.com.

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NEWS

STUDENTS CONCERNED ABOUT TRANSGENDER HEALTH CARE JASON SUSIM

ILLUSTRATION BY TERRA DEHART

With a Donald Trump presidency around the corner, many in the trans community are concerned with what a Trump-led administration could mean for them.

Portland State’s Student Health and Counseling department not only provides health insurance to thousands of students, but also offers some of the best transgender care in the nation.

The services SHAC provides include a Trans Health Advocate, partnership with the Queer Resource Center, transgender-friendly doctors, trans affirming fitness classes through Campus Rec, and a preferred name/ pronoun option to be used campus-wide. PSU students are also covered under Title IX laws which address issues of discrimination.

Nick Walden Poublon, Trans Health Advocate for SHAC, spoke about PSU’s history of trans health services.

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“In 2007 PSU was one of the first universities in the nation to add trans health benefits to its insurance plan,” Poublon said. “We are committed to offering trans-identified students the same medical and counseling care they are accustomed to at SHAC in addition to the trans health benefits covered in the PSU Student Health insurance plan.”

Sarah McBride is the press secretary for the Human Rights Campaign, the nation’s largest queer rights organization. McBride was the first openly transgender person to speak at a major political party convention when she spoke at this year’s Democratic National Convention.

McBride recently issued a press release stating, “As we stand at the brink of a Donald Trump presidency, I and many of my transgender family and friends are frightened by what challenges face transgender Americans in the coming months.”

According to the HRC, at least 21 transgender people, predominantly women of color, have been killed in 2016 alone.

According to Poublon, following election day there were students calling SHAC with concerns about the future of their trans health coverage.

“I cannot, of course, speak for all of the trans students on campus, but I have received word from some students concerned about documentation and their ability to make necessary gender marker and name changes under the new administration,” Poublon said.

Although Trump has not publicly shown any animosity towards the trans community, there is still the expectation that he will adhere to the Republican platform. Historically the GOP platform has targeted those in the LGBTQ community with dis-

PSU Vanguard • DECEMBER 6, 2016 • psuvanguard.com

criminatory legislation such as North Carolina’s House Bill 2, which banned individuals from using public restrooms that did not correspond with the biological sex stated on their birth certificate.

The newly ratified GOP platform offers support for state laws limiting bathroom use, the opposition of same sex marriage, and support for parents to subject their children to gay and trans conversion therapy.

Trump’s Vice President Mike Pence also has a history of anti-gay and trans policies during his time as governor of Indiana. Pence has publicly endorsed the Religious Freedom Restoration Act which essentially sidesteps anti-discrimination laws on the basis of religious values.

Throughout his campaign, Trump has repeatedly stated that he would repeal Obamacare, though he’s changed his stance on this

since the election. Transgender Student Resource and Retention Coordinator Jill Seale says there are trans students worried about the future of their health care.

“There are a number of things that are pivotal to some folks’ transition that are controlled on a federal level, and thus are up in the air right now,” Seale said.

There is a legitimate fear of a Trump presidency within the trans community considering the violent acts McBride cited.

Seale also spoke about her experience in dealing with the fears of PSU students.

“There is also the reality of an increase in queer and trans-targeted violence since the election results, and many students I have talked to are worried for their safety and the safety of their friends and family,” Seale said.

PSU grad student and high school history teacher Eugene Smith plays guitar

and sings in a local rock band called Millstone Grit.

Smith, along with several other bands, recently played a benefit show collectively raising over $400 for Planned Parenthood to be donated in Governor Pence’s name. Smith currently receives their primary health care through SHAC’s trans health services and spoke about their experience.

“I meet with my doctor regularly and I don’t feel judged, I don’t feel hassled, and I don’t feel rushed, so my experience with SHAC has been overwhelmingly positive,” Smith said.

A certificate of donation will be sent to Pence, as are all donations made to Planned Parenthood in Mike Pence’s name.

Those seeking more information about trans healthcare can contact Trans Health Advocate: Nick Walden Poublon at 503.725.2800 or nwalden@ pdx.edu.

NEWS

PORTLAND STATE DECLARED A SANCTUARY CAMPUS FOR UNDOCUMENTED STUDENTS ASTRUD BENSON

“We declare that Portland State University is a sanctuary campus dedicated to the principles of equity, diversity and safety,” announced Portland State President Wim Wiewel in an email to the entire student and faculty body of the university.

Ten days after Donald J. T r u m p b e c a m e t h e president-elect of the United States, PSU students have taken part in various political protests against the results of the election.

“In recent days, concerns have been raised by some students, faculty and other members of the university community regarding possible immigration law changes and the potential impacts of such changes on our students,” Wiewel sta t e d . “ I n p a r t i c u l ar, concerns have been raised regarding the safety and well-being of our undocumented students and those covered by the Deferred Ac t i o n f o r C h i l d h ood Arrivals program.”

DACA is a program directed at undocumented people who arrived in the U.S. as children, which sometimes grants a two-year allowance to stay and work in the U.S. Wiewel assured that due to the unforeseeable nature of federal and state policy, PSU would do its best to protect undocumented students by refusing to cooperate with federal and/or state immigration laws unless absolutely necessary.

“This is a time of really high tension, and it’s so easy to start to feel isolated and unsafe,” said PSU student Maeve Stier. “The idea of mass deportation is terrifying, it tears communities and families apart; so I think that

it’s essential to at least have a safe place to learn.”

Although PSU has been historically cited as a politically liberal institution, this is the first time it has taken a campus-wide political stance in defiance of federal law. Some university students have insisted on this change since the election, not only by taking part in protests, but by organizing a student walkout and meetings to plan courses of political action.

A student organization called Anyone’s Resistance wrote to Wiewel. The group spoke of the dangers students could face with Trump’s presidency and gave a list of demands at the student walkout. The demands involved preventing campus police from enforcing immigration laws, the prevention of Immigration and Customs Enforcement from entering campus (except in some cases), and forbidding the campus from releasing citizenship statuses of any university student to ICE. Members of the Portland community had already organized in the days following the election. Thousands of citizens marched the streets and highways of Portland in protest, and future Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler has said that Portland will be a sanctuary city, though not in certain terms.

Trump campaigned with controversial views, urging public uproar despite a lack of any legal backlash.

Perhaps his most provocative proposal was his promise to build a border wall between the United States and Mexico, as his goal was to stop illegal immigration and suspend immigration from “terror-prone” nations.

Under the leadership of the new president-elect and the support of the Republicandominated Congress, aggressively anti-immigrant federal policies may very well pass.

“It’s terrifying to me because there’s no way to tell when or what they’ll do, and how they’ll do it,” said an anonymous, undocumented PSU student-immigrant.

“I remember I was actually crying right after the election results made it official—my whole family and I had stayed up late, and because my parents don’t really speak English, I had to tell them what was going on as I started crying. It’s not just a wall they would build, it’s more hate, more deporting, and I don’t want to leave. It’s not fair.”

While the student asked to remain anonymous, they emphasized their concerns for an increase in antiimmigration sentiments within the U.S. The student stated that their little brother was subject to harassment at his school following the election, through racial slurs and being told to “return to Mexico.”

“He wasn’t the only one either, it’s happening all over the [U.S.]” the student said.

Although statistical data enumerating an increase in racist violence towards immigrants has not been published, there have been hundreds of reports made by victims of public harassment around the country. According to the Southern Poverty Law Center website, following the first ten days of Trump’s victory, there have been 33 confirmed reports by schools in Oregon of anti-Mexican harassment toward students.

Nationwide, images of swastikas have been graffitied onto walls, and nooses have

STUDENTS AND STAFF DISCUSSED PSU’S STATUS AS A SANCTUARY CAMPUS AT A DEC. 1 BOARD OF TRUSTEES MEETING. ROOSEVELT SOWKA/PSU VANGUARD been hung in schools with predominantly black, Latino, or other non-white ethnicities, which have been documented through Facebook and other social media sites.

The Detroit Free Press reported that a woman wearing a hijab in Ann Arbor was threatened with being set on fire if she did not comply with a stranger’s demand to remove her hijab.

In a study done by the SPLC, the increase in violence and aggression toward minority groups in schools has been confirmed by surveying over 10,000 teachers.

This phenomenon is being called “The Trump Effect” by the SPLC because of its direct

correlation with Trump’s election. Brooklyn’s Sunset Park leaders received various reports of immigrant children being bullied by other children who felt justified by Trump’s win, telling immigrant children they were all going to be deported.

The status of PSU as a sanctuary campus is a symbol of hope and solidarity for some. If enacted, undocumented students could consider PSU a safe place should any new immigration laws be passed in state or federal policy. However, there have not yet been reports of an action plan in regard to Wiewel’s sanctuary campus promise outside of the

email. It is unknown whether or not campus security has been given an order of noncompliance with immigration enforcement, and there is currently no way for students to monitor interactions between the university and ICE. Prior to the 2016 election, the concept of sanctuary universities did not exist.

The students of this campus have shown no signs of lessening their own political activity, which, in terms of public sentiments, leans heavily towards protecting immigrant rights. PSU is among the first of a small group of universities proclaiming sanctuary status.

PSU Vanguard •DECEMBER 6, 2016 • psuvanguard.com

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NEWS INTERNATIONAL

IRANIAN STUDENTS FIND COMMON GROUND ON CAMPUS

A Q&A WITH ISAP STUDENT LEADER ALI AHMADALIPOUR CHRISTIAN POINDEXTER The Iranian Student Association of Portland is self-described as a “nonpolitical, non-religious, nonprofit organization” whose mission is “[to provide] support for new and continuing Iranian students at Portland State, to promote academic success and continue Iranian traditions within the Portland community.”

Ali Ahmadalipour is a student leader with ISAP and has been involved with the group for over two years.

He was also selected in 2015 as one of “the top four student-leaders at PSU” for his work with ISAP, according to Student Activities and Leadership Program.

Ali is a doctoral student in the Department of Civil Engineering at PSU, where he focuses his energy investigating issues related to hydrology and climate change.

Vanguard: What is the goal of ISAP? Ali Ahmadalipour: The goal is to keep cultural heritage alive as well as to present it to the greater community through entertainment, food, dialogue and by creating a positive envi-

ronment for both incoming and already established students. In doing this we wish to support both incoming and already established Iranians at PSU in their personal and academic goals.

VG: What are some achievements of the group?

AA: When the group started six years ago, we had the minimum budget allotted to a student organization and little participation. We won the Student Organization of the Year Award and collaborated with other student groups to host a Persian New Year event, which brought in about 500 people. We held the first ever Persian Night in PSU last June, and we are hoping to have the event again this year. This year, we have even more people, a bigger budget, and a lot of potential.

VG: What sort of challenges do you think Iranian students in particular face in both coming to and being at PSU? AA: The biggest challenge can be summed up as culture shock. Often times students come here for their first term in the fall

and don’t necessarily have friends or family around.

This means that students have to try and assimilate to a whole new culture, often on their own, and the emotional stress from this can be difficult. And then winter hits, which can be depressing for some people and is usually another shock. It is also hard when students wish to recognize certain Iranian holidays or special observances and have nowhere to go to do this.

VG: How does the visa process figure into these challenges?

AA: [The] difficulty and uncertainty of obtaining a proper visa for students to go home and visit their friends and/or families: most visas which students who are coming to PSU get are “single-entry.” This means that they would need to apply for another visa in order to leave the U.S. and return home. However, these visas can take up to several months to be processed, and even then can still be denied. Due to this process, a student who wants to go home usually cannot because it is so impractical.

The Yalda Night event takes place at the University Place Hotel from 6:30 p.m. until midnight on Tuesday Dec. 20. Free admission for

students. A cover of $10 will be charged for non-students.

For more information contact ISAP at (isap@pdx.edu) or via Facebook page.

FRANCE

Former Prime Minster Francois Fillon won the presidential candidacy for the French Republicans, beating former Prime Ministers Nicolas Sarkozy and Alain Juppé, taking 66.5 percent of the vote to Juppé’s 33.5 percent. Fillon will go on to face the as-yet unpicked Socialist candidate and the far-right National Front candidate Marine Le Pen.

SOUTH KOREA

An arrest was made in the torching of the birthplace of the father of South Korean President Park Geun-Hye. The president, in the midst of a massive scandal involving extortion, cults and Viagra, also made her first public appearance in days in the face of an increasingly hostile public.

DEC. 2

Alex-Jon Earl

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experiences and to learn leadership and team building skills, and it’s fun!

Fidel Castro, the Marxist revolutionary and former leader of Cuba, passed away at the age of 90.

NOV. 27

Nov. 25-Dec. 2

ALI AHMADALIPOUR, A STUDENT LEADER IN ISAP. CHRISTIAN POINDEXTER/ PSU VANGUARD

CUBA

NOV. 25

DEC. 1

VG: So ISAP helps some students feel like they can be themselves in a new and different environment?

AA: Absolutely. For example, we have an event coming up called “Yalda Night”. Yalda Night is an Iranian festival of the winter solstice. Here we will have Iranian dinner, liveperformances, and a DJ featuring some Iranian music. The event is free for all students.

VG: What other kinds of events or opportunities for students to get involved do you have?

AA: We try to have around three major events per year.

These include events such as Yalda Night or Persian New Year, and the group spends a lot of time planning for these.

We also offer other minor events throughout the term such as a book club which happens every other Friday, and game nights in the Vikings Game Room. Anyone is encouraged to get involved.

VG: Why should people join ISAP? AA: Being involved is a great way to not only become part of a community, it is also a great way to gain personal and professional

PSU Vanguard • OCTOBER DECEMBER18, 6,2016 2016••psuvanguard.com psuvanguard.com

IRAQ

Iraqi forces have retaken 23 neighborhoods in the Islamic State-occupied city of Mosul after weeks of pitched fighting.

Efforts to retake Mosul began in late October.

2016

Holiday Guide SLEIGH MY BELLS

HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE FOR

YULE LOVE FOR WINTER SOSTICE

HOLIDAZE PLAYLIST

BROKE STUDENTS

P. 21

P. 8

P. 14 RECIPES FOR A FULL ON HOLIDAY

LIGHT IT UP! A GRUMPS GUIDE

CUSTOM WRAPPING PAPER FOR

MEAL, MINUS THE TURKEY

TO PDX LIGHT DISPLAYS

ALL YOUR WRAPPING NEEDS

P.22

P. 9

P. 15–18 I’M DREAMING OF A DANK

WHERE TO DRINK THE

AN ANTI-CONSUMERIST HOLIDAY

CHRISTMAS

HOLIDAYS AWAY

P. 19

P. 24

CAMPUS CROWD POLL:

TOP 5 PEOPLE TO DODGE AT A

HOLIDAY CELEBRATIONS

STUDENTS SHARE THEIR

HOLIDAY PARTY

AROUND THE WORLD

STANGEST HOLIDAY TRADITIONS

P. 24

P. 12

P. 20

P. 11

A QUEER’S GUIDE TO SURVIVING THIS YEAR’S WEIRDEST CAMPUS

A BRIEF HISTORY OF ELVES

THE HOLIDAY’S WITH FAMILY

CRIMER REPORTS

P. 21

P. 21

P. 13

PSU Vanguard •DECEMBER 6, 2016 • psuvanguard.com

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HOLIDAY GUIDE

SLEIGH MY BELLS HOLIDAZE PLAYLIST MOLLY OZIER

If you’re looking for a unique playlist with all the holiday tunes you haven’t heard, look further.

If you’re like me and love some good ol’ classics to get you in the mood for some crunk-nog, dank gingerbread houses or round two of the annual family debates, this is your playlist.

Editor’s note: I am exempting the ever-so-rapey song, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” from this playlist and so should you.

Elvis Presley: “Blue Christmas” Brenda Lee: “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” Ludacris: “Ludacrismas” Gayla Peevey: “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” Lindsay Lohan circa Mean Girls: “Jingle Bell Rock” John Lennon: “And So This Is Christmas” Olivia Olson from Love Actually: “All I Want For Christmas” A Charlie Brown Christmas: “Christmas Time Is Here” Robert Shaw Chorale: “Carol of the Bells” Eartha Kitt: “Santa Baby” COLLEEN LEARY/PSU VANGUARD

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PSU Vanguard • OCTOBER 25, 2016 • psuvanguard.com

HOLIDAY GUIDE

LIGHT IT UP! THE “BEST” OF PORTLAND’S HOLIDAY LIGHT DISPLAY

ALANNA MADDEN

Ready or not, the holidays are just around the corner!

Wonderful holiday lights are proliferating around our city, and we know all the right places to get our dose of capitalis— uh, I mean, holiday cheer!

PEACOCK LANE

Southeast Portland Dec. 15–31 6-11 p.m.

Can’t get enough of Portland traffic? Does the left lane move “just too fast” for you at around 5:30 p.m.?

Well then, Christmas came early for you! Peacock Lane is just about to open.

Located between SE Stark Street and Belmont Street one block east of 39th Avenue, Peacock’s spectacular holiday lights beckon us back every year to share some neighborly cheer.

Beginning on Dec. 15, lights will be on from 6–11 p.m.

The first three days are designated for pedestrians only, but don’t you worry!

Inhaling carbon monoxide with your loved ones has been a classic Portland tradition dating back to the 1940s. Come Dec. 18, you can sit comfortably in your car to observe the lights, music and repetitive, red brake lights of the car directly in front of you.

While organizers do not require payment for admission (or the free hot cocoa?!), donations of cash and canned goods are accepted.

Portions of the proceeds will be donated to Make-A-Wish Oregon. In all fairness, the street’s decor is pretty amazing. Portland wouldn’t be the same without the wonderful community members who dedicate their time to making us smile. If you couldn’t guess already, my favorite annual display is here and features my homeboy, the Grinch!

CHRISTMAS FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS

The Grotto 8840 NE Skidmore St. Nov. 24–Dec. 30 5–9:30 p.m.

Some people love Christmas music, and those people scare the shit out of me. They also happen to congregate at a particular event hosted at The Grotto. The Christmas Festival of Lights is selfpromoted as “the largest Christmas choir festival in the world.” Featuring a quarter-mile walk in the freezingwet cold, this event would be a mistake to miss! Caroling, puppets, live animals and 160 indoor holiday concerts performed by church and civic choirs!

Admission costs $11 per person, or $6 for children ages 3–12.

ZOO LIGHTS AT THE OREGON ZOO

Nov. 25–Jan. 1 5–9 p.m.

Now for a poem about zoo lights: Twinkling lights, frozen tears.

Dads who gave up and are growing a beard.

Strollers, toddlers, breastmilk and whines.

I waited two hours for a fiveminute train ride.

Monday through Thursday are best if you’re broke.

I came for the bears, but I’d given up hope.

A zoo is for animals, held captive for glee, watching us wait for a moment to feed.

It’s Christmas within bars, and it might as well be as close as we come to true unity.

WINTER WONDERLAND

Portland International Raceway 1940 N. Victory Blvd.

Nov. 25–Dec. 25 Sunday–Thursday 5:30– 9:30 p.m.

Friday–Saturday 5–11 p.m.

Winter Wonderland is “the largest light show West of the Mississippi” according to the website. If you’re not feeling up to walking outside, this light event is perfect for you!

Admission costs $20 per vehicle, with event proceeds benefiting local charity. If you plan on drinking as much as me, you should consider taking a Lyft to the event!

Winter Wonderland’s website offers a promotion to new Lyft users for their event!

PEACOCK LANE, LOCATED IN SOUTHEAST PORTLAND. ALANNA MADDEN/PSU VANGUARD

PSU Vanguard •DECEMBER 6, 2016 • psuvanguard.com

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HOLIDAY GUIDE

PETS IN SWEATS 3.0 COLLEEN LEARY

It’s that time of year again—the time when I, Editor-in-Chief of the Vanguard, exploit my pets for my own and hopefully your enjoyment. Meet Mr. Buns, the gentlemanly harlequin rabbit; Snuffleupabuns, the English Angora rabbit (she is indeed a real live creature, even though you might suspect she is a stuffed Mogwai); Justin the reindeer kitty and the appropriately named Shambles the Cat. As you can see, Shambles is wearing a cone of shame... because she lives her life in Shambles.

For the third year in a row, they begrudgingly donned their holiday best for the Vanguard’s “Pets in Sweats 3.0.”

COLLEEN LEARY/PSU VANGUARD

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PSU Vanguard • DECEMBER 6, 2016 • psuvanguard.com

HOLIDAY GUIDE

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS BOOZE

Portland bars with the best holiday feels MOLLY SIMAS

WINTER IS IMMINENT, AND NIGHTFALL is inching earlier by the day—which really just means it’s socially acceptable to start drinking earlier as well. Why wait for 5 p.m. when the sun’s behind the West Hills by 3:30?

With the end of the term right around the corner and the weather bending toward the colder end of the spectrum, there’s no compelling reason to not spend many of your waking hours in a festive, seasonally appropriate bar setting.

No matter the form of holiday cheer you’re seeking—lights, decoration, warmth, ambiance, alcoholic beverages or just good cocoa—Portland’s got your festive, holiday season drinking needs covered. Here are a few establishments to warm your heart and tummy over the long, dark weeks of winter break: PIED COW: 3244 SE BELMONT ST. The Pied Cow Coffeehouse (which, as the name indicates, is not a bar, but whose menu offers boozy options alongside an epic $50 sundae and pretty dank fondue) is a year-round delight. Its charm isn’t diminished the slightest in the winter months.

In fact, Pied Cow comes with the extra seasonal perk of being within walking distance of Peacock Lane, a Portland Christmas lights landmark, and is the perfect place to warm up before and/or after visiting the lane.

This establishment is set in an old Victorian home with a satisfying level of Portland quirk and has intimate, low-light indoor tables, as well as a covered patio complete with heat lamps so you can breathe the fresh winter air in comfort.

SLAMMER TAVERN: 500 SE 8TH AVE. The Slammer, located right on one of Sandy’s notoriously hairy six-pointed intersections, is a holiday Mecca disguised as a dive bar. It’s like all the Christmas decorations within a two-mile radius teleported inside this compact building, which contains a three-sided bar, Skee-Ball, and a bajillion strings of lights. For real.

THE SLAMMER TAVERN, LOCATED ON SOUTHEAST 8TH AVENUE. MOLLY SIMAS/PSU VANGUARD If you want to know what it feels like to live inside a Christmas tree or a ravethemed snow globe, visit the Slammer.

The dive bar prices and atmosphere make it an easy place to settle in. Bring all your awkward holiday family complaints and get ready to make friends with the person on the next stool over.

BINKS: 2715 NE ALBERTA ST. “Binks is for lovers,” say the coasters here, and it’s not an empty claim. From the indoor fireplace nook, to the covered smoking patio that boasts heated benches, to the pool table in such close quarters that you can’t really help but squeeze close

to those you’re with, there are plenty of places at Binks to cozy up to someone special. And hey, if you’re there alone, there really are a lot of built-in elements designed to keep you warm.

THE SPARE ROOM: 4830 NE 42ND AVE. The Spare Room, once upon a time, was a bowling alley, hence the clever name, and it still weirdly smells like one. Don’t let that deter you, though. The inside is delightfully divey, resplendent in holiday cheer and hugely spacious, allowing for shows, dance nights, karaoke or just a big ol’ group of friends there for the lights and video poker. The Spare Room will also be

open on Christmas for those of you without Portland fam, tired of being alone in your onesies around 2 p.m. on the holiday, and needing some human interaction.

RONTOMS: 600 EAST BURNSIDE ST. Rontoms is the classiest joint on this list.

Sleek lighting fixtures, low tables, tea lights… Like I said, fancy. They have a pretty solid covered and heated outdoor area, complete with Ping-Pong tables, but what really clinches them as a solid winterdrinking location is their epically huge and satisfying fireplace. It’s glassed in, enormous and goes a long way toward making you feel the holiday cheer.

PSU VANGUARD • DECEMBER 6, 2016 • PSUVANGUARD.COM

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HOLIDAY GUIDE

HOLIDAY TRADITIONS ALL AROUND CAMPUS

ASTRUD BENSON AND JAMON SIN

IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR, AND WITH FINALS AROUND THE CORNER, WE DECIDED TO SPREAD SOME HOLIDAY CHEER BY ASKING A FEW STUDENTS AROUND CAMPUS WHAT THEIR FAVORITE HOLIDAY TRADITIONS ARE. SO, PORTLAND STATE: WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE HOLIDAY TRADITION?

“We always have a tradition of going to see my mom’s side of the family, where we have an early Christmas with them. Christmas day, we do Christmas at our house, after that, we go to my dad’s family’s for more. It’s almost like three Christmases, and yeah it’s hectic, but it’s awesome to get so much family time.” —Kaylin

“Usually, we decorate after Thanksgiving, and that’s always fun. Sometimes, though, we travel somewhere warm right around Christmas [because it gets really cold up here], somewhere like California or Texas. We have extended family in those states, too, so it’s always a treat to see them, and we usually stay a week or two with them.” —Amy

“Get together with my family and my cousins, all together to have lunch or dinner. During the holidays we like to give children some money to buy their own things.

I hope to go to back to Kuwait, as I haven’t been back home for several years and miss my family very much.” —Muhammad

“Christmas is ‘family time’ for us. [It’s] a time for enjoying not only gifts but the presence of your loved ones. In my family, and in Thailand, Christmas and New Year are extremely joyous, and there are a lot of big parties. Sometimes we give away prizes for games, or even just gifts to strangers.”

—Orakarn

“My favorite holiday tradition is when we wake up on Christmas day with all of my family together. We usually have mimosas Christmas morning, and we have a special breakfast meal that my mom makes every single year. It’s honestly so great because it brings us all together; we all look forward to sharing this tradition, not just the presents.” —Spencer

“The weirdest thing during the holidays with my family is that my dad still gives himself and the rest of us presents from Santa and he even tries to disguise his handwriting on the gift itself.” —Hannah

PHOTOS 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7 TAKEN BY RACHEL LARA/PSU VANGUARD/ PHOTOS 4, 8, 9, 10, 11 TAKEN BY JAMON SIN/PSU VANGUARD

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VANGUARD • DECEMBER 6, 2016 • PSUVANGUARD.COM

“For Christmas, we have a small gathering and get my family together—but actually, my favorite part of it is being able to go home to Hawaii, because it’s the only time of the year I get to go. Every year we have a huge barbecue, cook a big feast and make bonfires, because that’s a Filipino tradition that my family really likes, and I really like too.” —Jed

“This time of year, we actually have a big tradition around Thanksgiving. My family gets tons of people together: friends, family and everyone else within our circles.

Aside from the massive feast, the other thing that we have is a stage and karaoke thing in our garage. We all perform for each other, and it’s a blast because it’s so open and entertaining.” —Jake

“Every year we like to watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation because it’s the best one. You can’t watch Vacation… well you can, but it’s not the best, you gotta watch Christmas Vacation…but we kind of watch it in July or March, but you know since it’s Christmas Vacation we apply it

“So every year we get to open one gift on Christmas Eve, which isn’t unusual, but every year my mom gets to pick it, and we always get excited—and I’m 22, and I know what I’m going to get. It’s always a horrible pair of pajamas, or a robe, or slippers that match…it’s horrible and we hate it, but we do it every year and every year we put them on, we smile and we’re so happy.”

—Nicky.

“My family never really had the traditional full course meal and Thanksgiving turkey—my whole family ends up going to Izzy’s, just going there on Thanksgiving day, and we did it this Thanksgiving as well. I don’t really tell people I don’t have a dinner plan or go to Izzy’s, just because it’s such a tradition to us even though we can afford a full course meal nowadays and just to get that feeling and what not.” —Kennedy

to Christmas. It’s our favorite because the family, it’s pretty much all of our roles so we quote it all through the year, but then it’s just kind of hyperextended when it gets to Christmas season then we just let loose and watch it like five times before the month’s over. Since it’s almost the last day of November, we’re about to bust out and watch it…like I said, five times until Christmas is over…so hopefully we can carry that on this year.” —Emily

HOLIDAY GUIDE

WEIRDEST CAMPUS CRIME REPORTS OF 2016

Decomposing dolphins, Avril Lavigne and a lonely Birkenstock JON RABY

ILLUSTRATION BY TERRA DEHART EVERY WEEK THE VANGUARD REPORTS the Campus Public Safety Office’s daily crime log, and sometimes these reports can be a little absurd. They give insight into the daily struggles of a CPS officer, the crazy shit students have to deal with, and the oddities happening on the PSU campus that many of us miss. Here are the Vanguard’s favs over the year: MERRY CHRISTMAS Sometime during the evening of Dec. 23, 2015, a student’s car was broken into.

The car window was broken and her laundry and Christmas gifts were taken. The gifts included a mustard-yellow Madewell sweater and Star Wars memorabilia.

I guess Darth won this Christmas.

THE NEW AVRIL On Dec. 14, CPS officers recognized a male talking on the phone who was known to go by the false name “Avril Lavigne.”

Avril was taken into custody after he tried to run away. He had two warrants and had not registered as a sex offender in over a year.

Someone please tell this guy that in Canada the bad girl look doesn’t include sex offenses.

MAN PUNCHING GROIN In June, CPS was approached by a PSU student claiming that, through the westside window on the first floor of Cramer Hall, she had just seen a male masturbating.

Keep those blinds closed people.

NEVER TURN DOWN A FREE DRINK In July, an art department professor was exiting the building when he noticed a man sitting in the parking lot drinking box wine. When the professor declined the man’s offer of a drink, the man became upset. He had a knife on the ground by the professor’s car, but the professor

kicked it away. Then as the professor sat in his car, the man threatened to kill him, smashed his right passenger mirror with the knife then turned away to walk toward Dominos Pizza.

The professor then exited his car. When the man noticed this, he turned back and began chasing the professor with his knife raised in the air. The professor got back into his car, and the man proceeded to Dominos again, where he demanded that the order he placed earlier be expedited.

He flashed his knife again and threatened the staff before leaving with his pizza. He was arrested by Portland Police Bureau.

Hey, maybe he was just hangry?

THEFT OF FOOTWEAR A sentimentally valuable pair of brown Birkenstocks were left unattended on the ninth floor and subsequently stolen. Fliers were posted and the thief eventually returned one, but the other remains lost.

OFF-LIMITS In October, a student reported that someone broke into his 1993 Subaru and stole a messenger bag containing $350 worth of Magic the Gathering cards.

WTF? Have a heart, thief!

ANTI-SMOKING CONFRONTATION A student was walking from Parking Structure 3 while smoking a cigarette, when a white female with short burgundy hair yelled at her for smoking on campus, then poked her and exclaimed that a friend’s “baby died from smoking!”

DEAD DOLPHIN A student reported the odor of rotten eggs outside the Student Research and Teaching Center. CPS contacted Portland Fire Bureau. They did not detect any natural gas leaks, but they did find the decomposing body of a dead dolphin.

Merry Holidays!

PSU VANGUARD • DECEMBER 6, 2016 • PSUVANGUARD.COM

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HOLIDAY GUIDE

MAKING IT:

A GIFT GIVING GUIDE FOR BROKE STUDENTS NICK TOOL

THE HOLIDAY SEASON IS HERE, and for college students this means there is a looming threat of spending money on something other than books, food and rent. Buying holiday gifts while trying to budget can be an incredibly stressful experience. This is the time of year when companies move into the black, consumer debt across the nation increases and Coca-Cola makes a killing by putting a polar bear on all their containers.

What is a poor, broke college student to do to for their family and friends? Anyone in this predicament needs to give gifts they can afford. With classes winding down and free time ratcheting up, how can a student invest in gift giving this time of year? Time!

Put some effort into handmade presents.

Save those scarce monetary resources and double down on the resource of time instead.

Handcrafted Greeting Cards

The first part of this strategic deployment of effort and festive cheer is cards.

Anyone can go to a store and purchase a card, which can sometimes be impersonal.

If the card is already filled in, all the giver is really doing is writing their name in it. Not exactly a touching moment. So, how can a card be made to tap into the gooey emotional center of the recipient? Make it.

Pick up a pack of blank cards from a craft store for about five bucks, decide how they will be decorated and grab some materials to make these handcrafted holiday cards truly one of a kind. Stick-on photo corners are a good way to go, and printing a standard photo costs only about 7 cents.

Throw on your best ugly sweater, ask someone to snap a photo downtown by the Christmas tree and voila! Instant custom cards. For the inside of the card, try to write something personal to the recipient. It is the end of the year after all.

Reflect on what they mean to you and tell them. The effort put into the message will directly relate to the value of the card, so make it better than anything that comes from a shelf.

Homemade Baked Goods

The next step up from cards on the handmade gift list is baked goods. Here is the first part of the baking gifts equa-

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tion: Grab some cute boxes from the store.

While you’re at it, get parchment paper to ease the baking process and to line the boxes.

Now, pick three cookie recipes that sound appealing and appropriate for the season, and pick one good fudge recipe.

Make enough of the cookies to give everyone six of each kind, and throw in some fudge as well. An adorable little box with homemade cookies and fudge is one of the most fun gifts to give. People love getting treats as much as bakers love giving them.

Aim for cookie recipes that produce 36 or more cookies. Making three different batches of 36 or more cookies means you can give out six holiday treat boxes. To keep the baking budget on target, choose recipes that call for limited add-ins. Chips, nuts and dried fruit can rapidly increase the cost of a cookie. Try snickerdoodles, molasses crinkles and thumbprints to keep your cookie cost low. Fudge is where the money will go.

Making these treats can range anywhere from $30 or higher depending on what ingredients are already in the kitchen, but the cost of making a tin of homemade cookies shouldn’t be too much higher than $5 or $6 per box. Don’t forget to include a card.

Baking does require some special equipment that students might not have, and the theme here is being budget conscious.

If, after poking around the kitchen, you realize there are no cookie trays, whisks, spatulas or big giant bowls in your cupboards, maybe you should try making something else.

Artisanal Candles

Candles make excellent homemade gifts and are surprisingly easy to make. A pound of soy wax will only cost about $9.

Oils to add scent and dyes to add color are usually about 4 bucks for a small bottle. It only takes an ounce of oil to give an entire pound of wax a scent. Try starting with four-ounce mason jars to keep the candles small. One dozen four-ounce jars will cost about $10. To make 12 four-once candles it is going to take about 2 1/2 pounds of wax.

Making candles with the supplies listed above will come in at just under 50 bucks

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for a dozen four-ounce candles. That is about $4.15 per candle, but cheap gifts that are unique can beat a lot of more expensive gifts found in stores.

The equipment required for candle making can be grabbed at a craft store and from goodwill. Get a cheap, metal coffee pot or an old sauce pan to melt and pour candle wax from. This will need to be set

up in a double boiler, so make sure it fits inside a pan you already have.

Try combining all three ideas above to give to family or your closest friends. Gift giving does not have to be about spending money. Spending time on a gift can be much more valuable. Invest in your relationships by giving someone you care about a little bit of your time.

HOLIDAY GUIDE

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VANGUARD • DECEMBER 6, 2016 • PSUVANGUARD.COM

HOLIDAY GUIDE

DON’T BUY INTO HOLIDAY CONSUMERISM MARIE CONNER

JACOB SALAZAR/PSU VANGUARD IT’S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN. You know, time to consume and buy all of the things for the holiday season. But why do we feel the need to buy so many things?

What part of any traditional holiday celebration includes bottoming out our bank accounts to frantically purchase over-manufactured goods? (Goods that our friends and family probably don’t need and may not even want.)

Would we buy those same things for the same people if it weren’t ingrained in our society’s ”designated present season”?

Modern-day holiday celebrations are framed by conspicuous consumption—buy the biggest and best next thing to prove adoration or your purchasing prowess. We race to sales of electronics and toys and jewelry, many of which are mass-manufactured in places far away.

Black Friday is considered its own holiday.

However, now it starts on Thursday. Instead of vegging on the couch after Thanksgiving dinner, we run out the door to get to the mall. We are pleased with ourselves for finding the best deals as if it’s a personal achievement akin to getting good grades.

For cash-poor students this can be an especially difficult conundrum. Many of us go home for the holidays and our families shower us with gifts. We want to reciprocate. Buying presents can be difficult when we barely have enough money to get through the term.

Ugh, the guilt!

Blatant consumerism can be dangerous.

The cycle of mindlessly purchasing gifts to fill an expected quota is promoted by huge, invasive advertising campaigns often targeted at children, creating a destructive cycle of desire and defeat. Buying for buying’s sake is a habit, which serves only to put money in the hands of big companies, leaving many of us in debt and depleted come the new year; it teaches the next generation that showing love equates to what someone buys them.

I’m really not trying to be a Scrooge. I appreciate the spirit of giving as much as the next person. Nothing can replace the look on a loved one’s face when they open a gift they are truly delighted to receive.

But the holidays can be a source of eternal angst for all of us would-be gift

givers: How do we celebrate the spirit of giving without being part of the hyperconsumption?

What happened to good old-fashioned holiday celebrations? The kind you see in movies with carolers and ice skating on frozen ponds and snow-dusted city streets.

Though the picturesque merriments depicted on screen aren’t real, there are more authentic ways to celebrate the joy of the season.

My family has struggled with applying authenticity to our festivities, dismissing the modern celebrations to make up our own holiday, Family Mooka, that encompasses celebrating the season whenever and however we feel like doing so at the time. Over the years we have figured out how to promote giving and community without falling into the trap of materialism.

Hand-made gifts are a perfect way to show that you are thinking about someone, and they would probably cherish a scarf made by you more than one from Macy’s.

Don’t know how to knit a scarf? Are you an artist, or do you write poems? Maybe you make a mean banana bread. You could

always put together a photo album of all those Instagram pics from last summer.

How about a coupon book offering gifts of time: “Good for one lunch with me,” “Good for two hours of board games,” “Good for a night of babysitting,” etc. I’m betting there is something you can put together that would delight your loved ones.

If you don’t have time for crafting personal gifts but still want to do something for the special people in your life, charitable donations or locally-produced services like music or art lessons are great ways to get out of that mass-consumer mentality.

Putting your money towards purchases that are friendly to both the environment and the local economy can shift the focus of the holidays from material consumption to community support.

Finally, you can take the attention off the gifts by stressing the togetherness part of the holiday spirit. Make new traditions like a Board Game Day, Sing-Along Evening, theater dates or volunteer excursions.

As cheesy as it sounds, the biggest gift you can give is time.

PSU VANGUARD • DECEMBER 6, 2016 • PSUVANGUARD.COM

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HOLIDAY GUIDE

HOLIDAYS AROUND THE WORLD CATHERINE JOHNSON

ILLUSTRATION BY SHANNON KIDD IT’S THAT TIME. THE HOLIDAYS are upon us. And while some may say “Happy Holidays” to avoid a politically incorrect faux pas, given how many celebrations actually take place around the world each December, it's probably the most accurate greeting you can offer. Here is a sampling of just a few of the festivities, in case you needed more reasons to party: BODHI DAY, DEC. 8 Dec. 8 is Bodhi Day, the Buddhist holiday that commemorates the day that Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha, reached enlightenment (or Bodhi in Sanskrit and Pali) after years of ascetic practice and meditation.

To celebrate, string multi-colored lights around your home, acknowledging the multiple valid pathways, or light a candle each night, a symbol of enlightenment.

ST. LUCIA DAY, DEC. 13 In Sweden on Dec. 13, girls dress up in white gowns with red sashes as Lucia brides for St. Lucia Day, in honor of this third-century saint who was killed for her faith in 304. With a wreath of Lingonberry branches and burning candles on their

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heads, they sing songs and bring their families coffee and twisted saffron pastries called lussekatter.

HANUKKAH, DEC. 24–JAN. 1 Most of us are familiar with Hanukkah, the eight nights and days during which Jews light the nine-branched menorah to celebrate light over darkness. On Hanukkah, many Jews eat special potato pancakes called latkes, sing songs and spin a top called a dreidel.

YALDA NIGHT, DEC. 21 Yalda Night is an Iranian festival celebrated on the longest and darkest night of the year in the Northern Hemisphere, winter solstice. This is a time for friends and family to gather and eat, drink and read poetry past midnight. Pomegranates and watermelons are especially significant because the red symbolizes dawn and life.

PANCHA GANAPATI, DEC. 21–25 Pancha Ganapati, the family festival of giving, is a five-day Hindu festival celebrated from Dec. 21–25 in honor of Lord Ganesha, the elephant-headed god of culture and

VANGUARD • DECEMBER 6, 2016 • PSUVANGUARD.COM

new beginnings. On each day, one of the five faces of Ganesha is honored with a different color, representing a different energy, or shakti. Sweets, fruits and incense are presented at his altar as gifts, and chants and songs praise him.

CHRISTMAS, DEC. 25 I suppose you can’t talk about the holidays without Christmas, but not everyone celebrates it the same way. Christians celebrate it by going to church and giving gifts; Americans celebrate it by going to the mall and giving gifts; and in parts of Europe, star singers go caroling as they walk behind a huge star on a pole.

While for many people Christmas is synonymous with Santa Claus, in the Netherlands, they celebrate Saint Nicholas.

On the evening of his supposed arrival, children leave their shoes by the fireplace or window to be filled with treats by Sinterklaas.

NEWTONMAS, DEC. 25 Perhaps a lesser-known holiday is Newtonmas, the Dec. 25 holiday that some

atheists and skeptics choose to observe instead of Christmas because it’s Isaac Newton's birthday.

FESTIVUS, DEC. 25 Originally a family tradition of scriptwriter Dan O'Keefe, a writer for the American sitcom Seinfeld, Festivus is a parody and secular holiday that serves as an alternative to the commercially driven Christmas season. The celebration, as shown on Seinfeld, includes a Festivus dinner, an unadorned aluminum Festivus pole and rituals such as the “Airing of Grievances” and "Feats of Strength.”

KWANZAA, DEC. 26–JAN. 1 Kwanzaa, which means first fruits, is an African-American and Pan-African holiday that celebrates family life and unity and is based on ancient African harvest festivals. Celebrated from Dec. 26 to Jan. 1, millions of African Americans dress in special clothes, decorate their homes with art and fruits that represent African idealism and light a candle holder called a kinara, which represents African roots.

HOLIDAY GUIDE

ELVES: THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY JOAN BROWN Now, and long before the worlds as we know them elves have existed.

We know this is true because of the Claus Gang in the North Pole, and the fact that trolls and dwarves have left arrows as artifacts of their existence.

These artifacts are often ignored…

There are two mindsets for elves: Good elves are luminous, demigodlike beings who are more beautiful than the sun, wear garments of delicate and transparent texture and party with the gods. From the beginning of time, which humans do not know, all good elves have hailed from Alfheim, ruled

by Freyr, god of the sun.

Alfheim is located in the branches of the World Tree known as Yggdrasil, which holds nine worlds.

The North Pole’s Claus Gang originated in Alfheim, but after their fall from the World Tree, they landed in the frozen tundra, forever after to wear itchy, heavy clothing and to work for Santa.

When elves are really, really good they go to the third heaven, Vidblain, and they dwell in Gimle Hall.

As shown by Elder Edda’s Vala’s Prophecy: A hall I know, standing Than the sun fairer, Than gold better, Gimle by name.

There shall good People dwell, And forever Delights enjoy.

Some elves delight in acting as norns, who visit every newborn to shape his or her life. Kindly disposed to humans, good elves shape their humans with good habits and good lives.

Not all norns are elves though. Some are gods, and others are trolls—never dwarves.

Some norns are evil elves who shape their humans with bad habits and misfortune.

An evil elf can infect a human with disease. Which disease, you might ask?

It depends on the skill of the elf, the weapon used and the season. Obviously, chilblains don’t work well in summer, whereas a wicked bad flu or cancer may be spewed at any time.

A few persons known to have suffered from evil elf concoctions include Alexander

the Great, Richard I, and great-uncle Harry.

Socrates is also in this list, but he consumed his liquid voluntarily (sort of).

Evil elves came into existence as maggots produced by the decaying flesh of Ymir’s body; they are endowed by the gods with a human form and great understanding.

With ugly, long noses, they appear only at night. The sun is their most deadly enemy, because whenever its beams fall upon them they change immediately into stones.

Multi-talented, they are particularly distinguished in understanding the mysterious powers of nature. Because Odin taught them how to carve and understand runes, they are the most skillful artificers of all created beings, especially when working with woods and metals.

Spears, arrows, knives and swords are crafted by evil elves. They are extremely effective in battle, raiding nearby camps, and getting their way. Evil elves most skillful works include Thor’s hammer and the ship known as Skidbladnir.

Skidbladnir is so large it can contain all the deities and their war and household implements; it is so skillfully wrought

that when folded, it can be placed inside a pocket.

Contributors to this story include Snorri Sturluson, Mrs. Claus, Elder Edda, Wio Faerstice, and Bullfinch.

Adaptation of Wio Faerstice’s “Little Spear” They were loud, yes, loud, when they rode over the burial mound; they were fierce when they rode across the land.

Shield yourself now, you can survive this strife.

Out, little spear, if there is one here within.

They stood behind lime-wood, under a light-colored, light-weight shield; those mighty elves marshaled their powers.

Elves sent their shrieking spears.

Trolls sent their arrows, flying ahead in opposition.

Out, little spear, if it is here within.

A craftsman forged these knives, small as swords go, violent the wound.

Out, little spear.

Fly around here on the mountain top.

Then take the knife; put it in the liquid.

YULE LOVE WINTER SOLSTICE

Celebrate the holidays Old World style THOMAS SPOELHOF THE FIRST WEEKS OF DECEMBER are a dark time, and not just because of final exams.

For those of us living in the Northern Hemisphere, the days grow shorter and the nights longer after the annual fall equinox.

Earth’s seasonal tilt away from the sun bottoms out on the shortest day of the year, the solstice, with just nine-and-a-half hours of daylight. Winter solstice 2016 falls on Dec. 21 and officially sets off the greatest festival of the year.

Yuletide, the 12-day, Old World celebration of winter solstice has been a tradition in Northern European countries since time immemorial, long before the Dec. 25 holiday dubbed Christmas. Many modern holiday traditions—Santa Claus, decorated evergreens, kissing under the mistletoe— were acculturated from the older revelry founded on our planet’s annual arc toward the sun.

Yule reveres surviving the season of burgeoning darkness and celebrates the rebirth of the sun. Although we have of-

ficially just begun the winter months, the Earth will soon hit its elliptical apex and the days will begin to grow. Outliving the gloom is indeed reason to make merry, and Yule is just one marathon feast.

How does one celebrate Yule? It’s the excess of everything all the time for 12 days straight. Crave another slice of pie?

Go for it! Another glass of wine? Bottoms up! Wake and bake? Why not? Sing at the top of your lungs with your band of companions as you travel the sidewalks; decorate your home with fresh garlands of pine and holly.

Yule is a time to wassail, a chance to reflect on the year behind and look forward to the one ahead. It’s a time out of time, in which the rules and responsibilities we adhere to all work-year long are suspended for two weeks straight.

As for borrowed traditions: The story of Santa and his eight flying reindeer spins from Odin, the Norse god of poetry and knowledge. Odin flew through the night sky on his eight-legged horse

carrying a spear that couldn’t miss and harvesting restless souls for their final descent to the netherworld. All little boys and girls wanted to be good for goodness’ sake on the eve of the Wild Hunt. This Santa Claus was not someone whose lap you wanted to sit on, but if you weren’t scooped up in Odin’s ride, you probably woke to a nice gift on your mantle the next morning.

Evergreen trees, wreaths and garlands of mistletoe maintain their green fertility throughout winter, as opposed to those wimpy deciduous trees that lose their dying leaves. Enjoy your own resilience of fertility in winter by making love with your sweetheart all the Yule long. Celebrate life, make babies galore and poke your thumb in the eye of Old Man Winter.

The Yule log was historically the largest stump a family could drag home from the forest and light on fire. The goal was to keep the Yule log burning the entire 12day observance, and each spark popping off the fire represented a vision of the year to come. But you live in an apartment and

ILLUSTRATION BY SHANNON KIDD

have no fireplace. No worries! Just light a candle and keep one burning the entire festival. Still Yule.

And so, dear reader, a holiday wish for you: Eat too much, drink too much, sleep late, and indulge in every pleasure the temporal world has to offer. Yuletide is extended celebration, revelry in overcoming the harsh elements of the dark days. Party hard, get it all out of your system, and get back to work in the new year. The sun will return and spring with it. Happy holidays.

PSU VANGUARD • DECEMBER 6, 2016 • PSUVANGUARD.COM

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HOLIDAY GUIDE

TURKEY? WE DON’T NEED NO STINKING TURKEY!

HOLIDAY RECIPES TO KEEP YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS’ MOUTHS FULL AND THEIR BELLIES HAPPY TIM SULLIVAN

PERFECT PRIME RIB ROAST

IT’S THAT TIME OF YEAR again—time to gather with your family, then realize why you only see these people a few times a year. Whether you’ve got to change the subject when your racist uncle brings up Trump and his wall or you’re deflecting the inevitable questions from your parents about when you’ll meet “the one” and make them grandparents, boy howdy, the holidays are stressful. Why continue the current tradition when you can create your own? That’s what being a grown-up is all about. From this article, you’ll get the hook-up to make your own perfect holiday meal that will entice the people you truly want to see around the table.

PERFECT PRIME RIB ROAST I know what you’re thinking, “Where’s the turkey?”

Well, guess what, turkey is overdone (like it normally is).

But prime rib? Prime rib is the king of roasts, and if one Vanguard guest columnist suggests that livestock contribute to global warming—why not get them before they get us, right? So, how do you cook the king of all roasts?

We reverse sear it (I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but keep following me). Here’s what you will need: -1 prime rib roast, bone in (3/4 pound per guest, so anywhere between 3–5 pounds) -Kosher salt -Fresh ground black pepper -Roasting pan with rack -Probe thermometer (the kind that you can insert into the roast while it is in the oven) -Tin foil

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1. Before you start, make sure your roast is at room temperature, so bring the roast out of the fridge at least two hours before roasting. Preheat the oven to 250 degrees F. 2. Liberally season the roast with salt and pepper. You want to build a crust on this piece of meat, but don’t turn it into a salt lick.

3. Place the roast in the roasting pan with the fat cap sitting vertically. Insert the thermometer probe into the center of your roast.

4. Set the roast in the oven and set your thermometer reader to go off at either 120 degrees (for medium rare) or 130 degrees (for medium). This will take anywhere from 3 to 4 hours.

5. Once your thermometer reads at your desired temperature, take the roast out of the oven, tent it with tin foil and let it rest for at least 30 minutes. Now turn your oven all the way up to 500–550 degrees.

6. About 10 to 15 minutes before you and your guests are ready to eat, put your roast back in the oven, sans tin foil, for 10–15 minutes. This will give you that delectable brown crust and perfect pink center.

7. Slice 1/2–3/4 pound slice for each guest and enjoy!

SOUTHERN STYLE KALE Let’s be real, no one really likes kale. We either force ourselves to eat it in our salads, blend it into our smoothies, or use it as a garnish. But with this recipe, you’ll think twice about this leafy green and find that it can be made to taste absolutely delicious.

-2 pounds kale, stems removed

VANGUARD • OCTOBER 25, 2016 • PSUVANGUARD.COM

SOUTHERN STYLE KALE

-6 slices thick cut bacon or 1/2 pound of pancetta or country ham, cut up into small strips -2 cups water -2 tablespoons red pepper flakes -3 cloves of garlic, minced -1 tablespoons olive oil -5 quart sauce pan with lid 1. In a heated saucepan, pour 1 tablespoon of olive oil and heat until it starts to ripple, then add the minced garlic.

Then add your bacon, ham or pancetta.

2. Once your bacon, ham or pancetta has started to crisp, start adding the kale in handfuls, stirring and coating the kale. Once the kale starts to shrink, add more kale and repeat until it is all in the pan.

3. After all of the kale is added, pour in the 2 cups water and 2 tablespoons red pepper flakes. Bring water to a simmer and cover with a lid for 10 minutes.

4. After 10 minutes, remove the lid and reduce the remaining liquid to almost nothing—about another 10 minutes.

5. Once the liquid is reduced, move the kale to a serving dish and enjoy!

CREAMY GARLIC MASHED POTATOES There is something to be said about tradition (I know, I said we were going to break from it, but hey, mashed potatoes are awesome!) These mashed taters are so good you won’t want to soil them with any gravy.

-3 pounds potatoes (2 pounds russet and 1 pound Yukon gold) -16 ounces half-and-half

HOLIDAY GUIDE

CREAMY GARLIC MASHED POTATOES

CHOCOLATE ESPRESSO PIE

(WITH BISCOTTI CRUST)

PHOTO CAPTION. TIM SULLIVAN/PSU VANGUARD -1/2 stick unsalted butter -6 crushed cloves of garlic -Kosher salt -Fresh ground black pepper -1 quart low sodium chicken stock (optional) -1/2 cup white cheddar -5 quart Dutch oven or pot -1 quart pan -Colander -1 potato masher 1. Peel the russets and cut into equal portions. You don’t have to peel the Yukon golds since their skin is much thinner and not as tough as the russets. Plus they add an extra bit of texture to the final product. Quarter the Yukon.

2. Place the potatoes into the pot or dutch oven and add enough water to just cover them. Add 1 tablespoon of salt to the water. If you’re using chicken stock, add the entire quart to the potatoes, then pour in enough water to just cover. Don’t add any salt.

3. Bring the pot to a roiling boil then reduce the heat to maintain a light boil. Continue for 20 minutes or until the potatoes are easily pierced with a fork.

4. While your pot is coming to a boil, pour the half-andhalf into a separate pan and add the crushed garlic and half stick of butter. Bring this mixture to a slight simmer then set aside.

5. Once your potatoes are easily pierced with a fork, dump them into a colander to drain out the liquid then add them back into the pot. Do not place the pot back onto the burner.

6. Add your half-and-half mixture (leaving out about 1/4 cup) and mash the potatoes to your preferred consistency, but don’t overwork them. If your potatoes appear too dry, add the remaining mixture and incorporate it into the mash. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

7. Move your mash to your favorite serving bowl and enjoy the creamy goodness.

CHOCOLATE ESPRESSO PIE (WITH BISCOTTI CRUST) I know that pumpkin or sweet potato pie are usually served as dessert for holiday get-togethers, but again, we’re breaking from tradition here, come on! This chocolatey dessert will hit all the right notes to end the night.

Make this dessert the night before or early in the morning of your festive get-together.

Pie filling: -1 1/2 cups milk -1/3 cup cornstarch -3/4 cup sugar -1/2 teaspoon salt -1 teaspoon instant espresso powder -3 large egg yolks -1 teaspoon vanilla extract -4 ounces semisweet chocolate -4 ounces bittersweet chocolate -4 ounces milk chocolate -Espresso Whipped Cream (or if you can find it, you can use store bought): -1 1/2 cups heavy whipping cream -2 teaspoons heavy whipping cream -2 teaspoons instant espresso powder -6 tablespoons powdered sugar Pie crust: -16–18 biscotti (store-bought or home-made) -1/4 cup sugar -1 stick melted butter Pie pan -Mixing bowls (one chilled) -3 quart saucepan -Plastic wrap 1. In a food processor, pulse the biscotti until they become a fine crumb. Then move to a large mixing bowl. Preheat the oven 325 degrees F. Mix the biscotti crumb, melted butter and sugar together until combined.

2. Pour the biscotti mixture into a pie pan and press down so it forms a thin layer in the pan. Use the back of a spoon to help push the mixture up the sides of the pan.

3. Place the pie pan in the preheated oven and bake for about 10–15 minutes or until the mixture is dry and golden brown. Let cool.

4. In a small bowl, whisk together 1 cup of milk and 1/3 cup cornstarch.

5. In a saucepan, pour 1/2 cup of milk and add sugar and salt. Cook over low heat, frequently stirring, until sugar has dissolved. Whisk in the instant espresso and milk/cornstarch mixture. Over medium-high heat, stir the mixture until it thickens. This will take about 5 minutes. Reduce the heat to medium-low.

6. In a separate bowl, place three large egg yolks. Whisk 1/2 cup of the heated cornstarch mixture into the egg yolks then whisk this mixture back into the saucepan.

Whisk the mixture for another 5 minutes or until it thickens further.

7. Remove from the heat and whisk in the vanilla extract and chocolate until everything is incorporated.

8. Pour the pie filling into the cooled pie crust and place a piece of plastic wrap directly on the filling. This will prevent the pie filling from forming a skin. Let the pie sit on the counter for at least 1 hour then move it to the fridge for at least 6 hours to rest.

9. While your pie is resting, make your whipped cream.

Heat 2 teaspoons of heavy whipping cream in a small bowl in the microwave for 20 seconds. Stir the teaspoon of instant espresso into the heated cream.

10. Grab your chilled bowl from the fridge or freezer and pour in the 1 1/2 cups whipping cream. Using the whisk attachment of either a stand mixer or hand mixer, start whisking the cream at medium-high speed.

11. Incorporate the powdered sugar one tablespoon at a time and add the espresso cream mixture. Whip the cream until you see medium-firm peaks. Place plastic wrap onto the whip cream and place the bowl into the fridge until needed.

12. Once the pies are completely chilled and set, either spread or pipe the whipped cream onto the pie. Slice and serve.

HOLIDAY GUIDE

I’M DREAMING OF A DANK CHRISTMAS Marijuana recipes for the holidays DEVON WANDERON “HOW HIGH AM I GOING to be after consuming this?” I asked my friend, who was already prepping for the next recipe.

“Well, I used a relatively potent cannabutter, and the THC content should easily hit 9.3 milligrams per gram of...” This is what happens when you convince a chemistry major to help you make marijuana edibles.

“Sam,” I interrupted. “On a scale of one to ten, how high am I going to be?”

Sam scratched her head. “When was the last time you got high?”

I searched my memory, “Actually, I haven’t smoked in awhile. A few weeks before the fall term I guess.”

A deer in the headlights expression struck Sam’s face. She replied with a single word: “Eleven.”

Having smoked on and off over the years, and yet having never actually consumed marijuana in the edible form, when the Vanguard came up with the idea for the piece, I was quick to volunteer.

Not knowing the first thing about actually cooking weed, my first step involved coercing the aforementioned Sam (chemistry whiz/America’s next top chef) to lend me a

helping hand. Several trips to the grocery store later—as well as the promise of cleaning an apartment—and we were in business.

After sampling the following three recipes, I’ve learned two important things: 1. Eating cannabis edibles after a prolonged absence from the THC game will indeed carry you straight past ten and into “Eleven.”

2. Cleaning an apartment while completely stoned is much more challenging than I previously had imagined.

CHOCOLATE DIPPED STRAWBERRIES If you only try one recipe, this should be it. Do yourself a favor and keep these in mind for Valentine’s Day. INGREDIENTS: -2 tablespoons canna-coconut oil (I recommend purchasing cannabutter/oil at a dispensary. Unless you have someone who is familiar with the necessary steps) -1½ cups chocolate chips -12 strawberries with stems DIRECTIONS: 1. In a medium, microwave-safe bowl, stir together chocolate chips and coconut oil. Microwave on high for 30 seconds. Remove and stir. Continue microwaving and

stirring in 15-second intervals until melted and smooth. Let sit until chocolate reaches room temperature.

2. Dip the berries into the chocolate. Set on parchment paper and try not to eat for 30 minutes.

PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES Feel free to decorate these in holiday fashion. You could always dip them into the leftover chocolate from the strawberry recipe—just saying.

INGREDIENTS: -1 cup peanut butter -4 tablespoons cannabutter, softened -½ cup white sugar -½ cup brown sugar -½ cup flour -1 egg -pinch of salt DIRECTIONS: 1. Heat oven to 350º F 2. Combine all of the ingredients in a large bowl. Stir until smooth.

3. Divide the dough into 15 balls and press them down on a baking sheet covered with parchment.

4. Bake until set and until the edges

have the slightest bit of color, about 8–10 minutes. Allow to cool for 15 minutes.

THAI ICED TEA These turned out great. Reminded us of sunshine and picnics in the park.

INGREDIENTS: -6 chai tea bags -8 cups boiling water -¼ to ½ cup granulated sugar (optional) -1 can condensed milk (14 ounces) -3–5 tablespoons melted cannabutter DIRECTIONS: 1. Place the chai tea bags in a pitcher.

Pour 8 cups of boiling water over the tea bags. Allow to steep for 4–5 minutes. Remove the bags and add the optional sugar.

Let cool to room temperature.

2. In a small bowl combine the condensed milk and melted cannabutter.

3. Fill 6 glasses with ice cubes. Fill each glass 2/3 of the way with the tea. Top the tea with about 2 ounces of the condensed milk mixture. It will sink to the bottom, which is good. Stir and enjoy.

Editor’s Note: Attempt at your own risk.

Use cannabis responsibly and remember it is still not allowed on PSU’s campus.

reminisces about the good ol’ days where people would look at each other and actually have a conversation instead of just sending meaningless messages through the “ol’ Twittersphere.”

Yea. The absolute worst. He will see people in their tight skinny jeans and say how men used to have respect for themselves and wear khakis. And god forbid if a girl shows any skin. “Back in my day” Grandpa always has something to say. “What a dog she is!”

Grandma and her horrid pictures Grandma comes around, wielding her photo album. She is showing everyone the picture of you when you were small in the bath tub. Then she flips the page and there you are, crying with tomato sauce all over your face. Needless to say it doesn’t flatter your features at all. You’re just happy your spouse isn’t around to see these terrible pictures of you. Then grandma seeks out your spouse and shows her a picture of you being born.

Then she flips the page to show your shocked spouse a picture of the bed you were conceived on.

The Portland sister Then there is the Portland sister. She’s a gluten-free vegan wonder. She’s in the kitchen the whole time, making sure everything is kosher and organic. While people are trying to peel potatoes, she asks if they are free range. And god forbid someone use the microwave. “Those are radiation machines, do you want cancer?”

All her clothes are made out of hemp. She tries to vape in the house, but “Back in my day” Grandpa kicks her out while sucking down the smoke of his corncob pipe.

Portland sister vapes in judgement while talking about how she misses the liberality of Portland and continually tells everyone she’s from Portland and that Bernie Sanders is her hero.

Always disappointed Mother-in-law Luckily, Portland sister doesn’t impede on you as much as the Always Disappointed Mother-in-Law. She approaches you and asks if you still work at the old retail shop.

When you tell her you do, a hard frown appears on her lips, and she tries not to judge, but it is clear in her face. “Have you graduated yet?” You haven’t. She sighs

and pinches the bridge of her nose. “Is that the hairstyle you want?” “Do you want any kids yet?” You tell her you just ran a marathon for sick children, but then she criticizes you for not finishing first place.

There is no pleasing this woman.

The holidays always gather the best of the worst of the family. But that’s why the holidays are a perfect excuse to chug an entire box of wine, all by yourself! Happy drinking!

TOP 5 PEOPLE TO DODGE AT THE FAMILY HOLIDAY PARTY

GRAY BOUCHAT

AH, YES, THE TIME OF year has come for that annual holiday party! But no matter how good the food is, it doesn’t make up for the fact that you will likely have to dodge several people. Family get-togethers are often the pinnacle of conflict that truly test your skills of invisibility.

Carl and his stupid three-piece suit To start off, your damn cousin Carl. In his three-piece suit. Who comes to a party in a three-piece suit? It’s probably just to show off the fact that he has a six-figure job. He constantly shows pictures of his kids. They’re five and he’s already sure they will be attending Dartmouth and Yale. You know those people who always brag that their two year old can read at a fifth grade level? That’s Carl. He’s also one of those people who says “24 months old” instead of just “two.” Yea, the worst kind of person. He thinks because he graduated high school one year early, he rules the world.

“Back in my day” Grandpa But the thing is, he’s not even the worst of them. The “back in my day” Grandpa shows up. He sits in his recliner, watching everyone fiddle on their iPhones and

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VANGUARD • DECEMBER 6, 2016 • PSUVANGUARD.COM

ILLUSTRATION BY SHANNON KIDD

HOLIDAY GUIDE

THE CHEERY QUEER’S GUIDE TO SURVIVING FAMILY GATHERINGS CHRIS MAY MORE AND MORE, THE HOLIDAY SEASON ISN’T about celebration—it’s about survival. Whether you observe Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or Festivus, there’s always enough anxiety during this time of year to ensure that nobody goes without. For many in the LGBTQ community, every day is Christmas: When “differences of opinion” reach the point where someone’s family has a fundamentally different worldview, a different set of values, and attitudes that determine whether they see someone as a human being or not, agreeing to disagree isn’t an option.

Figuring out how to navigate the landscape of complicated or uncomfortable relationships we have with our families becomes increasingly difficult during the end of the year, when pumpkin spice plagues and creepy plastic elves start reminding us that it’s time to start bracing ourselves for obligatory reunions with relatives we can’t relate to. For those who don’t live in a Norman Rockwell painting, here are a few strategies to make it through the winter with minimal discontent.

The Vanguard spoke briefly with Melanie Altaras, office manager at the Queer Resource Center, to discuss the concept of chosen family and how people all across the gender and sexuality spectra can find and identify people they can trust and rely on to stick up for them when the going gets tough.

“The concept of chosen family has been around a long time in the queer community because of parents’ tendencies to not fully embrace their kids if they come out as queer and trans,” Altaras explained, “and I think queer communities have long operated in a familial sort of way.”

Altaras went on to say that queer and trans individuals aren’t the only ones learning the limits of traditional family structures.

“Particularly in this political climate I think a lot more young people are breaking up with their biological family over things that are about politics, but are also very personal to us,” Altaras said.

Finding people who share your values and are willing to stand by your side as you get tear-gassed or beat up to defend those values is certainly one way to integrate yourself into a supportive community, but it’s also important to recognize when you’re in a place where you can engage and when you simply need to take care of yourself. “Sometimes political action is not what we need when we need self-care,” Altaras explained.

Curating a new family is no simple task, especially in a college environment where your values and identity are often in a state of flux. Maybe those people are the only ones standing between you and crippling

ILLUSTRATION BY LAUREN CHAPLUK

debt. Perhaps you have family members that mean well but just don’t get it, or whose attempts at saying something nice inevitably turn out wrong. It’s possible you’re just a well-adjusted person in a family completely free of idiosyncrasy or dysfunction (why are you reading this?).

So what can you do when you find yourself begrudgingly attending family functions you really don’t want to be a part of?

First, seek out the sanest and least judgmental of family members: usually the pets. “Find an animal…hang out with the cat or the dog,” Altaras wisely advises.

She goes on to suggest that when and if you do decide you’re in a place where you’re willing to engage the people who have a track record of getting on your nerves, make sure you set boundaries for how much time you’re going to spend.

Taking time for yourself and arranging phone dates with sane friends to unload can also help.

SHAC Director of Counseling Services Marcy Hunt says her best advice for tackling holiday stress is to set good boundaries in your relationships and then work to maintain those boundaries.

“Boundary setting can be challenging,” she explained.

Hunt provided four strategies for healthy boundary setting: 1. Decide what you want 2. Be calm and direct in stating what you want/setting the boundary 3. Remember you are not responsible for the other person’s response 4. Keep breathing and know that setting and maintaining boundaries is a lifelong process

Whether family members are far from you geographically, ideologically, or both, there are resources on campus where you can talk out any lingering emotional hangovers with professionals, find communities to get involved with, and get more information on how to stay safe and sane this holiday season.

SHAC will be open over the holiday break, M–F, 9–5, except on Monday, Dec. 26 and Tuesday, Jan 2. Students are welcome to walk in and get support from the counseling services staff. Additional resources are available through campus Cultural Centers (2nd floor of Smith Memorial Student Union), Queer Resource Center (4th floor of SMSU), and the Veteran’s Resource Center (SMSU 401).

PSU VANGUARD • DECEMBER 6, 2016 • PSUVANGUARD.COM

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HOLIDAY GUIDE

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM ALL OF US AT THE VANGUARD!

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VANGUARD • DECEMBER 6, 2016 • PSUVANGUARD.COM

ILLUSTRATION BY TERRA DEHART

ARTS & CULTURE

PSU ORCHESTRA ‘REMIX’ FEATURES DAVID BOWIE AN INTERVIEW WITH CONDUCTOR KEN SELDEN DEVON WANDERON

How does one erase months of classroominduced stress? By basking in the wondrous reverberations of the Portland State Orchestra, performing downtown on Dec. 7 and 8 at the Mission Theater. Joining us to discuss what made this Remix possible, Portland State Orchestra conductor Ken Selden.

Vanguard: Before diving into the upcoming PSU Orchestra Remix event, will you tell us about your own backstory/history? You’ve been with PSU since 2006. Is there a certain change or accomplishment that stands out from then to now that you’re most proud of?

Ken Selden: The PSU Orchestra has done some great things in recent years.

I’m most pleased about our many collaborative projects including Stravinsky’s “Rite of Spring” with the Agnieszka Laska Dancers, Messiaen’s “Oiseaux Exotiques” with pianist Orli Shaham, and Italian Opera Arias with Pink Martini’s China Forbes.

Last year, our biggest event was a program of Mahler, Rachmaninov, and Frank Zappa at the legendary Crystal Ballroom.

VG: The PSU Orchestra Remix explores the music of Piazzolla, Glass, and Bizet: What influenced your decision to go with those conductors/pieces, for the PSU Remix?

KS: When we hired Tomas Cotik as our new violin professor, we wanted to find the most exciting way to introduce him to the Portland musical community. Tomas is from Argentina, and he has already recorded a wonderful Piazzolla album for Naxos,

so when we spoke about repertoire, the ‘Seasons’ was the first thing that came up.

The rest of the program was built around the Piazzolla, with the Mission Theater in mind.

Georges Bizet is, of course, most famous for his opera, Carmen, but we will be presenting his incidental

VG: David Bowie passed away in January 2016—“Abdulmajid,” reimagined by Philip Glass, seems like an especially thoughtful selection. Are you a fan of Bowie? What made you go with “Abdulmajid”?

KS: I don’t know if true fans of David Bowie would consider me one of them!

I didn’t grow up with his

ive, multi-movement symphonies inspired by the music of David Bowie.

“Abdulmajid,” from the Heroes Symphony is probably the most hypnotic and exotic of those. I feel that it is a great tribute from one artist to another.

The original “Abdulmajid” is a work without a text.

VG: What are you most excited about for the upcoming event?

KS: Well, our Crystal Ballroom show last year was the first time that we played outside of concert halls and churches, and we were very pleased about the enthusiastic and energetic audience that turned up. I want

THE PSU ORCHESTRA. COURTESY OF KEN SELDEN music for L’arlesienne, or The Girl From Arles. Bizet’s music for L’Arlesienne incorporates folk music in an exploration of the seasons and landscapes of Provence, France, and concludes with some fantastic Christmas music (“The March of the three Kings”). I think of these Provence seasons balancing well with Piazzolla’s seasons, which are set in Buenos Aires.

music, but discovered him more recently. On the other hand, I agree with everyone who considers Bowie to be one of the most influential and important rock musicians of that generation. I love his music, and I think everyone can hear in it why the world was so devastated when he passed away last year. Philip Glass has written two mass-

It was an outtake from a recording session that was later included on the Heroes album. The title is actually the last name of David Bowie’s wife, the Somalian fashion model, Iman. It is a deeply personal work. Philip Glass treats it with utmost reverence, and the result is perhaps the most personal expression of David Bowie that we hear in this symphonic context.

to keep bringing the orchestra to new places, to build new friendships and to reach more people in our community. It’s one thing to hear an orchestra in a concert hall setting, but we are bringing a new experience with a variety of music, with youthful energy, and a more casual and relaxed atmosphere, where our audience members can order food or beer and

enjoy the company of their friends and family along with our music.

VG: How long does it take, typically, to organize and prepare for an event like the Remix? Biggest challenges to overcome?

KS: The PSU Orchestra includes music performance and education majors as well as students studying a variety of subjects at PSU. We put together several performances each term, including one ballet production and one opera production every year. For each event, they are juggling their orchestra rehearsals with their own jobs and family responsibilities and classes, so it is a tremendous commitment that the students make in order to participate in these events.

We had six sold-out shows with the Portland Ballet over Thanksgiving weekend, so it’s a big challenge to recover from that busy weekend and have just this week to prepare for the Remix.

VG: Anything else you want PSU to know about for the upcoming event?

KS: Although there are a lot of holiday concerts and holiday music in December, I am excited to be presenting something more substantial. In particular, the Piazzolla ‘Four Seasons’ with Tomas Cotik is a great reason to come out to the Mission Theater. The Remix concerts happen during Wednesday and Thursday of finals week. We are hoping that many students will take time off from what can be a stressful time to come enjoy a night on the town with us.

Event kicks off Dec. 7–8 at the Mission Theater, downtown Portland. Open to all ages.

Student Tickets: $10 advance purchase/$15 day of show.

PSU Vanguard •DECEMBER 6, 2016 • psuvanguard.com

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OPINION

WHAT THE HOLIDAY IS LIKE FOR STUDENTS STAYING ON CAMPUS WAYS TO FEEL FESTIVE IF YOU’RE HERE FOR THE HOLIDAY

TalkFest

by Marie Conner

STELLA CRABTREE/PSU VANGUARD

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PSU Vanguard • DECEMBER 6, 2016 • psuvanguard.com

We’ve almost made it through fall term!

By the end of this week, final papers and exams will be finished. Time to head home for annual holiday celebrations.

However, not everyone leaves campus over winter break. Sometimes jobs, internships, finances and other projects can make it difficult to get home for the holidays.

International students may find it unrealistic to take such a long journey for a short visit. A lot of students also consider campus their home and don’t join the rest of the population in their mass exodus.

This time of year is traditionally filled with family, food, lights and decorations, but the lack of inhabitants in campus housing over the break can put a real damper on feeling jolly. Dining halls close, and buildings are locked. The usual hustle and bustle of Portland State is replaced with a quiet emptiness. For some, it’s a peaceful reprieve from the usual flurry of the university crowd. But if you are anything like me, you’ll find that it can get boring and lonely pretty quickly.

If you are among those staying on campus, you might be feeling a disconnect from your merry side. Sure you could work more, maybe pick up some extra shifts, but there are some fun ways to infuse holiday spirit into your winter break. I’ve come

up with a few suggestions to make the most of your staycation.

Decorate your room. Put a wreath on your door or make paper snowflakes to hang from the ceiling (there are some super cool tutorials on YouTube). Decorate a tiny tree and put it in your window. Get kitschy holiday decorations at Goodwill. Hang lights all around your room— lots of lights. It’s impossible not to be cheery when surrounded by lights.

Organize a “ChristmasKwanza-Hanukkah-Solstice celebration” on campus or look for one that might already be planned. You can put up fliers on announcement boards and even post to the university listserv. Why not make it an ugly sweater party? You can get yours at Goodwill along with the decorations.

Wear holiday socks, scarves, jewelry, sweaters, etc. Dressing festive can make you feel festive, and it infects other people with joy, too.

Bake something. Many of us have food traditions, and baking during the holidays is often part of that. If you live in housing that has a kitchen, bake cookies, pie or whatever makes you feel closest to home. If you don’t have a kitchen, find a friend who has one you can use.

Get off campus! Walk through downtown to the big tree in Pioneer Square or along the river to catch

the parade of Christmas Ships. Check out Zoo Lights or take a stroll along Peacock Lane. There are parties, concerts, plays and gatherings of seasonal celebration all over the city. Find local festivities listed in the Vanguard, Willamette Week and Portland Mercury holiday event guides during December, as well as various other listings online. Look up whatever interests you and get out of that room!

Go out for a meal or movie with friends on the holiday. Chances are, you won’t be the only person you know flying solo this season. Get together and do something non-traditional, such as eating out. Portland has a small number of bars and restaurants open on Christmas day that serve up a decent holiday dinner. Last year I went out for a delicious roast beef dinner and drinks at My Father’s Place.

Last, but definitely not least, is community service.

If you have time on your hands, use that time to do something good for someone else. Hand out much-needed socks and scarves to people living on the streets. Get involved with blanket, coat, toy and food drives. Donate time to local services that provide dinner to the homeless. Visit elderly people who aren’t able to leave their homes.

Acts of kindness are a way to do great things for your community and be reminded of how blessed you are.

OPINION

WHO’S LYING TO ME NOW? WHAT TO BELIEVE WITHIN OUR BIASED MEDIA

Andy’s Thoughts

by Andy Clark

If there are two things I’ve been obsessed with for the past couple of months, they’ve included following the news and watching The Walking Dead. While both pastimes are fun and easy ways to show people that I have no social life, only one of them helps me improve as a person. Only one gives me the information I need to survive in an ever-changing and hostile world.

That still doesn’t explain why I follow the news.

That’s right: I get more relevant information from a show about living in a world overrun by zombies than I do from the mainstream media. That’s not to say that the mainstream media doesn’t give me access to an almost infinite amount of information; I just don’t trust any of it.

One of the most disillusioning things about America’s election, other than the Electoral College selecting someone who wasn’t popular enough to win an Emmy, was how much it felt like a total blindside.

Political pundits are quick to point out that many people live in a social media echo chamber where their likes on Facebook influence their news feed, causing

ILLUSTRATION BY AARON OSBORN them to see only posts they agree with. It can be tough to see something coming when none of your friends do, either.

But what almost no pundits are doing is accepting fault for months of false information that painted Clinton as a landslide winner. Instead, the finger is inevitably pointed at a seemingly endless line of

culprits: lack of black voters, abundance of elderly voters, and Russian hackers. The list goes on and on.

However, no one is blaming the lack of unbiased reporting. It has long been a standing joke among me and my friends that the liberal media is to blame for most of the world’s woes. Be it forgetting a homework assignment,

missing a bus, or any other type of simple screw up, we take great pleasure in blaming the typical liberal media.

We didn’t realize that we were so close to being right.

If there is one thing that this election has brought to the surface, other than a clear road map of how to make Jeb Bush feel bad about himself, it’s the bias in our media.

None of our mainstream media predicted Trump winning the election. And despite the fact that he had round-the-clock coverage, none of it was positive. If on the surface, never-ending, negative coverage which predicts your loss looks biased, that’s because it is.

That’s not to say that conservative media is any better.

The leanings of Fox News and Breitbart are well known, yet both outlets function more as persuasive loudspeakers for conservative ideals than selfrespecting news agencies.

So where does this leave the people? If both our mainstream and right wing outlets are skewed, how do the people stay informed so we can make the best decisions regarding our democracy? There are several options.

First, people can try to find common ground. Look at the most biased news sources for both the right (Fox) and left (NBC), and research a topic from perspectives of both organizations. The truth probably lies somewhere in the middle.

Second, if you’re too put off with typical media, there are numerous homegrown blogs dedicated to using open source materials for investigative journalism. One good example is Bellingcat, which does particularly strong Syrian War reporting.

If the first two strategies fail you, don’t worry.

You can always watch The Walking Dead. Who knows?

It might be teaching us very useful things for Trump’s America.

PSU Vanguard •DECEMBER 6, 2016 • psuvanguard.com

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ETC

Holi-scopes to get you through finals and beyond MOLLY OZIER Stop what you’re doing. Listen, don’t freak out, but NASA has re-implemented the ever-soforgotten zodiac sign called Ophiuchus. Don’t blame NASA though! The dang Babylonians are the ones that exempted it 3,000 years ago because only 12 were needed. So, really what they’re saying is, Ophiuchus Zodiac has always been there, but forgotten.

Until now…

Ophiuchus (Nov. 29–Dec. 17):

Welcome to the family, newbie.

You may be hated by all at first (seeing that you’ve shifted everyone’s personality traits), but I have faith that you’re going to make quite the first impression and dismiss all the ridicule like a champ.

Sagittarius (Dec. 17–Jan. 20):

You may have just found the one that you want, but don’t let that distract you from digging your red heels into the dirt and making them wait for you to finish…finals that is. Focus on the prize, Sag! Finishing fall term with a bang is exactly what your stressed-out self needs right now.

Capricorn (Jan. 20–Feb. 16):

Okay, let’s get real, Cap. It’s been a rough one for you.

The Adderall you took totally backfired and you cleaned your entire house instead of slaying your finals. But don’t fret just yet, that new moon has some brilliant beginnings waiting at your doorstep.

Aquarius (Feb. 16–March 11):

It’s the age of Aquarius, indeed. Just think, soon you’ll be frolicking through a field in a white garment surrounded by all your friends and family.

Let’s just hope you’re not a 40-year-old virgin.

Pisces (March 11–April 18):

Pisces are supposedly more intuitive than others. If that’s so true, how did you not question the fact that you might not be an Aries at all, and really your true self: a Pisces? Think about it and get back to me.

Aries (April 18–May 13):

Ah, the babies of the universe, the proverbial infants of zodiacs. Now stop sneaking more candies and hit the books, ya rascal.

Taurus (May 13–June 21):

I know what you’re thinking, used-to-be-Geminis: “Holy hell!?

This whole time I thought I had a mysterious twin somewhere in this gigantic universe, and now I’m just an ambitious, sensual, stubborn Taurus?” Pause. “Oh snap, wait. That’s totes me.”

There ya go.

Gemini (June 21–July 20):

Well, well. Welcome to the world of duality new Gems.

I bet you weren’t expecting this change of pace. And if you were, well played. Your artistic side says fuck it, you’ve got a knack for intellects, why study for finals? But the other half of you may be raring to spark some neurons and finish big. If it were up to me, I always say go big or go home.

Cancer (July 20–Aug. 10):

Let’s be honest, you never really felt like a Leo anyway.

A large part of you always knew you were an introvert, definitely not an extrovert.

And you never really identified with a lion. It was always a crab for you.

Leo (Aug. 10–Sept. 16):

Rawr! Give me tiger! No? Fine then. I understand you’re feeling drained ya beast, but just remember how awesome you are. You are who you are, and we wouldn’t want that any other way.

Virgo (Sept. 16–Oct. 30):

Refrain from your tendencies to reject change and embrace the new you! Get yourself off that struggle bus and get on

EVENT LISTINGS FOR WINTER BREAK For the kid in you

ZOO LIGHTS NOV. 25–DEC. 1 OREGON ZOO FEE: $15

Did you know you can take the Red and Blue Max lines up to the zoo? It's much closer to campus than you'd ever believe, and the staff really deck out the zoo for its annual nighttime holiday revelries. Sure, most of the animals are sleeping, but you go for the good times, the hot cocoa and to journey up and down footpaths that are fully decked out in holiday joy. A note from management: Grinches will be fed zoo fudge.

WINTER WONDERLAND NOV. 25–DEC. 25 PORTLAND INTERNATIONAL RACEWAY FEE: $20+

If you have a friend with a car, this a wonderful way to share light-set pieces and animated scenes while enjoying whatever holiday radio station you wish. An individual and yet communal experience, Winter Wonderland is a great way to whittle away your holiday doldrums. Most nights the lights will be on from 5 p.m. to 11 p.m.

THE MIRACLE OF A MILLION LIGHTS DEC. 12–23 VICTORIAN BELLE HOME (1441 N. MCCLELLAN ST.) FEE: $6 (ADULTS), $3 (KIDS & SENIORS)

Victorian Belle's construction dates back to 1885, and it is the kind of house one might expect Judy Garland to croon "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" from. This 2 1/2 acre estate boasts a Christmas festival of a million lights, 30 trees and many antiques.

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Local musicians will play and refreshments will be served. Most nights the house will be open from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m.

PEACOCK LANE DEC. 15–31 SE PEACOCK LANE

So I'm sorry to say that my pithy comment last year about going to see it before it becomes gentrified may have been a little too true. Petitions had to be circulated earlier this year so a new buyer wouldn't turn one of the neighborhood homes into a multi-family unit. In any case, Peacock Lane continues on stronger than ever! A full neighborhood light experience with pedestrian-only nights set for Dec. 18, 19 and 20. A free event!

Film

JAPANESE CURRENTS DEC. 2–11 WHITSELL AUDITORIUM

This annual film festival highlights the year's best Japanese films. From anime to docudrama, there is always something to see that will give you the full experience of Japanese culture at this moment. Full time and price guides can be found at nwfilm.org in the festivals section.

THE RED SHOES TUESDAY, DEC. 27 AND FRIDAY, DEC. 30 WHITSELL AUDITORIUM 7 P.M. FEE: $9

One of the most moving and provocative non-musical musicals ever made, this backstage romance between a premier ballet

PSU Vanguard • DECEMBER 6, 2016 • psuvanguard.com

the love train. Your time to shine is now.

Libra (Oct. 30–Nov. 23):

I know you’re praying for the supposed snowfall to happen and it will push back your finals, but on the off chance that doesn’t happen, keep in mind it’s only a few more days, slugger. Then you’re free as a bird!

Scorpio (Nov. 23–Nov. 29):

Well, only a handful of Scorps will remain the same. In the final week of November y’all should just throw yourselves a big ol’ party. But that’s really what you should do anyway seeing that it also means you’re that much closer to finals being over.

John Pinney dancer and an orchestral pioneer influenced filmmakers for generations to come.

The startling and dramatic conclusion will leave you heartbroken and floored, but this journey is just as much about the color and words as it is the destination.

Theater

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST DEC. 9–24 NEWMARK THEATRE FEE: $25–55

The Disney adaption of the classic French fairy tale continues to inspire, uplift and drill songs into our brains. One of the golden era films to make it to Broadway, this exquisite show understands the movie it borrowed from and what made the story one you fell in love with so long ago. Matinees and evening shows are available throughout its run. Enjoy the magic.

THE SANTALAND DIARIES DEC. 4–24 PORTLAND CENTER STAGE AT THE ARMORY FEE: $25–55

Easily one of the wittiest of the holiday cult classics, The Santaland Diaries is a holiday fever dream with David Sedaris' Crumpet the Elf at the center of the journey. He's the Willy Wonka steering our paddle boat through a mystical journey of holiday "magic" you so won't be able to forget. Matinees and evening shows are both available.

Music

FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS NOV. 25–DEC. 30 THE GROTTO (8840 NE SKIDMORE) FEE: $11

If you don't know, The National Sanctuary of our Sorrowful Mother, commonly known as The Grotto, is a year-long contemplative space with a Catholic bent, but during the holidays it turns into a whimsical and fantastic place to celebrate with your loved ones.

This year, 160 holiday concerts are to be performed. Traditional and sublime are married, offering a beautiful, hopeful respite if your year hasn't been so great. Visit thegrotto.org for nightly offerings.

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE SATURDAY, DEC. 17 ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL 7:30 P.M. FEE: $30

The Oregon Symphony will ramp up the sound on this classic black-and-white Jimmy Stewart love fest about an angel helping a man remember how much good he's done in the world when he believes all is hopeless. The orchestra will play in sync with the movie, which will not be the colorized version.

Gift shopping

CRAFTY WONDERLAND SATURDAY, DEC. 10 AND SUNDAY, DEC. 11 OREGON CONVENTION CENTER

This free holiday art and craft market promises over 250 vendors selling handmade goods. There's a very strenuous approval process to sell at this craft market, and space sells out quickly, so this is a wonderful event to find something unique as a token of affection for that special someone in your life. And to support a local Portland artist.

ETC

UNHEALTHY CRUSHES AND UNFULFILLED PROMISES FOR THE HOLIDAYS SUBPAR ADVICE FROM THE SUB-BASEMENT JOHN PINNEY

Here’s your dose of Subpar Advice to help get you through the bumps of winter break life. For even more subpar advice, visit psuvanguard.com. I do hope you'll miss me because I'll miss you dearly while I'm hijacking all the gifts from Santa's sleigh (thanks, Norad tracker!).

Five Alarm Crush writes: So I'm in charge of the office holiday party this year. I've had a lot of fun planning it, but really I volunteered to do it so I'd have as many excuses as possible to bump into my mega-crush-worthy boss.

And this isn't some silly schoolgirl ploy—I know he likes me, and his other half is out of town during the party. Should I strike while the iron is hot?

Heya, Five Alarm Crush.

Well, first let's not be misogynistic about the idea of "silly schoolgirls." I hate that. It makes it seem like young women don't have the power to think for themselves because they get excited.

Bleh. Now that we have that out of the way, what are you doing? Is your office the ad agency from Mad Men or Wolfram and Hart? No? Then why are you turning it into those places? You say the crush is probably returned, which is cute, but the dude's wearing a ring. And that ring does mean something.

Sometimes love should not conquer all. You are not a Disney princess. You need to calm down.

Are there any peeps outside of your office you could bring to this party? A best friend who could stay with you and keep you out of trouble no matter how many times you beg to be allowed to go to the supply closet? You need them. You need them to be there with you.

He's A Mess writes: One of my favorite things is the family Christmas party. The whole family gets together—it's like a Carpenters song come to life. We fill the house with joy and laughter and music. The only thing?

My boyfriend came with me last year and wore old boots, a red sweatshirt, and ripped jeans. He didn't even comb his hair. Should I tell him that he embarrassed me so he knows better for this year's party?

Heya, Mess Lover.

Heavens to betsy, old boots? Stars above, didn't he read the dress level on the invitation? It said business casual, not rodeo business casual!

Is this the first time he's dressed "inappropriately" to an event or do you have to wrestle him into a tie for weddings? Or was this your test run event to see how he'd do on his own? I'm missing a few items here, like how long you've been together.

I find it interesting that he's not writing about his neurotic girlfriend who lost it after the family Christmas party when it didn't seem to be such a big deal to everyone else. Or maybe he was making a defiant statement. Either way, I guarantee if you micromanage him like a ten year old, you'll get just the response you deserve but maybe not the one you want. Depends on the guy.

Hearts and Stars, Your Advice Guru

Imagine if you were the wife, and some up-and-comer at the office holiday party seduced your significant other. How would you feel? Would you go all Real Housewives on that person?

Because there's a whole Pandora's box of issues that come with initiating cheating like this, and none of it will leave you looking good in the end.

Don't do it, Your Advice Guru This Old Thing writes: With Christmas coming, I once again got an annual promise from close family that I'll get a trip to Disney as a gift. But it never materializes, and it almost feels like some sort of running SNL gag at this point. It wasn't so bad when it was just me, but now I've adopted kids, and they'd be affected if it doesn't come true again this year. Should I get their hopes up?

Heya, This Old Thing.

Oooh, that is quite the unfulfilled promise. Those trips aren't inexpensive (a four-day trip to Disneyland could cost you close to a grand after food costs) and the cult of Disney is alive and kicking today. And I say that as a dues-paying member of said cult.

Anywho, I wouldn't bother getting your pizza with pepperoni in the shape of Mickey's head to announce it, until you have the tickets in hand. I would say don't over-plan for the potential time it would be, but have a backup plan or two in the works that are low maintenance. The lights on Peacock Street or at the Zoo can be made into an occasion with just as much hype if need be.

What I really like about the offer of the gift here is that it isn't as material focused, it's memory focused. It's time and family focused. And that would be a great gift—if you ever actually got it. I hope for you this is the year it happens. And if it doesn't, you need to put your foot down and say that it needs to stop being promised if it's a lie.

ILLUSTRATION BY LAUREN CHAPLUK

Hearts and Stars, Your Rescue Aid Society Advice Guru

PSU Vanguard •DECEMBER 6, 2016 • psuvanguard.com

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